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Now?
Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride?
Ride?
Do you need.
With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
And this is Karen Kilgariff. We are in our respective apartments and respectable apartments.
I am. I have nothing but the utmost respect for my apartment and Karen's, which is why we are in them respectively.
My body, my apartment, my choice.
If I live somewhere, stay somewhere, stay somewhere. If you live somewhere, stay.
S You'll be home white by now.
Oh I love that's my favorite banner. Every condo that opens up feels like they're being so clever when they have that. Yeah, if you lived here, you'd be home right now banner.
I remember we're seeing one It was a billboard on the side of the road out by Castaic, like when you're taking the five out of La to go up to northern California, and it was like basically you'd I think it was right before the Grapevine or right after I can't remember. I think it's right before. And there's just a bunch of condos that they had just stuck up on a hill. And then just like this tiny town and it said if you lived here to you
be home right now. And then I just went into like I have to live here now, Like what would that be if I had to live there right the second and become like a mortgage broker's assistant and work like a nine to six job and live in those condos and eat a line cuisine every night? What would that be?
And it's you making that decision based on a banner that they're hoping will happen. It's ridiculous advertising. But what if hover immediately you can live here?
Yes, in fact, that banner's law. You have to pull over right now and live here or you go to prison. You'll go to federal prison.
Those communities. When I lived in Venice, there was I would go to this doctor that was within the Plia del Rey, like when you did that YouTube stand up thing a long time ago. It's where those people that work at YouTube and at Google and they all live in this community and it is Pleasantville creepy. Yeah, it is like a gated Even my doctors seemed like he was from Mayberry. It was like time travel.
Like almost like their throwback fifties people or Midwestern people.
And everyone's like waving and they have matching baby carriages and then they'd like hi. But then they'd watch me drive to the doctor, knowing that, oh I didn't live there. We have an outsider check, the gate check that everyone has a little microphone on their lapel.
What if they knew what you were going to the doctor for, like, oh, it's mister footfungusack, here's no.
Left leg lamp, left leg lamp coming through again.
Privacy issue is that the one are you talking about? That one that's on the other side of the marshland at the coast. Yes, that place you're so right, Like you drive through the marshland and it's almost like you're you go through some kind of portal and you end up in this little in a bustling little town with an Italian restaurant anchor restaurants, and then like it's a split in the mountains and you can see the ocean.
Yeah, and it.
Feels like this is the place to go to get away from Los Angeles. But what you're really doing is going into the dark heart of Los Angeles.
Yeah, you're like cutting yourself off from Los Angeles into this underbelly of deception and Google industry, job happening.
And search engines.
And oddly that marshland across the street is some government protected bird estuary. Oh, there's like supposed to be. If you walk on those trails, which no one does, you can find you can find bird species that like they're like, do you need to see a purple bellied pelican swan or whatever. They all are supposed to live there, And I've seen may a bird.
Do you think it's actually a nuclear test site and they're just using birds as a front?
No, I just go No, that's how good I am at improv No, I don't. But here's my suggestion. It is all of that is the same dirt quality with water percolating underneath. That is all of Venice on the other side of that Harbor. None of it should be built there, Venice when I the first syndication being when I would go to the beach from Levey, you know, I lived like four blocks away. I would go uphill
to the ocean. That's so bad, you know, like if if a scary tsunami wave came in, it would reach it would go wash over the high point that is the sand, and then just go down to where.
These to fill up the pond.
Yeah. Yeah, it's so scary. And there's there's water underneath, like they weren't. I bet all those buildings are slowly sinking.
Yes, for sure.
I'm so glad I got out of there.
I'm I am too, Chris. Those houses that are in Malibu that are right like it's almost like a glass box that's hanging out over the ocean, which I'm actually personally obsessed with and would kill to at least spend the weekend in with someone.
Older or who's the old street gentleman.
And kind of he's very together and he has like a silver fox and he has like so much money that this is his fourth house. But those houses are going to go into the ocean like in our lifetime because their water is rising. Did you your fucking story? There was that one part of I think it's Siberia or like you know, northern Siberia, that all the snow went away melted and now it's on fire. Did you hear about that? Oh no, Yeah, should we have saved that for the end.
Yeah, that's our closer. You never open with your best spit. You do the second, the best bit. You fill in the middle with jibber jabber, and end with a strong one.
You take you joke. You order your jokes one to ten. You take number ten, You put it number two, You take number one, put it number ten. I told you that. There's a comic that told me that when I very first started right, he too, I got the mathematical Who.
Matt Sadler in Austin. I met he said, look me up when you get here. I met with him at the Bari worked at and that's what he said. He said, open with your strongest I had no jokes yet, Open with your second strongest bit. Yeah, and then all the is this algorithm for the middle. But I remember the end. It's your strongest joke.
Yep. You go from like number it goes like it goes two. Uh, two, four, seven, six, eight, nine five one were real.
Your guy like gave you a ranking system and said.
Literally told me the numerical set list I should have. You take your first, you order your jokes number one best to worse than. You take number one, you put it number ten. You take number ten, you put it number two. You take number two, you put it number one. Three goes to four. I mean literally, And I was just sitting there going like, I get I love the vibe of this, which is that you think there's a secret and you're going to share it with me. That's
very generous. But also this is not the kind of comedy I'm in any way interested in doing at all.
There is no doubt in my mind though, that it's probably not an accurate thing that I should have been following this whole time, because even when I think of your second best joke first, and with your best joke, I forgot about that until until I'm like, oh my god, I have a TV taping. What jokes do I do? I'm like, I naturally conjured what was told to me that I had neared nor years ago. Do you know what I'm saying?
Yes, Because when you're doing stand up like night after night you start getting into the weeds on your own ideas and you cannot order. If you can order your own ideas one to ten, God bless you and your fucked up weird right brain or left brain, whichever one of these, because I don't know all of them seem bad to me. Yeah, the whole thing seems like a bad idea. So number one is not going to save me in the number ten position because it's all some dumb shit I thought of like three days ago.
Totally. Yeah, if you're giving them these positions, you're giving your jokes such permanence that you don't plan on. It's like, here's my ten bits, I'm fine, done, I'm hit the road for twenty years and develop a drinking problem.
Yep.
I'm going to get it so that I can cite these and think about a book I read one time. At the same time, like, what is the point of any of that? Like I get the it's good for beginners because you have to acknowledge their structure in the same way that it's like if you pick the word that ends with a K, you're going to get a harder laugh than if you do some soft thing. If you you know, put the noun on the wrong spot. Whatever.
