S3 - Ep. 54 - Subhah Agarwal

I leave, then I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a termino and gage aid.

We want to send you off in style.

We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need to ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris.

Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgariff.

Hello, my friend Karen.

Hello Chris. What's going down?

Oh god, I've done so much today. Let's see, it's kind of overcast. I watched a video of octopus that punches fish, Yes, just out of spite, such a good one. And then I went down a little wormhole seeing if there's other octopus that are mean, and there are apparently an octopus. So yeah, they're the bullies of the sea. I know they have eight arms and they just I mean, they do that.

They just do stuff like that all the time.

Apparently. Yeah, did you by.

Chance to watch the Netflix show My Octopus Teacher, which I think.

Is the best title of all time I know of it, but I just assumed it was a documentary, so of course I didn't watch it.

Same but I do this thing where I turn the TV on, I think I'm gonna shop around for a show to watch Netflix. Whatever it lands on, it starts rolling that like basically trailer for it, and then I just get up and do other stuff and listen to the trailer five times before I come back to the TV.

Yeah, And now that I know, they just teach you the ways of sea violence.

What's really good is that in that video you were talking about, the octopus punches up fish as if he's not looking. That's what it looks like in the video. So it's like the fish comes up, it looks like the octopus isn't looking that direction, and yet the arm goes out and punches.

Oh you've seen the very video.

Yes, it's the best.

It's a fish that's just coming to say hi slowly in a non aggressive swim, what's up? And he just does a side punch with number four right under the coral reef.

It's really it's really delightful. Second only to that, there's the one video of the octopus and it looks like he's running on some of his legs while he's holding like some sort of a shell or something. So he's like running and then hiding and running and hiding. Have you seen that one?

No, in a place like fashion, or he's actually.

Trying to I think he's trying to hide from maybe the cameraman that's filming him or something. But it's like he's got he got himself, you know, a half a coconut, and he's kind of like trying to get out of there, and then he just baiales and like goes under there and hides.

What's this a cartoon? What's this SpongeBob?

This is SpongeBob squar pairs there it is? There's a pineapple squid that plays the clarinet.

A squirrel with.

An astronaut helmet that's really a fish bowl from the South.

Can I do my brag about Sandy Squirrel. Yeah, even though I've told this story a thousand times on this podcast.

Long enough that I've forgotten, but that's most things perfect.

Sandy Squirrel was my neighbor in the last neighborhood I lived the woman who played Sandy Squirrel, Carolyn Lawrence, who's a lovely human being, a very successful realtor. I just feel like I'm pronouncing that wrong. And she lived on the end of my street, and so she and I just started talking when she moved into that house. And then eventually I was just like have we met before? Do I know you? And She's like, I'm Sandy Squirrel.

Oh that's so great.

And it was like I've never been that star Stark in my life, like I'm a true fan.

And then with that she became a realtor or she just because you know, like the guy that did the voice of Tigger I've said a million times he helped he and patented one of the first artificial heart valves. No one knows that you know these A lot of these voiceover artists have other gigs.

They're multi talented. Tom Kenny. He does other voiceover work. Yeah, and it's not heart surgery. No.

He came up with one of the first hot air balloons. A lot of people don't know that about Tom Kinny.

About Tom Kenny. Yeah, yeah, he invented the original hot air balloon.

Based on a sketch by Da Vinci. But he's the one he sewed it. He got a big old basket d eight dollars.

Yeah, and put a squirrel. He started with a squirrel, put it in flight.

No one ever saw it again, and that's when he knew it worked. And making things up. That's how we know. My chicanery should conclude, and we should bring in today's guest. Today's guest very excited. You know her and you love her. She plays clubs and colleges all over the country. Please welcome, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for suba argall.

Hi.

So many college how's that college going is?

How are the colleges these days in this woke environment?

Oh man, these kids and they're canceled culture?

Am I right?

Get off every stage? They keep having me back?

How are you? We've never I don't think we've met in person, but I follow you on Twitter and you're hilarious.

Oh, thank you. That's very kind of you. It is like weird because I listen to my favorite murder a lot, so it is like weird when I'm like, it's like that you think you're familiar with somebody because you follow them, and so you have to like watch what you say, so you're not a psychopath.

Where you can't really let on that you kind of know about them in a way they don't know about exactly.

Yeah, like I have some dogs to it, but make noise and I'm like, oh do you, And I'm like, don't say anything weird.

I love that. That's sweet. And I'm sure you're very familiar with me as well.

I am.

You started writing jokes when you're sixteen. That's so amazing to me. And I wondered if you could remember what kind of jokes you wrote back then.

Oh god, they were so bad. I'm like so grateful. Social media wasn't around when I started, Oh my god, because like the thing was I there was a comedian. The reason I got into stand up comedy was a comic named Russell Peters.

Yeah from Canada.

Yeah, he was like the first I think South Asian comic a lot of us had seen, and so like he did, a lot of Indian people are like this, and like all these groups are like that or whatever, and I was trying to imitate him. But the difference was I grew up in like a mostly white soul, so I had no idea what I was talking about. So I started doing stand up at this part billiards club, part open mic that unfortunately I heard shut down. But although maybe that's for the best.

It sounds like it really does truly.

