S2 - Ep. 3 - Dave Holmes

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a termino and gay.

We want to send you off in style. You wanna welcome you back home?

Tell us all about it?

We scared?

Or was it fine?

Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

And this is Karen Kilgaroff.

We we can't, we shouldn't address it. We're in a drive through right now.

Yeah, we're in the drive through that we always go to when we record this podcast.

At a unnamed coffee company that is not a sponsor.

It's not a sponsor.

Now that we have real sponsors, we can't joke about it anymore.

That's exactly right. It's true, very smart.

It's a serious business, speaking of which that's the name of our podcast network.

Exactly right.

Oh yeah, isn't that because it's a phrase you use.

Yes, it is, it's a yes, it's something my dad says all the time, and I picked it up from him without realizing it until.

We did My Favorite Murder, and then it was pointed out to me.

It's kind of like ab sobolutely yeah, because that's the name of a production company, and it's that guy's dad saying it.

Is it Tim Tim Aware?

Yeah, one of them?

And that's where the Absolutely offices is where we wrote this last season of Baskets.

It's all coming together.

It's a small world after all. Oh, now we're gonna get sued.

They're the worst of all.

We were just talking about it. Once you get Disney on your ass.

That mouse is vicious. Can I have my purse please? I'm just pointing in Mickey the mouse. It's the person I gave you the still so mean.

I call it a jockey box. I'm from Montana.

But can I have my license and registration? Please? Thank you? Perfect?

Yes? Oh yeah, well I can get this.

No, you didn't even order one.

Oh, you're right on me, guys. It's some we're back from the holidays.

It's the every last day of twenty eighteen.

Oh it is. I mean, when they listen to this, maybe we'll be a week into it.

Oh, that's true.

But happy New Year, Happy new year from a few days ago. But for us right now, it is current.

It's we don't know the terrible things that have happened in twenty nineteen, yet, don't.

You tell us? Yeah, don't ruin it. Right now everything is fresh.

It's so golden and wonderful.

I can't wait to dance tonight.

Or you know, I love the kind of pressure there is at midnight and everyone makes out around you.

While I pet a cat in the corner.

You know what's super weird about that, too, is oftentimes people like you and I, comedians and the like go to parties with friends, and then at midnight people are like looking around where you're like, I've known you for eleven years. I've seen you spit out your nose right like I don't suddenly just because it's a certain time of day and a certain day that you doesn't mean suddenly everybody's.

Up for grabs. Yep.

Midnight on New Year's Eve is like the the Valentine's Day of unwanted advances. It is the people you thought were your your business partners, your boss, your cousin.

Suddenly it's the Suddenly, it's the thrift store of of.

Romantic attempts. Yeah, I have nowhere nothing.

I like it is because it's just some old used sweater of a man that's just gonna lay his woly lips.

Yeah that's right, like a like an old sweater and.

Real sweatery lips.

Not a sponsor, I uh, thank you so much.

I just watched Scrooged and there's a you know how eighties movies just have wow that wouldn't fly today, Yes, all over them, but there are this I guess in this case it was the guy there's like the boss, the young la dirt bag that wants to take over the network. Right, that's the the boss's son's friend or whatever. And he's bound and gagged with the mistletoe above his head. And then the H and R lady just jumps in his lap and starts making.

Out with him, and then by the end he's into it. And then there are a couple.

And is she in some way unattractive?

So that that is a joke, right, it's hilarious because she doesn't have makeup on and she's plain faced, right, yeah, older, she's she's like ten years older. Oh no, no, she can't help herself and she looks over at him. He's bound because Bob Kag tied him up. Sure, and there's mistletoe happens to be above her head and she looks at him and she licks her lips like yum, yum, it's time to go make out the man.

And I'm like, I don't like where this is going now.

And also, unless she there was a part earlier where she was shot up with a drug or Scott super crazy drunk, I don't think.

That she had a head. Look, she hit her head. Oh, something ran into her during production.

Okay, so she.

Was loopy because of a concussion.

That helps me a little bit.

It does help the story. And I just put that together.

I'm like, why is she crossied and being a Daniel staring drunk right now?

It's because she got hit. She got hit so hard that she fell in love.

That's well, she got hit so hard that she realized that even without makeup, she was going to make her big move, right.

I just think it's a hard thing to do and just.

Having a normal person's face too, Hollywood. And the other layer of that is she was, you know, making sure there was no nipples on these allid gold dancers that were backup dancing. She was the standards and practices, not agean are got it, and then all of a sudden she's this horn dog looking for some love.

The irony, it's a that's irony and storytelling, which everybody enjoys.

Can I tell you a thing that happened? So recently?

We talked about Scrooge on because I think we were talking about what our favorite Christmas movies were.

Mine's up there, Scrooge is up there.

Well, I said I hadn't seen Scrooge.

When I realized was because then all these people were like, how could you not have seen Scrooge? Yeah, I tried to watch it one night. I don't like me and Bill Murray. I don't want to watch him. That's not what I like him about him right, And I think him being mean is like all the worst people I've met in comedy, where they come off like they're being it's like sarcasm that's so subtle you don't realize you're being made fun of, and then you realize your feelings

I don't know what.

Happened, but uh, did you roll over on the rim mount?

I'm trying to make it sens so instantly, but I swear I didn't turn it on this way. I woke up and all the colors were the same, so it was like in Scrooged. Everything is kind of dark at that TV station, and it's like with purple in the background. Well, when I woke up, there was a guy fucking a woman vampire and there was like a purple bed sheet hanging behind them.

And I thought it was some It was supposed to be a TV show on his.

New network, right, yeah, part of the plot, and I was like, oh, this is very extreme for and then I realized and then there was like a second guy, and then I realized, oh, no, there's no way this is in the movie Scourge. It took me a while to put it together where I was like, oh, they're not going to put a threesome into Scrooge. That is that is overt, like it's porn. It's not even a suggestion.

A revamped version like with Star Wars where they added scenes, and it's just a Bill Murray pornoll.

I wonder if this guy's just going to back.

Into us with no stopped he did.

I agree with what you're saying. I did have trouble watching Bill Murray be mean and yell and not care about animals and children. Yeah, it seems like he would care about all those things.

I feel like everyone can be that they weigh very easily.

And Bill Murray's whole deal is he is He is a tall white man who has it all and still isn't that way, and that's why everybody adores him.

He's mister chill.

Yeah.

And there's a couple of moments in it where he gets too angry too fast, but at the end when he interrupts the live taping of e Aneezers spoiler alert, Yeah, I'm sorry sorry if you haven't seen it.

It's from an eighty year old six his speech he.

Gives about you know, Christmas is about this and that, and he's like tearing up and he's yelling a camera. It's very a very good performance, and it makes me cry. I cried while watching it.

Oh you know I cry?

Yeap of that.

You love to cry. It's why I love you. It's you're very You're in touch with your feelings.

I can't control them anymore. I used to be in touch with them, and now they've they've gotten loose.

Now they're all over the front yard hither and yawn?

Who who left my feelings out?

Who?

Who? Who? Who?

Well, we're getting sued again.

I wonder there's some pauses there. It just seemed like I was saying the word who a bunch of times. Right, you can't prove I was letting the dogs out.

Oh no, I think we're gonna get sued by the who.

Who?

Yes?

All right, So do you want to Should we wait to talk about Christmas break when we pick our guest up?

Or do you want to spill your beans now?

I mean I have enough Christmas means to talk about it now.

Family with Dave in the car?

