S3 - Ep. 45 - Jon Gabrus

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay.

We want to send you off in style.

We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Malcorn? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Ride? Do you need.

With?

Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgara.

Hello, my friend Karen.

Hello Chris.

Hi, Hi, oh.

Well hey hi, oh oh well.

So you've got something to share? I can feel it.

Oh, I mean.

Earlier today, I on the floor saw a what I thought was a wiggling worm. This is kind of a scary Halloween story, okay, And I look closer and it was a lizard's tale, just a tale wiggling on its own.

The lizard.

I don't have a cat. I'm worried. I it's still in my house. It's a pat Now I guess the tail is lizard. It has to be somewhere if it lost its tail, I think, out of fear, what if I step on it.

I'm a little paranoid. But it's a tiny little tail. What do I do? Uh leave out cheese? What do I do?

I don't think they liked you. Well, here's the thing.

Okay, because no one ever.

I was never breathed on the I didn't know a disembodied tail moved on its own accord.

That that shocked me right off the bat.

I think initially, maybe I don't know when this happened, but I think I scared.

The tail off of the lizard.

But it didn't look painful. I even I picked it up. I looked at it. It looked like it was molted off, but it was still moving.

Yeah, the still moving part is what is very upsetting, because you just know that lizard was there moments ago, like his hat would be flying in the air if it was a cartoon lizard.

I'm not worried about, you know, if I lay in bed and it crawls on my face, I'm really not scared of a tiny little lizard.

I'm actually that's pretty excited for the companionship, Okay.

I hope it blossoms into more than friends.

Weird.

Yeah that yeah, that's private.

Yeah I didn't mean romantically. I'd like to reword that, Okay. I just want I mean roommates more than from I want to be roommates.

With the lizard.

That's less than friends.

Yeah, you're right, you're right. Yeah, I don't want to get too close to it, that's all.

What if you wake up head on the pillow sideways like movie where he was sleeping on pancakes. Yes, you look up and you look over and there's this lizard looking back at you, sleeping also on the other pillow, and it's the one from Geico and it has a British accent.

I first of all, will probably change my insurance because I hear they're pretty good. Great, I'm already sold, and yeah, I can't wait for that to happen.

Please let it be.

So I'm glad I ran that impossible scenario by you. So now you're prepared. I mean, this really is spooky season. If you're if you wanna talk about that.

Oh you mean my uh, slightly finished costume, which is a perfect casting of a toilet made out of plaster gauze, the same stuff you'd you know, mend someone's sprained ankle with.

I cast my toilet. You have to be very careful.

If you imagine casting a balloon, you have to do each hemisphere of the balloon, pull it apart, then attach it later. So I did both sides of the tank. I did the front of the bowl and it looks exactly like a toilet. I will then in the bowl make two leg holes.

I have white tights.

I got some bunny rabbit slippers that happen to look exactly like claw foot bathtub feet. I will be a walking toilet on top. I have foam rubber. I'm using a memory foam pillow that I haven't used because of allergies. I'm going to carve perfect little dangling legs that will kick when I walk. All of it will be attached to my body with belt loops. So I'm going to be a walking toilet with the legs. The fake ones will be attached to it.

Elvis.

We all know that Elvis. I haven't done the research, but I do believe died on a toilet. It's I'm not gonna be morbid. I don't think it's.

Gonna be zombie Elvis, although now that I.

Say it outlout, it should be. It should be a zombie Elvis. I was going to be Elvis in the moments before, just out of good taste, because you know that that movie's on the.

Max right now, the Max, HBO Maxie.

Yeah.

Yeah, So anyway, it's gonna I the toilet once I. Once I sand it and I spray it with some sort of shellac. It's gonna look like a toilet, but it here's the thing. It weighs about three pounds.

Amazing.

I can't I can't tell you how excited I am about this costume to be coming together.

I think this is the perfect time to introduce our guest and then allow him to weigh in on exactly how he feels.

About the toilet.

Yes, right, everyone, you've seen him on I recently. So I was trying to catch up on what we do in the Shadows and he was on there and it was a great I hopefully he remembers that.

He probably remembers it.

He's got podcasts, he's a hilarious actor, and we're going to talk about all that.

Everyone put your ears together for John Gabrius. Yay, Buddy, yay.

Thank you so much for having me.

Chris, I thought for sure you'd hit them with the credit sometime segment producer for World's Dumbest, which is how I first met you when I first moved here and did all strone got me hired to read you questions and let you just riff on whatever that insane show was.

Yeah, what happened to the poppy? You've done those talking headshows?

