S4 - Ep. 12 - Billy Wayne Davis

Are you leave the I you on your way back home? Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay.

We want to send you off inside.

Le wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine?

Malborn?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need you ride?

Ride?

Do you need with Karen and Chris, you're listening to do you need to ride?

Oh my god, that's scary. We might have to keep that welcome to Do you need to ride?

This is Chris.

Fairbanks and this is Karen kilgaraff.

I thought it would be a fun little uh stunt to do the podcast backwards today.

That's uh so, do you have any plugs?

Yeah?

I will be online and occasionally doing stand up. Oh that's so funny. It just came out of me. That's a podcast first.

You know.

And what's exciting about having this job, Chris, is that stuff like that, which if we worked in it and made a mistake on that level, we would probably written up, if not called into the boss's office.

On podcasting.

It's just one more compelling, interesting moment between us to talk about and make jokes.

Yeah, and especially since I'm working with the head boss.

That's right.

I didn't even get written up this will well, you don't know.

This might be in your final year you're any review.

This is like in Spanish class in high school where she silently was giving me an f every day for making kids laugh.

Was it for making kids laugh or not listening and interrupting her? I mean, let's just.

Yeah, you're right to take Devil's advocate and God, she was the devil.

She was El Diablo incarnate.

I'm here to represent her. I'm her public defender. I'm not getting paid a lot and I don't care that much.

One day yelling at me, and this was in the early nineties, so it was less common. I she was yelling at me, and then a bunch of marijuana fell out of her purse and I put that in my mental bank.

I didn't say anything at the time.

Also, I knew her her son was my sister's age, had some addiction problems, real ones. And so one day, when she's yelling at me in front of the class, I said, quit trying to parent me when you came and parent.

Your own son, Oh my god.

And she was really there's a lot that I should have, many stories we don't have time for before that where I honestly still think she deserved it. She was mean to me and my sister. She was like a mean person that shouldn't have been a teacher. She didn't like young people. Yeah, but yes I said something I shouldn't have, but I was a punk rock, angry kid, and she we had to storm down to the principal's office. My

It's like, yeah, she.

Seemed to have a problem with my daughter as well. I think that maybe she's a person that doesn't like young people and shouldn't be teaching. And they said, okay, well just put Chris in another class. And then I got bees and did Spanish in college and forgot it all. Nice, I've forgotten all of and no requerdo well.

You yeah you remembered whatever Theados biblioteca I've heard you say, memo me fail.

I can point the things and decide whether they're pretty or ugly. And that's really all you need to do. True.

When I got to Mexico, I just point to things and say ugly beautiful, ugly beautiful, and like, uh uh talk for Richard Peter Gunn. I don't know who's Tim Gun Tim Gun. I saw him in New York City, just walking around.

He was walking out of the met I was going into the met. He was sharp dressed.

Oh yeah.

Every day we looked at each other in the eyes. I think I got an affirmative nod from him.

If you were looking at him all excited, I bet you.

I looked happy, and he's like, he looks happy, and so I got a little head. I don't know much about him. He does judge things right, yes, on.

A project one way don't which I don't watch. But the weird thing that we're talking about this is that just today I was watching TikTok and Seth Myers told a Tim Gunn story where he was at the airport with his mother and father, and his mother was being loud because he was telling this funny story, like his mom talks loud and.

Talks a lot, and then he has a loud voice it's probably in the family.

So they see Tim Gunn at their gate and he's like afraid to say anything because he doesn't want his mom talking to Tim Gunn, thinking that she'd be inappropriate. Then they announced that the flight is delayed and he said, I've never seen he goes. I've a lot of celebrities interact with, you know, their audience and people that like them.

He's like, no one is nicer than Tim Gunn.

He was making videos with a guy going Hi, Carol, I'm here with your husband Bob.

It's Tim Gunn. The flight's delayed, but we're gonna make it work. And he was like, oh wow, it was a really funny story about how Tim gun is the nicest celebrity.

Wow, And that news spreads like like Keanu Reeves on a subway.

Giving up his seat to people and things like that.

Oh, I thought you were using Keanu Reeves on the subway as a metaphor of how it's spread.

I tried to at the last minute because I realized I was about to mention a motor transport, but it didn't really work. There are literal videos of Keanu Reeves on buses or subways, like where someone's filming him because he's famous, and then he gets caught doing letting someone sit in his seat, the minor things, you know, not Tim Gunn doing impromptu cameos for people.

Yes, that's awesome. Yeah, well it's like he enjoys it.

Unlike your Spanish teacher who shouldn't have been teaching high school. Tim Gunn does enjoy being a man of the people.

And thank you a celeb, thank you for finally being on my side with that, because I thought you were on my teacher's side for a minute.

Well here's the thing. We can be very we can be very rewriting of history. When it's like my teacher didn't like me because I made children laugh, where it's like, yes, we all, we all were the class clown. Yes, it was irritating, Yeah, almost everybody.

I was disruptive and in Spanish class you have to listen, and I was taking that ability from other kids.

Wow, that was really I appreciate and respect your accountability in this moment.

Thank you. If I you know, I I just come here for a therapy.

Well you're doing great, thank you.

You've made a huge progress since since this podcast started thirteen minutes ago.

I'll see you next Wednesday. That's our time, I decide.

Boy, I'm still a little shaken by opening with our closing with my closing line.

Well, but do you want to tell the people why? Because you were talking about it earlier, and I do think it's relevant.

I am low on magnesium before that. Oh but late night I did a thing that I used to do. But I skated until like one in the morning at an underground parking garage because I was asked by my friend Garrett, who's married to Lork Kitlinger and I haven't seen him a long time. We skated till the wee hours and I had so much fun. I haven't done

Yeah.

And I took some just regular over the counter tail and all PA just two of them. I didn't take three. I promise maybe I did, But I I woke up in what year is it?

What day is it? Oh?

My god, it's one pm. I slapped eleven hours. Yeah, And sometimes people say, oh, you must have needed it. No, I think I drugged myself. Yeah, you're a drug and I'm disoriented. And you've also diagnosed that I'm low on magnesium, which I think.

I am so as a suggestion. I'm not a doctor.

But you are in these cars that he doesn't even know that truck is there recent accident. I thought that the little truck dealt with it calmly. He almost got a dent from a large Who. No, he's speeding up to give him some lamp.

Wow, guys, we have a t bone accident directly in the road in front of us. We all had to drive around it. Yeah, I was serious.

It's so funny.

I was so interested in this near accident that I missed the actual accident.

Yeah, there was a t boning. You didn't even look.

Chris was directly in front of us. You gotta get off tiland ill PM. I'm not kidding. This is insane.

Hey listen, man, it's twenty ten. I can do whatever I want. Where are we again? God? I love Austin, Texas. I'm glad I moved here.

Listener, there was an accident in front of us where literally two cars were the shape of a te and We had to drive all the way around it, and Chris was looking at you like a car that was mad that another car wouldn't.

Let it in.

They were to the right of that.

There is a good two feet of clearance. It wasn't even a close call. But I was so infatuated with the story that we're actually following him still. Oh man, I didn't see that t bone. Yeah, accident made popular by this stake.

It was in the center of your vision. That's what I'm worried about. Yeah, you have a blind Are you seeing spots?

Are you seeing?

You know? I'm still getting used to these lenses. What you got?

Are those your bifocals?

Try? Oh yeah, thats right, they're progressives. Trifocals are for our grandparents.