Those are all the truth because that's like human cadence and what people like, right, but within your own material, well, I mean I just did never have. I did never have like the top four jokes. Yeah, yeah, they were all they were all sixes.
And who would you might a joke with plans to ultimately have it end with a strong cuss sound. You know. It's like, but if I took one of those actor or stand up classes right now, I'd probably learn a lot. I'm like, oh, I should I've been doing this twenty years and I just realized that's why that joke works or whatever. Yes, I should take a stand up class.
I don't know, I believe in it.
I think take an online zoom stand.
Up seminar and then you just keep interrupting the teacher over just be like, wait a second, I have a really good idea about that thing you just said. I have the perfect example.
That's the zoom timing.
That actually would be very well. I always find it so interesting that people who have who suddenly decided they can teach a class because there's no in this realm, which is stand up comedy and comedy writing. You don't always have to have any qualifications to run a tutorial or a webinar. I am surprising as that sound.
I'm amazed at the misplaced confidence of I mean, I'm going to offend anyone that's teaching a comedy class, but they aren't listening right now, they're working on next season syllabus. Yeah, it's just I would. I don't think I'm ready to tell people how to do stand up. No, and I've done it for a living, but that doesn't mean I know how to tell other people how to do it for a living.
I have to say. One time, Paige Herwitz, it was it was the All Jill No Jack Comedy Festival in Portland. Stacy. You know Stacy, she's the best.
Yeah, she Staisy.
I owe her about three texts. But Paige Herwitz and I went up there and did it. And Paige was like, his page at the time was the executive producer of Last Comic Standing. So she's like, they're making me host like a class or whatever, you know, like a what is this called?
Oh, I just put a seminar.
Motion in my eye. A seminar, yeah, said.
Lotion or hand sanitizer.
You know what it is. I picked this thing up and I thought it was body oil and I rubbed it all in my hands because I just got out of the shower and then realized it's bath oil, which I I don't think it's not really the same. I don't think you're just supposed to put it all slathered.
All directly on your body.
I'm not sure. But then I just put it in my eye, and I can tell I'm not supposed to put it in my eye for sure.
It's the best way to find that.
This is how I this is my test for everything. Put it in my eye, see if I like it. So Page is holding this seminar and she was like, please do it with me. I'm so embarrassed or whatever. And then it actually turned out to be super fun because it was it wasn't like we were telling these women how to do comedy or whatever. It was just like they would do their set and then I would just be like, Yeah, you don't need to worry about
that thing. I think you're really worried about X, and you don't need to worry about it at all, right, Like, just do the thing that's funny about you. Because I think there's you know, all of comedy is you just copying the person you think is funny and kind of mimicking for a while and wanting to be like that person, and then at a certain point it's like you use those crutches and then you can stand on your own.
So like that's usually the point where people are at a festival like that, Yeah, where it's like you've done, you know how to do a solid fifteen minute set, so don't you don't have to wear that beret. It's that kind of is that kind of thing, you know.
I could do that. I could go to a class and say, oh, you don't need to do that. But I can't go to a class and say here's what you need to do. That's like who I say, well.
Yeah, well it's there, that's their homework. But you but I feel like you can go you don't have to You don't have to apologize with a hat while you're standing on stage, which I think is a sometimes women get led down that direction like they have to be a very pigeonhole able type.
Yeah, yeah, where you.
Know, like you've seen all those There's been lots of comics as I've done sets over the years where It's like I'm wearing my bridle gown because hell, I paid enough for it. There's all those kinds of comics, you know, where it's like I'm the com I'm the girl that wears my purse on stage. It's like, just fucking say some jokes like you belong somewhere?
Please? Yeah? Yeah, not the not the kind of kind you'd wear it a second hand store beret.
No, a blueberry beret? Please? But was the point of the bo are you trying to.
The point is I don't know how to do stand up anymore?
How could you? I? This is we're past the point.
I did a show the other night. Did we talk about the show I did with dogs everywhere?
No?
I shouldn't have maybe, but it was an outdoor show, which was a big selling point. It was on the patio at el said, there was hand sanitizer everywhere, everyone had a mask, all the comics were supposed to bring their own microphone, and everyone's temperature was taken like, which is all they did in that Chappelle thing to make it seem like it was okay. But the minute I got there, I was like, I shouldn't be here. I asked too many people, and there are walls in that
outdoor area. People weren't distanced enough. But there was puppies there. It was a fundraiser for a dog rescue place, all the more reason that I was like, it's for a good cause, but it I right when I was there, I'm like, I was more nervous about that than doing stand up. And then the puppies were kind of squeally and heckly, they were adorable, but and I don't think they were thinking about this. People that worked for the service were handing these dogs off to people, which is
we learned early on. Don't pet people's dogs. They I mean, if you hand me a puppy, it better be wet and soapy because that's a virus carrying doggie.
Yoh yeah sure.
Yeah. So it's very nervous and I did very poorly, and I forgot all of my jokes, like taking this much time off even if we're practicing with zoom shows. I was ended terribly. It was so weird how quickly I got rusty.
Yeah, I think anyone would. It's not the same, Like anything that's still in your house has nothing to do with live performance. Live performance is entirely its own beast, and you have to like, it's not like riding a bike. It's like riding a bull or something where you if you don't know how to do it from yesterday, you're fucked.
Like truly, truly, I've done it enough times. I've tried to get back into it casually enough times and had these sets where it was like, oh, I don't even think I should have done this when I first started doing like this seems like I've gone the wrong direction in life. Yeah, it's like soul crushing when you fucking eat it. After like twenty years of doing it.
You're right. Because I was like, oh, I'll I'll definitely get them with this joke that works ninety percent at the time, and it got nothing. And I'm like, wow, even the stuff that I liked in my act, I now don't like this. It's so much damage.
Can I ask a question?
Yes? Please?
Did you yell about the dogs being heckly? Were you mean about the dogs? That's why they didn't laugh attack the wrong audience that mistake.
I talked about how much I prefer cats, which even the dogs could hear that. They're like, did he just say the word cat?
They're like no, he did not.
And I brought up the fact that they possibly had. They shouldn't be handing them over to each other without sanitizing them. So then the audience was like, oh my god, he's right, and then they got nervous. He did so many things wrong when talking about these dogs. I should have ignored them. I was worried about one. There was one in the middle of the room that kept disappearing. I'm like, did that dog get taken by an alien ship? And they're like aliens? What are you talking about? Like
they just thought I was crazy? And then that hair.
Yeah, they were just like this fucking guy.
Yeah, they didn't like me rooting for me. I think they did like me. They're just like even though they don't they aren't comics. They were like, he's making so many bad decisions on stage.