That's that was how my bread was. I started as a PA in my career on Best Week Ever. Then I would eventually be a producer on that show while being a talking head on Guy Code.

It's all the same ship.

Was I nice or did I snap? Sometimes? I you were?

If anyhow, hopefully none of the other talking heads are listening.

But you were our favorite, Chris.

Thank you. I was not pitching for that. I thought I was.

Oh yeah, I would not have. If I didn't have that, I wouldn't have said it.

I didn't.

I mean, it's a World's Tallest Little Person competition over there. You're the beat, You're the B team captain, Okay, but I'm the water boy.

I'm the bet squad. So I'm aware where I'm at too.

And you, I remember, you gave like you helped immensely with the wording of jokes because sometimes I get a little too wordy, like what most sentences I've even given today, And you were, and.

You were great at editing my jokes. And then I didn't even know.

And then I started to become more familiar with your work, and you were on like comedy Bang Bang as really great characters, and I'm like, oh, I did not know that this guy probably should have been in my position.

We did, you know?

Please, I'll do anything for two hundred dollars non union. That number has gone up, but I'm in I won't say it because it's humiliatingly low.

It's like two sixty five at this point. I'll do something.

I'll sit in a chair and look at a clip and riff on whatever the fuck you need.

It's been a try.

It was such an interesting, like producer director job, because I've been on the other side like you were. I mean, that was what I did on the days I wasn't on the show. And it's like you have to silently laugh at someone's joke with like a smile and a thumbs up because they don't want laughing in the background. And it became something that I thought I was pretty skilled at, just the silent approval, which is usually yeah, keep going, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, elaborate you start.

Can we just say that again, but like a little tighter say that? Can we say freaking instead of fucking? Can we say that a little tighter, and why don't we take a breath there in case we want to lose the whole second half. Just tell the truth just you want to do. And we love car chases is all they fucking want. Like that's why I That's why I was so successful, because I'm just a fat Italian who talks with his hands. So they were like, oh, guy, coda,

It's not easy.

We want how to use some colorful gesticulation.

Yeah, we want like it's like you might as well shake keys, like that's all you know what I mean. It's like that you're just like you're watching a show full of just heads talking. So now I'm the most thrill one because I shout and move and you could see sweat on my brow.

Thank you for watching true TV where we entertain babies.

And produce ourselves. I love that idea that both of you have. We're both producers and in front of the camera we.

Just switch and then we keep going like nodding to each other.

Who can be more and more supportive as the job goes on. But silently, John, do you know you want to be sorry? Do you prefer to be called gabers?

It doesn't matter to me. I just most people do call me gabors. But I answer to John. I'm cool with it. Whatever is easier for you.

The thing is, I know you by your work book. I have never hung out with you.

No, right, Like, we have a ton of mutuals, but we've never hung out. We were at a friend's wedding together, yeah, but like we were barely together at that wedding.

We just hap. That's how I knew we had mutual friends Patlash's wedding.

You were saying, yes, okay, So you didn't go together as Gates and Karen has forgotten.

Yeah, I know, Karen. We met and I went with you to a wedding. It was your cousin. I gave a speech. I remember, I got with the hands moving.

He used to talk to him, just like, yeah, I'll go to this wedding with you, but please, let's not get to know each other.

That is all I did that shit.

In fifth grade, I went to an ice skating formal with poor mar I almost use Margo's last name, but with a young woman named Margo who I didn't speak to you the whole time we were there, and she didn't speak to me. We didn't even see each other, but we were there as a couple.

A lot of pressure on those early I remember our first I think it was freshman like winter formal. My friend David Knowles asked me who I adored, and I was super excited to go with him, but we were regular friends. And then he came to my house put a boot near on my wrist, and suddenly I had nothing to say to him, and I was so nervous, like I couldn't eat my weird grill Mark chicken dinner.

Dude's at like three or four years ago, at the age of thirty seven ish, I had this realization that I was like, man, probably that girl I was hanging out with like every weekend in sixth grade and we were just friends and we would dance and we didn't date anyone else, like and I liked her, but I was too afraid to Saint maybe we were. I could have said, like, there's so much stuff in my life where I'm like, oh, you know what, I think we liked each other. That was a year of my life

The second you're like.

Oh, I'm like the funny one around my friends, and then the second it's like, well, we're gonna have a title for the brief moment, all of a sudden you're like, wow, you can't just be a goofball with Christine, you know, I have to be suave or something.

