S3 - Ep. 2 - Ian Abramson

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay.

We want to send you off inside. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared? Or was it fine? Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do your need need to ride?

To ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome to do you need to ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgariff.

Hello, my friend Karen. How have you been doing?

Hello, my friend Chris. I've been doing good.

Yeah, I've been doing Today has been a day of podcasting, no brag. So I have been sitting here in front of my zoom for what feels like eleven hours.

Well, I had a similar day.

I skateboarded in the morning and then took a long.

Nap almost exactly the same day.

Yeah, yeah, And so you know, busy, busy, busy, You gotta stay busy.

Come on, always stay busy.

Our guest today, I don't want to say his name right now because this is not his introduction.

You just we're gonna do pre talking about him.

But yes, he's got a name.

I want to ask a linguist where his name ranks as far as beauty A lot of you know, you always hear that elbow.

Yeah, it's the most beautiful word.

Have you heard that elbow? Cellar door is the what do you call it? Haunted Rabbit movie?

They say it, Yeah, is it? Cellar door?

Cellar door?

That one?

I get more elbow. It's like anyone can say elbow. It sounds like you're on novacane. You can like limp lip that one.

Elbow might be the ugliest and most horrible. I agree.

I like strong consonants. I've always liked the word like corrugated. It's one of my favorite ones. That's great, it's a it's about that wavy piece of paper in cardboard.

Sure, there's also I like the word pithy. It does a bunch of stuff and make sound smart, but it's short.

Yeah, maybe a linguist isn't factoring in whether or not these words make you sound smart.

Any dumb dumb can say elbow.

But our guest name today has When we say it, do notice that it is a beautiful name, and I specifically like the way it comes off my tongue. I have not said the name, No, not yet. That's but when I do, take note.

That was not a false intro, as they might believe. We are still doing something. I would like to say this along with that very melodic and beautiful name. I enjoy this person's comedy so much, and I've missed it over the quarantine and over the years because I haven't seen him since I believe, like some Washington DC festival that now feels like it was in two thousand and one, but I don't think it was that long ago.

But he was truly one of.

My favorite people to end up at a show at and go, oh, yeah, he's here too, because then I'm going to see something I really like.

Yes, yes, that's why I haven't seen him since the now closed satellite. Oh rip pour one out in peace that building shell rest.

Please please don't don't wander the Earth satellite as a ghost filled with sins, because you don't deserve it.

A lot of these businesses got shut down over quarantine, and they're just wandering around in purgatory.

Ghost businesses all over Silver Lake, ruining people's days.

And the sad thing is they think they're still in business. They're just confused.

They're like, can I see your ID? You're like, you're not a business anymore. I don't have to show you shit. They try to stamp your inner right wrist, No get away satellite.

Where are all my employees? Oh?

This is kind of sad to think about. Why do I get sad about inanimate objects having feelings?

Because the satellite was a place where lots of great comedy happened. So I bet you you're housing a bunch of dead memories in that dead business.

You want to know.

My favorite thing about the Satellite, Karen, was in the back room there was a bar, and in that bar there was bartenders and they were under there.

There was like a horseshoe shaped bar.

Above them were satellite dishes yep, which served as these odd like acoustically depending on where you would stand.

Like my friend was like, do you want to see something cool?

And they were at the other end of the bar, standing under one of these satellite dishes, and they whispered some things and I could totally hear it. Yes, So you'd never want to talk poorly about any of those bartenders because it was going right to their ear holes.

All the employees went down with that business.

We've got to introduce them. Now it's taken to yours.

We do.

But do notice how beautiful this name is when we say it.

Ladies and gentlemen, You've seen them at clubs and colleges all over the country.

So many colleges.

Truly one of the most innovative, interesting and hilarious comedians to date.

Please welcome the legendary Ian Abramson.

Whoo I am from my silent prison. Wow. Thank you? What a what an amazing intro that I really appreciate it of It's true. So what what is this thing?

Just kidding?

Do you like your name?

Do you do you feel like you it's a it's got It's a name riddled with soft consonants. It's got a nice rhythm, a nice cadence, a nice vernacular, a nice rhythm.

It's got a jazz like quality your name.

I have never been told that, but if I'm being honest with you, from time to time, I have thought, I really like my name.

Yep.

It's a weird thing to say. Both of you, I'm sure can relate. You both have wonderful names that are not They're not like unheard of names, Karen Chris. You know, Ian is not like a made up name, but it feels very us something.

Yeah, I feel like my first name on its own. I need my last name, my surname to sure.

Yes, and you are the kind of person, Chris Fairbanks where I always say your first and last name, of course, Karen kilarrateful. Oh sorry, I was just gonna say I was always grateful for my name because of the double first consonance, right, which is kind of like as in grammar school, is like weirdly a jackpot for I don't know initials, reasons and stuff. And then also nothing. They couldn't rhyme my first name with anything mean, so I was yeah.

I just no one could get me. Doesn't hurt.

Wow, Hey, that's right, especially on the especially when you're in third grade. You know, yes, calling a third grader baron is not only not understood, but it doesn't hurt.

But you know, I could have hurt your feeling.

I would have called you Flarin Karen, like you had some sort of a uh inflammation disease.

And children's gap.

Yeah, nice ankles.

Gout and then there's children's gout.

There's children's out, which is sadder, it's more condensed.

Oh, it's the feline aids of gout.

I actually have adult on set children's gout.

Oh please get your raise your ankles up above your head.

Please.

I do every night.

I'm an adult child of an old person with gout.

Yeah.

Yeah, what did you?

How? How were you made fun of as a kid, Chris Fairbanks?

