S4 - Ep. 16 - Timothy Simons

Are you leave then?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us.

Time and a terminol and gage.

We want to send you off inside.

Do you wanna welcome you back home?

Tell us all about it?

We scared? Or was it fine? Melbourne?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need to ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris.

Fairbanks, this is Karen Kilgareff.

We when's the last time we drove in the morning?

I don't.

I mean there was one like six a M L a X drop off we did for kind of originality.

Yes, one of our greatest regrets.

Yeah, I think it was early on we realized we made a grave mistake, so.

We didn't need to be so on theme.

Yeah, not to if if someone missed their flight, I think, thanks be to the.

Lord of above, we'd never let that happen.

But it's nice because we're going to do this episode that have the rest of our day, have many lucrative naps. I have a lot planned for today. I actually have nothing planned, but.

It's gonna be great.

And I like this is as close as we get to seasons there.

It's risk out. It is risk sixty five.

I almost wore a long sleeve shirt, but I had to pull back at the last minute.

Yeah, I brought a sweatshirt just in case, just in case there's some cloud coverage that changes everything.

Do you mind dropping that into my purse as a favorite thing and.

I just throw it out the window.

He's buying a Valentine's Day bouquet.

Early, I mean a true bucket of roses. That guy was loading into the car.

Where did you told you? Handed? Thank you? I will put it there.

It was making it's my garage door opener closer, and it was making an excessive amount of noise.

Does it have a mind of its own?

It's just real clicky and plastic.

Yeah, know, like everyone in La exactly.

Don't get me started. I disagree.

I feel like we live in a very salt of the earth, part of the earth.

Really, yeah, where everyone's really authentic.

No, where they're really salty, Oh like angry fishermen. Now those days are over. I left the marina. I left the retired boat people. I feel like I am part of a community now good. Yeah, I very much enjoy living in a neighborhood where I've introduced myself to neighbors and I'm glad.

I'm glad I did that move. Retired people that are younger than me.

Yeah, the people that can afford boats, yeah, boat people, Yeah, they're not although anyone if Yeah.

I'm not talking about water skiers. You know, we have a lot of water skiers that listen.

Yeah.

Yeah, Chris, you seem to have a whole like, I don't know, where are you going on to a fan page, Like when you come and report those types of demographics, where are you getting.

Your right it?

You know?

I go out in the streets, uh huh, And sometimes those streets take me to the ocean mm hmm, and I meet the people of the sea.

Yes, it's inevitable.

And then when you're there, you say what are your hobbies? Right, and they almost all the time say water skiing.

Yeah, they stop swabbing, they're at poop deck and they're like, well, I like anything that deals with boats, and I'm like and I immediately am like, well, we don't have a lot in common. Then yeah, I get you know me, I.

Get sick right, sick of talking to boat people. Yeah, we're using a phrase boat people. You know that's kind of problematic and we should stop saying it.

Sounds bad, But I simply mean.

It's used badly usually. That's why we shouldn't be sick.

It sounds offensive.

I'm talking about people that pay rent and live on another person's boat and pretend it's their boat.

So I think you have to say exactly that every single time.

It doesn't have a nice ring to it.

P w l O.

I'm just saying, shorten the right pwlbs. There's these people that live on others boats, people plobs, pwlbs. I every year I do a show that's a fun racer for the plwobs.

Oh yeah, and they aren't thankful, No, no, some of the least grateful people on the planet.

They like, they just want, they just want.

It's the marina lifestyle that makes them hungry for more.

Yeah, always yeah.

And then they judge me. They know that I'm never at c Yeah, they can see it in their eyes.

Because they're like, oh, could you hand me that fork? That's aft? And then you're like, I just don't know what direction.

Are, Yeah, starboard deck. I'm like, I don't know what.

Can't communicate with you?

Yeah, and then I can tell they look at me, and then I can hear them under their breath mutter land lubber.

Yeah, that's what they call me.

Or also poor person.

Yeah, never had scurvy.

Now you're talking about pirates or you're talking about people that have boats.

Scurvy.

It has a reputation for being a scourge of just the pirate folks, but anyone scurvy can rear its uglyhead, no matter who you are.

Really, Yeah, big problem in other community communities besides pirates.

Uh well, I guess in the in the navy have limes on the boat to make sure.

Yeah, yep, but the sea has to be involved if you have scurvy, I think.

So, I don't know, that's a very good question, right, Maybe today I'm gonna we're of course going to talk about this the whole episode.

So I hope our guest today.

Knows about the sea. This is the theme of it's been dictated. We can't go back on a theme. But I do, I do want to be on a boat. I just maybe I'm jealous, but I will no matter what size, be it cruise ship or row boat. I found that I get seasick, and I wish I wasn't that way. I've tried to look off at the horizon. I've tried to do everything you're supposed to do.

Do you take drama meine?

I put a patch?

Yeah? Those work right, Yeah they do.

But sometimes you forget about your seasickness patch.

So that's a different problem. Yes.

Which fanny pack did I grab?

Neon orange?

Yes?

Or the one with the pirate on the front? Damn it?

Did you know that it is illegal to fly at a skull and cross bones flag a jolly rod at all?

They don't take it lightly at sea?

Is that true?

Modern day? You cannot have a pirate flag. I suppose on a lake somewhere in the middle of the country that went, but at in the ocean the coast guard will say, take that down.

Where are you getting this information?

It's just something I've heard.

It's something I've heard from someone that maybe you know, they were just in a park or something.

Some of them really has no credentials.

From just standing in a park screaming the jolly roger is illegal.

And even when they're in a trembling bush screaming.

I can tell I can look in someone's eyes and at least see that they believe it.

Ye, if they believe it, that goes a long way with me.

That's all you need. In twenty twenty three. Facts are feelings exactly.

Yeah, we can make up science is a man made idea.

Yeah, true, that is true.

But I do I do think. Yeah, it's an old law. It's like it falls in line.

Like I guess technically, when you get out of jail in Montana, you can demand a horse, but no one does it because they're going to go. Uh No, I know that it's still a law. We just haven't gotten around to changing that one.

You could demand that they provide you a horse to get somewhere.

Yes, you have to give it back.

I don't know if it's a like a horse rental.

They can't be giving away horses to people who just were in jail.

This was when I was younger, but in my lifetime I do remember. So they're like, ah, man, they got us on this one. They had to get a horse for a guy. It's kind of like in a bar, if you go some man will come in and hand his gun over to be put in the safe. It's like an old timy law. You can bring a gun into a bar in Montana and they'll put it in a stafe.

It sounds to me like you think that theme of the show is that you just say a bunch of bullshit.

I promise you, as it's been proven in the past, you'd be very surprised at how much of this is true.

You would.

It would shock you has.

Been proven, then that's true.

Actually, you've said things that I thought were outright lies, yes, before that have googled to be true.

Yes.

If I if I say something and it's kind of high like this, that's when you know I'm just talking out of my ass.

Oh okay, when people lie, they get very high.

That's true.

How's your day, I'm doing pretty good? Good higher, I'm miserable, I do. I do? I think that that could be taken. I can't. I think that could be a bit.

Yeah, I write it down in your little notebook.

And so I tell a couple lies, and then I get to the biggest lie, and then I just pay play a high pitched dog whistle.

Though.

Yes, the audience would love it.

The audience wouldn't hear it, but the dogs would love it.

Yeah, right outside, there'd be three dogs, been a horse that would be like, we love your comedy.

We got we got that fourth joke that no one else heard.

There's it's one thing to not be gotten in stand up comedy, it's another to just not be heard at all.

Right, very difficult.

Yeah, yeah, it's It's why there's not a lot of dolphins touring doing that surag good like they used to. I do want to see dolphins. When the last when's the last time you were on a boat? You know, I'm a boat guy.

When's the last summer? I know?

We're going back to it and there's just a whole pod of dolphins following along trying to be friends.