These are the modern new kick gas where's the sunny d electric guitar playing progressives?

And they work great.

But like I've said before, I don't I don't always have my neck in the right position to be looking through the right A quadrant would be a specific area for is there three version the rightdent? Yeah, I have to be looking through the right trident And maybe that's why I missed the t boning. So we're going to pick up our guests, do I believe.

I feel like if your glasses prevented you from seeing everything in the center of your vision, then we might need to Yeah.

I can only pick up on things in my periphery. What a terrible life, What a life?

Wait?

There he is there, he is there, he is that's the house I have summertimeroom.

There he is our guest.

Today.

You've seen uh clubs and colleges across the globe.

Billy, Wayne Davis, everyone Davis.

Hey, you guys. Hey, that's smart. You just put the you made the car computer and they can disrecord the Yeah.

Yeah, Karen designed this vehicle. Yeah. And then and now she talks about freedom of speech a lot.

You do, freedom that you love freedom.

I'm just yeah, exactly. I just want to be around my people. And on top of that, I just want people to be able to make the worst jokes about the worst people on what I like to call X you can call it Twitter, you guys.

To Austin is my stand up coom any hometown.

And I'm sorry, I take a little bit of a fence good.

I'm just kidding. I know what's going on there now here about all the.

Dudes that have moved there.

Yeah, it's a popular spot.

I like hanging out with dudes, you guys, but not those dudes. How are you? How are you?

I recognize the house from the time I had to emergency use the bathroom.

When oh yeah, that was fun, the same bathrooms.

It was in the perfect place.

I recall, oh, yeah it is you know what about that? And my wife will never listen to this.

That hurts.

Uh it's not you guys. Yeah, yeah, no, it is not you too, Okay, So yeah.

Is yes the one you used strate like literally go through the side door and it's like you just walk right there. It's right there, right on the ill. Yes, But she loves our bathroom so much that well, like even when she has to like, oh my god, you know because LA traffic will do that where you're like, well, I'm not paying my pants, right, So she'll like run in and then run past it to go to our bathroom. And every time I'm always like, I just I don't understand nobody.

What is where?

Yeah?

What what do you think?

It's the reason it's like that she likes the guest bathroom more than your guys, is no ours.

Is farther away, she will run to it. Oh, yes, she will always, can I say why? Yes, that's why I brought it up. Okay, you were looking, you were tricking your email or something, but.

Well, I was just looking to see where we could go to get Starbucks.

There's a Starbucks, like so close that it would I don't make head. It would defeat the purpose of this. It is like that we could have walked and it would have been ideal.

No, we do.

We do it up top and then we close strong, okay, like you want to do with stand up.

Maybe she wants to keep the bathroom a guest bathrooms in case someone like me bargets.

And now she wants to be lovely the back of the house to do all her farting and anti girl stuff. That's not like probably in front of her husband, in front of a guest.

No, she does not. It is not about me.

Okay, yeah, because sometimes I will be taking a shower in that bathroom and she will come do the stuff.

Yeah, which every human does. I'm not outing her on that one.

We all there's a popular children's book.

Yeah it is. Yeah, we've taught two of them how to do it.

It's infectious.

You helped them out.

Yeah you have to, Yeah, you do.

It's something they don't pick up that you got to teach them.

I love the idea that there's a third kid and you didn't teach them, they're just smearing.

Well he was the Yeah, he was the control, so all good experience.

Let's see what he does.

Yeah, and you know what, nothing he does nothing.

Control.

He is the coolest though.

Three kids.

Now he made up one for a poop joke, and I did not flinch. No, I dove into that lane, like, yeah, here we go right with it.

I was like, have I not seen you in that long? You now have a ship ton of children.

Oh? That just gave me so much anxiety, just the made up children I had. I went from having really fun with it and then I was like, oh no, that's start saving.

I just added like a fake responsibility.

Just more than the money. It's just like it's just like so much not peace.

Volume questions. What's the thing that robs your piece the most these days?

Learning new things that are supposed to help me?

Oh, because you're busy retelling things that children are supposed to learn.

No, like apps, or like scheduling things or promotion wise or just like those things change very rapidly.

Now. Yeah, that it's I told you how close it was.

It's shocking.

Yeah, yeah, our heads are indeed has been.

Yeah, it was like it was like you actually took the long way. It is always kind of the nightmare. And if we came at five thirty to six in the morning, they know.

Me here, Oh oh do they is it a kind of like we know your order get Yeah.

And at first I was like offended by it because I was like, man, I'm not like, oh, by your voice, of course.

But then it hit me, yes, Chris got it. First.

I was like, yo, I am one of the few people that are like, good morning, y'all, and they're like, oh, this guy's here again. That's now on and cheery in the morning.

That's what it is. I was just gonna say before you said it, it's no accent. It's your cheeriness. No, you're always a bundle of joy.

It is the accent.

Yeah, yeah, that probably is the accent.

Yeah, it's a It helps sometimes and sometimes it's not great where they're just like, yeah, that's the murderer.

You what's your Starbucks order in the mornings or yeah, what do they know about?

Here's also they'll be able to tell it's for sure me is it's one I don't want to make coffee at home. You know those days we were like and it's you sew how close it is, so it'll be like, I'm just kinda me too.

I got two places of different coffee brewing styles. You have the cold pour over which I still.

Don't know what that is.

I tried to, and then a more classic place, and I have a coffee maker, but I walk down there.

I can't.

There's a fancy one down the street now that I love, but I don't know, but maybe once every two weeks, because hey, it's they know it's good, so they charge it like it is if you.

If they heard your voice, would we find out what your order is?

It did?

I don't know in the afternoon right, but in the morning, chances are that shift is familiar.

It's a venty blonde in a grande pike.

Wow, a blonde. Oh so you're I get two drinks too, sometimes the.

Whole morning, and if I do it right into the afternoon. Sometimes if I do it, if I need it, sometimes I.

Don't at all.

What's the Pike Pike place.

It's just a bru of course, of course.

You confuse me. I was like, oh, I don't know if I'm doing something special on accident.

And they love it too.

My friend noticed that too. He was like, oh, they love you here. And I was like, well, I just say give me two of the hots and hand them in the cup.

That's great.

And everyone else is just like, I mean this and this and this, right, I mean they need sugar or anything.

I just need to of the hots' good two hots on its way out?

Yeah, what's the guy behind us in line? The fact that he was waiting in the active roadway worrying YouTube.

Like it was yeah, and the guy in front of us wasn't moving out just for texting.

Okay, there was a lot. I'm sorry that took some attention away.

No, it is fine because I'm in the back instead of having to worry about these problems, right, because it is something It is a common This was a burger king.

When we moved here.

Oh that's exciting, and it was not.

Popular even with the kids because there's like a middle school there.

No.

I was just like, ah, it's maybe it's just one of those spots. It doesn't.

And then they put a Starbucks and I was like, nope, no, it's not the spot. Oh people do not care about Burger.

I feel like Burger King really decidedly lost the Burger Wars.

Yeah yeah, they did, really lost all the chicken.

Everything they've tried to do.

They go they went the Pepsi route.

They're like, we're okay, it's now.

They went the Kmart route, I think, which is like, hey, we're dying. There's a couple of us here and there.

We're literally going to.

Put up a blue siren light and give things away in a Sure you want a cold frosty drink. We don't know what we're doing.

Help us.

We have car hearts where the label is misspelled.

