S3 - Ep. 21 - Chris Fleming

Are you leaving? I you want your way back home?

Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminal and gay we want to send you off INSTI we wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.

We scared?

Or was it fine? Melbourne?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need you ride?

Ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris.

Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgariff.

Hello, my friend.

Hello, Hello Chris, Hello, Hello Neil Diamond.

They're really that was just a default diamond that I was not planning on.

Deep down default diamond.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's always in there somewhere.

You can rely on him.

Yeah, I really can. To never leave me, to never never leave me brain. I'm just back. I did a festival of music in Boise, Idaho.

What do you play?

I played the mandolin?

What do you mean? I did?

Uh?

You know?

Word jokes with my now fits.

In between bounds.

I was told, yes that everything would be My concerts would be in a comedy specific building, and right when I got there, sure enough, they're like, oh, you're just going to do a fifteen minute set on the Maid stage after guided by voices, and there was everything I require. No ceiling, the sun was still out. Check yep, zero knowledge that a comedian would be performing. Check yes, a child off in the peripheral on Healey's.

There was a lot of children.

But I just say, first, stand up open with the sex tape bit. Yes, if your kid knows what a sex tape is, that's on you as a parent. And it actually ended up being the most fun I had at the festival because my back was against the wall and I felt twenty four and scared again.

Yes, and you were truly alive and.

Truly afterwards, I was like I was up till five in the morning because I was so excited.

So, yeah, you fought and you won. You got in there. Yeah, you took on the great improv and you did it and you won.

And then later on that night the show that was under my name that people came for, I kind of ate shit, but.

Whatever, Hey, hey at least that's the one they'll remember.

Yeah, O Diamond, Well, I'm very excited for our guests today, are you, yes, very much so.

Also because right now and I don't know if he's doing this, because he's a deep down he's a director, but he's far away and I feel like he's going to make an entrance in me. Well, this person so much I feel I don't even tell you.

When you're a little kid, you know you're like in a makeshift haunted house on the edge of town, and you know someone's going to jump out and scare you, except there's the anticipation of delight, right but he's hiding.

Hiding very scarily in the corner of the frame.

Guys, our guest today has played clubs and college all over this country.

So many colleges.

Oh it's a he's a he's they call him the Ivy League comedian just keeps getting asked back to all of this, the sister colleges, I think they're called you.

You may know him from so many things, including Gail, his videos. That's how I I mean, it's old news now, why even bring it up?

What am I? Let's just there's.

Sick, there's Sick Jan, there's Gail. There's this yellow hat he's been wearing lately.

I follow him.

I spent my vacation showing other people his videos. We laughed and laughed.

One of the great and I know we're introducing him. We ramp up slowly. I yes, I recently thought I discovered a new person I loved just from Instagram, and then not realize, Oh, I've seen this person many times anyway.

So uh and that person was our guest today.

Yeah, today, whose name is, as you know, Chris flemingm.

I guys, yes, god, you can't. I like to do the angles I was. I like to play with planes, you know, and yes trying. I was in the deep in the deep southeast and you traveled up corner of the screen. I think that in those in those beginnings, you should there should be like a dunk tank that the guest is released from, Like we should be in a chamber and then you press it and we're just screaming, hitting plexiglass, and then you then you hit the button and we enter. Are we trying to get out?

Yeah, we can't finish your intro until we throw a ball into into a hole with and actually hit the button. Sometimes our guests never gets dunked, and so we can't.

We don't end up having a guest.

I like how we're willed into existence at the.

End and finally and then finally here he is today. We also in that dunk take, I think the oxygen should be slowly sucked out so that there was an element of danger, right, and maybe loss of consciousness.

Yeah, like in the Prestige when Hugh Jackman is you can tell?

Or so?

Maybe I think it's the assistant who's begging?

Uh?

Who's that Australian woman? Remember?

Is it Sanna Miller?

I believe she's married to Sasha Baron Cohen.

Oh her when she first I've worked with her?

Oh what Chris?

It was in Boys, it was Shakespeare in the Park. She had just come. She was over from under down she no, she yeah, Eliza Fisher, Isla Fisher, Yes, Isla Fisher, Isla Irie Island.

She was very sweet and I have a crush owner to this day.

But I am how dare you?

How dare I covet another man's wife?

That is?

That is immortal thing? Is you're actively trying to cove it right now?

Yeah?

Do you guys mind if I stand like a we are the world type thing?

Whenever I said I get to NPR my voice changes.

I got kind of I talk about the issues too much.

Yeah, you're very you get very self serious. The lower down you are.

Yeah, we talk about animal rights over and over again.

When you're down and out there seems no hope at.

All, but anti animal rights, Chris, I was. I just did a show in Raleigh, North Carolina, and it was what you were saying made me think about how bad it can be out there. And uh and and about ten minutes into my show, someone in the back started screaming, I'm a cousin. Didn't stops, didn't stop until I addressed addressed her, and she, sure enough was an estranged family

Oh yeah, oh wow, yeah.

Yeah, I'm so sorry about it.

I mean that it could have been a Facebook message. The idea is that the show elderly cousin, elderly cousin like her in her seventies.

Well that's actually you know what, that justifies it a tiny bit more.

But also brings up a lot of questions.

Well, yeah, it.

Did for me the whole the whole show.

I was like, how can you? And she didn't stop yelling and waving that she was my cousin.

Yeah, when was she gonna? What would have satisfied her?

Right?

I don't know twenty three and me, I don't know.

A huge photo album that you just happened to have with too disprover. Yeah here, I've never seen you at this birthday.

It starts happening so often that you just have a group of blood people on hand. Okay, to draw, to draw, and let's see if I'm related to this tackler.

Yeah, sneeze into this and then let's run some tests.

That reminds me of a time the first musical I was in in college, like the first play of being a theater major or whatever.

My family of course came.

Because it was just in sacrament it was like two hours away, and my aunt Kathleen stood up the second ice Walk came on stage as like the you know, I think I held a pole that had a bird cage on top of it because it was carnival right skipping around.

She stood up and just started taking.

Flash pictures of me, and people went insane. People in the audience went insane. She got like, you know, attacked by ushers and then backstage people are like.

Oh, is that stupid fucking woman taking pictures. I'm like, it's my aunt, that.

Stupid woman in town.

Yeah, we don't know the theater.

One time I did it.

I was in a in the Wizard of Oz in high school and I and I befriended this very eccentric older woman who was a substitute teacher and and she came it. Sheutes hot art and she was like in her eighties, and she sang she she interrupted our lunch in the cafeteria and she sang a song about a Songamin Laden and how she how he needs to be brought to justice.

And I was like, I need to be friends with this.

Lady, like right now.

And she was like she was an absolute liar, like she claimed to like invent like the Vietnam War.

