S2 - Ep. 50 - Chris & Karen

Are you leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and.

Give us time and a terminol and gay a.

We want to send you off InStyle. We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared her?

Was it fine?

Now? Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

This is Karen Kelgariff.

We are a podcast where we drive comedians in a car to the airport. Yeah remember that.

Oh, we have peeled away all the layers of this podcast. We were down now to the dry, to the skeleton, the three thousand year old mummy of the podcast.

I tell you, we peeled away the layers and we're down to just crying. God damn it was. I'm so glad we don't have to go to the airport, just personally. I don't know if people miss that or not, but I doubt it.

I think I feel like there were moments at lax in the last couple of times we went that felt like.

The end of the world was starting.

Yeah.

It was so stressful and frenzied and crowded and nuts so like hours of driving and sitting and waiting and being late.

Yeah, And it was the only time people got a glimpse into my other side, which is my extreme anger. It's always under the.

Surface, sure and it Oh man, it's what better place to bring it out?

Yeah? Nowadays everyone just thinks I'm this delightful person, but percolating underneath, do they sheer rage? Yeah, yeah, they really think that. I but no, you guys gotta know I'm I'm I'm a jackal and hide person.

I mean, I think we all are.

Though there are things that it's it's the thing is that it the things that trigger you don't trigger other people. So for you, you think, oh my god, it's a thing. But everybody has a version of that.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

Yeah, everybody has some kind of thing that they cannot not like freak out.

On, right right, Like Michael lay Fox and Back to the Future when people called him chicken, that's what set him off.

Your version of that is having to drive and be the sound guy at the same time, and to.

Have describing it brings me rage.

My favorite was when you'd go just just go ahead and talk. I'm trying to figure something out.

We're okay, sounds good, sounds good, I'll do my monologue now.

But you would, right, you would go sure, exploring a thought you had that day.

I would always just be like, Chris, if we get it recorded, we're lucky. Let's just live that way.

And I don't even remember what I was doing, just turning a knob back and forth. What was it?

I think you you would just get you would lose faith because we did lose a couple good shows, so every once in a while you'd be convinced it wasn't recording anymore.

Yeah, I was traumatized by that lost Ted episode. I just was, let's face.

It, No, of course you were.

And it's like once I started doing my favorite murder and Stephen was there every single fucking time for us, I was just like, we do you need to ride more than any show I know needs a fucking on hand, Like please in the backseat helping us out.

Yeah, anything does? It's this show.

Yeah, we just got soured on the whole thing because the first guy was weird, and so yeah.

It was too random. It was too like you know, hiring people just kind of like it was. It was didn't have the team spirit. You know your engineer and trust them and know that they know better than you, so that you're in good hands and you don't have to doubt it.

You're right. I'm glad you said that we hired different people, so I wasn't talking about anyone specifically.

It was a random several different, several different.

Weird I don't know. I've just I thought one of them was weird. But now even if they're listening, they don't know, they don't know. It could have been anyone.

For a long time, Aaron Brungart and for us when we were in the studio, and he is the greatest okay, guess he's the greatest producer engineer guy.

I wasn't even thinking of him because he's inherently a sweetheart and he always was.

He was never in the car with anytime, right right, anytime I call him with a question, though he'd try and figure it out.

He'd drop what he is doing. He'd sometimes be in the middle of studio podcasting, and he still is a fan of our podcast, even though we're not at that network anymore. And he's always like retweeting things and I love that guy so so supportive.

It's like, ultimately, you know, how I met him was he was a big fan of Walking the Room with Dave Anthony and Greg Barry. Oh okay, and he would be like if those guys asked me to do one of their live shows. Like That's how I think I first met him. And it's just so cool when a person who like really loves an Adoors podcasting is doing it for a living, it makes a huge fucking difference.

It's like you have to be in and want to be in it.

Yeah. Yeah, he gets it and he likes it. Yeah, you're right. Yeah he's great.

Now every week we're going to spotlight a different podcasting engineer.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's called We're just so.

Many wonderful people.

Yeah, make Steven jealous of the best we've ever had Stephen of course number one.

Yeah, we're going to build up to you from We're starting at five hundred and we'll build.

Up to you. Yeah. I love it. Yeah, it's so funny. I am looking at two Giant, like when you go to wash Club or one of these online services where they come and pick it up, which is actually surprisingly expensive. I don't know what are you. I don't have a washer and dryer, and so I have to take care of my laundry. And I don't want to go to a laundro matt because they're scary and germ filled. So I'm looking at two giant bags of what would be

You're an underwear hoarder.

Is this what you're admitting to I'm an underwear whore.

Under underwear.

Don't remind me of my childhood. I just start giggling.

So there's a thing called washclub dot com where you they do your laundry.

They showed up, they were efficient, It showed up perfectly folded in. The Only problem was I had some woman's clothing and she had mine. So we had to figure out that'snaphu Because I'm like, I don't have a lot of lacey doiley blousey things. This must be gladyses. And then they so I sent them away with some of her clothes. Half the clothes were Minever it soured me on the whole business. So I've been the mix up?

I think you can withstand disappointments like that that aren't that are not permanent.

You're right. I stood it for a while. I wore her underwear for a few days.