Like hey, hey, yeah, Chris, I don't go on boats. I don't. I don't get this.

You're acting like that. That's my fault. You could easily be a boat person like me.

And you'd never heard about it in eight years.

I heard about what Sorry, you fucking dick, It's okay.

I stared at the side of their face.

Literally there was the largest spout for me to merge into, and that guy sped up to let me not merge.

Yeah, that is one of.

My least favorite, Like it's this childhood me first.

Thing, well me first into us into a once empty spot on the freeway.

It makes no sense.

Yeah, we see it a lot. We've seen it a lot in the last few episodes. People rushing to get in front of you so they can wait, and then ultimately they forget about it and you casually pass them.

It's like, where's your aggression.

Now, yeah, and they're like, I don't know who you are. Yeah, because I never This was a one way experience for me. I just cut you off. I wasn't thinking about you.

And then you flip them off and make full eye contact and rush to your audition and surprise they are the casting director. Every single time it's happened, it's happened that I did not raise my voice on because that was a true event.

That was a true one where you flipped off a casting director. Yes, did they see you?

Yes? Did they recognize me upon entry to the yes?

Yes?

Yes.

Did they laugh in your face and say never darken my door again?

No, there was just an unspoken like, well, I guess we'll go through with this.

Oh, but you.

Did not get the part, and I understandably not. I that's exactly what I would have done.

Now, what if there was that moment and then you auditioned and you were the best they've ever seen, do you think they would have given it to you?

Despite well, there is this It gets interesting because a lot of the people that are so it, Oh you're about and at the end of this whole thing, real funny joke. Okay, yeah, so race yourself. Put on a second seat belt for this singer. A lot of these casting people are actors themselves, and I one time this guy was being He made an actor in front of me cry and I was like, you know that you really just hurt her feelings, right, And he acted like

The way right, you know, it's usually some Cracker commercial.

And I called him out on being not nice and and said, that's there's that anger I've always seen in you.

I've actually said, he's an angry person.

I did get the part, and when I went to the shoot, which happened to be in Spain, I'm not bragging a binto Spain. Okay, he was also cast in one of the commercials we're shootings, so at the end, he was just an actor that operates the camera, watches people blow it all day, learns that what they should be doing and what he's seen people do wrong all day.

At the end of the day, ames the camera at him, books it.

And then he showed up and I'm like, oh, the jerk, the casting jerk is here and he's also an actor, and no one everyone knew he was a jerk, and we were all having fun, you know, all these French Canadian actors, and he's sitting by himself because he wasn't very nice.

Yeah, oh, I promised a joke off at the end of the night. Oh nuts.

I mean, at least we all learned a lesson about French Canadians.

Treat people the way you want to be treated.

It's a classic, I mean true, except here in Hollywood. I don't know, right, feel like you're gonna you're slamming your head against the cement wall with those expectations.

What are you talking so bad about our city, our community today?

You know the people that live in it.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's no people.

I know it depends on one at like three in the morning if you just go out and everyone's in bed.

This is a beautiful, friendly.

City, which is a little bit of trash on the ground.

Yeah, yeah, just a little bit. I always call it in.

Guys, listener, We're on the one on one South free right right now, very famous here in Los Angeles, very oft used, oft crowded freeway. So we're going six miles an hour, yes, trying to get where we're to pick up our guest. It's it's classic La Chris is telling you La stories of the experience of being an actor. Here, I'm telling you what it's like to be a driver here. You might as well live here because this is the experience.

Yeah, that's all you would be doing here, driving to auditions.

Telling audition stories.

Yes, with zero payoff, but.

You still have time to give it. Throw a button on that thing.

I find it amazing on navigation where they will say turn right up at historic Roots sixty six. Maybe technically at one point parts of this freeway and parts of like surface streets were part of Root sixty six. But those old wooden signs that used to say Root sixty six are no longer up.

Yeah, so why refer to.

It, right, because it's more confusing than helpful.

Yeah, yeah, because there's no I would love it if there's a rickety old timey wild West Root sixty six sign. But then it puts that song in your head, right, get your kicks right? No thanks, and now it's in everyone's head.

I'm sorry.

The odds of me merging.

Oh I'll just do.

You know what all do is do the little wavy eye contact. Well that was a waste of it, but it does work.

This guy in the black Mercedes Classic, he has to merge at the front.

Of the line. Yeah, you what a deershebag.

I think that he was probably a normal guy before he had to be preferred that when he had his Honda, he would just wait, he had to.

He would wave people over.

There's something about having that luxurious power that changes your personality.

It's true, it has to be.

It happened to me when I was I got a BMW and I could feel my personality changing.

That's amazing. That guy just took a right from the left lane. Laziest helmet.

That was a classic. I mean it is.

They usually have an illustration on the back of trucks that say do not be here because I do tend to make these wide turns.

You know, pich, I never really understood what that meant. Now I get it.

I guess they can do that. It's just a sunspoken thing.

Again, if you're a boat person with a Mercedes or BMW, you might be the sweet humanitarian.

We're generalized.

Let's see the fucking receipts.

You get the guests.

We want to know how many humanitarian purchases you've made. Yeah, they better be donation receipts from Goodwill.

They better yeah yeah yeah.

But now we're on a surface street.

Yeah, we're off the freeway, thank god.

Yeah, and it's easy breezy. It's one of my favorite parts of town. I just love. We're in Silver Lake right now. It's pretty nice, yeah, a lot of I mean, look at those awnings. It's beautiful.

Also everybody because the property value is going up, like skyrocketing over here. Everybody's painting their apartment buildings, they're redoing, their re doing it.

I don't know. Yeah, I'm trying to find another word for redoing and that.

Refurbishing.

They're furbishing and re furbish.

Yeah, they're they're taking what isn't great making it look good.

Polishing turns. Ye will, and I guess I will.

I'm sorry, but I've been thinking about getting a pressure washer just to just clean the front of my apartment. It's not on me to do that. But if I don't do it, no one will. That seems to be the approach you take to your apartment.

Yeah, you're kind of like the landlord there, but you yes, you just don't make the money.

You're very right.

I don't want to bother them because then they'll pay attention to me.

And find out that you've made the inside of your apartment into a campsite.

Yeah, riddled with a litter of kittens, nothing but rule open flame.

I'm off the grid in there, a lot of candles.

Where does insallation come from the last you? I don't know. You'll say, I think it's always been there. No, it hasn't.

But because I've never called attention to myself, they've never once raised my rent. I mean, oh good, Yeah, it's stayed the same for four years. The fit so many memories. But this is this part of silver Lake. We're on the side here on the street. What is the street?

Do you know?

I think we're on Silver Lake Boulevard.

Yes, not classically, I think you are correct. But I love a community on a hill. This is just stacked up on the right here. It looks like legos in the in foliage. Oh yeah, yes, just like blocks on each other.

It's beautiful, beautiful hillside homes that I.

Suppose in a rainstorm would make you nervous. But when it's.

Nice and dry out. God, I love a good stacked community.

Yes. Have you ever been to Rio No digit?

Yeah, we.

Yes, they famously. I believe the Jesus statues in those hills.

Think so maybe maybe what.

Else is in Brazil stacked houses?

No?

I mean city wise?

Oh they have Carnival?

Yes, yeah, first and how the third degrees?

Yes it's love Oh yes, oh I forgot how he talks?

Well, actually that's who is that character?

He actually talks like this, Oh lovely? He didn't like he did?

Ye? Thirst and how the third?

But then there's another like cartoon character that talks like mister, oh those dogs are happy.

Yeah, I'm the same actor.

I'm supposed to be turning on to the street we passed already. Ah, right, yeah, damn USh, let's see what happens if I turn up here. Hi, guys, big hill.

Yeah, fun, we can do this.

I to just go around in a circle and come back down.

Yeah, there'll be there will be a turnabout. Oh see, this is learning us of a Jenga piece.

