I leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gaye ad. We want to send you off in style. We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride?
Do your need to ride?
Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need a ride?
This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgarriff. Hello, Karen Kilgarriff, Hello Chris Fairbanks.
I almost got in a fight last night playing pool.
And you'd think that's like kind of a nerdy sport like darts or something. It's just a pretty mild manner. But quite often when I do well, and I was doing well last night, these guys were threatened by it. They started when it was down to the eight ball. They were yelling advice as to what I should do.
The guys that were playing next, and they wanted to play their friend who I was beating, and they were screaming like they're at a dog fight and I got ups and then they wanted to fight me, and the security guard came to help me, and I'm like, no, I can handle this, but they.
Were very serious fighting the security guard.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And there's also these guys were from El Salvador and they don't I couldn't.
But one of them, I know. He accidentally snorted meth one night and I was talking him through it. He was scared. And one of the guys is nice, but his friend visiting him.
Oh boy, Chris, where did this take place, because you're acting like it's the pool takes place in a library.
Or something, right, It is a university center.
These guys were fifteen years No, it's at Little Joy, which has has a history of having Little Joy this bar. It's like an old bar, but it's nicer now and it's down the street from me, and I have visions now of being good at pool. I don't know why I'm so into these things, but I've gotten better at it. And they'd almost got me killed.
I ran home. I didn't even pay my tab, And yes, I had some drinks. If that's what you were thinking.
I was sure it wasn't. It wasn't even a question. In my mind, that's usually part of it.
Well, not too much. I want to win at Pool you know.
Well, your excellence is getting you in a lot of trouble. Yeah, and I think you need to be careful in this day and age. You need to be careful with stuff like that. You know.
I'm living. I'm just out in these streets. Karen.
No, I realized. I like it. You're of the streets.
I'm a man of the streets. I'm a man of the people. Vote for me for La County, Mary Pool Shark.
Maybe we're just a matter of moments before we find out if Karen Bass is our mayor. It's down the way, like hundreds of people between the two, I know, isn't it intense?
It's very intense. I'm excited.
I like, yeah, yeah, I know. I hope it works out me too.
Is there anything I did another classic steam roll at the top. Is there anything you wanted.
To share with me?
No, I loved that Pool Hall story. I haven't been to the out to the anything really in a very long time. So I can live vicariously through you, fight, play and live and soak up the life.
Yeah, as dangerous as it might be, I gotta go.
Then just run run there.
I ran in the rain, and if you're running in the.
Rain, you do have to cry, you do, and then you have to slide onto your knees and scream up at the sky.
Pulled pan pan in while zooming out.
Yeah, well, I'm very one of our most historic episodes in the car Legend Today's guest. I believe the and we've talked about it a million times since both the bike line bicycle guy that tried to take your window off with his bike lock and the punch out at the bus stop happened, which I.
Can still see in my mind's eye. I can watch it like a movie if I want to, because it was so upsetting, jarring, and the way that guy got dropped was unnatural. I was like, he's dead and like the movies, we.
All want to be in him. And that's last night. Why I was trying to get knocked out?
Oh yeah, some makes sense.
You know him from clubs and colleges across its country, just all over the country, from podcasting, from TV, from movies. Now everyone put your ears together for mister Toddglass.
Why Hi, what movies? Yeah?
I wasna, you have a new part in a movie with with with the some uh your you know the movie you're acting in it's coming out.
Tell us a little bit about it.
Oh man, I did all my stunt. No, there's no movie there's I can barely act.
Like you.
That's true. That's even hard too.
Yeah.
Anyway, goodbye.
That's all we do.
I like when I see Todd somewhere has he done this with your careen ware? He'll just say okay and immediately signs you a character in a role you're gonna play, and then you have to act it out in this in that moment, so.
He'll be like, okay, Chris, act like you're a guy.
That's you're confused by what I say, but you're pretending you're not confused, and you just it's the every it's so fun.
Every time we've played that game.
I am bit.
I'm a bit happy guy.
And when I found out I'm a big Conan, a Brian fan, and when someone told me they go without even knowing.
I love that, Like everyone loves bits, but really they go.
It's all fucking bits with Conan, even if it's five am at the airport, I'm like, oh, I love him even more now.
Yes, well, it's you know to me, And I was just thinking as you logged down, because I haven't seen you Todd in real life in so long, I know, very long time. I miss you and it's nice to see your face.
It's good to see your face too.
But when we were babies, and like I had just moved to Los Angeles, there was a house we all used to hang out at that you lived in, but you weren't always there because you were on the road. You were a real comic out doing weeks at a time.
I was doing colleges then, like like you, sixty colleges in like a year. Just a ridiculous and to be honest, loving every minute.
It'll great money, It wasn't.
I loved being playing. I was in college. I was like twenty seven or six, and I got to be like I was eighteen. You know, if you're the comic, you can do anything you want. They don't care where you go. It's the comic y, that's right, everybody on the comic And wait, where were you in the dorms? No? No, no, I mean like when there's somewhere on campus after a show, they might want to take you out. So you get to go, you know, to you know, just have a
little collegy. I never went to college, but anyway, but go ahead. You were talking about that house. You well, just.
You have the fun energy that I since I was like eight years old, That's all I've ever cared about. It's just fun. Who's gonna have fun? Who wants to have fun in whatever way? We play cards, we play tag, we go do a thing, stand around and make jokes, don't take anything seriously, but certainly not like talk about real things or ever be normal in any way. And that to have moved to La and found that group of people where each person was more like that than
the next. And then there was Todd Glass who was kind of the king of it. But you weren't always there, so you were kind of like a special guest star in my mind because I didn't know you that well, and it would be like that downstairs roommate guy. And then when you'd be there, it's like, who is this guy?
So you know, you can never you can.
I never get tired of hearing about something you had no perception of, like this conversation might have never happened. I was always nervous, I thought in my head around like people that were doing creat Like I thought you were one of those people doing creative things that I wanted to do. And then stand ups in my memory were merging with this like and it was a good thing and you either made fun of it or you were a part of it.
I helped you. I thought it really helped me grow.
But like there were all these different comedians there of all types. It was fucking crazy, great parties. It was awesome people, yes, a.
