Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?
Either way, we want to be there.
Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay a.
We want to send you off InStyle.
We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
We scared her? Was it fine?
Now?
Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride?
Ride? Do you need.
With Karen and Chris.
Welcome to Do you need a ride?
My name is Chris Fairbanks and my name is Karen Kilgareth.
Usually I just say I'm Chris Fairbanks. I thought I threw the name the word name in there.
I thought it was great improv Yeah, clearly you've been taking some zoom UCB classes, which I respect because grind, grind, grind, and you're.
In good job building the scene by yes, ending my use of that and just kind of rolled with that punch because that did come out of left field and it was kind of a crazy thing for me to do.
Listen, as a woman in twenty twenty, you just got to You've got to be able to adapt. I think we all know that, don't we.
I think I'm learning that about women. They're crazy, right, yeah they beugh. Oh Jesus, ladies, don't get me started, Karen, I will get.
You started for the first fourteen minutes of this podcast.
How are you great? Yeah? Real good, good good.
Yeah.
I had a good day. I think I've completed my Christmas shopping.
Oh congratulations, yeah, eighteenth today? Yeah. Yeah.
Usually well, I'm usually wandering around the mall on Christmas Eve like the worst uncle ever. And this is as late as you can be when it has to be done online. So I'm pretty proud of myself.
I'm proud of you too. I also feel like we all learned because of the election that we have to we have to know postal routes and timing. I swear to God. In like March, the third week of March, I got an order and I can't even remember ordering this, but they were some kind of strange nylones that I'd ordered on Amazon. And when they when I opened it, there was a piece of paper that was completely written there.
It was characters I didn't recognize, and I immediately was like, I think I should just throw these away because that was back when we were like wiping down cereal boxes and stuff, where I was like, is this safe?
Oh totally yeah, it's so horrifying. I was getting so used to the taste of soap because I'd let it build up on the edge of my can and i would just drink dish soap and I'm like, it's better than dying, better than dying on so much soap in my body.
You know what that reminds me of as our guest today.
Yeah, I like how we pretended he wasn't here. He does rude politely politely sitting there.
We were like two rich people that were ignoring the waiter in the fucking most awful way possible.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was waiting in the back of the wall to get tagged into the scene. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes, you've done.
Let's give him the official intro though.
Yes, of course, Alan Strickland Williams is our guest today.
Wow, officials, it's official.
You're hearing it.
Elecro College has voted it's real.
And you can take us a court and it ain't gonna work.
Yeah, and you got to say what I said right back on me.
That's how you build a scene. Yeah, it's good to see you.
It's going to see you two, both of y'all and Stephen too. Of course, I don't want to erase anyone.
Please don't thank you, but yeah, it's good.
It's good to be I feel like I scared Karen when you asked me. I was having like a day, you know, one of those, and and like I was just like, did you want to do this thing? And I was like, oh my god, to someone to do something. So thank you for shoving me.
Yeah, absolutely, no, I was happy. I wasn't scared. I it's always nice when you feel like you're not oppressing someone because I hate and I know Christus too, we hate asking people to do our podcast because it's like you just don't want to bother people. You always assume people are just kind of like okay or whatever. So it was full. The enthusiasm made me go, oh, now I'm into it too.
Yeah, great good.
I hate asking people almost as much as I hate when they ask to be on it, and unfortunately that's the only two ways you can find guests. Yes, yeah, yeah, asking or I asked Yeah.
I used to run a show with James Fritz. We love them, and I got to tell you, it really is all everything with the pandemic. It's are worth it not to have to book a show? Yeah, yeah, it's all. I think it's all okay because I didn't have to do that. God, that's it's just a nightmare.
Yeah yeah. And there isn't shirt because not they're no one is doing anything. And I tell you, every day I realized it and my gray hair went away. I had these little U sopranos gray hairs on.
Yeah, that went away. Walnuts.
Yeah, it was either less stress or Madison read one of do You Need to Ride sponsors? Was that show at Bigfoot Lounge?
Yes, yes, lovely lounge, Yes, lodge log.
Smart of a lodge. Then what was.
The comedy the comedy market down on sun Set? What do they call it? Yeah?
Yeah, what's that? The chuckle mercantile.
For so long that bar I went by there because because of some wallpaper I got that Karen's heard plenty about.
But I have the mountain wallpaper like a foot like I like the here's some palm tree. Yeah, so it would dictate kind of what I would do in the room. And so my bedroom I basically decorated it like it was that Bigfoot Lodge and I went there and said, and I actually asked, because I'm like, oh, they'll have National Park signs or maybe some taxidermy they're not using.
And they acted like I spit in their face when I asked if they had anything in the back they were They're like they it was like I went into a museum and asked if they had any paintings I could borrow. They were very upset with me.
Sorry, I'm not totally not on their side about that though, because you were going down to a bar and saying, can I have some of your decorations?
Yeah, I just I thought that they would maybe have stuff that they used to have on display and that was just cluttering up in an office or something, because I kind of knew the door guy for being there before, and I asked him and he's like, yeah, let's go ask and then.
Yeah, yeah, most of my decorating is through door guys. I kind of a bars, just in various ways that it's like, what do you think about the end table? And I'll be like, yeah, I don't know, maybe something.
As a door man, I think it would be better if you went with a more mid century.
Look yeah, and he's like, honestly, I kind of just handled door stuff. I don't really got.
What I would like to do is see your ID and that's it.
Yeah, get advice to you with you with the decorating of my doorway. Since you're a door guy, you know doors.