Oh yeah, that's helpful.

It's just better.

Yeah.

But also to take a left hard at the top of this hill is in his sanity, right.

And then if someone's coming.

I always think someone is just going to be a jump from a sixties movie suddenly happening.

Steve McQueen, come over that hill, right, Yeah, when you try to take a.

Just in your face, it's some lost scene from Bullet, a movie that both our dads made us watch.

Well, a classic, a holiday classic.

Yeah, maybe it's time I watch it. Oh.

I always have wanted kind of to have my house be fumigated. And you go on vacation and your house looks like a bounce.

House, but you'd be gone.

Yeah, but you can drive by it and be like, I'm fun.

Look me, you're on vacation, but you're more like it's staycation in the city.

They love it if they're fumigating your house.

The exterminators love it if you show up every day to see what's going on to check.

Hey, guys, keep pulling up the little bottom piece of material.

Please don't nothing but poison plese sir.

Hell, I just want to see when you poison doing but you're covering chemical burns. Yes, I have been visiting. I've been going inside. I've made a sandwich. I hope that's okay.

A oh, I've passed it like way back there.

It's gonna work out though. Yeah.

I just sailed on by it, enjoying silver Lake.

Well, you know, and I'm not doing my job.

You are operating a motor vehicle and I should be helping navigate.

I mean, if I were a man of the sea.

You you're so caught up in your ow ocean stories that you can't help.

And I understand we're gonna take left in about I'm not.

So much Yeah, starboard okay, yes, yeah, I love this dog park.

It is the funnest place to watch. It's just weird when you go there and you don't have a dog. Yeah, but I have done that, and I watch them create their little clicks. In like ten minutes, you'll see a little community form.

Someone wrongs the other.

They have a meeting about it, they get kicked out and they have to go to the other There's like a secondary dog park here for the ones that aren't good with other dogs. Yep, I think that this is like the Yeah, these are for the biers.

I think it's bigs and littles, isn't it.

And we're gonna take it right here? Are you sure.

That's what I missed? That's what I missed last time?

Yeah, the thing I had me at the helm. Take another right here and I'll not stiff. I have to start wearing masks again. I got some. She's just being careful.

I think she's there.

We're talking about you.

Ma'am, ma'am.

I need to Yeah, we need to start appreciating the public parks at the last minute here because pretty soon it's going to be a five degrees cooler. God forbid. There's a place to skate that I haven't been to. I'm going to come back.

Okay, what the fuck?

And now?

Yes, this is a little weird, isn't it. I think to the right over here, yeah, I think. And I want to get a hot dog little.

Hot dog man.

Mango instead.

I've never done that gotten mango from the mango cart, have you?

Uh?

So apparently he he lives back there at the at the public park.

No, I think we're gonna it's coming up.

Oh. I thought that green thing was the right where we're going.

Oh, that's just there for the mango man.

Oh, it's the black do drop pin drop whatever?

Yeah, it's just Oh that's that's like the abandoned car on your street that claims to be a sports agent.

Oh.

I think we're gonna up there. I believe so.

Yes, guys, I truly couldn't do this without you.

Yeah, well, this is where you get into these weird serpent It might be this house right here, could it be? I think it might. See that was faster than I thought it would be. Hopefully it's not swimming in the lake. I do have some questions about that lake, and I hope that he appreciates them.

Have you ever.

Seen in that lake where I think we're right? Maybe it's one more Yeah, where the whole lake is covered with those black balls. Yes, do you know what that is?

That is for solar energy?

I think so they're they're trying to keep the water from evaporating and use it for solar energy.

Okay, there he is. I like that sweater.

By everybody. Hi, Hi, Hi, Can I ask a question?

Sure?

So do you think you said? What time do you think will be done?

Whenever you need to be done?

I think if it's better, if if you feel like it's better to go longer. I can be dropped off at two up in Burbank if you think it's will be like one one fifteen, I can just come back here, get my car and then go to the thing.

We usually record for an hour, so I think perfect thing.

We'll just like go for an hour and then come back here.

Yeah, all right, cool, if that's okay, Back in my car, Okay, sorry, one second, quite all right.

I thought they were balls of charcoal and they were filtering the water.

Okay, do not talk about this when he's in here.

Oh I won't. Okay, Mom's aware. No more like talk.

Don't ask about the gentleman.

You've seen him at clubs and colleges across the country. Put your ears together for Timothy Simon's everywhere.

Hello, Hi, is that working?

Yes?

I should not speak for the sound, but I just know I have faith in it, and so I just say, yes.

It is working.

Are you recording right now?

We are? Indeed? Yeah, we get right?

This is great? Or did they get that whole part about where I was like where? Oh great? Yeah, yeah about putting my backpack in the car.

That's what the people love.

Yes, sure I was.

I actually ran into somebody the other day who was like a fan, you know, and they were like, hey, what's up? Like where do you push your backpack? And I was like, look, man, I like, that's not I don't give that away from free you know what I mean?

Podcast only?

So I thought I really latched onto this idea of running an errand uh huh. So I thought we would just go to the Costco real quick.

We can do that.

Also, can you tell me how to get out of here?

Oh, go to the right Okay. Andy McDowell just sold that house up the street. She was living there for a minute. Oh that's she's really chatty.

Yes.

I grew up in Missoula, Montana, and she lived in Missoula, Montana for a year for my entire adolescence. And she was always at like city council meetings, and she would my dad was like the tax property tax guy. She'd go in and said he said she was very chatty and sweet.

She's well, I guess I cannot say firsthand. It's like mostly like my wife has like seen her around and they talked, but everybody says very nice things. Yeah, that one on those.

Feelings where she put her backpack usually.

I feel like, I mean, I don't I don't know her. I get a strong doesn't own a backpack vibe. Right, Yeah, I feel like she carries one item when she leaves the house.

Yes, you know what I mean, And that's Loril lipsticks, and.

That's did you're from Montana?

I am, indeed.

How how long have you? I'll just I love Montana?

Oh you do?

Well?

Not really.

I think I was up there. My wife and I went there for our honeymoon, and I was like, oh, I get it, Like I get why people move up here if they don't ever want to see another person, if they just right to own guns and be quiet.

Yeah, and when when you're a young person, you just want to get out. And when I visit now, I'm like, what the hell was I thinking? This is better than the ocean that there? And I imagine because you're from Maine, right, grew up, I think we'd probably share a line in a latitude and so it's like a mountaine version of man maybe or am.

I wrong there?

Yeah?

No, there are like sort of mountain I think weather wise and landscape wise, it's kind of the same. We have like a sort of fair mountains and crags. It's kind of a craggy state, you know what I mean, jagged jagged. You know, everybody in New Hampshire was really big about like their like the man in the mountain.

Yeah?

And then I knew a girl in college from New Hampshire who cried when it fell into the ocean and it was so jagged, it was so craggy it fell into the ocean.

Wow, Why did she cry that? Maybe the face looked like one of her relatives or something.

You know, I didn't actually ask follow up.

Questions and exactly what you should have done. I don't support that behavior.

When someone cries, I walk away.

Get out their business.

I don't have time for your trauma.

Please, can I know you guys just made a joke about that. I think I might actually hold this a serious oinon.

That's how I do all my jokes is just what I actually think that I'm pretending.

I don't think that weird.

People laugh at Okay, Oh yeah, that's a joke to be a joke.

Yeah, I guess I'll wink now, Yeah, I know. I think nowadays, if someone starts crying, I'm there for it.

Well, but with something like that where it seems like an event that everybody would be receiving relatively the same way, but someone's like, not me, this is the thing I take the most to heart or whatever that event kind of present, I'm like, oh, no, I didn't buy a ticket for this.

I have to go yeah always yes, I guess, no, go ahead, No, you go ahead.

I I don't know. I think there is a thing where it's just like I don't want to make a broad generalization, but like if you're gonna cry about the man in the mountain falling into the ocean, it's like there is an underlying thing here that we are not close enough for me to want to dive into.