I think it was always Chris pissed, you know, urine piss was always mentioned, but then it became hacky, luckily because of garbage pail kids, and now it could think of a second one.

It was pissed or nothing.

Last name Fairbanks seems like it would get a lot.

I don't take a stab at it.

I don't recall any fair Banks, not in America.

Oh right, I still get those what about yes people? Isn't that amazing that people will think?

Oh?

I bet he's never heard this, the two words in his last name being addressed.

Your own name? What about you? Ian?

Oh? I got a lot of eon I in. Some kids would call me N, just the letter N.

There was the kid at my Big Sky Bible camp that was acting real tough. He said he accepted the Lord into his heart in the back of the police car. I find that hard to believe. Oh, we were all ten, eleven, twelve. He seemed like he was like sixteen though oka but his name was Ian and I was just trying to make small talk and I said where are you from? And he said North Dakota? And I said are you in North Dakota? In which I thought was a cute little joke, And he punched me in the stomach. I

That is how died.

Wow.

Yeah, this kid punched me in the stomach. He was not a fan of that joke, and I did not make a friend.

Now, was that going forward your story of when you accepted Jesus Christ into your heart? Because that would have been a great moment to do.

I was paranoid about it because at that Bible camp they said, if you've already done this and you do it again, if you if you asked the Lord into your heart again, which I still didn't understand physically.

What I was doing.

Yeah, then it's a sin. So it's like, maybe I've already done it. Uh, maybe I should play it safe and not throw the log in the fire.

So I didn't do it. I don't.

I never Oh what I don't understand the logic of that God's going to be upset? I am already in there. What do you mean you're inviting me in?

Yeah?

If the sin is if you didn't mean it the first time? Who you already have a one way ticket to Hades?

WHOA.

So these clearly are a counselor and leaders at a Bible camp who themselves are red flag human beings. Yes, where they're like fuck fucking with children's minds about quote unquote the Lord.

Yes, it's it's.

It's a bad one. It was a bad one. Uh it was.

There was some strange adults there and they made us think we were going to hell if we made a mistakes. There was a lot of talk about hell. Let more talk about hell than heaven. Fordic, Yeah, kill us.

There's probably more people in hell than heaven though, to be fair.

Right, first of all, all the people that jokingly say, oh, I'll end up in Hell anyway they're going.

Then there's the people where it's a surprise.

But in the same way, there are people that want to live in the city, like in New York, which is like Hell. And then there's people who want to live in the middle of nowhere and have some more freedom, and that's Heaven. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like a small town with a cornfield, except its clouds. Right, yeah, yeah, I would.

There's more of a nightlife. Everybody interesting is in Hell.

Yes, the density, and there's all those dance clubs and stuff. There's a lot to do and see in Hell.

Yeah, And in Heaven they're going to bed at eight pm.

Right, whatever that is.

Yeah, it's probably comfortable. I will say that it's corn.

Where is a cloud? We don't know? You never know?

And what have you been doing lately? What about that for an interview question?

Great?

I love it.

The summary of my quarantine is because I assume that's kind of what you're really really getting out. What has the last year and a half been is? You can ask that to anybody and there's not a boring question. In ten years, we will all be tired of that question. But for now, nobody's made a sort of like nostalgic

Yeah, middle of the night.

Yeah, yeah, it didn't matter.

Time kind of was just a has become and still seems to be a malleable concept that you can manipulate yourself. It's no longer a rigid rule system. If you want to watch a classic at one a m.

Or three a m.

A movie you've seen a million times, just to watch it in a different light, Yep, you can do that.

It was it's kind of laborating.

I have a new favorite movie of all time that I had seen a couple times before Quarantine, and now I've probably watched over one hundred times. That movie is Ocean's Twelve, not Ocean's eleven, not thirteen or eight. Ocean's twelve is my favorite movie of all time.

Now, can you name a specific plot point that it made the difference for it.

Oh, I absolutely can. Julia Roberts plays tests George Clooney's wife as well as Julia Roberts, an incredible move. There's a scene in that when Julia Roberts is pretending Julia Roberts is playing Tess, who is pretending to be Julia Roberts to sneak into a museum.

Oh my god, I rewatched that. I wondered which one I watched recently? That was the last ye.

There's an amazing scene where Bruce Willis happens to also be at this museum, and so then Julia Roberts is pretending to be starstruck because she's meeting Bruce Willis, Who's like, wait, is this Julia Roberts And it's so fun and.

At that point does no one know who anyone is?

Like?

At that point, is the audience and the cast equally confused?

I will say it is a convoluted movie. I will say it is confusing. But I think a great sequel is like a first movie needs to be really tight and perfect, and the second movie can be a little messier, but it just gives you more of what you want. And that's that's my theory on sequels and Oceans twelve? Does it great?

Wow?

Thank you Steven Soder.

So I've been watching a lot of Ocean's twelve. I got really into making. I got into making things out of cardboard.

Like miniature, like that neighborhood.

Yes, my in my.

Office, which is a walk in closet, I uh, which was another quarantine project. It was a storage closet. Then I was like, what if I made this an office and any of my friends. I've zoomed with friends and then when they've since come over and seen it, they've been like, this is much smaller than I realize, and they're a little worried about.

Me that you're hanging out in a time.

I'm not worried at all.

I'm not worried, thank goodness, Thank goodness. But you haven't said I made I made Mount Rushmore puppets out of cardboard. It's just been it's just been a weird time, you know.

Yes.

I got into miniatures too, and I bought these kits, yeah, like the dollhouse kits. I love them, and I wonder if you love them, especially what you made. I always think of two things when I see these neighborhood miniatures. I think of the beginning of the Mister Rogers neighborhood like that, the little cars, the little it's the camera zooming down, but the opening, the long version of the HBO thing where you in the end it flies up and a chrome HBO logo is is like the Lord

And I'm here to change that.

