S3 - Ep. 42 - Jackie Kashian

Are you leave the I you wanta way back home? Either way we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim, and give us time and a terminal and gay we want to send you off inside.

You wanna welcome.

You back home?

Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Malforn? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do your need you ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

And this is Karen Kilgarott.

Hello, my friend Karen.

Hello Chris, what are you doing?

I'm back.

I'm back in Los Angeles. I had a great time in Montana, hanging out with my dad.

Great.

My punk rock concert was a hit.

I saw some video. It looked really exciting.

It was fun.

I didn't have I need to take that same class that Ron Funchs was talking about, though, because I clearly am singing incorrectly because I had no voice for two days, and I still sound a little Sam ellioty.

So I'm a little You.

Gave it, You're all.

I really gave it everything to me.

I'm The only reason I'm nervous is we have other We've had offers for other gigs, and I feel like, maybe I it's not in my best interest to go scream when my main job requires my voice to not be gravelly.

I don't know, there's a real it would feel like you're at a crossroads and you're gonna have to pick one career over the other, just like John Mayer side.

No, you know what stand up isn't for me?

Right? Yes?

Member, No, it's a lot. It is a real John Mayre crossroads right now.

It is.

I got offered to scream in The Grateful Dead, and I might have to turn it down. But yeah, it was very fun good and it wasn't as scary.

As I thought it would be. It was just playtime And.

Do you feel braver for having done it?

Yes?

And I didn't expect everyone in the crowd to appreciate the songs we were doing. It was really specific songs, like I said, from Scape videos and people I've never I did not expect people to be upfront, singing along and losing their minds. I was like, oh, this is kind of what it feels like to be a rock star.

Yeah, you're like, it's like you were in a cover band. Yep, A very specific.

Very specific.

Yeah, that's great.

I loved it perfect I loved it, but I maybe got it out of my system.

That's all I'm saying.

Did you love it as much as you love our guest today? Ask you?

You're so smooth with those No. I did know.

Someone's got to do it. You don't know. You didn't hear the questions.

I did not love it as much as our guest today. Oh yeah, got it.

You've seen her at clubs and colleges all over this country. Please welcome to the stage right now, miss Jackie cash.

Mine, in the in the zoom, in the zoom. This is so great. I could have thank you for driving me to Solving. I just want to say that I'm insolving with an unstable inner. So here's the good news. I'm recording locally, so everyone will I'll get to finish every story record locally.

Yes, that's what we ask you to do for us.

Please, you really are because I have experience with Solving having terrible WI FI throughout its wine country.

It's and this is my wine. I wish it were better. I'll be Oh my god, I'm always.

Isn't it truly isn't Wine Country?

I'm always writing you guys.

I found that place is interesting in that it's a town dedicated to giving people wine. And you try and wine and they top it off and give you extra wine. And the entire city limits is lined with police cars around nine pm waiting.

You know, it seems like that hopes to earn hundreds and hundreds of dollars.

Yeah, you think it'd be bad for business, though.

I had a guy just follow me after I went up there for a birthday destination and had wine, and he followed me miles and miles down the road.

And when you say a guy, you're talking about a police officer, a police guy.

He was a policeman And uh, yeah, what if it.

Was just a guy, Yeah, that would have been super.

Yeah, Chris got upset because there was a car behind him, that's your story.

And he didn't even wave when I wanted to pull over and be my friend.

Very unfriendly guy.

He didn't laugh when I stopped short.

They of my traffic tricks. Traffic tricks.

Do you think that's how they keep all those buildings painted so beautifully? As they just keep dinging people with DUIs and moving violations.

Yeah, would not be surprised.

They take that money and grow more grapes.

And then now there's a Chumash casino.

Oh are you going to go there?

I can't imagine, but maybe it could happen. You know what I say, I know how to party. And when I say that, I have a new book to read.

So you've always said that so loud and exactly.

Hey, Nerd, it's uh, I realized probably three years ago. Now, Oh is it? I hope it isn't. Uh. I tripped off the curb and sprained my ankle and I stopped going to pilates.

Sign from God, this is not working.

I believe I have like hundreds of dollars in credits, like I bought like a whole thing.

I do too.

I'm like, I'm gonna go. I'm going to go.

I have Plates credit also, And I won't acknowledge it was it, at least the curb in front of the Plates studio.

No, it was. We had just gotten a dog and I was walking the dog and I wiped out. And the woman who saw me wipe out by the way went back into her house and the guy right and she wanted.

No part, right, Yeah I would. I actually, I wouldn't blame Pilates. I'd blame dog ownership on that one. You gotta quit loving these dogs and walking.

Or you just you gotta find any reason to quit pilates.

That's to me enough.

But that's it.

You're like, now that I'm falling down, I'm thinking about this, and plates isn't working out for me.

Yeah, maybe it was the class I took.

But you know, I dabbled in the bar method after my hip, and it was it was great. I have only nice things to say about it. But Pilates, I feel like you can fake it and pretend you're doing the things and still make the body movements and leave totally sweat free. That's what I didn't like about it. I'm like, everyone here thinks I'm doing it, but I'm not.

Right. No one's thinking about you at all, right, they aren't even.

Looking on don't even which Why are you paying that money.

You were paying to yes, you were pretending to be Yeah, that's just it seems like one hundred and fifty dollars a month of eye contact.

I came here to make friends, That's like, it's.

Almost like a hot yoga like heavy eye contact with the audio.

It's a different way to work out where your muscles like.

The tension and the awkwardness makes every muscle in your body flex.

Yeah.

I think it was hot yoga that made me realize I have too good of a sense of smell to do that.

