Are you leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there.
Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay a.
We want to send you off InStyle. We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
We scared her?
Was it fine?
Now?
Porn?
Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Ride? Do you need with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
And this is Karen Colgareth.
We are reporting to you. I almost said we're reporting.
Yeah, we're reporting live.
It's just in I forgot how to podcast and now.
In your newscaster. At home, that's what they're all doing these days.
I uh, yeah, we are at home. We are not in a car. We don't know how long we'll be home. But we're enjoying it, right, guys.
I love it. I feel like we like in maybe a month when they've lifted restrictions or they we know things, Yeah, for better or worse, Yes, no fucking anything. Did you see the article that came out where a lot of states are just faking their numbers so that it looks like things are going better than they are.
To help the economy. That's horrifying, which states, let's point fingers.
No, don't. I don't know if they point fingers in it or it's like a bunch of them where it's like the ones. It's crazy, it's crazy. But anyway, my point is that when we finally do have a handle on what's really happening in the risk or whatever, I feel like this is the most COVID nineteen safe podcast. The three of us in a car. Oh totally, But yeah, I can't risk it in the middle of the pandemic. But I mean, right, I feel like we're going to be able to be normal again sooner than Yeah.
I think you're right. Yeah, I just a few more episodes, I bet, and we I would safely get in a car with both of you. I would feel safe.
I would feel safe, except for that's the problem, rights that then we'd have to all know that we're asymptomatic.
I will get a test. Yeah, I mean we'd.
Have to know we're negative tested. Not because I can still be positive and asymptomatic.
Or pre symptomatic. That's the other one, like thettle that window a time where you know there's two weeks there where they wouldn't even be able to tell you, right, yep, but who knows, They don't even know. No one knows anything.
One knows anything during the pandemic.
Let's make more soup. I made. I made soup, a big I just soup is the best thing to make because you just throw vegetables in. And now that I'm paying attention and not trying to make videos, I'm getting pretty good at it. But I just bought a random collection of vegetables because this this farmer's market down the street from me opened up and I went down there and it was horrifying. I didn't feel comfortable there.
How many people were there tons.
Yeah, there was enough to feel like that we shouldn't be there. But I had a mask on and I'm not near anyone, and I need to remember, you need to get someone's fluids in your face, prop or touch your face or whatever. I'm careful, but I think I just feel uncomfortable.
Yeah, I think you should.
Yeah, But I made this soup and it was great and it was hot, and I but I was hungry, and I grabbed the bowl anyway, and I'm like, I'll make it to my living room where I eat like a college student. I eat on my couch and it halfway there, I realized it was going to be too hot for me to handle it any longer, and I knowingly I just had to let go of it. It was too hot, and I flipped perfectly flipped this bowl
of soup onto my carpet. Just it suction cupped like to where I picked the bowl up, and the rest of the soup came pouring out. It landed perfectly to where it was contained.
So it's kind of a chowder. It sounds like it. It was in there and like a slow drip.
It was thick because I added quite quite a few legumes or lentils rather, so yeah, that gave it some girth. So in mid air it kind of stayed, stayed collected to its legoome glue, and so I had to take my carpet out and scrub it. It looks great. I'm glad it happened. I'm glad.
You know what these negatives have. Positive attachments were to open them and download them.
But the real exactly right when it hit the carpet, I said, finally, because I knew I need I like it to clean this carpet. Yeah.
Yeah, washer woman from the seventeen hundreds.
Yeah, that muddy footprint wasn't doing it the past four months.
No, you can get used to stuff like that easy.
Yeah, yeah, soup is.
I was gonna make you feel better though, about eating like a college student in your living room, because That's what I'm doing, and I know it's what Steven's doing. No, but I was going to say, there's been a couple of times where I have sat at my dining room table and it makes me feel like Dracula alone at a dining room table to eat my casandia or whatever weird dumb thing that I've made. Is it's too sad. It's like it's like I might as well put on
a fucking wedding dress to eat this thing. You know what I mean? You have to eat in front of the TV. Yeah, if you're by.
Yourself, totally. Yeah, you're right. You're just sitting at a table waiting for that for that newspaper writer to come to a story about you so you can lure them and suck their blood.
You're just sitting at your table having conversations with people that are not there. I mean, I'm not above that at all. I really like this is a great time to practice any interview that you might want to do. You know, I like you did you ever use to practice paneling on Letterman just in your apartment.
The thing I always practice was end of the movie death scenes, where I just lay on the ground quietly and Tryan's caste still while the credits rolled. I don't know why. That was a fun game. And then my sister and I would re enact just the end of the Hulk, where maybe we would have a fight and I'd throw a pillow or something a pitdle h and then and then I would turn back to David Banner and then she would sing the closing credits up the show like home them, and then I would pretend to hitchhike.
That was a game. That's a game that you played before anyone had toys of any kind. We would reenact the Hulk.
Yes, I think because TV was so new and fun and you could only watch it from seven o'clock to whatever, you know, like your yeah, yeah, there was a ways it was a regulated thing and whatever that I we did shit like that all the time, whereas like kids these days are like why would you reenact the thing? You can just go watch your like watch professionals do. But but that also reminds me. I was in a play one time and I played a character that got stabbed.
It was like a murder mystery thing. It was pretty funny, and I played this character that get stabbed in the back and so the lights go out, the lights come back on, and I'm sitting in a chair with my eyes open, and then they realize I'm dead. So I had to sit with my eyes open with no expression on my face for two full minutes before the scene ended.
And so every night I would be sitting there and it'd be like I would try as hard as I could not to blink, and that I would always blink, or sometimes my eyes would water, and one time I
just started laughing because it was so hard. It was like and they would be like, you know, like the director of the play, who was awesome, And it was really cool that I even got to be in this play because it was sach City Theater Sacramento City Actors Theater, which was very cool and like whatever, So I really was like, wanted to do a good job, and they'd be like, you know, there was a guy that had to lay on stage dead for fifteen minutes with his
eyes open, and you know some Shakespeare in like the seventies in New York City or whatever. And I'd be like, well, I simply can't do it. I don't know how that guy did it, because it's fucking impossible, but I would do it for a really long time.
I love the idea that that is the highest level you can reach with acting, is to convincingly play a dead person.
Because senior year at Juilliard, that's all you do is you keep your eyes open for as long as you can.
A lot of people are curling up and blooming like a flower and doing those exercises, But at my acting school, we'd laid their.
Dead Can You Be Dead? For the full credits and the song? Do you remember what Lisa would sing how that song went?
I do not remember. I bet she would though, because that was her role.
Yeah, it's just a it's in there.
It was a sad string section like bum you Out, like the mash theme song type music, Yes, or high Way to Heaven. They all had these really just bummer soundtracks and they.
All involved Michael Landon somehow, Yeah have them did. He had his hand in a lot of those shows.
And I'm glad he did.
I for it.
I feel like I was partially raised by Michael Landon. You were my dad. It's always been like an atheist or we didn't talk about God and church and things like that, but we watched Highway to Heaven religiously. That was our church. That was when we would open oursel aside from Christmas, that's when we'd open ourselves up to the spiritual world because that was their boss. And we're like, okay, I'm okay if he's the boss, and a TV show I'm okay with.
And there's the old football player was on there too. He was the sidekick, the.
Guy with the beer, Victor French.
That's he's from all oh oh Affair, Oh yes, yes, uh yeah, I forget his name right now.
God that Merlin Olsen.
Yes, oh shit, No, Merlin Olsen was on Little House Land Purrie.
He was a football player though he was.
Yeah, you're right, that's that's who I was thinking of. But the guy that was on Highway to Heaven was the comedy version of Merlin Olson, like Marlin Olsen was.
And that was Victor French. That was his sidekick, and that guy was on was it? Yeah? Yeah, he was on other shows too. He was like he was on some other show with Michael Land and he like brought him along with him to be on Highway. Probably, but it is a weird name. As I say it, I feel like I'm wrong now, but I'm pretty sure it was Victor French.
There were church friends. Well, Steven, did you look it up?
Stephen?
Sometimes he'll do.