It's so funny that you say that, because that's the first thing I thought of where I was like if I if that happened to me and I had switched clothes with a man, I would absolutely be like this guy absolutely went through and like looked at my underwear, if not touched and or smelled it.

Yeah.

So the just the idea that you're immediately going, I have put her underwear on my head.

No, I felt. I felt when she finally got her bloomers and I got my boxers. I knew both of us felt good because they did such a good job of folding them that no human unless you worked at the gap. No human can fold this efficiently, so I'm like, she won't. She'll know it.

Oh, it would have stood out if she had like basically yeah, like shook out some of your boxers to take it.

Yeah, yeah, I have one envelope like crease with a skew. I would have picked up on it.

So yeah, and you would have called the underwear busters.

The underwear buster. You're underwear taken to another person's house. Were they then tampered with them in a sexual way? You did a yeah, no one's calling. I guess it's a specific problem.

Do there's songs like that that.

I was like twelve years old when that movie got crazy popular, and that song would be on the radio. Literally, they would play the Ghostbuster semem on the radio, so you'd be like walking through the grocery store all bored. But that song really Yeah, I just think it was such a weird, like things were so corny back then.

Oh my god, it very and I just want to talk about uh Andy Ritchie had a joke where he was talking about that song. He's like they were all Ray Parker Junior was already recording that song. It wasn't even for the movie. He just lost his mind in the snow and he was singing and then all of a sudden said I'm freed, no ghost and he said, hey, Ray, no one said you had to be. Let's finish the track. He made it seem like it was an accidental song

I've never seen it. Will you just quickly walk me through every act of that film?

They're okay. It starts with Tim Allen, he was the biggest star at the time. And also Martin Lawrence is in it. And I don't know if the writers did this because John Travolta's in it. It's John Travolta, Martin Lawrence, Tim Allen, and William kes Macy who is great in it. Sure it is a terrible movie script though it's so homophobic. Every other joke is like wait, wait, why are you spooning with me? And they say the F word in

Is accusing everybody else of being home secual.

Yeah. Yeah, there's back to back scenes where they're skinny dipping, and then these kids jump in and they let's look for crawfish, and someone grabs travel Alt's dick, and then there's and then there's a gay cop that follows them around and is trying to It is insane, it's all it's it's just a simpler time, and when you watch it, you're like, oh my god, people used to be so stupid, these writers.

That sounds it was insane.

The whole movie's insane.

It sounds very irisk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's pretty nuts. Yeah, but I enjoyed it and I laughed out loud a couple of times. I'm I'm just uh, because you're in that.

Yes, in that frame of mind.

Yeah, when Tim Allen is hilarious, you know you've been in the apartment for a while.

Well, here's the thing. Tim Allen can be good. I mean, we got we got galaxysk, we got the Santa Claus. He can act. You just have to forget that he's probably voting for Trump by mail tomorrow.

He's a furious Republican, right right. But in the Santa Claus, would you give him? Would that be his foremanths? Because wouldn't he have had a beard on for a lot of it once he turns into Santa.

I think that in spite of the beard covering his face, he shines through. He is so good in Santa Claus the Colon the movie for really, Yes, I promised you everyone listening, I believe you. Tim Allen is a talented actor and he just had this You might be a redneck type act because he's a you.

Know well it was like a nineties road comic.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's a good actor. He's good.

Well.

I love I do love Galaxy Quest. That's the that movie is so perfect for him. And of course you know he's the toy story buzz light Year.

Oh yeah, you know.

When he can act, he very successful for a long time.

Yeah, yeah, he is good. He's good at acting. Well, let's hear it. Let's another shout out for Tim Allen here.

I just didn't realize we were going to go into complimentary mode for Wild Hog.

I thought we were. I thought you was gonna be a searing takedown. I will absolutely adjust my approach. No one needs it in this quarantine.

I just went to watch it, and I watched it from credits to credits, and I did not expect that.

Well, yeah, then there's something to be said for that. I kept you, It held you, It kept you.

Rad Liota's in there doing a caricature of himself, like good Fellow style. Yeah, he was like doing do your best Radioda and he's like, oh, I can do that.

Did you ever see the movie Something Wild with.

Heleny Griffiths horrifying in it?

Oh he is so scary in that, so hot in that.

Right, Yeah, and yeah it's his scariness. It's his scariness makes him. It's like he's the devil walking around. Yeah, yeah, it's crazy.

And then.

Jeff Daniels, right is the guy that she's that's like, what the fuck is going on?

It's such a good movie.

I only know it had like good music in it when I was a kid, my sister gave me the soundtrack to listen new because it had new order and all these.

Yep have I go, I go on it? Also look at that king, I'll justin I go, I go on there.

Oh oh, I hope not because that just makes me think of Beatle Joe Hope.

Talk about it now.

Hey, now I've been listening. Didn't know that they were ever my jam, but Cocktail Twins. I've been listening to a nineteen ninety album and it is the best. It might it might be an advanced You and I both love the Sundays. This is like ethereal Is that.

The word where it's ethereal ethereal yeah, ethereal yeah yeah, and all over the place and beautiful and each song is like ten songs in one.

But it's just it's what Anya wanted to be. And that's a bad advertisement.

But it's the Sunday's going to art school, right, It's like the Sundays just started doing coke and dyeing their hair, right.

It's really Sundays. And they took too many credits, yes there.