I just loved this lady. She was the best.

She was an honorary Green Beret member, and like, call my house and try to get me to like go to the Amazon with her. But before one show she kissed me in the on the ear so loud that I like it destabilized, like my equilibrium and like I had to sid like sing.

So she sucked her blue into your ear.

There, boy, she jostled your equilibrium with her kids.

It was it was somehow. It was like a lamprey.

You know, like when you get full coverage on the and it was like the lamprey. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, those fish that are stuck to sharks.

Sure, yeah, exactly.

Yeah, the parasite fits, like, right, that's the how do you say lamprey? I think lamprey.

Yeah, I've only thought that word. I've never spoken it.

I've read it aloud. I respect them. They're so funny. They just bite a fish.

Yeah, they're like I'm hanging out here, you wor Yeah.

That's what is on a rock. They do something the shark enjoys them. Also, there is some mutualistic symbiosis.

I believe it.

It's called symbiosis. That's correct.

Yeah, I was hoping we talk about symbiosis.

Yeah, don't get me started on mutual animal relationships.

That I've seen symbiosis. Advocate in your Twitter bio.

The fresh tag he hashtags it up.

Before Fly in the Rhino? Is that the relationship.

Yeah, I somehow I believe the tsi fly it eats, sucks off, it's nourishing blood, but warns the rhino of a bird.

Or maybe that's the dodo. Never mind, you already.

Thinking of the mosquito and the Italian man. That's that's that's my favorite. That's my favorite symbiotic relationship in the history of biology, zoology.

What a combo.

That's such a beautiful this summer.

Yeah, only in New York.

Gonna do it.

He's gonna do a whole thing on it. Yeah, six parts.

I like the cartoon little bird and the cartoon crocodile getting his teeth cleaned.

That one's pretty satisfying.

What's that one? Is that from Flintstones?

It's probably from the Flintstone. Yeah, there's some kind of like, you know, it's a living tap tap tap, but they really do it.

I think.

It's a living to kill.

All those jaw birds from the Flintstones were also from Brooklyn.

They all had Italian accent.

Well, yeah, if you're a you're a you're if you're like a pterodactyl that also is the sink, plumbing and food process or you're gonna have kind of a blue collar through Springsteen vibe.

Tight jeans.

Yeah, tight jeans in the conservative way, which is my favorite. Yes, yeah, like the backwoods gay machismo, which they don't realize is gay.

I love that. Yeah, that's my That's a.

Tall wasted jean. Yeah, nice and high up.

It's super just to avoid just to avoid plumbers crack. That's the only their functional high waisted jeans.

Yees, totally, totally yeah, the problem solver. Yep.

Yeah.

Chris Lumming, what's your favorite like part time or casual job that you've ever had, aside for the arts.

Yes, I was a ski instructor for a while. Really where it true? Yeah? Yeah yeah, all throughout high school. So my dad, when I was really young, he was like, we got to do something about this, and he got me this job illegally. I was like, like, somehow got this like under the table job for me to work. I think I was like eleven or twelve at the golf course and I could walk through. I would walk like far through the backwoods in my backyard and I would work there and I would come back at night.

True, Yeah, just witches in the forest, that's.

All you need. Yeah, and you're certain that she's there when you're like I still am when I yeah, she's absolutely there. And so that was my first job. And then yeah, he just was really insistent that I get these jobs. So then at like thirteen, I started teaching like one to five year olds how to So it's just these like little imbeciles who would like not even like on downward slopes, like kind of like on flat terrain.

So that was and so you're always yelling pizza, pizza exactly, or and what for pizza and French fries pizza.

They updated it because French fries was I don't know if they were if this was around the time when yeah, they freedom legs now.

They called it.

They called it something trees in US, I think, because what it was some kind there was some other term. But yeah, and I just remember I a child did jump off of the chair lift once, but he was fine.

Under your watch. Yeah, yeah, it was right when we got on.

Yah, absolutely under my encouragement.

Yeah, and then there was always like a really like like a child who like got like a growth spurt and knew how big they were and how horrible it was when they would fall and how high I have to pick them up, and they would just be like as I was like struggling to pick them up, so they would just kind of go down for the attention, and I would have to be skating around us like lifting like a like a.

Five foot five.

Oh, they'd go a little with their body. Yeah, oh that's a bad kid, but I got a menace. But yeah, that was that was certainly my favorite job, being a ski instructor.

Yeah, that would be fun.

The one time we got because I'm from northern California, so snow, we had to drive to Tahoe to like see snow. And so the first time, I think I was like eight or nine, and we rented all our ski clothes and so everything was like really it was very seventy late seventies, so it's like everything was kind of stiff and a bunch of people had worn it before and it was like the most polyester. And the one thing that we got that we actually got to buy.

So I just kept watching myself do stuff. But I wasn't listening to any instructions.

So then we had to go ski and I didn't know what to do, and I couldn't.

Stop early screening for a narcissist is what I mean. It's a classic test.

There's no I passed that test with flying colors. It was just like, that's the only thing I'm interested in.

That sounds really style. That sounds almost like the last Christmas music video, the way that the.

Outfit was exactly like that.

Yeah, that is that is lovely. Yes, I would love I would love to be a child and dress that cool on the slopes. Yeah yeah.

A lot of feathered hair and a lot of cocoa. A lot of parents leaving all the kids in the cabin and coming back super drunk and having won like a bunch of silver dollars and throwing them all in the air. There was a lot of you know what I mean, it was very like Tahoe, Yes, exactly.

Oh could you gamble at Tahoe? I'm not familiar with with with Tahoe culture.

It's like basically on the state line, so Nevada you can gamble, so right when you cross over.

Chris, did you ever do this living?

I lived in Trucky for many years, which is right, and yes I've done this.

It's like party weekend basically, like you go and even if you bring the family, especially in the seventies, you're just like kids will be back in five hours and that the parents just go and casino it up. We basically did whatever we wanted and my cousin blasted blinded by the light and we all just like freaked out

That sounds like a like a money beautiful to full pre nine to eleven memory. Yeah, I can't really imagine that guy. That sounds like a casino commercial. You know, I probably no one's won like that since I mean some silver dollars. Not according to Marongo.

They by the way, Yeah, I think I think there's like a European quality to those. It's a local commercial, but it seems like those Mentos ads a little like everyone's overreacting and then there's some weird subplot in their eyes.

It's it's it always always feels like you need to have listened to other prior commercials and they're like, and now part six it's the Jeni Si I crank that song. It's like the best mixed commercial I've ever.

Yeah, yeah, it's up there with the AutoZone rock ballad, Yes autos or right.

Yeah, that's what. It makes you want to total my car whenever, right on, right on the right on the Yeah, the auto zone.

