Are you leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there.
Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay a.
We want to send you off InStyle. We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
We scared her? Was it fine?
Now?
Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Ride?
Do you need.
With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
And this is Karen Colgareff.
We are all in different locations, different states, different cities.
We're representing every slice of America.
A large at least, the Pacific Northwest, the western edge of the Midwest, and in California has its own Yes, the coast, this history, Yes.
The dust bowl is represented. All serial killers are represented. Nature, the best of nature, the worst of nature all represented.
You really, we are covering all the areas that you really need to see in America. Oh, that's going to make a bunch of people mad. I'll take it back because of.
What we leave out. Yeah, yeah, I hear it's he left out. Yeah, so many. Oh we left out the Devil's tombstone.
Yeah we left Oh.
We left out the upper Peninsula in Michigan and the very beautiful mountain ranges.
I'm sure that are in North Carolina.
Oh, can you imagine? Yeah, and just gone. We left him out.
We neglected those gorgees that are in the upper part of New York State.
How about any part of Maine. To leave any part out is a mistake, it is, and we did it. Yeah.
It was careless of me and reckless. Hey, I started it. Stephen is in Oregon in a trailer. Yes, he's in a classic trailer.
Classic RV camper style situation. I've got air conditioning, i have a kitchen, a bathroom.
It's a college boys dream.
In your camper.
I'm stealing the Wi Fi from my mom's house next door.
Wow, that's a risky move. That's two walls.
Steven your three quarters. The Way of being Woody Harrelson in the Great John Cusick film twenty twelve.
Hell, oh, it is an enjoyable film. I can't believe you've seen that film. I've seen it recently.
I've gone through a spate of watching disaster films. Yes, and yeah. Woody Harrelson does a radio show from the Caldera in uh, you sent Yellowstone and then it explodes as you.
Yeah, I'm sure now I remember the movie. That was one of his best character workings.
Yeah.
It was an incredible character of a conspiracy theorist, edge edge writing radio host who says the end of the world is coming and then witnesses the end of the world coming.
Yeah, and it's and loves it as it's happening. He feels so privileged the way would for it. Yeah, yeah, he loved it.
If a bear attack.
Too, Yeah, it's a privilege. It used to be a fear, and I talk about it a lot, but I'd like to think when it finally happens, a calm will wash over me and I will accept that the bear chose me. Yes, but I also have spent too much time in Montana, and I don't know that I took your advice. I'm definitely staying all month. Great, but I have nothing to get back to till the twelfth of September.
Is that a great feeling?
Yeah, it really is. And I have done the most Montana shit. My friend bought some land and there's a trailer on it, much like the one Steven's in, but it's more permanent, so it's nothing like it's a seventies trailer.
Well, the thing I was just going to say before I interrupted you was that when you started talking about fantasizing about being eaten by a bear, then you were talking about giving up in the last moment and just giving yourself over to it. Then I pictured you kind of like one of those Renaissance sculptures where you then right as the bear has you, then you just tip your head and open your neck so toward him, like here you go, take it.
Yeah, it's a combination of having the vapors, yes, and sexualizing the bear.
Why not?
Like oh, I declare, And I'd throw my hand back and then back of my hand on my head, and then I'd drape and whatever schmock I have draped over me, whatever cloth over one shoulder just kind of drifts over, revealing one last nipple.
Yes, your camping scar you're camping scarf. I'd say, Oh, aren't you an alpha? As I turned my neck, Oh are you alphaing me? I would say, as he killed me.
And they would yeah, they are, they are apex predators.
It's like a great white shark on land, totally step better at breathing, more appealing looking, you'd actually like to hug it a little bit.
I went up to the lake and my friend Ross's sister said, you should come see our cabin and their entire culd a sack of manufactured homes and or trailers and cabins were all Trump flags. Of course. Oh it's kind of lake behavior. I feel like a lot of these people don't take it home with them. It's it's true, let's fly a flag on our boat, but we'll stay quiet in liberal Missula. So they get to let their freak flags fly fly at the lake.
They get to let their dictator flags fly. Yeah, it's a real freak out. How he's taking away everyone's voting rights. Cool.
Yeah, let's keep it. Let's keep it at the lake where we still like him. And but everyone's on meth. Yeah, yeah, oh god, there's plenty. Yeah, that's where there are billboards about, hey, here's an idea, don't do math.
That's you know, in California. It's the same in the Lake Lake County near where I grew up, which I feel like everyone has one and I think it's very typical for some reason. I think it's far enough away that people can actually manufacture myth and like out on their land and not get caught. But then it's in the town.
Yeah, it's really horrible and it becomes like a you know, well, we're just boating today. It's okay to do a little bit.
Of meth, just a tad of meth.
I don't. I never would do meth. And you own a boat. I hate realizing that thing that some of these meth heads are. You know they own boats. Anyway, They have a door bell with a camera on it at their cabin and they've caught three giant grizzly bears in their front yard. My first shit or amy, Yeah, like how big? They were? Huge and clear? Oh, each three hundred to five hundred pounds, huge ars.
Like a car, like a little car size bear.
Yeah. Yeah, like it where it would be adorable if you saw it crawling into a Volkswagen, but horrifying if you saw them getting out, like at an intersection, angry that you cut them off. Driving bears. These aren't your novelty unicycle bears.
No. They could do hand eye coordination. They know how to signal and take lefts. They know how to let that juggle.
And then the minute you turn your eye or make a sudden move, they open your face. It's just grizzly cloth. It's so scary. And they're up just a flathead lake. There's grizzlies.
I told you, I'm sure this. I would guess if I had to make a friendly wager on how many times I've told you the story, I'd say four. But one time we were up in the redwoods, like Avenue of the Giants, and we were walking through one of the famous ones that has I think it's supposed to be Paul Babe the Blue Ox, and Paul Bunyon, right, the giant guy. There's all them.
Fell over to create the Grand Canyon, certainly.
So would that be there, I don't. Anyway, there's a big statue near like a cafe, and then you go and the redwoods are right there and you can just walk through and there's there are thousands of years old or whatever. We go walking through and there's we're on the lower path here, and there's tourists everywhere. I mean, there's just people everywhere. I look up on the path.
