S2 - Ep. 32 - James Fritz

Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay a. We want to send you off InStyle. We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.

We scared her? Was it fine?

Now?

Porn?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Need to ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Coilgaris.

We are driving. It is warm, it is dry, I am in a T shirt. It might be winter where you are.

Sorry, did you just come from a place where it actually felt like winter?

No? But I'm preparing myself for this tour I'm going on. You're about to go to place very cold places.

The coldest being Winnipeg.

Ooh, maybe the warmest being Boise, Idaho, Denver, depending on how Denver.

You know what they say about Denver. You don't like the weather in.

Denver, then you probably don't like snow that much.

You probably just are a person that isn't happy for light with life and weather isn't your problem. It's a very large bumper stick it's a long bumper sticker, and it ends with something about therapy.

Just wait five minutes. That's what it is. There, it is, which is true. One time I went there with friends.

We were skateboarding downtown and then all of a sudden it snowed six inches, really more than a couple inches, like six inches.

Then it melted and it was sunny again.

And then you went. You did water skiing.

Then we did water sports. We went to the mountains, We did mountain.

Sports, mountains board, then.

We hit the beach. We did all three in one day.

Oh my god, every terrain.

It was a triathlon.

Congratulations, thank you.

I won.

I've won a metal. I threw it with crayon and it's mine.

Oh, everybody's driving too close to this police.

Yeah, I mean, just because it's his job to almost get hit by a car, it doesn't mean he should get hit.

He shouldn't, especially not by a bike.

Well, those two were just kind of being a little nonchalant. They should keep their eyes open.

Yeah, they really should.

And this guy needs to stop commuting on a bike. I'm sorry, this is Los Angeles. It is not more where bikes are helpful.

There was a he wasn't the mayor, but we did have a mayor that would ride bikes, that ride his bike to work every day in a no in not sorry in Missoula, Montana. And then there's some other government official that every single.

Day he was on his bike with a bright yellow helmet.

It's one of the most vivid memories I have of childhood as seeing this elected person on a bike, and I always thought that.

Was kind of cool. That's why we had sprocket man.

Oh were you guys being like get out into nature and do move around type of stuff.

It is a town where bikes are a big that's everyone rides bikes like it's great and this city I want to ride a bike and I have a bike for riding.

But it's just not a bike friendly town.

It's not a friendly town at all.

And then when it comes to bikes things get really intent.

Yeah, it's a downright bike unfriendly town.

Now, there are some streets that do have bike lanes, but most of them do not, so you will like if you have in a bike lean on sunset and you take her right on Vine or that's not a good example. A smaller street's just fucked because then now you're in traffic.

Yep.

And I think that I can't remember who it was. Someone I knew.

And this was like in the late nineties early two thousands, like started riding her bike everywhere, and every time I saw her.

She's like, I fill up my bike and she'd.

Have like cut hands and cut knees, and there was someone would hit her like crazy shit where I was just like, yeah, this doesn't seem like a good plan to like ride your bike to the west side.

Sounds like she had a lot of negative energy.

I think she was real negative.

I want to When I lived by the beach, there was bike lanes. I could ride my bike around. But I'm not where I'm at now, not near downtown. No, no, no, sir, no, thank you. It's too I'm you know, I'm cautious even getting out of a car after parallel parking. I just think every car is a sleep and going to come towards me.

I know.

I think that's the way to do it. Yeah, because there's so many people on pills in this town. Yeah, so many people.

I mean, half the time they'll run India because they're mid pill popping.

They're choking on a huge valium most of the time.

This whole city is it?

Are you too warm?

I feel great?

Okay, great?

Wearing a north face shell if you must know.

I must Who are you wearing?

But I can unzip it, and there's little vents. I can unzip it.

I can unzip it.

I can take the sleeves off.

I can tie the sleeves around my head like a headband.

Yeah. I can do a whole character with this jacket.

Oh my god. The valley guy with the VESTI.

Oh, no way.

That's what he'd say a lot.

No way, my course, freezing, I have to run this yellow I'm sorry, my extremities have deacclimated.

No way, no way, digits, you're frosty.

Okay did I Stephen? Am I on the wrong street for this place? For the drive through?

I think I make a left?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, that's what that's telling me to do to pick up our next next guest.

So it's on the way. Perfect, it's perfect.

We have planned this, and then this fucking Nissan Juke won't get the fuck out of the way, and.

That's the name of the car. It was not you know, Oh.

No, that was not a slur.

It's all vehicular juice. Slander is a juke.

Now correct me if I'm wrong.

Juking is when like you're in a holloway and someone's trying to get past you and you do a little side shuffle.

Shimmy, there it is, and you have your hands out.

I don't is that true.

I've never heard that word juke come out. Am I wrong? Am I hallucinating? I am so sorry.

I can't confirm or deny because I'm not sure. Okay, thank you, Stephen.

God.

It feels like we're going to McDonald's for McDonald's coffee.

I'm pretending that I think McDonald McDonald's a Starbucks because I just want to get fries.

Man.

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, see you're tricking yourself. Yeah, it's probably the same corporate ownership.

I thought this was green.

Man.

Don't get me started. Man, there's all one eye in the.

S they're all watching you at night.

Yeah, from a eyeball mounted on the top of a pyramid.

Man, All the presidents used to bathe together.

I've never heard of.

I'm so totally there's tunnels. Don't let me bring up Denver again.

Man, there's a tunnel going from the capitol straight to a bath house.

And that's where they do all their business dealings.

Man, laptob just scrubbing each other's back.

Yeah, super anti woman and fuck it weed man.

Times a week.

Here we go again with maybe in the hot one on my side, it's a it's a it's like a Dan Drift shampoo to commercial. Yes, my side is tangling and foggy, and yours.

Is clear and crisp and flake free.

And even I don't know what's going on. I'm trying to do like three things at once. Would just have a conversation with you, figure out why the entire car is steaming up, and not overuse the AC for sound issues.

And it's a job in itself just to decide for what I'm saying.

I really like all the presidents take badd together. I want to watch the docu series about that.

Yeah, it's just if you get someone talking about Illuminati, it all melts into one thing.

And maybe I added the bath house. I don't.

I think the bath house element is fresh.

I think we haven't seen bath house and comedy or anything. The seventies, it kind of you know, went out of favors, became taboo.

Yeah, the age of aids, and now it's back.

Well, it's a meeting play, that's it's it's the patriarchy.

A bath time.

That's where they get together in a bathtub.

Yeah, a giant bathtub, like the neighbor Kid, the mean Kid from Peewee's Big Adventure.

Oh God, I love that bathtub so much.

It was I mean.

When I was a kid, I was like, this is just a swimming pool.

But if you watch that show again, it is indeed a bathtub in a giant in a giant bathroom.

It's a like it.

Looks like a waiting pool out that would be outside a bank, but he's swimming in it.

I was such a fan of Pee Wee's Big Adventure, written by Paul Rubins and Phil Hartman.

Is that true?

Yeah?

Phil Hartmon helped him right there still some little groundling boys because.

Phil Harmon used to do Did you ever see the Peewee's live stage show The Old One No Like from the eighties.

Phil Harmon played Cat and Carl.

He played this sea captain that would stop by, but capt'n Carl didn't make it into the Big Adventure.

Yeah, and this is of course way before Saturday Night Live, or it seems way before.

It was probably seven years.

But that movie and it's Tim Burton. A lot of people don't know it's one Tim Burton's early movies.

Is that true?

Yeah?

I don't think I knew.

It is so great. Jan Hooks is so great in it. I love Pee Wee's Big Adventures so much. I thought it was so funny. And when I was a kid, I had Pee Weee Herman.

Shirts and people would get you did great, thank you.

It was scary.

You know, you're being assertive and if someone were there that that means that they were aggressively trying to turn on the outside.

Which you know they'll do.

Yeah they will. Sounds aggressive. Thank god, we're not a bike again.

Let's just underline that. Wait, what was the point you were just making that?

Oh, just if you haven't seen he was a Big Adventure watching because it holds up and it's so funny, and I was just a fan. I wore T shirts and I remember almost getting beat up at the Western Montana Fair because I had this like kind of.

Like uh screen, what was the Andy Warhol painting.

It was like he did it with a bunch of people, but the famous one was Marilyn Monroe. But I had that of Peewee's head when I was a kid, and it was just so cool, and bullies would want to fight me.

They were threatened somehow by Peewee.

Did it look like Peewee had makeup on because it was like blue totally?

Yeah.

Yeah, So I was wearing a quote unquote gay shirt. And back then that's why you get beat up at the fair.

That was like you were putting in your your submitting your form to request to be beaten up.

Yes, I was had an affair. I sent it in ahead of time and I was first in line.