But it was called Pressure Cafe, and it was in a really Indian part of Chicago next to Devon Avenue. So I would like, come and I would tell jokes about my family and about what I thought Indian people, what I imagined we were like. There would be like room full of like just angry Indian people. Just don't face me. They're like, we're not like that. And I was like, Oh, I have to stop doing this.

That is rough. That's like it's not just the average audience being like I don't know. It's like people were in like we're here to fact check you. This is incorrect.

That's why they called it pressure.

Did people at least stop playing pool while you performed or could you just hear the clacking of balls your whole set?

I'm trying to remember. I don't think there was a lot of pool going on while the show was going on. I think they may have stopped the billiards for the shows, which thank god.

That's a good time.

Yeah, I mean also an open mic, not even like a structured Joe, but just kind of like, hey, get up there and see what you can do, or go ahead and play some snooker. It's up to you.

And you had to get a fake ID to go in there.

Yeah, I mean, not pressure because like and again I feel like it changed now where everybody cards, but most bars in Chicago at the time did not give a shit. And I looked young, like I like young for my age now. When I was like seventeen sixteen, I looked like a child. And not only did I look like a child, I was so socially awkward, and I had my high school backpack with me and I was in advanced classes, so they were full of just thick, thick textbook So I was like hunch Star, clearly a kid.

They were like, give her a chance.

I think about that all the time, though, because comics are getting younger and younger, and they're getting good at stand up. Immediately I wonder where, because even to have young fans come to a show, it's impossible if they aren't over twenty one.

That's always been a problem.

I mean, eventually I got a fake ID because it started getting stricter and stricter. Some dude in the back of a hookah lounge in Pittsburgh gave me an ID he claimed scanned.

And you wanted to vote.

Probably that's really what it was. I was like, I got to get into politics.

So you really started stand up at sixteen. Technically at seventeen seventeen.

I started writing jokes at sixteen because I didn't think I could get on stage. I thought I was too young. And then a world history teacher came in bragging about an all ages open mike. He did he was trying to look cool to all the kids. No, but I did go to the MICA nice.

Now, did you get to mix, like get some comedy friends, or did you just kind of like treat it like your secret after school career.

I did. I did get because it was like right when I was graduating high school, so it was like I kind of started. Actually, no, that's not true. I formed some really good friendships, and I think that was probably like the best because I was too young to realize what I was getting into. So I was like full of hope and like excitement and like naiveness and like all you and all of your friends like go

Were they mostly older friends? Oh yeah yeah, oh.

Yeah, super creepy that they were hanging out with me.

Yeah on paper, But I when I started skateboarding and I was in about that, I was fourteen or fifteen. I had friends that were twenty and I'm in retrospect, I think it was pretty healthy.

I did learn about things a little early.

But because they were good people, they were like, don't do like us, you know, as they blow a cigarette smoke in my face.

But comedy was like that too.

Yeah, well, comedy is I think there are people who recognize most of the time, it's like there's people who went through terrible shit themselves, so like when they see a younger person, it's kind of like, you know, pull them in and make sure that it's not a horrifying situation. I hope at least some comics that.

Was thrown to the wolves.

But is a tough town.

But I think it's much better now because it's like that was like, oh god, how old am I? That was like fifteen sixteen years ago. So it's like people there's like so many more women and like even like Indians doing comedy, Like there's a group of comics in Los Angeles called Facial Wreck, and it's like a group of Indian girls who started comedy would be like, we're not the same person because we kept getting mixed up.

Fai.

Yeah, that's so funny.

Who else is in it?

Okay? So Physicalsani probably began Zara Ali. I think those are the three main producer and then Jen Jollie's in. They're a lot and so it's kuran deal. I'm not a producer. I just do the show a lot. But it was mind blowing to me that there were enough of us and they were like annoyed enough to start this group where I was like, that was not the case like fifteen years ago, and it's so cool and I think it's like a better environment for young girls

Know anything bad, And in that I mean, yeah, that's rough.

It was craiser.

Yeah, the boys can be kind of gross sometimes well, but also you know, and then it's like in the name of comedy. When I started, I was twenty and it was the it was in nineteen ninety, so there was some Yeah, there's some pretty insane shit that you're just like either go along with it or leave but those there's no other choice. There's no there's no kind of standing up to it. It's like are you a

Yeah, that was kind of how I learned because my parents had like an illegal cable hookup they don't even fully understand. So it's like you could watch one thing because the signal was split somehow, so you could watch one thing on the TV, and then the VCR could record our the whatever it was could record what was

I'm like, oh, yeah, you're getting everyone in seven minute snippets.

Yeah, yeah, clip shows and yeah. I did a Premium Blend set that was so terrible. I think I got cut from the episode. It was back when I was still drinking, and it was kind of in the midst of that like alt comedy thing where it's like bring your notebook on stage and talk about your day and all that kind of stuff. And I had a set, but I was being very casual about it or it's just like I'll figure it out when I get there. And then it was like in this theater and it

Yeah, they really tricked that audience too, because they used to have them all go into I believe it was called the Hudson Theater where I did it, and the audience would they just thought they were watching one episode of four comics, but they would keep them there all day for like three tapings, and by the end, I remember, they're very tired, and they just wanted to do a fun vacation thing like like being on prices right or something like right, wait, we have to sit here and

And back then, I feel like audiences would show up and be like, let's go to do this as a you know, an activity, as opposed to comedy fans the way it is now, where it's like people go to see specific comedians and they like comedy and it's a whole attitude, whereas like in the nineties, it truly was people that were like, we'll have a drink and listen to whoever's on stage. It was very like reversed in that way. Where they were like the opposite of comedy nerds.