That's abu us. That's like through some brush. There's a baby bear on the upper path, which means there's a fucking mother nearby, ready to kill anyone that comes near that baby. Then I look forward and here come a family with its grandparents and like five year old kids, and I'm like stop, stop, stop, stop, like just walking straight into like almost a bear trap of here. Yes, I think it was. They wanted to kill people that day.
That is so scary. Yeah, seeing a baby bear without adnarents. Just run, don't get away at it. Don't act on these people at Yellowstone Park and try and become friends with it.
Run away, run away from any baby bear. You do not want Because if you've happened upon a mother and she was just dout eating blueberries as they are, wont to do. I mean, you correct me when I'm wrong, but that would just be.
Like what raspberries, but carry on.
By herself. She would She might choose to not charge you and kill you, but if that baby's around, no, all bets are off. She's going to kill you, so that baby stays alive.
Yeah, get away. It's so scary, and they move so slow. I think people forget when they're at Glacier Park and they're like, oh, he's just a slow, friendly bear. The minute you think it's baby is docile and you go to pettit, I will become a lightning fast circus bear. And you don't have a top hat and a whip.
It will not a cycle towards you at speeds you have never witnessed. Yeah.
Yeah, even the experts at Barnum and Bailey wouldn't know what to.
Do, would go nowhere near.
Yeah.
I want to see those pictures of how big that those bears were on a fuck? Could you imagine a front porch bear.
I'll get front yard bear. I will make them send me the.
Video and then have your dad do a painting of it. Chris was just showing me more Jim Fairbanks paintings. He's in a different room this time. People loved that episode, by the way, Chris, they were so thrilled by Here from your dad.
I know, it was so funny, great, It made me feel great. I read all of the comments and messages and showed them to my dad and he's like, oh maybe, I'm like, no, they're talking about you. I had no other dad. Maybe yeah, yeah, he doesn't. We'll see Yeah, he doesn't want to get a big head, but I know it made him feel good.
Yes, good, Well you know what it was. I don't you know. I think we've talked about this. I don't like other people's parents. I don't want to get involved in your family. I don't want It's always there's always people that are like, my family's coming town. When you want to go to dinner, No, I don't you go have conversation with your parents whatever. But you know there's certain exceptions because there's some people's parents who get it and they know what they're doing, they know how to
deliver a parent style. And Jim Fairbanks is absolutely one of those people.
Yeah, yeah, he's effortless. I will meet your parents, but I won't look forward to it, but I know they'll like me, and it takes work, and I don't want to do that work. Noice like, oh, I don't want to meet your parents who will ultimately like me because I make eye contact and I'm a kiss ass. But my dad it's like, it's just like one of my my friends.
Yeah, it's great, it's chill, and he's not trying. Here's the thing. I feel like, if my dad did this podcast, he would get very self conscious because he's the funniest I truly. He said things in my life that are the funniest things I've ever heard, and no one's ever come close. But he doesn't do it around strangers or like,
he doesn't do it performatively. He won't do it performatively, so he it takes like you have to go to dinner of three or four times at our house before he'll start doing it in front of like certain company, right, he doesn't. He won't dance for people.
So all of all of my best friends, all of the comedians I look up to, our guys that I went to school with or worked in a T shirt shop with, that never I mean, with a little practice, you can learn how to turn it on. I had to learn how to turn it on. But if you don't, most people act like humans and they don't want to be on.
Most people don't have this deep pit of need inside of them where I've turned. I turned it on when I was about four, and it's never gotten turned back off. It's a problem. It's been a consistent problem. I don't know where the switch is. But there's other people I admire them so much where like Jim Fairbanks can come in and deliver, but he also is in self conscious.
It's probably because he had just done it so much and he's actually a true professional, but he was just like he didn't feel the need to do extra because he knew he was going to be fine. Yeah, that's my favorite. That's the best. Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm always impressed that he's comfortable in his own shoes. And that's why, as someone that's nervous or second guessing myself all the time, I'm like, Okay, eventually I'll be like my dad because he became that way over time. It wasn't.
Yeah, it takes experience, and it takes like a bunch of stocked up good experiences. And you and I are the kind of people that we have one bad experience and it knocks out eight good experiences and we have to start the building all over again. It's very hard for other people to understand. I mean, you know, very hard for other people. What's more interesting and more fun is that I'm not on Twitter. I went off Twitter for Twitter break.
Yeah, I'm an Instagram guy. It's positivity. Facebook's the worst Twitter.
Facebook. Delete Facebook?
You got to yeah right, Yeah, God, I'm just getting into TikTok and dancing and lip syncing.
And then the pedophiles found you.
I know, wait what yeah yeah, I uh yeah, I've been. That's what's been the best about the strip is interacting with my friends, my closest childhood friends, and you know, Brooks Wheeland was just driving around camping and I haven't hung He's my friend, but I don't see him all the time in LA. Like a lot of comics, you just you see them at a party or do their podcast and you're like, man, they're fun, and then months
go by. But he was passing through and I was just with my three friends that maybe aren't the most open, they're like quiet. We were all sitting staring at a wall. He walked in and thought that we were watching TV and we were looking at these curtains, just talking, and Brooks immediately went over my friends and we had so much fun up in good Phillipsburg, crawling through mine shafts and looking at these old buildings and climbing on structures that are one hundred and fifty years old.
It's nice.
Yeah, it's been the best, so pretty and great.
But Brooks really loves camping doesn't he it's this whole thing.
I mean, yeah, those guys to where there's like, look, I don't have camping equipment. I don't. I'm thinking about acquiring it now because it really is the best. I can't pretty in Los Angeles.
You can.
I'm going floating tomorrow and inner tubes, inner tubes, inner tubes, I said, river the Clark Fork.
Is that a good one?
There is? There's three good ones that go through Missoula because a river runs through it. We got the Clerk Fork, we got the foot, we got the bitter Root three river.
Did that movie really get filmed there?
Yeah?
Oh I didn't know that. I don't think I realized that.
Yeah. The youth group where we would go travel around the US and pretend to help people as children was at the Presbyan Presbyterian church in that movie where Tom Scarett was like the pastor yeah, show it. So people are always going up to that church and taking pictures. I was just going there on Wednesdays to get a free meal. But it turns out I really liked that experience. As far as churchy things go, my time in the teen youth group at the Presbyterian Church was enjoyable.
