S3 - Ep. 15 - Danielle Perez

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay. We want to send you off InStyle. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about.

Ity scared her? Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

To ride.

With Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need to ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks And this is Karen Kilgaraff. Hello, my friend, Hello Chris Fairbanks.

I just got done laughing at something I realized, which is the whole.

Time I was on a little tour for a week.

I wanted my watch because I've been I've gotten used to this I watch. When I first got it, I thought it would just be another voice in my head and I wouldn't like it telling me to, you know, walk around. You've been idle for too long. But you can swim with it. You can turn it off and swim with it and then push a button and water extracts from it.

Did you know that?

Sure?

Didn't it's become very handy. But I missed.

I missed it the whole time, and then I I got home and it's not at home. So I looked at up you can it's sitting on the runway in Dallas. Oh no, it's like you can find it and then zoom. You can zoom in on the map. It's not in the airport. It's not on the tarmac where one gets in the plane. I don't remember ever rolling down my window.

How is this possible.

It's driving me crazy to the point where I had to laugh about it.

But then it was time to reach Okay.

Can I can I do a comedy admission to you? I was waiting to say to you because as they as you were winding that story up, I was like, I can't wait to go. I can't wait to say you were laughing at that because this is boring or something like that.

Yeah, that's how.

That's the most thrilling story I think you've told on this podcast.

It's a slow build. That's how my comedy is.

It's true.

Yeah, just ten minutes, a snooze fest and then punch you right.

In the gut fucking boom.

It was maybe a luggage person handler.

You're a cueing them a stealing.

Yes, I for it, Yes I am.

And I'm accusing them of ruining my zipper on an old bag.

But it's uh was your zipper broken? For real? Oh?

Yeah?

You remember those SAMSONIT commercials where they had like a giant, you know, gorilla throwing the bags around. Yes, and They're like, this is what they do to your bags, And I'm like, well that's a bit much.

I was not. I was a child back then, so I didn't know.

You didn't know.

They Yeah, they've put my way bag through some damage.

But can I sorry real quick? Yes, you didn't you put your Apple watch into a zip pocket on your suitcase?

Well that's where some of the blame might be falling on me.

I do not recall if I maybe put it. I maybe put it in that loosely in that mesh side pocket on my backpack.

You just handed someone of your backpack and you're like, could you put this down in the worst place you could put?

You know?

But I think it was just my wrist and the band on it is one of those oh stretch it and put the little knob into a hole, and it just something pulled it off, and maybe it was as I was doing last looks on the wing, because.

A lot of that.

I don't know how it ended up in the runway truly.

It's like the what you just explained is step one of then what would have been an eight step process to get it on the fucking runway.

I do not know.

I mean, they didn't have me de icing the plane. I don't know why it's on. It's so funny to zoom in, I have to. I wish you could just show the visual. It's the middle of a runway watching no denying, far from all buildings.

I love it anyway.

Pretty great. Okay, so you said Dallas Fort Worth Airport DWS. If you're in the Dallas or Fort Worth area and you'd like to go down and sneak on to the runway to grab Chris's watch for him, he would. He's got some swimming and some exiting of water to do.

Right.

And if you're a baggage handler, I meant no offense. But someone you work with has sticky fingers. Yeah, keep your eyes peeled, like from the group Onyx. Sticky fingers, full credit, full credit. All right, there's my opening story.

Yeah, I know, well, let's introduce our guests today.

I think we should very exciting.

She plays clubs and colleges all over.

So many colleges.

She just sort of had like what you may have seen her on the New Faces show Jess for laughs. I mean, this is a person whose career has been deeply affected by COVID. Let's just say that she's get killing it will continue to kill it soon once Omicron dies down and everything gets back to normal. And also, you also may have seen her on one of the most hilarious and awkward moments on The Price Is Right, which I can't wait for her to tell us the

Dead Hurry, hooray.

I'm good. I'm so happy to see you both.

We're so happy to see you. What's been going down?

Yeah?

Man, you know, well, comedy is back. I guess kind of is it back? I don't know, it's not January anymore.

True, You're true.

I was confronted by it the whole time because it is back outside of the place we live.

Yeah right, it's been back. Yeah for Chris, it never closed.

No, it did.

Oh man, trust me, I was indoors. People know it, but I'm back out there.

Yeah, I guess we're doing it.

So I'm doing shows in LA just being back trying.

And do you feel a different ference and can you describe that difference in any way it?

I mean, okay, well, audiences in LA are I think pre COVID it was a lot of like hmm, okay, I'm considering what you're saying. You know, a very like well, I'm a writer, you know, like energy from your audience. And now it's like people are just so grateful to be outside and in a space.

They're just like enjoying comedy. It is.

