S3 - Ep. 56 - Chase Bernstein

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a termino and gage.

We want to send you off inside.

We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do your need you ride?

Ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need to ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgariff.

Hello Karen. Do you still have your Christmas tree up?

Hello Chris? I never put one up.

Oh I forgot about your anti Christmas tree lifestyle.

I want to have a Christmas tree lifestyle.

It ain't me no, you know, it's always like it, like the twenty first rolls around and I'm like, it's too late. Just light a pine tree candle and go to someone else's house.

When I say Christmas tree, I mean a series of plants that I've stacked on a plant stand.

When you say Christmas tree, you're just referencing your own life and yourself in a way that I could never release.

Exactly everything but a tree. It's a lot of garland. There is some aquarium plastic aquarium plants. There's a Teki style mug but wrapped in it's in a triangular formation, and there are lights. And I have not yet taken down my version of a Christmas tree. So if you just want to do your own version one year, that's I'm saying. A Christmas tree can be anything. It's symbolic.

That's awesome. I see.

This is more of a permission than a question.

I am granting you next year.

And what it made me think of is where I am right now.

I put up Christmas lights in November, I think, just because I found them somewhere and was like, oh, I'll put these up. And they're still up right now, and they're the white ones, so they kind of are that's your tree. You can go from the Holidays into pretending you're a girl in your first year of yeah, and like, oh my god, this is who I am.

Yeah, I think that's I also have a vision board right by and of things I want.

To do in your schedule.

You're yeah, there's a Lamborghini.

It's just old trapper keepers that I've framed and put on the wall. No, I think that honestly, I've kept it up because I keep I don't know why. I watched Christmas movies the other night. I'm being weird this year, and I think it's really me postponing all the things I've promised that we've talked about, resolution wise, I've not yet done them. Uh so, I'm that's because I'm still celebrating Christmas. I think I'm just now realizing why I'm going to take it down after we're done recording.

Look, you can do that well into March. I think without anybody really knowing or saying anything, do you what are they.

Going to say?

That's that You're right, that's that's the freedom of knowing no one's going to come over to my apartment and hasn't been here in a couple of years.

Actually, look forward to somebody barging their way into your apartment and suddenly judging you where you're like, well, great, then that at least that means someone's here.

Well, if they do that, I'll end up macing them.

Oh well, because you know who barges into apartments?

Yeah? True?

Burglars Burglar bargers, burglar bargers, burglars, bargers and acquaintances. But think you like stuff like that.

Yeah, no one even comes a knock, and I'm far away from everyone.

Okay, I'm glad.

We talked about that. Thank you for granting me, and I'm giving you permission next year to evertory.

It's so much better.

I'm just glad.

I'm glad, and you people make question it listening thus far. I'm glad. I mentioned that I'm glad. I opened with that, I'm glad good, and I understand why you didn't. You were away.

I was away.

I set this contraption up, and then I flew home to a real not a real tree.

My dad's not a monster. It's made a it's a sustainable tree. But you know, I'm just glad to come home to it.

Yeah, you get to your own little time, your own little holiday acknowledgement.

But it's time for a new year, and I'm ready. You know what a good way to start it this year in us turning over new leaves and making new promises that we might not keep.

Is with today's guests.

I mean I was going to say I'm glad that today's guest is here with us to really unpack and go through all of these holiday questions observances. What's right, what's hot, what's not?

For twenty twenty three, what's.

Hot and what's not right? Oh, that's a lot of pressure.

Who better than this woman who has played clubs and colleges all over this country. And I know her from several jobs that I've worked that she has worked with me. You know her from many many comedy shows that you have done, probably around town. Our listeners might know her from. Oh, she was on the TBS series The Dress Up Gag, The Best Show. It's a real good sketch show. She's done all kinds of things. And if you don't know

Wow.

Yeah, Yeah, A lot of preser you guys so much right off the bat, A lot of pressure.

It's an honor and I'm up for I'm up to the challenge.

Chase's hot this year? What's hot?

And what's not? Chase?

Wow?

I mean I have a lot of I liked the Christmas tree opening. I thought it was like actually impeccably.

Timed, thank you.

Yeah, because I actually saw a Christmas tree on someone's you know, on their law and the other day and I was like, wow, forgot about those already. Yeah, and it's like it's not even that late, and I was like shocked to see it.

Yeah, mine's more of a celebration of just festivity. It's really a confused someone would walk in and not know my beliefs, which I don't really have any, and so it's a good representation. It's also where I charge my Apple Watch.

But I think what you're talking about chase of like seeing the refuse aspect of getting a Christmas tree is really what prevents me because you have to have a plan.

A load in, a load out.

There's a lot of moving parts that I think there are, Like there are moms and aunts and grandmas that have done it so many times it's no big deal to them, But like to me, I'm like, can I even afford to get involved this year?

Yeah? It is rushing.

I ask right to get in the pool this late in the party, It's like people are getting out of the pool and you're just trying to get in.

Yeah, there's already a bunch of pea in there.

Yeah, and this lawsuit is weird.

Yeah, just one sand suit and a band aid. It is depressing. Yeah, the whole it's like putting down a pet. Not really, but the second week of January, like in my hometown, everyone everyone just knew to drop it off in the parking lot of my old high school and there was just a pile of deceased trees and it was a real bummer.

There's still tinsel blowing in the wind.

Why at your high school parking lot?

Yeah?

Why are they gathering for like a bonfire? It's just like this is the spot.

It doubles into the big graduation bonfire. Come graduation time, that thing lights up. There's been a lot of deaths.

It's an out of control fire for teenagers to come and drink around.

What could go wrong? Yeah, it is a bummer though.