I attached my check. I actually didn't staple it. I put a paper clip on it. So Whenden screw up your machine, I'm sorry my request. I'm sorry I didn't indoors said check.

Now I was.

I believe I was either eleven or twelve when that movie came out. So that movie hit our lives. It took over our lives. I know almost every word. It was the movie that everyone in the family wanted to watch. My dad thought, what was the.

Part that he talked. He talked about me make me.

One when he was at the bar with the bikers and then he knocked He did the dance and then knocked the motorcycles over. It was like my father's favorite thing. Yeah, just every part about it. When he finally gets the part in the movie paging mister Herman, like, it's just wonderful.

The front desk so good.

Yeah, it really holds up, and it's got scary moments like weird.

It was Tim Burton, it was scary, it was creepy.

Large march is such as Tim Burton, Joint.

And Oingo Boing Go music, Danny Elfman music. It's got everything you want.

Eg Daily Valley Girl line, it's a legend everything.

Oh yeah, Yati Dotty Dottie.

Is Eg Daily, who was like the prima la actress from eighties seventies, eighties.

I didn't know that, And when I was a kid, I'm like that lady's punk rock because she kind of talked like Valley She was like.

Come on, she was come on. She was a lead singer of a really cool band and her like eg Daily, her music was in a bunch of eighties movies like there's you like, if you heard a song of hers, you'd be like, oh, I've.

Heard that band before. Oh wow, Yeah, she's awesome.

That's funny.

You know.

I found myself googling her one day and she's still around and she's still cool.

Yeah.

Did you see the movie Valley Girl starring Nicholas Cage.

No, no, I didn't.

She plays one of the front If you ever want a great slice of the eighties, like literally, I think it was from nineteen eighty or eighty one, and it's basically the kid that's from Hollywood that's like a punk rocker meets and falls in love with a valley girl. And at the time that just meant like kind of a rich white girl in the valley. But everyone talked it was just that weird, stupid trend that exploded.

Shane saw it.

Like changed culture, like Frank Zappa changed publicly changed the culture.

Now, Yeah, that song Frank Zappa, that's the song I think of when you mentioned that movie.

It came before the movie.

It had to write, Uh, I probably yes, because that the song started the trend.

Wow, I don't know if that's a great question.

Oh, it was like an impression.

It was a voice my sister and I did together to bond yep entirely. She was a valley girl and I would be a valley boy alternating to all valid girl.

Well right, but also that song holds up as well. I heard it on driving somewhere and it is so like you wouldn't think it was Moon doing the doing an impression. You would think it was an actual valley girl just being caught on tape.

Oh, his kid was doing the voice.

It's Moon unit Zappa.

She's a hilarious, very talented, brilliant like performer writer. She does a ton of cool stuff. She has a podcast that Steven's engineered before.

Yeah, I used to produce the podcast that she is called Launch Left Yeah, and she rolls. The song was made in nineteen eighty two and then Valley Girl with Nicholas Cage eighty four eighty three, so it must have been like inspired by this totally.

You're right. It started it.

It started all of it, and it changed, like I remember life before and after Valley Girl, because all of a sudden, everyone started talking like that, even if you lived in Pedlom the California were nowhere near the sand. Yeah, valley like it it caught fire and never went away. That's so funny, you know, it's fascinating.

I noticed.

Yeah, when I had lived in snowboard towns, which are in the mountains somewhere nowhere near or beach, everyone.

Also talk like that, Like, oh, totally talk like this a little bit. Yeah, wait, are you from Idaho? It's so funny.

But it's like that they want to be that guy.

Yeah, it's that he's laid back, he's fun and he doesn't beat people up at the fair. It was a simpler time with simpler minds. Also a good Man.

Another classic from the eighties.

Yeah, they are the best. But let's talking. Let's not dwell in the past.

No, let's be in the present, the future and present future twenty twenty.

Should we colonize the moon? Call in, write in, tell us what's your thought? Let's hear those hot takes?

Is the earth flat?

Let us know what's it like in your neighborhood.

I haven't done much yet this year. I'm gonna go ahead and admit, Oh.

Believe me, I've been absolutely on the couch, probably since the last.

Time I saw you.

I don't think we should count I've been on the couch a lot too. And I don't think I'm depressed. But I did watch a very very good news special from.

Goldman Gary.

Yes, the Great Depression.

Yeah yeah, Goldman Gary Goleman.

Yeah, yeah, he's great.

It is really great.

But also when he's sharing with me, he's very open in it, and he's sharing a lot and a lot of his examples of depression.

I was like, wait, I do that. No, wait a minute, I do that too. Uh So I wrote him a note that he probably won't see.

Oh no, I bet he will. And I'm sure he knows who you are.

Well.

Everyone writes us nice things and I try and read them and try and respond, and if.

Not, it's because it got buried with other life things.

But again, this is just like the fucking Taurus pins. Where are they writing to you? I haven't seen it.

I'm the trust pins are and I will bring them. We'll divvy him up again right now.

We will use the card that came with them today.

No thanks, I think it's just going to be drinks. Can I get a double tall one pump mocha?

Yeah?

Do you guys have oat milk car? Okay? We have? Is sure?

All have just a dripped coffee with almond milk, drip almond?

What size do you want?

Oh? Sorry, Grande with almond milk please?

Yeah, what's stephen?

And I'll just do.

And can we also get a Grande vanilla please? Hot hot, you got it? That's all?

Thank you?

Did you guys say I didn't?

I did under pressure of Ashley Elaine's illustration. Constant designer did all of our drinks drawings of our drinks and yours is a double pump.

You did your drink?

I deviated a little.

Oh where's that?

It was just on Instagram today.

Oh that's so.

That's that's very cool. This looks like.

Quecially if you zoom in, because it's just like, oh, it's just two tones of drips, but it looks exactly.

Yes, that's what it looks like.

Calistoga phone.

She's so cool.

She is cool. Thank you, Ashley, Ashley Ashley Lane. Yes, and today's that I'm sorry.

Both are cards just an old fairness. This is a greeting card that came with the gift card from Ali and Shauna, sisters who bond every other Monday.

Thank you, laughing, no thanks, Do you need a they said their friends decided to selfishly get married the same day I had a show in Oklahoma City. I hope they've suffed ties.

But they came to the show.

No, no, I remember this was.

No.

But they sent someone who gave me this.

Oh, thank you very much and there's a turtle on it meaningful and there's a googly eye to it.

Is that's great.

Yeah, I love it and it makes me feel good.

And sometimes I cry Jameson's subject and it's a nice card.

And often I am in the position of fetal so.

No, thank you, thank you, have a good one. Yeah.

Gary Golman's special made me wake up though, and kind of sees the day.

Oh good.

Yeah, it kind of snapped me out of it because I was like, wait a minute.

Yeah, that's well. You know, that's how you kind of know that it's not actually depression is because you have that choice, right, you know.

So that's good.

It's a scary I mean, like, dude, that happens to me every time, where I'm just like uh huh, isolating, yes, saying.

It at whatever.

Yeah, but then yeah, it's I really, depression is such a horrifying thing. And I was reading an article about him and the shit, he fucking went through.

It's amazing.

He has a special, like he really came back from the brink. It's really cool. Yeah, and I think that guy just writes amazing jokes and is really funny.

Yeah, he had a lot of great It was like a perfect combination of meaningful, Like he started it pretty serious. It's not that and the jokes are hidden in these stories and valid points and they're they're all throughout. It's when someone clearly it's like a it's down to write a special or or put together the jokes and make sure it has a through line, which I've never done with stand up. I'm just like, oh, let me, these jokes are all about my balls, so I'll do them together.

So I'll group those under B.

Yeah, I guess move on to my masturbation stuff or made up stuff about parents having sex together.

No, I'll do it. Yeah, you know. I just he's done the.

Work totally, and it's kind of like I think that thing these days. It's it's cool because I think a lot of people need help.

And so it comedy's fine, but it feels like it's great when you can do.

It and it actually has meaning, right, you're actually being honest and talking about something like talking about yourself.

Yeah, it's very cool. Yeah, and you're not boring about it.

No, it's it was great. I just watched it last night.

Awesome, very good, very good.

Good job Gary, And sorry about that one time I approached you in security at the air.

Did you really Yeah?

I was like, you don't know me, but your conan set was one joke and now everyone's trying to do that and it's because of you.

Yeah.

Did he appreciate it?

He did, He was nice.

Yeah, he seems he's what you don't expect is he's a very large, strong looking man. And that was the other thing when watching this special. He talks about all the trouble yet as a kid and depression and not fitting in, but he looks like an All American football player.

Guy, So it's depression. Does not discriminate.

Someone trying to cross the street right as I turn.

No, No, you were fine, you were fine. You did kill the dog.

