S4 - Ep. 23 - Chris & Karen

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gage.

We want to send.

You off inside.

We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.

We scared or was it fine? Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do your need to ride? Ride with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks.

This is Karen Kilgareth.

Before we started recording, Karen gave us an assignment, which was you with your idea. You state the assignment.

We all reveal one embarrassing and we all meeting Me and Chris at least does not have to be pulled into this, but we all reveal we too, reveal an embarrassing fact about ourselves, fact factoid.

An embarrassing fact about myself because I've had embarrassing things happen recently. I'm just sorting through it.

Oh, I can help you.

It's hard to come up. Will you come up with my embarrassing fact?

Yep?

Okay, let me have it you vape? Oh I have? I mean that was do you not want to do it in confident? No? Everyone needs to know I have an addictive personality, and they also are proud of me for not drinking. And I've replaced it with mango slices. Sure I brag about that one. Yeah, but I've been vaping. Okay, tobacco flavored vape.

You don't even do mango slice flavored.

No, No, i'd figure, uh, you know, I don't want to add sweet tooth to the mix.

So I was when you just admitted this because I was actually shitting on vaping and then you pulled one on.

Your pockety embarrassedly, and so I was.

My follow up question was, what's the like, what do you believe the benefit to be?

The health benefits, well, just the reason you're doing it.

I I don't know why I chose timing wise when I know the most about how bad it is for you. It turns your lungs into popcorn. As fall as I as far as I know, as falls, as far as I fall, I will have no lung capacity when I land. I am you can't go as you go, I can't. I won't have enough lung capacity to let people know I've fallen and cannot get up the worst. Yeah, so I uh, yeah, I've noticed that I still have decent lung capacity. This isn't an advertisement for it. I'm just saying, Okay,

No, you can't.

Well, but lots of people, as my therapist said long ago, and I'm sure I've said on this podcast, everybody needs a little bit of oblivion, so especially these days. So if you are not drinking, you're gonna need a little something, something that gives you the old rit of Hey, I get to do what I want. Fuck you whoever person.

Yeah, the man, I I it's my anti establishment punk rock thing that I've been doing. I really, that's not even the reason. I think you're right. It's just I'm used to having a little reward system.

Yep.

And now this is it for now, its temporary.

I know how dangerous it is because it's so easy to just You definitely get more nicotine than from just smoking.

Sure, for sure, Well it's way better than smoking.

And look, no judgments, because I have smoked on and off for a long time in the nineties.

That was the coolest thing. Remember when camels came out.

With wides, camel wides, Oh yeah, those big fat fucking sites.

I was like, great, more of the same, please.

Yeah. When I moved to Texas, it was like filters and so I started smoking filterless Turkish blend. I think it was called ouch. Yeah, just really getting after it, making up for all that lost healthy time, all.

That lost healthy time that you weren't French.

Yes, And I started smoking immediately, started kissing people three times on the cheek upon entering a party.

And hating Americans just like what you can't do that?

Yeah, saying things like I need to get back into swing dancing, but yeah, I don't have any desire. I don't think vaping would lead back to smoking again. That's the one thing I can say about it that most people would probably.

Agree, right, Vaping is a step toward stop being addicted to nicotine.

Yeah, even though it's more addictive than all the things I've probably ever done.

Yeah.

Yeah, But there was a time a couple of years ago where I was dipping into the SIGs again. Yep, like, oh, I used to smoke, just like any Let me do my old tricks, you know. Yeah, flick it in the air at lens in my mouth.

People clap. I want little rewards.

You're a lot like a seal in that way.

Yeah, I really am. But there babalonyll on my chest. That's an otter. We all know. We all know.

But maybe there's a thing that can be your next step. My only thing is I've heard so many bad things about the chemicals that are in vapes that like like scientists are like scared because kids are doing it, and it's like this is so bad for you. Yeah, so what would be a good replacement hookah pipe smoking?

No, because then you.

Got to go into those hookah pipe specific establishments.

Yeah, but it's a great way to meet new people.

I suppose you're right.

There's a couple in Glendale that I've seen.

You know. I think you're right. I gotta start frequenting these hookah bars.

I feel like, in the time of COVID, a hookah bar is a terrible idea where it's like, here, I'll pick up this thing everyone's been putting their.

Mouth ye communal. Yeah, everyone just gathers and puts their lips on the same bagpipe mount piece.

Oh what if you instead of inhaling blew out and you could play it.

I'll tell you what happens. The little charcoal piece blows out and the staff yells at you. I did that at a place called the Rainforest Cafe. What yeah, I pretended I is, you know, in a Scottish funeral, and I blew into the tube and in sure enough it shot the hot embers out.

And isn't the Rainforest Cafe where the mechanical gorillas and monkeys.

Sing to that's the more popular one. Somehow, without a lawsuit, there was an independent Rainforest Cafe by Meltdown Comics. Oh shit, really that little you know, the little alleyway you would go to search for parking even though there was never parking back there. Yes, that there was a little building right there. Oh that was the Rainforest Cafe. And sometimes after a show we'd all go there and I would drink and somehow get home. Let's not talk about it.

Oh, so you know what I'm hearing you that that of all those things, this this is slightly better. Yes, it's definitely I was gonna say safer. That's actually not true, right.

No, it does not inhibit my ability to operate a motor vehicle. I mean, in that case, this podcast is more dangerous.

Well, I'm operating it.

I know. I don't know why I always say we here's what you don't know about as we podcast Karen Steers. But I have my left hand down there operating the pedals. This is a joint effort.

