S4 - Ep. 15 - Chris & Karen

Are you leaving? I you want your way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim, and give us time and a termino and gay. We want to send you off InStyle. We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.

We scared?

Or was it fine?

Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris. You're listening. Do you need a ride?

No, that's the end.

I know I did that last time. I'm trying to mix it up. Welcome because you're currently listening. Do you need to ride? My name's Chris Fairbanks.

You used that excuse last time too, I know. And this is Karen gil Garoff.

I think it's my brain. Explain to me if you can, what you know about this retrograde business.

Okay, I will right now.

Not only is Mercury wrapping up retrograde tomorrow.

It will be down Friday.

Okay.

But apparently there's like two other kind of I think Leo and Taurus is in retrograde.

I don't know.

I just watched a couple of Tiktoks about this.

The astrology people absolutely know, but it basically was like the reason the end of August and beginning of September felt like the worst ever is because a bunch of stuff went into retrograde all at the same time, and so you just have to be careful how you communicate. You should be careful how you drive, you know, traveling communication. It's easy to fuck things up, get into fights, get people mad at you.

Right well, I wouldn't have noticed, but after we recorded yesterday we were talking a little bit about it. I was going home, saw that a band that I like was playing at the Echo that I like, admittedly from a TikTok video, but then I listened to a bunch of their music and I'm like, oh, they've been around since twenty ten or something. I'm not saying their name because the show was not good and people were just there to film during that song that was always on TikTok.

They were referencing the mid seventies and the.

Guy said it and everyone audibly groaned, and then he kept saying it, and then the person next to him collapsed, just fainted, like no one's brains were working.

What well the fainting, isn't.

I blame that person's character for that train No, they and this TikTok artist, they were good. The music sounds like melodic early like Weezer, but with keyboards. It's right up my alley. It's emotionally sung. But he was phoning it in and they only had like eight songs, and when someone collapsed, he just walked off stage to deal with things. I guess help.

The he's an empty.

Exact I don't know why he And then he kept reprimanding the audience because everyone was being ridiculous. Yeah, and he actually was making me notice people. He's like, wait, why are you guys pushing what? He'd stop in the middle of this song. But after a while it was like, just play the music. Don't worry so much about everyone's behavior. It's established they're idiots. But people were being very retrogrady, is my point.

Yeah, that makes sense. I also do think that a lot of people.

Maybe it's that there are people who are now going to live shows because they saw something on TikTok who don't know how to be at a live show and have never gone.

It was all ages and there was kids there. Yeah, I didn't.

Expect that either, so I think that gets people a little extra anyway. And then of course it's Los Angeles where everybody's special, everybody's a star, so you're gonna have that experience and they probably want. I think that's now is the closest time that any average person probably since like American Idol premiered, that the average person has felt so close to actual fame. Like it's not just that that band was there, but that they are also now

It's like they're doing that but for shows.

And I saw it in that there was hundreds of phones in the air and people were turning them away from the artists onto themselves to prove that they were the ones holding their own phone and posting it. And the band, the opening band was grabbing people's phones and singing into it and handing it to them. It was a very hand me your media. This is media is an important part of this performance type show, and it was very strange to me.

I wonder if also there were like influencers quote unquote or content creators who got invited as well. So they were there were some people who were like, I'm going to make this one of the videos I put out this week.

Yeah, so you can split it down the middle and do a dual collab. Yeah, yeah, it had. It just was weird. But I I was flying by the seat of my pants and I'm like, yeah, go to that show. I'm gonna park my car and just go to this show.

That's fun.

It was fun.

I mean that's a fun idea.

Yeah, go buy it myself to a rock show because it's two blocks from my house.

But can I say something and I'll do my best not to insult you.

Yeah, absolutely, okay, because.

This is not how I mean it, but you know me how my mouth can be. But do you think that maybe your expectations of a show are also from the nineties, and it's like there used to be very set rules.

I'm already so offended. I'm sorry.

Yes, like we're all just getting old, I think, and the kids have different standards.

I don't like to face it. But I did find the only place with a shelf to put my non alcoholic beer. And it was and there was a little sneeze guard. It was the sound booth. I was just the sound guy kept looking back, why are you breathing down my neck? And I'm like, there's a shelf that I could lean on. I don't want to be around.

I love that sound guys. Oh, they love to share. Yeah, they love people in their space.

They love it. I was six inches behind him. At one point there was a crackling noise and I said, I think it's the bass player. I was right, the bass player at a bad chord.

You said that to the sound guy, yeah.

Because he's like, I don't understand what's going on, and I'm like, I could tell it. It's the base. I'm like, I think it's a bass player's chord. And then right then the guy got down and adjusted his cord and the crackle went away.

So did you earn some some good faith with the sound guys?

Got a paycheck? I now work for that Zebulon. It was he he was he was a fun sound guy. He was dancing and looking around like making sure people were having fun. He was shushing people who again were acting. The people were acting so loud and insane. Yeah, during a soft melodic song that he was shushing people. When do you see people get shushed at a rock concert. That's how crazy people were acting.

Yeah.

Yeah, But the person collapsing actually was scary. They did not immediately get up. They they went down, and I thought, of you, there was lights and maybe something that I don't know if they had a seizure or if they just fainted.

Or well were they shaking after they collapsed.

I did not have I didn't CrowdSurf over like a punk.

Rock You didn't leave your post in the sound god, no, I mentioned I had a shelf, So I just he came back after leaving stage for twenty minutes with.

His report, and all we got was he's gonna be okay.

The lead singer Yes, left the stage. Yes, went down into the crowd.

And I had my readers on, so I saw when the sound guy texted, I've never seen a front man leave the stage like this before. Yeah, So it was strange.

But I wonder if the front man Jesus on high, this land road in its.