Yes, it's changing.

Love It twenty twenty twenty one is the This is the positive out of the negative, which is everybody gets to do what they want and do what it takes to comfort them.

If that's Hannibal Lecter at three.

Am, exact, so be it exactly. Thanks.

Discover yourself in that way, right.

Yeah.

A lot of these Lecter types wouldn't act out with violence if they were just supported with their hobbies and.

Crafts and not judged so much about their cannibalism, it's ridiculous.

I was.

Actually I was doing a lot of waking up in the middle of the night, and at first I would feel worried or like, oh no, it's three am, I'm awake, and then I'd be like, fine, I'll just go watch more TV. And I had this kind of like home when you're home alone and you get to do whatever you want, but you're like twelve, so you rarely all the rest of your life is so governed and you're so constantly bossed, especially because I was the youngest, so I was like if it was my parents, who was

I've never related to anything more. I haven't. I have tried to say that to others to explain my relationship with insomnia over the last year and a half, and you explained it so much better than I've been able to.

It's like a birthday party then, only you're invited to.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, you can put on you can put on whatever you want and it feels good.

Yeah yeah, put on some football pants and cowboy boots and a Viking hat and dance and eat candy. There's no one around because you're alone. You're tragically alone and having fun with it exactly.

Now. What I want you to picture is I want you to picture being in that exact mode and you haven't been able to see any of your friends for a long time, and then suddenly you're in the room with twelve of them. Welcome to Ocean's Twelve. My best friends, My best friends, over and over again. The stealing art, Are you kidding me? Excellent?

Yeah, it's enough to just play Checkers with Brad Kid, but when you're high.

Yeah, it's a movie about a bunch of friends working together. Like it. Yeah, that's all I mean.

Yes, it's hard to it's hard. Even they're like, oh, I wonder when they're done rolling. If Andy Garcia and George Clooney ever share stories about making love to many many women or whatever.

You know, it's something they have in common.

I want to hear him talk about miniatures. You know they must have opinions.

Yeah, yeah, yes, what have you discovered?

We know, Andy Garcia that you can fuck anyone you want, But what about arts and crests? Give us some glitters? You know, what do you do with glitter when you're by yourself at three am?

That's what I want to I usually put it on a woman's body. He has a yeah.

No, he has an accent, yes, an accent that I yeah, it's it's subtle. And he's a beguiling man. I've been in the same room as him. I'm not just talking about watching one of the Ocean's films.

I cannot I'm seeing with jealousy right now.

Yeah, hold on, I've never heard an Andy Garcia.

I interviewed him for a press junket for a movie called Smoking Aces.

Can you do me a favor? And can you compare Smoking Aces to Ocean's twelve justet is.

Not as good.

It is a group of and you know, they probably had a fun time together when the cameras weren't rolling, But when the cameras started rolling, the magic stopped.

In my opinion, this is not what I told Andy Garcia.

But I did say my stepmom, who has since divorced my dad amicably, she was so in love with you, mister Garcia.

She was.

Yes, it was a long setup to ten minutes describing the relationship, and I'd say, she'd talk about you all the time.

She brings we wouldn't even be talking about movies.

And then she just he was the reason that your dad got divorced.

He was laughing so hot hard just at the bizarreness of bringing that up. He was like so sweet and he's like, oh my god, I feel responsible.

Could they get back together? Or he was so great. He played along with my weird idea and it made me love.

And then you said it at the very end of that interview, you said, do you see that what just happened to you?

And I that's the energy you should have brought to smoking aces.

See it was natural and it had a decent No, that's not your fault. There was a plot.

There's a beginning of middle and an nn.

So ian you've recently been married and you want a contest, Well you ex I have, yes.

Wow, talk about it. I feel like I'm on comics at least right now. That was an incredible set up.

I hear you like fish tanks.

Wow, oh my goodness, talk about an amazing setup. You know, I did get married. I did win a contest.

You're still married now, right?

Yeah? So I mean I got yes, I am. Yeah, I'm not like your dad.

The you hear that, Jim.

That was an amicable joke. Okay.

So the.

I got engaged as quarantine seemed like it was starting to wrap up, which I guess was every single day of quarantine and still is. See it always seems like it's wrapping up. But it was the time when you could start kind of safely going out with a mask. You know, it is kind of how it felt. And my wife and I got engaged, and a month or two went by and we were planning a wedding for March, and then we get a very odd DM on Instagram saying, hey,

Wedding, which I would think was spammed, and we did.

Yeah, yeah, of course you assume that's spam. That sounds very spammy. But also you know what they say and show business, you take the meeting. So so my move was like, can we talk on the phone about this so that I at least could know if this was a real person. That was like the easiest way to cut through a lot of the BS to me. And we hopped on the phone and it seemed very real.

Uh wait, when were you did you had you already picked a real a wedding day.

Yeah, and we're still going to do it in March. March fifth were getting hurd Okay, we're going to have a second month, second wedding. But we did get married at the lodge room over the summer.

Where does your family basically generally hail from? And where does your now wife's family hail from?

How hard was this? How Ocean's twelve was this to organize?

It was exactly Ocean's twelve and that it was a complete mess and the best thing that's ever happened. The I grew up in the Inland Empire out by San Bernardino Riverside area.

If that means anything Moreno valley. How do you know that? I I've been here a while since twenty seventeen.

No, but did you know that I'm from Reno.

He's from Reno Valley.

That's where I really grew up. Nobody knows Marino Valley. That's why I thought you said that. Just then I thought you were like getting more specific.