And Honily's actually records from the break here.

Yeah, so I have to watch for Are you okay down there?

Hey, be careful, I'm just touched over and yet the riffing prevails.

Oh yes, I mean, I mean, I mean what we're this right now is a good example.

Oh my god, it's hilarious.

That was a mine right there. We need to mark that, mark.

It as with a star.

I need to counterbalance basically me confronting you about vaping, to do my own embarrassing things so that you don't feel bad and alone.

Okay, I'm I'm just because our personalities are slightly different, I will not choose yours for you.

You know.

That's very smart of you, Yes, very smart. Yes, Oh that reminds you. That reminds me of this hilarious story you told me where Mike Gibbons. You saw Mike Gibbons and he was like, oh, the last time I saw Karen and he talked about this job we were on together and it was something that he felt bad about, and you go, I know she didn't care because I've never heard of it that maybe you told me that it made me love so hard because it really it's like, yep, yep, you know me, you know everything.

I'm pissed off about it.

Well, his reaction to me saying that let me know how well he knew.

You as well, because he was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, yeah yeah.

I love that guy.

He's there's very little he could do to get off my good list that might gibbons. But uh, I guess I will say this, M Well, I've also smoked for so truly, smoking isn't I'm not judging smoking. I'm worried about vaping for every person that does it right, So it's not that it's not like you should be a certain way. I guess I'm embarrassed because I am genuinely addicted to TikTok, including buying whatever anybody tells me to buy off TikTok.

Oh wow, Okay, that's a new uh layer of the old onion.

Yes, And I now get robocalls from all over the nation because they sell your data. You know what I mean, Like you basically do like a one button pay thing. Oh can you buy from somebody? They now have your data, and most companies are just like kay buy and then like those are data.

That's funny. I always say I don't care that, Yeah, go ahead have my data. I haven't done any federal crimes, but I'm realizing that is why I get seven eight calls a day.

Yeah.

Probably it's not for signing up to that adult website in ninety eight.

Right, Oh, they don't have window cleaners.

Oh christ Yeah, I've noticed they're often not there. They're squeegees.

They're just like because they know Tesla's are going to come in and be assholes and weeds.

Well, the funny thing is I've gone in and said, hey, where are your squeegees, and they just always say they just get stolen.

Oh right, that makes sense.

Because if you have a squeegee and uh it's extra saliva, you have yourself a day's of business for a day.

You don't need business right now.

Yeah, so it's hard to be mad about it. But if you really ask nicely, they have extra squeegees in the store.

Oh okay, let's see what Let's see what this guy has has to tell us.

We've got two in a row, and we can put what I just said to the test. I can if they don't have them up here at this at this gas station. I almost called it a car restaurant. You know, when you can't think of the word of a thing, and you will come up with an almost.

Better one because you're looking at a picture in your brain. So you're just trying to say, here's what the picture looks like, and it.

Is just a car with eyes and teeth.

Squeegee.

Yay. Did you know the Chevron cars from the original commercial or what created the cartoon cars? No, Larry the cable truck and all that. That's a Chevron commercial turned into a franchise. Okay, I'm gonna they did great.

Pause for a moment.

Yeah, wow, that's so much better. Thank God, amazing job.

Really good. Look how much better that looks?

I mean, I really did a better job on your I mean I know that we didn't need to do my side also, but there's something about even I should really do without those streaks I've left.

Oh here, we'll do this.

Oh, I just you're okay, No, it's just some leaves as it's drying. I feel like this is one of my better squeegee jobs. And yeah, let's keep in mind a lot of those speckled those dots.

That's tree sap.

Oh. Yeah, and it's been on there for a while. I've just been pretending I don't care.

I put enough elbow grease into it to where I do believe I'll be sore.

Yeah, we could tell.

Yeah, I put my back into it.

Yeah you did. I appreciate it. Yeah, it made a difference, Missy Elliott, Yeah, you can do it. Put your back into it.

Am I right?

Is that Missy?

I don't. I couldn't say for sure.

I can't say for sure. That's why I'm gonna wrap it. We made that mistake more.

Than once, many many times. We've made that mistake. Yeah.

You know what I've learned since we first started podcasting, what's up? And when someone's being a character, I needn't make eye contact.

Yeah, yeah, it's gonna.

I was gonna say, hey, nice hair, hat off, hat back on hair, flip buddy with my eyes, but I didn't.

On the street, I thought you meant from like when James O. Doomian was doing Jesse Ventura.

Get on in here, be a character with us.

Don't look at him, don't look directly at him.

People have actually said when I talked to them after my shows and talk to our fans, which is always a nice experience, surprisingly ninety nine percent at a time. Yes, Yeah, they're great people.

Yeah.

A lot of people say do you ever think about just picking up a person? And yeah, I just kind of just a stranger. Oh on dais where we I think most people love it when we don't have guests. I mean, this is already one of our better.

Episodes, but like just grabbing her and like get in here.

Yeah, I'm like you when you say that, you're thinking about your how do you live in Fort Collins?

And yeah, uh yeah it would be.

Here's the thing that I like about it, because what they're saying is like Man on the Street can be fun and interesting.

Sure it is.

But as a person who's produced a lot of human interest on television, I'm here to say they're wrong about that.

Yeah.

I think a lot of the Man on the Street stuff they've seen, like if it's on TikTok or if it's on a talk show or whatever, it's highly fucking produced. Yeah, they recorded like eight versions, and this is the one that actually worked.

