S4 - Ep. 14 - Jared Goldstein

Are you leaving? I you on your way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and they termino and gage.

We want to send you off inside. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared her? Was it fine? Melborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need you ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris. You're listening, so do you need to ride? Welcome? I know I'm trying to mix it up. That was totally on purpose. You're listening to do you need to ride? Already? So welcome. My name is Chris.

Fairbanks and I'm Karen Tilgarriff.

We got thrown off. There was a red light run right in front of us. We started with drama. I promise that drama won't stop.

We're like some sort of HBO it doesn't exist anymore HBO show where it starts with a gunshot and you're like, wait, I just got to know that person.

You already killed them off?

Yes, we will do that in this it's a podcast version, so it's much more looky.

It's like a it's like a cold open. It reveals a lot about what you're going to see.

Yes, and just make no assumptions. Nothing is safe, No one is. Anybody could run a red light. Mercury is fully in retrograde in a very intense way.

Yeah, because of the moon. You have no idea what's going to happen today?

Yep, you think that that is a telling moment, the red light running. This is going to be this whole podcast is going to get turned up on its head.

Try and predict what's going to happen.

In fact, three guesses right now, Chris, what's going to happen?

We will see a grouping of diagonal fire trucks. Yes, we are going to see a child alone in a park with no adults around and a cause for concern.

I know that's specific, but.

I'm just leaking something that I saw on the way there.

I almost pulled over. And why is this car they're almost touching?

They literally were almost too.

I wanted to pull over. I saw a little boy in a giant park over here and there's no adults round, Like, why is there like a toddler?

Was it the one that's kind of near the freeway. Yes, the parent or guardian. I bet you was sitting at the base of a tree. So it's almost like you can go anywhere around here, because I used to walk the outside of that park for exercise. And there's a lot of free range child fake fakery where that child believes that they do have the ability to.

Go where if they want free range child. That's the only restaurant all of it had.

I feel like that parent.

There was no trees nearby, though, I really I slowed down and I'm like, what is happening?

That is scary?

Too bad? I have somewhere to be.

Yeah, and then you slowed down and then you hit that gas and said, don't get me involved.

Yeah, this is not my problem.

There are days where I have to be selfish and this was one of them.

Yeah, because we have to a podcast instead of save a child's life, I don't.

I do feel like I should have done something. And what is that's the third thing you did ask for three things that we will see today?

Oh, it might be this hot off the presses.

Uh.

Oh, I'm back on the road. And who has a gift card to say in our bucks? But from Christian Whitney and Boise. Oh my God, says skip the lemonade in your coffee this time, and ready.

To use Whitney and Christy. Is that their names?

It is, yes, Christy and Whitney from Boise in any order.

That's so nice. Thank you so much, Christian Whitney.

It's happening again.

It's like the cards are coming back.

Yes, sweet asked, because we were out completely right.

Oh, I have.

Others and I will continue to bring them.

I mean you should be forced to report them like a government tax I will.

You know what I'll do is I'll bring them. We'll just rest them in the console here.

They will get stolen out because I constantly leave my car out irresponsibly.

I'm totally joking.

You think that there will be smash and grab well.

Or just the door is open and just a grab.

Oh, just like a casual friendly. I'm gonna steal this, but not break your window grab.

It used to happen at my other house all the time. In my Honda Fit.

I would come out there and the middle box would be kind of rifled through, and it would be like I took your EarPods that still have a cord on them, or some shit like that.

Yeah, well, this space Age vehicle probably has a voice that.

Says, do not do this. You will regret this.

The door is a jar, don't be a white supremacist, even though our company is having serious problems.

Yeah, that one rarely comes up. But if this car will say that, I hope that that doesn't happen.

But I do think this is a good place to keep some of the Starbucks cars.

I did not have a dozen. Here's the thing.

I didn't mean to ruin what is my my favorite news because we would get those. I would get them on the road when I was on the road, and you would get them when you would get them, and we would keep them because people would be giving us like twenty five or fifty dollars on a gift card, like multiple beverages.

Yep.

So nice.

It is very nice, and it's happening again. It's like memory Lane, except it's a future lane. It's a good present lane. Love Ith. Yeah, it's so.

How is your show in Boise Boys was great?

I was worried going there because I love Boise, Idaho.

It's one of those you know, it's a it's a capital city town. So even though it's a very red state. They no longer have access to abortion. There there's men with gone open caerry like Texas style, which and I happen to arrive on their Pride weekend.

Okay.

Which when there's men with guns, even if they're you know, sportsmen, my favorite athlete, the man with the gun.

Uh there, it just made me nervous.

And yeah, but it's supposed.

To yes, and and you know, weed is very illegal, and not that I'm a huge weed person, but I did have a joint in my pocket that was a gift, and.

I thought that's very scary.

Yeah, but I I went to the The Pride parade was early, it was like nine in the morning, but it.

Was so sweet. I saw like an little old guy and his overalls in his lawn chair by himself, and he had his little rainbow flag.

It was enough to oh, yeah, I love it, dude.

Do know that my eyelids were not arid?

I yeah, like, And when I got picked up the uber at the airport, my driver was a older guy, seventy year old man with fishing lures in his hat, and he was telling me about everything happening that weekend. Well, there's the football game and the art's fair and it's it's Pride Week. And I was like, oh, have you been taking people there? He's like, yeah, you know, it's curious. Some folks have me drop them off two blocks away. And I'm like, well, where's your pride in that?

You know, he was an old guy.

It was I love that he was bringing up that point. I guess they're scared showing at work. Assume he was a very oh. He also said because he's noticed I skateboard. He's like, no, there's a skate park under you got Rhodes Park, and then Ken telling me where the skate parks were.

Yeah.

And then I said, well, Rhodes is a little intimidating for me.

It's like twelve foot deep pools. I'm kind of a low impact skater. And then he said, oh, you must go through a lot of trucks. First of all, I knew that the axle of a skateboard is called a truck. Yeah, my dad even would still call it an axle, I think. But he knew low impact meant I skate curbs. I'm like, how do you? I had to ask how he knew these things, and then he said, why I try and peep on top of everything, I'm on TikTok a lot. No, yeah, And then he was an old man.

If I could show you a picture of him, you'd be even more impressed.

And then he played some song that I didn't recognize, but I guess it's on TikTok a lot. It was like a hip hop song, like the new kind of rap. Like he there's no I don't. I doubt he enjoys it, but he was. It's for his routine. I'm hip and I'm it's important to me to pay attention to what young people are into.

Did he say skateboarding? I'm gonna know about new hip hop, not just my old school stuff, not just dre Yeah.

