S4 - Ep. 30 - Akilah Hughes

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how.

Much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gage.

We want to send you off instat. We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared or was it fine?

Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris out welcome to Do you need to ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgareff.

I set out at the beginning out now if that'll be in there?

If I bet it'll stay.

One of my epic You know, my family lineage is filled with men with sharp molers. I bit my cheek and it's turned into this whole thing. And it's the fact that it's caused me to have a slur.

Because you keep biting the same part of your cheek.

Because it's so painful.

Yeah, I haven't rebitten, but it turns into and I know this is gross, but it's called a canker sore.

It's pretty Have you heard of these things?

Yeah? Second, grade.

Yeah, I'm I get more than anyone. I'm willing.

I haven't done any polling, but I think I am the top canker have her.

I mean, it's bad. It's not as bad as having your hip replace, but it's pretty bad.

It is today. It feels as annoying.

It's the same level of hip surgery. Yes. Yeah.

If I were to see a doctor and then pointed to a chart of sad, smiley faces, I would say, as far as cankers go, this.

Is a ten.

Well. Also, I have a similar thing where I bite, And it might be because of all the dentistry and tooth work I've had done, but I bite the same spot on my cheek multiple times a day, and then that swells up and it's easier to bite as the day goes on. And that whole exercise is so infuriating that it's like kind of rubbing salt in the wound of a canker sort or a mouth wound. It's just growth.

It's a vicious cycle. It needs to stop.

Well, it can't stop now because we're podcasting.

Right, but I'm going to try and, at the risk of biting it again.

Power through it.

I had a great day to day. How was your day?

First of all, my day was good. I actually started. But look at that guy jogging or is he running away?

I don't know. It looks like he's running.

In reverse video, it looked like he was running backwards and someone reversed.

It, you know, like because he had real he was real tiptoe first. Yeah, in that jog.

Here's like that cat and the matrix. I don't think we really saw him.

So I started my day my new obsession, and I'm positive I've talked to you about it, but now I can't remember. Is Korean skincare? Have I talked to you about it? No?

Not yet, So it's kind of.

Boring and I won't talk about it that much except for to say there's like a lot of products. So you like wash your face with two different products, and then you start using layers of toner and you canner. You can layer up to like seven layers of toner. Then there's all these other products and it's like a seven to ten step process. At night, I only do it. I do a little bit in the morning, but the

And it's not the game where it had people wandering into the kitchens of buildings.

You's see there's a Pokemon in here.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was a that was a dangerous I think for people.

Yeah, well I might you might be talking to the right person, because I because of golf. It's very surprising how many older, perfectly skin faced women from the golf with yes, and it would finally be something I could mention, which is also a compliment. How where what do you use for your skin? Because it is I've been interesting.

Of course, I don't know.

You don't and most people, even if it's well done, you can tell when they've doctored their eyebrows.

It's really distracting.

It's bald spot in the middle of my eyebrow, maybe it's a scar, maybe it's tiny alopecia.

But she knows.

It and said you should do micro blading.

I'm like, I come on, but I've been watching videos that's it's a similar wormhole and your TJ Max Toner search. I can only equate it with my recent checking Walmart for Brother brand sewing machine because I kind of want.

To buy a sewing machine.

Oh yeah, but embroiders, it's just become a new thing that I'll dive into and it'll be in no way well bring me joy.

Well.

Also, I don't know, I think making stuff, especially these days, people are so excited to support like an independent creator or a like somebody that isn't Walmart or somebody that isn't just like the usual where you're adding to Like there's lots of people on TikTok that take old quilts and turn them into jackets.

Right, and what I've been doing lately is patching with tiny patches. I'm just you know, embellishing old clothing of mine and making it new to me again.

I'm way deep.

I've ordered hundreds of little tiny patches that you can put on a polo or a lapel or whatever.

And when you say patches, do you mean like.

Rack and this little one? See this a little I know you're operating a vehicle.

I am going sixty five on the one on one South Crest.

Well, right now, I have a tiny little spider web. Oh yeah, that's yeah.

It's not a spider Web brand pullous and it's not a real, real spider web, so don't panic.

There's not a spider in.

Here, but it's that real. But it's stitching. So you made it look like that's from Spiderweb brand.

Right, a purpose, And I could be spider Web brand if I stuck with this.

But that's somebody else's patch, right it is. You shouldn't do that right careful.

Exactly, Which is why I want to get this sewing machine because I can draw and digitize my own little drawings for embroidery. Yes, I'll get writing in the machine, customizing, not only my own clothing.

But those gifts are for for resale.

The patches you mean, yes, gotcha.

I'm going to and I'm realizing right now as I say this, ill become a famous fashion designer.

So you heard it first.

Chris, when you go to Milan for your first showing, Yes.

I'm already looking at models.

Yes, Milan fashionaly mm hm, No, I can't model, but thank you. Sorry, I'm just kind of against it. I'm not good at walking in a straight line like that, right, it's angrily and with absolutely no life in my eyes whatsoever. But what do you see as your first five pieces on the runway with this concept?

I've already mentioned tiny spider webs.

Yeah, you're gonna have to come up with four other things.

Yes, there is.

It will be I think in the because they're coming back big polo shirts and rugby shirts embellished with my toucher. So I'll buy them in bulk. I'm not going to claim that I own them.

I'm just.

Yes, and I have found a good provider of blanks, and they do have the option of bulk purchasing.

I'm going to pitch some ideas because you're actually kind of skirting around the issue. I am.

I am scared.

I can tell you.

Yeah.

So let's go through and say. One will be a cowboy boot with a scorpion crawling out a bit. Ah. Do you see what I'm doing? Yeah?

I like that.

Two, it could be a pen stuck into the vent avon right, just kat with its Yes.

Four things from my you. This actually is a good way you're doing now.

The first couple, I'm like, these are specific, but how do I make them my ideas? You're listing life experiences, which I should have caught because those are stories I've repeated a dozen times more. Probably, No, I think you you're onto something.

I think people it's it's you putting a little of yourself into the design.

Right.

You don't have to each out and go like what other spider web? Right? Right, You've got your filled with spider webs.

I really like scorpion kind of peeking out of a boothe yes, like an inspiration.

Hang in there, scorpion, it's it's hanging there if you're a scorpion, and if you're a cowboy, it's watch out.

Yeah.

They can be different, different different tags for different people.

Everybody's gonna approach this piece of clothing differently.

Oh, I'm very excited.

They're going to be very small though I'm not talking back of a bedazzled jean jacket.

I'm not going to go overboard, more like fingertip size, like the ad alligator.

Yes, exactly. It's very exciting to me.

It's great.

Do you know how that alligator took people to the top. Yeah, and it started with Milan. It took phil Izod right to where he needed to go. Philip Izod prior to making that little alligator, which was inspired, of course by his vacationing and an alligator took his foot and he said, I only this is painful, but I see dollar signs.

He said, And he said, I am the kind of person that takes a wound and turns it into dollar dollar bills.

Y'all yep, And that's the day quit being a limo driver.

Yes, and this is a fabricated story, but it is inspiring me.

I'm very excited to fabricate your fabrics.

Yes, and I've had all these I had a great day today where I woke up early, I went swimming, where the twenty four hour fitness I'm going to get back into it. Okay, and I'm serious everyone, if you, if you, I've been cavalier and often lied and been not serious about body pain.

But if you and I talk a lot about body pain.

If you're suffering from chronic pain, no matter what the cause, inflammation specifically, swimming gets your blood flowing. And I'm not a good swimmer. I understand being intimidated by swimming. I still wear a snorkel. That lady kind of guarding the pool. There's always much like an escape park scooter. Kids are kind of by the entrance. You think they're in the way. But this lady I befriended, also probably in her eighties, was like, I'm scared. I'm intimidated to swim. That's sorry,

I think yes, And then she was like, why did you start swimming.

This was bad.

This was where it kind of went out.

I said, well, I had a hip replacement and then the doctor told me a swim and now it works great. And then she goes, well, that's a gift. That's a gift from God. And then I was like, well, not the hip pain was a gift from God. The relief was a gift from a surgeon.

And that kind of hurt her feelings.

And then but I was I thought maybe she would laugh, but then I realized I had to apologize then, and then she appreciated it. I just had a nice interaction.

Well, you know, you know what was nice about that interaction, in my observation, you met that lady where she was and you adjusted when you were like, oh, this isn't a fellow comedian type, right, this is a Christian woman trying to convert me into yes.

And by the end she pressured me into's saying to her God is good, which I don't just of course God is good.

I tell me one story where God's the bad guy.

It's always good stories about God. Yes, the whole game.