It's like, uh, I mean, that's pretty much like the Tiger to me. It's it's almost gangerous. It'll get you. You're it's on the radio and you can't be ready for it.

And that's such a good point. I think there's a lot of songs like that that do encourage reckless driving, if not car accidents, like don't Stop Believing? Is it good? Well that that makes me never want to whenever that would come on, I'd be like, it's time for me to leave. La fuck la, I'm not gonna make it, and don't stop. And then and then you just you're selling that song and you you you reap your lease because I don't stop believing this came on.

Then you're just you're right, I have to do this. I have to keep more to show business, that's right.

Yeah, to general meetings, just like, yes, more of this, not less. Yeah.

There was always there was some break place.

They did breaks when I lived in Austin, and they would have screeching. I thought it should be so illegal, much like sirens in a hip hop song. There was just screeching and you thought there was someone I was about to hit you from behind. And it's just that their way of advertising you need to get your brakes done.

Yea yeah corse, Yeah, that doesn't seem like it would pass whatever the radio clip equivalent of the.

FDA is now for safe human safety.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like the police on a commercial being.

Like pull over.

Or the remember the trend of like and I think it would I would say it was the oughts when in movies people would be driving along having a super like intense conversation and then they would just get t boned by another car, so you were it was like you were getting into a car accident because the camera was in the car, like picking at Julianne Moore and then a fucking like train. It's that used to drive me insane. Or it's like I don't want to experience

Yeah, totally Whiplash did that really well? I think they should just go to black and say car crash.

Yeah, don't make me go through it.

It's really yeah.

Yeah, or film it from like two hundred yards away, get a drone and have it like have a little claymation. You don't need to be in the car with Miles Teller when he when he gets t boned by the U haul.

No, be a dispassionate bystander that actually doesn't care and immediately walks away like that's that's the perfect.

And then a phone number at the bottom, Yeah, you gotta call it to know what we're dealing with.

I I also sorry, guys, I'm realizing I haven't even in our beginning Creamble. I'm a massive fan of both of you folks. And Chris, I know we've met in the past, but Karen, we have not met. So it is lovely. Yeah, yeah, meet you.

It's so lovely to meet you. I truly am a huge fan of yours too.

Okay, good, that's nice. I realized how rude I think these thoughts. I need, I need to express these things, and I think that everyone can read my mind at all times, and then I forget that. You need to be clear, Chris.

It never You're right to do that because no one it doesn't hurt anyone to hear that. It always feels good and so thanks for saying that, and you made the right decision.

You've done it again. Another great choice.

In allyways, even if it's a famous person, you have to tell them that you like them.

No one's like, 'menough already with liking me.

I tried to do I John Ham came at me like in my direction in lax, and I I didn't want to be that person, and I went so the other direction that I like, I like rolled my eyes at him. You overdid it, which is so I feel really bad.

Oh Row sucks.

Sucks. That guy Actually I really didn't. I was never able to make it past the pilot of Madmen for some reason. I don't something about that tonally just I was so maybe that's just how I feel about it's him. Actually no, it's the show. It's not him.

It's yeah, well that's newsfest. I always thought. And a lot of people get upset at me like they were a gaffer. But I'm not a big I'm not a big Madman guy, but I am a big fan of John Hamm and the handful of times I've talked to him.

I excuse me, stop, everybody stop, thank casey.

Yeah, yeah, can you turn up the volume on that.

Let me fix Let me fix my hair a little bit, A little I would have worn I would have worn a collar.

If I knew I was going to give you the papers.

Jesus.

Yeah, it's like he's a person that doesn't know what he looks like.

Hmmm, is trying to play against He's.

Got face blindness, if he's if he's himself about him.

So I think he is trying to play against but he's doing a great job.

And I just with with with like.

For me, the visual of like guys opening up like a glass canister of alcohol, you know, and about to like pour like a little bit of brand. That's when I shut down in the same way that and like period pieces when people do the hand that hand ceremonial.

Yeah, I just I don't know why.

I clock out.

Can't do it.

Yeah, I can't do it.

I don't know.

I don't know what.

Maybe because this is what I do when I watch almost any piece of entertainment. I either in my mind tell myself you're in this and you have to do this now, or you're you wrote this in your responsible hope for however this goes, and it adds these levels of stress to just sitting there watching a thing that has nothing to do with me.

Again, this is narcissist.

Sorry, Prince said that about music.

He couldn't listen to any because he'd be like, oh, I would have put a snare head there.

Yes, there's just kind of a constant like is this the right decision where it's like it's already on Netflix, it's.

Fine, like let it, they did it. It's people like it.

I'm still gonna call.

I'm gonna wait till that number comes up at the.

Yeah tips or comments.

I think I I have this weird thing where I if I make it through a book or a movie, I feel like I love it just because I like, I'm a really bad critic. If I stop it, I'm like, this is that that that is absolute horse pissed. But if I want to make it all the way through, I'm like, yeah, this is actually like beautiful, this is like a really good piece of Yeah. Always I'm like, and I do that in hotels. I'm also if I'm if I'm in a hotel, I'll put on like the

Or your choices are limited, you mean, I mean maybe, yeah, most hotels you have like you're lucky if you have one hundred channels, like that's the splurge for them, apparently, whereas at home we have like five thousand. So then you're just like, you're you know, it's Cold Case.

Files or there is a Forensic Files channel.

Yeah, in all those and also Law and Order. There's always Law and Order in a hotel room.

Just watch the two.

Sometimes the TV guide is kind of weirdly soothing. I'm sure that's the thing that people do, like.

It's just read about possible TV watch it.

These are my choices.

Also, there's the hotel menu itself, where there's usually like a nice piece of music in the background, and it's like the spa is open from nine am to I'll leave that one on for a while as I try to, you know, unwind a little bit, not immediately get into a murder show, but like maybe just learn about my environs.

Yeah, and never go to the spa.

Just get the slight better benefits of the spa from thello.

Do the spa exist?

They might just I've never actually seen in a hotel or taken advantage of the spot.

I don't think they might not exist.

They're just sitting in a room, like why why do we.

Sell stee me in there? Clammy, no, thank you.

It's the easiest job in the world.

You just don't.

Yeah, you just don't do it.

That are owning a storage unit building, I think would be our storage unit company is probably the you.

That's gotta be the easiest job in the world.

Yeah, although wouldn't the curiosity like since basically Silence of Lambs where she rolled that thing up up and here comes back to I mean boom just waiting in there. And also the there was that reality show where it was like people bidding on.

Oh Pickers, storage Pickers.

It's storage war. The word pickers.

It's in there, but continue Pickers.

That's the show American Pickers.

But different, different, different than what you're talking about.