What stool should I put them by my front door when you.
Should just work?
I live in a bar. I think it's it's a starting to that would be.
I'm a hazard to my health. I think if it's there, I will drink it. I found that this is the healthiest I've been because I haven't had without even trying. I haven't had a drink for two weeks, and I don't know that it would take some effort usually, especially if I lived in a bar, but I haven't been drinking as much. I thought i'd just showed that off to you guys.
No, I think that's good. I stopped buying ice cream for the same reason where I was like, it's salt and straw is delivers and it's the best ice cream. It's also insanely expensive, and I wasn't even paying attention to that part. I was getting it delivered. It's so expensive and it's really perfectly made, and I was getting it delivered like every other night because I'd just be like, oh, I think I need I was acting like it was
a staple, you know what I mean, like beans, brown rice, chicken. Yeah, yeah, three pints of like fourteen dollars ice cream where the more I ate it, the more I wanted to eat it. It is the drug. It's such a drug. And then I finally was just like fucking star, I had to say it out loud to myself, stop buying ice cream. This is not like you're going to die of ice cream in this quarantine. Yeah, And then I did. I proudly did. And if it's not around, I just don't.
Right, Alan, how are you doing? Are you ignoring or engaging? What vices are you diving into? Name them all? Yeah, what are your problems admitting?
Honestly, it's kind of the same as you could, Like, seriously, this has been like I think I went. I think I've run like months at a time without like drinking or doing anything, and I'm smoking weed constantly and I am now I never really had a sweet tooth, and I have now like been in Jerry's every day. Besides that, like I'm also I was ton to care about it earlier, like pretty much hike every day, like like like a
real hike, Like I really like exercise every day. And I've been working through this whole thing from home, so you know, it was obviously just as rough as it was for anyone, but it is funny. I'm like, I'm saving more money than ever just because I'm not allowed to go spend it all at a bar and then like throw it up later. So it's like, Okay, I
guess kind of like growing up or whatever. And I've just been trying to like, you know, like you design, you know, just trying to decorate, like my the rooms I am allowed to go and where I can say no. So I've kind of just been doing that. But you know, for the most part, for the most part, giving up on humanity completely in every possible way. But you know a way that's a good fun way.
Yeah, yeah, in a healthy way.
Yeah.
You have full control of the walls that are around you and no choice but to be there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm like, I'm like I framed, Like I got one thing framed that was like a postcard from a trip or something, and clearly the lady was like, we need to cut you off. Like it was like, you're going too deep with everything your frames, like just put it on the walls. Like okay, great, because I've pretty much got everything I can that I own. Like it. If it can be on the wall, it's on the wall now.
Yeah, just what's behind you looks very nice. I like the color scheme. I like the staggering of those hanged frames.
Very nice. You know, it's hard. Chris Key went to the roost and said, do you have any back that I could and they said yes, They're like, we'd love to give it to you.
I'm just going to the to the wrong bars for my interior design shopping.
Thinking about the Bigfoot Lounge Lodge Longe to me, I feel like Lounge, big Foot Lozenge. Yeah. Every time I've gone there, either I'm doing a comedy show there, and the audience is the first third ring of people who are actively listening and then the outer two thirds who are violently opposed to the comedy show that's going on.
Always try to cultivate there.
Yet it's hilariously like I started missing it and I'm like, you've never once had a good time there, But you miss it. Like as we were all talking about it, I was like, oh, yeah, it would be fun to have like a bare head from the from the Bigfoot La.
I think I'm like the something I randomly like someone has popped into my mind that like I hate, like I hate this person, and I'm like, God, I wish I could just hate that person in real life, just right to their face.
That's so funny, I get. I think that I'm missing everything about like, oh, when I no matter where, I'm going to perform at every bar, I'm going to be so appreciative of stage time. But then last night I was doing a Zoom show and someone in the virtual audience their dog barked, and I immediately jumped down their throat like I'm right back to wear no tolerance for any ill doing of any audience.
I'm like.
Dogs, I've learned nothing the last nine months, I attack.
I think the testiness I think is that I find spending a lot of time alone where there's there's almost like no one to make eye contact with and be like is a me or whatever? Like I'm doing that with dogs or the TV, so that when I actually
when I'm everything I do is on zoom. Right, I've the entire day on Zoom today, and you start to get like it's that thing where I feel like no one can actually hear me talking, or like I have to be triple expressive to like get my point across, or I just if we're talking about something that isn't ideal, I feel myself getting insanely angry, where it's like this
is not appropriate at all to what's actually happening. But it's like almost like inside my feelings are like it's our big chance, like something's actually going on, Like let's get out there. Really, I'm just like trying to just be quiet because I know I'm just everything is like a crazy funhouse mirror like and.
That's why our episodes, the last few episodes have been so theatric. We're yeah we were we were just being ourselves in the car, but now it's showtime. Now it's in my car.
Yeah. I definitely like leashed a weird sort of and with everything, but definitely incredibly like, oh, I need to be around people and like I need to sound so stupid, I need to like rift, I need to like hear someone else say something funny so I can be like that's funny, like you know that stuff, because I'm just like in my apartment, I'll look around in the mirror and I'll be like, hey, how I'm like, oh no,
It's like I'll just fully talking to myself. I think they're making me like I'll like see something and I'll immediately start laughing and crying. But you know, that was like the sheer absertainity of every Like I went to Trigger Joe's last night to get you know, food and whatever, and I the plexiglass. You know, they were as plexiglass the register, but they put like they decorated with like frost to make it look like it's like cold winter.