I feel like Presbyterians do it right. I feel like the Episcopalians do it right. There's certain Protestant and sorry forgive me Grandma Anne, because she'd be very angry at me for saying any of this positive stuff about Protestants, But I feel like we went to an Episcopalian summer camp and they do just enough religions so you're like, hmm, the Lord loves me, but none of the fucking fire
and brimstone. Its like he can see how you're touching yourself and your sleeping bag or whatever, where you're like, oh no, the Lord, there's none of that shit. So it's all very like guitars and campfires and blessings, and it doesn't feel so yeah.
That's all I remember from Presbyterian interactions A lot us singing, yep, even if it was in a do wop fifties style. At a lady's prison, we were forced to sing a lot I told you about that, I had you.
I don't remember.
My sisters sent a hometown about this girl Lucy Red Crow, who I might as well tell it now. Lucy Red Crow was her friend that in school or she fell bad.
This girl was poor, and she didn't have a lot of friends, and my sister said, you want to sleep over at my house when they were like eight or nine, and she stayed at our house and stole some things from my sister, like a ring and some other things, and Lisa said, she's her at school and she's just wearing the ring, and cut to her being eighteen years old and she stabbed someone many, many, fifty times for wearing a jacket that she thought was her friend's jacket.
But she just and it's a myth or some guy situation, so she killed someone, and then cut to a few
years after that. I'm with my youth group singing at this prison this musical where my hair was slicked back and I had cigarettes in my sleeve, and instead of let's go to the hop, it was let's go to the rock, Oh Jesus, like it was a religious And I looked up front and I saw Lucy in the audience, and I got immediate stage fright because that's the murderer that stayed at my house and I thought she recognizing me, even though I was only four or five years old.
But yeah, that's but we had to we had to sing, and they had their arms were crossed. All the prisoners there did not want to see a bunch of glowing, blonde haired white church kids sing about God. Oh it was or they did.
Or they did, but they couldn't express their true joy because you'd get beaten up.
You know.
None of them walked out, right, You all did walk the room.
They all stayed till the end for the sockhop scene.
Did they did they yell at you? Did they hackle or throw anything at you?
Not at all. They stood in silence with their arms crossed. The Eyebrowser Kimbo.
Sure, Look, you have to keep the eyebrows in a ready position, just in case, just in case emotion hits you. If haven't you watched Orn is the New Black. You got to know that there's certain systems in place. You can't just be there crying because the children come to I'd be mad too if I heard let's go to the rock, Oh Jesus, I would be really pissed off. That's just stupid.
But they had to see that we were just normal kids that were like basically mouthing I'm sorry. In between each number. They a handful that were way into.
It, Like did you sell those cigarettes, cigarettes.
And that was a nod like, hey, I bet you wish you had these on the inside. I understand what it's like, ladies. Wink wink.
I know Lucy.
I'm friends with Lucy, and I managed to slide those cigarettes through. You know, we know that those weren't approved by pastor. When I put those cigarettes in my sleeve, that was my character decision.
He saw you across the room smuggling cigarette in and he went, oh Jesus, I'm gonna have that song's stuck in my head for days now. I'm saying like, hey, we.
We were buddies. He let me get away with a lot, like never cracking open the Bible. He let me get away with.
That, like never really figuring out why you were there, to who you were serving, what the idea was.
Exactly, an eyes open about that. I'm like, I don't know, Yeah, do people from other countries really go to Hell because they don't know about Jesus? And he'd be like, yeah, I don't think so. I'm like me either.
All right, Okay, great, thank you. Buy another few weeks, but we did some really thank.
The community things. It was great go to church.
Also, sorry, we're really pushing church hard this yeah we are episode. What I was going to ask you was this was also in Missoula.
Yeah, when I was yeah, ninth tenth grade.
Nice. Oh. I asked even earlier, Stephen, would you tell us how far away all of us are from each other? Did you figure it out?
So?
From Los Angeles to where I am and Sisters, Oregon, it's eight hundred and thirty two miles you're near Bend, and then yeah, I'm just outside of Bend, and then in there lunch, and then from Los Angeles to Missoula it's one thousand, one hundred. Yeah, it's one thousand and two hundred and fifteen miles. Wow, Okay, and then from Sisters to Missoula it's five hundred and seventy nine. So I'm actually closer to you right now than we are to Karen.
Now, you described a I believe in I Sauclese. That sounds like or no, that's say I don't know, I don't I'm saying it's a forty five degree acute triangle. I believe, Yeah, two acute, one obtuse, which is.
Actually the accurate to our personalities on this show.
How am I being obtuse which one bam we go right into that Shoshanks scene.
All right, cool, I like that. I like that in a pandemic, in a COVID nineteen era of this new reality that's very difficult sometimes to even be a part of. We can all go to our separate corners. We can all go find go be with our families, get away, get out of town, and we can still throughout all of it.
Podcast it is not beautiful, thank god. Yeah, I guess. And I'm doing these little cameo videos for people and it brings me. You're right, I don't need to be on Twitter. I'm going to get off too, or just not look at it. I don't have to log off.
No, I haven't like deleted my account or anything. It's just like taking a bit of a cleanse, I think.
Yeah, yeah, it makes sense. It makes sense for summer.
It's still summertime.
What are you doing that summery?
Well, it's been crazy hot.
I don't know if you've seen in the news why I delayed coming back.
Yeah, yeah, like one hundred and six one day and my phone said one hundred and six feels like one hundred and eight because it was humid, so it's been very like straight up tropical weird. Yeah, so I do. I have a lot of systems place throughout my day because we still have lots of kind of business stuff we have to do all the time. Yeah, so there's lots of work, which is good. And then at a certain point every day, I know when I'm done, I just walk straight into the pool and I just spend
an hour. So I've been doing that a lot, just because it's so soothing and so nice in this crazy weather, just to be able to kind of get out there.
And do you ever walk march towards your pool like one of those gun routines where you stop and immediately spin and then do it backwards nasty plunge into it.
Yes, And I take a bunch of iced tea into.