And so I said that was full confidence, even though sometimes I struggle with what I believe. Whatever I she I said God is good to an old lady at like seven am.

Today and made her day and made my day. Also, you should have put your your palm on her forehead and like pushed her back into the water and then been like you can swim. And then if she was truly a believer, she would have been able to.

I put my thumb on her forehead and left a smudge of soot.

It is it happy?

Easy?

It's Wednesday. Let's make it ash Wednesday.

He has risen?

And then I went and then dunked her under the water, and she came up, and I was wearing a long white robe.

You're like, do you want to play? He has risen? And then you dunk her under the water and when she comes up, you yell, he's risen. Eyster Boddy, listen, there's a serious blockage. I mean probably there's a serious Christian faction in our audience. And we just need you guys to know we're just having fun with the Lord. We're not trying to offend you. Right.

Anytime I this topic comes up, I want to make sure the Lord is laughing with me.

I mean, I feel like we've had at least two different pastors reach out to say, I get it, don't worry about it. Yeah, well am I wrong about it?

Will you do live recording at our megachurch? Are you getting these emails.

From Joel Oswell?

Yeah, I guess it's because I keep giving money to the Osmond's.

Marie Osmond, and you just keep signing up for weight watchers.

Donny and Marie. Yes, I'm getting that, Donny, Marie, Joel and Rob Low.

They're sending these bulk emails and I can't stop giving money, whether it's.

The Lord or just a no carb diet. Wait, Marie Osmond is not sorry. She's not weightwatcher. She is slimp uh.

I think, yes, slim fast.

Jenny Craig, it's fucking Jenny Craig.

That's their slogan, now that the other one was.

I I take a joke about it about being on Jenny Craig. I lost twenty pounds on Tig I can't remember.

Because it's that's the commercial. Is I lost twenty pounds.

On Jenny And I think it should be it's fucking Jenny Craig.

Yeah, I do too.

Yeah.

Billboards, just white billboards with black helvetica.

Son, it's fucking Jenny Craig. Period, not an exclamation point. Don't be cute. No, that's not a shit. Look here's my exit. Uh oh do you think I can do this? Will I be able to show? Yes?

I think so. You know what I do to let people know I'm serious? Undo the belt buckle on.

I throw my arm around the passenger seat like a truck driver backing up.

You could get involved, you could help.

I should should I I mean maybe wry I'm gonna.

I'm gonna even have my blinker.

Oh do that first?

I have HI.

Oh they're they're idn't this person is not? Yeah?

They will HI, thank you, thank you? Oh? I love this song. Wait we have one more to go?

Oh yeah, I'll do it again.

Great, He's like, thank you, Oh my god, they all let us listener.

Can you tell us what this song is?

It's I can't Wait by new Shoes. Whoa Hey, I'm gonna fucking kick this guy's out and.

Not know what to do when we get to them.

It's a tesla fight all night.

Yeah.

I've done this many times where I follow someone and I'm like, wait, what am I doing?

What are we doing?

Yes, it's can only lead to a bad situation. Even if I win, I've lost that.

Tesla prison We got it. We merged fairly and legally, and that Tesla went on the side where there was no room to be driving. Why would they do that?

And now if they're embarrassed because we're right behind them, you know we're talking about you.

I hope you feel ashamed.

We're in black and you're in white. But that doesn't mean you're the good guy.

Here's the explanation. Right here is this license plate holder Go Cubs.

Oh, don't get me started on my passionate hatred of certain sports teams.

More like go white Sox hahah because the car's white. I don't know. Well, I like it.

All right, boy, it's happening.

I'm so glad to be off that GD freeway.

She darned good.

G D is good g D. It's a relief. I feel like, here's what I if you do have the opportunity and so really quick back to the koreanskin care. You know that these women are Korean for sure. The woman that has told you to get microblading or whatever.

Yes, I've been golfing long enough to know I've been often golfing with Korean women, men and women.

Okay, often women.

So if you said that you have such beautiful skin, can I ask it asking for a friend?

I cannot tell.

I'm guessing maybe they're often in their seventies, and I guess that part I can, of course, not no how far along are you?

But this skin in years of life, it's what I meant.

Not baby, I said, baby, but yeah, amazing skin. So whatever the routine is, I could just do some investigating.

Okay, because I was just going to say, here's a guess, and this is I've gotten this from TikTok because the Korean skincare like trend got so popular. There's a trend which I love where women go on and make videos with their moms and so their moms are like, this is what I have been using all my life, and you're getting like super inside. And a big thing is rice water where they rinse their rice like three times and the third rinse they keep the water and then

Would that work for pasta water?

No, Chris, that's Italian brand.

Simes recipes call for me setting aside reserve boiled pasta water and then I forget to use it. So in those cases I could splash it on my face, of course.

But then you'll just look like chef boyardy.

Right.

I was really grabing for that one.

Who's the chef that looked exactly?

And it's extra confusing because I think sometimes Dom DeLuise did do chef things.

Oh yeah, this is Chef Prudome. Wow they look alike, Yes, they really do. Paul Prudome was a very famous like creole. I believe he was like a New Orleans chef that had a lot of creole recipes. That's from what I remember, because there was an era on public television which my parents watched a lot, kind of irritating and boring at the same time. Is it this is this my turn? I guess it is. This is the weirdest way to get anywhere.

It's it's it's making us avoid things though unforeseen dangers.

Yeah, we have to trust it. Where there's a lot of chefs on PBS, there was Emerald he was early days.

Yes, we're just retelling.

A story, right, well, a news story, Like I think it's definitely fact based, but you heard.

Anyone he's frugal, call him cheating right, he started it, we're just repeating what everyone already knows.

But then there was like, uh, I don't know. I'm thinking of the.

Soda pop upside down. It's a cake mountain dew.

An old shoe dumping a can of soda and you're not don't walk your dog like that. There's a little kid just dragging a dog. Did you see that that lady? Oh, come on.

Where is it a little kid? Let's ask about her skin routine.

Dude, how far long are you.

With your skin life?

You know?

What's that just reminded me of I was being very judgmental about her. But it's really irritating when your dog is bad on the leash. And my dog, George Rip was so terrible on a leash that one time she would just be like a lunatic always like she would it was like she wanted to run, and so she was really hard to control and she was like always like it was like she's hannicking all the time. It's crazy,

He's like, you made a mistake. I was going to be a victim, but I understand.

He was like, you just tried to get across. Why are they taking us this way? It's the worst way to go.

Maybe the car listened and we're going near a Korean spa.

Oh that's so relaxed. Just dropped me off and then win up.

After I was fostering.

Martha Kelly's dog in Austin, I would run with it because the dog had so much energy, and the dog would run pretty straight and very fast, and knew that I was on the leash. But the second there was a motorcycle, that dog would be lined ninety degree leap into try and bite the tires on the motorcycle, which is very problematic, and it would cause me to dive on the sidewalk.

I di wrecked big time.

Yeah, dog, and I would have to do the same thing, hold the dog until the motorcycle was like a block away. I do not know what this dog wouldn't do it with other dogs or with anything else. There could be someone with a foot long HOGI or a longer HOGI. Two men carrying a hogy across the street.

What if foot HOGI?

Yeah, like one of the fifteen foot long hogies where motorcycle stuntman drives through and has.

HOGI what a thinking of a Scooby Doo moment.

Anyway, this dog Josh motorcycles where this dog's long holegates loved God so hungry for motorcycles.

God that would die of It's just dangerous. Yes, but I think.

Dogs that are bad on leashes, and I'm not pointing fingers to you come from humans. You know complete completely what I'd like to see some of your leash work.

Well, I had terrible leashwork, and I would get I would get so frustrated because I was always trying to walk her before I went to work. It was just like I had this system was bad. Then I started taking to the dog park in the morning and that solved everything because I just had to walk her to the actual park part and then let her go and she would run and run and run and run, and then when we'd go to leave, she'd be fine on

Yeah, that's it's important to take your dogs to dog park. I think I do too, even if it like if dogs freak out around other dogs.

It just stresses me out at.

A dog park when dogs start, even if they're not really fighting, when they're all on a pile and they're barking and showing.

Teeth, I like, runaway.

If I'm response, I can't handle it.

Also, don't forget there's because I would take her early in the morning so I wouldn't obviously before work. And also to not have to deal with other dogs, because George was like on the borderline of like wanted to kill every other dog. She was very fairal but anyway,

Sword play is always intimidating.

Solo sword play in the morning at a part.

A famous skate spot that plaza, oh the nineties, and it's one of those men. It used to be you'd get arrested there, and now the security there apparently comes out and tells you, you know, come at four o'clock when I get off.

