S3 - Ep. 22 - Kevin Christy

I leave in I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay. We want to send you off in style. Do you want to welcome you back home?

Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Melcorn? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

And this is Karen Kilgariff.

Hello, Karen, my friend.

Hi Chris, how are you?

I'm great, good good, gray, good, good good. I've been been having a good time. I did a show two nights ago that I'm still feeling good about because it went well. And it was in a backyard and these people had like a their own speakeasy bar that they had modified their garage. But they had this cat that looked it was like a tiny black cat, kind of like the cat I had that. No one needs to hear those stories.

Again about Eline as right, yes.

About my cat that had AIDS and lived with AIDS for a long time. Until he died of it thrived. I've had a great life for a cat and had a similar similar personality to this cat, which I didn't. I just acknowledged and kind of petted. Then I'm on stage and the cat was just kind of wilin in the audience, like would even jump in someone's lap for a second and then jump off, but kind of delighting everyone, like a happy cat that was just excited. And I was on stage and I was like, the cat was

That was so you were able to go in and out of your act basically clocking where this cat was and then picking the perfect time to then invite the cat kind of into your act, yes, having moments with that, then going back and continuing.

It was a cat dictated set. I did mostly cat stuff that I feel like the cat would have liked, and it really.

Went a lot of fish material, Yeah, yeah, a.

Lot of nip, a lot of nip references. I'm going to miss that cat, that's all I'm saying. The cat has spoken for the people that lived there, own the cat. Ye, that's aw shit.

But the brag of having sway over animals more than average people, right, is something that not only is kind of a great brag, but you just proved it to a backyard full of comedy nerds.

They saw it happen and they were people were gasping. It was something. It may be a boring story, but very much in the moment felt like, oh my god, I have a magic ability. I'm racked.

It's not boring at all.

Yeah it was. He again sat by my feet for a good ten minutes.

He's a real fair Banks fan.

Oh god, this cat really like we really hit it off. And then I just went home. I'll never see this cat again. I know I won't. Anyway, that's what happened. I'll take that to the pro I'll be on Steven's podcast.

I'll do Oh that's a good idea.

This isn't the place for it, even though I've spent the time.

Look, I like it because it involves all the things we like, which is your story about your cat having feline aids.

Yeah. Everyone wants to hear updates.

Stand up stories, which we always want and we want to hear we don't. We want to hear the stories about how things are going good out there again for people. And I think this is like now nature is in support of stand up comedy.

Yeah, even though that story was a snooze fest, I checked all three of those boxes you.

Did, and again I'll argue that it was actually completely compelling the entire time you told it.

Thank you. And did you have an anecdote? Yeah? I just.

No, No, I actually did. My only anecdote is uh, I realized about half an hour ago that I'm wearing a sour shirt. You know, I think I left this load of laundry in the in the washing machine too.

Long, A saucer of milk? Did you leave your shirt and a saucer of milk?

I did a milk soak, which they said would be great. Uh so, because I kept thinking it was something in the room, so I kept like rinsing the sink and doing things, going at lighting candles, and I finally realized on the last call I was on, it's the shirt. Is this shirt I'm wearing?

Maybe it needs to be laundered?

Yeah, it sure does. It does.

Hey, well, I'm I don't smell terrific either, but you know, you know who does smell terrific? You know are today's guest.

Yes, this is zoom. I'm getting kind of an oreganoy like mom's home cooking odor from our guest today.

Yeah, like old country ship.

Yeah yeah, he's leather and cedar.

Farm barnwood.

Did I just say, Karen candles I was listening introduced.

No, it's okay. We can do a preemptive Okay, this is can talk about the candles.

Yeah, but candles, like the only people that like use candles as a solution or like witches and just the underwashed.

Yeah, people who like time their laundry correctly.

You could only fix candles. Can only like fight a ghost or deal with like excessive funk. Yeah, yeah, like a candle.

So you're describing people from uh, Salem Salem, Oregon are the stinkers?

No offense, Salem Massachusetts or Oregon.

Salem Massachusetts is the only you shouldn't be allowed to repeat city now.

You should from from grease the pond.

I don't know where, like where Kansas City is. It's which is Isn't there more than one?

Y It's there's one Kansas City, but it's it's in mostly Missouri and then a little bit in Kansas. You'd think because it's the city, it's up right.

On the state line, right, it is like four corners but half right. Yeah, yeah, four corners stand in all the states.

You can't handle fur corners. Kansas City is your spot. It's just the two elements to deal with.

That was a big vacation move for my parents' is we're going to four corners and you two kids are going to stand in four states at the same time.

Kids.

That was that was eighties Matrix Kids love geography.

Yeah, yep.

Today's guest Karen before we introduce him, that it's someone that everyone and he will back this up that we have so many things interests in common that everyone has said you should be friends with Christie.

People get mad.

Yeah, and we'll probably talk about a lot of those interests and try and include you, Karen, because it's going to be a lot.

Of I'm missed it back like a girl and sip my lemonade. Oh, he plays clubs and colleges all over this country. Please welcome mister Kevin Christie.

Kevin Christie, everyone, Hi, how are you no?

Alaska? Cop to the fact that she didn't even make that up? Did she stole that?

Is that true?

Yeah?

Oh, I felt terrible for so long because we really just ripped that straight off of her.

She in a pocket. She's like, oh yeah, I saw this, queen did it and I stole it immediately, because that's what drag waits too. You see something you like and you just remix it and now it's yours. And I was like, tight, Oh good.

I thought I stole it from my friends, who basically worked in like three jobs in a row. They were like the writing department, pas AP's producer, whatever. It was, this group of girls that I worked with several times, and they all did it because I think they were fans of Alaska thunderfucks. I thought they made it up. So I just thought I was stealing it from a friend, which is what every comic does for good good bits.

And yeah, I remember seeing Steve Byrne did a thing like just a tiny bit of crowd work, and then I did it like a weekly. I was like, hey, man, I did that thing goes oh no, that's for all of us, because that's that's that's for everyone. Like it was when you ask a couple how long they've been together if they're married, and you go, you know who's married? Things used to do in the early two thousands, this is the crowd married. When you're bombing and uh if

If need be.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Have you been doing stand up again, Kevin?

I have?

I have.

I'm at the comedy store every week again and this I do a room in Santa Monica with Neil Brennan every week and yeah.

And how it's fun. Are you glad to be back? How's your experience? Bend?

You can am?

I am glad to be back. I'm the last one wearing a mask. I get clowned now at the comedy store, Like people make fun of me for still wearing masks.

Even though the numbers are growing up up up.

I look, I'm super vaxed and boosted. But I just I don't know, it seems I will say. The one thing I liked about COVID is being able to look at everyone and think you're dirty. Yeah, like we were all dirty. It was great, ye go to anywhere you went. You were like, everyone's dirty. Look at all you Everyone's so dirty right now.

Yeah, it's okay if I look down on you for being dirty, because I'm also looking down on myself. Dirty dirty, We're all dirty.

It was my job to go to the market, like that was my function in our household. So I would be at al Are you one of the piggies, but don't say what size?

Yeah, the big one, the big one, big one.

I'm always stopping.

Look at the size of my zoom loft. I'm clearly a giant.

Yeah, yeah you're yeah.