It's well, it's also it's a harsh turn because you know, right after Thanksgiving it is this sacred you know, I think very American. It's become very americanized. It's almost like multi denominational. Everyone kind of gets in on it. It's like it's Christmas or the holidays however you want to approach it. But Christmas trees and that kind of like

Right.

It ms is so fast, Yeah, Like it just changes so fast, and it's like, yeah, seeing them out on the street, it's like, even if it's not symbolic, it is like it just can't help but feel symbolic.

You know.

It's just heavy sometimes when you're just you know, I'm walking my dog, like I'm not trying to see this right.

Now, yesterday's news like this town is. But Chase, Yeah, let us wish you a happy birthday belated.

Oh my gosh, thank you.

It was Chase's birthday. And the only reason I knew is because I listened to her podcast that I absolutely adore Chase Burnstein composed, and you told a story about that fucking story almost texted you.

I'm like, just talk to her about it on the show tomorrow.

But Chase, will you please tell for Chris the story of Chase wanted to go home from the Arizona Club. She was playing Tempy Abrova and she wanted to get home, which is like an hour and a half flight or whatever. But they had gotten her a cake. So will you just it was really a hilarious chunk of time. I'm on your podcast where you told that story.

Oh my god, I mean, yeah, this was this was a roller coaster. I honestly just started processing it today, like today's Wednesday. This happened Sunday evening, and it just like it really hit me today. I mean basically, I was at the Tempi Improv. It was my birthday, so I was like, oh, there's one seven o'clock show. I'm trying to fly back to Burban that night, you know, and just have like an LA touchdown on my birthday. And the Tempi Improv Above and Beyond got me a cake.

Like at the after your closer, yeah, oh wow, it.

Was your favorite stay here for three more minutes and no.

But it was also yeah that because I was trying to get to the airport. But it was also like when they got to the park with my name. Like these people that I just you know, absolutely dazzled for the last twenty five minutes, didn't even know my name. Like they were just like they were like, who are you? And I'm like, why are you acting like we didn't just have this time?

Oh that is so horrifying because we all think about that, even if you have a good set.

They're like they don't know who I am exactly.

It was so real, and the whole audience sang man and they're like, bitch, yeah, they.

Had no idea. But so I was like, yeah, they gave me the cake. As I was leaving to go to the airport. I took two hefty slices a vanilla cake with frosting, nothing crazy, and one for the plane, one for the one for like maybe the ride there. I don't know, Like I was just like I want to take more than I think I need. I put it in a flimsy container, but like you think that's relevant, it's actually not okay, So it's in the container. I go to the Phoenix Airport. There's no one there. It's

Come then you're there.

No, you're there, You're you're doing it. You're doing it well.

So yeah, So then I, since there was no one there, I just decided to opt out of the you know machine with who knows what's in it, you know, the where you put your hands up. I was like, oh, I'll do a manual one, like I'll just do a pat down, so you know, it always takes forever. I was instantly regretting it. I was like, it could have been gone by now. I could have been done with this whatever. The woman finally comes, she's like, okay, come with me, like where's your stuff? Like, get your stuff?

Like the cake, like the cake, Oh.

No, the cake, And I'm like, I'm truly hearing it from another dimension, but I'm just like vaguely recognized that I had a cake and I'm the only person there. I look. My cake as spilled all over the security ramp, like it's there's frosting everywhere, like truly on everyone, like on people's gloves, on my suitcase, on the machine. Yet it's everywhere, and there's a whole slice just like the thing's moving and it's stuck, so it's just like chunk of cake and they're like, oh, you're I was like,

Mad at you?

And I was like, you know what, I don't think they were. I think they were mad at themselves because I don't.

I just have to get out of there.

I don't know how their take fell. Yeah, and then yeah, I was just like I took my other slice. But then I was like, wait did this slice fall? And no one like really knew, So then I just ended up throwing the entire thing away.

There was frosting on the flaps of yeah where the gray the gray bin comes through.

I don't know how why so much frosting got out, Like it's like I had like it shouldn't have been everywhere that it was.

Well, it was just crazy once it goes into that that tunnel with no windows, like you said, when you go in the X ray machine, you don't know what's really in there. Robots are grabbing things opening looking like these rope these cartoon gloves on hinges are just looking for bombs. And classically you hide the most nefarious things a cake.

That's the only reason to bring a cake to prison.

Yeah, so they tackled that thing and then went tried to blame you and their their little robot security arms TSA doesn't ever want to take responsibility.

Yeah, I mean they Yeah, it was truly just like we all long like there was no and it's like it was so weird because when I was at the club, a part of me knew, like I'm not going to eat this cake, like I somehow knew that, like I didn't know that was going to happen, But I was just like I can't picture like getting back home and just like eating this.

So I don't know, no, but you had to because they gave you a cake.

Yeah, how insane would it be to receive a cake and be like, oh I don't want any I.

Mean I did want.

You're just immediately denying the cake and like thank yeah.

I'm just like not responding, but like, do you want to take a slice? And like, okay, thank you guys so much, it's been a great weekend. They're like, do you want the cake? I'm like, all right, so I took some Fiji's hope. That's okay. That's answer.

That is thoughtful, though.

I anytime I've been to that Tempe Improv it's weird because when I worked there, there was a maybe it's because he's opening for Silverman. No, when I, uh the bartender, I was making my ties. You know who did work there is the old booker of the comedy store. Yeah, what's his name again? He had a podcast with Norm MacDonald. I forget his name, Adam. He was like a waiter

They're like, Hey, we're having a party and it's because of you.

After the show tomorrow, every time I went there, and then oddly the owner of that club was like, I don't like the staff hanging out with the comics.

He had like a rule.

