S2 - Ep. 24 - Billy Wayne Davis

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Either way, we want to be there doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminal engage.

We want to send you off instid. You wanna welcome you back home?

Tell us all about it.

We scared?

Or was it fine?

Malcorn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride?

This is Chris Fairbak and this is Karen Kilgareff.

It was loud again, you really.

Punched it, But I think that's good at the top. It gets people's attention. Hey, stop doing your data entry and pay attention to us.

For one right right, Like wake them up, make them adjust their knobs.

Yeah, do you want to get some knobs going better?

I punch it, then you punch it, because that would mean we'd hit this volt in the bumper.

If you hit a Chevy Vault in the back, it will rust like an old battery.

A lot of people don't do that.

I'd feel like I don't know it because it's one of the weirder things.

I've ever said.

In front of your eyes.

It happens, just a quick battery rust.

Yeah, it happens immediately, like you just stabbed a vampire, just dissipates in front of you.

Chris.

Speaking of which, have you ever been a vampire for Halloween?

Yes?

Really?

Yes?

While on stage, I had no I call out a lot of comedy clubs. I've not had fun ass, but I was in Houston and who knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm learning from my past mistakes. Anyway, at this joke, join I. Oh damn it, Oh shoots, it was Halloween and I'm about to do stand up on Halloween again in Austin.

Going for free on Halloween. Go see Chris Austin, Texas.

Yeah, everything I say today is going to be a little plug of a very specific date.

Cool.

Going backwards from Austin, the last stop of my tour.

Next door New Orleans. It's gonna be hard. I've never been there.

You don't have plans to go.

I dressed like a vampire and did my show as a vampire, and I learned do not dress as I don't know that I learned because I was Evil Canavel at the improv.

After that, you just shouldn't. I like to dress up for Halloween.

Yeah, and I decided to be a vampire right in Houston, and I had blot on my face.

And I think it took away from my actual act.

Yes, Now, when you say you did your act as a vampire, we talked about a ton of v's.

You pronounced everything with a V.

I bought about it until I started talking and my normal voice came out, and I was like, oh, thank God.

Good.

Every once in a while, my brain takes control of itself and.

It's not just fucking will woo.

God, just guns ablaze and just being the count.

Yeah's right.

My second joke.

Can you imagine how awful leg have the potential to be?

Yes, for sure.

Luckily there's that other voice reality.

What's your favorite Halloween costs?

Oh?

Wait, don't don't you know it? We know the toilet legs.

Yeah, toilet legs is the best.

But I've done little fake legs sitting on a witch's back, and that was a lot of work. I took a regular wood putty on a styrofoam wig head and I just made the most gruesome, bloody witch head, like a horrifying little witch lady with a hunchback that went under my butt, sure, and my pants I cut a hole in them, and my legs went through the hole in my pants. I padded a fake butt, so it's a padded butt. And then my legs are the witch's legs. So I shaved my legs and put little nylons.

On and then made little foam rubber legs.

So I'm sitting on a witch and her little arms were just cotton stuffed in pantyhose. Yeah, holding my legs. So I was on her back and you could it could do a little. I just did rodeo movements and entire it was. I was on Sixth Street in Austin. It's important to dress up for Halloween in Texas, I think, is what I'm letting everyone know. Austin, I would say, especially, of course some drunken The sixth Street is so intimidating in Austin.

It's just it's like Bourbon Street. And some guy came up and.

Grabbed the witch's head and mimicked Fillatio oh and ripped her head off.

And I was so angry I almost got in a fight over my costume. You should have, Oh, he would have beat the dickens out of me.

And it should have been about her honor, right that witches, you don't do.

This to this model of my grandmother.

Even witches deserve to have consent and agency.

At least this is.

In honor of how many times I sat on the shoulders of my witch grandmother's back.

Dare you frat boy?

You all sit on the shoulders of witches, you fools.

You wouldn't be anywhere with that witches. That being said, happy mothers did?

Yeah he did. I really made me mad?

Was he like blind drugs?

He was? Yeah?

I mean that street and I'll be there soon is horrifying.

Yeah, well get on there be one of the horrifying people stopping a victim and starting an attacker.

You're right, I should.

That's what Halloween's all about, just getting out in front of people in terms of drink.

Drug attack mode.

Yeah, anger witches, Yeah, do what the moon is making you do.

Do it and don't make excuses.

When I moved to Austin, I was such an innocent Montana boy with my.

My flannel and my wood chopping block. I lost. I thought we were going to die just then.

I know me funny what comes out block? None of those words apply to reality. I just thought we were going to hit that for Runner.

And you want to get kind of a good sense of Montana.

Block coaster govin love child from Montana.

What's the most symbolic shopping block?

And I it just you go to Austin and you go to sixth Street to do your first night of comedy, and afterwards there are tattooed cops in short shorts on horseback, yes but ton beating drunken people fighting in the streets.

Oh my god, this is like erotic fan fix love it. I want that's all I want to look at it. Only cool cops that understand what a problem we have with policing these days.

It is one of those same times like this is absolutely horrifying, and then I glance over in a window and I'm smiling.

I'm like, what is wrong?

Drunks?

They deserve it and I deserve it.

We get off on this next day, that's one mile think, oh, this is ringing bells.

We've I've messed this up for us before.

We've tried to do this a couple of times.

Do you know that I'm we plugged this episode on our episode of My Favorite Murder, which will have our will have already.

Been out but to us, and this time comes out tomorrow.

Oh wow, that's great.

I really podcast a lot and with Stephen and uh and in it. Georgia refers to Billy.

Wayne Davis as the Matt Damon of this show, which I thought was kind of funny.

Oh my god, that's what I texted him.

Did you really?

I said, we have been mentioning you the last three episodes, kind of like a and on our apologies to Matt.

Damon's right about a lot of things.

Yeah, that's so funny.

Yeah, yeah, Georgia, maybe you know what I've been thinking about starting a podcast.

Georgia, go ahead.