We did a weird mascot and that helped us for like way longer than it should have.

Oh the scary Duracel looking cake remember him? Yeah, he was creepy.

He was like breaking into people's houses and they would do like fake the video of people getting woken up by the King.

Right, they actually made him like a Michael Meyer's lovable character, like he's gonna be at the foot of your bed.

Meanwhile, it's like how about you just have a bun that isn't stale. That's really odd that anyone wants.

Yeah, that's where they also went the Kmart route like quality. Maybe no offense to our friends at Kmart.

Well, I don't think they're all dead.

I think they're all dead.

They're all they are. What happened to Route sixty six and their carpenter pants? Okay? Whoa?

Everyone knows the Montana came.

I was a frequent You guys, don't pull a rain Man on me and tell me Camart sucks because I.

Went there there when you get Icys before Walmart kind of existed.

So yeah, you're not.

You're not better than us, right right because you went to Kmart. I know we did too.

It was at a time where all I wanted was a giant T shirts and big pants.

Man, my son is.

Is is he in that face?

Yes? It is.

It's it's like a snake where it's like I don't hate it, but it's unsettling because you're just like.

Why why are they so big?

What are you doing under there?

And I think, to me too, is like it's I was never into the big clothes, except for maybe big pants, but not for leaving the house. Right, I love big pants, except for you know, outside the house comfortable pants.

Well, it was kind of style all around.

And I didn't realize that until I acquired a pair of my dad's like nice pants with a little embroidered pheasants. They're like polo pants, and I've liked them for twenty years. I finally got them.

They are season pilot episode of Friends. Huge. Like pants just used to be.

Yeah, they did huge cuts.

Yes, it was the thing I didn't even notice because in the skateboarding world they were downright clownish.

They would cover your shoes, they were straight legged and.

Just what's ink? And yes, oh that's cool, it's awesome. I love it.

It is. Yeah, I am happy to hear that. Also, Yeah, I love it.

I completely support it.

It's good. Thanks buddy.

I mean I take that personally in I said thanks buddy, because it's just been fart of my life always, and but I do not like that. That the clown pants thing that's coming back, because if you go to a skate thop right now, it is giant.

It's I saw it.

I honestly thought he didn't have like pants with him. The first time I saw him in this new because at first they were big. You know, there's like a step up where all right, you got some dickies yeah, you know what I mean, and a little bigger yeah, and you get it too because they kind of help when you fall, Like I totally get what's happening, and then yeah, I think there's something.

There's so you know, things were upped in the style.

Thing and they're so big that I was like, you need pants and he was like, no, this is the style and I was like, okay, I don't.

I am a dad.

Now are they like junko jeans?

Big?

Some of them are going there.

They're not made to be junko jeans.

Everybody they like yeah, yeah, And they're just so big on him and they're regular pants, but they're just so big.

And even the skate companies now are doing little embroidered characters and stuff on the back pocket, like, which is totally Jancoe.

Yeah it is. I don't it all. It's all cyclical.

It is because just ten years ago I was like, why is everyone wearing tight pants?

I didn't like that.

Yeah, it's like the whole like figure skatingly tight pants.

That's still it's certain cultures. That's still cool.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

It's interesting how certain pants are like, we're going to do this in this culture.

Yeah right.

Oh, that's the thing.

It's all the same brands that have gone from skinny to big in the last decade.

I like to I have.

All over the map. I have different sized pants for different occasions.

I don't understand the skinny Gee, I never did those. I never understood that. It didn't I tried them on. It's not They weren't comfortable, right, so they are struck struck like three there's three strikes, right, yeah, yes, and then they don't look great. No, unless you're like a bird person, and then you look awesome in it.

What's your Oh?

Just a tall just a tall pike? Hot? Yeah, I have a regular lemonade.

Sure, I'll get a grande Pike. Okay, yeah, hot, I think I'll get iced. Thank you. I once made a bad decision.

You'd never do that again.

I'm a regular with Karen.

Hi.

Can I get a grande iced pike place or whatever your coffee is right now?

Oh?

You want one to Can I get two of those? Sorry? And a grande lemonade and.

A Grande ice smoke up please, Oh it's a Grande ice smoker.

Okay, I think I know what was going on there is because it sounded like a call center in the background, although it was frank.

To us, there was all these people really loud. Yeah, he couldn't understand.

Well, he's also and I know this because and I was a little embarrassed as I'm like, this is my store.

I'm sorry, we're talking to Gregory right now.

Well, and I was like, I don't know who this dude is, but I do know, and I was trying to figure. I was like, he's trying.

And then what it is is like the person doing the headset with you is also handing the drinks and the taking and taking money.

And stuff from the people at the window.

Oh yeah, so you that's the person that has to be on their a game that day.

They have to be able to multitask you.

Usually I'm here in the more and I think that they whoever you know, probably schedules this as like, oh, we put the best of the best in the morning, and then they're always I guess I'm also friendly because I'm always like, oh, thank you, you're doing great. You know that kind of stuff right, And one dude finally said something one day and he was like, he's like, you're always so pleasant, thank you.

Most people are not. Yeah, it never occurred to me.

It's just the deep southern mother that was just put it in there sure that it just comes out, and it's like and I've also worked a bunch of service jobs, so I'm also like, hey, it sucks.

Yeah, we're with you.

I've been there, it sucks. Yeah, he's just a little positive.

Also, Los Angeles has a culture of people who are entitled, who don't have banners, who don't When I moved down here from northern California, not crazy far away, I was just like, what the fuck is this?

Like people don't say hi when they walk by you on the street.

I'm afraid.

So it's there's just basic like people don't say please, they don't say thank you. It's gross.

And I think there's like a little bit of monkey see monkey do entitlement bullshit where it's like, oh, this is how powerful people act or or this is how you're supposed to act instead of just being like a good human being.

Yeah, it is weird.

Yeah, it kind of hit me hard. The last New York visit because I was like, God, everyone here is so friendly. I thought this was supposed to be Hey, fuck you bottom boom. I thought that I and everyone was so nice, asking questions, not just immediately talking about themselves. And I think that I just realized maybe people are act weird here.

No, I've had I don't know if i've been.

I've had that in conversations recently where maybe it's with the perception of the comedy scene and stuff.

Yeah, and people were like, Oh, it's like this and this, And I was like.

Now I find LA rather cold as like a culture with other human beings. Yes, And I found New York more in their feelings and open yep, and kind of like I enjoy that more in that.

Yes, I think I'm like in between.

That's why I used to love San Francisco because I was like, Oh, this feels like the like the leave me alone a little bit that I need of the West Coast because I'm a hillbilly, but also like, hey, I can confront you if we have a problem, right, yes, which is I don't know the way to be.

If that's how society usually works, kind of like you're in it with other people whereas this town, well it's just all made up. But there's a lot of that, like, you know, like I'm going to pretend like I miss the CEO of Paramount or some shit, and that's how.

And so you were my servant.

And like there's people who learn how to act like that from like the people around them, because they no one taught them manners at all, maybe moving out here. So there's just that kind of like I don't know, there's a lot of that cooler than now, which always is bad manners.

You know, and it's not cool.

It is not cool.

No, it's not like I run on the river thing sometimes it is just a thing.

It is actually a river, but it's a thing now, it's cement thing.

Yeah yeah, yeah, well it's like a trail or whatever.

Sure, I don't know what to call it is.