Really good mix, and also kind of that really was it was the right at the beginning of alternative comedy, but most people had started as club comics, and so there was this kind of like kind of fake sharks versus jets, like what side are you on? But the truth of it was when everyone got into the same bar and had a couple of beers, everyone was on everybody's side, and it was just who's funny?
It was?
That was like the really the bottom line. So then it was kind of figuring out of like cause like you were being on the road. I was just like I basically just started to middle when I left San Francisco, So it was just like, oh, that's being on the road is the real thing, And I'm not doing the real thing. He's the real thing.
You know.
It's that knowing all the time, like tell us where you just were.
Oh god, that was Yeah, those colleges were like they did.
They helped me get out of like you know, I wasn't great with money, and I didn't expect them to come along, and I didn't take advantage of the opportunity to be able to you know, and just and again, most people complain about him, but even back then, I would get to whatever venue it was because it wasn't always in a proper you know the deal. It could be in a proper theater, whether it's two hundred and five, but it could be in But I made it work.
I made it work.
But that you did, Yeah, you have to.
Get there three hours early because like if you wanted to tell him to turn the overhead lights off, you learn after while it's never a switch, it's like, oh, our custodian has to be here. Yes, So I would start getting there early and turning some shows that I knew would have been a disaster into like really fucking cool shows.
You know, and not all of them.
Did you do those NAKA conferences where and yes, it's insane that they I think about it now. I used to pay to be eligible to then write submit a tape.
I never was.
Actually at these things, but I was now popular in the college culture, I guess. But after you perform, you go on stage like auction, and the schools will be like, yeah, we'll take that one.
Who's gonna pick you?
You know what? You left out an element of it, and it's so funny because it doesn't seem as bad as it sounds like.
I also did have fun at that.
But the one element for people listening that might not know, it's like, you know, colleges all go to these things.
And there's regional ones that you're there performing.
There's one room that has stand up I'm not telling you guys, I'm just strolling in the audience, and there's bands there. There's all types of people that college students get to come. The better schools have bigger budgets, you know, and they try to group you together. So if three schools bring you in, the money can come substantially down.
So the one other thing Chris was remember then there were booths afterwards, and you would go to your college booth and people would come over and you'd be like, hey, how you doing. It's like so seems so horrible.
It's like almost like the reverse of being a door to door salesman, where it's like do you have to perform, you have to shake hands, you have to be nice to the student activities commissioner or whoever these people were, you have to wear that sash?
Do you know?
I got in trouble and I'm not a trouble maker. I like to be like, so I'm not. I just think it's funny. One. I had no idea.
I made an announcement that I would be performing at the place where everyone was eating lunch right on the PA just happened to be on. So I'm like, attention, don't ever do that again.
And the other thing.
The other thing was like, my mam, did you get in trouble? Yeah, they said you can't do that. It's it's unadvantad it's an unffair advantage. Oh my god, to touch base with people.
You mean to be funny outside of that was a funny bit, and then you're getting it's an unfair advantage. Did the other comics They didn't think of the I'll be doing stand up at lunch bit so, yeah.
Isn't that funny?
And I just got nervous because I didn't want to and the and the other thing was in hindsight, you know, I was in the closet then, so I mean I knew that. But I met these three girls and we just got along like we they were really cool. I got snowed into their city. We hung out, and then they the hotel on campus didn't have any rooms, like for an extra three nights. I got an extra night, so I stayed at their house, you know. And I got in so much trouble for that because and then
I sort of got it. Yeah, I got it because you can't sleep with you know. I know there was no ill intentions, but from their perspective, which, by the way, then I love that.
I was like, oh good that. I hope the word gets out about that.
Yeah yeah, yeah, all that you start gossiping about yourself.
Yeah, like I'm trying to spread it myself. I guess you heard about me with the three girls.
Oh I hate it, all of them at once, so exaugerating. I'm not like an orgy guy.
It's usually two yeah.
Oh gosh, but the kids that pick you. That was kind of the cool part, because I of course hated I did colleges. I really hated it because I was just kind of by myself and I didn't have an
hour of course. I was just kind of faking it so and it was like, oh, that's when I found out I don't have an act actually, because all my shit was very la or like hipster references, and when you're sitting there with a bunch of eighteen year olds who don't give a shit about you, it all like it made I was just like, oh, I'm an absolute fraud and like writing furiously in my hotel room beforehand or whatever. But the people that picked you when, like I found when I got to the school, they were
so happy to see you. It's so nice and so like, right, oh my god, we think you're great. It's like, why I have no material. This is gonna go terribly, you know. It's like, oh, that kind that's how it was for me.
Yeah, because they have their sense of humor. They don't you don't think.
I remember when I would see comedians in the alternative scene that were so fucking funny. I had to find out they're not gonna work in Pittsburgh or you know not, I'd pick any city it could be. But and then I learned I could see someone love them and then go somebody goes, oh, you should use them. They just don't work on the road for yeah, you know, and they're so fucking funny. Some eventually obviously can obviously everybody can.
They do it long enough does both And in the beginning we're talking about obviously right, well.
You're it's the storytelling thing, where like that's what alternative comedy had a lot of that kind of what did you do today?
Shit?
Which people your average comedy club, a patron in Pittsburgh does not give a shit about what's in book.
It's just a cultured appreciation for comedy. And you know when the clubs curate it. There are clubs around the world to curate this. There's scenes in la I mean, if you don't think you can curate a crowd, go to one place and go, why is everybody in this audience so smart and so listening?
And what are they doing? Because it doesn't happen by accident, you know.
And but I'm glad you mentioned the people that pick you up because I charged they were so sweet and they'd pick you up and you know, probably clean their car, you know.
Yeah, And I would write.
Notes for the longest time because I didn't want to forget one experience. So I would write I had a book, and it would say University of Iowa, eight chicken wings with kids parents and because I remember that dance with students' mom or like hang out at a fire pit, because when I look back at the college, I wanted to mean something. I kept that for like twenty years and then I just tossed it in the track.
Yeah, I'm just kidding.