Even I can tell. And I work at El Poyo Loco.
Yeah, I was giving them a comedy class in a weird way where I just show them unannounced. I showed them what not to do, and now they're all going to start doing stand up because.
That's when I'm tired. I think that's when I decided to stop doing stand up. Is every time I would get on stage, I would do whatever my first tiresome opening joke was, and then I would start talking about how comedy was over, and I wouldn't. I would always go into comedy being dead for like two minutes, and then expect that the audience would just still be waiting on the other side of me, ruining their night and
the money they spent and the show they're trying to watch. Like, I cannot learn that lesson because I think stand up comedy is the most self indulgent thing, and then on top top of that, you can actually wrench a little more self indulgence out of it if you ruin it for everyone else while you're doing it. And I think that's what I love.
I don't think you ever ever went as poorly as you think it did. I've never not seen you be funny doing stand up.
It just always feels fucking terrible. Oh yeah, and it's great.
Even when it's great, it can feel terrible because it's like, why doesn't that always feel that great? I can't even enjoy the good shows. That's how I feel.
Why does it feel better than great?
Yeah?
Why can't I have moments that no one's ever having.
You. I have you noticed recently that there's been a surge in your life at the bootleg album purchases?
Why did you buy a couple?
I did? Did you see that to purchase Spike? No? People posting about it. I feel like, oh, really discovering it. People that already liked you, that didn't know about it.
It's a I'm calling it the third wave.
Yes, yes, like skat.
We don't ruin my third wave with SCA music references. No, I mean I don't.
I don't. People.
It is nice that people like it. And I was thinking the other day just how grateful I was that I ended up I am how grateful I am currently that I decided to do it, even though at the time I really didn't think I should be doing it. I was just like, this is ludicrous and almost borderline pathetic. And now that I did it, I was like, oh, good.
You've been the recording of that album, and well.
Yeah, because just because it's I don't know how to play the guitar really, and I just made those songs up to kind of like have something to do, and it's all very It's very like at the time I'm saying, now I'm thrilled that I have that album, but at the time it was just like, this is just this weird way I'm trying to stay tell myself what I do for a living or like what I like, even though it's like kind of apropos of nothing.
Well, that makes it even more impressive that you just did it as an experiment because and so you haven't been playing guitar at all lately.
I mean I do it at home. Yeah, that's usually around between eleven am and one pm. I'll have a nice concert hour, okay, and do some covers in the front room. Real good acoustics in here for that.
I hope it's called concert hour, and I hope you have a reminder to have it on a dry race board somewhere in your house in the laundry room three to four concert hour on the.
Concert hour, and make the dogs sit in front of me. Yeah we're not allowed to move.
Yeah, yeah, I tell jokes to my plants.
I actually like the idea. I'm of that. A living room concert is my favorite, you know, almost like the Playboy whatever, Hugh Hefner's after Dark or whatever, Playboy after Dark.
Yeah, yeah, you see that show. I vaguely remember it.
It'd be like a bunch of people is super fake setup of like a fake party, cocktail party, but that idea of people standing around at a party and then some goalt like leans up against a piano. I was like blue Moon, like I love that.
I love that.
Idea, like kind of up close entertainment, cocktail hour type of concert.
I will, I don't know. There's like Tig and Martha and there was like a comedy crackpot comedy tour thing that they did as a pilot, and they did. There are people that regularly have concerts, usually folk music I think, or acoustic music of some kind, in their kitchen or sometimes they'll rent out a small theater or whatever. And Tig and Martha did this tour in those venues, so they'd be performing in someone's kitchen or in a in a living room, and they said it was so great,
but at the time it horrified me. The idea of being in a in a house with strangers and you stand up in their kitchen. I think it still horrifies me.
It's pretty it is pretty horrifying, because I'm sure you've done those. There's those backyard shows that sometimes get moved into the house for whatever reason.
Yeah.
Yeah, and I've done a couple of those where And that was when I first started doing comedy music again. And I was like, it was so like my cheeks would get so hot and red from being I was like, I'm just singing at these people that are like two feet away from me. It's not like you're at a show, right, you know what I mean.
It's a guy. You're the guy at a campfire that pulls out a guitar. Yeah, and no one knew it was coming.
And he's like, comey, there's so many dudes when I person moved to La, so many drunk dudes with acoustic guitars playing fucking hits off of never Mind, where he just like, please stop it, please stop it. We've all heard every one of these songs three hundred times. I'm begging you.
That is so Yeah, there's always a singer. Oh that sounds awful. I remember vag visiting I was visiting La and I don't know if it was one of the nights after Lucy Lucy's Laundry Matter or whatever, but I went to a house party and everyone I think that Tenacious D album had just come out, so that was just playing on a loop. And you were at the party and I was, yeah, it was a long and Jay Johnson and uh Zach all Machis was sitting in the corner, and I was, I didn't talk to anyone.
I didn't. I just listened to Tenacious D and nervously didn't talk to anyone. I was so intimidated. It's just so funny because it.
Were you with Howard.
I was with Howard. Yeah, he brought me to that party.
Yeah. I loved those Lucy Laundry. Lucy's Laundry bout days were the most fun. It was just insanity.
We'll talk about a show that didn't the most unlikely, unsuspecting audience of people actually doing laundry. Yes, in a lot of cases, like people that work that were washing clothes for someone else, and maybe they didn't even speak English or under or they didn't want us talking. And the bathroom is right behind you. It was just everything. I remember the men's bathroom was right behind the stage. People are just going in woo, and I just tried
to talk, So what do you wash and underwear? Like I I It was horrifying.
It was. It also was the kind of thing where it made me start to realize I need to write good enough material that if I say it in the middle of a room, even if I don't like, even if there aren't audible laughs, that I don't feel bad, right, you know what I mean that I have to like the thing that's coming out of my mouth and I have to stand behind it and not because every time I would just like at that stage, especially, you just couldn't.
You couldn't get anyone to like you. No one did material there because everyone was immediately in this psychotic panic, and like.
What you're describing is exactly how it feels to do these online comedy shows. There's no reaction, and I've been doing them so I I don't waste my one liners because if there's no reaction, it's like, oh, that felt terrible. So I've just become this online storyteller comic because I have control over that, and it doesn't matter if there's laughs during that. I don't know, it doesn't matter.
It does matter, though, Yeah, comedy, that's all that matters. It's comedy. It's stand up comedy live.
I mean, it doesn't matter that I'm not hearing them as much if it's not joke here's the end of a joke. Yeah yeah, I oh man, it's.