It was a was such an example of like this comes out of rebellion that I don't think they even want to hang out with me. They were just hanging out with me because their boss told them not to. But I've had so much fun at that improv that I'm talking years ago.

But yeah, that makes me.

It's the times I've been given a birthday cake. It's so nice. I it's such a sweet gesture.

Well, also, if.

You knew, if our audience knew Chase Bernstein like as well as I do, knowing how easy it is to embarrass Chase, like Chase is mortified by almost everything that she does in life, and like just like literally like if we're at you know, Swingers and she has to ask for ketchup, it's like, oh my god, I have

Oh, I've really humiliated.

Yeah, I really made a mark on the Phoenix airport. I mean I honestly wasn't even embarrassed. I was just like, I just like felt nothing, like I just like saw the cake and I was just like whatever. Like I was like, cause I did take two bites. Maybe I took two bytes before I left the club, and it was all right. The cake was not as good as I thought it was gonna be when I bid it, And I'm just thinking now maybe if I had liked

Know, whatever by this has been lost. I always have that thought of like if you're gonna eat a dessert. I'm always like, if somebody offers me a cake, it's a very specific situation where I would say yes, because I'm always like, well, I'd rather eat candy or I'd rather eat a sweet thing that I really like, because

The idea of it is just going for it, I know.

I mean, I feel like cakes are hidden miss, but I feel like there's some really high highs with cake, like having you ever had just like a perfectly moist like it's just everything's working and you're like, oh yeah, cake.

Yes.

It's almost like when you watch the Great British Bakeoff and they're like like the bake on this is perfect, this this sponge isn't good, or this where you're like, oh my god, there's so much American cake that would never pass the muster on the Great British Bakeoff, where they're like their standards are insane. Here, our standards are like people are like have you ever had the Costco cake? Or you're just like, really, is that the best we can do per cake?

But it is good.

It is good. But I think that's why ice cream cake is always the move. Is that true?

Yeah, yep, okay, especially when getting on an airplane.

Imagine if it was ice so was it tumbling on those on those conveyor rollers.

So there were two slices, only one of them fell and it was just kind of caught like it was like like it was pasted, like it was at the end, like on the metal sort of bar, and like it was stuck. I didn't even see anyone clean it up, Like I seriously just didn't see it. Like I saw it. I heard them talking about it, I just didn't really follow it. And then there was one slice that was perfectly still in the container, and so I was just like,

Was it one of these thin, clear plastic containers that like when they open, it's like spring loaded with those cheap containers.

Okay, I know what you're talking about. I just felt it, but no, it's not that it was. It's the one that is the foil bottom and a plastic top that you have to like peel the foil on top of the plastic.

You know, right right, and exactly the top lunches off like a top hat in the wind.

But still, what's the wind inside that machine? So do you get that thing?

Every once in a while, all my belongings are come out in the trays and then I have one boot kicking around like what grabbed my boot and threw it ten passengers back? Just a tumbling boot filled also.

With cake.

Boot cake.

It's like when you cut into the boot, it is cake. Yeah, that new trim.

Yes hot or not? For twenty three I know what you're talking about. Things that are cake.

Yeah?

Is this cake or is it a real boot? And they cut into it and then I noticed three hours have passed and I'm just watching my phone. I can't stop. Let let's talk about that a little bit. The things that my my phone thinks. I want to see cars in an intersection drifting and hitting people. There's people that It's like a bizarre trend that keeps happening to where now we're like, I will let this car hip check me and launch me into this crowd of people. It

Don't you say doing cookies? Do you mean doing donuts?

Yeah?

Yeah, where I come from, it's called a cookie. Oh yeah. Donuts are more like the whole car is going around a small circle. A cookie is the front wheels are stationary, providing no negative space. I hate getting caught in a lie. And then lawn care videos. There's this guy that goes door to door and se, hey, I'd like to do your lawn for free. And it is the most satisfying hymn powerwashing like a hoarder's front yard and making the

I search for sweet things that make me feel good.

About, you know, it's another really good one on in the is I have gone from the lawn care videos, which I love, Yes, because sometimes those front.

Yards are in they look like a jungle.

Yes, And when that guy leaves with this justice weed whacker, Yes, it looks like a little house with a beautiful a front yard again and it's and they do it for free and it's lovely. And in the beginning when they knock on the door, they go, I want to do this, and they're like, how much does it cost? And it's some old person and that's like, you're not gonna rip me off. And then they're like, it's all for free and they don't believe it, and they don't believe it.

Yeah, I love it.

I just recently, it's been the last couple of months.

It's a YouTube guy.

But then he put all this stuff on Instagram and I the world wants me to see it, along with these card fatalities.

So the next level up from the front yard guy, there's a guy that goes around with the rake and clears big like if there's a huge puddle on the street. He goes and finds the clogged drain and scrapes on the drain until it starts draining and basically gets rid of excess water in on a roadway is.

Think called the flood fighter.

He should he should be, but that is for some reason so satisfying. When it's like basically like a drain that's just covered with leaves, it's very simple, just solve this huge problem where all these people are driving way around it and all this stuff. And then he just comes up and like to say, it's right here, and then he clears it and it is the best. And he's also not getting paid.

Wow. Yeah, Chase, what's your most satisfying? I got this series of.

Videos, your version of this video, Chase.

You know, all my tiktoks I get just kind of curated by my sister. So I'm just like whatever she sends me, That's what I'm watching. But I do love I mean, I know everyone does. But Emily Merico do you know her?

She do?

Oh my god, she she cooks, but she does it. The only sound is like of the food and the crunching and the cutting and of the pant like she's not being like then I add some shallots like we don't. She doesn't say a peep like it's so and everything she makes looks so good. She's like really meticulous and just like she does everything right. She cuts no corners, like she'll just make her and her fiance like a three course like lunch, just like it's Tuesday, and it's just so satisfying.