The pool with me, and that always bothered me. I know it was yourself the glass, but.
You know, it's so funny, it's so hot. I mean, sorry, I think most I've bragged about having a pool before, and I do apologize to a.
Lot of people have pools.
Karen, No, I know it's not I I'm not saying I'm better than everybody. I'm saying I'm better than you guys.
But anyway, Okay, your old house was a piece of shit and it had a pool. It was a piece of See haven't I made things better with that insult?
Yes, thank you. You really let me off the hook. So, but it's been so hot that algae is growing in the pool.
Oh wow.
So when my pool guy came, I was just like, I don't know what I did. Literally the because it's like a pool that hasn't like a hot tub. They built it along with the pool. It's all one thing kind of and it turned dark green like a pond in one day. And I was like, I don't know what I did. I'm so embarrassed because it's like I want to go. I'm not peeing in the pool, like I'm so defensive about it. And he just started laught.
He's like, yeah, no, this happened. It's too hot, Like it's all like all this, you know, the environmental situation.
And then he walked away under his breast saying pool pisser.
I walked a waving like I have to get away from this job. I have to stop having to work here.
Yeah, it has been like even when it's in the nineties here and there's all these skate parks around. I've been skating with my friends, and it is so dry that I don't realize how hot it is and how humid it is at home. And that's why I've had black mold in my kitchen.
And oh, that's very bad for you.
There's a lot that I don't miss right now. Yeah, and I'm having the best time.
I really be careful with that black mold in your kitchen because.
I moved out of that place. That's Nate Craig's kitchen.
Oh good, Oh good, good, guys, Zazi actually affects you.
Why do I call the bath it's the bathroom where the mold was. Sometimes I cook, I ate burritos, will I shower, and I forget what the room I'm in.
Both are very humid, both have a toilet. I can't tell the toy the kitchen from the bathroom horrible, but they I When I sold my old house just recently, I found out that there was black mold in the kitchen, in the TV room closet where I used to keep like this, sleeping bags and the games and stuff like that. It was kind of like a you know, multi use
closet or whatever. But I found out on their inspection that there was black mold in there, which I was like, oh, because after like in two thousand and eight or whatever, when I left a very stressful, terrible job, I went and laid on that couch and I didn't get up for nine months, and I thought, I was like, oh, I think I have clinical depression, And now I think I was being poisoned by the black mold in the closet, which was two feet away.
It's the only because I've seen mold that is black in color, but black mold has to be a specific type of noxious or yes, toxic, yeah, noxious as a weed. The most I had in my bathroom was very dark and seemed black, but it probably wasn't black mold. Although Nate and I all we did all day is sneeze loudly ew, just two dudes scream sneezing, And since I moved Taco Park, I wunt sneeze all night and all day and threw my sleep anymore.
You must have been allergic to like the bush, the bush right outside your window or something.
Goddamn shrubberies, mostly cactie.
Cactie. You're super allergic to cactuses.
Just yeah, the dryness, the knee. Just the needles if I get the needles in my face or on my eyes. Oh, the sneezing, oh god, and the bleeding because it's neat.
I told you about the time at the dog park where it was right I had just gotten Frank. He's the little one.
Sure's you've never got swiveled over to a dog before.
Look at there. He it's Frank.
Hey, Frank, can you hear me? Frank?
So from one time Frank at the dog park ran up the hill. So the dog park was almost like a football stadium where there was the flat part and then it went up on every side, and the Hollywood sign was right above us. It was it's that dog park. And he went straight up one of the one side of it. And George used to go up all the time, run around and come back just fine. Frank wouldn't come back this one day, and I kept sending George back up to get and go. You better go get that dog,
and then she'd turn and run back up the bill. Well, it turned out these these hikers that were up top were closer to him than I was, because he was almost to the street to the ridge of it. Uh huh. He had walked through a patch of cactuses and he was covered in cactus needles. So that's why he wasn't moving is because he had cactus needles from like his front legs back. He looked like a little cactus himself. They were like, oh that long. It was really bad.
I had to sit there and pick out cactus needles all night.
Oh and I've I've just bumped into a cactus where a couple are they quills? It's a portant needles. But they there's like poisoning them. They are so painful. They and they leave painful serum, pain causing serums.
But if you get them in your face.
Yeah, under the eye, amazing, amazing. It's like a vampire facial from the desert.
A desert vampire facial.
And that you described to me once. I don't know if you got one, but you just knew about them. Where they take your blood or someone's blood, maybe a baby's platelets, poke your face and then massage blood in your face. Am I wrong?
Uh?
I don't know if that exists. If it does exist, I assure you baby platelets are not involved. That's some kind of quanon thing.
That's yeah, that's not the r knee surgery. Okay, gotcha.
But I got microdermabrasion one time, and it is called the vampire the vampire facial okay, where the thing that they they scrub your face with is five prongs of tiny needles. And what they're doing is they just basically wreck the top layer of skin, like they scratch it up so bad, and so you have a super red face. Blood comes up, for sure, I think I've sent you that picture. Your face is covered with blood. And then when they wipe all that away, your face is super red.
And then when it heals, like in a couple of days, it's not that red anymore, like a week. But then your body sends collagen too your face to repair all of that damage, right, and then you get this influx of like basically new baby baby skin. That's where the baby part comes out. Yeah, yeah, all of.
That like where you confuse your body and oh you want to get ripped, you got to confuse and tear your muscles to hear the muscles in half. Yeah, and no one's going to think I'm a real man after this. But is that is it a jade roller with little needles on it.
No, that's like you mean that thing I just described you.
If I did it to my face hard enough and there was blood, I think I've done it to my face and then you just put sierram in.
Yeah, except for you shouldn't have your own at home. That would be I think only doctors should do that one on you.
I don't you know what. I don't think doctors are that much more talented than me, especially skin doctors, dermatologist like you wish. Yeah, you might as well be a dentist. Oh, so many offended people. You know, I'm kidding. I rely on you.
Stop it. You know we're joking. There it is, I got you. Here's the picture, sending it to both of you right now. This is me and the elevator after I got Oh there it is. No. This is me on the table when I got my vampire facial Stephen Chris.
And it's they do not rub. They do not they don't rub blood into those abrasions.
