S4 - Ep. 27 - Karen & Chris

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a termino and gage aid. We want to send you off instat. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared or was it fine? Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need to ride?

Ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris welcome to do you need to ride? This is Chris.

Fairback and this is Karen Kilgaroff.

We are I'm sorry that you got your car detailed.

To me to be made to look new and now it's going to be spotty with elements it is.

And you know I'm not going to like park the car in the garage and then wipe down the rain off of the car.

That's never happening.

Always impressed with people and they're lying to themselves when they have a squeegee in their shower, as if they shower and squeegee all the soper as I do with care. I do it when I'm in a hotel. No, because I don't want to get gained extra charges.

No, you don't bring a squeegee with you.

No, no, but if it's available, I use it.

You will work for the hotel. Yeah, cleaning up your own bathroom.

I may last time I made the bed.

That was good of you.

Well it's because I left some marks. I remember I was sick. But we all need to go in.

Oh god, I was just sweaty.

Oh okay, yeah, not like the brown earmarks that you were talking about.

Episode What if we talk about just yesterday?

Yesterday for us a full week or more ago to the listener.

Right, and you never know when these are I never know. Nothing we speak of is evergreen. We'll talk about news topics from today and you hear about them late.

But that's I don't know how else you do this.

It's just like this.

Yeah, everyone does it like this.

Everyone accepts the fact that time is truly just a construct, and the more tech reliant our lives become, the less time.

Will actually matter.

And then soon things like this where the time that we are doing something won't actually Oh, I guess I got to get these breaks checked.

Oh that's just I think that's a squeak because they're wet.

Oh, okay, good, Yeah, it is raining right now.

And normally that's cause for concern in Los Angeles because people sort of lose their minds.

Lose their minds.

But and I mentioned this yesterday with the squirrel, the many many squirrels that.

Were on the road always deceased. People drive in Texas.

You would if you spend any time living in Texas, you quickly will think, oh, people in Los Angeles are conscientious and obey all laws because it is.

So insane driving there.

And I don't know what it was, but when it rained, it was slippery in a way. Cars would slide off the road. And it was not frozen rain, just regular a hot day and it would rain. And something about the way they mix their asphalt or what ever it or maybe it's the drilling of oil and it sprinkles down like in movies the workers have the black on their face. Oh that happens a lot, yeah, in the films. But I think it drizzles down and leaves a coating

It does happen, but it gets taken care of after the first rents usually.

Yeah, whereas in Texas it was when it rained, everyone was like left and right cars on the side of the road.

It was insane.

That's crazy, like you're in a snowstorm. I never figured it out in the in the almost five years I was there.

Is there a way you can make a call to the comptroller or a city commissioner or.

No one ever knows what comptrollers do, but it's usually fielding calls about slippery.

Roads, about asphalt in general.

Yeah, yeah, when is this going to get taken care of? Where I live? They did something that we hated.

You here in Los Angeles.

I still say, oh, you were just talking about Texas. I'm right, I know I bounce around a lot.

I'm just trying for myself and the listener. Right, are you now talking about where you live in Los Angeles? No, you're back in Texas.

I am now in Montana, US.

You don't live in Montana, I know, but I'm say where are you from?

I say Montana.

Unless they're asking about comedy, then I say Texas, And then they if I don't want to talk about comedy or my youth.

I'm from Los Angeles.

Oh, I get it.

I've spent enough time here at where I guess this is home. It's been twenty years.

I mean, I thought I knew this system. But yeah, I'll listen respectfully and.

See what you say.

It's a nuanced system, and I don't have time to go over the rules every time.

Okay, you're right, that's true.

They did something with the roads there where they would just lay down a layer of tar and then sprinkle gravel on it, and then over time, after getting chips in your paint and everything, they finally, as all the surface is driven over, it finally is ground into.

It's like a mix. It's not mixed. It just happens over time. And it's a lazy way to do things.

It's a gravel on top of tar.

Yeah.

Yeah, they did the country roads in our town like.

That, right, Yeah. Yeah.

Sometimes it's sand that's even worse. It gets on your paint. It's just a lazy way to do things. But in the end, I think it makes for a better road.

Also, I think I feel like things like that where it's like this is what the city's adopted to do. Do you think they're allowed to remain lazy over the years, wouldn't they have developed the process.

It to be the most efficient.

They figured out sidewalks right away. They still do them that way. Why do they keep changing the formula?

You're right, sidewalks have always been basic.

They went from wooden slats, from deadwood to chunks this amount like right over there.

Yeah, it's been the same for years. Some of the nicest sidewalks where I live in Montana don't live there where I once lived, which my time there is timeless, much like the sidewalks. They would be stamped by the local sidewalk maker, whose name was O'Connor. That's my mother's maiden name. I always thought I'm the child of a sidewalk tycoon. Yes, but alas it was just a different Irish immigrant.