Highest, Oh be grateful at our table lord, A.

Matte black land rover just tried to just tried to threaten my life, and it made me get really religious.

It was that's the that's called the retrograde side shuffle. We saw it a lot.

Yesterday, Soziah to oh no.

Every once in a while I get just a couple of words from those those years of trauma that were big sky Bible.

Camp yep it sticks in there. Yeah, all those those songs. Oh you know what I saw recently? If I may talk at our table lord, Sorry, I said, can I tell you a story about a TikTok that I saw? I don't think I got that far in a sentence.

No, I just want to say, when you first were bringing up TikTok's often, I was like, what is all this? I am as, if not more now addicted?

Great?

Yes, so bring it on, okay, Because.

There was a TikTok that my sister sent me, and it was it sounds like a black guy talking like narrating over what looks like a beautiful, inspirational kind of poster. And then it just says, I remember back when I first heard about TikTok and people said, are you going to sign up for it? And I said, no, get out of here, that's for children. And then he goes

Your supporting non union affiliated work.

They don't mean to be, but you're kind of weirdly forced into it. But there was so one of the channels that my sister, so it's my friend Audrey, my sister Laura, and me are all on a TikTok. We just send each other tiktoks all the time, and sometimes I save them up and I don't look at them because I know we're sending each other the same ones. And the other day when I looked at Audrey's I had eighty nine of her saved up. That's how many

Fork and spoon.

And when I saw that, when I think it was one of my first conscious memories.

Really hold on after orders, Wow.

Hi, can I get a grande iced mocha with just one pump of chocolate in it?

I think we're gonna get get another drig Chris.

I think I'm gonna get my first pumpkin spice latte.

Do you want it hot?

Okay? Can we get a grande pumpkin spice latte. Hot, the pumpkin spice latte hot? Please?

Oh wait on Elise? Oh sorry? A water?

Oh? Can we also get a bottle of water? That's all?

He was so sick of my shit.

I can't believe he's never heard of a pumpkin spice latte. He was like, A what now, it's the only season we have in Los Angeles? Is that the arrival of that beverete.

That's the only way we know.

Is it fall right now? Why do I want one?

Uh?

I think we want it to be fall now because things get got a little chillier.

It's not so crazy crazy hot.

Yeah. I uh. This morning I golfed very early and I was cool. It's like why did I wear shorts? It was a good feeling.

Yeah, you can go long pants? Now?

Will you forward me the tiny spoon and plate video? Because it almost you describing it. I can see it.

It's like it's like like, yes, you will love it for that and for how seventies. It's like you're looking at this thing and you're like, h how old am I that this is what it used to be like compared to what it is now?

Yeah? I need to see more of those, and I like the animated you're learning, but it's a cowboy talking about cheese for the dairy council.

Bunchy three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Eleven twelve, for a hunkah a snack a day, chunka because it won't throw my dinner. All that stuff and that when you bring them up, that's when you discover all of your friends are a decade or more younger, because they're like, what are you even talking about? It was a simpler time.

Also, Yeah, we all.

The cartoons wear a cheese commercial.

We all watched one thing, one channel. I mean the unification around the media that we were consuming and enjoying.

Yeah, but thank god for public television. Yeah, same screen, Yeah, because it was it still holds up?

Did we it? Really? The old one does?

Did we ever talk about the Mister Rogers documentary?

We talked about bathing the feet scene? Oh yeah, yeah, but we have talked about it and I did love it, and I need to watch it again because I think I was drawing or something and wasn't looking at the actual screen. I listened to TV shows like podcasts.

Yeah I do that sometimes too.

Yeah, I did it just popped in my head because I just realized I only watched the first third of it.

And I was on a plane too.

I think I was going to Hawaii maybe at the time, maybe going on a little vi ky But I started watching that thing and I started sobbing, like crying so hard that I couldn't not make noise, and I had to turn it off because I was making the men next to me uncomfortable.

Oh wow, Yeah, a lot of manners aired of a woman crying or I was entirely projecting onto him. But still you were you maybe grabbing his arms.

I was wiping my nose with his beautiful Oxford shirt.

What's the problem, sir, I said to him.

You obviously aren't paying attention to the message in this segment from mister Rogers, which is about inclusivity.

And loving your neighbor. Yeah, enough to wipe their nose.

Would you be my neighbor and then blow your nose on his card again? I guess you're gonna need to put that one on a hanger.

Oh wait, guess what we have.

I know I was going to hand them what I thought was the gift card, but it's the key to your car way too. Much of a gift.

Please don't spend that.

Yeah, we like how you wear. Karen didn't know what a pumpkin pie slate is.

I think he's being coy.

Yeah, I think we're going to get more information when we come up to this window.

Yeah. Also a very explanatory nose ring or something anti he's against the system.

What if he's amish When we pull up, Oh, I would love that. He's like, look, I'm outside the system. I'm asking you to explain what this thing is and I work here.

Yeah, that's the horse next to him. He's just got a horse that works.

He's like, sorry, I have to get my horse a job. If I get a job, it's the Amish oath.

This horse used to help make chimney mantles, but.

Now he's just frothing milk with his hoofs very difficult, so hard.

A lot of it is tiny work. Oh oh, I gotta see a horse makes something. We've seen elephants paint. Now here's horse makes a latte.

And then swipes.

If there's too much fom at the top of his tail, comes around and whips it off.

That's that's how he makes the little leaf in the in the top of the foam. It's just dirty, dirty.

Horse every time. And it's like, hey, could I get a different does? I realize it's fall, but I want a different design than this leaf. That's not a leaf. No, that's dirty horse too.

Yeah it's not sentimon either. That's old shit dust.

Enjoy it spicy.

But yeah, I'm very excited to have one because I miss seasons and I really have been wanting to go home. I even want to go to like a football game. I just want there to be leaves.