But.

One of their songs song is Siren. Are you listening to the album that has that?

I'll look right now, it's in my queue.

It's thet It is my favorite song.

When I discovered that song, I think I was like eighteen in Sacramento driving around in the fucking one hundred degree heat and it I just listened to.

It over and over.

So that's a yeah, that's before this was. I was surprised. Is a nineties album, Heaven Earned Las Vegas and that has all of their big hit yeah songs, and it's that. I think the new term is dream pop everything. If I type dream pop into Spotify, it is your your everything, from that to Beach House and what It's just what I like now.

Yeah, it's a good sound.

And air and Radiohead, all that stuff is in there. I used to say it made me sleep, but I've been listening to a lot of music lately and I have not slept for a few days, So that's a rumor. It keeps me up. Music keeps me.

Are you just like doing the thing where you watch TV and kind of like doze off and wake up and do that kind of thing. Are you just like up completely?

Yes, I'm waking up at weird hours. I'm waking up at four am and not knowing to do with that. If I wake up at six am, I go skateboard with the Grumpy crew. And then other days I'm like, I slept twelve hours am I dying? Yeah, sure, it's all over the map. I think that I'm really it's a It's different from being in Montana. I knew this would happen. I haven't seen a lot of people. I'm kind of being weird and still having fun. Still get I got a new doll.

Still having fun with other people's laundry.

Haven't done it, Scared to leave the house, haven't left for five days, only bring out the garbage. But I did.

That's fun for me.

I ordered a new that carpet that I dumped a gallon of on or fill right, I replaced that. I noticed online there was a there was a very sweet GoFundMe to get me around natural woven carpet. I said, abort mission. I have ordered one and it came and it is beautiful and it really makes I'm going to rearrange my room. I got tiny bricks and wood. I'm going to do wood flooring and grout and put bricks on in this tiny dollhouse that I got. I'm going to modify it. I'm just gonna get.

Really second, I thought, I thought you were ripping up the floor, and I'm like, Chris, you do have to leave that apartment please.

Oh I got a magnifying glass thing, like, uh, likedary? What's yeah? Yeah, I got one of the so I can see. I got a magnifying glass thing, and I'm going to get into it. I'm gonna get in there. I'm gonna paint.

Did you say like Tony Colette in Hereditary?

Yeah?

That definitely, well remember and then I'm going to crawl on the ceiling.

Well that held my gup in that movie had the potential of being my favorite scary film, And after I watched it, I was mad that the it seemed like her miniature worlds were just happening after things really happened. When what I wanted out of that movie was for her miniature dioramas or whatever to dictate what was about to happen. I wanted I didn't want it to be

Pitch How there's so many questions on that's pitch reviewer, how because I just want to shout how at you?

How that's I got some I got a guy on it.

Okay, I mean, I want to believe in you, but corn tortillas are the fucking breakiest motherfuckers in the game.

This guy, we all know it, is a pizza guy. He figured out uh Pizza Crest, gluten free pizza Crst. He already is meddled with corn or type Pizza Cress, very popular pizza restaurant that he owns. And we're going to Bescuts together.

Are you talking to Papa John about this idea?

He also loaned me a sixty eight Corvette from his garage, and I'm trying to ignore that he carved KKK on the dashboard. I don't know what did he do wrong? Again, he's I think he's racist.

I think he came out as I don't not came out as but like, uh yeah, I did some stuff that I can't remember, but it was pretty bad and like Trump be weird.

I think, yeah, yeah, he was on I remember now. It was like a call where they were talking about H H and R, not H oh God, what am I? What is it when there's someone in the office that you complained to about HR HR. I just called it H and R and then I was like H and r Block or HR the singer from Bad Brains. Am

Was just one story that got it. I think it was an accumulation, right, I might. I also might be confusing him with the MyPillow guy because they both have weird dyed brown hair.

I yeah, yeah, yeah, they both.

They both are like similar vibe.

Yeah, they they hang out so much. I bet I had the most recent Trump speech thing, he was roasting the my Pillow guy fun of him.

I was like, is he have any friends? Does he have anyone he's niel too?

In his life? He probably that guy didn't shake his hand or hug him at one of his rallies, and so he started roasting him.

That guy like has dedicated his life to Donald Trump.

Yeah, and he very recently was totally making fun of him. He's just like, Ah, this guy, this weird. I wish I made a pillow so I could just I can't remember what he said, but I keep starting conversations where I have no details.

But yeah, wow, that's I'm got a little bit blown away that.

Yeah, talking about him. He wasn't kissing his ass. Yeah shit, Yeah, it was a very It was like he was a member of his uh cabinet or something. Well what aby That pause only means we're out of steam, We're out of topic. I did a show, a live show streaming from a stage in a giant facility that my manager's boyfriend. They do like live concert led projected light experiences during these concerts, and so they have just.

A rave promoter.

I mean what you would see at a rave a laser light show led thing, but also projected images that go on the side of buildings for promotion and stuff. And who did it? It's called light night light, you know who did the show? Just me for seventy five minutes, talking to myself in an empty room with only a monitor of my own face, which I very quickly learned

I can't imagine that that would be in any way easy, because that's like that show that Ian Uh you know, where it's you're in a separate room from the rest of the audience, so you have to do your set to a camera and you're just off the room.

