S3 - Ep. 71 - Adam Cayton-Holland

I leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gaye ad.

We want to send you off in style.

We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need to ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

And this is Karen Kilgareff.

Hello, Karen, my friend.

Hello Chris. Hi, Hi, let's do acting class exercise. Hi Chris, question mark.

I'm cooking burgers and I'm also a policeman. Oh, we aren't doing improv.

It's different things. It's fine. I shouldn't block you.

Yes, I really wish you would have went with me on that. Sorry, you don't see enough officers grilling these days.

I mean to combine an action and an occupation.

Yeah, that's what.

What is this level for? Improv?

I know, I know they let me bypass the introductory levels because I come with that kind of heat.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. They were like, you know what, you don't have to go through the other levels that are also made up. You can go to the made up top level.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's all made up, isn't it. Well, yeah, I don't want to be controversial and also change the subject.

Of but that after that goal that we were just.

I know, I know, I am watching Yellow Jackets and it's of course reminds me of alive, and I'm confronted by the fact that I think that I would not have a problem immediately eating people.

In an emergency situation, yes, or just any.

Oh we're here and that guy's dead. I like day one or two.

I really don't think, like yourself get hungry. You wouldn't let like the airplane pretzels run out before you start eating your friend.

I wouldn't even be hungry yet. I'd just start prepping and marinating, nervously nibbling.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe I'd hide it for a while, but once everyone was like hungry, I'm like, well, these are ready for grilling. It's almost annoying when the guy there's like a coach with them and he's freaking out. Once there's a perfectly baked friend that happens accidentally.

This feels like a spoiler alert.

It is it is they eat people in yellow jackets, but I swear it's in the trailer. Everyone knows that. It actually takes too long in the storyline. Even I'm like, they should be eating people in episode two, but it takes a while. You have to wait for a second season. There we go. It's a I'm sorry, we're spoiling, but everyone knows.

You know you're spoiling.

I'm sitting here, you are, we are co hosts. You are in this with me. You're got your spoiling yellow jackets. They eat children.

When you spoil, I spoil.

Yes, we all for you spoil. Yeah, they eat their high schoolers eat kids. And I would be the first, even as the coach, I'd be like, gather around, we're going to eat. I know where this is going. And maybe I'm I really think I wouldn't have a problem. It's just as bad as meat anyway. Maybe I'm just confronted by animal eating.

Well we're combining topics or issues. I mean, but I think I would be like a day fiver. I think I would might even just to avoid because you know, sometimes when you're like you're about to enter bad situation. I think most stand up comics know this feeling where you're like, this won't be good, and I'm doing it anyway at least I have my memorized lines. And then it's like fifteen times worse than you anticipated, and then you're kind of like, oh, this is going to leave

With, I suppose, and berries.

If they're berries, what do we do? Why would we even revert to cannibalism.

It's because if you watch any episode of Alone, berries only take you so far when you're start. I don't know this. I also don't know. I also don't have a berry manual. I love his work by the way manual copa cabana. There's so many hits by a berry manual, but I do not possess a berry manual. I feel like I'm more scared of eating a poisonous berry than I am being confronted by them morally by eating. I guess if it was a friend, then you just flip them over and take take a chunk of the butt.

I think we are so lucky to have today's guest, because there's no way he doesn't have a couple very manual albums seeing because we're to.

Save us and change the subject, which is not we are continuing with cannibalism.

I mean, we're combining. That's what we do. That's what we do.

Our next guest is here to help spoil yellow Jackets for you with us seeing them at clubs and colleges throughout the US and as well as Canada. Everyone put your ears together for our friend, Adam Caton Holland.

Hello, thank you for plugging the colleges that I've performed at. Enough people do that, so I appreciate that, because yeah, a lot of people are are just going to colleges on their own seeing if they recognize anyone, and I'm usually there, So thanks for plugging that.

Yeah, if you're.

Always doing like a tight seven at any community college that you can find.

Or'll hit eleven colleges in a day, playing playing my Verry Manual album in the car, the rental car, just powering me between them. I wanted to say, Barry Manual is one of the most impressive. Like people think Rama Manual is impressive, it's Arry Emmanual is like the most impressive brother of that crew.

He's a dark horse of that family.

No, sure, totally.

Aria Manuel, because he's on that strike infographic of all the people in Hollywood that make the most money, and you've probably seen it.

I saw that today, Yes, and he makes the most of anybody.

He makes like three hundred million dollars.

A year by a long shot. Everyone else was like thirty forty fifty. He's multiple hundreds of millions.

You're right, yeah, And then when you're looking at those numbers, it's like then you're looking at uh, you know, Rupert Murdoch makes thirty million year and you're like, oh, that's too bad for him. It's so much money.

I've said the same thought. I was like, Murdoch's the most evil. He's should have three billion compared to these kids, but not. Yeah, taking it on the chin, that poor guy.

You're poor Rupert Murdoch.

Yeah, he should be a silhouetted and petting a cat from an evil layer. Yeah, and he probably can't even afford a layer.

Nope, layers these days, not in San Francisco, not a chin, no way.

Yeah, the fault line and freezing pipes. There's a bunch of reasons.

Oh so sorry, wait, so I'm so sorry. I thought that they were both asleep, and I'm like, I'm gonna be able to get away with these dogs staying in here. Now I have to go shut the door. I'm so sorry.

That's It's okay. They do the bark upon immediately waking up, they start barking at reality.

I'm kind of the same way.

Yeah, when you when you're woken up, Adam and someone says this is something that bothers me and it shouldn't. I think it says something about me. But I'm gonna go ahead and admit it. I don't like them when people say good morning. Hearing that first thing really rubs me the wrong way. Please say you're on my side with this.

I guess I'm on your side. It's been a while since someone's done.

That for me. Most I got, I got two.

I got a four year old and two year old, so I just I met with demands from the jump.

What's the last one? Can you remember the last time you were woken up by one of your children? What they were saying?

Yeah, it's all pretty cute.

Like my four year old to come into the room and he can go to the bathroom himself, but he'll walk in and he'll.

Whisper, I neat poop and I go go poop, go do it, And he's like, Okay, he just wants to go ahead.

You could have done this on your own, little man, but he just wants me to know what's up.

