Are you leave the I you wanna way back home?
Either way, we.
Want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a turmano and gay.
We want to send you off inside.
Do you wanna.
Welcome you back home?
Tell us all about it.
We scared her? Was it fine?
Malborn?
Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride.
With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Colgariff.
This is the point where I usually come in with an anecdote or something that happened today, a conversation starter with Karen. But I have prepared nothing.
Chris.
I don't think you should feel so much responsibility. This is a fifty to fifty joint venture, spike Lee joint, and we share that responsibility at the time.
You know along those lines, I want to do the right thing, and so sure a spike Lee joint.
Look, I'm here in Crookland just trying to figure out what to say because I also prepared nothing.
Listen, welcome, X number of things could happen from not having a topic off the top.
Listen, Malcolm, I don't want to put you in the middle. That is not actually canon. That's not Spikey Cannon at all.
It is not.
Wait a minute, he directed, He directed episodes three to seven. Really not really, no, no, all of this is pretend.
Oh okay, now I'm up to speed. I'm up to speed.
Now.
Oh well, no, here's a little and Dave walked away, so we have to do this.
I went.
I went on a surf trip up in unlikely cold Puget Sound of Washington, oh with friends of mine from college that I have not seen two of them in over twenty years.
And it was the best time.
And we went into an ocean that looked like boiling water but temperature wise was the opposite. And I'm sore, like I got beat up by a truckload of cowboys and.
Norcl Surfing is It's fucking serious.
People don't talk about enough, how tough you have to be, how real it is. They have legit great white sharks just swimming alongside them. Plus the water is like near zero temperatures. Plus abaloney might stick on you. Abaloney just throwing stuff in. But there's danger.
Think about those the processed meatfish.
I yeah, think about that crustacean.
Just surfing alone, it's just like like Kyle Kanane once said, it's like falling off a roof and then having the house chase you over and over. I just got beat up by waves, but I did pretty well. I think I'm kind of caught the surfing bug, and I think I'm going to go again.
I'd hope so.
Because your hair screams, I'm a surfer, so you need to live up to it.
Yeah, it's the only choice I have. I look at me.
Yeah, just let me, Karen, Why don't you look at the guest we have today? Who is a man? Who is a He's a he's a host, a television host.
He's an author.
He used to be a vegan, he used to he hosted one hundred and twenty minutes. If I'm not mistaken, he's done it all.
He's he's truly done it all.
He's already been a podcaster, and now he's about to be a brand new podcaster on a brand new series, limited series that's coming out.
Ladies and Gentlemen, exactly right, Yeah, I didn't. Ladies and general please welcome mister Dave Holmes to this. Oh, hi, homes.
How how are all of How are we?
We are great? I think we're doing good.
Yeah. Good. It looks everybody looks good. Everybody has a happy, healthy glow.
So do you Your hair looks terrific?
Thank you so much? Now as we well, let me let me turn these out. So yeah, I too have like gone, yeah, I'm growing the hair out. It is argually obscured by my headphones, and I'm gonna make it so that it is obscured again.
Your hair has a real it has a real Beethoven vibe to it.
It is wild. You seem like a mad composer.
Great here, that's great. I know what I'm going for. That's a little bit what I'm going for.
Yeah, it's happening.
I'm seeing it. Okay, good, good, thank you? Yeah. I you know, a year without a barber, who's kind of you know, the impetus. And then it started ground. I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna I'm gonna let this ride, you know, like it's who knows when I'll be on camera for anything next. You know, I don't like, I don't this is the time to experiment is when you're a college sophomore or now right, and so I can't I can't have that time back. But but yeah, I'm letting it. I'm letting it go for
a little. Yeah, I'm sure I'll go back to the high and tide at some point. But I've always liked the idea of being like a shaggy salt and pepper guy at some point in my life.
You're starvage from You're a scarfl away from looking French.
You really are right there.
You said you know just what to say.
You're ascott and bag it away.
Really, what I feel like is is the Real World Season two replacement cast member Glenn from the band Perch. That's what I feel like I'm giving. That's a unique and specialized look, but that is what I feel like it is.
Wait a minute, readily specific did you.
Have did I go to did you have a World podcast for a while or something?
Yes, and I still do. I still do on occasion. Yeah. With with Mike Doughty of Soul Coughing, we're both obsessed with the Real World, and so we went episode by episode through season one. When it came out on I guess it had come out on streaming, but I got my hands on a copy of the whole season with the original music, which is that's what you got to do. And then and then there was Homecoming, and now there's going to be a second season of Homecoming with the
season two people. Maybe I don't know whether it includes Glenn from Perch, but uh, we're We started recapping the London season and then and then Mike started recording a new album, and then he got a cheap ticket to Rome, so he's there for a month and now he's at some like artist commune in upstate New York. So we just haven't been able to do a new one, and we didn't and we're terrible at promoting, and we didn't say anything on social media. So the fans of the
podcast think that we're feuding. And now because they think that we're feuding, we're not going to do anything to like dispel that rumor, because what a fun rumor. Yeah, I want to be I mean, I've always wanted to have a you know, an infamous beef. Yeah, a good friend.
Yeah, you got to manufacture controversy, and the only other way to do that is to drop a sex tape.
Yeah, yeah, and I'm not. No, I don't. I don't want to see that. No, no, what to see that.
You don't want to see yourself? No, other people might want to see it, but it's hard to watch yourself.
