S3 - Ep. 60 - Beth Stelling

Hey, Chris Fairbanks here with some show announcements coming up very soon. On March twenty third, I'll be at the Meyer Theater in Green Bay, Wisconsin. The next time I'm at the Laughing Tap in Milwaukee, and then I'm at City Winery in Chicago. I'm closing out all these shows with the haunted Renwick Mansion in Davenport, Iowa. Ooh, sounds scary.

You wanna way back either we wanna be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you clay than us. Time and la tourman al engaye. We you want to send you us in star We wanna welcome you back.

Tell us all about it?

We scared or was it fine?

Malcoorn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

And this is Karen Kilgareth.

Hi Karen. How are you my friend?

Chris?

How are you anything to report before we get started?

On my side?

Yeah, yeah, I always feel like I steam roll you.

You don't. It's garbage day, right, and I do a passive aggressive thing where I leave my garbage cans outside because I know it bugs my neighbor. I think that's I just want to start with a little confession.

Yeah, no, I think that that's okay. Yeah, yeah, they need to know. And I, uh, I feel guilty because I just realized just now. I guess it's crossed my mind in the past. I really don't. There's a community here that I live and we share the same garbage cans. I have never once put them in the alley. I'm taking advantage of the fact that someone was already doing it, so why should I.

Maybe someone has the job of doing it and gets either money off their rents or paid for it.

That's I don't want to assume that. But yeah, there's a guy that sweeps the leaves. He gets a discount.

There's a lot of people seems like you are assuming I am.

I am assuming that I don't get any breaks. I know more than everyone else. You put out the trash. See now we're defiantly against it.

See it feels great to be defined about the garbage, doesn't it?

I want to It does feel good. I last time we recorded, I was high on I expired daytime cold medicine, and I was like hallucinating, and I thought I could get away with it because I'm like, oh, there's a pep in my step. But Jimmy Pardo saw right through it immediately.

I was.

I think they call it roboen robotessen. You know, Lil Wayne did it my old neighbors?

I remember, Yeah, I was. I experienced it before Jimmy did.

Yeah.

I was right there.

You knew, you knew what was happening.

Yeah, I wasn't sure it was happening. Here's the thing. You just went into a story without adding the beginning. And that's when I was like, this is not typical of your hosting behavior.

Yeah, I did it out of order, like use your own adventure book. I just started in the middle of a story.

I bet in your brain it was in order right now.

I was having fun personally, it was just expired. Don't ever have cold medicine where all the label is rubbed off. I don't know how old it was, fifteen twenty years.

So it's better over time, like a nice wine. It does fine.

Yeah, it doesn't lose potency, just gets more fermented. And I was a whack a doodle. So it's not going to happen this time.

Do we have your assurance?

Yes, I've had coffee, I've lived, I'm better now, I'm no longer sick. There's no reason for me to be habitually using expired cold medicine. My old neighbors when I lived in Bend, Oregon, they were seventeen years old. I maybe talked about them. They had a pet scorpion. They had a lot of black light posters. I'd go over there. One of them would request I pierce him on some part of his body because they looked up to us. We were a few years older. They were sweet kids,

The thing is, well, it sounded like there weren't a lot of parents involved. And also, I think I've told you this story. One of my earliest memories is drinking great flavored cough syrup and jumping on my bed alone in my room. And I was five years old, So I get it. I mean, I think that's like, that's kind of how like early addict test is like how much cost syrup did you voluntarily drink behind your parents?

Back to me? Oh, you weren't asking me personally how much I drank with them?

I mean, And so I think that's a great question that we should all ask ourselves every weekends, just when you get a little sniffles.

I'm very excited for our guests today. They are one of my favorite comedians, I would say top five. A lot of people always ask you who's your favorite comic, and then you have to give this speech. It's like, I know you want me to list movie stars because we're on a plane and you don't follow stand up. But I now always include today's guest. She's done clubs and colleges across this great nation in Canada. That's right, everyone put your ears together for Beth Stelling.

Hello everybody, Best Stelling, ladies and gentlemen, thanks for having me.

I'm honored that you said those words about me, because I you know how I feel about you. I think you're so funny too.