A lot of O'Connors in this country. Oh, there's a lot of Jesus.

The baby, don't forget the baby.

But yeah, it's it's a slippery out, but not as slippery as Texas my.

Own where you live.

I do have a credit this mom and coffee shop coming out wonderful.

I'm gonna get the same thing we got.

Yesterday, and I'm very excited.

It's so exciting to get coffee as a gift. Yeah, future coffee enjoyment as a gift.

Very nice.

It's also nice to be handed a coffee when you show up somewhere.

Oh, even if it's shitty coffee.

If you go somewhere for like a job or something and someone's like, hey, do you want coffee, I'm like, yes, yeah, I want to, and I want you to have it with me, and I want both of us to drink it at the same time, so we have like a shared experience. And this is terrible coffee. Now we have to put hazel nut creamer in it. Yeah, this is going to be crazy. I never drink this shit. Actually it tastes really good. Then you're on a thing, right. Even bad coffee is fun coffee.

Yeah.

And if you drink wine, that can be troof with wine, yes, but you know, minus the hazel nut creamer, that would be real gross.

Unless is that some sort of a is it like a white California roadshop.

I'm an invent her, a food inventor. I can't believe there was some basque.

If people fucking get on social media start defending the white I'm not actually at my wine bar, we serve that and we call it the Fairbanks and we love it. Karen Andre Chris, I'm sick of it.

The one thing, though, the grossest sounding thing is like a basque beverage that is coca cola and red wine together, which sounds.

Like it.

Yeah, once you put it in your mouth and there's ice cubes, of course it's great it.

Yeah, yeah, I would imagine.

Remember a time in Houston. I never lived there. I a comic I can't remember his name. He was so nice. He's from India and he was funny. But he came to my show in Houston and he had a new Portia and he let me drive it after having some red wine Coca colas. And that's the only time I've driven a Porsche other than the other time.

I bet that was exciting.

It was exciting.

Now really quick mm hm red wine coca cola.

Yeah, it's called something, but of course I'll never remember.

Is it called coke wine? That was my guess.

That's just describing an evening in the nineties.

It makes me think of in high school when we went on our trip to Russia, Poland in the West, which was the name of the tour.

Did you study abroad.

It was just like summertime, the summer trip that you went on that was like supposed to be educational, but it was to Russia before the wall came down.

Oh wow, yeah, it was Russia eighty seven. I won't tell you the subway story again. I won't.

I can tell you that my friend ordering a Gena Tonic in a in a bar that looked out of like it was out of a movie of Communism era Russia, right where it was all gray only men, all of them over sixty, all of them with gray hair and buzz cuts. All of them looked like they were carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. And my friend Jennifer walks in and goes, can I get it Gena Tonic? The guy's just staring at her.

I'm like, they don't speak English, they don't have mixers here, Like, are you looking at the same thing I'm fucking looking at.

That is hilarious.

I got it in. I said I wasn't gonna tell it, and then I told it right paper umbrellas, do you have I want my tie, but not with Do you mind if I paint your walls? Do you need some color in here? It's what I call drab. This is drab and dreary. Can I do your hair or at least diet. The real story I was going to tell you is when we were in Germany, which was part of the West portion of the trip, we went to a beer garden and they served warm beer mixed with lemonade, strawberry aid, and like lime aid.

All that sounds great, except you said the word warm.

It's real. That's how they do it.

Huh.

They do not refrigerate.

I just don't get it. I don't even understand room temperature water.

I know you always like ice water.

Oh yeah, cold as possible. It's the only way I can muscle it down.

Hi, nak, my name's Karen. Can I get a double tall, one pump mocha?

I'm gonna get a coffee with one peppermint?

Can I also get a grande whatever? Your daily roast is?

Coffee today with a pump of peppermint in it, and also with almond milk.

In it, almis nothing at all? Okay, that's gonna be it, Thank you. I picture he is tall on the taller side, looks like Italian, maybe with glasses and like hippie facial hair.

Yeah, because he he's confident too. He introduced himself and asked your name mm hmm.

Yeah, which they might force.

Him to do that, though I don't hear that a lot. My name is this? What is your name is?

Nick?

I mean that's like we may as well have been at a party.

He made me remember his name too. I never remember, I bet right.

When we go to the window, he does a greeting, one of those greeting, uh, very European.

Kisses on the cheek twice. He'll kiss your cheek twice.

It's what if Nick has a giraffe neck? What a wonderful discovery.

Oh so he wouldn't You wouldn't even need to go near the window.

I stay exactly where I am and Nick comes out at me and kisses me on the cheek with his long neck, like.

I'n em you at one of those drive through feederies.