Watch I don't understand the world of ASMR, but is there a little bit of that?

And maybe if you pull me into that world.

It's phenomenal. Just the crunching of some carrots celery, the pans sizzling. I mean, it's unreal, the acoustics in her place.

Do you feel like you're learning, like you could make the thing that you've watched her make?

Yes, I do. I haven't, but I do.

The potential is there?

Yeah, yeah, it's just the catalyst. Is you know one of these in house fiances.

She's unreal. I would check her out. The way it's edited it.

She makes it look super simple because it's like right now, well, the ones that I watch, I haven't seen her, but there's other people are like, do you want to make an easy fun gumbo?

And then it's like and it's like super cut.

It's right, Cuddy where it's like butter in the pan, onions in the panting thing, and it's her process, but it makes it. She does it in sixty seconds instead of four hours.

Yeah, I kind of want to see the whole four hours. Just love me get a feel for this.

Have you seen that amazing Gumbo documentary.

Start to finish, Edge of My Seat.

The new Netflix series.

It's a six part Gumbo drama. It's a family drama.

Oh my god.

Yeah.

When I was scrambling to find things to do during quarantine, I was making miniature houses and making cooking videos and pacing back and forth. That was less productive, but I people responded to the cooking things in a way, even though I'm just saying I'm getting frustrated and burning things kind of on purpose. And that's why I quit making the videos because I'm like, oh, I'm wasting food. I need to actually pay attention. It's hard to I was

I watch people paint.

Yeah, from the underpainting, the drawing on the camp and it's sped up, and I it does something if endorphins maybe definitely.

I like it's satisfying.

Yeah, it gets me, it's endorphins. It amps me up. A lot of these cooking videos are like bungee jumping for me.

Melt butter in a pan with diced onions, and that's where my adrenaline comes from.

Yeah, I minced garlet. Yeah, and that's my ex spying in a paint. Oh my god.

Speaking of extreme sports, Chase, I think you posted it recently, and I think it's from Dress Up Gang.

But that clip you posted with Kevin nelan.

Blowdart, what was he calling it, oh, blasting darts?

I had just taken out a context that like, I'm assuming he's your blow dart coach.

It was.

I love him so much and I'm jealous of anyone that gets to be around him. I remember hearing secondhand stories from Henry Phillips, who went to these poker nights. Another reason that I should start playing poker. I don't know how to play poker, but he would just quote things Kevin said, while they were playing poker, just these perfect funny jokes and he had set up the situation and what Kevin said.

I would get these stories every week.

So I feel like, in a weird way, I've played poker with Kevin Elan and now I feel like I'm blasted darts with him.

Oh yeah, he's so easy. She's just so effortless. Yeah, but that's actually not a dress up Gang video.

That's just okay.

Sometimes me and Donnie do like spin offs.

Yeah, it was just shot and that shows it's.

The same rob who does Who's the address up Gang? Does them too?

Yeah, it has such a great look. I love those videos so much. I was I am everyone involved. I was always like said, I'm like, I really like the new video, Like I'm a serious.

Fan of Oh I know, I mean me too, Like I'm just like it's obviously i'm biased, but I'm just like they're all so good.

Yeah.

And to see Frankie quinonas bust Out on This Fool so uh you know, listener, if you haven't seen the Hulu series This Fool, it's Chris Ostrada, who's a stand up comic and that a lot of us know.

I mean I actually don't, but other people do.

And I'm going to talk about the Royal we But then the co stars Frankie Quinonas who's also in the Dress Up Gang and who's this hilarious stand up comic, and he is like the breakout star of that show. People fucking love that guy and it's so wonderful to see him succeed. Like he's just so good on that show and he so deserves it.

Yeah, everyone is so good on it.

I don't know that I have a least favorite character on that show.

I know, I know they're all better than the next.

Yeah, everybody wins, everybody on it.

Yeah, when was that on?

Of course I don't get the superstation WTBS.

That's what it was called.

But that's when it just played Gilligan's Island at my Grandma's house, only my grandma's house. You had to come over. But I what happened to it? I want it to be a show? Do I have to write a letter?

I know? People?

I know?

Yeah, I mean definitely pens something. I mean, whatever whatever is in your feeling. It's on the TBS app. Yeah, you can watch the whole season. But they also have a lot of them on their YouTube channel dress Up Gang sort of and TikTok on the Dam Yeah, as well as TikTok.

But and it works in that format, like those short moments just taken out of context are Yeah.

I know it's been it's been fun to see them, like because this whole scene is fun and the pace, but then it's like it's also just funny, just a random part of it.

I love anything where the steaks are high and and it's kind of tense, but it's really nothing. It's about why are you tucking in your shirt when no one else in the house is like yeah, and they all have to have a talk about it like they're family. It's so funny to me, just how random it is for very much lack of a better word, I'm sorry, I said random literally so random, you guys, but it's so great.

I just I love it now.

James, Yeah, let's refocus on Chase please instead of being safe and talking about Chase's on that show.

I know, I don't think myself is on the show, like I'm in very briefly. So it's like I when people think they have to include me in dress up game, I'm like, I'm not in it like it's their thing. So when I even talk about it, I'm like, I'm not talking about myself, I'm talking about them. That's how I feel about it.

But it is really good.

It's it's exciting to know people that do something well and they really nailed it, and they wherever that ends up being it, it continues to be a success. But Chase, for you, you're doing sets around town being mistaken for Jade Katapretta I believe her name is. That was one of my favorite fucking there was like a show and they're like and it was like, and here's all the people that are gonna be on the show?

Was that at the laugh backt it was.

They used a different female comics headshot for Chase's headshot, and it made me laugh.