Yeah, you're right.

That was back when I started early two thousand, I guess ninety nine. It was a bar on Sixth Street in Austin, and they would there was a guy on the sidewalk that was bringing people in. Sometimes again like they were just being polite coming in, but they were so drunk they didn't even know what they were about to watch, and then they were held captive. It's so funny people go there on purpose. Now the Velvety room's doing great.

Yes, there's a club in New York that I played when I was younger. That's like it's like lol comedy. It's in Times Square. It's like famous for They would just like give tickets to these people on the streets who were like, oh, some of them were like visibly strung out. I'm like, they're not like Reppert, which also like you're buying tickets from a person who is sweating in a trench coat, Like, obviously this isn't what you're actually like, you're not he doesn't have Chris Rock tickets.

Yeah, exactly. The promise of comedy.

Yeah, and like people would come into those shows and like, oh my god, they would be constantly getting scammed, like we thought we were going to see Amy Schumer. And then it's just like poor people been like doing this for five years and you're like, uh, I'm so sorry.

And the back of the room is all vice cops that came in because they thought they just saw a trench coat drug deal.

We tell you to slip them the paper.

It's acid got that that owner owns like LOL Comedy and the strip club two doors down, and it just like whatever makes the most money, whatever, whichever one sells more drinks.

I know there was. There was like a comic one time who got into a fight with audience where he was like literally holding up I think it was chairs. There was a chair fight.

No.

I was like, this is this is crazy.

But if you can make it there at LOL Comedy, yeah, I mean for real, actually.

You can make it to therapy and stop.

We needs to be there. Figure out why you want to do this. It's such a mistake.

Yeah.

I did a club in Calgary once and that was the problem they had with me is because they are in the business of selling drinks. And the owner said, you don't Your comedy doesn't sell drinks. And it was such a funny way to think about I guess I gotta do more references to thirst quenching, like to tell stories about a canteen filled with sand. I don't know, Like, what, how do you make people buy drinks? I think he just meant I wasn't like a party comic. I think that used to be the thing.

You're supposed to do.

Drink up you guys drinking. You're supposed to mention it during your act.

How many people here are alcoholics? Improve it? Improve it.

Did? What did you go to college for?

Oh, nothing related to any of this. I I okay. So I started as a bio engineer and then I went to the University of Pittsburgh because they gave me a scholarship and I was like, Oh, Pittsburgh, it'll it's a big city. It'll have like a robust comedy scene.

Comedy shows in a backpack.

Yeah, I didn't know any of the exams because I didn't research what I was dedicating my life to because I'm stupid. And I got that book and I saw what I had to do and realized it hit me for the first time after I'd already changed once and I had like my first full blown panic attack, and then I realized that's what I had been having on stage, like slightly from.

This familiar I was like, I couldn't.

Feel my hands and I couldn't breathe. I was like, oh my god, That's what happens when I'm on stage. I'm like, oh, is that panic?

So is that like taking statistic like social statistics and the like you I don't know where that nactuary is.

It's like you, uh, financially model risk, I think is like the official definition. So and then you can work for a property and casualty or you can work for life or insurance and then you can like there's a lot of things you can do with it, so for it.

Yeah, So just the worst I did.

That was the one thing in college though that because I unlike you did not excel in math, but that was the statistics class was one I had. I was failing and I was trying and I still was getting an a F even though I was putting so much effort into it.

And I thought, okay, I'm not I.

Can't remember what job that leads to. But we also had a graphic calculator.

It's funny because like my friend who is like actually dedicated to being an actuary and was still chill with me. He was like, you know, the other actuaries hate you, and I was like, y'all hang out and he was like yeah, He's like, you don't find any of the work and you're doing great and they know you don't care. They hate your guts.

I wass.

So wait, did you get your degree in that?

I did? I almost dropped out, but then a comic in New York was like, you have one more semester finished your I was.

Like okay, well yeah, and that comic was Russell Peters.

Have you use Does he know that you?

No?

I mean it's like weird, we keep like missing each other, but hopefully one day.

Yeah.

There is that is someone that I have never seen someone kill a room so hard.

I've just seen him like at the ice house.

Har He's very yeah, crushes.

Crushes so god. He does not have a plan. B. It's just a crush.

So did you ever work? Did you try to get a job with that degree while you were doing comedy? Like?

Yeah, okay, So here's what happened. I wanted the job so somebody would pay me and move to New York. That was a whole goal, and they did. They New York Life hired me, which was a mistake. I think when I was turning there over the summer, I convinced another intern to hide behind a door because the third person was like late for the meeting, and we jumped out and it wasn't the third intern, it was the hiring manager coming.

To check.