I mean that was a little it was so in the dark, and I only saw the last scon Well, it's scary.

When someone's walking with an animal in front of them like that.

Here's the letting the dog lead thank you. You're right, and it's the thing of U.

Yeah.

If I saw Gary Goldman, I'd be like, oh that oh that guy. I guess he thinks he has it all. Yeah, he has that kind of like the dude that the tall, a tall white guy is like, you know those people have been sitting on top of the world for years.

Yeah. Yeah, we're underground in a series of tunnels.

Oh right, we're back to Yeah, we're in a back This is a high centering boy.

I'm glad you took that slow.

Yeah, had to. That was a deep dip. Yeah, we deep debt. Have you been watching the adult swim series Joe Para.

Talks with you? I know I haven't.

Well, I wish you would, even if.

You all right, if you have a I make noises.

A bus could be coming filled with clowns with a sign on it that says coming for you, Karen and Chris, and I would just go to Google more energy than it just takes to say, oh the word bus or stop or clowns.

Or death, dying, dying, dying.

Uh No, I want to you.

I think.

Mentioned him and I just looked at the way he talks, or you know you I pretend your tweets are conversations you've had with me. You just posted him driving and talking, right, Yes, that was.

The Christmas picking out a Christmas tree.

He has a series on Adult Swim that is so like I put it on.

At night just to feel better. Yeah, it's crazy great and I think you would adore it.

It's really during a character you think, or that's what he's like. Yeah, because like Nathan Fielding Order Fielder. I've been watching Nathan for you late in Life, and I love it. But there are times he snaps out of it and it's like, but you know he's that person, right, but he can augment it for because he knows they're self aware.

Yeah, I mean I think, yeah, I think people people that are that good are good.

Sing it a little, sure, you have.

To, but.

You gotta goose it.

Yeah, yeah, what a nice pad.

What spot I didn't realize.

I will tell him we're here perfect, he asked, if we're still coming? Oh, sorry late, I think he's waiting for an apology there, I said, just do it.

It doesn't hurt you to apologize, It doesn't diminish you, you know what.

It actually feels good, even though it's a text. I don't mean.

It still feels great. Just start texting sorry to everyone, you know.

Yeah, and this is for it's me, not you. I'll say sorry, it's me, not you. And then but I really mean, this is.

For me, not you, it's to myself.

I'll be out here soon.

The point is, don't count January. Uh, everyone's recharged. Things aren't even in full working order. Your boss is still in Bermuda or whatever it starts in February. Whenever you promised yourself. You know, there's a lot of wiggle room in January.

That's my point.

It's kind of a great area and there are no hard and fest rules. I think January is just a desert of broken resolutions and people feeling shame about like only eight days ago, feeling great right now not feeling great?

Yes, So that's what I don't like. The memory of a contrast. That's what's been bothering me. Is the top of the world around Christmas.

Yeah, merely three weeks ago. You had it all going on.

And all I've done in the last four days is hang a line to dry clothes on.

But I haven't done the laundry.

But you're prepared now when you do.

I'm ready. It's real cool.

It's got a little zip thing and I hook it and it goes across my courtyard. I've always wanted courtyard line drunk. Oh oh he's here.

Oh Hi, Hi, James. Sorry, we're a little we ran into some trouble.

Sorry James picked up you James trouble you say?

How are you? Buddy?

We're our guest today is James f James everybody comedian extraordinary?

No, no, we put it in later.

Don't worry.

Yeah, we slipping in real Hi. Hi are you?

I'm all right?

Everything good?

Yeah?

Isn't I cried on this before.

I was just talking about that.

Today's the day we all cry. I love it.

We usually build up to it, but get it right out on the flood page and start to do it.

What's been bothered?

Are you?

What makes you?

What's going on with James?

Fritz James?

What's on the agenda?

James? Reverse? Does it delete what I said?

If you want to just drive back around your house, we'll do it again.

Take two. Are we going anywhere?

Specific?

Are we just driving around?

We can just drive around whatever you need.

We can do whatever you do and have a comedy concert tonight.

There's an open mic that's really good. You didn't mention it's in West Covina, so perfect.

Call Steve Fernandez and tell him you're canceling. Call him and cancel the you're spotting an open mic.

That'd be a weird power move.

Can you just put a scratch through number seventy four please, I'm not gonna come.

There is that show. I've never done that show, Chatterboxes. Really yeah, I've never done it. I don't know why i've I've been because of a headache or something.

Oh.

I think that's probably because Steve hates me. But one time my ex was looking for a car. We were at a dealership and the guy was giving her a real run around, charging her for an extra code of paint and stuff like that. And then comedian came up and then he was such, He's like, I got that show every night, and he gave a big deal on that car.

Thank you, Steve.

Yeah, basically because you dropped the name of the Chatterbox, you got a deal.

Oh. I lied and said it was my show.

But he's a big fan.

Yeah, yeah, a big fan. Never met a booker.

Cut to steam Driving and it like both hub caps follow It's just like I can't get a break.

It would have been his car deal. Yeah, we shot a I guess it's a pilot. It's a short presentation. James is in it.

A tone poem.

It's a virtual specific art project.

It's a moving picture with audio meant for entertainment or hopefully in the future.

It's a sizzle a sizzle reel, and I'm in it. James is in it, some other a veil clients our manager.

How do we can we vimeo this? How do we get a hold?

I'm just bringing it, you know, to be in the meeting. Give it the green thumb for the light, for the red light.

Okay, the green thumb gardens up.

Sorry, I've never gardened.

You're gonna subtilize this thing for the big red light.

Could there be more potholds? James? Is that why you're crying?

I did run over a nail today and actually needed a ride. I heard it, I heard I heard a tiny pop and then I was like, oh boy, and then I pulled over and there was like a nail attached to like a round thing so it would stand up like I was assaulted. Basically, it was a trap.

It sounds like it was straight out of the ACME Attack Company, like something the road Runner would put down.

Okay, I was on the run from the cops.

Do you have to replace that tire?

Yeah?

What a pain?

It explains the other day.

Why got a new battery two days ago?

Oh wow, I just put it on the list of Bill Bill.

Shit. If it's not one thing, it's another. Am I right? James, there's yours? What my high five?

Yeah?

There would go.

There's a really good tire place on San Fernando, closer to glen Dale if you need about this.

I'm not kidding.

I went there when I had the Honda fit one time and I had no fuck, I'd zero tens of thousands of dollars money and I went there and I was just like yeah this and he goes, all of your tires are bald. I can't let you leave here, and I was like, I gotta go, I'm leaving. It was the craziest and then he basically gave me the best deal for h imported tires.

Just whoa, oh wow another another Yeah. I think they were.

German ooh, German tires.

So James, Fritz, what's going on? We'll stop joke asking you and actually talk to you.

What is going on?

Not much, Karen.

You The reason I brought it up. You are so good in that. He plays like a bad lawyer. You acted in that?

Are you still riding the acting? But I get the acting bug is that you're asking?

Yeah, yeah, did you become a lawyer?

Yeahs I went into bad law school and I failed out, So I'm the best.

You're well on the way. You're well on the way. Yeah, you were great in that, very very good.

Oh thanks one take ten minute long monologue, nailing it and I was sitting across from him trying not to laugh.

It's just great.

It was a fun shoot.

It was a fun shoot.

You have to say that every time.

Right, I'm you're better act.

You're starting to learn the political part of it.

Yeah, I love politics. No, but I'm good. You know. January is the worst month, right.

Yeah, that's what we're just saying.

Man, totally, what's the point of it.

It's a wash. Yeah, it's a holding, it's a waiting room for February.

It's a time.

It's a time purgatory, and you just process trauma from the holidays.

And prepare for trauma for a fan that one time day. Right, It's like it's a sandwich of pain.

Did you go back to uh where?

Yeah, Kentucky? I went to Arkansas first.

Yeah, sure you got Kentucky.

Would feel better chicken.

It's called.

Yeah, and I just my mom is very not doing well. So it was a very rough trip. Yeah, they're getting old, she's got Parkinson's. Is this funny yet? I got it? Funny, We'll find it. Yeah. So that was a brutal and then just back straight to like work and just exhausted. I'm I'm just it's been a very exhausting January.

I go from I'm trying to book you on this, so you work often?

Yeah, you know, I'm a kind of a working class hero type. No, no war criminals in my family, no producer.

No, no one's that that's going to help.

You started from the gutter, and I'm still still in the gutter down here.

What party is that? Yeah?

Yeah, references started at the bottom and I'm still at the bottom.

Wait, are you thinking of Jenny from the bottom the bottom.

Of my heart yet?

Night?

No? I haven't. It's it good?

Yes, I actually loved that.

I wanted it to be sixty five percent more magic mic because I was like, here's the thing about me.