Okay, yes, and that's pretty much what we ate Christmas as it was beans, it was chilly, it was offerings of hot dogs that I didn't partake in, and a lot of summer sausage in the.

Middle of winter.

Yeah, that's odd, and so I think everyone and I don't want this to go, you know, this to get dirty here, but everyone in Montana it's just farting. Like in the wintertime, if you're indoors, if you're in a restaurant and it's the middle of winter and everyone's eating sausage all day, Yeah, it smells like farts everywhere.

It's like discuss and I'm you don't feel.

That in the summertime, right, people did farting willing nilly, like, well, you know, my fire all armed, jilly, and it's cold.

Out because winter sausage is made with fart free ingredients.

Oh, they drip bino on it.

It's all Bino.

Used to when she had broccoli, she would drip bino on it because broccoli vander gassie.

That's funny.

That's how anti anti fart of a household I had.

I wonder if that's what my grandma meant, because she wouldn't eat certain foods and she'd say it repeats on me, and I wonder if she meant farting or burping.

I probably both. It repeats on me. It's oops.

I guess I have a bit of a repeat coming up. That's the vapors of fart.

Yes, she was very twenties flapper.

That's the best. She was a flapper. She wore she wore that style.

She was for real. Oh there's another Starbucks drive through. Look at that one.

Yeah. Oh, I like when they're kind of like a modern cabin.

Yeah, that's a there's an audience.

If you could only see the gorgeous wood siding on the scene.

Yeah, it's just a perfect box made of logs.

It's it's modern and yet it's so rustic.

You know.

I thought we were going to go this whole episode and not mention them by name. But we did it.

We have to.

We cannot one.

At one point, they're just going to reach out say okay, we get it, free coffee for life.

They're gonna we'll break them.

I hope, So, I hope.

So one day I'm not going to do this podcast uncaffeinated.

No, I can't.

I can't do anything uncaffeinated.

No, it's too hard.

I'm addicted to so many things. Caffeine is one of them.

It's great. Of all the things that we're addicted to, I'd say caffeine is the better.

Oh, totally, yeah, better choice, totally.

It's as any inflammenta how are you properties for some people's colon issues?

Uh?

Huh? What else?

It doesn't repeat on you? Is it a bit? A little bit repeating?

Oh I love that phrase. I'm gonna use it forever.

Oh shit, this is the wrong street.

Yeah, that guy's being cavalier with his garbage pickup.

Yeah, he's just walking all around the street.

Yeah, just left it in the middle of the road with the hazard. Time do you do you just assume there's a cat in that plastic bag?

The wind blew it.

Every time I see a bag and there's there's girth to it, I'm like, well, someone disposed of a cat terribly.

I always yes when my eye goes to it was this one. I was only one street off. Anything that's wrapped and on the side of the road. That's the first thing I think is it's a body. It's too small to be a body. It could be a cut up body.

I can't and I don't know why I was traumatized by.

When I lived in Texas, there was a lot of it and nothing against the fine people.

Uh, it's a great state.

They don't they.

Don't care about animals as much there in the or cats specifically, And there was a billboard. There was billboards that said don't throw litters of kittens out on the freeway. Yes, like in Costa Rica it says don't have sex with the children. It's like it's unnecessary.

No.

And then one day I was driving to a comedy show and I saw these cats blowing around.

Have I told you this? It's horrifying. That's why I shouldn't even talk about it.

Some car and I drove up and I was I was trying to make eye contact with every car in front of me. Who killed these kittens. It was the worst thing ever. And I had a really good comedy set after that.

Did you use you had emotionally? I bent back, was against the wall.

Yeah.

I yelled at the whole audience for killing cats.

And it wasn't They were all guilty in your eyes.

Yeah.

It's like when there isn't a lot of people in the crowd and you blame the people that did come.

No one there was the one that killed me.

No, there's no they all have They all have alibis where it can be proven. I was sitting here being charged twelve dollars for a drink when this.

Actually took me.

Oh yeah, there's no way it could have been me. We showed up early.

Yeah. And then the hotel when I worked the comedy club there. The hotel had feral cats. Everywhere. There's just cats with little communities and little clicks and some of them and I'm not I am bragging. There can be a feral cat. That's how I found my cat. I can summon a feral cat with your eyes. No, just by going come here, kitty, kitty and making noises and then like, I trust that guy.

I know I have one eye and I'm made of bones.

Chris, you have two beautiful eyes.

No, stop, we all know I have one eye.

And that's why this is a podcast and not a TV program.

And it's right the center of his forehead. Look, there's Dave Holmes.

Dave Holmes. He we should have him on.

On.

Well, you can go the other side because Steven's on this side.

But I have tinted windows. Oh no, good, how were you?

Thank you?

So much.

Is it.

Good to see you friend?

We were just starting to talk about Christmas and I was yours.

It was nice, It was nice. Yeah, I was in Saint Louis.

Oh right, did you party? I saw a couple of tweets where you were like, who wants to party?

Essentially, No, I don't.

I don't remember. You weren't sentiment at all.

You weren't tweeting about random parties.

And let's go dancing.

I wasn't looking for something for some you know, I was looking for some offbeat Saint Louis.

Because here's the thing.

I one, I have two brothers. One brother did like I was traveling like the twentieth to twenty eighth.

One brother left.

Town with my mom on the twenty sixth, So twenty six, twenty seven, twenty eight. I was alone in my hometown, which I found very exciting and.

I and so I didn't like it. I have friends there, but I kind of didn't really feel like calling them, right, And I was looking I wanted.

I was actively looking for like the bohemian, funky parts of Saint Louis, which I kind of found.

Did you really?

I did?

Great?

When did you end up doing?

I well, the first day, like I dropped my my mom and my brother off and his family and they they left, and then I was just like immediately, I was like, well, I have no ideas, and so I basically just like drank beer alone in various places throughout the city. I found a like a European football bar in kind of a half urban part of Saint Louis.

So I went there and there.

Was some big Chelsea game because it was Boxing Day, and I went and I watched that, and then at night, I like, I just went looking for gay bars I'd.

Never heard of, and so I went to one in like a.

Neighborhood that had never been to and I walked in and there were like two people there, and uh, and then I heard the sound of Whitney Houston from a back room and said, I'm want to follow that noise. So I did, and what it ended up being was like a workshop for I think an upcoming ball Oh. So it was part of the Saint Louis ball community, and there was a local drag queen named Ken Candy principal and she was sort of in the mother role.

I don't know, these principles.

Your neighborhood has gone downhill, I know us, and they were they were getting ready for the ball, like designing did you get in?

I think I feel when I came in the woman who was sinking to I have nothing by when Houston was wearing fully a tablecloth and ribbons from presents, and so I think that there had just been like a design challenge because Candy gave some some tips. I feel like the shoes were made of like hand towels.

Was the challenge you have to design that with things that are in the room right now.

It must have been.

It must have been.

But then there was like, you know, like this kind of butch Lesbian went up and lip synced to Luther Vandros. It was just it was all this young, you know, black, trans and gay community in Saint Louis, which I obviously you know, I don't know a ton about, right, So you found what you were like, I found a little bit of what I was looking for, and they were very welcoming. I helped one one queen who was a little wobbly on her heels out of the stage.

Yes, it was. It was a lot, a lot, a lot of fun.

So it was almost like Saint Louis's version of Paris is burning.

Yes, are some thugs again.

I like that they were not intimidated there, they spread out.

Okay, they might be wanting to play some sort of.

Yeah, they stop the car and try to get money out of us.

Are they going to play street soccer? They are dressed for sports, they definitely are.

