S2 - Ep. 21 - Karen and Chris

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Thank you, You're welcome.

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.

And give us time and they terminal engage.

We want to send you off InStyle.

We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared or was it fine?

Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks, is Karen Kilger. That was very professional.

I just professionally and officially counted Chris in like a stage manager used to do in the TV show I worked on.

In the last two You went silent and just did a finger thing, the same thing they do in the you know Terry does in the jungle.

They do they flash out your five, your four, your three, and then silent too, silent.

One point and then one finger. I means, let's take these boys home.

Let's take these.

Boys to talk show down is what I knew it to mean.

But we will have no boys in talk showtown tonight.

We were late. He had a heart out with his with his baby center. We're gonna have Billy Wayne Davison in the future.

Billy Wayne Davis is are the guest we are grasping toward and trying to get to.

This one.

Was my fault though, because I had to come here.

Let's start the show with some traffic talk, interesting definitely to people who don't live in Los Angeles. Also on topic, I had to drive from Westwood, who goes there?

To Silver Lake?

Who does go there?

People who are going basically.

To the hospital, right, So I had a doctor's appointment, so I had to for students go or students that's right, Bruins go Bruins, go bruins, or or go USC whatever you guys, Yes.

Yes, whether you bleed baby blue or red and gold.

I think oh USC is the incredibly rich children.

Oh that's their mascot. Yeah, no offense, no offense. It's now your fault. Your parents were filthy, rich and spoiled you.

It's truly not your fault.

Am I gonna have to make Oh? You can't make a U turn? Did I mess this up?

I think they want us to just continue. Wait, no, you're right, I.

Need to be back there. I think I'm going to take a left here. I think, yeah, I'm not going to break the law. That looks good going left. Oh sure, right, there must be an entrance up there.

Oh no, it's curious.

I mean that's just kind of a very general blue line with us looking out on Chris's phone.

Yes, oh and now yeah, I think it wants us to continue.

Oh she did what I want to do, but is illegal.

Yeah.

Oh she's really living the life I dream of.

You know, I wish I could just be in a flippant you turn lifestyle.

What are you doing tig one? Oh, come on.

Tig one, because also you're still leading other people.

Yeah, would you ever?

Would you ever buy a tig one? I would, but I just would never address its name.

Would you ever buy tig one?

I'm really sorry? I thank you, Stephen, thank you for.

That good move.

By the way, we did the U turn that we all dreamed we could make.

I'm tired of watching Blonde Girls and BMW's live the life.

I want to live.

I want to live your turn lifestyle. Let me do it.

Okay north right, No, that's the five you want the two.

We're going to continue on this for quite a while, almost four miles.

Okay, Right here, I have to say this strip of the two, which is the two in Silver Lake, going I.

Think north or east.

Yeah, it's so wide, doesn't look like you could like roller skate on here.

No one's ever on here.

It's like your own private freeway. It's beautiful and paved for you.

Three lanes. Not the cleanest, sure.

I mean you hear me talking about the ninety all the time, like it's my own little personal Yeah, but freeway. This reminds me of it. No one's ever on it. It's wide like a real one. And god, it's just smooth, sailing, really nice.

Now Here it narrows up and this is where all the assholes start joining the para. This immediately traffic.

Yeah.

Oh, I wish I was back on the old strip of the two.

That we used to be Oh, it was a good three minutes. Oh what a dream. What were you gonna say about Billywyn Davis?

Just that we are going to have them on that basically because you cannot get across Los Angeles in less than an hour and fifteen minutes.

The timing turned out that and he.

Had his babysitter had a heart out that we would have only been able to drive around with him for eight minutes.

Babysitter had to have her heart cut out. Yes, I mean that's the best best six cause we've had so far.

His babysitter has a terrible heart. She's a bad person, and she was having a heart removed.

Yeah, it happens to most Ooh, that reminds me. Yesterday I went to the doctor. Guess who gets to have both shoulders work done?

What yay?

My body?

What is with your skeletis?