Memories, Fuck these memories. That's a that's super weird because I had a you know, sometimes if you smell something and then it reminds you of something. There was this smell in my house this morning, and it's I don't cook, so I don't know where it came from. It was almost like a ghost scent. But I was opening for Janine Garoflow at some colleges back east, and we were somewhere and I won't be able to remember where. I
probably upstate New York. And instead of being staying in a hotel, we were just staying in this lady's house and I it may have been a bed and breakfast, but there was no signage. I was like, this is weird, Like it was super weird. But so we got in super late, you know. We just walked upstairs to our rooms, went to sleep, got up in the morning, and we had to take a flight at like, you know, six
or something. So we got up at like four in the morning to get up and go and she had made us breakfast and it was when we came downstairs, it was snowing outside, and it was this beautiful neighborhood where all the houses were clearly built in like nineteen twenty, and it was very east coast like there was little short fences between the yards, but you can see right into other people's yards. It was very different than California,
and it was very striking and beautiful. And then this lady had made this breakfast that smelled like everything she made it with was the best ingredient you could find. So I came downstairs like oh, and she was like, here you go, just not what kind of eggs do you want or anything, just you got a plate a breakfast and it was the most perfect meal I may
have ever had in my life. And I can I know the smell, so I was just sitting in this room today doing something and I got the smell where it's like, that's from the lady's house in fucking nineteen ninety seven.
When whatever toast with that breakfast, Because if you're smelling Toast, it means you could be having a stroke, right, and I'm.
Having a stroke to celebrate John Fetterman's when in Pennsylvania.
Oh is that true? That's so funny.
No, it's not true.
Did he No? Did he win though?
Yes?
Oh wow that is great.
Yes, oh he did. Okay, cool?
What did you say that?
What did you say that wasn't true?
No stroke, I'm not having a stroke Toast.
Yeah.
I was just laughing because you tell that beautiful story. And Chris is like, oh, you're having a stroke. Yeah.
Yeah, Well, you know that's the that's how we work, that's the dynamic on this podcast.
I was at my brothers and I'm just I'm only bringing it doesn't really need to be brought up, but the power of toast. And I knew my sister in law must have been making a big breakfast because it smelled so good. You know, you smell like you know, all the breakfast items. And then when I went into the kitchen. I asked my brother, I go, did oh, did Meryl make breakfast or something? I said, He goes,
I made toast. I'm like, wow, that means there's never anyone at my house making toasts without me knowing.
The seven to eight aroma that come with making toast.
Yeah, if you have people over your house, you know what, even if you don't make a breakfast, put a piece of toast in the toast.
Get to be polite, please, Oh, tip and dog?
Is that this is my mutt dog blossoms.
Don't squeeze it, Todd, don't suck.
It's fair right. He comes right over. He knows exactly what he wants.
Yeah.
She's basically saying, I'm like, you've been sitting here getting zoom calls all day and it's bugging me. So I'm you need to be done with this now. And the answer is we have to wait a little while longer.
Right.
Some of the TikTok dog videos and tat videos, I love it if you don't include that in giving TikTok credit for whether it's good or bad. Every medium has bad stuff, but I on that alone, and I see creative things. I fucking am jealous of that I want and then I see just heartwarming things. The animal videos alone, sometimes it makes my day. Like getting up in the morning, I get like, I don't have depression, but I can be in a funk and one video will come on
and I know what I do. I stop right there, Todd, that gave you a perspective, turn the phone off and use it to get up.
Yeah, that's great talk.
I love TikTok. I'm a huge I'm a huge purveyor.
There was a brief period, like a year ago, where I thought it was just lip syncing and dancing, and and I was wrong.
And now I like lip syncing and dancing.
Also, I know, you know what I used to say in my act, I go, tell what it's heartwarming, Like what I just said to you, I would say to the crowd, I go, and you know what? Okay, So maybe I don't watch it for the lip sync in the dancing, but you know what, I watch it for that too.
I go full circle because it's true.
After a while, you're like even some of that, like some stupid dance that two kids are doing on some steps to a song I like, And then how did they make up?
That dance, you know, well, and it's.
Also that one where there's a there's a dance too. I think it's a Beyonce song and it's the one that's the shoulders du da da da da da da Like this now it's this thing, and I keep getting it's like big old construction workers and there's eight of them and they all start doing the dance together and they're really good at it.
Yeah, it's great, right, it's the bat. It's humanity.
It's the beauty of humanity.
It is, And you know what, I get some of my opinions from there. There's some young people that speak very brilliantly, Like I'm like, oh, he might be twenty one and he's our twenty and you're like, I don't know why, but I trust him. And someone go, you get your news from a nineteen year old kid on TikTok. Yeah, well, I think I know what brilliance is. I think I know what clarity sounds like. So the answer is, yeah, I do. I pull from there too what their opinion is entirely.
And they're informed, like I think about especially this last you know, the midterms just happened. There was a huge gen z wave that no one saw coming where they showed up and they're like, how dare you take our abortion rights away? Fuck you, We're voting for this whatever. It's so cool. And then I think of when I was eighteen years old voting. No one gave a single shit about voting in the like late eighties, nineties, like it was uncool to know anything about politics. And these
days that's why I like TikTok is. The kids these days know and care one hundred times more than I ever did, like and they have to because.
You know what, I have to quote doctor Phil because once in a while, intelligent things are inevitable. He said something sort of goes to, I really appreciate hearing what you're saying because you know it's not the norm.
And I talk about it all the time. I get it. I get it.
But he said, if you look at like kids today, as one kid, he goes, you know, when you it takes a lot of there there, you know, I got a boy, you know, to erase you, moron, He goes, you say you're moron. It takes It doesn't take you just you know, hey, there you go. It takes takes thousands and thousands of good job.
I'm proud of you. So if we look at kids today like that, you know how.
Many Vata boys they need? And all all they do is get shipped on. And as factually as I know as an older person, they're right. They the statistics show they're always end up being right.
And then I gotta watch just old people shit on them all the time.
So when people ask me why I repeat it and why I'm glad to hear you said, I go, because they need that a boy, they need it to hear one person that's older than them go, no, we get it, we get it.
Yes.
When I is that age, everyone my current age now was like, oh you're young, kids don't know anything, or they're a burden on society. And now I'm like no, actually quite the opposite. This day, as I get older, I feel like I don't want to hear the opinions of anyone over thirty right, Yes, the time, Yeah, little grandit Thunbergs, just get them.