They are, and they're all beautiful.

That also.

Smiled.

Can I take you like through the you know, the senior side of yes, Okay, I mean I can't.

Really, but I can. I can just tell you things about neighbors.

You mean, like neighborhood gossip.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're not this corner, but the next one, the house on the corner corner closest to us on the on the left side, is this family that is it could fully be the one across from it is definitely a meth lab. This one is just kind of a sort of crack how the police guy called a lot.

But it was types I don't know that it was.

Mathey types, but it was not on the up and up with the hippies.

Okay, Hippi, this is some like DJ guy whose dad bought him a house and he's like, I want to live only with girls. Girls will clean and so so it's him and like three year old girls.

Yeah, went to their U to their like housewarming party.

Because girls clean.

Yeah, and then we never saw him again.

Well hopefully they cleaned his body up. Man, you threw it in the l a river.

He's a DJ. He's a DJ for a living. But then the chickpea thing is a different That.

Might just be a little side hustle. Yeah, his side hustle is.

It's it's a lot like sweet pickles the children to read, yes, remember that, Yeah, how kids might grow sweet pickles.

I love sweet pickles.

Oh god, it exactly ages me to a very specific Yes, if you.

Get that weekly Reader guide ship off the house next to us.

Now we're far from it, but the house next to us is a family of people from from Virginia.

Well, the actually the guy is on the left and the ruse okay, okay, yeah, the one further in the dude from Virginia I think his wife grew up here and they have a couple of kids, like adult kids who are sometimes living there, and they have huge, crazy, fucking fights that spill out into the street.

Sometimes it gets physical. Wow.

Yeah, it's fucking fascinating. They're very friendly, but not necessarily to each.

Other unless you cross them.

Unless you cross them, and.

The boy, the Boy's boy, I think, still goes out with the sister of Christina Milian.

Oh.

So, Christina Milian had a show on.

E Yeah, and it was all about her crazy family because she's like, she's got one real responsible sister and then one who's real crazy. They don't remember which one is going out with my neighbor, but they went out and he was on that show and was.

Sort of the villain.

Oh he's a handsome young guy, but there's a.

Darkness, you know.

It's funny.

When I was for a little while in the aughts, or maybe a little bit later, I guess it would been later, I kept taking terrible jobs at Eye because I just could get them, and I was like, I have to just keep making money somehow, so I would just take whatever. And so it was constantly writing on like panel shows, and Christina Milian would be on.

Them and Sebastian Bach and yeah, and I.

Had no idea who she was because she's exactly too young. Like that's when I started doing drugs and had no awareness of like pop music or anything.

I'm exactly the person who doesn't know who she is. Yeah, maybe if I saw a photo.

But she's that is my world and I didn't really either. It was a little bit when I started to disengage myself.

Yeah, but she is absolutely gorgeous and she's a singer, right.

She's a singer and a songwriter.

She has she wrote a big Jennifer Lopez song that you would recognize, oh wow.

And also she's funny, like she on these panels.

And I mean, you know, I'm compared to everyone else who often were not.

Oh yeah, okay.

We are watching person cross the Road with a well I don't want to get into judgy torto. But that was a perfect cylindrical, gelatinous torso that was exposed.

Yes, maybe like.

A bull full of jelly literal it could be Santa Claus that was so jelly, Like really he fucking slept in today?

Was the sports bra though I think it was a woman.

It wasn't a woman.

I think it was.

I just can we loop around?

Sure?

Yeah, because it's miracle.

Yeah, let's do it. Because it was a hairless torso it wasn't.

Yeah, I only saw the naval party.

Yeah, I think she.

I think she's walking in the direction of the sun and then was like, this feels good.

I want it on my belly. Yeah, I honestly think that's what happened.

When she just began a process of what I will call swanning around.

Just taking her time, swanning around the new road.

There was some that was some torto pride when we were seeing any.

We can all learn something from that.

Yeah, yeah, why am I so?

You know?

I you know I swim with a T shirt on?

Yeah, I know how you can be. We are going to see I hope Sam or her again, maybe Stephen, if you can see. If you can take a picture and.

It won't we'll do at over the right, right, just like Cosmo used to unless the pictures mean later and.

Then we won't put then we won't, but we do.

It is an interesting person, then we do. We've been talking about her.

Did I take the wrong Should I go down there?

Right?

Yeah? I think yeah, yeah, and we'll see if this person is going.

Now, there are some sort of.

Old folksy convalescent kind of homes around here, so that person.

May oh could be on the loose.

Yeah, I'm a friend named Lucy Jazzy.

Do I see often when I'm on a run.

Jazz Are you it's name Lucy? Real? Yeah? Absolutely like not that she got loose, That's.

What I thought.

No, No, I don't think she's in it like a prison. It's just like a home kind of a thing. This is definitely somebody who can't walk on on her own, but she likes to get out.

Who does.

We are gonna be well there we go, Hello, hello, uh coming up, and.

Now it's perfect, Well there he is there.

She it's it's okay, you do it.

I do just people, we're not lying and and I like the Jordan's actually I'm just I'm I'm speechless.

It is.

It is what some in the It's hard reality TV world would call a lot of luck. It is a we should describe it's a it's a full parka hood up but open.

Sports sports bra and and a torso and.

And no doubt a deep navel.

Which sounds like a fashion term. This since a deep navil low cut first bring So you saw your neighbor on the I did.

I watched it a lot.

In fact, like the production company is one that I had worked with before. And if there had been a second season, I think the family next Door would have had a lot more storyline.

But alas.

There was a season, I think what season of Real World was Puck on?

That would have been season three?

Thank you? Okay?

He they my cousin was snowboarder for K two and they make those snowboards on Fashion Island and he was just there getting snowboards and they the whole He somehow knew one of the girls on the cast of that show and he ended up going on a date.

But they're not planning to be on reality TV. But he didn't. He didn't, He wasn't. He didn't want to be on the show.

So it just was nice and didn't start a fight or act like a ridiculous person then, So they didn't they didn't show him, They didn't.

Show them because it was just a normal.

So when they when they did, like the Hollywood season, and they all lived in like a sound stage around like Sunset Gower.

Is that where the country I would true.

That was season two. You don't have a podcast with Mike Dody where we called true Story talk about the real world?

Are you serious?

We only did the first season. It's because they're hard to track down because of like music rights issues. But we we found the first season, which really isn't streaming anywhere, so it's not the world's most useful podcast.

But we we go through episode by episode.

The first season was I watched that whole thing because that was.

Thought we all did a dozen times.

Yes, it was unbelievable and the coolest everything about it.

I was just like, this is this is what the future of TV is then.

And it us that's what's started, right. Yeah, there was nothing else like that before Real World.

I don't think subsides. Cops was Cops before that.

Cops was maybe a year before that.

Yeah, but that idea, that is a there's always a marathon of it on and I'm as gonna be curious. Yeah, And it's the more you think about what you're watching when you watch it, the less you.

Can watch Cops. Yes, it's not funny, it's not at all funny.

Mine.

My friend is a sound guy on it.

He was a sound guy for World's Dumbest, like in a studio safely and now he runs around with a bulletproof jacket.

She's with a boom, thank you.

Yeah.

No, But anyway, so in Hollywood, real world Hollywood, this was maybe eight years ago. Their job was taking in prov classes at Io West, which is where I was. And and so they'd go and there's a bar there and so they don't like, you know, have their they have a rehearsal and they'd get in a fight and then they go to the bar and whatever.

I'd be like, let's all go to the house and like our artistic.