Oh, thank you. Yes, I've told you when we chat we're pen pals online. I've told you how much, and I've seen you get better and better at this. But then you made me feel good because a couple of years ago, or early or this year, I think I was like, your new special is great, and you're like, hey, it's from twenty twenty. I don't even know if I can do this anymore. You were having the same insecurities about feeling rusty as I still have.

Yeah, and it doesn't it comes, and.

Good made me feel better.

It's like life. I mean, you think you're okay and you've been to therapy and all of a sudden it's falling apart.

Yeah, and you're like.

Didn't I fix this? Isn't that over? I thought I went to like a ton of therapy for a while here, I am back on my bullshit.

You can always get broken again, That's what we learned. But yeah, you are one of these comics where I can watch your bits, like I'll watch it and then I'll watch it again just to look at the subtle you're timing. Just the way you're not just the joke writing, but the way you deliver is right up my alley.

I think we have similar sensibilities, you know what I mean.

Yeah, there's a lot of people that really you can see while they're performing, they're like trying very hard, even some very well known comics. You can tell they really want to be funny. And with you, it's like, I don't. This is just how I am. It's just like without effort, but of course it is with effort, but you make it look like it isn't. That's my favorite trait in a performer.

Thanks Chris. Yeah, it's one of those things too where sometimes you know too much, you know, like after a while, like I can't even enjoy people because I'm like, you're so fucking fake, you fake fuck?

Oh yeah, because you've had actual human interaction.

Yeah, it's just it's just obviously it's like you know, When I first started, I was like, I'll never repeat a joke and I'll never take a set list on stage, you know. And I really thought that's how it worked. And of course stand up's a magic trick. You know. You you do the same material for sure. It's just sometimes it can be so put on it makes me cringe. Have the self awareness to deliver this like they've heard it before, right, you guys know this.

I think you should name names. I mean, like we'd just say it.

They know this.

Who's the fakest of the mall?

You don't have to do that. We have a lot of not bragging, a lot of listeners.

I mean I was picturing three people.

At like one collective monster that is a three headed person.

It was a man and two women's.

What's going on these days? Beth? Are you just on the off the road? Are you on the road? What's what's your story?

I'm popping in and out booking things myself and just trying to go where the wind takes me and connect with friends and I reinvest so my friend relationships.

Yeah, that was something that was Karen and I both are like, boy, when things get back to normal, we are going to party. We're going to go to the most any invite, it could be a game night, any boring thing. I'm going to be there and I'm going to be excited and I'm going to dress up, and I really haven't done that yet.

I'm still Actually I flaked on a facial appointment that I made myself, So I'm so not doing the thing that we talked about doing a barely doing it.

That's not fun for me.

No, they can get I mean the level where they're at now, where I just see friends and their skin is growing back and it's red underneath but flaky, like like a second degree burn. But the results I've seen at work. I followed the Instagram accounts, I see the progression.

The peels, pels.

I just get a facial and it still fucking hurts. I don't look forward to it. I just do it because I've struggled with acne for so long that I just keep it regular. And that's the one thing that has helped. I never did before, but now it does. It's good for you.

I mean, it's good practice or good habitually, but I haven't done it in so long. But it's just that thing where I feel like forty five minutes before I have to leave for any appointment, voluntary or not. I'm just like, mm, yeah, this isn't gonna work out, and then I just don't go.

Yeah, I get that it's hard for me to get outside. Yeah, it's weird, it's pretty crazy. I did it twice today and I was like, wow, twice good, that's good. Yeah. Usually don't leave until the nighttime when I have a show, if I have one.

Did you have any interesting exchanges with strangers.

On my bike? No crazy interactions.

It's hard of note.

But when I got into the cafe and then I walked my bike a little bit on my way back, I did see someone walking their tortoise. Huge tortoise.

No, yeah, and in what neighborhood.

I guess you could call it Hollywood.

Oh wow, like a big one.

The kind of too. It looked like the tortoise needed sun and needed some greens.

Oh, they love both equally.

Yeah, I needed that.

How big was it?

Like, I would say, a really big pumpkin.

Really big so a child could ride it.

They would have to be like six months or something for it to look proportionate.

I remember sitting on a very large one in a backyard, and I believe Arizona. I can't remember. Yeah, a huge prehistoric like we're talking four foot long shot.