And I guess I appreciate that.

Yeah, get nice. Yeah, it's nice early poop approval.

How do you feel about a rabbit rabbit? Chris?

Like on a like a may first rabbit rabbit? Does that annoy you or you kind of appreciate the good tidings?

Are you saying rabbit rabbit? No, I'm saying rabbit rabbit. Oh, rabbit rabbit? Would I eat one? Is that what you're saying?

Would you want rabbits or a rabbit rabbit instead of a person to delay the flesh consumption?

Exactly? I'm all about that. You can always cut around the crazy. I've always said when slaughtering a rabbit rabbit?

Have you ever heard of that saying rabbit rabbit on the first day of the month?

No?

That okay, So.

That's a one hundredisode I'm talking about. And now I'm feeling out on an island because I'm glad you have Karen.

I do that.

It's like a good luck thing. But I have no idea the origin of it.

Do you either?

Do I?

And is it at all affiliated with a loving them? Apparently brings campfire smoke towards you. Do you remember that smoke from a campfire hitting you. You're supposed to say I love rabbits and then it will deter the smoke from being in your face. That is something I knew when I I start talking about it. I know I'm crazy, but I will get personal messages from our listeners that say, yes, I when campfire smoke is engulfing your lungs, you're supposed to say, I love rabbits, and then it goes away.

No, I gotta get the chat open.

According to The Farmer's Almanac, nineteen oh nine, a British periodical featured a girl who said rabbits on the first day of each month for good luck. President Roosevelt also reportedly rabbited every month without fail.

What about grass roots movement?

This little girl said this one periodical in nineteen oh nine, gets a hold of it. And now I'm saying it on a pod while Chris runs in the other direction and Karen nods approvingly.

I'm absolutely behind you. And I've actually gotten upset, like I missed it this month, and I was like, oh, that does not bode well. That's the first thing I think of, like a bad start.

The four year old who likes to tell me about pooping when my wife and I meet him with good cheer on the first of the month with a rabbit. Rabbit, he's not having it already, he doesn't. He doesn't like that at all. It's too chipper an upbeat for him. He's not that sort fan.

So Key and I have something common. That's the good morning thing man. Yeah, I gotta I gotta chew your kid's brain at some point.

And I'm not trying it a yellow jacket.

Okay, he's circling it back.

I need to converse with him.

For you to go at a four year old when there's all those older people, just to be like, I eat veal, I'm Chris Fairbanks.

Let's do this.

Let's I had no control who was going to board that plane.

Sorry, my kid made a varsity girls soccer team at four.

He's that good. He's that good toddler.

We're combining TV shows, old wives tales, it's all it's all getting mixed up.

No riff goes unchecked in this one. Every every rift gets a piece.

It's like a beautiful quilt of a conversation.

Oh riff mosaic.

I've never heard here's the thing in camp There are like I've heard of things similar to that in camping. But for the idea that basically something that is being caused by the wind, like you have to say an incantation to make it stop happening, I think is kind of hilarious.

Yeah, yeah, like it's.

Just what the wind is doing. Just you just had a haul ass over to the other folding chair across the fire.

Yeah, you're trying to control the elements without praying.

I also like the idea of like the oldest, wisest prospector in the groups, like I got this and he just yells something at the wind.

I love rabbits.

Glad we brought this guy. He knows what's up.

But it feels like a theme, Like I wonder if rabbits were especially valuable back then, delicious you could use their pelts.

Maybe rabbit's foot, for some reason is good luck.

Oh yeah, yeah, well right, that's why it's always on someone's keychain. I was never allowed. I was giving a rabbit's foot and my mother confiscated it.

She was a big pita person.

Yeah, not in our house.

It's pretty terrifying.

I remember going to, you know, some sort of like store where you'd buy board games and weird little trinkets, and there'd just be a basket of literal rabbits feet and you could go in there and grab one, like I'll take this.

That's pretty barbaric.

Yeah, it really is.

My cousin had one. My cousin Lisa had one on her keys, and I was like, ooh, soft, and then I pushed down a little and then I felt the bones and I was like, I don't want to touch this anymore. It's like, what a trick.

Yeah, there's little krembly metatarsals in there.

This is already an overshare. And I wish I wasn't saying this, But here we are.

I what we're here for.

I lived in Spain for a while, I studied abroad and then lived there again in the host's family in Madrid where I lived. The old man and his sons, who were adult men, every Sunday would go out to the outskirts of Madrid and just annihilate rabbits and hares. They would they love doing this. This was how they bonded. They'd bring them back to the tiny apartment we were all in. They'd got them in the kitchen and then I would eat rabbit for a week, and I, having never eat it's well.

They didn't had all these little bones in it.

So you're taking what looks like a piece of chicken and you're like, cool, I'm gonna.

Eat this and it'll be pure meat.

Nope, you're extracting twelve bones. And they also the breaking point where I had to say, I'm tired of being polite. I don't want any more. Rabbit was buckshot. There was like bullets and.

The rabbit I was putting in my mouth and I was like, that's it. I can't.

I just can't with the rabbit anymore. And they were like fine, all good. But I for two months I had grin and beared it in this small Madrelano apartment, just eating eating gunshot and bony rabbits.

Yeah, it would be I'm from my time and ply a majorcas y.

See.

I did notice that it would be a hard place to be a vegetarian. Every storefront had a leg of an animal on a weird vice like and they would just shave meat off of it. You recall that at.

Them just yeah, Hamon Serrano, ham on America.

There was a place called Museo de Hamon Museum of Ham and you could just buy any one of those legs you're talking about. And people when they're going home. I don't know if the rules have changed. This was a long time ago, but it's just like I got two for gifts. I'm bringing home to pigs legs from Spain for people.

I mean, that's that's a thing.

Just resting on your shoulder like a baseball bat.

In the muse de him was there like a such a sophisticated place. I mean, like, was there any museum element to it? Or is that just what they called it?

It was just a store front selling these things, but for some reason museo was their hook, which I think worked.

Here. I am twenty years later, I'm still buzzing about it.

Yeah, I'm not talking about the Prato like that's what I'm expecting in a museum.

But if you go into a museum and it's just a.

Bunch of hamhocks on the walls, You're like that this is different and experiential.