Yeah, you're feeling like nostalgic for a season that hasn't been here in a while.

Yeah. Makes I did not expect it a football to be part of it. I know you and I we both have a team. We're both like Niners people sort of. We require thanks to Lauren Cannon have our beautiful jerseys.

Thank you, Lauren.

I I don't I don't follow football. I do like the smell in the air and the feeling of being around my dad or my friend's dads. You just like dads, Yeah, dads and leaves.

You're just like a golden retriever.

I'm gonna I'm gonna go back to Montana for no reason, except as I never am there in the fall, and it's beautiful. It's it's like a calendar picture. There's red trees, there's orange trees, there's leaves everywhere. You wake up in the morning and ride a bike and your hands are uncomfortably cold, but it's fall, and so you excuse the borderline pain. Yeah, I miss it all.

Yeah, it makes sense.

Every day here is just seventy five suicide Sonny, Sonny is that mine?

No?

Oh cold?

Your's this hot number? Thank you?

Yeah? I know I was going out on a lamb. My throat felt thank you. I could wanted heat.

Yeah, because you want fall.

It makes perfect, I really do. I'm gonna go chase it. A lot of people were chasing summer, and that was going to be our goal not so long ago. But now I'm chasing fall. I'm gonna have a I think we did it.

We wrapped it.

Yeah, Yeah, it.

Was good summer.

I just didn't do all the pick up each volleyball that I planned on.

No no one ever does.

Yeah, it's not it's not real, and I'm not very good at it. Frankly, well, it hurts my wrists. I think I'm hitting wrong. I just got put my thumbs together like I'm about to whistle with a blade of grass. Yes, and then the ball hits my little dainty wrists and it feels thank you, hit with a brick. Thank you? Okay, did you evaluate the cut of his jib? Why was he pretending not to know about this beverage?

I think that he has dissociated from He's probably been at work.

That's like hour seven and a half of an eight hour shift, and he's like, I'm just tired. I don't give a shit shit, you know.

I think it was that vibe more than judgment or anything negative.

This is sweet and delicious, is it? It's like hot ice cream?

Can I say I've never had one of those?

I said that? Okay? Yeah, do you want to sip of it a little bit? Yeah?

Do you mind?

No, feels so good on my cold source. Just kidding. That's an old bit. Sorry, since sixth grade, isn't it good? Yeah?

It's I think I was picturing it. I think I imagine what I thought it tasted like this whole time, and it's different. Yeah, it's pretty spicy, like there's some there's some real all spicy. Yeah, pie tasted a whole lot of horse dirt.

You can really taste the tail.

I have to say, I knowed people came onto my Twitter to defend you and your love of coffee lemonade.

They got in.

There screenshots of menus.

I mean, this is basically one person actually tried to insinuate that basically like that I was poor and had no taste because serving it.

And this is just how I took it.

They've been serving it at her cafe for years and everyone knew about it, and it was like a fancy thing that fancy people liked.

Well, in your defense and not in mind, I'd never heard of it. I thought I was inventing it. And I don't think the official version is just straight up lemonade with coffee. I think they probably put a pomp of sweet stuff in there, because for sure it didn't taste as good as I thought it would.

Well. Also, I think one person, the one I'm projecting onto for no reason and my apologies, they gave us a recipe and part of the recipe was literally like five tablespoons of sugar to make the lemonade. I was like, well, there.

You have it. Yeah, that's the key. Yeah, anytime you're, you know, on some porch down south and there's big fans and some nice I don't know. Sometimes I'm in this situation where you get where you get sweet tea or lemonade.

When's the last time that happened?

Oh well, I spent five years in Texas. I'm surprised y'all all forgot that. And so much sugar is used for sweet tea, like seven cups for a picture. Really well, of course this is good. My mother would not allow. I'm come from a house of carib chips.

Yeah.

How would you tell the difference between that and hummingbird food?

Exactly?

Yeah, that's the same.

It is. Uh every sorry, every time I see a bike that looks like my stolen bike, I look at it like, pee wee, Hermann, that was not my bike, but I did get stolen, and I often see did you.

Chain it up out in front and leave it on the sidewalk.

In front of my favorite magic shop?

I love no pee weee.

My favorite part about that scene is that as he's pulling the cartoonishly long chain, they left the frame so you could see it below. Yes, the box on the bike.

I thought I was such a genius when I saw that and I was like, oh, they made a mistake, and it's like, do you really think that Tim Burton, mister details right, it is just going to be like whoops.

A lot of people don't know that one that that was co written by. Are the favorite everyone's favorite SNL person whose name I'm forgetting.

Al Franken Uh.

He was murdered. Yes, yes, am I forgetting his name. He's the best.

Because you're trying to think of it right, right, Yes, we just stopped for one second.

And yes, are you going through the alphabet?

I know it. I love this man.

It's me. It's the retrograde. Thank you.

I was just in a full panic of life.

I know you're a fraud. No, I we both worry about our brains and their gradual demise. But he wrote with Paul Rubbins, yeah that movie.

Because they were from the Groundlings together.

And oh really groundlings.

They were groundlings and so this was just a lucky thing. But my aunt Kathleen used to have HBO and a VCR where she would tape things off of the TV, and so she would tape stuff that she thought we would like well and also her kids obviously, but us too. So we would, so she would take like comedy specials a lot, like I remember watching the Bill Cosby.

I think it was himself, the one where there's just a chair.

Yeah, that brown suit.

Yeah yeah. We all watched that as like a big family together. And then pee Wee Herman had a stage show and did have you ever seen the Pee Wee Hermon Live Show?

No?

Because I think they did it at the Groundlings.