Oh, and I had the guy after that doesn't care. But why I told my boss I would care.

Like they communicate with the skateboarders and everyone can skate there.

Now it's cool adhere to a schedule.

Yes, just have to be respectful.

Yeah.

I don't understand, and I mean I do. I guess in the like, why is it? Why has it always been such a problem the noise?

It is probably the noise.

And it's funny because I understand almost now that I've gotten older. I'm like, ah, that clickety clack, just land the trick. But there's also the I will admit there is, damn it.

You wax.

The time unless it's a marble ledge like this one up on the right. The listener can't see so.

White wax, it's right there. The wax.

You wax it and that turns black and it melts and looks dirty and gross.

Oh so they're kind of touching stuff.

Yes, okay, yes, I understand. Where where I guess?

Oh there we go? Where where that's it seems like it was right behind us. But I didn't see anything.

Yeah, yeah, I the sirens are the opposite of directional.

They're just all encompassible.

It's everywhere. Yeah, it's all around you.

They got to redesign those, so I understand it is sort of vandalism, but in the grand scheme of things, who cares if there's a little dirt on your curb?

Well, and also, but I I guess, and this is whatever. But it's like they're doing something cool, so why don't you just watch it and like enjoy it? Right?

I think it's a lot like in the beginning with snowboarding. Everyone was learning how to do it, and they were kind of more out of control than skiers that are riding around with two effective edges.

But over time snowboarders.

Got just as much control over what they're doing as skiers, and then it started to be allowed at more ski areas. When I first started, there was tons of like fail, all these big ski areas that would not allow snowboarding because we all kind of sucked and would run into people.

Them yeah, but it wasn't the case.

I agree.

Yeah.

Did you see the video of the snowboarder and the they're going down and then a gigantic brown bear runs across the No oh man, oh, I got to show it to you.

I've seen one with a wild boar chasing after skiers coming down the ski area and was like trying to bite skiers in the legs. Really, a giant boar.

Shit.

I don't know where it was not around here.

Well, this one was truly like a bear. It was like the revenant bear ran across the slope scary, and it is so scary. And then there's another one where there's a girl who you can tell she's probably professional or almost professional, and she's got a GoPro on right, and you can see behind her like she's going like

I bet this starts to happen more and more because I it was an un not unfounded, m confounded. It was a unnecessary fear of mine when I was younger, that a there'd be one bear that decided not to hibernate and chase me down the mountain. I'm pretty scared of bears, unfounded. And I grew up in Montana, where there are bears.

There where there's plenty of bear threat.

They always are sleeping.

But now that our seasons are all out of whack, yeah, everyone gets confused.

Birds are flying in the wrong direction.

There's problems with them not getting enough water, right.

And these bears are like, I don't know what day it is. I just know I'm gonna eat your leg.

I just love your outfit. Yes, give me some of that.

Yeah, yeah, it's I bet it starts. I'm predicting that there's going to be more bear sightings a.

Ski area probably.

So stay indoors everyone.

Oh, I thought that I was. I felt like I was walking like naked with a robe on. But it's just that his taki pants were exactly the color of his skin.

Yeah.

I see that a lot where it's just oh, naked guy in the street with baggy skins.

Uh.

Yeah, I've always made it, although today I am wearing a flesh colored shirt, but it would be also required me now black stripes tattooed.

Down my arms. But Tiger Boy, yeah.

You know he'll lose some friends with the bad boy. I am National Inquirer's Tiger Boy.

Tiger Boy. I like it, so are we.

I'm if we're in this whole drive, I have no idea what city we're in.

We have gone down roads that I've never been down.

Where I think this is a this is an edge of Koreatown. That's a guess.

Sure, okay, but this is sending us weird.

This is like early ways where it's like, go down this crazy road you've never I know, I know the shortest way.

And it's through these bizarre areas. We're gonna make it.

We're gonna it's gonna be great.

And there are these moments where there's a long silence and fear washes over me that I have said all the things I could possibly.

Say to your friend.

You're the friend, oh ship.

Yeah, so it affects you too.

I don't fear that because I think it's an improv right. So if you're if you're gas tank is empty, right, all I'm going to say is you know boot scorpion and we get we dive right back there.

Yeah. Yeah, I am glad that that was a really good idea.

I know, I have so many good dude, here we go.

I was also thinking of illustrating little signs that you could hold up to people in traffic, things that say like slow down, or that was nice, or thank you for letting me merge.

They had that in the eighties.

Did they did it cause a lot of traffic accidents?

I think people bought them for fun at Christmas and no one actually used them.

Oh yeah, I guess, ma'am.

Are you that was bizarre. She was walking in front of my car.

That was someone that's like, I don't know if I should get into my car or just kill myself.

Become a terrible statistic.

She was walking to her car but was six feet away from it, which put her in the middle of the road.

That was very odd and.

What added to it and she had a real I give up look on her face.

Yeah, she didn't seem happy, that's for sure. But there's a guy behind me, So I'm going to go up.

Here, look at this perfect spot. There we go.

Hello, Hi, Hi, ladies and gentlemen. To you.

You know today's guest as she's a comedian, writer, podcaster, actor. Sometimes put your ears together for Akila hughes.

Wow, well warm, welcome, right.

I don't I don't know that we've ever done that clap together. I always do it just to fill Okay, you know, I guess I've always ignored it.

I play the audience in that How are you? I am so good? I mean now I'm not.

Let's be real. I feel like you're at the end of days. Things feel like the world is ending in slow motion. So with that as the backdrop for life, I guess I'm.

Doing okay with that is the backtop for this podcast.

Yeah, and nothing makes you other than just paying attention to what's happening you. It really is compounded by gloomy weather.

Yeah yeah, in La, the hot girl of all the cities? What is she doing?

Why won't she get out of bed? It's so weird.

She's making me said, I'm making her sad. I just feel like we're not on the same page. But it's Yeah. For the people listening, La usually is pretty decent, and I mean I wouldn't say this is even bad. It's just grey, right, which feels like another symbolism for life.

Yeah, middle, it's like it can't it's not picking a side, which is worse.

I think we're just kind of an a liminal space.

Yea. The crowd is great, this guy is great.

I try and enjoy it as if were a season, because we don't really have seasons here.

So I'm like, ooh, this cold Winner's day.

Oh, I love that. I mean, maybe here's the thing. By the end of this podcast, I bet you're gonna make me a much sunnier person.

Oh, I guarantee it.

Oh why did I do that?

Yeah? Why you're not a guarantee? We can't.

The minute I said a sweat back of my.

Shirt, I regret it.

I regret I don't suggest we attempt. How about that?

Do you care that neither Margot Robbie nor Gretigerwig was nominated for an Oscar for Barbie? I mean care? Right?

The definition of care? Like, I guess here's the thing. Not really, I don't think, as like a citizen alive today, I can really hold any emotion for someone not getting nominated for an award. Yeah, yeah, I thought the movie was excellent.

Yeah, it was great.

I also think people get snubbed all the time, and a lot of movies that are great don't get made very true.

I think what everyone it's the irony of of the you know, the plot of that movie being about everything, the patriarchy thing, everything, and the whole purpose of the movie was to get back to it being a matriarchy, and that's what everyone's noticing.

Yeah, that's what's shitty.

Yeah, I think it is. It feels ironic, but it's also like, I mean, in a way kind of I think the benefit of the movie where it's like, yeah, like now you can point it out and see it, like especially if you're a kid, which, like I think is who the movie was mostly for. It's like, you know you, you now can have an example to point to to be like, oh that's right, Yes, these people

All in one. It's supposed to come out, it's supposed to.

Be the number one movie of all time, and then it's also supposed to make beyond making them all like wealthy, beyond imagination, right, everybody should get awards and have their asses kissed at every award.

So I'm like, okay, like the people that they made the movie about, because ultimately I think the Academy are probably some of the biggest parts of the patriarchy. It's like, you've made a movie about the people that we're going to vote for whether or not they're going to give your movie an award.

Yes, this is probably it's just a publicity stunt. This is just another push to promote the movie. This is what the movie is about. By the way, now you have to.

See it exactly. Now you got to know what they're saying about the patriarchy. Yeah, I mean, you know, I think I'm I'm I'm also just not super moved by the Oscars ever, of all the award shows, I think that, like movies are are so much further ranging that it's hard to have them compete against each other.

Yeah, there's like TV.

I'm like, they should have a procedural show, every show that has one hundred episodes to go up against each other. It's a cop show, if it's a medical show, it's a legal show, like whatever it is.

It's time we recognize Bones. I'm so tired. I have never I can't even visualize who's in Bones.