I to this day, I just remember her blonder flying in the darkness and her clipboard going across the room, and I was like, that should have been your first morning sign not to hire me. But I did. They hired me. And the thing is they when you initially because there are so many licensing seeing exams, it takes years to become fully licensed, so they give you paid time off to study. So I was just doing open mics and sleeping until three pm. So I took the

No brain, no actuarial breakdowns. He cannot handle what she is going through right now.

It's a lesson every toddler must learn.

So are you the kind of person that you can, like, if someone's like, what's the tip on this bill? You just know it immediately, Like math is just very natural for you.

It used to be. I think my brain's atrophied, like genuinely. After I like got out of actuarial math. In that program, I like never look at it again because I had zero passion for it. I didn't want anything to do with it. Yeah, I just thought I needed a backup.

It's so specific. I mean, we have our family friends. It's my sister's best friend, her husband's family is Sri Lankan, and my niece, when she was like four years old, kept telling people she wanted to be a cheerleader when she grew up like that, it so people be like, what do you want to be? And she be like a cheerleader. And Robin's mom push But when Nora said that to her, she goes, don't be a cheerleader, be a doctor. She was four years old. I was like, oh,

I hope she became a cheerleader. I do.

She's only a sophomore now, so she still has you know, all that all that's still in front of her. But we used to laugh so hard where it's like, really, she's four years old, you're not just going to kind of play along with this plan. But Pushbo was very afraid that she was taking that seriously and it's like, I need to get this out of your system now. It's don't no one wants you to do this.

My mom really almost pulled me out of the Girl Scouts when I was little because they went around the circle and they asked everybody what they wanted to be when they were older. And apparently I don't remember any of this, but she said, like six of the girls in a row, said Mom, and she was like, I gotta get her out of here.

He's like, nope, this is not a lot with the plan we have for our.

Daughter, which is so funny because now I don't want kids, and she's like, oh shit.

Yeah, You're like, but do you want to be a girl scout because you could go back?

Do you like selling cookies?

Now?

Sometimes on IMDb, like for a while, it said I was in some cartoon called Oh I don't even remember what it was called, but it was like a Pixar movie, and I just agreed because it was on IMDb.

But were you really in on General Hospital? Yeah?

I was?

How did I mean?

I just augitioned for him like a couple times. And it was funny because my mom grew up like I grew up with her watching General Hospital and then to like randomly get like I just played a nanny and it was so General Hospital because they only gave me. I only saw like a page and a half. And in that page and a half, somebody was in an undersea diving accident and I hang inded somebody a baby and then it turns out the baby the father wasn't the actual father, like when it was Chaos Wild.

And that could have been any script that season there is. Yeah.

Amnetia Pete Lee is a comic that's doing well right now and he was on maybe I don't know if it's general, he was on a on a soap opera. I just always thought, oh my, so interesting because they're so dramatic.

I know, also those weird the ways where and I know it's like the joke everyone does, but the way you have to hold you say a line, then you have to hold your position until they like basically fade out to commercial. But it's so unrealistic where it's like, yes, I don't love you anymore, and then everyone stands there for eight seconds before they actually cut away. It's so stressful to me where I'm like, how are these people? You just stare off, I guess, and like clear your brain.

It's intimidating. That set works like machine because they've been there for so long. I got lost on set twice. Uh and I I've never held a baby before, not really, and they gave me like a live baby, so I was terrified. I was like I cannot drop this thing. And then there were motion cues where like I was like, did he really say go? And then at one point a camera dude just pushed my shoulder and was.

Like carrying this baby.

I was like, this is a nightmare and because it moved so fast, It's not like any other set I've ever been on. It was so crazy.

Yeah, because they have to like they have to get that whole I bet you they shoot multiple episodes in a day. Oh sure, yeah when I think this was this year.

Oh wow, so there.

It wasn't COVID times because that was the only productions that were still going. And mid quarantine soap operas were so funny because they if there was a love scene or any interaction, they actually had that real life person's husband on at and so they'd they'd be talking from across the room on this couch and then all of a sudden, hairy arm like someone else's arm that didn't match the actor would embrace. It was so interesting how they shot it. It it Uh, it made me laugh when I watched.

No, it was post COVID. I mean we still did like triple testing and sure because the baby was so young.

But yeah, it was like, yeah, what you don't push someone holding the baby that camera guy.

I watched so many YouTube videos on different baby holds. I was so.

Worried just cramming for that for that exam, that the exam of holding a baby the next day, and that was in New York General Hospital shoots in New York or was it out here?

It was in La.

It was in La. We just watched the movie Soap Dish. I don't know if anybody watched has seen that movie. It's so good if you haven't seen in it, it's really hilarious, like it holds up. But they shoot in the in the movie, they're shooting in New York. So then I was like, oh, that was in New York.

Because I just watched that movie.

Yeah.

I always thought there was one way to hold a baby, the classic hand behind the head.

But I don't know either. I don't know. I didn't know that.

You're a baby different if you're using that baby as eventual Loku was dummy, that's the right way that actually works.

Yeah, my baby is gonna have a Horsey voice and talk about traffic.

Palm to the front of face, really get your nails and you want a good grip.

Yeah, tag in there so if anyone pushes you from behind, you got.

A palmet like a little basketball.