That there could be a very specific like kind of VJ fetish that you know about, what if.
The J fetish out there in the world.
There must be, I'm sure there must be.
Well, this hair is gonna put a stop to that, that's for damn sure.
No, you went through that same thought process. When else am I going to have a time to do this, to exactly let the hair rite and I can't go back. I've gone in for haircuts where I'm like, I'm doing it this time, and then hair cutting people, that's what I call them, are hesitant. They'll be like, oh they all everyone secret secretly wants to go out their hair, and they won't cut mine. And they talk me into just some like a reshaping or take away the founding
father triangle of it. Yes, and I haven't. I've gone in for full high and tights and I get talked out of it.
So I've had that experience a couple of times my own self.
Because I'm realizing it's it's less work. I guess only do a trim. I just now realized that.
Well, you both have very very quality hair though.
That's the kind of hair that people want to see grown out because you have like it's like, you know, kind of curly day of yours is wavy.
I mean it is a good it's a good head of hair.
Both. Thanks. I think, yeah, I think we both have the foundations.
You and I look like we could be related.
We do, I looking right now, Yeah, we used to have the same high and tight and then right now our hair is related.
I'm saying.
So yeah, I let it go for a long long time, and and then I when it was like safe to go to the you know, to a hair a hair cutting person again, I was like, well I might as
well like make a story out of it. So I like wrote a thing about because I'm not you know a lot of people that I know are doing the same thing, just like this is we're going to take this opportunity and be middle aged guys with long hair, and and it's like there are you know, there are some good things to know about you know, proper hair care and like what to do when you go because you do need every couple of months to go and have somebody get in there, you know, like you take
the weight out of this area so that it doesn't so that I'm not in journey in nineteen seventy eight. That's a big thing, cleaning up around the ears and you know whatever. I mean, you know, so, yeah, so I did that, and now I just kind of I'm
just going to keep it for a while. There's also an element of like Jackie O wearing the suit after the assassination, she was like, well, none of us were a life, but the famously she said she kept it on even though obviously it was filthy, because she was like, I want them to see what they've done. And it's like there's a part of like this last two years has been such a fucking shit show that it's like look, look, look, yeah exactly exactly, we can't go back to the way things were.
By filthy, do you mean riddled with brains?
I did mean riddled with brains?
Oh my, I didn't know that. The piz she kept wearing it, m.
H God for the rest of that day, for when they swore and all that, for like sure other stuff.
Yeah, yeah, everyone's probably like you have to take that off, and it's like yeah, why.
Yeah, yeah, wow, yeah, I didn't help it.
Jay was like, this is kind of taking the wind out of my sails exactly.
We have to have the suit next to me.
His sales were so full of wind before she did that.
He was stoked.
Yeah.
Well, this is the best day of my life. Thank you everyone for coming. Can I can we go back for one second? Yeah?
Sorry, sorry, but I just have a question about the Real World. Yes, because I am. It's just perfectly my age. Where the first season of the Real World, I was there for every episode, I think, yeah, but it got to whenever it came got to San Francisco, it was when I stopped paying attention. But how many seasons of the Real World had their been?
Yeah, I couldn't even count at this point because they used to do like one a year through the nineties, right, and then I think they started doing two and then and then there was the chal Well, then they introduced road rules, and then there was the challenge, and then it went away and then it came back like with a twist, and it was all like you're in a house with you know, strangers, but also your brother who you don't like or your ex or whatever, and so
now they keep making them. But it's these like gimmicky versions that I that I have not paid attention to in a long long time. But surely we're into the thirties by.
Now, sure Jesus really oh yeah, yeah, yeah, like the first eight or so or on Paramount plus and then and then there's a long break, and then it picks up at around sixteen and it's to the present day.
Wow, substantively.
If you and Mike Doughty makeup and you bury this hatchet, you could go back and continue podcasting on that topic from quite some time endlessly.
We won't because I don't think either of us. I think maybe New Orleans was the last one that I was really like engaged in. I kept tabs on it for a few years after, but I don't like it, you know. And then then it just you know, once, once the hot tub moved into the house, it was like, no, this is not this is not what it was. This is a shock.
It's not my real world.
It is not my real world. I don't want to engage with it.
So was that New because that sounds like a big brother move, like they were kind of maybe adopting things from other popular It was really.
Round Las Vegas or Hawaii that they that they did that, and then it just like people just hit the ground fucking you know. And it wasn't like there was no there was no like, you know, young idealistic social worker anymore. There was you know, there was no cellist with a dream. It was just like everyone was hot and horny and that was that. Yeah, which is.
Fine, that's.
Yeah.
I mean, look, it's entertainment. Chris.
Would you ever do a real World Big Brother reality shows type thing?
No?
I the that thing Reality Bites Back, which I was told before I did it was a Comedy Central thing and they told us it was a parody and they compared it to Reno nine to one one, a parody of reality shows. And it ended up being great. But the experience itself for all the comics was, oh, no, we get eliminated. We have to do physical things. I had to do flips off a diving board. I had
to do a lot of uncomfortable things. But Theovonne from Road Rules was one of the common on that show, and I think he was kind of getting into stand up at the time. But everywhere we went. Everyone recognized THEO to where people would freak out, and that's not even real world. That's the road rules thing, which I don't even know. I know they're adjacent and there are challenges where those people have cage fights, I believe, sure, But THEO was recognized everywhere, and I was like, oh
my god, this is clearly like a huge thing. But I was unhappy during the whole thing. And then I watched it and I'm like, oh, this is entertaining. I get it. It was fun to be part of that process.
