S2 - Ep. 4 - Jake Weisman

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim, and give us time and a terminol and gay. We want to send you off inside. We want to welcome you back home.

Tell us all about every.

Scared he was it fine, Malborn.

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris.

Fairbanks and this is Karen Coilgaraff.

We're driving it.

I'm just gonna go ahead and say right away today Jake Weisman's on the show, but not yet.

We're going to his house.

That's right, we're en route.

Yeah, well, yeah, it.

Depends on if you grew up in one of those towns that where it said Choppe, right, like a French town in Missoula, Montana. We had the medicine Chope, so I was we had that Pedlima too, that was a franchise, was yeah, Tarnet. I thought it was something I always I never went in there, but I assumed we had a beat and I was gonna description, Did you not go in there because you weren't fluent?

Yeah? I mean I just visited Montreal, but I didn't pick up.

A CIVU play. Can I have some aspron Oh?

I just learned things you say in the strip club. You've been to strip clubs and Montreal? Right.

I woke up five.

Minutes before these guys arrived in my house because we're doing this oddly in the morning, so that we could so that we could fit Jake Wiseman in because we wanted him to be on the show.

Plus, I like the challenge. You know, I have a brain that doesn't start till five PM. I like to light a fire under my ass.

Let's see.

No, you know, if it was after five pm, I probably wouldn't have opened up with that strip club character.

We would have missed out on that.

Shocking reveal that amazing.

Chad Daniels and I Chad Daniels is a very good comedian. He and I went to some eyes wide shot clown party.

Did I tell you about that?

I don't know.

It was the.

Trappis Artist clowns, and they invited us to a party and they picked his pocket while we were.

Dancing with him, and then all your string, every story I've told, every story.

I'm dry.

Yeah, it's good you start over to make new memories.

Yes, I uh yeah, it's time to start living life.

Yeah.

Really, get out there, really get those anecdotes going around the neighborhood.

What if we are antidotes? Because I've poisoned everybody and you can.

You can choose her to say you run around giving anidotes.

Oh, God, wouldn't that. That's that's freedom. Yeah, just being in control.

Freedom over others lives.

Yeah, especially your neighbors. Don't get me started. I'm actually gonna have the same neighbors. I'm moving, yeah, and forty feet away. I get to hand move.

Oh you're moving just to a different apartment in the same complex.

Yes, that's not by my lonesome.

That's very convenient.

You're gonna have an office. I just start doing office things.

That's great. Better, get to tie in a short sleeved, white button down shirt.

Wile cabinet secretary. That gives me a little guff.

You're getting a secretary.

I think it's time that I get a secretary.

There's Stephen Remore snorting in the backseat. How are you.

That's the loudest ever.

You're more bearded than you usually are, Steven. I'm just keeping it's my winter pelt, and yeah, I'm super excited to embrace the winter in La.

It's very fluffy.

Yes, thank you, I've been I've been fluffing it out. It's good.

Do you look like you should be in my morning jacket.

Anyway?

You look like you should be in my pajama pocket like a cute little mouse.

What a lovely compliment.

Even wake up and his hands are on my pocket like a little blank. Oh my god.

There's a fan of our podcast that go that her handle its Chelsea makes, And she sent me a tiny dining room set that I get to assemble and polish or I'm going to stand it and stain it and she lack it and make it look like a real damn piece of furniture.

That's amazing.

It's a kit and it came like, uh, with instructions and everything.

Do you know we need a po box so that people can send us other stuff?

Do you on my favorite murder talk about your enjoyment of many worlds?

Yes, Georgia is obsessed.

Okay, I am too, that's something or a nice share. Yeah okay, yeah and that who made that?

My favorite murder room.

Oh, these two women, it's unbelievable. In San Diego. I wish either name their names off hands. Stephen is pulling up their names. This is the beauty of the crossover, Steven.

Hell yeah yeah.

School teachers Soaks Lynn Lynn and.

Kristin.

Lynn and Kristen made them for us and basically for those of you listening to do you need to Ride that don't know about this. They basically put a miniature version of Georgia's podloft where we record the other podcasts in, and like a fish tank, but it's all to scale exactly the way the room looks based on things we've done diorama.

Yes, yeah, right, it's amazing.

I did want in a shoe box with ze Bleeze. He was a Zebelee from New Zealand. Oh New Zebeland. Sorry, did you do you remember ze Bleeze?

I think I'm too old.

They're little furry balls with little adhesive feet you go, little antenna, yeah, and little googly.

I didn't know they had names.

At Paxon Elementary, they would hide them throughout the school and it was I remember every day.

Of being excited to find them. It was just a little detail that my school did that's so cute.

Other then give us poison and make sure we didn't get cavities right, And yeah, it was really cute. And then I did a little guy on a porch once I've always been so it was like little front steps and little handrail and he's sitting there and he had a cane and a little Irish hat. Even I didn't do any research on New Zealand. I just assumed it was part of Ireland. It's okay, and he was green. I really, you know, I'm not saying I was a smart kid, but I zoomed in on the MFM.

Do you ever do that?

Call it MFM sometimes yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, And it's uh the details because I was looking for a d you need a ride reference.

It's okay that there wasn't one. I'm okay with that.

Yeah. I try to keep those little cast I try to keep him separate. Because of the war game Wars.

Yeah, yeah, you know, I think we all learned from what happened to Tupac.

Well, but now all these worlds have collided. YEA and the exactly right network.

And we both are West Coast podcast.

That's right.

We don't have any real beef with each other. No, we've got to come together to fight the East Coast.

How exciting. I'll just talk about your other podcast. Was it to have Conan on What's that?

It was amazing?

Yeah, he seems like he's really terrific.

It well, and I had no idea he is a huge true crime fan, so he had started his own podcast. He's on Earwolf, which is the same like sure company as ours network, So.

I didn't know that that.

And I listened to Mike Tyson on Joe Rogan's podcast, which if Joe Rogan wasn't around, I think I'd be one of the only alpha males in podcast.

You know, I am graphic talking about strip clothes. Yeah, dude, ship take pictures of my meat.

