S2 - Ep. 41 - Quarantine & Ask Us Something

Are you leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay a. We want to send you off InStyle. We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.

We scared her? Was it fine?

Now?

Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride.

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

And this is Karen Kilgariff.

You're listening to our podcast. Do you need to ride? Where we pick up comedians in our car.

And drive them to Lax.

Or or pick them up that we used to do that. It was a simpler time, it was.

Remember back when Lax was our biggest problem. God damn it, Gil for those days.

I would kill to be driving through l A. Nope, I've thought about it. I don't miss it.

No, you're right, it's a And also there is as much as like, I mean, who are we to complain

Like all this shit is important and amazing.

And they keep showing up. I was afraid it would be just that last week.

No, no, there's going strong, six isn't it sixteen days?

Yeah, it's amazing.

And I am close to downtown, which is where shit was really going down. I just rode my bike down there spur of the moment. I didn't have a sign or any thing to I just found myself riding there. And when I got to the street, I almost called out a parade. There was just tear gas in the air. I could just feel it, and and the National Guard that was hanging out actually was almost comforting because the police were I saw them just spraying people that had

Like they didn't want people recording.

Right, And it was It was really scary.

It was really intense, and I didn't hang out long because I had no purpose and I had no people with me, and I again I didn't have a sign. I just felt like I was loitering. But it was it was so impressive the number of people that were there. Yes, really cool, beautiful.

Did you see there was a really good video I saw on Twitter of the It was I think two or three days ago. There was a protest that was silent in Seattle and it went on for miles and it was I mean, you have to watch the video. It's on my Twitter or probably lots of other people's but it's just people walking and it literally not one

I'm amazed at how many people would bring it up when talking about these people being murdered. It's like it's that you cannot put priority over a damaged target, right for a person.

It's just it's weird that people kept bringing it up.

Well it is.

It's saw the results, like the protesting changed everything. Laws have been changed. Yes, those cops got arrested. I hope and think that Brianna Taylor's murderers will be brought to justice. Oh no, you can send a letter to the Attorney General in Kentucky and that's all I've done.

But there are things you can do.

Yeah, if you if you feel like you aren't making an impact at well protest.

Did you see the Beyonce put it on her Twitter that she wrote directly to the governor I believe of that state and said, you know these everybody wants this to happen, like it's now on Beyonce's Twitter, which might sound kind of like superficial or something, but these days that's the kind of influence. It's like, you know, it's all about visibility and influence and people using their voices to say, yeah.

We can see it working.

And you can point fingers and say that someone's doing it because they want to be seen or they want to take an Instagram photo at the process.

Whatever.

They're there, and it's the groups of people later there and it's working.

It's making a difference.

And yeah, and.

It's like there have been It's almost like people keep going out and kind of doing like sacrificing.

Their bodies to show that if this wasn't a.

Problem, then these things would we wouldn't be having these films. Like there was one one day and it was out near I think it was on Fairfax. It was in Hollywood, and the cops just started beating people with batons that were standing there. And there's one guy and I'm sorry to be this way about it, but if I loved it so much because this baton, this cop was trying to like hit him with a baton and the guy kept trying to catch the baton.

Did you see that one?

I was like looking at it, like clearly this kid's dad slapped him around quite a bit because he was not clinching at all.

He was like kept trying to catch the baton.

It was just nothing made my mom matter.

Then the time I she tried to hit me with a wooden boon on the butt and I grabbed it and broke it, and she had just lost her power.

Yeah, that's right, that's the that's how you stand up.

But you know, in a larger scale, it just feels like people are saying this matters more than you know it. They're willing to do that, They're willing to take those hits, and it's I think it's kind of beautiful the easy when people.

Show up at a time where a week prior everyone was following the most people following the rules and not and people are at the expense of maybe their own lives, yes, showing up. It's like, let's all hang out and breathe on each other, because that was that that was the most confronting thing when I went down there. Admittedly it's it's it seemed unsafe virus wise, right, but a lot of people just aren't thinking about that right now, and I think that's great.

Yeah, it's it's pretty meaningful.

Also, my theory too, is because we all weren't in the house for three months, going, are we all going to lose everything we have?

Are we all?

You know, everyone's looking at like every business kind of grinding to a halt. Everybody's going I could catch this at any second. And truly like most people were staring down like their own mortality, and then this came up. It was like there was three in a row.

There was.

Like three cases right in a row where it was just kind of like by the time it got to George.

Floyd, I feel like it was like the perfect ember.

It was just like boom, It's that this fire is lit and everybody is at this perfect time where they just went They're not distracted, there's no distractions, there's no sports, there's they haven't been at work, they're not exhausted, they're not going I have just as big.

A problems as you do.

Everything's came into focus, it felt like, and all of a sudden, it's like people are in the street and then it's almost like the brutality that they dealt with with protesters across the nation made everyone go, we got to go back out tomorrow, we gotta go like it's it.

It proved its own point.

Yeah, that's one thing that the virus has given us. This idle time that we should apply to something important.

Yep.

Not that making a dollhouse isn't important.

Look your hair, your dollhouse, all your projects are very important.

There are other things that you can spend your time doing.

Well. It sounds like you're doing all of them, though, Chris, And that's nice.

Yeah. Yeah, I rode my bike down there, and I'm.

Just giving money because I can't stand around in large groups of people or I'll have a nervous breakdown.

Yeah. Yeah.

There's a restaurant at the bottom of my house that is just fully open. Yeah, they just opened. And the guy, the owner leaves and it's Porsche, and I walk by and just I just shake my head, so they notice. That's as far as I've gotten the yelling at them. But I can tell he leaves in a Porsche. He's obviously opened up for fine, natural reasons, right, people, there are enough people that aren't worried anymore, and that the place is packed.

Meanwhile, they're causing their own little spike.

Well, and they're causing other people's spike because meanwhile, I don't know if you're watching this, but Laurie kil Martin, who's the stand up comic from San Francisco, who I've known for.