Yeah. Well, my dad was visiting. We went to the Hollywood Museum and I didn't do any research, didn't know what to expect. One of the first things you see when you walk in there's all the Max Factor old makeup. But then one of the main displays there was clothing from the TV show The Waltons, Oh, which I'm like, that's also I think loose use of the word museum, but it is it makes more sense than I'm museum of pig legs, I guess, does it.

I don't know.

I mean without any history.

Are you guys too young to have seen the Waltons?

No, John Boy, he had a birthmark mole on his face, a lot of tones.

Yeah, good because they were on the mountain. Yeah, they just said make do. But at night. And maybe this is a good question for everybody. How do you feel about everyone in the house yelling good night Grandpa? Right, good night, Mary Ellen, good night, John Boy. The entire house yelled good night to each other.

That's all I remember. And it was at the end and it would show the lights going out in the house and a depression would befall me. I yes, that show used to bum me out to it. So did Little House on the Prairie. I think they were affiliated storyline wise, maybe, or they just played on the same sad, sad evening.

It was all kind of you know, there's nothing that sexy about living in that time where you're kind of like, oh, I'm just I'm a homesteader, I'm out on the prairie. I gotta make do. Like there's it doesn't make for great storylines. There's a lot of like plague and Coloress storylines, you know.

Yeah, exactly one broken finger leads to death. That's the storyline.

Yeah, Paul, we lost.

Paul, I did.

I was too young for those shows, but I do like those settings of shows. To me, it's always there's a character who's coughing in act one. You're like, uh oh, yeah, no, you do not cough in this setting.

That is yeah, that is a bad.

Yeah, she's got chess rickets.

There's there's an episode. So we watched The Little houseland Prairie. I think it was a Sunday night show. Me and my sister were obsessed, and my dad would do this saying. So it was an hour long show and it was always sad or upsetting in some way, and so in like the end, you know, the cliffhanger of Back two where it's like Mary's going blind, that was a storyline that then for the rest of the run of the show, Mary was blind and she married a blind.

Guy because she fell out of a wagon.

Right, No, she got scarlet fever.

I think, oh, okay cough which started with a small cough exactly.

We all saw it coming. But at one point, for whatever reason, I can't remember, Laura and we were very excited because my sister's name was Laura, so it made us like the show more. And Laura decided she did something wrong, so she just started walking up a mountain and at one point she gets she's like thirsty, everyone's looking for She's like in the sun and she's kind

What's he uncomfortable with the Christianity that my dad would be like, now, don't don't watch this, go go draw pentagrams in your notebook.

You got a dad, you skateboard into the next room.

Yeah yeah, you're in her near and in her near I think my dad just like doing bits with eight year olds, you know what I mean? Like, oh, are you crying? I'm going to try to make you cry even harder as you watch TV.

That's a good bit, isn't it funny how time changes things, Like now I know exactly what you're describing. The guy comes in, It's like, Okay, she's gonna faint, but he'll help her some way. But now in twenty twenty three, if that happens, I'm like, oh no, this kid, this girl has passed out in a creep just entered the frame, and she's gonna get murdered. And that's that's what thirty years does to you. It's like, this is no, there's no way this could end positively in my head now, No.

There's no good bearded stranger on a mountain, is right.

No good beard, It's strangers.

What the Walton's Little house? They there would be bandits trying to rob them every episode even yeah, it was even made ten years later.

I also love the self flagellation of just making being like I got to walk up a mountain.

I've done wrong.

I should go be by myself and walk up a mountain because I live in Colorado.

Chris, you're from Montana. We do that stuff.

Sure, you know to get away? Yeah, you gotta go on my shame hike.

Say it all the time. I'm nine years old. What else am I supposed to do?

Let me get a night's tomorrow's clothing and head up a hill.

Just walk straight up hill.

Those are tough kids. These kids today get soft.

Yeah.

Oh, I could talk about that for hours.

That's what this podcast is, right, Am I on the wrong podcast?

I thought we're gonna against kids today.

Yeah, yeah, we children.

We're very traditionalist.

Done here, I summoned my boy.

I'm like, get in here, Chris, want to talk to you.

Yes, pauh, good morning.

I'm back from my shame high. I'm ready to podcast.

He's all sunburned.

Yep.

When you described your kid coming to your bed and waking you up, I realized I used to do that to my dad a lot, and I would always look into his closed eyes and see that his eyes were darting around. So most of my life I thought that as we slapped, our eyes were shooting all over. But I think right now I'm realizing he was pretending to be asleep and didn't want to deal with me.

He wanted fifteen more minutes.

Yeah, perhaps if I trick my son into thinking I'm having a seizure, leave the old man alone.

He was gonna say. He's like a method actor where he's like, I really got to sell this to this child. He used to believe I'm in rem sleep right now.

Yeah, yeah, I didn't even. I didn't even. I hadn't even listened Ariam yet. I guess I thought he was having a nightmare. And I'm like, well, I better or not. I better let him see this one through. Yeah, but yeah, those eyes darting around, I just he was pretty I think that's.

A good trick. I could take an out of his book. I got nothing, I just get right up and start doing it. But maybe I'll just maybe I'll just be like what year is it? And I'll just run to another room, try to sleep on the couch downstairs, terrify him into leaving me alone for a little bit.

You never pretend you're asleep.

Nah, man, he sees through all my bullshit. He just knows there's no way. He's very savvy already. It's disconcerting how quickly that happened.

Yes, he's mine, melded to you.

Yes.

And he's also, like I said, he doesn't like us, say rabbit rabbit. For a while, we would try like, hey, what what are you grateful for today? Just to be like, what's a nice thing about today? At dinner and he's already like, nope, he'll throw He either won't do it, or he'll like throw some nonsense joke that he's been doing riffing on for a few days.

He won't do like a real gratitude at all.

So I kind of like that he's just blowing our spot up immediately.

He's a little cynic.

He has a very good jokes.

Do you see the comedian in him? And secretly hope he sus it? Wow?

Yeah, but at this point it doesn't. It's so not the type of comedian I am though. It's just goofy, like the stuff. The way I try to make him laugh is with goofy pratfalls, voices, weird stuff, and so he'll.

Do that back but you know it's odd.