That, Yeah, Steven, Sorry, Steven, I.
Thought you were sitting there smiling because you had the answer.
No, I don't even I didn't even.
No.
Yes, my favorite moment spending time with millennials and the youngsters.
I usually can keep up, but that one. I apologize.
You've never heard of Highway to Heaven.
Or the Hulk Victor French? What the whole But Victor French was in Highway to Heaven?
Sorry? Sorry, Chris, It's okay. I'm just a walking uh encyclopedia of useless knowledge?
You really are? I was thinking, mister French, he was the butler on a family affair, which is really old, Stephen. That's like that was my earliest memories as watching family.
Yeah, yeah, that was I don't remember family affair.
They were like it was a dad Brian, not Danny Brian somebody. And he had three kids. Sissy was the oldest sister and she was way the fuck older than Buffy and Jodie, who were the young children. And then they had a butler named mister French. Do you remember this.
I remember talking about it, yes.
Sebastian Abbott. He was my first young crush that I didn't tell anybody about because I was look at I loved him.
That was your crush.
Yeah, when I was like seven, I was like, you can't tell anyone this is dirty because he was not. He was no Seawan Cassidy to play that. He's like a big old fat guy that stood by the door and was like I see very much so.
And you were thinking he should be on the cover at teen Beat.
Where's Sebastian Abbot? Please leave Garretts.
I am talking to myself though, like I'm watching movies and reacting to things and saying like I just watched all of Rectify, which is good, so good, Yeah, I loved it. And then towards the end it's just a lot of family dialogue, and it's like, wait, am I watching a soap opera? But I still loved it and I'm looking forward to the new season. That's why I
had to catch up. But I was reacting to things like saying out loud, but no, but he cares about you, like I'm saying that out loud, and then sitting there like, oh, I've reached that point. I'm actually responding to things like there's someone sitting next to me.
Uh, don't judge yourself. I think it's very natural. Also, if you get a pet, cat or dog, then all the weird feelings about that go away because you're just talking to your pet.
Yeah.
And I have full fucking conversations with both of my pets about what I'm doing, what they're doing, what we could be doing. Like I have no shame anymore.
I should foster or something before I because I feel like if I get a cat or something, I'm just going to be end up on the road again in a year.
But not for two years. You have time two years now?
Oh god, Well.
I'm just trying to be realistic.
No, you are being realistic. Yeah, I should just for the sake that I have someone to talk to.
The other day, I walked by George was outside sitting in the sun, which is one of my I love that sheet. Like She's like, if I have my choice, I'll be sitting out there right in the sun. And so I walked by and she kind of like lifted her head and watched me walk by, and I gave her a thumbs up sun. And then I was like, that was crazy of you. That was weird crazy. But it was just like, I can't I say hi every time I see them. Yeah, I ask them what kind
of dog there? Every time I see them, I tell them you're the big one and you're the little one. Every time I see them.
Which those things they appreciate, like you're talking to them, but a thumb's up really doesn't register. They're actually a fantic and they're like, yeah, keep showing you have an opposable digit. That rub it in my face.
I am bragging, fully bragging. Should we do It's We've decided guys to do a Q and A again. As we told you last week. We gave you a teaser and a cliffhanger.
Yeah, should we do it?
Chris?
Yes, I think we should.
Or do you have more? Do you have anything else to report? How's the hair? It looks a little bit smaller it is.
I showered and this is just a leave in conditioner. Actually it's a regular conditioner. But any kind is leave in if you don't wash it out. And uh so it is a little bit.
Are you doing bits?
No special? Oh, it's just the way I Hey, I appreciate you even thinking that. It's just the way I talk. I know that seemed like a finished closer.
It is amazing.
But yes, I do just leave in regular conditioner and uh you know, all rent it out later when I shower.
Okay, we'd love to know the plan if you could write it up and just email me and Stephen.
I ordered new products. I yeah, I'm I got some oils I gotta leave in. I got some face seer them great. Yeah, I gotta get ready for when I'm out in public.
For your zoom. You gotta get zoom beautiful. It's the new. Oh, no one steal that. That's mine. Zoom beautiful.
Yeah, see you do it too. That's a that's a bit. Take it to the.
Stage, take it to another zoom conversation. I was going to say, we should talk about the two things your special upcoming. Yes, but and then in the meantime I retweeted it, you tweeted it. But if if our listeners of do need to ride to Dinea or sore if you she said it, she said, if you haven't seen it already, Chris is the star of a show that is so fucking funny it is. Ay, it's twenty two minutes long, right he Mike up Trips made it like it's an episode of Chews.
Yeah. Yeah. We ideally we wanted each episode to be some repurposed movie and then legally felt like it would have to be a public domain movie. So we were looking at all those weird sixties Harvey Korman like action movies. Yes, because one all those people are dead, and then also they literally are public domain for free use, like they're in a library somewhere. Yeah, whereas when we did Cocktail, we just thought we were gonna get sued by scientology.
But so yeah, he found that movie and the ideally, yeah, each episode would be an edited down version of a movie with comedic actors green screened in.
It's so good. Okay, it's what Sorry, it's.
Hell Freeway to Freeway to Hell, not Highway to Hell. That's a terrible ACDC song. But that'll come up if you google it.
It will. Yeah, that's what happened to me because I wanted to retweet it myself, not your retweet, so I could make a comment. And then I think you work that way. But it's Freeway to Hell, and it's basically Chris comedians, John dor Emily Maya Mills, other hilario, Ron Lynch hilarious comics. They've been basically green screened into this old biker movie. And it's also and the director is Mike Upchurch, right, yes.
Yeah he did. Also he's it's.
So brilliant and it opens what they call it. It's called electric theater.
Electric television would be electric television, the possible name of a series of those.
Yeah. And then so there's there's trailers for other things like it's done so fucking well, and it is so I told Chris this already, but I when I watched it, everybody, I think these days, you see a video and it's over three minutes, you're like, oh please, I don't have the time or whatever, but time. Yeah, I think everyone is. And this is I tell you, it was not it did not feel like as long as it is. It's so funny, it's everyone in it is so good, and it's like I was so proud of everybody.
Was so exciting. Thank you so much. It really meant a lot to me. When you texted and said I had to actually clarify, like I knew what you were talking about. It's the only thing I've done or that was finished that day. I'm like, are you talking about Freeway to Hell?
And I really because I just started texting this is so hilarious. Oh my god, thank you.
Yeah. I and Mike Judge was great and did all the all the voiceovers for all the and he sounds like a different person for each one, Like even the trailers for the upcoming Midnight movie that was his voice. And he's the guy on the radio in it. He's the guy in the in the industrial video in the beginning doing that sixties narration. He and you can't tell it's him, Like I always.
Feel like I wouldn't have known.
Yeah, when he's talking, I can always hear a little bit of Beavis or Buttead. I'm not sure when, but uh, but yeah, he's really good at that. And that's why I asked him to do it, and then, you know, I don't like asking people to do things, but he said, yeah, I think I think I'd be good at that, so yeah, I'll do it. Like that was his only concern, like I want to do something I feel like I won't be good at. But yeah he was. He was great, and it's been supportive of it. So so good.
Oh and also Henry is at the beginning.
Of Henry Phillips. Yeah, it's so fun to watch him.
It's to watch Henry Phillips be this like this, this straight boss kind of like the man is hilarious. It's so not him.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's such a good actor.
I know he really is, because it's rarer even with movie stars, where I watch a thing and I'm able to disconnect who they really are, especially if they're one of my best friends and I while I'm watching that, I don't I really don't think of it as Henry that I would be talking to of he is on the podcast or something.
No.
And also he does flatness perfectly, like you all do the tone of a movie like that, so it doesn't feel like, oh, here's a bunch of my friends, because here's the thing. Being a comic and being in quote unquote show business ruins all entertainment for you because you know everyone that's in stuff. The second someone walks on, Like, I've had so many movies ruined because I'm in it.