It's funny because I know that it's because I went to skate parks when I first moved here, and I would I would print out the map quest and a lot of the skate parks were all the way out there.

So that's why I was in that area.

To go.

Now, there's plenty in town. But yes, that I am not. I am not gifted. I did not real that's wild.

Yeah, it's kind of. It's like a an odd barren wasteland between San Diego and l a kind of If you've ever driven from La to Vegas, you've driven through the area called the Inland Empire, which right, Marino Valley is a smaller town in and Riverside and San Bernardino are just like more They're bigger and more well known.

Yeah. Yeah, I've spent I've spent time in all those places, and I know they're distinctive.

Fritz's there's real, real good, real good math in Riverside. Yes, I had a crush on a drummer that was from Riversign was his name, Travis Barker.

He's a drummer, isn't that theer?

Is he a drummer?

Yes, I don't know.

He's my favorite drummer with a checkered flag on his name. Yeah, go on a boat and be naked.

So my, but my mom now lives in rural Washington, so like right south of Canada, like an hour away from from Canada. And I guess can you get if you can guess I will do.

Is it not Vancouver, Canada, but Vancouver, Washington.

Oh no, but that Vancouver Washington's down by the Oregon border.

Sorry damn it.

But but a good a good guess in the same state.

Certainly, sure, definitely for sure.

So it was too short notice, and this is a yeah, the world's opening up again. Flight prices were like insane suddenly, they went from dirt cheap to insane, and to try to get that in a week just was not feasible.

Right, my wife, that's the main reason you have to do another wedding, right, yes, yeah.

I mean, because yeah, we want to celebrate with our families and all that and people, you know, right, yeah, If a wedding is supposed to be one of the best days of your life, why limit yourself to one. Your dad knows what I'm talking about, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, It's like, you know, I did Halloween three nights in a row. I think that's a perfect comparison.

Right, perfect. So my wife's family mostly live in Buffalo at Buffalo, New York, and her mom was able to come, and her siblings mostly were LA based, so they were able to come. But I mean most most of the wedding party wasn't able to be there, you know, like they'll be there in March, but a week's notice is insane.

It's great and so yeah, we're a lot of the people there. They otherwise would have been at a dance club. It was like a night out. Or were they kind of in on the joke, like they're like, we're going to a strange wedding.

It was. It was absolutely both.

It was see that sounds like fun. It was.

There were hundreds of people having their first major party out of quarantine, and we got married on stage. There was a ten piece band that we never would have been able to afford. The cake was like a portrait, a cartoon portrait of us. They took this this what yeah, and it was all like it was vegan raw cake. That was one of the best things I've ever tasted. No lie, it was like it was unreal and we were just like our faces were these cartoon versions of us on the cake and we showed up and it

Decorations like that.

Did you have any input?

I mean, they were so communicative, but with a week you have to just kind of like prioritize. As a groom, it's much easier too. You know, my wife was like, what do I do for a wedding dress? I thought I had months? And so she decided to lean into it and she made her own wedding dress. First started full of clothing she's ever made, and she she sewed it completely. And I felt like I was in the hit movie Ocean's Twelve when I came in and.

I came in.

And like it was it was like a biopic moment or something where she was just like, wait, I got it. I can turn the bra and the shoulder pads and it was amazing. It looked incredible that I love them.

Yeah, I love this.

This is almost like it's the perfect thing to go along with the craziness that we all felt in quarantine in you know, January sixth, all the realities that were like kind of denting all of our previous like this is the way things are supposed to be, which got that all got kind of swept away and in quarantine and in the pandemic, and then basically you guys came.

Out on a wave of like.

Wedding cake and it's so good.

Other than the band, like what was the best part?

The officiant was incredible. We had not I met the officiant that day. Shout out to Jason. He killed it.

Wow.

He had asked us for some personal stories that he uh, you know, I do comedy. I know what good public speaking looks like. He was ten out of ten excellent, wow, funny, heartfelt. It was it was you. You lower your expectations a bit when you're having a wedding in the week, and he exceeded in them by so far. It was amazing.

Do you think people there that didn't know him didn't know you guys? Do you think they cried?

Yeah? They did. Absolutely. It felt like a like a like a rock concert. There was literally a band, there were fog machines and lights. It's an amazing music venue that was fully orchestrated for us. They made they named drinks after us. My wife plays the harp and so she had like the punk harpist or something like that. I had the studs circle and it was just like, this is amazing. It feels like a dream. Even saying this out loud to you, Honestly, that's.

It's so cool.

And when you have your boring wedding.

That's that that's so funny. You say that because the people that say we were not the first people that they asked. By the way, part of the reason that we had a week is because so many other people were like, a wedding special, We don't want to be rushed into it, like just because it's free. And we were like, hell, yeah, all this is amazing. Yes, and so we you know, we we're planning uh March March fifth wedding. It's going to be big and weird and Death Valley and we're excited about it.

Oh that's cool.

So you're doing it out in the desert. That's still cool. Yes, but it's the opposite of what you just did.

You think you could loop could you loop Jason back in at least to associate.

Yes, Chris Gethard is going to be officiating wedding. Oh wonderful man, great comedian and just that perfect He's that perfect mix of absurdity and sweet that we want for something like that.

Yeah, and he's someone you actually know, Yes, yeah.

Yes, you're right right, yes, as opposed to Jason who happened to knock it out of the but could have totally beefed it.

Yes, And did you know when they said you want a contest, did they tell you who submitted you or signed you up for it?

And you knew who that was? And because that would bring me some comfort.

Yeah, So our friend Suzanne a month or two before that, had a log room just posted like, hey, we want to give away a wedding. Do you guys know anybody that's engaged? And all Suzanne wrote was something like she tagged Resa my wife and was like, hey, this sounds interesting, don't you think?