Just I would never be able to do one of those shows. It just seems like torch.
Well, one time they the audience was involved, so it's like we're doing right now, but every there was like thirty squares of well behaved audience people also in the room quote unquote, and they I can't believe. I just went quote unquote and did hand quotes as I Jesus anyway, and it was working great. You could hear them all laughing until someone's blender went off and a dog started barking, and then the whole show went to shit. But it was fun up till that point.
Uh, that's a really well it should be required muted, Oh because you want to be able to hear people.
Yeah, yeah, Usually it's required muted, but this one was being experimental.
Well see, because that makes sense though, because you I can't imagine there aren't more stories that this story isn't isn't that the blender went off, but it was like and then this guy just stood up and started jerking off. It just all feels like it's waiting for like a chat roulette style right of.
It was trusted repeat people to the actual live show. So it's like this guy always goes to the show in Boulder, Colorado, like this, it's this show in Boulder. And so they were fifteen people that they trusted in the room, and so they were well behaved and wanted to be there for comedy. But they can't control their dogs and their garbage disposals.
Who can who they can? There can?
I have a fair old garbage disposal.
Do not put your hand in there.
I started feeding a kitty cat in my neighborhood book color gray gray because it's got dirt on its white spots but orange and orange and white, oh, and very skinny and meows so loudly that it sounds like it's either pregnant or in pain. But has a call or with the tags on it, so.
With a phone number, it's just an it's probably a neighbor's cat. Is cats, Any cat that goes outside does goes wherever it wants.
Yeah, this is a cat that it's like they just leave it outside, but the cat wants something and will come in my apartment and walk around but won't let me pat him. But it's the boastest thing I've had to companionship.
You better get some some of those silver bags of tuna, or some of your right some kibbles and bits or whatever.
What about just an over oversized fish skeleton half Heathcliff, thank you.
Are what's the name on the coller?
I haven't gotten that close kid. He won't let me pet it just comes in my house and then when I go to pet him, he runs out. Yeah, but he hangs out in my living room and just looks at me with a kind face, but keeps me at a distance.
Listen, I'm going to tell you what I tell all the girls, which is it's it's about what he does, not about what he says. So it's about action.
So you're saying, this cat just isn't that into me.
That cat's using you for tuna.
I have been. I have tuna that I have purchased just for this cat that doesn't work me.
That's right, that's how they do it.
God, I've learned so much about myself and past relate.
Please read my book.
Have you been? Have you been laying outside and swimming and things?
I have very much, So I've these last couple of weeks have been a little crazy. So I've done a lot of I'm about to go swimming, and I like put on my suit and I'm already and then I just pace around for a long time until it gets it. Like, it wasn't that warm down here for the last couple of days, so like, you know, I wanted to make sure I was hot enough to get in or whatever. Yeah, then today I finally went outside. It's boiling hot outside today today. It's crazy. I think it's over one hundred.
Do you have air conditioning in your place?
Like, oh, hell yes, all day and night.
Yeah, it's like goes through the walls and stuff, right, got to Yeah, yeah, I have like a unit like a robot that I keep in the corner of my room and I just stand next to it. But I yeah, it is unbearable. It's time for me. I got my COVID test yesterday. Negative results.
Hey that's worth clapping for.
Yeah, that's right. So I'm safe and ready to drive up to Montana. So I'm gonna just for the air conditioning in my car. Hit the road.
When are you get to go?
As soon as I have a friend that I grew up with that lives in Santa Barbara, and we're going to kind of drive next to each other, if that like a caravan in case one of our cars explodes. Uh. And I'm waiting for him to be done with a house he's doing carpenter work on, and then we're gonna go so like in a week. I can't wait.
Uh. Yeah, that's really good. It's nice. It's always nice to get out of town when you've been in Los Angeles for months at a time. Yes, change peace and any I guess all the shows, any shows you would do, you could do on your computer. It's not like you're going there to do shows.
Well, most importantly this show. I'm like this thing. Yeah, I'll I'll not do other ones. Although I've been doing a lot of podcasts lately and listening to some, and We're ours is good. I like cars.
Yeah, I think it's good too.
Yeah, we're good at it.
I think we're gonna talking. Yeah, and comedy.
The Gift of Gab is a gift for you from us. I just did speaking of other Puck, I just I just did Bridgeard's Gift podcast and it was so fun. How did you do on the exactly Right Network? Good?
Exactly right now?
Yeah?
Yeah, can you give us a hint. Oh wait, it hasn't come out yet, so don't tell us.
I can't. I know I was about to too. I would have spoiled it.
Have you signed an NDA? Yeah, you can't say.
I'm glad. I didn't know about the different uh you know, sections or not sections. What's the word segments? Thank you? You know, like the sections of a of a earthworm segments. But so they were sprung on me and it was kind of fun. Like when we played Quiplash. It's like, oh, it's a game. I need to react and and and be a human being.
I know. Yeah, I love that Quiplash game. I tell you. We played it the other night with my friends, just casual game night. Oh it makes me laugh. Yeah, yeah, we That's how I first found out about it was it's the game night that Bridger does. I do with Bridger and carry O'Donnell. But there's a bunch of people. But yeah, we played Quiblash and the first couple of times I was like, this is the weirdest game. And suddenly it's like it's so hilarious because if you play
it with the right group of people that are like minded. Yeah, it's really funny and like the people that when you do a fake answer or just do the answer of like I got one and the question was about what would Sonic the hedgehog do if he didn't get a certain ring or some shit like that, and I went, I don't know, I'm fifty, what are you fucking asking these two questions for? And those it's like those kind of things are my favorite.
Yeah. And the other version that most people, even my own family has fun with, is Cards against Humanity, and it's like I don't want to have to read a thing that isn't funny or crude. It's so fun because you're actually writing the things and making other people read them. It's the best. It's it's I love it. Yeah.
Instead you mean, instead of having someone's edgy comedy forced onto.
You, that's like trying so hard every one of those cards.
And it is that thing of like the people that like it, and that's everyone gets to like what they like, and yah're popular and that's fine. But when you write jokes for living and then you see that ship where you were just like this is this is like seventh grade playground stuff, but other people are like can you belie it? And we had a bunch of drinks and people told the truth and it's like, yeah, you could do that anytime you want.
They are every other card mentions Hitler like these. The jokes are trying so fucking hard to be Eddy. Yeah, it's and I don't Hitler. It's not funny. I'll tell you that right now. I'm gonna go. You know what, Yeah, not.
One thing he did was funny. God damn it.
I mean he has a physical humor early and just kidding, you're thinking of Charlie Chaplin's You've got the Mustache.