I'm like in this fantastical world and then like fucking David crosswalks in and I was like, oh where it just it just goes Oh I can't, I can't suspend disbelief anymore. I know people whatever. This is kind of a brag, actually, but but I kind of expected that with this because I know every single person, and it was the exact opposite, like it was. That's why I was so excited at the end because it was just everyone and fucking Emily she doing that character his voice. Yeah, she is so hilarious.
Yeah, she was being that person. I was like, I always felt like with all these things, it's like, well, I'll just be me, but in the situation, like I want it to be someone that doesn't belong there. But with this, we had all these other characters as opposed to just me being put in, so they're all playing the role and it was a good out for me because then I didn't have to really act. But yeah, because I never learned except how to die. But I didn't get a die.
In this No, But you know, it's like fun to watch you because there's you know, I'm sure listeners of this podcast have heard you tell these stories like you're fucking scorping in the boot story or whatever where it's like, but the reason Chris is telling these stories is kiss he's an actor that's gone and tried to be an actor and doing these things like the bottom line of the story is or commercials or whatever where it's like
you get booked doing things because you're very talented. So go watch Chris actually do those things with no other I'm sure you have lots of behind the scenes stories. But oh, it's fun to finally get to see you, you know, in a thing.
Thank you. Yeah, I'm excited. I do want people to see it. It's just good to just google Freeway to Hell or go to YouTube brother, and it'll come.
Up Freeway to Hell. Yes it's not an ACDC song. No, that's Highway to Hell for all you twenty seven years old year.
It's hard for me to disconnect myself, my sister and dad when we sit down to watch TV, like over the holidays or whatever. They get so excited to share shows they like and want to see and sit down with me, and I ruin it every time because I'm like, I know him, he's a dick. Yeah, guy's nice, I wish. And then there's also this jealousy like I'm not in this, and then they're like, well, why don't we just watch something else for real? Ruin it like ruin it, and
I feel so bad. I try not to do it, and I do it every time.
My sisters screamed at me. I also like to talk about especially if it's something like if it's a if it's a panel show, or it's a game show, or it's a talk show. I can't stop thinking. I immediately put myself on that I have to make this show, like I'm watching it, but I also am producing it. It's the weirdest experience where I start getting stressed out, where I'm like, I don't understand how they did this.
This is very difficult. Like I'll start talking to my sister about it's like, do you understand, like if you have eight people on the stage at once, how hard it is to shoot? And she's like, can you fucking shut up or watching a game show.
Yeah, that's stupid. That was the first thing I know, not that I'm a filmmaker or ever, but I've been around it, and that was when I was talking about that man that Maryanne show so much. One of the main things I noticed was what the time they spent on lighting every shot, and every time I was watching it, I'm like, look at all those light sources. They emote, They emote what you're supposed to feel. This is French new Wave. I don't know what French new wave means.
I just know they were French people that made that show. I'm like, this is classic French new wave lighting again, talking to myself saying that out loud in the.
Want to tell yourself how much you know about friendly Way? And then anyway?
Yeah, And then I sit on the other end of my couch and put on a mustache.
I think you're right, we will so we know. We know you're going to clean up this soup. You're a terrible roommate. Oh God, clean it up.
Okay, So go watch that. You must be bored. It's a pandemic, it's a COVID nineteen quarantine. You need to be looking at content and this is content of the highest quality. You'll be so excited today. Thank you so much, kicking ass, Thank you very much. It's also nice to have a thing a person makes where you can one thousand percent be like, this is hilarious. You'll be happy you watched it because so much of the time you
feel like I laying it. But there's a thing, and you have to like hedge things, you know what I mean. That's a terrible thing.
And I don't you know, I've been so attached to it. I watch it and I'm like, why why did I feel like I needed to be in so many fight scenes or what? You know? I tht you pick apart your own things. There are a lot of fight scenes and I had just I think I just had my hip fixed. So I'm in pain. Oh you know almost everyone, Like when I'm pretending to throw chairs, like just picking up a chair and throwing it with so much pain.
But I was so tired of complaining about it that I would just do it and then just do it.
Work through it, like Serena, you have to push through. There was one time John dor Twice did this thing where he was like you were running away or something, and he goes no. It's clear like just yelling no. And he's supposed to be this gang leader of this tough guy, but it's like he's all pissed off. Oh and it's also when he pushes Emily away. Yeah thing where here. He was so good.
Yeah, yeah, he's he's an actual actor and he took it really seriously. It was kind of cool to watch him work. It's like, wow, yeah he had a because he's not doesn't take stand up seriously. It's a good bee. It's he's just ridiculous and I love watching. That's what I like about stand up is someone that's silly and playful. But when he was acting, he was like, I'm serious about this and I want to do it right, and he wasn't messing around. It was pretty cool.
Love it watch. Yeah, he's so good. It's about how he's I always watch him and just go he should be the most famous person we know.
Yeah, he's a I watched that thing and I'm like, oh, I didn't realize. You don't realize untill they're on your computer screen. Someone's handsome, you know. Yeah, he's like.
And same with Emily. I didn't recognize Emily, which is such a sign of great acting. And but I was like, ooh, this girl knows how to do a voice thing that sounds exactly like a sixties movie. And then I went, that's noting Emily and Mya Mills like it was so exciting.
Oh you didn't realize it was her at first?
No, I didn't because I didn't see names or whatever. And then she had so much eye makeup on meat up to look like one of those girls, so I was like, oh, this is just some actress he got yeah, and then the voice was so hilarious and perfect that I was like, who is this And then I realized, yeah, yeah she is.
She is another person, and that she's great.
Yeah, go watch that, everybody, thank you now, and the Q and a que the Q and a music cute.
Shut up, shut up, boo boo boo boo boo.
It's a question, what is Okay, this is from hey, hey brother says I would I would very much like to hear all three of you describe an excruciating detail your perfect sandwich.
Sandwich.
Okay, Karen, you go ahead, Okay, I can do this.
I know, yeah, yeah, I'm guessing tuna. But I've only had been out for sandwiches with you.
Uh, tuna is going to be gross to describe. I'm just gonna warn you. I I know this offhand because when we went on tour we got I missed going on tour so much. We just didn't appreciate it when we had. I think about it constantly. But anyway, we'll be back. And in twenty eighteen we got to go to the UK and then also Stockholm and Oslo, and we got to go to all these places. It was
kind of amazing. It was a European tour technically. So on the plane from I think it was Scotland to Norway, I think the airline served this sandwich and it was in a package, so it was almost like a gas station sandwich we'd get here. But it was the perhaps Danish version or the Norwegian version or what. I don't know wherever the airline was from, but it was definitely a Scandinavian sandwich because the paper that this so it is a wheat bread sandwich with cheese in it, and
that was all the paper around. It looked like a piece of china. So it was light blue decoration with white so like looked kind of fancy. I undo it. It's just wheat bread with sharp cheddar cheese and a little bit of mayonnaise. And I was like, this might be my perfect sandwich. Bite into it, the perfect sandwich.
Like my mouth is watery right now, because I love sharp cheddar cheese and I used to when I was younger do a sharp cheddar cheese with sweet pickles, which is kind of a great sandwich, but it's a very lot of taste. This was almost like, are you hungry, here's the fucking perfect sandwich because you won't be hungry. But also it's not going to be like sloppy. You're not going to get a bunch of shit on your hands or like let us fall out or whatever. It's
just like it will get the job done. It was, and the bread was perfect and there was no crust on the bread. It was I can't explain.
It was just like it wasn't melted.
It was just it was cold, a nice cold, I would say, happened in sandwich.
I found the picture of it.
Oh yeah, that's right, isted it on Twitter. Stephen. Do you can you see what that post said? Because I think I say.
It's the perfect Yes, here's this is from it's at four. This was on four sixteen pm, May ninth, twenty eighteen.
Almostly, it's the two year anniversary of this sandwich.
Let's pick a cake for the sandwich.
And it's a cake of the sandwich.
Sorry.
Oh, here's the cheese sandwich they gave us on our flight to Amsterdam today. It was so good it made me shy.
That was a good one. Wait, Chris, did you see the wrapping.
Yeah, it looked like it was in a little picnic basket.
Yes, look at it.
It's like a paper box that it came in.