Oop, Stephen Clerky. That's my cousin, Stephen. I'm not sending it to him.
Maybe got it for no reason.
It's like, are you okay? And fair Banks? There you go and you know what, I'm gonna also Senate, so I also send it to Margaret Joe. Okay, she came up too.
I'm going to forward all of this to benefit.
Oh I remember this, I remember you showing Georgia, and I.
Of course I send it to Steve in the second it happens.
Because this is your face. You have a beard of blood, and it's one of the best pictures I've seen.
Oh yeah, it's such a good picture of me. Really, it's one of the better ones I've ever seen.
Yeah, it's like you have a bunch of I want to I'm like a lady from the sixties. Rouge what do you call? It looks like a rouge just put on like a raccoon, did makeup on your face.
With as little like I got drunk, and then put a bunch of blush on my lower cheeks, not my upper, my chin and lower cheeks. And also this was after he wiped the blood off, so that your hair is all cool.
It looks like you had a blowout.
I mean that's and I'm wearing some big diamond earrings that make me look rich, but they're actually from CVS. You guys, we're going to post this picture.
It's yeah, I approve. Yeah, rid picture.
Now let's just do a quick Chris hair check in because I feel like, now it's I don't know if you cut it, but it's now shaped really well.
It is. It's because I put in some some conditioner, leave in stuff that makes it that says, hey, you want curls. Put this in.
Oh it looks good.
It is not, yeah, it but it is huge. Yeah. I have shots from this weekend where it's offensive. It just is is eraser head.
Now do you have skateboard friends in Missoula? Oh?
Yeah, yeah, my best of skateboard friends, the ones that are nice to me while we do it together. They don't act too cool. They cheer me on as I slowly try and do what I used to be able to do.
Nice.
Yeah, so they like the hair. The skateboard all look like we've been living under a rock.
Oh okay.
My buddy Justin Grew's hair it is down past his shoulders and he wears Andre Agassy Headman's Yes, and it's funny because my other friend Kurt always has long hair like he's been living in the woods, and he has a nice clean haircut. I think this quarantine is just making everyone do the opposite of what their hair does.
I think it's a time to explore. Yeah. Me, for example, I have been exploring trying to smell as disgusting as possible. If I haven't warned the odorant for six months in a row. There's been a couple days where I've thrown on some toms of Maine, almost as a gesture like, oh, if one person is coming over, that is.
Just enhances bo It's like adding a spice to your body odor toms of ma. I have some that is I don't know how. I just grabbed it at a natural food store, but it is paturely. Ugh it is, and I've been using it. It's like, hey, no one's around to judge my pits.
True and Patulli does cover. I mean it actually gets the job done for that. But I have so if you grew up in like late eighties nineties, especially in San Francisco, paturely because smell is the strongest sense, the recall sense that I have memories of being at parties where someone had like that. There was a petuli culture through the party and it was such a bummer to be I was just like I don't belong here. I'm like a drama kid and I'm at the hippie party and I don't want.
To be here, and I no longer have any animosity towards the hippies. I'll play footbag. I will watch you dance and pretend there's an invisible sphere in front of your body. But Petuli still is upsetting to me. That smell is so overpowering right now. And Sisters, he could just lean his head out at RV and it will waft through the the the Mount Bachelor Valley, down past Sisters into Bend, past the Shoots Brewery. I wish I was with you, Skeevi, and I love that.
I love the Shoots. That's nice there. A few times they give they give a nice tour.
I would go outside and and wave to my friend that got paid the snowboard as I drank through a flask. But I did enjoy my time in Bend.
It's nice up there.
It's so great.
I've been there for a couple New Year's Eves and the snow. Being in one of those triangle shaped cabins with snow coming down is maybe my very favorite vibe.
Yeah, all of all the cabins around where my friend just he was living in an apartment for ten years in Golda. He's my friend that lived right near those four murders Golden State murder. And they said you have to get out. We're going to make a roundabout here or whatever, and then gave him eighty grand to either find a place or find an equal place of value to rent. And the only place you can buy a house with land for eighty grand is in Montana. So there was like five choices, and he kind of took
it side unseen. No, he didn't see the site, and then he's seen it and then got it. But all of the apartments around them are those a frames because snow so snow, you know, skiffs off. Yeah, and it is. You can walk to a ski area. There's this mine, these mine shafts that I mentioned, there's a lake where people ice fish. It's like, if I was a different person, i'd be I just didn't grow up appreciating all that stuff. But now when I go back, I'm like, I want to be an ice fishing miner.
Well, but don't you think because I grew up in an area that's equally Now it's like becoming fancy for how rural and and like non gmo, free range kind of the whole thing. Like pedlumas itself. It has clover store netted Dairya is in Pedaluma and that's the main milk brand at Whole Foods. Right, So like it's all becoming fancy. But when I was growing up, it was just what was there, and so you didn't you can't appreciate it because you think everyone has a dairy in
their town. You think everyone lives kind of close to the beach and kind of close to a major city and kind of blah blah blah, Like we had no idea how good we had it at all.
Yeah, I think that I noticed that when I was in Pataluma, like I imagine what it was like, kind of like Bozeman, Montana. But then people with money come there because they appreciate it, and it kind of becomes this money making parody of itself, and it well.
Yeah, because we I think I've said this, but we grew up carpooling to school with the family that owned that dairy. They were just they had like a regular car.
And of course that dairy has only succeeded and done great because it's essentially all the way they farmed, and like their whole thing of non gmo milk production and like free range milk or whatever however they do it, no hormones, all that stuff became the pricey way to do it, whereas before it was just like I used to always say that to my friends, and I'm like, I'm so weirdly spoiled because we grew up with chicken ranches everywhere, so like, I have a very high expectation
of what a breast of chicken is to compare to some people where I'm like, yeah, I can't eat this. I don't know what this this isn't because it's not like fucking hormone free, free range. It's ridiculous.
Yeah. Yeah, that's why you haven't been pumped with the steroids your whole life. That's why you don't have a mustache.
I'm working on it.
Yeah, No, you can grow a mustache. I'm saying you could not.
I'm trying.
Do they still deliver in a glass bottle and put it on your doorstep that way?