And that was it.

Yeah, and one think about it again. Reesa didn't think about it again. The next time it was thought about was when we were on the phone with the lodge rooms.

I think there's really something to be said though, as a person who has gone through a wedding and the planning of it and the stress of it and all the things that get built up around it, I can tell and you'll have this experience so you'll be able to compare yourself. But to me, this almost like hands off the wheel, like well there's nothing we can do. Is actually the solution to so much bullshit, Like the

Whatever. There's a lot of like societal pressure.

There's all kinds of ways this can go wrong, hundreds of ways, and you guys just basically you blocked it out.

Yeah yeah, and you didn't. You weren't screaming at each other about napkins.

Yeah, you're.

Just laughing your asses off and like so good.

Oh that's I want to be. I want to have an Oh that's so great.

I love it.

Who was the person from Instagram or the lawge room or whoever that planned this, Like, do you know whose idea it was?

Ultimately the owner?

This guy at Dalton is like the kind of booker owner. I think he and his family run the venue and after I mean the way the process went, because even on a phone call, this feels so crazy that you still have to like, is this real? So the next day we go to the venue and meet him face to face and he's like, no, really, we're gonna do this. We'll take care of it all. And we're like all right, And at that point there is not enough time to

Yeah, Well, everybody go to the lawge room if you're in la around it.

Support people with good ideas that bring people together in fun. Because if I had just been going to a bar with my friends that night and we happened into a basically an impromptu wedding, I think I would have been crying the whole time, especially it was right after Quarantine ended.

Yeah, totally that.

Yeah, everyone loves a wedding that isn't there. Yes, so all those people were so excited and then you kind of had the element of being at a wedding.

That isn't here. Except he totally, Oh, I forgot this is my wedding. He just mentioned me.

Yes, this is such a good show, this is this is better dinner theater than David and Lusa.

Wait, so you must have danced like that band played and everyone danced, So I.

I have these friends, Yoshi and Jesus who came and they they're they're they're very into music, and they were they've never been a fan of The Killers, and the way they described the wedding was like, all of a sudden, I was singing along to Mister Brightside with everybody else.

And yeah, yeah, it was.

It was unreal. It was because also, these are like the best wedding band in LA, and people it entertainment. People rush to LA, so it's like, these are incredible musicians on every level. And again we it would have been so far out of our price range to get a fraction of that. They were just playing all the hits. I walked in on the rehearsal and they were like, okay, now let's do the nineties pop medley. And I was like, Okay,

Oh wow, I love it. That sounds so fun, like my heart is racing. I don't know I have to do.

You could just describe a now and I get all nostaltic and just imagining it.

One of the hardest parts about a wedding is the guest list too, because you you want as many people to come, but you're you have to pay for every single person, and so there comes a point where you're like, oh man, I don't know how to It gets hard to figure out who to invite. And this was a free for all. Everybody come out. I could literally post on Twitter if you want to come to my wedding, use this code. You know that that was all they

You mean hell not Heaven?

Right, I don't know the difference.

Yeah, this is non secular, secular, don't know the different.

This is a I love this story. It's so good. Who was the weirdest person that showed up that like, you got a couple of those.

It's yeah, I mean it's impossible to Uh my my wonderful ex girlfriend from from college showed up and it was like and she had messaged beforehand very sweetly and was like, hey, is this cool?

And I was like, absolutely, this is.

It was wonderful, and I mean that that felt amazing. You know, my my freshman year roommate was there, like it was. It was just wild. And because you know, I.

Just say at my wedding, I want there to be an ex girlfriend's section. I think that that.

Sounds crying and wearing all black and veils.

Yeah, but and yeah, yeah, just kind of jealously morning or let's be honest, most of them would just be yay.

But yeah, that's so rate.

I love that she went because you know, my wife is a weirdo harpist. I'm a weirdo comedian. People showed up dressed like there was some woman painted completely blue.

I do not know who that person is, so it was Rebecca Roman.

I might know who they are, but they were painted blue, so I do not know who they were.

That's what they were doing all quarantine long where they're like, you know, I don't have insomnia. What I like to do is body paint exactly.

Was there like security and bouncers there in case things totally went backfired and there was like.

There's a low oiled machine. You know, they're they're used to full on.

I want to win a wedding. I don't even need to be getting married. I want to win this contest, lie and just show up stags.

Well, guys, I got stood up.

Yeah, sorry, we're still doing the thing.

Let's stand rocket.

The immortal words of Kevin Bacon. Oh that's so so exciting. Okay, Oh did Gary Butty go?

I got to meet him very briefly. I met him. This is my Andy Garcia story. I told him about your dad's divorce. I got I got to do. He did like a kind of fake court show, and I got to be the post interview person on the court show.

Called Gary Bey colon pet Court. Yes, Jude, yeah this is judge.

This one you did know before him. This is not like Marino.

Yeah okay, yes, yes, a little too weird. But it's on Amazon, yeah for sure. Yeah, Yeah, it's fun.

It's great.

You're like the Doug Lou Allen. Yes, yes, yes, that's the name.

Had a great time. Yeah, he was incredibly nice, but also those were very long days for him, so he understandably kind of was like hello, great to meet everybody. If I don't case myself, he's an older gentleman, you know. Yeah, yeah, take his own space and stuff.

But he was.

He was very nice.

That's so cool.

Well, and also as a he's like an icon, So I think those people other people don't understand how much they have to deal with as a person where it's like, no one's going to let Gary Busey pass them by without going no way and doing a thing, and after ten of those your Gary Busey's don't want to do it anymore, very very understandably, and they have to do.

So.