It's Sarah when he is in those silent movies like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no.
Yeah, it was him. He was young. Robert Downey Junior played Hitler in I'm pretty sure I'm not.
I don't think you're right about Hitler. No one.
I'm thinking about the right guy. I don't think you of it.
See you gotta do another album. That was the taste of karen upcoming album Live at the boot Leg Part Deuce.
I don't think you're right about Hitler, and that song takes a surprising turn after the bridge everything.
It becomes a table slapping rap.
Table. This is a real table slapper.
Oh that's a sign that you're listening to bad music. If it's a table slapper.
That's some Dave Matthews reactions right there.
Oh God, I don't know why, but I listened to Dave Matthews. I've been trying to give everyone a chance again. I've been in quarantine and I listened to Dave Matthews. I don't know why. It's just for some reason. And I listen to some old songs and they're good musicians. Of course, it's a bunch of it's thirty people in a band.
Right, I think they're all the best musicians. It seems like that's so. There's Dave Matthews whole thing.
Yeah, jammer and I didn't like it, But amazingly I listened to whatever Spotify will give you the best, the most popular songs. I listened to some Grateful Dead, a band I've been passionate about not liking for a long time, to where it's maybe the only argument I ever had was sweet Harris Whittles. But I I really liked it this time. I found really Grateful Dead songs that are that really were pretty and like the Harp, it was like good instrumentation, right.
I mean, look here in Quarantine, anything can happen. You're absolutely allowed to revisit some old hates and turn them into loves.
Yeah I do. Yeah. I never even gave it enough of a listen to hate it. Legitimately, I had never listened to it.
I this morning listened to because my friend, my friend Alison Augusti, who's very hilarious, sent me the divorce notification of a celebrity and in their announcement it was like they're ready to go on with their relationship and turn the page. And then I immediately sent her Bob Seeger's turn the page. But then I sent it and then I really wanted her to listen to it. But then I was like, well I should listen to it too. And that song is so fucking hilarious and dramatic. Bob's
Heeger and that kind of that. It's like weep rock, you know what I mean, where they're just like telling you a was doll. It's so hilariously dramatic, long haired, it's like, aren't you a biker? Oh no, you're weeping openly. Yeah, yeah, you're tough for the softest.
It says a recording before his silver bullet band sponsored by Cores. I gotta listen to.
I don't know a lot about Simultanees. I think it is a silver bullet band. He's it's like an eighties hit you've never heard, Turned the page. It's about how rockers can't keep love.
Can you sing just a sample? You know? Oh yeah? And then when it gets real heavy, what's it sound like, Karen? I haven't heard that part the page?
You've never heard that where someone's like gets shot in the guts and then falls over and sings.
I make a Turniquet call it calin page book to one out dialut have to turn.
Put me in a journey. Uh yeah, I remember that song. Now, yeah, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta listen to more Bob Seeker. It's funny that you I there's that the uh the pressure to uh send a gift for a sample or a YouTube video like that, to tag someone's joke like you did. It's like so exciting and it's so nerve wracking when for whatever reason it doesn't send, and then it's like, well, now it's too late.
Yeah, it's too late. You have to do it. The timing of when the gift appears is just as important as the gift itself. Yeah, and I've done a I've mismanaged a couple where I tried to get them in too fast. And then I pick gifts and you have to be very careful about this, and Stephen you'll get to weigh in. Don't worry because Steven's the gift master.
But gifts, but if.
You pick one that's too short in its loop, it ends up being like this crazy, it's like or or too dark. Where I tried to send one one time that was like it was a Game of Thrones gift and I was so excited to like send this message and then when it actually came up, it didn't make sense. It just looked like I sent a weird like image moving image.
The half the show Game of Thrones, it's just a black screen and you're squinting.
Yes, it's like someone in there's like a gleam of a sword, and I was like, this is a great choice to make, you know, not cool. Yeah, and then the whole moment you've blown a moment. Not only have you not been funny and timely, but you like it's almost like you kind of like you know when you take one of those weird steps and you trip even though there's nothing in front of you. It's like that, but the gift version of it.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a it's a huge misstep, and you will you will do it when you see that the other person their bubbles show up and they're trying to tag their own joke already, and it's like you got to beat the bubbles, and so you got to get in them the wrong gift gift. Yep, yeah, sorry, what were you saying?
Oh, I just want to say, there's nothing worse than sending a gift and then just no response and then you just have to text them later like something for something unrelated. But it's just like sitting.
There, just sitting there.
Yeah, You're like, I'm just going to delete it on my end.
Is yeah, yeah, because then you know, by the time they by the time they look at it, it's like, why the hell did you send me this? It's like, well, you weren't in the moment, it was great. I'm a I'm a curator of gifts. I know what to send. Don't get mad at me because your timing is off.
You weren't your eyes weren't where they were supposed to be.
Yeah, you had to go and feed a baby or something. I have gifts to send or just.
You know, that's all. It's gifts.
Yeah.
It's also the frustrating thing is I cannot learn to let the other person have the last word. I can't. It's like, I get so excited if I'm riffing with someone in a text thread and they say something funny, it will make me think of something else funny, and I have to fucking answer it. I can't ever just be like you can have and boom, we're done. Put a button.
You and I have that in common. Even when we read commercials together and you go thank you and I go, you're welcome. I want to go thank you again. I want to be the last one to say the thing, even though you already are. Thank you, you're welcome, and thank you again, and thank you you're welcome again. We could just I have.
Ultimate control over all of this. It's so sad.
It's okay, though, it's all right. And when we just and when we just did that, it was so hard for me. When we did that cartoon thing together the other day. Yeah, because you say you have the last word. Literally in that scene, and I just supposed to say stay quiet, and I wanted so badly. They have the last word I wanted. I just wanted to say something, but I think I had the restraint I never did.
Yeah, No, you did good. I keep thinking about the part where I was supposed to just be there, like you're just passing a time and having a good time and working or whatever. So I'm like, put that there. I was like, there are people who do this for a living who would have thought of a good line that would have contributed to the project. Like I kept thinking of all the people that do Frozen or whatever. How good there. I was like, I'm doing work and
I felt like absolutely nothing. I just took what they said and did it. Put a tune behind it somewhere.
Yeah, they said, so you're just working on something, so maybe you're just humming or maybe singing, and so you just went directly to singing a song about working. I'm doing work. I'm humming a song, hum, hum hum, work work, work all by myself. But I'm focused on work, sing and Hamman'm working a lot. How was that? How was that? Everyone? Guys?