Yeah, wait really quick? Did he have a family? Is that part of the reason I.

Wanted to ask?

And I thought he would give me the information, but he let me think it was because of TikTok that he knew.

I love it even more.

Yeah, exactly.

I thought he wants to be a part of things.

Yeah.

It was great, And I think that's the majority of people.

I think, truly, Like, I think there's a lot of people that could have gotten swept up in trump Ism or what they thought it meant maybe in the beginning, and that are just quietly being like, welcome to our town. It's Pride weekend, because they're like, oh right, I don't want to be that person, right, Nobody really wants to be that extreme, like evil and kind of empty.

I don't think.

Yeah, even if that's what they're thinking. Everyone's conscious of how they appear. But this was genuine.

This guy was this guy wants to be connected with his fellow man.

Yeah, that's beautiful. It was great.

I did sit in the car at my drop off point and talked to him a little longer, nice, just because he was interesting to me. But that was just one of the many. This is one of those trips where I did nothing to prepare. I knew at a hotel with the venue the first night, but I stayed two more nights just to do a pop up show, and then the last day I was just going to

Like old friends that are from Montana that live there now nice.

It was the enthusiast like a like a welcome guest.

I felt like the person that's loved.

That's so sweet.

Yeah, yeah, it's great, but yeah, you know, there's it was a good weekend ago.

It is.

It's there's no zero homeless people.

There's certain things that like say, sound nice on paper, but it's always unrealistic when it's like where do you where? How do you get rid of? Everything's too clean? There's no one sleeping on the.

Streets right because they'll those guys with guns right with their open carryable citizen arrest What if you got citizen arrested for having a joint in your book?

Did you have anyone like that growing up that was a citizen on patrol?

No, that's what are you talking about exactly?

And and that's how I know the character I went into Reno nine one one. I know that they ended up having Paul Rubins do it, but my idea was based on a real guy in Missoula who had like a Bronco with a police scanner and CB radio and all through high school, if there was a.

Fight and that's all people did on weekends in the.

Nineties, he would show up and actually break up the fight or run after people and hold them down, wait for the police to come and they'd shake.

His hand or you know.

He was like And then one day I think he pulled out a gun at at a JB's restaurant or something, and they revoked his citizen on patrol status. But my character was he was going in and obviously had committed the crime, but because he.

Had it all figured out, or that's what I thought.

You had to improvise with them, and I thought it went well, even though I was nervous.

But then they gave it. They took that idea and gave it a pev hear. But that's okay, I'm not I'm sorry.

Are we changing topics? What's happening now?

There?

The citizen you're talking about an audition? Yes, Chris, Yeah, don't do that to me. I'm trying to drive a lot.

I know I'm trying to follow you.

You would have.

It's just a windy road. I told the story perfectly.

I'm just confused because of my surrounding.

Yes, the citizen on patrol was was solidified in time as a character on Reno nine one one got you guy I almost played, but no, it was.

But essentially it's Chris's idea everybody. But now essentially there's citizens on patrol everywhere. There's not the one weirdo. There's all kinds of weirdos doing it right.

And this guy's heart was in the right place supposedly, but no, he was a weird George's Immermann type.

Well, I mean knew why didn't he just audition to be a cop because he was mentally unstable and did not pass the tests.

That was public knowledge.

So they were like, whoa wow, I like him.

He almost touched us.

Literally, cars keep almost touching.

I have why don't touch me? It's not even wearing a mask. His fender almost touched your fender.

Yeah, he swung in a little maybe is a way to say I'm in charge.

And look at his elbow. He is tattooed like the American flag. His whole arm see the stars.

I thought it was a long sleeve shirt.

I think it is. It's a sheer.

So then forget the tattoo. He's wearing a patriotic fake tattoo body suit. Yeah, and I hope it's had to toe. I will almost Steve's his driving bodysuit.

I like the idea that the citizen on patrol in your town decided they needed to monitor teenagers, right, that's like, don't you think red flag number one on through five?

Yes, especially since he always was holding binoculars.

I know. No, I just added a joke. And then after he.

Got in trouble for pulling out a gun, he was then in like a little Honda Cord. He didn't have the truck with this with the CB radio anymore. He was just in a car. You're right, I didn't realize. This is like the when I told you my grandma kept stepping on rakes. I wasn't seeing things as they were. This guy was maybe.

You're a child, and I thought you're a child.

I mean I was, you know, sixteen through twenty one. The guy was around a good portion of my.

Life, and you just took it all on face value of like, yeah, this guy.

Chairs yeah, he's trying to fight the fight.

I hope he doesn't wrestle me to the ground again.

Yeah, yeah, he never was focused on me. You know, I was shy. I didn't I need no patrolling. I like today, you know, with all my home and invasions and things I've been doing, spare time.

Hips, all the stuff, all the illegal stuff. Yeah, that you're just addicted to. I'm very aware to God, if one more car fucking lane is.

Are the the roads narrower? That guy was on his phone. He was just about to kiss your fender.

Yeah. And also this asshole.

Here needs to get somewhere.

He needs to get up there.

Come on, we're in the same model A vehicles. Come on, Why do you need to outperform us?

Think of Elon and what he needs.

Yeah, this isn't battle Bots hosted by our friend Bill.

Am I going to be able to turn?

I guess we'll see.

That is always what I repeat over and over whenever I'm in West Hollywood.

I'm very excit.

I did about our guests today, and I predict he has a very funny joke that is about Tesla's and I hope that he does it, but he probably won't.

I don't think he would. He won't if he's a genuinely funny, but.

I've already quoted it. In this car.

They went about any car can be a tesla if you look at a laptop instead of the road.

This person, everyone's crazy. They honked out of haha, sager frustration. And now I'm taunting you.

They're like, I can do.

What I want.

Is that this guy today is in rare form. No, you will just wait until you see look at that handsome lad, and then I'll be like, bingo, Okay.

Don't be weird.

I am not.

I mean because he's new.

He doesn't know us, right, so don't yelp bingo. All right, and we are, Yeah, we are. It's very close. I'm gonna put I'm already celebrating.

Its unlocked. Hello, Hi, get into this car.

You've seen our guest today. Clubs and colleges across the country. Put your ears together for Jared Goldstein.

Hi, Jar, how are you?

You make up? And then we will read Hi.

Good, nice to meet you, Karen.

Karen, Jared, thank you so much for having me.

I I promised her that upon entry you would do your tesla joke.

But it's okay, you're off the hook.

But I would love to I've done it, I think three times, just because this. When I see this this monitor, I think of your joke.