For me, I would be so curious as to what is in there? Are there people being held in there?

Is there a completely a.

Whole, a small house built within the people go in and that's there, that's where they live.

I mean, anything is possible.

That should be I think a law.

And this is the only political idea I've ever had about enacting change in this world, would be that once a year Biden, not Biden himself, but like people go door to door and like someone in the government and they check everyone's house attic and basement and like backstory just to make sure no one's being kept. And whatever they find, they find guns, doesn't matter, you, cocaine.

It's fine. But they're just just looking for people.

That way, because there's you know, there's there's people, there's Ohio especially, there's just people being kept and we got to get them right.

We got it's.

Those containers that are like containers from a container ship.

But they're in a backyard.

Exactly.

Can we just do a mandatory check of all of all land containers.

I don't care what exotic illegal animals are back there.

Yeah, what large game? Just whatever?

People.

Yeah, I'm looking for human stuff for make sure there's.

None of this, none of that, none of that.

That's someone watching Judge Judy on repeat, that's sitting there.

The captors always give them Judge Judy to watch.

Like here here, You'll be fine.

This is yeah, you can have this.

Yeah.

Actually, Judge Judy in her most recent billboard went with a tight bun, which I think is is very unexpected. And then the expression on her face combined with the type bun, I invite you to look at it and just see if that was a good or bad idea for season twenty eight of Judge Judy.

Get to kind of pull up her eyebrows like when Madonna went tight. Yes, there's like an intense A lot of people can't see what I'm visually doing right now, but I'm.

Chris is tearing his scalp back. Yeah, but his eyes are bugging.

Out, his eyeballs are almost out.

Of hiss in gorge.

Yes, just in anticipation of your testimony.

You look you look like eckhart Toole right now. Actually, you look very mindful the way you're doing that, the vacant eyes. Yeah he does.

He yes, it looks like he can see the universe kind of all at once in a grain of sand.

Only pleasure you need is washing your dishes.

Which I have not done.

They're off in the distance, but I can see the future like that character.

In Men and Black three.

Did doudge Judy? Also I read that she got ripped like Khumel.

Also, have you seen that picture? Casey?

Sorry to boss you around, but will you find the picture of.

Jeff Judy picture Casey, Casey?

Do it?

It's in a white she's in a white bikini with a white baby.

Things to cover up, and she's on like a yacht in New York cab and you it's her body is unbelievably.

Yes, yeah, you're we're about.

To We're about to get a reveal. I think if Katy O'Brien is the podcast producer we think he is, you might.

Be in the bathroom there's stuff can come up, or he's just scrolling through many here he did photos guys at chat.

Okay, let's see.

Can you see that? You have to open that.

I'm clicking on it.

I think I have to copy paste sixty minutes.

Oh you can tell under there she's wearing like a doily.

Look at that.

Oh it's borderline boudoir, isn't it.

And Katie Kirk put it on her website, like, look at the dams on this.

Katie Kirk respects a nice Abatie.

Is just sharing JJ's nudes on on her home page. JJ probably didn't want this to get out. She probably just sent it flirtly to Kirk and then Kurk just posted it for all to see.

Yeah, that is like she look at that, look at that bod. She wanted it to get out.

She's like, everybody, look, I'm bossy, but I also put in the time.

Yeah, wow, she looks incredible. She just get that sitting on the bench.

But there's also a kind of like because it's a white bikini, it looks like she's in like high school girl underpants, So it's a it's very.

It's very like it's like cheap Valentine's Day gifts that like a bad boyfriend would give you is what she's wearing.

It's red shoe diaries.

For sure.

I'm so glad you're the one that said high school girl underpants and not me.

That seems like something I would you thought it, I said, it's how you do it.

It's so amazing how we can connect over zoom that way.

Thank you, Casey, amazing producer.

Yeah, thank you Casey, and also Karen, thank you for pointing that out. That is wow. Yeah, that is really really.

Something's let's try and continue podcasting with these boners of ours.

Has she been ripped this whole time?

Do you think?

Yeah, there's a lot going under that cape.

I think that's the secret she brings on stage with her every time she shoots. It's just like, what you don't know is my delts? Are I am packing? This is our gun show? Underneath this robe?

She's got yeah, like a twelve pack.

Oh my god, j J wow.

Are you still staring at it? Chris?

Yeah, I'm gonna make it. I'm just gonna make it my homepage.

Yeah it was too blurry for me, but I'll find a high reds one.

Yeah, okay, good, so that you can see that.

For wallpaper purposes. And I do mean my walls.

Tile that ship. Get it going to I love coming.

To Judy jj JJ yeah, j JJ is looking fresh. JJ is like up to some nefarious stuff on that boat. Yeah she is.

There's a real Epstein vibe in that picture. And with her the wide open arms of like come one, come all onto my boat.

Well, imagine what that would do to your sense of like the idea of power, like to play a judge like that ontil like she is above the law essentially, Like she is kind of like an almost like ancient Greek type figure in our society.

She is.

She is the a djuwe deicatur.

Like to think about how many chefs she has on that boat.

She must have so many.

Chefs and she's like, no, cops make it interesting.

I just realized she must be insanely wealthy.

Oh she has God.

Having started, no brag, having started my career in writing for daytime television, I will tell you that Judge Judy gets numbers no one else can get. Like everyone else is down and trying to get like a three. Sometimes Doctor Phil often would get a five. Oprah would was always killing it. Judge Judy was like an eight and nine, A like numbers that people were just like, she's not no one's competing with.

Her because they just played on loop and like social Security offices and stuff.

Like she has like the DMV, they just have JJ on fucking repeat, like.

Just taking care of business.

Yeah, yeah, it's and there's no beginning, middle of end. You don't you don't like, no one's ever set out. Yeah, it's got good for her.

I just made him money. Also, Uh, Chris, do you know Chris fair Banks? Do you know Bradford? He works at the network. My friend Bradford used to work at Ellen with me.

Bradford, he used to be you might know if you saw him, but he used to His first TV job was working on Judge Judy, and he kind of worked his way up and then he basically became her assistant and she used to call him Booby and he's still like he talked to her, He's like, she's like, you're a grandmaful. Yeah, a lovely, wonderful human being.

I think when I was young, I was scared of her and I thought maybe she was mean, and then gradually I'm like, oh, no, she's my favorite person.

What has happened? Yes, yeah, she's mean to the exact right, people.

You're saying Judge, Judy is your favorite person.

I mean, I'm lean in that direction now that you know what it is.

It's it's because and this is like a good if you're ever going to be a teacher, they say, like like you get a lot of like, uh, you feel cool if you're like kind of one of the cool teachers for like the first day or two, But it's really the ones that lay down the law. Oh my god, that you respect. I just realized I had a dream about one of my high school teachers last night.