That was a show a few years ago.

Yeah, yeah, that guy Ian.

Jesus Michael Iam Black. Sorry, no, I don't know, it doesn't matter.

It just feels like that where it's almost like you were you were doing one of those like concept show, but it was just actually like a special.

A streaming would you call it a streaming special?

Yes, it was. And I think that I went into it thinking that there would be designated laughers in the same zoom situation where I would hear them, but it was just people in the next room, and not a lot of people showed up, so I could hear like five people on the other side of the wall laughing. But it didn't help when it's only a handful it actually, because then when you get nothing, you really think it flopped. I don't know. It was just very scary, but a

So in that situation, do you get like people come on screen and you guys to hang out for a minute.

Yeah, I didn't know what to expect. Yeah, it was for two minutes and it went on for a couple hours. It was a lot of people and it was They were really sweet and it made me feel really good. Great. Yeah, I didn't expect that. I didn't know what to expect, and just know that people that like our podcast are the best people.

They're awesome.

Yeah, it was really fun. That was the best part. I didn't like the stand up or I didn't enjoy the stand up part, of course not.

There's no benefit to you to doing to performing that way if you're not a fucking actor and you're not a psycho, so making up the best ideas you can think of, saying them and getting zero response. Yeah, if you did that for three minutes, If I did that for three minutes, I would die inside seventy minutes of it.

And I was trying when I went to old jokes by strying new st and it was like, I don't even know what I'm blurting out. I haven't watched it yet. I have to edit it down to at least sixty minutes. But the point is it was very fun and it was so good. Yeah, that's good in retrospect, not during during I was stressed out and sweaty. You understand when nothing is fun while you're doing it, it's when it's done and you look back on it and it's like

And you know what's interesting, I think is like you and I are very similar in this way where we will often hate or attack or blame the audience for our bad time that we have on right. So it's kind of interesting that you would be forced into that position where basically it's you're just on your own in every way.

That's what was therapeutic almost for me, is there was no blaming the audience and there was no me falling back on my ability to defense mechanism make people laugh. I used to use making people laugh to get out of getting beat up, or are you sure my mom being mad at me? Or I'm like, well I can make her laugh and get but now I can't. That's not what it is. It's like, let me deliver this stuff.

No really, you're really pushing yourself and doing a thing that like you're paring it down and you're basically you're paaring away the demons like that you're fighting as you do comedy and better for the.

Whole because you you, in.

Particular, spend a lot of time talking about like how that didn't go right after sets that are awesome and brilliant and everyone is very happy about so the idea that you kind of get to peel it back and then just do what you're doing is it couldn't be more strengthening, It couldn't be more of like a workout for that, It's a great opportunity.

Yeah, and well I'm going to go back and do I was doing drawings that as a everyone mentions Bob Ross because my hair looks ridiculous now. But I did some drawings that as I draw them turn into something else, or when it's finished, you rotate it and then it's something entirely different. And I just googled, like, what are some weird hidden drawings you could learn? But I had to figure out how to do them, and that part was really fun, like a PBS type show where because

I'm going to posting your own kind of like watch Me draw show.

Yeah, for kids, but all the inappropriate things that happen in the drawings, not just dicks and pentagrams. But that's what I did. That's last time. Things that kids shouldn't see, but they're in the drawings. Or you just say inappropriate because I've watched a lot of Bob Ross before that. He very often would like he'd just be painting and talking about trees and then he'd start talking about Vietnam or kind of dark things, just barely touching on it.

He Well that kind of makes sense though, because it's all public television, Like I feel like there's a lot of volunteer stuff going. Yeah, he was a big what's weird about that is mister Rogers was fucking rich.

Oh really. He lived in a glass house above a poor.

Village right in right in Malibu.

He lived above the ocean. He throw beer bottles and passing cards that he didn't think should be in the neighborhood.

He was all of his neighbors. He just kept suing people.

What if Yeah, mister Rogers went home and he's just like fucking a rich sid Vicious where he yes, fuck you.

Yeah, he puts a silk kimono on and nothing else and then just drink his bourbon and just fucking shoots guns at his neighbors, large fireworks.

In his living room. Yeah. Uh, Bob Ross was a drill sergeant. I didn't know that he'd like spent his whole life yelling at soldiers. Isn't interesting. I don't even know why I'm saying this yet. Yeah I was. I was thinking about him as the character. But I might keep doing that. It was fun.

What's the restaurant you would say you order the most from? Right now? You're this is gonna be a little bit of quarantine talk.

Yes, I've been trying. Finally a bunch of back orders of Hellow Fresh showed up. I got new pots and pans. I got a sharp new knife, which it's funny. I've never had a sharp knife that works. It makes cooking more fun and easy. But prior to that, fuh, I've been eating a lot of fuss from silver Lake Ramen and then yea, so good, I'd have to order out

Would you say, doritos, burritos critos?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, eat. I really like Mexican food and so on.

I do too.

I order it constantly.

I the other day found a lot of pleasure and relief in standing over a bowl of tortilla chips from a really good Mexican restaurant and eating them one after the other, almost to the point of endangering myself because it was just so satisfying and the chips were so good, and I.

Was just like, I'm just going to do this non stop.

Do you ever put salsa in it and eat it like some.

Put salsa in the bowl and mix it around, Yeah, and eat it.