Director who's probably then is my age now, like late forties, and they'd.

Be like, hey, let's you know, go back to the house and get high or whatever.

You'd be like yeah, and then you get halfway there and like you know, the night air would hit him and he'd be like, oh, no, I'm not going to be the old stone guy on TV.

Yes, that will rerun for eff yes.

Then everyone will suddenly be like looking at it goes this guy. That's all it was, was picking people apart. Do you know I auditioned for the San Francisco season of the real world.

It would have been great to watch and then probably miserable forever.

Well, it was prime alcoholic Kilgariff era. I was really getting my engines revving at the point.

Sure, so I know it was a dark time for you, but I kind of wish I knew you about that.

I was really fun. Yeah, here's the thing about me.

You kind of unless I was absolutely blacked out, shitface, you couldn't till I was dronk. And that was the thing my friend Danny Sebios used to say all the time, is you I just could never tell it. Like one time in a bar, I turned to him and I go, well, you finish this. I can't see and it was like.

My seventh cosmopolity and he was like, it was so weird. You weren't slurring or anything. So I was like, I was, so it is such an alcohol good at it?

You mean?

Yeah, but the.

Idea that that was something I was even opening myself too, which is like it's I fear it more than any That level of like examination and exposure is horrible because those people think they can control what people think about them, Like I'm the country guy and that means this about me where it's like, no, it doesn't No.

What's that at a time when you were working?

No, I was in college then oh okay.

But I also thought about applying because I remember watching season two and then the card came up. It was like, if you want to be on the next season, you know, send a tape to this number or whatever, and I was like, that is exactly something that I should do.

But you ended up.

It was a similar thing with like it was a am I making this up that it was a contest that it was Yeah, yeah it.

Was, but it wasn't like there was no reality element to it. They didn't follow me.

Home, right right, No, it was just kind of an interesting way to get a legitimate job.

Guys as just fell out of his pants.

We have to we have to loop another block to have to back the pants are back towards.

Down.

What if that woman runs into that man and knocking boots?

They were like the finally that's a piece of body I was looking for.

Body. You're superior title, which I have never seen. Oh yeah, it's like.

A genie.

That's amazing. That's just like a beautiful signs.

Just a guy, it's just a guy, or it's kind of a it's a it's a genie that works.

Oh, no, that is a genie.

That's Is it a genie? Yeah, it's like an it's pat guy.

I am a big fan of those three D sculpture signs or that's what I'm gonna call that.

Yeah, I agree, it's fun.

It was your Christmas is.

I'll start. It was great. It was the best. I really like Christmas.

You know, I don't have a religious family that gets spiritual or we always reserve it for Christmas time, but we get into it and it hasn't died down at all. And then when you have nephews and when there's young people, it makes it even better.

Yeah.

Sure, and I you know, I feel like I nailed it with the gifts, with my shoes, shoes nice and it was. Yeah, it was the funnest.

I had a great time and it served the purpose of resetting my you know, stressed out la brain.

Good.

Yeah.

I texted you and asked how long you're going to be in Missoula because the brother that left town with my mom on the day after Christmas went to Missoula.

Oh he has a place that of.

Notorious Pig and where I still haven't gone, And I to be honest, it's because I only really eat chicken.

But I bet they have chicken there.

I'm sure they have chicken there.

No, that's you have to save it for notorious.

Chi way less of a ring as big as the Chile Superior tile.

There's a part of me that was like, oh, Chris should hang out with my family. Then it was like why, why why Chris Fairbanks want to hang out with my mother?

That is great all the time, where it's like, but that's a place, and then my family and that, Yeah, I know a person and those.

People, I understand things.

I would think that if if I was trapped in Missoula and my my own family wasn't there, I probably would want to hang out with your family.

Okay, well let's let's keep that. Let's keep that in the back of our mind, cause.

My family disappears from Missoula.

Okay, yeah, she'll never been there.

Here.

It's great, it is. I'm getting loads of pictures.

It's beautiful. At a certain times a year.

It's very snowy. Right now.

Yeah, I wish I'm not anymore.

Well, no, it is right now, oh, right now, it's getting pictures.

Oh, okay evidence. I went snowboarding and it was dangerously.

It looked snowy, but it's just a foot of snow and underneath where rocks, and it was dangerous. And that is a very that's an impressive empty lot site where that man is urban camping.

There's a lot.

I can't stand urban camping. It's so depressing.

Yeah, that's a rough looking situation there.

Yeah, are you describing homelessness?

I dance around the issues and I caught urban camping.

Well, I couldn't tell.

You know, that guy that clearly was every once in a while, it'll be a really nice tent.

Maybe he got that tent for Christmas.

He's just testing it up in an empty lot next to his apartments.

Would be a smart idea for him.

Let's hold on to this.

You gonna do it in the living room.

I'm gonna.

Stare a mom like it.

No, people don't care for it. Karen, how is yours?

Oh? Mine was great? Same?

Chris and I were talking about how like I always drive up to Pedaluma because the drive is so relaxing and so kind of decompressing, and so when I fly to Pedaluma, I find it's too fast. Of a change, and I'm still in a weird la mode that doesn't make sense there, so and it and it could be just that things were different in my family and they're

Yeah, I gradually slipped into because I had a show right when I got there. I flew on a little jet plane with Reggie Watts. He was doing a show there and I for him, and I've never it was really fun. It was like a sixth person jet plane. Yes, and I'm bragging, I'm bragging, do it.

It was fun.

And then I so I had that show and then and then it tapered off nicely into just being sitting with my dad.

Yeah, that's great, eating summer sausage.

Sausage up, did you eat a lot of summer sausage.

No I didn't. I had a lot of oysters.

M h. I had toasted ravioli a couple of times.

Those delicacy, those are good.

I don't know much about is it is it?

I think breaded deep fried okay, served to you.

I have had that real good, and it's it's like a local delicacy that has not it has not had the success of a Philly cheese steak.

It has stayed mostly local.

They have him in Chicago because I think Chicago loves all appetizers and fried food.

Sure.

I just noticed that when I was there that there was such.

An availability of pride, ravioli and tater talks, which made me laugh because where I grew up, tater talks are strictly served at the Junior high and that's it. So the idea that you could get dater talks at any restaurant was really delightful to me.

Oh sorry, oh boy, wow, that was a real Yeah.

One time we we I'm pretty sure my memory served correctly.

We may have almost killed Eddie Peppat.

Going over one of those.

Just putting it out there. It's a dangerous podcast.

Now I've seen him since so we did not no, no, no, I do know that he's still alive.

I'm just saying there is a close call, but a t bone situation.

I mean, I feel like that's we have to pay for the electricity in the in the in the car, and that's it's part of that is just the risk of that we could die at any moment.

It's the currency.

Well, I can tell you that you do have low washer fluid address.

If you don't like living on the eggs, get the fuck out, spin witch.

Driving to Christmas Morning Mass with my mom, we had my dad's car and and which doesn't get driven a lot anymore.

And uh, oh boy, oh there's the thing to dodge.

Something on the rails. Oh this guy did it.

And it's like a half mile to the church.

And as we were pulling in, the car just stopped, like the electrical went out and then the car just stopped. And this is a car that I had been using, and like I had been on the highway with it. I had you know, it's I guess just because of under use, the battery is weak or something that just fully stopped and and it freaked me out because we were on the road I mean it was Christmas morning, so no one was around really, but yeah, it was.

We got in and I was freaking.

I was just like, I'm gonna drop my mom off at the door of church and then I'll go to the like you know where there's a parking space.