Yeah, it was very oh so on the way to Amsterdam then, yeah, they know they're shit.
That's so funny. I don't see. I'm such a burrito person that I don't buy bread and I put everything in a tortilla, even if it's a tuna melt. I know that doesn't sound great, but I grill it and it then it eats like a flat I'm not I just get it done. I don't buy bread that much, so I'm like the wrong one.
But I remember your dream sandwich, like your like.
Yeah, if I was having a dream about a sandwich, yeah, it would be some cartoonish long it would be on a bag yet and there'd be like meatballs that I don't eat anymore on it, and uh yeah, yeah, it would be a sandwich that I reserve just for my dreams. It's just funny that a cheese, just cheese is all that was on your sandwich, right, yeah, then that that
was That's so funny to me. I remember once my grandpa we all sat down to eat, and my grandpa was so he would get sometimes he wasn't real nice to my grandma, or he'd be brewd He's like, well, I'm so ready to eat. All I had today was a cheese sandwich. And for some reason, my parents and I we would all quote that for years because it was like, who eats cheese? Just a cheese? It wasn't
grilled cheese, just cheese on a sandwich. Yeah, And as much as we all love cheese in my family, I don't think I ever have just taken cheese and made a sandwich with it.
But I think the bread is key because it was thick brown. It was thick dark wheat bread. So there was some kind of chemical combination that I bet you, like David Chang, the chef could be explain why that was so delicious because the cheese is so sharp that then the bread almost mutes it down.
Yeah, it is the best feeling when because I've been learning to cook during this thing. It's the best feeling when it's too simple ingredients and you discover that together, it's like, oh, I nailed it, and I didn't have to do much to nail it. And there's people that just know that. They're like, well, the tartness of this will balance out with the saltiness and then this they'll be sweet and it'll be perfect. I'm done here, and then they leave through through a cloud to smoke.
And then they throw a match down and then they're.
Yeah, that's how all amazing four star ships or it's a five star I don't know how many stars they are, Michelan. That's how the michelin man leaves the room.
Stephen, Do you have a dream sandwich?
I mean, I like a good classic Italian just like all that kind of stuff. But I mean personally, I feel like a hot dog is my favorite sandwich.
Oh wow, oh, like from the fairer baseball game. Yeah.
Well, even now, like during the day, I will just make myself a hot dog for lunch, and so today it was a hot dog that I put in the toaster and then the yet, no, not my hot dog toaster, because that's still at the office.
That the office. It's real, I've seen it.
But then so I will actually cut the hot dog down the middle, and I'll put sharp cheddar in the hot dog, and and then I will put Mayo ketchup and then I've been obsessed with Heinz fifty seven lately. Wow, that was.
All three of those condiments to get three of them on there.
Yeah, it's so fat times fifty seven. Like barbecue sauce.
It feels like it's like the kid's version of barbecue sauce. Like it's very it's like much it's a lot milder and it's but it also has that like Worcestershire kind of thing going on. Still, that's really delicious.
I don't think I don't have that much experience.
I didn't grump with it either, So I just started trying it for the.
First like a one steak sauce.
It's it's much milder. It feels like it's like the ketchup version of steak sauce.
That's fun because now I'm Yeah. When I was younger, every time I'd go give me the one with five different meats and some Italian salad dressing, and then I'd go home and try to make that. But it's been so long that but my mouth is watering right now too. Uh yeah, but no, I need to become more of a sandwich guy.
Can we actually, right now just do a sidebar of this question, and I'll say what our hot dogs would be like if we were at a barbecue and we had to make the other two their hot dogs. Because that's a very specific thing. And oftentimes, like when Stephen was just describing his putting mayonnaise on a hot dog, grosses me up so much that I want to be in a fight about it. Like I think it's a very clarifying thing to talk about. That's Stephen's hot dog, Chris, what's your hot dog?
Mustard? I just like mustard. I always have, even when I was a kid, and it's like an old man thing to like, I just want spicy, yellow, whatever kind of mustard. That's the only thing I would put on a hot that's it. Yeah, No ketchup, no ketchup.
And no like diced up onions. Or you're standing there.
I'll take some dicedition.
You're at station at the baseball game.
What do you put on? Oh the station, I have anything pepper and chini.
You could have Stephen's mannaise if you want.
I want some of those pepperaccinis. I didn't know those were at the station.
Yo.
Yeah, look down there, all up hot.
Bog train leaving the station. We got onions, we got pepper teens, we got yellow peppers. I'll put different kinds of peppers on there. I want tart. I want spicy tart. Okay, yeah, yeah, Chicago style, the kind where they yell at you when they serview it.
Hey, oh that's New York Chicago. Chicago head egg, get your head.
Did you guys ever see that? It was like a Conan segment where Jack uh, the guy the page from thirty Rock that Jacob Bryant, Yeah, where he goes to that hot dog stand. I went there when I was in Chicago. But they just are rude and yell at you. That's part of the experience, and I was pretty sure I wouldn't like it, and they could see on my face that I just wanted to just order it and not be yelled at and so they just scowled at me instead, which which I appreciate.
Yeah, it is nice. That's called service.
But he goes in there with and then they are mean to him, of course, person he doesn't know how to react. And then Triumph the Insult Comic Dog just berates these people until they're actually crying, like he really hurt their feelings, these people that were being like, get the fuck out of here. And then and it is really fun to watch. I'm not doing it justice, but watch that Triumph the Insult Comic Dog in Chicago. It's like when Conan was live in Chicago or something and
they went to that, uh, that hot dog stand. It's the best or it's a it's a it's a brick and mortar building and they may have more than hot dogs, but I can't remember what it.
It's a fam I think it's a hot dog stand.
Yeah, yeah, it's a famous Chicago place.
Also, Chicago dogs have slices of tomato on them.
I'll take that sure. And it's so weird. I have such a weird relationship with tomatoes because if I were to bite one as if it were an apple, which I've seen people do, they sprinkle some salt on there. Yeah, if there is that grainy texture to a tomato, it will trigger my gas reflex. And I have without expecting it at all, because I'm open, I'm a grown up. I'll put I'll dice up tomatoes. I'll put them on a taco I buy them, I'll slice them, I'll put
them on the sandwich I never make. But if I dake a bite of a big tomato, it just triggers my gag reflex, like in a way that I forget about it. And there have been times where I've actually thrown up so real mixed relationship with tomatoes.
But still, and still, you say you would do Chicago style hot dog.
Yes, I would put tiny It's just it's got to be tiny pieces of tomato.
Dice, yes, dice, you got it, you min Stephen.
Oh could you shread it? Yeah, shredded tomato, of course, stew like stewed even, No, I will put it. I will get a ladle of marinera filled with stewed tomatoes, and I'll ladle it all over this hot dog.
This is not a hot dog anymore. You brought it around a soup.
Well, now it's an Italian style meatball.
Do without the meat, I just do mustard relish. That's all I need. Clean, nice, yeah, I mean too easy to remember.
Yeah, and those are the flavors that go well, sweet relish, kind of the onion. You know it's going to be have the texture you want. It's a texture thing with me with the hot salt.
That is.
It's true because I do. Yeah, it's I think we've beaten this today.
Yeah. Yeah, we answered the fuck out of that. I'm not a huge sent what I do dream of just in closing, in closing, these tacos that they would serve at the Western Montana Fair of all places, not at all authentic, I'm sure, but they were so good and my sister and I talk about them all the time, the tacos at the Western Montana Fair, right by the bingo tent.
Can you just give us just a general description.
They are so simple. It was just like mystery, a scoop of mystery meat on a on a very oiled up, crispy, hard shell taco and I think, just yeah, some shredded, shredded lettuce on there. I think that's it. And and that that processed cheese that they shred and then it just.
Yes, it's like velvita.
Yeah, yeah, like it was. It had to be somehow they were able to shred velveta and maybe they crush it through one of those garlic presses, but it was. It's still I think of those tacos and it's I haven't had one since I was twelve or thirteen.
That's a good.
That's a good. So really, your dream sandwich is a taco fi.
I am a Mexican food person. I always have been. I don't hide that.