He said, I can do physical therapy and maybe avoid it. So I'm just get back in that low impact Jim. Yes, maybe start swimming again.

You mean you're going back to curves for women? Yeah?

Miami. Oh can I tell you the very first place he sent me a physical therapy was the Elizabeth Taylor Aquatic Center and they had.

I know I've talked about this.

They just had the vertical flags of her and swimsuits. Apparently she never swam. What she just opened this aquatic center and it's mostly old folks having underwater therapy.

I don't think you have talked about that.

I know you've talked a little bit about like swimming and old people and how it feels good on your hip. Yeah, but I don't remember ever hearing about Liz Taylor park it is.

I'm a fan.

It just was because those flags. I think that mainly Nazis to use them, these long vertical the ones that came from a high ceiling and just flow down and show the scariest of logos. Yes, except this time it's just Elizabeth, Elizabeth or Elizabeth.

Oh god, it's a little little Taylor. Is she dressed like Cleopatra? Is it one of her from a famous No, it.

Is just some some swim candids that were taking and I believe at the center itself, and it's just her like, Hey, here's my swim center.

And then she said, get this suit off of me. I don't swim. Get it.

And anyway, I'm going to go back there and just kick around I did. I used to have the joke about twenty for our fitness needing at least an hour to clean their pools. That's not how the joke goes. But I found a twenty four hour fitness that close. It's at eleven pm. Pools impeccable. Nice, there are little to no band aids.

Great and in my opinion, yes, yes, that is the my favorite.

I should thank you. It is. It's to make people grown. No one wants to think about used band aids.

It's hilarious. I tapered off on it. People are triggered. Do not let people edit your comedy.

When they've grown you gotta I've always said that tattoo idea. When they grown you gotta arched, arched classically over my shoulder blades.

You know, it's funny.

I have been doing a lot of swimming in the new pool, and I have to say that it I can tell that, I could tell physically the difference immediately.

Thank you. A person who's kind of letting me over but not really but aggressively hugging your bumper. I love. It's very Los Angeles.

I'm going to leave just enough space for you to get over and lightly scrape my front bumper because I don't like to seed anything.

Enough for you to get over, but little enough for you to feel bad about it. Los Angeles.

Let's let there be a problem, Los Angeles.

God, we keeps coming up with great tattoo.

Ideas because there's so many. So anyway, Yeah.

Immediately it will. Your whole body is engaged, even if it's not high impact or whatever. Yeah, it makes every if you have extremities, if there is tingling, if there are sensations, if there if you have a problem area and it's radiating down to that big foot of yours, just kick around in a pool. Yeah, it will get rid of all that residual pain and make it focus on the actual problem, which is a surging hip joint without cartilage. I couldn't think of the word cartilage.

Well.

And I was told that like an hour of swimming is worth of two hours of walking.

In terms of like getting that kind of a work out.

It's funny because at the old band aid pool I went to, and no offense to them.

They're open all day. When are you going to clean the pool? You can't.

Also, they can't control every band aid that floats.

They just can't. It's kind of up to the older ladies that I swam with.

Some of them.

I knew their names.

We had a little group. I only hung out with them once, and Judith own names of I just I thought you meant any.

Day, dude, Dude, you did not hang out with them.

Outside of the I know sometimes I tell lies. We're talking about it and if you see me blank can look to the right. I'm lying. That's a lot. I it was cold, though, and I was swimming a lot, and I thought, well, this will also be my exercise.

Let's see if I have shoulders hiding in there.

After a life of not really having shoulders, and I was gaining weight, and the doctor said, oh, that's because the pool is a little cold. Every time you jump in, your body's like, oh, better build some fat. So this pool I'm at now is very warm, and I can.

Already tell you're SI sleep.

Oh god, my torso just is Brad Pitt from Fight Club got the lines diagonal line? Yes, not yet, but oh in the right light, if what I have kind of a belly, if the light hits it right, the shadow looks like those muscles. Oh nice, Yeah, they are where they're in the same area.