So but I would go to the market, like, you know, seven in the morning because I want a toilet paper, and like just we all just looked at each other with the same like you're dirty, No, you're dirty. Just gloves, masks, the plastic.

Like all stop trying to be near me. There's a lot. I had a lot of that, Like I would do. This is a trick if you carry a large purse, if somebody's standing too close to you, you just turn around fast and hit them with your purse and then go ye, try them. But you basically say, hey, if I can't move and my purse hits you, then you're too close. You're standing too close to me. You're gonna go back it up.

Yep.

I do that with my backpack, which also is a skateboard on it. Whenever I travel, like getting off a plane, people get they start to crowd you. I do some side shuffles. Higel some of that pack. Ye how about little yeah, a little skateboard wheel to the ankle or to the elbow or the ankle. Get yeah.

I do the same with my bowstaff kind of carry it right.

And you can still get on a plane with that, right.

Yeah, it's just sure. I have a pole vault. So pole vaults is where they cut it down.

Yeah.

Yeah, kind of fun. So I thought you said a boat staff, like like you were one of those guys in Venice with the boat.

Yeah, yeah, it's probably the same length.

I'm going to look into this. Did they invent karate?

And I mean, what if there was some crossover we just didn't know about.

Okay, let me let me ask you this, Chris Fairbanks. That's documented. We've documented that you and I are and we basically have the same person. Yes, yeah, Were you also into taekwondo in the eighties?

No, No, I was not. I wrestled a little in college and then once I started drinking, I'd do a little street fighting with strangers, but I never did any organized in a facility because I was a street fighter. I was. It's a skateboarder, you know. I even if I was kind of interested in things and I was sort of into wrestling, A lot of people don't know that about me.

I'd like to now, I know, to never fight you just a singlets. Hey, I'm not like a calf fight a wrestler. I know, never fight a wrestling All you gotta do is look at someone's ears. Yeah, Bobby Lee also was a wrestler. Don't fight Bobby Lee.

Well, they'll grapple you right down to the ground.

Most fights end up on the ground, and now you're on the ground with someone who knows what to do on the ground, you're gonna get fucked up. Yeah, yeah, you get Also, wrestlers have spent so much time with another human on top of them trying to hurt them, they're calmer, and if you're calmer to fight, you're gonna win. This is based on the fact that I haven't been to fight in maybe thirty five years.

Oh yeah, that's.

The knowledge I'm bringing to Can we solve this for Kevin and get him into kind of a classic street fight where we can and then practice just calming down in the moment.

Yeah, just almost like a meditation thing. Yeah.

Just Chris, next, meet Staple and stay pressed, stay out.

For keep it in mind.

Coach. Yeah, I brought a coach.

Yeah yeah, get ready.

Yeah, he's a wellness coach. He came with this loft.

Drink this juice. Drink this juice slowly. Now start punching and make sure it comes from a good place. No.

Eighty Taekwondo in Los Angeles in the eighties was hot?

Was it because of Karate Kid and that kind of Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Karate Kid warped all of our brains. Yes, I don't know anyone who saw Karate Kidd and didn't immediately try to beat up whoever was sitting next to them in the theater.

Yeah. All all I got from that movie is I want a BMX bike with twenty four inch rims. I wanted the big Yeah. I'm like, I get it out of the dumpster and have your karate old man friend help you because I want that bike. And I've had a couple of them just like it. That The point is dreams come true.

It was so sad that he hated that bike. You're like, that's a sweet bike, dude.

Yeah, yeah, goes any of us said, ever say.

I also wanted to live in like a Japanese style house. I was like this whole movie like they were in the valley. Yeah, I was already in the valley. I'm in the valley now. I don't live here, but I feel comfortable here.

Eight when a native like our Bernie Stevens die, I.

Was born in the eight one eight Yeah, wow.

Yeah, I I so far very don't much.

I don't spend much time here, but when I get back, it feels comfort. You know what I like about the valley. The valley has no master. The valley just does whatever it wants. There no hierarchy here, none, You're just building whatever. It's like apartment buildings, someone's castle, and then just a three bedroom house, and then a vape store, and then another castle, and then just.

A white farmhouse with rocking chairs on the front portray You're like, why did you put that here? We're nowhere near even a yard, much less farm.

Martin Lawrence like, it's just it's it's every It's just a wonderful, chaotic, scary place.

Yeah. This you can just go through the valley and see Martin Lawrence jogging with wearing trash bags, trying to lose weight. No, we don't remember why he was doing that, but I think it was trying to lose weight for yeah. Yeah, yeah, totally for bad boys too. Yeah. I feel like it was for bad boys too. I doo. Yeah, but he kind of had a psychotic episode.

I think, didn't you just pass out and have strokes?

Yeah?

Yeah, it was dehydrate.

But before he passed out, wasn't he in the center of an intersection yelling at cars?

Sure?

I believe there was an element.

Yeah, well, I thought.

It was really funny though not havn't Yeah, yeah, and at a high volume. I was talking to Sulie McCullough about this. There's a generation of like that kind of late nineties early two thousand deaf jam guys that I don't know that they get the credit they deserve for murdering harder than anyone who's ever done stand up. Like, yeah, you know guys like Earthquake, Well, Earthquake just have that special come out, but it's so good. Room melters like

Those people, you can't follow them, and they can't follow them.

The last where the people have to stand up, like it's just those people were fucking in like Pete Martin Lawrence, he was burning rooms to the ground. Kat Williams like.

Just the Entertainer is one of the best set up comics.

Cedric Comedy set is one of the best things I've ever seen. Yeah, yeah, even I mean, uh, the Game show why can't think of his name is Steve Harvey Harvey set Steve Harvey Ay, the greatest family feud host of all time, like maybe the greatest horrified like maybe the greatest facial expression takes of anyone you've ever seen of all time. Yeah, but I've never you know how comedians like big community like I don't care what you think.

Using very few people using looks of disappointment in them.

He runs that audience. Yeah, yeah, true. Also, his fashion lately is incredible.

It's so funny where its. April Richardson is one of the people that said you have to be best friends with Kevin, and she she has a bit of an animosity towards him because her mom that's her favorite comic. And then meanwhile, her mom was not acknowledging that it. Maybe April did it on it on a somewhat similar level. She just was like, well, I don't know what level your comedy and you're but but yeah, you're nothing compared to this guy. Of course already forgot his name again.

Steve Harvey.

Harvey, Steve Harvey.

Steve Harvey was on the talk show I worked on one time, and he can't He was being super funny. But they started talking about a time that when he went to visit a Neverland ranch and Michael Jackson and then he just went and the host was like, and how is that? And he and he just goes and I won't be able to do it correctly because he's a He's like Will Farrell, where just saying plain words is funny in a way that it isn't same with

Yeah, is what they're saying. He is that the Kings of comedy dudes were a kind of funny that like, you're not allowed to be that funny anymore, Like you, it's not really allowed in televised comedy anymore. There's like comedy, there's like comedy. It takes place in clubs and rooms and stuff, and then there's televised comedy and you're not to be as funny as that group was anymore. You see it like a case. You see flashes of occasionally, but it's like Leslie Jones is that funny? Like you

Yeah. When that when the Comedians of or Kings of Comedy came out, I was doing stand up already, and I remember not relating to the reaction they're getting.