It's somebody, somebody, Dah, the blond one, the sister, Yeah, Emily, it Ishew.

Been playing at the top of my intelligence. I think we appreciate that it is so much podcast especially and and then I think the guy that was the the guy in Bones was in Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Am I wrong?

I wouldn't be able to tell you, Oh, David, am I right?

Sick?

Yeah, we got a fact check and yes.

That feels so good real time because it's almost always no.

Yeah, I never. I also just don't. I'm so bad with names. I think it's like, it's probably why my career is not better. People think I'm an asshole, but I'm like, no, it's I think everybody has this problem. But like, I've tried so many different strategies, and I'm like, I could see this person in my favorite movie be their biggest fan, be in their fan club, and then if someone asked me their name, I'm like, yeah, I want to say Jersey Mikes.

We're driving past the Jerseys. Is that Jersey Mike, Jersey Mike David.

Yeah, he's out here, he's still act.

I love that movie Jersey Mikes. They're all male strippers and they all go on that tour together and you share the sandwich Jersey Mikes.

Do they have to save the sandwich happens?

Yeah.

I've been trying to use those is it pneumatic devices? Now that's a type of drill mnemonic. Ye, yes, where you I still don't know what the device is, so it's not working.

I did get one good bit of advice once, which was that you should if you know someone with the same name, so it's really kind of limited. But if you know someone with that same first name, imagine the new person you're meeting murdering the person that you know with that name, and then you'll never forget it, but like make it very like visceral, so you're like, oh my god, that's Lance.

Yeah, and they would probably want to murder them because yes, that's the name everyone always stuff with me.

I wish I could kill.

That reminds me your's I think in that moment, because I do the exact same thing, and it is that I'm I think I have fucked it up at times where the person was not the kind of person you want to fuck it up with. And so then I have this a little bit of PTST where I will know a person for years and every once in a while go to say their name and be like, what

I feel that way about speaking out loud generally, like the moment I start saying a word that I know, I'm like, well, actually, what if that's I get to Google to be like, is that the word? Yeah, it happened to me yesterday with nuclear proliferation? Like, do I mean proliberation?

I'm like, I do?

Why do I have to second guess myself?

This is what Barbie's about, right, there's a world that children could grow up in where that's not how they feel about nuclear proiberation.

Yeah, not only kNs.

Know the words.

I know the words.

You know?

You know it? H Do you have a favorite movie that did get nominated or do you care?

Oh?

Okay, so I mean kind of yes. So I love American fiction.

It's so good.

You loved it?

I loved I saw it the night before last.

I've had like I love it so much. A fun fact is that so I'm probably biased because I love Cord Jefferson and like everybody does, he's beyond being a great writer, just like deeply a handsome man and everybody's like, wow, let him go. But he also was is best friends with my old housemate, and so like, basically I'll set the stage. It was twenty twenty, right after New Year's so like before all of the COVID sort of hit the fan.

And he had gone.

They had gone on a trip together somewhere and when Coryan and my housemate Tommy got back the town, Cord's house had flooded, so we had to stay with us for a week. And the book he was reading is what eventually became the adaptation that he's now nominated for him.

Like, that's amazing, You're part of the origin story, you know what? I would think?

There is a studio dog in the credits name Fauci, and my dog's name is Fauci, And I'm like, I gotta know, like, could it be winning an oscar?

Yes?

I did you get your dog around that time?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's I love that name. Hi.

Yes, yeah, There's not a lot we can do.

There's car doesn't go sideways, these non directional sirens. If we just had a way, yeah, like maybe put a funnel around it.

Also like fifty lanes. I'm like, I mean, I feel like you're going the other directions just yeah.

Yeah, really yeah, who's in the wrong classically here?

But wait, well, you guys tell me what this movie is because I haven't even know.

Yeah, I thought I thought it was about court.

No, so it's like actually already a book that he adapted. And I don't think that the book is called American Fiction. I wish I remember the name of the actual book, but I remember he was being interviewed about Watchman because this was before he won the Emmy for it, and so taking a call and I had to sit in the house because he had one of those doors or if you open the door, it would be like outside, Like I'm just gonna wait for him to stop talking.

I love Jeffrey right, he's really good in it too. I didn't know how much I love that guy until this movie. It was just and it's subtle, and it's it's.

Like enjoyable, Like it's just like it's a movie where you don't go into it like here's the homework because it's an Oscar movie. It's like it's actually just a movie that's very funny and fun.

And I loved that I knew nothing about it.

And then it was kind of like an old like Albert Brookes movie or something like comedically the pacing. But then it was so I love the way it played out, and you're watching the movie, you're watching the different versions.

Of yeah, what it could be.

What it could be? Yeah.

It was very smart, Yeah, and made me feel good. Yeah, it was like I was in a good movie. I like keep thinking about you know when you watch a movie and you just keep thinking about it for a week.

It's right.

It made me like want to write again. I feel like, not that I had stopped writing, because you know this industry never lets you rest, That's.

Right, I hope not.

But I it made me remember like, oh yeah, like you can actually make something that's like profound but also subtle.

Yeah yeah, it made me not great. It made me write down notes and everything. How do I copy.

This exactly for Plage Horizon Jefferson Google?

Yeah, the perfect turn on a movie like that. Yeah. Also, I really loved the Watchman series. I was just so flown away by it because I thought I knew what it was going to.

Be, like totally same, so good, and like I'm always the person, especially with HBO shows where I'm like, I'm gonna let the first week premiere. I don't need to necessarily be like in the discourse immediately because it's going to be too much and what if I don't like it? But now I'm committed, right, So, like three weeks in I start watching it. I'm like this is like I started like a group text with some friends were also watching it, Like we had all these theories.

It was so much fun.

Yeah, how again, were you overhearing his chords?

Oh?

Yeah, So basically the way the house was set up, I like I was renting with my friend Tommy, and I was staying in like the guest house because it was like two bedrooms in the house, and I had like a third roommate who eventually was going to show up.

This so funny.

Then you got a sneak pick of this episode of whatever podcast it was because you.

Were, yeah hearing it, and no, he had no idea.

You already have listeners.

Yeah, I had a I have to make this about myself, thank you. Well, just that that same thing happened to me. I'd never had a security system before in the house that I moved into, and it had that, but it was turned way down, so I would open the front door and I thought somebody was in the house, and it happened multiple times until I finally was like, you're saying the same thing every time, like it's not a ghost, you know whatever.

I finished businesses that you opened the door.

It was like it would just be like it was a lady. Ultimately, if it was full volume, she would have gone front door like that, kind of like a like a subway lady. But it was way low, so it just sounded like somebody had something to say about where I was going, and it was super creepy.

Now, and this is very specific, but that voice that you just did is also I think that voiceover actor also got the job to do all the elevator voiceovers, and she gets very sensual when she says third floor.

Have you noticed that every use her one?

I think yeah, everywhere fourth floor, fifth floor, third floor.

She goes for it.

It is certain, it's like that Aerosmith video. I don't.

I just have noticed in all the what a what an awesome voiceover gig to get I guess.

That's my point.

Yeah, like, make sure that you get a break before you have to do the third floor.

You might have to let it all hang out.

Yeah, Now on this floor, go ahead, just do whatever you want.

This is the sex floor. Yeah, as everyone knows.

Yeah, third floor is always porn floor.

Yeah, thirteenth is not, doesn't It's not there because it's unlucky. Yeah, it's all just a farce.

And be really wacky when you get we get into these parking levels.

Now go let them know where they're at.

Kayle, you've done voice over.

Work, right, Yeah, well, like you know, I've done a news podcast, so it's not voiceover, but that's you know, a lot of talking and words that I'm reading because it was more written. You know, this is more just us hanging out. But I did. I did a voice for Bob's Burgers, right, Okay, the best show, the best show. I kind of wish I had done a silly voice. Like when I listen to it now, it's so jarring because it's just me talking that, Like I can't even like play it because my dog is like freaks out

Yeah, an Italian accent or something. They just keep it in like that's aculing. He's like, you don't have to put my name in the show.

It's funny because I keep going into over the years, going to nickelode and I've never booked anything. And I think it's because I cartoon it up, hey guys, and they just they always say, okay, one more time and just use your voice, and I cartoon and up.

Your voice is so cartoony.

Yeah, so I get that.

My already cartoonish voice gets me in the door, and then I up it this guy, this guy's a cartoon over acting.

I've never I guess I've never really booked it either.

You know.

The Bob's Burgers thing came together very weird. I'll give you the cliffs notes version. I wrote a book in twenty nineteen. It hadn't come out yet. It was the summer.

Because you want them to make a decision.