What a weird Also, what a weird thing to essentially rent your baby to a soap opera. I'm sure it's very lucrative business. But that must feel odd, but it's also.

Like cool to be like show. I mean, I don't know if your kid would be mad at you, but to me, like like you want to and be like why'd you do that to me?

But like, yes, yeah it is.

I went when I first was when I was in Austin and I wanted to get into acting. There was like a casting set you had to pay. I'm embarrassed that I did it. I paid four under dollars and uh.

And you meet.

Casting agents and then they tell you need to fly to you need to live in New York or LA.

But so many.

People brought their babies. They're just like, this is a gifted baby. I have the perfect baby. It's going to be a Gerber baby. And I was really it kind of really bummed me out, more so than like pageants or anything like that, like people that want to have famous babies.

Yeah, that's pretty wild.

Yeah, it's also like you want your baby to be in the grossest business on the planet. You're signing your baby up for that for like the most amoral setup.

Basically, my baby's going to do it. Because I was never a cheer later.

I think I've told you this story, But there was one time I was at a way back in the day when I used to audition for things, and I was in this audition and I watched this mom try to It was like we were all there reading, you know. It was like the the sassy, you know, slutty best friend part. And then there was they were also casting for like eight year old boy part, and there was an eight year old boy there that was so cute and he was kind of there, you know, hanging out

LA is crazy like that. I mean I see that in like comedy, Like I'm a pretty I mean, i know I've done some stuff like on paper, but I'm not like anyone to care about. And then like people will like kiss my ass at parties sometimes and I'm like, oh my god, if you're doing that to me, what are you doing to actual famous people? That's crazy, Like it just like oh, it feels like oil on your skin where it's just like, oh, so weird.

It's really weird, so weird.

I was in some audition for a Smucker's Jam commercial with a little kid and the parent was in there, this dad, and they were being so hard on the kid and the kid wanted to cry. And then I just talked to him for a while about his day and kind of tricked him into seeing the lines. And I just made friends with this little kid for five minutes, and the kid got the part.

I didn't get it.

The kid got the Smucker's at I did have to work for that little shit.

You were and you were hired as the child wrangler. Chris, we don't want to see you in front of the cameras.

Now it's come I should come clean on my years of wrangling children.

Just carry on the fanny pack of juices and the kids ready for set.

Got Gogert.

Anyway, I'm like the Blues Traveler guy with Harmonica's except it's all Caprice Sons.

I remember when Caprice Sons came out, like when I was in like junior high or something, and it was so it really was. It looked like advanced technology, like it looked like it was for astronauts, or it was just like man, like, the future is here.

That's so funny.

Until you put that you punched that straw and through the other side. It was very difficult. You got to go in and then immediately down, otherwise you've just wasted what was one percent juice?

Yeah, remember the lemonade flavor. I thought I loved it until I was halfway down and then I was like, now I have acid reflux. In sixth grade? What is this fucking product?

They used to be really high in themselves. Snack foods like Caprisa and Dippin' Dots, ice cream of the future, all these like weird futuristic promises. It's like Yep, this is corn syrup. We're not doing that much.

This is not innovation. Dippin' dots never. I never got that because I always had such guilt like eating dessert things where it's like, if this isn't the best thing ever, then what are we doing? And dippin' dots felt like almost like a science experiment that you were allowed to eat, you know, like it was kind of like, Okay, I get I get that you love this the sub zero kind of you know, accomplishment, but it's not great as a dessert.

Yeah, it's I recall.

It's just they freeze regular ice cream to the to the point where it balls up into little like how they make the little balls.

Maybe I am into it.

Well you're into the science of it, but I don't think you're into like the taste of it. Right.

I love it on a science level, but don't put that shit in my mouth. I just want to watch how it's made, like cotton.

Can and a beaker beaker, only it's fun.

I don't put on a lab coat, and I'll watch you make cotton candy all day, but get that get that shit.

Away from my face.

And I mean that I do not I've never understood cotton candy.

You don't like gotten candy.

I don't. I just I wasn't allowed sugar as a kid, and I just.

See this is all crazy to me because when I was really young, I worked at a county fair when I was like eight to high school. So different dots frozen, like deep fried ice cream, technology and sugar for no reason, because we just need an excuse to eat more butter like that was that was my jam?

Oh yes, oh, I have at the fair.

I have eaten at the Orange County Fair too, not in the ozarks or whatever. It was a fried stick of butter. I ate that somewhat flavored. It sounds awful, it is awful. But I don't get me wrong, I'll put that right in my face. But I just don't have the sweet tooth I got one of. I got this butter tongue.

Sweet. So I have a thousand questions fore you working at the county fair?

Yes?

I mean because growing up I did four each and so we were at the fair. Did you really did you do?

Did you raise? It was an Illinois I worked at the Lake County County Fair, so nice.

So wait, do you like Dippin' dots a as a dissoo.

I don't know why I love it. It's just weird.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, I give it, give you that innovation. So you did you work in one of those little trailer things that basically is like everything fried and then some stuff.

No, I worked actually four for ag We had a booth there and then I would just sell soda and like gatorades. So from like eight until I think high schools when they cut you off from four age somewhere around there.