A really long time.

Her mom, who was in her eighties got it and is now dying in the hospital. And Laurie just basically has to watch it on FaceTime and she basically did the math and was like, so somebody that went out on Memorial Day weekend GA gave it to somebody that gave it to my mom. And it's that kind of thing where it's like you might just be the passer on, but the idea that you're going to sit in a restaurant going I'm glad that's over, and I'm glad I don't know anybody that has it is so awful.

And it Meanwhile, while Laurie, this woman's daughter was being safe and washing her hands and keeping her distance, and then some stranger gives it to her.

After that she was being so careful around her own mom. Yeah, frustrated.

It's it's really, it's just a very difficult time. It's a very difficult time to have a comedy airport podcast. Let me tell you, Let me tell you, Chris, I'll tell you yeah no, and then I'll reiterate it and reword what you said and.

Tell it back to you.

I'll tell you then. But your hair does look great.

It's now it's getting very It reminds me of a late sixties or early seventies boufont. We kind of went out the shape, but like it's you know, it's going into the height and the glory of a true bouffont.

I gotta be honest, I really want to shave it off, but I'm not going to.

Uh. I like it though.

I feel like when you I bet, when you meet your skateboard friends, they're all impressed by it.

There have been supportive comments that I appreciate.

Yes, you skateboarders support each other emotionally, and that's what I respect about you.

I that's what I to be honest, that's what I like about the skateboard community. There's a woman that she is sixty eight, and she wanted to for her sixty ninth birthday land a shove. It a kind of basic skateboard trick, and she was learning it on the carpet. She was going through cancer treatment, and she's like raising money for cancer awareness because she's like, I've never skateboarded, I'm going to learn this trick.

I'm sixty eight years old. And she had been through chemo and then she wasn't posting as many videos because the cancer came back, and sadly she passed away the other day. But the entire skateboard community was following this woman like they embraced her cause it was the coolest thing. Ever, how everyone got involved and where they were tagging her in their videos when they would do a shove it and she raised all this money for cancer where she

I's really sad, and the entire skate community just you know, I'm talking about Instagram basically, that's what everyone's talking about. Is this this woman in England who lives in a cottage that wanted to learn this skate trick and she is delighted.

Her name is Elaine Shawcross.

Her Instagram is still being run by her daughter's husband and the videos go and watch her.

Because she's delightful. She's like.

Trying to learn this trick on her carpet and then she's like, look at my foot placement, like she's encouraging herself. She's really funny and it's lovely. Yeah, it was a cool story and it reminded me that I do like that. Skateboarders are supportive and you can show up with the scary haircut and they'll say good.

Job, and that'll say good job, Chris.

Good job.

Yeah, that's nice.

Did you leave town then?

I did.

I came to see the fam for summer vacation and because Nora was finally done with weird Internet school, and my sister I think she had her last couple of days of school when I first got here. So yeah, for three months, we've all been scared shitless and kind of watching, you know, watching things kind of really slide into fucking, you know, a black hole of lack of leadership and kind of just every wrong move.

And that I think that's the other.

Thing too, people taking to the streets to be like we care about each other and we care about what happens to this country.

Like it felt so necessary. And then it was like and it only.

Took a couple days for people to really tighten their game where it's like people had those cameras out. It just felt like everyone really got it right very quickly.

Yeah, Yeah, it was really impressive. It's been impressive to watch. It's been proud of.

I'm proud of everybody.

I genuinely am. It's really beautiful.

And it's also like, I think it's really nice that

In a day that work.

And then the fucking NFL commissioners like apologizes and like suddenly and definitely there's people saying it's lip service or whatever, but it's a it's movement and action that we've never seen before.

Yeah, and it's hard to dispute when you're getting it from a citizen who's just posting a video. It's like, you can watch the news all you want, but the most current updates about things are coming from anime sixty nine yeah, whatever, Like I'm just I'm getting immediate news from just people with their phones out.

It's it's it's.

Like it fixed that the fake news lie that people were using anytime they heard something they didn't like or that they disagreed with her, or that made them question their very self serving belief system. Suddenly it's just like, well, now here's twenty five videos of it.

You can't say it's doctor, you can't say it's fake. Like and then now.

They're catching those weird did you see the thing where they tried to photoshop in like NAR fifteen into the hands of like a Seattle protester, and everyone immediately is just like, yeah, this is clearly photoshopped, and like pointing out exactly how they did it, where it's like, hey, Grandpa, don't don't do it because these kids will catch you.

They know what they're doing.

You shouldn't have used Correll draw to.

I mean, I don't really get that reference, but I know what you're saying.

It's like an old yeah, yeah, like MSP design.

Yeah, I made T shirts with it in nineteen ninety eight seven. Yeah, so it's a software reference. Yeah, it's it's sorry, I'm blinking here, I just and anytime the police tried to lie, like they said, oh, we didn't push that guy over, he tripped, and then it's like really, because there's multiple angles from citizens. Yeah who oh, okay, well I guess he did. I guess I'll just resign now. Yeah, it's so awesome to see that happening.

And so in like in a day what about did you see the one where they said looters again?

All those stories, because that's.

The I mean, now I'm becoming like this, like now I'm a socialist or whatever. But you see those things where it's like, what what the you know, these certain media stories are presenting is the idea that threatening you with loss of material goods, that these quote unquote these people are gonna steal your stuff.

That's why you should be on our side. Type of shit. And there was the story like day three or three maybe.

Or four in them New York City protests where they said, last night, looters stole two point one million dollars worth of watches out of this jewelry store. And immediately the owner of the jewelry store said, we don't display watches

On his bike. Did you see that one?

They just start beating the shit of a guy on a bike as he goes by that had wasn't in the protest, was trying to do his job. Where it's just like no one's even no one has to do this. You guys are your own worst enemy. You are the argument against yourselves.