I'm like, well, I the Queens of Comedy killed that hard too that tour two Samoa like that, those comedians that money right, she was on that Monique killed so hard in that special. You're just like, Okay, I'm not gonna you're doing that like you you raise roofs, yes, And I tell people what things are in my head.

Yes, And I tried to talk about my theories on things which true. Who gives a shit.

At best everyone or at eighty percent or lightly tickled.

Just giving them something to think about on the way home.

There's nods. I love when an entire crowd just gives me a nice nod of approval. That's really I know what you're trying to do. But yeah, no one's ever fucking screaming and throwing chairs. They're like, I stand up.

They're like the other Kermits and muppets take Manhattan when he becomes a businessman, and they're just like, hmm, like where did all these other frogs come from? All of a sudden, like that we found out there was new muppets, like other muppets, like Multiverse muppets worked on Wall Street for some reason. Yeah, and no one had brought them into the other Muppet universe.

Well, like the Arty Muppets on Sesame Street, right, everyone else had to have a normal job. These guys were like the actors, Yeah, the Jugglers.

East Village Muppets and Wall Street Muppets and that.

And the hardest thing to wrap your mind around is that would mean and of course there has to be multiple frank Oz's voices and voicing them, you know, one hundred.

Percent, that's right business frank Oz, no.

Man behind a countertop with their hand in the air, film covered with felt get away perv, waiting.

For him to do a weird voice but all all business. Frank Oz's voices are just him. It's not he doesn't change it at all, goes yeah, I'm a frog.

Now.

I have a story that's connected to the story Kevin told when we weren't recording. But I really want to tell it anyway, And I may have already told it on this podcast because we were talking audience people who weren't here. We were talking about when things are overtly sexual, but you can't acknowledge it because there's old people or your parents or your relatives in the room.

So who will all maybe say that's what she said? And we hope that they don't anymore, but.

They might offend it. Yeah right, I can go one of two ways.

Both back, yeah, yeah, both bad ways.

So I wasn't for this. My sister can't even tell the story without crying, laughing. They were all, uh, my aunt Jean, my dad, my mom, my sister, and my cousin Cheryl were eating dinner at my aunt Jean's house and they were talking about my cousin or you know, not related cousin Janie because she went out with a guy that was in my high school class. And that guy's name was Robert Hunt, but of course freshman year,

Busis I still don't get it. I'm gonna need you to say it out loud.

His name was Mike Hunt. Oh no, I like it, not really, but that's they just called him Mike, right.

Of course I made you say that.

Sorry, No, it's okay. That's I mean. If I started the story. So my aunt Jean says, Janice did, My says, did Jennie break up with that boy she was dating that was in Karen's class? My aunt Jane says, yeah, I think they broke up a while ago. What was his name? And they go and my sister, without thinking, goes Mike, and my aunt Jene goes, I know his last name was Hunt, and then she goes, my god,

I want your dad to have been like I was in the service with the guy with that kind of mouth.

Yeah, he got three men killed.

I got in a laughing fit the other day at home. I wasn't. I had taken some metabals, okay, guys, I'm forty five.

It's okay, of course, for medicinal purposes.

Yeah, And I started for some reason, me and my girlfriend came like what if my name was Brick and just having to say Brick Christie, like having like the K sound and the C sound are too close together. So they become one and I almost barfed, like because it was just me and my house yelling brick Christie like that, Yeah, because you don't want you couldn't say it, can't say it soft, You'd have to say hard. And it's it's like you don't have to shake someone's hand

He's a real he's a real hard.

He's like what was that Will Ferrell sketch where they'd beat a bar talking about like making up fake stories about.

Yeah yeah, and the name of the guy was the Dancers No Club.

He scissor Kickedberry Bill Brasky, Bill Brasky, He scissor kicked Angela Lansbury made me almost pass out when I was when I heard that. But they gave him all giant red alcoholic noses.

Guy. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, they all have fake teeth.

Oh YouTube, it was like mad Men after Dark. It was like what the real the reality of mad Men looks like.

As opposed to what mad Men look yeah yeah yeah, not as soft lensed, not as sexy. Yeah yeah, that yeah, Bill Brasky, I forgot about that. Yeah. But Kevin, you and I we okay, we both end up we both you your actor, you're you've are very accomplished actor. You're a very good actor.

You've been lucky to have acted a lot.

Yeah, you've been in Masters of Sex. Is that the name of the show? You said that you? Yeah, that is that is what she said. Yeah, and uh you and but you also are interested in skateboarding.

You're also I was raised the skateboarder.

Very good artist you are. I feel like, would you argue that right now you are predominantly a fine artist that does gallery shows for your pay.

For the last year I have been allowed to have a fine art career. Yeah, now, which was is crazy and was very unexpected, is it though?

Because you were I remember because I saw your work go from you did a lot of line like contour line, very sure uh graphic across actually black line artwork. I thought that was great, And then I remember you doing a lot of like textures like uh, you know, just studies in texture like eighties looking almost airbrush, but you're doing it by hand and maybe with stencils. And now you're doing this, who's that painter Hopper. Do you like Hopper,

Thank you. H Yeah. I started right as a little before COVID started. I decided to reteach myself how to oil paints. I hadn't done it since art.

School, nor if I. Yeah, and were you intimidated by it?

No? I just wanted to paint bigger and I was painting in guash and gwash is really expensive. You can't make a giant painting and guash I still don't know.

What it is. It's always an ingredient on a painting. When you're in a gallery, it says gash. Still don't know what it is?

Is it like it's opaque water color. It's what graphic designers used in like the twenties. But you can make it really flat.

Is it in stick form?

No, it's in tube form. But the tubes are tiny and shockingly expensive.

Oh I've seen those, Okay, Yeah, I just they saw the price and I didn't want to know what gash was.

They made us use them in art school when you took design one and it was so expensive. There was an art school or an art store in Glendo called Swains that would have the Art Center sale for Art Center students, and guash was fifty percent off and the line was like around the block right right, because the tube was twelve dollars in your art school, so you're very poor. Yeah, but yeah, it's very bright colors and it dries very flat, and that's why designers use it

That is terrific. And you know you're doing well when you're doing the county fair circuit. Now that's a little jab.

That's a little jab and that when you say art fair, people are like, yeah, there's one at a park near my house. Yeah, not the same thing. There's understand there's a lot.

Of different fares, lady.

It's nice to meet you on your I've seen the art fair. They hang the art on the fence around the corner right there.

There's a peg board. Yes, yeah, there's there's there's cotton candy, and there's those lemon slushies that you can get at the Rose Bowl personally, and then there's.

My art guys, and then there's a lot of watercolors of parrots, and then there's Kevin's and.

Smash Mouth is going to play.

Yeah, it was a great day for this. FAM's going to be a.

Great ever Clear and Smash. We don't know who opens, we don't know why. It doesn't matter, doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah, so it's I mean, I can't I can't be cynical about it. It's awesome. I just get to paint and people buy them.

It's very done. You've done graphics for like Toy Machine what like You and I both. I feel like you and I are the only stand ups. I said this before we start recording, but you and I are the only stand ups that have done this a long time that I think have also done artwork specifically for skateboards. Yeah, I would be a safe assumption.

Yeah probably. I've done a few series for Toy Machine, which is owned by artists and skateboarder Ed Templeton, and I lied to him and tricked him into letting me do skate graphics and it worked, and it was I like an idiot. I had them pay me in decks instead of money, because you're a stupid adult child. And

A long time A guy did a Bob Burnquist graphic for the firm, and I wounded that I had gotten No one has those boards. That money was gone immediately to pay my half of the rent that month.