And wade in the car and I was.

Going to go in. I was going to go in.

But so I go to it and drop her off and she's like, don't bother with this. We're so late. And I looked at my watch and I was like, it's we're fifteen minutes early. And then she looked at hers and she goes, well, I've got thirteen.

Well that's okay, just one. Yeah, this is just what I'm not gonna win.

Also, while I was home, I thought, we'll go to the movies, because there's always, you know, at Christmas time, there's the movie to see with your parents.

Yes, and last year it was The Post Perfect.

This year, just judging on the poster for the favorite, took my movie to see that and I don't know if you've seen it, but it is.

Non stop cuddling us.

Oh it's not mom friendly.

Oh I mean that used to always happen.

You go to a video store with your mom and you just grabbed something based on the box, the cover, and it you're just watching sitting next to your mom on a couch watching sex scenes. Yeah, after sex scenes just flash and I I just there's not I have so many vivid memories of watching near pornography month with my mother.

That's it sounds weird for me to talk about it right now.

Well, I know I've told the story on this podcast before, but my dad and I have we have never just none of us have ever discussed sex ever, very Irish Catholics. But one time he and I were watching The Serpent in the Rainbow, which is a straight up almost.

Anthropological study.

Sorry sorry, all right, it's an anthropological study of zombies.

So it's like this doctor that's in New York or something, and he goes to it, and then he goes to.

Somewhere in Africa to study this certain group that's that claims to really have zombies. And then there he meets another scientist who's a woman, and it's very almost dry, but zombie based science and very interesting. And then all of a sudden, three quarters of the way through this movie, Bill Pullman and this woman that he's been working with Are fucking under a waterfall and it happens almost out of no, that's.

You're thinking of Angel Heart, but similar feel.

It was like that there was a little era of Are because that was the era of zombie movies that were like.

No, it's about silce, sexy science thrillers. But so my dad, when that sex scene started, slammed his newspaper onto the couch and went good night.

Like he directed the movie it was. And I was like, I didn't that's nothing to do with me.

I didn't do it.

That's exactly what my mam would do. I'd be scarred by it. It's like, this is my fault.

I really.

She convinced me it was my fault that nudity was on TV. It was it would happen just with a music video. I remember you two mysterious ways that video. My mom came in and she's like, oh, you're watching pornography again.

Yeah, And I'm like, what, it's a music video? I mean, yes, answer.

I got thrown out of college after my freshman year.

Oh and what can we know me too?

Yeah?

No, I know bad grades?

Well, I mean yeah, yeah, abysmal grades. Yeah, me too, do largely to never going to any class exactly anytime. Yeah. Yeah, I was really on a fucking tear and uh and when it happened, like of course got yelled at because that you shouldn't get thrown out of college, right, But in any very catholic way, my parents also yelled at me for everything wrong that I had ever done that they just never mentioned, you know what I mean, like the little tiny micro things that they put away. Like

How happy a reputation of Gumby.

Yeah, he didn't do any material from Raw.

No.

My friend, actually, my friend Christine Goodin got bless her Soul because I knew I wanted to be.

She's alive, Okay, good.

I guess that was too dramatic, which I knew I wanted to be a comic, like when I was like twelve, So I would watch all that stuff and I was we were obsessed with Eddie Murphy and he is the funniest and.

And he was kind of all that was around you as stand up was Eddie Murphy or that Bill caused me himself.

It's true, but I didn't know of anything else.

It's very true.

So she got us tickets to go see Eddie Murphy Raw the concert the live show in Oakland.

Oh my god, and my dad.

It's like, me and Christine are going to go to a show and my family's like great and whatever. And when my dad found out it was Eddie Murphy Raw, he was like, you're not going.

To that show. I'm like, but it's comedy, Dad, it's what I want. He's like, there's no way you're going.

He lost his mind, of course, and I could have gone and seen I didn't get to go.

It was the.

Recording of what became that Special or he was touring with it.

Yeah, but I mean, okay, so the level of filth, I mean it's it's a lot of swearing, yes, but then I mean it's not real like Phil, it's not sexy sexy. He just said funk a lot he did.

There was some stuff he did about something like women using of an electric truth versus a vibrator.

I think that's like my distant memory.

There was a little moment falling down the stairs, and.

I remember a very anti Italian moment.

I also remember like the thing that I barely noticed at the time, which is like and it's it goes for everything that I revisit from the seventies, eighties and early nineties is just like gay jokes that aren't about gay people.

That it's just the joke is like, isn't it funny that they're there?

Yeah, yeah, Yeah, it's.

Like just that one, especially back then.

Yeah, and you forget about them, like yeah until you watch it again.

It's a good Lord Blazing Saddle, the movie I remember as a child. That's right, it's just blatant.

Well, and it's that Eddie Murphy did that thing where he would go from voice to voice, but the gay voice. After a while, Like, especially when you look back now, you're just like, man, you rang that bill as many possible time as you could, like and everybody who's like

I bet he'd be the first to regret it, Isn't he like, I only want to do a Christian Disney Murphy.

Yeah, he's like, just wants to do kids movies.

Now.

He doesn't want to do anything dirty.

Is that true?

Yeah, doesn't have to do anything at all.

Oh my god, I had my own way.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe she was in the right, but there's a lot to cover.

There was a lot going on.

She had a a surgical mask, yes, a enurgical mask.

Knows enough, and a hood up and a hood up and a handicaps.

And then her bloods uh somehow resurrected Stanley.

Yeah, it was Stanley and his sickly wife.

And she showed you two karate hands as if they were six shooters.

I was definitely in the wrong. I was in the wrong, but I thought I was going to do something. I didn't realize they crossed her.

You were in the wrong, but she handled it poorly. You know, she has a lot that heal.

I don't think she understands what we're doing here on the planet No in this car.

I think she understands she trying to accomplish.

She's on the way to a daily infusion or something. She looks seemed like a sick lady.

Though.

She seemed like a lady that buys orphans blood, and so she was going to try to go get some blood.

So the blood that makes her feel better.

Karen makes those hands real karate and real rigid.

I love that you have your your navigation set to the least helpful. Yeah, it's always zoomed out, so you know generally, which.

We are so far zoomed out that Tiwana is an option and we are halfway into Santa Barbara right now.

I genuinely hate this.

I always try to make it switch to a different you know, I wanted just to be the media instead of this, because this doesn't help media, Like whatever, kay, oh yeah, fox News.

I wish I could watch Fox News in my own car.

But you know, like whatever song is on the radio, but I can't get it to stay there. It always comes back to this map that is basically gives me the lower quarter of California and where I am in it. So I guess I just should be grateful I mean.

You know, in grand ways where you're going exactly. That's not the way you say that.

You mean via window, look in front of us, h look to co exist and exists.

It's all in guns.

Were those guns?

Those were all different kinds of guns.

Oh no, I'm trying to get this one to.

Take this turn.

I mean, yeah, we might as well stay humble.

He urges us stay.

Humble and cow.

Legend. And he's in a skull that's an American.

It's somehow a bone skull that's been tattooed America.

You could stay humbler.

Okay's just be.

A little girl driving that tiniest it's going to be.

It's just going to be Pink, the artist Pink.

You know Pink and her guns.

I've seen her.

She dates like a tattooed like heart and honey to motorcross type.

Guy.

Does anyone know Corey Hart?

Yes, the other Corey Heart.

Well, and we are looking at as I'm going to.

Give him the hands.

Casks on.

You just found yourself for karate surgeons, and we're not happy.