Just take what you can get.

Look, yeah, here's the thing you can also, if need be, go get those sprayed onto your torso right, there's which people do apparently all the time.

Oh yeah, I've been spray tanned. I watched words. I'm make sure it was fair character work.

Oh that's that's how I heard of it. Your life, it's this weird life that we live in this car together.

That's okay, I heard, I hear your version of it. I'm like, I wonder what cool person?

And then it's done something in me?

Isn't that?

The gift of this podcast is.

That we can make each other feel better about ourselves feline as.

Let's just let's just punctuate it with the story that we all tell.

It's like a Christmas Carol comes up every time.

There there are Twitter conversations that where people debate which version of the.

Scorpion story is their favorite.

Really, yeah, like I tell it that, I've told it that often to where there are favorite tellings.

Well, because there's this there's a story where Colin Ferrell's in that story right right.

That I think it's the best one. I held on I held out.

I love that one.

Now, were you afraid you didn't want to be a brog art?

If you like his eyebrows so much? And this is a drastic subject change, but not really. What do you feel about Peter Gallaghers?

Too big?

Too big? Yeah, I've got new television.

Okay, caratulation thing. It's smart TV.

It's smart and it's flat.

It's just like your old girlfriend. Sorry, that's terrible, stupid. Obviously, can't say me because that's never been true.

It is exactly what I would have wanted you to say, And if you had said it, I would have said it, but said.

Sorry way more because frankly, that's not for boys to say. Not in twenty nineteen. It's not.

No, that's some twenty seventeen shit.

You had your chance from the fucking fifteen hundreds all the way up until very recent years ago.

I should have been making so many jokes about flat chicks.

Flat chicks? Am I right? Yeah?

That's pretty much all I had had on a piece of paper or vice rest.

What more do you need? And have people grown?

Then you say, oh, would you want your safe space?

Yeah this isn't two years from now.

Yeah, I'll let you go. Cute plumber driving event. Oh welcome, no problem.

Oh I think that was a sign that we should get out and get his numbers.

Just a constant hawking. That's how I flared agro car behavior. Okay, so Peter Gallagher, he looked.

Yeah, his eye. There are there are moments in it where his eyebrows are offensive. There are moments where.

They clearly aren't real.

And there are moments where the light hits some gest right and yeah, sense of calm washed over me.

Soude, light hits them just right.

And you see Mayan temples hidden underneath, Yes, because they're so fucking.

Adobe style dwellings carved into the side of a mountain like those presidents' facess.

Can I just say there's a prius in front of us that has a bumper sticker that says saved on it.

Yeah, in the font of of Supreme. Oh that is a Supreme? Is that store where they used to let me skateboard? But not anymore because I don't have the credentials. But it's an undersized pool, but it's suspended up and so you walk under and you can see all the exposed in la. Yeah, yeah, it's on and it's that whenever you're on Fairfax and there's just a line of people and they wait in long chairs overnight for the new Supreme shirt or bag or hat to drop. And

I don't know.

I just made up Japan actually, but.

They make thousands of dollars. It is the new Pokemon and or Beanie Babies. It's great. I mean, I love the kids.

It's like you just have to be smart enough to know that that's what you need to do and then go do it right.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah, it's the kind of know how I used to have. I had paint windows for Christmas? Do you think I do that now?

Could you?

I could?

But would I with these shoulders?

No way. Yeah. I can't read unless I have a ladder, and I'm painting down where you can't reach out.

But what I was going to say is basically some church trying to be super hip stole the Supreme logo. I thought it was Barbara Krueger, which is the lady that has the is she's that graphic artist from the eighties that did all the Awesome. It was black and white with a strip of red. Oh you remember her, and that would be like there's a lot of famous ones and I can't think of one.

Though, But like paintings, like abstract painting.

It's I'll have to show you what we'll get, Stephen, I'll show you on but essentially, but actually now that when you said Supreme, I was like, oh, yeah, it's actually probably more what they're trying to do, but they're basically ripping off a cool skateboard company for their church.