But it was like it, you know, with HBO or whatever, and Phil Hartman plays Captain Carl and he's like, basically I knew that he wrote with Peter Herman because I saw that he was listed as like the co writer with him in that Okay, and it's it is so funny. I've seen clips like recently and it completely holds up.

It's so funny. I gotta see it because there are lost bizarre HBO specials. There's one with Martin Short where he's a picket fence in his arms are these forty feet of picket fence and he's just singing about being a fence. It's the most that's not real. No, it's just a segment of it. And then he does ed Grimley, which was never my favorite but he it is bizarre HBO. You I mean they gave like eighteen of them to the guy Gallagher. You know. It's yes that it was

It was super expensive. Yeah, and like we didn't have cable TV. I've complained about this a million times on this podcast, but we didn't have We literally got three channels until I was like sixteen.

All there was, yeah, three channels and.

Yeah, we didn't even have like but there's so many people that we knew, family and friends that got cable TV.

It was no big deal.

And my dad's big excuse was, nah, we have that at the firehouse.

You won't like it. Just like us, test us and see if we'll like it.

Oh, that's funny.

Yeah, he had previewed all of cable for us and decided it wouldn't be up to snuff for.

Us because they didn't have backdraft. Well, all the firemen have gotten together and decided you will.

Not like films down.

Yes, will you see your dad when you go to the I've been thinking about this, this ball that you're going to. It's a ball, right, it is not, but you have to dress nice.

Yes, it's a fundraisers what it is.

And then they throw this rock and roll theme in there.

But you don't have to dress to the theme.

Well apparently I do. What if you wore one of your black nice dresses and on the back just had a cut out from a Metallica shirt pin, like, because that's a real punk rock and you're still going to be dressed to the nines, but you just have that one.

Little hay Yeah, rock and roll, you.

Doesn't have to be Metallicata.

I thought you were gonna say, like fuck Queen Elizabeth or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, that kind of punk rock. Yeah, that should be more punk rock.

You're right, But I was thinking I could wear one of my thousands of plain black dresses that I've worn on stage, but then wear a real skinny black tie like I'm.

In the neck.

Oh that I like that.

But my sister said no, she could be steering me wrong because she doesn't want to dress to the rock and roll theme.

But she's like, just something nice. It's like you're going to a cocktail bar.

So the theme is just their warning you what kind of music they're going to be playing.

I think so.

Or you could wear a white wedding dress and smear your mask, eara like Cortney Bob, You're still hey, I'm still dressed nice.

You can't say I don't have a dress on.

You could wear a prom dress and cover yourself in blood. Yes, that's not really rock and roll. That's horror.

It's a different genre for sure.

Yeah, Carrie.

But as we spitball, let's just not say no to any idea. Let's just let it all. Let's let them walk about.

I think something. You gotta do something. I mean, I'm excited for your fancy party.

I am too.

I my sister this morning. So my sister calls me every morning on her way to work, and truly she'll be like, so, what's up, and I'm like, I literally talked to you yesterday. There's not one update I have for you. But she just does it because she's like filling time on.

Her drive to work.

And we always figure out, we always figure out stuff to talk about.

Yeah, it's nice, but like we do, right, Yeah, I didn't have anything today.

Little did you know?

We're filling time like motherfucker?

I mean, come on, rock and roll.

I gotta say I like that it's gray on one side.

I mean that is the definition of rock and roll. Did that guy pass me like I'm going too slow? I'm going perfectly thirty. He just wanted to bury the needle a little.

He's got a charger, a Dodge charger and and and it's black, but it's got blood splatter all over it.

I mean, this guy is up for whatever.

You should wear that to the rock and roll party.

I'm this car from my neighborhood.

Yeah, I don't have time to explain.

Listen, you do you fireman?

Like HBO?

Rock and roll is a vibe God.

Save the Queen. Uh, sorry, your sister, even though you don't have stuff to talk about.

And then I interrupted, What if I made you repeat the entire thing that I said?

We were talking and it turns out you did have something to talk about, and it was.

And it was.

I was trying to get her to tell me what this party is like, because I have no idea, and she's like, it's just that ever, and she was like in a bad mood, and I was like, hey, you called me, so like, let's get this thing going. I'm trying to have some fun. You here's a little scapism on your way to work.

Yeah.

Yeah, And then I, slowly but surely was I had to drag it out of it first.

Yes, what's going on.

It's a cool creature girl. I like it.

This is truly the Barbie era.

I like it.

I I.

She was looking at my face and I looked at the car and said I like it enunciated enough so she could read my lips.

Oh good.

Yeah, that's the kind of neighbor I am.

Nice job.

She will blow my nose on your sleeve, that's for sure.

Here's what I want.

I want her to heal the fuck out when this light turns green.

Yeah, let's see.

I bet you will.

She's going for it on a Thursday in Burbank. That's all I'm saying.

I know, I never go for it anymore. Why am I confronted by her freedom?

She must be on the way to the drag races.

Oh my, have I talked to you about the trailer races at And I'm not sure if the raceway, but it is. There's a demolition derby. Some of the cars play soccer and the soccer ball is made of propane tanks welded together. It's a giant metal ball and they slam into it and get it into goals, and the officials are sheriff cars. All the cars are smashing in each other.

And there's also Winnebago. When you say there's there's.

Like yes, yeah, with that are furnished and have they when they got smashed through there was mattresses and old clothing flying everywhere, and I it was, oh, that's scary. I Uh. There was a person getting out of their car with much fanfare and almost got murdered by our new friend. Uh. We all were laughing so hard, yes, and even like the motorsports fans with NASCAR hats and everything.

Yeah, I bet kind of. I bet.

I bet a lot of people laugh at monster truck rallies too, mm hmm, for the same reason I didn't.

And I think probably wrestling is that way too. There's some it's yes, well, now someone's got to pick a fight with me, but it won't be a real fight. There's like the there's uh you know, ah theatrix to it for sure.