Yeah, didn't he win an Oscar for the Buddy Holly movie? He did? Or he was nominated?

I know that? Should I check?

Yeah?

Check please?

I think that that's because we all know him now as being like this kind of crazy character.

But he was a.

Nominated, did not win, but win the New Generation Award from the Los Angeles Film Critics Association for the Buddy Holly Story.

Yes, then the MTV Music Awards Best Best Kiss. I don't know.

I don't Buddy Holly and his glasses best Kiss.

There is that weird scene in that movie where he makes out with his glasses.

It was I'm just the lens. It was innovative, innovative at the time.

Yeah, oh, actually, you know what Ian I wanted to tell you is the first time and Chris, I think you and I did this show together. But the first time I did a Zoom comedy show, I could not stop thinking about your old show. Now I can't remember what the name of it was, seven Minutes in Purgatory. So Ian used to have the show where it was a comedy show, like the time I did it. It was at the DC Improv And so there's a full, like a sold out room of comedy audience that are there.

You are in a side room.

You cannot hear the audience and you don't know what they're doing, and you have to do your set to a camera.

And that's every Zoom show. Yeah.

Literally, you are a visionary and you thought of the thing seven years before it.

Why did you do this to us?

But I mean, didn't you think of that, Chris, where it's like you're just sitting there trying to make these jokes. There is no Eventually they got it so that you could hear laughter or people were trying to refine it. But in those early days, I was like, this is even Ian Aberson's bit. It's not fair that everyone else is stealing it from in.

And yeah, there's still payoff later where you get to see that audience edited with you in a closet, like you just never know if you ate it or not, and you think about it for three days.

It's in the same room with a bed that you just performed. Yeah.

Yeah, that's on Comedy Central right, like someone could go to Comedycentral dot com.

It was a digital series, yeah, yeah, all the episodes are on YouTube and yeah, for sure seven minutes in purgatory.

Everyone will appreciate it more. It was very much ahead of its time. Yes, it was literally by total accident.

I didn't realize how because when when we went to do it, I mean, first of all, it was when I was doing a music act. So I was so grateful because I'm like, oh great, I don't know, I just just standing there by myself, even doing it with another person, and just like we're just singing songs.

It was like the shame and.

Self loathing I felt literally seven seconds in. I was just like, I can't this is horrible, horrible.

And you know what you're getting into. It wasn't like a It wasn't snuck up on you.

It wasn't a surprise wedding right all, exactly at all.

Yes, I mean it never got normal for me, and I did it every single time.

You know, you know what, I've made it even worse for you. If you dig your dog shock collar. Ian has this bit where he puts on and I've put on one of those. It was from the eighties, but there was two electrodes on it and you put it on your neck and me and my friends just took turns barking, and it hurt so bad that my friend never let his parents use it on his dogs again.

Made it worse.

Yeah, it turns out handing the remote to a drunk audience member I often wouldn't go great. But I was part of the fun, right if you're being like.

Hey, like you curly were you were getting shocked and it did hurt, right, Oh yeah, yeah, the pain.

Would last for a second and like you like think of like getting shocked a little bit where it's just like one brief moment of like oh my god, and then it fades pretty quick. But I've for like anytime I would do it, for like the next two hours, I was so on edge. My body was acting like I've been electrified because I had been.

Well.

I know, with a lot of people, it's like a therapy. Even to this day, I have friends that have taken shock therapy.

They still do it. They're just better at it now.

Maybe, Yeah, but uh, I wonder if you had long I wonder if you're a better person for it.

What I'm saying, well, you definitely, I think taught some people. It's like, imagine if you were on a date and your date was handed that remote and then you just watched as they shocked the fuck out of someone, where you're just like, anyway, it's great to meet you. Think that was such a good shot. Oh yeah, let's talk to you later, and then just fucking book it to your car. Truly run away.

Oh man, it's wild.

Did you wait?

Did you you do the joke and then they shock you? Or would they sometimes do it while you were speaking it?

It was totally yeah. So the idea I would say is like, you know, I'm trying to train myself to be a better comedian. I thought, how did I train my dog? So I'm gonna wear his shot collar and I'll give you the remote. If you don't like a joke, shock me so that I learned not to do that joke, and they, without fail, they would do they It would

And it would go one right way.

And did you ever do that bit where someone just non you couldn't even get through a joke because they were just shocking you the whole time?

Yeah, And I like, you realize I'm literally being electrocuted, right and and like it was it wasn't on a it wasn't on like the highest setting and it's designed for dogs, but it did legitimately hurt.

Oh my god, God, that's so.

And so then while you're being hurt and trying to reason with this person, people are laughing harder and harder at the entire situation.

It's such a good bit a stunt. It's it's like

It reminds me of like in coming up in San Francisco. Mostly there were and it was the early nineties, everyone was really trying to be quote unquote edgy, you know what I mean. So, and most of the time that meant like hain and fucking John Wayne Gacy or you whatever like you you tried to shows, but I did it all the time where it's like, yeah, you won't believe I said that, but you're really putting your money where your mouth is in that way where just like

Yeah, do you ever worry about that that it would all of a sudden affect your heart rate or something like have a heart attack because oh the setting stop doing it and then.

You just show and then the laughter just build and build.

Yeah, they're just laughing at your limp body.

I mean it would affect me, like it really would affect me. I would feel a little more aggressive after for like two hours. I would have to be like, I need to chill out right now because it's like your body. Your body is like it was reacting like I was being attacked because it.

Kind of was you were you were.

Oh God, I love it. I love it such a great bit. I forgot about that very great.

And what do you miss about the old comedy days, the old doing sets around town?

That's a very specific and getting back at it at all.