It's okay because Supreme and a lot of people don't know this and we are getting into boring specific territory, but that is based off I'm pretty sure if you skateboard, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not going to

Isn't none of this?

You're right, that's Barbara Krueger. And so then they also stole from Barbara Krueger. You're exactly right.

I mean, I think style wise it's the same funt.

Yeah, it's that font of you do a black and white picture and then you stick.

In that red shirts look like yeah, oh spres doubled Supreme is double dip in theft. Yeah, well look I can sense a foul parlt is going to do a one now.

Ooh that'd be amazing.

Yeah.

Yeah, he's made some amazing stuff. Thank you, Thank you so much, so much. What are you doing?

You have to stop driving your car when the light is red?

Oh?

Sorry, are you flirting again?

Oh?

It makes me so mad, it's crazy.

She looks like so many comedians.

Yeah, she looks. She looked like Jody Lennon, who was on exit fifty.

Seven, ah past her we should have picked her up, get on it. That would be okay. We are and I always thought we were editing these, but we do.

Stephen's like, no, way, sure, sure it's not too pluggy.

Well, when I order coffee, I just get so foul mouthed me to edit out that it tasteful. Good idea, because I'm like, I'm a motherfucking grande. It's not tasteful at all. But the drink is. Are we sure we can do this? Eight foot? You're good, we can do it. Yeah. One time we and my friends went on a road trip. We were like, all eighteen. We had bikes on the top of the car and we went into it.

No thanks, just beverages. Do you have green tea, like as iced tea green tea?

Yes?

You do have ice?

Would you like that?

I guess, like, can I have that with a little flavoring in it of some kind, like maybe peach or something?

Actually, do have a perfect That's probably what I was thinking of? Can without?

Please? Good choice?

And can I get a VENTI of that? No, that's okay, peach.

I'll have the sorry, excuse me, grande cold brew with the phone with the yeah, thank you?

And Stephen do you want the usual?

I think I'll do, And then can we get a grande hot Vanila La te.

Else? That's gonna be it all. Thank you.

Today's Starbucks brought to us by Sam. Hey, Sam, Thank you for making my Mondays.

Love Sam, Sam, Thank you for making our coffee.

If your name is Sam and you didn't give me a card, then you know I'm not talking about you. That's a Sam that gave me a card. I think of it somewhere along the tour with Caitlin and.

Oh nice, she put in two dinar team and then to the dinar team and there's a heart and a little cat drawing.

Oh, there is a little cat drawing. I mean no offense to her, but I thought that was a pilot pooh. But it's because it's so small it's hard to get details. She was doing it with a fat sharpie. Yeah.

No, she did a good job.

She's very nice. I'm sorry I called her cat.

Do we know for a fact Sam is a girl? Oh right, that might be me, you know, demanding pronouns. I want you back on demand them. It's not twenty it's not twenty.

No man, back in twenty seventeen. I thought all Sam's were ladies. Actually Sam is traditionally man's traditionally. But I think it's the heart. I'm judging it by the the heart, the heart.

And then yeah yeah, and is this from the card?

Isn't that nice? Lost?

Yeah?

Look and that's a little real from Starbus.

They did that for us.

How are you good?

How are you? She recognizes you? For sure? I look like, no, that's okay, thank you. Oh I always forget it. I got a sippy cut. Don't ask you your name? Karen? Yeah, al Karen will do it? Yes, I am.

I love you.

My name is Cindy. I was joking, but I said she recognizes you know she does?

Yeah, I do.

I love you, thank you.

I started listening to your podcast because my friend.

Listens to it.

Oh yeah yeah.

And then after I told my girlfriend about it, and oh my god, she's over the moon about it.

And what's her name?

Money?

Tell my Monique? I say hi to you. Okay, I will I don't know. Cal has like a picture, but no, you can, I mean, how will we do it? Okay?

Talk about your rather ask Karen.

I do have another podcast.

We're recording it right now.

Can you will you allow us to put you on it.

