S2 - Ep. 36 - Q&A Catch-Up, Part 2

Last time on Do you Need a Ride?

We are in the middle of what.

Do you call it? A global pandemic?

It's catchy.

You know what we gotta do. We gotta answer.

You've been listening Do you need a Ride? Part one one?

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. Give us time and they turning on and gage.

We want to send you off InStyle. We want to welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared or was it fine? Mal porn? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to Ride? This is Chris.

Fairbanks and this is Karen Colgaroff and we are doing Perk two of the Q and A cliffhanger. A cliffhanger. Thank you for sticking with us. We know that everyone gets nervous, like what's gonna happen next? Because you know, we ended the last episode whether it to be continued, and we didn't play our theme music.

When you were last with us, Chris and Karen were hanging off in a white Volvo.

And we're still here in real life. It's been five minutes. Yes, so you know I'm not gonna I'm gonna go ahead and just hold a mirror.

Up to the editing process.

Amazing, we have not stopped the car.

That's the kind of world we live in now.

And if you want to hear us dust off our friendship, go to the previous episode.

That's episode one, man. This is episode two where we use the friendship in life.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

We're applying that that cleaned off friendship to answer your questions that you mailed in with envelopes and stamps.

Yes, thank you for writing in by hand with.

Your feather quill pen.

Now let's get right to the questions, right Steven, Yeah.

All right, first question from please or pos gotta They want to know must have quarantine snacks.

I have to say the little little Debbie brownies have gotten.

Me through some tough times. I love them.

They're really disgusting and they taste like they're made of plastic and they remind me of grammar school lunches.

Oh yeah, I made a mistake.

Of eating too much peanut butter the other day like a weird performing dog. I couldn't stop eating it, and then I gave myself a crazy cold sore because I'm actually allergic to nuts.

Yeah, oh really, did you know this?

So you found out?

I did it with my eyes wide open, thinking I was just going to kind of get around it. But yeah, it's the illogical kind of mindset I'm in because of this strange situation.

Yeah, yeah, you can just do whatever, throw cash into your lips.

It was a huge mistake, though, I really regret it.

Yeah, what have I been, I've been. I'm out of so much. I'm just kind of I don't have any must have. I get a lot of kind barts. I'm just getting what is easy because I don't like cooking, right, so I never buy frozen stuff. But I've been eating a lot of Annie's. My answer is boring. I don't have a snack thing.

You know what I realized the other day because I went to the store and it was open and there was plenty of things to buy, but there was the energy in.

The store was a little too frantic for me.

So I just grabbed like the five things I needed and then as I walked by the deli area, there is a case at this Ralph's in my old neighborhood, and they have these casseroles, pre made casseroles that like Ralphs makes or whatever. So they're like either macaroni cheese or rice and chicken and broccoli.

Sure have you ever made those? No?

They haven't at the grocery store.

They're really good.

Yeah, if you ever feel like a homemade kind of like you know, comfort food type of meal, all you have to do is throw those things in the in the oven.

And they make them at the grocery store.

Ye, I think they like have them shipped to the grocery store. They seem like factory made cast roles. They're still really good and very comfort foodie, like really get the job done in that way.

In general, when I know I'm gonna have to cook for myself, I get tortillas and ground turkey and whatever else I add to that, because I'm really it's embarrassing how I don't know how to cook, but I can make a mean whatever you call.

That taco taco tacco?

Yeah, exactly.

Do you put me cheese in there?

A little bit?

I got some fake cheese, and then I got some real cheese depending on how I feel it.

Oh sure, yeah.

I at the grocery store that when I got my cast roles. The man that was in front of me was trying to buy like thirty to fifty bags of shredded cheese, and the lady had to go, oh no, sir, put that back.

Oh yeah, yeah, what are you doing?

He was going to freeze it all and she said she actually, I said, I think he's just scared.

And then the woman goes, I think he has a side business.

Oh that's so funny.

She was pissed because she's like, sir, you can't do that, Like other people need cheese too, you can't have fifty.

And there's no sign and we're eazy about it.

Yet I'd a weirdo.

I was like, I bet you he has some weird pizza place and he's just freaking out or.

He's yeah, he's he doesn't want to talk about his dream of bathing in a tub of kso.

That's the only thing that makes him feel better. That's his required snack of quarantine.

He just wants to have a ky so bad.

Yeah, we all get it. Thank god, it's not us. All right, Steven, what's the next question?

All right from Bradley Langle. What was the first movie you became obsessed with?

The first movie I became obsessed with.

If you listen to part one, you know Chris's answer is The Man with One Red Shoe.

No, no, probably I would go back to Pee Wee's Big Adventure. I just watched it so many times, so good. But yeah, I don't know, you do you mind going.

First movie I was obsessed? Well, I guess maybe.

We really loved They used to always on different holidays throughout the year, our local TV station would play The Wizard of Oz. So they would play it like on Halloween night, and they would play it I think at Christmas, and I think one time they played it on the fourth of July, so like our whole family, everybody piling into the living room to watch The Wizard of Oz as like a huge group of people I used to love, So that was a good one.

My dad would do a real good cowardly Lion. He knew the whole song, do the voice. Yeah.

And then I think later on, like when I was twelve, the Outsiders came out, which I fucking.

Mean loved that Stevie Wonder song in that that old gold is Can I just be obsessed with the song from the movie.