Yeah, I don't think any wrestling fan could deny that.

Right. The theatrics, yes, that word pbably what or them?

I like theater, that's right, you know the Yeah, it's the same word.

Even theatrics, you know, like theater, trance.

Oh, jojo siwa studio.

Oh, we gotta go, gotta go.

I don't think I've ever talked to you about this, but long ago, I think I was probably in a hotel room trying to kill time in some way. I watched the documentary about the wrestler Mankind.

Did you ever see that?

No? And he was like, I'm familiar with him.

He's you are from my childhood, right, And he had to quit wrestling because he was like getting hit over the head and like was really sustaining real damage from the fighting and the matches that he was doing.

Oh yeah, that hard is a hardcore I don't know.

I don't know.

They it's light bulbs and landing on tack and see how many chairs you can have broken over your head every Wednesday. Like it's actually that is real.

Yeah, this seemed very real and her his wife was like crying and stuff. It all was like it made me go, oh my god. I had no idea anything about wrestling.

Yeah, yeah, me either. I didn't and it wasn't until I was in the ring with some Lucha Libra guys for a TV show. I was like, yeah, I'll let them throw me around. It's fine. I fall on a skateboard on cement. What are they going to do? It's a padded matt right, No, I was. I thought about going to get a neck brace from one of those medical supply stores because they because I wanted it to

It's really highly professional view to have made that choice.

I think that week I thought I was going to get fired or something. Something drove me to that, yeah.

Because it really sounds like the kind of thing you would be very mad about once it was over.

I was a very good segment producer. I would go, I got a tattoo. That's the reason I have a dumb tattoo of a corn dog on my or it's a band aid, but it is ugly, and I knew it was going to be there forever. But I'm like, that will this segment will be great if I really am getting a tattoo.

You were like, I have to give this to fuel.

Yeah. They And then the day it all got canceled, I'm like, oh my god, but I have this tattoo forever. You guys aren't even going to be a network anymore. Like my story about there's so much validity is taken away. It was under the Fox Sports umbrella. No one remembers this damn corn dog.

Damn it, this symbolic corn.

Dog yeah, I'm thinking it getting it fixed. Well, I can't get it covered. I just I might as well just embrace it and add a little calamine lotion pink to it so it's like looks like a band aid again, because that's what it is.

It started as a band aid and.

It has a hot dog and I just I don't wear shorts. Now I've realized as I get older, I'm like kind of embarrassed by this mistake I made.

Oh, you don't wear shorts because wait, at the beginning of this podcast recording, you said you were wearing shorts.

Well, I hate to confront you like this.

There are shorts and there are wearing shorts without socks. If I wear shorts, I have to wear.

Socks to cover a tall sock.

Yeah, we're middling it. Really just it just can't be one of those, you know, cheerleader socks with a pomp palm on back that's good, or that length. Tried a sock what's it called invisible socks?

Invisible sock?

Yes, I can't, and I do have a lot of invisible socks. I'll be wearing them. I'm like, let me quickly change into shorts, and I forget and there's the just horrible tattoo. It's so embarrassing.

Have you ever been bullied on the golf course because of your tattoo?

No?

I I have not.

Revealed it to anyone, not even Vince Abril.

Uh.

I don't think Vince has seen No, I haven't. I do show it, but yeah, it's there's really no rhyme or reason when I pull it out, but it does always get a laugh because a band aid is you know, if you drew a band aid there you draw the little square in the middle where underneath is the actual pad sure for the wound, and that line it makes a perfect like it looks when it's peaking above my sock. Well, I'll just show you it. Nothing looks more than like a penis. That is just a penis.

See that I do?

And yeah, so that gets the laughing laugh I did laugh.

All you need to do? Can I make a suggestion for this fix?

Yes?

Just go get a tattoo.

Of a little short, little line at the top and then it is a penis and now you're done.

What if and I love that idea?

Okay, good good?

What if I just do a little squirt of mustard on it? And then it's a little corn dog. You'd rather there be a severed penis on my and a fried food.

I'm saying for the maximum impact of pulling your sock down like you just did.

Right, Oh, I might, you're right, but wait, you're right.

I'm sorry you're saying. Sweet, switch from a band aid to a corn dog.

Right, put a little stick at the bottom, A little bottle of frenches on my shin. That's way better squirting on there.

Yep.

I always I always want to get a tattoo on my hip of a toaster and then flying up on my shoulders buttered toast. I do like the idea of it.

That's Greg parents.

You can't steal greg parents tattoo.

There's no way that he has that tattoo.

Well, he has a toaster, for sure, does he? Yes?

Infamously.

I didn't know it was famous or infamous.

I talk about it.

Doesn't shoot buttery toast across his chest. That's see, mine's an action I like. I like tattoos with a like a before and after a full body story, a lawn mowerre going across your pubic area. I've always wanted these things. Thank god I got none of them, but I do like the story that's being told. Yeah, and then every there you have to mow that. Yeah, you get it, you get it. I'm not here to be dirty. It's a funny idea. It still makes me laugh.

I feel like those those I mean, it is good and those are the those are I was gonna say, those are the podcasts. Those are the tattoos that really showed that people are like, yeah, this is for show, It's for the audience that's going to consume it.

Yeah, that is that matters. That's good.

Yeah, I just uh, there was I don't like jokes. Tall Yeah, he is obscenely offensively. Where are we God, Tall Town? I got There was a guy that said, do you want to see my tattoo in Austin And he just had a tattoo of air Baby Village has from Fantasy Oh his whole.

Face, just a little guy with the would you be doing with.

The white suit from Fantasy Island? Who his name was Tattoo right, So it's like, oh, but there's no way he ever got a big laugh. It was just a oh you got me.