Yeah, you would think when I worked for Fuel and we just went to Venice Beach without any kind of permit, and if anyone stopped us, we'd say it was for school and they're like, oh okay, and then they'd look down on us and we'd finished the day. But there were so many times I just picked the wrong person on the wrong day, and I thought, I wonder if my bills won't be covered if this turns into a violent situation, but it never happened.

Or Also, and I've said this a lot, because we've all been raised on television and everybody knows how to be on television now, where there was a time in our history where people that was not what anybody did and it was very odd. So they didn't know how to talk to a camera, they didn't know the sounds to make right, so you could actually get good Man

Wants to be the one. And I don't mean natural redheads.

I mean like people see a like dyed red haired lady and go, she's fun, let's talk to her. Incorrect, that lady wants you to talk to her. Therefore you're not going to get what you're looking for.

Right that otherwise she would never hat talk to me.

Color done right, It's just a that I could be like now as a dyed redhead. Please don't start crying or be enraged because I'm simply talking about my experience in television producing as.

That dyed redhead. Aren't you a little excited that we're talking about you right now?

Jeane with two n's and an e.

At the end, why do we say Genie? Sorry, redheads, I love it when you call me Genie.

But I'm just saying that the best times you remember, like, oh, let's talk to this person, and they're going to be normal but also interesting. Those people don't want to be on camera, so you have to find them and make them be on camera.

That's how you get the good version.

Yeah, because everyone's little pocket computer is now a production studio essentially. They also are savvy enough to know. Like the time I worked for Taxi Magic and drove around in a taxi and said, hey, we'll give you your ride for free if I can ask you these trivia questions. Almost everyone said, no, thank you, I just want to ride at the airport. I'm like, yeah, that's what I won't want too, ye. And so the people in the production and the actual people that work for Taxi Magic,

Yeah, they have to be a little on the inside in Los Angeles because you're in Los Angeles, right, Yes, that's the thing.

People move here.

They get into the business for a while, and oftentimes most people get out of the business but stay in the area. So when they watch some when they watch the kids from the school walk up with the camera.

They've done it already. They don't want.

They're not they don't think it's great.

They're not excited.

You're interfering with their day, and you're probably the fourth person to have done it right, because it happens a lot down.

Yeah. Yeah, you should have asked me this fifteen years ago when I was trying to make it big. Now leave me alone. I'm a Union truck driver.

Although I will say this, our friend Andrew Mashan and his friend whose name you might know but I can't remember, they have a podcast called podcast but Outside, which is doing great. It's a great podcast. It's a fucking hilarious idea that is so were intensive that I'm like, that's even a worse podcast than this one where they sit at a table in chairs with a sign that says podcast but Outside and talk to whoever comes up right.

Like millennial gen z.

Hey Man skateboard energy where they are very good at whatever they get they use.

Yeah, and they're also disarming. They're just nice.

And I've seen them talk to dangerous people potentially that are They just have a way of talking to them, Yeah, and being real with them. And I even or they've been swung at fifteen times and that just doesn't make me add make the cut?

Hi? Can I get.

A tall one pump hot mocha and a bottle of water.

All a Grande coffee with almond milk.

And a Grande coffee with almond milk on alys. That's gonna be all.

Thank you.

You ordered me a coffee. I said coffee. I don't know why. I don't know why I said coffee cafe? Can I have a coffe for my friend Jacke?

Oh?

My god? Could you imagine if we booked Jackey on this podcast?

Hey, it's what I know from reading the Secret repeatedly. If you conjure it or if you visual oh, I can't even remember the words anymore.

You need some cash? Thank you?

You do what I do where even though it's one dollar, you fold it?

Oh?

It was it was. See it works both ways because it looked like one folded dollar. And now she's gonna be like, oh my god, that was two.

She's gonna be like, yeah, Okay, I don't mean to be depressing on this comedy podcast.

No, I was just going to talk about local events.

I was just gonna say, I'm just we're driving by so many buildings that were businesses that are now closed.

I just keep looking at squat a bomber.

That's on me.

No, I uh, it is a thing. It is a thing, more so in other towns I've been to. Oh really, in Austin, it was kind of staggering and bummed me out because I went to all my favorite areas and it was entire blocks especial especially around Uto campus. Everything was closed, including these stress tests scientology area. Oh my god, yeah, everything everything.

Yeah, Yeah, that's it's just a we're in a kind of a time of change.

And so I try not to.

I try to think of it like that, like all the things that are going on right now that are so stressful and upsetting, and you know that we're looking at on social media and it's everything you look at is the worst thing. But it's also a time of change, so it's like I don't want to be I don't want to freak out or whatever.

I just want to be like, Okay, that.

Makes sense because it's no one can afford to have a brick and mortar business. Many people can't afford it the way they used to be able to. Now they just have to be an online business. And it works better for people.

Yeah, A better way, even more positive way of looking at it is everyone's discovered you don't need a brick and mortar business, right.

It's just like, why are we paying rent?

Yeah?

We could be boxing these up in our kitchen, right.

And then there's a bunch of people who realize that and they're like, I'm gonna box this up in my kitchen, and I get to start making a ton of money because I'm good at making you know, natural body oils or what have you, or the things, all the things I buy on TikTok.

And every time you feel guilty for using Amazon, which I guess we all should, it's the number one polluter, but it's also where a lot of independent people make all their sales, right, so keep that in mind. True, I mean, I'm sure Amazon takes a big chunk of it, which brings it back to the part of it being a problem.

But here are many problems.

Do you want to have a contest who can be more bummer?

Yeah, let's do. Let's do You know I'll win it.