He just had a dab about a dream and hear it, Oh my god, and.

She was she was this this, she was this woman missing. I'm not going to say her name, but she used to her she had a catchphrase. She would like guide us into what she wanted us to say, and then she would scream, very good.

That was, and she would like slam.

You just had a dream this past evening of her.

Last night, and it was something she came I was like in a like a home depot or something, and she came up in a kimono and she was like clearly fucked up and she was saying something kind of like wandering and she said something about like something about like a vibrator or something, and she walked by me,

First of all, you're in the wrong store, yeah, depot.

Well no, maybe maybe that's just maybe the right.

She's going next level.

Yeah, yeah, going to the lumber section or something.

She just to get one of those, Yeah, one of those really industrial strength kind of plugs to go.

It's a giant washing machine.

Yeah, to put herself on tumbles R. Getting inside. There we go.

My teacher, what what subject did she teach?

And English?

I keep all the saying yeah, and she yeah, she really disliked me. She thought I was like trying to start like an uprising or something, and she was. But she she didn't like me, But she was even crueler to my friends. She at least had some respect for me, but she had less respect for people who associated with me.

Wait, will you paint us a little bit of a picture of high school Chris Flemming?

Just just walk us.

Through what you were, what your strengths were, what maybe your weaknesses were.

Did you really have like did you have an entourage of evil doers?

I did? Yeah, well I have all these friends and I'm still very close with them, and they're all they're all very small, and they're all the same exact height, and a lot of us were also named Chris.

All we all kind of.

You're describing everyone's five eight everyone. The four of my best friends are named Chris.

You yeah, yeah, continued I was pretty much the same, except I had like a Mary Martin type bob cut, and my hair was just a little bit more like this, you know, it was just higher up and yeah, I was pretty much the same. I I was class president for a while, but then I got housted because they realized I was as a figurehead leader and I wasn't doing it. And I did spend one person's class dues on gas money once when I was really low on.

Yeah, and yeah, this is politics.

This is politics, right, Yeah, and.

Yeah I was. I was into theater. I somehow I.

Think our school really it was all flipped so like there's a big sinister dog outside. I'm sorry, Yeah it was. It was like theater was like kind of the like the cool like I don't know if it was a cool thing, but it was like accepted in a way that.

The richest, most beautiful, coolest, most popular people in my high school were thesbians and put in the hours to be called thesbians. I was just in plays with them. I'm not going to hang out after school. I wanted to skateboard.

But you're you said that you did Shakespeare.

Did you do Shakespeare in the park?

No, I just know of it.

It's a big, big scene, big scene in Boise.

Yeah.

I know some of those people too. I'm just always theater adjacent.

Are you California too?

Do you grow up in California And I didn't grow up in California.

Were born in Monterey, But I grew up in Montana.

Oh hell yeah, yeah yeah, so miss I don't know. I a man. I worked at a camp.

Uh.

This guy looked like Teddy Roosevelt was in charge of the camp and he and he gave me. We didn't know each other and kind of a camp. It was camp Hole in the Wall. Sorry, it wasn't in Montana. It was called Hole in the Wall game camp. And it was in Connecticut and it was it was the pall movement thing. And my I like worked there for two weeks because like my friend whatever, and I was

Wait, were you in a home depot during this interaction.

Yeah, this isn't see it, is it? In his defense, he's correct. I mean it's the fourth largest state. There's not even a million people in it. If you need to hide or just enjoy scenery and be kind and enjoy fishing, not everyone. There's a murderer, Ted Kazinski and some other bad apples kind of tainted an otherwise sweet state.

Kazinsky was monte.

I thought Kazinsky he has such Washington vibes, doesn't it.

Know, maybe for getting his doctorate or something. I know he had some Ivy League background, but no, he's settled in Lincoln, Montana. That's where his cabin was. Where he did package a lot of fertilizer and nail based bombs.

Really some of the toughest bombs.

But if you read his manifesto, there's really some good ideas in there.

I'm just kidding. I've never read it, but yeah, the way that you were talking about him, it does sound like you are exactly it. Yeah.

I like the hoodie and aviator Look, sorry he was.

He was actually a visionary with that because truly how.

Yle icon they were doing that on runways and stuff.

And the beard which is big now yeah.

Yeah, yeah, well, but there are a lot of people like.

That, I suppose, but can I just.

Ask really quick?

It was the idea of like if you if if the ship goes down in terms of survivalism kind of thing.

Oh. He was basically like it was basically like I will have like I will have a beautiful life in Missoulah. It was like that.

It was that kind of a thing. It was a back yeah.

Yeah, yeah, like if you need a place like a haven, go to Missoula. And I've never been, but I always have this. It's nice to have this kind of not white whale, but like, well yeah, just this idea.

That green whale agreed, dang green.

Yeah, that Johndice whale.

Yeah yeah, hump back with them with the pancrains deficiency whale in my life?

Is that a whale on pills?

M Yeah.

I can say without hesitation that anyone, if you go to the right place and I'll tell you where to go, you will have a wonderful experience and meet nice people.

Yeah.

I need I need to believe it's great.

Yeah.

Do you guys have like that kind of.

Thing where it's like like if if nothing works out, it's like if everything falls apart, not even like apocalyptically, but just like then, Okay, I got the emergency duffel, I'm tallassi that kind of thing.

Yeah, yeah, I always tell people when they come to my house and they don't like it because I hear's how I started. I just moved into this house like now, I think it's three years ago. And when you know, they have to do all the inspections, right, so they're like, you don't have termites or you do have bloody blue and there's the land inspector the geologist, I guess, of course. And when the geologist rolled his map out, first of all,

It's like this might be the last land survey.

He explained, he always finds dinosaur bones under your house treasure.

There's there's a little box of treasure of dinosaur bones. Very about to go on, but he told me my like how lucky I was because I live on bedrock, and he was just he was just going off about how amazing that is in La because like so when earthcake quakes hit here, I honestly don't feel them, and nothing shakes at this house because it's bedrock, which isn't

All bedrock.

Yeah, jump around to try it up, try to shake anything in his house, which then led me to conversationally, Hey, if anything goes down, let's meet at the Hollywood Bowl.

And I don't know why I started say that to people.

It was almost in that idea of like, if the ship goes down, you can come up here earthquake wise, But if it's like civil war type of, you know, all of a sudden mass violence and things are bad, let's meet at the like, grab guns and meet at the Hollywood Bowl.

Yet Simon's playing Yeah, yeah, not at the schedule.

Let's get those garlic fries.

Also Costello without bird backrack.

When I was living in Venice, it's the opposite. It's like a marsh land where they should not have built anything the bad sin.