Sure, that movie made me sad. Outsiders was a real bummer.

You know. It was about a class war, Yes, very real.

Yeah, it really was.

When Ralph mancho breaks into that burning he.

Saves the children, Yeah, he gets all burn. You did it for Johnny Man? It's really sad? Did it for Johnny? Oh?

That rat pack?

Also that rat pack of boys. Matt Dylan is at his true hottest. I mean only eighties girls understand, but Matt Dylan. Having him be a teenage boy when I was like a preteen was one of the most stressful things because his pure mat Dilany.

I don't know if it's Italian.

Or street or whatever, but like, h it was like someone you'd be afraid to run into at the arcade, but you also couldn't take your eyes off.

Yeah.

What is that?

That that movie where they are kind of wayward kids living in Vegas in these could I sac typee?

Yeah?

Over the Edge? Over the Edge? Yeah so good.

Yeah, that's a good movie.

That was his first film. The woman the casting director who found him for that like fifteen or something. Yeah, he was like, oh we got here, we go. Here's look at this beautiful child. Then he was in did you ever see My Bodyguard?

I was gonna say My Bodyguard because I loved it when I was a kid. But I'm only thinking of the main curly haired bodyguard guy and the other kid.

What role did he play?

Mat Dylan was the bully, the bully that the boy was trying to protect him himself by using the big kid.

Yeah, okay, My Bodyguard is a great movie.

Yeah, I gotta see it again.

It's good. It's been a long time. It's really about something. I guess.

I don't, man, I'm blowing it. I don't think I was obsessed with I think we had what.

About a skateboard movie?

I mean they really never nailed it. Gleaming the Cube is.

Okay, but you're obsessed with the watched it a.

Lot, sure, because it's all we had. Frankly, rad is a better film with a better soundtrack?

Is it? Oh?

Yeah?

Is that the one Jack Blackson?

And I didn't know he's in Airborne.

That's a rollerblading movie, which also would have been better. It's a pretty good movie too. Unfortunately, you know roller blades are dumb. Yeah, they really and BMX saying is cool.

I just never got into it.

And a hey, if you're out there rollerblading because you're training for hockey and you need some side to side exercise.

I get it.

Yeah.

But that movie, my friend Pat Parnell was the He was the stunt coordinator. He did a lot of the stunt coordination because he was He rode for Rollerblade.

So Hi, Pat, Hi Pat?

He listens, No, sure, no. Do you think he's on the list of celebrities that like you.

You remember that Starbars commercial where the guy skates into a giant piece of watermelon off in the distance. That's him, or maybe it's Sunny Delight. I just know he skated off into the desert. You remember something Attack of the roller Babies or something. He did a bunch of roller blade based stunt work.

When the when the roller Blade tsunami hit, he was right at the peak of it writing that way. Yeah, yeah, he's congratulations, Yeah he did it. We're proud of you. He turned it into a nice hosting and I bet he has because of all that whirlerblading. He has those big, huge side butt dimples.

I Ian we've been naked twice.

Both times, I do not remember anything, and actually it's why I need to talk to him soon.

I probably need maybe apologize.

I don't remember the dimples, remember waking up scared?

Pat?

For Fuel TV?

Pat, don't use your power like this?

Yeah, Pat was the host of the show on Fuel TV. Oh as a segment very familiar. Yes, it's odd. That's how I came into your life. You don't into your living room.

There, Ellie.

There's your origin story from from episode one of this two part series. Oh yeah, that's her origin story. We never answered that, I guess because every time we do it, we're like, yeah, I guess.

At that party, that really is the ice.

Skimmed over it because I was like, it's the origin of our friendship. Not but you know, well, my Italian great great grandma it was how did we meet you guys? At a party? We watched Mac and Me, which I have to say I'm a little obsessed with. Just oh yeah, if you haven't seen it, man, what a bizarre film.

It's McDonald's put out an et movie.

Yeah, because they wanted to ride on that train like the next year, and it's they should have waited Oh god.

They should have waited till the train got repaired.

They should have workshopped it.

Oh god, then put it on the train.

Part of that movie is in the end when the aliens become American citizens and drive off into the sunset in a convertible, yeah, wearing he's wearing like an American flag tie. It's insane at the end, for no, isn't it all? One of the aliens is chewing bubble gum because what's more American right blows a bubble.

And it says to be continued. And there was no Mac and Me Part two.

There was.

They were like, the bubblegum lied.

They were looking at all of the beautiful things that ET was getting and and franchising and trademarking, and they were like, we're going to get a piece of this. Yeah, except for what they didn't realize is the movie had to be good.

It was so yeah what they I hope they're embarrassed that and that monopoly thing.

Oh did you watch that? I did. It's great.

I did not see it coming.

I loved it.

The whole Mafia thing I was so good. Wow, that was really very good. I thought it would be about McDonald's. But they were victims in it as much as the people. It seemed like it seemed here's that Starbucks again, here's that Starbucks. Oh, such a long line.

We can actually keep our appeals for that ninety nine cent store. Oh yeah, yes, I might have halluciny, but I think it's overre.

Did the ninety nine cent store have skunk butts hanging? You may have contract? Yeah, that's our urgent story.

Yeah, yeah, Okay. To answer the previous question, ten dollars are nothing less?

Oh well, that's a confusing sign. Look at all that butt wipe. They've got so much of it.

Yeah.