He takes a lot of pictures of organic beef and oh, paleo things.

Oh good, Yeah, paleo's good.

I've learned a little bit about health stuff.

I mean, he's very fit.

But I taped a special in Portland and a lot of murder renos and dining renos let's not call them just because of the lawsuits.

Listen, I know there's so much trademarking.

I didn't even know about our rivalry now that lawyers are involved over but I yeah, it went well. I was only afraid I would mess it up, and I don't think I messed it up.

No.

From what I hear my people, my Portland people on the ground that you not only didn't mess it up.

It was amazing.

The ones in the balcony with walkie talkies, yes.

Talking into their cuffs about how the eagle had done his first set. Yes, yeah, yes, I had all my people in place.

Well, they did a great job, laughing while working. Okay, good, Yeah, it was very fun.

It's green. It's been raining in Los Angeles for days now. Yes, I love it it is.

How do you feel about it?

Speaking in an Irish accent and cutting open soap and smelling it.

Oh, look at those dogs.

They're two different dogs completely, but their friends.

Yes, one is small and one is over white. Oh dogs.

We're going to take a left in two more blocks, so where that suspicious man is spitting on a hydrant? Nope, actually pasted him. Okay, we'll just wait here. Yeah, get those hazards on like a what's that called a metrodome, metronome, metronome.

What's a metrodome?

You made it up.

That's just a city facility where they have fights tonight at the Metrodome.

Mike Tyson, Oh, look at her. She's dressed like a ballerina.

And she almost balleted right onto the hood of that car. I'm not into boxing necessarily.

Well, you know, it's funny.

It's from a distance, boxing just seems like two people beating each other up. And then when you know that, like the combinations, you know what they're doing, or at least what they're trying to do.

It's fascinating.

Yeah, but you really it's the difference is huge when you do know and don't know.

I learned to appreciate boxing now that MMA, now that that is a bigger sport and everyone it's just a lot of holding people down, not a judo.

It's like, who wants to watch, oh a MMA?

Five minutes of this guy is armed being compromised while another man's.

Balls are on his face.

Well, I honestly think that's part of it.

I think that MMA there is a home eerotic aspect that's very permissive. People can watch that and it's just like they just kind of want to watch two guys hug real strong.

Sure, and that's fine.

And I've talked about Tank g Abbott and his arousals while fighting, so I'm.

Not going to talk about it again. I only have fifty stories. And how many episodes are we indo here?

Oh, we've got at least four hundred.

Yeah, so there we go. That's why I've build everything eight times. And that is some quick math. And then one of those boxer guys killed himself. I'm really sometimes I'm just proving that I remember things, and then it's kind of a bummer, so I'm sorry. And also the guy that I watched the surgery before my hip surgery, huh, that victim of my doctor patient, I mean he died of a like a brain aneurysm.

Oh, and all the time, I'm.

Worried that it's a little piece of hip metal or a bubble from his hip going to his brain or something.

I don't Yeah, you please take that off the list.

I will, I will.

You have plenty of things to nail down before you get into brain aneurysms.

Brain aneurysms, they just happen and it's over.

You're dead.

So that's gonna hit you. That's like worrying about being hit by a bus.

If it's gonna happen, you won't be able to do anything anyway, exactly. So take it off the list it is it is, and get real into my thing, which is not going to the doctor, because I'm convinced now that my life finally has come together, that they're going to be like now you have full body cancer. I'm just positive because it's that right head to toe.

I have head, shoulders, kneezy to cancer, ears, mouth, and nose.

I have cancer on my neck, my back, and my crack, to.

The windows, to the walls.

I have cancer from my windows to my walls.

All you doctor sell I have cancer dripping down my balls, which is the worst kind.

It's just the outward like whitting cancer. You can't shower it off.

I know, it's like oil. It's just the water bounces off of it.

It's bad. It's cancer repellent. Balls are the worst thing.

I am.

Welcome, dude, need to welcome to the X rayed. Do you need to ride?

Yeah?

God forbids some mother who drives carpools like these guys are fun and funny that these are the ones kids can listen to.

Oh yeah, and that's just everyone in the car is a pacifier and they're learning so much about life.

Everyone in the car. Well, you know, it's funny. I was watching.

I woke up the middle of the night as I was telling you guys, so I put on I got a screener for the movie The Favorite, and I put it on, and so many of my friends had told me. I couldn't stop laughing because all my friends had told me they went to this movie thinking it was about like historical it was like historical fiction or about this old queen, and it's really about how this queen had

They are in street.

I like to keep it sinister and without any details.

And surreal, we're in the street. Well you finish your I don't even know why I started telling it, except for that it was.

Oh.

It was the kind of movie people think it's a parents movie because it seems like it's historical, but it's actually a movie about like three women who are all trying to have sex with each other and no one saw it coming. So I had a couple of different

I love it.

It's amazing.

And it's it's Olivia Coleman, who's from if like Broadshirt.

She's a British actress. Watch Peep Show.

Oh yeah, I love pepe Show.

So you know the main girlfriend that's around the longest and she kind has really big eyes and big teeth.

Yeah, that's her.

It's a wow, Olivia Coleman. She's and she kind of speaks quietly like this. She plays the queen.

And then Emma Stone one person and Rachel White.

Funny who the person that made that movie?

What else have they made?

The Lobster?

Oh yes, oh hello, it's so funny, Wiseman.

Everyone came varying gifts for various reasons.

Oh really, yeah, so for Steve.

And I have his son glasses.

I'm not gonna do any that's private.

Good to see you guys.

See I know hi friend, thanks bringing up.

And also I brought pastries. Here's why because I felt it would induce guilt either way, because I felt if you have them, you'll feel guilty, and if you don't, you feel guilty for wasting them.

So it's a whole gift.

Then are they from the tropical?

We just drove by that place and I wanted to cry because I want their coffee so bad?

Can I peak? I'm gonna peek.

You didn't know that you can?

I want you to.

Ideally you'd have them now.

Well, while people get mad when we mix smacking, so but ainger is good.

It's an emotion, apparently, and it's good to express whatever got going. There's a banana bread, chocolate croissant, macaroon, and a guava and panada.