It's a thinker, yes, And I literally Fantasy Island was appointment television for us, it went love Boat Fantasy Island, and we were there for the whole block.

Well it's another Yeah, there is nowhere to be. Those shows held you captive. True, there was no way around it.

I mean there was one boat. There was a show about a boat where people fell in love. Yes, great job Aaron Spelling and everybody. And then there was and then the show that followed that up. You can't beat that show. Hold on, what if there's an island where any idea that you have can happen? Goodbye, You're done.

For the night.

I when I try and think of that show, I just think about him saying fine Corinthian leather, and that's a Renault Alliance commercial.

That's right.

So I don't know that I ever want Fantasy Island. Maybe I had to go to bed.

Oh you couldn't.

My parents only let me watch logical television.

No fantasy, no fantasy please. Yeah, but no one ever explained where the fantasy power was coming from.

That I can remember. Actually, I'm going to google that when I get home.

It's an interesting thing that even movies get away with. Now you're just supposed to excuse it as Oh, it's just magical for whatever.

Because you named it's not a curse the magic, it's Smiths or whatever.

Trying to parallel fantasy island badly.

Oh it's great. I forgot about as a landform, water form, land and water.

I think it's just.

Land, right, I don't know. It's like a like a jetty.

Oh so see it wasn't bad. I just didn't get it. I liked it.

Another fancy ass car is that a Bentley?

I mean that is famously a sports car Bentley.

We saw yesterday, and Maybach I think of Bentley and another like one of those big, blocky, crazily.

Expensive Retrograde is making people blurt things they shouldn't say, faint and buy cars they can't afford.

That's right.

We've got to get these moons in order.

Come well, we have to just make it till tomorrow. Oh really, and then things are going.

To get way better.

Is that why I got the spicy latte for the first time?

Yep, you are ready.

You're introducing and you're manifesting a new era, and that era which is going to be your fall era, your Pumpkin spice latte era, your Taylor Swift era, your villain era. Yeah, you're just gonna do it, and you get to do it, and you're just you're gonna believe and achieve.

I am, this is, this is I am. I'm gonna do things this season.

Okay.

I decided that a while back. Great, I'm making changes. I'm going to be more motivated. I've been waking up earlier. It's a big thing for me.

And what do you do? First thing? Get up jumping?

First thing is just get up. I do light calisthetics. Sure, I've started taking you know, healthy pills that require you to then do something active. Otherwise you've just taken a bunch of protein for no reason. Oh right, yeah, sure, so that holds me accountable. Okay, take that pill. I have it by my bed. It's just a little thing

Yeah, that's how it's going these days. But people associate it. It's not like, oh I heard it on the race or my older brother lent me his LP like it used to be. Now it's like the song is it almost like the songs have meaning. So if you have a video and then this one song starts, you know the video is going to be a blank.

Yeah.

It's really an interesting it's like its own sub language kind of thing.

Yeah. I just started a piece of the song on there and I was like that, I love that song and I listened to it all the time, but it is the one. Nothing else really stood out to me at this show. But the whole album of from like twenty ten, it was that whole Hey, everyone knows who Kate Bush is now because those stranger things, right, And who's who's the guy that didn't know that that he was a well known guitar player and they found him and he didn't.

Know there was Sugarman searching for Sugarment.

I didn't watch that, So that's either that was a jumble of incoherency or the bomb that reggae artist Jamaican ninety that she didn't know her song was huge, she was getting no residuals, and then she saw it in a commercial for like Jockey underwear or something.

You mean, the one that's sampled on Lauren Hill or one.

From TikTok No. This this a few years ago, in like the nineties. She didn't realize this song she had done in the late seventies or early eighties was so huge in America and she got millions in residuals. It's like a happy story.

Oh great, Just so you know, the nineties were twenty five plus years ago.

Isn't it, justy?

Just f y?

I did I just say a couple of years A couple of years ago.

I think of it in the exact same way.

It's so interesting decades. Oh god, it's because we don't have fall here.

Yep, that's it.

It's racing by. Or is it that just happens when you get a little older.

I think it happens when you get older. But I do think the time, the way time is passing and such. There's no difference within ourselves. The only difference you can clock is outside, and it's the way other people are acting. So you're like, well, this makes no sense, you know, what I mean, and it's instead it's like these people at this show where it's like most of the people there were probably nineteen, right, if they're big TikTok people.

There was, I would say everyone's younger than me. Yeah.

Yeah, but that's a lot of people know well. But I guess my point is is.

There's some people who like, because of quarantine, maybe they should have started going to live shows when they were, say seventeen, right, And now they're twenty, and they're just kind of like, I don't.

Know, I've been playing Worlds of Warcraft. That's the only video game I could think of be happy. I didn't say night Bike, okay, and now they're yeah. I all that aside. Though everyone was acting crazy last night, I could really tell it wasn't just these are young people or they're not used to being out. I think it was the goddamn moon.

I wonder I would love to see it and cut to you in the middle of this crowd, and there are probably like gigantic influencers in that crowd, and that's why everyone was showing off.

Is that. Yeah, A lot of people were doing their hair with their phone named at them. They were in the middle of making. Yeah, I was.

Surrounded by employees.

Yeah it was. It was also just a weird night, it was. It was. What it was is a concert that wasn't filled with music fans. It was filled with people that from that place on their phone.

And who are the stars of their own movie? Which, you know, being kids from the seventies and eighties, we were not only not allowed to the stars are a movie.

Nobody ever picked.

Us up from school.

So right, all.

Of this is very foreign and very it's just kind of like, what the fuck is this? But there they Truly this is generation upon generation of kids who are like, sure you can wear your tutu to the grocery store. Sure you can. You should start playing the recorder anytime you feel like.

Yes, cowboy boots, go with football pants.