So fucking hard. It was so fucking funny.

Oh my god, that was really funny. I mean, I guess it's not like, you know, we both have dark hair, dark eyes. It's not like so crazy, but.

No, you look alike.

It was a different person.

Yeah, it was a completely different Yeah.

Yeah, just kind of reeling from that. I think that was a few years ago and still reeling still.

Really really yeah, they did that to me at Flappers once and it was also, uh, just a female comments that.

When I had that dark Yeah.

Wait was it on the flyer?

Yeah, it just said Chris Fairbanks and it was under someone's head shot and it.

Was a girl I've never met, and I laughed so hard.

That's amazing, And no one actually works there when you're doing that club, It's like, well, I don't I could show this to someone in the kitchen, but I don't.

Think anything's going to be done about it. And it was like my I was supposed to be headlining.

Oh, I mean, it's all so humbling.

Yeah.

It's one time someone sent me a screenshot of my IMDb page and instead of a picture of me on there, there was a picture of mary Lynn Rice Cub on a red carpet and that one I think it was Page that sent it to me, and she's like, okay, so you need to get someone on on your IMDb, where I was just like, first of all, I didn't know I had an IMBAB page, and then the idea that someone set it up for me that incorrectly.

That's so funny.

I don't know other people do it.

I know, I mean, I don't know how I have one. A lot of it's wrong.

I for some reason, I feel like that's where people because when someone says I write on this, I do this.

I'm an actor.

It's a perfect place to see if someone's full of shit because it's really going to be up there. And so everything I've ever done, even if it's not up there, I submit it in there, like I'm just admitting that right now. I care about what strangers think, to the point where I, well, i've uploaded photos.

Well, also you just wanted to be accurate.

Yes, exactly.

One of control. It's like, my mine's a mess. Like I'm just like, who approved this? I don't even know if this is for me, Like some of it's right, but some of it I'm like, I think this is two different people like combined into one.

Is it for you or against you? That's the real question you have to I mean, forgot what.

I am getting, but it's not doing much for me.

Well, it's against admitting that I was a snowboarder in the nineteen ninety seven film Jack Frost.

I'll tell you that. And I've tried.

To submit that three times because I think it's funner, funny, funner than fun Oh oh god.

So they yeah, they won't. It says, okay, it's under review.

Are you under are you.

Not credited in the movie itself? Maybe they do it based on credit.

Right and I I watched the credits. They do not even credit the stunts at all. There are no snowboarders listed. That was just a random day.

I've seen this a bunch of times on IMDb. What if you resubmit and then put next to your name uncredited?

Oh wow, I did not get it that.

Because I've seen that before.

Yeah, I just want it just because I think it's funny. It's like what I hadn't even started doing comedy yet. That's when all I was doing was snowboarding or had you Maybe maybe it is comedic to snowboard down the hill with just a man with a tennis ball at the end of a stick above his head, pretending it's a snowman.

Like, what movie is this?

Wow?

I got to check that out.

It's I watched it this Christmas, as I do every Christmas. It's my It's a wonderful life and uh oh, I cannot tell which guy I was.

Yeah, it's just a bunch of kids snowboarding.

You know what's funny, We rewatched as a family together because we did know this Christmas, we did know family anything. It was me and my sister, my dad and Nora. We had a turkey dinner sitting on the couch watching TV, which in our family is like not allowed, like you know, it has to there's always a formal dinner at some relative's house or not formal, but sitting on the couch and eating a Christmas dinner. Just like if you had asked me years ago, would you would this ever happen

The doctor's office with him. Do you remember the part where he.

Eats cotton balls and she giggles and he says, I'm buddy, I'm an elf with human parents, And she's like, I'm Carolyne, human with human parents.

Oh yeah, and she's the most real little girl.

It's like you want to cry and she appears like a couple times in the movie, like and me and my sister like this Lord, little Girl's baking me cry. Like we had a full holiday moment as a family watching the movie Elf, and I was like, if when you get a holiday movie right where you can replay it on the superstation TBS every year, like it's really saying something.

Yeah, yeah, it didn't speak to me when it came out, but it certainly has spoken to me in the years since.

Wow, it's grown on me.

Bye Buddy, Hope you find your dad. The funniest thing of all time playmation Narwhale.

Also, there is a The Movies That Made Us.

It's this thing on Netflix where they talk about films that were popular for whatever reason. They show how a lot of those scenes were shot, like and it is just perspective, Like they do a weird Willy Wonka way of shooting things where there wasn't special effects being used. When Bob Newhart was tiny and on his shoulders, he was simply ten feet behind him, and they lined it

It's so cool to see that. Yeah, I love I love the way was made filmatically Chase Zoom.

Yeah.

What's your favorite holiday film or tradition around the holidays that you like to revisit?

Well, the past few years, I guess since it came out. I mean, I didn't mean for this to be a tradition, but I because Emily in Paris keeps coming out, like a few days before Christmas, and I cannot stop watching the show, this show, and for the past three years, that's what I've done before Christmas. So I'm like, I guess Emily in Paris is my tradition.

Oh so it's like season two, Oh my god, now it's season three.

Has just Season three dropped this past year, But like for the last three years, that's what I've been doing. Like, I'm like, oh, it's the holidays, Emily in Paris is coming and it's just so fun and easy. Like the episodes are so short. You can look away for four minutes, you can jump back in. You'll still get it. You will not be lost, like it doesn't require much and it's just it's perfect.

And how is Emily in Paris? Is she getting by?

Like?

Does she speak the language?

She is?

She a typical American? Yeah, tall, white, sox.