But well, you've done the answers. You've done one.
I've done one, and it was really stressful, and I bet, yeah, I didn't enjoy it. Well, it was happening, and that's apparent on Reality Bites Back, which is not even available on iTunes anymore. I own it and I periodically watch it. But it had like Amy Schumer, it had Bert Kreischer, it had Mike lean Black as the host. It had Tiffany Hattish was on it.
Uh, it's a great group. It was Yeah, everyone got famous, but I'm doing okay. Anyway.
The point is it was really funny the way they edited things to then hold a mirror up to reality TV because Three Ball was a company that made reality shows and and uh, they knew how to make fun of themselves. It was just ahead of its time, I think, because you know that at that point that was the most popular television. I think if that show was made now, it would be more popular. But it was funny. I don't I'm advertising a thing that can't be watched so well.
But you can, like post a little clips from it if you want.
I should, and you should always look bad.
Yeah, show it stuff from wherever it exists, and post it elsewhere, yes, always where.
I so ill this would have been like two thousand and two thousand and one. But I hosted a Real World reunion I guess it was seasons like five through eight, and it was in Las Vegas at the Joint at the hard Rock Hotel. Where else would you have it? Hell? Yes?
And I and there there was like a quick walk through rehearsal thing the day before, and and you know, of course all those people know each other, right, and and so Cyrus from Boston from Real World Boston was like, you guys, I got a party van and he raned everyone up and got us in a party van and like secured us VIP tables in bottle service at like five different clubs all around town. Like I've never seen anybody, so like, proudly just be like him, I'm a famous
person here I am. Let me in and give me things, and these are my thirty friends and like just without any like if I tried to do that, I would giggle myself unconscious, right, yeah, but like all of these people are like super white, hot famous, and they're just like, yeah, let's just go be famous in this club. Yeah, unbelievably ridiculous, like full night out amazing. It was great, It is great. It was great. After it was over, it was like I don't ever want to see any of those people
again as long as I live. But like that, for that twelve hours or whatever it was, it was terrific. Also, I was on ecstasy and I lost my cell phone and and so Dave from Real World Seattle kept grabbing it and was just like, you are not in your right mind. I have your cell phone. And then like five minutes later I was like, where's my cell phone? Because he had it, and and I went back to my room and I was like, well, I got to call my cell phone and it's like five in the morning.
I got to call my cell phone. Whoever picks it up, they have it, and I'll get it. Completely forgot they've had it. And I just picked up the hotel room phone and my like like finger did a familiar phone number pattern. It was my parents' house. I just accidentally, on ecstasy, called my parents' house five in the morning.
Oh how long did you talk to them? And tell me?
As soon as my mother picked up, I was like, and I'm.
Not that high on ecstasy.
Yeah yeah, yeah, that will sober you right up.
Wait, can I ask the question?
Is your parents' home phone number the same as when you were a kid.
At that time? It was yeah, yeah, I think it's high school on yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, that's a familiar number. Stupid. And also like I am not a Las Vegas ecstasy person at all, but it's like just the the same and that, you know, the the glamour that surrounds the real world and road rules people in the year two thousand. It's just like you make some decisions that you later regret. Whatever.
Don't you think we're all kind of Las Vegas ecstasy people, because that's the whole idea Las Vegas is this thing. I mean, that's what I kind of love about it. That just made me think of us going. I wrote on Zach Alphinaz's VH one talk show that was short lived but kind of epic in that.
There boards for a town.
There were billboards for it all over town. They were trying to do this hipster call out thing that they got wrong. But the music bookings were in fucking credible. The Foo Fighters played on the show like that. The music bookings were amazing. Ice Cube was on it like it was great. So when it was over, we went to basically uh, Zach and Joe Wagon.
And maybe Tom Sharp.
We all went out to meet Zach for some kind of a VH one party and it was at one of those clubs. And I don't drink, but on this one, I was like, well, I'm going to have a little bit of champagne, and I like we just sat in want some kind of like separate VIP room. But you could overlook there was some kind of VH one party because Cindy Lauper was there. I remember looking over and Sidney Lauper was like standing on a balcony looking really pissed.
It must have been some kind of like whatever one something, But anyway, we just everybody got really fucked up. And at one point I was just dancing like it was my job. And it was like Joe and Zach and we were in a we were in a VIP suite that it was Tommy Lee's VIP suite, so he was there too.
It was it was sanity.
It was in sanity, and I was just like it was everyone a little bit lost their mind. And the next day when we had to fly home, I was so hungover. I the second I woke up, I started throwing up, and I threw up all the way until we boarded the plane, like Champagne, no no, no, I'd been okay, okay, it went it went a little sideways. But I think that's there's something about that where it's
like I never do that. But then if the combination is right and you're in Las Vegas, it's literally like any truly anything goes not Yeah, I mean it's.
Real, Yeah, it is. It is. They pipe in bad decision powder like into the into the ventilation systems, like it's it's definitely like I've never I've never had a mistake free time in Las Vegas. Ever, that's not always huge and bad, but there's always one. There's always one miscalculation.