I won't go an automatic pile.
But I think this one thing, I've said it before, but I think it clears it up to decide whether they're right.
There are some stats, you could call them two opinions.
So we can discuss everything that's on the table today, and the kids could give their side, and we can give our side, and we can. Okay, But if we're in a hurry and we look at the trajectory of the last fifty sixty years on all major issues everything, they're right.
If they're ever wrong, they're right in the cause.
But maybe they go about it wrong. But they almost have an amazing track record. So when I hear what they're saying today, even if I enough time to listen, I go the odds that they're right. If this isn't an opportunity as an old person to prove you can get out of your own way, it's this defining moment. Is I'm saying this into your ear. You can't just gloss over it when you hear me say you gotta go, you gotta go back and go? Is fucking todd right?
Do they have an amazing track record? And if you go and find out they do, and you don't change the way you think, then you don't ever say you can't get out of your own way, because that is a fucking fact. It's not an opinion. And we they and how tired they must be of being shit on. How about don't even give me credit? How about a treat to them would be how about just don't compliment us? Just say nothing but no people all the time. I'm all those more and I don't know what they're doing.
I got to hear Bill Maher say that one more time.
Test today.
Yeah they're having a ball. I got news for you. You're the one dying.
Yeah, there's a reason your skin is gray and you look like a miserable shit. But also, can I just say, there's a lady on TikTok and her whole account is celebrating how powerful gen Z is, and she basically points out all the activism that they do that actually does something. And the way I found out about her was, remember when Trump tried to do that super rally and basically what the gen Z kids. And it wasn't just kids, there was just a bunch of TikTok people that did it.
They basically went and reserved tickets for this rally. So the people who organized it thought there was going to be five hundred thousand people at it, and literally like four thousand people showed up because these kids went and just reserved as many tickets as they could because they realized they could. So they just pranked the entire Republican Party.
And you don't even understand how much they don't know that these kids know, Like these kids went onto their website and went, oh, you can get more than four tickets a person. Well, I guess I'll just keep coming on here and keep getting sets of four, eight, ten tickets and will make you think that this is a
successful rally. And then that it was that pathetic thing where like, truly it was just it looked like a poorly attended like County fair, like a cover band playing and it was Trump and all the all the people they thought it was this like Hooray for America rally.
I remember that it was the best it was. It was brilliant. Thanks for letting me yell for I love why you just yelled?
Yeah, my dad, That's why I love my dad.
He's seventy eight, maybe he's seventy nine now I should call him anyway. He's always like, he's like, yeah, things really probably won't get better until guys like me are all dead, like.
And it makes me sad when he says that, But I know why he's saying it. He's a you know, it's one of these liberal older guys.
It's just the evolution that we are now seeing because everything is on social media and everything is seen. We're all we're all filming ourselves and each other all the time, so it's much easier to clock right when people are
doing cool things like this cycle. Like sorry to talk about the nineties forever, but back then, like pre internet, talking about people getting a specific kind of comedy audience there, pre internet, it was just you got whoever got tickets that night, you got whoever was just using that night that club as a fun plan to go drink, and
who cares about comedy? And now because of the digital age, you know, comedy nerds and people are like, this is my passion and I will follow you from town to town and all that stuff that has made comedy especially you know, for the little road comedy I've experienced. It's like it's such a game now because people who really like comedy are the ones that are sitting there. It's a world of difference between how it used to be, and it's like, all everything's just getting better in a lot of ways.
I love that you're saying this. It really is.
It's like I have to use the cliche it's music to my ears because I'm at the point where what I just said about the history of kids being on the right side in comedy gets better and better, arts get better and better.
It's not a bad thing. We may pretend that's an opinion, but it's not. No, you don't. There's a history, there's a trajectory. I don't. That's not me making it up. And when you ignore all that, it's just like, I don't know.
You can't be a good comic when you're delusional, when you can put a litmus test on yourself. And sometimes I have these clear moments where I almost have empathy to the other side. I heard someone go colleges used to be a place where you could be a free thinker, and I went, Now, besides life experience, that's different. They haven't been dating, that's not their fault, but they go, comedy used to be a place where you could go
be a free thinker. And I all sarcastically wanted to say, because I Will saw it on TV GOO, let me ask you a question, by any chance did it come become a place when you couldn't be a free Figer when they had a problem with something.
You were saying, yeah, yeah, it still is a place to be a free thinker. They're right, and you're wraw. They're right, they're right.
You just said it. You just said it that they used to be.
Now do you think that changed?
Well, if you really were thinking this thrugh, you'd at least explain that that's the thing. If they were right, let's say, societal these trajectories that have been going this way completely changed in the year twenty twenty two, you at least have to be aware of that and start a sentence with listen, I know I will not be the first person to say kids today, I'm well aware that, oh you got my fucking ear.
But they don't. They just go right into it. They just go out to kids today. You say that with no shame, or when you get to speak, you.
Get to have that opinion that has zero history of right. It's been written wrong over over and over again, and you have a platform that large to be that wrong.
Well, it literally is the definition of an old guy like that and or woman like That's what that is is what are they doing with their hair? And the boys look like girls like it's lit. We've seen it in movies our entire lives. It's the old angry next door neighbor who is alone in his house. And that is part of it. Also, what you were saying about, like the you know, college, it used to be able
to be a free thinker. The truth of that is what they're saying, is I used to be able to say whatever the fuck I want and I didn't have to hear from the people I was talking about because they didn't have a voice. And now they have a voice because of social media and all this stuff, people get to talk back. And so before I've been a female comic since I was twenty years old, I've stood in rooms and watched these fucking pigs stand on stage and talk about women this and women fucking that, and
I couldn't say a word. I couldn't be rude to that guy. He was the headliner or he was the who, and I was surrounded by men. What was I gonna do? But now there's tons more women in comedy, there's people on social media to go, hey, fuck you, pal and like. And that's what they're mad about. Is it used to be this one way street that they took full fucking advantage of and we're like, yeah, it's me and whatever. Where it's like you're just playing power dynamics in a
room and telling yourself that means you're funny. I've stood next to you at bar, Sir, You're not fucking funny. You're not interesting to talk to. You're not fun at fucking all. You are just a dude saying a thing and shitting on everybody who can't talk back to you. It's weird. Those guys never fucking talk about big, strong construction workers. They never have. They never have chunks about how lame construction workers are or any dude that would
kick their ass. It's always women. It's always whatever is convenient to them. That is the punch down that in the eighties, seventies, maybe nineties when they were doing comedy, it was they thought everyone fucking loved it, and they never heard different.