Did it hold you?

Oh? Yes, I think it enjoyed it. I don't know what we would really get a lot of feedback. But the backyard was a series of caves and it started running into one of his caves and I had to take a dive. But yeah, that was clearly I talked about how I love turtles all the time just because they'll but tortoise is a full on that's entirely different. They grow to the size, Am I right?

I mean I do have the big ones. Yeah, yeah, I have video of it if you need.

Can you describe the leash how a person would be Was it walking next to a free tortoise?

Or was there there was really only one person I could deduce that it belonged to. Do you guys want to guess their genetic makeup and background and look? Or is that too controversial?

Was I'm just gonna say a Frenchman? It seems exotic and I've never been to.

France, Karen, are you wanting to weigh in?

Or like I immediately pictured the guy from Tiger King like somebody that had a little bit of a mullet and maybe was wearing performatively interesting clothing.

Right, because it is adjacent to having a snake and being in a park and you're juggling and it's right, yeah, like one.

Of those park snakes, like maybe a run fair type of participant.

Were they a larp?

It was a five to ten Finnish white boy. Oh, and that makes sense to me. I just was like, yeah. He was like, I get what I want. It's my world and I'm gonna get a tortoise. I'll do it if I want to. Yeah, Mom, get me one. Well, and he was blonde and he looked like he played tennis.

Well, I'm worried about that. The turtle tortoise is getting enough sun now, because certainly.

I'll tell you that I didn't say anything. You could tell he wished it was walking faster, right.

Rolling his eyes.

Yeah, why half these long athletic Nordic legs. I just made him athletic. I don't know why.

Yeah, he wasn't he you play tennis? So like obviously some tennis wayers are built like Pete Sampras Andrea. I guess he sure that's the last time I watched tennis.

But so he did have a mullet. No mullet do you think of the eighties tennis, I think of a mullet.

I'm just thinking, what if this guy thought he adopted a dog and he's just he has either new sighted or has some sort of an issue.

My guess is that he was like, I don't even know, just felt like he simultaneously wanted him to keep up and was also like didn't care that he was in the way of people entering the cafe.

Oh, he was out. It was an outside a cafe toward a situation.

Yeah, And if you're looking to do another sighting, I would try Syglass on Willoughby, Okay, yeah, because I bet it's not as I'm guessing it doesn't live too far away.

I rarely go into Hollywood, even if it's for a show. I find a reason not to. But I'll go for turtle business.

Yeah, why not, especially because I had decent coffee and pastries and that's really all I'm looking for in a cafe.

Also, he's probably still walking home right now. Exactly if you leave now, I mean you could get over there, you can think it.

I worry because it is a whole lifestyle. I mean, even the smaller Yeah, that's this whole turtle life. Having a shelled friend gotta have at least even the ones where people have made an effort and there's like a box with a red lamp and plenty of leafy greens in the box. They're like an indoor turtle. It seems like they're imprisoned. I mean, I worry. I think it's maybe.

About all pets, if I'm honest, Like we don't even need to be having them, you know what I mean. I think if they're in the Midwest, Like, there's just such a difference to me between my mom's dog and any dog I meet out here. I'm like, my mom lives in Ohio. He's got a yard. They love each other, they sleep in the same bed. I'll let that dog do anything at once, like jump on me. You know, I'd kiss it its head and hug it and let it be on my lap and run around the house.

La dog parks are pretty not great, like they're pretty like you're saying, dusty, shitty. There's weird people let them. It's pretty rough.

And the ones here it's airborne dust and the dust itself is coated in urine. So even if you don't touch any of the animals, I just go to the watch. I don't even have a dog, but I leave smelling.

There to pe pe Pe, right.

I just find a nice dust pile and I kick out the jams and yeah, I always leave an You.

Ever turn water into mud?

Yeah, you know I do. Oh I love making having a good one man mud party and inviting dogs ignore make some mud. But yeah, it always. I do not like that feeling that I smell like pee And it's not feeling, it's actually happened. It's a fact. It's actually a fact, and it's.

Dirks don't care about your peeing.

No, no, but it's so good for the skin. That pistern.

Dog park spot, that's where the officials should really be taking place.