It's kind of disturbing, but it's great almost like violent, violently positive reaction.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like, oh, is this toxic positivity?

I've heard a lot about it on Twitter.

I feel like I'm experiencing it.

Irl.

What's toxic positivity? I've never heard of that.

It's like, you know, like all those kind of like spiritual gurus kind of like you just like manifest and like be your best self, like oh, like you know, like you remove toxic people from your life. But it's like you're being toxic, but.

Like where you're they're where they're laughing and you're they're laughing so hard that you think, are they making fun of me right now?

Is that a sarcastic laugh?

Is it kind of like when people on Twitter call you besty but they're actually trying to get you canceled somehow?

Oh yeah, it's that.

Sorry, Bestie, you need to delete this. It's just like, wait to hold on. I don't know you.

This is a directed time.

We're not friends, we're not even acquaintances. Well we're bestie's bestie. Yeah, well I have to see that. I the last I went to a comedy show right before, right as the Omocron surge crested, but no one really saw it coming, and I went to It was Permanent Records Roadhouse okay, yeah, yeah, which I love. It's the coolest place, and Brian Cooke did covered Olivia Rodrigo's entire album and it was hilarious.

Oh how fun?

Oh I remember I saw I saw like posters for that.

That looks really fun. It was well because it was actually like a music show. But then you were like, wait a second, I know that song like it was it was really good, but I realized as I was sitting there. I was in the back of the room. I wore a mask in and for like ten minutes. But then you do that thing where you're like, well, no one else is wearing mask, I'm gonna take it off.

So and so had it so oh my god, oh so.

It was yeah. So it was one of those things where I thought I was like, I'm socializing again. And then the second yeah, you know, the second I woke up in the morning, it was like, mistake.

Yeah, I are you getting these I don't know who they're coming from, but they're almost like a CDC government text that says someone you know has tested positive for COVID.

They don't mention names.

Oh not really.

Yeah, So it's like I don't know, I don't know how it's being surveiled, you know, or.

Is it real or is it like a fishing Now that feels like so scammy it is.

I'm getting them to day you know, yeah, the day after I go somewhere where they but they're not scanning your vax card. They're not putting you into some database. I don't know why. Or it's someone that says, oh I got this. I saw Chris Fairbanks last night. I better put him on this list. Maybe there's a protocol if.

You okay, Well, that person's a coward because everybody else has to just call up their aunt and be like, hey, sorry, I exposed you. I understand that you're eighty five. We shouldn't have had that dinner party like that was all of Christmas and New Year and my family. It was just like my cousin Stevie exposed all of us, but only like no one got it, but he had it. And then we had a party like three weeks later, and my niece Nora had it and didn't know, so

Yeah, that's pretty cowardly.

I think I'm a coward because it harkens back to the time I had a friend who had very bad, clinically bad breath, and I thought, and I got this email that said, does someone you know have bad breath? And I said yes, and they sent an anonymous message with also solutions. It's probably selling something, of course, but I said that anonymous you have bad breath email. I'm not gonna I but someone has to tell this person that smells like copper wire and.

Blood and stuff. And I'm not.

Even gonna go down the list, but it was bad breath.

I'm not gonna say it. I'm a coward. I know what I've been.

I have been the person with bad breath because I take a medicine that fucks up my gums, so it literally is painful to flast my teeth. But I'm like, you have to do it. But then I know, every once while I'll catch myself and I'll get like a whiff of my own breath and then like keep my mouth. Yeah, because you're just like if you don't flyaw us on the rag, Like it doesn't matter who you are, you will have the worst breath. It's just the truth.

Yeah, I got a water pick. I'm very paranoid about it. But you put on that mask and it bounces up your nose, you find out.

Yeah, you realize real quick.

If it's a consolation. Karen, I've been near you. I've never smelled it.

Never.

Thank god, I will never send you an anonymous Well maybe I will.

You won't know. It's me see coward for life.

See, I actually have to say that's kind of a hilarious. It's a hilarious concept. Whoever thought because they're pulling people in, it's not it's just like you're it's slightly victimy. But then also it's like, well it's sales. So it's like someone said you need this, and so then you should buy this thing. Like it's really emotionally manipulated.

It's like xoxo, gossip girl, it is hey, bestie, I heard your breastings.

I want to buy this flaws.

Well that everyone would say, oh my god, why didn't you tell me? Because no one knows you can't smell yourself. We all know that from a Sarah Silverman joke. So it was if someone sent me that, I'd be like, oh, thank god, I will I'll try this because I'm horrified that I'm giving that sort of impression or odor and not not knowing it.

That terrifies me, you know what I mean.