You also have them if he wants them.

Just for everyone.

This is You're the best. You're definitely the number one guest of all time.

Again, I just want to say that it wasn't altruistic. I thought maybe you'd feel guilty, and I thought it could induce that, But yes, I wanted you to feel good as well.

I feel all kinds of negative.

So fun because it's like there's always meetings like next door, so it's all sorts of addicts and that you can always overhear their stories. In Cafe trop Icyle just about like the problems they have, and they're all having like the most amount of intense conversations happen in Cafe Tropical ever, Like every conversation is very intense, Yes, and they're all just really expressing themselves and their eyes are wide and I love it.

Or there's people that are writing, oh like it's their last chance before they move away from Los Angeles.

I always feel like when I'm in Cafe Travicau writing a screenplay, I look around at everyone and I'm be like, I'm the one who's gonna make it though, Like there's like so many different screenplays, but I want to be the one who does it.

I'm going to be the one that makes it. To the SAP.

I like that with their coffee. When you order coffee there, they put milk in it automatically. You don't get a choice. Yes, I love any kind of thing where it's like you just back up, We're going to take care.

Of Yeah, there's no such thing as not drinking dairy.

They do.

They added soy and almond now, so it's kind of nice because I actually became lactose intolerant last year at the ething else where it happened my stomach started exploding. So now that's the annoying thing about lactose intolerance is you just buy necessity. Are more annoying now, yes, like you just literally are the most annoying human alive. You have to talk about it. Yeah, every breastaurant I go to,

Do they have pills like beano for farting for lactose intolerance that helps you?

Yeah, lactid though I get nervous. Though I don't want to test it because it doesn't work on everyone. And I just hate pain so much and so I just try to avoid it at all costs. Like I'll stop doing something if I feel any pain, So I'll just like milk is like okay, I will never try that again.

You know, you know I had a flare up.

I guess it's called when you're doing extra terribly, and it helped me a lot to not eat dairy and sugar and all those things.

The true flare up is so visual.

Yeah, it really is visually. I look the same.

It was just my my face was unhappy.

You're no stranger to pain, though, No.

We we've we've we've talked about pain together.

Yeah. Yeah.

How is your hip?

My hip feels terrific.

Yeah yeah. Is it a real hip anymore? Or do you have a fake hip?

It looks like a golf.

Club, but it works like a golf club.

It is my It is still my bone. They didn't cut my bone. There's just a little helmet on it.

What can't you do?

Uh? A certain yoga poses quickly?

Oh, you can't do fast yoga anymore?

No?

I love fast yo. Yeah, speed cold yoga. About my house, it's the new. They do not want you to be warm, They do not want you.

It's all pulled us.

Everyone's cramping, everyone's screaming.

Do you guys find it? Are you able? Because something I think about all the time. I've been talking about this a lot lately is Oh is that Danielle?

It is.

We are now?

She has to know, Danielle. Danielle, we're podcasting.

Hey, Danielle, we're currently podcasting.

She's like, I don't care, ye Crystal Seals. We're podcasting across.

That's gonna start.

It's funny because there are certain places you drive on the east side of la or like where you you're guaranteed to run into someone you know, like Mustard Seed Cafe if you go there and you will have a conversation you don't want to have. If you walk down Hillhurst, you will run into someone. There's just certain places you can.

Be sure of.

Yes, that's very true.

But Danielle's a good person. She's the opposite of a gang neighborhood.

You know.

She she's running our network.

I know.

I just saw her the other day and she told me that. And now full circle it almost seems planned.

Well. I called her and said, are you busy around ten forty straight across Sunset please for Jake Comfort.

We like all of our name droppings to be organic. And if you aren't there, it's gonna seem set up.

Do you This is a weird question, but can you write off gas because you're at work right now?

Karen? Oh, yes, yes, yes, I do mylege.

Oh and it's half of my driving and probably more actually is because of you know, going to comedy this part of town from the beach to go do a seven minute set for no money.

So damn right, I'm getting.

Like, hell, you look at there's your there's your billboard.

That is sorry, sorry you're hired. I love that. I always was a fan of sorry, We're open. I've always like apologies.

Yes, I like the other day I was with Mattia Bretson who is uh do you need to ride? Alum and pet Bishop the other Creative Corporate and we were walking. We wanted to get a picture of of the billboard, us under the billboard, just to document it because it's so crazy that we are able to have. It's such a once in a lifetime experience. Ye're walking on Hollywood Boulevard in Los Los Flies. Although I know Matt had trouble pronounciate, pronunciating it, pronunciating it.

Pronounc it.

Yeah, but it's it's a lot of things.

You know what I mean. It's just meant to you know what, It's meant to get you in trouble, That's what it is. So there were these there's this couple walking and I said to them, Hey, can you guys take our picture. We're like on that billboard and if you could take a picture would be great, and that can only happen in LA and New York. That is the most LA bullshit ever, is like, my face is up there and if you could take a picture of be in front of it, and I felt bad, but I kind of felt good.

The l A.

The even more LA thing is for them to respond with, oh, yeah whatever.

It's like, so are we we're the one next to you? Yeah, as are you guys happy?

I'm great?

Yeah, good, real good.

I've been very happy lately. I don't know if it's got The rain has been helping. Everything's green. I don't understand these people that jump off the space needle because it's wet out.

So you you so the rain and the dreariness helps you.

Yes, I've been indoors. I haven't had to interact. I've spent a lot of quality alone time, and it turns out I like myself.

All right, Hey wow, is that like a new revelation.

It sort of is that because we're kind of trained to think that being alone all the time is a bad thing and you should be sad.

But I've been enjoying.

My apartment and it's wet out and there's no pressure to go do anything or be it.

And don't get me wrong, I've been How often do you road trees are going to do comedy?

I think about that all the time. How often do you guys actually want to go do something?

Never? That was my favorite I watched.

I went to the screening of new Corporate episodes from the current season which started on the fifteenth, and there is an episode about that, and it was my favorite.

Big pressure to go out at night, I really don't want to. Yeah, it's weird. Sometimes I do.