I saw and I just started like kind of laughing and cry out like it doesn't even make frost here like a real glass, And I just all the levels of like how like bake it all once? And I was like oh. And then I got in the car and turned on the radio and it was they were playing that there's a mashup of All I Want for Christmas Is You with Creep by radio Head, and it
was just like I just started like dying. I was just like, oh my god, I'm just completely like I feel we're gonna be like like obedience training, Like.
Oh my god, tweet I've been trying to write for three months is the trying to explain and maybe I even did it, but trying to that after this is over, I'm going to need to go back to charm school. Was my hilarious way of phrasing it, but it never looked right when I wrote it out. But truly needing to have practice, like before the big meetup at the
fuck Edendale back patio or whatever that I need. I'm going to need to practice for at least three weeks of just basic being nice, saying hello, having a conversation, not having not crying in front of anybody, not having a weird reaction, you know what I mean, Like emotional control.
Like it very much reminds me of that when you're thirteen and all of a sudden, like you're having these huge reactions or like things hurt your feelings really bad and you kind of can't explain it, and it's like hormonal. But now it's like our I think our brains are all lightly dentist, And I.
Don't know how I'm going to be. I don't know if I'll be slightly agoraphobic and want to stay home, or if I'm want to because I'm used to it and I'm starting to like it. It would be really weird if everything opened up and I still just hung out in my apartment at the exact same amount. There could be something else out there. You see the look on our faces. We're like, it's going to lead to what.
Yeah, sorry, my and I'm meant to tell you guys before we started my That's the one thing that's kind of funny. It's like, Okay, I'm working from home now, which is nice so that I've always liked. But then it's like, oh yeah, of course the internet's just bad, and now it's like overloaded because everyone else is working from home. So it's like, you know, but anyway, that's like not the worst part in the world. I just want to be heard, you know, in conversation and and you know validated so well.
It is a problem that everyone is dealing with, and you have like good meetings and good recordings, and sometimes something is thrown off because there's a little delay, and it's a that's our real that's what our relationships are now. So it's very I kind of didn't have a good day at work. Somebody's Internet connection was sucking up the whole.
Well. I think all of us and comedians in general, pride themselves on the rhythm of human conversation. It's like you listen to somebody, you're in it with them, then you're gonna go boom and they're gonna go bang, and that's like the joy and magic of it. And zoom just removes all of that, and everyone's kind of like a weird you know, like a tiger in the trees waiting and like it's all that. There's nothing worse than the bad fucking timing of a zoom conversation.
Timing handicapped tiger in a tree.
It's the saddest tiger with broken fucking front and back. Pop.
He's got like burnt whiskers on one side and mange.
He's got a diepatch.
There's little bugs.
In one ear.
That's part tiger.
On there.
My father you are My dad was visiting and met you and Aaron Foley in the same night because we are manager at the time, was having like a holiday party, right and uh yeah, my dad hit it off with you to where he still asks about you. He's still asked about Aaron Foley, And it was years ago, seven, eight, nine years years ago, right, it.
Seems like, yeah, I was gonna I was actually going to ask you. I was like, what's the news because it was Montana.
Yeah, yeah, he's doing great. I was going to go visit him. But it of course didn't make sense. But I know without here saying it, uh recently that he says hello, I was.
Going to say too. Yeah, I was so fuk because that was when we were like that company was really like not a management company. It was like Dennis Leary's production company or something like that.
Really I didn't even I don't know, so yeah.
I think that's what I think. I remember being like, oh, it's kind of like jump ship.
Yeah, we were all a helly thinking the same thing. Let's get out of here.
Yeah, because I mean, you know, no, it just like it was just like we were like like in the copy room and it was like.
Yeah, well you you impressed my dad because he was like I like that guy. I like the he's because you know how to talk to.
Other people to say, did you were you wearing like a wool blazer? Is that why Chriss's dad liked you?
You had a tie.
Yeah, you had a tie and like a nice blazer. Yeah, it will.
Appearance goes a long way with my dad. If you are dressed like all parents. Yeah yeah. If you're dressed like you would work in his office, then you're okay.
One of my friends actually told me that I met her mom with her and she was like, her mom was trying to get her to like, like date Nan. She was like, he dresses so nice, and she was like, yeah, but I think he's a little crazy.
Oh yeah, that's what the mom said.
So it's nice.
The daughters like, do not fall for it, mom, No, no, no, yeah, mom, he's.
Molly right now.
It's just because he's wearing a blazer doesn't mean he's not crazy.
Good enough. You can't have everything, sweetie. It's a nice blazer, you want it, sanity.
The trip with my dad is if you shake his hand, if you when you're being introduced, if you stick your as my dad says, stick your mid out, that's all it fucking takes for him. You could be you could be wearing like a shackles and you just escaped from fucking prison and you killed ninety people. But if you stick your midout, first and go like, hey, nice to meet you. My dad is will be your friend forever. That is his favorite thing.
Yeah, it's all it takes. But there's a lot of people that also have the emphasis in a handshe and they just have a different dad than me, and they are squeezers to where and we've had the same problem. Ellen and I have both had uh in our hands. So there's these squeezers out there, these that think the firm handshake has to be actually hurting you, like crushing your falangies together, and I can't. Yeah, it's just it's too much to be riding on a handshake.
I mean, that's really think about that, Like what are we going to do with our hands when this is over, Like like businessmen are going to give each other fractures trying to go for that.