I grew up with such a mean older sister that she would be like, get away from your breath, is discussing why don't you brother? Like she would fucking let me know it every church stop chewing like that. It's disgusting. So I think I have a self consciousness. But every once in a while, you know, like especially back when I drank, if you wake up in the morning and you're like I was like one of those people. I was like, I wake up hungover and be like, first

Yeah, every one of my high school teachers for real. Coffee and SIGs.

Danielle, do you have a story from high school? An embarrassing story like that but that not too painful because we know there's all those But like, h you have bad breath type of story?

Na, you have bad breath?

Like no, one really spread like a rumor like not about me in high school, well, but definitely like in middle school. Like people, I mean, I know, middle school pretty hardcore. No, people like would call me donkey booty and then like winny around me like what I don't know, like like a hoarse sounds.

What, like she had a big butt, yes, which is.

Like insane because by the time I got to college.

It was like j Loo booty.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm like in San Francisco going to the barn castro and everyone's.

Like jealous here, yeah.

What a what a journey?

And Karen, you know, I don't lost after farm animals, but they're oftentimes I will see a donkey or a horse.

And I'm like that donkey has a nice.

Ass, like a muscular horses ass, not in a sexual way in a symmetrical, shiny mud round.

Yeah, they appreciate it. You thank you. I think it was a compliment.

I had the same thing in junior high. My butt. It was like part of part of going through puberty or whatever. Was all of a sudden, my butt was big, and people would tell me constantly, and it was humiliating because I couldn't see it. So I'd be like, really, it doesn't seem like it. But like my mean older cousins or who you know what I mean, you just

But you like seeing sir mix a lot stand on a giant ass, it just right. It relieved me of so much. I was able to let go of pain and trauma.

The old wams are healed, and my favorite part was he's telling people he couldn't lie about it, right honesty, Yes, he could.

Genuine He was like, look, I know you want me to everything in that song was like, that's right. It's like you like these skinny, weird models, I like big butts, and then we're going to drop this beat that actually like moves your internal organs, and then everyone's going to fucking agree. Like that's all I was looking for.

Yeah, he did also require an itty bitty waste, though.

I mean, that's true. That's part of the whole problem.

It is about. Yeah, it's it's kind of a a measurement situation.

I think I've mentioned this before. Been in middle school.

I found a note in the playground that said between two girls and it says sure like Chris Fairbanks he's so cute and I was like, oh boy, and then they're.

Like, too bad. He picks his nose so much. Yeah, back and forth.

Yeah.

I saw him eat it once. Oh god, it's getting worse. Do I have to change schools? Maybe I'll change schools?

Six great, you like showing up to cos be like, just so you guys know, don't pick my nose and eat it.

I want to get out.

I knew exactly when they were talking about it.

I'm like, I know the exact day I Cavalierly was dagging.

Oh god, yeah you did.

You just not think about it before and you were just doing it. It was like just not an unconscious habit ca I.

Think when I was young, I just I was. I would just be myself, you know, I wasn't too worried about well.

I knew a kid when I was like in first second grade.

His name was Zach.

He would literally pick his nose, put the booger on the like monkey bar, and then puts sawdust on it and eat it.

Like that was oh my.

He was top chef junior and a snack.

It's like, we have.

No that literally in an hour.

Like what are you doing to put sawdust on it? He learned that from watching his dad change the cars oil. I think, why would you put sprinkle it with sawdust?

I guess texture or maybe he was like do you Was he one of those gross out kids where he's like, I got you screaming, but now watch this. Now I'm just gonna blow your mind.

Yeah? Was he like, hey, everyone gather around, You're.

Not gonna was it? Did you go to grammar school with Steve O something like that.

He's like, honestly, it would be really funny if Steve O went to like Montosauri squad.

That he came from.

Ye.

I loved the idea of that's a kid's performance.

He's like, hey, everyone, it's showtime, and he puts on a top hat and then just starts picking his boggers and wiping them on things, clapping his hands together and then eating them.

And everyone's like.

Well, but they also they tip his guitar case afterwards.

That's yeah, grammar school, playground busking. Yeah, yeah, but it always has to bulver. I think the idea of finding a note written about you is intent. I mean I think that's like, that's very girl, it's very girl action, and it would be my ultimate fear.

And also the disappointment of it starting like I share like Chris Fairbanks, he's cute and I'm like, wow, I didn't know this, and then it went down yeah, really hard.

But see here's the thing. The cute thing is the comment on that is who you are, and the booger picking thing is just a bad habit that you can absolutely curb, if not eliminate, entirely.

Right right, and I started working on it way back then. It's been you know, it's been a lifelong battle. You know. I occasionally let one slip, but.

He has Sometimes you know, you need a snack and you need to way.

Eating is a whole other that, you know.