I don't give a fuck about whatever. Constance, Uh, what's her last Woh Constance?

I was gonna say, you got constants right though, Yeah, Constance is the key constant.

Constance.

What the second it was like her serious story when there was like tears shed while she was wearing pearls.

After after the fact, I was just like, get out, who cares?

Get me back to that strip club where Lizzo worked and cardis right, that should have been Cardi B's movie all one.

She was fucking legendary.

I gotta watch it.

But my favorite scene, I mean I love the movie for this scene alone, because I've never seen a movie where someone said that they were like I had to admit that they went to brown with shame that scene. I was like, standing up and cheering scene. But no, you just watched Out of Sight though.

Oh yeah last night for the first time. Yeah, I watched that for the first time.

So great.

No, I've seen it a few times, but man does it hold up? And man's the best.

Yeah, the tension where he's sitting down with her but they're they're fast forwarding to them in the room together and like undressing across the room from each other and all the like there is a hand on a leg and goosebumps appear like it is so intense goose owner fuel.

Sorry, I'm sorry, You're right.

It's it's super hot and it's j Lo at her most fascinating.

I mean, she's great in it.

I saw that and I was like, well, she's gonna be a new movie star. I love And then it was like, I'm a maid.

And then you're like in Manhattan, the perfect follow up out of Sight.

Yeah, she went like ful McConaughey for a minute. She was like, I did my prestige. Now I'm just gonna.

She also did a couple like Violent Lady Revenge movies or like those kind of member Enough where she was a beaten wife that then took krav Maga or something like that.

I don't remember what the plot was.

Well, she there are some scenes where she kicks ass in out of sight and it's believable.

Oh yes, she's yes.

Did you just watch her?

I love it. I love it. That guy.

That guy is so scary.

He's a scary rapist x con and and he I'm I was nervous in that scene and she just out this telescoping, uh baton thing.

Yeah, and he's like, we tussled and then it freezes.

You want to Tussleberg?

Yeah, that's my favorite Soderberg. That or the Linemy.

I think I love the line o Limey's great, But I think out of Sight is I think it's like in one in my.

Top three movies of all time. Wow, because you can't.

First of all, I think we're I was just talking about this somewhere Steven.

It was probably on one of the other podcasts.

We do, but fucking Steve Zon and out of Sight is like epic character work but so real.

Yeah, you know that fucking guy.

That was when Zoon was on a crazy tear. Yes, he would show up in everything and I would just be like, I love this guy, my favorite actor.

Yeah, yeah, it was like basically right up there. He was kind of like a blonde Sam rock Well.

I going to.

With both of them?

Is it rock Well?

And yeah, I feel like I have.

And Paul Giamani before he blew out Mutt.

Yeah, I have seen Safe.

I love that movie.

And yeah them together, God, let's watch that. Yeah, wait, stop recording.

And that one is Sam Rockwell kind of dumb. I can't remember.

Yeah, they're like safe crackers. Yeah, like he's I mean it's a movie stuff. Like he's just got a talent for it, you know.

Yeah, it's actually his passion listening. Listening to inanimate objects with a stethoscope.

Is what I've always dreamed it.

Started playing doctor as a.

Child and now we're here.

Yeah he's yeah, what you son?

Come back?

Also, he was he played in Sunshine Cleaning, which is a little indie film with Amy Adams and.

A secondary yall.

Constance Constance wou Steve Soon plays the douchebag cop boyfriend in a complete star turn, and it's like Steve's on the way. I've never seen him, but he's so gross and it's he got super jacked for it and he's.

Just like an asshole. Like it's the best.

Yeah, I can't imagine.

I noticed so good.

Well he's more Jack than me. It looks like you weren't supposed to laugh. I go to the gymnasium.

I do.

You guys wanted me to take my shirt off?

I know Steve's on, but I'm nothing.

A Comparisons start with Chris no matter whether you're a weightlifter or a fine painter.

And I can't paint that chrisss.

Yeah, I'm just saying he's got kind of big arms, that's all.

Yeah.

But he's it's he's like a subtle babe where he doesn't he doesn't need to chew up the fun scenery.

He's just delivering his ship.

What about the movie Safe the Julianne Moore Todd Haynes movie.

Oh, that's a fun one.

I love that movie. The movie is when she's like standing in the living room and she had just I think that was when she was about to drop in the dry cleaner.

But she's standing there.

She's like, Maria, have a glass of milk, please, and she says it's so insane, like bone chilling.

Anyway, I gotta see's safe. So he's in Safe man, he is, Yeah, Well that guy's going for it.

That guy.

Lord. That guy was like, I'm gonna wait till the car passes. Nope, I'm gonna walk in front of the car. Yeah.

Yeah. He just tap the gas cap with his belt buckle.

James, is this have you lived in on the East Side, Like the whole time you've lived in La I was.

In like I was on like Santa Monica and Vine basically my first five years.

So I was that's kind of intense, it was.

Did I loved it though?

Did you see and fucked up ship over there?

Literally there was a lot of ship playing around. It was sucked up all night, Brito standing.

On Yeah, what's up my shoulders? No?

I mean yeah, there there were a lot of helicopters. Yes, yeah, a lot of helicopters. Is there a landing pad mirror?

They never land, they just chase, They're just birds.

But no, it was. I mean I wasn't scared because I'm you know, I lived in Chicago for a long time in some bad neighborhoods. Yeah. But if if I were a lady, like if I ever had any lady friends visiting, and I mean friends who are ladies.

Yeah, I know, I know you to have those.

Like, I would be like, where'd you park? I'll come, you know, because at night it could get a little chippy.

Yeah, the the three of clubs bars right.

There, I think, yeah, and there's.

Always a little action.

In front of there across the street where there was what I there was a Yoshanoya bowl there.

I think that is where.

My first week in la is where I saw that a pimp beating up one of his client women. I saw a guy punching a lady and then that's when the cop shot up and said called her a not legitimate human great, which is a phrase apparently in law enforcement.

Well, no, that was what's weird.

That corner is scary.

It seems like it's all kind of like gutten Swinkier now, like we got Rice out of there, and then you know, they just built condos everywhere, But it felt like there was just there was like a there was a difference as you went down in blocks from like oh this is Hollywood and Vine, this is Sunset and Vine. Oh this is Santa Monica Envine. Yeah, and then it got real sketchy until you hit like the mansions and I'm like, oh my god.

Yeah, then it's turns right back.

I mean that whole area is so that's where I almost hit the high school girls on the bird scooters who were writing on my side of the street toward my car, like screaming and writing straight to the front of my car.

And then they just they just split like the like the Blue Angels.

And then I was like, what the fuck's up with these scooter And that's how that's how I learned about the god.

That was patriotic and beautiful. God damn it, it was insane.

I almost killed three teens, But like that, the difference between like a hat trick, what's happening at the Taco Bell and what's happening like on Larchmont is.

A world different, light years away crazy, and that taco bell is is truth. That's some deep truths there is that Taco bell.

Also, it's one of the only taco bells really around unless you're like in the valley. I think, yeah, so you got to get there when you like, you know, when it's two thirty am and you're just ripped out of your mind, you gotta go down Vine.

Yeah, if you can walk through the drive there still know.

You guys, well try.

That's where mbar was too a little further and that that's one of the first places I did stand up in town and parking. I never would pay for parking when I first moved here. I just didn't have money, And so you find yourself parking in the weirdest dangerous corners next to guys that are pretending to sleep.

That are like lying in wait, yes, yes, like.

A like a just a desert cat.

Covered with a layer of sand and a knife. It's so scary.

It's scary.

I can tell how expensive your car is by the door slam, like, oh that's a good one.

Oh right, right, that was a question.

We're going into plan B. I'm awake and I'm now going to attack you based on everything you have in your car door.

And the side streets were like so poorly lit. We're like, I mean, it was legit creepy at night sometimes and there's just maybe that's just changed, but just trash everywhere. Yeah, I'm not a prim man, but you.

Are proper, proper luckily not.

I'm kit no caboodle, you know me, you know how I am. But I'm like, la, put some fucking garbage cans out on the corner.

Right, that's always a thing. Why not? Why not just a garbage can on every quarner?

I think you know, you know why because there's a bunch of people here who thought they were going to get their own sitcom and it didn't work out, and they're just like, I'm going to eat this chilupa supreme and then throw the fucking wrapper on the ground because fuck everything.

Yeah, it's angry actors.

Yeah, that's the whole city. And I'm one of them.

And I am one of them, so.

I am too, I am too.

Oh are we auditioning right now? Yep?

Always baby, I got them.

I saw you catch the bug. I gave you the bug.

You're there. Coronavirus patient zero. Let's talk about the coronavirus. Who is preparing for what and how?