I think they're saying that's ten dollars and the doors are opened, so we'll go the towels.

Is it? Motherfucker? All right? Next question?

Best at advice from Jim Killer and Jim Fairbanks.

Let's see.

Yes, I remember my dad teaching me many things that stand out because it's like, why do I need to know how to fight a guy who maybe has a knife.

You link your thumbs together, That's all I remember.

I'm scared of knives. That's gonna help you.

And then but I like to girl at the screen printing shop, I was an artist at and he said, don't stick your dick in the cat registered and not always stuck out to me.

A lot of.

People say pen in the company, but the good advice I just you never really we just picked up from.

Him, right he lived in things. Yeah.

Yeah, it didn't come from church. I'll tell you that.

One time my dad said to me, I was I can't remember what we were talking about, but we were talking about somebody that was dishonest and that was stealing.

It was like someone in the news.

And then my dad said, you know, Karen, there's certain people in this world that can't keep their hands out of the till. And at the time, I was stealing from the from the cafe I worked at. I would take twenty dollars at night. I did it like three or four times. I think three times. Yeah, because of my Literally it was literally the till stealing. And in my mind I was rationalizing because I was like, they only pay me minimum wage. I hate this job.

The jobs get tips, right, you're just choosing your own tips.

We were getting tips, and so I had rationalized it, and the second he said that, I was like, oh, this is not the person I want to be.

It made me feel terrible.

I already felt terrible about myself and it was like one more thing to feel terrible about. And so then I always had that whereas like, if nothing else in this world, at least, I'm not a person who would steal, because I would. I never did it again, and anytime like anything close to that feeling came around, it would just be like, you can have it.

I don't care, because I would.

Rather be the person who fucking goes like this than the person who has to grab that fucking everything all the time.

Yeah, that is our dads are similar that way.

I was just always taught never to even earn money at the expense of other people, and that, you know, he would tell me that that's what sales jobs were and everything, like he really didn't like the taking advantage of people. He always had a story about selling it insurance and feeling bad when you'd leave, knowing that it was maybe a package that person didn't need and he immediately quit.

I just remember stories like that.

Yeah, it's like, don't take advantage of people, and of course stealing's part of that.

Yeah, it's hard.

To like when you I did have a dad that I believe made me pretty morally sound.

See is that toilet paper or is it looks like it's bathroom tissue?

Yeah?

You guys, should we pull over and get some I need some toilet I do too, and they'll still have that when we're done.

Yeah, but maybe we just run and do it right now, okay Wright Steeden, Yeah, yeah, yeah, there to do it. But I mean we have we probably have to face the deal right now that it's going.

To cost ten dollars. Oh right, because everything's ten dollars in that store.

That's fine.

Yeah. I think it's fine too.

Yeah, and I have cash. Yeah, I gotta do it. We are pulling over to buy toilet paper. This ship is real.

It is real.

It needs to be taken care of.

Pausing now TPTPPPPP.

Back, Yes we're back on, Yes, we're back. We had to pull over and get toilet paper.

I'm very excited, guys, we got some toilet else. I'm so excited.

We just drove past a solution and we acted fast.

It was nice. Yeah, people were talking to each other.

Nice. They're desperately trying to make a connection from a distance.

They were wearing masks, moving fast.

I really liked the couple in front of us, the guy.

The people in front of us. The man was like, we're from next door. He really wanted to like.

It was pretty, but like that amount of toilet paper in one spot. I started getting nervous for that, Like people are going to come and like go crazy. Yeah, because there hasn't been toilet paper in the corner or the grocery store near my house for weeks.

And it was a ten dollars and up store ten dollars ten dollars or less, ten dollars or less. And they didn't even they didn't They could have done ten dollars on that easy.

They know how people are freaking out.

Yeah, and they went eight.

They went eight. They're trying to be.

They went eight.

And they said that the CBS is charging eight dollars for four packs.

And that's a twelve pack of bad toilet paper.

Oh man, I think that.

Toilet paper is one ply, if not half ap ply.

Sure, sure, that's the fold I used.

You don't know your finger breaking through And I won't get any more detailed than that.

I'll tell you what happened. You just explained quickly what happened?

Well, yeah, I think we did. We finish the last question before we pulled over for our wipes.

I feel like the answer is wipes.

Wipes. Yes, the answer is quitech but wipes.

That was exciting and we.

All have our own toilet.

Yeah.

On hygienism, I'm being hygienic at just Carly Things says, what songs do you guys sing in your heads while you're washing your hands?

Oh?

Yeah, I've just been washing them.

I haven't been singing.

I hate the birthday song, and uh, you know, it seems weird singing it to yourself.

It's very haunted doll behavior.

Is with a cupcake in front of me with one candle in it and a knife and a knife in the other bucket.

Yeah, I haven't been singing. I should. I like to as I wash my hands, I go my mommy, mal Ma.

That's weird because I would have thought you would say it.

Zion.

I yell zion twenty times and that's when I know I'm done, hen Zion, What do you say?

I don't, Actually, I just think of surgeons because you know, in like any kind of like doctor hospital TV show talk about like being influenced by TV shows.

But when two surgeons are washing their hands, talking to each other. It takes like fucking three minutes, and they like scrape the back and.

They oh yeah, I just think about that. I take it more of an acting than a singing direction. And just like if you were a surgeon or playing a surgeon right now, at.

The end, you hold your hands in.