Right, Wait, can I ask you a question, Yeah, did you go to theater school?

I did?

Yeah, this, I think this is a part of it. I think so because I did too, and there was a lot. I was surprised at how much people working out their feelings publicly took place.

When that's not how I was raised.

And I was like, I thought we were supposed to pretend when it was the appropriate moment, not do it.

All the time. Right.

Yeah. Now when people cry, I just say, oh, you're good.

Where did you train? I'm actually having a bad day. That's great.

I am believable.

In the moment.

Yeah, amazing space.

Where where did you grow up? And where Karen? And where did you go to theater school?

I went?

I grew up in northern California in Petaluma and which is just north of San Francisco, and I went to Sack State Sacramento State. Oh okay, where big brag Tom Hanks went.

Really I love this?

Yeah?

Was your teacher still dining out on.

That a little tiny bit? He would?

The freshman like theater one teacher would mention Tom every once in a while, Oh.

I that's so grand, would say Tom.

Yeah, I would say Tom.

Another thing I learned I don't like very early on where I was like, what, don't say that.

That's so embarrassing.

But but those, all of those things are the things that I basically was like, well, this is all fun and like live performance, but I'm starting to realize I just like the comedy part. I don't I don't want to do this. I don't want to walk through molasses. I don't want to act like a pragmantis. Uh huh, none of that's for me. I thought, I've found it all very humiliating.

Yeah, it is humiliating.

Some of the warm ups where it's like okay, I get into a ball and you're going to blossom. Things like that. I mean that's when you're young. That made me really uncomfortable.

Yeah, they're looking back. I see the I see the importance of some of it in like the I don't know. I had a theater teacher in college who was like the first person that like kind of introduced the idea of just like sort of body work as exercise, and that was it was just like, oh, like expanding on how we are able to communicate ideas without just words, without just like naturalism and straightforward action. Yeah, and I

Oh is that an LAPD recruitment moment?

Yeah, let's go, what recruitment moment?

Do we need to get in there?

It sounds like you do because you get free socks, and everyone thinks you want socks.

Let's say police.

But I did that with the army, and they would not leave me alone for it. I'm like, these are the most expensive socks I've ever.

No such thing as free socks.

Yeah, that's something that I would want to do now, be part of a theater community.

I don't know.

When I was young why I thought I didn't want to feel uncomfortable or something.

I don't know why it was scared.

I think if you went to a college theater party, you'd be like, I don't like, honestly, please keep me under the boot, you know what I mean, Like we deserve. There are times Jesus Christ like, I'm fully in support of the strikes. I'm very much a union person. But when I was out there and I saw people like in a karaoke thing, I was like, I don't know, maybe the studios are right. Yeah, I'm sure this is

Right.

It's hard to be well because the whole it feels like the theme is like, yeah, you gotta be open minded, you gotta get in there and like get rid of the cob libs of who you are or whatever, and it's like do I or do I just have to pretend I'm upset at this part of this.

Yeah, there's a couple ways to approach this.

Not totally convinced, but I have to say the I think you're so right that people who I love that are great actors are the kind of people who would probably just destroy in like a movement for theater class because it is about like not just you're saying things because you're mad, but then like what does anger look like when you're just standing there?

Whatever?

Kind of yeah, kind of next level stuff that when I was eighteen, I was like, huh, who cares?

Like I, you know, like who cares? This is about how I'm feeling, yes, And this is about me processing something or finding out and like that is my own personal journey and this is more important than the product that the audience sees.

Right right right.

I think the closest I've been into a situation like that is after I got my hip replaced, I was forced to go to bar method class where I was one the only male and everyone was really good at it. And I've never done something where it's like you had to as a group pay attention to your breathing, and

I'm not even kidding.

What did the doctor say, Oh so you actually want to go up to the next life? Oh yeah, this is like.

I've made that mistake. Then you end up in some weird neighborhood churches, right, yeah, this is where.

I skateboard on at seven o'clock on Sundays.

I'm learning a lot about you in the last few minutes, so I didn't have assumed in the first ten minutes.

I go early morning to Costco and this.

I make this turn once or twice a week, and it's never to go get mustard.

And you skateboard.

Yes, yeah, I have post tip surgery post tips.

Are you started post tips?

No?

I did it my whole life, and maybe it's the reason I had to get my hip fixed. But now I do a low impact version of skateboarding that is just doing slappies on these curves.

Hell yeah, And.

So you're not doing a lot of jumping around you're finessing yourself onto the curb and doing little poses.

It's a lot like figure skaping.

Okay, did your doctor specifically.

Prescribe bar class, right?

Yeah, sorry I missed. I be a lot of the physical therapy that I was. That part they right after surgery, They're sending people to my bedside and like, okay, do these.

Clam like shell stretch it.

I can't remember or the word clam was involved, but just you know, opening your hips and doing these things and straight restrengthening all these muscles. And then someone that wasn't a doctor said, you're doing bar.

Method stuff like the ball.

I was squeezing a ball in between my knees. That's a big part of bar method. And so I just went on my own and sure enough it was like everything, but not in an environment where it's just someone standing there making me do it painfully. It was a group of people doing it, and so I kind of got into.

It and I loved it.

Do you still do it?

I don't, just because a lot of them closed down during quarantine and I can't find a bar method place.

Was there also a somewhat anti feminist not sorry, not anti feminist, A somewhat feminist backlash against bar methods.

Specifically, oh because of the weird there was like a weird guy that started it that did bad things.

Oh no, I feel like I just read that in that God I'm gonna butcher her name, Jai Jacinto.

Ringing a bell.

There was what the fuck was it called? There was like a book that was like on Obama's like top ten books, and I read it and she had like a section on bar method and like it's I'm butchering every part, like no facts perfectly on this podcast.

There, what you're talking about is a thing. But I feel like it's not bar method that it's.

Well, there's the hot yoga problem.

Yeah, yeah, he was just straight up that guy was nuts, putting arms in wherever he want. Yeah, just like full arms.

Yeah, that is a hot yoga problem.

The big thing was I, at the time, I had a mustache that some people, you know, mustaches, weren't every other person has one now. But I looked a little creepy and I was the only man in there, so I would like I not They're like, who's this weird guy? And they would actually make an announcement, Hey, everyone, the man in here is Chris.

He got his hip fixed. This is part of his therapy.

And I'd kind of wave and everyone because they knew I felt uncomfortable.

And then like Jeff on the other side, they're like, this is Jeff. Nothing wrong with his clips, His hips is clearly just in here to look at women's He's a creep, total fucking creep. But we can't ask him the lead we did.

We didn't reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, and that's a problem. No, if there was another uh male in there, it was usually the partner of one of the teachers, and I would assume that, I'm like, are you married to the instructor today? And they'd always go, yeah, how'd you know? Yeah the way, because you're like me, but you got healthy hips.

This parking lot is is a little bit of a nightmare, insane.

Yeah, why don't If you want to just drop me off out front, I can like run and grab the thing and then run right out.

Here's my favorite curb by the way. You can see it's all wax stop. It's perfect. That's so great that that's where I spend once a week.

I'm so glad we chose this place.

Well, it's interesting because usually you get kicked out of a blaze. The staff here, says Hi, they ask how I've been. They they come and they'll like sweep the curb while we're stating it.

They fully support it.

They fully support it.

Hi is we're going to get a parking spot.

Yeah, sorry about everything we've said about Mercedes did.

Before I go in, I'll just throw out this one thing that one of my first jobs in Los Angeles.

Uh, instead of dropping you off.

Oh yeah, no, that's fine. One of my first jobs in Los Angeles was I did some handyman work for Sheila Kelly's s Factor, which is the pole dancing oh class. Okay, I believe Sheila Kelly. I don't know if they're still married. They were married at times married to Richard Shift, the character actor Richard Shit from from the West Wing.