No, but they they did in the eighties. They did up through like our next door neighbors used to have milk delivered oh fresh, like literally dairy fresh milk in glass bottles. They had that delivered up through the early eighties.
It was so normal. Some apartments, if it's like from the thirties or forties, they'll have a door next to the mailbox that is for male or for milk to be placed there by a milk professional.
That's how much milk everyone drank.
I know, not anymore. Not me.
No, can't do it.
I don't know should I if I have a baby, or an act access to a baby, or let's say someone gives me a baby and says, take care of this baby. I'm not bragging, but I had really good bones. I never oh yeah, I'd like I would hurt my ankle, but never break it.
I'd never have you never broken a bone?
Well, yes, but the times I did, I deserved it. It was it was something traumatic.
God.
But I really feel like or my teeth. I've always been lucky with teeth stuff, never cavities or anything. I'm not Bragging's here's some other things that I but I really think it maybe had something to do with milk. But maybe that's someone something someone tells you.
I think it is does have to do with milk. It's all that calcium, vitamin D. There's a bunch of good stuff in there. It's like you're being a baby calf.
For your whole life, right. But now, I would never drink milk. Now, I'm like, I'm one of these weirdos that thinks it's weird to drink milk from another animal.
Well, that's fine. I mean having your pot cereal because there's nothing weird about that.
No, I put almond milk my cereal. I'm going on ten years, but hey, look at me. It's good though I eat cheese. You think I don't eat cheese. I just I'm yelling at myself. Now, I don't want milk unless it's salty and I'm biting into it.
I'm just I want a cube of milk. It's older than average milk. It's actually old cubed milk.
If someone said, oh, really, so here's some almond milk cheddar, I would slap it out of their hands.
So fast, have you had? I mean I think we all have. But vegan cheese is like melting a little piece of plastic on something and being like there you go, feel good about yourself and like just take it off. I don't want, don't bother.
I'll defend it a little. It's gotten a remember just a handful of years ago. If you melt, it just gets crispy and hard and shrinks. It's like shrinky Dinks that plastic you put in the oven. Yeah, that's like prettych It's like, oh, look at all this cheese, and then it's and then you just peel it off and it's a it's a cheese frisbee. Yeah, it's gotten better. I've seen it get better, along with gluten free bread and all these other things. They they're you know, the
impossible meats. I'm a bit fan.
Yeah. People love the impossible meats. They really believe in them.
I think getting You know, Starbucks has an impossible breakfast sandwich. Really, Uh, I've been eating them.
And what's it like?
I brought a bunch of cards with me. You think I haven't still gone to Starbucks every other day?
Karen? You think I don't go to the drive through? What's a week? Look at our cards? Go wow, this is not just for me, and then use it anyway.
Yeah, don't get closer to the screen to me when I'm about to tell you. Do you think Karen, get closer to the screen. Do you think that I haven't driven all the way across town just to find the drive through?
Get closer, clos Do you actually think I'd go to the drive through and use my own money? You're crazy, Karen.
Do you think that's being close to the screen? Look at this. You can see my eyebags. I look terrible.
I can't I can't get that close to this. Oh, look who came? She didn't like the energy? Yeah, what's the matter? You don't like the energy? Was I being too weird and freaked you out? Okay, George, you're fine, You're fine. When I yelled Frank, George is the one that look Frank is not. Frank's feeling under the weather today. His stomach was growling this morning and I was like, oh, you must be hungry, and then he didn't eat, so
I think he's a he's got some gust or intestinal issues. George, on the other hand, is more of a nervous She doesn't like conflict. She doesn't understand comedy. She thinks we're just yelling at each other.
I miss when I would go to your house every time we would podcast, And then I was getting so close to both dogs not barking and jumping. The last few times, I feel like they bark like twice and then they're like they got used to me. Now I'd have to start all over.
Well, but I think George is a little bit calmer because she's getting old, so she doesn't do the front door jam. Is not the drama it used to be because man also heard bark is so loud that it like echoes. He used to echo in that front room in the old house. But now she does like she'll do two barks in a jump. Maybe she always needs to try to see if she can lick the inside of her.
Are you sure he dog isn't a third base coach? I it just seems like a signal. I yeah, sometimes that's the only thing with dogs that I'm because I love dogs now. But the bark, the loud echoee, I didn't know that was coming, and so I drop what I'm holding bark. I gotta get used to that. I'm used to the quietness of cats, and which brings me
Steven and Karen. I was in my friend's trailer in Phillipsburg, and there's a tiny kitten, a very tiny kitten without a caller or anything, but clearly a clean kitten that was just knocking on the door asking to come in. And my buddy Ross was there and he loves cats, and it was just a little, perfect tabby cat that just came in and started partying, laying in our laps, taking little naps, playing. We had this little air mattress where he's riding on it and then jumping but not
using his claws. And then I'd pat the cat and he'd start to sleep and snore, and then it's time to party again. And the whole time, my buddy Justin doesn't really like cats, he's not. But I'm like, you have a cat now?
This is oh because it was his house.
Yeah, and the cat sleep it slept, oh, slept in my face until morning. But then they went, oh, this cat slept and would wake me up just to be like hi, and would stare at my face. I'm like, either I have a cat or that I'm going to have to fly on a plane with. I was going to keep the cat, I'd know, I knew, but Justin was like, yeah, that cat's pretty damn cute. And he's not a cat guy. That's how cute this cat was
but then they're responsible. And in the early in the morning, curtain Raw went door to door and they immediately found a woman that was worried about her cats. She had a bunch of cats and she was She came in and saw some lunatic laying on a floor on an air mattress holding her cat with my murder hair, and she's like, I'll take my cat now. I what a nice kitty. I just woke it up. Oh but we gave the cat back. Oh oh, I was so close. I would have flown back with that cat.
You could have also rented. It would have been fun to rent a truck. Fill the truck with furniture. I want. That's in Missoula. Yeah, just shop for me a little bit, get some cool items.
Oh it's here. I'll take pictures at the antique mall. I'm going to go. Oh tomorrow, I'm rafting, but I'll go on Sunday. And there's amazing stuff, beautiful antique stuff, all affordable.