The air with your people stand in the kitchen going George, George, get me my gloves.

I am scalpel.

Uh.

Yeah, I've been because I don't trust my own towels.

Hmmm not clean enough.

Well, I mean it's hard to do laundry. The laundromat is a play said I want to go. I have clean towels, but even after they're lotched, I still don't trust.

Well, but rather air dry. I that's when I use paper towels.

I try to use everything, not crazy, but paper towels really make me feel like and now I.

Have clean hands, yeah yeah yeah, and then you throw it away. Yeah. I ran out of paper towels.

I actually, luckily on Amazon two weeks ago ordered a bulk box of four sets of six pack six pack paper towels.

So if you need any paper towels, I have something.

I might grab a roll.

I did not mean to hoard the way people are hoarding.

I just because there was literally nothing at my grocery jo I was like, well, I better buy some paper products and just do something.

Yeah.

I guess that's what everyone at once thought. It was like I can control this. It's so funny that I was like, Wow, what a weird coincidence. I actually need toilet paper. Excuse me, that was an unrelate I have allergies, terrain.

I sneezing is not a symptom.

No, no, yeah, And in my mind, sneezing has never been a symptom of being sick.

Ever, I'm just allergic to the world.

Yeah, that's a hay fever thing.

Yeah.

If when someone when I sneeze and someone's like, oh my god, are you sick?

Do you have a cold, I'm like, no, I'm not a cartoon.

Here, give me that ice pack so I can put it on my head.

You all know that being sick is coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, and ability to rest.

And inability to rest.

Yeah, there's no sneezing on that list.

Okay, I think it is.

At the beginning, it is coffee turns out. I have it coffee sneezing, duffy head fever aches.

Oh yeah, so you can restice they added to it.

So sorry, Well I'm a gunner.

Well bye.

Next question all.

Right from Lyddy Kitty eleven.

They what do you keep in your glovebox?

Chris? Do you want to report it?

I everyone's got a thing. I'm crazy what.

I have grass knuckles in my gloves. I've been meaning to take them out. They're illegal. I also have a round bomb with a wick. I have everything that you see at the airport silhouetted. Now I do have brass knuckles. I just I've always had them. They were a prop for something, but they're real, and then I will not. I have every registration, every oil chain. I don't throw. It's a mess. I open my glove box and everything flies out, except oddly gloves.

Do you have?

The thing is that a cop needs to look at all in one easy to grab spot. That would recommend that those are the times where you won't be able to really find anything because you're gonna be nervous. Is this LAPD officer is gonna be breathing down your neck?

Can I see your license and registration? And just brass knuckles fly out. Oh no, but here's my certificate of being an asshole. How about a big bag of pot. I don't know why I'm keeping it in here. It's a regano. But I was in a play where I played a nasty gangster. Oh look at that Baby's a baby with an umbrella.

I wish I had one of those little boots. Stop that baby from walking in the street.

Look at the boots, the boots.

On that baby. Oh sorry, I'm trying to look at a baby. God.

Oh, they almost don't honk near a baby.

You know, you know what kind of car it was?

Yeah, you're gonna hunk.

And where the fuck do you have to be pricked? Ovaria? You don't use you don't have to fuck me anywhere. You've got a hunk, new baby. Well came fucking Italiana.

You let's see what you have and you're box.

Yeah that's what I kept That's why I kept pointing to it.

Oh oh it's so nice and neat.

Thank you.

You have a little sticker, you have your service. Everything is organized, thank you, thank you.

Yes, it's all these ointments and cream.

It's just paperwork, very minimal that's a new car jockey box.

Yes, and also it's a jockey box, thanks Dad.

A person who fears the police, so I always am like, just keep the don't keep all of the registrations you've ever had, just keep the one that they want.

The more paper I have in there, the more time I have to talk too much and get them to like me.

That's true, A double shift.

Well me too, say as much as you can. Try and quote your brother in law. He works for the city as a fireman, and I just yeah, I need it. I'm going to go home and clean out my car.

Everyone great, Yeah, just make that commitment to us now the essentials only on part two.

I will put the brass knuckles in the house.

They belong, under lock and key in your personal safe.

Yes, my knuckle safe.

Okay.

Driving around with no traffic and the light because it's raining, it's just gray and I just can't tell.

I can't tell how much time is passing right right? I also can't the clock for some reason isn't helping me.

Yeah, and yeah, the hood on your sun dial, the sun dial on your hood, Oh the hood.

Oh God Christ's sake, somebody put me down.

I'm just stoked about the toilet paper. Yeah, I don't really give a shit what happens after this.

I never thought at any point in my life I'd be excited about twelve rolls of toilet paper.

Also, the guy that rang us up was just like loving life at the ten dollars an understore in Glendale.

Yeah, highly recommends.

What a happy place.

Yeah. He had also weird black latex glove song.

Yeah, look kind of cooly.

I'd like long black undershirt, like I'm under armour with that.

Segwayed nicely into those rubber gloves.

Yeah.

He was kind of like a trainer dentist's grossy.

He was like an executioner. Surgeon was hot. He was like a goth hot surgeon.

He was like a black market toilet paper dealer that also jogs and isn't a running club.

You know.

My favorite thing is when two people like we have friends who are a couple and very they're both very physically fit. I just called them the running club. Oh, it's such a good slam. They not in front of them.

Yeah, sure it was a running club going to be there.