Yeah, man, I don't know. Again, obviously I get it. I love pets. Yeah, I love pets so much. I'd love to have a dog or a cat if they didn't eat or poop or peete.

Is your mom I believe her name's Diane. Is your mom on a farm?

No, she's just a southwest Ohio But and it's not even we didn't like the house is, you know, modest in the backyard's not huge, but he runs around the backyard. There's a good chunk of grass.

Remember when we talked briefly about your mother possibly going on a date with my father. There was, of course some issues, logistic location being the main one, my dad being happily married the second main issue. But I did like that those talks, or I like that you asked on your mother's behalf of my father was available.

Yeah, I felt like it could be a good match. But at this point I think she's just she's called it.

Well. I think we were talking about that because I said, my father and I are watching your stand up. My dad's a fan of your stand up as well.

Thank you.

Yeah, I'm glad my dad and my sister both are fans. Of stand up and they picked the right ones. A lot of these families they got to go home. You gotta go home, busy your parents, and then they just they don't talk about the right comedy or they don't appreciate comedy at all. I'm very cory.

How about when you meet like somebody you're dating's friends and they're like, do you like fish person? And you're like, oh no.

Do you guys? Remember there was a comic and she used to wear this outfit. Her skirt was plastic and it would stick straight out like a ballerina, and she had a bunch of audio cues so it would be like a joke where then she'd be acting out like a car accident. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Oh? Oh oh?

She was like it was she was huge. She was like one of the comics that were on TV when I started. And I played a college one time that was like an upstate New York and I barely had an hour, like I just scraped it together. So it was really stressful because I just knew I was showing up to eat shit for probably what would be thirty eight minutes and then I'd leave. But I get that and uh, it so nasty. But this one school I showed up at, they kept saying, give me audio cues,

I don't.

I don't have a CD for you to play during my act.

Sorry I wish.

Yeah. I'm amazed at still to this day, how many tech people come in barging into the green room and they're like, this is I gotta know what song do you want me to play? For the ten seconds of you coming out of the greenroom and grabbing the mic stand. It's very important. And I'm always like, I really, I'm no offense to you and your passion, but I don't I do not care. And then inevitably they play a house of pain jump around or something, and I'm like, I probably should have come out.

I probably should have given you any iggestion.

Yeah, I know, anything isn't a fine.

Yeah.

I usually say similarly like, yeah, it doesn't matter because the truth is as long as it's like upbeat, I think that's fine. But I do prefer music. I was. I was doing punchline. You guys do punchline San Francisco. You know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, used to dabble there anyway.

That was just it reminded me of a time where I guess music didn't play that that we start on Wednesday or whatever, right, And I didn't really say anything, and I didn't really plan to say anything because I

Can't stop thinking about my experience or I guess when I recorded my album at the punch Line in two thousand and ten. I guess, yeah, there was no I do now remember there just being a smattering of applause until I rushed to the mic and started talking.

Are you serious?

And it is quite yeah, what are you seriously?

Didn't play music for you?

I don't believe so would have had to have been cleared, because of course I would have chose House of Pain. I just revealed that.

I'm telling you I've never I've never felt like music wasn't playing there.

Oh like that was a personal choice for you. Yeah, no, just.

In general, like there were new managers. I was like, do you always play music?

Yeah? I guess I wouldn't even notice it was missing till it was.

And I'm like, oh, that one, And that's kind of what I mean, Like I didn't. She's just just making me second guess. Everything was like, we never play music here. I was like, well, I've been coming here forever and I think you do.

It just became a weird argument.

Does that make sense because it's so small because you don't sell a lot, so it's small.

I would I would.

Yeah.

The only way of getting around that is if the person bringing you up. Actually said please clap until they grabbed the microphone and stopped talking. This is very important. Continue the applause.

Crow a little bit right as right as they hit that mic. Don't be afraid to let it out right at the last second.

Then I wouldn't notice. Then I'd be like, well that was better than music. Constant clapping, right, And so I tart and still like Tart talking, Oh boy, Tart. It's I can't remember what it's called where you reverse those, but I definitely have it. You, you know, when I started putting it in my act because it actually is something I do, like when I had my old classic shambles kunky soup bit. I actually do that. It's not dyslexia, but I towards.