You're in l a and and we're on the way to get some orphans blood.

Do you guys ever have that when you're driving in LA and I think it's a I don't know if it's my deteriorating brain or if it's a thing LA eventually teaches you.

They're going to come up with it here in the next ten years.

That's my sister, she keeps sending me.

That's what I keep telling my sister.

But I do the thing where I go to do the thing I want to do, and then I see it's not what I'm supposed to do, and then I just do it anyway, you know, Like what I just did with cutting those people off, where I was like, I'm going to take a write even though they're taking a left, I'm in this lane.

I like made up how.

That was going to go, and realizing they crossed over the lane, I thought I was just going to kind of go along with them.

But then like you just keep doing it, Like.

What's the worst that can happen? Yeah, if I just keep driving this car, It's just weird.

I feel like sometimes in my head I'm consciously saying I know exactly the wrong thing to do right now. I wonder how that would feel, and I'd do it, Like what's stand up? I'm like, this is going pretty well, everyone's laughing. Let me see if I can fuck it up.

Yeah, yep, I did. Now I feel that. Yeah, I just wanted to be reminded.

I like to do that if I get or when I used to, because I don't really do stand up anymore, but when I used.

To, when I make you go on to our okay.

But when I used to, and I would get a really big laugh, I would do that thing where you know, comics very often, in a kind of a faky way, do a long pause to start their next topic.

I would just let the pause go.

Way too long and everyone get uncomfortable, and I would basically deflate all the goodwill that that last laugh had given me and then just kind of like make everybody bummed out and then and then start my next topic.

If you can do it, I say, do it.

It's called it's called breaking any possible rhythm that you could.

Have, yeah for a build.

Well, you don't want the next rhythm to be dictated by the previous rhythm.

You don't want the rhythm to get you.

It's gonna get you tonight, it might.

Dave, did you ever do stand up?

I was gonna ask, no, not really, not really no storytelling. Storytelling in that sort of in that kind of lazy way that you can do it in La where you can like get up at a drunk on stage and like just fuck around for ten minutes because they know you and you know and it's never gonna be like ground breaking, but it'll be fun and whatever.

I've done that, and then okay, I.

Bet you could do it.

You know you have.

I think what the world is a forty eight year old starting stuff. I think that's what people are clamoring.

I've just turned that in burn.

But yeah, this goes back a few years. But I had done I get I guess it was drunk on stage. And then from that did Aaron Foley's show at the at the Improv. Yeah, because by then I was like I had done I had told a story drunk on stage that did well, and I was like, well, I'm a stand up comedy now, yeah, yeah, that's what I do.

I'm gonna get to work on my hour and so that album. Yeah, And then I went to.

The Improv and did that, and then there was a woman on the bill who was like, oh, I do a show up at Ventura.

You should come and do it.

Right, so you know, because it's just an hour away.

It's away. But I was also like, well this is I mean, these are I'm paying my dues.

Yeah.

So uh so I went up and she was like, oh, it's good to hear you're a headliner.

So we'll have, you know, forty minutes or whatever.

And I was like, I have two stories that I can get you in and out in ten minutes.

But then I thought, you know what, No, there's a challenge.

So I did it, and I didn't do like forty minutes, and for sure somebody came up after me.

But I attempted.

Crowd work that went poorly because it was it was that like dock worker comedy bar.

Oh right, horn blowers or whatever.

It is like on a dock and smells like fish, and.

I think it's Venture Harbor Comedy Club.

I think, yeah, I think you're right.

Oh, fishermen wandering yelling and Russian like yeah, I can only imagine what the fuck is going on on this stage. Yeah, I'm a fisherman and I need whiskey or and uh and then they get kicked out.

That's what that was my experience.

Yeah, I don't think anyone got kicked out. Oh there was.

He kept all the angry people, they kept.

Kept the ice and packed in Yeah, right up.

Yeah, they turned turned up the heat a little. Yeah, there was the worst.

I've talked about this, but right before midnight opening for Jimmy Parodom, there was a giant fight.

Yes, and the blood.

This guy's had got cut open and the Christmas tree fell on a family.

It was horrifying, so much blood.

These Mma guys tried to kick out this guy and then he started swinging like a methy madman, and they need him their their method of fighting because they were jiu jitsu guys to knee him in the face and it was the bloody. People were so traumatized. I've seen fights before this. I was scarred for a while.

Just because it was.

There was a Christmas tree and we were trying to ring in the New Year and they had their little noise makers and it was horrifying.

It's the most violent thing ever, but there was.

It was just during your set.

I think this was.

A salty, old off duty fisherman that just happened to buy some smokable rock and he and his wife he was with, that's why. But they lost their minds. Wow, and she was hitting people. It was asking me about it sometime. It was the most horrifying thing ever.

Wow.

I feel like if I was on that show that the second that fight started.

I'd be like, yeah, I don't have to do my set.

Yeah.

Second, I had already done mine. That's why I was like, I.

Want to rip off ye, let me tell you something of it, just for laughs. This year, the you know, the Lost Culturista's guys. Yeah, yeah, Matt, they were doing a live like I don't think so, honey thing, but with just a small group of just gay men and only about divas. So it would be like, I don't think so honey, whatever you prepared one of those someone you don't like, and then I do think, so honey, somebody that.

You do like.

And then and then you get like you do the Gauntlet of Gag or something like that, and they pull a name for you and you have to that person for a full minute, and they asked and I said yes, And then I was immediately like, I do not have any strong feelings about any.

Devas at all.

And I don't know, I don't know whether that is a natural part of me that I smothered with a pillow when I was twelve years old, or whether I just don't like that's just not a part of my personality. And it's a thing that I'm literally talking about in therapy, which is probably a waste of money.

But I always used to be talking about it on.

This podcast exactly. But I was like, well, you know what, I'm gonna fuck it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna not say no to things. I'm gonna do it.

And and the day came and I was up there with Matt McConkey, and we went out and had dinner and the show was supposed to be a like seven thirty. And we got out of dinner at seven o'clock and the most ominous rain cloud started moving in and I was like, motherfucker, come because the show was outside. The show was in an outside amfit, which is also my limited performance experience in this world shows me that how many outside does not work because the laughs just go up into the.

Air and you can't hear them and you kind of get the.

Word it's terrible. Yeah.

So I was like, please let this be a rain out, because then I will have said yes, but then also not I didn't have to do it, yeah, and uh, and so like at seven twenty, it just began this apocalyptic downpour, like Adirondack chairs flying in the wind, the worst storm I.

Have ever seen in my entire life.

And uh, and everyone was in this like tent thing where I guess the green room was, and I went in and they had to do the thing with the broom handle where they like pushed the water off of the.

Like cave in.

Yes, And I was like, well, it's a shame about this show. We're not gonna be able to do it and whatever. And then two seconds later it moves and like it's a beautiful Montreal evening, and everyone who had run away came back. And then everybody because it's outside, like every you know, in person in an invalid home who is out for their evening, push around by either nurse or whatever, just like, oh, look something is about to happen here. Let's go and watch it.

And I did.

It ended up being fun, but I have never I just it was the most intense feeling of like a snow day of a very big test yes, that I had ever had.

And then I ended up having to do it. I think I had to bash Queen Latifa.

I really, I really don't have any strong feelings one way or the others chose.

No, it's not the one I chose. I don't even remember who I did chose.

It was so last minute, but that was that was what was drawn for me in like the bash bucket or whatever the fun it.

Was would be. That'd be a tough one.