That's great.

It's pretty good. Uh makes me, you know what, it makes my fat ass feel better, and so that in this day and age, that's what we're looking for. I do to relieve the soul.

Yeah, yeah, it's exercise with It's just like, I don't know why it's something.

I want to do alone, what it is, But yeah, I think this in this day and age, I understand the value of getting hot and then meeting someone while you're getting hot at like CrossFit.

Yeah, you don't get hot with someone.

What's the reason.

You do it beforehand? Don't let them see you do it, do it.

Behind closed doors, behind closet plate.

Jog in the shower.

I'm just going to go do some work at the office.

Jog.

Run for your life.

Get out of that relationship.

It's taken from you.

Okay, next question, I had another version. Oh I'm so sorry.

Yeah, don't run. Yeah, I.

Just just if I'm going to go running and you're also going to go running, I'll be like, okay, see you when you get back.

Yeah, let's go in different directions.

Exactly, yeah, exactly, totally all right.

I don't like walking up the same set of stairs with people because at the top you're out of breath in different ways, and that's always humilian.

Yeah, Yeah, now I have to be confronted about my lung better bronchial two.

Oh, I guess you go upstairs all the time. Well I don't.

Yeah, I hate these lung show boats out there.

Sick of it? Okay, okay, all right.

All right.

Dave Rocket Sourus says, I want to hear concerts stories, shows that ruled, shows that sucked, shows we wouldn't expect you to be rocking out at Just about your experience with live music, hm.

I an old old girlfriend of mine worked.

How old was she dated? And old lad?

She was of a certain age, but you know, I was caring for her, and then one day the lights weird.

I just went for it.

Anyway.

She used to volunteer work on Austin City limits and I would see, you know, like our acts that I would never like, Patty Loveless, or like stuff that I wasn't in true into like country almost Max and there so loved it. Yeah, living in Austin alone was that way.

Well, and they did.

Beck songs, but they Beck also sang some Flaming Lips songs. They shared and it was the it was, and it's the recording of a show. The PBS show is Austin City limits. It's I always thought it was outside by the way, but it's in that studio with just a mural in the background with lights in it.

I always thought it was a city escaped.

Anyway, they did the whole concert and then said, we made a few mistakes, we're going to do the whole thing over again, and they just did it better shit and did all the songs over again.

That's incredible.

So I got to see a concert twice. That was another Hell yeah, yeah, that was really cool.

That's great.

Well, I guess my answer, like the most foremost is I had the great good fortune of being in the Largo scene when John Bryan and the Comedy Night came up in the nineties, and because they blended, Flanagin, who owned it, kind of blended the two together, or at least people.

Would of course, you're not pulling over. Oh you good job, dipshit, A good thing.

You got in front of us. If I had my brass knuckles on, I.

Want to spread negative feelings around only people that are also driving around.

Yeah.

Yeah, anyway, so I think stand out from that. And this is a humongous brag. But Elliot Smith used to be around all the time during the Either Or album days. Sure, and so I got to see him perform off that album and the a couple of the subsequent albums.

And then get on stage right after stand.

Up right Yes.

And also I had a conversation with him one time. He was very shy, and he was really really nice and he would come to people's parties and stuff like smaller parties or whatever. I had a conversation with him at one night at Largo where he told me he hated the sound of his own singing voice. And I it was everything I could do not to grab him to be like that, because I remember so John Bryan produced,

He it was important to me when it came out. It's so good, and he was he hated the sound of his own voice. That killed me.

It was one of the most heartbreaking kind of things to know about a person, where it's like, yeah, but it's so good and you don't you won't know it, like you refuse.

To know it, and heartbreaking to know that the minute you hear that he killed himself that he didn't he didn't even like his own singing and he doesn't even know how much people loved him and he couldn't.

Yeah, it's it's so awful.

It's important to listen to other people and not just yourself, especially about you.

Yeah, all right when it comes.

Because the artists don't fucking know and they think they know everything because they've gotten themselves to the point where they are being paid attention to. But you still fuck yourself up because your experience on stage is psychotic compared to what other people are experiencing. I can't tell you how many times I've done comedy and been like that was terrible. Yeah, and then people are like, oh, yeah, that's my favorite thing ever, and it's just like, oh, I don't know what's going on.

Yeah, that's most times yeah for me. Yeah, yeah, I agree.

You do that a lot to yourself where I'm like everyone was screaming and dying and you're like that yell, never doing it again.

But there are times where I'm like, I really did well that time. Okay, I'm just I'm really paying too much attention.

I guess, well, or we focus on just the things that we're worried about and don't take in the things that.

People love that we like.

The idea that Elliott Smith thought he was supposed to have like a voice like fucking.

Who, Like who did he think we wanted him to sing? Like Elvis gives a fuck? Like he's his own original voice.

That was so beautiful and meaningful and like expressive.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not a huge Jimmy Hendricks fan at all, but I appreciate him, and I like he famously always said I'm a terrible singer.

And he's not. I like it. It's cool. I've heard the song Crosstown Traffic. It's one of the best.

I need to listen to more. I've been meaning to listen to him and Tom Waits. I just pretend I like it.

Tom Waits is tough because he really does sound like he has a medical condition yea that he's trying to sing through his larynge is.

The clinical version of he's got gravel on the throat.

But he writes the most beautiful song. He really is the most talented songwriter. Yeah, piano player, singer, but man, it's painful.