You cannot go wrong.
I the other day I went and got a breakfast burrito at the bottom of the street there's a deli, and she put pickles on it for some reason, like pickles that you would otherwise, you would find them otherwise. And I'm telling you it was terrific what they tasted exactly.
Sorry, you're gonna have to say what else was on there, because I'm an r.
It was just egg. It was a breakfast burrito. It just had egg, and it had cheese and it had to avocado, and then there was caught up pieces of pickle. And I'm telling you, dil dill or sweet. It was the exact pickles that you would have on a McDonald's hamburger, which I haven't had for years, And somehow that added flavor worked. You just had to separate what you know about Mexican food altogether and be like, yes, you had to Yeah, this is a deli creation from the nice lady down the street.
I love it. Yeah, I miss I missed that kind of ease of use of like I just thought today it would be so fun to go to I think I probably could, though, to go to In and Out. I haven't had in and Out in two months.
I bet because they're strictly drived through. I mean, or they've made them.
I bet they've made themselves strictly drive through because it's they have it down, and I feel like I trust if I trust anybody serving food, I trust in and Out because they're.
So because they believe in the Bible, because because fucking John three sixteen.
Why do I have to say it.
When the cup says it?
They Yeah. I mean that was the first place I had ever been where while you're in the drive through, they have a person on foot and they come up to your window like it's the nineteen sixties wearing roller skates.
When I was on my incredibly did you hear that? I went? But it was a stutter, your dance stutter?
Are you gonna talk about your dance club tour again when you're a DJ?
Anyway, I when I was on this incredibly strict diet, which basically all I ate was romain, lettuce, and chicken breast. Not easy to stay on. But one of the things I could have was the protein style cheeseburger. I just
didn't get any sauce on it. And I went there every other night, and it was like when that person, I would be like, God, I would kill for just a big old anonymous board to yet yell into because I have to look this person in the face and be like, yeah, so I'd love the number two proteins, like if they knew it was me, or at least it felt like it, because I was just like I was working, I couldn't cook, terrible cook where I'm just like, but I can go have my my special thing that's
not fucking a chicken breast.
And they would just say hello again, Karen.
They would be like, your eating disorder is out of controuble. Now you're cooking right, Well, yes, yeah, now I'm trying to be good because in the first month I did a real like cheese based, ice cream based thing where I'm like, I don't move around enough to be eating these many calories. To get this in line.
I've done the opposite. I'm kind of in the ice cream phase, like I've been eating like a child which ice cream. But I've also started Oh at the town just down the street next to that deli, there's a liquor store and they have the Jimmy Fallon and.
Colbert You like the American Dream?
Yes, yeah, David, I don't know what the Balon one is, but either one.
Fallon one has like potato chips in it, doesn't it.
Yeah, And I'm afraid I like it. It's great, I'm sure. Yeah, I've been getting those. But I've also been running, trying to run a little, so I feel like I earned the right to balance it out and ruin it with some ice cream.
Yeah. I started swimming so that I could eat a pint of ice cream a day. That's ye, Like, I have to I have to at least balance it. I can't. I know my tendencies, and I don't want to. I definitely don't want to gain more weight. I want to be losing. But at the same time, I can't just sit in my house and not have a treat or some I have to reward myself. Yeah, I have to.
I know, it is, it is. It is one of the ways we're staying sane. You have to give yourself a little rewards. But you also have to do something. We can't just sit here.
Yeah. And also Salt and Straw. When I order from it, it comes to my house so quickly they get because they they I think they're just sitting there waiting for people, so they just are able to Like it's not like they have to cook anything. They just have their ice cream pre made, so they're just handing pints out the door. So it's like on Postmates view order, Salt and Straw comes in fifteen minutes. Most things take forty five.
Yeah, yeah, totally. No, I've had I've been. Yeah, in the last few days i've been. I discovered Postmates and that it's faster and less expensive than Uber Eats or whatever I was using. And yeah, it immediately comes to my door. And I've been getting treats that way. But Salt and.
Straw it's called that's the name of the ice cream. Places, Yeah, because they have all those like fancy recipes where it's like cherries bourbon and a touch of gravel like shit, where you're like, there's no way this is good, and then you're eating it like your genius is.
Yeah, I get it just makes me. It sounds like salt in straw, Like you go to take a drink of something and it's a straw ful of salt.
It's a prank ice cream store.
Love it?
Should we move on to questions?
Yes, yes, of course, yes.
I honestly love talking about food so much.
I love it. I'm probably speaking unclearly because my mouth started watering after after you gave me permission. I've been drooling. I have drool on my shirt. It actually came out. Oh, the microphone blocked it.
It's funny to talk about preferences of things because it is like I think a lot of times you eat because you eat what you know you're supposed to eat or whatever. But it's like that, that's that was such a good question, hey, brother, because it is what is your dream? Like what would you eat? You know, what's the dream that you have no restrictions and no you know, like it didn't make you feel bad or any of the right.
I immediately was like, well, let's be realistic, what what will I eat? But no, yes, I want the same Italian sandwich that Steven's getting.
Yeah. Also, Sultan Straw has an olive oil and fig ice cream where they did at some point tried it once. That was enough.
Yeah, no good, it was for you. It was fine.
It was like I'm glad I tried it, but it does it's not something I need to like have again on Thursday. Yeah.
I think that's for people who don't care about their desserts. Where it's like any anytime you're at an ice cream place and you're not getting an ice cream that's based, that's a chocolate based ice cream, I'm like, get the fuck out of here. You're wasting your time, Like that's neat that you have like butter brickle in your vanilla.
But the whole thing is like what you're wasting calories on half an experience When like they have an ice cream there that's it's chocolate brownie, but it's literally someone made a pan of brownies, dice them up and then put them into chocolate ice cream. They're like, it's a full on brownie. Experience.
Yeah, yeah, you mind as well go for that.
Yeah, this is from Malt liquor Slurpee on Twitter, I think on Twitter. Yeah, what song do you think you've heard most during your lifetime? Good or bad? By choice or not?
Oh wow, that's a great question. Yeah, that I've heard the most, well, I mean you have to look at I'm afraid it would be a happy birthday or something that I'm not taking you know.
Yeah, you're doing it statistically.
Yeah, I would hate to find out. Actually, no, it's this ring tone from nineteen ninety eight that you've heard the most. But yeah, like music, boy, that's.
A good like a song, like if you went and looked on your phone, like on iTunes or whatever they have like the twenty five most played songs.
Yeah, boy, that is so hard for me to answer.
I wish also these days it's got like when it used to be. I used to drive around and listen to Ellie Radio, you know, like you drive Time radio or whatever. So that would have influenced my answer. But now that that isn't because you can have your phone plugged into your car, you can do whatever you want.
Yeah, it's kind of always been my goal not to just spread myself thin over everything and not ruin there was. I guess I'm going to say the album that I listened to the most was in nineteen ninety three, Frank Black from the Pixies put out a solo album that, at the time instill to me is one of the most important albums. I read about it in Rolling Stone in high school in the library, and the review of it was exactly what I wanted to hear about music. And then I bought it and I listened to it
every day. I think I don't took it at I never took it out, and I always was careful, like I got to stop listening to this or I'll ruin it and I won't like it anymore. Because I did that with so many albums and it never happened. I think I probably that the song that everyone would know. There's a song called Los Angeles where he's like riding around on a hovers. Yeah that, but all the songs
on there, every song to me, is amazing. I love that, So I anything on that, I honestly believe I because I was listening to so much music back then, you know, right right around college freshman year of college, you know I was constantly listening to music.
Yeah, that's In fact, your answer helped me answer mine because I was going to say some I was going to say like Tequila Sunriser or something that that would be like a radio song. But I think the truth of it is in this. I had the same experience where the there's a band called The Sundays and they had an album called Reading, Writing and Rhythmic Tick. Then it came out in I think nineteen eighty eight or eighty nine.
Is it that ideel fine song that's there? That's that's someone? Yeah, okay, oh but it's her.
It's here's where the story ends.
Yeah, yeah, it is that is that is their best song. I It's you and I love. That was the first thing our first episode we talked about our mutual love.