You know what, what do you always your sense of smell? I have decided that I have really good hearing you guys, Oh yeah, Andy, my fella really good smell. He's got a good sniffer. Yeah.

I back when I was smoking SIGs long ago, when I quit that, I yeah, superhuman sense of smell.

I can smell everything.

Well, you know what I would actually say is smell might be connected to this. I have a superhuman sense of taste, So I can't like, if you give me a piece of chocolate that's been sitting next to a starburst, I can tell you that.

That has been happening.

That is amazing.

I can taste that the fruit, the like chemical fruit flavoring is seeped into the chocolate experience.

When I eat beef, I can tell if it was raised in the same farm as a pig.

Did you ever meet a pig? Because I could taste it on your breath.

The emotional the emotional comfort you got from that pig is really coming through in this burger.

Yeah, a friendship. I can taste the friendship without their kinship with you.

Know, Charlotte, You ever asked that of a pig? Did you ever know a Charlotte? They love it?

They love it. You know what? They never laugh and neither does the farmer.

No one laughs during Charlotte's I walked.

All the way up the road to your barn to make this joke, and you're not even gonna chocolate, and.

You're gonna call the cops. What the hell?

You know? I've been trying to write a bit where the punchline is we're all living in the first eighty pages of Watership Down. Guess what's stop working? Guess what what isn't working?

Just sorry, may I may suggestion? Yes, you just wrote that bit.

You just said it.

Yeah, oh right, you did it.

Just do it? Yeah.

I think in your acts you should have five minutes of uh material that started with the punchline and pleading with the audience to help, and then.

The first engineer did nobody else read about Napoleon? It's like he didn't just go to Elba. He also went to Saint Helena. Anything.

Okay, the Flappers, No, keep behind me.

Flappers, get thee behind me.

They love it at Flappers.

When you talk period, Yes, they're a period comedy club.

They're a period piece piece.

Yes.

I saw a bit of yours on TikTok the other day.

I am on TikTok.

God nos, that's very smart. Here's what I thought. Okay, because I love TikTok, I'm into it.

You on board, so into it because my sister, Yeah, we we got one over. My sister was always sending me one she liked. And then I think I've told Chris this, but I didn't have the app, and I was like weirdly refusing because I have left over nineties problems. So it's like I refuse to download TikTok like that's meaningful in anyway. So I just wouldn't do it. And then my sister would send me these videos. They would be like, look at this dog guarding chickens and he

I was like, what the fuck who's in here?

And then I was like I have to get the app because I can't give the thread of that.

Yeah, gets to know you and only caters to you, and they figure out you don't like crying, and they also.

Every time I'm not interested, not interested in crying.

But then so I'm good looking through and it's like, you know, there's all these people that I love that are on there, like chef reactions, who's the funniest, and then just people that are like, hey, be yourself and in a crowd or whatever. And then Flick Flick and then it's just Jackie doing like a super solid.

Three minute bit and I'm like, this is brilliant. It's so smart.

It's the best way to get like, have people show your little chunks off.

Yeah, they if they aren't going to go to a club.

Yeah, it's and and most of them are. If I did more crowd work because I know, like there's so many comics who do crowd work, and I was like, I don't want to talk to the crowd. What am I going to say to them? Yeah, and I ask them what they do for a living? Who gives a shit? They're trying to get away from it. So I did

That's one of the things I love about you. I just want to say that they're not afraid to throw down.

But the thing is is I am always going to be the adult in the story. In especially it's very weird when the first story like that the child was nine. I will always tell that story and I will always be thirty one and that kid will always be nine. It's not a great story.

That's not a pup. First, great story.

No, that's not the peppers.

In the wait did you send this? What's this guy that you sent the clip to a cop?

Is that?

Did you write your admission underneath limitations?

Uh? The jackiecasion pushed this little piece of ship.

I whipped a towel ladder sheep anyway, I just but it was literally when I realized that I was going to have to be the adult in every situation, when I realized that I was acting like a child anyway. So the the pepper spray thing happened late at night after a comedy club gig. I walked to my car and there was a dude leaning against my car and it was one in the morning, and I was like, hey, man,

Doesn't it work? Great? How close?

Were too close? Because I maced myself. Oh, I don't know if you've ever wasted anybody? Everybody.

Yeah, I'm sorry the way you just said that. Though I thought you were gonna like drag it out and just like you're not going to maze me.

But the whole story is about how I maced him, and then how I got I maced myself, and then the back end of the second you know, because every bit I write is something like four and a half to six minutes, and then a year and a half later, we've got it down two and a half and three minutes, when it's old news that I've tightened it up. But the point being is that I should have as soon as I saw him, I should have walked back to the comedy club right and gotten Matt Fugate, which is

You're gonna have to go anywhay.

Two glasses of water because a couple of people have been maced, and we'll watch how to Eyeballs. And I get back to my car and he's sitting next to my car crying because he's been mazed. And if I had just done it initially, he also might have been sitting next to my car crying because I don't know how you drank in the nineties, but I used to sit next to cars crying.

Oh my god, I used to come too.

I'm like stoops in the middle of like a speech while I was crying, where I was like, I literally one time said to my friends, got sorry, I don't know what's going on, and he was like, you're crying because blah blah blah, like he had to tell me. It was like I came too in a blackout, Like okay, yeah, what am I upset?

Right? Remind me, Remind me why I'm sewing.

Maybe the guy buyer the car had just come to and he's like, this looks like the car of a few your friend, wait right here.

Talk about it in the daylight, motherfucker. No future, You.

Did the right thing.

I'm proud of that. Everyone should have mace. I've said that for you I've.

Never well, and it's part of the larger bit. It's part of this larger bit about why I shouldn't own a gun.

Yes, yes, yes, agreed.