But even then when you're like like I'm clearly a runner, you know, I have the silly glasses and the stuff, you know.

You know what I mean, you got the glass if you wear the paper number every.

Time, man that you have a hard time getting me to do that during the races. I'm just like, I'm not gonna wint wear Like when you know who you are if you fall down. I was like, okay, fair enough, okay, fair okay.

I might fall down it.

But like even when you're running, like it's like clear, you know, it's like, hey, I'm wearing neon. It's like I'm not can you just give him like a head and on? Or like we're two people exercising on the same and they'll ignore you there and you're just like I don't understand, Like I'm not trying to fuck you, but I'm not even trying to, Like it's like I'm just another human being and we shared a space for a moment.

Yep, isn't that cool? Like no, no, it is not.

One time I was walking toward a guy on the Warner Brothers lot who looked so much like ice Cube I mean sorry, so much like Vanilla Ice, such a huge.

Yeah.

So he's walking towards me and I thought, oh my god, it would be so funny if this was Vanilla Ice. And I'm like, it's not.

But I have this little smile on it because it's like it's a dude who thinks that's a cool way to.

Look, which he could be, right, I know, he looks like he doesn't realize awesome, and he.

Like was kind of looking elsewhere, maybe looking down, I can't remember, and when he looked up at me, he kind of did this like like ew, like don't look at me, and I was like, motherfucker, I will fucking end you, like you fool. First of all, nice gel like, how dare you? I'm not trying to like flirt with you, you goofball. It was that thing to me that is Los Angeles in a nutshell, where like some fucking vanilla ice looking motherfucker is going to like put turn his nose up at you.

No whereas the real vanilla eyes, which I experienced when I saw him in Vegas with a group of reality show people. One of them was gross ass Ron Jeremy. I don't know what TV show it was, but they were on some sort.

Of a real life or something, and I think it was good.

It was a good.

City. I saw him though, and David.

Simon did.

Wow, uh it's it's early Dick Wolf work. But I just out of my mouth was like, wow, you're van a ice because we're walking in a narrow hallway and he was just standing there. They're waiting for people.

It comes out sometimes when they're like really famously, he just.

Said, oh, thanks for noticing. What's your name?

And he like shook my hand and I was like, oh, Van no Ice, I can't. I only won't say nice things.

About the ice.

He's wonderful. Every now and then he like steel construction equipment. Wait what, that's what he remember? He had like a house flipping thing all right. And then but that's just because he was raised in Florida. That's just Florida.

He got caught. It was that he did. He got caught doing it.

That's the problem.

Yeah, I mean we used to do that to build skateboard.

Now I'm saying, but he was like he had a TV show too. There's just so many Florida levels.

Did that make it on the show? I would love it.

I think they probably had to explain it that probably like a card that's like, you know, the voice over like, hey, we heard what happened to.

Yeah, you probably stole a lot of copper pipes. You know what that means it was a drug? Probably?

Well.

I do think he was like just being like, we can just make this for cheaper if we don't pay for materials.

Yeah, and you're like, you.

Sure can this is the way I learned how to do it.

Yeah, it's I think that's slavery too.

It's oh, that's so insane.

It's like the day someone gave me a flask and I was already in my thirties, and I'm like, I love this flask. Ever since I got it, I'm saving so much money because I had like booze.

In my pocket.

It's like discovering one day it's cheaper to not pay taxes. I just like, oh, it's the wrong thing to do. Yeah, okay, I get it.

Vanilla shit.

Oh they charged us a lot here because we shouldn't drink a bunch of them.

Yeah, I'm getting punished just for drinking more.

Yeah.

So, since you are running so much, so have you are you all around? Like you stopped smoking a long time ago.

Oh.

I was just telling this story recently because I don't I think it was a friend of mine was trying to But you always come up when I tell this story. Especially it's usually comics who are curious about you know, Hey, so.

You don't do that, you know what I mean? And you're like, yeah, you can still be funny without that. It's okay, right right, Because we're all damaged. Yeah, little babies. We're all a little damaged little babies. It's a little funny, little fucked up babies.

But I explained to them, like, the the weirdest part of quitting smoking to me because that book worked, Alan Carr book totally works because you smoked a lot.

But I loved tobacco. Yeah, and then uh, it really is. And then I vince myself that I was like, I just love tobacco.

And then I started smoking those American spirits that it's just like, yeah, I really fucking loved those. There's three thousand chemicals too. I love the diet Coke Park right right, And I was like, I need to quit, and so I did the book. And then what I realized after I quit, and I'd already quit drinking at this point too, is oh, no, like I learned how to do stand up without drinking.

You know, I drank at the time, but I always learned.

I learned how to do it sober m Five and a half months in to not drinking, and I find that I'm very nervous when I'm on stage.

Was that one of your things that you had to shake?

Well, no, because I still.

I still like cannabis, but also like I've never had the public speaking fear.

Okay, it's never to me.

It was always clear, Well, these people are here and they're looking at you, they're ready to listen, like this is ideal like and then I don't like to get their attention a lot.

That's my problem.

I was like, I have thoughts and I want to tell some of these people what they are because it will help them.

So that wasn't a problem.

But there's like, you know, little like rituals that you don't realize that we're doing over years, and it occurred to me. I gave myself like five or six days after I quit of not going on stage, just because I knew, ah, that's too important to me, and I will be weak and be like, no, I'm just gonna do my ritual.

Right, you know what I mean, which is what stepping out.

I'll smoke a cigarette and then I'll go on stage, and then I'll do my sat and then I'll walk off stage and I'll smoke another cigarett.

It's booking awesome, it is, so what is.

It about that it's like book ending in this way that you you're kind of punching yourself in the lungs as a way to say we started and now we're done.

Well, it's also helps you come down from the adrenaline, right, yeah.

So but before the set though, it's a stimulant.

I used to run around the block and smoke a couple of cigarettes before I went on stage.

Yeah, like, that's a weird that's a long time.

No, it's no, it's so much of its mental.

So part of the story is that. So I realized what it was because of the Alan Carr book and stuff.

And then it was that weird kind of open mic book show downtown. Do you remember that show? It was like a weird bar.

Yeah, a narrow bar.

Yes, that's where one of the times I remember hanging out with you for the first time since meeting you in Seattle.

Yes, I do want to talk about So then I came and I was so thankful because you know, I kind of had real Oh, I've never done stand up in my whole life without smoking before and after, because I smoked before I started like way before, and I was like, oh, so I went on. That wasn't you know, I could pace before, so that wasn't a huge problem and that wasn't the case with you with alcohol, right, Yeah, no alcohol I had because I learned to do it sober, right,

Yeah that sounds borderline healthy to me.

Well, and then afterwards though, we were drinking till we couldn't find anymore.

So oh gotcha, gotcha?

Yeah, there were other problems. Yeah, yeah, it's like running to my own then smoking two cigarettes. Yeah, hey, you could have done nothing right.

Nothing good happens after midnight, That's.

What I So I walk off the stage. I do fine, you know is that room where I'm like, that went the way it should have.

Yep.

And then you were sitting there and you went to say something to me, and I was like, so thankful as you because I went, hey, I quit smoking seven days ago.

Is the first time I've ever done stand up with us? Was it? Give me two minutes and this thing my head will and you're not cool?

And you just kind of sat there next to me, which was the nicest thing. You didn't like go away or anything.

I knew what you were saying.

And then no, that was really cool.