The Sundays. I ordered it. I ordered a poster of Harriet Wheeler when I lived in Bend, Oregon, and I shared a bedroom with this other snowboarder friend, and he would be drawing his boots, his smelly boots on this rack and I just had a bouton mattress that I rolled up in my car and drove there to Oregon, and I had nothing except this poster of Harriet Wheeler that I put on my wall. So I was, yeah, I loved her.
I loved she was she looked like a model. But then this band, like her voice was perfect. It was so that time. It was the perfect transition out of like eighties you know, kind of like Wham Duran Duran, that kind of area and into this like music, in my opinion, music kind of starting to take itself seriously and be like, what if we were just this fucking amazing band. So like the music on that album and on there are other albums too, but that first album,
I was in a reck story in Sacramento. I've told the story and that here's where the story ends came on and from that jangly guitar whatever, I stopped and I looked around and I made icon. I went up to the intimidating girl that worked there and I was like, what is this? Like I was wanted to cry, and then she felt like this is my song?
Yeah, yeah, yep, I loved it. It spoke to me a lot. I just want I like the idea of that girl at the record store to wink like you're part of a club now and go to the safe and get you a.
Seriously, it's just like you have taste that I think that girl at the record store is the same girl who went to Sack State when I did. And she wore a T shirt which blew my mind that said frat boys have no genitals. She made it and she wore it and it was the most on Campo thing.
Yes, oh wow.
I saw her once outside a classroom and I was like, you're the most punk rock yeah mother. And she was really she was really pretty and really like cool, wore the coolest clothes, so like, no dude was going to say anything to her, but like they would have, they would have beaten her up, but she there's something about her where it was just like everyone was just like, oh shit.
It was like, it's weird that you haven't even described what she looks like. And I have a crush on her now yeah you.
Know you know that.
Yeah.
Yeah, she was the coolest and she worked at that record store.
Yeah, she'd probably be mean to me and I'd like it.
Hell yeah. She would put her cigarette out right in your eye.
Oh thank you, thank you, madam. Yeah, all I have I always wanted to impress people that worked at music stores with it's like I'll impress them. I it goes back pretty far. I have a sister that's six years older than me, a lot of influence there. Let me tell you what I know about the start.
It's a love my stack of CDs.
Yep.
Yeah, I'm going to buy from you.
Yep.
One sorry, one quick one one Christmas And it was I think my senior year in high school. I opened up. They were tapes actually the Smith's Louder than Bombs and there was one other one and they were so cool and my dad got them for me and I was like, thanks Dad, and he just went to the record He went to the wear the warehouse in Pedaluma and he fucking just went to the girl and said, my daughter likes this, this and this, what should I buy for her?
And it was the smartest thing he's ever It was like wow, yeah, you know, parents get you stuff that they want you to have. They buy you like sweaters and shit that you're like, thanks, I don't like this.
Yeah. Yeah.
It was.
It was so touching that he it was like, I know that you like this shit that I think is weird, and like, you know, oh, it was the Cure. It was the Smith's and the Cure.
Oh wow, that's amazing. That's why your dad got you. Oh that's the.
Coolest for some awesome employee at the warehouse. That was like, I'll hook you up. She's going to be really excited about this, and I was like, dad.
Yeah, my mom did that for me too, with the
Columbia where you put little stamps on. It was so confusing, but she on purpose there was based on the description got me that band television because it's here's a gritty version of I think they compared him to the Rolling Stones or something, and she knew that wasn't quite cool enough for me, but it was a more punk version, so she got that and she my mom introduced me to Radiohead, which everyone, whether or not they're willing to admit it, why do I just turn to excuse me?
Gravel Throat It likes or appreciated that band at some point, And yeah, I didn't even know about them until my mom. I love that. Yeah, Pablo, Honey.
It's like you're you're so grateful that you found out about that. That was like I bought the Breeders first album because of the cover art and because of the Little Card. It was the same I was still into Sacramento and it was the same record store. It just had moved right down by my house and there was just like a little description and I think it's you know, I'm sure the Pixies were mentioned, but it was like
kim deal. So I was like, it's a girl band or whatever, and then like it was that super cool pinkish yeah. The writing.
Yeah, there's like a there's a strawberry on it, I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was I probably bought that around the same time as the Frank Black CD. It's so funny that that's because that's how I kind of figured out that I liked the Pixies is because they were solo work afterwards, and then I went back and it's like, oh, this's the Pixies. It's amazing too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Breeders are great. Fucking we answered the fuck out that question.
Yeah, we fucking destroyed it.
We did it.
It's mangled. We don't even know what the question was anymore.
Don't go back. It's a burning heap of ash. Walk away.
Sorry we murdered your unrecognizable question.
Sorry we answered answered so much. You never want to hear anything we have to say again?
Okay, this is from I'm paraphrasing from two gulch on Twitter. Basically, what's the biggest change you've noticed in Los Angeles since you've moved here?
I won't live another one.
The biggest change gotta be traffic.
Yeah, I think.
It just has increased by five thousand cars every three months.
Did you make that voice because a fourth person all of a sudden, we just picked up on a frequency someone. Did you just hear someone go weird?
Yes?
Yeah it was a cat?
Was it Steven's cat?
Kareny? Need I remind you I live in a haunted apartment.
I think it will Kenny Lane.
Look at that kitty.
Podcasting.
Oh no, I'm saying weird so loud I can talk to that cat.
Uh sorry. Yeah. When I moved here, everyone and warned me that the sky would be gray and uh, and it was, and that it was always like, oh did you see today you could see the Hollywood sign or whatever. But when I moved to LA it was during that era where you would see hummers everywhere and the prius wasn't quite catching on the way it has. And I you do notice like you do now that cars aren't driving around that all of a sudden, the air quality was better. So that's one thing I've noticed is I
can usually see the Hollywood sign. Not that that's where I looked to to imagine my dreams, but just as a that's my h that's my doppler for air pollution, is whether or not I can see that. And as I've lived here, it's gotten clearer and clearer. So that's a good that's a silver lining to it is, you know what I was also saying, it was onlining.
When I when I first moved here, there were so few aside from fancy restaurants that were expensive that like rich and fancy people want to there were very very
few good restaurants that just served like delicious food. And it used to drive me and saying, like you'd go to like there was like toy on Sunset, which was awesome, amazing, yeah, yeah, and then like across the street El Ca and Padre or whatever, there was like a couple of key places you would go to Ell that one that's on Western anyway, there's like a bunch of of course there's great Mexican food and stuff, but for the.
Most Coyote, Is it the coyote on Western No.
Well, El Coyote is like fun to get drunk up. But the food isn't the best Mexican food there's it doesn't matter anyway, But just basically, over the years, it's almost like people have moved in and been like, you can have a good restaurant. That's not I think because people here are so on a diet all the time and so concerned with that and their weight that you kind of can't. It can't be like Buka Debeppo everywhere. People just won't go to it.
Yeah.
Yeah, But now it's like they've they've brought some really good restaurants that you know, people have gotten cooler about it.
Yeah, yeah, and paid attention to ingredients, which everyonehether or not, they know it. It makes food taste better when the the parts are good.
Yeah, yeah, exactly, the food parts, the ingredients.
Ah yeah, Food's gotten better, traffic's gotten worse. In conclusion, the end.
In conclusion, stay home, wash your hand.
This is from Kent Underscore. Lisa, what's the last thing you'd ever order at Starbucks?
I think for me it Yeah, it would be one of those refreshers or something non coffee, like here's here's a strawberry without caffeine, Like anything without caffeine. It's like, why am I here. I'm not here to quench my thirst. I'm here to make my hands jiggle and have trouble sleeping later. Yeah, so yeah, anything that doesn't although that's not true because Monday, you know, I did get a lemonade there and it was delicious, but it felt it felt like there was like, well, I'm here anyway, I
should get this. I yeah, I always get coffee there.