First Yeah, a big magical handshake.
I kind of don't mind the like no hug, no muss, no fuss saying. I mean you miss it, you know, of course. But I like the way I've kind of socialized is like going a walk or a hike with someone and then the end it's just like okay, bye.
It's like you're always irish, goodbye. You have everything because there's no there's no hugging. Sometimes there's the people that like you're they're like, let's just do it anyway, and you're just like, no, yeah, let's not just do it anyway.
I mean when I skate with my age appropriate group of friends in a parking lot, if you do something that looks good someone, there's always some lunatic that's going to offer a high five, when otherwise you're not even six feet away from last thing. And I find it's it's hard for me to turn down a high five. I can do it, but when someone offers it, I'm like, you know what it's worth the fraction of a risk? No, what am I doing? I'm not going to high five you.
I don't care. It's hard though you like a high five?
We all do, we all do.
You got to just say we got to start a new Dare campaign of just say no, yeah, yeah.
Just say I have COVID and then that that hand comes right down, yeah.
Yeah I have COVID, and then just start break dancing.
I already did a high five earlier. I'm good.
Yeah, yeah, one risky contact per day. Sorry I maxed out.
Sorry, I maxed out this morning at Starbucks.
Yeah, that is the riskiest thing I do Starbucks drive through or honestly, ironically, the riskiest thing I recall doing is standing in a walk up line at a COVID test, Like I actually stood in line, and so you're surrounded by people that actually think they might be sick, and you're I'm like, this is the worst place I could be, right, I.
Had to be. There's no there will be no tubem in activity. Okay, don't worry about me.
Over here, hold a tube in.
Number tube in I went to. I had to go to a hospital during all this mess, like twice. And it really felt like that too. I mean I I kind of personally most people, you know, not exactly thrilled good a hostile normally, but it definitely was. Uh, you feel like it's on you. You're like, I get on Howard Hughes, Right, I'm like, get me out of here.
Like you clean so risky and it's such an irony that the reason you're there is for health related reasons and it's the most lagorous place for you to be for real.
I tell you, guys, the story Danielle had this Danielle Kramer, who runs our network.
She was in line.
I love her.
She's the greatest. She's the greatest.
She was in line for a COVID test in the in the walk up line, and she said, this super ship faced guy.
Walked up and goes, what do you eat?
Guys, I'll do and they're like, we're getting tested. He's tested for what. I was like living the dream. He has no fucking clue what's going on. He doesn't know, he doesn't know about the pandemic.
I would, I know, I would stop and demand a backstory. Did you just get off of spaceship or literally I'm from under a rock.
Yes, you were. You just cryogenically unfrozen and you walked out because tested for what?
Was he wearing clothes from the nineteen eighties, like he's wearing Yeah, he was caveman, Yeah, came see cavalry cheese. His hair was feathered, boush and loam wayfarers.
I think it was probably it could have been like really really deep level marketing for the new villain Ted.
Exactly. God, they're getting well.
I don't know, I don't know what you guys are worried about, but I take the edge off to watch.
You're a filling Ted Street teamer.
You still, that's a great idea. It really is. I just met Napoleon at the water slide. No, no, no, that's an advertisement.
No that's not real.
Water park.
Did you guys watch the new Bill in I know, No, I think I heard good things, but I thought someone Bill, but early into one, you're only into half the of the group.
Yeah. Yeah, you just had one eye closed.
Carried that film.
Ted was.
Just hanging out. Yeah.
I when I was had my hip replaced, I thought I felt like I should stay the night at the hospital and yeah, my surgeon it's like, no, get out of here. This is where infection and disease lives. And I'm like, really okay, And I like walked out of there the day after surgery. Yeah, I was surprised, but it makes sense now. He was like his main concern was like not there not being an infection where the incision was.
Yeah, I don't know.
If we were done talking about that. It really didn't add to the Bill and ten stuff. And I was sitting on it and I had it. There was a lull and I'm like, dude, the hospital stuff I wrote the going you guys, I have not had any practice with my improv for real.
No, how about this, Al, Have you ever taken a class at the UCB.
I did when I first moved out here. No, was it here. I lived in New York for one summer. I took a sketch running class there. I was in a sketch class, the sketch group in college. And then when I move out here, I did a UCB class and I class and I was so so, so, so so so bad at it. Yeah, like one of the like really where like I like the person would safeway to me and then like I just repeat what they said, like look at the audience like this guy's crazy.
Which is real. That's what I was doing, very bad.
Yeah, grabbing for the joke, needing to be the one that says the jokes and is trying to be so real, Like come on, let's get to the funny.
I need to get a left at the expense of this other person.
Yeah.
For some reason, the idea of doing UCB in New York appeals to me every just because I have had such good times. It seems like the audience there I liked more of my jokes than the UCB audience here that seemed to want to fight me after the show. It's just different. I don't know, I don't know.
I think those rooms in New York were had this kind of a warmth and a real kind of like that comraderie feel, is what I thought. I always felt like I was in like a private club, you know what I mean, where they were all like it was all people that are like, we love comedy, we know comedy. We're not going to give you everything, but we'll definitely
know what you're talking about, you know. Where I felt like I was kind of like it was definitely better than any kind of a club experience, but it was definitely people who knew their shit and weren't just going to like laugh at whatever. Like you really had to bring your a game and it was important. But then if you killed, it felt even better, you know than just just any other kind of room show.