It's crazy and more often than not, looting had nothing to do like they the best or it's not the best, but it was eye opening. H the looters that in Santa Monica that broke into a Patagonia store and it was just a bunch of surfers leaving with longboards yes, and Van's shoes yep. And it was the widest just they didn't even know why they were there. It was just people taking advantage, people with a moral void, taking

There isn't even that connection.

No, it's just like, hey, no one's looking, and I'm a dipshit who's been sleeping on the sand. Yeah, I'm going to go get a hitchhiked here from Georgia. I'm going to go steal a eight hundred dollars longboard.

There's also the videos.

And there's the ones where you know they say it's clearly it's like agent provocateurs. There's those videos of there's an amazing one of this black woman who goes up. We talked about this on My Favorite Murder, but I was amazed by it. There was kids driving around and handing out bricks to black teen boys in case they just wanted to start throwing bricks for some reason. And this woman comes up to the car and goes, what the fuck do you think you're doing? This is so disrespectful.

And that woman was like, uh, that's what you're about to do. It's gonna get blamed on.

Me, yes, and my son and these teenage boys, like you're trying to set them up. Or even if you don't think that's what it is, what would you be doing? What's the thought behind this? Yeah, like it's it's fucked up and oh yeah, if the big rocks being turned over and all the dirty, dirty bugs are coming out from underneath it and we have now we have to look at it all the roly police, oh, the white supremacist roly police everywhere.

Not to change the subject.

But speaking of bugs, I and it's gonna start effect, but it's fine. I found there was some I got bit by a spider on my penis.

And I woke up.

There was three perfect little and they looked like blisters. I have not been sexually active for.

Months, except with the spider and.

The tip.

I mean, let's just pretend we're doctors and I'm scared. I'm a patient coming in. There was three blemishes that were blistered like in a row on the tip of my penis. Okay, I but then I noticed they were on my wrist. There was a row of little bites on my wrist also, and so he I don't know how I was sleeping like with my hand down in front of me, but this spider had a little field day and I got bit by a spider on my penis.

You're sorry, I keep saying it.

Well, you really do seem to be hammering that home quick quite clearly. But I like to picture that you were kind of it was like a little bit of a Venus de milo thing, like you had your hand perfectly across to just block any any visuals.

I didn't have a fig leaf handy, so you.

Got your wrist over there.

It was really a still that should be painted in the roof of a cathedral.

It really is the work of the Lord.

Now was this spider? What's that? Snake's my penis? What's the apple?

And Eve? Let's see who would be the You're Eve? I guess you're I was.

I was laying on my ribs or were they Eve's ribs?

Oh?

Were they? I? We have to read the Bible again.

Yeah, I know I think a rib made a woman.

Yeah, yeah, just sexes.

That is sexism. What can't we do?

Man?

Was it? Let's go back to us to cause playing doctors. So you're the patient and the doctor, where both doctors are. I'm the doctor and you're the patient.

You were the doctor. I was coming with the legitimaty.

Pain, mister fakes any pain?

Thank you for asking zero pain, zero discomfort, slight itchiness, which.

Is almost more scary than a genital region.

I really but it's you could look at my calendar.

There is no reason this for this to be happening for any reason other than that being a Christ.

Now, by do you call your penis your calendar? Is that what we're doing right now?

Yes?

Because I don't, sir, I've already looked at your calendar.

I when I'm on a date, I wink and I say, would you care to flip through my calendar?

And they usually know what that means.

We've never been the sex rated before.

I think it's it's because the unprecedented times call for unprecedented physical discussion.

Yeah, even the spiders are protesting. I just I had to bring it up. It's everything's fine now, it's.

All I have to go to a doctor. Yeah, cleared up.

Do you have some corti zone or what do you put on it?

I did, indeed put cortizone on it.

A cream for the doctor.

I prefer it to the ointment. Yeah, it was a white cream because it had pain reliever.

That's right. I'm gonna write you a prescription for oxy content.

Are you sure, doc?

Yeah?

Yeah, I mean that's what we're all doing these days.

Oh yeah, yeah, Well, rid of gets rid of, probably gets rid of the virus if only according to our president, just like sunlight.

Actually, I did look up something. It is good to be outside in the sun.

Apparently, No, you have vitamin D.

Yeah, apparently the virus doesn't do as well in the sun. So keep protesting, is my point.

I feel like people are gonna do it. They've got it figured out. Uh, they've got to.

Sorry about that. That painis story. Sorry I said it so much.

Well, I don't know what else to call it. A spider bit your calendar story. I think from now on it should be called.

I just by by calendar. I meant when you have a date, you put it in your calendar, of course, true, and mine was empty proven so yeah, could not have been intense herpes on the tip right suddenly for the first time in my life after a long stint of abstinence. Also, I've been noticing a lot of spiders in my apartment, little ones.

They heard you put out.

Well look it how I lay in bed all evocatively.

Look at your your clamshell bed headboard, right.

Yeah, it rotates, it's and I just I sleep in the nude and they're just like jackpot.

Oh you're really long. You iron out your hair so it's super long.

Yeah.

Yeah.

People are always worried about how many spiders are going to swallow as they sleep.

How about how many are going to bite you on the genital?

Yeah, no one.

Talks about that. It's seven or eight spiders a year.

Bite you on the genital minimum clothes.

That's that calendar. We could give you one piece of advice. It's take your log book, shut it, lock it, hide it under your bed.

Oh yeah, maybe it's the Maybe it's the calendar.

It's the calendar asthet.

And I just thought i'd show you this because I finally finished.

Oh right, the dollhouse.

I'm so shaky.

Oh careful, careful. Oh okay, wait did you now? Did you get it and order it? Or did you assemble this?

Well?

Yeah, I it came Sorry, I'm so shaky. People were very worried when they saw my videos. But yeah, these little books like I'll just like the ladder. There's a little book on that ladder.

Yeah.

I had to glue all the pages into a tiny book and make a hundred little books.

So you assembled all the miniatures that are in that dollhouse.