Yeah, change the show ends, and suddenly it's like yeah, it's a one on one where you're just like, oh, I just yeah, I have nothing to bring to this. If there aren't like six girls standing behind you with their arms crossed that I'm you know, trying to like make laugh, then there's just nothing to say. I don't know what you want.

It's so funny because you described I had a girlfriend in sixth grade and all of her friends would stand around us in a semi circle with their arms crossed berating me and asking me why I was scared to kiss her for the first time. And it's because, well, it's cause you're all surrounding me and you have us backed against the wall. It's not the most romantic sixth grade Plus I'm scared what if I don't know how to do it, even after all this pillow practice.

Yeah, I had a group of girls tell me how to kiss. Like they were my girlfriend's friends and we were like making out. Was like seventh grade, so we were new to making out. And me and this girl and we're making out all the time, and then her friends had like an intervention with me. It was like, you need to like calm down a little.

Like I was like the harshest like hearing that.

You're like, I was so excited to be French kissing a girl regularly, and then I'm being told by her girlfriends. And then of course your brain, if you're at all neurotic or creative, you're like, you visualize her telling her friends and this is how this fat fucking pig kisses.

Me and you're like, he stabs me with his tongue.

Yeah, And I was like I was the most timid.

I was so scared, so like what I was doing was just like inaccurate representation of how I was feeling too.

I was just like, it's so humbling.

Yeah, they do all these open mouth notes. It's movie kisses. You know, it's bad if all you do. If you're raised by television, which I know you are because of the podcast you have that's called Raised by TV that I'm able to fit in plug you are.

You're like Wikipedia that you can have organic hyperlinks in your conversation.

Live footnoting of my career. Thank you. Yeah, I amd p link.

To well talking and sometimes I just say the word asterisk.

And then I go back to it later.

Okay, that was too, but yeah it's we we get back. You pick up bad habits from movie kissing, that's on. That's my defense.

Well, and you just don't know, like you truly are new. The idea that you would then be getting notes from people outside of the immediate pair is very upsetting.

Yeah, it's like what your worst nightmare is is that you're like like, it's it's locker room talk. Yeah, not as we know it now, but.

Yeah yeah seventh grade.

Oh man.

Yeah, she also told everyone I was weird because the first time she gave me a hand job. I didn't come. That is I haven't listened to Do you need a ride in a wild?

Is?

This is it? This live day? I'm sorry if I'm being too wrong.

We talk about coming all the time, just non stop.

Yeah, it's medically dangerous, but we don't care. I actually this made me think of and I'm not going to say anyone's name, but there was a boy that I absolutely adored from sixth grade to eighth grade. And I can't I can't be too humiliated.

Noah.

I grew up in South Africa, so so so then one year, like when we were in our thirties, it was Christmas break and everyone comes back home and goes to the same bar, so you get to see everybody kind of like years after, and we got super shit faced, Me, my sister, and her friend Adrian. We leave the bar. We're walking back to our car and I see that this boy that I my basically junior high super crush is walking down the street toward me shit faced and

Oh wow, and it was and.

I finally said, wait, stop doing that, kiss me like you're in seventh grade. And then we really made out. It was awesome, but it was almost like I like the entire time, I was like, I was so jealous of all those girls I knew you were making out with in junior high and that's what you were doing, Like that is no when I first stopped you and said, this is weird.

But you brought up seventh grade and he did it old old school and he was better at.

It, like he took a note like he wasn't. I was my own group of girls with their arms crossed, and I was just like, you don't need to do it.

You got him out of his head. I bet, like, I bet you that's what you'd like. He was over and then you said that, and I like, the ice is broken. I mean, I know you're already making out, but yeah, you broke the residual ice there.

I feel like that that was It.

Was basically my way of saying, can we time travel back to when I really like, do you please? Because this is I feel like this is a huge get back that I'm like, I really won this long game, the serious, like twenty eight year long game.

Yeah, that's awesome.

That's like the version of like, if I could go back with what I know now now you're like confident, funny Karen, who's like kiss me like a fucking seventh grader, you know, I'm nuts, and you're like yes, yeah.

And then my sister was like get in the car, you're so drunk, and then he kind of disappeared, and that was it. That was the hell, you know, that was it?

It is.

It is possibly unhealthy how often I play that game.

If I could go back.

Knowing what I know now and in dreams and everything, and you know, during a PEP assembly where I wish I knew how to play piano, every things, just like Groundhog Day, Like I don't know why that.

Was minor all, like I should have done this instead of what I did in that moment, and my life I wouldn't have like a shudder in the shower.

Monthly like and yours is.

I wish I would have gotten up and played the surprised everyone with a recital.

I whish I was more involved in the arts.