Yeah, because several people told me I should get a gun. And of course the main reason I shouldn't have a gun is how much I want a gun.

Yeah, then we wouldn't need mace.

Everyone should or sorry, if everyone had mace, we wouldn't need guns. I don't quote me on the first version.

Chris is trying to give you some life advice.

Here, hold on, let me say the opposite first, anybody would just please buy a gun.

Oh my god. So my my mother in law moved in with us about three months in. Oh yeah, she's it and and it's it's I'm working on a new genre, positive mother in law material. I have yet to write anything, but but some experience I do. The biggest problem is I like her, you know, I like her and I

Anyway, But was she did she like fall and hit her hip, like break her hip or something else?

She yeah, her, she was just gonna move down and move into an apartment. But then her health kind of took went south, and so we brought her down. She has the best insurance. I took her to her new primary caret insurance person and they had a live orchid in the waiting room. Chris Karen, they had kept an orchid alive. I was like, Oh, she's gonna live. It's going to be great. I was like, I got a kaiser. They don't even have plastic flow.

Yeah, I mean I was everywhere.

That is a good sign that someone knows how to keep you alive.

If you can do an orchid, orchids are amazing and so anyway, but yeah, she had so I can do it.

I can keep an orc Sorry, I can keep an organ alive for like two months, and right when I start getting cocky, they die.

That's that'll do it. It can it can sense it. It can be like, no, you are not as reverent as I need you to be.

I'm killing I'm killing or kids with my arrogance.

I smell Hubris and I'm.

Got goodbye, goodbye.

Yeah. So when but uh Andy's moms, he had two moms. They got it on the ground floor of lesbians, so back in the day, and so but what his step mom passed away and that so his mom moved in

They really are collecting those quarters.

All those quarters, they've got them in books. Friends collected them. They also were collecting. This is my favorite story is they're collecting friend and used to collect two dollar bills because she thought they were fun. And so there's like three thousand dollars and two dollar bills and so Chris, who is Andy's mom, says, my brother loves two dollar bills, we should send them to him, and I said, everyone

Yeah, I thought two dollar bills were rare, but I'm seeing them a lot and finding no one's impressed with my collection a two dollars bills.

I had a family friend, she was my mom's best friend from nursing school, and she would send us two dollar bills in cards for like our for whatever holiday. And at first I was like, ooh, like keep this rare thing. And I can't tell you how quickly I spent those. When I was broke. We'd just be like just pulling another very meaningful and generous and lovely gift out and being like right down to seven eleven or whatever.

We're just like, I gotta do it. It's money, yeah, yes, money.

Yeah.

It turns out the other thing don't collect money collecting money. It's the one thing that they did have that nerd. This is why I know that it's gonna be me one day. Is because I make fun of the quarters. I make fun of the two dollar bills. There were dollars and half dollars. I'm like, oh no, I want those. I'm gonna save those.

Like silver dollars.

Yeah, like silver, like old like Franklin.

And I do take issue with the because there's the little gold ones and they are the circumference of a quarter pretty much.

The new ones. There's right, there's new ones that have all.

I don't like the residents because you try and tip with them and they're like, hey, cheap skate. I'm like, no, this is four dollars. I swear I'm not giving you one dollar. So you have to announce hey, and don't forget later. If this is in your pocket, this is a dollar, okay on my Canadian you.

Have to learn to flick it off your thumb like from the fifties and be.

Like it's too big, it's not too bits. Form it the yeah, the these these are the old Kennedy ones, the old Eisenhower ones. Fifty dollars.

Yes, those ones.

So for some reason those are worthwhile for me to stick it about.

I have a collection of those and I might be able to help you out with that Delaware quarter.

I'm not kidding.

It doesn't have to be a specific year or just Delaware that's staying on it.

I think it was. I think they were just looking for Delaware.

I really do think I have one. Okay, Yeah, yeah, it's a nice guest.

You want to complete the thing fran with. Maybe she'll come back. Maybe she'll be like to you up and solving.

Don't move, Chris, Chris, we have to finish this.

Some guy following me.

You're on a bird scooter. That's how I picture you.

Does Andy's mom cook?

She does? She likes to bake. Yeah. Yeah. So when we sort of she has arthritis and like these muscle spasms. So we're trying to get her pain meds, right hilariously, she keeps she doesn't want to get addicted to pain meds. And I was like, now's the time, now just double down. Yes, it's you know. She's like, I want to go down on my norco and just sort of try to figure out to wait. And I'm like, maybe meditate. I was like, stop talking, take another bills. Meditates?

Yeah, my dad is.

He mentions the opioid crisis multiple times a day, and I'm just happy that he found those and smoking his bong in the garage and it because he's had he has the same thing. It looks like he's pulling a Martin Short routine when he has coffee. It just it shakes and coffee goes everywhere. And I'm like that looked purposeful because it's hilarious. But yeah, that's the only thing that helps or narcotics. You just can't take twelve in a day.

Right, And he's and she's not an addictive personality. I'm just like, I'm constantly like how many you got? Yeah, and so real.

Well, but the point you're making is so true where it's just like, if you've made it to the point where you uh live with your family and your wife is gone and you've got some fucking narcos, go to town and you don't have to come back from town because we got you. We will literally put you in bed, like go be high.

If you be high, please be high. That's the yeah, Yeah, take a break, take a break, and then you know, and try to figure out the exact right doses where you could stand for twenty minutes or forty minutes and make some sour dough bread. And then you're like, dude, I made some sour dough bread. You know that's what I She would love that?

Is she open too?

Because my dad, my whole life had I don't think he had ever tried weed.

And I'm not kidding.