Yeah, definitely starting to. I've been the the the whole last quarantine obsession I'll talk about. This is how I've kind of filtered my creative energy. I got really obsessed with ex President Theodore Roosevelt, and I wrote ninety minutes of Theodore Roosevelt material, And now I'm getting to test that out around town. The one person on everybody's mind, the second most famous Roosevelt.

Why did you write an hour and a half of Teddy Roosevelt material?

The same reason Ocean twelve is my favorite movie, and I watched silence of the lambs at two am. There's there's just not answers, even though it kind of makes sense. Yeah, he I mean, he larger than life figure. He's he's literally on the Mount Rushmore of presidents, which is why I made the cardboard Mount Rushmore puppets. That's like that, that's part of.

It that comes into it. So at seventy is when those puppets come out.

Yeah, I mean, I'm definitely carrying it down. It's not you know, the first version of it was basically a ninety minute Ted talk about a president that only I cared about. But then you know, trying to turn it into bits and everything. That's the fun of going back out is trying to turn something from a Ted talk

I mean I enjoyed that We've talked about this a lot on the podcast. That's like we both pause, but I enjoyed the no pressure. The I didn't realize how it was always looming over me, Like how am I doing?

In comedy?

Am I doing everything I should or could be doing? How's everyone else doing? No matter how hard you try, are kind of obsessed with where you scan among your peers, and it is kind of a contest a little bit. Yeah, and for that all to be lifted, I mean, my gray hair went away. It's coming back. But yeah, I thoroughly enjoyed the time off. And I'm having trouble fully diving back in like I've been doing shows.

But I enjoyed not doing it. It was great.

I felt like a seventeen year old. I just wasn't worried about things totally.

I basically stopped doing sets and then tried to start doing them again after way too long, you know, like I would say three years or something of not really doing it. The thing is, and this has happened to me before in the past, of when I stop entirely, I truly just do not believe I can do it anymore. Like the way the thing I do in my own brain is unbelievable, where it's like this is something I've

And here's an idea, you know what I mean, where it's like, oh shit.

So there's a kind of cultural immersion that I think I have to have, you know what I mean. But as like a now middle aged woman, I just don't want to have to do that, Like I want to see my friends and see the people I really love. But ultimately it's a young man and woman and person's game. So like it's like I don't go I just started getting that thing of like you kind of have to. I felt, it's like let it go. You can always

This is a pyrrhic victory if there ever was one. This feels bad. This is not well written material.

So you know, it's kind it's kind of that where I think it gave me in quarantine, just truly, I told myself my job was to not go insane, so I didn't have to worry about that or you know, it was just like just you know, get your work done and stay happy and other than that, don't put yourself through it because that whole push pull of comedy.

Although it is my true and first love, it's like, yeah, but also you.

Can't you can't be doing you know, showcase nights for the rest of your life, Like you have to take your pension after a while. If you're not like a you know, if you're not like a headlining comic or whatever.

So yeah, it was.

It was a relief in that way where it's like I can still be a fan, I can still know all the people that I know. I can be proud of the people that I watch go and do things and be innovative and truly that's why, like when I watch you do comedy, it's like this is it reminds me of my early days when people are like, I don't give a fuck, I'm gonna fucking try his bit and it was all very punk rock and it's you know, I just really love it and support it.

That is so kind. If it's not clear, I will just say here and now that I am huge fans of you both, deeply admire you. You've been inspirations from day one, so thank you you both. You've said such kind things about me, and I felt bashful about saying that about you, but now I'm going to you have to.

You have to.

I what is a podcast except a chance to do that?

Right?

I circle jerks get a bad but that just felt great.

Rights you need these days.

Also, it's like that weird thing where like Chris and I see Chris consistently because we have this podcast luckily, and thank God, because you know, other comedians are some of my favorite human beings because of their brains and the way their brains work, and you don't meet those kinds of people every day, And I think that's another Another thing is like really appreciating It's like Ian Abramson, when.

That name came through, I was like, oh my god, yeah, like I how else would I see you?

You know what I mean?

Right?

Fine? Yeah, yeah, it's yeah, there really is kind of a special community. And I feel like quarantine was freeing for so many people rather than making us all cynical. Things got so bad for everybody, for literally every person, that it was kind of like, well, if that's the baseline, I'm doing pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just trying to carry that over and remember it.

I found myself like this past weekend I did shows that in Irvine, and I was like, don't go back to being upset of the audience doesn't remember what it was like to not have this. Enjoy it and I have been enjoying it, but I got to remember not to lose that. I've got to remember to stay appreciative. Are you saying, chriss I promised myself and that the.

Audience like doesn't remember how to be an audience kind of? Is that what you mean?

Oh? I just I sometimes if an audience isn't acting the way I want to. I was getting impatient with crowds, and I promised myself I wouldn't do that when I didn't have access to that.

I'm like, okay, I miss it.

I'm going to even appreciate the most drunken, hecky crowd that is anti vaxer or whatever.

I don't care where I'm at.

I gotta I've gotta appreciate this, and it's so far I have felt like I'm appreciating it more than before this thing happened.

But I got to hold onto that because.

Do you think this sets are going better because you have that energy?

Oh?

Certainly not, because I still don't know what the hell I'm doing, and I'm I'm just still rusty. I'm you know, because I that thing that you mentioned, like you feel like you forgot how to do it. I'll do that during a weekend of shows like I did shows last night. It went fine, Why would tonight not go well? And out feel good until I get that first laugh, and then I'm like, okay, I guess this won't be terrible. I've always it's a clean slate of light. This might

I did. I did a show last week and the first half, the first half of my set was I tried and true material that I was just like, let me just take out some of the old hits, you know. And of course that felt so much weirder than the second half of my set, which was brand new Theodore Roosevelt stuff, because it was it was like, it felt like driving a tractor, where I was like, wait, I've driven a car and I kind of know what this is like. But there's some weird stuff here that I

What it's your favorite fact about Theodore Roosevelt that you.