Yeah, thicket pencs.

Is that what it's called? Starring Scalm Tarot Tom Scaret of course in the TV show picket Fences and deep cut unnecessary, but we all like to think of Tom and his work as the pastor in River runs through.

It just everyone slowly backs away.

Just put it down. Chris put down the thought it was important to me that he was the pastor of the church. I actually went to eat for free at on Wednesday. I'm not going to say I was a member. I just wanted to eat there. My mother was not a passionate chef, and it was the Tom Scarett was the pastor of that. They even showed my church, my childhood church in a river runs through it, so I felt connected to that movie.

I love that movie with Rory the little Kid.

Oh yeah, he's know. This is about fishing, a thing I've never had an interest in but grew up surrounded by. And then you know, brother family, brotherhood. There's no bacon in theres.

River wild or something. Yeah.

I think you are the rafting one. It's very intense.

Yeah, it's like a hijacking of a raft. Yeah, my mother was not a passionate chef. Is that what you said?

Yeah? Is that what it was true? Yeah?

Okay that really made me laugh. And it was a beautiful way to put it because my mine wasn't either.

Yeah.

Yeah, and that's okay.

It is okay. I don't know why I expected food every day as a kid.

Me neither.

That's what neighbors and friends are for. And the schwan's man who never came to our holy Yeah yeah, I uh, but later I.

Church foods for spaghetti and a little.

Oh it was always spaghetti, and so I would just eat it and pretend, oh, yeah, First Corinthians, it's my favorite verse or whatever.

But I just wanted to eat same and I was there to try to fuck as well.

Right, Oddly, I realized this place was riddled with non virgins.

Yeah, a lot of people are getting freaky or at least pretending like they want to in leading me on, right, And that's Jarrett.

Yeah, that was It was mostly that I didn't know until I went to church how many people in high school were having sex. I actually had ended up being a really good time. I enjoyed it.

Yeah, I made some friends. Some of them even recently came out to my show in December, so I guess they were lasting.

The strangest thing that pastor not Tom Scarrett, the real life pastor. His name was Wayne. I ran into him on the beach once. He's just walking in the sand, which seemed symbolic like one of those posters.

But there was only one footprints.

Yes, and they were his. And I was states away from where I grew up, and I'm like, wait, and no one was on the beach. It was me and my friend Ross, and we just ran into our old church pastor. It's like, what are you doing here? And he's like, I live here in this small Oregon town. It's like there's a church here. He's like, no, I'm doing a marriage counseling.

He's like, I'm going to stand up comedy.

Now.

Yeah, I wasn't yet. I was there just surfing. No, I mean, yeah, yeah, I came. I do a regular open mic night at this uh nautically themed pub come out. Yeah, that's all I remember from that trip. And then catching kids that were trying to feed seagulls alka Seltzer and I got really upset with them. Yeah, that was a They were bad kids.

What did you do?

They were just salty beach kids. You know, they're probably raised by some sort of a fishmonger, and they didn't respect the bird. I just said, what are you doing? I knew what that would do to a bird. I felt like maybe these kids didn't.

No, they had to know. They wanted to see it.

Yes, they wanted. It's like the Mentos thing, except it's death in a bird. Yeah, it's terrible. They were bad kids.

Jesus. One time I went to the beach. Left my bag with some food in it, and boy did they get into it. They ripped it. Those kids.

Just think sells just going up and down the coast, harassing people, those fishmonger kids.

Yeah.

I like the behavior of seagulls at the beach. I like that they fuck with people. That's their spot and when they land on someone's head momentarily or I think I just like birds. I think I do, and like when they are being smart asses. I like when you're on a boat and they fly next to it, just like I don't want to be near you on land, but I will fly next to the boat and kind of make eye contact. I enjoy that.

It's kind of like they're commuting when they go by the when they're near the boat and they're like gliding along where they're like, yeah, we all have to get over there, like yeah, just cross and over, yeah, fairy style.

Yeah. They know that the boat has navigation, let's just use it. Yeah, you've each been on a boat where dolphins end up hanging out and getting all excited about people. We got to figure out this how to get dolphins and people to hang out because clearly they like us. Yeah, and they get very excited when there's a boat. They're like, hey, look at me, and we're very excited to meet them, but we just can't because of the you know, we would drown. Yeah, very dangerous friendship.