Oh okay.

I just thought that that has nothing to do with the story. I just thought that was interesting. But I would go in. But they because it was like a pole dancing class or a pole dancing gym they had like they were. They were very strict because people would wear what you would wear if you were dancing, and it was not really I'm sure there were some people there who were training to be professionals, but a lot of people it was just like, oh, this is a fun way to get exercise and a fun way to

I have a I don't know if it was Sheila Kelly's because I'm not sure how long that's been around, but I worked on long, long ago. Zach Alphanek has had a talk show on VH one, and we did field pieces for it, and one somebody thought it would be funny if we had Gene Simmons go to a pole dancing class, and I'll never forget it was so uncomfortable while we were.

There, like from kiss Ye yes, why, I was thinking Richard Simmons, but he did have cat makeup on.

It was Simmons, yeah, with no cat makeup on.

It was when he was like I think he had been on a VH one show or something. So it was kind of like retro back in the It was the year two thousand, so I can't explain much, but there was no idea, and of course I became the field producer and there was no idea. So it was just like, can you imagine Gee's little pole dancing class? And it was like, uh huh, it'd be awful. And so he went there and just walked around as these women tried to do the exercises, and he was so

Oh my god.

The teacher looked at me like I was in charge of him, and it was like, we have to cancel this, and.

I'm like, great idea, We'll see you later. Like there was no defending, there was no nothing. It was just like, wouldn't it be great?

To watch Gene Simmons be disgusting to women, And the answer is no, it wouldn't be great.

Funny situation where suddenly you're the handler of the guy that says nice dump.

I'm with this guy.

Oh, I'm not trying to both sides this.

Oh, here we go, I'm next.

I'm just talking like strict from your opinion, like when you saw it, and I'm not I'm not doing anything except asking a question. I'm just asking here we go me, was it a nice dumper? And that's why she was like, he's not being honest.

Authentic, improv And I don't like it.

The watching Gene Simmons do anything, it seems like it'd be a nightmare. One of my worst experiences ever and I'm gonna say this because nobody likes him, is that I went to the movies the night that the movie Chronicle came out that was written by Max Landis, famously wonderful person Max Landis.

And Ronicle who was in that.

Danan Dahn, Michael B. Jordan. It was the one about like, you know, superheroes, like a superhero story, but like a little bit. Do you guys know who I'm talking about?

I know max Landis, do you know him personally or little bit?

Okay, are you guys really good friend?

No?

Okay, no, I'm going to continue.

And felt weird because everyone it's famous and I put my feet in the pool and didn't make eye contact.

This is great, you made the good choice. Yes, he was really excited because his movie was coming out, and Jean Simmons was at the arc light walking through the walking through the lobby and Maxley and just ran and slid on his knees across the floor up to Jean Simmons and like made a big show of saying hello to Jean Simmons and how excited he was to meet him. On both sides of that, I hated it happened right in front of me and I didn't know either of

Of this dicing in that moment, I would turn and move.

Back to Maine.

Yeah that Honestly, I hadn't been here very long. I was like, this is not a nice dump. U. Yes, okay, I'll be right back. Does anybody need anything while I'm in there?

Could you get me a flat of small freedom light chips?

Just to like one.

I just have a piece of paper here with my eyeglass prescription.

I know it's a second line.

It's handwritten doctors.

No, we will be, we will plan, we will pause, I'll check on, I'll check on, Like, what do you like progressive lenses for that?

These are progs? He's back?

Sweet?

How did it go? When I was in there?

It was just really tense. It was like, I think Anis and I are fighting. I don't know.

Yeah, we've gotten a big argument about the music of Kiss.

Oh really, the quality of the musician ship it is.

I think it was Josh Fatom who used to in his stand up make like fun of how they came out dressed like monsters and then the music could start and they're like.

Oh baby baby, I have sat and parties are fun.

Like yeah.

I always used to think that Judas Priest was a fake band.

Oh like a from a TV show.

Basically that they were like the like funk, what's the name of the band in the mockumentary that's very famous? Oh yeah, yeah, spinal Tap. Like I honestly thought they were his final tab, Like that's the only reason your band would be called Judas Priest. Yeah, yeah, it's Have you guys ever just straight up been in a store, I've just been like, fucking, I'm gonna steal something.

I can you just tell us really quick what that eron was, if it's not too and if you paid for it?

The people that the thing that people are gonna hate about what I'm about to say is that I play golf a lot.

Hey, I'm sorry, but uh, that's I mean too.

Oh you do?

And I think we were both in a tournament together. Was it comedy?

Nice? Yeah, it's coming up again, isn't it.

I haven't heard. I ended up golfing with the wrong group and kind of they were.

Upset with me.

What did you do?

They put my bag on a cart and I followed my bag and then at the end they're like, why'd.

You golf with these guys?

Oh?

No, my bag was on their cart And how'd you play?

Though?

We did well?

I think we got uh what's you got the gross score and the net score?

Not one of those?

And you were you were one of those.

Yeah, the guys we had like a ringer, you know, it's a group and one of the guys clearly spent his whole life golfing. The other guy was buried from Barry's tickets, and then some guy from the wind casino, and there's a lot.

Incredible.

It wasn't no, but it was. He knows it and he was very sweet. But I think I saw you there just when we were all first. But I only know you from like UCB occasional yea. And it's also a situation where I've watched you and things, and I maybe confuse that with a real life personal.

Where's your backpack friendship?

So I didn't, but I did have a feeling I knew you from a golf thing.

Okay, cool, Well, no, I'm not chat the next time we're at a golf thing.

Let's talk, Okay cool, because I also am embarrassed about how much I'm into golf.

So let's not let Timothy's sidestep what we're all going to attack him for right now, whatever he's gonna say.

So because I play a lot, and I like, in the last couple of years, started playing in like like playing in like amateur tournaments, like just like kind of local amateur amateur tournaments where you play like you know, plumbers from your Belinda whatever I don't know is your Belinda close to your.

I've played with plumbing and heating guys. Also, yeah, they're.

Like this is the vite, Yeah sou, But there was there was one time where I was like, I'm gonna be playing in this tournament up in O High and it's gonna be like one hundred and five degrees out and I was like, I, I it's like hard to play golf even on like a regular day. But what do I do if there's like the chance of heat stroke? So I asked, like, you know, I put it out to the general, like what do I do to like stay hydrated from playing? And I got a recommendation for

May I see them?

Yeah what flavor?

But apparently that's the Oh sure, I've called the cherry and strawberry.

And yeah, they're just little packets. There's gonna be like fifty of them in here.

Yeah.

Oh that's great, And so the recommendation came with this thing that was like when somebody was like, I have to send a lot of packages to family members who are serving like in the military in the Middle East, and all they want is liquid, I be really like this thing. And so I was like, all right, that's like an actual it's like a real life you know. I don't want to say that my playing golf in Ohi and them being like on your fire in Afghanistan

It is your service, yes, yes, and.

I thank you, yes, well, thank you.

Yeah, No, it's not to be.

I just did a one in in Montana, big sky. They way up very high altitude, and it was very beautiful on your like the t boxes where like at the edge of a cliff, and then the fairway would just be something the size of a there's a herb here, and I'm worried that. Oh it worked, it worked out.

It worked out.

I thought we were going to do a mid car scrape. I thought we were going to just rip that whole battery off from underneath. My back is riddled with sweats in that one moment. But I because of the altitude and suddenly the ball would go one hundred yards further, Like am I stronger up here? But at the end I had to and did throw up and I didn't see it coming. And I think it was a minor, Like I just wasn't drinking enough water. The altitude it was one hundred degrees and I got sick at the end.

So it is good that you have those.

That's no, I honestly I recommend them. Now I'm like a day to day guy. Now I'll have one a day.

Wow.