Yeah, I wish when I moved here it was on the tail end of the I only got to be at the Old Largo a handful of times for Greg Barren's show. He's the one that right when I moved here, I got to be on that stage and it was still still one of the biggest honor.

It's just because I knew so much about it. It was cool. For the time it lasted, it was cool.

And also in the beginning, no one knew it was just another place to do shows, and it was kind of it ended right when, or like plang and moved right when everyone started to get an attitude or like the yeah, man, it's our night or whatever, and then it kind of ended and everyone was like, oh, that's over.

I guess you only had to have that anymore.

Yeah, the only time.

The new Largo is great, but it's more but like it's a theater and it seems like.

You better do well there because it's packed.

It's three higdred people.

Yeah, but the old it just felt great and people were eating really good food, like it's it's just you're performing for a bunch of people with a giant plate of chicken and must Yes, but people would maybe know what if you ever saw the original like Tenacious D, like before it was when it was just an HBO thing along.

It wasn't that on the stage.

No, you know, it's funny, that was the old Virgil when the Virgil is called the garage they film that because actually in that thing, I'm play a waitress. You never see me do anything, but i am basically I'm background playing a waitress in that video in the Tenacious D.

That first one, wasn't that around the time or just after Girls Guitar Club?

Yes, were you ever like, god damn it, we were doing this.

No, no, no, no, those guys did it first, and they did it so well like our things very different. It's the opposite. They had us open for them at the Viper was my next question. Yeah, we opened for them and so great. We got heckled almost the whole time because it was our first foray into bro comedy. M metal head people come to well like comedy nerds, they're so really yeah, territorial comedy nerds are like what the fuck is this?

And you're just like wow. And then I remember at one point and we kind.

Of sucked, you know, it built up after a while that we we closed strong, but it was like you really had to be patient and they were not well.

And then I looked to the side, I thank you.

I looked over to the side during that show and there was Elijah Wood. Just was it Elijah Wood or to maguire, Yes, it was Toby maguire.

It was Toby MacGuire, and he was just staring at me. He didn't look like he liked it, and he didn't look like he hated it.

And it was the weirdest feeling where I was like, I think I would like it better if he didn't like it.

Well, that's you just described every movie he's in.

He's mister neutral.

I'm not sure how he felt about being spider man.

I don't what what were the cider house rules? I had got no sense of it. Did you like the rules? Did you hate the rules? Dead faced?

Then everyone wants dead face, adorable, dead face, and big eyed?

All right? Next question?

All right, this is from Shelle New New Angelina over here. What are some of your favorite spots favorite things to do in this Stephen.

Are you sick? I swear to God, I'll kick you out of this car.

No, I was just podcasting before this.

Oh, okay, you need a lozenge.

Yes, and I will take a lozenge.

What are some of your favorite things to do or places to go off the beaten path in the city.

Well, I've been just recently discovering in my neighborhood because I'm like, I have to do something. I'm not gonna pull on rubber bands and lift weights in my living room or watch P ninety X. I've just started hiking and there's Lesion Park is right by my house. I didn't realize it is my mini Runyon Canyon. And I've been and it's been pouring rain like it is right now. So it's all lush and green and those flowers everywhere, and I'm like, oh my god, I live near If

Yeah, it's like totally different atmosphere. It's great.

So yeah, when you if you move here and you're focused on oh my god, I hate driving, make sure that you also balance that out with with uh being outdoors if that's what you want to do.

And if you hate driving, how about you don't move here.

Yeah, that's the whole fucking point of Yeah, tires.

Say, one has opinions about this place, that people are a certain way or whatever. But yes, traffic, I will give you that. It is bad and it's getting worse. But everyone you go to fucking Toledo that's still a city, and they'll complain about traffic.

I went back to Ohio, I went to Boise City. Was gone, Oh who's that? That's the Pretenders?

Oh yeah, I really like Chrissy hy He's cool. What's your favorite hidden gym?

Oh? You know?

The first thing that popped in my head was not in the city. Well, first of all, the arts district downtown. Look at what Mark Thomas on a billboard?

Oh I know people say that his special is great.

It is great.

Oh you loved it? Everybody loved it. Yeah, I haven't seen it. I have a very hard time watching people's comedy specials.

It It really takes it out of it.

It is I get so nervous, I gets I don't want to have a bad opinion.

I get really whatever.

But then, but every single person that's watched it is delighted and thralled.

It is different.

It's the the behind the scenes documentary side of it is very sweet and important.

That's great.

He's the best and he's a great actor. I'm I'm I hope he's on some kind of a star trek. Oh he is, because he deserves it. He was in a short film that I watched one time and he was so good. Yes, he was the dick boyfriend. Here's the dick boyfriend that the mom pays off. Oh it's such a good short film. Yeah, Joey, shit, Joey. Somebody Italian last name made it.

Whim Thomas. I bet you. It's on IMDb.

Yeah, yeah, watch especially HBO.

So the first thing I was going to say was I like parts of downtown.

I don't know if that is true, though, I like sometimes I think I would like to live downtown in those arts district spots. Yeah, yeah, because there is that cool railroad tracks, but then around the corners of fancy restaurant. But then also there's people making something in a warehouse, like I like the general vibe uh.

Ignored for two days, dead body fat.

Or though exactly there is a really intense not just oh this is about part of town, but things are happening down here that are not humane, right, and that ship is bad for you to be around.