I'm teaching him odd things, and he's definitely got an odd sense of humor already, so that that's a good comedian makes We can be broad for a long time.

But let's definitely come at it from an odd place.

Let's not lean on the broad That's easy. Yes, let's try to hone something here.

All your buddies are doing fart and poop. Let's talk about eyeballs and teeth.

Yeah, you want him at the forefront of the second wave of alternative comedy.

Yeah, he's doing laundromats and garages and stuff.

He's already out of the clubs.

You can do those bits anywhere, is he? So he's in that's preschool age.

Yeah, yeah, preschool age. And then I got a two year old. I'll tell you a scary preschool story. I dropped him off yesterday. The school was like, here's a fun pamphlet for you to all the parents in our class.

I go, oh, what's this?

And one of the children in Malcolm's class has pinworms.

Do you know what that is?

Oh?

I had it. You had times as a child, many times.

I had never heard of this in my life until my kid's good.

But there's a doctor. We're all like, what are pinworms?

Some parents knew, but they're just like bacterial infection worms. And the doctor, dad and the class next to me, he's like, you know the test for that? I go, no, what's the test for that? And he's like, stick a piece of scotch tape on their butthole. If you pull it off and there's worms, they got.

It, and little news for the two of you. I vividly remember my mother putting tape on my anus multiple times. Like I said before, apparently it was a real issue in my household, and it took a while for us to realize. It's because I was playing in the sandbox where the cat also went to the bathroom. A lot o building in me an immunity, I believe to where I didn't miss it. I was never sick as a child because I went straight to penworms in kindergarten and

Oh, it's so intense to have worms.

It's just it really is.

It's it's such a violation to have worms in your body. It's not something you anticipated.

Is there.

They had a pamphlet like was there.

Now one kid had it. They said they've cleaned the class. No, it's all good, but just a heads up. A kid in the class had it. And this was on a Monday, So I'm hoping the kid contracted over the weekend elsewhere something, but it was it was all due caution, and so they came with like letters in formats of that, along with CDC and information with how to deal with this crap. And it was just like, wow, it's Monday at eight am and now this is where I'm at.

Yeah.

Wow.

But I asked the doctor. I was like, how do you know if your kid like has signs? And he's like, oh, they will be furiously scratching their asshole, like there will be no mistake. Whether this is a little bit, you will know big time. And Chris, you can probably talk about that.

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna. I'm sorry, Yeah, I have to back that up. I think there was some furious scratching and I remember doing that and probably my friends noticed and and but it wasn't my fault, you know, it just it's just something I's dealing with. It was so itchy, you guys, just.

Don't go back. Don't go back. You're here.

Yeah, you used to give me fevers. Oh man, so many worms? Oh they're little and white.

Okay, So there's your little House on the Prairie episode.

There, there's the pinworms end of like the finale should have been. Everyone gets pinworms?

What is scotch tape?

There's no.

Adhesives other than horse of oil had been invented yet.

That's right, which is a terrible spackling process. It's hot, you have to eat it up and just.

Really yeah, it's really not nice.

Frontier Medicine guys.

Yeah, that's to be a continued episode. They don't even know how to end that one.

Yeah, it's a season finale cliffhanger.

I'm racking my brain trying to think of like a childhood you know, like I remember when a girl down the street got lce because her parents had a really beautiful black bottom swimming pool. And I remember we were we had just seen eat and we came back to swim in her pool, and she swam by me and I was like, she's got paint flex in her hair and I was like, that's weird. And I went home and then like half an hour later, her mom called. My mom was like, well, it turns out that she

Yeah, I wonder if I had something to do with the chlorine and that swimming pool.

Yeah, like keeping me lives free. Yeah, since eighty three, So.

Why would is it painted black? Does that help heat?

Yeah that's pretty cool. Yeah, yes, because.

The sun it does naturally help heat it. I think they also had solar. But it looked awesome, like when you were under the water you could see much clearer. Like it just was really cool and fun. It looked like kind of more natural, I guess, almost like it was like like lava rock, but it wasn't. Actually, it was just paint.

Yeah, it sounds amazing.

I remember going to a pretty rich kid's house and they had an all tile bathroom, but it was all black. The toilet was black, the sink was black, and I never forgot that. I was like, that is that's some next level Murdock stuff. All Yeah, black tile bathroom.

I don't know.

I haven't got there yet, but it is a goal of mine. Yeah, you'll get there.

I vividly remember, yeah, those those first black toilets. I remember saying I could do a tour of my hometown showing you nothing but black toilets. It's not a fun tour.

I'll take it. I'd take It's a great idea.

I love that tour.

Yeah, just to hang out. I mean, then to see some of the sites, but mostly to hang mostly.

Just you know, be with friends and look at toilets. That's fun. I went and looked at a house one time, and I made Alan Strickl and Williams go with me because he and I were getting coffee. And then I'm like, can we go look at this house just really quick? This is a little bit of my obsession. And we go into it's in the hills. We go in and it's just like a pretty house. We're just like, look at this, look at that. And then we go into the master bathroom and it had side by side toilets. Whoa,

It wasn't adet toilet, It was not a bi day.

We checked it.

Were they side by side or you know, back to back like the toilet for Lovers sketched from ACNL?

I believe right right, No, they were.

I would say, two feet apart, side by side. We were actually making jokes where it's like it seems like you could hold hands if you were if you were sitting there at the same time. But it was, you know, it almost looked like someone had taken the stall down and you know what I mean, like a public bathroom.

Yeah, did you and Alan go for it?

No way. We were both highly creeped out, like just kind of like it was almost like we suddenly saw, you know, a box of porn or something, or just like what is this.

Maybe if you'd sat on the same time, they'd like sink into the floor and suddenly it's like this hidden passage you're in a mad scientist lab beneath the floors of that.

We should have seen it for what it was. It was the key that would unlock the secret layer. Damn it.

Were you just going because you're like a real estate nerd, you weren't in the market for Yeah, No, I love that, Like an open I'm a sucker for an open house. That's a lot of fun.

Especially I think houses in the hills in Los Angeles because so many lunatic people have lived here that have like come into money and they think they're going to have money forever. So like truly, that bathroom looked like they went in and went, we need to the way we live. We need to so people can go with our weird sexual quirk.