He goes down to the garage and smokes out of a hunter's orange bong and rip set of bread patties and then tells stories and giggles and loses track of the story like I love watching him be high. It's the best thing for someone retiree to get into.

I love it. Yes, it's all the old You did get high, she really did.

She used to be a bit of a stony magoo, but she hasn't been. Uh, she's stony Magoo.

She would walk off the edge of the building until very specific.

Sorry, it was a pleasure of the next right, She's right, yes, never never hit that.

Just because we know right now, the three of us know what we're talking about, but no one knows.

About mister Magoo.

Voiced of course by mister Howell on Gilligan's Island. I'm going to tape that step talking about this because Jackiet's frozen.

Jackie's frozen, so we're just going to power through this.

Mister yes, she's Oh you're good.

Here's the good news is, individually, uh whatever that thirty seconds was, we're all going to have some real good commentary.

Oh my god, they should blend it all perfectly together. We're just all talking at the same time.

We did clap, so there is hope.

That's why we clap's and whoever, whoever we choose will be considered the winner of that freeze.

That's ready the games begin. Because I was really.

Talking the word off, word off. Are you guys doing wordle? I don't know why. I'm just curious.

I forget to do it. Yeah.

I had good luck with it in the beginning, and I quickly realized the addiction because it's not easy, and there's a sense of accomplishment. When one is easy for you, you take it personally and makes your whole day better.

Maybe I should get back into it. I've been every little reasons to make my day better.

My sister and my dad were into it. But I honestly think it's just because everyone liked it so much at the same.

Time that might give it a chary nature.

I was just like, no, thanks, I'll do this later when no one else is doing Yeah.

Now it's a perfect time to get into where it'll work because everybody's op it.

You. I can't even because no one talks about it anymore. But my question is this is it. It's not an app because there's a ton of like fake wordal apps trying to make money off of it.

It's a website. Is that correct?

Yes? Okay? And then and then the New York Times I think bought it.

Yeah, you're right.

So it was like twelve seconds into it being popular. The guy who made wordle for his wife as a fun thing made a scroogewik duck pile of money. Yeah, and he was like, whatever, and do it every want with it. I'm gonna I'm gonna go build her a picnic table.

I'm gonna go make pool filled with delaware quarters that you get swim in.

Right. But Andy does it every day and uh and sometimes I'll be walking by his computer and he'll go help me, and so that's me right.

There is a movie still version where it just shows a quick photo, usually a landscape, without any characters from a movie.

And I was I only see it when I see my.

Friends that play pool down here at Little Joy where I got a lot.

Yeah, it's a bar. Yeah, I go to play pool. Stop calling me a drunk.

You guys, But I don't.

Know the name of the site. But it's the same thing.

A guy made a website and you have to log onto the website and you have to first know that website's name.

Oh.

I only play along when someone says what movie is this? And I'm like, oh, easy, there's no stakes and guessing for someone else, that's right. Yeah, anything, Yeah, And so I'm way into it. Yeah, finally raised by a TV paying off.

I love that you're way into it, as if you pass by. Yes, but yeah, a lot of things to happen.

But then he's super into it.

My dad plays the My sister and my dad both are now doing Mortal. But before that, my dad really was into the word scramble in the newspaper, which is where like the letters are all scrambled, obviously, and then they then there's circles, and then if you solve all five you can write the sentence. Then there's a scrambled sentence that you have to write, or a scrambled clue. It's been in the newspaper since I think the sixties,

Version of it.

Yeah, and this guy probably wasn't trying to steal it. He was just making it easier for his wife to do it. And then New York Times was like, hey, we'll steal it. But yeah, it was already a thing, but.

Somebody had to write code, and before it was someone just circles. Yeah, the old they used to just draw circles with the occasional Well, they.

Were smart enough to get it out of the newspaper, which is, as we know, a dying.

Like, right, did you see that? I guess the guy who drew draws or rights Dilbert is being canceled, so he'll be playing stadiums. But he just said, uh, he just said that. One hundred and seventy seven No, he didn't say it said seventy seven newspapers canceled my cartoon yesterday, and Lori kil Martin of course screenshot it and then wrote, we all know that there's only fourteen newspapers left. Yeah, and I thought I would explain her joke.

Right, I saw that joke. What did what had old Dilbert he just got canceled for?

Yeah? There was he was. He was complaining about the environmental investing the fact that a lot of those groups these are people you know, you know when you got a lot of money and you put it in a fun a mutual fund, right, so there's there's mutual funds that are dedicated to being socially responsible or ecologically responsible or environmentally helpful. And uh, the guy who writes a Druss Dilbert thinks is that stuff.

Because he doesn't like environmentalists because you need to cut down trees to print up his cartoon and all the many, many many existing print newspapers.

Right right, But you know the truth of that story is that one newspaper it's called like Lee whatever, then it's the name Lee is in there somewhere. There are just seventy seven newspapers that this one company owns, and this company decided to get rid of all cartoons and all like that whole page. So the Dilbert guy was making it about that he personally is getting canceled, and that's not the.

Case at all.

It's he's basically lying. It's just like he's canceled. So is Snoopy, so's Marmaduke. Everybody got canceled. They're not insane.

Yeh. Billy is crying in Family Circus right now.

And then he is running around perforated.

I'm also a visiting the ghost of his grandma and some vague mention of God.

Yeah.

None of those other cartoonists got mentioned or a nod thrown at them in office Space. Wasn't the Stephen Root's character and office Space based on Dilbert?

I think so?

It might have been, Yeah, I will say.

In the credits had said that in.

A lateral story. Family Circus reminds me that matt Fugate who I should have gone and got. Initially, after the Mace story, he used to do a joke about how much he hated Family Circus because whenever it rained, Billy would say, God is crying, So.