Because there's this whole world of things to do, I guess, But then you're like, but but it isn't that good? Like I just can't like what is good?

You know, what's weird? I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

What is good?

Right?

Because everything changes as you get older, especially living in Los Angeles for me having been here for so long, what I see now is the reason people get married in there, like and down here.

It's usually late thirties or forties or whatever at the latest.

The reason that happens, and you kind of like nest up is because it stops being good because most you can't like drink heavily for twenty years without some impact, Like you can't just keep on going out and getting fucked up and having that be fine. Like that's great in your twenties, fine in your thirties. When you're in your forties, it starts to it starts to bottom out.

No I drink at home, don't get me wrong, Well drink.

All you want.

My point is that staying at home starts to become the good thing, sure, and then going out starts to become the bummer. And it basically everything goes mirror image. And it's just like that. I think it's just the effect of aging.

Yeah, yeah, there's that broad picture that I am sort of confronted by, but it's true.

But then there's also just like there's no parking.

Well that's what I'm talking about.

It's logistics.

It's just sort of like I have a bad bladder, like so like like just like when I go to a place, when I go do anything, my first thought is where's the bathroom? Like where's the bathroom? And is the seat I have close to the bathroom? And so I don't have to worry about that at home. Like

And also it's because like that idea that we're all supposed to have the same preferences.

Is very strange. It's just like we all I don't.

It took me years and years to finally realize I don't like going out.

I actually don't.

I was just an alcoholic before it was that also like to dabble in drugs and that kind of was fun, but especially the older Yet, like when the group changes and people get younger and you're still old.

That's like the last party I went to, I was just like I shouldn't be here.

Yeah.

Because also, I feel like when I talk to younger people than me, I'm thirty five, so I'm not explicitly young, but I'm not.

But I'm not.

I'm not super old or super young. I feel like I feel like I'm like an adult, I guess, you know. But I feel like when I talk to younger people than me, anyone younger than me, anything they say is a reminder of how stupid I was like ten minutes before.

You know what I mean.

It's like, oh, I was that, and I hate seeing that, and I know, yeah, this is looking back.

Oh is this Joe Biden in town?

Well they have little ledges on that unmarked Uh very that? What is that? A I forget what it's calling?

Is Joey?

Like? Is he original? You call him Joe? Of course Joey?

That was my guest. But what is that side step thing indicative of something?

Yeah?

For people, I think it's so they can smash through cars. For real, it's a ledge for sacred service guys to perge on.

Well, let's follow that SUV.

Both of those could be wrong.

Let's get into that caravan.

That was very exciting.

I think being a secret service is just you don't get to tell anyone the secrets, and that sucks, you know, like why would you want. I don't think anyone's good at keeping secrets because it's not fun, you know what I mean. It's super fun to tell secrets. Yeah, and to have a job where you have to like pretend to respect who you're guarding and then you're put in jail works.

Yeah, I think so, even if it's on a podcast, honestly, it'll continue.

Do you have to jog in hard shoes?

Oh?

That's another good point.

There's there's so much running with like a for a fully suited man, they don't feel.

So uncomfortable because it suddenly is you have to suddenly run.

You have just st always jogging through a park.

No, suddenly you have to like bust out and chase people.

Or run away.

Probably secret service now feel a little more relaxed and they don't have to get up and go that they used to.

So it makes me.

I think remember something that I think about a lot, which is that I think success is being able to wear whatever you want, like literally whenever you want to, like if you because you you podcast a lot, you could do it in your pajamas, right, So that is successful. You don't have to wear anything.

There's a lot of guys in Venice living on the beach that are successful.

Yes, exactly.

I saw that guy.

He used to be an old neighbor, but now he just has seaweed wrapped around his head and his bicycle. No, it's a bike that doesn't have tires, it's just rims. And he walks around with a seaweed head and a seaweed bike. And he used to have two leopard panted limousines. Now he's screaming at parking meters with seaweed on it?

What happened in between those two things?

Success?

Success with meth is what you're talking about.

He very much.

He successfully smoked a shit.

My roommate used to play pick up basketball with him at the White Men can't jump court. And now he is a full fledged, potentially violent He's a scary person and he's big. He's one of these guys that lives on the streets but somehow is able to work out all the time.

I don't know. Oh yeah, people who are just shredded from life.

I don't.

It's like, God, I don't have.

That job or I don't have that life.

Everything he sees, he's like a pull up bar, like he's using the space around him.

Every day is a rocky workout in a barn. Oh, this hay bale is a perfect place to stick my toes under and do some crunches.

Now, guys, would either of you ever live in this part of downtown Right now? We're in the downtown Los Angeles area that I think they like to call the Arts District, which I believe is a bit generous.

It's definitely generous. It's just a districts are just where no one else wants to live, like where you can live to be an artist with eight other artists in like a warehouse.

Yeah, in searching right, And I looked at a place like that and it was kind of cool to think, Oh, man, everyone would be creating sculptures for burning man. My neighbor look a trapeze artist in the window. And then parking too. But if you walk outside the encampment, it's just bullet holes, yeah, and danger, a lot of danger and a lot of ripped So you guys wouldn't move down here.

I looked at a place I was thinking about it.

I want I'd move down here just so I could win a contest at the moth you know what I mean, just to be like Ipart's district and let me tell you what I saw.

Well, you better have stories about it. Yeah, I don't. I mean, I don't know.

I lived in Chinatown and it was okay, Like it was just kind of like it was fine, Like there was nothing bad or good about it. Really, it was just a place to live. I'm not really sure what I want in a place to live. I feel like the older I get, the more I want to just live away from everyone, Like I want to live away from everyone. But then I want to have all the convenience stores I need and only I can buy stuff out of it.

I highly recommend Bourbank.

Yeah, what's happened?

It just seems And that is one of the true joys of getting older is just being like realizing Burbank is what you want, Like that is just like, oh, I guess that's that is what is good. It's just the most boring milk toast place. Yes, I have tiny stress free airport. Yeah, I mean that airport is. I feel like too many podcasters are calling out how great that that airport is, because too many people are just gonna fly in there just to see how great it is.