Yeah, or I just was excited to be in New York City and the ceiling was low the way I like it, Like literally a low ceiling makes me, h enjoy stand up more. Yes, And then I give the people of the city all the credit.
Every time I do I do shows in New York, I just go, I go, uh hey, guys, I'm in town from Hollywood, California, and then they just love everything that.
Comes out of my mouth.
Back.
Yeah, you did the subway here and they're like, what the fuck you're kidding?
You mean what we every day?
Next?
Crazy?
You did something Allan in Portland that horrified me. Uh were you What were you on? Was it acid or mushrooms? And you did a set yeah, and I couldn't tell because your timing was there and everything, but you were sort of erotically pulsating like it was sexual. You were like and rubbing your chest.
But I didn't know.
He was so like Mick Jaggery on stage. I'm on whatever you were on.
Yeah, I was on my think acid some like little melted golden Grand Teddy Beard Yeah that were like in my pocket and some aluminum oil but became like a little a let's be cookie dough thing.
I was.
Yeah, that was like for that show that was the drinking show. I was like, I was like, oh, I've done this drinking show like so not so many times I've done a drinking show and I've been drunk and like had to get set. Yeah, I should give myself a challenge.
Let's try something different or an obstacle rather and really.
I was just like, oh, I just want to I just want to excuse a new acid like way before the after party, I think what was going on. But yeah, that was that was truly a that was like a dub move. I mean it was still fine and it was a fun show and everything, but there was at one point where was just like, oh, the audience like
fucking like they would kill me if they could. And then like I have a good joke that like, oh they love me and they're stupid to love the ouse there, Okay, I'm going in the weird light, like leaving around and stuff like why am I making was harder?
Yeah?
Wait, el was did you and I go down to that pizza place some I was with somebody that was coming on to acid. It was right before we did Ron Lynch's that show where he draws things out of a hat.
Yeah, yes, because I was definitely on outside, but I was, yeah, because I was on stage that whole time. I think because because it was it was a crap shoot and I would just come up and tell one joke. Yes, I was going. I was really starting to lose it and just like how drugs sometimes work. It was like, so I was like, I couldn't remember my own joke. So I was like I literally just had to go up and say like one joke at one time. I'm like, oh my god. And I remember like digging deep and
finding one. But yeah, that was that was. That was that the big theater with like you could be up top and look down. Yeah, it was so fun.
And and also here's the thing that I've when I watched you do that that night, because I love what I mean, I miss just watching people. I miss watching people who care about comedy do comedy because I haven't cared for so long. But I'm such a fan. And so when I watched you do that, because I knew that we were in the mix of we could have gotten drawn because that was when I was doing songs with drun In, and I was just like, I just
was not into it. I was like, I don't want to get up there and make some stupid shit up or whatever. Every time Allan went up, he would go, hello, my name miss alan st Williams, and I have a joke for you. You did this, so the thing, the fact that you introduced yourself every time became a joke. So it was almost like you had you had a beginning, middle, and end every time. And I was just like, it's so genius. He barely has to do anything. He like whatever.
It was like you structured it for yourself and made it work.
Thank you for saying that. A lot of that's just Ron.
Ron.
You know, Ron knows what to do with you better than you do. So Ron was just like, I think that was maybe the second time I did that. I did it one time at another crap shoot here where he was like, would you want to just stay on stage the whole time? And I was like, if I can just have like a ton of beer and if I can read a book, I'll do it. And he was like he's like, okay, yeah, read a book is
really funny. Yeah, okay. And so I think I was reading a book too, and I can't remember if I was in Portland or not, but like I think I would bring like Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf to read and then just like and it was just like, oh, yeah, that's what I was just to do. Just trod me out to like say one thing like don't watch it for ten minutes in a row. Like you knows too much, too much. But yeah, that was I mean that specific.
Bridgetown was so because I think that was the second time I got to go, so it was like I didn't feel so like being in green rooms. It's always weird. There's a lot of weird ego energy. Yep, that I didn't really know how to do it they yet, like the first time, but that was really fun. I'm glad to remember that right now.
Yeah.
Remember we used to go outside and do stuff and we would.
Do it and then that special things would happen because we're all very talented and magically artful. Yeah, there's a lot of art around us back in the day, and.
With noticing it, I recall that and noticing it in each other simultaneously.
I know that I remember that those I remember jealousy becoming a fuel for my own talent.
I miss the see I miss.
I miss hating people and making me a better comment.
Face to face. That's because it is he loves you. He loves hates It's all.
It all takes place in that upstairs room.
Hate is just love and you don't know what it is yet.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, exactly, Gloves from like the wisest man in prison.
You know what I mean.
Wow, that guy's great.
I'm alan St William. That's been my joke. Yeah.
The one time or maybe a handful of times, I've done acid because it is edible, it's like, oh, look at this normal rich cracker that you would eat, uh, and you can't see the drugs on it. But they work. They definitely work very well. And every time I've done it, I'm I felt like it would be fun to do
comedy on it. But then you go to sleep and you can't sleep, and you see repetitive like spinning Mickey mouseheads just annoying your brain just is annoying you when you sleep, and then it's like, oh, this is a reason to not do drugs.
Yeah, it's like what about this practical yeah yeah.
Yeah yeah, you can't sleep.