Yeah, okay, nice, that's Stephen from our podcast.

It's nice.

Let me just get your drink. Okay, thank you.

That's the best.

You really called that one.

Okay.

You know.

Oh I think we're good. Yeah, yeah, I think we're good. Damn. But I come here all the time. I'm Charles, see you again. Yeah.

I mean, I have a psychic ability. I've always known about it. I was told by one of my mother's friends. When I went in for child therapy, I was hearing voices and she said, this boy as a gift for I just.

Need to learn how to use it. And there are times.

One time I was with Martha Kelly and I'm like I I actually sat down't know why the words even came out of my mouth. It's like, up ahead, I bet we find a tiny little alien because I saw something glowing and it was a little alien. Dolly No. Yeah, yeah, I knew we were gonna find it.

Really on the road.

I visualized it and then I'm like, okay, this is I mean, it's been twenty years and this is the second occurrence.

I'm not, well, there's your proud insistence, I mean, or maybe you just take your time with it.

You really wait for the moments that matter, right.

And it's actually never is a moment that matters.

I thought you meant it like, thanks so much, nice to meet you, we'll see you again.

Did it registered when you said I have another podcast? Maybe she was just what you should go back?

She goes you do you do?

She's like, no, thanks, that was a perfect thing. That was not a setup. We did not pay that.

No, that's hilarious.

That's but you know, the reason I thought you thought that she was a fan is big his That girl was super cool looking with she had like pink in her hair, and she had cool lip and nose rings, right, cool tattoos. And I was like, oh, that's a compliment, Like these are the cool girls that listen to the other podcast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, which you can name, you can name it.

Oh, thank you, it's my favorite murder.

Oh it's my favorite. Oh yeah, I like that. And now these nice people are coming to my shows, and it's always someone that looks like the kind of person that I wished went to my high school, and I know went to the the other high school in town, Hellgate was kind of more. I had piercings and pink hair and stuff. Hell early nineties. Yeah, and a cool name where it's a giant night on the side of the building.

Hell yeah, Hellgate, and your high school is called.

Sentinel Sentinel Sentinel Spartans.

That's not that cool.

No, it's not as cool. But both had you know that kind of swooping helmet with like a mohawk you.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, like a Spartan. Yeah really yeah. The Hellgate was the Nights. Yeah, yeah, the Nights.

Yeah, they were more medieval themed, but they had a cooler band. I actually went to their prom with some saxophone player and a flutist and they were a little more their band person date. Yeah, yeah, a little pung rond and then a little hot tubbing. Nothing happened. I kept my body puer, that's what was happening. I kept my body peer until I was twenty one. That's late. Oh absolutely, that's good.

Now.

Most of the people I know didn't have sex until they were in their twenties because everyone was Catholic and very repressed or they were every like our friends that were having sex were keeping it a secret.

Isn't that weird?

Yeah?

I remember, like we found out one of my friends was sleeping with their boyfriend, and we were all like we were we were freaked out by it because you weren't supposed to.

And then I was suddenly in my mind like, I think we can do whatever we want.

Actually you want? You didn't want anyone to read your lips when you were saying that.

I was in the library, hold.

Warring.

But we could be not in front of the daily desk system.

If you're a librarian, I have jokes, cater deal.

Well, God, that was a that was a real lisp shot in the arm for this, Yeah, you know, for this fucking podcast.

When it sounded like I was gonna say I didn't mean it.

It sounds like that tone acknowledged. They could call a former producer being like, hey, can we use your use the audio? I never I am not getting sued by her as well, is your mother here to sign the paperwork? Under eighteen? She'd probably we'll be working at Starbucks, so it was safe to assume she's of age.

Yeah, that's right. Plus tattoos. They don't give those two kids not anymore. No way, can't.

Back in the day when you didn't talk about sex, you could get ink at any eighth grade homec.

Sometimes what tattoo if you had to get one today, what would you get?