No, and now you know it's I'm with you. I love it. I love to hear it.
It's and it feels so nice to hear you know, because if you think about it, Look, I don't always agree with the out probably either do you, But I'll tell you.
What I agree with it. Most of the time. I agree that most of the time.
When I get down to the nitty gritty of it, you know, so so you know, I'm okay to give it a listen, and when it's wrong, it doesn't shit on the whole thing. And sometimes they're wrong, and when they're wrong, we all get it. Takes a good comedian to ignore the pulse of the audience certain nights. We're comics, we get it. But it doesn't make a good comedian to never listen to anything, you know.
And and.
Oh, I shouldn't have smoked, because this is a great conversation. I don't want to.
Oh, but if you think about it, the biggest cancelors, you know, Like again, I don't mean to over use this phrase, but I see this in some just factual way that the biggest cancelors that want to shut everybody up are comedians, right, Like, wait a second, someone has
to you know, Ricky Jervais, I can't take this. I can scientifically break down something he says about that's like seeing a sign on the side of the road that says guitar lessons, and then you go and you go, hey, I don't want any fucking guitar lessons.
No, it's not like that at all.
That's a bad example that they both used.
And you know what, I'm not going to break down the analogy because if someone's listening to this and they disagree with me, you can do it on your own. You can figure out even if you think life sucks today, you can go no, that's not a clear example. You know he talks about He goes, oh, they don't want you to say. First of all, he says, it's jokes, and it's not. It's social opinions. Come on, be honest, no one ever complained about your joke about shampoo or
trash or dogs. Come on, you can you can't go hide your social opinions. So you talk about not believing in God, that doesn't mean you don't think other people shouldn't be able to believe in God. Well, what makes you think that the average person that complains about you, they don't want your job taken away? And because of a small slice, let's not indulge into that, very very small sly, the majority want you to keep doing what you're doing, and they're just fucking doing their commentary on it.
Right, So people have a right to react to what you.
Do, right, free speech, that's literally speech.
He goes, I don't know who these people are following me on Twitter. Yeah, so you want them to see it, why don't you just write it down and put it in a box then, like they're reacting, and even if they're wrong, even if they're wrong, like people are reacting. More people have a voice now than they ever did. And yeah, for for someone that doesn't want to grow, that fucking blows.
Yeah.
Yes.
And the funny thing is the only the on that story is only bouncing around among comedians.
The oh, James Corden did his joke.
That's just among comed No one outside of comedy cared about that news.
Well, I even forgot that then James Corden did it, but it's you know.
Now you did it. You just did the bit. Well, now who's he mentioned the sign and the guitar lessons, Todd Glas I fantasize.
But it's never gonna happen.
Literally, finally one day getting to ask somebody some of these questions, like even Ricky Gervais to go sit down with me, because to me, it's a clean analogy, like you walk all the you know, you talk about not believing in God, I'm sure if someone else wants too, You're not saying they shouldn't be able to. You almost could trick people, And that's why you need to be a good lawyer to fool people. You have to say, Ricky, how come you don't think people should have the right
to believe in God? What if somebody wants to believe in it? They'll go, oh, they can. I'm just giving my opinion. I go, well, what makes you think people that complain about you don't feel the same way?
Right?
You know, people, I don't get how they would defend that other people should just not be able to respond the things that they say.
Like, I don't get that.
I really don't get it, not even sarcastic that. I don't get how they're not embarrassed to say that.
Well, I think because they identify with the rest of the people who are saying it, and it become a kind of you know, this is the group that I belong in. To me, I think about like I think about when I finally was able to have an hour, which you know, I think I had an hour for like the spring of nineteen ninety eight, is I had an hour and that that was the most and it's really fucking hard. I had to work really hard to
do it, and it was a lot. And to make anybody want to listen to you for that long is difficult. You have to be original, you have to be telling them things that they relate to but they've never heard before, like you're threading a needle as comics and you guys
know this, but it's a hard thing to do. And so it makes sense to me watching some of these people who go to these places that you it is it's just easy, and it's it's like easy, clap trappy getting the audience to I'm so enraged, you know what I mean, And it's like, now you've killed seven minutes,
You're good, you're almost home. Like it's that kind of thing, which just you do enough of those things in your act and it's the easiest thing in the world, and you have a following the leaves everything you know that's going to clap for those things, and you don't have to fucking make a wry observation about dish soap or whatever, because that's harder work. It's harder writing, and it's more creative or like, honestly, Todd, I've watched you do comedy
fucking a million times. I've never seen you do the same thing twice. I've never seen you not kill, I have never seen you not make an audience adore you. You are a brilliant fucking comedian. And I think all these things are because when you're on you do it while you're on stage, you do it in the middle of your act, where you're just like you're questioning what you're saying, You're questioning how people are responding, You're adjusting
as you go. It's a thing very very few people can do, and a lot of other people want to do it, and they just get as they just approximate, you know what I mean. It's like it's same with you, Chris. Like you, guys write material other people could never dream of writing, and it's natural for you. So getting up on stage and doing an hour of like your own super original comedy material it to you, guys, it's not special anymore because you've been slugging out for you know,
for your whole careers. But there's some people who have never they've never gotten on stage and said a really true thing or a really good original thing because they've never tried to. That's never been their goal. They're just like, yeah, I just want to be up here, and I want to get the applause. And however, I get that.
Right, and then you get really good at that, and then it changes. Now wait, now I'm good at it. Now I have to Yeah, listen, I know what it's like, and I have also empathy. But I'm allowed to make fun of comedians.
You know.