Oh my god, and then I repeat it.

And you know, honestly, that joke. I'm proud of it, but I feel like I just ripped off a Parna on sheer La.

Oh really the joke.

She's funnier than me.

The joke, the tesla joke is any car is it?

I talk about my bad car, but any car is a Tesla if you look at your iPad instead of.

The road, right.

And there's a formula to that joke. The first time I heard it was from a Parna and her joke was, any pizza is a personal pizza if you cry while you eat it.

Yeah, oh I remember that joke and you don't. I don't. It's just I mean, I mean, it's just the format.

It's just a structure.

Yeah yeah, yeah, And maybe a Parna didn't even invent it, but that's who I credit it to.

Yeah, it feels like a very twittery structure where it's like, oh, great, idea, I'll put my own subject verb in there.

What did my Tesla tweek get one hundred and fifty four.

Likes on Twitter maybe it did. That's no longer on Twitter. I hung out my hat. Ye, I had a good week.

The week the artist formerly known as Twitter. Yeah this X everyone.

No one just calls it X.

They have to go Comma the social media formerly known as Twitter.

Because X is meaningless. Yes, X is curious George's signature.

What are you doing?

Yeah? Didn't you also get like sued because someone already owns X.

The band X.

Maybe could be that could be the Marxist spot people, the.

Alcohol industry, the porn industry.

Porn I think would have it over every Oh alcohol, if there's three?

Yeah, is a professor?

Yeah that's right, Yeah.

There's everyone's a person that used to be your larrior or girlfriend.

The exes. Oh see, I always come in with a with a nice soft landing.

If there's a riff, we were just winding that one down.

Yeah stop. Courtesy of me, Jared.

How was your day so far?

My day so far is pretty good.

I felt really hungover in Yucky yesterday.

So today, by virtue of the fact that I did not have three tequila sodas, I feel like Superman.

Did you party? Was it a party? Was there an event?

I went to Dodger Stadium for the first time in my life?

Ohoh wow, Yeah, what'd you think?

It was fine? It was like it was a little more fun than I had thought it would be, which would which was not very right. I'll say one really cool thing when we got there, it drizzled for like one minute, which was just enough.

Giant rainbow. The wow, giant rainbow over the whole stadium.

That's cool.

So my first time ever going to Dodger Stadium, it's at sunset, there's a giant rainbow.

Did you react like that?

The Double Rainbow guy who was a former cage fighter and was delighted by the double Rainbow star cage fighter. Yeah, I looked into him. I don't remember why. I think he was featured on Tosh point zero back when I was affiliated or opening for that guy. Yeah, and so maybe they I think they interviewed him, but he did not seem he was like a hippie guy that camps in the woods.

But he used to choke people out.

I mean, speaking of a double rainbow.

Coming up on our left is is two rainbow flags. Oh wow, I.

Thought you were going to say the old twenty four hour Fitness location.

Yeah, it's no longer there. That is a double rainbow flag.

Look at that.

We're officially in West Hollywood. Now we are parallel to the flags.

We're right in the thick.

We've arrived. We're also if anyone was confused, in America, there's also an American flagwaving. Yes.

Yes, we usually say that at the top of the hour, Welcome America.

This is America. Oh that's a different show.

When you say your first time at Dodger Stadium in your life.

You're from New York.

Right, Yes, I'm from New York, but I've been here for quite a while.

My Okay, so I used to have a joke about how I've been to Dodger Stadium twice. It was for the vaccine, right, and that's the only time I've ever been. So this was technically my third time going to Dodger Stadium. The first two times it was, you know, to drive through the parking lot to receive the COVID nineteen Madernavaca.

I wish they frightening time.

I wish they gave the shot on the pictures mound. That would have been I think more people would have gotten vaccinated.

Have you ever been on the JumboTron.

Oh, I haven't. I've always wanted to be.

I know, I really want that too. I feel like there's gotta be. If I go to a few more games, I'll figure out there's there's an opportunity there.

You know, you have to have something in your back pocket.

You do, You're not gonna waste that moment by jumping around like a maniac.

No.

It's one of my favorite things to watch on my phone, which is my entertainment system, is when someone has a big thing in their back pocket and they have a whole choreograph dance, and the cameraman follows them down the stairs and they are dancing to whatever song is playing. Yeah, it's very specific, but it's one of my favorite genres.

You'd have to try to top a baby. That's kind of that seems like the winner. Yeah, being on the JumboTron is babies. So I have to just figure out what's better than babies?

What about if you force a kiss cam on a stranger next to you.

That's kind of my like I.

Bring like kind of a I bring my own frame, Like I'm wearing the frame like it's a Halloween costume. And it says like kiss cam. Yeah, with like a little red dot recording.

Yeah, just bring a kissing booth, a frame that says of thirty five cents psychiatric help and kisses.

I mean we can just spitball so many ideas. Yeah, I got a ton of them.

That's my Oh okay, yeah. Two babies. Oh, I bring two.

Babies and not twins, because that's the easy version. Yeah, like two disparate babies.

Yeah, yes, I think you definitely would get on camera if you holding two babies. Each arm and on your head is one of those drinking helmets, but in each holster is milk and the straws or.

Do they go to the babies?

Yes, well yeah, but do they or do they?

Oh that that that provides some open that you can improvise a little but that Yeah, oh maybe I'll take a little zip.

The crowd would go wid crazy.

Yeah, I take it from the baby, I take a sip, give it back to the baby, and then you do so like a take.

To the camera of like parenting. Am I right? So it's like, of course I need a little nourishment myself.

Okay, I think we're getting close to something. Because they think they don't people don't have to like it. They just have to react to it and share it.

That's right, They just have to have an experience at the moment.

Yes, now, I'm we're going to run into the problem I've experienced many times for trying to shoot a sketch or a funny video.

Where do we get a baby?

I know a lot of babies.

Now, Oh, who do I know that are bad parents? That will let me take their bies.

To a Dodger Days?

And then you'll also need a set teacher so that you.

Know, oh right, like all the.

All the school they would miss they have, they have school. Do you know?

I was a child actor and I missed school and I had set teachers?

Oh really?

Yeah?

Well how'd you feel about that?

I feel great about it. Give me out of there.

Yeah.

I also taught myself math better than my teacher at the time taught me math.

Yeah, and my math.

Teacher agreed to that. Agreed.

Oh really yeah, because you came back with more knowledge.

Yeah.

They said that they were shocked that I learned it.

Wow.

Yeah, So was that because your set teacher was good or because you were just good?

By here's the thing about the set teachers.