Matthew, they had another weird one where it was like Grandma went to go visit her friend in heaven diabetes or something like.

I was like, that is off color.

Come on, Bill, sure that one was real, because you know there were people that were replacing the captions on Fami circus and they would be like a nietzschee quote but a family.

I bet that's what this was. And I fell for it, like they wouldn't make it.

Could be Tell me to look it up. It could be.

It could That one sounds like it could go either way.

True that that does sound like it could have been, could have been a real one. Oh my gosh.

Linda Berry the cartoonist and writer and Jackie. I'm sure you know who she is, right, yep, ye love her so much. She told the story Chris, not that you know.

What I was gonna say, but she so.

She is a you know, like kind of an underground cartoonist. If you've never seen her stuff, you should look it up. It's really awesome and really well written. And she's just kind of genius. And she was a friend of Matt green Eggs. They went to ever Green College at the same time.

Like whatever. But she tells a story about the first.

Time she got to go to a comics like comic convention or whatever, not not not comic con but like four illustrators. Yeah, exactly, and there she is.

Uh, you know why I have this book? Karen que led it to me. Yes, and you're bookmarks in it. You're a huge fan of.

Have bookmarks for all of the good ones that I want people to read first if they're going to if they're going to get all that awesome.

Well, don't take it personally, because in my defense, you did hand me a book, but I am. I am going to read the bookmark months because that's a good place to start. I'm sorry that I haven't read it yet. You gave me this five, six, seven years ago.

You know actually that me giving it to you saved it because all the books that I brought to when I moved into this new house, I did an unpack for like a month because I was just being lazy. I left everything in the garage and the air conditioner broke and flooded the garage and I had to throw away all my oh wow, that's everything was like soaked and then had mildew on. So now your own book, Yeah, I have had to like rebuild the I mean, I completely forgot, so that's all I have it here. It's

So she was like I.

Was talking through the tears, but I was like, she was so overwhelmed by how much like that it was Billy in real life standing there, that she just lost her shit and was like he had to hold her while she's sobbed because she was meeting Billy and the.

Scat had passed and it was I didn't know it was like to dedicated to his kids his whole life.

That's really sweet.

I would cry too, not that this is a crying contest, something that I hold nightly here at my apartment.

I'm kidding.

It's very doing about emotions with.

It's like, can I cry harder than last night? That is so sweet? I love it. I love that story.

Speaking of cartoonists, I went to a wedding on Cape Cod in June and there was an Edward Gory museum and it's his old house. So we got to wander around his house. Yes, and on the wall was the menu and from the diner that he used to eat at like three times a week, and a waffle from that diner and what a weirdos a classic weirdess. And so then after that museum, Andy and I went to lunch at the at the diner that he used to go to and it was delicious.

I love that guy.

The waffle it was just pinned to the wall.

It was in plexiglass. It was like it was like a diorama of your favorite waffle and enjoy. His cousin is the curator of it. And I was like, well, we should buy stuff at the gift shop and he's like, well, I have all the books, and I'm like, buy more, buy more books. We wanted to still be here and we want to go there. Yeah. We got a T shirt for my mother in law and she woren't. She was like, who is this guy? And then we handed her the alphabet and she laughed and she was like, so dark.

It's so dark. I love it.

Yeah.

I love As a child those books, I would just be like, I can't believe what I'm looking at.

This magic John dor and I took a train down to San Diego and did stand up for illustrators and Caricature Artists convention, and a lot of them had comic books.

And they were the best audience.

Because any visual thing that I give, I just assume an audience is going to go along with me for and sometimes it's too abstract or something, and this whole audience was into it. I've never had more fun, just like challenging myself to do stuff that requires you to visualize it.

They were the best.

That's awesome.

I had so much fun.

And one of them did a very unflattering caricature of me, and I love it.

Yeah, they're both yeah, it looks just like yeah right. They found that thing about me that I don't like and they accentuated it.

And they made it they made it gigantic.

I was at the improv last night and there was a young man who talked to me who literally introduced himself by saying, my life, Oh we work together doing doing this one gig on a rooftop in Hollywood, and my life is on fire. Like those were like the two things he said. And I said, oh, I'm sorry, I don't remember you. And what is your name? And then he told me his name, because I never remember anyone's name. And I was like, oh, well, I must have worked with him, and if I worked with him

Oh god?

And so he did not mean that like his career was on fire.

He said he in.

His car and he just got fired from Instacart.

Oh that kind yeah.

Yeah, so and he had just he had been in jail last year in Brisbane, Australia. And I was like, what's it? And so he just and then he said, and last month I opened for Bill Burr. And I was like, what a weird I'm so sorry all these this is weird. And I was like, so at least, and he's like, not at least, everything's horrible, and he keeps going. And then two other people come up, and they're the people that book that rooftop thing that he

Oh wow.

And I was like, I don't know why you would.

Lie saw this, He saw you on that rooftop or something.

Right, He must have just was hanging out.

I think you should have amazed him.

I think you.

Should have amazed him with money.

I might have wanted something. I'm uncertain, gas, cash, whatever it was. I got walked to my car, So.

Yeah, he could have been hanging out there.

Well, no, because every time I walked away from anything up and.

He's like, I thought of one more packet that I need to tell you about.

And I felt I was like, is it bad? Are you okay? And then and then I was like, well, I have to go do a set, and he was like, oh, I was just going to tell you one more thing, and I'm like, no, sirius, I'm up next. I just gotta go, Jackie.

I'm only telling you because no one told me about it. There's a up the stairs. You just need to cross that rope, but you have the right to do.

So. There's a beautiful green room up there.