We need to toilet side by side.

Yeah.

I drove by a house you showed me before you got the house you're living. And we went up some road that just had a mountain side on one side and there was a little blue picket fence type house and I just drove by it. You drove me past it like you you take your friends to look at houses. We just drove past kind of slow and then took off like.

We I was like, and because for a long time I was I was looking for a house and it was just like Zillow, And it was when we were on the road a lot. So I just sit in like a hotel room bed and just be like I would never live there, d D and just go through

And that's been going on for hundreds of years, you know what I mean, Like, yeah, there's so many. Yeah, it's like you were a detective for the studio that had to murder girlfriends like this.

It'said all sorts of weird lives.

That have been lived in Hollywood, and the architecture is so disparate. It's just like that, how does that house even fit into that space?

With weird polls? LA Architecture's wild crazy.

There's some you know, those ones like in Laurel Canyon that are more modern. This was one of the first houses I ever went to that wasn't my apartment when I moved to LA in ninety four, and it was Dave rats old house and it was it was literally

Up kitchen on the third floor is a weird one. Yeah, oh I don't care for it there it is.

That's a no, no thanks past Adam's not going to buy that house.

Not buy that home if you were no shipping containers or something funky.

Maybe I'm not into it anymore.

That's the only because it's so unrealistic for me that I think I might have to buy a plot of land and either do the shipping container thing, or they have these yurts where you can put cement pour cement into like a not a yurt, but like a dome house. Like I think I want to build a weird house made of cement domes and storage containers, You should.

Go to Earthship Cool. Have you been a Toaus, New Mexico? Those earth Ship houses? No Fairbanks, This is right up your rally. It's just houses. It's all green and sustainable, but it's all made out of trash. And it's a community called Earthship and it's outside of Tows, New Mexico. And they're all very spiritual, strange people. I was Kurt Brown, and I used to be like, that is a place if you could forget to do comedy shows there, just

Yeah.

Actually, when I one of the times and you, yeah, you guys have always not to sidetrack, But early in my career, you guys would bring me to Denver, and that's how I got to know you. It's one of the only scenes where you know you're not possessive of your stage time and you want other comics to come to Denver and I was lucky to be one of them. But one of the times I was there, I stayed

Now it's blown up, secrets out and now every now it's just like the tiny home costs a million dollars now.

But it was a good vision once.

So oh really it kind of what happened with that? They exist then they exist. I just in the past twenty years, this city has blown up. I've gotten jokes. Now it's like Denver's jumped the shark. This it's a it's the lifestyle has been commodified and sold back to us. And here we are, Like, there's this store I passed there. It's called Young in the Mountains. Was the name of the store?

Young in the Mountains.

You're kidding me, not at all?

And I have Young Coma in the Mountains, yes, like no, just no comma, Like if you're not Julie Andrews spinning in an alpine field.

Don't do not come to the store. So I've been joking.

I was like, I want to open a store called forty two and worried about air quality.

So it's becoming a like a parody of itself, like.

Somewat or somewhat it's very much a hazy ipa with a beard and grown ephic designers zipping around on their scooters. It's it's all every every American city is kind of going through the same thing.

If it's doing well right now.

Well and also when when that it's so livable, like I you know, I've only spent a little bit of time there, but and one of the times was doing High Planes Festival. But it's like the vibe is so good. It's that feeling of like, oh, if I lived here, these would be my friends, if I lived here, this would be my bar if I love and it's so nice and like that, I can see why people are

Of pays off, totally totally. And I just was born here, so I was like, I was young in the mountains and none of you were here.

You're the nine year old up in the mountains.

Bike.

Young in the mountains.

It's a fine story. They got cool jewelry, but it's like, come on, let's do better here.

Yeah that is Yeah, that's on the nose name or is it? It's pretty random. That's an insane name.

It stopped me dead in my tracks.

I literally stopped walking and I was like, no fucking way, that's what we're going with.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There was a store in Butte, Montana called your Father's Mustache, and I really didn't find out what they sold there. Black toilets, black toilets, and hair wax.

Yeah yeah, yeah, wall to wall toilets, cocaine, your father's mustache.

But yeah, if I would, I've thought many times that I could live in Denver. It totally makes sense that you're staying there and your decision to stay. Were you when you were doing those who can't Were you just traveling or did you have a place here or how were you doing that?

I got to do LA the best possible because when we did Those Who Can't, we would write the show there and film it there, so I'd pack up my car and drive out for like five six months, pay somebody to house sit and rent a place so I could so one. And we only did that three years. But one year I tried Echo Park. It was so

And I got to have a leaving date as well.

So I love LA because it was really like a playground for me to make a fun show with my buddies. And I always love going there. I'm like nostalgic for it all the time, but I definitely love living here and feel very lucky we got to do it.

I got to do it that way, you know. Yeah.

Yeah, And it was such a good show.

Oh I love that show.

Yeah, so good.

It was a good It was a very good time. We had a lot of fun with that way.

If people want to watch that not then it's plug in time. But do you have to stay on topic?

It's gone. I can't find it anywhere for me.

It was.

You may say that it was on you know, it's true TV did it.

It was on HBO Max and then it disappeared from there and was on Hulu and now it's disappeared and I can't get a hold of anyone at True to try to figure this out.

And it's very frustrating.

But once there was a great show my friends and I made, And if you follow me online, I'll draw you a picture of my favorite scenes.

I saw it.

We can back it up, yeah, Karen, Karen might draw you a picture as well of some of the favorite characters and maybe some dialogue bubbles.

We'll recreate it.

We'll see, we'll see what we can get down on paper.

I'm sure it'll it'll. I'll find it. We'll figure it out somewhere. It's currently lost in the ether, and it'll yeah, it'll reserve it. It'll resurface somewhere. Yeah, it's so email me. I'll give you all the files. I'll send you some venmos.

Just like those the hard copy scripts. Send them out to anyone who wants.

Them and if you want to punch them up, I don't care if it's done. I always am looking.

To improve.

Fan fic.

Yeah, fan fake my my previous work.

Yeah, it's hard to I was on a True TV show round that same time, just risting that's right, and I can't. It's unavailable. It's just existed, and you have to take my word for it. Everybody.