I don't know why it was either yeah, piano or saxophone in front of.

The whole school.

I didn't do anything.

All I did was brewed and not make ye contact, skate and skate silently without making eye contact. I should have been playing sweet Sweet sax in front of the whole school.

Yeah, ah man, it's too late to go back, though.

I also had that as a college student who really leaned heavily on drinking as much beer as I could to get through all of the awkwardness that I thought I was the only one who felt all the time right. And there was there was someone who I then later met, like three years later, who was like, yeah, you and me or whatever, and then I was like nahuh, like to his face, that kind of thing where you're like, if I wasn't so in my head like you're saying, it's like and I and it's nice to say it.

Oh man, I know that shit is brutal when you really like you're like, ah, like I frequently I'm childless, don't intend to have any kids, but I frequently flashed to me scream crying in my parents face with a lie within the I know it's a lie, and going.

How come you don't fuck it? Believe me?

Like hysterical crying, And I just think about that, and I'm like, they know they knew I was lying in that moment.

They like I.

And I'm like, it's Jesus, I'm like saying the most dramatic shit, and I'm like, just think. I think about that all the time, and I'm like, you could have just fucking went downstairs and played video games and kept your fucking mouth shut and you wouldn't have absolutely been

You know, Like, what the fuck was I doing?

Yeah?

Well, she was wearing overalls covered with paint. It's hard to know.

I was I supposed to know. So she took her hair down.

Yeah, then you'd be like, what in the world I didn't know? She walked in slow motion along time.

Aha, I never dated a girl with a messy top nott.

I'm sixty.

Cheerleader or bus every time. John, Do you know what you're gonna be for Halloween?

Yeah?

Yeah, Oh I was really The toilet costume really got me, especially because I know you're so artistic, so I was stoked.

I was like, you know what I'm saying, though you visualized.

That it was visually, I'm here for it, a plaster toilet that you're walking like.

I didn't even I was so on board.

And then you said Elvis, which I think is like the crucial part of the costume, and I was already like this is bananas perfect. I was like, oh, I would have like loose snickers and twigs floating around and there.

But now I'm like the Elvis thing is even better.

Think about yeah, peanut butter, but you can.

Have it in wrappers and people could get that, and then you could also be sharing candy with friends.

Oh that's a great idea. Then it's interactive.

Yeah, the people could reach into the toilet where you're genitals I think will be and that's called takeaway.

That's the audience needs to take away.

And everyone gets insane allergic reactions to your memory phone pillow.

There's a reason I don't use it.

I'm going to stand in it.

The best party is they're going to be tiny legs.

I'm on purpose making them little legs because I know it'll be funnier.

Little withered Elvis legs.

Yeah, just trying convinced everyone.

I wanted to be so realistic that people leave the party going did Elvis have little legs? We just were distracted. No one noticed because of his pelvic work.

To draw the eye up and away from his spindly legs.

It's little tiny, Yeah.

Gabris, have you given it any thought? What are you going to be?

See?

This is I never really have like a Halloween costume occasion, you know what I mean, Like, I'm not like it's uh, since mutual friend Scotti stopped having his Halloween party, I kind of don't have like a costume party that thing I go to my and my my wife always dresses up, but she like dresses up like from her closet in an insane way. Actually, you know what, I'm gonna call bullshit on her, but she's not here to defend herself

Is my Halloween dress.

So I was like, okay, it's a nine hundred dollars costume, I guess, and no one knows.

What you're being. It's just beautiful. Okay.

There I'm a fancy lady out on the town. It's like, great, you can wear it again sometime.

Hell, I mean it's I guess that's better.

I always end up slapping together some random, like dumb movie reference from like a from a forty year old white guy, like you'd imagine that like Kurt Russell four times in like four different Yeah yeah.

Look sunglasses and her dress shirt and tidy whities a movie.

I was risky business twice in college.

I know it.

So you just got to walk around in your underwear all night with.

A big job.

Yeah, that was that was kind of part for the course for me. I was, you know, like a light I was a light exhibitionist. I mean, what was I guess I am, but still but it was a direct conflict to my lack of confidence.

In my body, in my so I like I went through. Yeah, I was like, I'm the guy. I'm like Bill, we's like shirt off first at the party. It's like, I know I'm fat.

Say something, you fucking assholes, like, okay, we're.

Just skin tone. You can't argue with this.

And then if only I knew when I was at the age I'm talking about, I was in the best shape I'll ever be.

And I'm a little fat fifteen year old.

It's my brother, You're gonna you have no idea where this train is on.