This came in pieces like Ikeia furniture, and the directions were just as confusing. And then I h you just glew it together and I distressed everything with sandpaper beforehand, so so it looked like an old bookshop. And I want to make a little old man out of clay and do some stop motion animation, because I realized this is why I like dollhouses. It's because of Wallace and Grommet and the backgrounds to like claymation and stop motion animation.

Look I got he's.

Gonna join lights on. Look at that that one.

It's a bad connection. It's kind of funny when I was when I was hooking those up. But get little electric shocks.

But they're coming from a barely larger than a watch battery, so they're pretty so easy you.

Can withstand them.

It's not like the time that I grabbed the electric fence in on my aunt's property and couldn't let go of it for like thirty seconds because I was being full and shocked.

Oh my old roommate Nate has a very funny story about he actually peed on an electric fence and it launched him into a cow pasture.

Holy shit, he flew in the air or.

He wasn't peeing.

I think that's a I'm thinking of a ren and stimpy episode. I think he just touched it and everything was fine, and so he went to climate and his leg or something completed the circuit.

Yeah.

Like when I was putting in my light fixtures in my living room, my dad said, well, if you're at all questioning what you're doing, put your left hand in your back pocket, which sounds crazy, but that makes it to where you're not an open circuit, closing the circuit by putting that appendage on your bike.

And keeping it.

Within your internal system.

Yeah, and otherwise being grounded literally by your feet, you're grounded. So whatever. I didn't have to worry about that. With the dollhouse, it was just adorable electrocution.

Tiny little it's just letting you know it's there, precious little.

It's yeah, that's a little it's a little bookshelf. Chris.

That's it really looks amazing because I yeah, that's really good.

There's little what's that a.

Picture of on the top.

Yeah.

It came with little random just print outs. It looks like it's of the country side in France.

Oho, there's a little thing of fruit, a little fruit.

Yeah. Now did you somehow assemble those?

Ah?

Yes, yes, all all the little books? Oh the fruit.

No, No, I just painted a little dot for a stem. Oh, but I mean we're a little They come as.

Little little balls and then you out in detail.

Because this was a kit.

It came in a box and I didn't know. I knew there'd be some assemblage, but I did not realize that the level be five days of my life.

But you loved it, right, I mean it seems.

Like I loved it. Look at this cute little stool, a little book on it.

What and then someone's sweater? What's happening?

Oh, it's a little doily.

It like came with some gingham Oh there's still some clear glue on there. Yeah, it's like a gingham cloth.

Wow.

Yeah, I really had a good time.

It's very cool.

What if you built like a What if you continued room after room in your apartment and eventually you had a miniature apartment within your apartment.

That well, this is yes, this is appropriately put on my bookshelf in between so it's acting as a as a bookstopper.

What do you call that? But yeah, I just have it in the middle between books.

But I'm gonna I'm gonna get other I gotta get a log cabin one or something.

Put it in my bedroom.

Please, and then and then make a virtual playmation figure of myself and.

Then naked in bed for the spiders with.

A tiny little spider, and just to live a virtual version of my own life? Did you deride my own life?

Did you see the movies connected in New York or I don't know if that's I think that's the way you pronounce it, but it was that that was started happening. It's a philipsy Moore Hoffman movie and it's very long, and it.

Is Charlie Kaufman. I believe it's Charlie Coffman movie.

Sure, okay, anyway, it's I think it's not pronounced the way the city in New York is pronounced, right, It's slightly different, But anyway, that basically happened.

If you haven't seen that movie, you should.

See it, Chris, because okay, because there's lots of things that would interest you that are paralleled.

I tried to watch some Stephen Correll one where his hobby is doing little war.

Oh no, that's that's the Uh, that's the one that's a true story.

Did you see that actual documentary?

I need to watch the documentary because the movie wasn't doing it for me, I stopped.

Yeah, you will love the documentary. It's mine.

I will watch it. It's Valuabin.

I seriously am into miniatures, and it's not just something I say anymore. And I've been neglecting turtles. I haven't spent a lot of time with turtles lately. I wondered if that was a passing fad. I don't want to disappoint anyone. I still care about turtles, but I'm really investing time into the miniature world.

Well you have these are more of a quarantine your your your interests have.

Gone inward and inside indoors.

Yeah. Yeah, it's getting smaller and smaller.

He started with just my apartment, and then it was the kitchen, and now I'm making a tiny world. But I do want to get into anime, and I think that this is all based in that. I want, Yeah, for sure, make little animations.

You know what I was going to say is there's another there's another Steve Carell movie where he is concerned with miniatures. It's Dinner with Schmucks and it's uh Paul Rudd, right, yeah, Paul Rudd and Steve Carell, and Steve Carell dresses up little dead mice. And that's his He's like, it's a ship contest.

I think he's just into miniature.

I think he is too.

It's something he brings to every character.

That's how we picked scripts. If you don't reference a miniature or something, and that he can't pick it.

He just want the office. Originally it's called this tiny office.

This little tiny office with the asshole in it.

Yeah.

Yeah, And then they had to adjust it because there was an English version. It actually came first.

Just kidding.

There's someone in the background, Karen run who who? Someone walked in the background.

That's my sister here? Is it Noura or.

It's a ghost? What if? That's how we found out there's a ghost.

Laura, Oh, they are here. Jesus. That scared the shit at Laura. Oh my god.

So it was good that I warned you.

I didn't hear I didn't hear them come in at all.

She was trying to be quiet.

That was scary.

Did you ever see in Three Men and a Baby. I don't know how we heard about these things before. I guess you receive a VHS tape and it has all these secrets about But there was a ghost in the background and three Men and a Baby. I think maybe we've talked about that, But it wasn't a ghost. It was just a promotional cardboard cutout of that. That's right, Steve Gutenberg or something. But someone hit it in the background behind a curtain.

Yep.