I feel like, I feel like Queen Latifa is pretty solid diva.

She is from day one. She too, Queen. You got it to them, Queen.

That was one of the most exciting MTV moments is me being the whitest of whites from northern California watching MTV and that you and I y Queen Latifa video coming on. I mean just being like, Yeah, what's this hat? What the fuck is going on? She is so cool, she doesn't give a fuck, and she looks like she's gonna kick everybody's ass.

It was like the best.

How about at you? I'm allergic to whack cruise. I mean, I don't think that there has ever been a better line in the history.

That is.

I guess I've always heard that, but it didn't register that that's what you say every time that's the best.

Yeah, so good.

But then and then just recently, sketch Fest was like they were going to do an hour divided up among three people, so like twenty minutes each, and it like stand upy kind of things.

And they asked it.

I was like, I don't have twenty minutes, and I hate saying no to things. So I think in twenty nineteen, as much as I'm already halfway talking myself out of it, I do want to start getting up and just doing shit so that if somebody offers me twenty minutes somewhere.

I don't have to be like I don't have them. You know, I don't like a feeling of saying.

No, especially if you already have stories that you tell. That's what I've been doing just recently, like, rather than sitting down and in my head being like I have to write jokes, I'm like, oh, there's stories I've told I I've told all of them on this podcast.

But on stage you can just plan on telling those stories.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can always fall back.

Yeah.

I find though. I guess my thing is I, first of all, I love saying no. I love saying yes and then coming back seventeen minutes before something starts and saying no, which I'm sure plenty of people really don't appreciate that.

It's a missing scene from Liar Liar where he comes back and says, I changed my mind.

I'm not a liar. I just changed my mind.

But yeah, the thing of it is, or like when people ask me to stand up, it's just like I just don't have it together. Like there's such a difference between. It's such an overt difference to me when you do sets every night and when you don't. And I hate being the person that does comedy but doesn't work, Like, doesn't do sets every night, right, it just seems lame.

But you don't want to do sets every night.

But I don't want to do sets at all.

And I'm in the opposite.

I'm always doing sets even though I don't want to.

And it's like, why am I doing this?

And it's just so I can be prepared when something puts me in that position. But I've wasted so much time driving from Venice Beach three or four nights a week.

I'm not wasted time. But whatever I'm it's the opposite.

I'm like, man, there's so many other things I could be doing other than free stand up and paying for parking and.

Yeah, but I enjoy it, though.

We should plug right now, since it's so topical.

We should plug the fact that you're recording your album in Portland next week.

This week special Yeah, yeah, Camra seven cameras.

Yeah, it's exciting at Mississippi Studios. Are you sold out yet?

Yes?

But are you really yeah?

Oh yeah yeah yeah, So don't go.

Enjoy it if you're already.

But the previews of people because you did it at Dynasty Typewriter and the word on the street is that it was the best.

Well that's really funny.

Yeah, you're good at copy.

Thanks.

Well, that's why I've been doing it for no reason the other night for the last twenty oh my god years.

It's twenty oh my.

God years, twenty oh my god.

Are you planning on moving east at all?

No? No, no, uh, that's so funny. I just turned that into New York City.

No, no, no, I have to right at the very tip. It's the city.

I still don't know. I would love to figure it out soon. I still it's hard to because I do need to move, but it's hard to figure it out.

Months in advance, and I still have a month or so, or a month and a half, month and a half, I have about a month a half.

But I yeah, inevitably I probably will move east, Yes, just to be closer to everything.

Yeah, that drive is no fun.

No, no, I gotta figure out either at any time. I mean, I like being by the beach, but it's you know what. Growing up in Montana, I took it for granted, and then I finally live at the ocean. It looks the same every day. It's great. But the man, I just went home and mountains are all different. Yeah, yeah, that sound like a scientist.

Mountains are different than the mountains look different no matter how you look at them.

Different mountains are different. Yeah, every ocean different no matter where you're at. It looks like the same ocean to me. And honestly, this could be I look around. This could be your life.

Yeah, this ocean of cement could be your new Yes, the old gym could be yours.

I would love to surf the seas of industrial cement.

The shower door doctors around here somewhere you could have that by your house.

There could be some.

Kind of compromise.

I was thinking about moving into a warehouse district and you know, getting a big studio and getting into welding sculptures.

Oh, fun, like in an eighties movie Flash Now.

Yeah, yeah, you know, dancing in sculpting.

Yeah, you know me.

Were your ideas of what apartments would look like? Hopelessly tainted by movies and TV?

Yes?

Yeah, I thought that you'd be a struggling artist.

And in movies they always had struggling artists in a four thousand dollars a month apart.

Yeah, like studio and the elevator goes right to it.

Yeah, and so disappointed when I saw what seven hundred dollars would actually get me in nineteen ninety four, Yeah, which.

Was barely livable. Did you have you seen Can you ever forgive me yet? No?

What's that?

Oh McCarty, I wanted to see it? Is it's still in theaters?

No, but it's a if you like it, you get a screen or for it. It sounds like actually it might still be.

It sounds like it's not a comedy, is it.

Yeah, it's funny, but yeah it's comedy issue that it's a true story, right it is?

Yeah, but this is great.

It's like she's an author and she can't sell her next book, and so she starts forging letters from literary fancy.

People love it and it's odd, it's so good. It's like that, it's like an eighties New York movie, like it's it's just sorry. And that was a huge pothole.

That was insane pot hole. Yeah.

I saw the trailer for that movie, and I love the way she looked, and I love the whole thing about it. Like I it Immediately, I was like, I want to know what this story is, right, and what's happening here?

Yeah?

What's it?

Can you ever forgive me?

I will not forget myself if I don't see it do it?

I will.

I like her a lot.

My film recommendation is because I was. When I was home with my family, we all went and watched Mary Poppins.

It is good.

It's your recommendation.

It's good, and it's.

It's I thought I knew how good it was going to be because I'd heard people saying it's good, go see it, But it's it was better than that and truly like touching and enjoyable and human and real in a lot of ways.

That was surprising, and I don't know if I'm a fan of Lynn Manuel Miranda per Se.

I think he's insanely talented and does write the best songs like Mowana.

Is the best.

Street episode.

I didn't even three d No.

I mean not the one I saw, because I.

Don't don't know why I asked, because that's not I don't care. I'm just wondering whether whether it's the kind of thing where I should see it on a big screen or something like that.

I think you should see it on a big screen. Even though yeah, he was doing she's doing what I did. He's really started a trend just getting out there and seeing what happens.

He almost showed the surgery mate's sweeping la this New Year's It's New Year's Eve?

Can I say it's New Year's Eve?

That's right?

Is that exciting?

It's pretty crazy New Year?

Yeah, we should all do before we drop you off, Dave, and I actually don't know where your street.

Is, but you have.

I go down here go I can't.

Yeah, what, let's go around and say, starting with you, Dave, what our resolutions are one of one or three?

One or three?

New Year's Resolution twenty nineteen.

I'm doing I'm gonna do two more marathons next year. Wow, And I'm excited about that. So that's just a thing that I'm doing.

Okay, have you picked the dates or just whenever there's in LA in New York? Okay? Wow?

Cool?

Wow?

Yeah. Yeah, and that's the.

Full on twenty six miles to fall on twenty sous shit.

Yeah.

And then the other kind of larger one is, uh, you quit fucking apologizing for literally everything.

Yes.

I realized I had a problem when I was at a coffee shop working and somebody ran into my table and I apologized to them, like I didn't put the table there. Like the person who runs into the table and spills my coffee, he is the person who should apologize, not the person who is simply sitting there.