Yeah, and I like, how many boards could I get? And I remember the guy was like, no one's ever asked that I was welcome to stupid down. I had to. There were so many I could. They couldn't ship them to me because it costs one thousand dollars. So I had to drive to San Diego and fill a Volvo that It's like it would have been the dumbest looking car wreck of all time, just debts all over the freeway. And I just gave him to anybody who needed him. Like a lot of door guys at the comedy store

It was.

I mean that's how I learned to draw, is copying skke grab and you are.

You are imagining fourteen, fifteen year old Kevin looking at you accomplishing this, and it's more important than anything you could.

Comedy or it was an unruinable day. I was like, you can't talk to me right now.

I think a lot of it. For me, I'm always thinking that, I'm like, how do I would little kid me look at this and think, oh man, I'm so cool in my forties. Yeah, like that is that is a driving force with me.

I lived near a high school. Gross and but there was a I saw a kid wearing a piece of band merch that I drew like twenty I mean almost twenty years ago, and I was like, this is so great. Like I was like, kick you and I took a picture.

Yeah, but I was just like Kevin, I to ask you to stop interacting with teens.

Yeah wait, it's how am I going to do this in a way that's not insane?

The photo from over five hundred feet away?

Yeah, zoom lens.

I said, I lived near a high school. I got a picture of a kid wearing a Kings of Leon shirt. Then I technically drew and.

Then you pop open the trunk and say, who wants to buy a jump rope? Yeah? You know, yeah, that's just Joe.

That stuff. That stuff is I'm not I can't be cynical about an that stuff. When I see that stuff, it gets me pretty excited. Yeah, because normally, just even now, when I sell a painting, it just goes to somebody's condo. Like I don't know, I'd never see him again. It's just some rich person now has this in condo and I'll never see it ever again.

You are so then, you are right now in your life predominantly making your living as a fine artist.

I would say it's like fifty to fifty. Yeah, fifty to fifty like stand up fifty let's just say showbiz with so many disease and fifty percent just making paintings. Yeah, I mean that is all basically because of the gallery that I am now involved with. It's all No, it's all them. It's like a it's like you know, doing stand up versus like having a successful Netflix special or something like. As soon as they got involved, it turned into a real thing.

That's so cool.

It's I mean, dude, I you know, It's what I always kind of hoped what happened someday because my closet was getting very just of stacks of just paintings that would go away.

From skeletons and secrets.

Yeah, people like, hey, I like your arm, but just come to my house. You'll leave with so much because there's just so much.

But you did there. You maybe did the same thing with me where I used to be on the road, and while I was on the road, I would take with me. I used to do illustrations for this aptitude test and Texas like word problems would have illustrations. So I'd be on the road doing stand up and then in my hotel would have to draw you know, kids doing projects. I never knew what the questions were. They would never let me know the questions because it's part

You used to have to do those like random business y spot illustrations for like I remember having a job for like a British business magazine. It was like this one's about team buildings, so it's there like me drawing business people like holding hands or like doing a handstand carad.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was like you had you get the weirdest jobs, like I'm the cut like they used I did had to do an illustration of Flannery O'Connor. So that's just a Flannery O'Connor textbook in Spain. And you're like, this is sort of dumb, but also all right, I'll take it.

Can I see what my favorite commercial illustration is, which is the one that's in the front of the dry cleaners, And it's an illustration of a lady who I think you're supposed to believe is the tailor that works inside the dry cleaners. But she it's usually like a very kind of fifties looking blonde lady and she's got like glasses and then like a pencil behind her ear and like she's sewing something.

And there's a there's a guy for yes, you see it all the time, and he has those like barbershop quartet things on his sleeves.

Yep.

It clearly you can order, like you can go and order window stickers or window art for your business in this way. But it's kind of this universal much like the guy on the pizza box it's just like an Italian guy with the big mustache holding a pizza or whatever. There's like a dry cleaner version, but there's one where I've I've taken the picture because I'm like, what, she's so sassy's it's like she's winking at you and it's like she's a tailor. But it's like just get in here.

There's this really good documentary about J. C. Lion Decker. Do you know what J. C. Lion Decker is?

Now? Okay? J C.

Lion Decker quickly maybe the greatest illustrator of all time.

This was almost like a little bit art decoee and kind of like flouris a lot of flourishes.

Yeah, like the guy who did the Star Wars posters in like Indiana Jones early on was emulating him. That's super crisp and like everything's just perfect and slick. He's I mean, if you want to look up illustration get into J. C. Liondecker because that dude.

Yeah, I was a ripper. Yeah, especially the inspired Rockwell. And that's that's so cool. There's only any painting of Rockwell. I just imagine a cop leaning over talking to a kid. That's all. I on a commemorative plate. Yeah, that I try to not break at my grandma's.

My grandparents only knew that art is Norman Rockwell. So every Christmas, Kevin got a Norman Rockwell book.

Yeah, this start.

But I do have a I will say I have a sweet ass plate that's you know, the one where he's drawing himself in the at.

The end, Yeah, yeah, looking at her.

And I have a commemorai plate of that badass. Yeah that's grandma's house. Yeah.

Yeah.

I also have a print my mom. I got a normal I guess Sears did like a Norman Rockwell print series in the seventies. And I have like the Four Freedoms that they did the Four Freedoms, and I have freedom to worship, which was an odd choice for my mom to put in a house with my dad, who didn't go to church, but I think she was trying to like push him in that just a suggestion. Yeah, here, buddy, this is a nice painting. Get into the word.

Have you heard the good word?

Have you heard the good news?

We're free to hear about it.

Yeah, yeah, I went to that. They had a Norman Rockwell exhibit at the Ronald Reagan Museum, which was good but tough to enjoy considering where you were.

Yeah, that's too much at once. It was a lot.

It was.

It was the most whiteness you could absorb, truly white in one place. Yeah, I will say those old illustrations zone now go for a fortune, like they finally are kind of they cost what they should. Like. No, if you want to buy a Norman rock O painting, you're spending a million bucks.

Sure.

Even in Lion Decker Well, Lion Decker famously like got rid of all his art, like destroyed it all, but some was saved, Like he said his will like destroyed it. He wanted it all destroyed for some reason.

When he burned it.

I think like his partner was instructed to like burn it. But then they found like a huge stash of it in the basement or the attic of like their New York mansion. He forgot he was like rich there was a point where illustrators back then were like stars. So he was like super super super loaded. Yeah, but like live in a huge like New York state, upstate type.

Of making your you know, basically common law husband burn your art. That's such a bitch move, Like it's basically like peace and you get nothing, like well bind that stuff.

Back then, that stuff was worthless. Like there's a guy, okay, there's a there's an art store in the valley on Laurel Canyon. I can't I can't remember what it's called. But for a long time they used to have paintings all over the wall, like up high of this guy Andrew Loomis. Andrew Loomis. If you've ever got one of those how to Paint a Horse booklet? Sure, Oh yeah, that's Andrew Loomis, like how to paint it?

Like I got him right here.