I mean, like, guys, I don't want to brag. I didn't come here to brag and probably like big time anybody, but like, I'll drink a hydration packet every day.

You know the actual did that guy do it?

He's just saying there's another line. Oh, and everybody's in one line.

Yeah, everybody's in one.

Yeah, so you'd kind of be screwing yourself.

But this person, oh wait, is he trying to say that he wants to get out and through?

Yeah?

But so do we all?

Yes, that's yeah, the same thing. I'm glad you stirred your ground.

I mean think you did. Everything's fine. You can't wait three minutes.

And skips ahead. We're gonna know. Yeah, there we go.

I know that.

The thing he's a roller skater, he's he's way into roller skating.

I just know him. Is that?

When? How do you feel about driving during all this? Are you okay?

Oh?

I love it? Okay, it's really well.

I guess it's like we've done this for a while and we used to actually go to the airport a lot and wow.

So yeah, we.

Really tried to stay on, like picking up comics as they were coming home from doing sets out of town.

Or dropping them off on their way.

To and but this was before Lift and Uber was yeah, ninety percent on the Trap.

We were kind of the first Lift and Uber. I think, yeah, just one man. Sometimes sometimes we would like we would switch, but there was too much pressure for Chris.

What what I Karen is a It was a multitasker and I think I have ADHD or something I cannot fit talk and finished sentences while staring a vehicle. Those two things I will I will have And I'm okay with that about myself.

Karen.

It does not affect her driving. She's still firing on all cylinders.

Do you have you guys ever? Almost gotten in an accident or anything.

That's a good question, and uh, we've now cursed the car. No, we Yes, we once almost killed Eddie Pepatone.

But it was he didn't he didn't know, and he didn't mind.

He didn't know he was in the middle of a sentence. He didn't see the very close to being t bone.

I don't know any Pepitone. I've seen him a couple of times. I think he's very funny. I can also I could see and please tell me if I'm wrong. I could also see Eddie Pepatone being the kind of person that, when he's in the middle of a sentence truly would not notice anything that's happening outside of that sentence.

Yes, I think, like me, he's not a multitask. Yeah, he is in that sentence and no accident. Could they can finished it.

Yeah.

We also almost got attacked by a guy on a bike who I think I can't remember what the problem was.

I it was back when I was I think I've maybe drunk that episode.

And I yelled something, yeah, we get it, you're on a bike.

And they circled back around, and then he circled back around and took his bike lock and went to hit the car with it.

Did He actually tried.

To hit your mirror, but then he shot out in the traffic and I'm like, oh no, now we're going to watch this guy die.

Yeah, the passion of hatred for us.

He didn't die.

He can. I tell you a guy that used to be my downstairs name, my downstairs neighbor in Chicago is a bike messenger, Like young, young guy, really into biking. He helped me build like a Chicago like sort of like scrappy fixed gear bike, you know. Yeah, yeah, back when you were the age that you did that sort of thing. Are you guys? Did you guys ever spend any time.

There in Chicago?

I lived there for a year.

Or you did?

Okay?

So it's like a pretty bike accessible city. Yeah, Like bikes in public transport are pretty regular there.

And so do you want a coffee?

No, I'm good, I have one.

Can I get a triple tall one pump hot mocha?

Do you want a coffee?

Oh yeah, I'll do a cold brew?

Can we also get a grande cold brew with uh oat milk?

Okay? Thank you?

So I want to ask you questions about being sober, but I'll just say to my downstairs neighbor building fixed gear bikes. He had a lot of good bike messenger stories and apparently there was this I guess this is a pretty common thing if you're going to be a person who spends a lot of time in the cold. But there was like this real old school, like fifty year old guy who was still bike messenger. Oh wow, and he would do it. They would do it in

See them in New York. Still the delivery like it's more Yeah, yeah.

I don't think it's I think now that you can like e sign stuff, it's a little less common, yeah, but there are still some things that like need to have a wet signature, like in fifteen minutes forty five blocks away, right right, So he would he would like take the patrollingum jelly, put it all, coat his legs with it, like ride bikes for the entire.

Day, and shave its legs right.

Well, no, at the end of the day, you would peel it off and put it back in the tub.

Oh no more.

Yeah, but like that's how you like keep your uh, that's how you keep your limbs warm.

Sorry, can we go back to he would take the vessel and back off his legs and put it back in the jar because.

Then if it was cold the next day, you would use it the.

Next Oh see, that's and.

I don't think I mean, like I think if you're a bike messenger budgets are you joes? You don't have like an unlimited patrollingum jelly budget.

I mean I can't.

I can't imagine a less expensive Yeah, because there's mud and street debris mixed in there, and he would just slather it back.

On yeh, like sweat and hair.

Gross suh.

Yeah yeah, no, I mean it's it's gross.

Yeah, don't get me wrong, but.

It's a gross moment that it really needed.

Because I was ordering, well, I thought, yeah, I started to think that that was a normal thing for because a lot of the guys that rode bikes a lot growing up, they would shave their legs and and I thought put basiline on.

But maybe I'm thinking of swimmers.

I don't remembers shaved their legs and arms, right, sure, for sure, the vasoline part, that seems like a performance enhancing Yeah, that's well.

In beauty pageants they put vacline on their teeth so their lips don't sit.

Whether it's swimming or bike in or beauty it vasoline is like you might as well be juicing. And I'm not talking about juice same, I'm talking about Wait a second.

I just had a Gene Simmons memory.

Huh what?

And was was this you and.

I at the Burbank airport when we were standing there talking and I could swear it was you on our way to bumber.

Shoot and we're about to get on a Southwest flight. Whatever I was seeing, there was somebody.

I sworn it with you, and Jeene Simmons was walking directly toward us, and I was like, oh my god, it's seen Simmons. And I was doing that trying to and I think I can be very subtle if I'm trying to make people not feel like I'm talking about them. So I wasn't turning my head, and I was kind of just being like, that's Steen Simmons, that's Steene Simmons, and whoever I was with was.

Like, yep, I see him. I'm with you.

And then Jean Simmons suddenly made a beeline directly toward the two of us and was like, what do you two up to? I want to see what's going on over here. And it was so unnerving and insane where it was like he picked up on the fact that he knew we clocked him and wanted to like get in on.

The Hey, you guys are excited, I'm here. It was insane.

I don't think I was there, but I'm just remembering the time that happened to Michelle Balloon and I at the Improp and he came up to.

The same difference with Gene Simmons.

Yes, but that's what we talked about a little while you were.

Getting me glasses. I love them. I love this new.

I thought it was normal to be blurry up in this fourth quadrant.

Uh.

And he went straight up to Michelle and said, I don't know what you do, but I'm sure you do it well. And then he looked at me and he said, and you are a strong and handsome, powerful and handsome man. And then later he had a book come out that said it's like called a powerful and handsome man. It was like he was trying out the title of his book and he got it.

I was like, thank you. But he as creepy as he is. He had he has kids that.

Liked going to the improv and watching stand up and his tall son was really sweet and shy, and I'm like, well, he fathered these kids.

So that was like, so you're your gauge of whether someone is a good parent or not if they end up wanting to watch stand.

Up specifically, Yeah, okay, it goes.

I'm not saying it dictates whether you're a good person or not, but it makes me I'll defend you in a court of law.

No.

Uh. It was more that his children were like shy and nice okay, and giggly and like excited to hang out with a bunch of comics when their dad is a big rug start.

They were bored with that, And I like that, did you ever see that? Jeff Tweety documentary. I think it was called I'm Trying to Break Your Heart.

Oh I did not.

There was a moment there in there where like Jeff Tweety is dropping off his teenage son at school, and

Like yeah. It's like we're all like if you have kids, you're just fucking doomed. Yeah, it doesn't matter what you do. And you you have kids, right I do. Yeah, they just started middle school.

I don't want to kill my.

Oh why what did they suddenly care about?

Their eyes open in the morning and they fucking hate us? Oh wow, and then their eyes shut at night and it's done.