And most of the time the fly I'm doing these days is always out of lax. So in the rare times where it is out of Bourbank, I want to cry.

And the last time it was, I.

Was late and I missed my flight because I live ten minutes from the airport right right right, So I was like, oh, I'm fine and I can just I like just kept blow.

Drying my hair like I was doing something I did not need to be doing, because I was like, I'm fine.

And then of course Alaska they shut their they shut the doors forty minutes before takeoff.

Oh, Christian assid I've been a victim of that before.

I didn't know.

I blame the whole state Alaska.

Wait, Alaska. Did they pair with Virgin or Jet Blue or something?

Virgin? I believe?

And are they super? They're super religious?

Alaska Airlines was like in and out where they had the John three sixteen quote on their napkins when they used to give out cocktails. Oh yeah, they were full on like, we're an actively Christian organization.

What is that? What is that? Which one is that?

John three sixteen is he is the light the.

It's just about napkins. Yeah, it's like literally like, yeah, just use a napkins on your face. Yeah, it's really it's the Bible.

Is so detailed.

Yeah, it helps me live.

So yeah, I wouldn't use a napkin if they didn't say it.

Yeah, there's a lot of clean nets tips in the Bible.

Sometimes I forget, and I don't want to be too incendiary here, but I'm not religious at all, and I don't think you guys are either. No right right of course, of course, and we all think that because we're liberal heathens.

Game you know what I mean?

And they're like, yeah, the Game of Life or something.

I don't.

It's just like I forget that. Like so many people live in a world where there's a lord, and it's like they're really stressed about it, like they really got to impress that guy.

Because there's so many tasks in that world where it's like convert others, you know, make them know the word of the Lord, make them see the value of Jesus or whatever, where it's just like take how about take a break? Yeah, yeah, about just live your life and be good with it and let other people do their thing.

Sure, but it just yeah, for obviously, but also it's just stressful to me. It's like I'm not like I'm just sort of trying to eat every day, nothing too bad, you know what I mean, not get a stomach ache, you know, try to do my planks because of my back is fucked up, and like that's about it. But then a lot of people are just like, oh man, the world is really fucked up and I got to do my part. And I'm like I don't need to do my part.

In fact, your part is that billboard. You've done yourself.

That's true.

Yeah, people pass that billboard and go, oh, I do hate my job too, yay.

Getting we can get so much mileage off the we make a living making other people happy that we don't have to.

Make that is true.

We never have to face.

Any I fall back on that all the time.

But I honestly think that I've watched your show a couple of times and thought, I bet you there are people who got sucked into the corporate on the corporate track, and thought that was what they wanted, how it was supposed to be, and that they were like on their way and they're fucking miserable and they feel like they're dying.

So surprised. You might not think you're religious, but you're helping people.

Are christ well.

And it's interesting because I was thinking about like one of the I don't know if there's such a specific purpose of comedy or art, but I think I've noticed it on Instagram. It allowed me to realize something that what people really want when they see something, they hear a podcast or they see an Instagram or a show, they just want to tag someone and go me, this is me. They just want to feel seen, right, And I feel like that's the the whole game is just

So I'm okay, yeah, I'm not crazy for feeling pain, right, Yep. Everybody's pretending that they're perfect and great and actually they're in pain and so am I.

Isn't it a weird thing?

Do you guys ever get to I mean, Chris, you your comedy is like seemingly fairly lighter, like on stage because it's so silly. But I feel like both of you obviously have a darkness. I know you do, but like, do you ever get called does this?

Do you ever get.

Accused of too much darkness or like in conversation or in your comedy or in like, do you have people ever accused you of that? Because that happens to me a lot and don't. I don't agree kind of.

Yeah, no, I just because I'm talking about it, I am confronted by it, and I feel like people are thinking that, But no, I don't. People don't actually say that. I just put that on myself that I'm scaring good people.

What about you, Karen, because I know you're talking about murder.

So I'm curious what people think.

I've always been but that's going on for a long time. And so I learned early. I was always called weird growing up. Yeah, yeah, I was always called like dark and weird. I hated that and different and whatever. So very early on I learned that that was a good thing because I would look at the person saying it to me and be like, this person is so lame.

Either're just unbelievably boring.

Yeah, and also like clearly like threatened by Like when I was little, I would just say whatever the fuck came to my mind. Or I would like play games and do shit by myself, and I never really thought that much about being.

Seen doing it. I would just do things.

And then when people, of course you get a little older, especially girls, and they are you're so weird or whatever, and then I would just be like good, oh yeah, good.

Well it's funny that, like people call interesting people weird because and this.

Is ann instead of when you're funny as a kid and someone laughs and then they go, oh man, you're so weird, And I'm like, hey, yeah, I always thine I had to turn that into a non negative whord myself.

Yeah, yeah, I'm always I'm fascinated by it because it's like, if you really I'm not trying to get too annoying here, but like if you really look at what life is and the fact that we're animals on this planet and we're like bizarre creatures with hair everywhere, especially in between our eyebrows and itself, that everyone is so weird, Like anyone even just attempting to be normal when you don't feel normal is weird. Like everyone is so unbelievably bizarre,

Actually, you know what, they're kind of fucking weird too.

It's like, how do they have the energy to jam for four hours and they just took one mushroom.

Christ.

My mother texted me one time, uh when she lived in New York, and she's like, Jakie, do you know a band led by a singer named Trey And I'm like, do you mean try Anastasio of Fish?

And she's like yes.

And I was like, well, I don't really listen to him, but yes, they're very famous. And she's like, well, I'm in the Apple store with him right now and he's actually really nice, a really good life.

That's awesome.

Wow.

And you know she said to him, hold on, let me text my son. I know he he's going to know. Let me text my son Ji.

Yeah, that was one of them. When you go to college you learn a lot, of course.

But I I was sheltered from Fish my entire life.

I had never heard of the band.

All of a sudden, I move into the dorms and every single door had that Fish sticker and I'm like, why did someone hand out stickers in the hallway today? Everyone listened to that band and I couldn't stand it.