That's what they're begging that we should all be able to do, is be honest. So when I make fun of it, you know, it's funny when you make fun of people. I noticed sometimes if somebody comes on to a comment, like, let's say that doesn't agree with me what I'm saying, and then I'm yelling. I get it, like, but they'll always say that, like they'll use a word that is like wow, right, well that Sue's mad at me,
you know, like a word that I don't like. You know, if you amongst five or six or seven of them, you know, I'm like, all right, well, who would have thought you'd be bad at communicating? You don't want to grow, and you know, and of course you want to, you know, but but hey, you know what I said to someone a few weeks ago that it's a lot more fun to grow willingly than not grow angrily. And then I almost answer the question of well, wait, why can't you
not grow happily? Because you don't, you get angry, So you either grow willingly, which is to me fun and sometimes it's hard, and I learning new ways to address people. I get caught up on it. But I give a shit, so I'll eventually learn, eventually learn because I give a shit. That's all you have to do is give a shit, and you'll eventually learn. That's all it takes for someone is I do want to learn? Oh, if you give a shit about it and you believe in.
It, you'll learn.
It comes it take a while, you'll suck up, no big deal. But growing willingly, Yeah, when you is fun and I don't. And I see what people look like that don't grow angrily, and it starts their skin starts taking a toll. Yeah, yeah, that's all the first Yeah, just this, you know angry, Well, there's you know what, that's probably not true. There's there's probably some good looking people that I.
It's all filler and botox though, it's all fake.
Yeah, you're kreen when you said that with Todd.
I've been trying to think about there are bits that I've seen you do once and I wanted to see you do it again. And I one time I asked you to do that does my bread smell like Taco's bit? Yeah, because the other time you did it, I laughed so hard, And then you did it at the show we were at the Virgil and it got it just didn't get what it got the first I mean, you'd looked right at me.
Oh, thanks a lot.
No.
Sometimes I used to like to go along with it, like, no, does my By the way, Sarah Silverman gave me that joke, what's funny is you guys?
Oh you do that?
I go?
Oh, I closed with it.
It was so bad. So I used to do that taco bit, do the taco?
I commit? I commit.
One time I called Gary Goldman and I have friends over the house. He did an entire seven minute bit for me and my friends and we loved him for it.
And I'll do the same.
I will commit.
Here we go.
Okay.
So I was on an airplane and the woman.
Next to me, she turned to me, she goes, can I ask you a question? Does my breath smell like tacos.
I was like, I don't know. Do you put catchit in your tacos? She goes.
She goes, no, I don't put cat shit in my tacos. I go, then no, But if you do, then yet, here's why I don't. I said, then no.
I just said, if you do put catchit in your tacos, then yes.
She goes, yeah, But I keep saying, Look, I'm just trying to tell you and anyway I would just do it, and.
I love it.
I'm just saying yes.
The first time I heard it, I requested you do it again, and that crowd was somehow triggered by it because they make cat shit tacos.
At the first.
Oh my god, what else is going on? Todd?
What's new for your holiday season? You know, we're about to enter the holidays.
See, yeah, yeah, I love it. I love the holiday season. I get Christmas.
The day after Christmas, I could lose wind of the excitement of the you know, I feel like, oh.
It's over. Yeah.
So I start like very early, like putting the tree up. So I'm starting to think about I like that to be up the day before Thanksgiving.
The day after. It's just that I don't decorate it. I just get it up, you know.
But what's I'll give a quick shameless plug if it's all right. So ten year Old Tom is a show I'm doing on HBO Max. It's a call ten year old time. I do the I voice the principal. It's an animated show and it's a stupid amount of fun. I did it during the pandemic. I was I don't like auditions. I get very nervous. I don't I don't do well. I don't do well, and uh and I feel bad for people when I don't do well because most of the time they were really nice, like most people were nice.
Yeah, and I'm doing horrible.
You know.
They would say, do you want to do it again? I go, please, no, don't be so nice.
And so anyway, it was over the phone, and you know, I never did this before, but I smoked pot. I never went on an audition high ever smoked a little. It relaxed me and I and it was fun, like I knew on the phone.
It was fun.
And we did season one and we're doing season two right now. And felt like Jennifer Coolidge does some stuff in it. David the Kuffney, John Malcovitch please the music director, and you were high and.
Not well.
You know what, when I first started to go, I went to the studio early, and I'd parked my car like an hour before, and I'd smoke a little and have a cup of coffee, get into a great headspace.
And then about half the time I don't do that.
Yeah, I love it.
When you get high because then you come in the come in the room and tell everyone I got high.
I'm high.
I always announce it. It's important to let everyone know. If it's in your head, you should just tell everyone you know them.
I feel like I have to tell people. Maybe don't do that as much anymore, but I still it's so funny that you remember that detail I do.
I do it as well.
It's because when you did it, I'm like, oh man, I announce that I'm high when i'm high as well.
I feel it gives me. I mean, I don't want to overuse it, but if you understand where I'm at. Like sometimes if you tell people they're how, they're glad. They'll be like, oh cool, now they know you understand you better. Yeah.
Yeah, maybe we're telling people. Maybe we're right. Maybe it's this way we're being received, which.
Is not very I tell people I'm high just so after that I can say whatever I want. Then they can't get mad at me. And they're just like, oh, he's high. Remember whenas Hi hi, he always says weird things?
Are you right now?
In is your media podcast area where you use behind your house where you used to have dinner parties?
Yes? I took that room, oh my god, and changed it into a studio.
Have dirt floors. It seemed like it was like a bar.
Okay, no, and I'm not no offense plan, take no offense, that's okay. Did your podcast studio have a dirt floor with all the spiders and the dirt, but you had all those dinner jackets by the door.
I did memory entertainment prank.
We had a party one night.
We told people, like years ago, hey wear a blue blazer if you want, as a joke, you know, and everybody left them. And then we started knowing like we would have like so many, like forty blue blazers.
Yeah, so I just hung them all over the garage.
You know.
They're like sliding old wooden doors.
And when people would come over sometimes they put them on it's weird.
You could be wearing whatever you want. But if there's a table of blue blazers and you take a picture, it looks like, oh.
What was that Hault meeting?
Yeah?
Yeah, but we have matching shoes on too, And then we all slept and we got that and waited.
They're coming at midnight. Put on your blazer.
Oh it's blazer time.
Yeah, that's yeah, that's so that you've really changed the place.