Did I do it? Did I do literally exactly? What you asked me to do and nothing more.
I cool, there were I felt awkward during that too, there are. It's clearly after we did that, it was obvious. Uh. Doing voiceover for commercial for cartoons is a skill and people are good at it, and I am not yet that person, but I am very excited to see what they make.
Just the idea that, like, yeah, that isn't that kind of the point of trying to be good at podcasting is then you could also maybe be seen as being good in other voiceover realms where it's like, yeah, this is the job everybody wants.
Maybe for you, But I just want this to be a road that leads right to terrestrial morning am radio.
Oh God, should we do some some CU's in some a's.
Let's do it.
Yeah, let's do it right. Yeah? I think so that's a perfect time, Steven, what you got by the way.
I watched Back to the Future last night, and I didn't realize the whole movie is about him trying to get his parents to have sex. It's such a like I didn't really quite I mean because it's such a classic huh, And I was like, and I feel like the movie is really about like getting to know your parents as people. And I'm like, if they rebooted it, I feel like they could find a different way to do that same story.
Have you seen John Mulaney's joke about the pitch meeting it back at the future. No, no, Hey, he's a high school kid, okay, but his best friend is a crazy seventy year old scientist, grown man. Like he just goes through all the but he talks about and he has to go back in time to have sex with his own mother, or like, he's just pitching the whole show, and it's so funny. That guy's really good at stand up.
He's very good at stand up comedy. Yep, I wonder how his zoom shows have been going.
Yeah, I wonder that too. Everyone's doing them. Nobody has anything better. We're all doing zoom shows.
That's right, that's all. That's the only option right now. All right, Steven, ask us a question, a good.
One, Steven, and make sure it's a good one, Steven, do.
It all right. This is from Cretesol. If you could dispense a condiment from your belly button, which condiment would god?
Dad, no, gross and mustard?
Fine? Relish?
Wait wait, I want to change mine cream cheese because then my belly button's like the middle of a bagel.
Oh God, I don't want to know what other people think about anymore.
Oh okay, I'll I'll get a real question. People really love these gross questions they do. I think this could apply to just any car. But it says like from the Red Melt asked what features would you would be included in the perfect dinar Taurus? But I think, like, what are the perfect features of any car?
Really? Oh well, if it's if you, if you, if you don't mind, I'll go first. Please do my favorite part of the Taurus commercial, and it's right around the lyric uh Ford it knows where we're going when that's right when they show the digital spaedometer. Now that that car didn't have a lot of uh sporty lines or a nice interior, but that spedometer is straight out of kit the transam from Night Rider, like it had no
business and it only goes to eighty five. You can see that it only goes eighty five in the commercial, it's just has no place. But you can see a car salesman sitting someone down. Wait till you get a load of this and then they showed the speedometer and just cash register sound effects in the background.
They're like, please do not export this to Germany or anywhere near the Autobahn because it would absolutely be run over immediately. It can't handle.
It just on the side of the road, stalled out, trying to flag other cars down to look at the speedometer. No I belong here, look at my speedometers for the future.
You're gonna love this, so digital spinometer for you. And then I'm gonna say and a lot of times, like during the summer, this isn't gonna sound like it makes sense because you forget in the winter, and especially if you are from California. Heated seats that when it's cold at night and you can stick on a little button and suddenly, in like four minutes you're warm. That's the best thing ever, it really is. Heated seats are the greatest.
But I think I've told you this. My friend Karen Anderson had heated seats in her Vovo station wagon, and every time I'd ride with her, she would turn my she would turn my seat on as high as it could go the seat heater, but not tell me, so I would start to get really bitchy, and I would be like, I don't know who cares if we go there, and I would like get crabby, yeah, and then she would start laughing, and then I would realize she had turned my seat heat that's funny.
Without you knowing, it's like she gave you all of a sudden, you have this swamp ass attitude.
Real It was like being turned into a toddler, where it's like I don't know what I want, and then I'm like, oh, god, damn it, you turn my seat heater.
Now this is kind of disgusting, but it is an interesting experiment, and so I'm going to talk about it.
Okay.
One time I met up with some friends after the bar. They had been drinking. I had something to do. I went there like at midnight. This is in Missoula, you know. We were all in our early twenties. And I was talking to my friend Matt, like pretty close, and he was being weird. He was talking really close to me, and I'm like, why are you Are you trying to
be funny? What are you doing? And he's like, all right, I guess I'll see you later and he walked away and he made it all the way down the block, and it wasn't until then because it had cooled off. I realized the whole time he was talking to me, he was peeing on my leg, like he just had his penis out, and I was wearing jeans. And if you think about urine, it's just a body temperature, it's just a body temperature. His body temperature on mine undetectable.
He was so stealthy about it that I couldn't hear it. And it was the perfect bomb to drop because he was gone by the time. I was like, oh, my pant has urine on it. My pant to go home now. I was just inside the bar, no, right outside, so it was either I mean it was outdoors.
Sorry. His name's Matt, Yeah, Matt yeah, And I'm sorry I'm writing Matt and then I'm putting that name in a heart right now because that's the best thing I've ever heard.
I exactly, I've thought about it. I went from anger to like, oh, you're a child genius that he had it. He knew that's that I wouldn't know. That's so that's what I yelled. As he has a block away, I'm like, how did you know that I wouldn't I wouldn't feel it.
Wait, that reminds me of and Pete may have told you the story, but he was at some horrible hotel pool in Las Vegas that had a lazy river, uh huh, and there was a kid there was like him and his friends were all super shit faces during the day. I think they were there for a bachelor party and they were going down the lazy river and some kid was like, yeah, upriver, like behind them a little bit, and they were talking about something. I think this is
how it went. Like they were talking about maybe something dirty or inappropriate. So and then they turned around and this kid was like three feet away from them, and so his drunken friend was like, hey, kid, get the buck out of here. Whatever, just said something like that, and the kid just smiled at them and they were then they're like, what's he doing? And then the kid goes, I'm peeing on you, and he was just peeing into the water down river on them. And that's my favorite story.
It's like, do not fuck with little kids, Yeah, do not, Like you don't know what people are capable of it, You just don't, right.
I just couldn't see that kid right now. Yeah, Yeah, the little kid from Richie rich or something.
Yeah, that's a little kid who had like mean older brothers or older cousins. So he knew how to defend himself. Yeah, he knew, he knew the perfect play in a situation like that.
God, I love a sinister, rich little kid.
Yes, he gets out, he walks up to the bar and orders whatever he wants. This kid runs this casino.
And it's all based in attitude. He has so much attitude. No one's carding I'm and realizing it's not twenty one.