But you can't take it to college. You can't. So what was your favorite of all the things you could get at the fair? What was your favorite thing to get? Oh?

Man, I think probably elephant ears, which, if you don't know, aren't actually elephant ears. I don't know why they call it that.

It's just a fried dough.

Chris thought you were actually eating it.

Where is this fair?

It's such a good dessert. I completely forgot about those things.

Oh, they're so good.

That's like that tear away bread, the bread that you tear the dessert version.

Yeah, and it's like coated and sugar and cinnamon. Then they'll have like jams and stuff in the middle.

Of it.

It's okay, I'm not I have a bit of a sweet because that sounds great right now, if it's bread.

If it's bready, all right, I'm back in. I'm back in. Yeah. Can I get back into the sugar group?

Come on, always open the sugar grip.

I went through different phases because when I was like really young, I was like a little pudgy kid, and then I got made fun of, and then of course nineties, got an eating disorder, and then beat the eating disorder, but then got pudgy again, and then started running cross country and my metabolism exploded, and so it was kind of one of those things where you're running miles a day. I could eat whatever. It was like my childhood dream and just be like so sciny, so but it's not

It was Wow, what a way to go.

It was wild. I was disgusting. I would take Turkey Hill ice cream and Anamon's doughnuts and then wait until it got a little soft and then mash the donuts and the ice cream and then just eat that for dinner. I was so gross.

I had a problem, No, but I respect it. That's next level. I've never heard of that before that.

Yeah, I truly a good idea because then it's almost like cookie dough ice cream that you're making.

No, it was bad and I hated myself, but I ate it anyway.

Yeah, that's so it is. Do you remember the fair rosettes were it was like it was probably the same dough as the elephant ears, but they poured it into the hot grease and then they put a little like a little metal It almost looked like a stamp, so it made it look like a snowflake or this or that. Well okay, and then they'd fish them out and then cover them in powdered sugar. It was like, I guess a doughnut in a way, but uh, crunchier and kind of more.

I see three had those those sound good? Though?

Man, they were. It was, And also part of it was you got to watch them make yours. So it was kind of like a I want to say the word event, but that's actually not the right word. But it was you know, like a it was part watching them make yours was part of the attraction, I guess attraction. It was really fun, But then it was just basically just like super deep fried grease dough. Yeah, and not even enough dough part, more like a lot of grease. It's crazy, it is.

They at the Western Montana Fair where I'm from, they had tacos that's still to this day when I think of a taco, that is it. If you think of a taco drawn like a cartoon taco. It was just a golden, crispy shell and a bunch of it was just ground beef, I guess, but it was to this And I love authentic Mexican food. It's great, but I wish I could find that fair taco. I have to go all the way to Montana to get it. I think about that taco all the time, and so does

Well, you're young, so it like really made.

Yeah, I made an impression.

Yeah, I was gonna say, I hope you never find it because it's not going to be as good as the taco.

Yeah, one of those disappointing things.

I like this as a kid, I was disgusting, and then all of a sudden, I feel bad about my whole life.

What did it have a slice of cheese?

It was processed, shredded. It was like craft singles, but somehow it was it was shredded. Yeah, that that was the other thing.

Not real cheat, no dairy and that cheese, no no, And I want one right now. My mouth is watering.

I know it sounds really good. There used to be a place called Henry's Tacos on the corner of like it doesn't matter, Well, Tito's is clean.

That the one with the I love Tito's tacos. You love Tito's too. The only thing better than that Tito's taco is two that song and they fly through the air.

Though, I've people.

Scanned in line for that place, and it is the closest thing I've found.

So I'm back to thinking I was right to the fair tacos.

Yeah, Tito's tacos are very much like those Montana Fair tacos.

Where's Tito's though.

Well, there was one when I they it's the corner of Sepulvida and Washington Boulevard.

There's a Tito's there that's a free plug for the Tito's people. There's a long line like Pink's hot dogs that doesn't make sense how you put that thing in your mouth? Oh Manitos unofficial sponsor.

It's so this is the reason. And I also, of course, as any woman, would have had several eating disorders. But there's it's so fun to talk about food in that way, like food you love in that way, especially like at this time of night. We were just kind of like it just made me think, oh, yeah, you can probably get the tacos that del taco The hard shell tacos are a lot like those old kind of eighties tacos.

Yeah, and I promise you both because of this discussion, that is exactly what I'm going to seek for dinner.

This evening, to seek it out.

I can't. I'm hungry right now now we're talking about it. The last thing I'm going to do is go grocery shopping. I'll spend three hundred dollars. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go get.

Eat a Dell taco. I know I've like because I grew up in the mid West, I've always been like a taco bell girl. So I don't know why I felt loyalty.

Like you have to pick it, like the Chicago Bears. You have to pick a teave and stick with them.

I was like, for what, But I heard Del Taco's actually better now, but I gotta I gotta switch over.

Yeah, de'll Taco. It helps when you're drunk and like in the drive through at three am, because they have they kind of go all over the map with fast food, so you're all drunk and you're kind of like, oh, I want to I'll get a caesadilla and fries, and you blow your own drunk mind with the options that you can kind of put together for yourself. They really kind of cover it that way. But then they also

The talk is a Del Taco and you know what you're gonna get.