I wonder what they would do with us down there.

It is my favorite relationship.

I love dolphins growing up so much.

And then you hear about all the masturbating they do. Really, Yeah, they're like one of the only animals that likes pleasures themselves.

How rubbing on stuff.

That I even look at on a seashell. It's it's really painful. They for massochists and enemies. I don't know if they're one of the only ones, because you've seen that clip of the kangaroo that's jerking off while people are like next to a pond and they're like trying to have like a romantic picnic, and then just like right behind them is this kangaroo just lounging like an adult man and jerking off. You've never seen that? No, Oh, it's yeah, that'll put that on the list of the

I will actually watch that because they have a way about the kangaroos with their shoulders. They're always inexplicably muscular, and they do have they have no choice but to kind of rest their arms pterodactyl style, slightly folded.

Yeah.

But my first concern is don't they have claws, Like, don't they have like talons?

I don't think so.

I'm yeah, well, it's.

Kind of like otters, like they're still the Oh you did a couple of weeks ago.

Let's hear about it.

Were they masturbating?

They weren't.

They were so soft, they nice.

Yeah, book Three of them got in my shirt and they were rubbing toys on my back. I was like, I was submerged in the water and I wore a big shirt because they tell you to do that to like, because they like climbing in they like things within things, you know.

And this was of course at Sea World.

At the Monterey Back.

I jumped right in the tank.

Man, please, man, weeks she's here.

I lat otters watching them, I mean, just down dating. I did not know. This is the first I've heard that you can touch them.

Oh my god, it was. It was excellent.

Did you have to pay a ton of money?

Yeah to do it.

Yeah, it's something I wanted to do for eight years.

And they are soft.

Oh my gosh. Yeah, like they tell you to please not touch their face and stuff because you know, we're not trying to make them pets. It's all about whatever they want to do. And they like being around humans enough, you know, like yeah, they like messing with you, exploring and all that kind of thing. So and we had masks on because they're still COVID susceptible, so we wore snorkel masks and that way you can like also look under the water too. But they come out, these little pups.

So they like, what does otter of rejection look like? Sorry didn't I didn't see it.

But because there they only brought one romp over, we're not having a duel here, you know, in front of them.

Imagine fans otters being like no thanks with her yea.

Kind of like probably all yeah, I want to hag hat a little shell and it's not like this, and you've running around, you know, diving to three of them got in my shirt. One of them was rubbing a toy on my back like this wow. And then they like they drop kind of little gems around, like you know, sort of like gemstone type things, and they'll dive down reaching climbing your shirt and tuck it in your brawl. They like hiding things around.

Oh my god, I can't handle it.

And one of them, like, I have a video of one of them holding a like a bubbles container obviously no bubbles, and they had put a bunch of gems in there, like shaky shaky, like a Morocco that because they again aforementioned. So one of them is just sitting there like this, yeah, trying to get it out forever. And and they're yeah, they're just diving around and your shirt,

Lips, but yeah, yeah, you want to, ma account with.

Them, Yeah, but I didn't, and I just love them and they're so cute. Obviously I didn't hug them or anything, and they were using my thighs like springboards to jump off of there was pounce off like underwater. They pounce off my thighs to get to the other side.

Who So, yeah, dolphins aren't the only sexual ocean beasts. Yeah, they'll pounce off your thighs like a diving board. Talks slower, I do. I have seen them. Now that I think about, they do have a thing. I want to give otters marbles because they I have seen them when they're not breaking open an abalone to have a snack, which, by the way, they're always doing on their own. Yes, I always wish they had help with that breaking like slamming things on their chest just to get the whatever oyster

Yeah, and things within things, No wonder they like oysters and yeah, yeah, you know, trying to get in there. We should leave all the oysters for them.

Where can I do exactly what you did and have these guys pounce off my legs.

It's called nurtured by nature. And your money goes to fund the Make a Wish program, so you pay for the experience and then kid I mean obviously that I'm sure they would still do the program, but it sholps fund it so they can have even more. And again there are animals first, you can tell you know, it's very much like they keep the visitations low so that the animals aren't worn out or you know, sick or

Sure?