They're like, he can pull it off. He's eight, But who gives a shit? He's a baller. Okay, Stephen, let's let's move on, Stephen.
This is from McKenna Kaiser McKenna underscore Kaiser or dot Kaiser.
Love your hospital?
If you if you could create a law and have it be named after you, what would it be?
You just were, Daria, if you love your hospital.
Love your hospital. I need to get it in there, but I didn't want to ruin everything.
I was gonna say, love your permanente, but it was the timing was wrong. I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry Stephen. What was the question? Sure? Well, mine would be the fairbanks law. Okay, and it would be based on the actions of Wells Fargo. Banks can't do unfair things anymore. It's a very vague law.
Nice, No, this is good.
Yeah. I've been pushing for it to be in Congress, in the Senate.
I feel like Liz Warren would get behind this law one hundred percent because.
Weren't they What were they doing? Do you remember what Wells Fargo was doing. They were like taking pennies.
Yeah, they were like charging feet percentage fees. And then basically there was it the one where they would get you down below in amount. They would charge you and get you down below an amount and then penalize you for being below the amount. But all of that was just happening independently.
Oh wow, okay, yeah, that I guess I'd never had it described me. That sounds pretty sinister.
I could have just made it up.
I mean, nothing is more evil than charging people thirty dollars for not having money. That's like, yeah, that is a like Oliver Twist level or what I'm trying to think of someone that's mean to poor people. Oh current, Yeah, that's like some are current president.
Will do well. Also, that's the thing that when like when when you if you have very bad credit card debt and you're trying to get out of it, you it's sometimes very good to hire a debt or whatever they're called attorney, yeah, because most of the charges that credit cards charge you for are illegal, and they just do it and then they raise your percentage, they raise your what you call it, see, yeah, your interest. And
so that's how people get into such terrible debt. And so if you could, you could owe the credit card company fifty grand, but take it to a debt lawyer and they could get it down to like four thousand dollars because actually those I saw this whole. It was an Errol Morris documentary and this one guy was this is what he did for a living, and he's like, these credit card companies aren't allowed to do this, but you won't ever stop them because you feel guilty because
you are the one that spent all that. So people feel so guilty about using credit cards that they'll accept any charge because they know that they didn't have the money to pay for it.
I know that's happened to me. I know that I had a normal credit card and I oh, say George Cotton a will.
Oh, it's just yeah. Basically, if you sue for credit card debt, all those charges are illegal. Yeah, and so you'll never get that you actually don't have to pay that amount of money.
And stupidly crazy that happened. When I moved here. I had no debt and I had a normal credit card, and I paid my rent with a No one told me not to do this. I just stupidly was like, I need money now. I don't want to borrow money from my parents. I got to cash withdrawal with my credit card, and it took my normal interest to like twenty nine percent, and I never looked. It was at a time where you didn't go online and see how your credit card was doing. I was just it was.
It ballooned into like thousands and thousands of dollars just so I could pay my rent one time.
Yep.
And it's all in the past and everything's great, except for the world.
My law would be the Kilgarath law, and it would be that you're not allowed to talk loud in like restaurants, like loud talkers get removed from any area where like performative speakers in an otherwise genteel and calm atmosphere, but they just ceased to exist on their own energy.
Yeah, and I think that uh people have the right to do a citizen's removal of them.
Also, yes, so you know, there's nothing I can't take it, like like genuinely loud talkers and there everywhere in lawsuits.
That is your your laws better than mine. I'm just going to say that, not that it was a competition, uh, just everything. I was in a car driving to uh deliver my gift to Bridger and I I heard someone loud talking. I'm in a car. I had the window cracked. There was a guy on a ladder on the phone with one of those walkie talkies setting like a next Tell phone, screaming like arguing with someone about something. He was smiling, but he's such a loud, brassy ass voice,
and he was outside. I was in a car, and I was like, that guy is ruining my peace and quiet right now. He was, Yeah, he was. He was breaking the kil Gariff law.
Yes, that's right. It's just you can have a good time, but just like and you can have like spikes of sound, that's totally Fine're like, oh my god, a happy birthday or whatever. But it's there are people's in this town especially, and I'm sure in like two months, i'll i'll wish I was around them so badly i'll weep. But yeah, there are people in this time wherever. You have to listen to everything they'd say because they just demand the full fucking I mean, it makes me insane.
One time I confronted a guy though at a show. He wouldn't stop talking loud and had no shame about it. And there was a show, granted it was a show in a restaurant, and he was coming in to get food, but he was kind of watching and just talking at full volume. I went up and asked him to be quiet. He then said, thank you, thank you for telling me. I appreciate it when people tell me that. And then he shook my hand and squeezed the hell out of my hand to where it really hurt, and I kind
of pushed him. My mom had just died, by the way, I was not in a good mood. I pushed this man, and then I noticed he was deaf and he had a hearing aid, and that's why he was talking loud, and that's why he said, I appreciate you telling me. He meant it I don't know why he squeezed the hell out of my hand. Take over for other senses when they're He became very strong because he couldn't hear, and he and I was like pretty much hugged him.
After that, I'm like, I'm so sorry I did not I didn't know what he meant when he said thank you. It was so awkward, and I just admitted that I was a bad person that night.
But well, I mean that's the the problem with because wait, were you going to do? Is set? Were you to god?
I was about to go up? Yeah, yeah, So.
You're basically like, I'm not fucking dealing with you while I'm up there trying to deal with myself and he so you shut up.
I have ar threatic. He really hurt my hand, and I think he did that on purpose. Oh yeah, it was a big He was a big guy that worked at the gas station across the street. He was like a But the reason he was talking loud is he was deaf. So that's what I was focused on, like, oh my god, this is embarrassing.
Well, it's it's the thing that you have to consider when before you go over or if you're going to go over to tell someone something, you have to keep in mind that there are still reasons that would be acceptable to you, so you don't have to already be mad.
Oh my god.
But the handshaking thing, I'm telling you, I've had that happened a couple of times. People when they meet you and they shake your hands so hard they crush it. There was that happened to me one time, and I left. I was like, that was one of the most aggressive, bizarre and passive aggressive things where it's like, if you're somehow mount me, then say it. But we're shaking hands. It's like you tricked me.
There is It's really something that someone told them when they're a kid by their dad. A firm handshake is what sells cars and gets Yeah. And so there's man and Donald then Trump. Not to keep talking about Trump, but he you know that. You can watch mega edits of him grabbing hands and Yankee people towards him. Yeah, and it's people that that are being hurt, but he thinks it's like, oh, it shows that you're a man if you squeeze the hell out of someone's hand.