Yes, and a thing that was placed by someone else.

I were you guys raised to say sorry all the all the time?

Design I mean, I'm never never explicitly told maybe, but like it's kind of the subtext of everything.

Yeah, I feel like it's regional or in Montana, all my friends say sorry and I and we're close to Canada.

If I am, the Canadians are always saying sorry. Or maybe I just noticed it because they pronounce they say sorry. Maybe that's it.

I don't know, but uh yeah, I'm I'm jumping on board your resolutions. I'm also doing those marathons, even though a doctor told me never to run again.

You never mind scratch that fuck him. Yeah, I'll wear out my metal him. But I yeah, that's that's.

I like those christ Do you have a different another, No, I think yeah, I'm gonna shove it along pretty well.

I think it's mine. It's boring. Thank I'm going to start waking up right right if you want start.

I sleep too much. I don't need nine hours of sleep every night. I'm going down to the eight.

You could. You know, there's that navy seal guy that says you should get up at four thirty in the morning.

Okay, that's what suggestful people do right right now, I think Arnold Schwartzenegger, I can hear it.

He's yelled about that before.

Although we can go down this and this is a very pretty street.

Oh nice, Yeah, let's do it.

I really like when trees kind of canopy over.

Yeah, it's nice.

You used to see this a lot in Austin.

We will pass Dave Keckner's house. Where over the garage, his wife will spell out something seasonal.

Oh, I.

Can't remember, it's grateful.

It'd be funny of ithumbug.

I actually agay, I think for December it I'm probably wrong in this, but I think it just said season and I don't I'm sure it was more clever than that, but that was.

It said seasoning.

I like that.

It's the middle of the day, but we're driving at a speed where there we should be looking at Christmas light.

Yeah, baby, oh baby, that's cute.

It's cute.

It's nice.

Maybe I'll least the house across the street from them.

She wants to start a dinner club where it's eleven couples, no, twelve couples, and each month it's at a different person's house and there's a cuisine and a game and a costume.

Oh, my left, I can't believe swinging.

Left.

I was left that it was a swinger group. I don't know why.

I immediately who knows, you know, because nothing ever happened, but all like twenty two of us got the email about it, and a couple.

Of them and uh, and I was like, are we are you in any way prepared to.

Have twenty two guests and cook for them all and entertain them, because I am sure not. And so we kind of been and I were like, I mean, I guess, let's just see where this goes. So where it went is nowhere. It kind of like the idea got dropped. But for a minute it was like, we're gonna have to I mean, you know, if we take ourselves out

Is say avoided. This sounds like shaky territory.

Well, honestly, see where so I don't. I don't think we're in any danger.

And listen, have you ever had Chipotle cater because they do it right, I bet they do. Just don't even don't even front. Just get up there and be like, here's some tacos from the corner.

Yeah, yeah, it's a very go around again. Get your Karen.

Oh yeah, that's right.

I'm gonna fucking say no to this one.

I'm going to write a new half hour of comedy in a costume while making dinner.

That's your resolution.

That's me just naming all the things we just talked about.

Mine my resolution is for Karen to start a band that yeah, I would too.

And want to pick up the guitar the first time at age forty, you're going to start you never have? I know, I know maybe which one?

Maybe I'll pick back up the old trombone?

What has been?

Play everything? He's like, he is one of these kind of musical geniuses.

Would he teach you.

Or I don't think that that would be good.

Fighting for fighting?

No, not because of fighting. I just don't. I don't. I think he would get annoyed with me very quickly. Yeah, I would write, Yeah, a stranger to be in with me?

Right right?

Right?

Yeah, that's so funny.

Can I tell you that I basically I got verbal teaching from Evan Schletter, who's a great musician and.

Did the music for Mister Show and then a ton of other things.

He basically said, if you can get this the CG open chord change, if you can get your hand to learn how to do that, you can do anything. And so essentially, if you look up how to make a G or have been maybe he'll just tell you this one piece of information how to make a g how to make a c and then you can look up you'll be able to play any Eagle song like basically find a song. I started with Mazzie Starr give Me, give Me your Lovin', and that's how I taught myself how to play the guitar.

That's great, just almost like chord by chord.

Okay, I'm planning on doing it through YouTube tutorials. That's why I started there.

Dry really Yeah, you can look up anything you learn it. Yeah you can't.

Maybe I'll start posting YouTube two totals open chords.

Yeah, or just videos that you do on your phone and send only to me.

And I need some tutorials about how to look up things on YouTube. That's my resolution.

I don't have the resolution resolutions.

I think, just take care of take better care of myself, cook more, even if it's just one day a week or a couple of days.

Start slow, no pressure, but just at least make the effort.

I hear that message, Stephen, I hear what you're actually saying.

I comprehend understand the words.

Happy New Year, Dave, this was so awesome. Let's plug a couple of your of your podcasts. And projects. Sure, we already did the what is it the Queen Latifa podcast? No, the Real World first season?

Yea r U S t O W R O Y.

Yeah, wherever you get your podcasts, International waters, although we're changing the name short really and yeah, it's too happened, it's too hard to get international and US people.

Oh wow, okay, sorry I couldn't do it before Christmas.

No, it's okay, and like that's what happens all the time. So we're gonna start doing it on like Monday evening, so it'll just be will be.

Yeah, New York versus La La.

Yeah, sure, you know capricorns versus scorpios. Well, yeah, that's great.

Yeah, it opens it up. Do you know what you're going to call it?

Not yet national waters, regional waters.

I haven't figured that out yet. And then Homophilia on your Wolf. Yes, you're awesome. LGBT people talking talking about their stuff, talking about Queen Latifa.

I haven't heard about. Is that a new podcast today?

Around about a year and a half, sweet me and Matt mconkey.

And it's going good, right, I see lots of stuff about it.

Oh good, that's nice. Yes, what are you guys? Doing for New Year's Eve.

Oh man, there's so much pressure. I don't I just might stay home.

My friend is having a what seems to be a very adult dinner party that I'm thrilled to be going to because not drinking, I just never want to. I don't want to go out to a party or like stand around in that kitchen sipping diet coke. But yeah, so my friend invited me to her She used to It was like a legendary New Year's dinner party that she used to do ten years ago and she just started it up again.

It's great.

So I got invited. So we'll see. We'll see how my manners do.

It's gonna sound funny. But because I'm taping that thing, I don't want to. That's why I've been not drinking the last or I have the last few days. It's the holidays. It's a hard time.

But I don't want to tape a thing and have a big swollen face, right, So tonight I want to just hang out and.

And I'll watch Patriot or something.

Face.

Yes, I should just like Mommy Darris in the beginning when she sticks her face in the bowl of syncifized.

It's a scene from So I went to the lamb steps. That's a big piece of cucumber.

Oh yeah, first moment he gets up in his boxer shorts and he sticks his head in the sink.

And then he lip sinks in the water.

He does, yeah, blow some bubbles. God damn it.

Well you guys, thank you for having me, Thank you for thank you for being here.

I'm gonna d Mike. Do it. It's a pleasure.

Do it. Well, Well we sign off. We're gonna honkat.

That's great. Then my dog come in.

Oh yes, I love your dog.

Yeah, should we look at your dog? Come on, let's go look at a dog. Okay, we'll sign up.

Let's sign off.

You've been listening. Did you need a ride?

D y n A R I?

You wanna way back?

Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you give us. Time and turning on and gage.

We want to send you instead. You wanna welcome you back home?

Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride Do you need

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