Well, if I get an email from somebody over there who's just feeding VHS's of and practical jokers into the machine, oh yeah, I'll let you know the email.

All in with those guys. I did watch it the other day because I've never given those guys a chance, and I did laugh through the whole.

They're the nicest dudes. Volcano the other day being like, do you have an email of anyone at True? But I say that not even sarcastically. I feel like, if you watch that network now, that's what's on all the time. So yeah, trying to get to get an email of whoever's putting the tapes.

In it just it just blows my mind. Their journey from being Court TV where we all were glued to the OJ trial to me introducing you know, some dad taking it in the nuts on a slip and slide?

Is that what Truchie Who was before?

Yes?

Yeah, And they gradually, I guess because it was kind of documentary and then they went to like internet video footage. I don't, I don't. Maybe at one point it was half crime, half here's some bloopers, some cops bloopers. And then we got to be.

Their first scripted comedy. We were their first like half hour sitcom. So that was very cool and it was like a huge opportunity for us. So I'm forever grateful. But man, do I want that show back on the air because it's become a little cult classic and it's got Kyle Knane and Rory Scovill in it and it was just a lot of lot of fun.

Yeah. Anyway, Yeah, it'll it'll come back. I'm just gonna say that, put it and puts it out there.

There's no episodes like on YouTube.

Uh not really know.

There's some one if you have like old school television, then you on demand those who can't, there's not all of them, but there are some up there.

I'm telling you, Karen, I'm.

Very frustrated with like it's gone, Like you can't even you can't even buy it, like you can't, I.

Want to buy it.

The thing's get their demand. Please guys, me go to my It's on my dad's TV. Everyone, we could just go there. That's where reality bites back. It's also if you email me, I'll send you the scripts.

If you come to my home, I have dvr'd every one of them, and so we can sit down and we can watch the commercials together and all of it.

Like say, if you come to my home, I'll act them out, which I.

Yes, yeah, I mean it depends on what's going on that.

Day, Adam. Are you still hosting comedy shows?

Yes.

I do a monthly show with the guys who I did Those Who Can with called the Gralics. Chris has done it a number of times, and we have a podcast that Girlic Saves the World shameless plug. But we do a monthly show and it's the best. We we fly out a guest. Chris has done it before and it's great. It keeps us honest because all three of us headline all over but our rule there's a lot of repeat fans, so every month each of us has to have ten new minutes. So I mean that keeps

Oh so there's pressure for you guys to actually do new material.

It's self imposed, but a lot of repeat fans come, so the people sort of know these guys are trying ten new and we fly in a headliner who's like, don't worry, there's somebody great. At the end, we give a local spot and they can do their ten minutes of tried and tested gold, but the three of us host it together, and then each of us has a ten minute set of what we wrote that month. So you do that for a year. That's one hundred and twenty minutes. You know, if half of it's decent, Now

Yeah, it's great.

Do you also do I in the beginning where you're doing like self improvement?

The podcast The Galk Saves the World is.

Okay, I see they have the same name Growling. Okay, that's where.

I What people should know is that Chris drew the art for our podcast, and it's awesome.

It's one of my favorite drawings. It's really fun.

It's curious how I gave you all amazing muscular labs. I got obsessed. I really, it was like, I just turn you all into Greek gods in the calf department.

The grolic Saves the World and Chris's art.

We're all holding up a globe like at Liss and we're crouded, and we looked jacked and like, if I could use it as a headshot, I would. I've got more hair than I have. My calves are fucking great. I'm into it.

Wait that you know what for the do you need to ride logo or whatever? You did? You drew me like a fucking supermodel. Like every time I look at him, Oh look at that. That's nice.

I hurt Doug Benson's feelings once with a with a caricature portrait of him, and I learned from that day on top to only augment Yeah really direction, Yeah.

You're such a nice dude.

But when I saw that, I was like, I wish I could see me through Chris Fairbanks's eyes because I don't.

I don't see anything like this at all.

And I stared Chris Fairbanks just staring at your cow, just like look at him.

Because of him rejecting these ghoulish ones. He's like, I can't Doug Benson at him.

This is how I see him.

But I got again.

It's funny. Yeah, it does feel good. Even when I was in that sketch or is the brunch one where Den was like he had thoughts about my body, He's like, oh, he must work out a lot. You don't get those striations just from whatever it's lying. I remember watching that and I was so flattered, even though it was a made up comedy moment. I was like, oh, man, Ben thinks I work out a lot.

We're all insecure.

It's my body that makes me feel great.

We're all insecure, and men uplifting men goes a long way. I appreciate. I appreciate the lovely drawing. It's the great, great art for our podcast.

We all dig it.

Well, I'll send you the ones where it's pretty much uh, Tom's of Finland like erotic, like, uh, you guys have short haircuts and you're oh boy.

Nice, Sure, we'll put that on our Patreon. They'll eat it up.

Yeah, one foot up on the wall, just all hanging out, crawlics, trolling growlicks.

Just taking a steam like we do.

Yeah, have you ever I have?

I've gone to a couple nude beaches and there's always someone that's kind of like the ring leader and there they come over to vet you a little. This happened in Hawaii. And there's also a little beach in a river in Montana. There is one naked guy that always comes over and puts his leg up on a rock and just lets you see it all. And he's like, hey, what brought you to our little spot here? Like trying to see if you're down for their chicanery. And I've

I have some follow up questions Chris from that story. Yeah, yeah, So are you happening upon nude beaches or are you like this is where I can really be myself.

Both times I was brought by friends, girlfriends that are friend childhood friends that wanted to go there, and I was the one that was trying not to laugh because I saw a guy surfing and that's such a big dick and it was flopping around. Me's surfing, and deep down, if I see a naked guy surfing and his dick's flopping around, I will laugh. I couldn't stop laughing because I am a child. Yeah, and I was the only

Yeah.

Even thinking about it now, I get uncomfortable.

Isn't this how the movie Point Break ends?

Yeah, Swayze's out, dick out going towards the final wave, and there's a nark on the beach, not nude.

And he got away. The dude got you. The criminal got away.

Yeah, yeah, because he recognized. Yeah, they had the police drawings of their genitalia. That's how they caught him.

Their genitalia with a Reagan mask on it, A little tiny Reagan mask, little one.