And my favorite is the one where Trump is walking and it's like some it's the G eight or whatever someone of those big global meetings and he just pulls the guy back by the shoulder and gets ahead of him. That's like and that was or that was year one, and I just was like, oh my god, he's the worst person.
That was incredible.
I remember that too, so embarrassing. He yanked like president of France. Yeah, it wasn't Marcn. It was like so so unbelievable. Okay, one last question, Stephen, and then we'll wrap it up.
Yeah, like a blanket baby.
This is from Doughnutty, if you could witness or participate. I like the part about participating because it always feels like these questions are like if you could go back in time and look at something. But Doughnutty says, if you could witness, but if you could participate in any event in history, what would it be?
Wow?
I mean history is so long.
I know.
I just keep thinking of scenes from that terrible Forrest Gump movie, The First Jog.
Yeah, you know what, I have my answer because this is I am very strangely and deeply obsessed with Victorian England and if I could go back and walk around on the streets of London Town it just streets of old blady and foggy London down and see all of
the abject poverty and the terrible coal burning. Like the there's very ornate, kind of like I would love to go back to Victorian England and then go into a place like Charles Dickens's Old Curiosity Shop, which was basically like a vintage store but in England, so it was even older stuff. Like how insane would that be where you could go look at like antiques from Victorian time, So that would be stuff from the seventeen hundreds or the sixteen hundreds or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, that would be. Or they are artwork like paintings.
Or like it used to just have big cinder piles in the middle of town, like a big cinder pile. That's that's my one of my favorite. It's bleakhouse. I think I think it's blatant, mmm whatever, But it's one of those stories that I love that's on like BBC, and it just like this husband and wife and their job. Their whole business is just big piles of cinder. People come and dump the cinderette in front of their house and then they have people that pick through it in
case there's anything in there that's worth anything. God, I mean insane, Like I would love to see that shit.
Or like the gin during the gin craze, there'd be men with wheelbarrows filled with gin and you could pay a shilling and bring your cup and just go in and take a swig of gin that was probably laced with like arsenic or turpentine.
It's just made with paint.
Yeah, well, I guess speaking of arsenic, mine would be I would go I would go to Butte, Montana during the mining boon, the Berkeley Pit. It's filled with arsenic. That's why I said that. And it kind of like it would be really cool to like strike it rich in Montana and be one of the people that, wait, do we know it's our going back in time knowing what we know now.
Yeah, I'm sure it's like you can have. It's like a like you're almost like it's like Westworld. You're like like you get to just participate in you just get to see.
What that time was like. Yeah, but still be yourself.
It sounds selfish and along the way I would help people, and but I would also make it to where I found gold in Montana.
Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, also, I would want to go back to when there was still witchcraft.
Yeah, like ladies.
Yeah, well no, like no, no, no, but not like where there was actual magic. Like the whole premise of the book Jonathan and Norella mister Strange. It's like there used to be magic in the world, and basically just government and church types bought up all the books with the spells in them so that you couldn't look at them and no one could learn the spells, and they basically hoard that it's not true. No, no, this is a novel, it's a Bokay, it's the But isn't it the best premise? Yeah,
it's very believable. It's like, yes, there was a time where it was like I have newt and those were in books, and like those books began to be hoarded by rich people and saved, and then no one it was like what do they call that esoteric knowledge or whatever? Like secret knowledge, you can't you have to be in a certain club to know about it.
But instead those get burned or thrown away, and then everyone just believes in the Bible that has no usable spells in it.
The only one is turning water to wine, which I can't do as a non priest.
Yeah, it doesn't. It's the cause of most alcoholism. It's the worst part of the Bible.
It's not even funny.
Everyone's druck. It's not even funny.
It's not even that funny. All right, So we wrap it down.
Sure, let's get one. Let's ship it out. Let's wrap it up, rub it down, Oh, rap it and ship it and stamp it signed, sealed delivered, Come on yours. Sorry.
That makes me think of when I used to work at a children's clothing company and natural diaper company in between plunking out of In between flunking out of college and moving to San Francisco to start stand up, I moved back to Pedaluma for a year and then worked at this place, Biobottoms, which is a children's like natural fiber clothing company and reusable diaper. It was like hippie hippie stuff that was also for very rich ladies.
But Biobottoms is a great name.
I know, right, And it was like two ladies started it and became millionaires. It was very cool like story, but the shipping department used to come and show us stuff that they accidentally got in their return packages and it was insane and one of some people sent back sturdy diapers.
Shit. Yes, I'd like to get my money back. And it's just a box of baby shit.
And here's why, here's why you didn't catch it.
You didn't. The last thing you want to get as a diaper manufacturer is a return. This diaper fails satisfaction guaranteed. Are your money back? Return diaper that had a leaky leg hole? And here's the proof.
Oh, here's the proof, you guys. Deal with it.
I hate poop.
I think this podcast is getting better every every episode. Unless we do further away we get from the original promise.
Yeah, yeah, we'll. We'll be back in the car again with guests.
Yes we will.
We will one day.
Absolutely.
For now you're stuck with us.
But for now, deal with it. Yeah all right, Well anything to plug.
Chris just my comedy special is still out there on Vimeo on demand and at We're Narley dot com.
We're gnarly dot com, w E R.
E n A r l y dot com and now.
Narley, are you sure it's not the G?
Yeah, for some reason, there's no G in it. I know. They made it as confusing as possible but it is. You know, you have to go to a website for a lot of these things. This is just a new website and you can also get mugs, fancy mugs and fancy posters.
Fancy mugs, e mugsies and posties.
Anyone, how about support it?
Support Chris's Victorian English merch Please please, thank you. He's into it.
Thank you, thank you.
That's it right?
How about you? What are you plugging, my friend?
Nothing, I'm plugging. I'm plugging people wearing masks and uh adhering to the quarantine even though they don't feel like doing it anymore. No one does. You're not alone, no one does. Yeah, but you can't pretend it away as all of your relatives become ill and it.
It's not a slight against your freedom.
Your freedom is all in your mind anyway.
Friend. Hey, man, you thought you were free, you're a prisoner.
Man, You're you're fucking lemming if you think you're free. Man, look look me in all right.
Man, you've been listening. Do you need a ride? Man?
Do you I in man like a orr man?
Hong Kong?
Man? Are you leaving on? You wanna way back home? Either way?
We want to be there doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. Give us time and they turnman on and gay.
We want to send you.
Off instat We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
Rescared her? Was it fine? Melbourne? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen and Chriss