So yeah, guy covered blood on a wound on its head, vampire teeth holding a baseball bat with nails.

In the end of it. I've seen that. Yeah shit, yeah, yeah, just keep driving, so don't go down there.

I would say instead. You are also very close to Pasadena, and there is a what the fuck lady, Sorry, there's a museum in Pasadena.

That I'll have.

I need to say the name of in four minutes because I won't be able to think of it right now.

But it's a very small museum. I need to go to it. I haven't seen it. It's so good.

And it has a bunch of it has a bunch of van Goes, it has a bunch.

Of Deca, it has.

It's the motherfucker Stephen, please help me.

Simon.

Yes, it's the Norton Simon. Oh yeah, he's the best painter. I think. I agree, he's my favorite.

Van Goes amazing and the Northern Simon was a rich guy and this was his actual personal art collection.

Oh wow.

Yeah, and it's nuts. So that's a great little spot. Like that's a good place to take your parents when you don't know what to do with your parents.

Yeah yeah, art gallery, you got I it's so fine. I've been to the Road, the Broad, the.

Breed, the Brood, the Broad.

I think it's the Broad.

I was right the twelfth time.

I've heard people say Broad because Braun is like, hey, Dan.

It's not a good museum.

Well you don't like my paints?

Yeah, it's I gotta go tomorrow art museums. I always say that when I'm doing stand up in some city, I'm like, I'll go to the museum, but just watch disney Pants, disney Pants with my channel off.

Do you know that when we were in Amsterdam, whenever we were in Europe on tour, I had planned three days in a row. Oh we weren't there that long, two days in a row to go to the Van Go Museum, and everyone's like, you have to go. It's amazing, it's amazing. Never fucking did it. And I was truly like maybe five blocks away from it.

Oh man, So I really regret it.

Yeah.

He is just the best.

And he had a brother that was like made a living as an artist.

He didn't sell a paint.

I think he sold a painting for like foreigner bucks in his life, but he didn't become a famous artist.

Tulli is dead.

Yeah, that's always just like the coolest to me. It's tragic, but it's cool.

It's very cool.

And also it's the thing where the way his style of painting was not popular, it was completely new so of course all those fucking hacks hated it, which is how it always happens in art. It's very threatening when you have something that's like, what's this, It's not what I'm doing? Yeah, and everyone ship's a brick, And then, like you know, one hundred years later, people are like, no, no what, no, no what.

I hope and Ella Elliott Smith are just bragging about how long I hope they.

I hope they're in heaven realizing Heaven, realizing LoVa.

Oh god, oh the whole time we do doing it. An impression of the lead singer or the psychedelic first Oh god, I.

Thought he was like a cement worker.

Okay, the last handful of questions.

To you, Yeah, I think we're wrapping it up.

I mean, oh yeah, or does anyone want Yeah, it's a lot.

I mean we're all about to faint from a come on at Heather, Yeah, at Heather on the Hill.

What's one thing from science fiction you wish was real? Mine? Teleporting?

Nice?

Oh god, yeah, I mean imagine all the especially now it had come in Andy. Teleparting is a good one.

I guess my whole life.

The one that I'm like, would I like it? Or would I not like it. I guess that's more just being a vampire is living forever. I've decided, like, no way. But when you're a kid, and I was so scared of dying when I was a kid, I'm like, wait, this is a limited time, this is a limited run.

Yeah, that's I always wanted.

I don't know if I want sci fi, I have to think I know sci fi. I don't ever want to end up in a cocoon, some sort of a cocoon. That's a bad that's a bad sign.

Are you thinking of Lord of the Rings with the big spider wraps up, Elijah Wood slash Toby Maguire.

Every sci fi movie at some point they go it looks like this is some kind of cocoon and then.

You know, yeah, then you know where I'll fuck.

I would say mine is the medical situation in Star Trek where they just kind of run a pen over you and they're like, you have light cancer.

We're carrying it now.

Oh yeah with another pad future futuristic light immediate full body X ray. That's like, you have a problem, but it's no it used to be a problem. Now it's just like a passing issue that will take care of immediately. Yeah, don't worry about your Cancer's so nice to be so nice.

Infrared scanning of all your cancer and.

Then everybody just be healthy and let's not have superviruses anymore.

Yeah. Yeah, I wish the future was not what the past was. I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know the best answer for that one.

You can stick with cocoons. Yeah, I don't want a whole lobe you called cocoon.

Yeah.

If I do end up in a cocoon, I hope it's that one that helps me break dance as an elderly man.

I want to dive into your pool, your cocoon pool.

The worst hit, the worst pick up, Like, oh yeah, that is pretty gross.

I apologize, okay.

Stephen at Alicia Lynn PMW.

What should we use as currency when our current financial system collapses?

I suppose pelts and gold bowl gone. Well, clearly it's gonna be toilet paper.

Yeah, yeah, we've already reached it.

It's happening.

We just got excited about toilet paper.

Well, we just made an investment.

I think, yeah, water, it will be water, funny true. Oh, and that's what the Matt Max thing is yeah, fresh water. Otherwise you're gonna grow gills on your neck and learn how to boat.

Yeah.

I don't want to answer this questions to dark. Also, it won't be my job to figure this out.

I can't. I should be, and I can't.

I'm afraid it'll still be money. Just a lot of people won't have it.