Yeah, And I guess he went in there one day and was like, hey, can I give you all these paintings and I can just get free art supplies. So there was like twenty of the like the nicest, like perfect nineteen fifties illustrations on the wall and you couldn't buy them. They were like no they're not for sale, and you couldn't. You're like, can I get closed there? No? No, no, And now they're not there more so I think someone was like, would you get these out of here? Yeah?

These kids get robbed?

Yeah in an art store on Laurel Canyon. Your valsurf Like this isn't enough, Like these are worth fortune. One time I had to transport my friend was the art director for a Foo Fighter's cover that Raymond Pettybone did, the guy who did the black flag logo. And I went to pick him up and he had a stack of like Raymond Pettybone drawings of like the stuff, and he just put it in the back of my Hanta

Oh my god. There's so many good documentaries about like art scams and did you you know that one scammer that basically got that per I'm not going to be able to retell it accurately, but it's like the highest level art scam where they were like, oh, look we have and it's like, you know, I won't I don't even know.

Oh, there's tons of like the fake Jackson Pollock thing was a big one, So many fake boscots because I just to throw them away and then people would pretend to find them in like the trash. Yeah, so there's a bit, just lots. It's tough with with Boscio that Andy Wereol Diaries documentary is really good, does it? Yeah, it's really good.

I started it. I did. I thought it would be more footage of parties with New Order playing in the background. So I did it really, Like, here's the cathedral. I'm like, oh, we're gonna start with it. It's just going back too far. I'll revisit it. But yeah, it's good.

It's very good.

I mean he yeah, but didn't he get shot in the stomach.

Some crazy galerie story.

That was her? You know her name?

Yeah, she shot this. I had at but she had a what's the word I'm looking for when you write up your proposal fanger manifesto. She had a whole manifesto. I couldn't think of it. There's a real good movie with Lily Taylor about her that Tyler.

Is so good.

She's so good, and she's Taylor is so good. Yeah, she sh she guys, she's a good one.

She actually was in a stand up audience. I didn't have to do a set, thank god. It was like this was mid this was this was late nineties, early two thousands, and it was some shitty fucking room that was also a bookstore in Santa Monica. It was like bad news. And I was with I think I was with Jeanine. I was with some friend that was on the show, and I was standing in the back and Lily Taylor was right in the middle, and she was

Stand up isn't okay? This is I think for I think I can say this to comedy is a mental illness, yes, you know, And I just think comedy isn't for most everyone, Like I think it at this point should be like professional wrestling, where we just exist in our little space with where the parameters are understood, and like, don't try to make us culture. We're not. No, we're not even

No?

I shouldn't like stop writing books, should not like these are the least well read people I've ever known. I'm including myself, and we're writing books.

Everyone's writing books, everybody want no one's reading them, but we're all.

Like here's like like you should have to you s just have to do so many book reports to a publisher before they let you write a book, like stop stop making us in the philosophers. We're just not no, and the three of us are some of the smartest comedians on the planet on available Like if we are not done, I narry a chair humping between us, and I'm saying and I shall do it. Don't hand don't leave me your keys, you know what I mean, Like, don't don't leave us, let us, let us go back

Here's the thing that is couldn't be more true. I think comedians are the ones that somehow suddenly decide that they are philosophers and that they are right. I mean I when I am self serious, it's the it's the worst and the least funny, and it's so easy because to me, being funny is like almost this nauseating side effect. It's this personality I built when I was like eight, and it's just never gone away. But I and I

Saying best when I see people do that. Oh, so you want to be in trouble. So you're looking you want to be in future trouble. That's what you want. You want the future. You're you're trying to grow. What you're doing is you're watering a seedling of future disdain. Is what you're doing when you're like, well the thing about you know, Israel and Palestine, You're like, oh, here we go, this should be awesome. Yeah, there's it's even to me, the Achilles heel of any comedian is wanting

You have to change your buyer to all are welcome here.

Net.

Yeah, but it's a nice I'm glad there are you know, aren't There aren't many moments where you're really glad you're a comedian, but one of them, I'm glad I'm a comedian to just kind of cut the pretension of also being a working artist down.

That was my least favorite part of being in art school and you you have to sit and as students critique other people's work, and there was always someone and they would be the least talented artists, but they were so good at bullshitting about art and it drove me nuts. Like the people that wanted to talk about it and talk about theory it. I hated it. Oh.

I was in a class once and this student had planned to do something involving like running a cop car, but they couldn't get it together, so instead they just wrote on the wall can we leave early? In German? Which was hilarious. I was like yeah, But then we proceeded to have to talk about it for twenty minutes and I was one. I was like, guys, guys, guys. They admitted this was a joke. What are we doing here?

They're just in a German class? Like, there's nothing more to it?

Can we? I mean, the amount of people I saw had to watch burning love letters was a lot like I've had. I had to sit through the critique of a pile of actual garbage I don't know seven different times, like seven separate times. Someone brought in garbage put it on the ground and we had to discuss detritus, and we had to discuss it was just like, homie, yeah, just you can just paint an apple like it's fine.

Yeah, And that's what I was always doing. I'm like, I don't know. I had some fruit or I had a photo of boats and I painted it and I like the way it looks. And then the kid who cut off one of his dreadlocks and also smeared some poop on the canvas would get an a because he talked about it for thirty minutes, and it drove me nuts that I love that that that you don't have to deal with that as much in the comedy world, Like you don't have to talk about a.

On the way here, I saw a woman with a white woman with dreadlocks, and I just I just wondered to myself, who are you emulating?

Now?

Like where's that coming from? I feel like most fashion is like a, hey, you're cool, I'm gonna do that. So who's the Patreon's patron saint of white people dreadlocks?

The people in lab coats from the matrix? I mean that's we know they are the most particular, each one a perfect circumference.

Maybe it's from like a yoga cattle yoga clothing catalog, and then there's one lady in there that's making it work.

They can't all be from Denver, you know what I mean. It can't only be Denver doing this, and it can't only be New Mexico. We can't pin it on just those places.

It's yeah, it's I feel fab la the only I.

Feel like there's one Every bad thing gets an exception. And Keith Morris from Black Flag is allowed to keep his tread box. I see him all the time. He lives in Felis. Yeah, he lives in those Felis. I'm walking. Look, I don't care like they they're is and that they have a bald spot. Always not sure. I'm worried. I'm worried that we do have some traction alopecia where the way he's pulling back, you know, like a ballet answer experiences.

He's earned it.

Yeah.

Originally singer Black Flag Circle Jerks come on and wrote a decent book. I read his book. It was very just like this is what happened. We're all fucked up. That's what I want. I want just like we were fucked up and.

You're like yeah, And then he pulls out one dreadlock and he's like, that happened right about here, like the rings of a tree. But he pulls the hair apart a little bit, like a lighter falls out Canyon Club.

Right here.

I can still smell it.

Is a pine cone.

I didn't.

Yeah. When I think of Black Flag, I just think of the guy from Henry Rowlands. Yeah.

And now, for some reason, Mike Valley is the lead singer of Black Yeah.

Yeah. Sometimes yeah, I don't know if now, sometimes it's a perfect amount yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, just the occasional occasional like oh he's sick, yeah yeah, yeah, I might be all right, all right cool.