And we don't have to skip to this right now. We can keep talking about Halloween. But I just want to say on the show that you were on with Adam Paley one hundred and one Places to Party Before You Die, which I am the Max One fan of.

On the Max Max, did you know we were calling it the Max you earlier, Okay, started this is it.

It's already taken off, yes, but there's a bunch of scenes where you jump into bodies of water and like, and it's like a smash cut from you guys doing shots somewhere to you in a I was gonna say, a bikini it is. It's a boys bikini, just like doing a swan dive into something and the first time. And and I want you to take this in the

But we're but we're hopefully, hopefully we get another life threatening disease hits uh hits the state side, so that our show people, our ratings will pop final maybe, Karen, that is so nice of you to say.

I want to say that. Thank you so much. That's very No, it really is.

It's and I was watching it first because it's like I adore out in Pally and I know he's just always funny and the two of you to get I was like, well, this guy's this guy's really funny. Like like the combination of the two of you, the fact that you're actually friends, and then the things you're doing, which are actually things you want to be doing. So it's not it does not feel produced, it doesn't feel in any way fake.

Like it's the first time in this industry that like imposter syndrome was not activated in me.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was just like, oh, I actually and I had confidence while we were shooting. I'm like, I'm actually pretty good at flirt being funnily with in a comedic way with the server, Like that's what I do every night of the week.

Hey, and now I get to do it on Like I'm just like, oh shit.

Like I was so like I felt so in the pocket, Like I was just like, oh, this is what I do well, because it wasn't acting, you know what I mean. Like I was just like, oh, go to the restaurant and eat and drink what you would eat and drink normally with your friend.

Yeah, and fuck it could.

Be so funny.

There's also an active like they have you go and do is it stunts or how intense are the actual activities they have?

We do like, uh, pretty not.

We do pretty basic activities normally, but then in a couple episodes we do some shit that like and we are conveying how much we dislike. We repel down a waterfall and Mawi and both of us hate it and scream the whole time, and we were terrified.

I was legit terrified.

We were like Adam and I were like like nauseous. In the ride up, we were like and we're forty year old men who are like, we're executive producers.

Can't we just not do this?

Like like I fucking you know if I'm trying to think of like any actor of any if Ed Helms didn't want to do something, they wouldn't be like, no, get your.

Ass on the fucking waterfall Ed Helms. No.

He has final say I'm like, why don't we have And it's like we do, but at the same time we're like, We're also like this, I have the energy of like I'm a I have like fomo in such a way that I counter it by like I want to check off the box of I want to try and do everything in life.

Yeah, so I was like I can't say no, but I was.

And I don't like riding horses either, and I had to do that too, And that comes across in the episode anything where like someone's in charge of my weight.

I'm like, that's not fair to you. You didn't do this.

I did this to myself. I'll carry myself around. You don't have to do this. You're just living your life. Beauregard or whatever the fuck your name.

Is, also Chris, just you know, in that episode, the two men who were teaching these guys how to repel were the most lithe tiny. They're just like, here's how you do it. It's like, right, that's how you fucking do it. It's easy for you. It's like a.

Undgoing professional guides. They were like, it's just this. I'm like, do you have any idea to disconnect from me? Seeing what you are doing to me trying to do that. They're different species of the creature, you and I.

But then it really did feel like when you guys got down the bottom, like I literally exhaled and I was like, this is fucking great TV because it wasn't like it's not like it was, you know, a giant mountain or whatever, but there was like just this short amount of risk that it's just like are they gonna do it? I would quit? Like I literally was like I would quit. I wouldn't do it.

We were like hugging it at the bottom, like we really did it. Like we were so proud of each other that we were like, oh, now we understand like why this is gonna be in the show, Like like we're like we were like literally like we don't give something like such like you know your life is cush when like a vag cation activity was like I finally overcame something and I did something that's expensive and fun that.

Families do when I did it and it was a triumph.

Is this a show that you and Adam developed like came up with or yeah.

We bought the rights to a book called The hundred one Places to Get Fucked Up Before You Die and then kind of adapted it to like more about the before you die, like make it for for forty year olds, by forty year olds?

Are you four not young people? By not young people?

And h we wanted to be uh you know and like it was it's a backdoor way to do improv on TV. Like, you know, improv is so hacked to watch when it's like it on TV and specifically, but when it's Curb or when it's uh, you know, fucking Bordain conversing with the bartender in Marrakesh or whatever, you're like, this fucking rules. Like so we wanted to and we loved and we love them. The movies The Trip like that, we like were obsessed with those when they came out.

It was we were like, dude, this is the show.