All, she is a typical American. She's trying to learn French. She's been in class for about three seasons. She's not learning much. Okay, that's not really where her priorities are to learn French. She's just gotten by with English and just kind of charisma. But she you know, she she's a hard worker, she's a hustler. But she also it's getting caught up in a couple relationships. You know, it's just it's got a little bit of something for everyone.

Are French relationships different than American relationships? Does she learn? Is there an eye opening kind of French? I'm assuming she's sis hetero. Yeah, she's having French men experiences.

Yes, she's in love with this chef. But it's like he had a girlfriend and then they broke up, and then they got together, like they're trying to make them like Ross and Rachel, and it's like but no one cares, Like they get together, like it's like sure, but I don't know. And this guy is like that she loves I mean, I honestly makes me love him because he's so almost boring, Like he doesn't even lift a finger

Is he an actor? Was he a real French chef?

Really filming him like Bowfinger where he didn't know he was on a TV show.

That's what I felt like, Like I really felt like they went up to him on the street and was like do you want to be in the show and he was like sure. But I think he is an actor. I don't think he is a chef, but he is very convincing as a chef. But yeah, it's just it's a simple albeit you know, sort of not I don't know. This last season had had some cracks, but I'm hoping that they're fixing it for next season for the next Christmas.

Did em only go to Paris for work?

Indeed she did? Yeah, yeah, left a fiance and her wake, you know, just just the whole classic thing.

Yeah. Yeah, she's kind of a secretly start over.

Yeah, left him in Chicago and.

Yeah, have either of you been to Paris? Yes?

I have not.

Are you serious?

Yes, I've been only to a handful of places Spain but for work, and then in England once for a few days.

But I really want to go to Paris.

Yeah, actually because you were just there, I know. I was like, I just went in September.

Oh really yeah, because of Emily in Paris exactly.

I wanted to re enactment you went to all the places she went.

It's so weird. It's like, I actually didn't even think about that show once when I was there. I don't know how, like I guess because it's really only a holiday thing. It's like I watch it before Christmas and then I don't think about it again for the rest of the year. So I went in September and people were like, oh, like Emily in Paris, and I was like, oh yeah, Like when I got that, I was like.

Yeah, it really must not ask much of you when you watch that show if it doesn't even come up when you're there.

No, it didn't.

I don't know what I would go to that big round about from European vacation, I guess, yeah, I don't know.

What I would see there that tower. Yeah, I just want to go there and eat bread and ride a bike.

The fucking bread there.

Yeah.

Like I was there in high school and it was on a trip where we went to a bunch of places, so I don't think I got the real, you know, any kind of a deep down French experience. It was like Paris. I think we were there for three days. We were just excited to be able to drink in our hotel rooms because we were we all had permission because we were all eighteen. But we were walking around. One day we went to the louver, like there were certain things we had to do, and then this one

There's your name for it.

Do you know what?

It's so good?

It's so good, Like I don't like salami, and I'm really picky where I'm like, what kind of cheese is it?

I didn't say shit.

I was like one of those seafood play and they gave it to us. And we sat at this cafe table outside with like, you know, our cokes and these sandwiches, and we just stared at each other, going like, why is this bread so amazing? Why is this combination so amazing? What's happening? Why is this so good?

It's so you were with the school kids or was this when you were in the Cia?

It was school kids we were, so it was this. The trip was to Russia.

We went to Russia in nineteen eighty seven when it was still the Cold War, and so we were in Russia for like a week and then we came back through Checkpoint Charlie from East Berlin to West Berlin. Then we stayed in Germany for three days. Then it was Paris for three days, London for like two days, and we came home. So they basically while we were there were like, well, you have to come through anyway to

It was like Joshua Tree YouTube.

Yeah, yes, like like truly the height of you too coolness. They went and saw them in concert, and we like four people went and saw that concert and the rest of us stayed and made a little pyramid of Heineken cans in our hotel room.

I thought we were like living the high life.

Oh my god, yeah wait, I mean high school trip.

Yeah. They like it was, yeah, you got to go see you too. You chose not to.

And we could have.

It was just that kind of thing where I was like we had had a couple nights we were like because we were allowed to drink, because over there the drinking age was like eighteen or seventeen or something, depending on what country you were in. So they basically sent a permission slip of like is it. They'd never do this now, I think, but it was the eighties, so it was like my parents gave me permission to drink on this trip, and so did everybody else's parents.

So like everywhere we went our goal, like.

It'd be like, oh, yeah, the Hermitage or whatever. Unbelieve you're in fucking Moscow and it's you know, Cold War Russia and we're like like, hey, there's a bar over there, like that's all we cared about.

It was really hilarious.

So we did a lot of the night before, we had been drunk at the Eiffel Tower and my friend Jennifer and I were like shitface and we're like walking around to the Eiffel Tower and these guys came up and we're like, hey, we're gonna buy you these necklaces or something, and we're like what, and we're like drunk enough. It was obvious we were drunk. These guys started grabbing us and pulling us, like trying to pull us away, and it was it was one I was drunk enough where I was like, oh, this is crazy.

I can't believe this is happening. And then like two other tourist dudes who saw it.

Happening came up and started trying to punch these guys, and the guys ran away and we're.

Like, hey, thanks. So by the time we got.

Home, we're like thanks liver bulleting, and we'd just run back to like the group of people we were with. So I think the next night we're like, hey, let's just take it easy and drink whatever we liquor we can get our hands on in the hotel, because we had kind of it was.

I think we had too.

Much freedom and like a little bit too much, Like you guys can handle this in the city streets of Paris, It's like, no, it's fucking France's New York City. It's not this beautiful place day and night, no matter what.

Damn. Yeah.

That's everyone's biggest fear is as a teenager getting kidnapped in a foreign country.

It's classically the worst thing that could happen.