I haven't done that since my late twenties. I'm an adult. But sometimes what's better it just leaving it there for everyone to see, or privately while driving or at a stoplight with your windows spurled down, taking care of it, chicking for goals, yeah, and then just waving it the person next gent and peeling out like wait, was that grosser?

Cool as shit?

Is that the new trend in Los Angeles? Boger flicking out out of car window?

It's just being yourself, That's what I call it.

I just, like Karen said at the beginning, Danielle, I don't know. I have not seen this prisis Right episode.

Please what really flip? Please tell the whole story from the beginning of this day. And I know I did not know hilarious, Tell it like, tell it for the person who's never heard one word of it. Please, Okay?

So okay, So I was with Wendy Starling. She was in LA Comic. Now she's in New York. But she was like leaving La to move to New York to doing all these LA things. And she was like, I want to go to the Prices, right, And I was like, Okay, cool, I'll go. I've never been and I'm like born and raised in Los Angeles. So I get there. Literally, I I'm late. You know, it's early. It's an early call times like nine am, all the way out like on Beverly and Fairfax, very.

Far all the way out. That's all the way out.

That is the center of all the way to the middle.

But the like.

Man is like kind of like lets me in, and I like meet up with her in her big group and she has like a bunch of family because like you came up from Long Beach and stuff. And so we're in line and we're going through and everyone gets like interviewed at the Prices right, Like every audience member is like talk to and ask questions by like the staff. And so we were in a big group, and so we got put in front of this guy who's like

I was like, that was just a very brief interaction.

We continue on and then like they move our group to kind of the next like we're all, you know, just like in a line at Disney Line and like a holding pen, and then moving us inside now. And some person comes up to me and is like, if your name gets called, just to follow the person in the red jacket. And I'm like okay, and everyone like

You're like, let me explain to you how this works being nice.

So they're saying, and then just get yourself up there. They weren't paying attention.

They just thought, no, it's just you know, people are I get a lot of like bless yous and.

Like you go girls like you know what I mean.

Like I'm like people just like taking time to just be like if you need help, like is not abnormal. So I'm like they're just being nice and they're a corporation and like so so we continue like going through until we get to the audience and they sit me in the back.

There's like a wheelchair accessible seats and the show.

You know, they're playing like Black Eyed Peas and stuff, like we've been deprived of food and water for hours. Like everyone is fucking pumped and amps just old ladies doing cartwheels. It's it's like it's so much and I'm just taking it in like this is wild.

I did not know this was going to be my day to day, but like I.

Had moved my uh, someone like came, I guess, like I like everyone gets a name tag and I guess somehow I like put mine in the middle or whatever. Like I was so just kind of not engaged with like what was happening. Like everyone has to keep it on the left side, and I'm just like, what do I put it on my like my leg, you know, because I'm cool. I'm just hanging out here. But some production some pa came up to me, gave me a new name tag, put it on my body, and told me to move my hair out of the way.

I was like, what, Oh, that's a good sign.

I was like, they're just being nice.

They start doing hair and makeup on you.

Yeah.

Literally, I was the first name called down to contestant Brow.

It was crazy. It was like Junielle, come on, dude, and.

Like I go down and it's like, you know, little stadium style kind of studio. So I rolled down. I'm in like contestant Row. This is crazy they call other people. I literally played every game. I was there the entire show. I couldn't get on stage. The very last chance to get on stage, everyone overbids, so we have to play the game again and then I win, and then I get on stage.

And then I'm like, where's the person in the red jacket?

Yeah?

Really, I was gonna say, because thinking of that from that way, do they don't have accessibility for a stage? Right? If it's built up, there's a stage.

Yeah, it's built up, and it's literally just stairs. So I am looking around, like where's the person in the red jacket? They're behind me and it's like, oh, we got to go back up the ramp. We have to go all the way around and going through the backstage area, I see like Drew Carrey's like fancy little hydration station. It's just like a bottle of Perrier like in ice, like a champagne bottle. I was like, okay, fancy, And so then I get on stage, I like try to fistbal car.

Awkward.

He's being like truly just like kind of nice, just business as usual, no big deal. I play this game where it's like, uh, the announcers like you're playing for a treadmill and a walking sona like it was everyone was like, oh no, that was audience. Like everyone was like because the curtain opens and like this is what it is.

And yeah, everyone was like why is.

A well because all those things Okay, So if I could just say for a second, as a person who's had to produce daily television that and especially with shit like that, they're big prizes, their preset that stage rotates, doesn't it So like if like you know, the thing closes and it comes back up and it's like here's your new Chevy Tahoe or whatever, and then it closes and it comes back up and it's like a boat or whatever. So those things they don't have the control.

Yeah, it's not a live you know, yeah, we got it. This is going to be embarrassing.

I mean I was.

The first name called. This was the very last game. Like the odds are like they just were not in my favor.