Becausely and consistently over my life, I I already make bad mistakes, and I already drink, and I already go out. So when I'm in Las Vegas, I'm kind of like, uh, you know what, I'm going to be the sober guy tonight. I don't like when everyone else is doing it. I don't want to, which is a famous Cranberry's album. I just yeah, I don't like Vegas as much because of
that pressure, like or New Year's or Halloween. It's like, you know what I did New Year's last Wednesday, I'm not going to do it when everyone else is parking is bad, right, Like you go to Vegas and it's just you're seeing everyone's dad on their worst behavior, drinking from a big plastic bong. They have these giant blue Everyone's got a giant, long blue drinking thing.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Yes, of course, yeah, but a yard of something blue, which is just like, no, you do, yeah, you don't need that. New Orleans is also very similar in that, you know, like it's it is. It is people who don't normally behave this way show up there and they go to Fat Tuesday's and they get some frozen beverage and immediately they black out and it's just an okay. So I was there. This goes back eight or so years and and I and I like you, was like,
I'm not going to participate. Also, I was working, we had an early call, and I was like, okay, I'm gonna whatever, hang out in my room, go to bed at nine o'clock. At like ten o'clock, I hear what as a dog owner, I immediately recognize as the sound of urine hitting a carpet, right and I so I go, and I like, listen at my door, and it is sure enough like someone pissing on the in front of
my door. I so I throw open the door and it is fully Millhouse's dad from the Simpsons, with his dick in one hand and a glass of something blue in the other and fully just urine, right and uh. And so I go, what are you doing? And he's like, and I said, where's your room? He said, I said, pants up? And uh? And I like, I grabbed him around the shoulder and I marched him down the elevator into the lobby and I deposited him to the manager. And I was just like, this man just on my door.
Whatever tournament, his room was directly across from mine. I just didn't you didn't remember what his room was, or he didn't have many across from him, uh like two or three more I didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it was just like, oh, you just don't know how to do this, and yeah, that's what happens. And now it's like now some poor you know, maintenance person or whatever is going to have to scrub your urine out of a hotel carpet. You know you can't.
That's the other thing I like about Vegas is they probably left that you're in.
Maybe it's a filthy, filthy city.
It is. It's disgusting.
Well, it happened so much New Orleans.
Like when I went to New Orleans, I didn't drink, and but I watched people have like one hurricane those hurricane drinks where you're just it's just like somebody being like see you later, Like it's only going to take me one drink. Yeah, it's like we're skipping to two thirty am. But like right now at dinner at seven am.
It's insane.
It's insane. The only experience that I've had like that, well it's not the only experience I've had like that, but the one that I remember best is having malort in Chicago some friends. I was there for a few months some years ago, and some friends had me over for dinner and like in a bunch of a bunch of Chicago people they wanted to introduce me to and they were like, because we're introducing you to Chicago, you
have to have my Lord. And there, you know, there had been wine at dinner and stuff, and I had I had my alert, which I don't know if you've had it, but it's this like wormwood liqueur that is it's like big in Chicago.
It's like yegger Reister type thing.
Yeah, yeah, in that way, it's like whatever that is. And and I had it and and then I was, well, that's awful. And five minutes later, then it was forty five minutes later, Yeah, like I was. I was I was like conscious of like, oh I just lost time.
That's not like it's like you know, like that kind of sleep where you close your eyes and you open I and this the next morning I was like in this part of the room, and then I was in that part of the room and it was like, I don't, let's not do that ever again.
That's why Millort sounds like a magical wizard's name. It does, it does, takes it away time.
It takes away time. It's an evil wizard.
I wonder if it's wormwood, if it's that like that, what's the green one that that? Yes, I wonder if it's similar to that where there's almost like a psychedelic.
Aspect to it.
Yeah, it could be in the absent family. I could still be this could still be my imagination from that. It could be twenty fifteen. I might still be Yeah, in Katie Reef's living room in Chicago.
You know, I know, No, we can't kind of gross about me. Is the thing I like the most about Vegas back when I did this is you could smoke in an elevator sae.
I know.
There was a nass phrase in the elevator and I'm like, we're the living life.
Now, Oh out a cigarette for a second.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't have to you don't have to live that way. Wait, can I tell my favorite Vegas elevator story, and I know I've told it already on this podcast, so sorry, Chris. But this was we were in Vegas, I can't remember why. It was me and marylynd Rice Cub and somebody else, and we were in an elevator and there was an old couple like in their probably seventies that were there, like you know,
to play like Bingo Hall bingo and be tourists. And then this girl and this guy got on the elevator and the girl was fucking hammered and she had a full on like Vegas outfit, like a cute little mini dress and she was out on the town, but she was shit faced. And the late the second they stepped on, and the girl was like giggling and stuff, the old lady just got this look on her face like she was so pissed.
She's like she's she's.
Like I got her arms crossed or whatever, and the girl's kind of looking around and giggling. And then when that old couple got off the elevator, the doors closed, and this this drunk girl turns to me and Marilyn and goes, Nana was pissed. I thought she was like I thought she was blacked out, but she was fucking right there with the whole thing.
It was so hilarious. I love her perfect thing. Yeah, she was like, what's her problem? It was the best.
The thing that we used to do a lot. Scott Gimble and I used to do this, but well, I don't know, bunch, we did a half full of times. Just like Monday night in Vegas, just hop on a Southwest for forty bucks or whatever. There it's like everything is cheap, no one is there except for like some sad conference. You know, you have you have the run of the place because like you know, the clubs don't really close. I mean we're not clubs people, but like
nothing really closes. So you just anywhere that you've wanted to go, you can just go and it's like it's everything is super cheap. You can get a hotel room for nothing, and then you know, get back on a plane the next morning and go to work. It's like it was so easy and fun.