Yeah, they'll figure out something else. It'll be like bananas whatever. But nobody can.

Have some cryptocurrency that I still don't. I can't even grasp it. It exists and I don't know what it is. This house is always interesting or is it angering? It's a it looks like a cruise ship. It looks like a ship, but it's a house. Uh, the fence.

Around it, Yeah, it seems like it's that's all about wheelchair access.

Oh, I bet you. It's apartments. Yeah, instead of a house and be a weird house.

They run a clean ship there.

Okay, Steven, all right?

At Kim underscore, Kim postable.

What's the dumbest thing you believed as a child boy?

So many that love was real, that I would never tie, that I could have my own cocoon.

Yeah, there was a brief period where I thought I was living forever.

Um.

Yeah, I don't know. The dumbest thing I believed as a child. God this is I could think of something if given more time.

I used to want my mom to fill out all the Publishers clearing House sweepstakes informa packets. I didn't understand why she wouldn't just try, and she'd be like, Karen, turwed away.

It's garbage. They just that's all. They're trying to get money out of you.

And I'm like, mother, everybody has a chance to win. I remember to like walking her through the packet one time because we got the big envelope with Technicman's picture on it. I was just like, Mom, we could win this, and she's like, it's not real, Karen, throw it away.

And I'm like, you're a quitter. You're a fucking synec and a quitter. That's so mad. People do win, they do, That's what they said.

Although then we watched the mcmillion documentary fucking fake.

She was right all along. Sorry, Sorry, Pat, I should have listened to you. Last question.

This might be a good one to go out on him at Karen reads books?

Not really?

What is your favorite dad joke?

That's a full circle.

Yeah, man, I can't you say. Look what I almost stepped in.

When I recorded this podcast with my dad, there was we've.

Droven by a man. I didn't see it coming.

I've heard this before, but it was just when a dad joke is applied at the perfect moment. There was just a guy in the middle of this pastor walking around. He wasn't farming, there was no animals near him. He was just standing in the field like a and my it's like, what the hell is that guy doing? And my dad said, he's outstanding in his field. And it made me laugh because the moment he said it right away,

My favorite dad joke moment. Uh.

You know what's funny, and I think this is true for both of us, is we have I want to block you out, block Stephen.

I could actually park anywhere I want.

Oh yeah, it turns out.

They always park in our spots.

My dad is so much funnier than most dad jokes, Like, you know, dad jokes are about like dad's being hacked or whatever, But my dad is truly hilarious. And the thing that makes me laugh the hardest is he'll do characters.

Oh so, here's an example. My sister with this whole quarantine thing.

My dad was like, well, I got it. I'm gonna go down to the hospital pick up my medicine. My sister like, don't go to a fuck in the hospital. You're almost eighty, Like, stop going to places where sick people are, stop going to play likes, don't go to the grocery store.

I'll go for you. And he wouldn't do it.

And she and my sister, being a teacher, was getting all the CDC information like first line, so she knew about all the.

Bad shit first and early. So she was trying to tell my dad.

He wouldn't listen, and he kept doing whatever, and he was And then one day he went to Costco and she lost her shit and she was like.

Stop going into these big groups. You're going to die. I'm gonna have to deal with it.

Like she went crazy and then hung up the phone on him, and then she felt bad until like a half an hour later she calls him back and he answers Costco delivery, And that is a that's my dad's sense.

If you were in a nutshell.

Oh that's the best.

Yeah, yeah, I love it.

I think my favorite phone thing that my dad always did and it makes no sense, but I did it for years when because it throws off anyone, especially if people are calling and trying to sell something the phone had ringing, and he'd pick up and just go telephone and then they just they stand there, they just don't say anything. Yeah, it throws off any one if you just say telephone. Yeah, like I'm hello, what yeah, yeah, just up and say what it is.

I think that's great that.

Yeah, throws off the script. Yeah, yeah, I like telephone guys. Another legendary Q same non stop? How do we do it?

Quite hot the whole time, zero to no lulls, even when we pull over to buy.

Toilet paper, although I have to say Steven's voice got raspy. Now my throat hurts, That's all I'm saying. If this is it, what a way to go.

Every Yeah, you just listened to us all contracting a virus.

I mean mine, I've.

Had better throat days.

Right, but it's raining and the temperatures down, and you know, I've had the AC weirdly on because we have to keep it on for right right this who knows, We're fine. We've been talking for two straight hours.

I saw a video where you all you have to do is keep the virus at fifty five degrees celsius, so you blow a hair dryer up your nostrils.

And it kills the virus because it stays in your nasal cabinet. So we're fine if you have a hair dryer just blown up that.

I really did, that seems but I've watched it.

I had very much, seems face very much. But then I watched the whole thing, and I'm like, why does this make sense?

Why does this feel so good?

Well produced?

You know who made it? The guy at the ten dollars an understore.

Oh god, ah, but I was in a long black jacket.

What are you coach youth socker?

I coach youth goth soccer.

But I'm super happy, but also want some toilet paper. He was the best, all right, Well, you know, peace and love out to that guy. Only I re stuff all right, and we'll see you soon. We love you.

Take care, please do stay strong, stay strong, but not near one another.

Nope, You've been listening. You need to ride d Y n.

A r.

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim, and give us time and a terminal and gay.

We want to send you.

Off inside you want to welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need a ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need.

With Karen and chriss

Mm hm