All we have left, all we have left is this treadmill. Oh no, so.

Wait sorry because when those you know, that show has been on since the Dawn of Man, So when those like things open or when the announce her says the prize, people automatically go crazy. And it could truly be like a side table, you know, as everyone's while there's those ones where it's like the work where you're like, oh that sucks and people are still going nuts.

Yea.

Could you feel people being like weed?

It was like some it was like half like super excited and the other half like I'm concerned. Yeah, it was definitely. And like Wendy Starling's like standing up and.

Like cheering and just.

Excited because she's like this is a Hilary shit. And I'm looking at you know, because like I'm aware enough of like I understand the game is like the more excited you are, Like that's how it works. If everyone's just like hopped up on like cash and prizes, and so I'm like, oh wow, I'm like they look expensive.

Yeah, like you're gonna sell.

I'm looking at it like, yeah, you know your job, Your job is to be the contestant, no matter.

Yeah, I'm just I'm excited and I'm grateful.

I have gratitude for being here.

Did they send the treadmill to your house?

Yeah?

What did you do with it?

It's like in a box still in my.

Don't have it, okay, but like so yeah, so I won the treadmill.

It was like insane.

And the thing is like when it aired, it like went so viral that like Jimmy Kimmel asked me to be on Jimmy Kimmel.

Live yep, and it was like what is happening? This is crazy.

So I literally had a full segment where Jimmy Kimmel had me on talking about all of this, joking with me, and he like asked me to guess the price of peanut butter.

I guessed wrong, but he was like, doesn't matter.

You in a wheelchair accessible cruise with wheelchair accessible accommodations.

And it was really cute. Are you that's so kind? Yeah?

It was like really kind and funny, and it was like, you know, he got like he got that. I like, you know, I was making jokes about literally I took a screenshot of like my face when I saw.

The prizes, just like a poor the big eyes.

Just mouth of gape, and like tweeted it when you win a treadmill on the price is right, but don't have they?

So now I remember seeing that photo of you with the with your.

Name tag and everything, but I just didn't know the story. That's just so insane.

But so yeah, no, so I still have the treadmill, and I'm like, I'll bring it back to Jimmy Kimmel Live when I when I do something that do something on purpose, yes, really funny.

The first time you actually do is set on that show. I don't think do commics still do.

Stand up on think they're still doing comedy there because he has like a club in Vegas now, But I don't think he's like really doing stand up.

But I bet you some but he probably at Kimmel knew you, knew you did stand up or knew you and was like this happened, It's amazing, And she would be a really good talker to tell this story honest people.

I mean no, like when I told them I did stand I was literally at that time I had been doing stand up for maybe six months. That was that was like part of it where it's like I don't even have like a clip I can throw up on the internet to.

Be like I'm a stand up.

I was like telling the production They're like, pre interview, I'm like, I'm a stand up.

They're like, that's adorable. We needed to be a real human being.

Oh, that's genius. I had no idea. I assumed it was recently. Oh that's amazing.

It was like literally, yeah, it was like my first year of stand up, which is like crazy.

Yeah, that is unbelievable. I love that they booked you on that show.

Yeah, that was really wonderful.

It was I mean, like honestly, looking back at its like I can't believe so much of it is like I just had no idea of like stakes in any of it, or I was like, I'm just having fun.

This is really cool. Yes, that's so good.

So when you're yeah, when you're on prisis right.

You just you're there in the audience and there's always a chance for everyone to just be pulled up on the show.

That's why people want to go right, Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I mean and there are people like I was in line with, like these old people who have like I've been here six times. Every time we come to La we come to the prices, right, it's like their mecca.

Yeah yeah, it's serious, like because there's people. I think there's people who well, first of all, it truly is. I think they have a very I mean, I don't know anything about the system through which they choose people, but I think it is fair enough that people like that know, it's like it's like a lottery, like anything goes. Sorry, this dog is being so crazy. Look at Oh my god, it's so adorable. He's the cutest. I got her two days ago. She's the sweetest dog.

What is her name?

Her name, her name's Blossom. Oh my god, bloss And she is really sweet. But she doesn't I think she doesn't like because we I just shut the door because my dad's visiting me, so he's in the other room, so I just shut the door. So she's kind of like, I've already been in here for twenty minutes now, I don't know what's going on, and she Frank is just

Sorry, she'll get shot.

The Blossom's gonna Blossom's gonna learn about the podcast game soon.

She'll she'll get it to it.

She needs to adapt to my schedule. But anyway, my point is I think a ton of people like it's that thing where yeah, you go, any this could anybody could win and you could get to that fucking final. I mean I would, even though I would I hate to like sit in an audience for hours at a time, there was nothing I would love more than to spin that big fucking wheel. Oh yeah, yeah, did you get to spin the big wheel?