You did Emily ever deal with any kind of grabby dudes at the Eiffel Tower.

Emily has never been in danger of any kind, except for falling in love with two different men. Like she's not experienced anything. She just walks down the street. She's on her phone, you know nothing.

God doesn't care.

I'm still on the fence of if I'll start Emily in Paris.

You shouldn't.

I'll just tell you I'm too Christmas.

Well, like, yeah, Donnie wat the first season with me, but mostly like just because it was funny, you know, And then like the second season came around, He's like, yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna join you on this, And I'm like that's better, Like I need to plow through. You take too many breaks, Like I just like to sit down, you know, I don't need to get up to go to the kitchen, like I'm just in it. Yeah, So I prefer a solo Emily embarrassed viewing session.

You don't want to have to explain plot that plot line. I just want to be in it exactly. So they get lost in it. But how why is their bread so much better anywhere else in the world?

And the butter and the butter.

Is it better bread?

Insane?

Better bread chase than the bread from California Pizza Kitchen. Oh my god, we.

Have sources, we do research. We know your favorite snack.

I picked it out at the exact right moment.

Oh my god, what it is.

I haven't had the bread there? Could you describe this pizza kitchen bread?

Have you ever been to California Pizza Kitchen?

Sure? Just you know bread?

No, they uhould just bring it. I mean okay, I like, I wrote an article that has since been taken down about this years ago, like California Pizza Kitchen is not what it once was. It used to be just the Crown Jewel, at least in Studio City. That's where I wanted to go for every birthday. Like my parents hated it, like they were like, please pick somewhere else, and I was like, I have to go to CPK. The bread used to be unreal. But it's I mean, no, nothing's you know.

Bread that's a product of them. Because now they just make frozen pizzas. I wonder if they're like, you know what, we should make these, serve these frozen pizzas in our restaurants.

Yeah, it's probably like a version of that.

Although I will say they're they're barbecue you chicken chopp salad is alive, and.

Well, I believe that's legendary.

Yeah, it's really definitely really good still.

Talk about I think like that's like time machine food, where like if I ate that, like that's what I Margaret. When I used to open for Margaret Chow on the Road, we would always try to find a California pizza kitchen because we knew we would like it, and we would it would be like kind of reasonable.

We could eat salads and pretend it was local.

Yeah, but I think, wouldn't you call that bread a little bit like focasha. It's like kind of fast food focaca a little bit.

Looking back, yeah, I mean it's just not when I was remembering, like because I went back there with Donnie, I was like, because he had never been, I was like, you've never been to CBK, Like I was like building up so much, and we went back there and it was so sobering, Like I was just like looking around and like seeing things for what it really was, and just like the bread and like just even like the pepsi tastes weird and I was just like wow, Like

I think I think it's them.

I think the franchise isn't it got It was like it peaked and then maybe they sold to too large of a conglomerate or something.

Because it really was good from what I remember in the early night too. M hm.

But they're still just like everywhere, Like I mean, the fact that they are even at the Century City like Crazy Mall, it's like, clearly you guys are doing something right.

Yeah, people still believe, Yeah exactly. I think it's.

Because you can get you can get a solid salad there, just as much as pizza, which is basically like boys and girls eating together right in ales. Yes, to be really generalizing, but yeah, you know, I agree.

If someone could explain to me my one day. One day, my dad's birthday. We're in Spokane and he wanted Italian food for his birthday, and out of all all the places in a city, he chose Olive Garden and I they are famous for their free breadsticks with our Dowe white sausage, their uniform, they are so unappealing to me. But then I put one in my mouth and I'm like, oh, there's something in it. There's like a addictive chemical in their food.

I don't.

I think that there's something about that that has these chain restaurants. I think that they have some addictive chemical in there. Because I ate a whole basket and I'm not a bread guy. It makes my knuckles swell up, you know, Yeah, But I'm like worth it.

I mean they do.

There's like food scientists that research and figure out like perfect mouth feel so right, Like you get an Olive Garden breadstick and it's slick on the outside. Then they put a little salt on it or something and you bite in and there's a slight crunch and they do all that of like this is what people like the best, so they write.

I mean they know, they know what they're doing.

This is the one the mice. The mice liked. I'm assuming there's mice in their laboratory.

Tests. They give them cute. Oh imagine the tiny little bread they get.

I've never been to Olive Garden, should I No?

No.

I left feeling defeated, like I was taking advantage of I felt like such a simpleton, and I had a nap for three days.

I ate like a whole four pounds of lasagna.

I feel like Italian food. If you do franchise Italian food, you're gonna go I wish I had just made this at home. Yeah, because right, it's like you don't want to sit in the mall and eat Feticini alfredo or right, it's like.

I want to sit in the mall and eat pandas for us, yeah, it's.

The right answer, right, see all the food we're talking about. It was back to that cake thing. For me, it's not worth this should for as bad as it is for me, I should be having a more euphoric experience putting it in my mouth, Like yeah, it looms over me. That's like, well, here's the worst thing I could possibly be eating fet A genie alfredo. And then it's like why am I not happy?

Yeah? If I'm gonna spread this all over security at the at the Tempe Airport, then it's better taste good and it doesn't, So why.

Am I doing cleaning it up? I mean they're gonna sign that it's the next few months.

Like the idea you can't bring through the smallest bottle of water, but you were like, here's me and my two pieces of cake.

We're going to fuck your machine from the inside.

Out, this is on them.

Yeah, it is on that. It is on that. And I would have even though it was bad, I would have liked three more bites. I would have liked that, you know, like waiting at my gate, I would have liked to take three more bites and then throw it away. I didn't want my hand to be forced into throwing it away. I felt like it wasn't my choice.

No, because you were too paranoid of like both pieces flopped out into that.