It's just you and I fucked up out of our minds, trying to get Prejudo in Tuscany, Euros.

It's the trip to the Steve Coogan thing. Yeah, oh it's the best.

Yeah, so good. Those guys are so fucking funny.

There's this part two and not to sorry, not to be like super nerdy or whatever, but this was one of those things we're like, I'm always searching for a show to hook into, and it's usually a like on scrittish.

Okay, I thought I had. I thought I had a guess there. That's, by the way, the we should talk. Because the amount of Danish and Nordic fucking crime thriller series I've watched.

Have you watched das Chessnutsman or whatever? The chestnut Man?

I started it and it seemed really dark, and I was like, am I in a okay headspace to watch this because it seemed like children were killed?

Yeah?

Yeah, it's fucked I know, but I'm in your I'm in that wheelhouse too. I love that shit. I love like a brooding person in a parka.

I love watching people go into snow, but I don't have to be cold like that is and then do some crimes. But the thing I was going to say about watching you guys is all those things you just said where it's true you it's real. So you guys know how to be on camera and still be real and be funny. Like so the riffing is really excellent and appreciated because it is so hard. Like you know, I worked on the production side of TV a lot like you guys, and that thing of trying to do

A behavior lesson.

It is.

It's like, this is this is how you have the most fun. Don't be a dick, Yeah, invite other people into your party, drink as many fucking of the signature cocktails as you can, like it's just fun.

It's been a drunk my whole life and only been thrown out of a place like once or twice, and it was like private functions, not the bar, like because I I'm also I was a bartender, I was a server, I was a bouncer, So I did all that shit, So I don't want to fucking make anybody's day harder.

I've eaten meals with fucking hair in it.

I've eaten a meal that was cold and not what I ordered without saying a fucking word.

I've drank drink.

Some allergic too at like out of like pride, but I just love. And the other thing was it was post pandemic. So I had been like thinking a lot about all my friends that I met, like bartending and serving like in that industry, and how they were like treated like like the nurse and my my family's a nurses and teachers, so they fucking put their time in.

Know what I mean.

So it's like I and during that Adam and I were talking a lot because we were pitching it and then once it's sold. We actually sold it in February twenty twenty on the pitch and they were like, I, we'll shoot it in like April, and then we just pushed it like three months, six times and eventually, but that whole time we were like, dude, our show. And because also we couldn't go to crowded places due to

It or not.

Yeah, you know, like we're just we're on vacation.

Eventually people are gonna be like, we fucking hate these guys.

They're just like, oh man, I have diarrhea again.

They're like so getting to talk to like servers and bartenders and all these different cities and shit like that. Really like like open the show up. So I appreciate you noticing that. And then for us it's like showcasing the bartender is like if people start going to law Factory and tip the ship out of Carlos, I'm honored.

Like that makes me very happy.

Yeah, yeah, no, it's great.

I can't wait to watch it. I'm gonna I'm not I don't I'm not a liar. I'm just gonna say that right now, right when we're done, I'm gonna watch at least three episodes.

I'm not a person who thinks you should have have watched it by now, So don't worry, Like I don't give a fuck, Like I appreciate that you are gonna watch it, but if you never do, that's fine. Why don't you believe me? John, I totally believe you did it, like because I would. I can sniff. I've sniffed out, like I had to do a bunch of press for this job. I sniffed out like so many liars, and I just like I'm not gonna like, oh, thanks, for having me on your fucking that that that you know.

Just watch it five minutes, all.

Right, John Grabis, Adam Pauley, we're talking to him tonight, Thank you.

I was my nephew came to visit me for the weekend, and I had just watched the first episode, and so he and I were hanging out and then I'm like, can I just make you watch a TV show real quick? And we binge the rest of the season like he because I was like he was young. He's like thirty basically and a young single guy out on his own or whatever. Where It's just like I want you to

They know what they're doing making them do these stunts against their will as a genius.

We had a hell of a showrunner and a great producing team, not only on like the front end of like finding cool spots for us to go to and heating our feedback and our ideas of like I want to make Adam play rugby with me in Hawaii or whatever.

So it's cool to get to do a lot of that shit.

But like our team is just so good and like they know they're like, give them another like twenty five minutes, they're gonna find like they're just fucking getting, you know, like they're like, let the three drinks hit them. Then they'll be fucking that speaking chibberish. But right now we just got like, oh.

You guys want to get anything else. They're like experts at keeping.