Yeah, I thought it was really not good news.

What I can't relate to. And I haven't honestly listened to a lot of Fish in my life. But what I can't really relate to is people who truly have that much fun, Like they're just having so much fun and not that it's bad. It's just like, wow, you really let go, Like I just like you let go and you have a great time and you don't seem that self conscious and I'm a little just like, oh, we're different, Like we're just totally different.

The opposite of comedy. Comedy is you sit there analyze everything. You're trying to pull every single thing apart. What they're doing is the exact opposite of like, let it all go into a blur and do whatever you want. Where that's so non analytical and non critical that like, for someone like me, that makes me so uncomfortable.

You know what. That is a perfect articulation of what that is, exactly what's going on. Can this helped me?

Podcasting?

Do you think?

Yeah?

I think it is.

I think a lot of people realize why they don't think fish is good. Yeah, yeah, that's really interesting.

Could I could just handle them all trying to play the same song at the same time?

Do they combine song?

It sounds like they're all they're all have ear plugs and they're just doing their own thing. And they were giving an instrument and sometimes it matches up, and usually it doesn't.

But hey, they're smiling.

Listen. I brought this up in the first place. I've never heard a fish song in my life.

I can one of them is about a lawnmower. I believe.

There's a lot of references to lawnmowers. I don't mind that.

I wish some songs were like more about like my shoe doesn't fit, you know, like, oh shit, I gotta get new shoes.

I guarantee they have some shoe songs.

Stephen, could you please take a picture of that truck full of corn?

Oh, there's so much corn.

That is the most corn. I think anyone's got five one time.

You can see on the side of the truck even rubbed up against more corn.

Do you think he went straight into the cornfield and got all that corn?

Yeah, he was just looking at the corn. Yeah, I don't care about hit and run a scarecrow.

I bet you that is straight up farm fresh corn.

It is probably is that fresh corn. One podcasting.

What do you think about fish? Do you like fish?

And sometimes do people.

Look at your truck and think it's plantains at first?

Because I did buy.

They're like, I told you we were going to get harassed because of all this corn.

I like that truck of maze.

Oh yeah, there's Chinatown. Oh yeah, there's a bunch of dragons.

So it wasn't like living down here but just kind of dull.

It was just kind of dull. It was not like the Chinese food was okay, Like it wasn't. It wasn't necessarily outstanding. I feel like this is kind of ugly shame. There's not a ton of good Chinese food in LA which is a shame because I grew up in New York where it was really good, where it's amazing, yeah, but it's not that great here. So it was just kind of, you know, just very kind of boring. Right in the tail end of me living there was when it started to become an arts district or people were

Maybe because Rush Hour two was shot.

Here, but that's it did you do. Was that your show that was in an art gallery in Chinatown?

Or is that just you mean like shooting in an art gallery in China? No, no, no, no, there was a stand up show. Yes, I did that.

It was very short lived.

Oh yeah, I did. I feel like I've done that show. We might have even been on that show together. But I don't think I had a show there. You know what's weird about comedy every I have run so many shows and don't remember any of them I have run. I ran a show at USC for a while, but I completely forgot about a year of my life.

Did you do it in the in the commissary or like the I did it in sort of there was like an auditorium sort of situation that seven people came to and like jaw Rod Carmichael was on it, like the really famous people were on it.

Seven people. Like, So comedy is just full of we have done so many shows together where there's six people there at and that's.

A good show you And can I tell you that I used to run a show at UCL in the cafeteria.

I feel left out. I've never run a show to college before.

Now listen, we can get you over to. There's a college in Burbank right by the hills.

I've done Burbank so hard.

I've been like, you're getting feed off by Burbank.

Bank has.

I'm far away from everyone, and there are neighborhood places to eat, So there you go.

And the ocean need I need? I need it? Do I need it?

You know? What's weird about the driving? What's word about the ocean? It isn't real. Everyone thinks it's real.

And I know it's.

It's actually a screen.

It's a scream.

It's a wet moon fabricated.

Well, I'm just driving around with you guys, and I'm just because I'm not driving, I'm having the sensation of r of I'm peeing and it's it's it's not warm enough. What's weird is when you drive around you and I guess this is anyone in any city, but it's striking me right now that la is just I'm thinking of it, of all the failed first dates I've had, like like, oh, I've had a failed one there. Oh I forgot about that person. Well, I've been in that apartment that was bad.

You see, there's a crew, and.

A lot of it hurts you like it's a there's a lot of ghosts. I mean, I've I've lived here for over twenty years. Yeah, so there's parts of this town I can't go to.

Oh I just realized that's why I don't remember a lot of stand up sets or jokes or things I say on podcasts, because comedy.

Hurts me, it hurts you.

There's too many there's too many times where you feel bad, so you gotta forget it. And along with that are the good times. Yes, Oh man, that's a shame.

You are so vulnerable when you do stand up comedy.

Oh my god, your feelings get hurt even when it goes the best it can go.

I feel like that's a special when you get hurt because what's so weird about comedy And this has been articulated before, But as well as you do, you the next time you do it can't be as good.

So then if you suck, yes, and it's.

Just and then you suck forever.

My special taping went very well, and I knew it went well, and I immediately felt terrible after it, and I've also been having nightmares about things that actually happened during it.

And it went well, and it went well.

Yeah, it just built for I mean, I feel like so much of life in comedy is like a vessel. A vessel for this is that if you set expectations highever, you're kind of fucked. Like you can't because it's because humans just sort of then get to a new level and then not matching up to it is really stressful and makes you feel bad and like something's.

Wrong, but you don't appreciate the new level. You don't see they're doing. Look at this great accomplishment. You go, this is fucked. Here's all the ways it's fucked. I can't do this.

I'm a fraud.

It all comes back to that Fraudut I'm.

Glad that I had good parents who cared about me because they taught me early on to keep my expt low.

Isn't that really important? Yeah, Like, don't get too excited about this. Y hope. It's a dangerous thing.

Yeah, Barack Obama's message of hope destroyed a generation in this country.

I really did. I like the posters. You do you I'm a shepherd period.