And the power of suggestion. When I was a kid, we would rewind and watch that like it was a snuff film, and it horrified me. You know how kids watch snuff films. Yeah, they used to do in the fifties. Well face with Death, yeah, well totally, which I never watched. I don't want to watch someone get hit by a train.

That's not cool.

But I would watch that and freeze with the tracking lines, just pause, Three Men and a Baby and you could see it. And then they said, oh, that's a little boy lived in the apartment and he fell.

Out of the window.

It was and it was killed.

Yep. It was pushed by a Clapton, And it's true.

You know that it's vake. You know it's a poster or it's a cardboard cutout, and then it still scares the shit out of you. I've just seen the still picture, yeah, and they're still scarious.

No one told us about the cardboard cutout till years later. For a long time, that was my first ghost experience, and then when it got taken away, I had to rate wait for real life ghost experiences.

Yeah you did. You had to wait for the real thing to come along. So should we this is a Q and A episode.

Should we do it?

God? Damn it? We did it against again? So sorry, I mean, let's do it.

And we've been recording for over forty minutes. Maybe we don't have to.

Let's do a few of them.

But it's fun. It's I think it should be.

Since this totally forgot.

It's the way things go these days because there it's quarantine, it's there's so many actenuating circumstances.

We're just kind of adapting as we go.

And you and I have always given ourselves a role of keeping it light and fun.

But it just we can't right now. And I can't.

Like my special was supposed to come out, I was like, no, I'm not going to try and promote comedy.

It's just there is. It turns out a time to not try and be funny.

Yeah, and to focus on something else.

Yeah.

Yeah, we've been going through it, so yeah. Sorry. Became for the NonStop yucks.

I think we.

Still are able to yuck it up, but you have to eat comedy or anything. You have to acknowledge the world around us, or we'd be psychotic. I mean, that's how creepy podcasts they are. Just like anyway, nothing's the world isn't completely changing entirely in front of your eyes right this second.

And I feel like there's an odd now from this point forward where during my stand up I joke about more important things. I've been thinking about that a lot lately, which is great. I want my stand up to change, but I was trying to think of my act and putting out that special during this time, and I'm like, I don't address anything important, not that it's my job to make political statements, but I want to start.

Well.

Then, Also, you recorded that special, you know, six to eight months ago, when.

Really a year.

Yeah, it was there, truly, the traffic at LAX was one of the bigger things on your plate. It reminds me of one of my favorite people on Twitter is the comic Steve Hernandez, who is so funny and he like two weeks ago, he goes, oh, I just got booked on one of these zoom shows real quick? How do I become a political comedian? Because I think that's

Right And I think that's where I would start. It's observationally how have people been acting without fully just talking about Trump or something. Of course I'm not going to do that, but there are interesting behaviors that be they disappointing or reassuring that I've been noticing and I want to talk more about that. That's my mission statement. Why am I saying this right now? Let's do the Q and as I want to answer questions.

Well, maybe one of the questions will be, Chris, what do you think you want to talk about in your new type of stand up comedy?

And then we'll just edit that part back into.

Okay, perfect, perfect, perfect, You don't mind chopping this up till midnight.

He's going to remix this shit. It's gonna be amazing.

We're going to put a beat behind it be the best?

All right?

Oh, I had a really this one. I really liked. This is from all Jamie wrote on one of the last days of first grade, our teacher let us bring in our favorite song to play and let us change our name for the day. I went by Kathy and we built this city in picks. We built the city on rock and roll. Hell yeah, what would first grade? Karen and Chris pick.

I saw that one on that was in like an Instagram comment. Right, this was on Twitter. I want what was I listening to in first grade? I mean it would have been something from was LaBamba Out? Yet I don't. I think my first cassette tape was the LaBamba or stand By Me soundtrack and I was listening to like my dad's childhood music, like or the Beatles are, But I didn't know it was the Beatles. Like in first grade, I don't know that I had my own music preferences yet.

It would just be well, your dad was a DJ, so it makes sense that he would have a lot of influence over Yeah.

Yeah, so yeah, it'd be something that he would play around the house and then I'd have to ask them, ask him, Hey, what is that song? That goes like this, I have to bring it to school tomorrow, and we both know I'm going to change my name to Scott.

That day, not say.

And this is the uh A classical rendition.

People have been calling me Gooseneck and CJ online and keep it coming.

It's really made me feel great. I've gotten revenge.

I think my answer would be it would be either Linda Ronstad or Carol King, because that was like seventies music, you know, AM Radio San Francisco. AM Radio KFRC in particular, was the station we always listened to in the car. So it would be like, you're no good by Linda Ronstadt or Carol King. Uh what's thatone? It's too late Baby by Carol King?

Oh yeah, yeah, that's a classic.

And I think I would have wanted my name to be like well I was would it be? One time in fourth grade I told everyone that my name was Karen but my full name was Catherine.

I don't know. It was a blatant lie. I don't know why I did that.

And when you're a kid, you experiment with lying for no reason. Yeah, you stand again nothing. I don't know why I said my dad was a cop. I just told people because he enforced some law or he made people pay taxes. He was the tax assessor. And that sounds like an old timey like law person. You gotta pay your tax says, otherwise you'll go to jail. So I just turned him to a cop.

Yeah, you just you.

You you read the room, you think what would these people like? And then you go you play to that.

But yeah, so the name thing, I don't know. I think I would do like a.

Uh maybe an initials thing or something like I always liked when a girl had a boy name, like if a girl was named Rocky or something. Yeah, yeah, rock you know, uh, now, like something with the why. I can't really think it, like what like Jesse but for a girl, Yeah, I know, something like Ricky Ricky's good. Yeah.

What was the Lenda Ronstad duet that she did? I think it was with Neil Diamond. She did a duet I think she did.

Don't know much with Aaron the much yepah man.

She was great and then and then she just had a whole career doing like Tehano me like she had a huge uh like Latino music.

Following because her her dad was I believe her dad was Mexican and that's what her that's what she was raised on. There's a there's a Linda Ronstein documentary that's amazing. It's basically about her whole life and career.