Because in every mail boxer it'll be ahead with a knife in it. See, I promised I wouldn't wrap ghetto boys layers.

That's from the Joe DeRosa episode long ago. Oh wow, Remember you guys talked all about this.

I gotta start listening to more hip hop me. I'm talking about the same stuff I was back then. And he has gone and become a sandwich tycoon.

He's a fucking sandwich tycoon. He is he pivoted. I know. I just here's the funniest thing.

So Joe DeRosa, friend of the podcast and in real life, which is podcast our real life. Sorry to tell you, but he moved back to New York from Los Angeles and I hadn't talked to him for a really long time. And then it bummed me out because I was like, Oh, is this intentional on his part?

Like is he mad at me for some reason?

Yeah?

That's what we all think.

Great, we really we need to be comforted by the fact that no one else is thinking of anyone but themselves. Yeah.

True, and Joe's thinking of himself and sandwiches. Yes, But I really was like, oh no, did I whatever the thing we all do?

Yes.

I often, and I mean often, get texts from people men who don't say hey, hey, it's me Joe and then say their message. They just go us was at this concert. It made me think of you, blood of blah, text me back whatever. And I do not text any of them back because I don't know who they are. And I was like, if you're not in my current phone, there might be a reason, and I'm not falling for this.

And for me, just so everyone knows, there's no rhyme or reason. There are some very important people in my life that I need to talk to every day and I still haven't recorded their name into my phone because I'm getting these frequent texts, so I just get lazy about it.

It's like, well, well.

We'll be corresponding tomorrow and the next day in a year or so, so wait a second, why record there?

You you're basically, hey, give me them digits and begin a relationship of some sort, and.

It's your preser.

Well, what I'm saying is you put a phone number into your phone and never put a name in.

No, never put it. The information keeps coming in.

You're doing everything from memory.

Right. Well, when I see them in person, I'll be like, hey, you, good to see you, because of course I don't know their name, but on my phone, to me, they're three to one oh five and eight, seven, et cetera, two four, So you know, if anything, I know them, I know them twice as well as other people.

No, this is the weirdest child on. This is a second chain piece for you. Now I have to think of another one.

Yeah, I am very lazy about Oh the shame. I'm very lazy about recording people's names in my phone. I'm sorry. I don't enjoy paperwork.

Hold on, there's no recording and there's no paper. It's one of the easier things.

Oh you gott it. Why it's still hard for me. You type in the number, it's like, where's that plus sign so I can add a number? I always mess up, and I'm like, well, let me just send you a text.

I have to put my strawberry pinned down. So this is too hard.

Why did I buy a two handed vape?

Hold it in your teeth like the penguin, like every other vapor.

Yeah, the vapor I have at home is just like an alto sex.

It's so big and vapor and filled with carcinogens.

No, come on, it's just fruit flavors. Fruit's good for you.

It's fruit.

Do you think you could have done a better job drawing tacos on the side of that taco truck? Yes, we look, uh, you.

Know, I they aren't bad. I can just tell that all those ingredients it's clip art. Oh so some of the tacos like that. That casada is pretty good. I like that.

It's wood cut line art.

But then the other one, you see the casadia next or the tacos next to it, it's more like stipple.

And then we got some cross hatching. It's a mess.

I don't like it when there's a bunch of illustrations and it's like, clearly different people did them all.

Oh yeah, or they went to different books or clip art things exactly.

I see.

Yeah, it's not stylistically uniform.

No, it's got to be uniform in style. Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. Actually, it would have bothered me had we not mentioned it. Yeah, those tacos don't match that case Adilla, keep talking about phone numbers. Don't get sidetracked.

Hey, how were your shows in Fort Collins?

And why thank you for asking? So fun? I felt I've finally gotten a grasp on this new feeling of being super nervous before shows. Yeah, until I get that first laugh, and then I just am in control of things because my brain works a little better. So I feel like I stand up's more fun. People enjoyed that. I have a joke now where I just talk about

Cry.

Well, I know why they're coming to see me, but it's just a moment that is reminding me all at once in accountable voices.

Yeah, yeah, I also realize we had that listener.

I always forget if you and I'm not going to ask you again to start doing stand up because I know it's not like, oh yeah, I'll just do it, but if you did, it would be a life force for you to realize, just to because I keep forgetting and then I go back out and it's all these people. I'm like, oh yeah, people, it's just I don't get those reminders in town get them for some reason a little bit here and there.

Right, well, I'm just gonna a group of people. Aren't gonna yell mouth for it, you like at the sorry.

To say no, but it's it's been amazing. And the afterwards, hanging out and talking for at least an hour nice because I sell my little posters and I'm like, just come say hi, and everyone buys a poster, whether they want one or not, and they're so nice. And again I've been getting the Starbucks cards I did. I just want you to know that these people are coming. I I do always think like, wow, Karen needs a taste of this.

I do Madison because.

It is amazing. So it's been great, and uh yeah, I I didn't plan this last trip very well. I got the cheapest flight because I did you know, it was it was fun gigs. It wasn't like, you know, I do some big money gigs. Corporates boats.

But I've heard the golf tournaments.

Sure, yeah, I do these. I do the you know, the Christmas party for Haliburton. But this, you know, I was hanging out. I had like a nine hour layover that required me to be in the Las Vegas Airport. Hey, were you wondering if there's food ground into the carpet from four years ago? You will, you'll know once you know, the Las Vegas Airport terminal A where I saw one fight. I saw pretty much everyone was drunk. Oh yeah, just we're thrown. No one broke it up. And of course

You're reporting the facts simply with the.