With comfortable chairs with zero people, and you can then walk down the stairs to get on stage.

So and just get on stage because I.

Always I make eye contact with all of the maceeable faces and you can bypass that.

I last time. It made it a lot easier, right.

And what's weird is that. So I got off stage and he popped back up, and then I was like, well, I have to have an early morning. I have to drive solving and and then I've heard that a thousand times and it's only two and a half hours, so it's not really that early.

I like to get here for sunrise.

And uh but yeah, so I I never know how to end those conversations. So I was like, he's like, yeah, it's just you know, it's really you know, things have would go good and then they've been going to horrible. I was like, do you want to hug? And I'm insane, I've lost my mind, so I get him a hug and then I was like, somebody walked into my car.

Okay, but please remember that, like you're hugging him and he's reaching into your pocket take your wallet?

Right, you don't know this person. I don't know them.

Ship right, I don't. And it's weirdly because the last three nights I keep doing these gigs and so many I feel so bad because like everyone is like, you know me, you know we worked together. There was a guy I recorded a dork forest with him that day an hour on Zoom. I saw him that night and he had to introduce himself and I was like, I am so sorry, and I just I don't know why. I have like six hundred slots in my brain. You

Never run into unless something very specific happened.

Not need it right.

It's important to recognize ghosts when they present themselves the otherwise they get mad.

And that that's why they get and that's why they.

That's straight to me.

It's like, oh my god, please, we want that books dot dot and that's why they haunts their offended.

I would love it if a ghost just showed up and I was like, Sage found it.

Just like anything, it works, Sage Spray.

Oh like a Mace. Oh yeah, I'd be like Mace. But I'd be like, I'm gonna think you. You're not gonna sage me, Sage, Sage. You've been saged.

Last time or maybe the first time.

You were on our podcast where we had a fun conversation about hip hop that we like. And I'm and I think I admitted there isn't any new hip hop that I like, but I've there are these guys. They're in their sixties. They're from Ireland, and generally I try to steer clear of any white guy parody rap, like comedy rap. But these guys are serious and they're old men would like uh high dad jeans and spinner like.

It'sous.

The Northern Boys. Did you see that.

It's called the Northern nor they're from northern Land.

Oh, it's the way it's there from there must be from Wales.

All of a sudden, I know about the different accents.

It's not north yeah, yeah, oh no not yeah, but yeah, I didn't mean whales. Uh Liver Liver, not Liverpool where I know that they. I thought that it was a Millie Vanilly thing and it wasn't the real guys. And then I found a live concert and it's all rabid young fans and I just love.

What I found.

He there's one the old guy with the shaved head that goes, now, I'm going to go take a number three. That's a piss and a ship and a wank and a. I was like, that's what that's kind of where I hit the video and I was like.

What am I?

I love to a sad old man all they are? It's hilarious, yah, and the old stuff. It got put up like five days ago and it's already in you know, a quarter of a million views when I found it last night on Twitter. That's probably where you found it, Karen, Yeah, it was like fifty thousand views.

We're at the ground floor on these guys.

Because they're in their sixties.

Yeah, so they wrap about doing sketchy drugs and how all their ex wives are going to be happy when they're dead. It's self deprecating and that's what I always want and what's missing from hip hop for me is like that early nineties, like self deprecating.

What's hard to find at the time.

They just are making fun of themselves and they're serious and it's great and they're from Northern England.

I bought the Silk Sonic album, which every two years I like to buy an album. You guys, I like to get out there.

I did not get Wait, can I just say the last time I saw you in or not the last time but a recent time pre COVID that I saw you was at the Improv Lab and you were like on your phone.

You're like have you listened to this?

It's amazing and you were holding up your uh, your like Amazon music, your yes, your Amazon music, and it was the Hamilton was like, Jackie, get away from me right now and don't do that shit to me.

You're just like, have you heard it?

This is unbelievable.

Like Jackie's on one she's got her new favorite thing and she.

Is telling me. I was born your aunt. I was born to everybody's fifty three year old aunt. But I have to tell you. I was like, have you heard they take pop music and they do it with chamber orchestras. Have you heard about it? It's the soundtrack to Bridgerton anyone.

Everyone was there was a void missing with powdered wig hip hop, and they tapped into it.

It was so and for me it was a word old situation.

I avoided it when it was popular, but then I did finally watch it like last year, and I was like, oh my god, Okay, I'm ready to talk about this four year old thing with everyone.

It is. It is amazing.

They good, yeah, righting, things are hurt. There's too much content. I can't I can't even keep up with all the marble stuff much less you know.

Slots.

I have six hundred slots. They are monumentally full, and a lot of them are British detective constable inspectors. And I've decided we have two dogs down, two little chu Ala mixes. It's that when I walk them, it is the tiny Iditarrod and but they but I decided I want to write a book where they are both constables and they're solving crimes because they're constantly smelling things and ruining crime scenes by peeing on things. And uh, it's DC I Gordy and Constable Tyson.

Are they a boy and girl or the two boys?

Two boys? And they're both nine years old? But Chris had Tyson since he was a puppy, and we got Gordy a year and a half ago when from the pound.

Gordy is the best name.

Gordy is a great name. Gordy. We have so much in common, Gordy and I. Who knew that I would have so much in common with the middle aged at chewo.

Yeah, an older cha.

Older dogs in general need to have like mid seventies uncle names, I think.

Do you mean like Frank Frank doctor Frank.

Frank is perfect? Ye, Frank and Gordy are great.

Well, they should have coffee over at the Bob's.

Big Favorite and go complain about how they they won't use their coupons.

You know, I once saw Tony Curtis at that Bob's Big Boy. Really did you? Yeah?

Like it in the late nineties. What'd you say to him?