I love that all of these punk bands became kind of like popular. They were around when I was a young teen, and we knew not to pretend. You weren't allowed to pretend to like punk if you actually didn't no very serious what you were talking about. So it literally scares me to be in this conversation because right

Yeah, and I was basically pretending I didn't care. I didn't know or care about the dead Kennedys or the sexpistles. But was I writing it on every single notebook when I was a kid while secretly was just listening to The Cure Yeah, and OMD and all my sisters music. Yeah, but I knew, I knew how to draw the logos, So that buys you, so street.

That does help.

I was forced to listen to the Cure, and like, you know Smiths, my brother as room was next to mine, and I.

Don't like the Cure.

I don't.

I never had a choice.

I wasn't given the chance to have them introduced to me because my brother were at night shift at a supermarket, so at five am, the Smiths were just ripping through my house. So like, I know the words to every more Seene Smith's song against My Will, same with Tira, the same with nine inch Nails, Knits, Reb, the Sugar Cubes. You know all of it, and all of it's good,

Like it was your alarm clock.

Yeah, literally, a New Order would just start blaring from my brother's bathroom. He had a giant boom box that he would turn on when he would take a shower, and so it was just every morning, I'm seventeen.

Bizarre love Triangle. I guess it's time to go to school.

Really, like, I shouldn't be this sad.

My sister was older than me, so she was always the one driving, and she basically controlled the radio unless I really fought her. So I had the exact same thing, but the inverse, because I wanted to be less to all those bands you just named. But I was listening to Boston, Foreigner, AC DC, fucking all of it and had to and that was just kind of, like, you know, it was just kind of the way of the world.

I asked a guy from Boston. I was like, are the Pixies a big like band in Boston where people from Boston love him? He's like, Nope, not as much as you think, he goes. Most of them are into the band Boston. I was like, yeah, wow, that tracks right, that makes sense. Yeah, yep, yeah, have you.

Ever there's a you probably haven't seen it because I had to go down a weird dive on YouTube, but there is a long interview with David Bowie talking about how great he thinks the Pixies are and it's really fun.

I don't know, have you seen have you seen Loud Quiet Loud their documentary? No, it's great and it's fascinating because it's like the whole documentary are like, did you guys just meet? Why are they this awkward around each other? It's incredible they didn't get along right, all kinds of it's it's it doesn't feel comple like they didn't get along. I think it's just literally everyone in the band has the exact same personality and they just can't They don't know how to hang out with anybody.

But yeah, I feel like the Pixies, they all were dependent on some chemical and it was never the same. One one was a drinker, the other ones on barbituus, the other one.

In the documentary, the drummer became the drummer became a magician, right, oh wow, that's when, you know, But like a professional, I think a professional level magician, like he was making a living doing kind of like magic stuff. And so one of the shows his parents are coming, so he opens the show with his magic. No, and I will say it was respectable magic. You were like, oh you have a real magic act. Drummer of the Pixies.

Yeah, I love Matt I when I say oh no, I think of bad magic.

But well then later in the documentary he's so high they have to like stop a show, like, you know, he's just he's like waste and he keeps playing this one part of the song when it should have stopped being that part of the song. Yeah, he's just going for it too hard. And you see Frank blacko are you high like that?

Oh wow? Really?

Yeah? I got Frank Black's autograph on a book that was pretty exciting.

In Glinda say Frank Black or Black Francis. He said, Frank Black, Well, well that's how you know you got a good one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was at a party once that Kim Deal came to that was really exciting. We all just kind of stood on one side of a pool and stared at her standing on the other side of the hole.

Yeah, I mean I think I saw I saw one of I saw the Pixies when Kim Deal was still touring with him, and it was like, you guys are the coolest band I've ever seen. You're so weird. Like I just listened to them, I'm like, who the hell we're in your head? Were you like the song should sound like this?

Yeh?

In the documentary, the guitar players just going bear like and Frank Blacke's that's a classic Pixies guitar solo. You're just like, I guess when they when they came back the very they you know, hadn't tourn a long time. They did Coachella and Radiohead was playing. They're like, yeah, we're Radiohead, but the fucking Pixies are about to be on like they're the weirdest band. They're so good. It just does I can't. I can't listen to and be like, how did this even happen?

Is it all?

Because it can't be all Frank Black because Kim Deal wrote some like great, so obviously reader baders are so what's the weird alchemy that is this bizarre sounding band? Like, hey, let's just use these lyrics in Spanish and they're like this one's about me being molested, but there's a Spanish party, like cool. Yeah, it's like they had They just were like, we're going to just do this and see what happen.

Also, I just am mad that more women don't do what I do and and dress like Kim Deal, just kind of wear a weird shirt and hope for the best. Like that's I every time I see a picture from him, like that's what I'm doing. No one does this with me, No one.

You're just gonna hang. You're a Kim Deal like you. I like, when I look at you, I'm like, that's all right.

Girl, Karen, you are a Kim Deal. You're a big Kim Deal.

Those were my There wasn't. There was a band in the nineties and kind of an l a band called Edna Swap Yeah, and you know they famously they wrote Torn which then Natalie and Broly. The angriest I think I've ever been is when Karok played the Natalie and Brouly version. I called in a fervor, like in sense I was literally yelling at Tammy Heidi because she was like brand new at the place, and so she was answering phones and I'm like, what the fuck is this bullshit?

Yeah good, Hey, that's a good merch callback. Yeah that was a good That was very impressive And I drew that. Did you know that?

Oh that's so that's an exactly right callback you guys I've been in since the beginning.

Yeah, family has been supporter.

There are some people that just pump their fists.

I DM so many unused merch ideas, like it is something.

I thought long ago.

I am the seeing of unused merch ideas for my friends podcast. I DM what I think are truly brilliant ideas. And I'm like, if you and every it's like, if you don't do this, you're fucking stupid and you don't like money and why like I don't understand that there's a business involved, and maybe they can't just like call a printer immediately, and I'm just like, I DM uh Tom Segura an idea a couple of weeks ago, and

I think your merch idea for my favorite murder was amazing though. But I'm not the only one that that was it.

I was gonna draw Karen and Georgia shot style, like police sketch style. Oh yeah, But I realized in retrospect, I maybe should have made the drawing of Georgia ladding on any level, like I couldn't.

Yeah, yeah, everyone here, there weren't.

Many, like just frontal pictures of her. It was a lot of head turn and you need a dead frontal one. And the only frontal one I could find to work from just it was like a passport level.

It's different for girls. It's different for girls.

Yeah you got that, find the right photo reference.

You can't make someone look. You can't take to a seemingly attractive people and be like what if you weren't? They're like, why would I do this?

Imagine the world a cartoon character.

Turn it down a little bit, like, hey, you want some merch where.

You look sick?

What about an oversized cat? And for no reason, you're holding a surfboard on a war.

Yeah, you're just all My ideas for people are just their worst traits. I'm just like, hey, Burt, you're super fat. You want to like lean into that ship.

Yeah, it's weird.

He didn't, he didn't message me back. It's so crazy what happened and I and I'm so I just hurt. But Kevin, now you have the fucking the last laugh where you're like, well, then go to my fucking gallery if you want an idea for Yeah, how about you go to my New York City show.

Let me tell you the turning down I do now is just exquish. Yeah. I'm like, no, I can't do your T shirt design. I got to deal with this fine art waiting list. You dick.