I don't even care about escape. She would love that, certainly, I don't. I really don't know what to say about this now. If I do do a new one, my apologies to anyone who doesn't care about it would be about that because it is you know, how people talk about sports, and then it's I zone out.

Yeah, like, because well you have to be invested somehow. Which way?

Yeah? We now will Oh my god. Uh take a left and then another left. Another navigation snafu. So fun to hear about it.

Yes, the details are fascinating.

And it happens. Everyone does this.

Though, when I'm on a podcast or an XM radio show like you and I wear Oh yeah.

Airing on the twenty.

First, we were on Fortune Fimesterssmester thimester, Yes.

And.

Radio show on XM Radio. Netflix says a joke. It has something to do with that, Yes.

It's I think it's Netflix is a joke.

Radio radio.

Uh, And I think that the super company is serious probably yeah.

And it's called Top Papa and Fortune is the name of the show.

But anytime I'm on a show like that or morning radio or Pocket, you end up talking someone says, oh, look at you. Look how you're a dressed today, And I'm always like, no one's seeing my flannel.

Not on their show. There is cameras, so you can't do that.

You know what, though, I'm really tired.

It's like I got into podcasting to get away from cameras.

Then I have to like get ready for a half an hour earlier.

I know what you're saying, Yeah, me too, I do too. Yeah, I'm a man of a certain age. I'm in a TV show with Scott Macula. Why can't I I could use some under iye cream, This one next one and next one. Okay, I could use some over eye cream too, if you know what I'm saying.

Do you know I don't cause someone tell me what I'm saying.

Yeah, I don't. Do you mean him like an iemask.

Or you know, just like the cream that one would put under their underreye. I want to put over my overarch.

You can't put on your over eye. What do you put on your over eyes? That's just girls out.

I have my over eyes frozen that tends to get rid of the bags.

Back and forth between two things that don't make sense.

It's like what the serious radio show?

This one?

All of a sudden, Oh the over eyes.

Oh there's a meme.

Damn it. Okay, I'm so tired.

Oh.

Sometimes we have fun, yeah, especially driving up and down the two.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's I just wanted to show you guys that exit in case you missed anything last time.

I really no it did it? It?

Did it?

It did it?

I didn't do it? No, it did?

Yeah? Did it?

The clown from the movie did it?

That was like the movie phone voice doing a weird joke.

The clown from the movie did it? Seven pm.

We're gonna make a left number one.

How about you, Are you gonna dress up here Halloween?

I don't think so.

It.

We got free dresses from a cool place website. One of the dresses was it's just a plain black dress, but it has the top part of it just has like ribs skeleton.

Oh.

Cool, So it's just and oh and the bones go down the arms. Oh, but it's basically a half skeleton. It stops at the waist. There's the you're a lady on the bottom in your dress, but on the top you have ribbed.

I have always wanted to Now it's a common costume, but when the villains in Karate Kid all were dressed like skeletons. Yes, it's the coolest, and it's weird how it was on their side. If it weren't send their sensea being a crooked man, I think that movie would be totally different for me.

They look they look the coolest.

It just looked cool.

It's way cooler than being a shower curtain.

Yeah, and being lonely and only hanging out with some weird man that makes you do manual labor. These guys, at least they were friends having fun on the beach.

Yep.

A lot of people take Ralph Nacchio's side. Oh, I'm a fan of that actor.

Whatever. His name is, the son from The Equalizer?

Yes, oh, no, one's gonna know Blondie, Yeah, Blondie.

Guy, mister Blondie.

He was Edward Woodward's son the Equalized? Was he really? Yeah?

Oh?

I remember one episode of The Equalizer that was so creepy. Have we talked about this great show? I loved that show.

But there was one episode about a very abusive father and his child and wife, and it was so dark and so fucked up, and it was basically kind of like it was. It was like he was a super control freak and he was a rager and all this stuff, and it was really heavy.

And the Equalizer came in and killed an abusive.

Father I believe, oh wow, or got him arrested or I don't know, he got rid of him so that this child wasn't plagued by this father and amusation.

Even in Miami Vice or as I noticed in any G I. Joe cartoon as a kid, Well, of course, the cartoons, but people don't they blow up and then you see them dive out of the boat as it explodes, So you're like Okay, those guys probably swam in the safety.

Yeah, I mean they were drug dealers.

Drug dealers can swim.

Oh, they're great at it, especially when you're all coped up. Yeahy laps in the pool.

He's like, I'm going to do a goddamn breastroke.

I've never even done this before.

I'm on top of the world.

Give me more raw pal.

Roby powder.

Yeah, yeah, I love that.

That actually is a that's a phrase coined by Brendan Walsh.

I say it a lot, Is that true? Yes, rowdy powder or row rowdy powder. I show raw pow is mine?

Well, okay, so be proud because you're good too.

Sure, but you kind of have to know. Brandon's first his whole thing. Yeah yeah, yeah, so I am. Turns out I'm a.

Thief, hey, aren't we all?

I guess.

So it's hard not to, especially these days being addicted to Twitter, when you just read people's ideas all the time. Like I came up with this thing that made me laugh so hard last night on stage about talking about how when you dye your hair you look even older, and I was like, I'm one a crucifix outside of my sweater vest away from being the guy from.

My pillow, and there's just no way that I.

Thought of that.

It must be a tweet time a.

Joke comes easy to me, and it is also funny and like there's no way. Yes, the stars a line, I'm dead someone else and sometimes I'm right.

Yeah, it's not cool, you know what. It's so dark out now that I think I need my regular glasses.

Can you help? Oh?

Yeah, yeah, can you help?

I feel like a caddy.

Get my things.

They're in the beige colored. Yeah, let's make it.

That's make it, okay. I just wanted to grab it and feel it. It's type print on it.

It's like a hard glasses case.

Okay, let's look in here.

I don't think there's anything embarrassing there.

It's a hand guns, drugs, some mint gum, birth control control away, and brass knuckles in the same container.

I'm a mon or lady, a couple, ben edrill or suit of faed I'm not seeing a glass's case.