So it's all there's always those people that talk about those kinds of drugs, like callucisions, gen x or whatever in that way of like I want to know what's inside my mind. I have absolutely no interest to truly discover what's in my brain. I don't. I've done it twice. It was fine. I was very happy that I wasn't one of those kind of people that freaked out because I was sure I would be but I was like, well,
let's just see. But then like after the second time, I was like, that's all, I don't want to do anything where after a while I just can't control it and I'm just kind of at the whim of whatever. Whenever this drug feels like getting out of my system, that's ship. It's I don't think I am not that there's like I think there's different types of people.
That like, yeah, I'm scared. I'm scared of what's in my brain that I have a lot of people have suggested doing one of these ayahuasca ceremonies where it is pretty organized and there's a guide and you inevitably envision your own guide and it's therapeutic. But I'm scared of what if in my head is darkness and I unleash it. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I'm scared of myself. Everyone.
I've been doing a lot of charity board ceremonies. Oh yeah, sure, it's just really good, plummy and she you know, there are many ways to communicate with the divine, let me just say that.
And a lot of them involved gouda get in there.
Yeah a lot, a nice smoky sort of yeah, a Pecorino romano.
Maybe you usually something you do when you have guests, but you just are doing it for the guests.
Was exploring himself to olives and top of nods.
One thing that I have been doing because I you know, I'm not as hungover on a regular basis now and I need stuff to do is like I was like, okay, let's really learn how to Like I know how to cook, but like I didn't make it. I didn't make my own salad until like maybe two months ago, like like like like with like making the dressing and all that stuff, be doing that. I made a brusqueta today. I just like had a and like I got one of those like little I mean again, like this is just how
deep we've been in this thing. I got the little brushes that you can like king the olive oil and put it on the bread like thing and then like the garlic and the tomatoes and everything, and it uh, it was like, oh, I just made a nice little like oh we're having a little mango on the Colago's so funny. That's just me.
That's like the first thing I learned to make in quarantine, and it basically is, oh, there's four ingredients. Yes, this is really easy. And it's because I used to order it from Italian restaurant, Like if I would order in from Italian restaurants. I was like, I have to stop eating like fetichini Alfredo. I have to stop eating the most fattening thing. That's it's my favorite, and it's so it's just so delicious. It hits all your sensory you know,
points whatever. But I realized that I can eat brushetta separately and not have like three thousand calories in the Alfredo area and just how the brushetta. And then I looked it up and it literally is like four ingredients. It's the easiest thing to make. That seems fancy.
It's so funny that that's why I said, what what is? Because my before year, guys, it's Shada stories. My buddy Jim that lives down the street from me, Jim Hamilton.
He was we know, Jim him.
He was trying to brushetta for like forty eight hours, and I'm like, what is. Even then, I was like, that was the first instance I gotta get on this Bushetta trink get in.
It's like in the it's in the psychological what's it's on the plane that we're on the astro plane is.
Yes, yes, there it is.
The world spirit was actually part of the heroes journey is learn? Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, is Mozzarella part of it? Or am I thinking of something else?
And can bey can? Okay?
Oh boy? But it's on a piece of bread, right, and there's an oil and there's always tomatoes.
Oh yeah, I'm not trying to get anything. We're not trying to pull a fast on here, regular bread tomatoes. Yeah, but no, you know, it's just funny, no more, you know more than you act like, yeah, you know, and you and you need to believe in yourself.
You guys. Years ago I wrote a book about Broshetta, and I'm pretending I was not the author of that book pages long. It's the benefit of that. I'm like the Broshetta. I am a master's in Broucehetta. Oh no, I just it's a funny thing to make, like you said, for yourself, like a charcutery board. It's like it's for entertaining. So it's just funny. But so as I made a pizza the other day and ate the whole thing like a giant frisbee in my mouth. But so, how is that any different?
It's no different.
Yeah, I should set a table and then just have decoys like like home alone.
Just yeah, put a skeleton put either end of the table.
How do you like your pizza, Michael Jordan's except flat? I love it? So you are the best, Thank you, Michael.
I didn't mean like a medieval Chaine this whole time on top of me, in side of other things on the table. Why buzzing around everything?
Now rotten? Eat it anywhere?
I just make my kingdom.
Yeah, I never even get to most of the food. I just make myself giant feasts. Yeah, with a giant goose and gripes.
You just keep putting them on the table and pushing it down. The old food goes off the end of the table and I knew it comes in.
Yeah, I'm eating of it. I'm just pushing it off the edge of the table, push off the end. Oh. They just described a person going crazy, Yeah, and it's me.
I actually I did the thing I thought was not possible, which is I'm I got sick of ordering out that's why I started me too. Oh It's like I got sick of like all of my clothes getting really too small. I was like, please turn this around in some way. So I was like, all right, just cut out the crazy shit. And then it was like, well then I could basically order from five places. And then I did that thirty times and was like, yeah, enough, already I can I can make taco meat and make my own tacos.
I know I can't. I just won't do it. So like I broke myself in that way where I finally was like, just start making this shit your parents used to make every night. It'll feel better, you'll like it more. And it's true, it's hilarious.
I reached that same point too. I was I was just ordering things that I enjoy when they're wet, because whatever they're going to drop off is going to have its own condensation.
Yeah.
Well, so I was getting like, you know, fun rominance everything wet, Hey want some wet pizza? And so I was doing the same thing cooking at home, and then my refrigerator suddenly broke and that fed up.
Yeah, you pay your refrigerator bill.
Wait, isn't that a joke?
Is your refrigerator running that one I do.
I will go and get it, your jackass. It's that the joke. That's the first time I've told it. All right, I wrote a book about that joke.