With art stuff. It was the coming up with a price and scolding yourself by making an hourly thing, because the better you get, the faster you can finish things. It's like, wait, I'm I'm doing myself a disservice doing an hourly thing. I'll just come up with these numbers. I don't mind it as much would stand up where I'm like how much do you want for a set?

The very first like solo show I ever had was this gallery in San Francisco called Jack Hanley Gallery, and he was a super He's a rad mellow, just kind of like hippie dude, and he was like, what do you want to price them? I was like, well, I want so that anyone can buy him. And he was like, all right, what's up? And I was like, sure, two hundred and fifty bucks. And I see him and there was a lot of drawings, but I could see his

Yeah space, you're in the gallery just like you're not doing anybody favors. It's not about that anymore.

Like I sold everything in the New York show I had, and I guarantee I didn't cover their rent. There's no way like these space Like they opened a space here in LA you were in there.

For a full month, So that is the realistic expectation is that you cover their rent that month.

Yeah, but they have like multiple shows at time like the space they have in La it's the old Kelly Paper place. It's eight thousand square feet. Like oh, they have to sell thousand, like millions of dollars in art just to cover their expenses, so like low balling any of it. I'm just like, this isn't my business man, I'm just here making these and these guys got to pay.

The pricing is about it's about demand, it's about stance, it's a you know, it's about optics. So it's like you have a painting that's like a big green square and if the price I'm sure I feel like I've seen this in movies or something. But it's like, if you stick ten thousand dollars on there, someone might buy it, but if you if you go two fifty, people are like that old shitty square. It's just all there's a lot of that kind of human interpretation.

Right, I mean, art is very wacky. My favorite art story is so John Hughes's lawyer bought uh the Jeff Koons Basketball Chambers, which was a glass chamber that came with two basketball It's like aquarium with two basketballs in water and it comes with a certificate that says you can change the water and the basketballs because the basketball is to plate in water. And it costs two million dollars. And that's hilarious and stupid. Yeah, I'm so glad it happened,

Human, I guess and connected. And also it's the thing that in this town is thrown out the windows so quickly where people love because there's so few people that have any kind of a handle on talent or taste or what's good that it just there's just such a low respect for actual art. Yeah, that I like when people actually kind of go out of their career way to do it anyway, because I think that's like.

Yeah, I mean, that's what the key. The only difference in the only difference now in my life is it's

Well, it always offended me when someone was like, oh, if I had your talent, I'd do it all the time. I would love And it's like, I'm sorry, but it feels like work to me. I'm sorry that I don't enjoy it as much as you think you would if you to me, it's not. It's work. And so when I'm not doing it, it's there is like like I'm doing a diskservice.

There is a lack of understanding about how hard it actually is. I mean, I realized that after graduating art schools. Everyone's like, oh, art school must be fun. You're like, it is the most grueling, unfun, Like it's fun that you're doing art and talking about it all the time, but like I've never slept less than my entire life. Like you had classes, like you have to do five thousand swatches in this class. Like yeah, I don't know that, but I don't want to. You have to draw watches

I like drawing hands. My dad hands, draw hands over and over and over. In the basement. He would just say, look at your left hand, draw it with your right, Look at your right hand, drop with your left it over and over.

Well you can.

I think this is abuse. I think your beaus is. It does sound like, man, I'm getting good at drawing hands.

Why the basement? He took you down to the basis.

It was cooler, It was the coolest. Yeah, I don't know why. There was a double bolt lock on the door. And it's like, hey, these are just at home art lessons. Why are you sliding a tray of food on your hair?

But I don't think you should hoes me down after my one thousand hand.

I'm in sixth grade. But I do, I do, miss I, I do appreciate that my dad did that so much.

I have I always said I have in my head when I when I'm making artists like I haven't like invisible dad in the back of my head, like that looks realistic, Like that'sun how his generation judged art like that, Look, you know you really got the dad that's a good looking sphere and kills around.

I was lucky to have an art school dad that would that.

You're down in a very good.

Very good painter. Yeah, he is a way, but that I honestly the way you said you you dove back into it and kind of re taught yourself how to be an oil painter, which to me is intimidating. I'm scared to not be as good as I once was.

I'm going to level with you. So oil painting the first week you're in the weeds, and then it's easier, don't tell me. Yeah, it takes so long to dry. You have all this time to fix things.

Oh, easier than a crylic Yeah.

Yeah, acrylic you're on the clock like that.

I for some reason, I like that. I want it to be over.

But you ever, if you want to do a clear glaze and acrylic, you got to have a spray bottle in one hand and the will to murder in the other, because you got no time no time. Yeah, you oil, you lay a thing, you got days. You can't just brush, It's like an airbrush.

Get in. Yeah, I think I'm lazy and don't want to deal with the getting rid of the chemicals. The chemical can't just pour him down a sink. What do you go to the facility?

It's gonna can't do with your I will die from it. Yeah, well what do you do with it?

Do you do?

You?

Okay, use the actual paint thinner. I will I use this use going into a boring territory. I'm sorry, little bit, I'm sorry, care I'm so interested in it.

There's a.

We don't have to talk about.

I want to hear where Kevin keeps his chemicals.

There's no Yeah, there's a no fumes gamsaw thinner that I use as a medium and a brush cleanser.

And Karen, I'm so sorry I asked.

There's a pile of rocks near my back door, and that's where I dump uh the when when the paint center gets too thick, when it's you get sludge at the bottom of where you clean your brushes, and I dump it into that pile of rocks.

And Kylo rocks from Shawshank where he's proposed to his wife.

No, it's not like and you're gonna see an obsidian rock that has.

No bas ethly business being there, And I guess I just missed my friend.

Why do all men love Shashank Red?

It's I love story much like a lethal weapon. It's two men that are in friends to the point where they are in love. They're yeah, they're in love.

And also at its base is a Stephen King story. And Stephen King is one of the greatest writers that we've.

Ever had, and I appreciate it literally, He's one of those people that's so prolific you kind of like, ah, it's like the Beatles. You're like are they and you're like, yeah, yeah, they were actually that great.

He writes great fucking stories. And the ending of Shashank and the reason everyone loves it is because finally we have a movie that's worth the watch. You get to the end, the poster fucking comes down, all is right with the world. You actually feel better having watched, So.

Stand by me, Like, yeah, that dude's wheelhouse is bunkers.

Also pet Cemetery, you see a three year old get hit by a semi truck I love Pete the voice.

Now listen here past guest and and not but Henry Phillips's mother was the voice of the possessed child in pet Cemetery. That's so chew on that ship you on.

That I ruined everything I watch with my girlfriend by pointing out who that person was and something else. I'm like two episodes of phrase for that guy, two episodes of like I ruined pointing out the dog and if I'm watching TV and I love British things, so I yell out. We got a crown. We got a crown. That's a crown. That's we got a crown and a Harry Potter. We got a Potter and a crown.

This is with the British. With the British cast, we'll call them the cast. That is the country of England.

There's twenty five actors, truly, and I'm just like.

There you are.

I love you, Hugh Bonneville. Whatever you're about to say, I'll believe it, and I'll follow you all the way through.

They're just too good.

They're so good they care. They go to school for acting for so long.

I I love a guest star that was in like one episode of Falcon Crest or something like, I'm and then I just love seeing that they're still they're still at it.

Yeah, I'm like, are you you're still out there shipping away, falcon Crest. I'm just I appreciate that you watch TV with your parents when you were a kid, Falcon Crest.