That Peita Empathy Center.

Yeah, used to be an like a skateboarder's art gallery if we're just talking about things that used to be around that are giving us memories. And I went to an opening there and it was one of those things where like for me, a skateboarder's art gallery opening, I'm like, this is it, this is all I want to do.

This is the coolest. And I felt like I didn't have pants on the whole time. It was like I felt like everyone.

Knew I shouldn't have been there, and it was so uncomfortable and weird. And that's like one of the many why did I try? Why did I think that was going to be good?

Yeah?

I definitely experienced that for three and actually going to skate parks.

And and you're like, look at my new hip and look at that kid.

They're doing something that I've tried for twenty five years to do. He's been skateboarding for four years and does it better than me, with more style and guys.

But then it's like, it's funny because I think about it in terms of I got off Instagram recently because or like my personal accunt because I got a little too sad and not at what I think a lot of people get said at is that I will see the young sort of like influencers or young hot people, and I get sad because they don't know how much pain is coming. They like, I feel so bad for the gorgeous people who have a million followers, because in five years it's all just I don't look as good

And because it's there, it's so surface.

It's not like you go, I love her and she's so nice.

Yeah, I feel bad that they feel they have to be this way. It's it's shocking.

I still feel bad about the complete and it's an amazing the one eighty that I pulled emotionally from being hating vine famous people to feeling bad for him once that was taken away from this devastating.

It was off.

There was really people that had a lot of people paying attention to them just on that and it's.

Like someone's injecting you with a ton of fucking drugs, and the drugs or expectations and then all of a sudden, no one gives you any more and they all make fun of you for every ever thinking you were hot.

Shit. Yeah, I feel bad for that.

And then I follow them. They try to redo it on Instagram and it's not happening. There's this little hilarious girler mom, so he's got a camera on her. Uh Ava Ava's her name. But she's the funniest kid ever, so funny like a child. I know that we don't think children are funny, but man, and now she's growing up, and now it's just an Instagram account.

There's not many followers. It makes me, really, I don't know why.

It makes me sad, because that kid had so much hope, but she's she's like, we are going to be famous forever.

I think they probably still pay.

As if, as if fame isn't the worst thing ever, as the three of us like, come out here and you need some sort of quote unquote fame in order to sustain your career, because essentially you just want to transfer it to power agency.

Yes, but like as if anything.

Beyond agency creatively is the worst experience a human can have. Besides like I don't know, famine, but regardless, there is so such a nightmare. So obviously the idea of wanting that is such a sickness is so upsetting.

Well because it's made up. There they want a thing that isn't the thing they're asking for. That's the that's the problem is people. It's like the American idol idea of like I'm going to get out there and then it's a meritocracy and you know, it's about talent and it's about this and it's about that, and it's just like, you have no idea.

It's just a business. It's like a business that doesn't it's a sociopathic business that doesn't care about you.

And if comics are dumb, then the people that run the business are brain dead.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, what do you Okay, here's a question? Oh two things. Whenever you drop me off and I'm having a.

Blast, so thank you breaking up, we're hitting up.

I just want to know can you drop me off at Matt's?

Oh?

Sure, and I can send you there you guys in a new episode. No, I just want to go hang out with him. We made a show together and I legally have to hang out with to generate story ideas you. And the other question I had was, because I try to think about this too, what does make you like? Because I think almost everything makes me feel bad, but what what actually consistently makes you like feel pretty good?

Good question?

Yes, it is, oh god, and it it's real scary when you don't have an immediate answer.

We For me, one of them is my cats.

I love them and they're like a source of joy for me, and it's always a good thing. It's like I feel like they are I've like every time I see them, I'm just so psyched and I can't believe I have that kind of love in my life.

I can't.

I'm like, oh my god, every single time, Like they don't do they're dumb as shit, like my cats are particularly dumb, Like my cats are dumb cats, but I find them riveting and.

I feel like that is so incredible I have that.

You know what's funny you asked that question because my therapist. My therapist actually just made me start doing an exercise and she said pick a friend, and before she finished the sentence, I was like, Lizzie Cooperman, like I know exactly who will do this with me? In judgment free Sorry, I didn't know that girls really mad at me because I went.

So Basically, we have to send each other five things.

That not not that like it's like gratitudeless, but as opposed to I'm grateful for, which is very like I'm supposed to feel this way. It's five things that actually made you feel happiness. Yes, so as small or big as they are, when you had the emotion and a hit of happiness, you have.

To write it down.

So even if it's like when someone I don't like was in pain viasically, if.

You got the feeling and you have to write it down, that's great and it's really interesting because it's like you're saying, it's as small as that where my dog George gets a weird person smile on her face when I come in the door.

She does that thing where she her head goes down and she smiles and it's like the.

Cutest thing of all the time.

And then there's other things where suddenly I go, oh, yeah, this makes me feel good. I should be doing it all the time, and I don't do it just because you know, I don't acknowledge that. I don't acknowledge the importance of happiness.

I guess it's yeah, because it's sort of because it's a weird thing about happiness is that you can exist without it, and most people do. But it's like and you'll die and it won't matter, you know what I mean that you were happy, but but it's super nice when you're having a period where you're like, God, I feel good and I definitely am lucky that I'm alive right now.

It's like holy shit.

And it's not a consistent I think a lot of people because it's not this long static line of happiness that go, oh, then I have depression or something's wrong with me.

It's not that you just get little hits all day and you.

Go back to neutral, and that's just kind of like the best we can do, the best you can do.

I think read Do you guys read fiction a lot? No?

And it's something I feel guilty about and I want to start, but I would.

Implore you you're gonna start today. I think I understand.

I understand one of those things too that people feel guilty about, of course, because there's the thing you feel you should be doing. But I actually find that it is quite meditative in a way, and it's one of those things that like this.

Woman's walking.

And almost slowing to a stop.

What if right now she's thinking about murder. Yeah, I think that it's been very helpful for me in the sense that I feel like TV is a little difficult to get into because you know people on TV and if you've made TV ever year, just thinking about how it's edited and so. But then also if you're on your computer watching it, you're always checking the internet, and

Yeah, I do. The one in Venice is always everywhere, but it's you can get.