I want to see it.

It's great.

I don't think about her much, and I don't and I don't know much.

But you know, you love her.

I love her. Someone posted Celene Dion the other day, like belting out there was. She posted Celene Dion.

And Michael Bolton and all these singers that I've just kind of shrugged off my whole life, and.

They were amazing. Oh yeah, Celene Dion, it is amazing.

Okay, Selene really.

Need to get out of the house.

Carre Celene Dion.

When they did v H one Divas one year, Eli DeGeneres hosted and.

I was right for her. So we went and.

We had to watch the rehearsal because I had to, you know, obviously change jokes as we went. And then they did basically like a tech rehearsal for all the singers, so all the actual performers were there to do like the first fifteen seconds of their song in the first and then the last fifteen so they could do, like the lighting cues and any kind of tech thing on stage. It was at Caesar's in Las Vegas and Celine Dion sang you Shook Me all night long, and she came.

She sang the entire song.

She did it as if there was a full crowd, and it was truly eight people.

In the audience in the Caesar's you know, showroom or whatever.

And at one point we were standing there with our notebooks like trying to fix jokes and think of things to pitch or whatever.

And she walked by.

She looked at me and pointed and winked as she was singing, like she was giving.

Her one hundred percent.

I was like, oh my god, I need to put this book down and like watch her do this because she can see me.

It was hilarious, like she read that.

Woman doesn't not ever point. She pointed in wink like she was doing a full show. And I had paid ticket for a first receipt, paid paid money, I should say, not paid ticket.

I'm from America.

You paid ticket, pay a ticket.

I'd kept it ticket in my boot, all right.

Next question, this is from Brayley. Mama asked would you rather lick a living wild? Great white shark, or have one randomly swim up and lick you.

I think we have to figure out if sharks have tongues. Yes, I don't.

They must If they do, I do know they don't salivate because I had a T shirt with a shark that appeared.

To be drooling on it. Uh, and so I had to look that up.

So I think you need a salivation and tongues are all right? Uh, they are inclusive, I think, I don't think.

But let's suspend disbelief so we can answer her question or their question. I should say, I'm.

Assuming I would very much, of course, like to be in control of that situation and be the one licking the sharks same same, No question, have to be on the lips right or in the face or near his teeth right?

No, you could. You could lick the top of that back thin.

That's like as if they're just about to get away and you just lick that real quick.

I'd I'd like the dorsal. I'm not going to wade around on the beach close to the water to even see a shark.

I don't want. No, I don't want that to happen.

No. And also I feel like even if sharks did have a tongue, which I believe you that they don't, but they would have to get it out past like eighteen rows of the sharpest teeth, So everything about it will be the scariest experience you've ever had, even if.

It's nowhere you're eating and you bite the side of your mouth, it's very painful. Think about sharks, all those rows of teeth, backup teeth, and then they got that tongue just with little bandages.

On it, not's in the side of their in their inside cheeks, endless.

Poor guys.

That's why they're always eating everybody. They're mad, all right, Stephen.

This is from Sarah H.

Bobby.

Did you have any school clubs that you participated in growing up?

Clubs?

Oh? God, I didn't.

I'm my sister was such unachiever, you know, like key club president, girls, state governor, editor of the the newspaper. And so when I and cheerleading and everything else that popular people do also, and I just all I did is skateboard at lunch and go skateboarding after school. I was very inactive with I guess I was in some plays.

I wasn't a thesbian, but I did some plays and hung those people.

You toured the drama club a little bit. You didn't maybe fully commit, but you were in there. You got in there and met some people, socialized.

A little and I'm glad I did. Yeah. Sure, I otherwise wouldn't have hung out with those kids.

I and I'm not sure if I've ever said this to either of you before.

Maybe I have. I've known both of you a while. I was a cheerleader in high.

School were I didn't know that.

Okay, this is new information for both of you. I was junior year. I was a songgirl, which are the ones that go out and do the routine at halftime at football games and basketball games.

Like with a flag and with the sequins.

We didn't no no at our school.

Is really small, so we were just it would just be like Janet Jackson's control and then we would just do a dance to it and it would end in like a pyramid or whatever.

But that's insane. That's awesome that you did that.

I was because I really loved dance. I was definitely If our school was any bigger, I would not have made the cheerleading team. But because there it was like three hundred and fifty kids. You know, it's at the odds were ever in my favor. So I did that junior and senior year because I really liked making up dance routines.

It was really fun, so I didn't.

I don't see you dancing much these days.

I know I should more.

I really have amazing rhythm. I'm good at it, and it used to be my passion. But then I got very insecure because I kind of like, did it. I did it, like I would love to do.

This, and then only later on went, oh, no, that I'm embarrassed that I did that.

Right.

I used to like singing whatever, karaoke, and now I'm petrified by it. I think the more in dancing, I used to dance all the time when it was not.

Required. I would always dance, like in a bar.

Trying to play pool. Me and my friends would be diving and doing the worm on the floor. And now I had no part of me wants to do that, because especially when I moved here and you see people that are amazing at singing or dancing, right, it's like, oh, okay, that isn't I'll let that be their thing. I gotta Once I started doing stand up, I just quit thinking about That's someting.

That is very common in LA. I think you get to La and there's so many people who are like minimum triple threats, if not like five tuple threats, Like they can do everything and.

They're a model.

It's really it really devastates your dreams and your the belief in.

Self and you kind of like I was, it was it was a.

Really kind of shocking awakening when I moved to town, thinking of like, oh, I'm gonna I can do a bunch of things. And then I got here, I was like, oh, shoot, now you have to do you have to be good at like like literally five things you have to be excellent at to start.

Yeah, at least that's how it used to feel.

Well.

Yeah, And I think that's what made me motivated me to be like, Okay, I'm just going to focus on the things I know I can do.

Yeah, I'm gonna do stand up.