Yeah, that's apeal to me.
Yeah, everything does appeal to me as far as going somewhere and having fun.
Being in any place feels really enticing and compelling.
Right now, will you talking about going to clubs with the real world people.
But my heart started to raise, so I was like, yes, go get in the limo, Dave. It's like that already happened.
It's sorry, but I would do it again. I would do it again. They, by the way, have now a real world road Rules Challenge. That's all the old people. So like Mark Long from the first season of road Rules, who is fifty if he's one day old is like, you know, in an under armour tank, you know, pushing a boulder up a hill or whatever. It's all like, it's all like the original, like it's the stallwarts of
the franchise are back. I haven't watched it. It feels like I might, you know, consider my mortality more than I want to. So I don't know.
Yeah, you have to face some stuff.
I'm don't have to face some stuff and I'm not ready to.
Karen, don't do it if you don't want to.
By the way, I'm just going to tell you I just received a text notification from super producer of the Exactly Right Family, Kyle Crichton. Yes Quen for Impact is the number one podcast in the music category. Yes as U September twenty fourth, twenty twenty one.
Guys and the trailer. Just the trailer, just a trailer, yes, so so exciting.
Congress, will we keep people once it's a thing that is longer than three minutes, we'll see and see.
We've got taken a podcast about the movie Deep Impact.
Right, that is correct, That is correct. We try to wed a question that we need to answer, is is this the one that Ti Leoni is in.
We'll get to that.
We don't. I don't. I don't want to spoil anything, but we never really do answer that question.
Yeah, that might be season two. You can tackle on season two.
What's it really? What can you really jokes aside?
Tell us, yeah, give us the rundown of waiting for impact.
Pretend we're a long table of executives.
Now go oh oh god, oh.
Really that angry look on my face, A nice suit, and.
You're emitting my fingertips to intimidate.
Oh wow, you've really set me up for success. Yeah, so they're okay. So in the in the Bois to Men Motown, Philly video from nineteen ninety one, thirty years ago. There, if you'd like it, if you'd like me, yep, that's it.
I do it every time. Family.
Yeah, yeah, so there, you know, there's like a mini role call of you know, Boised Men, ABC, another Bad Creation BBD, be Able to Devote whatever Michael Bivins is building his East Coast family empire and UH. And so those groups are are also sort of featured in moments in bois to Men's debut video, so like they're a band that's about to become huge, and their manager, Michael Bivins is like, here's what you gotta do and like, and he puts these other acts in there so that
they can kind of get a boost as well. And among those, although they are not in the lyrics of the song, is a five member boy band called Sudden Impact, and they have a little moment and it's against a black, seamless background and literally their name is in lights above them and they point at the camera real cocky like like here we come, what Sudden Impact? Are you ready? And I was ready, and nothing happened. Nothing that I
was able to see ever happened. And I've always in the back of my mind been like there's a story there, but there was never like the right way to tell it, you know. It was like it's not a book probably and it's probably too involved for like a magazine piece. And then I was like, what if it's a podcast? What if I track these guys down and it's a podcast? And seven to twelve years ago, Karen and I had a conversation about it.
Seriously, easily three if not four years ago.
It's a long time ago. It was at the one on one diner. Yeah, so it's at least two. Here's a because that shit's been close for a couple of years.
Right. Our development process takes a while. We're very boutique about it.
Yeah, but you know what it's worth it. It's worth it. You've got to take the time. We will really get to a podcast before it's time. But yeah, So I mentioned it to Karen and Georgia and Danielle Kramer a while ago, and they're like, let's do this and I was like all right, and so so we did. And then and then immediately I was like, well, I really hope there's a story here, because now I am now wet.
You hadn't done any investigating or I had done.
I had done the minimum of investigation to know that
these people were at least some of them were still alive. Yeah, yeah, and then yeah, and then we began the process of trying to track them down and tell the story, and it's just become a thing that is like, you know, when when you talk about anything that happened in the early nineties, and you know, the crazy white hot fame of real world people included, you immediately start to realize how fundamentally different life in the nineties was, Like just
everything about the way that we consumed entertainment was totally different. And you know, things changed gradually over the course of decades. Okay, that is something an executive would do in the middle of a pitch.
Straw loud, empty starze, drink, empty sucking.
I tried to pull the mic away, but it was.
It was too late, Chris, Chris, it was too late a commentary, it was, it was.
But it's you know, there's so much to get into in the way that like, you know, just the fundamental facts of the nineties, you know, and and the way that you if you liked a record, you had to go and get it into your hands so that you put it into a machine that could translate it and into a thing that you could hear, and that machine was like at home, yeah, you know, so like you had whatever and also just like the nature of like fame, and you know, you hit middle ages I have, and
it's like if you are somebody who had and has you know, artistic goals or dreams or whatever, it's like you get out into the actual world and you know, life is different than what your expectations and dreams were. Not in necessarily a bad way, but it is different anyway. It's just the more that I got into the story, the more it was like, this is about a lot. This touches on a million areas that really interest me.
And so we now have waiting for impact at Dave Holmes's Passion Projects with the excellent team at exactly right well.