Family book for free, you can you can get audiobooks, you can get movies for free. And it's literally like it's like free can be almost it's like, and people don't use it. When I say I have a library card, people are like why, and it's like because it's like it's it's a true sign of beauty in the world and there's almost nothing like it.

I like the library coming up the loves felis.

The one that loves that Leo DiCaprio built, did it. Yeah, that's a library. That's his library.

He actually lives in the back.

He runs and he's the manager.

But he used to live in that neighborhood and when he was growing up, there was no library, and he was a I believe he was a single He a single parent kid, so he think he was went to library a lot. And so when he had enough money, he built a library for kids in that neighborhood.

Oh that's the coolest.

Yeah, it made me like him.

Yeah, I kind of tell my dad that story. He really has it out for Leo.

Why he don't know why? My dad makes me happy that I like that. I thought of one.

I like visiting him. But he just doesn't like his mom. He never thought he was good. I'm like, what about Gilbert Grape? What about the revenue?

What about the idiator in fear as? Isn't he in fear with Wahlberg? Or is that just no basketball? Sorry? Basketball diaries have basketball?

I love matchup. Yeah. I like the guy and my dad wants to fist fight him. Wow.

I know.

You know what's funny.

My dad feels that way about the guy.

That runs the men's warehouse. Yeah.

I don't like that.

Is that you're gonna like the way you look?

Guy?

Every time that commercials on, my dad gets so mad.

There's no one more smug and terrible than that guy.

Yeah, he's jealous of his millions.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a lot. I spend a lot of time not liking the can you hear me now? Guy that used to work for whatever cell phone?

Everyone is furious about his Defection one and look at that look at all so weird.

I love it weird. It's the best look at you.

I just love that it's everywhere.

It is so bizarre.

I always think about the people that walk by who are like, fuck that guy, you.

Know what I mean.

I wish I could think about like the people who are like, oh I want to see that show, who are like that fucking I saw him you stand up at a Chinese restaurant once and he sucked.

No, they're just looking at a thing now, like when everyone has their mouths. I hate fists in the air.

Is there any corporate plugging or updates or anything for this new season that.

It's still funny. It's such a good show that it's even better in the last season. That's really very much enjoying it.

I will plug in a little. Chris Fairbanks is on it, so as Lizzie Coopermanman is on corporate this year, as well as many other comedians we like. It's Tuesdays at ten thirty pm, and I think it's a good show, and please watch it live so we get to do it again. Because it's all about ratings, even though no one watches anything.

Yeah, I think it's a good funny show.

And if you like darkness and lightness combined and you want to feel seen, please watch Corporate Tuesdays at ten thirty on Comedy Central.

Yeah.

Do you think that if I just realized this because I don't tvo it, I just try to find it.

But do you think if I have it programmed that counts?

Yes?

Oh sorry, I'm gonna do that right.

You are doing so much for me, don't worry about it. You don't need to do any more for me in your lifetime. In fact, you could kill me and I'd.

Be like, we'll even I know.

There's by the way, there's this gorilla bullshit graffiti. It's living in a constant daydream. And then there's like it's bullshit on another garage door. It's like love is the Eternal drugs and it's like, fuck you, you just ruined someone's crush that now. But Pat Matt and I were walking by it the other night and we're like, that's just gerrilla market. I feel like I'm so cynical now. It's like save the planet. It's like, fuck you.

They did the whole street.

Yeah, that's a little crazy church. They wrote on a Buddhist church side.

John McCain. Couple.

Here's the thing about John McCain. When he was young, he was pretty hot.

Yes he was.

He was a real hot guy and talks about it enough.

Yeah, because that's the thing, that's what matters.

He had the real sharp chin.

Yeah, he was so hot.

He was hot.

Piece may he rest in? Piece?

Did I do this?

If you go up into the right, it's he's on.

Well, I guess I won't say where he's at, but if we turn right and then yeah, I think you guy saw this was such a blast.

You were terrific.

Yes, Jake, and haven't seen you.

In like a year or two, but I've been following everything and I'm thrilled.

I'm thrilled to see you. I would love to see you more, did know?

And Chris, it's been nice to see you. One more one more? Oh.

And also, Karen, I just want to remind you. I forget what inside joke it was, but in my phone I have you as Karen fucking kill Garret. So that's how you pop up times attachments or twice a year as a Karen fucking kill Garreth. And that is a weird thing.

So much power I really like it. Yeah, I do too. Can you put me in this Chris fair Bank?

Yeah, fucking Chris Fairbanks.

Yes better, yeah, yeah, anywhere remaining in case we ever make love.

Oh we will wait. You won't know what's happening, but it.

Will be hate for you, but love for me. I thank you guys. It was a blast. Yeah, and it was so nice to see you. And thank you.

Yes, thank you to see you as well.

Oh, do you have any plugs? We'll just wrap it up.

Oh.

I'd like to thank constant designer Ashley Lane. She did that animated gift of us in your Dream Volvo that is now available in sticker form, and it looks beautiful and the most important thing about it is one hundred percent of the proceeds go to Alzheimer's research.

Yeah, that's it makes me so happy.

Astley pitched it and I was like, of course, and.

Thank you so much, Ashley. We will love we love. The gift was amazing. The idea of making a sticker out of it is amazing, and then the fact that people can get that and it goes towards something that we all care about.

And within like the twelve hours, the thousand dollars of them were sold. So thank you guys for helping with the disease.

That is close to Karen and my brains.

Yes, and it's right on it. Actually buy those?

And y not? Hopefully not?

And then I think we're talking about coming out with a shirt design of the same design.

Yes, a shirt of the same design.

Yes, all of our merch is soon to come out. Get ready, get ready for it. Oh, it's gonna be on your body.

All right, Well this has been Do you need to ride?

D wyn a r.

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?

Either way we.

Want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a turmanol and gay.

We want to send you off inside.

Do you want to welcome you back home?

Tell us all about ity scared her?

Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do your need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and chriss mm hmm