James, I guess I'll put a line in it. I don't know what you're talking to, right, No, I'm around the rim. And then it's disinfected.

Boom, Yes, yeah, what is the coronavirus?

Coronavirus is the new thing that just came out of China.

It's the new thing.

It's the new trend.

That all the kids are talking about. It's it's a virus that came out of China. They actually quarantined a city of nine million. Oh.

I briefly heard about this.

And then they go they that came out and everyone was like, oh, that doesn't seem and then like moments later it was like, and now someone has landed in uh, you know Seattle that has it and now someone's like.

China and yeah city and China, one hundred and seventeen people have died.

Are we talking but as a more West Nile? Is it more Zica? How freaked out are we getting?

The only thing that I know about it is that it gives your runny nose.

I can't have that. I have add.

I can't be blotting, and I can't get ready in the nose area.

I just don't want them thing with coke.

What's fade? Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, because then the last for it?

What's the phase too? Though? Is it runny nose? And then you're dead?

It's just you're so embarrassed you die all right now? No, I don't know, because I didn't read the whole article. I skimmed it and went, this is the last fucking thing I need.

Right right right.

But also you might get lucky and just get the corona light.

Okay, Look, we're doing your work, your open my work for you in this podcast.

This is a better response than I would have gotten now onto planned material. So where do you guys work?

Tell you a little something about myself.

I have the coronavirus.

I know what you're thinking. I have the coronavirus.

That's right.

I love to relax. Don't anyone take that. That's mine.

Maybe I'm dying, but it's gonna be in a hammock.

I have the coronavirus, which means I have a fetish for feet on a hammock. What ej hit it?

Yeah?

You scared of you? Yeah, you can come from a bit.

There's a corona with lime disease. There a squeeze a lime disease.

Perfect, there we go done, Let's go and open.

My sister has lime disease too, having a disease.

Chris, just totally rancid in every way you've been there.

I know you already took a ship on all my Parkinson's jokes.

So it's gonna do you already burned up my Parkinson's material. And there's nothing. I mean, here's what's cool about it. Everybody goes through the healthcare the healthcare system in America and basically slowly realizing that the set point that you had with your family is absolutely like basically doesn't last.

Oh yeah, and once.

You go into next phase shit of sickness or a problem of some kind. It is like the most bizarre alien experience where you're just like, oh, we're doing this now.

Oh life is like this now.

It's bumfuck Kentucky. And I hated it. I hate it there. Yeah, frustration really just sat I have to visit more.

Come on, because she's there.

Do you wish that you could bring your mom here to doctors here or because I've.

Felt that way, Well, that's why. I mean, that's there. You know, they're old school, dude, they're in their eighties. They're both from like smaller towns. They don't want any piece of this. But I'm like, I'm like, California's giant. You can find some little place. Yeah, the weather will probably you know, the weather will be better.

Yeah, but then they'll just be your eighty year old parents in California when they like, we like it better in Kentucky, right, I mean they just you know.

You know, and I feel the guilt about not being there, but what you know, yeah, I have to work so I can stay out here and entertain the nice people.

Put a big smile on your face, get happy immediately.

It's January.

But yeah, dad's doing horrible too, so but he's no diseases.

Oh so he's just having hard time.

Yeah. Yeah, Well you know, he's a you know, you know, man, we're the biggest babies. So like I'm like, mom's actually doing all right.

Just take it easy, Dade. No, it's awful.

Also, then it's the holiday, so you're like, oh, we don't even get to have this right.

Right, right. They're always pretty bad though.

Yeah, there's a pressure to be happy.

Yeah, it kind of fet like a glove this year. It's like, oh, this is our natural mood.

Yeah.

When I got home for Christmas, I walked in the door and we immediately took my dad to the er, like that's how everything ended.

Fun.

It's like there's all this you just wanted to see it.

Yeah, it's I don't like your color.

He likes how they decorated for Christmas every year.

Yeah, you're gonna love it. Be quiet, pillowcase over the head.

No, it's there's also pressure to like every everything's supposed to be happy and cheery. But yeah, life doesn't stop just because Jesus was born exactly two thousand years ago, and still there's still ship and then pressure for it to be a good year.

But the point is January doesn't matter.

It's also that run of holidays is insane. It's insane that we've decided as a people to yes, what are we doing?

It's an onslaught east.

It's like farmer time rules when you were just stay inside and like you know, you would Oregon trail it to the next town and it stayed for two months.

Yeah, the two feasts and yeah, yeah.

We'll get back to that soon enough, covered wagons. Don't worry, We're right on the fucking brink.

To south By an earthquake kit.

Oh did you feel the earthquake.

I've only felt one ever and I've been out here eight years. I did have a disease where you can't feel it.

Oh the good guy, Oh yeah, the oppositely you the uh no.

My girlfriend was arond is not an earthquake, and she was like feeling the walls and I was like, I don't know.

Yeah, I've missed a lot of them too, even some of the classics.

Like a seven that seven to two.

All I was thinking is that day I've found some picture frames and for this nice framing store. They were like, no one used these five dollars, but they charge hundreds.

I get you were in a framing store, Yeah, earthquake and didn't notice it all.

Yeah, and I I don't know where it was, just oh, my bean bag chair. But the hardware I had for hanging pictures was not strong enough, and it was like, I'll replace that later. I could tell if I'd put any weight on it that the little hook would bend, and that's what when the earthquake happened, I'm like, well.

That was the one broke I felt. I was about to walk into a show, Joe Chrissy's One Woman Show, which was great, but like, I was in the restroom before this and I'm looking in the toilet bowl and I see the water sashet like it was insane, and I was like, whoa did I get dosed with something? Like it was very druggy, and then it went on for a very long time.

That was this last earthquake or yeah yeah.

Wow, no, no, no, last year?

Oh okay, yeah right right, yeah, that's crazy.

So wait, you didn't know until you saw the water, like you didn't feel it.

I think you have a constant mild state of vertigo. I mean, my car is such a piece of shit. Ibraiding for most of the day, you know, then nervousness and then guess kicking cigarettes is tough. It is like, so it's just a constant. I'm a constant three point four. I'm a l three point four.

Just just to set three point more at all times. I was in Hawaii for this seven point one and I was stoked about it. I love it because I didn't. I wasn't here for the big one in ninety four. I moved down like two months later. Oh okay, so yeah, I have also missed the classics as christis.

Oh that was yeah. That was the gone with the Wind of Earth.

That was the sweeping epic.

They stopped baseball for that.

Yeah, God, that was crazy.

Yeah.

I don't worry about earthquake because it's just why, why there's nothing I'm not too scared of things that we can do nothing.

Well, yeah, there's literally nothing more yea earthquake.

It's it's I don't know why, but as I get older, it's like, well that doesn't scare me, then there's.

Nothing I can do.

My friend Sam just told me that in that last one. We were actually just talking about that earthquake last night. No, it's so my friend Sam Mowen, who's hilarious, and he said that they he was when that earthquake hit. There was a little the one that was kind of in the middle of the night, Is.

That right or which one? The second one, well, that was a weird one because they were like three in like twenty Yeah, yeah, area that were pretty big.

Yeah whatever. The first one was he went and his he wanted to go outside and his boyfriend was standing in the front doorway and wouldn't let him go outside, kept going go back in and get in that doorway and he's like, no, no, I'm going to do the outside option, and his wife wouldn't let him get outside, and then they had he goes and then we were kind of in a fight after because I was like, yeah, I

Kind things like I've heard the doorway thing is bullshit.

Yeah, yep, I've heard put on a helmet and get in the bathtub.

Everyone has a different thing. Yeah that's tornado. Sorry, but it wouldn't be ironic to like it'd be in.

A helmet's a good idea.

Yeah, I think I'm just around the house. I never know when tragedy is going to strike.

You right on this constant helmet.

You die well getting in an argument about safety. I think that's irony. That or it's at least the Atlantis Marsett kind.

Coincidence.

Oh you people, way to wear all black and then cross the streets yeah with style. Way to die with style.

Is literally walking across the street like a Cosby kid level of speed from the cartoons. Mm hm for younger.

Listeners, Oh right, do you mean the side profile from uh the like mush Mouth and.

Yeah, yeah, fat Albert. Yeah.

But what was the thing where Cosby would draw and it was like picture page, picture pages.

Picture pages, picture pages with.

The picture pagesill Bill Cosby does another picture page with you.

I remember thinking that pen was real. That made that sound so bad because remember he would draw on it would go. Yeah.

We ordered picture pages one summer and we were way too old.

I think we were like in fifth grade.

You ordered it.

Yeah, you could like order the actual pages to do it along with him.

Oh cool, sweet pickles.