I always like to riff got. It's such a good documentary. Like I don't understand fiction and like real movies, I love that documentary about surfing Point Break.

They really got to the essence of it.

It's so intense, So how they surf and rub banks out there?

Are you too very familiar with the point break live? It's very random to me, but it's like a common reenactment where I think, much like that David and Lisa Dinner Theater we were talking about a few episodes back, audience members have to read like I think the Keanu Reeves part, I'm not different. People are taken from the audience to be Keanu Reeves. But it's the guy that started that has a big, beautiful place in Venice. Like it's a wildly popular based on the most random movie ever.

It just goes to it all. I'd love to see that.

There's no bad ideas. Yeah, it's it's like a live touring show. It's like improvised shakes.

It's such a good idea. But they but they also don't. They like throw buckets of water on people and stuff like that when they're doing these scenes, they like try to bring it to life oh wow on stage essentially like they're trying to do bad theater, you know, effects and stuff as they do it. It's I've seen clips and it seems hilarious.

I think they still do it. It's been going since the movie. I think it's helped keep that movie valid. Is that movie valid?

I just rewatched that movie. It is definitely valid. Yeah, yeah, I hadn't seen it for years. But we do a podcast within our podcast called boy Crazy where we ranked the hunkiness of hunks of Yesteryear. So we had Canane on and we had to it was a hunk off between the two of them.

And that's quite an episode.

So but I had I rewatched Point Break and had it doesn't stand up, but I was thrilled to be watching it the entire time.

But it is peak swazy baby big time, yeah, big time and Gary Busey best use of Gary Busey of all time for real.

Wait, let's go. Let's go around and everyone els to pick. Who is your pick? Keano or Patrick Swayze. Yes, Adam, you're the guest. Please go first.

I went with Keanu in that and when we did that, and I'm going with Keanu again just because it was before he had had any personality and it was pure hunk, and Swazy was personality and hunk, which may be that's a better comboa, but I like, I don't want any brains.

I just want hunk and he was given. He was given it in that film.

Yeah, I think I have to defy that a little and go Swayze just because my whole childhood he saved the Day and read Dawn. He was the leader of a pack of hunks in The Outsiders. These are movies that I grew I grew up with swayzey all Daisy and I and a lot of people bring up a roadhouse. It's also good.

He's just a badass and roadhouses forever.

Yeah, he's I mean, I just watched John Wick three. It's terrific. I thoroughly enjoyed it. But man, if that was Patrick Swayzee in that.

I'm gonna come in with the tiebreak and I'm gonna go Keanu Wow.

Yes, yeah, why is that?

Because? Well, first of all, I had an Outsiders poster on my wall. I was all about the Outsiders. We read the books after we saw the movie and we're like, this is the world we need to live in and so exciting. But he always seems really old to me, Like I was always like, why is this guy hanging around the Soda pop and Pony Boy's house. Just get

He's into drag racing.

Man. He is the best in that movie. And he's so like he so seems so real, Like he is the most real person in that entire movie. And that's saying something because there's some great people in that movie, but it's like a movie where a guy from your high school makes it into a movie and you're just like, look at him. He's so like he's not pretty, he's not like you know, he's not like normal movie start. He's like some dude. Yeah, but he also is insanely beautiful.

You're right, Like, now everyone's it's like Keanu is so cool.

He rides the subway, he's got this you know, heart, and he's had for decades. He's nuanced in his performances. But back then it was like, how is this guy fucking acting? It was just it was but there was something there, and I like seeing that embryonic period of him.

Yeah, I mean I want to hang out with him the most most, mostly because he's the one that's still with us. But uh when I there was some talk show where they they asked what his favorite song was, and he said, oh, Joy Division Level tear us apart. And I'm like, oh wait, he's cool, dude. He's like he's like the kid that I wanted to hang out with in grade school. Also, ah yeah, okay, I like him both.

His acting, though, I think, is the kind of thing where you think, when you're watching movies, you're like you I like to think, oh, like, well, that's not very

Yeah, you're saying, stripped away the sort of theatrics of it and just was right.

You see that. That's why everyone freaked out about James Dean or Marlon Brando when it back in movies when people talk like this, and then they were like, yeah, what if I just talk normal like I do, you know, out in these streets or at parties and they and they changed acting. I think those.

Yeah, if you watch season one of our TV show with three comedians acting for the first time ever, all the other real actors were moving their arms and doing actions, and we just stood with our arms at the side delivering our lines like some real people.

Yes, but you were all great in it. That was one of the first things I noticed. You are just being yourself.

I refer to season one as the season where none of us knew what to do with our arms.

And then that's one of the hardest to cut it out a little bit.

Did you find your hips and drands there?

I was the king of Like my character stirs his coffee all the time. He's got the coffee and he's stir in the coffee.

That's it, boy, he likes coffee, very stirred.

And that was we're stirring a lot of coffee in that.

The creamer will not break down.

The cheap creamer in this school.

Save our schools.

Yes, and that's why I'm on this podcast. Today's teachers can't teach without appropriate creamers.

That's right.

I've been Adam Katon.

Adam, will you confirm for me whether or not I dreamt this or if it exists?

Sure?

Is there surrounded by fancy homes in the middle of Denver a polo court where people are actively playing polo and hitting it with mallets, pull on horses, on horses.

No, that's not that's not a swear.

I saw it.

I swear is it you dreamed it?

There is an area of town called the called Polo Club, and maybe before, long before you or I were born, maybe there was horse. It's it's like near a country club. It's a rich area.

It's called Polo Club.

But certainly one p nineteen ninety two.

Nobody, no way, really.

Because you you dreamed history.

Maybe I just saw a horse on the way to Denver and then someone said the word polo.

You're thinking of that big blue horse outside the airport.

That's what it is. That's I got up on top of that when I was drunk, when I was holding a hammer.

I don't have time for every asshole that saw a horse on the way to Denver. Chris, I can't you know how many people have that experience.

In my defense, it's really forty eight minutes away from Denver. That airport is nowhere near Denver needs to be moved closer. Also, that horse could fall down at any minute. It didn't it already fall down.

Karen, Karen, please illuminate, like you know.

The artist who who sculpted that horse, right, it was like a he made it out of iron or.