And then my head felt like it was just in a pool of water, just swimming for two minutes, and then it went away. And then you and I just started talking about like, yeah, I think one of the first times we met was you jumped in a dumpster, right, so there was like we were near a dumpster and I was like, hey, remember the first time we met.

You were in one of those.

I think punching boards that had staples in them, and my knuckles were bleeding, but it was while laughing. I was having fun.

It was awesome.

Bridgetown, Yeah, of course, yeah, yeah, I must have done it a lot because I'm getting a lot of Portland Bridgetown.

Apparently I backflipped into a dumpster. I don't know.

That's yeah, No, it was well, that whole party was sloppy for everyone. It wasn't just like oh, Chris was out of hand. It was like, no, we remember what you did, and then what we did. And then I've heard stories like you remember that and it's like a no, yeah, I can't deny it though.

Yeah, all of them are stories I tell without a smile on my face.

Though it was a fun time, pure joy those.

But I think I came up on you at maybe that same year when you were in the refrigerator box. I was coming from a show and you were in a refrigerator box on the sidewalk there.

I mean, that's that's become a sought out, sought after video because my manager was filmed.

With are they still your manager?

Yes?

Yes, that's good.

She really believes.

No. She was laughing harder than anyone while the footage is actually jiggling because we're being yelled at at the hotel and I'm I'm I basically am saying, well, how do you think I feel? I'm stuck in a box as if I hadn't put myself there, and that guy was being a jerk, and I know who his boss is. I could have my friend is part owner of that hotel, but I don't do those things anyway.

I remember that interaction we had, and I think that's why we had a moment.

Of I have a question about the about the head swimming, because that's that took that truck so long to turn right that I almost hit.

It on purpose.

That's why I wasn't to do that.

You can't, but I do. I want to do that.

My uncle, my uncle, who I love. He used to live in Houston. Back can't say. He's a little older. He's funnier, meaner, he used to say when he lived in Houston. I'll go visit him. And he's like, you know, how rich I want to be? Like he would start that and was like, you thought about this, so yeah, yeah, He's like, I just want to be rich enough when when someone like pisses me off in traffic, I can just ram their car and ruin their day and then just throw whatever money it is they need. It just

And I was like, that is.

A good okay, that is yeah, yeah, it is a good goal.

That's it's important to have little goals.

I've never done the math on it, but I bet it's not as much unless you just kind of go looking for it.

And I think he might well, yeah, it.

Sounds like the level of anger would probably be setting that it might have after.

The first time and you're like, damn, now I got all this money.

Yeah, but I was gonna ask the head swimming, do you believe it was like the surge, the post set surge that you that your brain was then going, now we smoke right now, do it now?

Yes?

Yes, And it wasn't given and it had been you know at that point over a decade for sure, well not well over, but like for sure probably twelve thirteen years at that point mm hmm. And so yeah, of just like that's in who knows how many sets, because that's all I've done my adult life is stand up, right.

I think that my yeah, my uneasiness was, yeah, just the habit of wait, even if it was down to usually I have my hand occupied right now now I'm just rubbing them together because I'm about to do stand up.

I was like a little prying mantis idea. Yeah, here's an observation.

Ladies and gentlemen.

You have to keep the mic in the mic stand because now you're a hand rubber.

And I have to rock back and forth almost robotically. I'm gonna start acting like a prank man.

You just sit on the stool and let me tell you.

Lecturing mantis.

I'm just gonna talk to you guys about life like you don't live it.

Let's get d you want to know? How would you know unless I tell.

You the comedia tell ye about life?

Is? I used to try to you know what you're trying to write like that? And then you're like, oh no, I can't. I don't know too much.

I'm not going to stand up sitting in a stool.

I can tell you what not to do.

Yeah, most of my like, hey, don't I don't ever tell the universe like what's the worst that can happen?

Because the universe is like serious, let's do this thing. Finally, watch this. This little idiot.

Said, did you do stand up before you lived in Seattle?

And you did live in Seattle for a little bit, right, that was kind of the beginning your relationship and our relationship.

More important than your relationship.

I around that time, driving around not Kirkland, but those that those small town areas. Yeah, and I've talked about on the podcast before, but it's an odd thing there. And maybe in Portland they have those coffee drive through bikini places.

Do you remember that?

Oh yeah, well, okay, I don't even want to talk about this on the podcast, but we're going to.

Is your wife won't listen.

No, no, she would know this idea. She would just getting mad that I told is I used to love like.

The coffee was like no, it was like, you know what you would expect from a bikini beuris in the rut in the middle of a parking lot. Yeah, it's well prepared. But it hit me recently because like they go nuts when there's like a new Starbucks in a small town. They'll go nuts in the South, and like a Starbucks opens in Kroger or something, right, and it hit me. I was like, oh my god, if you could just you start a chain of those in the South. Now, you would have to go from like small town to

Yeah, yeah, exactly, it is.

It is some sort of it screams legal loophole that only exists in that area Pacific Northwest. Yes, because I was like, how it just seems dangerous for the girls that was my first. They're scantily clad. What am I seventy?

And they have no protection?

Way to describe it though, they're not naked, and they're not in bikinis, but they are they're not in clothes.

When they wake up, they're like, I gotta get clad. I'm gonna go scanty.

Yeah, which drawer?

Oh?

This one I got my scanties. Don't say it panties. I'm sorry.

Uh.

They just the other day though, someone uh it was a national news story.

Some scary man went to one of those and had a giant zip tie and went to He said, can I get five dollars change? And when she reached to hand them the money, he tried to get the giant zip tie around her head to pull her out.

He tried to abduct her.

Well you know, and it I was like, that's exactly what I was. But that's any place that a lady is, Chris.

I think that that is also, if we're being honest, it's also a danger for your face and hand. That's the thing about like dark people, dark alleys are scary for everyone vulnerable position.

I think this guy was obsessed with this girl because she's she's not even wearing a T shirt and that added to his obsession. I really think it's a dangerous business model.

Because he was like, I don't know strip club also us exactly.

I guess those exist and aren't going anywhere. But something about driving up and being able to drive away in a tiny not only uninsulated, they always seem hot in there, but you could pick it up and put it on a tow truck and steal the whole staff.

I think also, though what you're some of the ladies are very capable and they're not. I say, maybe some are forced to do it. I'm not assuming that there's not a percentage.

Oh, they get huge tips.

And then there's also what they're dealing with is scalding hot, right, so if you get too touchy or grabby, it's like, oh, look.

Burns.

You have first degree burns. So there is like a built in weapon that you're selling.

It's kind of like they're pulling up to a bear spray kiosk. She's not weapons all around that they that they are allowed to have.

Yes, that's a good idea. I want ther to be bear spray kiosk.

And someone's like, would you like a sample today? Your fucking pig and then they just spray it.

If there's bear bear spray kiosk.

Wait, if you're getting a small town girl in a bikini to sell coffee, she's used to dealing with dingbags, right, right, she's a little scary too.

Yeah, she's a professional dingbat dealer. Yeah.

Where you know, you've been on the road in the small towns where sometimes the hot girl will be.

Like a chieve you and you're like, what do you mean?

Yeah, what have I done?

I don't know. I don't like that.

Only always said that, but yeah, you're right, it is dodging.

By the time when I was a kid, I was chasing my cat and he went behind the dishwasher where our coffee maker was a fix to the bottom of the cupboard above it, and I pulled the dishwater out, grabbed the cat, pulled up my ass and hit the coffee maker. The craft shattered and hot coffee, oh soaked.