But yes, so then you know you're contributing to something good. And it's a whole day. And I met a sloth, some armadillo's I fed lemurs, banana, I fed a kapy bura, some taro I think, and squash and fenex foxes. I fed them some hibiscus flowers. H yeah, and some other animals too. They just got a snow leopard and a two can who an exotic animal collector didn't want it because its beak was crooked.

Because they kept trying to chase fruit flavors.

Yeah, and it wasn't into the flavors that he liked.

The fruit loops follow my nose. I think that that sounds super legit. And there was like all these shady ones when I lived in Austin where they're like, oh, this is a we take you know, abandoned tigers or whatever, and you can drive through and feed these animals, and then you quickly realize like, oh, this is a tiger king place and they're like making babies here, and these

Yeah exactly, So there are definitely good parts about it, but yeah, I hear what you mean, and where you're like, I don't know what to make of this, And like I told you, I've been wanting to go for like eight years, but I finally did it.

Yeah, I'm I just realized I love otters. I've watched enough of them and gone down that wormhole, and I'm so happy to hear their soft because when they're wet, their hair looks a little bit like porcupine quills, and I was getting the wrong impression.

I'll text you the video. I mean it's I'm so happy.

Hopefully it's in my price range. I don't want to ask how much it is. I'll look. I'll send me the link.

I bee like, you know, there's an option to donate more, but it's expensive. Do you want me to tell you?

Sure? I do want to go back. I don't know what the statistics. Someone will of course send me a message saying what the about the dolphins? I think maybe they're the only mammal that has other than humans. I think this is it, the only mammal other than humans that have sex for fun and not for breeding. Oh, I see it's humans and dolphins. I think that statistic.

But you look, if you look at it, it's almost like your donation for the AAR. Depending on if you're somebody that likes to donate, you know, like to save up for that. It's worth it.

It's for a really good cause. Chris Well.

Today at Walgreens they said, do you want to give one dollar? And there was a hole and I know the usually do it, but suddenly I was like, you know what, not today? And it's been.

Bothering me because you said no.

Yeah, I said no to one.

They know every freaking time. Who that's you know? It's like I've done some. Don't even get me started. You can make your own donations with your own money. The reason they do that they get that tax break, right. Don't ever give them money and don't ever feel bad about it.

Can I have a receipt for my one dollar and I bring it to my I can't.

I don't even know if it goes to the people. You know what I mean? How do I know?

Yeah?

I don't trust them. No, They've got expired chocolate on their shelves. You know how long that takes.

Do you have any events coming up? Be they charitable or for personal gain?

M mostly personal thing.

Personal gains then charity.

I'm doing a festival and tell your ride this weekend? Oh hell, then I'm San Diego Febuary twenty first, Tuesday after that I've headed to ann Arbor March third Friday for a festival there. I think it might be it's a first year first. I could be wrong.

An Arbor's cool. That's a good city.

Yeah, are you intel a ride? Are you going to escape? Why is it? Did you water ski?

No? Oh? Remember my my Ohio boyfriend he had that wakeboarding park.

Oh that's it and I really wanted to go.

Yeah.

Probably I was gonna ask for his number and then I will never know him. Okay, Yeah, that's one of the first things when we first met you told me about Yeah, okay, you yourself are not a skier then personally No.

I ski for the first time in my life last year at the same festival.

I wonder, Yeah, that's why I ask. I bet they'll let you.

I don't want to.

You don't want to?

I did. I tried it once and I'm okay, I'm good.

Yeah.

Snowskiing not water skiing right either, but yeah, snowskiing.

It just used to be such a big part of my life and now it isn't. It's uh, it's kind of funny.

I felt proud of myself that I did try something new as an adult, and I was I did it, you know, Yeah, but I don't need to do it again. It's not fun. There's too much regamaroule.

Yeah, there's also if you get hurt, you're like messing with your I mean, I don't worry about that too much, but I do think about it when snowboarding, because you can actually die and that would affect my comedy career.