No.
I so now I can't have food. The freezer works, but I'm screwed. So anyway, I'm back to ordering in What should I get tonight?
Burritos is wetter than usual because it came with a lid. When we go back to doing when you guys go back to doing stand up everything, like all the punchlines have to be extra shoulders.
Oh yeah, you know, I'll do it.
Alan can't see it, but I am extra gloss on everything. Yeah, I am. We are.
I hope this this zoom theatrics where we're just upping our emotions. I really hope I take it to the stage. Yeah, you know in five months.
Maybe I know I was even writing, Like I don't know about you guys. I've been like in a weird mix of you know, I've had some sort of writing projects. There's work stuff. But for the first time I started to be like, oh, I got in like a stand up joke writing modell, Like, oh, maybe maybe this would be funny on stage, and like I was writing some stuff out and I was just like, whatever, going to get to work.
Funny.
I'm like, okay, Like I don't know, it's just such a this is so like just evolving into madness.
Yeah, I think.
I literally it's because the sun is setting. Like every day with the sunset, it's like I'm just like, oh, here comes the like here it comes, Yeah, it comes to night madness.
Yeah at yeah, yeah, you're right. I immediately trying an idea out on stage is like the second step of writing for me. So without that, it's like I might as well just save it for tweets.
Without that, it's kind of just journaling. Yeah, Like nothing seems funny when you're just writing it on a piece of paper and keeping it to yourself.
Right, Yeah, well thank god we have Twitter every day?
Yeah every day, Yeah, every day. That's where all my friends live.
Yeah, but now we need it. I always It's always been that way, but now I'm like depending on it. I really it's I don't I don't think it's unhealthy because they're real people, yes, yeah, some of them, some of them.
Some of them are the Russian body, yes, yes, yes, why they care.
They are very nice, but a lot of them keep asking for my credit card number give me too.
They don't have that in Russia, so you're right, Yeah, you're right, I.
Should just give it.
It's just nice.
Yeah.
I'm honestly having the thing though, where when I go to write a quote unquote joke on Twitter, I just go, this seems really familiar and I think I've already tweeted it before, and it's every single time, So yeah, everything I tweet. There have been times in the past where I'm like, something will come into my head and I'm like, oh, this is it, You've done it, and then I tweet it and it all feels great that I haven't had
that feeling for about eleven months. It always feels like this is this is uh, this is this is like leftovers, This is like rehashed ideas that you basically always say something like this, You're a fucking bore. That's what I should just start writings You're fucking bore and just accuse other people of what I'm accusing myself.
Have you have you seen Karen's new self insult comedy. She calls herself names Zoom and I gotta watch you got it too, so many little hearts fly up on the corner of the screen when she insults herself.
I deleted it. I deleted Twitter from my phone because a lot of stuff I do for work is on it. So I'm just like, I feel like I'm on Twitter constantly and I don't want to be on it. And then I so then I'm like, I really think about it if I want to tweet something, And it's so funny how many times the answer is actually know, I'm like, oh wow, so many of these things would just be fired off if I still had it on my phone. So I'm like, Okay, I guess that's a good thing.
I have to like physically go to my laptop of like, yeah, maybe let's let's think about this twice, you know, Yeah, yeah.
I think this through, think it through. There was also a couple in the I would say summer, around the summertimes, like six month mark maybe of quarantine. I would tweet thing and then read the responses and people would be like, oh, Karen, and then I would look again and it would have some kind of sexual overtone that I didn't notice the first time. So it's so not my style, but it also looked like it didn't. It looked like clearly not
a mistake. And they're like just weird, strange wording things that I would do, where then I was like, yeah, I don't something's going on. I don't trust myself to do this anymore, like I've lost I've lost the muscle that that I used to have to do this, where I would I knew how to like kind of proofread myself and also like proofred that like the average whoever that's going to be like, yeah, that's what she said,
and you like I always write around things like that. Yeah, I think like my as my brain is getting softer and softer, I'm just kind of like, what.
About this, You're just that's what she said, seriously, that's what I said. If it does, it doesn't make sense, doesn't.
Well that's what she said.
That's what she said.
That's tigs. Yeah, yeah, funny. Well yeah, I always have to preface things by half. My jokes are tigbits.
She's some great ones.
Yeah, I never it's it's your brain isn't getting soft. It's just in the same place. I never thought of jokes in my living room. It was always while I was swimming or driving, Like sometimes I get in my car and drive around just because it makes you, uh, it opens your mind up for ideas. I don't get that when I'm hanging photos on my wall.
Yeah weird.
Yeah we're alone, right, who's been talking to their plants? I literally I was doing that on on my zoom stage all my talking to plants material, and I had to stop.
I had to stop.
There was a spider that lived under the ac in like in in this room in this office, to the point where I was like, like it had just been around so long. I was just like, well, it's just kind of nice. Wow, it's just a little friend. And I'm like, there's a gnat. I'd like shoe the gnat into its web and then like the spider would eat it. But and and you know it was funny too, because I mean it must have died recently, is not there anymore? And I'm like, oh man, my little guy.
Yeah.
Well then I talked about this show last episode, so I won't go uh too far into it. But that alone show when there was this guy that was a total mountain man survivalist guy who normally wouldn't care about a squirrel, but once he was hungry enough. This squirrel that had been hanging out next to his uh you know, pile of sticks that was his house, he had to kill him and he was like crying. He's like, that
was my only friend. He trusted me, and I'm meeting him and this big strong guy was like crying over his squirrel because they were going they're going through the same like they are very alone. So yeah, this is like we're like survivalists, you guys.