I literally just stared at him like a goon. You would have would have been like Billy, I just cried. I just cried. He had to hold me. No, I was like, I loved you in that shitty movie where you were a sultan's child, but you're really not even Arabic, Italian or Jewish? What are you, sir?

Wait? Is he Jamie Lee? Curtis is done?

I believe so yeah Curtis, yeah yeah, and Ganely that's right, yeah, yeah, that was. I never saw Bob Hope. I used to say, after I saw Tony Curtis, people go, oh, yeah, Bob Hope goes there sometimes late at night. And I would sometimes be driving back from a set and I would just stop at Bob's Big Boy to see if Bob Hope was there, so.

You could go in and kick him in the shin.

No, because I was a giant nerd and I loved I love those being crossby Bob Hope, even though they're into Luca Lake. There's that church that his infidelity built. Yes, he had to deal with his wife that every time he cheated on his wife, he would donate to that Catholic church because he was Anglican, kidding, and he was Catholic, and and so that church is the biggest church in the whole wide world. It's a cathedral, it.

Looks and the whole outside has like this ornate what was I was going to say that kind of almost like Rococo front where there's there's all kinds of almost like plastered sculpture all around the front. It's so fancy. And it's because he just kept giving them money, because.

He's how I want to hear about Bob Hope fucking every day.

Oh my god, they have an auditorium and a gym and uh like it keeps going like a whole row of it. And then yeah, because I used to drink over at the uh the steak Joint with y which was on the shim right there, the joy.

The word joint.

Steak joints called the steak Joint, and I would go. I would walk down Whipple up to Lancasham and because then I could get drunk enough that I could stumble home all by myself. Yeah, and I would pretend that I was going for dinner. It was great. I would lie to myself. It's like doing pilates.

Yeah.

I love their side.

You you could have stumbled there. That's stumbling distance from your old place.

Yeah, yep, that was that actually would be just right down.

I would just be coming from the other.

To take side streets. It's a safe stumble who.

Doesn't want to save stumble, So you're sitting. I was sitting with the career drugs at the bar, and that's when I heard that story, and I was like, is that true? When the guys like I swear it's true. And I didn't believe every story I heard at that bar, but that one I did because of how big that church is.

And you know what's funny, Bob Hope, his old like estate would have been on my path if I was to stumble down to the and meet you at the stake joint with a y and when I was moving over there. The last neighborhood watch meeting I went to in my old neighborhood, which was when I lived off of michel Terina in Silver Lake. I went to this neighborhood watch because a girl got her purse snatched like a car drove by and took her purse off of her arm as she was walking to her apartment directly

And I was like, oh, I just live in an apartment.

I thought these weren't for non permanent people, and I'm actually moving to tuluc Lake and she goes, I used to be Bob Hoop's assistant. And I was like, oh really, And she starts telling me these stories. But then she goes, yeah, but he was a terrible man and he was all hands and she goes, one time he had me taking notes from me. You just went like this, and then this old lady grabbed my boobs.

It's like.

It was it was at the end of the neighborhood watch part. It wasn't like people were standing around, but she and it was purely for the story, like I think, for just the impact of the story. But she just was like and I was just like, what a son of a bitch.

Pass the son of a bitch? And it's weird because it's it's like, is the nudity needed in a movie. Yeah, I don't think you could have just explained that, lady, you didn't need to actually grab me.

Yeah, just say it.

I get it. I know what it means. And he goes to our neighborhood watch meetings and he said that he ever, if he ever runs for office, Uh, what's his only platform is that you get to park in front of your own home. And he said that that's what everyone is pissed off about. He's like, I would people would give away all of their rights if they could park right in front of their house. And I was like, all right, I'm never going to that.

No, it's all old both that want to grab your tips.

Yeah. Boy, that is amazing that she did. I guess that.

Yeah, it's a testament to how bad he was if she thought that wasn't.

Bad, right, right?

Yeah?

Or yeah, or how bad it was.

I mean, I think it's like a sign of the times where it was like, hey, you want to be in showbiz, well you got to give something up.

It was like that, right, And it's bodily autonomy basically like not being bruised and bad.

But yeah, you're a weird boss.

You know. And I was. I talked to kil Martin about this all the time, about how what we tolerate and what the like. The I talked to the twenties and thirties a comics and I'll tell him some story that I swore to God was funny, and you know, they just they're like, what the fuck happened? Are you okay? And then what happened? I was like, well, we went to breakfast.

And it was different back then it was.

I should also say that old Lady could have been completely crazy and never met.

Bob Hope in her life.

A legend.

Yeah, yeah, very alleged. I had no proof. Yeah, always that felt important, so important to say.

It's anecdotal, you guys, Yeah, you Jackie, you need to check your pockets after all your interactions.

Right, They could have put drugs in there, They have taken money out. They might be passing. I might be a safe drop, like a place.

She's an ignorant mule. She's been muling with no realization.

Bran Bamford is doing a joke where one of the bunch lies is they're stupid angels and I love them. No, No, they're they're big dumb angels, not stupid yeah, yeah, two strong dumb angels as it's nice. That is nice.

That's a good idea for an app though, if you need a mule.

I like that. I more like the idea that like, like spies will just use me like a like an old willow, Like you'll just be like you know that should will be over.

Grab the notebook, grab the notebook and write it down and solving old willow.

Dropping things into your v next sh.

To commemorate things.

I'm trying to remember what they call those those drop those safe drop places for that that spies would do. They're like they're not safety deposit box. N't safety deposit box, right, It's not a dead.

Drop, a cold drop something like that.

I think it's a dead drop, Thank you very much.

I am.