Yeah. My friend she invited me to Mammoth on the first weekend of this month, and I went knowing I wasn't going to be skiing at all and just hang and I also signed up to snowshoe. She separated her shoulder. I took her to the er, and I was the only one in our group who could drive stick shift, which she alway god so, and a snowstorm was coming, so I spent like Friday there a little bit, and then drove her back Saturday in the stick shift because she hurt herself skiing.

That's I When I first moved to La Dave Wrath was my manager for a little while, and Morgan Murphy invited me to go to Mammoth. I separated my shoulder and no one could drive my car because it was a stick shift, and so I drove it. I with one arm and a sling. I was steering and shifting, like letting go the fucking steering wheel shifting, And I'm like, my point is what adult?

I mean?

I understand now they don't even make shift your cars as readily available as they used to do. But no one knew how to drive a stick I'm like, I did. There's got to be a solution here other than me driving home one handed.

No, I know she was about to drive home one handed. And the only benefit for me is that I wasn't skiing anyway, and I wanted to make it home for my field hockey games. So and there was like it all was well, perfect storm, Literally the storm is coming. I was like, let's just go. We've been in the er. You're gonna wake up in a world of pain tomorrow. And so drove her stick shift the five hours home, so tired. It's still it's still in my place right

Oh this just happened.

Oh yeah, this was like it's been there that this was February fourth.

Well, do tell her in this, I mean, it's very specific but I could not my arm up after several months, and I went to a reiki massage person that I was laughing at how there literally were slapping and rubbing their hands together and only, as she's called it, transferring energy from my good shoulder. She never touched my separated shoulder. And there was a big buck like it was an awful mess, and she was transferring energy and there was a soundtrack of birds playing. I was like, oh my god,

Fifty bucks is cheap. Is she still around?

This was I was on the road. Yeah, it was like I separated my shoulder and had to go to Canada for a gig and I just went with my sling and it got wear and wears.

But yeah, yeah, I fell in this one and I have trouble still. I still feel pain, but I think it was I flew over my bike handlebars.

See, we just got to stay home. As much as I enjoyed doing outdoor things, I worked at a snowboard camp and Harrison Ford's kid was I think he has a restaurant in Clover City. He's like, owns that Ford's filling station.

Wow, I wonder where you get the money for that? Yea.

And he looks just he's like obviously like, oh, there's a handsome Harrison Ford looking dude. But when I was like seventeen, he was twelve or something, and yeah, yeah, he was a baby. He had a passion for chef, for Jeffery. He's a passionate. But he was a good little snowboarder. And Harrison Ford came to pick him up and everyone was freaking out, you know, because he was in Star Wars and stuff that board.

Yeah I would have said the fugitive, but we're all different.

Yeah, no, I love the Fugitive. He didn't kill his wife, by the way. But one of the one of the coaches was like, you know, we have an adult camp if you want to uh learned to snowboard, And he was like, why would I do if I break my hand? I can't be in a movie impression. That wasn't the reason I told this story, but every once in a while, it's like one of my five impressions. I got Harrison, Howard Kramer, Brody Stevens, but he uh, he said that, He's like, it would ruin my career if I broke

That was an excuse.

Yeah, he's scared. He's scared of.

Connecting with his son.

I should have dug deeper. Pardon me, serious, it's about you and your son.

Is about connecting with your son.

Just pay for his future restaurant.

Okay, that'll make up for all of this if we're being real.

Well, but go to bed. What's your go to bed? Stelling dot com is imagine.

Tell me to go to bed? And I was like, I.

Actually like lights out?

Yeah, Beth Stelling dot com And uh yeah, you can watch my hour special on HBO Mexico Girl Daddy or half hour. Yeah. I'm editing a special right now that I shot in December that you know, I hate it and maybe I'll.

Just not release it. Oh really, Now this.

Is how I feel. I'm very hard on myself.

I bet it's great. Yeah, you are seriously one of my favorite comics to watch, So anyone gets the chance to see that spelling very much, don't hesitate to do it.

Thank you and thanks for being on the show.

Thank you for being on the program.

Thank you for having me. Are you kidding?

I'm being fucking dead.

Serious, serious right now. It's a fucking.

Blast you've been listening to. Do you need a ride? D y n her? This has been an exactly Right.

Production produced by Analise Nelson.

Mixed by Edson Choi.

Our talent booker is Patrick Kottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you both.

You're welcome.