Like cereal when it's the bottom of the bag of chips, you do it?

Oh No, I've never. I have never done that.

Because I'm talking about like chips from because I'm too good.

A hot platter, I still get bag chips like a like a or whatever it's called.

No, my thing is this. I'm the pickiest eater of all time. So I don't like a lot of ship on stuff. And I definitely don't like things too spicy. God, so I never like combined things. I don't like jar salsa. It has to be like fancy, you know, fire roasted, kind.

Of like I'm like, give me your pico de gayo and then pick up the pace. I love it. I love both, and pick up the babe, pick up the original pick.

Listen, New York City, York City.

You're in a rope. What a funny joke about hanging.

It's a person for uh, for bringing from.

New York, for being from which is commercial?

Right, anti semitic?

Absolutely, let's just start there and and really say it and really mean it.

So you want me to get into character and really sell this so later it can be taken out of context and ruin my life. Here we go action, New York, New York City.

Yeah, I don't like Here's Here's my thing.

A certain type of process tomato sauce, whether it is like processed also or processed tomato, uh, pizza sauce, Sure it's too or something about it. It gets too tart and like, yeah, I just am knocked down for I much prefer to go on the other end, away from like tomato acidic and into like I'll do a white pizza sure, knowing olive oil and garlic.

That whole thing. I don't even like. I don't even fuck with ketchup. I'm a mustard man. It's like, don't give me that MARINAI in a jar. I get it. But with salsa, for some reason, I like the fresh the cart that comes by your table and they'll make pikoa GUYO. Have you ever been to that situation?

It's ever been to Chevy's? Yes, I huh yes.

But then I also want pace, which is the ketchup of salsa. I don't know.

Why it's I know why dirty because you're the guy that you always go I don't care about sweets, right, You're that guy. So like if we're on a road trip, you'd be like beef jerky for me. Yeah, but I'm a twelve year old boy, salami for.

Me if you give me, if you throw a kipcat on the ground. I will punch other people to get at it. Like won't acknowledge that I like sweets because it's too powerful. I like it. I really have been enjoying candy lately.

I was just going to.

Tell you I just tried two new kinds of candy yesterday from from America. Not even a ritter bar, not kindersport whatever that shit is with toys and some like chocolate.

No, they callport football everywhere else.

Uh it's well, my friend Rob got me super into Nerds ropes, which are.

Nerds right, which emblazoned with little Nerds. Yes, Nerds everywhere. Just such a good candy.

I get one. That's the real Wi Marpet situation.

It is full on Willywalker.

So me and Bridger went to the CBS to get to try to buy some Nerds ropes yesterday.

You get I haven't hung out with anyone. How's Bridger? He was good?

I mean he came over for like two hours.

No, no, I know, I know, No, I'm That's not why I bring it up. I'm just like I miss that would.

Be around people.

Hey again, I'm coming over and I'm dropping off this painting. Fucking oh tomorrow perfect tomorrow. All right, okay, okay, okay, it is tomorrow. I'm going to but no listen. So okay, all right, didn't find any nerds ropes, But what there were were chewy nerds.

I think they're even called chewy fat nerds, and they're basically a big, oversized nerd that almost has the vibe of that Easter candy that's like a jelly bean. Sure, non perels on the outside of it, Yes, yep, I know exactly what.

You're talking but the outside coating is nerds.

So when you bite into it, you get that like biting a thousand nerds vibe.

Oh, but it's a little jelly bean. It was really they were really good.

Yeah. So it's like a texture experience.

Absolutely, yeah, which is what nerds is all about.

It really is. When you first said a soft nerd, I almost left the fucking room rates But yeah, but if it's soft and then your classic crunchy outer.

Nerd, yeah, the outer nerd brings it together and brings it back into the NERD's palette. Then the other thing I tried was and these are amazing sweet tart ropes. So they look like it looks like licorice but it's made by the sweet Tart people, so it's a rainbow and then you bite into it and it's really sour, but it's not so sour that you lose your shit like those other sour candies where you're like all my teeth have holes in them now, right, right, it's just more sour than regular.

I'm really good. We always say that, like the it's so sweet that it hurts my teeth, and I think I don't get that. Like I can chew on tinfoil and people freak out. I don't think my teeth are sensitive to anything, but if if something is cold or ice cream, I can't. Like when I people bite into ice cream, fuck that.

Yeah, that's crazy. I can't do that either.

I've seen it's the most painful. So yeah, I guess teeth are just different.

Carry See, they're different on every human and every person has a different situation. But I would say that's sour candy. There's some chemical that makes it so sour. I think it gets it gets.

In there more than average, more than just sugar, chocolate or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, I've had. Yeah, you're right, I think I've had. My tongue and cheeks hurt because of certain sweet and sour situations. I don't know, it's hard to you just get used to it, and it's hard later to pinpoint where the pain comes from. It's something designed to make you happy. You're supposed to be happy, and you kind of don't want to let it go.

So just eat.

You power through the pain sour like something's wrong with my tongue part of it.

You just power through it and you're just like I did. More is better.

Yeah, I need to get into more, like Greg Baron would say, pectin based candies, because I've been eating a lot of chocolate type things and it's like, what am I doing? I just, uh, you know, I just date a giant candy bar. Maybe I should.