I dude, I was raised by the television in a way that was that was every like latch key kid. It was just me and that TV. I also had insomnia, so I would just watch TV all night.

Yeah, I was raised by the TV. I breastfed on the knob.

That's so. I used to watch televangelists, like That's how I got into everything. Yeah, yeah, just late night because on Saturday after Saturday Night Live after midnight, like the First Church Show would start like two am. It's a guy named where are you from? I'm from Locke, Personna.

There's a guy walking around my neighborhood and the dogs are not having it. I'm sorry, hold on.

Maybe he's a Maybe he's a predator of some kind of the dogs.

No listening. Karen is panami.

No, Karen is reacting and conversing with what could only be a human.

This is also my favorite thing.

Facial expression you were delivering your demands to a dog with.

Also one of my favorite things to watch and TV is an extra that goes too hard in pantomime. Oh that.

Talk at the same time at each other, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. They won't relent, and.

Then they both start eating soup simultaneously.

Like when I'm on set.

Not to brag, this is my life, but I know your union. You get the insurance.

AFTRA eligible and I would walk like I would love ending. I would love when I saw I would look in the corner of my eye and see two extras that don't realize they're not a camera anymore. So they're just they're high fiving doing it like they're borderline. It's a dance and they are making points and listening to points. I love the background. They get such a bad rap, but god, what you couldn't what would you do without them? They are, I mean so necessary.

Every date in the in the background of a scene of a TV show or a movie is is, on paper, the worst date anyone could be on, because I rarely imagine sitting across from a person who keeps talking while you talk like every time, I'm like, why won't one of you agree to relent? Why won't one of you listen? It's just as interesting to be an active listener as it is to be a nodding, smiling talker.

And I know I've I've dropped this credit a lot. I'm going to do it again when I'm an extra in the in the Western American Outlaws about Billy Billy the Kid. I did mostly nodding. I mostly acknowledged I was a listener in the background, and and yes I'm blurry and most shots.

But I just need to say that my dog was fit turned the other way, which is why I was pantomiming towards her. I was trying to get her attention. It wasn't for the camera.

I know, No, I know you weren't playing it up for visuals.

I just was like, watched the guys watch this extras?

I love them.

Yeah, are extras acting on zoom with your dog? You were in an argument? I was ever.

I wish i'd figured out a way to You know, what I really love is one extras figure out how even though they have they're crossing and basically their backs become to the camera. They figure out a way to turn around, like you see that in movies.

I love it.

There's some people that really know how to do it. Do I check my worst in commercials?

In commercials, to be fair, you're talking about the difference between one hundred dollars and ten thousand dollars, right if you Yeah, if you can get your face on camera for like over three seconds like I used to. Just when I first started doing commercials, I didn't have lines. I was always just craning in. It was pee wee Herman when he's coming into frame in the movie when he's trying to like, because you can if you do it and you trick them and you get in a

I didn't realize that. I wish I had consulted with you for my last let Kinta.

In Oh I Love Commercial.

This is one of those episodes I figured it would happen, but we've gone ours. Oh my god, five minute yeah, I know. I know, because we're having fun.

You got you got Christy, Hey.

A bit?

You do it again so fast that yeah, this is going to end with it to be continued. We're gonna have to divide this up.

Because you know, talent, it goes at the speed of fun, so.

It really does up.

Just don't Yeah you're gonna that's it. By the way, a great T shirt. I don't know, you're not.

There's your merch for yourself.

I wouldn't.

That's you know what. I would never make merch for myself. I couldn't do it. I'd hire someone else. I would only think.

I would be like I need to, I'll accept the deal. I'm glad, thank you. Yes, yeah, you'll know when I'm done. That's what I always say when I slam the I throw the phone across the road.

When people ask my friends like, does Kevin do commissions? I go tell them I'm slow and expensive, and then I never that's great.

See, yeah, I don't want to work either. Kevin. You what do you? What are you doing?

Uh?

Any plugs?

Uh? If you want to look at my art, you can get my Instagram at Kevin G. Christy.

Do you have Kevin g Christy g in the middle.

Uh.

Yeah, you stands for George Gordon Gordon of course, Gordon my grandfather's name, my second guest yep uh and same for if you want to see some jokes, you can go on Twitter. Twitter.

You other than that, just follow the teachings of christ and so I want to change your life. There's a book called Dynetics. I recommend.

I just remember, Sorry, Chris, I just remember one of my favorite, honestly memories of my life because I knew Kevin Christy from comedy and I knew him from Twitter. I saw him. I saw him on a TV series about fantasy football on a plane one time and became number one fan. Have I never talked to you about this? No?

I saw you in the league.

No oh no, it was a different thing.

Gary Ferrara, you may know him as Turtle and Max Greenfield. You may know Schmidt.

Maybe you know. I had two callbacks for Turtle and I didn't get it. They gave that that kid, that manager of a Lids store. I should have worn my car all hat A little upset.

It's a terrible He helped me through my divorce, how dairy.

Well he makes the hell of a fat sandwich.

Saw. I mean she was in men's health.

He looks like he's going to beat me up. Now I was kidding.

I wouldn't. Here's the thing, Jerry comes from a place. I wouldn't get in a fight with that man. He grew up in He grew up in Brooklyn when it wasn't when it wasn't fancy.

Back to my story. Sorry, I knew Kevin from Twitter from that TV show. Then I followed him on Twitter, didn't understand how Twitter worked, and faved every single thing he posted, not understanding I could see it and would probably see me doing that. Didn't know that in the beginning, felt humiliated. Then was doing comedy shows like some like either at the same time or was around him. Then

Well, it's like divorce wreckage.

Yeah, what's a bump it?

Yeah? Yeah, fun, I've met the only man. One of my memories of you came in because then our point was at the same time, and so you would come in and we're both sitting there and there was a couple's therapists and there was a couple in there they're waiting to go in and they were having way too much fun. Yeah, we're just getting along great and laughing. And then they went and I was like, those two fuckers were just laughing, like why are they going? And

You don't want to see people you know coming or going in therapy. You just don't. And you and I didn't have any kind of like it wasn't even like, oh, I've been at parties with them, Oh, that guy's cool, nothing at all.

I just had that aning of our relationship.

It was and I think that that fist bump really kind of solidified of like, Okay, I don't this guy's I trust this guy. This isn't this because it was so embarrassing. Like you people talk about going to therapy, but you're like, yeah, but you don't also go oh and I really cry hard in therapy.

Yeah, And if you see someone talk repeatedly, it's like, oh you cry every time. Wow, Wow, you're really okay. So it's just you're still you're still digging into it. You're not so much. There's other sides not quite that simple yet, that was still doing. Everyone's just leaving puffy and you're like, wow, you we just we're just paying for this bullshit. I'm full zoom now, which feels easier.

See now, it's perfect. I hope we have a better help add this episode. And that's a perfect time to slip it in.

It's tailor made to you guys. I think this is a great time to bring up Squarespace.

You're the only podcast not sponsored by Squarespace.

We're real.

It's not a catchy slogan, but Kevin, you are that this was a goddamn to like it really was. You've been listening to Do You Need to Ride? D y M here? This has been an exactly right production.

Produced by Casey O'Brien.

Mixed by John Bradley.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Theme song by Karen Kilgareff.

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Thank you, Quo, You're welcome