I didn't know I could do that, but or like art drawing, I always did art stuff. It's like, I just never wanted to be one of these people that spreads myself thin over a bunch of things. I'm okay at ten things. Why don't you get really good at one thing and that's called a job. Yeah, I'm so scared to dance.

I just can't.

I love that I did not know that about you. I want to apologize for not knowing about your dance.

I've kept it a secret from many many people.

Everyone's going to want to see you dance.

Now, well, they can dare to dream, but it almost never happens.

And when you're an.

Adult, as most people know, the key to dancing is being drunk.

And I don't drink anymore.

So there's almost nothing that I do that would make me feel comfortable dancing anymore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right that that was a big part of it for me. All those years I spent dancing and more of a freestyle street street style of dancing.

I was not sober, right, It's crucial.

It was drunken buffoonery. Otherwise I wouldn't dive off of a bar stool. I wouldn't be in a bar first of all, right, I had to drink before I danced. For Howard Kramer, that was the only time those two connected when he first started doing it. But he wasn't Dragon Boy Suade yet. He was like DJ spumoni or something, and I was backup dancer, automatic flavor, and I would just I would just interpret it, dance behind him as he wrapped.

And one time.

At the Bad Dog, the Bad Dog Theater in Austin, I tried to dive off this stool and I think my legs hit a wall and I landed on my arm weird, and I got a fracture in my arm. I broke my arm dancing for Howard Kramer. It just it's like, why is this still hurt.

A month later? And then I got an X ray for something.

Else because it was a true injury.

Yeah, I broke my arm dancing for Howard Kramer.

Then you sued Howard and then he had to.

That's how I got rich and he got poor.

Good job, Sorry, but the way you do it.

This is from not my dumpster. What are some gross snacks your parents made growing up? For example, my mom would make banana and miracle whip sandwiches.

Oh no, no, no, yeah, that is no.

No.

I wouldn't even call that a grouse snack. I would call that child Yeah, that is.

Call CPS is actually what I call that sandwich?

Oh my god, nothing because mayonnaise for me, triggers my gag reefly. I really have a thing with mayonnaise and my sister bananas will make her. She can't the string, the texture, the mushiness when it's in your mouth.

I get it. I can eat a banana, but my sister can't touch them. Yeah. Combine those two you would shut down my whole family. The bloodline would cease to a this.

My mom actually had a whole rule about you were no one was allowed to You weren't allowed to buy a miracle whip like it had to be real butter and real mayonnaise always. You couldn't cook with with either of those. So anytime I was at friend's house and their mom used miracle whip or margarine, I'd.

Be like, oh good, what is it?

Like? Yeah, I have like a physical response. But my mom was a terrible cook. We've talked about this a lot, and yeah, I know your mom was too, and.

She did it.

The thing is she didn't make us snacks like it was basically you were on your own in the kitchen totally.

So we did a lot of and I think we've talked about this, but it was like buttered crackers.

I think that's kind of one of the grosser things that I used to eat is just like you butter up ten crackers and then with some seven up watch Scooby Doo and eat those.

Yeah.

And as a child, I think there was I would eat so many frozen burritos. I just whatever was frozen, Like you said, whatever you could find. Yeah, I mean, I'm not totally talking shit about my mom, but she just was not passionate in the kitchen. And my sister and I both talk about it now. Whenever we did

Be like a casserole dish sending out.

My sister and I'd go in there and lick our lips like we're in a silent movie looking at it. And then she's like, don't touch that. It's it's it's it's for the office. It's for my sorority. Like not college. She wasn't in college, but she had a group of women that it was called a sorority, and that and we knew, we knew it wasn't for us if we'd see finished yeah meals.

It was always for guests.

But yeah, there were I don't have. My dad has stories about my grandma the snacks she would make. One of them was stewed tomatoes with saltine crackers. M uh and maybe grapes in there.

I just bizarre.

But Mike, I think I told you this my grandma's.

Fresh Gennaria snacks.

Yeah. She My grandma made a lot of stuff with jello.

And one of the things was every if you had dinner at my grandma's house, the salad would be first and it would be iceberg lettuce with with green jello with cocktail fruit cocktail inside and thousand Island dressing.

Over the top, and like it's wheat and you had.

To eat it because they were you know, they were poor, working class Irish Catholics, so you couldn't throw stuff away, so you like, at a young age, we got used to eating one of the more disgusting things ever.

Yeah, what that is insane. I can't even imagine what that would taste like.

It's like sweet and then but salad.

And in that I don't want sweet, No, one does, all right, Steven?

Should we do? Should we do one more?

There's the one about getting a celebrity tattoo, but maybe.

I would give one a verve village head. Just kidding. His name was tattoo. Stop.

Okay, here's when. So this is from Underscore Little Moss. If you could steal one talent from the other, what would it be?

Oh my god, singing and trying guitar? Yeah, I am mesmerized by your ability to.

And then, just like with when I draw something, someone always says if I could do that, I would do it all the time, and I just.

Get frustrated because I used to be better.

Or when I train and do it for a living, people have edits and I have to redraw that thing. It takes me twenty hours as opposed to doing stand up getting no edits, and it's over in one hour for the same amount of pay. So I'm frustrated with it. But if I know that if I could sing and play guitar, which I have control over, if I loved it that much, I would have learned like you did.

I could teach you.

I maybe it's never too late. It's not, it's not and you're good at it.

No again, I know I've said this before, but if you don't have Karen's album Live Live at the boot Leg is it.

The Bootleg Theater, Yeah, you have to get it.

You.

Yeah, there's people out there that are your fans that probably don't know how good you are.

Oh that Chris, thank you.

It's yeah, yeah, I really Yeah, that's what I'm jealous of for sure.

Well, and your songwriting. They're really good songs.

Thank you.

Yeah, I'm actually grateful that I or like, I'm glad that I actually recorded them, because I really didn't want to do that album, but I was like, you have to do this or you'll you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't have a recording of these songs.