That you've spun into comedy.

I will tell you one of Theodore Roosevelt's. If you look at a top ten list, there will be something about how much he loved animals and hunting. He founded the National Parks. Was he But the way that this love started he was a little boy and he went to the store and got obsessed with a dead seal. They were selling a dead seal, and he went back for days to be like, hey, could I get the dead seal? For days and eventually they gave him just the head. Now to guess this, go to Wikipedia control

Home and did it talk about as a relationship or what he did with this disembodied seal head or what? What?

What?

What was his goal to get into taxidermy? What?

Well, first of all, yeah, you honestly just nailed it, because he did get really into taxidermy, and you like, he became obsessed with taxidermy. But also the reason that he the way he would use his taxidermy is he tried to open up a little museum with his cousins and the seal head was like the big display.

Yeah, that's behind a velvet rope.

Yeah, yeah, he would like capture bugs and be like, oh, I'm sure, showing his parents like, oh very cute, Teddy, you got some bugs? And is that a monster head?

What is this?

Is not a creature we see every day. We don't have the Internet to know what a seal even really is. But here is the rotting head of an animal.

Okay, I am seeing in an adult swim animated series. When you get all these things together, that's just like almost like a true crime documentary, but about Teddy Roosevelt and all the things about him that are disturbing to say the least.

Totally another fun wy shot.

It wasn't he shot during a speech too and finished the speech or did some pushes?

I not believe you just said this again. I feel like I'm on comics unleash right now, because I was about to say, let me give you one more fun fact and tied into that. My favorite part of this has been taking these big things. You know that Teddy Roosevelt, well, right as he was about to give a speech, was shot in the stomach, and he gave the speech, and

And it's like, he said, a ghost totally doing.

More specifically the way that this is why, this is why it feels a bit like a ted talk, and I apologize. Teddy Roosevelt became president because he was vice president. William McKinley was assassinated, and this guy, John F. Shrink said that William McKinley came to him in a dream and was like, if you don't kill Teddy Roosevelt, the world will end. And so he was like, well, I guess I gotta go kill Teddy Roosevelt.

Yes, it's like a civic duty at that point, right, is a global duty?

Yeah?

Yeah, it is a universal dude deegation.

Or so, do you ever lay into your ninety minute presentation any kind of you're getting shot element?

Do you try to parallel that in your.

Own speech about my life?

Well that you're doing a ninety minute speech? Oh so at some point, don't you think you should also get shot so.

That it opens with the gun shot?

Okay?

Right?

Yeah, no, no, no, want to pitch, just want to get it out there.

I love I love this, I love this. We're getting so much work.

I'm going to give this gun to someone in the audience if you don't like a joke, shoot me square in the stomach.

The bit that I'm working on and the bit that I did last week, I start telling the story of him getting shot, and then I'm like, wait, could somebody actually stand in be the be Teddy Roosevelt and no show you were standing Actually can I be Teddy Roosevelt? You'd be the guy shooting and actually there was somebody standing next to him, could you And just getting like fifteen twenty people from the audience by the end to come up and act out this whole scene and just

I love that you do that.

Yeah, there was a comic that I came up with in Austin rich Gabe that would give a piece of paper. He'd give like, here's your line. He would hand it to people in the audience. He's like, when the lights flicker and we have everyone out a piece of paper with directions like when this happens, yell this out, and everyone was involved and it was so fun for the

That's wonderful.

That's very that's very ron Lynchy too, that very kind of like we're all in this together.

He won the Funniest Person in Austin contest and moved. I don't think he did stand up after that, but it wasn't stand up. It was these performance bits he had, like a ventroloquism bit that was a tape recorder that he'd leave on stage while he went to get a drink of water and a pillow that had a voice in it. And it was a pillow and I can't even remember the bits, but they were all planned out and well timed. And yeah, to give an audience a role, yes, or a line, or to get them on stage with you.

I'm jealous. What about your uh? Is it called the Inland Empire.

Research?

Did yeah that? I look?

Yeah?

Yeah? Do people watch that?

Yeah? On Vimeo? It was a staff pick, so we hope you like it like they did. My my friend Tim Barnes and I wrote a short and starred in it, directed by Zane Rubin, who's my wife's sister. That's how I actually ended up meeting my wife was Zane Ruben. Oh wow, isn't that? Isn't that awesome?

That's great, terrific, But yeah.

In Inland Empire very very proud of that short. It's kind of like a weird take on our weird upbringing. So check it out.

Awesome, nice Vimeo staff pick. Those people see a lot of video.

So that's and post trial interviews on Gary Beauty.

Judge.

Yeah, thank you, Ian Abram, thank you for much. See I say the name and I stumbled I Abram. It's hard for me to say.

You're over thinking. I Abram.

Yeah, you got it.

I am always overthinks.

Yeah, you don't want to mess up such a beautiful thing.

A linguist will tell you in Abram and a beautiful man. Thank you for being here.

Thank you Ian.

Been listening to Do you need a Rye d yn Ar.

This has been an exactly right production.

Produced by Analise Nelson.

Engineered by Stephen Ray Morris, mixed by Roy Tanaka. Theme song by Karen Kilgara, artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d yn Ar Podcast.

For more information, go to Exactlyrightmedia dot com.

Listen, subscribe, leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you get your podcasts.

Thank you and you're welcome.

Yeh ah. Sometimes I can't remember if I honked last time.