I got to spin the wheel.

Wait can you talk about that for a little bit.

Oh my god, Oh I totally for Oh my god, you brought up the wheel and I totally forgot so like in the like pre interview, you know, like where they interview everyone in line said like, yeah, I'm a valley girl.

Whatever. He's like he came back, and he was like, what's your favorite game?

And I kind of panic because it's like, I know what the price is, right is, but I don't know.

Yes, when I said something from the seventies, the yodeling thing.

Yeah, the little yodeling guy, yeah, names, and then I said, I just want to spin the wheel.

Yeah yeah, yeah, Okay, good save, good save.

That was my good save.

So I got to spin the wheel and I spun it and it landed on like seventy five nice, and then I spun it again. I asked you, I was like, should I spin it again? And he's like, you're not allowed else. I'm like, I can't tell you what to do, and so I spun it again, and a bunch of like prices right super fans were like, why'd she spin again? It's like, because what are you gonna have another chance to spin the wheel?

Like That's all I wanted to do was spin it.

I was like, if I win this wheel and then I have to go to the next part, what am I going to do with a party boat?

Like you know already don't.

Know what to do with a treadmill.

My biggest fear with that wheel, I always thought I would spin it if I was ever on the show, I'd spin it and stumble and fall and get caught under the wheel.

I thought it would suck me in.

It's very low, there's very low clearance underneath.

I can't get sucked under that. I don't think you have that force.

I mean, you don't know how excited I get.

Is such a good the way they built that thing, Like you can tell it's easy and hard to spin it at the same time, So there's like a real kind of there's like a power to it where you're like, you do have to get the what do you call it, like the momentum going. But I can love that. You were just like, who cares? I want two spins as opposed to winning. It's just like the prize is spinning.

Yeah, I'm on stage, I'm spinning the wheel.

I'm won. It's better than a boat.

It really is.

Really Our friend Brendan Waltsch who I started stand up with in Austin, he had a birthday party and he used to open for Drew Carey.

So the party was at Drew Carrey's.

House and he he was very nice, but he had he's like a kid. He had trampolines. I'm like, do you have children that live here? There was an arcade, like he had a room at his house that was all pinball machines, and then he had a viewing room and he's like, we all have to watch this concert. And it was that famous concert. It's like the Beach Boys and the Rolling Stones, but everyone has to follow.

Or he was so.

Excited and about this that I was like, oh, you're like an innocent. It was like hanging out with an excited kid. And then he's like, do you want to see my bedroom? And it kind of inspired my bedroom. He has a room that was all grass and stained glass on the wall behind the bed. The ceiling was just painted clouds and there was flowers lining the base of the walls and you turn on the light and church music would.

Play about that, and I like the chapel, Oh my god.

And he was like, I was like, are you religious, and he's like, no, no, it's just it's weird, isn't it. It's kind of funny and weird. I'm like, yeah, that's funny and weird. And he's like, I don't know. I just thought i'd be funny to have a bedroom. I don't I don't really sleep in here every Yeah, it was just anyway, I'm just bragging that I went to a famous person's house house that was a humble brag.

I have a Drew Carrey bragg. We all do. I'll do the trifecta Drew carry brags. So in the when I very first moved to LA, my first acting job, I was Ryan Style's girlfriend on The Drew Carrey Show. It was like my second acting job, and I was on I think two episodes, and I was at the time on fen Fen because I was trying to be skinny to be on TV, of course, and so at the time it was before Fenn came out, it was just Fen so it was like the only the upper and no downer.

So I was you know, Karen, chances are you are owned a settlement. That's the only reason I know, friend Fenn, that's from the commercials.

That say that's right. Yeah, I'm positive it's the reason I have seizures to this day.

Oh but.

I was on this crazy drug and I got this part, and it truly was like I was someone's girlfriend. So I would be there, you know, one scene, one maybe two scenes in an episode, and in the second, like I think I was supposed to be recurring kind of in general. But the second episode, I got to rewrite a script rewrite and it you know, the one that like comes at six in the morning or whatever. And I looked and like the part I had a bigger part, and then it got rewritten, and so I'd only had

He don't need me.

That sounds like something I would do. This doesn't seem like Karen behavior.

And when I got back it was pre cell phones, I think. So when I got back, like my roommate was out the front door going, they're all calling you. And I basically got fired off that show for being a like just a dipshit on drugs. And I saw him at like some big I went to some taping of something, you know, with someone that was actually working at the time, and I ran into him and I was so embarrassed because it was like, oh, I just seemed like the most ungrateful asshole, like I kind of

That's what you told him.