A very thin straight That's why I haven't gotten it yet, because I can't guarantee the straightness. A line from my wrist, down my arm, through my armpit, down my side, across my hip down to my ankle stained a racing stripe one in blue, one and red, with a Herbie fifty three on my hip. That used to be. But then I and then Lindsay Lohan came out with the movie and Herbie didn't mean as much to me.

Yeah, she kind of took took away the specialness.

Yeah, no offense to her. I know she struggles with substances. Hey we all do, we all do? Hey, hey listen, But now I just kind of want that line. I just thought about it my whole life. I even had someone draw it on so I could have it a couple of days. The problem is, every time you move your arm around, this line is twisting. It's never straight unless you stay in a Jesus Christ post that's right.

Which you don't you already do that?

Enough? Whoa, whoa, everybody, everybody, Let's not drive like we did last summer. Last episode did.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, everyone was crazy. It was like a full moon but daytime. Really it was a full sun.

It was a full sun, and the car was in retrograde Indian summer. Have you watched the mask Singer? We're driving by the billboard for the Mask Singer.

No, I have not watched the Masked Singer.

I haven't either.

I don't like that one of the masks is an egg. I don't like a person egg.

Well, yeah, they don't just give you like a president rubber mask that you'd rub a bank with. They give you like a wide shot masquerade type.

Long beaked crazy.

Yeah, and I've only seen one ad for it, but I'm assuming every episode is an elaborate mask.

I actually saw an ad for Inside.

It's Jerry Rice or someone.

Yes, Yeah, the great singer Jerry Rice with a running mat. He was he was, but more so and what he really was deep Inside was a singer.

A singer and dancer. End zone.

But I saw that commercial and oh, a barcade, which means it's a barn an arcade.

Oh yeah, two words cut up, put together like on sesame Street.

Bar cad, barcade.

But I saw that commercial the other day and thought, this is super weird and upsetting. But also on this show, the person that works in the costume department must be run ragged because those costumes for those people always have to be new and different, right, or it is always the same ones.

Maybe they're just game of people just selling and like a little maybe they the show has its own little sweatshot.

I mean, I hope, I hope there's more than one person, Yeah.

That's for sure. What if it was just one talented.

Lady, one talented lady who is in a real bad mood and she.

Just always has stimbles on her fingertips, like like well what those corn snacks?

Bugles? Bugles, Bugles.

Oh, that would actually be a new a great idea for a new mask, and it could be sponsored by Bugles.

And it's a it's a bugle face. It's a fit a face on a bugle.

If you if you work on that show, would you always be pitching endorsement costumes?

ABP E C always be pitching endorsements?

You know, that's my slogan.

That's why it rolls off the tongue because you thought of it.

Hey bp E, see, I think it's a better way to make money and get you know, get some bugles in front of people. And it's the last time you even thought of bugles. Well, now that you watch the Mask Singer, you crave them.

Right, each each of your finger becomes one of those long build bird monsters.

Yes you could, because you could.

Your face could be a bugle, your hat could be a bugle, and then your fingers could be bugles.

Oh, I think, Yeah, there's no roles on the Mask Singer. Look at that cool bar.

We're somewhere near this bowling alley here in Highland Park that is like a steampunk themed place. But where the bowling alleys are you can see all the inner workings and gears of the mechanism that comes and pulls the pins out and it's like copper tubing and then the ball rolls down this Ay, I'm a big I went bowling just the other day, League bowling, and I do believe I put us over the edge. I've been bowling a lot. I enjoy it really. And the Roosevelt Hotel at the Roseway, Oh.

I like that place.

Wait, there was a bingo going on and I was double duty playing bingo and bowling, and I want it bingo. Guess what I want a free game of bowling, one game serving the other game.

I told you the next time you played bingo, I wanted to go.

That's what's on the improvised Bingo night. It's not it's always going to be improvised.

No, I plan ahead and I go to Tuesday Night at the Hallway and now hosted by our friend Jim Hamilton. Oh that's the night you're going.

Okay, great, Yeah, that's going to be great. That's on Tuesdays, and I'm going to clear the schedules. Oh shit, I record my other podcast that night.