Yeah, I had to decide between the two because one would be like I'd fly out here and be by coastal. At that point, I was living in New York. The other for Crooked it was like you're moving here full time, this is your life And I just didn't know. And I ultimately went with Crooked because I was like, you know, maybe this will also give me more writing opportunities and like whatever else. And so I had to break the news to them as if they give a ship, like

Don't want to seem like you didn't really want it, Like.

I really wanted them to know, like I'm such a huge fan, like obviously bob'sburg is huge to me. But like anything they want to do, I'm interested in seeing it. And so their consolation president was like, well, would you want to do a voice on Bob's Burgers? And I'm like, yeah, actually, more than anything, great, I should turn down jobs more often and see what.

And they do that. So that crooked job brought you from New York?

Tell yeah? And was that daily?

It was daily news five days a week, Sunday through Thursday. We would record, but it would come out the next morning. Oh my god, I imagine the year was twenty twenty, so COVID Trump and Black Lives Matter summery.

Yeah.

I had great health in turn, so my therapist was really excellent.

God. Yeah, because you have to then turn around a top. I mean yeah, and were you writing the copy? Wow? Wow?

So I mean, honestly, I'm very proud of it, but like god, that was the most taxing job I've ever had, because it's like the news doesn't stop, and you know, the news has kind of been going downhill for a while now, but that felt like just an explosion of

Yeah, maybe you can use this.

Yeah, And those those days were the days where we were all getting like there was that one video where the guys like wipe down your cereal boxes, like that ship where we were.

There was apro was like you couldn't touch your face.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was eating salads with hand sanitizers dressing.

I was really wiping them down.

Yeah.

I would say like all of my fights with my old housemate, and they were not real fights, they were so minor, but they were always like you came in and just like just came straight in, didn't wash your hands, just touch everything, like I just feel like you're trying to get me killed, like it was just on the highest level. And he's like, I'm sorry, like I'll wash my hands right now. I don't understand. And now we look back and I'm like, yeah, so that was pretty crazy.

Yeah, I think it's fine. We were all doing our best. I mean, how long had you known your housemate at that point?

I mean I guess about a year, Like we had known each other like kind of sporadically. He produces for a lot of TV shows, and he produced for a thing for Crooked, so we enjoy each other's company. And then I got out here. I moved downtown because that's what everyone in LA tells you to do when you come from New York.

And the first week.

I was like, this is actually too much for me.

But why there's a fire escape you love? Don't you like.

Living around cars? I'm like, yeah, but I guess like it was. I described it as so the building I lived in, it's next to this restaurant called Bestia, Like, oh yeah, I play super fancy like you always see like Lamborghini's part there. I never ate there, but I'm like, this is clearly like a date night spot. And the juxtaposition of like people coming out with leftovers and like homeless veterans begging for leftovers and being like snubbed, like

Yeah, it would be hard to because I feel like, and this is my opinion that in New York they would have handed over those leftovers totally.

But I don't know.

I mean, I think, yeah, it's like also, you know, obviously, like the unhoused crisis is its own thing, and it's like throughout the country. But I think because the weather is nice here, there are just fewer shelters, there's like fewer things, so you end up bumping into it in a way that feels like more dire.

Yeah.

And then in New York, you like, obviously I'm like privileged in not having to see it as much, but I'm like, it's something about that is just like you have to get I think, past it and recognize that this is the actual world we live in. Yeah, And I at that point was like, I just got to deal with the fact that I left everything I know behind it. I have no family here, I'm doing a job that we're creating.

As we go, and that that is probably the worst or the most intense like area for that. It's like, I mean, skid Row is so awful and it's so tough.

It was so sad every day, Like, and I didn't have a car here at first, so I would like, we.

Found you a new apartment that.

Sorry, I'm like, don't you don't knock, you just go straight in. Yeah, And I guess, like long story long, not to make it depressing, but I think that having distance from it helped me like actually be able to care about it in a way that like I feel like I can be active and Yeah, it's like when you're on top of it, it's just like, you know, I think you're just shocked all the time.

Yeah, oh, it's you know, it's it's bad. Skid Row is the first time I saw that, I was just like, because my mom was a psychiatric nurse and so all through the eighties when Reagan passed all his laws and shut all the mental hospitals, She's like, this is going to create this environment, and like basically was this predictor of it that as I see it, and especially these days, it's it's just wild.

Yeah, the thing, the staggering thing when I moved here and I was shocked by so many things I saw. Yeah, it is, but the skid row thing isn't actual. It's like if we zoom in on a map, it's just oh, it's a.

Part of town. Yeah yeah, it's just a permanent it was in the Thomas Guide. Yeah, like it forever.

It's just we accept it as that's just an area.

Yeah, let's not find a solution. It's already on the map. We'd have to change our maps.

Right.

It's just like it's such a big problem, and I'm like, so what if like all these billionaires who told us to like kick rocks and starve this summer during the strike.

All just gave some of their money.

Not all of them just paid their taxes, right, just pay a fair amount of taxes. I wouldn't be mad at that.

There's some state and I want to say it's Massachusetts where they passed a law and billionaires were required to pay their taxes. Like there's and and I'm almost positive this is real. It's I was like drinking you last solving the problem, but I swear to god, it's like

You get still dodge your federal taxes. State.

Yeah, one thing at a time.

Yeah that is okay. Let's who do we talk to?

I mean Massachusetts, let's call Massachusetts ternalignment.

Yeah, I've got a giant red phone, Liz.

They need to talk to the whole states.

Are so I looked it up and it says for tax years beginning on on or after January first, twenty twenty three, Massachusetts taxpayers will be required to pay an additional four percent tax on that income and excess of one million dollars.

Oh, it's actually called the millionaires, not billions.

Wis Now they're so furious, so I have to pay.

I thought we were ganging up on those guys exactly.

Maybe they like they like you. It's a bracket, like they're just out of it.

It's only millionaires. Yeah, wow, I wonder if I shouldn't have done this.

Oh yeah, when someone is reading an order off of a file on their phone, you know it's for an entire floor of a building.

Yeah, that's right, that's like someone.

Okay, no, that's seventeen of those.

I can't even see your phone from here, but I'm imagining it being Instagram at schoolies.

Do you see this?

Yeah?

Yeah, oh you need me to pull up?

Can you can I get the new one of these?

She's describing a video.

Now, if you can imagine, did you see the bear chase the girl?

Actually, this raccoon got on the swimming dog's back. You're not gonna believe it.

I'll show it to you in.

A moment, like, can we just have like a coffee, like any coffee. I'm not even specific anymore.

Really, I'm trying to think of what other movies did get nominated.

Four Things got a bunch, but I haven't seen it. They heard it was good.

It was another movie that I was thinking about, and still i'm thinking about. Yeah, I've had really good track record lately, those being the last two movies I've seen in the theater.

Because behind us, I'm so sorry to interrupt you, but.

See, I don't see.

We were just talking about that runway walk. She's upset, she has good posture, she is selling clothes.

Yeah, her Instagram's going code worries.

Yeah, let's take it again.

Exactly and back to one and you're at the drive through sign.

It's kind of the ultimate test, where like if if it was back in the day where I was still trying to quote unquote do like acting things, and so once I do that, I'd be like absolutely not where it's like that's a sign you shouldn't be in this in this part of the right.

I know That's how I felt when I first moved here and I've got my first ever head shots, and she wanted to take them outdoors if we were like at a freeway underpass, and I was so uncomfortable that I realized in that moment I probably didn't have a future in act. Yes, I'm very self conscious about people can see me right now, fake smiling.

Yeah, I should probably under the open back to Montana.

I think my out is always running. When I see somebody running really hard in a movie or a TV show, I'm like, well, that had to be me. I just don't think they'd be like, we got it. We didn't get it this time. I'm like, I think you did. I think we all got it. I don't like I think I'm only self conscious when people see me running.

Yeah, the rest of the time, I'm fine. I'm most the exertion or the form both.

Okay, Like I'm I'm deeply out of shape, had asthma forever in a day, and just like never. I mean, I just had foot surgery in the summer, and it's like.

Not even that that.

Before that, I was like killing and running. I just like, I feel like I've always been on a downward trajectory.

Of getting away from running. Always trying to just distance yourself, and I'm like, I do think it probably looks really silly. I've never seen it. I refuse to like have a mirror near any workout of them.

It's funny.

As my dad gets older, he's been reminding me lately that I always looked funny when I ran, and I didn't realize that. I always thought I was fast, and he's like, yeah, you get little like you get little Tom Cruise arms when you run. I'm like, wait, I don't know what that means. And then so then of course it was Tom Cruise running footage and yeah little yeah, Yeah, you stay.

In one position.