They're like, and my my one of my best friends, one of mine, Adam's other friends were started in comedy together. Is the producer, like the guy behind the scenes. Yeah, this my buddy Justin Tyler and he and he's an ex server and a X and current alcoholics, so like all of it like us, like and we were drinking together for like twenty years. So it's like having that guy is like your producer is like gave hers another fucking drinker, Like like it's like it the vibes are

Not having any participate.

Yeah yeah yeah. So every night is like the crew is like we're ready to get ripped to Me and Adam were like we're good for a couple. And then it's like I'm absolutely hung over the next day while I gotta go fucking go to brunch and eat a French onion soup omelet.

Or some shit my favorite.

I'm so jealous of I just you talking about this job and Karen, she's not blowing smoke because she was telling me about this show.

She's into deep if she's like if she's just if she's just she's just being nice, she's fucking going for it, and that's I am.

I have to watch this. I have.

You're just like you were like guessing all this crazy, like fucking right, I made a sandwich.

You made a sandwich in New Orleans, right, And also I guess because I really I'm one of those people that kind of hates everything and that I'm from the nineties, so it's like that used to be my personality, like one thousand percent, where I'm just like I'm the one that says noted the thing you love or whatever, and so kind of it sucks, you know, trying to lose that like that isn't cool, Like it's over pavement, get Away, Kurt Cobain, whatever, and going into like the the improvish

The joke or whatever.

And the first improv class I took, I was like, oh fuck, this is what we're.

They have no jokes and they all think they're funny. This is amazing.

I take this from someone who dedicated twenty years of their life to when they say can art form.

That and made almost ten grand in those twenty years to it.

I'm the five figure I'm one.

Of the probably included because I also I did Wilden Out, so I actually have kind of like a one of the higher improv salaries.

I mean, just find like Colin Mockery probably.

That good good improv money.

Yeah, that non union improv Baby, no residuals. You didn't spend any time right in this bullshit down so that no.

Go ahead, Kert.

I was just gonna ask you got is UCB New York? Were you?

That's what I was gonna ask.

A kidding, no kidding.

I got started in my early twenties in New York City at UCB New York.

I'm from Long Island.

So when I was home for a summer from college and I was doing short form in sketch comedy and making videos at school with friends, and I was like, I came home like googled improv, yahooed improv.

Yes, nineteen ninety nine. No, this would be like two thousand. Yeah.

I met a crawler to Alta Vista in it was so it was like two thousand and three. I think I took my first class. The summer I was a beach lifeguard bartender and then like one night a week in flip flops and board shorts.

And this is.

Another moment in your life when you're you're like a twenty one year old beach bum who happens to be like the funniest kid at lifeguarding, and then you're taking like taking that insane confidence on the train to New York City to like artists doing art and you are like, I'm the school clown, you know, and like I just showed up super tan and like flip flops, and everybody

But then you find out that everyone you're doing improv with is also a really good lifeguard.

They I know.

That was always like by how I maintained my confidence was like I was always either like a lifeguard or a powerlifter or playing rugby in New York City and a comedian. So I was always like the strongest, like jockiest improv guy and always the funniest guy on the rugby team, never really excelling in the right category at the right time. But it was enough for the ego boost that I'd be like, I love playing rugby. They all think I'm hilarious. I love doing comedy. They all

Yeah you got that one with your rugby.

Did you ever go to Missoula, my hometown to play Maggot Fest.

No, but that is like legendary. Everyone talks about Maggot.

I met dudes in Maui outside that biker bar from the episode Chris.

You'll get that eventually.

Yeah.

I always gotta do my research.

There were just these bikers were like, dude, you played with the Maui rugby team, right, And I was like yeah, it's like you got it.

Come the Maggot Fest.

Man.

This guy's like sixty with like a bald head with tattoos on his head. I was like, yeah, man, probably gonna skip this one.

It was my first because I would go. I did T shirts every year for Maggot Fest. I worked at a at a screen printing shop, and so I was allowed to go and it was my first time, you know, as a young adult realizing Oh, I totally get along with big, tough, alpha male dudes.

Maybe I secretly am one. I was just born with.

Little legs like elvis.

Yeah, I got a lot of chill a little time. But you gotta see my pelvis work. And that's how I got into maggot Fest.

All pelvis. But yeah, it was.

It's just insane partying and people intents and enjoyable fights and like where guys punch each other and then they hug and I'm like, oh that this is one hundred percent healthy, even though I just watched a guy punch someone.

It was.

Yeah, Rugby players we like to say soccer is a gentleman's sport played by hooligans, and rugby is a hooligan sport played by gentlemen.

Well that's yeah.