What's wrong with me?

What about regular glasses in the side pocket?

Raw the old eight ball corner.

Ship balls not happening.

Oh, I shouldn't have looked there a legal pad for your lawyering. There's no Oh god, it's because it's the same color as the liner.

Yeah, it was a beige and it's a deep purse.

It's deep.

Thank you, You're welcome.

Thank you.

I've been listening to a band called a Bleached and I think it's how you're a new band should sound.

I'll send you some tracks, okay, cool.

And I still don't know what I'll do in the band, but skateboard maybe roady and do some stage skating.

Okay cool. You can open with some stage skating.

Anyway.

I saw them live and it was so fun.

And her voice sounds like Belinda Carlyle and it's like that kind of beachy garage surf punk that's melodic, a lot of harmonizing. It was two sisters, which it's fun. I like siblings. I don't, it's just all right.

Yeah.

When they get along and they are harmonizing and their backs are together like Motley Crew used to do, They're like looking at each other. You can tell they're related. Both of them have their skills set and they rock.

It was a great rock show. That's awesome. That's my book report on the book. That is a band called.

I Feel Like I have heard the name of the band, and I feel like people have told me I should listen to it before you.

Should and all and then they'll love like a dancy song that's kind of discoe with whistling, but it's still kind of punk rocky.

They're just great.

They do it all.

It's kind of like Always or Best Coast or one of those kind of real sucker for the fast paced rock.

And roll indypop with lady singers.

It's the best YEP. That's the way to go. What are we doing here? People?

It's funny though it was an all ages show, and that used to be a thing that I would shy against, but it was kind of fun to see cool parents bringing their fifteen year old kids with their headphones to a rock and roll show and they were loving it.

And I'm like, Okay, yeah, that's cool.

If I ever end up in some parent situations, some parent trap, I'm gonna try.

And be cool.

I don't know that's a good idea, not.

Like at a party, like, hey, who wants to hear some guitar? But you know, just bring them?

Can you play the guitar?

No? No?

So I really would it really would backfire. Yeah, make a lift here, yes.

Oh god, it's okay.

No.

I love the from the wheels that slipped to the wheels a grip. This car has a hell of a ender chassis. It's amazing. We were high centered, but I felt that one break.

I feel we went past it by two streets.

Jesus h.

I feel like I need to make this set this up because there is a GPS in this car.

Then it seems like it.

Would just be so much easier if I could look for it there. But I don't know how to make it work.

Oh well, we can figure out that next time that we can do a whole episode based on.

Oh special content this is that will go behind a paywall. It's so good. Yeah, yeah, us program a GPS.

Yeah yeah.

If you pay our Patreon fee you get GPS episodes.

Then we'll do it in the We'll have signed up with a cookie Monster voice.

That's funny.

My sister does that.

She changes her way's voice, and like most recently it was cookie Monster. And when she first told me, I was like Laura. And then when we got into the car and it was like.

Right up there and we all start laughing. It was like the greatest ever.

Are you a person that's watching Succession?

Yes, I am.

And have you watched the final Yes I did.

When they're on the boat and they're like, just use what they he said, why were they using?

They were using They.

Were making fun of Roman, I believe.

Yeah, yeah, so funny in that.

Oh he's so good.

Yeah, it's a great show. But then bums me out.

At the same time, it's very depressing and very hilarious, like, yeah, it's rough, but that Roman thing, like the spoilers, spoiler spoilers.

Everybody alert, alert, alert.

But that thing where he got kidnapped and then he.

Was just like, yeah, whatever, I was pretty scary, Like it's so realistic at how people are these especially I think people in that situation, they can't have feelings, they can't have like reactions, they can't show weakness.

If they were going to pull out my guts out of my bh and fill me with cement. He said something like, oh my god, that's gonna be in a scary movie.

We are almost to be w D's house.

God damn, this is going to be trying to get there and then giving up, showing up time.

Driving past him and yelling goodbye.

He's gonna be like, well, my baby woke up. I can't do it.

Oh he's got a baby.

Yes, that's the baby has been the crucial element where like the first time I was late coming from across town again, so should I go left your stadium? And he was like, sorry, the babysitters has to leave it. So basically nobody could be flexible because I was late, and then he he couldn't stretch it or whatever.

Do you need it right?

Like, you got a babysitter just for this mat No, it sounds like they have. They might have a babysitter. Okay, uh, you know a person who comes and helps them. I'm not sure we should ask it. Let's save all this gold.

I can't wait to talk baby talk.

Here's a baby voice when I ask about his baby.

That won't be annoying.

I think parents love stuff like that on One Way Street.

Yeah, yeah, okay, that's one thing they like to do, is all the baby talk. They want to do it outside the house when their baby isn't.

There with adults.

Yes, yeah, so fun.

This sky is amazing looking tonight.

It is amazing looking.

But we're also at that twilight hour where I can't see for some reason.

Yes, I kind of can't either.

Okay, and now well cue the guest waiting music.

Do boo doo boo doo. Were you going to do that, Steven?

I think it was the same exact melody.

Do be doo boo doo do doo.

Boo boo boo boo boo booooooo.

Too many boo boos.

Boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo booo.

Look at it.

Oh, does you have shoes on.

Na flip flops?

And just like you? Oh?

Man, I mean I mean those are thin ones.

Yes, yes, Finally, I don't believe this.

Yeah, I can't believe we've actually done it.

Is this even real?

Like I was in the hammock on the front coorse and like I don't.

Think we tried our best to be on time, but we couldn't do it.

It just would We had some navigation issues. To be honest, when we're driving and talking, it's like hard.

Oh, it's a terrible idea. What if I really.

Needed a ride, I'd be like, we're just not no way. I did have that happen recently where well it's the first time I was going on a trip where I wasn't making money, but I was like doing a thing. But I had a that's part of a team and they were already there, and I was like, there's no real reason for me to go. But I had that like a deep back of my head. And then I got in a lift and the guy had one eye.

I was like, this is gonna be the best driver of the work.