That's right.

I freeze in terror, and Nick's like, you stay right there, young lady, just holding.

A little bucket of oats. Well, Martha Kelly screams Nick, please. Oh there was yeah.

Many also in Texas my home there was a lot of like refugee farms for animals that should not have been purchased as pets.

That's some crazy guy wanted a tiger, yep, and.

It was We went to one because Martha and I were doing a talk show and we had we wanted. She wanted animals on and so we went to Noah's Land and there was a little ligers and tigers and lions and zions and every because they would just breed through these chain link fences with holes in them. There was a little pig and then they're ten feet away it'd be a crocodile.

I'm like, I was so on edge.

But you drive through, you buy the food, and then animals just come in the window and an email.

First of fall.

Their eyeballs are larger than a human's, but their head is they're in the insane Jim Henson's sock puppet.

So it's really funny.

It's so you laugh in the way that you laugh if someone pulls out a gun. It's just.

Pure panic, Yeah, pure panic. But you have no choice but to laugh because I'm not a screamer. And once there was there was the EMU was like reaching in and I'm like, I want this to end all of a sudden from my side of the car a camel grabbed it by its long neck and lifted it up in the.

Air and it dropped on Martha's hood.

No, it's just chaos.

I loved it.

That's how it was on Noah's art.

Yep, exactly. Yeah, there's two of everything, thank you. I don't think that was no. I don't think it's the same guy. That guy was not.

First of all, his neck was like six inches long, Like okay, okay, is that your neck?

Okay, let me let me write home out that.

No, I'll just I guess I'll stay exactly where I am for cheek kisses.

No, I don't fucking think so. But also Nick was like, Hi, I'm Nick. What's your name?

Yeah, and that guy went Hi, Karen, like that, Oh really he was my cousin.

Yeah, huh, he knew your name though, there's no way they have a discussion.

That had to be Nick.

I think they took my name when Nick tricked me into giving my name, thinking that I was making.

A love connection.

Every time someone drives through and they learn their name, they put it on one of those felt marquis, like at your college gig.

Guest of the day. Yeah, that's random. That computer picks that randomly.

And what did they want with those blinks?

You just to be aware of this area and yeah, slow down, but not stop.

They want us to spot wayward children in this park like that. One time I was just so eerily saw a child just hanging out having a picnic by himself, no no parents anywhere around.

I think the parents were wearing a bunch of green and blended in. Yeah, you just did. That's what I need that to be.

Yeah, they were probably just TikTok parents.

They were over talking straight into camera and not painted to their child.

Yeah, they were just doing one of those what would you do if you found a child in the park videos so popular in parenting these days.

Those parents were in the tree for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sometimes sometimes they do just want to get away from the kid.

For a bit, climb up the street.

Ye, dad is just thinking, Yeah, what are they doing?

You run around? I'll watch you from up here there. It looked like I was like, are they fighting? That's always my thing of like seven to eleven parking lot. They must be up to no good.

Yeah.

And then they were talking and then they the younger man just kissed the woman on the cheek.

Yeah, family meeting.

Yeah, it's nice to be reminded that not everyone's an evil doer.

No. In fact, most people are just trying to fucking chill out before.

It started raining like this.

This morning, I woke up and did my early old guy skateboarding at Costco Parking.

He was there, I was alone, Oh.

Yeah, and I set up a little tripod because I've been trying to get this one trick.

And there's always a guy.

Most mornings I go there, a guy comes and parks in his van right by the curb, and he's got a lot of stuff.

In his van. I don't know that he lives in it, but he's always dressed.

He's just on some sort of break, Like maybe he goes there after his regular night shift. Oh yeah, but he's always He's been there enough that he I swear everything he knows about skateboarding is from watching me and whoever else is there. And he's a little weird. He has got like a scary resting face mm hmm. But he's a little guy, so I'm not scared of him. And he like one time he got out and he happened to have like a child's toy skateboard with him.

But I think he was just like I skateboard too.

But no one embraced it right away, so he went back in his van and then I felt bad.

How many other people were there A bunch.

And a lot of them aren't like you know, so they don't have like the social awareness.

That I'm riddled with.

They just were like looked at him weird, like what is he doing?

And then he's feelings. I think we're hurt.

Oh, anyway, this morning, he says, do you want me to film you? And then I was worried because I've handed my phone to someone and had them try and run away before.

Yeah wait sorry, oh yeah, just real quick on that one.

Uh huh?

Well how did they get you to hand your phone to them the first time?

This guy was almost crying. I was had a laundromat. He said, can I please borrow your phone? I need to call my mom she has to pick me up. I'm having a hard day, and I'm like, oh shit. And it was the day of flip phones, where it wasn't or I didn't it wasn't quite an iPhone I think it was somewhere in the middle where Samsung.