And if I may say as a person who has gotten to listen to this and has been excited since the pitch, because we all know that kind of thing where like there's pitches where you just hear it and you're like, it's just a great idea. This People will like this because you don't have to know, you don't have to have been there to have a person tell you the story of it and get you and pull you in.
But the thing that I.
Love and the thing that is it's very exciting to work with someone like Dave because he's a journalist, so he's like, you know, he's business bottom line, right, And so in these first couple of episodes where it was like.
How is this going to last?
And then pulling out themes so there's just really it's aside from the story itself, which is a very interesting thing from a very specific time, there's also these themes that are very universal about like, you know, the goals we give ourselves, the expectations we put on ourselves. When we don't meet them, what happens. How that's not always a bad thing. Failing is not a bad thing, even though our culture tells us exactly the opposite. It actually spurs you on to do other things, like it's a
really great it's just a great listen. There's a lot of really amazing stuff in that podcast.
Thank you, thank you very much.
And it's all all ten episodes that are finished.
They are, yeah, I are if you're if you're a Stitcher premium subscrit all in a row, if you want to, now that has been a lot of me, all at once, ten hours of Dave get into it. It's a lot. It's a lot. You can do it if you want to do it. You can do it. If not, new episodes will come out every Tuesday starting October twelfth.
In the early nineties. I know that people ask you about this all the time, but I know you pretty well and I've never what how did you end up submitting yourself or trying to be on that the VJ?
Do you want to be a VJ? What was it called? I remember seeing it and rooting.
For you and and not Nikki six or whatever his name is, Jessica camp Right, No, that guy took everyone by storm. But and then you after that, if I'm not mistaken, just legitimately, they're like, well, all joke aside, let's actually give this guy a job, right like they then employed do.
Well. I do love that you asked if I submitted myself, because it is what I did. I duck myself in the.
Mail they went to Saint Louis. Yeah, you said, a vial of your blood.
Uh. No, I lived in New York. It was it was happening in New York, Okay, and I was already living there. I was working in advertising, uh and not doing well and uh, and I was like looking for something else. I knew that I was destined for something else. I didn't know what, but of course, like the MTV VJ job is like the dream job, you just get to talk about music and go all over the place and all that.
Yeah.
So I was at work, and this was early internet days, like we did. I didn't have a I guess I had AOL or something at home, but sure at my office I had sure angel Fire. I don't know.
I heard think show it's on the.
So I on Thursday mornings from my office computer, I would go to Billboard dot com and check the charts on Tuesday Tuesday mornings, I don't know whatever it was. And I went to check them on this April day in nineteen ninety eight, and there was a sidebar story saying MTV is going to hold an open call for VJs. And it's like, well, that's I'm going. I'm going. And so I called in sick from work that Monday, the day of the thing, and I went and.
And it was indeed, submit yourself.
I did, indeed submit myself. I did stand in line and all that. Yes, And it was this thing that was once you got to like the top ten that Wednesday, then they narrowed down to five and then we were on the live show on like Thursday and Friday, and
then they were on Saturday. There was a live like a four hour live event, and I didn't get the job, but I was like, I'm going to yeah, I'm going to get a job here, Like there's no I was twenty six or twenty seven at the time, yeah, and I, you know, had worked in the actual real world for long enough to know that I wanted to be there
doing that. And so I was like, well, I'm just gonna go to the wrap party and just like shake every hand and get every business card and like you know, and everyone was very supportive, all the exacts, all the execs who were my age were all like, you know, you should work for UST in some way, and I was like, great, I would love to. And I just like I went home and I started writing a bunch of half assed like pitches and things, and I just kept calling like that Monday, I was like, they'll forget
me if I don't. Tommy gunned them with phone calls and emails. Yeah, And so I did and it ended up working out.
That's great, And because that's something I've never been comfortable doing.
Now I am.
Yeah, but at that age, it's like I was too scared to put po out there.
Yeah, I remember like my self talk being like put your feelings in a box somewhere, lock them, lock them in a trunk, and just have them later. Be shameless, like be be as confident as you have ever pretended to be, and just you know, keep going because you'll either get a meeting and a polite no or yes uh, or they'll just be like we don't have anything for you, you know what I mean, Like, no, stand that you shame you.
No, you came in second place. Like that's the perfect move. That's that's Jennifer Hudson on American Idol and so many other people where it's like you all of that is people know, there's a politic aspect, there's a there's you know, there could have been some executive somewhere that's like pulling the levers. Who knows, but you showing up like there's some about the good sportsmanship of you being like, thank you so much because you're not bitter for being second place.
You're grateful and you're there to go HI. This was amazing.
I love it. That's what people like to be around.
That whole idea of like, oh, you know, I'm mad or I'm going to go and cross my arms in the corner.
No one gives a shit. They don't have time for people like that.
And you basically met that with like this is a positive, this is an opportunity, and everyone goes, fuck, yeah, we want to be around a guy.
Like that, right, Plus they all are riddled with sympathy because they're like, oh god, that's the guy the lost.
Exactly, totally.
Use it.
You can work to that. You can absolutely work that angle.
Why not well, And just because people voted for Jesse Camp doesn't mean that was.
Their pick, the executive's pick. No, you know what I mean, like you give them the benefit of the doubt.