Flap on him, those back pockets with the with the cowboy cut flap and b dad and jams, just tons of ass jams, which.

I have to say, if you're sitting in front of the old one arm bandit for seven hours, which is why you're in Las Vegas.

You could pick a more comfortable pick the.

Killer from the fugitive.

You're just sitting in front of that actor the whole time.

Even curl my wife? How was that? Curl my wife?

Sterrice? And board is not the one arm.

Girl, but the one arm Bandit curled my wife. I hate snakes. How's that?

It's really good?

Thanks?

Yeah, I do. It's the same.

It's my John Ham. You just have to go low.

Oh what can we just get a taster?

I have a huge dick. Sorry, I reportedly apparently purportedly of acting. He's the Huey Lewis and famous leaders.

Didn't Doug Benson have a joke about Huey Lewis's dick at that one part of the movie Shortcuts. Huey Lewis is in it and he's standing on the like Sidey pulls his dick out to pee and it's just this gigantic dick.

Oh, he actually saw it.

It's in the movie.

Oh okay, I think it is common knowledge. And if it isn't, April Richardson will remind.

You that Huey Lewis.

That's the news. He's got a big old meat cannon. As I wish I hadn't just said sorry, excuse me.

Wait, what did you do for Halloween?

I did nothing. I was.

Well in Las Vegas Airport.

I was not feeling well when I got home and one of my I layovers waiting for a shuttle from downtown or Union Station in Denver. I passed. I had five hours I needed to pass before I got Oh, that person's just gonna keep no. Wow. I know you have a toothache, but stop it. She had a bandage around her Yeah, it was a toothache.

She had an old piece of gauze wrapped around her head because it could be a costume.

When I did get on the shuttle, there was a man with her sharpened stick with a hope fake blood on it. Oh uh, And yeah it was a large I guess Buffy the vampire Slayer or a real life murderer. But he had a sharpened.

Stick or a seal hunter.

Yeah, hey, get off my eye, baloney, pal, that's my costume. I didn't. I brought stuff to be Robert Smith from The Cure. Oh, but I didn't. I decided I just wanted to do stand up, and I did some prastic prastick, some prastic so do we They did some practice sets at a regular club where there was no dyner sores.

Oh so it's Christian and they don't celebrate.

Halloween, right right, so yeah, none of the heathens that listen to our podcast were there. It's just regular folks. And I need to keep doing that because I don't want to it. It makes me try a little harder when it's just a bunch of grumpy dads. So I did a couple of grumpy dad sets and the like the MC at those shows spent so much time. The first night he was the joker and he put a

Yeah, not the Well.

It's like, I don't know why I'm having weird sets, And it's like because you're a scary monster right.

Now, Yes, you're a scary monster.

That's like anyway, So anyways, what else is in the news where it's like, well, I guess what's in the news, Freddy Krueger, is that you died in the boiler room and local kids are the ones that killed you, and now you're getting a room.

They couldn't get the plot from those movies out of their head, right. Yeah, it's like, I'd love to enjoy your jokes, but you killed all the counselors and the campers.

You pulled beautiful young Johnny Depp down through a mattress. I'll never forget it when I first saw it.

Oh yeah, that was Johnny Depp pre you twenty one Jump Street.

Yes, one of his first gigs, pre Greco.

My friend Jennifer Gearing, My dear, beautiful, lifelong friend, Jennifer Geary, who we spent our parents were friends, so she was like she was my sister. Got to invite a friend every time we went somewhere, and I automatically got Jennifer Gearing. And I was always like, well, I mean, she's the one I would pick anyway, but it's I always just wanted the choice.

But I would picked on.

Her anyway because she was the funniest, most fun person of all time. Oh, she called me because it was her birthday. I was going to her house for her birthday. She goes, I got this movie, Karen, You're not gonna believe this guy. This guy in it, like you're not gonna believe your eyes. And then we put the movie in. We're watching it and he comes on screen and we were like, we could have believe our eyes.

Just Johnny DApp as an extra well he was, he was.

Yeah, he was the first to die. So he was like a minor player in that movie.

He was the Drew Barrymore of that movie.

Yeah, exactly.

I don't know.

First Actually, there's horror fans that will.

Be like, what the fuck that's the last episode? Do you need a right eye listen to? Uh? Wow, I guess I need to. I never really watched you know, I'm a Dream Warrior guy franchise. That's the only man, seriously that was interesting.

She was moseying across that street.

Yeah, what are you, john Wayne?

I get that your skirt looks like a picnic blanket. Get the fuck out of my way.

Yeah, go chase some ants with your watermelon wedge, you know, a picnic. Yeah, so, I uh, I forgot where we were. But Johnny Depp Dream Warrior, Dream Warrior franchise franchise there we haven't done. In the next subject, I am waiting for the shuttle. I to pass the time at a non alcoholic beer and I ordered a Scotch egg, something that I had once at the village Idiot Melrose and it's so delicious. You know, I'm not a huge meathead, but it is a meat encapsuled hard boiled egg yep,

It was haunted. And I don't need to.

Know that, by the way, because I actually didn't sleep very well because every little knock in the night I thought was Emily. I looked her up online the ghost. Oh it was named Emily anyway. At check out the next day, eleven o'clock, that is right when food poisoning hit me.

Oh, and I you have buried the lead this entire episode.