Yes, I'll support whatever you want.

You're right? How did I get home? I've never been on a school bus. My parents weren't work till five. Yes, how did I get home?

You?

You meandered home?

What did I eat?

Whatever?

I have lunch money?

You stole out of your mom's purse like we all did.

I did. I robbed your blind.

My mom would always be like, you girls are you're taking the money out of my wallet.

I was just like, yes, yes, you left it there.

My favorite thing to do. I'd probably have mentioned this, but my when I pretended I was in a movie or acted things out, it was always the end of a movie and I would pretend to be dead and the credits were rolling. That's what I imagine, So I'd do my best. I'm alone by the way, I just would close my eyes and pretend I was dead, and then the credits would roll. Isn't that a dark That's pretty dark. I guess I was playing, though I didn't want to be dead, you know.

Right, and you were playing being in a movie, but dead like that's what movies end.

I was acting, Yeah, yes, how well. I wasn't a good writer at the time. Oh yes, I thought a story ended with someone dying.

I mean it does for that person.

All my writing was from the incredible hol Kan Dukes of Hazard. Someone has to Go Down.

It sounds like someone needed a little fantasy island in.

His life, and that is the game my sister and I played. We did not have toys. I would act like David Banner, a normal man, and my sister would antagonize me in the whole and then I turned to the Hulk.

Yeah.

I had assured that I would rip and then I would be the Hulk. Yeah, and throw. It was mostly pillows.

One of the great games my sister and I used to do a parallel game from Little House on the Prairie. You might remember in season like roughly four, she push.

You out of a wagon until you were blind.

No, that was your combining.

Nelly's faking being paralyzed with Mary.

She faked it.

She faked it.

That's why Laura pushed her out of that wheelchair.

What's there was a character that was blind.

Though, Mary.

This is what I'm telling you. So we used to do my sister and I when red hair, Yeah, she's good.

She's still having a fun summer.

Yeah, that girl that's fall, that's fall colors.

And also not very many people can pull off a truly scarlet red hair, and she's killing it.

Yeah, she really is.

I bet she's an actress or some sort of model.

Yeah. I think she gets she makes a living off that hair, and I.

Bet I hope. So when we would go shopping with my mom or have to do something boring, we would go and my sister pretend to be my guide and I would pretend to be blind.

Oh that's at the time was lighthearted.

It was, and it was only because we were obsessed with Little House in the Prairian.

That's what happened to me.

So I would just mimic what Mary was doing on the TV show. We didn't mean it disrespectfully or to make light. I literally was like, look at how good of an actress I am, because I'm going to convince people in Mervin's as we're shopping that I am actually blind instead of just a child looking at the.

Ceiling, you know, to glance back and forth above someone's head to look off. No, a lot of bad actors do that. Well, let me look over here, you know where the sounds coming from.

Yeah, actually better than cited people usually. Yeah, but I would do a lot of I just stared up at the ceiling kind of. It wasn't refined, but it definitely was re enacting the show you watched the night before, right, was a way of.

Playing yeah totally, And I would actually say, my sister, can we please play Incredible Hulk? And it was just that same singing over and over. Make me mad, I pretend to get mad. I hit you a little too hard with a pillow. It's okay because you're six years older. It's funny. I guess the beginning of Little House they I think they show a montage of things that have happened, and there is a girl flying out of a wagon. It's actually pretty.

It's Nellie Olsen.

It's traumatic and violent. The whole show is a snooze fast. It's just them eating porridge. I don't a lot of first of all, And secondly, was there fights and guns?

Yes. Nellie Olsen was Laura Ingall's bully at school, and she was the rich girl and she can't talk like this. Laura come over to my house.

Oh yeah, everyone hat blew and bonnets and she.

Was like she was bonnety and she had sausage curls and she does. The actress that played her does stand up comedy.

Now really yeah.

Or did before COVID I did at some point. But so there was an episode where she fell down and got a bunch of attention Nellie Olsenden. I can't remember what got her there, but it was like she was getting a lot of attention from the doctor and then she decided to pretend she was paralyzed. So the doctor came and put like needles in her feet and she didn't flinch, and she did it on purpose. And then she was in a wheelchair and then she was like, Laura,

Do they show her flying to the pond like in Mac and Me, the first movie we ever watched together. It's all coming back to me what you're talking about. Yeah, I just didn't it wasn't a big little house guy.

Oh well, because yeah, that was a very Merls show.

I love. Uh you know Michael Landon in it. Oh yeah, it's Merlin Nelson in it.

He was the dad Michael Landon.

Okay, Yeah, of course I watched it.

And he was pan ma. I mean it was the best, uh, And of course it was I think an hour long and halfway through every time, my sister and I would be sobbing because there's always something sad on the prairie, and my dad would come in and do the same bit I've told you this.

We would come in and go.

Oh, no, you girls are too sad, we have to turn it off, and he would go like touch the TV to turn it off, and then we'd go even crazier. So it's like, we thought we were sad about this over here, and now you're threatening our very existence, like.

You're going to turn this to it's a diversionary. Yeah, well I only require you. I allow you to get sad about real things.

But that was it was actually in retrospect, a hilarious joke, or like two little girls sitting in the liv room like and he's like, oh, you can't watch this anymore. It's too sad, making us fucking lose our mind on purpose.

Uh, dad bits, dad lits. I like dad bits.

But they wouldn't do a dad bit like that these days because it would be disrespectful of the child's fucking preferences or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, it's it's funny. If I think about all the times I tried to cry to get something, and my dad would just laugh. It's like and I'm right away, I was like, well that didn't work. I guess I won't do that. Right on paper, that's not what you're supposed to do as a parent.

I think it is, though.

I think maybe the studies have all come back, you know, in long term studies, they're like, you know what, it is good to laugh at your kid every once.