They were great, but they were for like young, young, young children. I was an older looking I mean a younger looking seventeen year old right, Oh, so like this who looked eleven.

Yeah.

I was a really late bloomer. So I was able to play children much, you know, for longer than a lot of other kids who were very naturally and normally going through puberty at eleven, twelve, thirteen. I was not. So I was able to keep working. So I was.

I was always on set with like nine year olds ten.

So the tutors were for those, you know, aged children, and they never knew my I was like I was in ap classes.

Oh yeah, and they were doing like, you know, sentences.

Yeah. Wow. So none of the small talk with the other child actors was about school. No, No, like you're doing long division.

Yeah, exactly exactly. So yeah, it was it was. It was tough, and it was fine. It was better than being in school. It was like, it was very glamorous.

So how how young were you and how old was the character you were playing when you were like on a Modern Family.

Were you secretly like twenty years old?

No? At that point I was a much older child actor, still still at it playing I guess that character was probably like twenty five.

Oh really yeah? Okay, Yeah.

When I was a kid, I wasn't doing like acting like I was doing theater. Oh. I was like doing musical theater in New York. How yeah, like.

Broadway.

You freaking know it?

Are you saying? What did you do?

I was in a Christmas Carol at Madison Square Garden.

Oh my god, yeah, that's what. Who was your character in a Christmas Guy?

I played?

That's a wig.

Yes, when I played Scrooge when he was a kid, when they go back in time with the ghost of Christmas Past.

That's amazing.

And you learned that he was once very good.

I'm so glad you didn't have to be the one at the end who has to go get the Christmas goose.

That's a terrible gig.

But I did also play Tiny Tim's brother, and a rich kid and a poor kid. I played four parts.

That's range.

Yeah.

I played young Scrooge, tiny Tim's brother, a rich.

And that was a musical. Oh wow.

When you played the rich kid, did you have a certain posture and then when you played the poor kid you had the inverted version of that posture.

I had a rich kid. I had like a beautiful jacket, and it was like it was like made us some kind of special like authentic wool, which means it was ugly and bad because this is like what it was like the eighteen hundreds. Don't even know when it was. Yeah, it never happened. Times when it was it was never because Christmas Carol is not a document.

They had the real jacket.

I just loved what you said.

Theautiful jacket to really show us.

But yeah, I mean like it was a it was a navy jacket with black like wool like kind of like, uh, I don't know what epaulets are, but I bet it was epaulets. And then I had a like like a beret, essentially a bray like a French fort. It was like a like a navy beret. And that's what I wore when I was a rich kid.

And then when you oversized lollipop too, it seems like that's what goes with that.

That would have worked. And then when I was playing a poor kid, I dressed like everyone dresses like I would probably say, like in twenty fourteen, fingers.

You got it, you got it?

Yeah, fingerless glove, beanie, suspender.

Eh and m fash fash fast.

Yeah, just like a.

Crop sweater like those sort of like remember those like fried boots everyone was wearing like that to look like a cobbler or something.

Mm hmmm.

Impossible to break in those boots. Horrible, just unless you work on a ranch.

Yeah.

I only wore boat shoes for six years because of fashion. And now I have forever callouses on both big toes.

Yeah, forever.

There's no curing the callus that I have on either side.

Yeah, that makes.

Sense, just from like Sperry topsiders, Yeah, sock list without sock Oh, Batt'll do it.

Yeah, and working on my feet in them too.

Did you ever have a problem with foot odor? And some Perry.

Topsiders with no sy totally?

That was so I had wore those and also kids in the eighties because I was there for the eighties. Yeah, and that was one of the most embarrassing things that ever happened. Was one time at my friend's house taking off my kids, and my friend's like, oh my god, your feet smelled so bad, and I was like, wait what And it was like I had to discover, like as a twelve year old, that you can't just wear socks in kids.

And get away with it.

Yeah, yeah, it is, it is.

It was an unfair time because they didn't have these new invisible stuff socks, no.

No, I had to make my own invisible song.

Did you you're the inventor of invisible?

Yeah? I've invented so many things, but I just didn't get around to what else? What else? Froze? Oh yeah, funny froze.

Really that was me?

That was me?

Since what year? Would you say?

Since like twenty thirteen? Twenty thirteen, and then it hit the scene and I want to say twenty fifteen. Wow, yeah, Crose was me. Also, the clip that attaches your tablet to your bed so you can feel like you have a TV when you don't. Oh, that's a great idea.

Good job on that one. I did that only on that one.

Do you just not know a patent clerk?

Yeah? Can I? When I have these million dollar ideas, it hits me like a ton of bricks, and it's a really it's actually a very sad moment because I just know the truth is like either I'm not I'm just not going to get around to doing it, or someone already has and it's months out. It's months out for the reveal.

Yeah, and it's just what am I going to do?

Right?

There's a there's a real almost like a good idea paralysis where it's like, oh, this could really go somewhere, and now I'm a burden.

Yeah. And also just the reality that, like I know, especially you know, certain times in my life, I'm certainly not busy.

Now.

If I have any million dollar ideas, I would love to pursue them vigorously. But I've been busy before. And you know, you just you have to have a lot of free time, right to make an idea of reality?

Yeah, you have to hang out in your garage a lot and do a lot.

Of You got a grind with other inventors, right, you know you have.

To hire a lawyer, you have to.

Yes, Yeah, you have to protect your rights completely.

You have to wear a lot of lab coats and have wacky hair.

Yeah.

You have to be open to other people's ideas horrifying.

Oh yeah, I gotta work on that.

I'm really like stubborn.

Because you know, you have the best ideas.

I think I do. Yeah, I certainly think I do.

I don't I don't get that from you. I found you to be very open when I when I've met you.

Okay, good?

Yeah. Yeah.

You also smell like coconut, which I really like.

I'm wearing designer sunscreen.

Oh really, Yeah, this is a banana boato.

No it's no, it's it's it's incredibly normal sunscreen. But they just like, you know, kind of put a label on it. I don't even know what the label is. Actually, it's called Vacation. I think that's what it's called. Oh, it's called vacation. It might it's not from Supergroup.

But it's I have a Supergoop thirty.

You have a Super Good thirty. This is next to Supergoop, and it's it's just you remember, like American apparel. Ye, it's like American apparel, but it's sunscreen and it's called Vacation. And the bottle is so beautiful and it's it's like designed to be scented like classic Oh yeah, nineties eighties sunscreen.

It smells so good.

Yeah, that was a bunch of memories just washed ashore.

Right.

Yeah, there's a pinacla vibe to it. There's a real like, yeah, we're all having a great time.

And if you see the font on the bottle, you will you really feel the fantasy.