Yeah, it was like the Samsung Era HTC. I think it was.

Yeah, you did have a touchscreen, but my information wasn't you don't just push on the Wills Fargo app during my account and I gave it to him and he did seem like he was going to try and make a run for it. He had a I need say no more after this, a Tasmanian double.

Tattoo on his neck.

That's right.

I think spending a basketball of course. Oh you know, Taz loves.

Basketball and he's just like he's like a big Globetrotters guy.

Yeah, mostly trick shots, none of the fundamentals.

No, no, But this guy called many people and I just stood there and waited.

But he was having a hard day. And I think I've talked about this before.

I kept getting calls and texts for him for weeks afterwards about being a bad father. I'm like, I'm not him. This isn't his new phone.

In fact, remember him telling you.

That trash So that was a weird experience, but he didn't. In another time, at the skatepark in Ventice, these kids ran off and I swept the leg on one kid and he was down and I realized he was like sixteen or seventeen.

I'm like, I'm a grown man.

Your phone.

Yeah, and that Matt Fultron helped me. Oh wow, look at that Jack.

Look at that Jack Skellington. This is where Jack Skellington live was. I just wanted to drive you by it. Now this might be Look at this cute how Skelington. That's what I believe it to be.

Yeah, that makes sense.

It's not Skeleton, right.

I just called Jack Skeleton my whole life. But I don't even know any of the music off hand.

I'm sorry, but these are two of the cutest how as I've ever seen, aren't they.

Let's knock and see if we can go in.

Look at those guys, see us to come turning around Hijack Scalington.

This guy in the van filmed me skateboarding, and he did a very good job.

He's like a very good photographer.

I followed and he's like, try it again, and you can hear his voice in it. He's like, oh, you almost got it, and he was I'm like, wait, actually, this guy maybe has a skateboarding background, because he's like, oh, you almost.

I don't want to go into what I was doing. But he was good.

He was great, and he was motivating me. He was saying encouraging things. He made me get pretty close.

That's nice.

Yeah, it was a cool interaction.

So the point is I was glad that I gave him the benefit of the doubt handed him my pocket computer.

Yeah, that's so not unsure.

It is very risky, and I feel like you have shared stories on this podcast multiple times about really getting involved with whoever the fuck you pass on the street, and I would like you to stop doing.

I know, but I know sometimes I have regrets, but I also, more often than not, I'm I'm happy.

That I okay. If that's how you want to remember.

You're right, there's gonna be one. But what you forget, Karen, is I can handle myself, okay in a violent scenario. I mean, you don't want me to.

Talk about how tough I used to be back when I's in Texas.

Do you no?

I don't. Oh yeah, you do? You love fights? You love it?

I do love fights.

I know you did it.

That's my favorite.

I just know how to address if shit actually goes now and I crumple like you kissue.

But the guy in the van, although a mean mug, yeah, isn't big and maybe isn't scary, and he was worth a risk.

And I've interacted with him before. I should have said one time, he's like, how do you attach a file? And I went into his email. I've held his phone before. Okay, yeah, so I was returning the fit. Did you want cheers to shirt?

Cheers? Okay?

Hey, I don't know, because I turned toward you to say that you were.

Gesturing you never do. Yeah, you were extending.

Maybe you thought we were going to stop suddenly, but you also had a coffee in your hand, so it just seemed like an emergency cheers.

I'm just kind of feeling the holiday spirit right now.

I let's cheers people as we drive by.

Yeah, hey, hey guys, cheers be.

Holidays to you.

Oh well, unfortunately we aren't just the same today.

I think we should make that a thing.

Okay, is that it?

This is a Selena shirt?

Oh Selena, you know from Texas, not Gomez.

When are you going to talk about the Montana singers where you're from?

You mean rob Quist or the band Silkworm. That's about does it? That's about it.

That's it. Colin Malloy from the December Ist, Hey, that's big. Yeah.

I used to go to my improv shows. I did a lot of logos for his first band.

You gave him the idea to talk about Wales.

I gave him the idea to name a band after a month, have it be nautically themed, even though it's December based.

And he's like, this is a fucking great you know you know what he did? He said, yes, and.

Exactly, prop exactly. He saw my short form games.

He's like, I want to be a part of this. I'm too, I too A martis.

Actually Colin did.

He He did have great suggestions that he used to yell at a nurse, stuff like that, or things like a stuttering weather man to try and stomp me. And I'm like, oh, here we go, here we go, and uh. I would always get nervous when he'd yell something out. And then he married a friend of mine I went to art school with, who I've always stayed in touch with, and she was showing her artwork and she's like, oh, I did this for Colin's new band, and it was

Realized you put it all together.