And you know the thing is I did benefit from that, you know, dichotomy, that that sort of like binary between me and him, because I mean he's he was a wild attention getting character in a way that I will
never be. But also you know, there there is an element of like, you know, speaking in complete sentences at a TV job entails and so so you know, when I was around the halls and like new shows are being developed or weekend specials were being developed or whatever, it was like he'd get a segment, but then they would just be like, who's going to anchor the thing?
And if I was around the hallway, which, by the way, I always was like if my job had me there two days a week, I was there five days a week because like why the fuck not be there in the nerve center.
So it's just kind of always advertising.
Yes, I did, I did. I had to like phase by that time, I was like temping. I think, yeah, but yeah, I was sort of was doing a little bit of both for a minute. And then there was a night where I had to like it was my last day in my advertising office and somebody knew was about to start, and I had to get kind of everything in order. And I was there on a weekend kind of late into a Sunday night, and and then I went home. And then that Monday morning, a town car came to pick me up at my apartment and
take me to the beach house because it was summer. Yeah, And I got out and like funk Master Flex was like playing and it was Michael Bergen from Baywatch had a workout show, so it was like Eric, I guess Eric, and went on the pastures New By then.
Oh, yeah, but yeah, and dolphins already sure, sure, but yeah.
It was just like I got out of this is I do this now? This is my life.
Yes, that's so cool. Wild as hell, wild, like overnight from tempting to the.
Literally overnight, like literally over night.
It was.
It was completely wild. Can't beat that ship.
No, that's amazing.
The only thing with MTV that I really did. I actually recorded it every night and I had a stack of VHS tapes was one hundred and twenty minutes. Yes, and you for a while. How how did you they you just went that direction like no, I.
Just they needed they needed a host for a while. I wasn't there for very long. And I'll tell you I was there for three or four months.
But there because I remember you being on there. That's how I watched it.
Yeah, I would maybe fill in on occasion, but I was only like full time there for like three or four months, and it definitely started as like an interim thing. And I mean I wanted to make it full time, but I was also hosting say What Karaoke at the same time, which was a very poppy daytime you know,
strip show and so like. So some people wrote actual angry letters that like a pop guy was hosting the alternative show, and the executives, who again were you know, twenty six, twenty seven years old, were sensitive to that. And so so I forget, I forget who ended up getting it out after me. That person stayed on for at Penfield. Penfield was before me.
I mean, those guys, anyone that's ever hosted one hundred and twenty minutes just seems like they were a roadie for the pick Seeds at.
Something exactly exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They have like a raspy voice from Paul Cable.
A lot of Also, at the moment that I was hosting it, it was difficult to know what alternative meant. It was a weird. It was like ninety nine ish two thousand and you know, the the post Nirvana thing had sort of petered out. Yeah, and so the acts that I was interviewing, as I remember them, were stained, Sean Nolins, oh wow, yeah, Liz Fair, who I love, and Tori Amos. But then but then also all these like sludgy, depressing soul Patch guys who was like, I
don't understand why they're here. I don't understand why I'm here. It was like my dream show. But it was just a weird time for alternative music.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, It's funny though, because I miss when saying I like alternative music did answer the question when someone says what kind of music do you like? Because now I'm like, I don't know. The words aren't indie, alt indy.
I don't, I don't know.
I get for there's a million.
When asked that question, because there isn't a word at least, alternative was all encompassing of everything I was willing to listen to, with the exception of the band Live or Three Doors Down or Third Eyed Blind or Goo Goo Dolls or you know.
I Okay, the list does go on. Okay, let me let me tell you something. Let me tell you Okay. So this is probably eighteen years ago. Maybe this is like very shortly after I moved to Los Angeles. There are uh, late times with Zach billboards all over Los Angeles. What was it called late late world world?
Yeah?
Late world and uh. And I was living a sort of near Lakma that doesn't who cares, but but a bar that I would go to a lot was Barney's Beanery. I was young, callow youth and I would often go to Barney's Beanery, which is sort of a low key gay bar. It's in the neighborhood, and it's like, you know, it's a lot of like conflicted guys in their mid twenties who like don't want to go to you know, acbar or the abbey or whatever. Yeah, but they'll go.
I can't go all the way into West there edge.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, and they're you know whatever, like they're straight, but no they're not anyway.
Yeah.
Also, it's always karaoke night at Barney's.
That's why I went there.
I was sure no one knows how much I used to send karaoke there, and I'm getting really secret even today.
Oh, our paths surely crossed back in those days.
Yeah, if they did, you probably it was used saying, well that was that. It's okay.
Well, it's just it's just I don't know that I ever on purpose went for karaoke night, but it just seemed like every time I was here, it's karaoke night, and you know, and just the smell of a of a fried potato permeates the joint. But uh so I'm at a booth with some friends with my back to the stage. Uh, lightning crashes by Live starts off karaoke night and and the singer sounds so much like Ed from Live. It's like, that's right me, No, Chris, Chris, that sounds a lot like Ed.
That was that was okay?
But it wasn't because it was Ed from Live. I turned around and it was Ed's It was the actual Ed from Live sing his song. I think this was after rat Tail, but but like I like everyone like rushed up the stage, including me, and like and we were just like watching it. And what I remember most of all was that like everyone was looking at each other for like social cues on like what is what is this? What does how does this feel like? Do we like this? Or is this?
Is this the nerdiest thing of all the cost?
Is this the saddest thing of all time? Is this the biggest power move of all time? I don't know. So I'm gonna, like, I'm gonna subcontract my feelings about this to the crowd, and like, truly we did not come to a consensus.