Maybe as you leave the beach.

You're going downhill, like on Washington Boulevard.

Where I lived.

That's scary if there's a tsunami.

So I was always worried about an earthquake causing a wave from a Dwayne Rock Johnson movie to come. And so my roommate and I our plan was to as soon as the alarm, I'm assuming there's a horn.

Run across a small trumpet.

Yeah yeah, just a guy playing taps preemptively.

Playing Mambo number five.

It's a little bit of Laura in my life.

Yeah, yet out your Mama number five on the bugle, run on the English horn.

Just for twenty hours, femas there and the song doesn't stop. There is a hotel across the street with a helicopter pad on top, and all I would have to do as people are panicking and trying to get away in their cars with their belongings and their children, I would just run to the hotel and go to the top floor. And I still think it's a good idea. I'd be on the tenth story of a building with a helicopter pad. Great,

Now you've reached the plan.

Now everyone's going to do that any dine our listeners are going to be on the on the helipad.

Yeah, dinosaurs are going to get up on the tenth floor and the crowd the area. They're going to grab the helicopter leg that they always do and pull it down.

Don't do it, let us escape.

He's desperate. As you think you could make it if you did grab it.

You think you could have the core strength to get up?

Oh my god, I think about that all the time, Chris.

Yeah, and the answer is, no.

We got them, let's get out.

I just consciously let go. My fingers are weak. I always think about that, like being on an airplane and if like for some horrible reason, I got put like on the wing. It's like this weird invasive thought I have, And I'm like, I think, since Tom Cruise did that really thing, I think. I think it's like this, I imagine myself and how much that must hurt, because it's just.

The top joint of your fingers that's doing all those are doing all the work.

Way up here. Yeah, he was wedging it in the door gap. That's only like down to the first knuckle.

He was just free soloing.

Yeah, harness, no chalk.

They had him fly to Phoenix and he finally just let go and ran on the tarmac.

That's what I've heard.

Have you seen the there's this true story of something happening on a plane and the pilot the and it's a re enactment photo. But I saw it and I didn't know it was a reenactment, so I thought I saw a photo of it really happening, which is an insanely stupid of me.

I totally, I totally get that.

It proves like I did not grow up with the Internet. It came in my twenties when I wasn't paying attention, so stuff like, I'll fall for pretty much anything, totally. But but it's something happened with the windshield on a plane and the co pilot got sucked out and was like holding on while they were trying to land this plane with one window open on the front.

You have to see it.

Wait, wait, did this actually happen or didn't It.

Happened in real life, But the picture I saw was from like a air air Disasters special that was, you know, on one of those channels on Sunday night.

Yes, this was.

This isn't going anywhere, and this is the end.

A guy, A guy, wait, a guy got the pilot got he opened the window to like spit and then he got sucked out.

This gum has no flavor.

Fucking fruit stripe.

Why did it last more than ten seconds of flavor?

We keep telling you complaints don't work this way.

No, it's something like the front windscreen cracked on the right side from the picture that's from a TV show, So it was it almost was like it the vacuum the crack created then a pulling thing, and then because they were fifty thousand feet in the air, they're trying to land and that like halfway out and holding on to something out there just so that he doesn't get sucked out all the way and thrown there.

Seems to be a uh no, one's really arrived at like a consensus in cinema whether or not like a hole in a plane sucks people, and every other movie the plane's fine. Everyone's kind of hanging out and like it's like a little breeze.

Every other it's a strong fan. But in other movies you're in outer space.

You're done.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't think the scientists actually know what would happen.

Yeah, they've never actually done it.

All they know is that when the when the event happens, there will be a ship ton of paperwork flying around. Suddenly there's there's loose paper everywhere. Who brought all these files machines that is flying around My documents.

That I keep loosely in an open backpack.

No, No, I think on your last podcast you were talking about how you and you just you just kind of touched on it really really briefly about how like you guys don't like flying because you soak up everyone's energy. I do that before shows. I can't handle even dealing with sound guys. It'll if I meet because every sound person and every theater is just it's mad, abhorrent.

They're so mad.

The vibe right, yeah, and the vibe I really take that on and it's so hard to come back from that. It's so hard to then bring joy after you meet a sound person.

I was thinking about that, especially with comedy.

It's just like when you have bad vibes where you're like, sorry, are we already in a fight? And I just didn't. I wasn't there for the beginning of the fight. What's going on? And then it's like, ladies and gentlemen, Chris, You're just like, oh cool, I'm going to go do this thing that shoots pretty hard anyway.

Yeah, I have to overcome this negative.

Yeah, that's it goes both ways.

There was when I did Conan there I had this cardigan sweater and I'm like, this is too much, it's too hot and it looks dumb, and I was like, I'm gonna take the sweater off. And the guy I hadn't talked to him yet, he just it was his job to open the curtain. Wants you hear your name? And he said, you do not take that sweater off. It looks terrific.

And then I went out.

I felt he instilled me with so much confidence. I like, fucked up my first joke.

I hate that guy. I look great.

Wait, what's my jokes? Damn your curtain?

Man?

If you look good, you don't have to be funny once you Once you kind of hit that aesthetic, it's actually kind of a detriment to be funny because it's like, why are you Why are you.

Feeling the need to be funny?

Yeah, and we will name names now of examples of this.

Modeles model.

Yeah, specific comedians that are handsome.

Yeah.

Oh, I never liked that.

And they usually perform at the laugh Factory and they're always gorgeous, if not anti VACX. Yeah.

When's the last time any of us were at the laugh Factory? When I first moved here, that's where you went to be seen. Really, Yeah, I was like for showcases and things, and I've never I haven't been.

I find those clubs, like I just was already so worried about everything that, like I I was there to attract a bad vibe. I think I was like a magnet for it, you know, I was looking for the problem. Then I would just be like, well, no, I.

Yes, exactly, No, I just gotta go.

I never wanted to do it in the first place. What was I doing?

Are you, Chris?

I like fully back on the road, You're doing shows like coming like this week, you're going to You're like in Minneapolis and you're going, right, yeah.

You're and are you?

I love how you're incorporating like videos that you've done and you do stand up and you're showing those video and have like me, how do you travel with a band? How are you doing all of this?

I did, and then I realized it was sorry that dog is.

It's a vicious animal, but do you hear it? It is clearly a chunkyard dog. That propper that is like a dog in a music video. Wait, wait, you know what I mean? I actually I'm safer in here. Okay, so uh yeah. I did tour with the band for a while, but that that was pre pandemic, and I think I was going through some stuff, you know, trying to feel bigger than I was.

I thought I was going to do reggae. I have a reggae band, come with me and do reggae songs.