That was the first place that came to my small town, and my mom was a vegetarian, so in the fridge we just had.

A cold block of tofu.

She wasn't passionate about preparing, so I would sneak off.

And the closest place with Staco Bell I'd come in I jammed in my sleeve. I'd hide it to this day.

I'm sorry mom that I was eating taco bell on your roof.

But the good news is the meat isn't real meat.

I believe in that half sawdust or yeah, asbestos.

They did a and they're just like, almost no meat in here, and everyone's like, okay, that's fine.

The sign we'll deal with it. Yeah, it's a clear sign. It was coming out of a calking gun. I did a show the other night at the at the Belly Room at the Comedy Store, and it was you were supposed to bring food from your childhood.

That sparked stories and I so I really did hide.

A burrito in my sleeve and not the tofu, and then I was eating it as a secret burrito.

It was it was fun. It was fun. That was fun.

Did you do that on stage?

Yeah?

Everyone brought uh that's co brought this bagged curry and we all put it in a big pile.

It was gross, but the audience it was like, all.

Of a sudden, everyone was on an adult episode of doubled Are. Everyone got so excited about playing with food and we were passing in the ground. I'm not kidding and the audience was trying it, trying this curry chicken on top of the tofu was the little bit. Oh, it was very hilarious. Yeah, I had so much fun. Usually I feel uncomfortable when I'm not allowed to do my stand up and I'm on stage, a panic washes over me.

But it just became a fun food game show. Was great.

Do you guys not like those like homework shows? I try to where you agree to it and it's like, oh, you have to do material about this topic, and it's like shit, I have to write all the time.

Yeah. Yeah, I feel like I'm just always tired, so like anytime there's more work, like, oh, why there's no money? Why did I do?

Yes? For a long time? Was it? It was Brian Cook's erotic fan fiction show Yes, where he would ask me to do it and I'd be like, I just can't see a time. And there were some he was like, you can just do it night of and get a theme and I'm like, well then I'll just fail and I won't have like I will not publicly fail, but I also won't do the work beforehand, because there's some people that write beforehand, but I finally ended up doing

I think the key with that show, yeah do it at the last minute and impress them with hey, I did this in ten minutes. If you do it overnight and you come in with it, oh man, all this pressure for it to be polished material, no, thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the thing is though they do end up normally being fun, like when you're actually doing them, but like leading up to it, you're like, oh god, no, I don't want to do so.

But have you ever done any of these roasts? Have you ever roasted another comic? That's something I've never done.

I did. I don't like it. I did it. I did it a lot because it was really popular in like New York for a hotah. Sure of course, so like I did a couple of them, but no, I was it's like, now I think I've had enough therapy where I could maybe do it again and actually have fun. But it was like it wasn't fun for me. I would genuinely get angry, like I could feel myself getting angry through.

The rows because of what they were saying, or you felt bad about what you were saying, or just.

I didn't feel bad until after. But because.

Yes, I don't understand how people do it where it's just like sometimes those jokes are so funny because someone has really sat down and thought about, like not the overt thing to criticize you about, but something very like subtle. I don't understand how people withstand it. I truly have no interest, never want to be anywhere near that.

Yeah, it scares me. I've gone to the comedy store ones and they go right for it. They're like, so and.

So's mom died and as a kid they had leg braces. And then they do that and I'm like, oh my god, you did research and you feel comfortable bringing that and you can see the that's like, oh, I guess I signed up for this.

But they're sad. They're thinking about their mom and their old leg braces. It's sad.

It makes me feel terrible. It's horrifying. I think they've reversed it these days, because there's the the one that's like compliments, Oh I've heard yeah.

Yeah, there was a battle rap version where you had to actually rap at UCB and I.

Can't remember, oh I went up again.

It was maybe someone from the audience, but we uh he and I decided to do that anyway, And it was so fun to be like rhyme about hey, I like your sweater, you have a symmetrical face, and then another thing that rhymed.

Iron is obviously very good at it in the moment. Yeah, in the moment. I'm not gonna rap right now. Yeah, you've heard all my rhymes. I do a lot of rapping on here.

Well, we all listen to you mixtape this.

Oh Man of another one drops first of the year, which reminds this is this will air in a mid January, I think. But this is our last recording of twenty twenty two, So we should all reflect on this past year and say, what was your favorite terrible thing about the past year?

Was it the inflation or the mess crimes?

What?

I actually?

What did anything good happen this year? Is there anything that you're thankful for?

Sube?

Yeah, I mean I got married, So that was.

A good one.

Nice congratulations, thank you.

That was very fun, very expensive, but very fun, and it was so stressful. I did end up before it end up in that. I mean, it was the best day of my life. But before it, I did end up in the hospital because they thought I was having a heart attack, But it was just all the stress from spending because I grew up with immigrant parents and then like I've always again, I never felt like if I if I fucked up, I never thought my parents

But do you want to have another panic attack?

But we would, But I found out today I don't have to pay any of it because I didn't have enough money in my bank account.

So yeah, wow, that's right.

I was like, yeah, that's where a smut ushit on Somosa's good luck.

It's oh gone.

That is great.

Yeah.