So so there's been relatively good times as they sleep.

Yeah, but then you're just like but then you're just like going through like the like the slide show of all the times you fucked up as a parent that day by like, you know, all the promises you made yourself for they woke up to be like, all right, this is how I'm going to handle It's so much better today. And it's the roller coaster of it. It's like they will be in one moment, like one of them looked me in the face and said, Papa, you don't know what the fuck you're no way?

Oh yeah strong app and okay, yep.

And uh and then five minutes later it's it's this these wild swings between being a teenager and being an elementary schooler. Yeah, like it's still like a sweet little elementary schooler who wants a piggyback ride and wants to be silly, and like, we have a thing where if you if I hold your hands and you're facing forward and your feet are on my feet, it's called the robot.

Oh sure, you.

Know it's like, oh, Papa, I want a robot. So every once in a while it's a robot. But then five minutes later, it's smoking a pack of SI. Yeah.

Wow, such an awful time.

It's an awful I wouldn't go back there for ten million dollars, truly, like it was. It was so confusing and bizarre, and like all the rules change, everybody around you changes, Like you kind of don't know what's going on at school anymore. The rules are like everything just gets real gray area.

It's so fucking irritating.

And then actually, when I lived in Chicago, I went to this thing with my friend that was really cool.

What are you doing? Oh, you're just going to Steve on One, which was people.

It was this kind of event thing where people could come and give a five minute or three minute presentation on any topic.

That interested them.

And so while we were there, there was a guy gave a talk on how to photograph lightning, and a girl gave a talk on working for Habitat for Humanity. At the very end, the last lady was a junior high teacher and she gave a talk in defense of thirteen year olds. And I was sobbing by that because she's like, here's the thing. Everyone hates thirteen year olds. She's like, she's like, it is there. It's the one time in your life where you're completely a child and

It's very difficult to be on their side.

You're just kind of like, yeah, I get it, but you know, actually there still are kids.

And you're getting to hit with two at once at once.

That's double double trouble double so much classic use of the common phrase.

I did actually hear something like close to that in that I think they were they were joking but kind of not. They had that same attitude behind it, but they were like, being a teenager should be a legal defense for murder, yes, but if you kill someone. You should be able to go up there and be like your honor. I was a teenager. Yeah, like that. Your brain is at war your body.

Yeah, here's the lobe that has compassion. I have not quite developed this. I'm just imagining in a court of law defending, and.

I feel like completely connected to every other person my age around me, like I need to do what they're doing. If I can't do what they're doing, it's the world is ending, like those kinds of things of like oh, you're not invited, that's the end chapter.

That's the last chapter of your book. Like, oh, just just a nightmare. Always.

I try trying so hard to it's just it's it. I mean, like you just it's hard, like when somebody just decides like I'm just gonna I'm gonna like punch you in the face a bunch of times today and they're not literally punching.

Me in the face, just emotionally.

Just emotionally punching me in the face. It is it's just hard to keep that that sort of like a thirty thousand foot view of it. Yeah, And at some points it's just like I don't know what to tell you. You just gotta brush your teeth. Yeah, you just got to do it. I've been saying it every day for eight years. You just got to do it.

And now you're probably at home Mark, like you're daling with that all the time, right.

Uh yeah, currently, Yeah, because of oh hey, I mean we might be doing this. I mean i've we've I mean, I don't want this to be released four weeks from now and be proved wrong. But I hearing possibly that Oh really yeah today maybe today, Today is a day.

Oh wow, I didn't hear today. That's exciting.

Well, I think I'm drawing a lot. I'm reading a lot into the email that went out last night, which was like.

You know, I didn't read it.

It was I mean, it was like the one from two nights ago was two sentences long. It's like negotiations update. We negotiated today and we will be negotiating tomorrow.

That's good.

I mean it's great. Yeah, that's great news. Last night it was at like eleven PM, and I just feel like the later they go into the evening the better. And then also it was like we negotiated today and we will continue to negotiate tomorrow. But we encourage everyone to go out to the pick at lines tomorrow.

Oh shit.

And so I read a little bit of that into like, get out there because at some point there's going to be an announcement. We all we want a lot of people out on the streets, right, That's what I took from. Okay, so, but I mean, honestly, we've all had the rug pulled out from under us before, and I don't I'm also prepping myself to not you know, yeah.

They're they're negotiating with true sociopaths, if not straight up psychopaths.

Yes, which the might be the same thing. I'm not sure, but.

Yeah, it's it's a blurry line.

It's but it's But at the same time, somebody was talking about that they heard they're not going to let it go into the holidays because that that the studios are already such villains in this whole situation, and then to have it be like, oh, they really are trying to starve people out through Christmas is the worst look of all time.

Yeah, and they I am so very happy that in every moment where they have tried to pull these they've tried to pull old school tactics, everybody has just immediately gone right past them. Yeah, just right past them. Yes, And honestly, it seems like even the American population.

Entirely, like especially compared to it because I was a writer in two thousand and eight, nobody gave a single shit, Like, yeah, it was an elite problem for elite people that it's like, solve it so that everybody else's job isn't impacted, And it was not the same. And watching how well it's because of social media, but watching how much support watching young people give a shit about labor politics is beautiful. It's so great it is.

And I one thing that I keep telling to people or that like who ask me about it, who maybe aren't in the business, is like, there is no They might be able to put up a counter argument to what the union is asking for, but what they don't have is an argument for their side of why it would be better for anyone except themselves. Yeah, especially when we look back and we see like being a try being a musician that isn't Taylor Swift. Yeah, how is

Yes, and the and that, like, oh, the reason I believe that this is an elite problem is because these reporters are like that, you know, when they now that they're interviewed because all the auto workers are on strike, that Sean Finn I think his name is, that's the president of the autoworkers union.

And he keeps going, it's so weird.

That that you keep asking me how bad it is for the economy that we are on strike. Why don't you think it's bad for the economy these billionaires keep taking everything for themselves.

He's like, that's what's bad for the economy.

Their system doesn't work, and it's like this is amazing, Like it's such good messaging.

It's clear. It's like we're all in this together. It's yeah, and the.

Auto stream version, it's easily applied to what we're talking about.

Yeah, you like the same problem.

It's the same.

And there is that thing like I was listening to I don't want to do a free ad for another podcast if I was listening to the watch and Greenwell sort of put it very concisely, like the guy that the guy from the UAW is like, yeah, like we've they've offered us a really incredible race, Like they offered us a twenty percent rates and yeah, that's really that's amazing. But the CEO got a forty percent rates. Yeah, so what are we actually talking about? Yeah, why is it

Yeah.

Wow, So hopefully while we're driving around and we'll figure it out and you know what, you know who's really doesn't want it to happen.

Well, you just said this car really hurt feeling.

Well, I didn't know if I wanted to like go down that hole road because I'd be very well, this could have been years before it was. Then there you go. If you showed up and like the sticker was still on the window, and you like, okay, what are we doing?

Oh I'm a full one supremis love it.

You know who's not going to be happiest, Big Honk. Big Honk wants this fucking strike to go on forever.

Yeah, the specific horn, even the clowns, everyone's lying and I.

Ever know the clown lobbys here like, guys, we got to keep this going. We've never done better.

But they all have the makeup on. Oh I want to go to a clown strike.

That'd be so. I have a friend who just recently like went on a first date with the clown oh a. She like texted me to be like, hey, I just got back from this date. I think it like kind of went okay, but he's like a clown and I was like okay, but like what kind And it turned out to be like, you know, sir, so la sure that kind of thing. And I was like, honestly, that fucking slaps.

Yeah, that's the way clowns.

I mean, I don't know what it's like to be on the road with them, but they are like you know, they're I'm basing this all off. One clown that I know who's awesome.

Yeah, I'm all my experiences based on in Montreal getting my pocket picked by a group of clowns.