All we're just all killing time, is what we're doing.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm just kind of lightly bandaging our fear sores and eating candy.

Oh you're watching it, taking to the choir. I just got off Wild Hog screening.

I mean, I was just released from a Wild Hawks sad is the eating too much candy version of your eyeballs?

I'm you know what I mean. I just it's not a good film. I know, I'm not bringing anything new to the table. Well, yeah, that's true. You're just with movies like that.

I sometimes if I watch those movies, sometimes they're super enjoyable, and then sometimes they're so it's like makes me sick to my stomach because it feels like it's all the same words from another so movie. That's just really they're just rehashed into a different script, like it's so familiar when people have exchanges. And then it's like he's right about that. You know, there's like these things if you watch happen that you know what they're gonna say, and it's yeah, it's not.

Anyway that's gonna leave a mark syndrome, Thank you god. I mean I think they even said that in this and again so much going to homophobia for it's a lot of movies we already talked about that, even two thousand, two thousand and five. That movie was like early two thousands. Surprisingly, it's like two thousand and seven, and it was NonStop like haha, being in a situation when you're not gay

No.

Well, also because it's not that funny. No, no, to compete, like, you have to make it something good that that's actually like something a kid on a playground couldn't do. That's the whole point of being like in the movie business. So it's important that it's like that. People who are really good at putting words together. I think they watched

Out with these funny thing about that is like my hands are between two pillows, Like that's a funny statement. Yes, to whisper to your friend's ear. There's other reason, but yeah, you're right that. For some reason, I'm not mad at that joke at all. It's hilarious because my point is they saved it. It's one they didn't do it the entire movie. It's a bit.

It's almost the crescendo of this is driving me crazy. All these things that could happen when traveling is fucked up and then right down to someone's gun.

Yeah, wild hogs wouldn't even stagger them. There was no space between them. They go back to back.

Ha ha ha.

That's gay jokes. It was insane, But anyway, I still enjoying a lot of it.

It's nice too.

It's nice to it's nice to live in a time where you can see the distance we have put between two thousand and seven and twenty twenty.

Right because we're all grasping to see it, because it feels like a lot of times it feels like we haven't progressed. If there's still nineteen sixties versions of racist people being outspoken and empowered right now, we haven't advanced at all. But when it comes to certain things like homophobia, I think that we can be proud of that. And well,

I don't know, And you know, Dan Levy did that on purpose. Yeah, yeah, we do that every time.

But that was intentionally to be like, this is just a world where all love is okay, and that to show that to people they are entire families that this is great and fine and completely normal and there's no fight.

Yeah. It's a few episodes I realized, oh, this is a thing, this is a perfect world situation. Yeah, and I kept getting more into it because I'm so used to terrible things, like well, we have to have an episode where this terrible thing happens and all the conflict in. It was lighthearted, and I fucking felt good every time I watched that show. I felt good afterwards, Like.

Like you're thinking of like your childhood TV experience where the six million dollar man had to fight Bigfoot that time, like.

Exactly, not this, yeah, or that Highway to have an episode where he tries to save another kid and he dies of cancer after a half hour.

The kid, Yeah, Highway Toheaven there.

Anser camps and Highway to happen, which watching.

Was Highway to Heaven. It goes there, lives there, stays there for forty five minutes. Like yeah, there's a lot of crying feet up on the coffee table for a while, and really show you a kid with kids on TV.

Yeah, it was a traumatic. That's the first time I remember looking over and seeing my dad, who was described himself as atheist, but we would watch Highway to Heaven and he would just cry.

Yeah.

I'd look over and his mouth I'd be open because he was trying not to cry, so I just have his mouth open, and I'm like, why does my dad have his mouth all the way open? And his eyes were welling with tears trying to cry not to cry, and it's funny. But I've been watching Highway to Happen. I have to get out of the house. I have to go camping. I have to go look.

I know, yeah, exactly, you need to get out into the nature. That'll be nice.

I'm going to your house. I'm bringing the painting tomorrow.

All right.

Hey, I don't care if you got shit to do.

Don't fucking threaten me.

And then you absolutely can't.

You can. You can come over.

I'll leave the front door open for you and bring me that fucking painting because.

I don't know that it sounded like you just said a lyric to that song.

Yeah, let's see. I ordered pizza the last couple of nights.

I'm just trying to think of interesting, like every time I go to eat dinner, make dinner, or order dinner, it feels like I'm eating the same three things all the time.

Now.

Yeah, so I'm trying to be more creative. You know what I haven't had a long time is Zanku Chicken, which it seriously solves so many problems.

Especially if you don't have to go into one of their dirty locations. If you can get that food delivered your house, because it's going to be sweaty anyway.

Oh, but I have to say the location in uh Cheluca Lake is lovely. Ye are the old ones?

Yeah? Yeah, there was a good one in Santa Monica by the Fox Building when I back when I had a job and insurance and anyway, it was very clean and a nice facility. But yeah, I honestly it's a pretty good best a nice facility. It was a great facility, good structure.

Facilities were unbelievable.

I had a nice foundation and a good cement poured down below. The roof had no leaks.

This drywall is expensive, nice.