You know, you know me, I wish I was a doctor. I've been holding this vomit and diarrhea story and the details are now going to Hello. I It's just I was in such a and I called the front desk and they understood right away. They were so sweet. I'm like, Hi, I am get it packing. I'm needing to check out of the room. But I had a Scotch egg yesterday and I know it wasn't cooked, and I'm experiencing I believe food poisoning. And they're like, oh, no, you need

You know, we all get sick. I'm not being dirty.

Well, no, no food poisoning.

I love talking about food poisoning because it's happened to me, I believe twice. But the most recent time it's happened, it happened.

Wait, I think it's only happened once.

Is it happening right now?

Do you mind if I barf into this side this side pocket in my car? It was just the idea of it.

Like it was so consistent barfing and shitting for almost forty eight hours that I was like, this is getting dangerous.

I had to look up where I should know.

This has to be now a medical issue at the hospital.

Right because it wouldn't stop. It was so crazy.

I would take little tiny SIPs of water yep, but four minutes later I'm back up.

It was insanity.

Yeah, So This was on Monday that I was coming back my shows. My show was on Sunday at four cons. So yesterday I was pretty whre. I don't feel amazing right now, but I did not eat at all for twenty four hours, so it was out of the question. Ygert saltines none of it, no way, no. So I just muscled through. But in the past when I've had food poisoning, that's why I'm not entirely sure. Well I did have it.

I just didn't need that whole Scotch egg.

It was two eggs, gott in half. It would have been to it. I just bit one. I'm like, that's not cooked. I'm not going to eat that. Had I gone through all them, I would have also had incredible abnominal sharp pain. But I didn't have that. I just it was kind of a weird fun version where I actually felt okay physically. I was joking about it. I was smiling and waving at people as I publicly momented. It was like it was as fun a version of

I mean, it's about the friends you make along the way with food poisoning.

I feel like I've never felt so social. It was such a weird timing. I gotta share this with everyone.

You were being forced to share it with everyone.

How vulnerable is it when you're just uncontrollably, uncontrollably puking on the streets.

Fo Yeah, it's weird how when your orifices are open. So's your heart.

Listener, if you saw Chris barfing and Fort Collins, please write in and let us just describe it to us in detail.

An old town. I was wearing a pendleton. You saw me. I was the only guy. He's the only guy with luggage also, and it was cold. There was just no way. Normally you go to a park and just deal with it, but it was it was all the way winter.

So that's truly terrible.

Thank you, Thank you David a comedy for it, for letting me.

He wasn't even there. He'd let me go in, David, And then it was hilarious because I'd be like, Okay, I have to get my shuttle and He's like, oh, that's good. Because the mayor and some reporters are coming down that they're doing like a expose on the an expose but on Scotch eggs. Yes, and thereaftermath, I'm like, I'd be a perfect interview for this, but I got to catch it playing. The Mayor's about to do the ribbon cutting ceremony and I just puke on the scissors. I'm sorry.

Horrifying.

Yeah, it was. It was awful. Just the timing was it was so bad that it was kind of funny. Yeah, like, how is this happening at at eleven? It hit me and it was a nice hotel. So check out was at eleven and.

They're like, you can have an hour. Yeah, it's just like, do you understand how food poison were she?

Actually they were nice at the Armstrong. They were like, at twelve, check back in with us. But I did. I was like, I'm feeling okay, and I went down to the lobby and then I'm like, no, I'm not. And they brought me seven up and she got me a water and they kept checking on me.

There and they yelled mouth worn at you.

No, no, it was just the kindness of strangers. Yeah, the old fashioned they don't. They just thought I was a businessman.

That's because you you save your dockors for being when you're on the road, right.

Oh yeah, yeah, you know, if I got a flight, got to put on the pleat front.

Did you see U?

I saw the picture of you at the Tattoo Coffee place where that has the Fairbanks.

Now, oh, I have to give you your sweatshirt. Yeah, you that's super sweet.

They gave me a sweatshirt to give you.

You withhold all my gifts.

I have it. I have it, and I will not hold it hostage like your four to niners gear.

Wait, I still haven't given that to my dad, by the way, so oh guilty.

Well it is hard, it is. It is in my car. I will give it to you right as we wrap.

But are you saying they gave you a sweatshirt to give to me or you just have one of my old sweatshirts?

Oh no, no, no, they said, here's your sweatshirt. Here is also karens oh.

And look like I'm so excited.

It's the one I'm wearing in that photo.

It's it's got a pegasus. Yes, that is also a unicorn. I don't know what.

Those are called, the peggacorn.

A pegga corn and uh, you know, it just looks like kind of a cool glam like heavy metal. It says, super Sweet tattoo, and it's got the very cool illustration and it's just your size.

That's great, and thank you, thank you, super not you, super Sweet Tattoo.

Well you're welcome here, welcome order of my Yes, yes, it's been my pleasure, Karen.

If I left the house, I would get gifts too, Yes.

And I just didn't know. They said if we did a drink for Karen, would it be a mocha latte? And I'm like that sounds right. Yeah, But you know me, when we're in those drive throughs, I just think of my own orders.

You're just like, what's my order?

But we have to maybe for an episode go to Super Sweet Tattoo and Coffee and go in and get some drinks and get some ink done.

Yeah, I'm not afraid.

I don't even care anymore. I'll get a dinosaur on my elbow or something. I'll do it. I like little tiny I'm a big fan of little like that Friday the thirteenth, like flash art day where they were doing it was like a party there. I was out of town, but h little tiny tattoos. I like how they look.

Yes, I like people's tattoos these days. I think for me, it doesn't make a ton of it's too late for me. I think, although.

They where is it the exact right time.