You're like, oh my god, it's nineteen ninety one.

Yes, remember the original, Like not the origine, but like in the nineties, the Dorito's label, it used to just be like kind of a nice font.

Yeah, and then at some point.

In like the early two thousands, everything got like electric. Yeah yeah, yeah, you know, but it used to be like Cheerios. Everything was just kind of like kind of felt like.

The fifties or something. Yeah, this bottle.

Looks like that as as a I'm a big fan of simple, legible fonts. Yeah, and clean logos, and Doritos is all over the map.

It's just a mess.

Oh, it's crazy. Remember three D Doritos, Like what those tops they put them in a plastic like tube. Three D Doritos. For me, that was like the death of art. Yeah, that was like we've lost art over. Yeah.

But they do come with those fun glasses.

Them. Yeah.

I for a little while they were spicy Doritos, but they looked so much like the normal bag that I would accidentally get the spicy bag, not kind of not paying attention to Detai then.

Be like, I don't like Dorito's anymore. They burn. I can't do it. And then it's like, yeah, you're buying the wrong flavor.

Yeah, there are some chips out there that will affect the rest of your day.

Yeah, and I don't want to get more detailed. Good good, I love it. Are you still singing?

I sing at home?

But I'm good.

You're You're probably about to say you aren't. And you were good as a child and now you are. But I bet you're really good.

I'll say I was good as a child and I'm fine now I'm better than most.

But do you blame puberty?

Of Oh, it was terrible, Like it was like overnight, it was gone.

It was gone, and it just did not come back.

It kind of came back a little bit, like maybe fully ten years later, but it's still just like it's just it just left. It just left, and I just have to say goodbye to it.

I have a feeling, though, what if I took you to a karaoke night, would you surprise me by melting everyone's faces?

I wouldn't, I swear to god, I wouldn't.

Really, yeah, I wouldn't. I think if you, like, if you maybe caught me on a good day and you you had your ear up to my window and you heard me singing in the bathroom, you might think for a second it was the radio and then go, oh my god, wait, who is like that? You might have that experience, but no any like any kind of like live performing of singing. It's like it just got It was so bad and hard and sad and like to really to like go from Broadway to like I can't

That's a lot.

Yeah, like too, you'd have to be very I think maybe even overly therapized to be able to process that and not have it be bad.

Yeah. Yeah, it was just like honestly, the best I could do was like after years and years of like trying and trying and trying to get it back, I just gave up on trying. And then a little while later I was at work at a restaurant job, and I was had my headphones in and I was just like singing to myself kind of like you know, without any awareness of people around me. And the hostess at the restaurant, she she laughed at me and she goes, she's like, she goes, don't quit your day job. And

It is always funny to say that to someone as you're both at your day job.

Yes, exactly, yes, So it was like, oh wow, in that moment, it was kind of nice. It was like, oh look, I really did kind of let this go. And then later on in life, I woke up in the first thing I did was look at Instagram, because I have normal healthy practices, of course, and I saw a reel of like a Broadway show and it just looked so silly to me, and it was like it became clear to me. It was like, oh wait, like

I wouldn't choose that for you either, because I've seen you do stand up, Oh thank you.

I think that that's what.

You should be, that's what you're meant to do.

Yeah, I've seen a lot of stand up lately, well not as much as I used to. They're just starting as many shows.

But we've been on a few shows together, and you always have great jokes.

Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, I'm really said that when you're not in the car.

Yes, it's true.

Yeah, this is behind you.

Yeah, and now I'm saying thank you, behind yours.

It's the way the car is configured.

Yeah, but I do think what you're saying this just is making me think of a like a similar thing that I went through where when it was like not my choice to it felt like the world was ending and so horrifying that car's abandoned.

That question it is, how did you even know?

Because I was making sure.

I literally was like, hey, we're you're not going to come and t bone me. I like to see if I can't, And there's just no one.

In the car.

They even took the time, and maybe the car does it on their own. They've fold up their I want to call them ears, but that's not the cars of yours side view mirrors.

Yeah, that's right, you got it.

Yeah, that's wild.

Wow.

But point being just exactly what you said is very wise, which is when it's about choice. So grieving the loss of a choice can sometimes be as sad as anything else because you're just like I believed in myself and I thought it was like better than you know, the average person, and then now I'm having to look at it in a different way. And then you can be like late a little later on when you get to have those feelings, then you're just like or not or that whole experience was just what it was.

Yeah, and it was a great experience that I'm like, it's like if the worst thing that happened to me was I was on Broadway only as a child, it's great. It's so great, and I'm like it's all lucky, and obviously I'm just bitter and jealous now, but yeah, it was. It was cool and I'll never shut up about it.

Ever.

It is was it? Were you cool? Then?

Like?

At school? Did you miss a.

Lot of My sister was really popular and I was really not, And doing this helped. Right when I was a kid, I was I was in a sketch on SNL one weekend. Yeah, and uh, a teacher of mine asked me to bring the VHS of it to school, So I did and then in every next class there was a student from the from the class prior who would say, Jared was on SNL this weekending, I vies and is with him making play with was white. So we just played it all day long, and I guess

That's I still have dreams about about going back to school and something like that.

I don't know why.

It's usually a piano concert in the gymnasium, but something that all the.

Kids, uh, something love, Yeah, whether it be a perfect dance or something something to make you stand out other than just being quiet and shy, which is what I was.

Yeah.

What sketch was it that you were at?

It was called the Fun Friends Club. Tina Fey wrote it. It's with Jimmy Fallon as the director of a kids show. Ray Liotta played Barney, and the joke was we had all come back from hiatus and all the kids were now going to puberty, and it really was sort of a foreshadowing of my future. Oh, it totally was, Yeah, because the joke was that my voice changed. Did you lower your voice or did you know Don Pardo the announcer, that's my voice and my lip synced to Don Pardo

I think Jao Ping's voice is changing.

And then I walk up and my characters name is choking. Oh wow, which used to get a really big laugh yea. Over the year, I now say that people kind of go, what's that written?

Or that wow?

Yeah, Everyone's just like, no, thank you.

Yeah, that's amazing. Was that one of your earlier TV jobs?

Yes?

Yeah, that's like one of the coolest things.

And what I love is you remember the lines, because I bet you they're in your brain forever.

I remember the songs. I don't remember the choreography, but I could maybe remember that if I tried, I can get the choreography back.

You could. Yeah, it's all muscle memory.

Yeah, it's all in there there.

So where all the other kids ten years younger literally were I was the only one who knew where I was.

I was freaking out. I was so excited to me Jimmy Fallon, Oh yes, and all these people, I couldn't believe it.