I'm not. Yeah, it's it's all about the caffeinated hit and I would say I would never get I'm not interested in the pumpkin spice anything. I'm sorry, Stephen. I'm just not no like pumpkin, like those kind of flavored things or you know what. I really don't like those fucking cake pops. They're gross. I don't know why they came out with them. I understand it's kind of for kids, I think, but like the first time I had one, someone was like, oh my god, if you had these
there at Mays. It's a dough. It's a ball of dough, so it's gross. It's dough covered in frosting. It's really gross.
Yeah, it's not worth it. It's not worth the because you know what you're eating is it's it's it's entirely bad for you, and it's just not tasty enough for it to be.
That bad for right you want Like, yeah, those everything in that case is so many calories that you better be loving it because what a waste.
Is the only thing I do like about those pops and their little bagel bites or whatever. It's like, I'm not I just barely need something in my stomach, and they have that option there. Most places don't. It's like, now you have a full meal, or you get the fuck out. I'm sorry I got aggressive there. I've yelled at a lot at restaurants for wanting small portions.
I actually went to Starbucks the other day and just to get ground up beans because I don't have a grinder at my house and I like their Italian roast neither.
I'm never buying a grinder, and it's really hard to find pre ground beans.
Yeah, they'll do it for you. The Starbucks drive through and it was great, and I was like, I always try to get two bags just so I because I don't go out anymore. Obviously a few of us do that are sane, and so I asked for two. She was like, we only have one. I said that's totally fine. I said, I'll take something similar, like a Verona or whatever. And when I got up to the front, the girl came up and she had the bag, but she goes a bunch dumped out while I was doing it, so
you can have this for free. And I'm like, oh, that's really nice, but it was still three quarters of the way full. And then she goes and we'll get your other one. And then as they were doing that, one another girl king goes, we found another bag of Italian So she goes, so do you want that too? And I was like yeah, and I go, well, I'd rather have that than the other one, but they had already ground the second one. Then they were like we
found enough. Anyway, I ended up with four bags of Italian beans, and it was I made the line get really long behind me because it became this thing like these awesome girls at this Starbucks at I don't even know where I was. It was like fucking came Rio and Riverside. They it was like their project to get me these beans. It was hilarious, and I don't think they were listening. I think they were just like, you know those people that work at Starbucks that like like having that.
Job so much. I noticed saying that about Starbucks employees. It's part of the I've always had this thing with me that where I feel like we should be going to some mom and pop coffee place or whatever. It's just it's but we can't do it in our podcast. There's no drive throughs at those places. But my experience with the employees has been like, I don't care there. These are nice people.
Well, and also they make more than an hom wage. They have health insurance, they have their partners have health insurance.
They treat their employees well.
They treat their employees great.
All right, this is from Hannah J. May Karen Chris. What are your favorite what are your favorite driving memories you have shared with your parents or siblings?
Do you want me to go first?
Yeah? Sure, because this is.
A classic in my family. So my dad always had Volkswagen Bugs from when I was little.
Yeah.
And the first one, the blue one. It had blue. It was blue, really cool color blue too. It was like it was like a royalish blue but anyway, uh, and it had white interior, and we were so little in this car that we used to get in what we called the wayback machine, which was not the back seat but the space behind the back seat. That's how we were so small we could get back there. And of course there was no there's no seatbelt laws in the seventies, so we would literally like walk around the
car as we were driving around. So we had tons of fun in this car with my dad. One of the he would sometimes pick us up from school after like if and if kid there weren't other kids around, he would let us. He would let us stand on the like runner board that was on the side. You know, there's like a like I would say it's half a foot wide, or not even a foot. It'd say it's six inches.
On the side of the car, on the yeah.
Outside of the car. So there's just like a little thing. Yeah, if you were a little kid, you could stand on it and hold on to If my dad unrolled his window, you could hold onto the window and stand on that thing almost like with your in first position ballet. And he would drive around and let us ride on the outside of the car and he would go you can't. You can't tell your mom I did this and it was the most fun, Like around the playground. He would
do that sometimes. Then my thing, and this was when I was probably four or five, I mean really little. I stood. I was standing behind the driver's seat one time, and like my sister was in the passenger seat and my cousin was in the back seat with me, and I was standing up. So I was, you know, only three feet tall or four feet tall, holding onto my dad's seat, the driver's seat, And then I realized it would be funny if I covered his eyes while he was dying. So I flap my hands over his eyes
and he starts laughing. He's like, you can't do that, you know, and he has to pull my hands off. Well, getting a laugh from my dad was pretty rare, so then I was like, I have to do it again. And then I slapped my hands over his eyes and would not take them off, and he's like, Karen, and he's like literally has to like wrench my fingers and he's.
Like, I can't see.
You had to uncover my eye. It was like because I was little enough where I was like this is hilarious, and he was laughing he wasn't like mad at me, but he but I could see so I didn't understand that he really couldn't say yeah, yeah, and he was still going. It was hilarious and we had got so much fun in.
That could have been the end of it all. It really.
Yeah, he had to take his foot off the gas.
My dad had a Volkswagen bus like we had, the with a camper. He like cut a hole in the roof and put a pop up tent on it and there was a hammock and we would go camping in that and that was a good memory of mine. But yeah, there was a time where it was icy and where this is a rear wheel drive van that oddly has some old Portion motor in it. It's got like the same engine. It's like a Portion nine fourteen or.
That's how they make those.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it's just terrible on the ice and we slid and that was the only wreck I ever got in as a kid, at least, And I was sitting in the back and like you said, no seat belts, I just launched from the back and all of a sudden, I remember, without being hurt or anything, was just up front next to my Dad, I just tumbled. You know, you're a little pliable kid. But it was not scary at all. I just felt like I was safe in there because you're in you're in a room
where you can just walk around. Who needs seat belts if you have some room to fly? There isn't a window right in front of me? What's bad is going to happen?
Did that one have?
Did you have?
Was it like a camper van where it had a sink and a table and stuff like that.
I had a table that we would only stick in the hole that he put in the floor, Like there's a little mount for it that we would only use when we were camping otherwise. I don't know where it went above somewhere, but yeah, it had no seats in it. It was just an open yeah like one and.
Then you could fold down the back seats so that you could totally in there.
Yeah, we've it comfortably slept four somehow.
Yeah that's Pete had one of those and we drove to Oregon in it five different times. Yeah, it was really fun.
I will never forget driving in that. Like, I don't know how I know we went to Oregon at least to see the guy my dad's radio partner lived in Astoria, the Goony's town, and it was so fun. The memories of driving in the van going down there. I think usually we were in the Buick and we would go all the way down to San Diego and see family that my dad had there. But those those road trip memories were the best, like learning to be funny with my sis during the backseat, and and listening to music
and everything from doing puzzle. I vividly remember Tony the Tiger coloring book. Like every memory, all the music, everything about those trips is still so vivid to me. It's so so clearly I was having a good time totally.
I also like, I'm very grateful that I grew up in the mid to late seventies because the AM radio music was so awesome. It was like, you know, now it's basically yacht rock. Yeah, that's what we had. You just turn on the radio and that's what was always playing. It was like it was rad.
Yeah, It's like it's like AM radio had fewer stipulations and it was up to the DJ, so you would just get some someone that was playing what they liked, that was passionate about music. But yeah, now it's now it's just ham radio, weather highlights or whatever. I don't know what's a sports talk is.
It doesn't even exist anymore. I don't know. Ye, all right, should we do one last one? God, we've been.
Yeah, we've been gabbing. We'll we'll have to do another episode of Q and A.
Yeah, this was a quick one. I don't know if I want to end on this one, if that's okay. But this is from Dumpster AF. Ask who is more likable, Donald Duck or Daffy Duck.
Oh I if we tell well, I mean we I love Wait a minute, Oh no, we're talking about bugs, bunny. This is new territory.
Yeah, this is brand new Dumpster AF dumpsters fuck knows what they're talking about.
Yeah, Daffy Duck was I just think there's a lot of spitting. Daffy Duck had a speech impediment. It's just during the quarantine. I think would be harder to hang out with that duck. But Daffy, we just got a you know, I think he's probably goofy er in more fun. But Donald, you know, Donald was in the military. You know he's gonna be uh probably Republican.