And then I'm like, oh, that is his voice because the band before was not it was more bluegrass type music and one of the members was dating Eva, the woman that started the woman I credit with me becoming a comedian.

Amazing.

Yeah, it is amazing.

It's amazing the way things happened.

Yeah, as people become successful.

Yeah, it's true.

Now if your mom or dad said, Chris, we're going to come and take you to the Symphony Orchestra Family Night concert and you were twelve, what would your answer to them?

Is it this? Which symphony is? It's at San Fernando? Yes?

Is it?

Are you talking about the Boston Pops mom and dad, No, we're talking about the San Fernando Symphony.

I honestly, I very nostalgically remember enjoying the Symphony Orchestra in the park near my house.

And I what state?

I almost said state, and I'm like, easy, it's supposed to be a fun job.

Well, I have three fucking houses ones in Montana and my dad lives there. He bought it. Okay, that's fine. Also, and then my other house is in Austin. People have renovated it and they clearly live there now since I stopped paying rent, but it's still my house. And yeah, and uh and then I have that little shack here. But uh, yeah, this was my childhood home. There was a park down the street and we'd all everyone would lay on blankets, mostly old folks, and you watch symphony music,

It was great. Yeah, I just I look on it fun.

My father used to make us listen to classical music anytime we were in the car with him, because he's he loves classical music. He can whistle along, Like if you turn the classical station on, he will start whistling along with whatever comes on. He knows it and is like a fan of it and has been since his twenties.

Isn't that crazy?

That's great?

So he knows right away it's Beethoven or Chopin or Mozart or correct.

I could keep going.

And he no, I bet you could have. Actually, I bet you have three more left in news.

I am dry, I got a tripled dip. Well is empty.

I'm going to drive up to where that cop car is and see what's going down.

Oh, we got Wolfgang, we got Onamandis, we got Mozart.

My dad did a thing where anytime he would go, we would well, we'd be like, Dad, please, let us listen to the radio and be like, no, no, no, this is You'll like this, You'll like this. And then if Beethoven would come on, he would say, who's this? And I would always guess Mozart. Yeah, we would always guess random ones. He goes, no Beethoven, And it took us years to realize he only asked when Beethoven.

Played, Oh okay.

Who's this? And then we just are like Mozart.

Yeah, yeah, that's funny. Yeah that Just like the main character in Clockwork Orange, the fan of Beethoven didn't like Mozart. But regular people like us that don't pillage with a gang of thugs like both.

Of them, don't go to milk bars, don't beat up old people.

It's a troublesome movie. I really wish I didn't watch it on VA as a.

Preteen, I I watched that movie and had to pretend. I think it was like we were all like went to the movie theater. It was like a artsy movie theater, and we're all like yeah, But I was like, I don't like this the whole time. I was so there.

Stanley Kubrick is such an amazing director, and that he fucks with you in a way that you don't even understand what's happening, and you're just like, I'm just unhappy. I don't want to be here, Like I don't what if this is the future.

I say that, and they gave me the.

Same he said it.

I say that, I listen and I repeat it. You speak, I rants, I repeat.

I have been to all three places they shot the Shining, even though they gave me the creeps. Oh we like to be scared, we do, and.

And we like to look at what he was looking at because he put together like the Shining even more so.

The Shining is horrifying.

Yeah it really is.

And it holds up. Yeah it does, even though I've watched it so many times. It holds up right, so very scary.

That child was not a child actor, It was just a kid he got Yeah, where do you find that kid in a park, A loose kid. Parents know where to be found, loose loose kid in the park.

I kind of remember that. They just like he found him at a mall or something.

I don't know. I'm sure he had all these tricks.

It's like it was like the you know, production designer son or I can't remember somebody. I'm sure it's horrified right now because this is their whole life. But I just remember reading something where it was like, the reason he's so amazing is because he was just like, yeah, I think it. It was some staff member's son, and so he started talking to him and it was just like, oh my god, this is the perfect He's a perfect like awareness.

Right, did he maybe have that kid's parent direct them, because that would be a cool trick.

Cool trick.

I want to do that trick. It's my idea. If he didn't do it.

But then one of the parents are bad directors.

Right, there is always that chance they just.

Have no vision, they're not original. Wait, Annalist, do you mind looking up and seeing the kid in the shining? Was he a child actor or was he a relative of a Danny staff member who was Danny? Because I could be wrong, and then if I'm wrong, that means I'm just making a whole thing up, which is a little bit.

I don't think you are.

I don't think you're telling these tales out of school. Okay, I think you're exactly right. Network network. Is that how you name the network?

Yes, because I say it constantly.

And we went through a bunch of names, but we had to you're all the names because you can't use the name of that. Somebody else already has that, somebody else has like copy written or trademarked or whatever. And so we picked a ton of other names and now

And having it See that's hard.