Apparently that's direct.

Yeah.

I feel like if I was in that position to have to do it, I would just literally figure out like something to get underneath or like It's like running isn't ever a thing I will do unless something really crazy happen.

Right, if I'm being chased by t X, let it take. Yeah, it's the difference. I don't think I'm out running it.

So yeah, yeah, that's why I run in that style, because I am prepared to run away from a t Rex.

Yeah, that's why I do my.

Jurassic Stride as I call it.

Yeah.

Yeah, I just hope someone large and faster than me will pick me up. And if it doesn't happen, which it never has, I'm prepared for that eventuality as well.

Well.

I was blessed with a note from a doctor basically who told me not to run again. That's why it was like, you have to swim, you have to learn to swim. And now I swim. I like it, and no one how bad my.

Swim style is.

Do you have the water?

Yeah, and it really helps your motor he chops through. Yeah, they're like little runners.

Yeah. I at this point, I think this woman is breaking up with the person that's taking the order, and I.

Just like, well, are there people behind us? So we're trapped either way.

I want to yell, are you on the phone with triple ag exactly?

If you broke down, at least put it in neutrals we can push.

That would be well. That happened to my sister and I once in the early nineties when we were we both went to college and Sacramento, and she and I were driving, and we were driving my dad's It was it was like a mini truck. It's really yanky and in the Burger king drive through. The truck broke down and we couldn't move and it was so high pressure and so hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing. She was crying so hard. It was like and there was nothing we

Oh my god, that gives me anxiety just thinking about it.

Yeah, yeah, I feel like, yeah, all of my anxiety centers around being in the way kind of like I went to a drive in.

This was like forever going in like I guess.

Probably twenty twenty covid era and my battery died in my car because like the audio was coming through like the radio, right. I had to jump me, but I was like blocking the exit. So for like forty minutes after the movie was over, people were just honking and I don't know what I can do you And then the guy who worked there came and jumped me, and that was, you know, nice of him.

Yeah, thank god.

O Kayla, I remember your when you were exposing the BuzzFeed?

Is there a better word than viral? That means viral.

Really, I guess it was. It was a moment on the internet. Yeah.

Was it a kind of a moment that started things for you? Or was it you know, is that just I mean, like my.

Mind, you know, I wish that it had started anything. I think it's wait, can you tell me what?

Totally sorry.

So I started my career on YouTube in like two thousand and seven. I made a bunch of videos before anybody made money on YouTube, and then I started making money on YouTube, and then you know, everything got kind of fun on the Internet, and there are lots of independent creators making videos. And then one day BuzzFeed decided to have a video arm and you know, to their credit, I think that they hired a lot of creative people, but their mandate was, like, you know, for zero dollars

Wow.

So it's just interns that are scared that.

They're totally totally and so like, you know, you have the people who sort of have their own series and they're clearly writing it. But then you have people who are like just scouring the internet for things to copy and they got away with it for a really long time, and I think it was just sort of like an open secret, like people kind of knew like, well, you know, no,

Or specifically joke sest right like that right during that time two thousand and fifteen.

Yeah, I was like twenty fifteen, a lot of.

Like internet comedians were getting exposed for just stealing from stand ups or whatever.

Yeah, like people's educations.

I loved that it was happening.

That's why I it seemed like a very justicey yes, fully.

And so the cliff knows are basically I kind of ignored it until I couldn't ignore it anymore. They ripped off one of my videos, and like not even one of my best videos, but like shot for shot, the thumbnail was identical, and like the truth is people sent it to me. I didn't subscribe to crass Feed because I was like I don't really I'm not into this kind of like bottom of the barrel content whatever. Yeah. So I basically was like, is anyone ever gonna stop

I think I saw that too. I was glued to this.

Yes, and it was so it was like it was kind of this big thing, but like, it's funny you bring it up, because I don't really think about it that often. Like the one thing I do think about is like BuzzFeed and how specifically the video wing like

Write write this crap.

But I thought about it recently because I'm I don't know, I think everybody's career is kind of weird in entertainment right now. But I'm like, man, one person who was really mean to me and I'm just gonna name names because why not does really mean to me about it on Twitter was Quinta Brunson.

Oh wow.

And I was in the hospital when I first posted this thing. I like, had these benign liver tumors. They were kind of like a sudden thing, and so I was like throwing blood cloths literally overnight in the hospital. And I see that she's like subtweeting me with other BuzzFeed people saying I'm not funny, saying I'm just bitter.

Like all this stuff.

And I remember I wrote back to her, I'm like, well, I need you to know I've always thought you were funny. Like I'm not trying to like shade any work you've done. I just think it's wrong to steal from people. And she's had this huge career, and it's like I never had a doubt that she would have it. But it is always funny when it's like wow, like you clearly didn't get it back then. Yeah, And like I don't know, I'm like, am I being punished because I stood up for independent creators?

Right?

You know what I mean?

Like is it always going to be this like moment where big media corporations are like, well, you know, she she did go to bat for her fellow creators, right.

It's actually that is why all of a sudden we everyone knew about Joe Rogan.

I'm famous for outing a joke safe babe.

Yeah, but like for some reason that like amplified it. I guess you know, white man, black woman. Why. But it is like it's very strange because like even people who worked there were like admitting it. Oh wow really yeah, like the young people who I mean they ended up quitting their jobs with their like I'm not getting paid enough to like have this heat on me, but yeah, like what do you think we're doing?

Right?

The mandate to do eight videos a day is crazy, like like id eight shoot and produce like put out. Of course they were gonna be stealing, and it's like, why fight it? Why be petty about it? And I think, like, you know, I'm in my thirties. I'm old enough to like not be like have some big chip on my

Yeah?

Well, and it's kind of like saying you have joined the side where you're not gonna have a good idea, so you'd as well do it this way and just be getting paid in making stuff. And I think that's the piece that like, and maybe that's the piece where coint of Brunson felt like maybe it hit her where it's like, oh, yeah, you're too good to be doing that, but you don't think so, right, And that's you know, and.

Also like you know, like I think it just reflected on her work even when she wasn't ripping things off, and I'm like, yeah, no, like I understand why that would be a pain point, but like, don't shoot the messenger girl.

Well, and also it's weird because did you have to do stand up comedy here?

Yeah?

Yeah, So I think there's like a taught or learned ethic in stand up where it's like, no one's gonna think you're funny or like invite you to do their shows if you're just ripping other people off because it just means you don't know how to do it. You just can't do it. It's like that's cheating and there's no point.

In shooting and someone's gonna figure it out at some point. You cannot make a career out of just being a joke thief, right.

And I did notice in the years of doing stand up more and more the realization that the general public doesn't really care. They just don't know where you get the jokes from. And I'm like, wait, you're supposed to do we care so much, right, Yeah.

Or it's not that they don't care as much as they're like, oh, I had my laugh, and that is the person I thought gave it to me. And if you're going to show up who I don't know, Like that made me like that person. So if you're going to show up and be like incorrect, I have no reason to like you. Yeah, Like it's almost like the expectation is the accusers or the people who are calling it out have to do it in a hilarious way so that then they somehow do it again.

Right.

It's like it just adds a bunch of pressure to it.

But like, ultimately what I've come to is like I have no ill will towards this person. I think that she was just young and this was like the first big company to put her on, and I think that, like it is scary when you know you don't have a ton of experience and you're not really relying on like just yourself, you know, like it's like busf we'd had.

To succeed ye for her to keep going.

Yeah, And I think that like I would maybe be like defensive and like I'm so old now and like live through so many unionizing efforts that I'm like I'm never going to bed for yes, But like at that time, of course, if you don't, you know, recognize what's happening, because it's also not like she was getting the money from it, you know, yeah, so he can get rich.

Guys, Thank you so much, guys, we made it.

And also like thank you again for being so flexible with the recording.

I'm sorry, no problem, disaster person.

But oh, you you had COVID, right, No, So I've never had COVID.

Isn't that weird?

I did feel sick, but I've never tested positive and I've tested consistently, and I'm like starting to think I'm a superhero.

You know.

I thought that for a long time too, and then I just casually got it one day.

I think I will at some point. I mean, it's truth is like, it's it's just around the corner.

Yeah, it's it's different than it was a few years ago. I truly believe the potency of the sickness because much better, lighter.

But I would be so I would feel so proud if I'd ever had COVID.

Well see, there's the thing. You think that and then you say it out loud of people are like, oh, you want to cook it.

I'm like, I guess not. You're right, I'm kind of losing.

I don't go home for the holidays, so I deserve this very careful truth. I've like, I guess I've been pretty lucky to be able to like stay home so much.

But also maybe you have the like the blood serum that keeps you from getting it beat.