Uh.
I don't know he.
Donald didn't have much of a personality. He was kind of like I never fucking understood what he was saying. It was too like I don't know why that was the Duck voice. He just seemed kind of like he was he didn't have Daffy Duck had such personality. Yeah, and even though yes, he flew off the handle and spit and crossed his arms a lot and there was issues.
But I'm just seeing myself and him. Yeah, I do all those things.
I like that. I think it's you know, there's he's well rounded in terms of you know, he had his flaws, but he wasn't uh yeah, he wasn't like I feel like daf wait, that's Daffy. Donald did a lot of like pushing up his duck arms like and marching upstairs where it's like, I don't want to fucking watch this guy. I think I was always frustrated watching Donald Duck, and I was always laughing when I was watching Daffy Duck.
Yeah, I think you're right. I think I changed my uh yeah. Plus, Donald always you know, he took the time to put on a military style shirt but never pants, no plants.
Put on some pants just like porky pig. They were bottomless. Motherfucker's over there.
Put on some You're representing this country. God damn it, put on some pants.
Okay, okay, this question. So this is from Ashley Lane aka constant Designer Kay. She just got engaged during the quarantine.
Congratulations, Congratulations.
It must be real if it happened during the quarantine, it is real.
I saw it on Instagram. There's only truths, no the love. Oh, I gotcha, I got you.
Yeah, Okay, congratulations Ashley.
She just asked what kind of jokes would you tell if you performed at a wedding?
Inappropriate ones? Judging by my uh experience, it's always a few drinks and I feel like there's pressure to roast my friend. It's usually a groom that I want to partially embarrass. Yep, And I probably should be doing it when the wedding first starts, but it keeps going on and on, and then you got to watch them dance and maybe wait for a cake situation to happen. So by the time it's my turn to talk, and it makes me really nervous to speak at weddings. It's like
you have to say something poignant. You can't just tell a bunch of jokes. But I always prepare for weddings and I've always done well, but I have gone over the top, and someone's feelings will get hurt. Not usually the brighter groom, but someone a relative or family mem I'll take it out on someone. And I'm you know, I'm not a roast comic of any kind, but I take weddings and I turn them into a roast, and I well, you have to.
I would say. I told this to my dad once because he used to do these firemen banquets where they like a old fireman would retire and then you know, one hundred firemen would go get I'll eat dinner together and drink together, and then and somebody would mce. So one time my dad was the host or whatever, and he was asked asking me for help, and I said, Dad,
here's the key to all of it is you. Whatever the first thing you say is has to be something that everyone has been observing in the room the whole time. You will destroy. So like even if you just walk up and go thanks for everybody coming tonight. These curtains were shipped in by you know, mousey tongue. I don't know whatever I thought. Some slam on something that you know it's in the room, everyone's been staring at it
the whole time. He'll think you're a genius. And once you do that, it'll break the ice for them and you.
You will get the first big response because they won't expect it, and it'll be like a thing that they've been marinating in for an hour while they're eating and drinking, and then you go up and that's like before we start blah blah blah whatever it is, and then you just kick it off and then they'll they'll know you have it in hand and once, because as a female comic, I always felt like that's something I had to quickly
make sure they understood. I knew what I was. I wasn't up there going like, oh hi, everybody, I hope everything's It's like you immediately go guys, you put on like the fake confidence and then do a thing that they're not expecting, which is you've been staring at your plates,
did you notice the global whatever it is? And then you earn their immediate trust and then they don't have to worry about you, because I think audiences worry about female comics more than they do male comics, and so you have to like get convey that you're very good at what you do and like you're you're on it. And he told me it was like he went up
and did this thing and it was about whoever. Whatever it was, he said it was the best advice and it immediately immediately destroyed and then everything else was like gravy after that. So that's I would say Ashley's asking because she it's a future, she's worried about it in the future. That's the thing to tell the person says like, definitely, don't roast too hard. It's not about slamming Grandma or whatever,
Like don't don't get about yourself. It's about the you're talking about the experience of the wedding and the relationship and that it's all supposed to be like fun times, family times, but also be entertaining. Like if you're going to attack anybody, attack some dumb groomsmen because they can take it. They're used to it.
And yeah, I was always making a groomsman feel bad. I think that's what I meant to say. But that is such good advice as right away commanding it and using something that is in the moment, and I do that with stand up too. There was all this pressure when I first started to like know exactly what your first joke is going to be and then your last joke and fill in the blanks. And I always like to be say something off the top of my head
in the beginning, which sometimes would backfire. I guess if you yes, if you say something about the curtains and then someone's mom had made them, and then their feelings are you know, but it is it is a good way right away, way to be like, this is just me. Here's my ability right right away. Just know that here's I'm gonna be funny. Okay, now that we got that out of the way, here's my prepared things.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's almost like I think it was a trick I taught myself where I would watch other people go up and they'd be killing and they would go up and had like the perfect opening joke or the perfectness, and I would start getting this panicked, like I have to beat this. It like because of course that's all I have. I'm so competitive and so like psychotic. I would just be like I have to beat this. I had to beat this, so it'd be like if I went fourth or later, I could always I knew.
It's like, oh, I can make a joke about Craig Fitzimmons because he went on before me, or like you can use what already happened. And yes, there's definitely times where it did not work or people just don't like it. But when they do like it, it works times ten because yeah, then they go, oh, yeah, the one thing I didn't realize or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, that's callbacks. Man, they are helpful. Oh they work, They totally work. Well.
Congratulations Ashley, We're so happy for you, and yeah for all your artwork and participation. Thanks everybody.
Yeah, Ashley, you're the best. Yeah, we think you're the best. Congratulations.
Yeah, it's so nice you found love during COVID nineteen's pandemic.
May we all.
May we all get engaged with it within the month.
Yeah, someone someone will come knocking on my door anything now.
I just know my old neighbor will come up and tell me I'm beautiful again soon, God bless it so his soul.
Well, I guess I guess we should save the rest of the questions for next time, since we're yeah, getting close to the end. Yeah, I did want to mention, Yes, I have a stand up special that is pre releasing on We're Gnarly without a G. It already was a U R all that the my my buddy Whitey that produced my special. He owned it already, So We're gnarly dot com and then it'll just be a link to download or rent my special. Great and then later on Amazon and stuff.
And yes, so the pre release is on We're Gnarly with No G yess yeah dot com.
Yeah, w E R E n A r l y dot awsome.
I watched Chris at several sets while he was getting ready for this special and it's I know, it was hilarious. Oh also, my friend j Jason Lopez went and said it was amazing and that he cried at the end.
I oh get So it was in Portland.
Yeah, he lives in Portland.
Yes, yes, that's sweet. Tell him thank you very much.
Yes, I think you met him. You may have met he may have just set gone up and said hi or I or I just put him on your list.
No, no, I think he did say hi. Yeah. Yeah, he's an old crew yours.
We used to work at the Gap together when we were nice.
Oh yes, okay, friends, Yeah, totally.
Yeah, yeah, he's the best.
That's so great that that's awesome. Yeah and he was.
Yeah, so some reason that was an important night for me. Yeah, he's he saw it.
He was my eyes for me because I couldn't be there because I think I was on the road too, or was like I wanted to go up and watch it, and then it was like I think I was just getting back from somewhere on my way. And then I said, fuck you, Yeah you were.
You were on the road a lot, and I remember that, fuck you, but yeah, you were. You were. You were deep into some uh my favorite murder touring at the time.
I was deep into some cheese sandwiches and gostdam.
No, not melted, just sliced and dry the way I like it dry.
I want to choke on it. Uh. This was great, and Stephen, you think we have more. We think we could do it again.
Oh they only did seven questions out of seventy.
This is now a Q and a podcast for sure.
The great stuff left.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll do it again.
Beautiful.
Thank you you've been listening to do you? Oh my god, you've been listening? Do you? You need a ride? You you deane air? Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?
Either way we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and they turning on and Gabe.
We want to send you off inside. We want to welcome you back home.
Tell us all about it.
We scared?
Or was it fine?
Mal porn?
Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen and Cress
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