Oh my god.
And I still don't really know when I did this. I did this golf tournament in Montana and there was a the night I had to do stand up for all these ex NFL players. Some guy was playing Who's the Guitar? And it sounded like Bob Denver and it was nice to have it. It was just like rocky Mountain high music. And then all of a sudden, this guest came and starts, Oh yeah, but no, no, no, it was and it was all songs about hammocks and the skipper.
But this guy started.
Singing with this acoustic guitar player this this in sync song, and he sounded pretty good but not amazing. But it was Chris, the guy named Patrick. Yeah, yeah, he lives at Big Sky and he stag with him and saying country songs and all, and everyone started filming him and.
It took me away.
Sorry it was who this guy from in Sync? But now he's just a dude that looks like a golfer and he knows there and he's like, sure, I'll show up and yeah, off stage because I'm having so much fun. Actually, at the end, I really liked him a lot. He did every genre of music and uh yeah with this old guy playing guitar, and they'd obviously played together before. Sure they're the only two musicians in all of Big Sky on. Sure, yeah, you know what, but everyone pulled out their phones and yeah yeah.
And then it was And then immediately the next day they looked at their photos and they're like, I don't remember that guy's name. Yeah, yeah, but I bet that's a good life. Like I think it is probably a
lot of pressure to be justin Timberlake. Yeah, yes, but it's got to be a lot of fun to be Chris Kirkpatrick, It's definitely a lot of fun to be Joey Fittone, right, Yeah, he's like I think he knew even in the day, like I'm not going to have a music career after this, but I'll yea a massive fortune and I'll just like I guess I'll host some GSN game shows after this is over, you know.
I will do a deep tease for for Waiting for Impact, there is a guest.
Do you want to say the name or not?
I think we have said the name?
You have? Joe McIntyre from The Kids on the Blog gave interviews him on one episode and he is it was much too late for me, obviously. I couldn't love that guy more, Like he just is so salt of the earth.
He's like treasure.
He's come through the fire in a very real way. Yes, look, I look at kids.
I look at the new kids in a different way because I actually was kind of rooting for them, and then they came out with their harder stuff where Marky Mark's cousin was like wrapping and stuff, and I'm like, wow, they're adapting.
Are they going to bed?
I was listening to it and starting to like it, and I was already going into high school and listening to the here and stuff. But man, oh yeah, we always rooted for them.
We will get into their hip hop moments. Don't you worry.
Coming up waiting for it.
I can't believe it's out in the world about.
To be Congratulations on your your number one spot on the music. I mean, that's very exciting, and that's a great it's it's it's modes well for the performance of it. But it doesn't matter if ten people listen to it or a billion.
Great, it's great.
Well, I mean, matters very much, and we'll have him. We'll definitely have a meeting if only ten people listen.
But it's a quality.
Product, and so it's just the trailer for it.
Right now, it's just a trailer.
Yeah.
Wow.
I don't know how it works on Apple podcasts, but it's just you know, listen, I'll take it. It's the number one and I'll take it.
Hey, they're just recording who's listening to what? And so they're they're on your feed listening to it. It's great, it's great news.
I'm delighted.
Is that anything else you want to plug before we go?
Wow, let's see what do I want to I did just get to to take it back to the nineties yet again. I did. I got to talk to Tom DeLong for Esquire a couple of weeks ago. That is up on the site now. I did not make the drive down to San Diego to talk to him, and I'm delighted that I didn't, because a conversation with him is so utterly head spinning that I am not kidding when I tell you that I ended the Zoom meeting and I put my head down on my desk and
I took a little nap. It is he is so like he's lovely and and a lot of his like UFO research has been used like literally by the Pentagon and ship like his his he has been like vindicated and validated as like a source on this side.
I don't know anything about this guy's.
Okay, so he was he was. He was the guitar player in Blink one eighty two and then he like left the band to to chase aliens, to like to you know, do UFO research and stuff. And it was like ridiculous back then, but now again, like a lot of his research has like some of the ship is really.
Does he think the ar legit? Okay, he might honestly sure.
But no I don't. I don't think he don't think he does. Like I should send you the transcript. It is truly like, wow, he said bigfoot, I think before he said hello, Oh it's wild as hell. So so yeah, so that is that is up and out in the world.
That's so crazing I am.
I am, of course, uh in a legendary blood feud with with Mike Doughty.
Yeah that up.
Well, I mean maybe we will, maybe we won't, but you'll.
Certainly find out if it's hard to when someone pulls a knife on you like he did exactly exactly.
You can't really do that, Mike dough.
All you did is overturn that table. What a weird wedding. Huh yeah, well the royal family well remembered. I'll tell you that much. I'm just to see what I'm doing.
I'm feeding, you're doing, You're yes, and you're yes ending and I appreciate it and I admire it.
Thank you.
Yeah, I'm still doing Homophelia with my friend Matt mconukeay talking to awesome queer people, awesome about their awesome queer lives. Yeah, you know, just keep it busy, guys, just.
Broadcasting your ass off. Well, Dave, thank you for taking the time to be here with us. Oh my god, it is delight.
It went by so fast, you really did?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, really quick. Guys like Karen, why are you stopping us at one half hour?
Oh? Never mind?
Oh how long have we been talking?
Just one full hour?
No? Great?
You know standard.
Well that concludes this episode you've been listening to.
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