No, no, No. I like I saw him and just kind of sheepishly said hi, and he immediately was like, hey, sorry to maybe we'll find another part for you later on or so. He was so nice where no one would ever be that. First of all, he could like ignore me and I would have been like yeah, that's probably normal, you know what I mean, Like, he's such a I think somewhere in his mind he made the decision like I am becoming incredibly successful, incredibly rich, incredibly powerful.

Yeah.

I did a backflip on his trampoline because someone asked me to and I can do that, and I and he acted as if I had cured a disease.

He was like, well, that was spectacular.

He was clapping, and I think I think he made other people clap, like, let's give him what that.

Deserves, a backflip.

I'm like, I, you are nice.

Yeah, he's just he's the nicest person. Yeah, yeah, except for when he wouldn't give Danielle advice on the big wheel.

Yeah, exactly.

Well they're not and like that's the thing they tell you is like Drew is not allowed to tell you about spinning, so don't ask him.

And then I did, and.

It was like you've been told, you've been warned about that.

You should be like, excuse me, do you remember seven minutes ago when you fucking tried to give me a treadmill.

I love that you still have it, and i'd like you to try and sell it just for a rainy day.

You know, you should sell it as the treadmill from that Prices Rest episode so that you get like double triple the amount.

Sign it that treadmill.

That treadmill is safe for Jimmy Kimmel alive.

When I got a show.

Or something great to be like full Circle, we made it.

That's a great book an idea. Or if yeah, you ever tape like because you haven't done an hour special, right, yeah, if you ever get that like Valhalla fucking you know TV special, that can just be the you know, sometimes people they have props where it looks like a weird little shack or something's behind them, or it's a chain link fence. I don't know why that's always the decor in stand up specials.

Yours can just bet it's uncensored.

But that's right, we're out in the alley doing comedy.

You're about to tape a special though, right.

I'm about to tape for Comedy Central there, yeah.

The featuring thing. Yeah, yeah, that'll be fun.

That's great, So I'm really excited. Yeah, that's on March first at the Lodge, and.

You'll love it because it's a normal show. And you'll be on it with friends and it don't it won't be scary. I did that and it was It was not you think you're gonna be nervous for something like that, And I was just like, oh, this is just fun, as opposed to with TV audience and you got.

Out in New York and you get all scared. I don't know.

Yeah, No, it's like real people who really like Yeah, so it'll be fun.

That's congratulations. That's awesome, Thank you, thank you. Do you have any do you want to talk about? Just for laughs? New faces?

I mean, sure, it was weird because it was in the pandemic and usually everyone goes to Montreal for JFL, but they did it virtual.

Oh god, so you're exactly where you are right now, wearing exactly the same outfit.

Truly.

No, they like taped it at Dynasty Typewriter okay, oh, which is like okay, our green room was the alley because it's still like I just kind of kept being like, wait, we're still doing this, even though COVID like it was like everyone was trying to be like precautions, but also we are fully suspending belief in order to make this happen.

And it was a was it a full audience? It seemed like a full audience.

It was like.

It was like, so Dynasty is like, you know, there's seats far stage right, far stage left, and then the center, but because they were taping everything, the stage right and stage left seats were all xd out to accommodate the camera, so it was just like the center. So in my mind, and also because like I had to prep for New Faces, I was like, I need to run my set somewhere, and Maria had been doing hours at Dynasty, and so

And because I started in LA, like.

I knew what New Faces was right away, like my first year, it's like everyone's losing their mind about New Faces, and so I very much had that like I want to get to that point and then it's like, oh.

Okay, we yeah, on the next thing.

That's it.

I know, it's it's like it's it's nice and it's great, but it's like, how's that going to help me get like the real things I want?

You know?

But here, can I just say this. I watched I watched that said it was great.

It did.

It seemed like a completely full audience, and you seemed so comfortable. Your material is so funny and so good that like it there was no there were no seams for me. I completely thought you were in Montreal. I thought you were in one of those big fucking theaters, Like none of that showed at all, and that set was fucking rocking, like you really killed it.

They really thank you. That means so much, Karen, like thank you.

Yeah.

I think of the alternative of going there, uh, staying up late with Chad Daniels, getting.

Your your pocket picked by.

An off duty French clown and showing up late and hungover and during your set forgetting your last joke because you were still drunk.

I mean, there are.

Different experiences, and you you took the very controlled, safe route, and I think that that sounds better than than what I do only eat it in Canada.

No, I did not do well.

No, Chris, you always do well and you can't hear the audience.

Chris, Yeah, embrace that you do well.

He can't know you.

I do well. I do sometimes.

That night I was doing well and then I forgot my joke and I said, do you guys ever get so drunk the night before an important set with Chad Daniels that you forget your last joke?

Good night? That is exactly how I ended.