You know.

It's funny, like, so my doctors are ucl IT and like they asked at one point, like if you ever tested positive. So they start sending me these like blood vile things in the mail. They're like, well, well says you have it like one of your sending I'm like no, because you know how you do Black women when it's like medical stuff. Right, I'm gonna go missing one day. You gotta be blood letting me and a basement like this is the real vax.

You're yes, you're in your system, will cure cancer, but we'll never see you again, right, You'll be like.

That's so strange because like one day she was talking about it and then just like never again. And her dog just like had to eat the crumbs from his treets off the ground until someone hurt him.

Barking, wait, this is a milk?

No?

Way is this is this? Does it tastes like chocolate? No? And I'm my gum on the top of gross, Let me change you lid, Let me chreag you list. I'll change you lids. I'll trade you live that is.

As you went like that, I was like, what is that on the top of this It's opened Okay, I like that announced like I'm this card chocolate. Okay, it's maybe because it was only one pump, the lightest version. Thank you for being so understanding again.

No no, no, no, no no.

As I never I need you to understand me as a person. I'm not the kind of person who puts gum on the lids of things like it is actually the grossest thing on earth. So the fact that I did it and then it almost became like a fiasco, I'm gonna be.

How this person. The good is is that I know that your your germs are no, they're not there right in anything.

If you just take us it after me.

Oh my god. Yeah that's not good. This is It's the best I've ever had.

And with every step you're further from ever getting COVID too good.

Order choice too like one pump. I really didn't even notice. It isn't so I'm like suggest someone has got to put her little on tighter.

I feel like it's about to pop off. No, look it's good.

Oh no, no it is.

God, I gotta it's good. Looks like a cowboy hat.

I can do it.

I have mine in the.

Yeah right.

I love when they just kind of block the traffic and then look at you.

Yeah, they're like, they're like, just give in to my plan. I dare you're doing?

So?

Were you all from La No?

Originally, it feels like I've been here long enough now to where I've just realized this is my home.

One years for me to realize it. Yes, I love that for you.

I mean, I'm still figuring it out. I moved right before COVID, so I'm like, I don't know I've moved here today.

Yeah for real, no time has passed.

Yeah, yeah, still young, right, Yeah, I felt that way really for fifteen years, and I'm finally like, oh, yeah, I totally live here and I.

Know where things are.

Yes, Yeah, and I when I visit home now, I say, oh, I got to go back home.

I just started calling this home.

Yeah that's so sweet.

So where were you from before this?

I grew up in Montana, but started doing stand up in Austin, Texas.

Wonderful.

That's a great stand up city.

Yeah it was and still is. Yes, I assume it's still is.

I mean I'm like, I guess I haven't been back in a minute.

Yeah, it's just changed so much in so many different ways.

You know, because I selled by Southwest.

But it's.

I'm glad I'm.

Here now, Daron.

How about you?

Where are you from? I'm from northern California. I'm from a town called Petaluma. Oh but I've lived here since ninety four. Oh amazing, So you're you're here, I'm I've been here. I've lived like for work. I got to move to New York for one year one time, in Chicago one year for one time. So I'm happy reading that. Yeah,

Like wine country.

Yes exactly, like get on that wine train. So it was very intimidating to move down and then I was like what have I done? This is insane? And then after a while I was like, who cares, nothing matters down here. It's great. Yeah I feel that.

Yeah, like still trying to shake bringing up New York all the time because still it's like that really was home for me. I'm from Kentucky, so yeah, it's just like but I am the moment I got to New York, I'm like, no, I'm supposed to be here.

New York is so awesome.

Yeah, fun, But it's like I think too, like the older I get, the more I realize, like, you know, home is.

What you make it.

And also like I was there in my twenties when my career started, so of course it's like in my mind, Mecca like it's everything. Yeah, and I'm like, well, actually it's it's just kind of where you happen to be when everything worked out.

Do you find when you're Because every time I visit New York, I feel motivated. There's just so much happening and everyone it's moving. And then I come back here and I'm like I get all relaxed.

Yeah you like enjoy your life.

Yeah yeah, well yeah that's one way I looking at it. But also I just I feel like I wish I had moved there when I left Austin, just because of how busy I would have been.

Yeah, but yeah, I definitely feel that, like when I go back. I I also just like it's I mean, I live in k Town, so it's like pretty walkable, I guess, but like I just used to walk so much so when I go back, I like, no matter where I'm staying, I have to like walk the neighbor figure out what the places are. I just feel more a part of it than like right in La, I feel like I'm an ornament on a Christmas tree. I'm like, well, I'm in it.

Let's see if anybody walks up there. I have no one's.

Favorite ornament, and I'm not especially shiny this year.

I'm on the tree. You never know. Those lights could switch around exactly any.

Point, right if they don't put me in the corner so that yeah, I'm the behind tree part.

Yeah, you don't want to be that part of.

The tree and you want to catch on fire.

You're not want to write hard to know what's right anymore.

It's that just reminds me of my sister is a big Christmas tree person and like very like gets it early, very passionate about it. She's the one that has all the like family ornaments and things from our childhood. And she got one this year. And I don't know if it was if it was a bad pick or I don't we can't figure it out, but she goes, I brought it home. It was dead two days later, it's

At some point, Yeah, they gave her the lemon tree. They're like, no, this one's good. Yeah, well it just looks tired. Yeah, it's different when it's in your house. And then it just died.

Just there was no smell, there was it was hilarious. It was it was not what she wanted.

I'm writing I'm going to write a children's book called the Worst Christmas Tree, and it's going to be about the sad tree that died, but the family rallied around it and the pine needles being everywhere somehow was good.

Yeah. And then I'm going to give that book to my sister and be like, this is what you need to be.

Doing when when stuff gets tough and she looks in it and you you.

Get the way. Yeah, so you're catching in on my.

My tragedy to my sister Laura, who couldn't get it done holiday at you didn't see the beauty and the man.

I'm I'm also the festive family member. I just like to decorate. I don't think that I'm like super Christmasy because this year I had a hard time watching the movies, Like it almost felt like it was too soon again, Yeah, them were far enough in my memory and to be like I'm desperate to see Chevy Chase, like yeah, yeah, it just wasn't there. So like every time a movie would come away, I'm just gonna play a video game related watch TV.

Yeah.

This year, the uh, the enjoyment I had with A I guess it was I had never watched It's a Wonderful Life not on a VHS. Yeah, and never had I watched it in color with also subtitles. There was so many throwaway lines that you miss. Yes, funny people were funny in that I laughed all the way through this movie because all these extras were throwing out zingers nice and the old guys at the bank, Yes, yeah, guys in the background.

People were Uh.

It's just everything was a was, everything said was account of for in a way that I really enjoyed it. It's about about capitalism and taking advantage of of you know, It's about the housing crisis.

It's it's a precursor to all that. It's really good.

I should see. I mean I think it is. People say it's like the movie and it's it's weird.

I don't know why. It was just I guess, you know, in the nineties, you just have the VHSS you had, Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Like an example of that is I never saw the original It's Christmas Time Charlie Brown. I had It's Christmas Time Again the sequel, and nobody.

Knows about it.

I'm like, it's a great movie.

It's like dark and he's depressed. It announces his depression right.

When I was watching, and I was like, oh, this is what the first one's about. I mean the second one, he's like, you know, Charlie Brown's can always depressed.

Yeah, that's he's a real downer.

I just didn't know he used the word I'm depressed. I didn't realize he actually announced.

Then they used to just be like, hey the condition.

Yeah, sorry kids, and he Yeah.

The plot of that one is they're in a I guess a church play and his sister Sally has one line and it's hark and she just can't remember it, and so she says Hockey Puck, and it's just excellent. And literally no one who didn't have that VHS gave a shit.

You know the town I'm from, well, the next the big town north of US, Santa Rosa, is where Charles Schultz was from, and so there's like a Charles Schultz ice skating rink. And there's a small airport that if I plan far enough ahead so that I don't have to pay like three hundred dollars, I sometimes will fly home for a bank to the Santa Rosa airport, which is like a dream because it's like tiny airport. Tiny airport. Yeah, And when you get off the plane, you walk down,

Feel like.

But when you get off the plane and you're walking out of the airport, there's just a mural of all the Peanuts kids walking with you, rolling, taking their roller bags and stuff. And every time it gets me where, I'm like, is this just a corny thing that people from around here like, I love the Peanuts gang so much? They're like, they mean the world's mate.

But isn't Saint Paul minute?

Where is it in Minnesota where it's Peanuts everywhere there as well statues.

I wonder maybe he was born there and then he moved to Santa Rose. Okay, that could have been one of those situations.