Did it make you super horny?

Yeah, it triggered my boner.

You're like, this is going the way I wanted it to.

So you're saying that cat was asking for it. Bullshit.

The cat didn't get burnt that I remember, But yeah, my skin pit.

I had second degree burns on your neck, and I am and I kept telling kids, I remember I burned my back on coffee this morning, and then.

They all slapped my back.

Yeah you did. They're crazy. Yeah, you know anything. They're just running about.

They're just they go with the first feeling, and they're just like, if you say my back hurts, they go this one.

Yeah, that was my whole day.

It's awesome, like dingbat moms and dads that are like, I listen to what my kids say. You're supposed to listen to their feelings and listen to things, but you're not supposed to let them choose things. Their children they don't know stuff, right, It's just that you can get You need to guide them. Yeah, it's like Adam Sandler did a great movie about it called Big Daddy. He learned all those lessons.

That a lot of people in this town did not learn.

No, they did not.

Because also, what I think is really interesting is the more choice you give children, the worst.

They get very insecure.

Yeah, they're like, what, no, why aren't you you in charge?

Why a god saying what dold I be in charge? Then they get mad, and then you're dealing with that.

Adults get mad when they realize they're in charge, So why would child and.

Not be like wait what?

What?

Fuck you?

No?

God know? Do you know what I want to do right now? And I know it's bad.

Please don't enable me to You.

Need to be around here. So it does it happen? Sometimes?

Yeah, my son will be like where are you going? I'm like out to take the garbage. He's like, okay, I just need someone around to keep me safe.

Oh that's what he says.

Yeah, Oh that's the best. Yeah.

No, he's very articulate in a way that it's like super adorable that might get annoying one day.

What do you what comes to mind?

What what makes you happy that your son has gotten into skateboarding? Because I think it's.

Why I have a four year old and then I have a right I did fourteen year old.

I figured you were talking about two different kids.

Yeah, but they're both in so they both started taking lessons at the same time.

Oh cool, that's a good idea.

And to do less It was the first time the fourteen year old's kind of have been interested in sports. Sure, you know he's done some sports, but it's the first one, He's like, I want to do this. I was like, okay, cool, and I know nothing about skateboarding and we'll never know how to do it right.

I will.

I've always felt completely uncomfortable. And even his teacher's like, I can show you, and I was like, you can't.

You just can't.

Tell. Yeah.

I was like, I don't want to really ever be.

Yeah, you're right in that way.

It's like, because I've seen it's a phenomenon that's been happening where there's like it's kind of like the baseball dad one's and little league dads yelling at their kids because they vicariously they're reliving their skate days. But I've seen skate dads they clearly have never done it, yell literally yelling at their kid like come onme on, just do it.

Try to do They're like saying the lingo, but they never I can tell.

Oh, I will not.

I just like my only thing is like, hey, when you go to skate park, you have to wear pads at the skate park. I know, when you're riding on this the neighborhood around here with your friends.

You're not going to understand that. Sure, I was, but when.

You're doing stuff where you're gonna for sure or fall. He's like, okay, right, like.

Ramps it is.

I think it's a good idea. I never did, but it is a good idea. And Jason Spier's kid, he has him do the same thing. He's getting pretty good well, and it's all pads.

I don't think my son is ever going to be like a pro skater, so his brain, his brain is more important.

Of course.

I'm at like on that one where it's like, yeah, so you're right. He know, he may skate his whole life and design boards. He's an artist and loves all that and do tricks, but that brain, it's so like my dad's a football coach.

So yeah, none of us when I was a kid, none of us were We maybe should have, but none of us were thinking it would lead to anything other than just fun. You know, like we should have been making videos and sending them when we were at our best ability. But even then I don't think.

We quite well.

Whose parents are bam Leageer's parents, right, yea? And then it's like yeah, man, jump off that bill, let me get my camera. Yeah okay, you know, like most parents are like, hey, just don't break anything, right, why because we have eleven dollars.

Right, that's that's definitely that was my parents. Yeah, do dangerous things, but please do them cautiously.

Just so careful. Yeah, just yeah, you climb the tree, but make sure it's like a pine tree. So when you fall, you that's very specific.

Break that fall.

Learn to break your break your own falls. You don't break anything, it's just like you don't fall hard enough. Here's bruised.

I really like this neighborhood. But Billy, did you see that house?

We pulled up that first street and there's literally a house that looks like it started to get built and now it's just sitting there.

Now, this is a there's an it's transitions by the right. I don't even know if gentrification is there. There is some of that going on for sure. But then there is what I think is happening because we're in like a like a foothill kind of.

Yeah, so I live in the like a we call it the middle.

And uh of a hill basically, well yeah, the flat part of it, you know, and then the Mount Washington kind of starts behind us, and uh, but like I think what happens there is so there's like, you know, in La you'll see some old house and if you looked it up on Zillow, you're like.

Whoa, that's there's like fifteen bedrooms in there.

Yeah, but they're like, oh, it was bought in nineteen seventy and no one has ever moved away because they worked on the Golden Girls, right, oh wow, you know what I mean. Or they just get a check and it's just like some old weird dude.

Yeah.

So there's a lot of there's like a mix of those properties because it's the start of the heel over there, and then you know, multi generational homes and then gentrification, and I don't care for all the new white people. I've been here, like, we've been here like a decade. And what's odd is like we found the house that we think that someone tried to flip, and they were just so early on this neighborhood, ever being whatever.

So it already had a lot of work done.

Oh it was amazing.

And then they slashed the price even while we were looking at it, and we're like, well, that's that's a move.

This is the thing that happened ten years ago, yes, just not now.

And then we brought the property values up for whatever.

Reason, because you guys have good manners.

I guess that's what I that's what I could. And they laugh so hard because I'm like, I'm a heel.

Folk from the East Tennessee.

Yeah.

Wow, And they're like, that is what I dude, I guess that's that.

Yeah, that's interesting. And what it's not my money grows, not even my money.

Wow, awesome lady, I'm married.

Wow, that's amazing.

But it's just so funny.

We're just like, okay, well so none of it means anything, and they're like, he'll be shut up.

People are making money. I'm like, no, I'm not against, but it is a good like.

It feels like a nice community.

Whatever wonder, whatever's going on.

I loved it before whatever, because it's a it's just a working class Mexican neighborhood. Multi like everyone's cool and respectful and does their things.

That's what I love about Echo Park since I've moved there after being fifteen years with retired boat.

To stay away from the boat.

Yeah, no, stay away from boats.

They're drunk.

Drunks and there's glowing the dark alien swimming underwater.

Stay out of the bioluminous.

That's better, that's better, better, better words.

Have you ever.

Experienced that, that's the one I'm talking about.

Oh yeah, well.

Yeah, well they I think people buy property and they you know how people like I got a deal.

Weird that they don't.

They don't have anymore exactly.

Something fell through and that's a rich someone got killed, that's a that's a that guy went to prison or was I.

Mean, you're going dark. But I was just like, hey, we were going to do something and then didn't.

I yeah, yeah, somebody that had a very high up job at Quibi. Yeah, than they're like here, I'm going to pay.

That's so creepy. You know.

There's a flock of crows.

Yeah.

We're looking at a cement foundation and the building the framework of a modern home and it's just old wood that would probably isn't twenty years old, but it looks like it is because it was never treated in any It's scary.