See there's like an unspoken code, like you're allowed to get in fights on the pitch and like you know, shit can happen like that stepping on each other and like drop. But afterwards, the home team hosts the other team for a drink up and you have to like drink together. So it's like, yeah, it's a really obviously you see how I found the sport. But like that vibe was always like cool and like I'm just jumping

Yeah yeah, I know that.

I swear to you, I'm not making it.

When I was bonding with these older rugby men, it was all about I've broken this ankle twice, and this foot once and this I separated this shoulder, and then they're like skateboarding and I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's and.

Then they're like, dude, this guy's fucking hard. You should be the hooker man. Yea Fairbanks where this jurseye like but it's a double extra large. No, that's just one of our largest The coolest thing about like the or the weirdest thing about rugby too, especially in America, is not enough people play it to like really field teams like that you want. And also no one really has like experience in it, and people get hurt. Especially in men's league or adults league. You you don't last as long.

Everyone's just like, we got another body throw it in the wall.

You know. It's just like it's like a draft. We're happy to have whoever. So and like you know, they'll be like, hey, I've played with like a Mormon and Polynesian team from Utah in a tournament where I was like, hey, can I get it run in with you guys? They're like, yeah, what do you play? I'm like prop but I'm I'm out of shape. They're like, great, we'll pull you in at the second half. And like playing with like a strange team made up of like Mormons and fucking Polynesian Mormons.

Wow, it was fucking rat as hell.

And then also you realize like mission work and like, oh this is kind of weird, and I don't fully understand religion and colonies and all that shit.

But they're all playing rugby in white button up shirts, all right.

They're name tags causing blood to come out of their passage.

I have to tell you, guys, actually I had two Mormons ring my doorbell a couple of weeks ago. It was probably three weeks ago, and it was like at eight o'clock at night, so it was pitch black outside and the doorbell rings, and I'm like this is scary, but let's see what happens. And I opened the door and it's two Mormons and they, I think, had met the guy that owned the house before I did, so they were they were asking for him, like it was like, we need to talk to him. He's the guy that

Like we aren't going to answer the door.

I mean, people aren't going to answer the door, but like, you know, my wife will call me and she'd be like someone's knocking on the door.

I'm not home, Like who is it? I'm not looking. Then they'll know I'm home, Yes, exactly.

Then the little thing opens, the light goes through spired. I was like what I thought they only could do it during sun up?

Like isn't it called doing service.

On a mission?

Moments are sort of anti vampires, right, they have to be home before dark.

And like Oca Cola is there garlic cafe?

Yeah, They're like, wait, what's in this? Oh?

No, we're going to multiply. Well, sorry, that's gremlin.

I was confused though, And BB's kids, they don't die, they multiply.

Oh right?

Why do I know that?

Because I have like forty phrases burned in my brain that if I hear half of it, I have to say the other half. I know why you said multiply. I'm like, we don't die. We multiply likes to be said, yeah, broke it, and if not, I'll get off with you. And then I'll go out to my wife and be like, we don't die. We want baby's kids, and she's like, what is this from.

I'm like, help me get it out of my system.

Do something, Please, do something, react funny, tell me get that be happy.

It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. I just need it. I need a blink, blink If it's okay.

John Gabris, is there anything you want to talk about before we say goodbye? Anything you want to.

Plug or like, I just weigh in.

I'm like, insane, global politics, let's stay the funck at a crimea And everyone's like, what so uninformed? He moved his hands a lot, so I believe him. No, I got nothing. I got some I got some podcasts. You can find them wherever you get podcasts. High and Mighty and Action Boys and one hundred one places The Party Before you Die Now on the Max. If you're a dinar reader, you know what the Max is.

Uh, it's not where the Bayside kids hang out.

Okay, see that's another It's like biting my head the whole time. The Max is like, that's the name of the you know. You're like, you don't have to tell them that, You're just to get.

It for the credit for the wait, isn't that the peach Pit? But then I realize I have the shows confused.

Of course it was the Max. Of course, John, You're hilarious.

Here's the best.

This was a blast you guys rule. I'm such fans so this roles.

This was fun, same.

Same that went by. Honestly felt like five minutes. I'm so excited. That was so easy.

Yeah, yeah, we have to have you back when we're inevitably in a car and we'll give you a ride to something.

Yes, you've been listening to Do you need a ride?

D Y n A R.

This has been an exactly right production.

Produced by Annalise Nelson.

Mixed by John Bradley.

Our talent booker is Patrick Cottner.

Theme song by Karen Colbert.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh You're welcome. Hong Kong outra.

Yeah, we used to do the honk in the car job. That's why I have to say it.