I am a bit of a dead drop. You can always catch up with me if I've moved, and I probably haven't. You could probably catch up with me and rifle in my pockets.

Also thinking just thinking about because it's staying with me. The story of the guy that was like my life is on fire, which like that's immediately three red flags. Someone's like I did a show with you, my life is on fire. That idea that that guy just his story was getting worse and worse, and I think normally people would go like, do you need money? Do you want to borrow my something like that, and Jackie's like, uh, do you need a hug?

The perfect spy.

Yeah, you're just.

Like, I don't know what you want and I can't figure it out, so forget me.

Let me give you instead some close physical contact. Yeah, it reminds me.

Do you remember Javanka Steel. Yes, okay, so I Javanca Steele and I had like a fight, like an open bike altercation where we yallered at each other or we were grumpy at each other or something, and we both left and I was like, I don't like her. And I saw her like two or three weeks later, and I completely forgot and and it really summed up how the fact that I forget that I don't like people or that I'm mad at them. And so I remember seeing her, oh Chevalcus Steele, and she was still mad

Yeah, it's funny because I joke about it.

I'm I worry about memory loss but but I never forget the people that have wronged me. And that's my only like the long list of grievances from decades ago, elementary school kids that wronged me, I still think about them, and I'm like my brain, I'm okay, it's still intact if I still remember those people.

Yes, but mine's great.

For my mother in law, I remember the good things.

Yeah, my mother in law refers to this. It will be pertinent at one point, but my mother in law refers to the dog as my baby and I'm his mom, and I'm like, we are not related. I am not We're just friends.

Yeah.

And the closest I And so I was thinking about as a I tried this on stage once and I made everyone uncomfortable, so I must rework it obviously, because I said the closest I ever came to sleeping with a dog, at which point the audience shuts down on me. And that's the opening. That's the that's a line that I thought was funny because but I think some people and then I say, because I had a crush on a guy named Dino Melli in third grade, And I said,

That happening, and I think there should be more of them.

Jackie, is this Are you getting your set ready for tonight? You have a you is tonight the night you're opening for Brian Rehan all week?

Actually, I'm in Solving tonight and then Irvine, Irvine, Irvine and then ox Stard.

Now that's right.

It's kind of southern California. I get to, you know, drive around and he's always so fun. I mean I literally I work with him maybe three times a year and he always has to do ten minutes about politeness and it's always fun for me. Who he's mad at because they have no courtesy.

I would love to see him mad.

It is probably actual. Anger is chilling and very very dangerous. I've never seen oh wow, yeah, but good to see him. Yeah his stand up, his stand up comedy, anger is always a delight where he's just like he was. One of my favorite bits of his was he was standing in land at Disneyland with his kids, and an entire family skipped in front of them, and he was like, how does that happen? And he's like, fan out, kids,

A new formation you know what, and I think it needs to be addressed. You froze during the very important parts of that energy.

And I don't use us as any kind of a guy or a judge of what you're going to do tonight, don't.

I was only guessing where it was going.

But when you when it went to Edward scissor Hands reference, I'm like, okay, I get it. I heard her straps and then I heard Edward. Just to let the audience know what what we're dealing with.

So Jackie, do you have any plugs or anything like that? Because you have done your time, you have given enough for all that you need to give us.

Well, let me say that I do stand up comedy, and I am going to be in Minneapolis, and then I'm going to be in Michigan, and then I'm going to be other places. But if you were to go to jackieation dot com or Familypetancestry dot com, which just lends you, leads you right to jackiecation dot com because I bought family Petancestry dot com and pointed it to jackiecation dot com because it made me laugh and I like the idea of someone thinking cat came over on

I love it. That's really a perfect name. You've been holding on for a while.

Right, No, it actually it was.

It was one of the six hundreds, right.

You would have thought, you would have thought, and I would have been holding on to that, but I thought it was a little hackey. And then I'm like, no, double down, go with it. And because I was thinking about going to get altercation and I may name all of them as puns of my name for the rest of maybe all of my album do it'll be.

Like just as an alter ego, never address it, but just have a like a sinister go tea and never addressed it altered.

I thought it like one of those curly mess like.

The Yeah, just all tying people to the railroad tracks.

Yeah, if you haven't seen Jackie's stand up comedy, you you simply must. You can see it on YouTube, as she just told us about Staycation. But also if you're on TikTok, follow Jackie and watch those clips. If you just get even the smallest sample of what this woman does on stage, you will want to see her live and you will want to follow her into.

The Yeah, I did that with Jackie, and we did a brewery or winery in Penaluma, and she did so well that I very very much did not want to get on stage.

And that's what she brings.

She brings bring for the comic that follows her.

She says, follow that motherfucker with just simply with her joke writing yes.

An old willow, thank you Jackie as an old willow with oh, and I we don't usually do this, but I want to give a shout out because our friend Dan Gabriel, he's a Bay Area comic. He said, my niece is a giant fan of you and Karen, and so I'm just giving a shout out to Natalie Meekins just because I be a sweet way and I'm like, that's a really nice message that you sent.

And so God thank.

Somebody trying to get word to us about this old, this old mule of a poscast.

Natalie, we're still trudging with a bad hoof and.

Some stay stay with us, Natalie. We're going to get back into that car and get off this mule.

Yeah, stay with us. Everybody.

Please pick me up on Sunday.

Okay, we'll be there up in Solvent.

I'll go back to solving all the.

Guy behind me. You've been listening to Do you Need a Ride?

D y n a R.

This has been an exactly right production.

Produced by Analise Nelson.

Mixed by John Bradley.

Our talent booker is Patrick Cottner.

Theme song by Karen Kogerrek.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast.

That's d y n R Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com thank you.

Oh, you're welcome.