Hey, you know what if I could be so presumptuous, sure, part of me says, don't do this, but I feel we had such a great conversation about growth and that I want to try to put one more. I have this other thing that I think is like sort of using stats to make an opinion, you know, And it's almost like I want to trick people in this too, but I won't. It's probably not a good communication tool
with any of those people. If you went, you know, this whole thing with you know how people identifying you know, like you know, you just say you go, you know, everybody agrees that, you know, people the whole world's sick of the and they're gonna go yeah, I know, oh yeah, everyone everyone doesn't want to it, and then you go, well, guess what. The whole world is a horrible history of being on the right side of history.
Usually the good sign is if most people are against.
It, it's the right thing to do, right, I mean, we have a history of the majority of people being wrong. So if your opinions, when you do stand up, you feel like there's a lot of people out there that agree with me, you feel it. You can't just switch what I'm saying and try to work this for you. Now, come on, you know it that you feel it, well, that should be the first sign of Wow. That means
there's a high probability that I could be wrong. If you can at least say that, then you have no interest in growth because you should at least go masses agree with me.
There's a high probability that I'm wrong.
So I'm gonna put a lot of thought into this before i leave carnage behind with the words that come out of my mouth.
Yes, that's why it's called being progressive and not the opposite, which is stagnant and conservative and furious fear pit.
Yeah, which is really, honestly, in my opinion, what it's all about, which we all have fear, and we all are in a death grip battle with our fear, and things are demons and the things that we deal with and whatever, our pasts and our whatever all the time. But the idea, you can't that's your thing. You can't like your thing, turn into them, them them, because you're correct,
You're wrong if you're doing that. It's like all the I think, all the comics that I love and love to watch and relate to, when they're talking about shit, they're talking about themselves. It's based in here's what I do, Here's here's how I'm dumb, Here's how I'm weird, Here's how I'm whatever. It's not always like these booking guys over there. That's like everybody, everybody that does comedy knows that's the week.
Yeah, so that's fine.
I'm glad you said that, because I was, I would realize what I was trying to think of jokes to do the other night because I hadn't done stand up for a few weeks, and I'm like, why are all of my jokes about the other day I did that? Or should I be including the world more? But I'm just talking about myself. And I felt confronted by that, Actually, well.
I think it's good. It's self analysis, it's and it's also saying here's what I do. I know it's weird or does anybody relate to this with me or whatever? And it's kind of like you have to personalize it and then it's on you, like whatever the thing you're if you're calling something out right and.
It's not that because someone one said if your comedy bothers people, maybe is you know, hurts people, you shouldn't do it, And I try to not be You have to really be careful you don't say something that could work against you, because that's really not true. Like in comedy sometimes when people say brilliant things that they annoy people. I'm sure you know George Carl had a lot of jokes to annoy people. The question is so, so that get it? You know, good comedy can sometimes bother people.
But you just want to make sure your opinions have a track record with as we could say, bothered the right thing.
Yeah, yes, yes, you know.
You know who are you? Who are you? Who are you?
You know?
Like they said, you know, make fun.
I think I hear these things as my career went on, and I always I wish I remember who said it, but you don't. But at least you do these little nuggets of brilliance. And I think it was something like, don't make fun of people for who they are. Make fun of you can make fun of them for the choices they make, you know, but don't make fun of them for, like.
You know, their being who they are.
Right. Well, I think you said that, Let's just make it you you were.
That's a classic Todd class.
Yeah, that was one of you.
It's all you, you know, Karen, you said something before that like made me think, would that be a funny name for my special because I never you know, if I do another one.
You said that you you adjusted as I What did you say? You adjusted as I go on? Or you you adjust as you go on?
Or yes, adjusting as I go on? Yeah, adjusting as I go on?
Yeah, that's great.
You could do adjusting as I take it.
Karen, will give it to you to give you that, here's.
The poor man's copyright. You now own that Todd glass. I legally give it to you.
And this is recorded, which makes a binding.
And although I want to counter pitch my own idea with a second idea, which is. I think you could also name your special the Power of Toast because you said that, and that was I wrote it down because it made me laugh.
Take it, take it or leave it?
You to options because you did our podcastsing.
As you go on Everything together, I'll give it to you.
It'd be funny if that was like an idea for a brilliant movie. She comes out with and you go, take it, Karen. Karen is the giver.
Take it a million. She's talking in her sleep right now. We shouldn't even be here to take it. She said it, you can have it.
I'm on ambient. Do you see how when the sun goes down, this room goes dark and then my face like Gary.
Ghoes a horror movie. Yeah, you know what?
It looks cool?
Yeah, thanks Ton, Yeah it looks cool. It looks hasty.
Todd, are you the first time I saw you do this was when we all did that podcast thing here in town downtown. But performing with the band? Are you regularly doing that? Do you travel with those those guys?
That's a good question. Yeah, I know a bat Well, then I say that's something I like talking about. Yeah, I was going into different cities. It has sort of evolved over, you know, three or four year period where I would go in a night early and get a piano player and a drummer and and uh and they would learn a lot.
You know.
It's surprising how you much you can learn the day before relaxed, you know. And and then I started realizing when I brought one guy to three to three weeks with me, what the show was.
It was And I'm long story as short as I can make it, I go.
I either got to bring one guy on the road right keyboard and and he's also more of his comedic ability is what he happened to play the keyboard.
But it was the comedy.
I can always you train a drummer and a travel player and put in put in a comedian or two with bongos.
You know, I can fill it. Yeah, they all were, you know, I make it look and but I had to bring that guy. So that's what I started doing.
So what I do is every single place I picked from two people, and I bring one person with me. That's great, and then they know they have keyboard, the iPad, they know me the bits. The band will follow and then I'll go in I hire a drummer. Maybe if you know a trumpet player, and I love it.
And I can take it's the best. I'm just kidding, Yeah you can you.
I was thinking of you, Todd when I did the show, because there was a jazz band accompaniment at this outdoor show mid quarantine in San Diego. And I have this reggae bit where I joking, lee, am whatever, it's just a white guy doing reggae and I'm ashamed of it, but I keep doing it.
And then and so, but this band came in.
With they were so good that we actually did like fifteen minutes of making up irene reggae songs, and then they did a lot of I had so much fun that I couldn't sleep all night. I was like, well, now I have to steal Todd Glass's idea. And with this band, it's a stupid amount of fun. Yeah, you know, like it sounds big. We have tracks they play along with.