I could watch because it's usually on a loop.

Anyway, The Peanuts kids dancing, Oh yeah, nothing cheers me up more because they got some bizarre, hilarious moves.

The best I'm all about Peanuts.

I always like trying to point one out and then like do it, yeah, and the one honestly pretty difficult. I always like the one who's like the shoulders are kind of down and the hands are pointing, they're like up, like your palms are up in the air, but not the normal way, and then like your knees.

Kind of bounce in. You're like, what is that?

Like that's the opposite of dancing, Like it's the least instinctual dance movie.

You've ever seen, dead person trying.

To Like that kid really committed, and I can see it in my mind.

I like the girl who she has a little black bob in a blue dress and she's just just yanking her head from side. Lucy. Yeah, it's a it's like a Lucy look alike. Yeah.

There's always like the ones who are like kind of different colorations.

Yes, she's like stringy hair.

Yeah, she dances like Ellie Sheety and Breakfast Club.

Yeah if everyone remembers that specific oh totally, she was gofy.

That girl was a young go you could tell.

Yeah.

And then the other kidder's dance move was just standing in a cloud of his own dirt.

I know I would set myself up.

That's what I do most, thank you, of course, setting me up to look like I've seen a.

The great victory of No.

Yeah, they're like Akila is in intellectual you know, she not only does she read allegedly, but she has seen the best cartoons.

I yeah, you have done absolutely everything.

It's weird.

It is very impressive because I've always just focused on doing stand up.

But I envy that. I think that, like I'm starting to realize like it's more and more common to be a person who has to do everything just because like this industry is like so unstable, yeah, be able to pivot so hard. But it's like if I had just committed to getting good at it. But I think that I just what it was was like like I got this book deal and I was like, well, I can't

Yeah, the times I've had a job writing or I realized how much I was missing, yeah, performing on stage, that part of stand up.

And so it's like I appreciate stand up so much still, Like I try to watch most of the new specials, and I think, like I I just really admire people who like committed to it and actually like got good and like have jokes that people do remember. Because man, I feel like, especially making YouTube videos, like it's funny to have that whole BuzzFeed conversation and it's like, I mean, I'm sure people remember one or two of my videos. I made hundreds, Yes, yeah, it's and that's just.

Par for the course. Like I remembered that one exactly.

And my whole career I've been like, ah, should I do this YouTube thing?

I did?

All in all indicators were pointing to me making videos online and I was always intimidated by it.

So like I also was job doing that, well, thank you, And I think, like, you know, your interests pivots. So it's like the videos that I watch now are not like I feel like sketch comedy doesn't exist on the internet anymore. Like it's just too expensive, which just funny because the cheapest thing you can make, but like it's

Yeah, my best entertainment is DIY house stuff. Why am I getting so into that? I have no projects coming up?

It's satisfying. It's so fun and you don't have to do anything, but someone else is doing it. You're getting the mirrorer on satisfaction of like, oh you just took out that old those old stairs and put in these new stairs. Yeah, it's great.

I love it. I love I'll shout out one of

Rock that's important I would watch.

Like that would be what's the opposite of like death row, Like what's an example of a place where I could go and just like get to watch something and it'd be good and stuff like counting down the days to my death whatever that is, you know, exactly an old folk time. I can just like beg my way in. I would spend the rest of my days just watching people do things with tension rods.

I enjoy the people that show you themselves re stalking their insane kitchens.

Yeah, I'm like, wow, you always have that many snacks on him, Like, I don't think that I'm alive if I'm not, Like, why don't I have chips? Like yeah, I just have to be lamenting the lack of snacks I don't have.

Then. Also, my parents were so anti snacks. Oh my god. We would just make ourselves toast or like you put.

Like butter and sugar on it. Yeah, that's that's French toast.

We're living, yes, And so watching these women, they're just like, well, here's the cheese sticks and here's the Oreo packets, where I'm like, fuck, these kids, ye are living.

I remember I didn't have yogurt until I was at least in high school. I went to a friend's house. It was like the house with all the snacks, and I was like, mom, we had something called yogurt, Like it was crazy. So then we had like a yogurt face like instead of being the house that stocked it, it was like for a month, my mom would just go ham and cheese in the yogurt aal just like every flavor mixing food on the bottom.

I can't get ham and cheese flavored yoga.

I'll get past it, I bet you if you dig far enough at Kroger. It's in the far back there. It is because those sections are now just so I can't say either enormous. Everybody has a brand and yeah, I just I mean, I envy it, but it's never going to be mean, say.

Your brand of yogurt.

Though NUSA is here, it's got way too much sugar, but I'm like, don't tell me that.

It's so good.

It's like the creamiest, most delicious. I get the honey, I get the lemon or the raspberry.

Honey is my number one good.

It's like on real. The first time I had it, I remember, I was like a record scratch in my life.

So is this what yogurt could be?

Like it's that watery clump that has to be stirred into the.

Aready.

Yeah, it's the fruit bottom and always.

The like tanginess because is it.

Uh, it's like New Zealand, the Australian or New Zealand. I think maybe New Zealand. Maybe this's one. NUSA is like some sort of play on definitely like Southern Globe stuff. So there their cows are different.

They are because that ship is it's like a dessert. Every once while, I take it down and be like, this will be my dessert.

Any draft of it, and then I'm like, okay, well I'm want to eat the rest of it, so I'll put in the freezer and now it's ice cream. That's the one I will spend the money on. Now it's not going to try to go around like eighteen lanes.

I think it's happening.

He's also going.

You know what, I am only impressed by this determination.

But.

This guy's doing all kinds of stuff because like this gas station that we're at, I won't go away the location.

I always thought it was a drug front.

Like look how there's no tops to the Yeah, I'm like, this is absolutely not a real thing.

Pump is surrounded by police.

Tape and like look how much I mean the graffiti is like there's no screen.

I don't see a screen on anything, So like, how do you pay? Why are there? Right? I think they're all actors. Yeah, all of them paid actors.

They're like, so the only way we're gonna be able to get this drug front to keep running, Like at around said and PM one person just like drives through and acts.

Like yeah, no, officer, you can still get air in your tires here.

Yeah, THATSGT.

It's like it looks like a gas station isn't got enough.

I don't think it was worth I applaud that man's effort.

But he did it. I mean he got into the I thought he was trying to take the left, which I was like, get that.

Yeah, like so you're gonna go across a lambs like look.

No way. But then he he did get over there.

I think that that's why, that's why he wears that security hat.

Paid attention to his authority. That's right, Hey, I'm security. I have to get to that.

Oh sorry the security guy has to get through.

Yeah, yeah exactly. He's like, I'm doing the road. Guys need to give me some space so I can do my job securing the road. Also, this is like the narrowest street in history, so like, oh god bless for real. Yeah, like I don't even know. I don't even know. It couldn't possibly be two ways, but they're like it is, and you know what, you just got to ram each other and.

Make it work.

Yeah.

There's a lot of these in Aca Park where I live that then my street. For some reason, at the double one land an airplane.

I'm so jealous. I used to live in Beverly Hills and that was like the only thing I would point to. It was like, look at when I walk my dog, It's like the whole sidewalk is like forty feet wide.

Yeah, other dogs come.

They can bark at each other and still not be touching. It's really insuring. It's like unreal. Okay, so this is like, yeah, it's not an all way, right, you probably already discovered.

That I did well. Also, this GPS took me on every possible road.

Yeah, it was real.

Oh totally.

I mean also for sure, how it is over here, I'm just like, I'm gonna drive to a STOPL.

Just find your way through.

Yeah, this is good. I mean I guess wherever it's not really parking.

Yes, you're a You're a delight I steal your Yeah, I.

Know I was doing it well. I was gonna say. I felt like I already knew it because we followed each other on Twitter forever. But I yeah, for so long, but I didn't, And I'm delighted that I do. Now. The artists for We're all together.

Yeah, and like anytime. I'm sorry I didn't have a better errand, but I appreciate you.

Know, it's this is what we We might ask you for an errand, but we really prefer a Leslie driving.

Yeah, it's better, it's nice, it's better for talking.

I'm glad your foot is better. Yeah, I'm glad those films benin.

Yes, everything is back turns out so yeah, I have no excuse to be out of shape. So we're going to check in. Is actually running, she's crying the whole time. Is moving quicker than a walk? She can move and it's great. Wow, thank you for having me.

Yes, thank you, You've been the best.

Thanks you've been listening to Do you need a ride?

D y n they are.

This has been an exactly right production.

Produced by Analie Nelson.

Mixed by Edson Choi.

Our talent booker is Patrick Coottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh You're welcome