They had had no idea. They were like eight, that's so great.

Yeah, I was fourteen, that's so crazy.

And wait, so can you talk about the feeling of doing it live?

Did you have any kind of uh.

Like realization this is live and they don't mess up in all those kind of panics.

Not really, honestly, just because like I was coming from musical theater, so I was really used to like just every time.

Counts, you just do it. You rehearse it.

You also you get to rehearse it so like you don't have to feel scared because you've done it a bunch.

You're likely the only child there that had performed at Radio City Musical.

Actually, no, one of the other kids was in the show with me.

Oh really Yeah, Tiny Tim's other brother.

Yeah, Tiny Tim's cousin.

You're just staring him down, like and stop getting the jobs.

I guess you know.

Actually it was Tiny Tim's sister. That's real.

Yeah, yeah, it was. It was a good litld time.

But that's also when I started doing stand up. That's what I really liked about it was like, oh, it's like theater because like I'm on a stage, there's lights, the people are here.

I hear it right away. I get to practice it before I do.

It, because like when you're like doing television or film, it's like it's really scary because there's this camera and you're like, oh my god, like action like go you know that. That was very intimidating, But like getting like anything live was like you just also like if you mess up, like no one really even knows, you know what I mean, Like you're just kinda like.

Although having to lip sync, I bet was a.

Little okay, can I'll be vulnerable right now.

In the rehearsal, I my lip sync was perfect in the In the actual you know show, my lip sync is not perfect.

Well, it's a hard thing. You don't know when Pardo is about to start.

Literally yeah, like there's no music, it's fully just like, yeah, we didn't.

It didn't happen. It didn't come together.

So when you were practicing, were you practicing to a recording?

I don't really remember. Yeah, I think we just practiced a couple of times. You know, it's crazy, it's live.

The intro to the show is live every time. I didn't know that.

Oh yeah, yeah.

Old him saying all those nay, I didn't know.

That any single show. Don.

But I think now it's Daryl Hammond. I think I don't know what they do anymore.

But back in the day, Don Pardo was in the building every Saturday night saying it every time.

Wowow, very exciting, Jamie, kind of a Halloween I'm haunting you with the cow.

Very spooky.

Wow. That is amazing.

Yeah, So when you when your voice changed and you were like, I don't know if I'm going to be a musical theater person name or where your parents like support them?

Did they want you to be doing.

That or yeah? It was like it was that part was hard because like we just didn't know, like, you know, we didn't like my my mom does nails, my dad's an accountant, Like we didn't have any like experience like with like it was so fun when it was good, and then when it got bad, like we just didn't know what to do, and like all we really had to go off of was like Mariah Carey's behind the music.

So you just showed everybody all your slips. Yeah.

Yeah, So.

We just were like it was just like, you know, get tough for go home.

Yeah, and we were and like it that that part was the hard part was like when it started going badly, like it very much felt like it was my fall and like a better, more dedicated, you know, destined star would figure this out and I wasn't figuring it out.

And I was trying to figure it out and I just couldn't.

So it was like it was already sad, but then on top of that, it was like I felt like I was failing and I felt like I was somehow doing the wrong thing, or like if I if I ever felt I remember at the time like I got fired from this musical and then essentially after that, I just like never worked again. And I remember like my manager, who was like exactly what you would think like a child acting manager was to a t, she was exactly that.

It was a simpler time children. You staff to act at gunpoint, yeah, and you had to love it.

You had to really be.

Good, smile and dance. Yeah, It's never loaded.

But also doesn't it seem like in that I feel like I know myself lots of people that have done it where it's like anything that's happening while things are slowing down or not going well.

Yeah, it doesn't.

People could be saying anything and it's like I'll never forget. Like I was like, it's like you just a phrase, a passing phrase that someone says somebody I can't. I think it was like Roger Rittenhouse somebody one time in the middle of a bar turning me and goes, what happened with you? Everybody thought like you were gonna do like and I was like looking at him.

Lightly, and I was very nice.

I was real drunk, but I was like looking at him like what the fuck? And then it was like I was probably twenty five or twenty six, and I was like, oh, yeah, I'm done, Like this is there's no hope.

Yeah.

And that's the thing if.

You're too young and you don't know, it's like there's not you just said I I never worked again. It's like, yes you have, Yes, you've done all kinds of stuff, like there's such a chapter two, next chapter whatever waiting and we can't know that at that time because we just have to like go through the bad part.

Yeah. Yeah, and it's yeah, it's tough. It's tough also because it's like it's it's just hard and like they don't know one means to hurt you like that. Then I realize it's happening. It's like a passing moment for them.

Right.

But it's like when things are bad, like yeah, maybe maybe maybe I'll write a book someday on how to how to talk to a child actor who doesn't book, Yeah, you know, how to talk to you aboard?

Yes, yeah, it's a children's book, a pop up book.

Yeah, it's a picture of a kid who looks just like them, but a little bit younger. It's like popping out.

And everyone's gathered around.

But now, oh my god. Yeah.

Yeah, when people say that, it's it's almost like they're trying to compliment you. Like ever since I first saw you, I thought you were destined for something. Isn't it crazy that it hasn't happened? But that hurts when someone says that.

Yeah, yeah, just don't say it.

Don't tell people that you had expectations of them.

That guy is just gonna. I bet he abandons the car.

And they're doing two podcasts.

Yeah, one's about toad trucks, the other ones about being toad, which.

Can be very humiliating.

Sometimes.

I've never I have not yet been toad ever.

No, I've only been dry for like two years.

Oh well there's the answer.

Yeah.

Yeah, my first ten years I was toe free, real yeah, born without toes.

And then I moved.

It happened. I but such stupid things. I remember leaving Michelle Balloon.

Used to live right up here on Hollywood Boulevard, and I just left my car overnight and slept on her couch and it was gone the next day, and I called the police. My car has been stolen. Like I just was so laive and so kept happening. I have been to it many times. Oh damn, and avoid it.

Read those signs. They can be confusing. Oftentimes there's seven of them stacked on top of each other. But the whole going to the holding area and having to pay for the daily them having your car there.

It's expensive. You don't meet any nice people.

No, they don't care about your story.

No they don't. And I always tell it.

But what how I was gonna say, how different is Los Angeles from New York.

No, it's exactly the same.

It is, isn't it.

It's literally the same.

But that is why you've only been driving a couple of years, right, Yeah.

Yeah. When I first got here, I was borrowing my friend's cars and that was that was great. I when I moved here, I was like friends with all these actors who were doing really well, and they would like go to film a movie for three months in Budapest and maybe like take my twenty ten Honda.