No digital lock, you just walk into the bathroom. A good facility, good manager, clean, clean counters, nice surfaces, the same coup I could talk about it all night, but you anytime I ordered Greek food or Mediterranean food, it's it's gonna be good. Like if you get any pida and hummus and a rice protein situation, you're gonna be happy.

I think it's Middle Eastern. It's Middle Eastern food, right. Ultimately it's a whole pyramid. It's a whole meal. It's like a diet.

Now Mediterranean diets, people are dying Mediterranean.

But then Mediterranean is more Greek food, right, but Middle Eastern is more like the Persian food or isn't Zanku?

No, I think it's the other way. I think the Mediterranean is like, uh uh Greek.

That's that's what I said.

It is, okay, Well, I guess it was the way you worded the sentence, and then I had to like dissect it and.

Yeah, you got you really got in there and really said everybody's Mediterranean is Greek?

What was it?

Oh?

Middle Eastern food is like yeah, what I just you sagpaneer and things like that.

That's Indian.

That's Indian food. I haven't done a lot of traveling globally, Karen, this isn't me. In high school, they don't teach you about other foods.

No, that's right, all self educated.

They were just is Montana history and buffalo meat. That's all I got.

Look, I relate chicken. We were Pelam was the capital of the world.

You know.

I had super basic shit and stuff made with Campbell soup. As we've talked about multiple times, my mom was like the queen of seventies kitsch cookbooks of like you can make fifty dinners with this one kind of soup.

Yeah, yeah, that was like talking about that one that was like red Gengham.

It's like table well, that's the joy of cooking. Oh no, sorry, that's Betty Crocker, the Betty Crocker.

There are like bibles of cookbooks out there.

Yeah.

Yeah, and it's like a lot of Stroganoff based dishes. You know, it's meat, it's sour cream.

There an egg noodle.

My mom was so reliant on cream, cheese and sour cream for so many recipes where it's like the clam sauce spaghetti that my sister and I both love and crave to this day was I think butter cream, cheese, sour cream, I can of cream of mushroom soup, and then you just put clams in it with some of the juice. There was like some tactical stuff that you had to pay attention to and then put it on a bedapasta and yeah, the only thing I knew. That's like what I would bring to a Thanksgiving dinner.

Oh yeah, that's good. Did your mom ever make you to go along with that? Did she ever do like a garlic bread or did she do like a steamed vegetable? What would she do on the other on the sides there, Yeah.

Would be just garlic bread added to the clam sauce spaghetti, because nothing but an entire table of Beijian white.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was like a color coded. There would be no vegetables, but if there was, it was always from a a bag or something like frozen. I sometimes it would be from the garden, and I think I was too young to know the difference because that excites me now, but yeah, frozen.

To be able to grow, Like you get some cuks in there, some tomatoes.

Some cooks, you got your beans, you got your squash. I went I ate repeatedly at a golf course in Montana when I was at my dad's because they would make this salad. They're like, yeah, we make it from our garden vegetables, and I was like, I guess I'll try that. And it was the best, like talk about texture, biting into all this random fresh vegetables. I was like freaking out. It was so good, and it was like backyard farm to do. Everything in the salad was from

No, you'd have to make a palm and you might need to make some zucchini circles.

Yeah, yeah, Or this wasn't the kind of spaghetti squash that my mom used to make that too, which was that was definitely a healthy thing, but it was that canned spaghetti sauce. You scrape the spaghetti squash and pretend it's pasta.

Yeah, I know people that do that. Yeah, yeah, I personally will not. I can't eat zucchini anything in the squash family.

I don't like it either. I don't like it since he is No, I don't like it either. I never and I'm not a picky eater. But I think I could make it to where I like if you have that, if you have a plate of it, then put some hermage on on it and then you bake that. What do you think now? It's a twice baked. I've been cooking. I've been learning a lot, Karen, I think that.

Know what you just suggested, Chris is an actual solution here.

Because parison fixes everything.

It's such a good strong cheese.

Also, that's ultimately what I'm looking for, is that it's all different ways mechanisms to get cheese in my mouth.

So right, and then also, I know you're a real texture hound. This will be a crispy outer. It's like a twice baked potato parmagan encrusted spaghetti squash in the middle.

Mmm, that's going to be the downfall.

No, I haven't finished. I've injected the juices of something else that I haven't thought of in the very middle. So it's like a starburst but not sweet salty.

The consistency of squash is is like a prank.

Yeah, I don't. I one hundred percent agree with you. And as a kid, squash night was going to be one of those nights where I was forced to sit at the table. This was the only This sounds abusive almost, but it's the only time my parents were strict with table type things. Like my dad would get mad if I wasn't holding the spoon, right, I don't. I think that came from his grand They're both their grandparents, two grandparents that I didn't ever really enjoy the company of. Yeah,

My parents did that to us too. If you need something, you just had to sit there until.

You ate, right, And usually it was like low grade raw meat that wasn't cooked. It was like stuff. Then later in my life, my mom would be horrified. I would be scared she'd catch me eating meat. But when I was a kid, she was like, don't you sit and contemplate this braw shit and this undercook squash.

And I'm like, no, be like lifety short man, I can't do it. Peace.

But I do know that if I was ballsy enough to put it in a napkin or ride into my pocket and give a little to my cat and make it to the garbage can and throw it away kind of wrapped in a napkin, I know my mom or dad saw it in the trash and they're like, okay, you got us this time. They wouldn't then go, what's this in the trash? I got it to the trash. I was off the hook and I appreciate that.