Yeah. And then but so we're like, let's get picture pages to do it, and our friend Katie's mom was just like, no, no, you're too old to do like stop it, go do something.

Worthwhile, because we're like we're going to stay indoors knack like babies.

Oh yeah, she did not summer.

She didn't like the future of interactive television.

It's like, you know your letters and numbers already, just fucking go outside.

Go outside. Here's some rocks, go throw them at something. If you see him, yeah, yeah, exactly.

It turns out I got a feeling.

Guy.

What a turn, what a fall from great scene?

I mean, and and like I love that thing that Eddie Murphy talks about him at Sarah.

Yeah, it's so true.

Bill Cosby was up his ass acting like you know, oh he was the.

King of like respectability politics and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah it was.

He was on prior Yeah yeah, pull your pants up generation where it's like that's drugging women fucking left, right and center.

I was voted like the most trusted man in America of course, on the cover of Time.

Really oh yeah wow, because it was like I grew up with that every Jello pops.

Yeah we love that show.

Yeah, I love that show.

That's how I learned that there were black colleges. I never knew that.

I never knew those existence, and.

Then a different world came along there.

Then I knew what it was like to.

Go to one, and then I knew there flip up sunglasses existed. Yeah, they I wanted nice, seemingly kind people. Do we know with pure darkness inside?

We'll find out?

Not in this car. This is a safe place right now.

I'm not Amra, Yeah exactly.

I wear my darkness on my sleeve.

At the Chatterbox every Friday and West Covina.

Now, give me a deal on a car. Oh, I didn't know this street was so steep.

Ooh, look at it. This street comes alive at night.

This is where I wanted to live when I was wanting to leave the beat. There's like where I also, oh, yeah, yeah, it's a perfect The dogs used to buy you.

Now the dogs love me, and I love that. Must love dogs.

I say, yes, yes, roller skates, I say, great, Dan and some roller skates.

That's the James Fritz way.

That's I firstponded with James Fritz.

When I recognize we have a dual snort ability.

Yeah, we just laugh and yours is fate too, right, oh god.

Yeah, it's just I'm trying to be adorable.

Just trying to get laid out here.

Yeah, and nothing gets turns on the floodgates like a snort.

Just trying to blend in at comedy shows.

Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I really wish I've even got a surgery to undo it. Am among other things, just accept the thing pretty vain.

And then the doctor did say it could come back, and I'm like, well, that's what a painful surgery with a long recovery to what ended up being the installation of a higher powered snort unit. Now I snort with a vengeance on that year, that year of no snorting.

I'm paying for it now with interest.

It's it's like saved up inside of you.

I agree.

They were like, oh, we're gonna come out.

Oh god, you worry.

The snort is so strong in this one.

But James James has a pretty good one too.

You'll want a competition.

You'll get there one day, kid, You'll get there one day.

What if it turned out show business is a snorting competition and you just weren't focusing.

On the right thing. Yeah, one told you directly you were winning.

Actually, I'm open.

We want you to keep the fifty pounds and snort.

And snort more? Could you?

I've done it a couple of times, and it's the most for me. It's the most embarrassing one. I'm laughing at my own joke and then I.

Snorted, oh right, oh yeah.

When you're kind of like yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so amazing, I.

Want to yourself.

You feel like one of those assholes that always laugh at all.

Their yeah jokes, bad comic, yeah yeah, and no one wants.

To feel it's not the kid. But sometimes you do like laugh at your own stuff, and I'm always like kind of mad at myself.

Yeah.

Did you guys ever go to that bar when it was called Stinkers and they had what it was called Stinkers And it was kind of roots sixty six This is a road the gang Stinkers And when someone would tip, they'd pull a drawstring and these taxidermy skunk butts what the tails would lift up and a horn would sound and steam would shoot out of the bus.

It was the most amazing thing.

You are before absolutely where did God?

And now it's just another curly mustache, suspender bar, tender place.

But they still have farting.

I'm not kidding.

It's the stink.

It is amazing.

They just I don't think they're real skunk butts, but they would look like.

They couldn't like shift down.

The tails would lift, and I'm not kidding, an alarm would sound.

I'm not making that up, and smoke a.

Cloud of every tip, every butt, oh, every tip.

Yeah, I don't know tip of the I think it's like twenty dollars a rule.

God, yeah, I mean, what how rich did that person's parents have to be to get.

Them a bar that wucking coke?

Because yeah, I.

Think I'm funny because I'm on drugs, and my friends think I'm funny because I have drugs, and now I'm going to open a bar based on the idea.

I just said, yeah, and I yeah, it was easy.

It was a coke bar.

It was a pop up coke bar, and it wasn't there long, but it was beautiful. I had like large format printed you know, old motels and stuff and road signs.

I just pulled up pictures. It's totally real.

Se everyone doubts me, Everyone doubts me.

You describing the theme bar Stinkers is the most bullshit you've ever sounded Oh my.

God, what is it about me? And that isn't trustworthy.

I could be in court defending someone and they'd go guilty, and the guys in the gas chamber and they're like, the bot's no fart, stinker.

Too late.

You got to get a note from the governor. I would love, Stephen, if you could pull the city files on how long that bar was in business. Yeah, and we can all make a friendly, friendly wagers. I would say three months, yeah, yeah, And then the day that they got served their foreclosure notice, they were like, that's a real stinker and they pulled the cort but in the sad way ultimately off.

I guess this one last time.

In half mat, half ass.

At half ass. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. This is do you need to run?

This has been James Fritz is open my shirt.

Hey, I'll been to that bar.

Stinkers, Yeah, skunk, but am I right?

I'm right?

I guess I'm a stinkers were skunk, but tough crowd.

I believe this bar was only open for a little over a year.

Oh that's when I would have beat twenty ten and I there every night.

Four times longer than I could have ever imagined to be.

Like, this is the kind of place I'm going to meet my wife every night.

I hope this Peppy the Pew costume works.

Oh oh oh stinkers.

What a horrible name for a ball.

I know, I know it stupid.

Yeah, I swear, though, I kind of enjoyed it.

I like restaurant up here. I worked out for a while Fits.

Oh yeah, yeah, Fits. Remember that place.

When you think of food, what you want to it's a jarful of choice, the help sitting in it.

Yeah.

When I went to Spits once and I didn't like the fact that they throw handfuls of green, chopped up shit on everything they make, Like every dish they it's like two handfuls of what is that parsley? Yeah, it's yeah, where it's like, what are you doing? Just give the food?

I know. It's it's kind of like a taco bell where it's like all the items are the same items, just configured in different ways, right right, it's just.

Not coming out of a cocking gun.

But it is good. I mean I don't want to well, but I just.

Don't trash and you shouldn't eat there, Okay, I.

Don't need two cups of Parsley in any situation ever?

Did you work with There's a comic that does a lot of CrossFit and stuff now and I forget it.

Katie, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I worked with her.

Yeah, that's how I went in there.

And yeah, and she would run a a showcase.

I did the show. It's all coming back to me. What else should I remember?

You're not gonna top stinkers?

That's your best memory of life?

What if I died right now?

You could die happy?

Man? I want to bar Like everything about that was so bullshit and it's totally real.

Oh god, yeah, just stinkers.

And then a z that was crooked I know away is like kind of shaking yeah.

And then there's a little tiny skateboarding skunk on the suit.

It's like, that's right, man, Oh.

That's a little stinker the mascot.

He's out skating and stinking.

He likes Scott.

Yesteryear.

It's a star bar. It's like a skunk ska bar. Have you been there?

Oh my god, you guys want to go to that new skunk star bar.

It's the music sucks and it stinks. So do you want to meet there? At like nine there's got to be.

A waiting list.

But it's so funny, it's so it's.

So unenjoyable, we have to go.

Oh. I went to some friends of mine who enjoy comedy and are very funny people. One of them had a they're very funny. I'm just a little They took one of the most having a birthday and wanted to go to the Austin Powers theme pop up bar in Glendale.

Really behaved.

How was it was the bleakest shit. I don't know if it was like nearing the end of its run, but like there was like, you know, stains on the carpet. Oh no, it was very de It was very half ass production at this bid. And the drinks were like seventeen dollars for like a do I make You Thirsty? Or whatever?

You know, like that that's a good name for a drink.

I missed my college.

That's so?

Was it just for tourists?

Like? What was? Why would they do a pop up bar of a movie that's from fifteen years old?

Would I do it for like anything? I saw? I got one like a du La email a while ago that's still stuck in my craw That was like there's got and again it was Glenda and they were like it was a money themed pop up bar, and I'm like, that's a bar.

Yeah, that's all bars. Yeah, tip themed.

It just set up money themed.

Do you like money? Do you like getting fucked up?

That is guys doing coke? Throw a dollar bill and said, what do we do?

What do we do with this money?