Or is it perfect? As I'm in my mid fucking fifties.

But I could get my salmon tattoo fixed because I have a tramp stamp that's a salmon. That is just the weirdest, dumbest alcoholic thing I've ever done.

Karen, it's a lower back art piece. But yeah, I know what you're saying. At the time you got it, you were a tramp. I feel.

You could get the exact same tattoo I have, and then I don't have to do anything and you have to do.

It'd be funny if.

I got a fish on my lower back, just a nice salmon.

I I think I do want to get something there. I figure, why not? Now if we've gotten these statutes when we were younger, right now, they'd be all faded.

Yeah, mine's kind of faded. Yeah it doesn't look good, kind of get a doctored up. I was going to turn my band aid back into a band aid and not a corn dog sever penis, So just fill it with some pink and lay on some black lines.

And then that's what then, uhis, No, it'll be back to being a band aid.

Yeah, okay, the original purpose. I always liked that idea.

It is good.

Tattoos of band aids on my knees and elbows. Yep, because you know skateboarding and stuff.

Yeah yeah, Oh I thought it was just kind of random and an objay, just something to stick on your Yeah.

It is kind of arbitrary. It could be anything, really.

But uh yeah, we'll get tattoos.

It's what we'll do, okay.

Or we'll go there and you can do whatever you want and I'll do whatever I want, right r Yeah, I mean the idea of having a drink.

We could just meet there and go our separated not.

Talk and we will not be recording, and it'll be like we're in a fight. Yeah okay, yeah, perfect, that's fine.

It'll be a very special episode.

And then it'll be the lost episode because we didn't record it.

Oh those days are over.

Oh my god, sorry I didn't. That wasn't supposed to be a joke against you at all.

No, no, no, it was a it was a odd glitchy act. I I swear nothing was done wrong. It was just haunted that.

Day it was haunted in a way that you and I in our moderate podcast experience had never even heard before. Or it was like it was kind of ghosty where it's like it's you and me and Tig having the greatest conversation ever, but underwater moved to tears.

Yeah, or like with radio static behind it. Yeah, it's like, huh.

It was bizarre because it would start to sound normal and then voices would slow down and get pixelated if you could imagine what a pixel sounds like. And yeah, just.

But like actually it sounded like it was possessed.

Wait a second, let's ask our engineer slash producer, mostly producer, but on at least, what do you think happened? Yes, if that's the sound.

My explanation for things like that is usually your drive, your card, your rusty card is probably twoful because a lot of weird things starts to happen. That's what I always recommend, like if you're at ten hours this is very interesting podcast, Like the producer in me is.

I love it inside Baseball, But if I always say, like.

If you're at ten hours left on your card, reset it, because some weird stuff starts.

To happen when you get closer to me, right.

I didn't know that.

That's why, because on Lease will tell me that well when we were doing it on Zoom, and then I'll be like, I'm down to three hours and no one can tell me what to do. And I just thought you meant it like we're going to run out of time. But I didn't realize I could actually be fucking up the record.

Yeah, sorry about that.

No, And back then I also was doing a lot of uh, you know, oops, I just pull it out without uh throwing it in the trash and ejecting all that. Sorry, Welcome to tech talk.

I mean, guys, podcasting is hard, sorry to tell you.

Yeah, and for years we treated it like it was easy.

You can't treat hard things like they're easy and.

Expect to get every single episode.

Yeah, so that's the story. I'm glad I got that food poisoning off my chest.

I've kind of out of your butt.

Just when I think I'm the one, you become one a dirty, dirty bird.

I really took when I got food poisoning. I took it personally because it was I ate it. It was a Chinese chicken salad, but it was not made with lettuce. It was made with cabbage, which in and of itself is gross, and so I ingested a bunch of you coal I basically on this cabbage. I can't like when something is like with coalslaw, I'm like, ooh. And this happened easily fifteen years ago, and it's still that thing of like when you're in a violent barfing situation.

You don't forget it.

No, don't. And I will forever blame the Scotch Eggs, Eggs and General and the Scottish people. Yes, and I, you know, much like the time I've got so she would have been in a hospital hungover. It was something called Southern comfort, which I've never been able to even smell. Oh that drink, that's not even a drink. It's a bathroom cleansing syrup. It is syrupy cleanser. And I still I still remember what it tastes like. This guy wanted

That's what Southern Comfort's all about.

And then instead of we got the fight was broken up. It was just a pushing thing. I went to an after party and wouldn't you know, in the living room was the same exact guy only and so rather than fight, he handed me this bottle of Southern Comfort and we drank it out. And I did not know that what I was drinking. I was a young man. It was like ninety proof and I got. I should have been in a hospital. I was sick for many days.

It was.

Terrible experience. Yeah, that guy he passed away. Oh you know, most of my stories he either got to end with a laugh or end with a sad or drive it directly.

Down into the right. Yeah.

Yeah, it's important, just gonna leave a story idly.

No, let's not stay neutral, and certainly let's not relieve anybody's previous sadness.

Yes, let's remind them there's more sadness in the world.

Maybe that's Maybe people hearing that will go Hey, at least I.

Am not dead, right. Yeah, it's important to give people those little tests.

Yeah, quick reminder, we're all alive. We're very lucky to be alive.

Let's talk about the passing Matthew Perry.

I I know I've done it again. I just really I realized how much.

I don't think you know how much.

I didn't have a picture of him on my wall when I lived in Bend, Oregon.

But sounds like you did the way you signed a.

Picture Jennifer Aniston on my wall. I was way into friends.