You're like car sitting.

Yeah yeah, And I literally like got by for years like that. There are so many twenty three year olds in the city who are currently in Budapest for Atlanta.

They have apartments, they have cars, you can sit.

Their dog completely totally.

Yeah.

So I just got by like that for a while, and then that stopped working. For and then but then Uber was it came around and then yeah, and then I used to like uberpool and lyft line everywhere. When when lyft Line first started, I once lifted to the airport for sixteen dollars. Right, we took up anyone, We didn't pick anyone up. It was a lift line from West Hollywood to lax the Dream.

Yeah, sixteen dollars.

Yeah.

Those early years were the best and it was crazy. Yeah, yeah, totally makes sense. What I can't believe is how many adults I knew when I moved here in the early two thousands that were adults that had never driven and lived in this city and took taxis that.

I was like, how do how does that work?

But Paul Tompkins, remember he was like, yeah, did not have a license, had never driven, and was a full on functioning adult. But nowadays, because of Left and Uber, you could do it. I think about it sometimes I.

Should just leave this car at a stop light and just walk into Echo Park. It is an option. Yeah.

Do you test those like float or have any kind of water protections?

I think there is a kind of like they I don't think they float.

That would be incredible.

I would have driven it into something by now, But I do think they have like a sealed off thing.

Whoa, I do think that available on YouTube are videos of these cars being driven into water and really yeah, and they will act like a boat for a moment.

Are you sure you're not thinking of the boat car video?

I am thinking of the James Bond Lotus that becomes a submarine's but it's the same color.

As this car.

Did you hear that?

Elon Musk was live streaming driving his car and he put it into Elon mode and he almost the car almost killed them.

Whoa, well a.

Lot live stream, I mean, because he was like this Elon mode where all the rules are being broken and all this crazy shit, and then it just drove him through a red light and through a four way stop.

How symbolical.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, that's our experience with him.

I didn't hear that.

And you can. I can watch that, Yes you can right now. Won't it be bad for podcasts?

Yes, it's not a good idea.

Okay, I won't, but you can. Wow, of course that happened, Jared.

How's your summer Ben? Overall? Do you want to talk about any highlights?

Sure?

I met my boyfriend's family on Long Island. How was it?

Really?

It was great? It was really good. I'm a brand new boyfriend. It's my first time ever doing it, and I'm really bad at it. But I gotta say I knocked out of the.

Park meeting the family. I like him, yes, yeah, yeah, he likes you a lot.

Cool.

Yeah, he's really great.

He's great, and he grew up in a famously haunted house in a gorgeous town. We're both from Long Island and we're both just about the same age, which is fun because we just we're only just now meeting and we're you know, we're long distance and all these things. So when I just thought we grew up the same because we both grew up on Long Island. But his town is.

Like so so beautiful, and it was cool to go and like eat crab and like see like these like little islands and stuff, and that was like a fun part of the summer.

Nice.

I'm so.

I don't know anything about Long Island and this might make everyone laugh, but is it indeed an island?

It is, and it's also really long, like if you drive to like Montalk or the Hamptons, which is at the end of it. Essentially, it takes so long you hate it and you can't believe it, and you're like, oh my god, it really is so long.

Yeah.

So wait, he still lives there your boyfriend?

No, well he lives in Brooklyn.

Now, oh, I didn't know it was. It's currently long distance.

Yeah, although he's actually in my apartment right now.

With food poisoning prove it.

Yeah, yeah, he got food poisoning.

Did he get it at the Dodger Stadium.

Well, here's a thing I felt terrible yesterday, which included nausea but also kind of just being hungover from like the drinking. He felt okay. We then went to a diner where he had Morella sticks. Oh, and then the first thing he threw up in the middle of the night was Monzerelli sto. So he feels like maybe he got food poisoning from the diner, but maybe it was maybe it was like a delayed you know, maybe it was a one two punch of Dodger Stadium wow, diner.

Yes, No, it's some you never know what. I have narrowed it down where my food poisoning came from. One time. It was the Burger place next to the comedy club in Austin. I knew I got it there, and I went back to tell them, Hey, by the way, I got sick yesterday, but I showed up hungry and I ended up getting another burger. There's no way it's going to happen again. And it, even though it made me sick, it was delicious.

I do recall it.

My god, you refuse to learn.

The last time I saw you, Jared, we did a show here at the Pleasure Chest.

Yes, it's where I met said boyfriend, and then I had my nieces in town.

But you then you went across the street and I couldn't go, and you said, well, let's have lunch sometime soon.

Yes, And I've thought about it.

I felt like too much time for out of the blue recently to suddenly say, hey, let's do that lunch.

And I think that's actually the right call, so I think we should. I don't think we should ever get lunch.

Right, Okay, that's what I did. You you knew? Is it too late to call it off? Good? Okay, I'm glad the mistake.

Yeah, no, let's definitely get lunch. Also, you missed nothing. We went to bar Lubitch for two minutes and then just went home.

Yeah.

Well we didn't even get a drink. We just walked in realized this wasn't the move.

We went on bar lubitch is it.

I always thought that that would be such a cool place to have fun on a non comedy night because of maybe because of the black and white tile floor, or that there would be some sort of I don't know, Russian vibe meet Russian person.

I don't know, but I feel like that never has happened.

Right, It's aesthetically pleasing. And then I have been there for non comedy events. I even had like my.

First album release party there.

It is like if you're not in that back room doing stand up on that stage.

Which I love, it's so fun, so good, it's so fun, such a good run.

I don't know what it is about it, but I've never not had fun on that stage.

Yeah, I performing for six people.

Yes, it's always fun.

I just had a memory the other day.

This is I'll be vulnerable too, because this is really embarrassing to admit, but it's true and no surprise. But I was thinking about a set I did there one time, and it was when I was doing my comedy music, which of course I felt a lot of shame about

And I just thought of.

That the other day, and I was just like, they knew your song, they knew your lyrics. Were these fans no, no, no?

It was almost like they'd gotten to the chorus and they were gonna they were going to do it too, or some shit. I don't really know what they were thinking, but I was not into it.

I feel that way even when an audience starts clapping. I like when an artist is like, please don't clap now, I have to actually listen to the drummer that a few times. It's like that no one's ever been no audience has ever been good at clapping and.

Keeping the beat.

No, we just say no. White audience.

I'm sorry, everyone, but can we look at that robot and not agree that not only are they kind of cute, I worry about those delivery robots.

Yes, that's what I was talking about.

Their proximity to children makes them like exponentially cuter. Yeah, I feel like I'm watching a Pixar movie robot.