You could I'll give you a Starbucks card to rent a truck on and you can go and get me.
I can find you were gonna say, rent a truck and filled the back with kitty litter and drive the cat back in a giant litter box. Why don't you get him there? He's playing Room two. He arrives potty trained.
He completely knows how to do it. What the world is like? That's so disturbing. I knew there were frack guys I knew in college, or did I know them personally or did I just hear the story? They would rent U haul trucks and they would all get into the back of the truck with a keg and then drive to places partying in the back of a U haul like with no just just in the dark, drinking beer while somebody drove the truck.
That sound really scary, but yeah, no of me. A bunch of my friends pulled ten friends. I wasn't even one of them, but they all had copies of a key to a black van that had the Metallica logo on the outside but it said Montana and there was all the bench seating in the back was coolers and they would drive around and dank in the back of that windowless truck. So it's the same as renting a van. Yeah, it's very serpeted though, and I kind of wish I own that van.
Today, I think it's best you don't vans. I feel like vans they've had their time and there and there's so much more threat and negativity attached. Just get an SUV.
If I took a photo of this van, you would I know you well enough to know you changed your mind because it really four wheel drive, It was jacked up, it was all but it looked like the A team van and it was. I really wish I had it, but only to drive to wherever big bear. I wouldn't drive it through town like a low netack.
Oh, I'm sorry, I pick I guess I was picturing like one of those production vans that's white with no windows and like metal all in the anti y okay, it's so scared.
Yeah, no, thanks, no anytime. I classic.
I had love that I do have leftover from going out with someone who is a complete gearhead for you know, Pete was a huge, big into cars.
Had he had a Volkswagen.
He rebuilt a Volkswagen bus from the seventies he did, I mean, he was super super into it. So I have this leftover like from his interest. Just I almost kind of know about them, and then I do know about like when people rebuild cars like that and make them super bad us. They're undeniable, like a van that would have just slightly bigger tires on the back. So it's there's something about it that's almost like seems evil.
That's the great uls car. Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, I love that. And here's this is the most ridiculous thing. And it almost falls in line with if we were being asked trivia questions, which probably Stephen had some ready. But my dream car is an AMC Eagle, that wagon car with wood paneling that just came stock with four wheel drive. I've always wanted one.
Did they run? Okay, do you know anything about them?
About the AMC company. I know they're called the American Motor Company. No, I don't. They made the Gremlin, Yeah, made the uh maybe the Pacer, and then they made this four wheel drive wagon and I've seen a few of them that have been turned into monster trucks, and I just want one. I don't know. I don't know when I would use it, though.
I somehow got myself onto a gun website trying to find the AMC Eagle. I don't know what I did.
Yeah, it's just all it's just now an assault rifle, same factory.
Well, oh look at this, look at that.
See you like it? I know what you like? Oh yeah, see that car, and that's a classic roadster. It's four wheel drive though like before subar Us or around the same time as suber Us. That is just a car that goes into four wheel drive.
It sure does.
Look at that.
Yeah, it's like out in the desert. God damn right.
You take it to the desert and there's groceries in back. I love that car.
That's a mother of four.
Oh, I want one.
I think if I had to get any let's do a pick right now, because you've already talked about the AMC Eagle and the Van. So let's do a pick. If I had to have any old car, so like, say a rebuilt car, say it's before nineteen seventy or something. You can't choose boxy Volvo, can't, oh, because we already know that.
That's okay.
Yeah, so good idea, good idea. I think, well, shit.
You really want a boxy Volvo, don't you.
I mean, it is my favorite, but no, if it were muscle on the Mustley side, I would I'd want to have my cousin Lisa's old Chevy Chevelle, Chevelle, I think Super Sport or Chavette, Yeah, a Chavette. It was. It was I think it was actually like a boyfriend's car that she ended up driving, But it was totally. The back wheels were way bigger than the front wheels. Yeah, it went up. You pressed on the gas. It was immediately going ninety miles an hour. It was really loud.
It was custom painted midnight blue, so it sparkled in the sunlight. It was badass. It was really it was crazy.
It's so funny how that even and I thought about doing it recently because I got new tires. I just wanted to paint the letters on my tires white, just because letters on the tires combined with big and back smaller upfront for some reason, even on eight Honda Cord just looks cool.
It's shit because isn't that a little bit white letters on the tires is a match boxy thing with the detailing. Yeah, yeah, totally, Like good dear.
They don't do that to tires anymore unless it's like big four wheel drive tires or a NASCAR car. But I want letters on the tires.
Yeah, you're gonna have to go out there and hand paint it or get your dad to.
I have already bought tire markers in white for really like two years ago. I bought a bushel of them. This is a plan that I've had planned out, but I just won't pull the trigger.
Sorry, then are the letters there they're just not painted? Or do you have to then put the letters on yourself.
It's a very good question. One year I had a normal tire, like a Falcon tire, and I made a stencil that said bad year. Two thousand and four for some reason was a bad year, so it said two thousand and four bad year with the winged boot. Yeah, And I but I'd get compliments all the time, like haha, bad year opposite a good year, good one. But I do think that I just want to do a good job this time and outline the existing letters on the tires.
But I know that one time i'd do a bad job parking, it's going to rub off and then all those hours of work gook.
Yeah, but it's not going to rub all of them off at once. So let's really get right sized with this problem. Should you park badly one time? And look, we all do it yeah, you smear off ear right, you can get right back in there with that, right and right.
You've talked me into it. Periodic touch ups, do it. You know what, I'm gonna spray paint my hubcaps too. This is I'm really glad we talked about this because I've been putting it off, like one curb rub is going to scrape the whole thing. No start from.
Scratch unless you like do that thing where when you put in reverse and then you just drive back along the curb almost like you hear it. You hear the scraping, you hear everything, and you're like, I'm just going to keep going until I fit into this parking spot. I've never done those.
If that happens, you better look for a tranquilizer dart in my neck because I would never hug the curb unless I am passed out.
Because you're such a good parker.
Yeah, I'm good. I'm really good. I'm really good at parking.
I am too.
Yeah, you have to be. Once you move to Los Angeles people, you have to be.