Yeah, it was pretty irritating. But then Georgia was like, wait, what about exactly right? I think I said it at one point and then she was like, wait, what if it's that.

Yeah, I like the name of our podcast. I wouldn't change a thing I do want to do a remix of the song. I want us to get back in the studio and buy that. I mean, you just make a song and I come in after the fat.

Okay, you want a different version of the same song, I don't know.

I just for a special occasion. Should we do a Christmas theme?

Oh?

Now people are gonna want it. It was a bad idea.

Don't listen to me, Yeah, exactly, I don't. I don't think I can.

I don't know if I would be able to execute a different version of That's not.

Just because you haven't been playing the guitar as much.

Yeah, And also it's what would be different. I can't play a keyboards.

It's one of your better best songs, better or best you think so, not comedically, but it is it. I never you would think we would get sick of our own theme song, and I never thank you. I can listen to it all damn day. It's very pretty.

Thank you very much.

Yeah, good good lyrics.

The thing I liked about it is it all came out at one time, which I think is how the best songs do. Sometimes you can like here, first of all you think of a lyric, and then later on, Yeah, but in this one, I was mad about something else and I was like, I want to get this done, and I also don't want it to be bad, and so it made me more mad because I'm like, you can't control that part.

And oftentimes I would write bad songs because I knew three chords. But I was just kind of in the snit and then I was just like here and then I liked it.

Yeah. My favorite layer is were you scared? Or was it fine?

Yeah?

I think that that's a good that's like a throwaway, Like you don't even want to hear about it anyway?

Were you scared or was it fun?

Can we just move on to the next topic?

Just please just say fine. I don't want to hear about you being scared.

I'm sure it wasn't great, but it was fine, right, you're fine. Yeah, it's always fine. We're just gonna get to the next thing that's scary and then it'll be fine.

I promise I won't think of any more projects that will require us to do a bunch of.

Work and also practice beforehand. Good.

I can't find anything about Daniel Lloyd or Danny Lloyd. It doesn't say that his that his parents were working on the film or anything, just that he was selected because of his ability to concentrate for long periods of time, and they said that he wasn't told that it was a horror film.

Yeah.

I think what I just know is that he never worked again. But that's just Hollywood. You know, you get type gass.

You know you're six, You're out there, hungry, trying to find your next gig, can't spell.

You're traumatized by the abusive environment.

Because Shelley Duvall buy a cabin somewhere.

You actually thought it was funny because no one told you it was a horror movie.

Yeah, yeah, there were there. It is still the best thing to ever.

I think.

One of the first viral videos that I remember, other than the overdubbed g I Joe cartoon flips, was the recut trailer to The Shining Yeah to be like a versus Cramer.

Yeah, Like he's he's lonely, he's a writer that doesn't know what to write about, and then he works in this in this hotel and falls in love with this single mom's kid and becomes his dad.

Yep, it's the past, like, uh, just with a little little soundtrack change.

Music is important. Yeah, with storytelling.

Well.

Also, Jack Nicholson's face is important because he was doing the joker smile for a lot of the crazier parts of that and then and then it looked like corny kind of Oh this is nice.

Yeah, yeah, it's like, oh he's not smiling.

Actually, yeah, he is unpredictable.

He'll pick up a beetle and just put it in his mouth.

Ew. Yeah, is that from the Witches of Eastwick?

Uh?

No, those cherries I think he put Are you sure they're not the same thing.

He'll put anything in his mouth. That guy a lit cigar that was at a Laker game. No, he he it was The Departed. There's there's a scene in the Departed where a cockroaches climbing across a stove and he picks it up and puts it in his mouth.

No, yes, and he this needs it. This was improvisation. I don't like that.

Yes, and I don't need it because it's a cockroach in the mouth.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, look, I guess it's nice that someone it's The Departed. Jack Nicholson has nothing to prove.

It's not like he needs to be doing that rock and roll acting and he's still giving it one thousand percent.

But Jesus fucking Christ, it's a cockroach. Yeah, don't put that in your mouth.

Cage did it too in Vampire's Something Kiss.

Do you think that Jack Nicholson's action was an answer to Nicholas Cage's.

I think they probably respect each other's work.

I'm sure they watch each other's movies.

Oh yeah, right now, could you name a movie that has both Jack Nicholson and Nicholas Cage in it?

Let's see. Wow, I don't believe they've ever worked together.

I don't either, but in fact, Jackie, yes, we will need the answer to this one. But here's the thing I did. It turns out I did make up that whole thing of that kid wasn't a child actor? Is it full fabrication?

Well, even if he wasn't already, that was definitely his first gig. It was a real flash in the panch and flashing the Charlie bucket like that guy. Never he was just a kid that acted in one movie and ch Charlie.