I inherited what do people like? Okay, get a pen and paper. We'll figure this out tonight.

They been done. Yeah, that was.

Crazy, good reflex.

That was scary.

I'm ready for absolute mayhem it all.

Yeah what Yeah, you gotta get one of those self drive cars because you could do that while napping.

I'm gonna but if I get a Tesla, I'm not gonna let anybody ride in it. Oh yeah, that'll make the podcast hard.

I'm going to fire up the eight Honda with lots of noise inside.

I will drive whenever.

By the way, No, no, I like it.

I like it.

And actually, you know the Tesla's have you can have karaoke like there's on that screen they have. You can have karaoke while you drive.

I did karaoke the other night, and I have not had that much fun.

I have. I haven't done it.

For years, and I just stumbled upon a karaoke night and.

Had so much fun.

Would you sing?

I sang killing Moon, I sang eyes without a face. I sang I just called this say I Love.

You in the bar where I was in.

Uh no, no, I do it. I do it. Well, that's one of my classes. I want to contest in Montana doing that.

Doing that song.

Every just and he say words he won Montana.

And then there's a song the Promise by I'm.

Sorry but I just think you no, you know to be.

Well, it's beautiful, so good. Yeah, it's unreal.

It's amazing. That song was popular. When I was a senior in high school.

I was this is a country count.

I thought I didn't know his music. But of course I've heard that recently. Someone sent me a bunch of stuff and I am not a country and or music or Western fan.

And uh it's great. It is.

It is really.

I think he's great. I think he's great.

I like the whole Sands family. Yeah.

Cgil Simpson's rad. He's old school. He's old school music. James, you're a huge music fan. You have great taste.

Thank you. It means a lot, because you're a great musician, also great taste.

Thank you the one crying, and.

You're good at snorting.

Yes, yes, don't don't lose, you can snort. So what is your What music are you into right now? Because I what was the I got there. I've gotten a couple of recommendations from you that have been like gone straight into the.

So better than Ezra. Do you guys like my comedy? I don't know.

You should listen to it.

I think in.

Chicago, I saw him open for some band at the Hideout, which is like my favorite.

Venue that plays.

It's amazing and I love him and like we're kind of friends. It's kind of weird. Yeah, he's great. But I saw him in Chicago. He was opening for some band. I don't even remember the band because he just came out solo and blew me away and that was just a solo. And then I saw him with his band, Who's what.

Is the band?

Incredible? He played with a band called the Harpoons for a while, and then he played with the Boyfriends. Coming out here again soon you should go.

Oh yeah, I will for sure. It's real hooky. It's just good, like just good music.

And a brilliant songwriter, like he's a very good songwriter. Yeah, but we kind of we became friends when I had tak Nataro's Twitter account for an how interesting yeah, And I was like, I'm just gonna blow up some people that I think deserve more fans.

Yeah.

And then as I wrote back like that's so sweet, Ti, I had to be like, Okay, this is not.

Run by her.

And then I was doing some shows in San Francisco and he stopped by and we went out drinking after her solid human being.

That's great.

Yeah, I love and finally blowing up a little like way overdue.

Yeah, you liked him first, But who's your new? Who's your new?

The point of the story is, I'm cool is.

James has the taste. He's the star cider as a star when he sees the star.

I discovered Bruce Springsteen just yesterday. I just got it.

Who's now?

Who's so now? I don't know? I what have I been listening to a lot? I kind of down. So I've been putting that war war on drugs, which is rough for driving around l A too. It's like, okay, I got that out of my system. Back to Political podcast about the end of the world.

What's the last live show either of you have gone to live music?

Yeah, I think mine was Lizzo.

That Lizzo show, Oh yeah, was that.

It was great.

It was fun as hell playing did she do hern Tons?

Which was actually kind of the great you know that recently Jillian Michaels came out and was like, Lizzo isn't a good She's you know, unhealthy and diabetes.

And all this shit.

Oh I saw that. Shit.

It was super lame and very uneducated and very like, but you were from The Biggest Loser, Like you're from one of the unhealthiest reality shows of all time, right, and then.

Someone got a couple of deaths on there, I think they have.

And also the co host of The Biggest Loser, who was Mister Fitness.

Had a fucking heart attack last year.

Oh wow, Like whatever, But that aside, someone wrote this thing that was like, here's what Lizzo does during her live shows, and there's like three straight hours of her singing, dancing and playing the flute. Like if she's so unhealthy, then maybe all be so unhealthy, right right?

It was It was just super cool that that kind of like, yeah.

Anyway, it's like, you know, people have one type of body. From my experience, I grew up in the valley, you know, It's.

Like, yeah, that's what it is. It's like I grew up with an eating disorder. Now everyone has to abide by my rules.

It was like me, no thanks, but men get it too.

Oh yeah, it's so true. It's really true.

I can't even remember the last show I saw.

Yeah, no, I asked that.

Who Destroyer?

Oh yeah, that guy, that deer Hunter guy.

Or no, that guy's from a broken social scene right, no, Destroyer, No, are you sure?

Yeah, it's Dan Bahart. It's basically one dude. He was in. He was in the New Pornographers too.

Oh that's what I meant.

Yeah, New Pornographers the other Canadian ensemble Rock Throw.

I need to get out to more shows. I love that dying slowly.

He said, becoming fused with his chair. And that's me, I should have said she but I always I am so happy I did it. After the fact and leading up to like day of is pure torture. It's like I have to do.

To watch a performance of something that isn't your thing. Yes, it's great and it helps your thing.

You know.

I always feel like it helps me with comedy after I've gone and seen a great show.

Definitely, it actually helps me to watch other people do comedy. But then I just get super paranoid that I'm going to forget this the premises that they came up with, and then suddenly be like, ooh I have a great dry cleaning idea. Yeah, yeah, dummy, because you just watched someone else do it.

Yeah, if I go see a music show, it's not gonna be like, oh, that's my guitar rik because I don't play anything but trombone in eighth grade.

Yes, once again.

You always go back to an eighth grade we find in eighth grade and play it with my That's.

When I cashed it in.

I like that. You'd be standing at concerts being like, wait, is this mine?

I didn't.

I don't write no.

Later on, when you're humming trying to think of songs, I.

Just thought of that.

I promise I did.

Yeah, let's go to more show, more show, let's really try.

Oh I saw that you would love this person. Have you ever heard of beduine no e E d o U I m e.

Like from Dune I don't know?

Or a planet and I think it's a planet in Star Wars.

That's tattoo. Sorry, sorry, but in your fucking face, I don't even care.

About Star Wars. She got she has your snort?

Now, wait is that my snort? I'm doing my sort mine.

It's gone. It's simply a sniffle. Oh god, I've lost my power.

I can't get it back.

Simply sniffles.

Who's bedween.

She is very old school, kind of folky and an insanely beautiful voice, also catchy. She was born in Aleppo, Syria, to Armenian parents. Moved to America and when I just have this memorized. Moved to America when her family won a green card lottery. They settled in Boston and Houston. Then now she's out here.

And imagine living in Syria being like hope that green card lottery?

Fuck? Can you imagine Cloud.

I'm just glad Trump's keeping people like this out now. Anyway, she performed at this Innthia for the city. Who's running for city council, who is great? Yeah, she did a benefit show in Highland Park for her and man just froze me when I saw her perform, and like, I just started tearing. I was like she's got like, go to Spotify, put her in and listen to like her first to most popular songs.

Please spell the.

Name uh b E d O U I N e mm hmm. Yeah, like a genuine talent nice like oh, it's just her and a guitar, and you're like, oh, this is great and catchy, like and it's a good hook. You know, it's not just boring folk music.

I love folk music.

I love me too. I love it when it's when it's good, I love it well.

Because also it's very hard because when you're not that good, it really fucking shows because you're either like super mediocre or you're like you have to basically be Patty Griffin level because it's just you and your guitar, your voice, Like you.

Have to I don't know, to make it look simple. You have to be very good, yes, because well, yeah, nothing's covering up anything.

Yeah, there's no bells and whistles like drums and guitars.

Nope, no one can help you.

And like, so the song has to be good, you have to have a great voice, and then you have to do it well.

It's like that's too many things.

Yeah, yeah, that's too much.

Yeah, I'd rather be bad doing nothing alone.

I want to do it poorly in my home with no one listening.

If we could.

Yes, yeah, I think you would really like her stuff. Actually meant to recommend it to you.

Okay, I'll listen to that.

I'm gonna I'm gonna listen to it. Can I listen to it?

No, it's it's for it's only form paths.

And sensitivos.

WHOA what is that?

It's like if you have you're an EmPATH, but you also snort really loud when you laugh through your No.

That's that's me. Wow. I never thought I would go on such a journey of self discovery tonight.