It was at a point where I was young enough to not care as much about Seinfeld, which I think came on right after or right before the same Thursday night. But all the snowboarders in our little group would come over and we had a friend's night, and we were very invested in the first couple of seasons before Ross and Rachel got together. And I often, I'm not bragging, but a lot of people thought I was a Chandler type. Oh the sarcasm, and.

I really liked the gesturing you're doing.

And yes, exactly, this is such a bang thing.

That guy's famous from TikTok that got out of that Bentley.

Yet you really have a problem, I know. But all the all the interviews with him and stuff lately that have been surfacing, I realized how goddamn funny he was, Oh my god, amazingly funny, really like conversationally hilarious, sharpest attack.

Also, he was a child actor, thank you, sir, for surely he was. Yes, he was a child actor who was on a show called Just the Ten of Us as just as a like Just the Ten of Us was like a guy that was a coach at a high school that had ten children, and so each child was a different personality, and it was one of those

Blah blah blah.

Back when I AMDB, you had to go to the library and look at the book.

Fucking you either you got the credits and if you miss them, you'd never see it again and you'd never know their name.

Right.

But Matthew Perry was like a boy that one of the girls on that show liked for one episode and we were like that guy, and so when later on when he was on Friends and just like so gigantic, My sister actually is the one that's really good at that.

She called George Clooney.

She called Ellen DeGeneres, she called Matthew Perry like we would watch yes, oh wow, it was and you kind of could tell like that is that you know, star quality thing.

And he had it when he was like thirteen years old.

Do you remember uh Jason Bateman? Oh yeah, I mean that.

We loved him much and still do.

Yeah, and I love Justine. There was a show called Misfits of Science. I think, yeah, Courtney Cox was on it, like someone was able to get small. I can't remember what all their powers were.

Yep, I remember that show.

Yeah, I because I first saw her after that in like ace Ventura, but she was on that show. So type that into your Hulu and pay four ninety nine episode Misfits of Science. Let's check and see if it's good.

I wonder if it well, that would be like young adult type of show.

Right, yeah, that's only ya. Yeah.

Interesting.

We watched a movie last night because it was Halloween, so me and the great zach Nei Towers has been on this podcast with us. We watched a movie from two thousand and seven called Trick Our Treat, which was like an anthology.

Uh so it's like little creepy stories.

Leslie Bibb gets murdered right in the beginning, which we were like, what why would she be imediately dead? She's like a star, And then all these people and a paquin was in it.

Brian Cox from Succession was in it.

Oh wow, and like each.

Individual story it was really good. Wait why am I telling this story now?

Because if you get killed in the middle or at the very beginning of an eighties horror movie, apparently it means you're going to be a superstar list.

Right, except for this was from two thousand and seven. Oh My point was, oh okay, two thousand and seven. The shit they were saying and the shit they were doing is like, just now that we have a little we have a little time. A little time has passed between like when people started going, hey, you shouldn't do that, you shouldn't say that our word, you should be nicer, you should not just because a person is different, should doesn't mean they should get stabbed and everyone makes fun of them.

Whatever. Be a better joke writer.

Exactly, be a little more creative and pick on the bully, not the not the kid being picked on or whatever.

I'm doing it with my stand up even it's a good thing.

Yes, it's important. Yeah, well you've always done that. I mean, like your stand up is not you would never punch down. I don't can't imagine that you'd ever do that.

But in this movie it was only two thousands fac middleminator, That's.

Right, you're not you're certainly not going out there and signing petitions for anybody, but you're also not being a douchebag.

Exactly right in the middle.

Yep. Yeah, But in this movie, I was just like, now the time has passed. It's right that everybody was two PC all the whole movement and the way people are like that's we're being you know, like censored or whatever. It's like, no, no, no, we're evolving. And this movie was proof. Like it was scary and good in parts, but then there was other parts where I was like, they picked on this girl who clearly was on the spectrum, and they were so mean to her.

Where I was like, why are they doing this?

Like what it was like an extra horror in the horror movie where it's just like what why would you bully this girl?

This extreme?

And I mean it's a horror movie, but right, it was insane for that piece.

Yeah, it's amazing that you only have to go back to I mean even more recent but two thousand and seven it was The Wild West for being offended, Yeah.

And for like being kind of gross and toxic in a way that just was like, yeah, that's comedy and it's like, no, it's not, or yeah that's it's a horror movie, and it's like anyway, I don't even know my point.

No, it comes up a lot. And if something is like that these days, I without fail I'll look up when it was written and it's a script that's been laying around for ten years. Yeah, you can tell when something you know what, especially in the last few years, where they're like, well, let's just make this because we

Yeah, for real, you should have done like a gen Z test of like, hey, would you enjoy this in any way so that they could be like, what are you talking about?

Yeah that sucks.

Yeah, let's have a mating Okay, well we're back at your house.

Well that was a good one.

It was we were oh god, we were especially in the middle. We were on firing on all cylinders.

It felt like the old days.

I mean I feel like it's it started strong too, so it was like strong, strong, and then kind of great at the end.

Yeah. Yeah, we made some good points. Yeah, and I always know it's a good episode when I'm dranched with sweat as I am. That might just be residual Scotcha exposing. Oh boy, well that was fun. Let's keep doing this podcast, yep, I mean next week not now. Okay, you've been listening to Do you Need a Ride? D y n ay are.

Yeah? I want to upset my neighbors.

This has been an exactly right production.

Produced by Analise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choi. Our talent booker is Patrick Coottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y Nar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh, you're welcome.