Whatever, blue mustang people call it, Blucifer, Blucifer.

He was killed by it. It fell over on him and he was killed by that horse.

It's exactly right. He was mounting the head.

It was near completion, and I remember it was like a thing because the airport was legendarily over budget, took forever, and this was some gaudy price for the statue, and everyone's like, get us the statue artist, and he was rushing to do it, and the head fell on him, crushed him.

No, they were rushing him.

I mean there was like I remember people being like, can you believe they haven't even got the horse statue up yet? And then his son finished the job and now it sits outside d I a with a with a very graphic horseball sack that you can see as you drive by with veins and stuff.

Wow, you're kidding, not at all, not at all.

And that is the story. And it's like our welcome to town sculpture like it. Don't ask too many questions, just go skiing.

He has red eyes, right.

Yeah, that glow. He's got glowing red eyes. It's a terar.

I mean, the airport in Denver is all these conspiracy theories abound about it, and that statue is not helping to bunk any of them.

You're actually putting a nice cherry on top of those conspiracy theories. Right.

Yeah, when you see that horse, you do get a vibe that it killed its creator just from those eyes.

Yes, that's so sad.

His son finished it.

His son finished it up.

I think he's a he's an artist as well, and he finished his dad sculpture and gave it to the city of Denver. And now it's there out on the prairie as you're rushing to get on southwest.

The balls probably weren't on it. That was a little payback for killing his father.

I'm telling you, if you, if you come to Denver, try to get a peek at that nutsack.

It's like very detailed.

I'm never close enough. Do you have to like skip through the meadow?

You can see it on the highway if you're looking, you gotta be looking for it.

Also, Chris, it looks a lot like that guy from The Nude Beaches Nut Sack. So you don't really know.

I've been trained to eyes. I don't want to get into another giggle fit. Nothing makes you giggle like of all said so funny.

Still, you've done a couple very natural plugs. Congratulations.

Yes, I'm sorry. I just organically threw him in there.

It's your true pro thank you. Clearly trained by the true TV team.

I'm a classically trained plug professional. I'm kind of old school with it. I just I just fade them in there.

Yeah, but do you have any other ones in closing? Because we've gone overtime so fast.

I'm in New York at Union Hall, one of my favorite venues, on June eighth, Come see me do comedy there.

Love that place.

Going to a couple of days too.

Oh nice. I wish we would overlap. We could go look for black toilets around the.

Same overlapping with with Kyle Kanane. We're going to hang out in New York and quickilly jump off fire, escapes into piles of garbage, or that's why I did last time.

Well, that'd be great too, that'd be great time.

Right, Are you going to write another book?

You know I wrote?

Uh?

I spent COVID writing a movie version of my book Tragedy plus time again seamlessly plugging things, which is a book.

I'm very proud of.

It's a serious book about losing my little sister to suicide and mental illness.

And I wrote a movie of it.

And it's it's being made and I'm absolutely thrilled about it, and I do it's you know, it's shooting in a year and where it's Hollywood. You guys can be like things can fall apart, but the team is amazing and I'm like, I'm just so excited. So that'll be out sometime. I bet I have been working pretty hard on that.

I think that, Yeah, that was worth bringing up. Congratulations.

Yeah, but it's not.

I'm more just telling you guys because I'm mumped about it, and that's kind of what I've been working working hard on.

But it's I don't want to really.

Publicly be like, yeah, so you'll see it at your AMC twelve, Like I don't know, but it's it's all going really well.

And that's alrighting so great, buddy, Thanks thanks very.

Much, beautiful best.

That's beautiful And I'd love to write another book sometime, but I'm gonna wait till till pure inspiration.

I was trying to force one.

I was like, this is not the way to write a book, because you want to write a second book, like, wait till, wait till you got that sparking. I'm just doing comedy and podcasting and trying to write screenplays and stuff.

Yeah, you're a great writer. I mean, I know just from early on articles you had written and stuff. You're you're a very good writer. You But you went to school for filmmaking, right.

I did.

I went to I got a film degree, and they like they taught me nothing and all those skills meant nothing like everything I learned and nothing at all. You could I should have just gone to Hollywood and like tried to write scripts. But you know, I saw a lot of I saw a lot of cool movies, saw a lot of.

All the videos you guys made as a group with a girlics. I think that ultimately your experience is why you ended up with a TV show.

Like it for sure, just like just like all comedy, just you know, learn by doing is kind of how I'm doing it, and it's been it's been working so far, so I don't I don't see myself quitting. I think I'm forty two. It'd be pretty weird to be like, all right, it's architecture time.

It's time to be a professional baseball player.

Yeah, but uh yeah, all's going well. Great, and it's nice to catch up with you guys. Nice to catch up with both you.

Yeah, great, it's very good to catch up. I had one last query one did when you threw that pitch for the Rockies?

Was it a strike? Strike?

I just knew it would be, and I've never asked you that.

I brought my baseball glove and took it very seriously. Had I not thrown a strike, there was an army of haters ready to go.

But because that I peppered it.

The crowd, that was a crowd source to like you.

Yeah, I just I've bombard at the Rockies Twitter for two years, being like, let me throw out a pitch. I had a hashtag ach first pitch. I finally want It had been years in the making. So if I'd gone out there and just like you know, threw it in the dirt or what, so I really brought it. I played junior varsity baseball, and I summoned all of that skill set.

And did you practice for days before that?

Yeah?

Yeah, my dad and I got ready. I told the catcher I was coming in hot, and I gave him all. I gave him all sixty seven mph I had and he felt Really.

They timed it. You that's pretty that's a good throw.

I mean, if I did that now it's six years later, my arm would follow the ball to the to the plate.

That's so much. But I really nailed it.

Well, that's why I drew you like an erotic comic book.

Sex machine earned, entirely earned.

Thanks, Bud, it's great talking to you today.

Yeah, good to see you.

Thanks for this ride from the airport.

Yes, and now get out sound effect sound where I need to be.

Bye, guys, don't let the horseballs hit Joe on your way out of town.

You've been listening to Do you need a Ride?

D Y N A R.

This has been an exactly right.

Production produced by Annalise Nelson.

Mixed by Edson Choy.

Our talent booker is Patrick Cottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh, You're welcome.