Yeah yeah, postmates.
Yeah yeah, call a task rabbit to make sure I don't get hypothermia.
Those marathon blankets and sacrifice your body for mine ice cream on the way. That's so great.
If you died and I live.
No food this time, I just need you to come and check on me. How do you get my number?
Well? Yeah, is that it? Headache?
Who has a migraine? Who's ready to vomit?
Who's talk too much?
For one surprise audience, we've all done acid? There's a space. This was interesting. We were going, uh, just off your voice, and to be honest, there was a bit of a delay with your connect You're uh no, I'm only saying that so everyone knows. That's how good this episode was. Because we're dealing with that hurdle. You don't know what's happening.
So I'm telling you at the end that that's how good Alan Strickland Williams is And now Karen and I are in better moods because you're someone that is a comforting person to be around. Yeah, and I'm not kidding.
This, conversationalists, you're good vibe.
Yeah, that this is going to be one of those things where we get off of zoom and we're gonna want to make some uh some food or something. Because it was like we were just at a party.
I know. Yeah, I was really really.
Really looking forward to this tonight. It was such a fun like you know, it actually does after this, it does feel like a Friday.
Yeah.
Yeahs a great way to the weekend, right with this friend hang.
A true friend hang.
Yeah.
I mean I think that is one thing that is that is happening in quarantine and is in this terrible experience everyone's having definitely worse for many people than than for us. But in this we it is really nice to start appreciating the things we should be appreciating because I think it's very easy. It's been very easy to like for me personally. I think I agree to do the big Foot Lodge for you guys, uh, well like four times, and then just didn't show up every time.
Like there's all these things that that we had at our beck and call that we just don't have anymore, that we are now left to sit and have been left to sit for a year to go, Oh yeah, didn't you actually really like that thing? Don't you wish
you had participated in that? Like I would kill to go to like a trivia night or you know what I mean, just to do one fucking thing and sit across from my friends who are smart and funny, uh you know once more and yeah, fucking hate their guts, give a chance to hate you.
I wait in person, just a few more months, it's I think it takes it.
Don't forget they hate us waiting. We're gonna make it.
That's all you have to plug.
There is.
I remember going to some party and it ended up being and this was one of the first like comedy part I went to after not being in the in the comedy scene at all for years and years, so
I was really insecure about going. And of course I went there and saw Joe Wagner and Joe Wagner, he's a classic party hang person and anchor, and then Paul Danky and the three of us ended up standing next to the dumpster, but in the Edendale patio area, like we were around the corner, because I think we were originally like smoking over there, but then we just never left the dumpster because we were just like we kept staring around the corner and being like, nah, I don't
go over there, No look at that. Oh, there's that person. And it was the most hilariously fun separate within the party hang, which it used to be my favorite.
Way to do it. I've heard the same Joe Wagner. I was at a party and I won't get into it, but I was hanging from a second story window and I couldn't go out through the bathroom and there was a cactus right below me, and I had to get off the window sill. Again, the backstory is boring, but there was Joe Wagner suddenly, calmly there with a ladder and he extended it and I climbed down the ladder. I still got a star on my leg from the cactus. But he's just there. Yeah, good old there.
I went one of my first comedy things I went to and I was like obsessed with Live of the Purple Onion. So I saw Joe at a like party that I didn't know anyone at, and I like went up to him and I was just like, you're Joe Wagner and he was like, what do you like?
He didn't know.
I was obviously yeah, and I was like, I really really love you and in Thetioian and he just started laughing and he was like, oh my god. And then uh, I was like, you know, like you know what's gone? He goes. I spent a lot of time my time at the perimeter of parties and I was like, okay, I like this guy. Yeah, that is always a good person to see, like and then sometimes you just like
this is the thing that I really miss them. You don't get anymore just running into people like a really weird time, Like I sometimes I'd run into Joe at like one am, just on a street like around maybe where there was a show or something.
He's awakened, Yeah, he's awakened night.
Yeah.
Yeah, Well we'll get back there, guys. Yeah yeah, just a few more moments, a full gear of this thing, and then we're going to come out of it better people.
That's what we've all realized. And we're letting everyone better people, but also more awkward people. Yes, perhaps more hateful people.
I love it. I love people.
I get back in there and then the hate doesn't work anymore and we're just like, you know what, that's just a front. It's a mess.
Yeah, be a little bit more, a little bit more grateful.
Yeah, maybe just just a half a cup. Yeah yeah, Well what shows do you have coming? I'm just kidding, do you? Is there anything? What are you working on? Is there anything?
I've got my podcast, my host to some others people the Male Gays Monday you can anywhere and.
Very funny everywhere that you can hear podcast.
And that's that's it.
Okay, that's all I'm doing too, man.
I really appreciate you guys, tell me, I really.
Yeah, it was very good to see you. And just go online and check out Ellen's comedy.
And uh I was on Access. Now maybe that's I know for all.
Because you know, they just started The Stand, Stephen King's the Stand. They redid it, and so I re signed up for CBS all Access purely to watch the Stand. Apparently now they also have stand up comedy on there.
That's good, that's great. Anything have Edward James almost is stand and deliver.
Great algebra movies of our time and you watch it if you can.
Do you miss the movie stand by Me or at least the sound Thanks for thanks for being on our podcast, Alan, Yeah, that was great.
Nice to see you, Nice to talk to you.
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