And so I don't trust them. I don't. They did buy a strengths with our money, but.

How did you know they were classed?

They told us that we were in After our shows, Chad Daniels and I went to some party that was mostly a French Canadians and a lot of clowns were there and they were I didn't know what it meant back then. I'm like for kids parties. I didn't understand. And maybe that's why they were offended.

Was that part of their misdirection. Yes, they were like picking your pocket.

It was actually Chad's wallet, but they they took and then they're like kept buying U S drens, but it was with Chad's money.

And then the next day he got a call, uh.

From the person that lived in this place that where the party is being held, and he's like, if you want your wallet in your ID and I see you have a flight tomorrow at eight and they've showed up there and everything was laid out.

Sons the money.

But that's a pretty good bit. That's kind of a great.

Yeah, and there was no there was nothing we could do about it, but I didn't.

They just controlled your partying, that's all they They cut themselves in and then they were like, this is how much fun we're going to have?

Right, I would have ordered a double and they got me a single, and it made sense that.

Maybe they were doing you a faith.

I've noticed a lot of stand ups are taking like clown classes, and it's like currently a thing clowning.

Is back, baby, why do you think that? Not meaning like, like, why do you think that they are taking those classes?

It is a conversation among comics that I've been hearing, and they they've even mentioned it on this podcast, right, Karen packed me up here, sound I'm like the weirdest. A lot of stand ups there are like clown classes, and so if you're like a dry one liner comic, maybe you need to work on your clowning. I know so little about it that I'm about to talk myself.

Into a corner where I trail off the drift off.

All I know is the comics are taking class.

It's true.

I'm going true.

I'm gonna go to sleep and imagine a world where I makes sense.

Right now.

But yeah, there's clowning classes.

Have you ever met a separatist, like a friend Canadian separatist who like wants to like it's like kind of hot.

Wait, please tell us your specific story.

Yes, well that and how I got Maybe it's just this one separtist that was hot. But it was like I was like twenty two and I was working at like a Shakespeare theater and there was like a French Canadian and it was like kind of like a whizzer like we you know, God, I wonder if this is I hope this isn't like a Patriot Front thing, oh where it was like secretly like the separatist movement. It was just like we want to be French. We don't want to be Canadian. We want to speak French.

We want to keep that part right of So yeah, Jesus, I really hope this wasn't like a like a fourteen words kind of like a Canadian fourteen words deal. Oh.

These the clowns that we met that night, they did not like us, and they would not speak English and they were French.

Okay, yeah, like they're very crowd of their friends. Yes, which if they could see it through our eyes maybe that would change.

Well, I've had a couple genuine spit takes. I'm able to stop it because I'm a professional. But I've twice had coffee in my nasal passage. So good, that's a compliment.

Awesome. Where do you guys live in town?

I live in the valley, okay, and I'm I'm pretty close to you.

I'm right around the corner in Echo.

Park, Okay. Do you know your way around the neighborhood generally?

I am getting there. I spent fifteen years in Venice. You know around the boat people We've already talked about that.

He means people who own boats.

Yes, daily make eye contact with captains and I yeah, I love it over here. I'm happier and I've met more of my neighbors and there's like a community.

I love it.

Did you did the move have anything to do? Did that coincide with getting sober? And I don't know if that is that too personal?

No, you it's a good question. I yes, I do think that I was in.

I wasn't performing enough because I was so far away, Like I would drive to the improv or shows that I knew were a sure thing as far as stage time, but I was just hanging out a lot, didn't have a lot of friends. And then I lived right by Killer Shrimp where they would give me free boost and I was drinking I think nightly over there. And then when I moved to Echo Park, all of a sudden, it's like a hip area and I was near Little Joy and the out of boredom, I'm like, well, I

I didn't hit like a rock bottom.

And oh okay, I did a diet that involved not drinking and realized I felt better. And I'm just like, I'm done, and I've decided I'm not going to ever do it again.

That's great, but I'm not mad at it.

And I know it a good times, but I'm better at Also, during shows, I remember all my jokes. I'm seeing all these other benefits where it's like, you know.

I'm not a stand up, but it seems like remembering your jokes during a show is like like up there on the list of priorities.

Yes, And I feel like I was getting worse and worse at it and needing more little notes and cheat sheets and especially for doing like an hour long show, and like, I don't I right now in this moment, I can't think of one of my jokes that was starting to happen. And it also I wasn't connecting it with the fact that I had seven drinks.

And that's so now.

Yeah, I think in general, my brain is just working better and no depression, no anger, all those things that were a byproduct of this drug going into my brain.

It's just like, oh, yeah, I'm also happy or weird.

You guys are We're like almost back in my house. Do you can I give you one of these hydration things? Do you want to try one?

You're very sweet? Yes, I actually will.

Yeah, a strawberry or golden cherry.

Golden cherry.

Oh, I thought it was mixed, the mix of the two. I was like, that's crazy.

It's like a half and half. There were fifteen golden cherries and fifteen strawberries.

I think golden cherry, that's perfect.

One sure, ye, strawberry, and we don't we.

My suggestion is you got to put ice in there. I do like a nalgen bottle with ice. And then I also put in like a little bit of extra salt. Oh yeah, because like the salt helps you from cramping. And it's like, you know, it's like the hydration. There's no science behind us. There's truly no fucking science at all. I might as well be like saying, here are some good crystals. But I like, maybe just for flavor, I put in like a little bit of extra salt. Sometimes

And I should save this for post exertion.

I think you want to do one of the one of the big things about hydration is you want to make sure you're hydrating up to the event and also during. Okay, so you want to drink a lot of water beforehand, but also I usually like throw that in in the middle.

I've been also taking protein powder right before I go to bed.

Is that right or wrong?

The doctor?

I think no, excuse me, Oh, I'm so I went to the theater school for doctors. I believe that you were supposed to take roteine powder more towards like a post exercise.

I think you are right.

I don't know that, like I don't know that your body processes it well overnight, but again, right, I will reluctantly agree.

I think that I am.

I think you are right, and I still I take it beforehand just as motivation to not get into my exercise clothes and then just sit on my couch once I take my little pill that's supposed to make me strong, and like, well now I have to know.

Yeah, yeah, that's that's what I'm doing. You just eating the raw ass powder.

Oh they're little pills, are they really?

Yeah?

Like a muscle guy like testosterone. I don't know. I just I bought them because I thought they would motivate me.

I love it. Yeah, that's a great idea. Yeah, this was so fun.

Thank you so much for being a guest on the show. For real.

I was so excited when I saw your name because I listened to your episode that you did with Bridger and I said no gifts and it was so funny and I was like, that's cool that he did that. And then I saw you on ours, and I was like, oh my god, this is the greatest.

I mean, this like it came. And I was like, I think one of the things having been on like some podcasts in the past where it ends up as being like, hey, so now that you're here in my back office, right, just tell me everything. And I didn't like this seems like it's like such a good bit, like let's go run an errand let drive around for a minute. That just seems like such a fun thing to do.

So it's as true for it's a true hang.

Yeah, it's a true hang. I really appreciate it. Yeah, thank you guys.

And I and I'm sorry I didn't say hi at the golf thing we were at.

I'll lose my number.

It's next time. No, I've already got it. It's in my phone. I'll see at Roosevelt.

All right, I'll see you guys later.

Thanks, thank you, thank you so much. You was great.

He's so great.

I know, I just want to say, and I like that sweater. I should have told him, I'm gonna go tell him that was.

Such a youth sweater.

It was.

And he had a big old mustache, did he You didn't.

See why isn't he my friend?

We could golf together and talk about our mustache and our sweaters.

You've been listening to Do You Need a Ride? D y n A r horn that's big.

Horn, That's big Orn.

This has been an Exactly Right production produced by Analise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choy.

Our talent booker is Patrick Cottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

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That's d y n a our podcast.

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Thank you, Oh You're welcome