They That's one thing I didn't know about, and they, of course don't necessarily advertise it, but hospitals do have a financial aid department. And I remember writing a letter asking for Hey, I got all this blood work done. I was misled and it was thousands of dollars. I wrote a letter and then they wrote back and They're like, okay, we took care of it, and I'm like, oh, I didn't want you to cover all of it. Now I feel like I'm taking advantage of a system that's made

Yeah, they like made me send in three months of bank records and shit. It was crazy. And then I was single technically when it happened. So they asked if I was married, and I was like, no, you're not saying rest that's.

Right because he's a comic too, right Sean, Yeah, yes.

But he's doing much better than me, so you married. I would have felt so bad if I, like heart attacked my way into his bank account. I'm like, I can't. We just got married.

That's great. No, that's that's honest.

Then they decided what you had to pay based on that's that's a great system. Look at this game we're here to there's one good thing about the healthcare system that we've heard today. Anything you've planned for the new year, things you're going to change, you want to If you say your resolution out loud, does it not come true? Or is that now that's shooting stars? Yeah, it's a different What are you going to work on this year?

I don't know.

I'm like, is it terrible to be like I'm giving up?

Like, Oh, I don't know either. I just threw it in your court because I don't know.

I'm like, I'm just gonna keep trying. I told myself I can drop five hours of comedy and then I can safely quit and not feel bad because I'm like, if I do five hours, I'm like, this still isn't like what I want. Then I can walk away and I'm almost done with the second hour, so I'm going to drop that and then I'm like, oh, I'm halfway done. So that's kind of where I am.

You're taking a real actuarial approach to comedy here and minus this abrom was there a good eight years to go.

There's graphs, there's a chart.

That's the way. That's one way to do it.

How about you, guys, anything in New Year's Resolutions anyway in the year.

I did on the last episode promise Karen because I want to do therapy and I think it's important and that's my only plan. Oh that's good, and to see if they give me some sweet sweet brain drugs.

Mine's stretching, it's lazy, it's very low. You know, it's I'm not really reaching for the stars anyway. But then I'm like maybe I'll build from there. But I being already being middle aged, and like when I get up in the morning and it's like like it's such it's so hacky, but it's really true where like you reach, you know, you get like forty five, and then suddenly you're just kind of like you become the tin man.

Yeah, I want to change stretching.

You're stealing mine.

No, I'm just joining you, okay, okay for support.

Stretch, for stretching, sportant. It's so important. I don't think it's like funny because some of my friends were the healthiest, have like the shittiest genetics where it's just like your body attacks you, and I had, like because I had like a permanent ankle injury from dodgeball. I don't know why they allow that in schools. I had to like learn to like stretch and actually take it seriously because like, there were points where I was like in my twenties and I was like, I think I need a cane.

It's gonna seem like an affectation if I have to use a cane.

Yeah, anytime I have a cane, I just without without even thinking about it, I end up doing some Charlie Chaplin walk and it's embarrassing.

I was like, oh great, and a musical theater nerd. But yeah, no, I started like doing, taking, stretching and physical therapy and stuff more seriously, and it's like, oh my god, it's I hate when wellness is correct. I don't know why I'm resistant to it.

Yeah, yeah, I hate it.

It's I think it's because of the people that try to bring it yeah to the public are the kind of people where I'm like, if this was a bar, I would walk away. The idea that I have to listen to you in this situation is so irritating.

Always yelling.

There's a guy on Instagram that yells at you wall he's running, and I'm like, you are making me never want to run again?

Why are you yelling?

So oh?

I forgot.

There's I have a pile of blankets and warm clothes for the sidewalk project, and I need to take that in. That's another That's a pre I've been I left.

I have this pile.

Here, and now it's been sitting here so long that I've just been plucking from it, and I'm like, oh, maybe I still want to wear this.

It's been I gotta take it in.

That is are you not just going into a to do list this New Year's resume?

Here's my Yeah, my other resolution is those.

Tacos tonight, still tacos.

My New Year's.

Resolution is a shower in the morning, give my dad my flight info.

And tacos at night. Well, it was delightful to meet you and get to talk to you. Thank you so much for doing this episode with us.

No, thank you. This was so much fun. This was really fun.

Yeah, and you're and you're hilarious.

Do you have anything coming up that you want to plug or do you do a podcast.

Or oh, yeah, I do. I have a podcast called Family Gems where we just have people coming and like share one or two silly family stories. So that's fun. And then I also have an album called dog Show that you can download anywhere.

That's true dog Show.

That sounds like that's why that show I mentioned The family dinner thing was so fun. It is hearing other people's family stories, having that topic that does not seem like homework.

And there's always jokes.

I don't think every comic needs to realize how many jokes there are and just talking about your family because I don't on stage.

Really Yeah, it's just like fun stories. Sometimes comics you want us to talk about her.

I was like, whoa, well, no, no, you just tell a delightful story.

Yeah, get on, talk about your dad and cry. It's a podcast that's great. Well, thanks, thank you for being with us today, so that you've been terrific. You've been listening to Do You Need a Ride?

D y n Ar. This has been an exactly right production.

Produced by Annalise Nelson.

Mixed by Edson Choi.

Our talent booker is Patrick Cottoner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast. That's d y n Ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh you're welcome