Well if you look it was like that's not that is one day you were at work and then the next day there is no more work. Yes, because there's not even like a tear down or like right that is like you show up and that there's a dude sitting in his pickup and he's.

Like, oh, man, yeah, so that must mean the person that owns that property still owns it.

They just are at a standstill inside.

They can't even afford to have the bad wood taken down.

Yeah, or it's in some weird foreclosure kind of yeah. Yeah, no, man's just quit. It would be got with Hey, look it's TV shows, but not at all, but just enough to.

It's TV shows but in your pants pocket. Yeah it didn't take off, did it.

I uh?

It just I thought of a hitman or a drug dealer that had to go to prison or whatever. Because that looks exactly like the unfinished homes in Costa Rica.

Right at the San Jose Airport in Costa Rica.

There's all these the framework and the cement part foundation of a home like that. There's a bunch of them and then there's just spray paint and they haven't been touched.

Is that drug dealing and murders or is that crypto?

This was before that that. I was there before the crypto.

Because I think I think a lot of crypto dudes had a lot of big plans they were making, and then you know, it's weird. Right after we uh we seized all those Russian funds in the war and stuff, all the bitcoin money went away.

That timing was weird to me.

I thought I always thought it was weird where no one could ever explain what the fuck it actually. I had a like a finance guy that was like, I really want to talk to you about me too. I invite you to talk to me about bitcoin in a way that moves me off of my firm stance of it's got to be you have to be able to put it in my hands.

Right at this point, I'm cynical, can you move me? Try it?

And they no one, even an expert, can't explain it. In Layman's turns, I had the same meeting about NFTs someone.

Yeah, but they were like, Chris, You've got again.

Exactly your artwork. It's perfect for it.

You were hit up about it.

And I'm like, you know, you've talked about a half hour and I'm further from knowing what it.

Yes.

My favorite one was when they were selling real estate in the metaverse thing.

Oh were they really?

Oh yeah, mofos were spending a lot.

Of money in that, and my me and my friend like, basically, well, that's what I call my buddy who's like does codes and all.

You know. He's like, you know, he's my real good friend.

And I was like, hey, wote me through this, and I may be wrong because I don't understand, like I super don't fully understand some of the internet sometimes. I was like, but the way I understand real estate is it's worth money because there's only like one of it right in the whole world.

So when you got it, that's you got. That's and if someone else wants it because it's what they want.

They knew she was doing this.

Her neighborhood. You need to cool it.

Yeah yeah, yeah, sorry sorry, and she had super cool highlights and.

Just be nice.

It's no judgment.

I made eye contact.

I was like, so, but the metaverse is something they can you know, it's infinite that they make up.

So how can real estate be worth anything? He goes, yeah, it's not. He's like. I was like, so, he's like, there's just He's like.

Some celebrities are just I was like, is it money laundering? He's like, I don't think it's even that. He's like, I think they're just getting ripped off. They're just paying for things that someone it's the idea.

I think that people don't want to miss out on the next big Apple stock. Yeah, Steve Jobs, blah blah blah. Everyone has that idea. And then it's like, but what are you going to do? So you're going to fall for everything now because you're afraid that you won't be in on the ground floor of the thing that makes you millions.

And I fear my character flaw is that I'm the opposite and I'm not open to learning anything new or that I already know you should know about.

I just turned it away.

Yeah.

The crypto thing worked out for me, okay, I guess because I was like, people were telling me to buy it just a year ago.

I reckon that was.

I used that like a like a slot machine, because that's the only thing that made sense to me, right because I was like, oh, you know, I'll put fifty dollars and then it'll go up to like two hundred sometimes and I'm like, hey, look, I made that much money.

Take it out.

Yeah, all the same fifty dollars back here, and then you go up and I'll take it out. And then some people were like, I bet ten thousand dollars and I lost fifteen thousand dollars?

What would you do?

Yeah, I don't know.

And everyone that I know that was talking about it, that had doubled their money is no longer talking about it.

No, because they lost their five.

They lost it all.

No, I was never I was just like I viewed it like the Las Vegas Airport.

You're a little drunk, and you're like, I don't given understand.

The game, but I think I understand this game. And then when I get that.

Much, I'll yeah, we're just go smoking and elevator.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, No, there's no rules in here.

Look at this alley, classic classic alleys.

To good alley to sprint through.

Yeah.

Oh, now I'm thinking of Cuba getting junior brother getting shot in the back.

It seems like, yeah, similar, there's another.

Alley in my hometown.

When we had nothing to do on Friday and Saturday night in high school, we would drive up and down the alleys because they had really they were just like this, and it was like you try to drive fast and you try to beat the car that was going down the parallel alley, and it was like a whole thing we did that.

Was in your hometown. Yeah, yeah, that's small town ship.

That sounds fun.

That's small town.

Do you guys want to go driving alleys or going under the bridge downtown and watch people fight?

Yeah?

Both? If it's fun, Yeah both. You know what time were they fighting? Look?

Yeah, let's take all the alleys downtown. It'll be right in time for the eight pm fight time.

And if the fight isn't good, we race down the alley's back and whoever pops their tire and a poddle will lose it.

Yeah, the fight.

Some of the call her dad, Billy Wayne?

How can we How can our listeners watch you do stand up in real life? Which I would recommend is the number one way to experience Billy Wayne Davis.

If you can't be friends, and you've been good, if I don't know if you're doing it or if someone's helping, you're really good. What I'm not good at, which is posting your content you regularly I see clips.

Oh that's good because I don't think I am.

Yeah, well I'm they're going to me. Maybe I'm just part of your Hellia algorithm.

Come to a show?

Yeah, and where they go?

I think that is like I think a lot of us a lot of the reels and stuff. It's just us showing other comedians. Yeah, we're getting a lot of views.

Yeah, it's just stuff. We're all sitting in the back of the room and I was there when I you.

Yeah, so your phone knows you said my name in the green room and we're in on this set. Oh, I realized you were handing me your phone the last time I saw a clip.

Or just like, how did you get booked in that room? Uh? Now I will.

You can find me at BWD tour dot com. Is my website that it's just one page, and you just got all the links, got all the ship perfect you need. There's YouTube to my specials. There's a link to the bands in town where you can know where I'm going to be. And then there's the Instagram and x.

Or whatever it is x Y that secretly happened the other day that was.

It wasn't a secret. They're real annoying about it, Yeah.

And real dumb about it.

It's stupid.

I think I think any updates on that.

When I see it, I just let a high pitched ring tone overtake my brain and I don't listen, and so I'm acting surprised about it.

Did you guys see when he put the big flashing X on top of his bids going it had to come down like a.

Day later because he doesn't ask permission.

Well, that's great marketing, if we're being honest. True, it's brilliant promotion because everyone's like, look what dick Haad did, and then it's loud and it bugs everyone, and then the next day you're like, yeah, we're planning I can do anyway.

We knew he is smart about that stuff.

He's not good the word or is he just doing it and then benefiting from the fact that there's no such thing as bad promotion?

Right?

Because he's not smart? Is so generous?

I think, well, I think he is clever.

I'm not trying to give him any credit at all, but I do think where his strength is is promoting. Mm hmm right, So I do think that, like like that weirdo Peter Thiel, he's probably he's listening.

Oh he's my uncle, okay, cool, can I borrow all the money?

And uh?