Yeah on TikTok.

Someone that like scene starts where that mom starts singing, and someone wrote the most fast forwarded scene in any movie.

Or history. No one is so specific.

No one wants that mom's song. It's too depressing.

No, yeah, I I don't think. I I think still as an adult, I fast forward over it.

Yeah, but you know what, you don't fast forward over Grandpa Joe getting out of that fucking bed.

You gotta be careful how hard you push that button as it comes right after.

It is the next thing.

Literally, she sings about the long laundry bam, he's dancing about the chocolate.

He's like, I don't I feel my leg Charlie, pretty good?

Right, it really was. You do a good, Grandpa Joe.

Thank you, Thank you, Charlie.

It's the only way down.

You do also do a pretty good Walls have.

To be sterilized, so you get nothing.

You dacer get nothing.

I'm a very good impressionist.

You are and impersonator and carrot caricaturist.

And citizen of Montana.

There's a different It's between impression and Oh.

My dad always said rich Little does imitations, not impressions, because he just repeats the saying that that person says.

Oh that's more of a critique. Yes, yes, yeah.

I think that my dad was not a big rich Little fan sorry like it.

If he's out there listening.

I think we've lost rich at this point. Oh really, I do think so.

Yes, well, he had a great comics on Leached episode Unleashed.

That's where Robin Leech shosets and they just talk about the money.

Do you have champagne and pearles?

I have a caviare swimming pool?

Okay?

Are we stopping by the studio?

Is it the church? And am I gonna going to hit?

I think you're good. I think this is one of the things your car would yell about.

Oh that's true.

There's probably a little camera on your hubcapp. I said that almost accusatorially.

I know, I'm kind of angrily.

Yeah, oh, you probably have a fucking camera on.

Your hubcap impressions versus imitation.

That's where April Richardson and I shot Almost Genius and all the World's Dumbest episodes.

God, that literally looks like a shotgun shack on the side of the road.

Yeah yeah wow.

And that's his working studio here in show business.

I think it is skill. I don't know.

Every once in a while I want to drop by and say hi to the guys. I mean, I think they work on cops a lot. Now, seems like they would be able to keep cost low. Well, like a lot of businesses, it's hard to have a studio through a whole quarantine. Yeah, you may have let it go and just opt for any room with a green curtain, because that's really all you need. You don't need a bathroom, you don't. It's a building with bushes nearby, hopefully nice.

Tall bushes you can squat behind.

Yeah, I do like to sit an ipe. It's better for the prostate.

Okay, let's talk about this coffee drink that you've invented for this trip.

I can't believe you want a subject change, but yes, let's talk about.

It because I'm wondering.

Did we pull up to that drive through and you thought to yourself, it's time for Fairbanks to get a little creative with this coffee drink again.

Yeah, this time, I'm very happy with it, are you.

There's something about there's the times I've had only one pump into my coffee and it just doesn't take like a vanilla or something.

It's like barely there.

It's so little flavor that it's almost disappointing. Into a drip coffee as right, yeah, right, yeah, Like I know that it's trying to have flavor, but much like a Lacroix.

It's just disappointing that I'd even tried.

But this, the peppermint, I could it hit my face like it actually is.

There's a menthol situation happening.

Very I could tell it was there the minute my nose was because I pour it in my nose first.

Oh yeah, it's very good.

Just one pump of peppermint and a little bit of any type of milk other than cow.

It's delicious.

It seems like it'd be good, and it's nice, a nice holidayish kind of vibe.

Yeah it is. I already got Christmas favor I know, mean too.

But my thing is this, I don't like a mint in my food or drink usually at all.

Oh really, what do you reserve mint for toothpaste?

Ah?

Yes, it's two toothpasty boy.

I've never even put that together.

Oh sorry, I think I just ruined your drink.

No, No, it's I know, to differentiate because coffee does the opposite of white in.

My teeth, that's true.

Yeah, it turns my teeth into brown little pillows. I mean it's actually yeah, it's really good. I like to keep it simple.

Yeah, I think that's good.

But I like, I've never thought about it before because I just basically get this same thing every time and know I like it and know what I want out of it. But the idea of kind of going, I'm going to do a simple mix and match.

Yeah, coffee, uh, some sort of a dairy product in there, and then a flavor.

I promised myself i'd come out of this this time off from society trying new things.

Oh, it's my version of a pool party.

It's a pump of peppermint in some woo.

Watch me do cannon ball, everybody.

We must do what we can when we can, as we can.

I don't know if that's actually saying, but is that I actually that was Shakespeare or something.

It was because I was talking in that weird voice. It sounded like a real good quote.

Yeah, had had that.

Uh you get ready for this cadence to it, but then in the end, just very disappointing.