I understand it's a weird. Right around twenty nineteen, my I was getting my sense of the confidence. It was a little too lie, it was. It was a little dangerous. I was. I was definitely careening towards some weird, weird emotional territory. But now now it's just so. My goal with this was to try to, like I almost strip it down more and try to do less with like multimedia and just see, like, let's see if I can just do it just myself. Yeah, and it's going it's going pretty well. Yeah.

I would love to do you still project at least visuals like I do idea.

Yeah, I like I have a whole bit with a song about how.

Durabils you can get a gurbil for the cost of raspberries, and it's uh, it's this whole this whole music video with like a bunch of kind of it's like in a European club and people.

Kind of dancing in the bat. Yeah, it's really fun.

Yeah, that's like a like an hour twenty and then all of a sudden that it's like and if people are like, it kind of gives people a vertigo because it's there.

Hasn't been a song or dance until that.

But and is that when you.

You leave the stage and then go sip some expensive water at the side of the stage while that video plays.

Yeah, I have a I have a vas uh, I have I have a double voss by blood bag. Yeah, and it's it just it goes in just right into my shoulder going to the collar bonk. I just yeah, it's painful, but it's expensive and it's a good look.

Has to get into that marrow.

You gotta get it right in the mirror. You gotta hydrate.

Yeah, I drank a lot at this festival this past week, and I the next day there was a tent that just did vitem be shots, like an actual needle in the arm. But I've heard it's like a luxurious hangover thing. Usually I think they do a prolonged drip. But that was like two hundred bucks. I'm like, give me the twenty dollars to be shot.

We use the needle I did. You can do the old one who drop.

It out of that.

I'm so scared that they did what they give that to, like Beyonce before everything right, isn't that like what they were like need to.

It was recommended to me.

It messed me up and I was sick all day and my arm hurt like I just got the COVID scht.

I know, people looked at me like.

I did something wrong, but I swear I was not hydrated hydrated, And then I added to that, I'm like, maybe I just need some caffeine. And so I had two back to back five hour energy those trucker shots.

That's described.

B twelve.

I'm not kidding.

I had mid set, a sudden like panic attack and it's in my heart was racing, and I know I'm sorry to the elevation tent or whoever gave me that shot. I'm not talking smack. I'm sure it works for a lot of people, but it made me. I had a very I really did have a panic attack, and I think.

Well, I think the five hour energy drinks, that's mostly what it was. You don't mashed potatoes after that, you'd have at least at least a can of mashed potatoes per five hour energy. Also, yes, did not keep me you are. Yeah, you're just gonna wander the property all night.

Serving blowing eyes just like B twelve eyes, like you can see through people's skin.

You're gonna be up all night googling where Calbernette went to college. If you're not careful with that stuff, i'mus, I'm curious. Yeah, that kind of stuff.

This is really the real shot in my curious vein.

Yeah, always leads to Carol Burnett.

The drip thing. My friend we went on like a

I'm going to hire a nurse tomorrow.

Yeah. I never tried it, though it must feel great. I mean, because when you're in oh my god, I do want to hangover. Something about a hangover ending, like the like the dopey serenity that you feel as you're coming to the next like that that day after, I think, is I feel so creative in a weird way and like I have a new lease on life and it's kind of a beautiful. Not to recommend being hungover, but there is there is some beauty to go in through that.

I did agree. I feel a little bit of that.

But that doesn't necessarily translate to being a vibrant live performer. No, no, no, that should have been a writing evening, not a get on stage a lot. Yeah, I'm still upset that I got that shot.

Anyway, What did you did you in your panic attack? Did you adjust and then just like finish your joke and leave? How did you adapt?

I don't think anyone would know it was happening, except if my sister or you, or like my dad had been watching that something had happened. Yeah, I just kind of you doctors started laughing, doctor or the nurse or a doctor, yeah, yeah, or the guy that did it to me, the needleman, the used needleman.

Who poisoned you.

He's like pusher man.

Yes, happens every other.

I gotta get out.

You'll be back, yeah, he's like, you'll be back.

You're not performing after this first? Yes?

What take off that band aid and he starts sucking it out of me like a snake bite.

Drawn circles on it with a sharpie on your leg.

One hour, keep your eye on this spot.

I do.

I used to love the breakfast on a hungover morning and when you were waiting in line to go get that breakfast like this, I'm thinking of when I lived in San Francisco, so you would have to go and like stand in the you know, lower hate in the sun, like standing there waiting to get your dumb banana pancakes where the bananas were not inside. You like wait an hour and a half and then they're just piled on the outside. Yeah, just like it's pancakes. That's pancakes with slice bananas.

But that's so messed up.

It's really fuck That happened one time and I was just like I'm too hungover to complain, But like you did me wrong by calling these banana pancakes banana plus b Yeah, oh I missed the very detailed plus side.

It's important. I just wasn't paying attend.

It's a collab.

Kind they came together on this, but they didn't blent.

But I used to love getting a water and orange juice, a coffee, and and maybe even a fourth thing if they had a smoothie of some kind indoor, what hot chocolate?

I don't know.

Just I love to have a little in a ray a sip of each. Yeah, I'm not going to finish any of these. Don't laugh, but I want seven beverages.

So yeah, nurse slowly nurse myself back to life through beverages.

It's beautiful.

It's a beautiful feeling. And I had that exact experience. It's like you were there.

It's scary when water tastes bad, That's that's what That's what freaks me out during a hangover, when I'm.

Like, oh, are you drinking out that the tap?

And you know, you know, like you know, when maybe I just have such a sweet tooth. Also that if I'm ever down emotionally, or even even if I'm not, I just need something I always require like it's like a sweet, like a nectar, and so I'll always if I'm hungover, Like maybe I'm just trained to want to drink Gator eight or something, you know, some kind of middle school sports beverage, maybe as a self there more than anything, but water feels like poison to me sometimes

Like when I go to the bar, they don't. They don't give me.

They don't give me the booze they give me just they don't for margarita mix.

And then it's not bus yeah.

Fun.

This isn't even the bartender.

He's a bar back.

He usually washes glasses, bottoms up.

I'm out of my mind.

Yeah, person Waite saying that you're you have a sweet tooth? What is your Do you want to talk about your number one candy as a way to as a way to wrap down probably one of the greatest conversations of all time.

I think I just got that notification on my phone. This is one of the greatest guys. You are a part of one of the greatest conversations of all time.

Wait, how is this a notification? Not about the oscars? Just let's not talk about it.

Let's not.

We were all traumatized. We saw the memes fab Candy go.

I was hoping that Anthony Hopkins would roast the ship out of Jada after when he went up to give the best picture.

Yep, could have been could have been amazing that there were a lot of comedy opportunities that everyone was too aghast to exploit.