Yeah yeah, like heighten ability.

Yeah, where he's going to like just know stuff because he can smell it, or he's had to.

Prove because of assholes like me, Like let's see what you got one eye? Yeah? Yeah yeah, And he's like I'm good and watch this. So hey, there's my wife and child and dog and my dog. Yeah.

Wow's that man with them?

I don't know, he's beautiful.

Sperman.

No.

When I yeah, I came out of the bedroom, he was in the living room.

I was like, oh, hello.

You didn't have any questions?

Then I can't even be mad. I would leave everyone for that.

Who are you, sir?

You want to be on the Bachelor.

Either way, here's some roses.

It doesn't matter what you pick.

And so did when I get you one, oh, no, he always are I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Uh. And so he made one turn where I was like the first turn he made, I was like, huh, maybe he knows something that I don't.

Maybe knows like.

A back road where you know, because there's always those parts of LA where you're just like, I didn't even know this was a.

Community, right, yeah.

I lived here for seven years and so and I was watching on my phone because I was a little worried.

But I traveled so much.

You guys know one time where you're just like I'm going to get there seven minutes before everything's okay, yeah, and you can really did it. And I looked and the turn added fifteen minutes, like instantly.

Oh. I was like, I was like, huh, well he made a mistake.

I was like, okay, maybe he's like, you know, there's a tunnel and you still didn't want to say anything. Yeah, no, I was just like okay. And then he didn't seem to care. And then he made another turn that I was like this, I feel like this is very wrong. And he went down the road and it was just jam packed and I looked down and it added fifteen minutes.

Oh wow, Oh.

I was so pleased with And then I walked back. I was so happy with myself.

Wait how far away from your like a.

Mile and a half?

Oh nice?

Yeah, a little jogged again for yourself.

Yeah, I knew everyone's just sitting in traffic and I'm just like, hey, I don't have to go do the thing now.

I admire you and just for the decision making ability which I have trouble with, and then also being able to handle a flight over the phone that quickly.

I guess what, Southwest, It's easy.

No, you can do it on your phone?

Really, did you know?

On the app twenty nineteen in the app this is what apps are all about.

Yeah, that's the whole reason. That's why I'm addicted to him. Do you think the guy knew? First of all, I do not think he gave it a shit. What was He was just like, all right, I have a good day. And I was like, all right, Oh.

He didn't even question it.

No, no, because I.

Usually when I'm in one of those cards and I'm like, oh, you can just let me off here dead, They're like are you are you sure? We only have half a block left to go, Like like I don't know where I live.

On the way to take a plane to Bridgetown, like two years ago or whenever, the one before the last one, I had to work, so I had to take like the flight at like six o'clock or something like that, and I got an uber driver or a Lyft driver that something was wrong with him, Like I think he had brain damage because he did the thing where of.

Course it's hard.

I did it for like two weeks because I'm fascinated with like you just turn.

On your phone to make money, right you.

Can't, No, you can't.

To kind of get at it, but he talked and let every time he spoke, which was a ton, he would take his foot off the gas so he would it would be like he need to make the point before he would keep going.

He didn't know how to multitask.

He did not know how to multitask and with the male thing, and he started telling me about how his mother doesn't believe in him, and we were into well.

Did you start quickly?

Almost immediately I wanted to get her on the phone.

Yeah.

And then basically he made it so that.

I missed my flight rich Town, and I missed the first night of shows I was supposed to be on.

I was supposed to do the goddamn comedy jam and I can't remember something else.

And I was just like, as I was pulling up, I was just texting Charlene, and I was just like, I wish, I wish I was.

Telling you a story right now.

But there's something wrong with this Uber driver, to the point where I think I should call and tell the company.

This shouldn't be a person that picks anybody up, because well, good.

Luck with that.

Well, you're just like his mom.

Just one more woman who doesn't believe.

I didn't believe in you. You just proved me correct.

You just drove us up onto the side.

Of when I when I got in the car, I was riddled with belief.

And you cleared it out of my sister.

Yeah, you did a good job.

So when you because usually you're looking at the back of someone said like right now, for instance, I could.

Have just lost my eye and you wouldn't know. So did this guy turn around and let you know?

Uh yeah, oh yeah, they always do that.

Also, have like a picture of me as like a first grader, and I don't look that different. I have the shirt, it's not it's a different one. It's when I have the Miami Vice thing going.

On, not the one where you have the wallet. No, I have like a different er.

Uh.

I had two sisters. They had a good time of man.

Oh yeah, it's true, but they wanted.

And they were younger. But you know, they're smarter, so said, It's taken me a long time to admit that too. They're smarter. For a long time like no, but it was just me being like I'd still punch them.

Yeah yeah, yeah, I never.

If I did that, that would be the scariest thing I could ever do, because my dad would be like, well, not have to rip your head.

Off if you punch your sister.

Oh god, yeah, where are you from?

Tennessee?

Tennessee.

Yeah, but I mean I think that's just any state.

Were you ever living.

Yeah, I think it's a raising children thing.

But did you you did live in Seattle for a while, right, Yes, that's where.

I met you.

Yes, yeah, was that your first like where you started stand up? No, did you start in Tennessee?

Yeah?

Awesome?

And like we were talking before, parallel thought or hearing a thing I had, like a joke about football jerseys and rooting for laundry.

I think, what's the phrase.

And Billy I just met him, He's like, hey, man, that's pretty much a sign joke.

And I was like, no, no, it's just something.

My dad used to say, my dad, who's a big fan of Seinfeld.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then I looked because there's a lot of things my dad, he's written a lot of my jokes just by me. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, both, yeah, I have jokes that from both the parents and and then I looked it up on YouTube and it was almost verbatim.

He's just well, that's the thing, if you're not a professional comedian, that's your materials, just fucking funny stuff you hear.

Yes, all of my everything I said, and a lot of the tags for the first like three years of comedy We're from like Fletch. There were just lines from Fletch and lines from you know, like all those like movies from around that time. And then I would see the movies and then hear, you know, whatever the person say sit down before you fall down or something.