In a while.

Yeah, keep their feet on the ground.

Yeah, Because I do see a lot of my friends with their parents. It's everything is a discussion, like they're a tiny adult. It's like, oh, I thought you could just say no, you can't anymore, okay, But who am I to say?

I mean, I honestly believe because my sister, you know, has been a teacher for so long, that whole thing of the kind of trend and the theories around permissive parenting did not pan out the way they thought, where it was like, if you give your child the option, then they feel empowered and they'll feel more you know whatever. But it's actually not true. It's good to take care of kids and be like, you're not having that right now because you're not in charge.

And maybe it does make them feel empowered, but is that really what we want? I exist no. When I was a kid, like at a skate park and there was older kids there, I was horrified and I would stay out of the way. Now they're like, get out of the wing, mister. I'm oh, I'm sorry. I'm like apologizing to children that have more confidence than I do as an adult.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's just not right.

It isn't right and it isn't fair.

But you shouldn't get out of the bowl if you can't handle it, is what I have to say.

It's true they're better than me too. I do need to get out of the way. Let me just take my old bones. Sorry, young man. And so I'm trying to do low impact stuff and I'm not kidding. I hurt my fingers bowling with my new ball. It's been two weeks. They will not heal. I think I think the holes are too tight. I don't know.

You can get them drilled larger.

I am going to Yeah, that was the that was the big We talked about that for about a half hour. There's no going back. I can always go larger. But I would never think anyone has ever been injured bowling, and I'm you're right up there. I think I hurt myself and I just ordered the shoes.

But not you didn't hurt yourself permanently, did you?

I don't know. I yeah, it's not crooked.

Did you over bowl?

Though? I over you know, I've been giving it torque. I'm curving it. I'm kissing the gutter.

So comes strikes, you're gonna have one of those.

I'm gonna have. I already have ordered my ankle, my ankle. I'm gonna start with ankle braces, work my way all the way up my body to the wrist, the problem area. I just want to get used to braces in general. A neck brace.

You just need to be girded clearly.

And I figured out the time management of it. You were like, where what is this going to take away from your golf or your skate? I've I've retired from my billiard's career. I'm not playing pool like okay, good because that happens in bars and brothels. I don't need to frequent those places. Good, yes, so yeah, no more billiards. I was getting good. I can visit it later.

I mean, I think that's all relative, right, Good at billiards.

Can you could you shoot a shot where the white ball jumped over the other balls?

Sure? Yeah, I was getting awhere. I could if there is a ball in the way, hit it above, give it some English, and I could. I could sometimes. No, yeah, I could curve it around. I can do. I'm good at. I'm good at. I'm good at. I was like, should I make some Should I make some videos?

Yes? Should I? You know?

And I don't. When I jump the ball, I'm not hitting it. Scooping it under the ball. That's a foul. By the way, a lot of people think they can jump the ball.

Get over, you fucking idiot.

When is this thing over driving like a horus? It's funny because that's a car. I uh yeah, to jump up all you're supposed to h at the top of it and immediately bounce it.

Let's scoop it up right.

You're going to threaten the felt if you feel like sometimes some of the topics I bring up on this podcast are on the surface boring, and then I just spice them up.

Uh, not the second half, but the first half.

For sure, I'm not even spicing them up.

It's all so spicy. It's spicy all day and night.

Oh my god, I'm sold. Why have we never had these?

Because it's been summer and spring and winter.

I mean in years past.

Maybe because we resisted the cultural push, right, and maybe you personally thought that's for girls, and you you have a lot of binary thinking.

I did. I did. Now I'm more open.

Good.

That's amazing, change so much. This is my Pumpkin's spice fall. Also, I think I because my mom was taught me to be a bit of a calorie like, I think when I first saw them, I'm like, sure, I'm sure it's delicious, but it's not seven hundred calories delicious. Yeah, whatever it is. It's like that's a giant Scooby Doo sandwich, yes, that I could eat.

And I I would almost pause it that it's more.

Than seven hundred calories.

Really, I mean, I don't know, but I do know that. Like I remember seeing one time the calorie count for like frappuccinos, and I was like, oh my god, I can never have one of those againsts Yeah I was.

I think I was right when I said it's just a hot ice cream.

Yeah.

I basically just had a well, it's delicious all have a sensible dinner.

And but also I think I told you about the tiktook I saw where they had a study that ice cream is good for you, but no scientists would back it because even though the data was there and they did the research for years, and it was a I have to find that TikTok.

For you too.

What would make it good for you? Because it does something to your endorphins or something I don't.

I can't remember, but it's like a long study and the role was like pointing to different pages of it. But it literally was like it's been so vilified because it's like we'll cut out fats or cut out this or that, but maybe it's that some combination of those fats are actually really good for you if you don't have like really bad cholesterol.

Like rights and being separately or nothing to write home about, but together they make a complex carbohydrate that kind of a combination. Maybe it was the best example I had on the top.

Of my I see it, just didn't know if it was true. I thought there were two questions taking place, and I didn't know either of them.

I will change the subject just to showcase a little bit of knowledge. I know I'm sorry. I wanted to be a doctor.

You really paralleled the hell out of that ice.

Cream with your bees, sugar and dairy. If at a lower temperature is good for your heart, yes, but if you heat that ship up, goodbye, goodbye?

And which is what you just had? Yeah, hot ice cream?

Oh well, I'm screwed.

Bye. How perfect?

Been nice knowing you and we're back to your house. This was a fun episode and I'm sure everyone's gonna enjoy it and learned a lot you've been listening to Do you Need a Ride? D y n Hair? This has been an Exactly Right production.

Produced by Analise Nelson.

Mixed by Edson Choy.

Our talent booker is Patrick Cottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Art work by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.

Thank you both, You're welcome.