That's what this fucking show is all about. Am I right? Chris?

Yeah, Yeah, there's only five minutes left.

Get it out of your system.

Get that self discovery out of what?

What else are you discovering?

I I've been eating too much pizza lately. You're a good man.

There's something carbs lately are I feel like more satisfying.

Than they've ever been in I've been a real monster lately. Yeah. Just because I went to visit friends.

They were in town for some conference in Long Beach, and they all ordered a pizza and I've been trying to not eat meat and all these things, and they just got the biggest meat lover dish monster frisbee. And then the next day there was a long beach served on a frisbee. Oh yeah, yeah, a dog delivered an athletic Golden Retriever slaver.

Were we were across from a dog park, a dog beach. I mean it's it was Rosie beach. Yeah, yeah, yeah, love it.

My dogs love that place.

So they were staying right there.

And then they ordered these giant pizzas and then the next day they had a flight.

And they're like, well, here take all our food.

And it was just a big bin of butter and and then these leftover pizzas and just in my refrigerator.

So of course I ate it all in twenty four hours. Yeah.

Yeah, well you don't want it to go bad exactly. God, throwing away food is a crime.

I'd rather I go bad on the inside.

Put it in the trash can.

That's what I did.

And I really can tell that I've been eating shitty energy.

So bad and just blaming it on like I'm my family. I'm having family problem.

I tell you to kill yourself.

It works when you have like that kind of that kind of nerve rattling, nerve jangling, like onslaught emotional bullshit.

It's like two bagels solves it.

It fucking solves it.

It was sorry, unrelenting bleakness. Yeah, and like in a bleak place like if this was if this was not happening in like a dead town nowhere, like it might feel a little better.

And it was cold too.

It was cool.

Yeah, yeah, just everything.

Yeah sad, I mean, and there's not that much going on, so it's like, yeah, all of a sudden, Applebee's looks like the fucking.

Oh I got hammered at Applebee's one night, right, and it was so fun.

Their pretzel sticks are just like the highest quality just It's cuisine.

Yeah, eating good in the neighborhood, that's right.

Stop acting like you're above Applebee's because you're not.

No one is, even though you live right above Apple Bears.

If you're experience human life in any way, you need Applebee's.

I'm so hungry that Legit sounded so good right now. Like if I just lived above just the Aroma help me, I could just walk down.

I could have caeso in my hand.

When I moved to Austin and I lived above a faux like a noodle restaurant, so it was just constantly the steam of hot soups rising through the floorboards into my nose and into my brain, like the beckoning of a tasty, tasty treat.

And I.

Used to go I had no money, and I would say, do you have any leftover? And they would give me. They started knocking on my door and giving me noodles because all I had was a hot pad or a hot.

You know, a surface. There's no kitchen, it was.

A room, it was the windowsill.

It was just just yes, like a pie that Yogi bear would float towards and yeah, I oh got it.

It was It's not fun living above a restaurant.

The noise and the smells.

Oh yeah, oh.

Yeah, this's got dark. I'm sorry.

Do you think i'd be fun to live above a bar?

I lived above my favorite bar in Chicago?

Oh shit, how did it go?

It was fun, but I'm glad it had an ending, yes, because it's too easy. And it literally was like my favorite, Like it was the bar I first found when I first moved there that like felt kind of like, oh, this is my cheers. I met the own. They're great.

Did you make you drink all the time? Though?

They made me? Yeah? I get you.

Wanna they overserved you.

My friend Ryan, come on, I'm you're done for my friend Ryan in Boston, he lived above a bar, but the entrant he had to walk through the bar to get into his place. Oh, so he was like, come home and there was the hazard of someone handing him a shot or something that I'm just trying to go home and get some work done.

That's like a fever dream from like an alcoholic movie from the Four Days. Yeah, yeah, yeah, anything he's walking through is the bar.

Yeah, it's like come on, come on, like, okay, wise guy, huh, I'm just going home.

Yeah.

I lived above my favorite bar and across the street from my favorite all night diner.

Woh Ship.

That was heaven for a year, the best.

Yeah. And I was young enough where like you know, you were invincible.

Yeah, there's well, we used to.

When I lived in San Francisco, we lived in the Upper Hat and so we lived on Clayton and Waller, So we basically lived two blocks two blocks and then a quick right turn away from our favorite bar, and my big thing was I wanted to one night tie a rope from our front door to the bar so I could get as drunk as I wanted and get home like that. I was like, what if I just did, this would be okay? A zip? Yeah, that basically kind of like this is how I'm I was thinking more like.

A bread crumb trail, Like you just grabbed the rope, all right, right.

Right, No, that's a good way if you're lost in the forest, right, but you're lost in your own alcoholism, you can.

Just grab this. Velvet bars are so good.

They're amazing. They're amazing.

They're like out of a movie, every single one of them, or at least they were.

But do you want to hear My favorite memory maybe of life was when The Simpsons.

If you say skunk bar.

Ill know you're stealing Chris's idea. When The Simpsons began, there was a bar and Noe Valley that played it every I believe it was aired on Sunday nights, and so Sunday nights you would go to this bar at seven fifty nine and they would turn on The Simpsons and it would be packed, and then everyone would go quiet and then watch the Simpsons laugh. No one said a word, and then when it would go to commercial, everyone would start talking.

And every Sunday that's how we.

Went and watched the Simps so long, and it was like I could feel it where I'm like, this is a thing, this is like a cultural thing, and we're here for it.

Like it was so exciting.

Oh there, Yeah, it has to be in town a mose tavern themed shitty bar, right is there one?

There's one at your universal city walk?

Oh? Really?

Yeah?

Yeah, but that's still yeah. Do they even have alcohol at it?

I think they do, actually yeah, but it's you know, there's big, like actual fiberglass Simpson characters.

Oh okay, because it's.

Universal, it's universal, the love of that show.

It's universal. How much human beings need city walks. It's just what we need.

Is it's up there with the problem, not.

James addiction. It's like Perry Farrell from Italy.

Falling off.

The Wilhelm.

William all Right, I guess we're wrapping it down.

Yeah, wow, we've done our work.

Sorry. I hope you're I hope your year is better now, James, I know you're fine.

I'm a straight white man. No one wants to hear me come plain. But if you'd like to hear me complain, come to every second Sunday of the month. I do a free show with Alan Strickland Williams from TV not Me at Bigfoot Lodge, Yes, pm, every second Sunday.

If you're in Los Angeles, please go see James Fritz.

Just stand up. He's very good at it.

He is very fun exalted, he's adored, beloved and good at it. Also, I'm sorry I can't remember the name of it offhand, because you have one of the best album cover photos of all time.

Oh what's the name of your album?

Thank you? It's called Still Together.

And it's James with James and then standing next to James is so funny optimistic me and yeah, it's so good.

Still I'm glad you're and crack it open and listen to the material. But the cover is really nice, the cover.

Look, this is sales.

We're in a bi Yeah, you can hear it for free. I'll make a penny. But if you buy it, you get the cover at home. Yes, you can frame it.

And just for for keepsake purposes, do not take off the cellophane.

Please, because that, Yeah, that's a joke about.

I also a shout out to Kim new Money who took the phone. Also that she's.

Such a good pictures.

Congratulations Kim, Thank you Kim, Kim, You're the best part of James's album.

I I was just trying to look good and it looked like a nice person. I was looking at Mike's tonight to like for you all to baby drive me to and one of them was at an Mommie Burger. Oh wow, well something lalas la corsonna something some law. I never go to one of the laws.

I don't blamer laws that there is.

Well.

I'm also headlining the Chatterbox in West Covina February sixth.

Are you the Real? Yeah, that's great, run by Steve Hernandez. Please contact Steve Hernandez if you'd like to do a set on James and if.

You're in the area and want to get a super route nearby super dealership, I'll give you a hell of a deal if you mentioned code words chatterbox.

No Steve at the Chatterbox.

It's chatterbox dot com forward slash super route.

So should we wrap it up?

Then we're doing let's wrap it down.

Let's wrap it down, let's package it, let's mass produce it now.

Oh no, James, it was great to see you at my pleasure.

Great to see you and talk to you too.

Very fun.

Cheered me up. You checked me right out.

This was a good one. Yeah, that's the best thing is you have to get back with people when you come home from that fucking tragic ship. You have to dive right back into people.

Yeah, you don't just take it out on your girlfriend.

I wouldn't.

I mean, you live your life, you know, we're very strong.

You dive into your friends like a loving mash bit you've been listening to.

Do you need a ride?

Emotional cannonball?

Why they are? He deserves a hunk?

I leave?

You want to way back?

Either way you want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage. You give us time and they turn it on and gage. We want to send you up instead. Le wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Melbourne?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen and Chriss