Yeah, I'm it's not really I'm kidding.

I like this rainy day.

It's terrific. Yeah, I appreciate any weather that we get. Yeah, agreed, And it's what people usually complain about rainy days, but I love it. Look how gray it is. It's so nice, creary.

This is as close as we get to a season.

It makes me think maybe I should put up some Christmas lights.

Yeah.

It made me do crafts. It made me paint on my jacket. Yeah, cover up these ugly image on the back. It makes me want to get crafty. Something about rain It's like, well, I have no choice. I gotta get creative, that's right.

It's like when you have to do a recess indoors on a rainy day at school.

Yeah.

Do you remember reading the book A Snowy Day and then doing the art project where you get a piece of blue construction paper and you get white paint, and then you blow the white paint around with a straw and it looks like snow.

I've used those techniques before, and I liked it just because it was made me dizzy, you know, paint, oh god, sniff and glue everything. For a fifth grader, I was really ahead of my time. But I don't remember that book at all.

This is a kindergarten book.

It's like it's very It's like one of the first books a teacher would read you at school.

Oh okay, now I don't remember you have a good memory. I don't remember much from kindergarten.

Kindergarten.

Well, and it's it's just a it's a very sweet book, but it's like a little boy that just basically put ma'am seriously, I'll fucking kill you.

God damn it.

You love fights.

You are like she's literally at the stop sign, rolling through the stop sign and then decides to turn and look and see what else is maybe happening.

Yeah, it's annoying with people.

They do plan on stopping, but they're going to make you think they're going to keep rolling.

Well, and also it's like and then sometimes those same people roll out in front of you far enough that you have to let them just do whatever they want because they've already now kind of blocked you in a way where then you have to like go like after you.

Yeah, I don't expect that from a MASTA driver.

No, that's ballsy.

Yeah, that's BMW behavior. No offense to all of you out there and driving beamers.

Don't you have a car dealership to work out?

Yeah? For real, don't you have wait wait, high fived.

That. I think Karen throw out her shoulder. It's such a testament high fives. Karen never has fund to high five in her life. But you put that hand up.

I was driving around a curve. I couldn't use my inside hands.

Terrible time to do a thing that you didn't even want to do, and you didn't hesitate for a minute.

I was not going to leave you hanging. Yeah, yeah, not on this beautiful Christmas day.

No, it's bad luck.

Yeah, but yeah, I don't remember that book pretty nice.

Yeah, but apparently my sister says, all these years later, like literally fifty, she still does that exact same art project after the first time she reads that book. And they read it in the wintertime, so it's like other kids go through a snowy day.

Yeah.

I wonder if if I ever have little people in my house on the future, if all of a sudden I'll remember things like that, I bet, just because you're.

Around kids, and it'll kind of open up that memory vault.

Did you leave that memory ball memory vault? Oh? Good?

Good?

Just that matter.

Well, our brains really are bull balls of memories.

Each lobe is spherical.

I think we're done.

It was a fun episode.

Look, I like our episodes the best because I love listening to sound of my own voice too.

When when it's just you and I, there's few were stopping of talkings. Yes, oh god.

And it's easier to lose your train of thought and pick it back up again later. One of my favorite things to do.

Yeah, and this is tiring for you and I, I mean we, you and I. Generally, I think that you and I are both people that don't mind. We know a lot of people that can't stand silence for a moment that it has to be filled with conversation.

Oh yeah.

And I grew up with a group of friends that we could go on road trips and no one says anything for a half hour and it doesn't mean anything.

Everything is fine, yep.

And so we have to work harder, you know, even though we're great communicators, you and I. Oh yeah, yeah, it is work. It's not hot in here, but I'm sweating. It's laborious to talk.

You have to think, you have to plan, you have to kind of listen at least a little bit. You have to use the now and the person just used to connect to what you want to say.

Yeah, it's it's a lot like it's hard labor. The same is building a fence.

Hey, teamsters, we just want to say, first of all, congratulations, Yeah, huge job, amazing work.

We're pro union, very pro union.

But also your jobs might be hard. This is way harder.

I think we should start a podcast union.

That needs to happen very soon. Yeah I'm not joking.

Yeah, you actually am telling you to do that. You're you're closer to the business than me.

Oh yeah, I'm not the one fucking asking for it.

I'm not the one at the skateboard park every goddamn day.

Where am i. I'm in there at that zoom meeting in that room right there.

That's it. I'm striking. This is our first strike. You've been listening to Do you Need a Ride? D y n Are? Hey are? That was harmonizing. This has been an Exactly Write.

Production produced by Annalise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choi.

Our talent booker is Patrick Kottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.

For more information, go to Exactlyrightmedia dot com.

Thank you.

Oh You're welcome.