But to come out to the music and also to take a place that's already pretty cool because at the Vermont Comedy Club, that place is pretty fucking awesome.
Yeah, I mean, it doesn't get any better than that.
And then they let me do my own little thing, like we black tablecloth did, and then the band was playing. One of the keyboard guys set up a second keyboard, so when they came into the lobby, he was.
Playing you know, upbeat jazz.
Yeah, and it makes the night start from the bar and then in the showroom and then they bring me on and it's it's larger than life, you know. You hear drums and trumpet and it's fun to walk out too, and it makes the whole night.
I have them play as there leaven who play as they're leaving.
A show on New Year's You should do it, I am, Yeah. Are you doing it with a band?
I'm gonna do it with the band in Austin.
That's what I That was my idea. I was gonna tell you to do that.
Yeah, at the Creak and the Cave.
I'm gonna do it in Austin Thursday, Friday, cap City in Austin on New Year's Eve?
Are you serious?
You know?
She said.
I mentioned it to her and I liked that.
This stuck with her.
I said, you should hire a saxophone player for a special event to play in the street, because that's what I've done at a few places. Just before they get there from a block away let the night start. So she's doing that. So every night there'll be a guy out on the street with sacks playing just as they're walking in the bill.
Oh that's so great. Yeah, that'll be a great show.
Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
Well, I think that's one of the last times I saw you perform. It was Podfast La Downtown at that big, fancy, beautiful hotel. And in that we were in a ballroom, so you were on this stage and it looked like it had almost like a borderline like the shining vibe to do it where it was like there was a band, like an old you know, a band, a full band. I mean I think you had like five six guys up there.
Yeah, and they were funny. They a hilarios tim.
Yeah, they know the bit. See that's the thing. They know the bits.
But the good news is if I have the one guy with me, and let's say there's two that have never done it, they're just mimicking what he's doing. Yeah, but they they are, well they believe me. It is an absurd toy to have for the comedic bits, you know. Yeah, and it's it's a lot of fun. I'm trying to do a run in this October, like an off Broadway where I really beef it up and like just do everything and have it run for like two weeks in an off Broadway thing.
We're working on it right now.
To get that. That's great.
Nice.
Yeah, yeah, it takes it to that level.
I always think like stand up just because I it's just really when you look at it, it's a person talking, So I never think, well, why is that in Vegas or Broadway or what. That's My own insecurity is about stand up and what I do for a living. But if you have music and all these layers to.
It, it's basically stand up.
And sometimes if I'm paranoid that like maybe I'm banned heavy bit in the beginning of the show, before I done like it, I try to do twenty minutes to stand up right up, play.
Yeah, like band bits with the band, So are you.
Sometimes I'll turn to the crowd and go, hey, folks, it's basically stand up. Yeah, Well that's what I like about it.
You're you're sort of holding up a mirror to that classic Vegas UH lounge act and almost making fun of it.
But it's amazing. Yeah, At the same time, it's entertaining in the same way.
It's fun.
It's fun, and musicians also want to be comedians, as we all knows want to be musicians. So there is that thing where like when you were just saying, you could hire people in the city you were in and they would be able to do it along with you right away. It's like that's that is what I love about musicians and that type of person is they know their shit. Like when I play the guitar, it's like I really have to think about it and make sure
I do it right or whatever. When they're doing it, they're just like litle like they know they're pros and so stuff like that is fun because they're already really good at playing. They want to play, they want to improvise the music, but then also like play with the whole form. Like to me, it would be like a musician's dream.
And once they get laughs, they sometimes they don't understand right away. They're always nice. I tell the vibes the most important thing. They're always nice. A lot of times they're familiar with my stand up at least I like that because I feel comfortable with them right away. But they get when they get a laugh, like sometimes they might not understand why I'm making them do something, but when it gets a big laugh, and it does, you know, I know, I smell when a band bit's gonna get
a laugh, you know. I go, so I'm gonna say this, and then whatever I say go and I go, you guys aren't even fucking listening to me. They go yeah, and then they'll do that, but for like enough time where eventually it gets big laugh and then they're in they trust my judgment.
I know I didn't sell that.
No, I know what you're talking about, though I've seen them all nervously laugh and keep doing it. Yeah, that's I can imagine like hiring while you're in Austin, like a saxophone player and he gets a big laugh and then starts crying. It's like they're laughing at my saxone again. It's like in fifth grade. Takes it all personally.
No, it's a comedy. It's me. I'm the comic. They're laughing.
That was the fastest hour. I think this is the fastest episode we've ever for me emotionally time wise, that we've ever done, because I literally thought it was fifteen minutes and we're literally at an hour right now.
Yeah, good Ring Todd, you said important things and well you.
Know what you guys were Seriously it was really, uh, it was it was. It was a it was a what do I say? How come I can't think of anything to say?
You got high?
Say?
No, it is?
It was really it was. It was very enjoyable talk.
It was like just to you know, hearing some things that were like just so refreshing, and you don't hear all the time, and then that helps you sort of the sometimes you steal other people's verbiage when you're trying and make a point, they say something you agree with, and then you can quote them the next day because you see, oh I can say that, that's a cleaner way to say that.
Yeah.
So I always enjoy and then just being silly and giggling, all mixed and intertwined in between was a very enjoyable.
Yeah.
Yeah stars. Would you give this a five star review? Oh?
Yeah? As an experience, I feel my whole head right now is very happy.
Yeah me too, me too. That's great.
Yeah, I miss saying I miss hanging out with you in green rooms and acting things out and laughing and uh, it's just good you know, you know what.
I'll do, and I'm podcast shy. I don't know if you guys are, but like you know that we're sort of you know, uh, you know, we're talking. I'll reach out and then maybe because I think you would get a kick out of the studio and the band thing is here.
Yeah, so we'll see if we can find a time to have you guys on here.
That would be wonderful.
Cool.
You're the trump Yeah, I love you.
You've been listening to Do you Need a Ride? D y n Hey. This has been an Exactly.
Right production produced by Analise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choi. Our talent booker is Patrick Coottner.
Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.
Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.
For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com. Thank you, Oh you're welcome.