But he I read one of his books because I like to know what evil people like that think, yes, sure, or you know what they're up to? Because if you watch movies, they'll tell you, and he kind of does. But he talked about Elon's like true gift is promotion. And this was before any of this nonsense, when people thought he was like kind of smart. Yeah, yeah, but like Peter Thield back then was like his thing is like he's good at promotion.

He's not like an engineering genius.

Right. He was saying this just when he was the car guy.

Yes, right, yeah, before it was like you know, evident that like, oh there's something wrong with him, like he's not good at this.

Yeah, there's still people I know that I love and respect that aren't done that this is. I know. I think he sat down and just walk.

I can walk to my house.

Is it the next block or is it just up here?

It's no, okay, I can see where this could happen because it's not. It's turned right.

I get confused at the BA and you'll see why you're confused.

That was that was your house if nothing had ever been done to kind of Yeah.

It was like I was like, well, yeah, I like a front porchain.

No, they're interesting. Is there's a oh I see see why?

Yeah?

And yeah you were like you yeah, like so close yeah.

I was like, huh you were laterally exactly in the same spot though.

Oh let me okay here can we end on this question? Yes, okay, see that tree in front of my house.

Yeah, see right here?

Yeah, right there?

Okay, I think that's our tree. I don't know how it works because it's like, you know, on the other side of the sidewalk yep, but it also hangs over those guys driveway right, and I know it hits their car and shit right, but they've never asked me to trim it. I've thought to trim it a couple times and then just didn't do it.

Yeah.

What I know about property is that little patch of grass beyond the sidewalk Actually isn't your responsibility. It's the cities. But no one's going to come and do it. But you could do just as a being nice neighbor.

I guess no, you can't really, if it's anything like or I used to live in Burbank, you cannot touch the trees. So if you could call three one one and be like, hey, this tree needs to Mary k Blige.

Does she answer because I will call it her every day.

But because I had this gigantic camphor tree, in front of my house, and I was like, it's my tree, blah blah blah, and they were like, never touch this, you'll get fined, You'll get blah blah blah, like never do anything to this tree.

So I would imagine that's kind of the.

Rule, or people would be fucking around in these trees all the time and then sucking the tree.

We cut one down in the back on your property.

Yeah, yeah, that's.

Okay, right right, I ask, did it?

Yeah, that's your just from being yelled at skateboarding things, getting in trouble friends that have done little d y skate things. That's how I know that that is not technically your property when it's like a patch.

Ye.

I love but maybe I'm wrong. I love civil a little, like now you can't touche.

You know what's super funny though, Okay, one morning I was making coffee blah blah blah. I hear ring ring on the doorbell. I look out, there's a cop at my door. I'm like, thank god, I wasn't just getting high.

I go because it was back when that would matter.

Well, just I yeah, I wouldn't.

Want to be like ill, I'm not doing anything wrong. But also what the.

I'm freaking out.

Your mustache is so weird right now.

And he did look like the folk singer, uh is it Robbie Folks, the tall Robbie.

Yeah, Americana guy.

Anyway, it was like a tall kind of like he looked like he was from Iowa, but he was a bourbank cop. And the sprinkler something had happened and the sprinkler had been broken off, so there was like a minor like sprinkler flood situation happening on that same little patch.

And he was like, yeah, this is your responsibility. And I was like, that's weird because I'm not allowed to touch that tree. And he goes, I know, anyway, you got to call somebody to fix it. Are you kidding me?

I'm a burbank cop, so I don't do anything.

It's like I'm just informing you of what you do and don't have to take care.

I wish there was a three one one for four, one one for three one one where you could just get this information. Actually right now it is a good time to let all our listeners know call before you dig.

Isn't nice underground wires. Sorry, I have to go through this.

Billy underground lines will come and be marked and no more needless outages and also you could be injured, so call before you dig.

That's four one one dash three one one. No more electrocuted uncles.

This has been brought to you by the Shine Camp. You've got a friend in the jew.

You're gonna like the way you look.

Have you guys ever noticed this? And I will leave your corn?

No? I love this.

Yeah, I like it when we're like the Burbank cops or like like there's certain like municipal when you're in the sud little cities where you're just like, oh did you doin like the LAPD and you're like this is scary, and they're like, yeah, you need to got to be a cop and yelling at teenagers and yep, yep, make sure people get out of ike.

Okay, yeah, yeah, we were Me.

And my friend Vicky were crossing the street one morning and it was we used to walk before work and so it was literally just around my neighborhood and we were walking to Starbucks like at five am, like it was probably like six am or something.

I never person.

It was good. It was like it helped our stress. Sure, but we decided to cross against the light because there was literally no traffic and it was on riverside, so it was not too smart, but it was like there was no traffic coming from either direction at all.

So we're like, we're just gonna run across the street. Suddenly there's this motor motorcycle cop coming across.

And he's like, go back, go back, and does this whole thing.

He pulls up and we're both standing on the sidewalk and immediately I have some problems with authority and and like I'm either completely like, oh my god, I'm so scared or I'm about to start saying some ship and getting in trouble. And because this guy was so fucking he's like, do you know how many people we have to wipe.

Up off the road that crossing in the morning?

Yes, and in Bourbank where I'm like, sir, are you fucking kidding me? People?

How many?

Tell me?

Give you the give me the numbers? It was so weird to you.

Oh, this is perfect for my podcast.

A good looking electric I'm gonna get one that's pretty nice. Yeah, I don't like the back, Sorry, what were you gonna say?

You can fix it?

Back?

Literally, Santa Monica cops. You know what I mean. That's that's a good Malibu has cops.

Yeah, that's cool with cars that say Malibu on the side. There's a palm tree in the I.

Mean, I'm sure it's the most annoying calls ever, like this bitch won't never car.

My neighbor's horse, dent my surf.

Yeah, Or it's just a bunch of women accusing they're made of things.

Yeah, a lot of that.

Kind of It's still my necklace, which one this one I'm wearing, ma'am?

How many pills are you on?

All of them? It's all day. I get to I live on the beach and I'm not allowed to go on the water.

Myhusband said no, no, no, no, and then it says like no water until my face heels it is.

It is a different what's weird about Malibu is like it's money from all over. It's not like a type like certain neighborhoods here. You're like, well, if you get this much money and you want to be this type, you go there. Yeah, and then Malibu is just like, oh, it's a free for all. It's just like you got a bunch of money, you can live here, and they don't go together.

No one hangs out.

Yeah, they're all just hidden and on their beaches where you're not allowed to walk.

Yeah, I get it. It is my goal.

It's one of the first places I've ever been in the world where I was like, oh, I get well, this costs a lot of money.

Yeah, this is awesome.

And that's what you're trying to do with your street.

If I'm not mistakes, I'm just gonna wipe it all out and just make it a beat.

Yeah.

Your house looks great, you're doing great. I'm glad your son skates.

I'm not leaving what you're doing.

And not to sound conclusionary, just say you give me the light.

No, no, no, four more stories, some cigarettes. I'm about today. You should pail this.

No, we're gonna get this car. I just want to say it's been nice having you on this episode.

Wait, he's dragging a stool over here.

You just put on sunglasses and set up a spotlight. Thanks for being on, buddy, You're hilarious.

Thanks for having any time you guys on a roll through that. Yeah.

Yeah, great to see you.

Yeah, and I mean at this time you've been listening tod Do you need a ride one more thing.

This has been an exactly right production.

Produced by Annalise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choy. Our talent booker is Patrick Coottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you both.

You're welcome