I'd be like, oh my god, I stole that. I stole that too, because that's all we did.

Well, yeah, you're just repeating stuff. That's how you figure out rhythm. Yep, I do remember you telling like me telling you that, and I mean we're both drinking too out of comedy club. Yeah, so I probably didn't say it as cool as I thought I did.

But I thought I was.

Helping you, you know what I mean very much, we're helping me.

I was like, hey, that's a very famous joke.

And I was horrified, and I'm like, I've never stolen you know.

And I didn't mean it like like hey, oh I know, and that's not even Yeah, the rest of your act wasn't like, Okay, this guy's just stolen famous.

Yeah.

The rest of my act was like, Okay, these aren't even really jokes on purpose.

He's just up so he just keeps talking without stopping.

He's powering through this.

I respect it.

Well, thank you.

That was early comedy. He's like, I just respect he didn't quit.

Just don't cry on stage and you'll make friends in comedy.

Just yes, even we can't cry in this building. You can't. Just don't do it. Rule. That's why everyone's on a lot of drugs for your best.

Now, Billy, did you know that you are often talked about when people ask us, uh, sorry Chris, but when people ask George and I about how we started my favorite murder?

You are in the origin story of that. Did you know that?

I didn't know that?

I did not know that.

So do you remember that it was Matt McCarthy's Halloween party, you know, twenty oh? Yeah, I was on twenty fifteen.

Yeah, you really helped me out that night, did I? Yeah?

I thought I bummed you out.

I don't think so well, because I was on the most animals I've ever been. Now that I looked back, like like it was a while ago, and it was like Also, that apartment is not wasn't like an LA style apartment. No, So I wasn't mentally prepared to in that space, and I was like, this is the worst, and there's like there's like vaguely famous people.

Yeah, I remember that.

It was intense.

But also I started telling a story about because I think everyone smoked a joint. I started telling a story about a car accident, a terrible like a multi yep, yeah, the I witnessed a huge car accident. And I was telling a story as if isn't this interesting? And I turned to look at you and I watched the blood leave your face and you stepped back and went I have to get out of here, like left the room. And I was like, oh my god, what's wrong with me?

Oh wow.

So it basically was you had a first hand kind of hand in the inception of us thinking of that podcast.

So anyway, thanks so.

Much, You're welcome.

Really helped us a lot, and.

I can guess what was happening. I don't remember it, but it's that thing of like when you're on that many and it's kind of a hallucinogen when you're doing edibles if you do a lot of them, because it doesn't hate either way.

Smoking it does that.

It was just like the what you brought up was so intense. It was like, well, this is the opposite of how I need to feel right now. Yeah, I'm not mad at you, but I have to not be in this space right now.

Yes, I have nothing against you, but I have to get away from you.

So I think at the average party with like, you know, people who are just kind of like hey. It was also kind of near the beginning of the party. It wasn't like the end the dregs or whatever. People were just kind of like first starting to mix and mingle. And I immediately tell a horrifying story, true story of a terrible accident where it's like everyone who was even lightly high was just like whoa, whoa, like backing up and walking.

We're ramping up different way, like hey, this there's that.

Ramp you talk about it though, it was an actual horrifying thing where people around you in the line died, right, absolutely horrifying.

Yes, it was really bad, And why not.

At a party, especially an average I'm telling Matt, you called it party average someone that's average party.

I just meant.

It was like an average It was fun.

It was that fun.

That's a party. I gotta go for a minute.

It's funny.

You're right because there were a couple like famousy intense comedy people there where you're like, oh, I'm afraid David Wayne isn't gonna like I'm going to say the wrong thing, you know what I mean? There were those people there where you're like you felt like you needed to be on your best or something.

They yeah, where you're just like perceived power too yes, or they would be like, oh, I can't help anyone here.

He doesn't want to help me, and you're like, no, he can't.

He does not to a point, right, there's like three people that can't help me. Yeah.

I don't know if they know that.

And I want to thank you for curbing my football joke.

I mean I do it sometimes on the road.

You should.

You should if there's you know, if there's a big game, and I don't. One time I added shows in Uh, big.

Kid, I don't.

But there was a Super Bowl weekend and I was in Madison and so every most people there were it was like the Steelers and the and the Packers, and I called my dad, and I was like, Dad, I don't know or care about football, Will you write me some jokes about you know, Ben Roethlisberger or whatever guy's And he wrote great, dark jokes and I couldn't follow them.

I had to close with my dad's jokes when.

I was saying, like my dad wrote these, and so they like adjusted for like dad jokes, and then they were.

Better they always are. You can't do that. Yeah, Yeah, it's an old man's the competition and he's just doing street jokes. The audience is is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, he's gonna win. Yeah, you're right.

It is a polished old man doing filthy jokes.

I had I have to do that once at the oh so you'll know that. It was at the Seattle Underground. Remember if you headline, if you middled there, you had to headline at a one nighter in Boise, Idaho. That was in a like a motel.

Bar, incredibly far away from Seattle.

Yes, are you are you sure? It wasn't Bellingham?

No, it was like across It was in what might be might have been Moscow, Idaho, but it was it was like you have to drive over a Mountain Pass.

It was Spokane. It was in Spokane. I did this and you have to drive over the snow Qualmie Pass.

It was there was definitely snow.

Yes, snow because the first time when you're not from there, because to them it's nothing. Yes, but if you're never if you've never done it, remember when I first moved up there, like, yeah, you just go do this and you go do that. And I crossed over the I pulled over when it was snow and people looked at me like I was insane, and I was like, this is nuts, you guys. Yeah, and they're like no, this

Yeah, out here, did you see that huge raccoon?

Two of them, they're just on the stairs up there.

Can you say, look at that amazing looking cat, that cat with a really high back.

Are we following that cat?

Two of them right there, they're going up the alley.

I just want.

But so I had to do that, and I was so had to be the headliner, which I did not believe that I could do.

What it is.