Yeah, they acted like only the one. They're like, no, no, that piece didn't touch it. I'm like, why, why explain that exactly? And I was just too much in a daze, and so I just left. And then I was just like, all right, I just got to make an executive decision here to trust no one because.

You take one bite of that and suddenly you're like.

Oh, no, page, that's the hair up.

Someone off. I'm I'm The airport is insane.

It's it's such a I feel bad when people have to travel these days because it's getting so crazy.

It's getting intolerable.

Yeah.

The coughing, like truly, the coughing, like when I was at Burbank waiting to go to Phoenix, Like it was just truly I've never heard so many people coughing so many different pitches, like it's just at different times. Like I'm just like and it's like I haven't made a sound, Like it's like I don't know why. It's like people can't. I don't get it. It's like I'm not tempted to make a sound. I'm just like sitting here quietly, respectfully, and I just don't know why I'm the only one.

I think it's passive aggressive, like political coughing. I think there's certain people are like I'm going to do the thing you fear the worst, and that it's that kind of thing where like our culture has changed empirically since COVID in that way where there are people I'll never forget walking toward a guy one time and we were outside, but we were it was still during like quarantine, and I was trying to go to the atm so I was wearing a mask, but we were outside at a

Like basically, people are so mad, they're they're they're disgusting.

I love the.

Idea that it's like, define take it. You're not going to take my rights away from patriotic coughing.

Yeah, yeah, Fox News sponsored coughing.

Why why I just watched your set.

They just sent some links and it was probably Yeah, it was an old set because it was like Cameron Esposito show, but you're so good.

Yeah, thank you.

And you were like I think that two to five we can just get rid of those hours.

And that's exactly when we're podcasting.

I know, four pm is an interesting call time. Yeah, and it's you that we stick to interesting. Well, Chase, happy birthday, thank you.

Yeah.

Sorry, I didn't know, It's fine, I'm sorry, I mean I didn't to the list.

Oh no, a list of people that forgot your birthday.

There is a list, although most people did. I will say I was impressed. I've really because I tell a lot of people it's my birthday. I'm not like quiet about it.

Good you shouldn't be. But I felt bad. I heard that on your podcast. Was like a shit, Well just tell her in person. But when I get back, I'll take it. We'll have a we'll have a nice birthday meal.

Oh my god, I know.

I was like, where are you at? Like some sort of a beat Chilie. It's so like exotic. I've gone to the beach.

M h.

I could feel it. Can you feel the relaxation?

Yes, I really can't. It's really nice just to cut the wind. Yeah.

But I will be back soon, so amazing. We will make a plan. Sounds good?

Can I go? Just kidding? I don't want to shore those people that invites them. I used to live at the beach. I had my fill. I don't miss it. I missed.

I don't care.

I like three blocks away. I don't miss it at all. The waves crashing and the breeze. It used to make me sneeze. I don't miss it.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you haven't heard Chase Bernstein's podcast Composed, you have to listen to it. I've told you this already. One of the hardest things in the world to do is do a podcast by yourself. Chris and I both talked about this when we pick each other up from the airport and have to do and some kind of an intro pre role where we're talking by ourselves. It literally, when I tried to do it, it made me feel insane. I literally stopped doing it and waited till Chris got in the car.

Every time.

Yeah, Chase is so good at it, and she's it's a really funny podcast.

And if you haven't heard it, go listen. You will thank me later.

And if you get the chance to see Chase to stand up, she's one of the best at it.

Yearly.

Yeah, you I love watching you. Your calm demeanor and you have great jokes and uh, just google and YouTube watch whatever's out there. Do you have dates coming up?

You know? Just local. I'll be in Venice on Saturday and I come find me.

Just standing out around boardwalk Venice and Jacent.

I actually think I'm doing large Go on February first, So I'm excited I've been there.

Yeah, oh you're gonna it's Oh that's the best. Yeah.

It feels like you're in a city that loves and has been starving for comedy. It so it feels like you're not in Los Angeles. Every time I perform the like, where did they get these people? Why are they so excited?

Oh?

Okay?

So it's not like a little bit snobby, not at you're going to I don't know why. I kind of like picture people being like comedy like snobs.

No, because yeah, on your show there will be an extremely famous person that is a surprise guest, and they know that and so they don't judge anyone.

They enjoy the whole show.

It's that place works in a way that I don't I don't understand why certain places are amazing.

But yeah, I think it's so exciting.

I think Flannagin like books it well, and they have managed it for so long in that way where like people people have been taught how to be audience members there and so it's like they know if they do, if they hold up there under the bargain, they're going to get rewarded. And so it's great because they just are so ready and they're they have good taste, and yeah, it's a it's a great it's a great experience for

Can I go? Guys?

Just kidding, that was my favoite. It's a callback to me inviting.

My fas famous.

It's so famous that I invite myself to these people.

I'm sorry, but Chase is actually my.

Real, real life friend. I know, I it's it was not a real life Please can I go to the beach?

And also, do I go with you in a few days?

Well, I mean I have some I was, I have some dates coming up.

Do you mind if I it's boring, do it? But in March I will be in Milwaukee and Green Bay and Chicago, and then in May I will be in New York at the Bellhouse. I'm very excited about that. And Vienna.

Ooh, I am traveling n Virginia. Vienna, Virginia at the first i'd see of that, and Philadelphia.

In in May. So go to my website. That's all. That's all I had to say.

Thank you for being here, Chase, thank you so much. Wonderful. Thank you guest.

Yes, your damn delight you've been listening to Do You Need a Ride?

D y n a R. This has been an exactly Right.

Production produced by Analise Nelson.

Mixed by John Bradley.

Our talent booker is Patrick Cottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh you are welcome