And then my manager, David Aftis was standing right next to Chad Daniels and he's like, oh, cool, thanks, thanks. Yeah, it's a fun place to be, but you know, it's not. It doesn't help in performing stand up well to be in a big, fun city with fun things to do till five in the morning's.

Yeah, I appreciate that, you know, the pandemic has I you know, still kind of go off the rails every now and then, try to be a.

Little more controlled about it.

But the fact that I'm not out every night at shows and venues where alcohol is freely biled, right, it is helpful.

Yeah, we real Yeah, by today standards, you and I had all night, or just because we.

Stayed after a show and had a glass of wine.

I was like, I.

Remember in that moment we're both like, well, it's almost midnight, we better get home.

To our apartments.

Yeah, I think it's probably good for us all.

Maybe just as a little bit of a reset. Because also, I think, like you were saying at the beginning, I think there's an appreciation Like when I went to that Permanent Record show, Like I walked and I was like, oh my god, a checkered floor. Like I was looking around like it was the most unbelievable place I've ever been.

Yeah, definitely, I feel like, yeah, there's like a shift where it's like I'm really grateful and thankful I get to perform and like I want to have fun doing it. Like before the pandemic, I definitely was very like shows, shows, shows, every night, all the time, yes to everything, just like

Just like having a complete Stockholm syndrome.

Yeah, like I can't do shows.

But now kind of it's like, oh, you know, I want to have like a healthier relationship with stand up and like do it at a pace that is healthy and that like fulfills me and like it's okay to say no, it's okay.

To you know, just do what, like you just don't have to say yes to everything.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's been my thing every year, my resolution resolation I resolved to to you know, what I'm saying, my razzle dazzle is to say start saying no to shit, just you know, because I'm like that too.

I'm like, where is this show on a roof? And Irvine? I'm there? Yeah why not?

Yeah?

Also, well, because it is such a high and because there's really truly no replacement for standing there alone doing a set and killing and having people adore you. Like that's the other piece of it where it's like then pandemic hits or whatever goes on in your life where you're just kind of like, why do I need this so vadly? Like you know, it's sometimes we don't stop because we don't want to reflect. But then it's like if you're forced to reflect, it's all not a bad thing,

Yeah, you can see me on the latest season of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Wow, amazing.

I'm in the first two episodes, so watch that.

It's a really great season. It's an arc.

Two episodes is an arc.

Yeah, it's really fun. Larry David is so, I mean, you know, just it's incredible.

So you showed up, So you showed up to run your lines and everything. You didn't go on a.

Walking care we like a roast each other.

You didn't just decide to kind of lightly blow it off because you didn't think they needed you. Because you on so many drugs.

Yeah, it's only a couple episodes.

I'm going to check out this neighborhood.

No fun, fun, just let's brow.

That's great, congrats. Yeah yeah.

And then I am also in a romantic comedy that's available on iTunes called Just Wipe. It stars Jodie Sweeten, Yes, and I play her best friend, and Alex MAPA's in it.

It's very cute.

Love Alec Mapa so much.

Yeah. Yeah, so it's very cute. It's called Jess Swipe. Yeah, you can go on iTunes and find it.

Now.

That's right. These are big acting gigs. Was that even your goal? Are you? Did you consider yourself an actor before?

I well, like at the very beginning of twenty twenty, I did the CBS Showcase, so it's like the big sketch comedy live show, kind of like SNEL and so it was like I was trying to audit.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

And because of the pandemic and no stand up, I was like, well, I guess I'll just like really be serious about taking acting classes. So I've been doing this is okay, I'll say this, and this is like very extra, but I am very proud of myself.

I made it.

I got a producer session for the George Lopez pilot, but I did not. But I got the producer session, and that's pretty and I am happy.

It's huge. So it's huge.

I know that like to be there, like to get there. That's a win. So I'm happy.

That's so great that you got basically to the final stage out of thousands of people. Thousands of people, that's huge. So it's really great.

You know.

Fingers crossed for the next one.

I just want to say this though, is the movie called Just Wipe, Karen.

It was originally titled Will You Be My Quarantine?

It had a rebrand okay plants, so.

Now it's called just Swipe, which is.

Yeah, yeah, I thought it was still about quarantine. It's just like when you bring things home, you have to wipe them down if you web them down.

Original title fabulous, so we couldn't get the right.

I love fabuloso so much. It's smells so god. It's how you know things are actually clean. Yes, that's the only way. Well, this was delightful. It's great to see you. I feel like I haven't seen you in yours so it's nice to see your face.

So good to see you guys.

Yeah, you've been listening to Do You Need a Ride?

D yen a.

This has been an exactly right production.

Produced by Casey O'Brien, mixed by Ryo.

Boun Theme song by Karen Kilgareth.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly wrightmedia dot com.

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Thank you and you're welcome. Yeah oh yeah, room room