And I also think there's a there's a part of you that has to give it over to the universe that you're not actually the one parking. Yeah, and so you make the right kind of you know, don't go until you completely turn the wheel entirely, you know what I mean. There's things like that that you can help yourself, but ultimately you are in Jesus' hands.
I was gonna say, you mean Jesus is your co pilot, because that's how I every time I go to parallel park, I'm like, let's do God have to do half this work.
God, you go to ten, I'll go to two. Let's get this taken care of.
I know I haven't talked to you for two years since I lost my wallet and I asked you to help me find it.
God me Chris from Episcopalian camp.
We are at a tailgate football party, a thing I never go to, and these are real men. They are watching me right now. And if you don't help me park right now, I swear I'll never believe in you. That's what I say.
You need me more than I need you, God, So you better park this car for me. Uh huh. God's like yest's stay current.
You need me more than I do.
Old School, we see how the world's going. I'm the I'm it's supply and demand friend.
Well, I've gone into a mode where I just thought we were talking, but we've been doing a podcast.
Oh yeah, should we wrap it down next time?
Can we do questions? Steven?
Oh you don't have any Oh good, Okay.
Next time we'll do it. We'll do like a full on just so it's different. I just called my dad back in, but I think he's just watching TV.
You know what, if you nail it the first time, don't go back try to recapture that glory.
I agree.
This is when he comes in and he's wearing black face and we're like, no, j yeah, please.
God, I forgot about this bit. My dad didn't do cool again.
Well, that was fun.
This was I don't know. I mean, this was one of the funner times I've had funner, Like funner is a word now, a lot of people will call you out. Yeah, they put it in the dictionary a few years ago. Love it. It replaced more fun I've had fun. I mean, on I felt like I was just talking to you. I really did kind of forget we're podcasting.
I think that's the best kind of podcasting, except for we were opening a door for people to be offended by the things we were discussing about things we know are offensive these days, so please understand, just as a final recap, these are things we're discussing, we're saying are offensive, so nobody has to come and tell us they're offensive, just as a quick fyi. And also you can I won't be on Twitter to accept a message.
Oh yeah, so let them do. Let her rip. She ain't gonna see him. Go ahead, be an armchair general and fire them off. But Karen's out, explore, she's swimming.
I like, I very much appreciate the people I get to talk to and hear from on Twitter. It's I'm not too plainning because it's really cool, but it's not the best. None of us should be open to anyone, just anyone's opinion or anyone's anything.
I think just everyone's looking for it now because we don't get to be around people. But I, yeah, I have lately, and good god, I've missed it. And I hope I come out of that shit a changed person because I like human interaction and I think like a year ago, I would have said like I just want to be at home. I don't want to be around to anyone, or I sometimes say like, oh, I hate people. I will never say that ever.
I same here. I spent years and year skipping parties, being invited places, telling myself, you can't go, you're not blank enough, you're not blob, it'll be bad whatever, or it'll be boring or yeah or somehow. I would just weirdly talk myself out of it every time, and I swear to God, I will never do it again. Either go to every dumb fucking party there is.
Pinky swear. I'll put my face close to the screen again.
I don't fucking go to this party right here and tell you this is the party, or I'm telling you I'm going to parties, all.
Right if I'm not there first? Who's that character? All right?
The confrontational Yeah, I'm sorry. You know what those characters are, bears.
It's a competition. That's how it's confrontational.
So it's actually it's who needs people more. It's a codependence competition.
Oh my god, Steven's light went out, and I think he's actually going to bed.
Stephen's driving his trailer away from this podcast because it won't end.
It's getting dark over here.
Okay, that's Steven's very subtle way of saying wrap this bullshit up. Everyone's done. We will and we are, Oh just really quick. Do you follow Thrasher on Twitter or any of this? Yeah?
Yeah and Instagram?
Sure, I just started. I just wanted to, well, I want to look for Milton Martinez because I missed him and I hadn't heard anything about him lately.
And then it was just like, you like, get into Mason Silva. Oh yeah, yeah, I mean they hang out together, but uh, you'll like his eyebrows and all that shit. I won't be able to they really get after it.
You know what I'm gonna do. This is what I do these days. I'm going to google him Mason and is he does he do all the same kind of crazy trick?
They are both Yeah, very similar, just very raw fast, almost scary, almost hard to relate to. Let's be honest. Yes I never came close to any of it. But yes, you'll very very much enjoy.
Oh Mason Silva is so cute.
Yeah yeah, he also happens to be like yeah, one of these It didn't hurt that he's a good looking dude, but his cousin Listen Start Podcast said, oh my, oh my cousin Mats and Silva's or I'm he's my cousin. I'm like, he's the best, and she's like, he's so nice. So also, no, he's nice.
He does, and he doesn't have to because you should see how cute he is.
Yeah, he's in his latest raw files on Thrasher. He's very nice to like people that are trying to kick him out of places, or security guards or these people at a bus stop, he disarms them with his charm.
With his charm. He was probably raised well by a strong woman.
Yep, yep, love it. Yeah he does.
Like I've noticed, though, there are lots of skateboarders who also could be models, which I think is super fucked. That's not fair.
It's just but I swear it's the luck of the draw. No one is looking at a headshot and deciding who succeeds. It's just no people are people are It's not like showbiz. You're right, though, it has.
To help, it has I mean, well, but what I love about skateboarding and this, this will be the final. It's just such an individual thing, right, So it's like yours good as you just practiced to be yours good as the hours you put into it, or whatever, So yeah, you it doesn't. It's not a obviously a beauty pageant or whatever, and so you can't. No one's gonna let
some hot guy get away with anything. But it just surprises me because I was like, oh, I was thinking in my head that'd be kind of funny and cute if I fell a thresher, And then I started looking at things that I'm like, now I want to take a shower. I feel like a creepy old woman. It's like weirdly like, you know, shopping.
Boys, and I still do. I still skateboard, and I feel that way a little like I'm just watching. Yeah, if you're just sitting around watching people in their prime, well you're cooking bacon in your bathroom, all right. You've been listening to Do you need a ride? Uh? D w n ar ar.
Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way you want to be.
There, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. Give us time and they turning on and gage.
Do you want to send you off in style? We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Were you scared or was it fine? Melbourne? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride, Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Do you need with Karen and Chriss