Well, it is their morning's posture. Well, we do too. In the morning, we're just like.

Damn, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, they're unched.

It's so much garbage.

Last night it was like, so this guy that was came to be the opener was an old guy who only told street jokes, and his closer was that story about the shepherd who it ends with.

Hey, you get off of the cloud.

You know.

It was like a terrible pun joke lyric thing where I and then I had to go up and and just talk about my observations on life, and it was so fun.

What do you do? You know? I just wanted to compare one thing to another.

No, okay, I thought, yeah, where are your Joe lyric parodies?

He ruined everything for me.

There was a I had a very like the first when I first met it up there with my now ex wife.

Who you married? Was she like a she was a radio person?

Yeah yeah that's.

Yeah, Yeah, everything's fine. Everything is fine.

People break up, people get married, you find love after that.

You know, when dead and things are fine, we don't have to talk about anything.

They are walking with a handsome guy.

I really want to know. I would leave me to I'm not even mad. Just make a decision. I just need to know what I need to do.

What's my move here?

That is a fun part in your adult life when you're just like, listen, okay, if that's how you're going to do it, just.

Let me know. Just don't drag it on. I need to do stuff.

Yes, for real.

It's a nice being old.

It's nice it is you don't care as much.

I've been waiting my whole the whole time. Yeah, I really have.

Like when I was honest about it, like I remember being older, being like when I was young, like in high school, being around some of my friends just being like, I don't want to do any of this.

I just want to land a hammock and wait for a car to pick me up.

Yeah, and then we can talk about funny stuff, right, I mean we can rice if you want racing.

So there's eyebrows off, but yeah, I don't care.

So you did that whole time. You were just kind of pretending to be a kid.

Some of it, and then some of us just drinking enough that I was like, yeah, it's fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think then you.

Realize that that's what everyone else was doing. You're like, oh yeah.

In your town in Tennessee. But how big was it.

I don't know, it's ever growing, just because certain things there. But I was like, there's one high school, yeah, the whole county, so.

There's not much to do. It's when there's nothing to do, you just drink in a field somewhere.

Yeah. Yeah, no, that's the first time I got drunk was in the field. Yeah. Yeah, it used to be a field. I just did brooks Wieland's camping show.

What's that?

It's what I just said. It's really fine.

We just went out to the Kern River and there's this crew and we went floating, me and him and Cornelle and uh. And then there's a show they found us doing. I don't know what they're gonna They filmed us for a long time.

It was that I saw some footage of like the you know, off off camera hijiks.

While it was on camera.

Yeah, there's it should be.

He was like, you could come help us edit, and I was like good because, like, you know, it's three comics hanging out, so you're there for a while used to talking ship.

Yeah, so you're like, yeah, we need to know what we said.

We don't worry about that on this like no, I do. How was it with these guys? I haven't I've been invited on camp trips and then it didn't work out.

It was fun. I about a ten afterwards. That's out fun it once.

Yeah, I into it.

I just have a ten for my bed.

But I've been used to do you have one for me? Yeah?

I've talked about this and showed pictures to people that listen.

But I just had this.

Wallpaper that looks like a snowy mountain, and then from that decided my whole bedroom had to look like a cabin. And so it went from there all the way that snowshoes on the wall, which I swear, Karen, when you see him, you'll be like, Okay, I get it. People look at the pictures are like, okay, I get it. That looks terrific, modern yet rustic.

Was that your baby again?

No, that's the look I did too fast.

When he's alone, Oh my.

God, he's a load.

She he or she he?

I have a baby, Hey, a baby? Hey baby?

Is it a baby or is it a walking person?

Yeah?

Toddlers.

He likes to stand up a lot.

Yeah, he's you know, there's been a couple of falls where you know, and it is my second one, so and this is mom's first one. So she came in, you know, and she's like he fail. God, Like yeah, man, they fucking due.

All yeah.

I was like, it's that's why they're head and stuff's all malleable right now. I was like, it's all mate, like like whoever designed it, they thought it through. And she's like okay, and then like literally, you know, there's like the not goes away so fast or whatever.

Oh that's good. So you have the calm of like an experienced parents.

Yes, that's nice. Yes, it's nice. It is nice.

I forget it's it's probably annoying for her sometimes. Like the first thing I talked about this the first time, like the first night we brought him back, there's just this stuff that kicks in that you think you've forgotten, but it's just this you're like, oh, yeah, this is how this works. It's it was nice. I wasn't even

But I wasn't saying it out loud. I just in my head. I was like, fucking do this stuff. And then it hit me.

I was like, oh, this is she doesn't know. I was like, oh, you have to check it. This is this, this or this, and she was like, oh, I just sit and know. I was like, no, there's no fucking way you should have known that.

Yeah, that's right.

That's how I did it too. I will just stood there like an idiot because you're tired, and you know it's your wife, so you're just.

Like, dude, this, what is wrong with you? You're smart from the gauntlet.

Check the thing.

She just delivered the baby the day before. It's funny. I'm like, I'm tired.

I'm imagining you being in a hammick. This whole thing.

I do get comfortable quick, but I do like ding it. They gets the thing too. It's like, oh, I you know, because the first one's scary, so you don't know. And then me and his mother didn't get along, so there's that too.

Yeah that doesn't help anything.

Yeah, well, and and then but you're like, oh I do love being a dad. That part is like I do. You see other people and they're like oh, I don't do this. I don't like this, this and this, and oh shit, I love all this.

Yeah, yeah, I think I would love all that stuff too.

I think it's easy to just say I'm like a real armchair general.

Well, it's the same as being a comic.

Like when you start doing it, you see that you can tell the people who have like the thing where you're like like my good friend who we started together. When we started traveling together doing their shitty gigs, I loved every part. I was like, I love being on the road, I love staking a shitty hotel. And he's like, oh, I hate every part of this. And like within like a year, he was like I am done. This is and I was like, this is the funnest thing I've

Let's yeah, they paid me money. These peo were so dumb.

How do you feel about it now?