Now they were basically telling you you had to get creative, if you were the high maintenance, that you had to earn it, and you did.

Yeah, I don't want I don't care how you do it. I want this plate empty.

Yes, And that's your challenge where you could what time? I wouldn't I.

Always wear a top hat to dinner.

I was supposed to eat broccoli, and my genius idea was I put it in my mouth as my mom was staring at me. He started to chew it, then took a sip of milk and spit it all into the glass of milk. And then she just came back up and was just like, what are you going to do?

Now? What is how are you going.

To solve this?

She could saving here.

I guess she just looked into your milk and saw the broccoli chunks.

Yep, there's all the shooting right there.

I just thought for a second it would somehow like go to the bottom and disappear.

Yeah, a lot of people, don't you. There aren't enough experiments where you see dismantled broccoli and how buoyant it is.

Well if they had just like you know, all kids had to deal with this where whether you're hiding it under a piece of meat, or you're hiding it under your plate, or or if you're fancy enough to have a mom that use plays mets. Yeah, yeah, but it's fucking sucked that Brussels sprouts, broccoli and squash were like, man, I was screwed.

Well tonight, I believe I'm making a meal. I didn't even look at what it is. I didn't on the website and check it. So I think that I got some vegetarian recipe. But I'll add I'll add stuff to it. I've been modifying. That's kind of fun.

Do you have parbersan cheese you can add to it?

I have a bag of cheese from a previous recipe. Yeah, I'm going to see what I can do, but I'm not. It sounds funny, but I've never had a sharp knife and really good non teflon pans that that are like decent pans where you don't even need oil. Like, I think I'm going to cook healthier now because I have good pans. I used to use butter and oil out of necessity because it's like would stick immediately. And now I have this nice, this nice shit, so I'm kind of excited.

Okay, well, you know it's in two weeks.

Dine our sours. You're going to hear what Chris's meal was. Like, please take polaroids.

No, I made a video fills in my last I put them on Instagram, these cooks videos. But I mentioned my mother's maiden name and someone said, hey, you shouldn't say that since you've been dealing with identity theft, so I took it down. Yeah, but that was a Publano black bean caesadilla that I added some turk ground turkey to and then the turkey made it to bulky, so it turned to a burrito. But I really nailed it.

What kind of tortilla did you use for that burrito?

Well, because I haven't met anyone to invent corn tortillas yet, it was a giant flower one and it made my knuckles hurt. I got really inflamed.

Oh because you because you eat flower Yeah, I get it.

Yeah, you know, I mean, look, if you can make this gluten free corn tortilla work and fold and do all the things. It'll be a boon because like my niece has CILIAX, it's the current state of gluten free tortillas, isn't isn't ideal.

I think I'm so happy that you are now emotionally invested in this now because the financial investment, Karen, I need money to get these tortinas off the ground.

Sorry, you mistook investment. You're support for I got you. I accept your support and see it as no more thank you.

There isn't even support.

I want, I want facts. I want proof that this could even happen.

It's I think it's gonna all unfold and one day you're just gonna have to say sorry.

I mean, I hope to I hope that's the dream. I would love to be wrong, prove me wrong.

I think I'll be riding around in my yellow corn Cadillac corn cub yellow. Yeah, with my with my corn based.

Wheels, with your gluten stereo.

Yeah, I'll still listen to gluten music. I'm a monster.

I think.

We might need to start booking guests on this show. Yeah, it's just gonna get weirder.

And I know, I know, I know, I.

Mean, I have nothing to fucking say.

Anythingore me either, and uh, as much fun as we can have talking for what a we could go for another hour. But it's starting. We're not gonna new people aren't going to come along and start listening to our podcast. The old people are hanging on, and they like us enough to where they're hanging on.

Yeah, but we're now like the two friends that are super drunk and the last people at the party.

Yes, it started, and I'm the only one that's drunk.

I'm having a good time and laughing plenty, and I feel like, could it be possible.

That other people aren't.

No, it's one of the possible. We can figure it out. I will even have someone over at my house or or something if we don't jump in a car. But yes, let's start having guests.

Yeah, we can just know. We can just do it zoom.

It's not great. I didn't think that. I of course technology is the answer.

Yes, always, Stephen can help us figure it out.

Well, this is one of those terrible wrap ups. But I am about to pee my pants. I have to go to the bathroom. Perfect. Yeah, well, then let's wrap it down. It's important to close things out medically, Yes.

But I'm trying to give a state of the state. I don't have to pee personally and went beforehand.

I know I took my medication. I don't get it. Uh, it's good to see your friend, and I will I'm going to come over and bring that painting for real.

Great, I'm so excited.

Real tomorrow, not tomorrow after well, never mind, yes.

No, we're not going to base it on the podcast. We have to wait until this airs and then you can come over. Yeah, see you tuesday, right, all right?

Cool? H. Well, it's good to see your friend you've been listening to. Do you need a ride? D y n ar aar?

Are you leaving?

I you wanta way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you.

Claim, and give us time and a termino and gay.

We want to send you off in style. Do you wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all about it. We scared her?

Was it fine?

Melbourne? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?

Do you ride?

Do you mean with Karen and chriss

M hm