Yeah, Jada Pinkett is five foot zero. My favorite m my wife is much taller than Jada Pinkett Smith. That's the height of a JV football player.

Yeah, real specific.

Jada Pinkett Smith has a Facebook TV show that's boring. I watched better TV show and well, Smith's my fever.

Strict repete Neango's trying the background.

Like, no, yeah, let me add them. Let me. For some reason, Hopkins is just like a roast battle Master. Oda Pinkett a hyphenated name. I would never hyphenate my wife name, but I'm a real treada Pinkett. Smith was friends with Tupac Shakr and now she's friends with Will Small. She's dating Will Smith. That must be tough, and everyone's like call it quinnted.

Cracking his knuckles.

Yeah, my favorite candy is probably dots.

I like dots the most. Really, I'm with you there.

I love dots.

Is my dots is my movie candy. If I'm not doing chocolate, I really enjoyed.

I love.

What kind of chocolate do you do in the movie.

Well, I'll be honest with you.

What I do is I open up a thing of playing Eminem's and throw it into the fucking thing of popcorn.

That's what they did in Whips, which we were talking about earlier.

I've never seen that book.

The thing about it is, if you have, if you're at a good movie theater, that popcorn is hot when you get your fucking handful and throw it in that they're melted but inside the shell.

So it's like this little ice worats.

It's inside Mosquito and Amber, I'm with you, Magical Island, Yeah, and the future paleobiologists are going to try to extract the chocolate, yeah, to recreate Wow. That's and you said earlier that used to have a buffet of drinks to soothe your hangovers. And I was thinking, I could not be more different. I can only do one thing at a time. I hate mixing anything. I will just do one thing and then I will devour it and then

It sounds bad and I've experienced that they did that once at Steve Allen Theater that it's there for Ron Lynch's thing, and this kid grabbed a butterfinger bar opened it creamp he no, he crunched it up while it was still wrapped and opened the popcorn and just kind of dumped the trapnel in there and shook it up.

And I'm like, what are you doing?

As if it's going to be coating each piece of popcorn snack amateur lunatic white, it's just going to be melted. And in the corner it's melted.

That's you brought your own roll of paper towels because you're screwed.

It was on every piece, evenly coated, a perfect combination of salty and sweet. I this was, oh my god, it worked. Oh I was like to this day. And then he just was off into the night.

You didn't even get. You didn't even get.

His name was A rbal Red and bar No.

But yeah, I got half that bag of sweet salty.

Popcorn and uh and I forgot about it till now. It works great?

Wow? Yeah?

Sorry, really Chris quick? Chris?

Does that mean that on Thanksgiving you eat turkey, then mashed potatoes, then stuffing.

I don't even try. I don't even really get stuff on a buffet. I I just I just like the dark meat, and then I'll have pie a minute.

I'm a freak.

Sorry, you just have them on separate You are a freak.

A puppy.

Yes, I think I will get cranberry sauce just for the visual, but then I won't eat it.

No one actually eats.

And it comes out of a two blank sheath formation.

Yeah, it's almost like a cow giving birth. Yeah, the sack.

You have to break the sack and then get to your cranberry.

My sister always insists on making her own like artisanal cramp, which is also worse than A way. I mean that's cool, but I don't like home. Yeah, I mean this is a this is probably. Yeah, there's always.

Twigs of time and yeah, there's shells in there. Yeah, it's weird because it's from the bog.

It's from it's a guy.

I got the weird guy got it from the bog. Yeah.

Yeah there's boots. There's also waiters in there.

Yeah, part of a fish hook.

I don't know.

You're ozark organics. Yeah, I like a gelatinous cylinder. And then and then I ignore it.

It's just artificial. Artificial stuff is, for some reason to me so much better. Always.

I just I like, I like, I just I don't know.

It's only because it's strained, like thank you for taking at least step one. God bless your sister for trying.

But it's like that's it's like put it through a filter, please.

And she puts like, you know, creepy subtle flavors in which like I just hit me over the head. I don't I don't want like I don't want like a little bit of orange and a little orange.

I don't gave me the tart and sweetened rawberry.

And get rid of this uti.

Yes, yes, eyes for forty eight hours.

I want that medicine.

I'm sorry, but Anthony Hopkins, I can watch his roast ja jatajj.

I keep laughing at it.

It's always a sign of us having a lot of fun.

When I look down expecting to see that we've gone forty five minutes.

And we're over even Yeah, that's that ship. That's now.

Oh shit, oh ship, we're having fun.

Oh ship. It has to end at some point.

I guess who's going to be mad?

Well, you do this, you know normally we do this in a car.

Yeah, that's normal.

That's that's how this podcast started. So when we get back into the car, would you come back?

Yeah?

I would love to thank you somewhere that would be put me.

Your choice, just not lax like we originally intended every episode.

Yeah that was a mistake.

Yeah that's so funny though.

Yeah yeah, yeah, take me to take me to Alta Dino or something.

Leave me, leave me for the coyos, believe.

You at the dairy, make your own way home.

Yeah, I love that.

I would love to join you guys in the in the car.

Try to be off to the birthplace of milk.

Great Alta, Dina. It's so exciting to meet someone that that I really like their work and that they're not that they're exactly what I thought they would be.

Like.

Thank you very much for being the person that you are.

Yeah. Oh wow, that's really sweet. I thank you guys for being the same way.

Yeah, I had no, I had no doubts. Not that I'm trying to one up your compliment. Well, but you did it.

You know what you did it. There's a compliment for you. You won the compliment.

Yeah, you're so uh watched everything.

Uh.

Chris has a lot of YouTube content, which is something we all should have been doing the past decade.

If you if you haven't seen Chris's video, normies are getting creative, which all I could think about the first time I watched that video is how how did he ever sing this?

Second time?

I didn't.

I didn't. I've never done no one off.

I don't we never did it again?

Yeah, ay, just record, Yeah, I don't even I couldn't. I don't know.

Yeah.

And also watch his stand up his stand up story about ending up at a Super Bowl party at Dane Cook's house and also the most relatable and you're not saying anything bad about it. It was the most relatable thing I've ever as someone that doesn't know what to say about football or you know, I just felt that bit so much. It's really really funny and there's a lot of jokes in that story, so watch that one.

Specifically.

You have some sort of a Chris Fleming dot org where people can go and find your tour dates.

Ed you It's I'm a government site. Yeah about you know, it's Chris Fleming. Fleming dot com is where you can find it. Well, thank you guys so much for having me.

Thank you for the best.

Was wonderful. Thank you.

I'll hang up from this and sit in the darkness for a minute. Okay, perfect, you've been listening.

Do you need a ride? Dyn A.

This has been an Exactly Right.

Production produced by Casey O'Brien.

Mixed by John Bradley.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarriff.

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