If you talk about them or address them, they do slow down, like they they.

They're aware of you.

Yes, And I wonder if a little kid went up HI, if they'd stop. And because they have a smiling face, they have a voice that says excuse me.

They're like Wally, they say excuse me.

Yes, they are adorable.

I'm always worried someone will vandalize them.

I saw a video of one rolling through a crime scene one time.

It's just like those tape up and cops standing around, and that thing just rolls right through the start and.

They're picking up blood samples.

Whoa and you would never know if that was your food.

You're like, did my five guys just get rolled through?

There's a right, five guys, there's blood on my front.

Do you think they put those like circle lights that kind of look like eyes on them as like a defense mechanism.

They Yeah, they must have. I hope they have some defense mechanism.

Because people, just like half the city, their tendency is to walk up to that bird scooter and just kick it over. Yeah, because they want to be punk rock or something. I do feel like they probably get vandalized all the time. So a giant light.

Right, Like imagine if that limescreater had a giraffe head. Yeah, wouldn't you be like you'd like probably like fuck with it?

Last? Yeah, you're right, Yeah, they should add a little faces like a Tommy the Train fish.

Yeah. Yeah, I honestly I'm not convinced yet that they haven't already done that. I feel like those circles because they don't need those lights. Do they are those lights? It's not lighting the way or anything right makes them. It's like it just gives it. It's the suggestion of a face.

Yeah, anthropomorphizes, yes, So it's like it's it's it's a little bit sinister in a way.

But I really.

It's a great idea.

I know, what can we do?

I mean, who cares well?

I almost started talking about putting little outfits on them, but we can totally chose.

But he's got a beret and a be a full jacket.

Beautiful.

Oh, this is terrific.

Yeah, we've really driven all around.

Yeah, if you haven't seen your neighborhood yet, I hope you're enjoying it.

You got to stop by. This H and R block.

So much nicer than the one in my neighborhood.

They're so good with a state planning.

Yeah, very that location specifically, I feel it's very that you were hungover because of three drinks. Lets me know that is a very innocent number of drinks. And I think that if I lived in this area when I was younger and when I first moved here, I would have been in trouble because it's so easy to just walk. Oh i'm bored, let's go party for no reason.

Totally totally.

Let's go watch some like drag Bingo or something that's the Bot's my personal favorite.

It is a fun part of town to be.

Yeah, I've been slowing down on drinking.

I have, It's well, I have not for six months. I think I'm done.

Oh beautiful, I think, oh that's great.

But okay, cool. But also if you're not done.

Fine, right, I am leaving that possibility open. Because I don't want to disappoint myself later. But between me and myself and everyone in this car, and I guess the listeners, I think I'm done.

I think you're done.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The less you do it, the easier it is to be done.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Also, here's what I'm realizing now, and this is this is a part of the reason. It's I feel great in taking a break right now. I'm tired of the drinks that we have right now, I've had them all.

What have you been drinking lately?

Like, you know, we get new drinks every seven years. Right now it's orange wine and the groanie and oh that's right, things, you know, Like I've had them, and like I have like some of them. I like some of them I don't. I've definitely had enough of all the ones I really like. And now I'm at a point where, like when I when I I've also exhausted my classics, like the idea have a martini, I'm just kind of like, oh, I have a martini. So I'm

Wine and wine.

Yeah, Like I need new drinks because I'm like, I'm bored of what we have. And I'm like, yeah, it's You're right.

I've never really realized that there was like the year of the Mahido, the Year of the Moscow.

Yes, and people, and my god, but if you that's for a Moscow mule today?

Yeah, I know, I go like, this guy's from twenty thirteen. Yes, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna look at this old nerd.

Yeah, moos, that was like two thousand and seven.

And you invented that, right, Yeah, that was all Yeah.

Wait, what's the drink? You invented a frozen frozen frozen yeah, which yeah, my my extensive knowledge of the language means a frozen rosy exactly. Yeah, I agree. I put that those two together.

So good.

We're actually dropping you off at your driveway, which looks more like a walkway.

Yeah yeah. And it used to look even better. They went too far with the like landscaping. It used to be so overgrown and lush. It looked like Jurassic Park. It was so cool and now it's you know, it's it's still there.

Wait do you have park? Do people drive on that? Yeah?

Yeah, you drive right up that cool which is kind of fun. You kind of bounce up and you drive straight into the back and then there's a garage back there.

So it was like more of this yeah stuff.

There's so much more. Really, it looked like a jungle.

It looked like you were entering a jungle.

It was so cool. It was definitely like.

One of the most exciting parts of the apartment.

If I was visiting here and I didn't know better, I would just see this and go, oh, this is where the shaw Melrose plays.

It's got that.

Yes, you are you pels with all your neighbors.

I am pals with some of them.

Yes, not all of them, No, certainly not. Most people are terrible.

In this.

Yeah.

Do you want to plug anything before we wrap it up?

Oh?

I will plug Licospheric vitamin C.

Oh.

Sure, it's great for your skin. Okay, try It's expensive, but it's kind of worth it.

What does it do for your skin?

It just makes it kind of plump. But you know, like vitamin C serum is designed to like make you plump and bright. I feel like it doesn't really work, but if you eat it, it does. And lipospic vitamin C if you put it into a cup of water and you throw it back like a shot. It looks like orange mucus. It's very cool.

And then a couple of days later you wake up and you go, really, your face in the Yeah, I'm yeah.

That's interesting that I would think it would have to be topical, otherwise it would take years to see the topical takes years.

Yeah, take it, vitamins.

Now, can I squirt the lotion that I already have into my mouth?

Now?

Don't do that? Okay, what if it smells like your sunscreen delicious coup.

Yeah, that's a good thing that it smells. So it smells amazing.

Isn't that crazy?

And it's kind of like it's not just a scent, but it is a vibe.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sorry to say that.

You don't need to wear Colonne. When you're wearing a sc it.

Does remind me of a girlfriend that was mean to me, But it doesn't.

That's your thing.

Well, everyone that has a computer, just type and Jared Goldstein and enjoy his life's works.

On the computer.

It's all there. It's all there. Yeah, thanks for having me.

Yeah, you're the best.

It was so nice to meet you.

This was great.

Yeah, so fun and check out Jared Jared's stand up. Most importantly, to me, Emmy and Karen, you've been listening to Do You Need a Ride?

D y n a R. This has been an exactly Right production.

Produced by Analise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choy. Our talent booker is Patrick Cottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarreth.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh you're welcome.

Oh no, oh, there's a doubt.

Set the dog