Because you're on the road a lot these days change the way I do it, which is nice, and I've accepted, you know.

I've accepted that that is always going to be a little bit in there and I have to fight it all the time.

But I think that for so long.

The way, if you're raised in the South or certain parts of the mountain part of the South, you're not supposed to brag. So that's that doesn't suit comedy, right, No, because like a lot of promotion is just like you know, hey me, Yeah, of course.

And so for a long.

Time, like I didn't feel like I was that good yet to be like hey look at me. So I just got just kept getting So the last year or two I've been like, oh, I'm you should come watch me. And that's been like, oh, I'm starting to make more money. You're like, oh, yeah, I should have kept telling it. I should have told people earlier to come see me.

This ca this confidence thing really helps.

It does pay off.

Also, I was bragging about your when we were plugging that you were finally going to be on the show on My Favorite Murder, and I was explaining how good you are making a road poster like that one that you have where the wolf is on the bathroom counter.

Oh yeah, that's from that That was a code in the Nashville conventions.

And it was so like you do those things where suddenly I'm like I know who you are and I know that you're just on the road and I'm like, oh, I want to go to that show.

Oh yeah, it doesn't work like I thought it would though, Like not a lot of people show up because of the art. Well they're fucking idiot, but yeah, But Aaron's the same way my wife is. She's like, this is you should charge for this, and I was like, but it's for me, right, So.

Say I'm the opposite.

I only do it for other people, like draw posters or illustrations for people.

I'd never do it for myself.

I don't know why you should. You very do that.

It's part of the It's the saying you're raising next to a mountain too, just like like we can't talk about our skills.

I'm just surrounded high mountains. So it's even worse. There's no way out. It was a glacial lake at one point. It was in a valley.

Don't tell people we can do anything, yeah, And they're like what, I don't understand. We're just gonna we're gonna live here forever. Stay away from the valley.

That's where confidence blows in in the wind.

Well, it was like there's like parts of near where I grew up that I would always go back to and try to do comedy and.

It would go fine.

And then I realized like, oh, well, the whole area's theme song is Rocky Top, which is about people that can't grow because you can't grow crops because it's just rocky. But the people are like, no, we're going to do it, and then they did it. Yeah, so that's who I was trying to be, like, hey, think different.

And they're like, I don't.

Like this guy, I guess and as you get older, like they were right, I need to cool it. I had, but it was like going back at them and they don't like that.

No, No, this has never happened on the podcast. It's happened when I've been a guest on one before, and I do use a bottle, but I really have to go to the bath room. Yeah, it's really.

Kind of think the best.

I was going to not.

Say anything, but it's it's starting to become an issue. And if it's up Raccoon Road.

Oh yeah, I like that. That's dangerous.

I mean, I'm willing to do it.

It's it's where it's a game dangerous. Oh really is it dangerous? The violence?

You deserve everything you got?

Yeah, maybe I could find a restroom in in in.

A gas station or something. Okay, I could go between cars. I'm very elusive.

You know that's okay, We're going to turn left anyway. Okay, But then I like a public bathroom. I'm just thinking, there's a Oh, there's a library right over there.

Do they typically do they let you?

I can browse through a book and then you know, just just checking out the reference section.

You don't have a library card. I don't.

It's not embarrassing a little bit. Yeah, well, I check my email at home. I'm assuming that's just most of the people when I go to the library, they're just checking their email.

Because what's that good for kids and stuff like that? Yeah.

Yeah, once I have a kid, there's I'm going to change everything and I'll start reading.

When are you going to have a kid any day?

Now?

The way I've been living? Just kidding, I don't know. I like being around kids. I like being an uncle. I'm and then when you're around kids and then they think you're fun, You're like, oh, okay, I guess I could do this. But it's not all about being fun.

No.

They get mad at you because you have to not be dif friend. That's right, that's a tough one. My son and I have to go over again and again.

This is the Raccoon Road. I'm willing to go up there, Okay, or do you I mean this isn't you know?

No, you don't need to go this is people live if you.

Live nearby, right, Yeah? Do you mind if Chris just uses your bone?

Yeah? That works.

I just don't know where it is.

Fine, Yeah, it's just tell me where to go. I just turned around. You have the opposite way of the way we're going.

Yeah, yeah, I'll be okay for Yeah.

So funny. I don't know why they didn't.

I had to force your hands.

Hey, you live here. I don't know what the illusion we're doing is.

Yeah, my dad would be really funny and use different voices. And I remember specifically saying talk like your own self. Like it made me furious that and now I yeah, I just became him.

Basically, what's fun? You have fun? My son?

You can tell like his instinct there, our instinct is to be like you're stupid, yeah to your dad, and then like, but I'll catch him every now and then being.

Like he's pretty fucking cool.

You can just see it like, he's like it just breaks through and they're like, yeah, man, I'm cool and you even know, dude, when you get older, you're like holy shit and like yeah, and you're being a dick most of the time. I could have introduced you to some cool people, but I didn't because you were a dick.

I didn't know how you would act.

And then you just lay out pictures of people that your child could have met, just.

Like, look at look who I was hanging out with. We were in your room.

I told him I didn't have a son.

Yeah, I said, this is a weird room.

And know what you did when they were there? You just filled your diapers.

You think they thought that was cool? Was it cool? He was like, dad, I was six months old. No, no, the next one that was a good guess.

So it was so close, looks familiar.

Thank you.

There's an alley, Yeah, there's an a wait, this was cool.

There's this there's an alley down here. Yeah.

And one night I came out because I heard the the helicopter was lower than usual, and uh, I was like.

Hey, what's going on? And then you'll see right through here.

I saw like it was like spotlight, not through this and I was like, that's an alley and it's a key of soul, like the the.

Hamster har Yeah, yeah, I love those commercials flying through that alley. And then like six cop cars like chasing it.

I was like, that was the coolest thing I've ever seen. And then like the police helicopter was chasing it, and I ran in like chunking the goonies and I was like, honey, honey, there's a cop and they were chasing and it was in the alley, and then the car came rolling back on this eat like five minutes later.