Well, do you go as late as nine thirty because that's when this bingo starts.

Depends Steven, maybe we're going to start back back timing and back scheduling it so that I can go to bingo.

Right, it's people. There's been a history of people scheduling things around Bingo. Anything right, got to do it. But I won't do that.

We just play playing. No.

I think it's taken in the butt. I don't know that.

Is that what he meant?

I believe that meat Loaf song. I will do anything for love, but I won't do that.

Let you pigmy yeah, yeah, oh ass beestos.

There's just a guy driving around with a big old load of asbestos.

With ass bestos. It looks like uh props from a Guar concert.

Yeah, that was very much Alien three.

It's just Alien guts. Yeah. They give you a mezo.

Mezzo mezzo thelium mezzo.

If you are someone they love Spanish has mesothelia.

Call this number, Call this lawyer.

Trained callers are ready to listen to you and hear you out and make sure you get the right help and the settlement you need.

Mezzoli, it's too long.

Who says that lay and watches TV that they shouldn't be watching?

You're Carrie?

What books are heavy?

I've been trying to read more though, which you've been reading? I just I just know he's dipp into my David Sedaris books called a Quick Laugh, and I like quick card. I don't watch comedy anymore. I don't watch comedy specials that much. I haven't been watching comedy movies. I'm like you. I watched like Dark Things I do now.

I just sorry.

This change gears on his bike.

He's really any gear and he's borrowed his bike. He looked like in Goonies when the older brothers just borrowed the because they flattenous fires.

That's exactly what we look like.

I should have grabbed his hand and flung him off an ask story on Oregon Cliff. Hey, that's right, God, he was, he was. He was talented from the beginning.

He also always looked thirty. Yeah, as a I noticed teen.

I watched Goonies the other night too. I've really been thirsting for the past.

Goonies is a good movie still, right, It's such a good movie.

It so holds up.

I also the fact that their adventure led them into that fucking cave filled with treasure.

I was just like, this is the greatest.

It is that I used to have dreams. I had reoccurring dreams of there being a treasure and me just needing to find it.

And I would always wake up and I'm like, what's i't a dream.

There's that little middle period right when you're waking up it's like, oh, I can't wait to be rich, And then you realize it's a dream. And then at a very young age, you realize that being awake is not as fun as being asleep in any way.

You know, it's weird.

When I was a kid, I had a dream that in mine and my sister's closet, I stepped into the closet and saw a light behind me. So I turned around and looked, and there was a shelf inside the closet above the and.

That's where last low Hollyfeldt had is a sorry are you talking about? There's a man that lived in the closet, And then I forgot his name, Tak and I lived next door to his brother. He in the house.

No, but it was basically just a golden light. And then there was a bag up there, and I pulled the bag down. The bag was filled with like some kind of treasure.

It was very exciting.

And when I woke.

Up, I went and checked because I was really little, it was probably four or five, and I went and checked the closet and it was just a wall, obviously like any normal closet, and I couldn't understand it. It was like I saw it with my own eyes, Like it made me crazy that that wasn't real.

Yeah yeah, And because everything else was the same. Your sweater was there, the jacket, those long swooping sombrero hats you wore as a child.

And then of course my overalls overall.

Where you keep one strapped and you in your lip. But yeah, the idea of there just being secret treasure somewhere. My dad did this, and I encourage anyone who's a father to just do don't overdo it because you'll spoil your kid.

But hes I always wanted a night light, and.

The night lights, I realized later were just He would climb up to the attic and get a bowld out of our Christmas lights, ask me which color I wanted, like if I had a bad dream. So he'd come back down with a light. And then one time he went up there and realized he had hid some Christmas presents up there. Oh and one was like a model of a motorcycle, like a big one. Then you had to solder it with this gun that melted plastic. It

Thought there would be treasures and presents in the attic.