Because it was really embarrassing to me to do.

Music comedy or comedy music whatever, Like at regular comedy shows.

It was very like, oh this is there's.

Kind of stigma with it, yeah, prop comedy or something exactly.

So it's kind of like being a magician.

Yeah.

Or but if you're good at it, like you or Henry Phillips and you're an actual musician, it it makes it that much better because it's like it's like when you see good improv, it's you know, there's so much bad improv, but when you see it done well, it's like you're blown away and you want to cry. Uh you know really I've been so impressed with good improv before.

But yeah, good improv is like impress taking. It's a beautiful art. Yeah, yeah, like everything. Actually, I would also say so for me for you drawing obviously, because you're great at it and you're and it's the style like what the hyper detail like our logo where it's like super cool and it's it's like it's a real like the design element of your drawings and illustrations is really.

Impressive to me. But then also I would love to skateboard.

I would love to have the like ease and comfort of being able to skateboard.

It's really well, keep getting video there, I'm it. I love it. I keep getting videos of people that are getting into skateboarding, that are that are adults already, and I'm being said, I got one today. This woman sent me. It's like I got a skateboard, I'm learning to skateboard. And she sent a video of nice of her just going through a parking lot, just getting the balance down. But I yeah, that's I love it. I think I approve. Just be careful. It's easy to injure your wrists.

Yeah, it's easy to break your ankles.

Yeah. Yeah, well, ankles come later.

That's when you, like, after you get good at it and you start trying to jump around, that's when you threaten your ankles. But just the the when someone first starts, they don't expect to fall down or snowboarding. When people fall down, they put their arm back.

Oh yeah, trying to catch yourself.

The time I went there's a little hospital at Mammoth Mountain, I hurt my shoulder one year and and went in there and it was just all people waiting with broken wrists. Oh they all had fallen off this because you don't yeah yeah yeah. Just learn to fall first, learn to run and tumble on cement. Just do a little roll on the cement.

Yeah. Falling is so important. Use that butt, yeah, use that button.

You get it, get your wallet, go for it.

Yeah, all right, in your wallet and land on your ass.

Yeah.

What's in very expensive, but it's safe is that it is that our last and front feeling. There a more conclusionary question.

Do you feel like there's something Stephen that would be more of a button.

Let's see, like, what do you want to do with the rest of your life? That kind of a question, just a lofty, hard to answer.

Top five smells you can if you could remake any movie you want?

Too much work.

I watched any tips and tricks for moving?

Mmmm?

For moving?

Yeah?

Hey someone, Yes, exactly, That's what I was going to say. It's actually not as expensive as you think.

Yeah, and there are there are they are good at it. Yeah, It's just like anything. When you try and do your own plumbing or any work around the house or construction, you can get okay at it, but when you see a professional do something, you're like, why did I ever change my own oil?

Yeah?

Well, and also wasn't that expensive? And that guy is efficient and did a good job.

I remember the like third time I moved in Los Angeles was the second time I asked Greg barn to.

Help me move, and he was like, no, buddy, no, He just flatly refused.

And because he was like, I did that favor for you already, and looks like just because he's a big guy, so people would.

Ask him that favor all the time and that's moving.

Is that kind of thing where like when you're in your twenties and you're like whatever, you think it's not that big of a deal to ask this favor.

Your friends hate you, like, don't do it.

Just get save up the money, get professionals. It'll all get done in three hours. You'll be glad you did. And you know you don't. Nobody has the one up on you.

And I say that, but I moved.

I mean I drug a refrigerator up fifty stairs into my place.

I should have had someone helping.

Yeah, but you should have for sure. It's crazy, but.

Yeah I felt better about my apartment once everything was in it because I did it.

I did it.

And then you're like my hit my back, my arm.

All right.

I mean, look, we're gonna I think Q and A should be a part of now that we're not driving, we're not we rarely have guests.

It's always going to be a bit of a Q and A right now.

Yeah, we we should just have a few question answered. We don't have to dedicate the entire episode like it's a special event.

No, No, it's like this is just more of it. It's like quarantine and ask us something.

Yeah, Q and A.

Yeah, I'll make a little logo that show. Oh I forgot, We're not a video U describe it.

We're about to become the best YouTube show of all time.

And I'm going to become an audio logo designer. Where I described low costs.

Now look over here in the bottom left. Uh well this was fun.

It was fun. I'm glad we talked about important things.

And you you were better at it than me.

Uh well, it's not context, it is who I am, always competing with you.

Well, you'll never beat me in cheerleading, so fuck you.

It turns out, no, I didn't know. That still blows my mind.

Secrets.

Yeah, I think if I went to my dad's right now, there's a cheerleading there's a football and basketball cheerleading uniforms hanging in my in my old bedroom closet that my parents changed into an office. The second my ankle left the doorway. It was insane how quickly my parents redid my room. They were like, bye, I have fun, never come back here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I always think it's weird though, when a parent leaves it the same and they come and visit and they're they're all their toys are still in the room and they're in their thirties.

Yeah, that's that is weird.

Yeah, and also, doesn't your mom want a sewing room?

Come on right exactly.

I think my parents did it because they were they wanted to make sure we didn't feel comfortable moving back.

They were just like, you're you're an adult.

Go do it.

Yeah, do it, and make sure you do it. Make sure you do it permanently.

I still have a room waiting for me at my dad's. There's just no my old belongings aren't in there.

It's just a jus have somewhere to go. Well, there's no sister there.

She's She's like, I have to make dinner at this point, Hi, Laura, don't be mad. She's just I don't want to be honest.

I don't want to be honest.

All right, Well it's time to make dinner. We should probably go.

Yes, Well, good to see you guys.

Good to see you friend. You've been listening to Do you need a ride? D y n A R art? Are you leaving on?

You wanta way back home? Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. And give us time and they termino and gay. We want to send you off InStyle. You wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.

We scared her? Was it fine? Malcorn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Cress

Mm hmm