I was like, this is just tastes having fun.

Yeah, but then here's this thing that sucks is you never know the ding.

Yeah yeah, even when it's on the news, it's like, I'm not going to watch this has been going on an hour.

It's probably not an exciting ending.

Did you guys see the one recently where the guy stole the police cruiser during in the middle of the high speed chase.

It's pretty bad.

I mean, if you're gonna do it, do it big.

You gotta go out and see the time I did that. I just drove it across the street and parked it and.

Ran, But those fifteen seconds must have been amazing.

I was drunk and I was.

Young, but I mean, how high were you when you were in that cop car?

Uh?

It was exhilarating. But immediately the minute I.

Got out, I was riddled with fear that I'd be arrested because I knew people saw me and one of them was a police cadet in training to be a cop.

Oh that's the worst because the tattle.

Yeah, no, he never told. He never told.

I didn't No.

I added him on Facebook years later. I said how have you been?

And he's like, oh, I'm a cop in Seattle now or Portland maybe, And and then at the end he said, have you stolen any cop cars lately? It was just an unmarked I'd simply was put in this car and the keys were left in it. These guys made a mistake. They both went back in the bar, and I just drove it across the street. It's the most illegal thing I've ever done.

It's pretty illegal.

It is pretty it's a big one.

But I mean, what you did was more cute than the league. Yes, it was more of it.

And I could have taken the keys and thrown them on a roof. I used to tell people I did, but I just left them on the seat.

If you had been arrested for driving a cop unmarked cop car fifteen feet, it would have been gone from cute getting away with it too deeply pathetic.

Yes, actually spending time in jail for that, yes, twenty.

Years old, riddled with alcohol?

Yeah, no, ills you to get a DUI for that too.

Maybe i'd still be sitting here, but we know i'd have at least one tattoo on my face immediately, probably, but I don't know if I get the rain drop. I kind of like when people have a little bat on their cheek.

Oh do you like it? Yeah? You respect it? I respect it.

I make eye contact and nice shake hands more firmly.

No, it'sn't that just for Halloween.

Don't know these guys. Tattoos are year round.

They are. Yeah, yeah, they're serious, serious business.

I mean, Billy, do you have anything you want to plug? We're coming near the end of this, just like useless driver on your.

Neighborhood, if you were going to plug your bathroom being nice, I'll vouch for that.

Cool.

I will tell my wife, Yeah, beautiful, because we've learned that. Uh, my idea of clean and her idea of clean a totally different thing.

It was a very clean bathroom and what appears to be brand new squatty potty.

Oh you playing feet up?

Well yeah, it's just in the it's in the boys room, so that I'll use it like if you go an r ram it that things used.

It's just covered. But I didn't take you that much.

Children don't need it as badly.

Yeah.

I don't think the bathroom gets as much work sure as the kids. They don't spend as much time or need to.

Little kids little work.

Yeah, I know their bodies are smaller, there's not as much maintenance.

Are you do you have a tour coming up there?

I do? What when does this come out? Tomorrow? Monday? Monday? Oh cool? Yeah, now that helps. Yeah.

I'll be in Sea Adult November first and second on Capitol Hill at Club Comedy.

I've never heard of that.

It's great. It's a little boutique comedy club. They take care of everybody. See it's like eighty. It's in next to this dope Thai restaurant and it's on Capitol Hills, so it's like cool, it's as cool up. They're nice nice. So you have to do like four shows, so come out to that. You can get all my dates at bub U d tour dot com or just like google Billy Wayne Davis and all my stuff comes up.

Nice.

You can do the same for me. I'm going on tour. We'll be on tour at the same time. Maybe we'll pass each other, I hope.

So where are you going?

The South Louisiana and Texas and Oklahoma?

Those are fun.

Yeah, it's fun.

Right, those are fun. They're fun. The people are they have a good time in all those places.

I can't wait to go to the real Bourbon Street and see real cops on horseback beat up real drunk people.

Have you never been to Bourbon Street? No?

I just compare it always to Sixth Street, even though I've never been there.

A bourban It's nothing like Sixth Street.

It's worse, sure, of course, but the rest, I mean, there's just nothing like that city.

Yeah, city's fucking awesome.

Like we went to Mobile first Aaron and I and it's really cool. But we've never been to New Orleans, so we're like man Mobiles, like one of the coolest places.

Why are why aren't there people there?

And then the next time we went through there, we went to New Orleans, which is like an hour and a half from They were like, oh, because they did it all good over here, right right, So it's like.

Oh, they just want to go over there.

Yeah, why would you? And people mobile or we get it.

But I heard I've only heard nightmares about.

Marty Grott, Like, I know, I wouldn't go there.

Yeah.

A friend of mine, she worked in a bar, and she said that one night she's working, there's just so many people. They were squished against each other, everyone swaying back and forth. She said, off in the corner, two people were just openly having sex, and when everyone finally left, there was a stabbed person.

Really yeah, inside the same bar.

Yeah, it's just a fun place. Yeah passion. Yeah that sounds like yeah, parts of the Bible.

There were small started stabbing. He's like, I just want to do all this stuff.

And then the floor was covered below Yeah cove.

This guy's.

A big high he'll shoe with murder.

That's the story of Marty.

It is kind of I like those neighbors, they're chilling.

They're older.

There's the old man that says there and I've learned a lot of Spanish raises from him. Really from time to day he went on, passing you guys, thanks for the it was really good.

Thank you so much for just letting us come back time and again to cancel and then reschedule with you over.

Let's do it for another year or two. Yes, it would be great. Yeah, I'll be the Matt Dame.

It's fine. I said that to you, but Georgia said that to Karen.

You are the mad You are the Matt Damon of this podcast.

Our apologies up until now you're the third chalkboard math.

And mopping terrible. You're one man that can multit.

You've been listening.

Do you need to ride? D yan a R?

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a turnino and gage.

We want to send you off InStyle.

We want to welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need a ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you ride?

Do you need with Karen and Cress

M HM