Yeah, and I think maybe years later he did it one more time. But the magic of thinking there would be presents up there always, and I could never go up there. There's no ladder or anything, so it was a perfect place side thing. It would be a tragic had I gone up there.

No, you can't get your own treasure.

You have to have some one time. The one time I found a present and I was looking, I went in their closet. There was a smoking in the Bandit stomper of the four wheel drive like a toy. That was the That was the semi truck. His buddy was that. But he was like a country singer, Jerry Reid. Jerry Reid. How do you know these?

Because because Jerry Reid was on Scooby Doo all the time, and I'd be like, who the fuck is this guy?

But it was like, yeah, as himself.

As himself. So it's like, well, eight year olds don't know about Jerry Reid.

Eight year olds don't care. His recording studio happened to be right around from Casey Casem's voiceover studio.

But I also think that Jerry Reid was popular with kids because he was one of those people that had a real stutter when he spoke. But when he's saying no stutter, and it was that thing of like, don't let your you know your don't let things like that stop you.

Yeah or whatever. And I think that registered with kids.

You know, they're like, I relate to this sixty year old cowboy.

Yeah, I'm cross eyed, but I'm going to become a model. Right, he's just snaking its ample.

No, yeah, that's pretty much what happened for everybody.

Oh I bet she tries it.

No, No, she wouldn't. A related treasure like story.

Shoot, oh nuts, Are you worried about routes right now? Or oh? I know we're reacting. Okay, let's go to home deep and get some plans.

Yeah, I have so many plans now, Oh you do?

Oh yeah, I went crazy. It's really hard to keep them alive.

You have to really tend to that. Yeah, and when you leave for ten days, they are brown and angry.

Yeah.

Also, you can't overwater, which that's something I do.

Right, I get so I'm like, live live, don't force it. Yeah, don't ever water your succulents. I was just a little tip for me to you. My green thumbed ears.

They don't need water.

They need a little bit.

It's like, there, let them get it.

Okay, they'll get it while you're gone.

It's private.

The idea just pulling, pulling their container across the table.

It's hungry.

Let's see who's gonna hit me.

Oh that guy was gonna.

My thing was?

I was going to say, a similar treasure idea, but not the same. Was the day I realized that my mom wasn't paying attention when she would grocery shopping after work.

Uh huh.

And so I could actually get any kind of cereal I wanted if I just put the box face down in the cart, right, And so that was like a little Christmas for me. I was like, Oh, I just fucking tricked her into buying me lucky charms, which she would never do normally.

Oh that's great.

Huh.

Yeah. I never even knew that there was a whole world of cereal where the inner bag was made of foil until I stayed at a friend's house, and then all of a sudden, this world of sugar cereals different decad and cheeses and chocolates not care about.

Were you friends with Augustus glue?

It was sad one day drowned in the most delicious way.

They should do a study about kids whose parents let them eat like sugar, cereal and whatever the fuck they felt like, and then kids who didn't and who grew up with like eating disorders and weird fucked up shit and overweight and who.

Did it and who was successful and who wasn't. I bet it goes into a socioeconomic stuff.

I bet it does, because when you don't care, and you're like, the world is my oyster?

Who cares?

Right?

Then you don't worry about it?

Right, And so you are saying, chocolate eaters achieve wealth. Yes, I agree. I'm going to blame that on the reason I'm not rich. It does microwave pancakes say about me?

That means no one tended to Yeah, sorry microwave pancakes.

That is the most latch key thing? Is that like a bad word down when you say latch key?

No, it just doesn't exist anymore, all right, because people would.

Call child protective services immediately, right.

And it literally had something to do with the fact that there was a key around your neck so when you go home you unlock your own door.

I literally wore your key around your neck so you wouldn't lose it at school and then when you got home you could let yourself in everyone.

I just chill out years, just early freedom. Yeah, there was that window of time. I'd get home around three thirty three forty, My parents didn't go home till five, and it was just me partying, Yeah, turning up New Order really loud, eating frozen burritos and watching duct tails. And I loved every second of it.

It was pretty good, but it was pretty and alcohol great good no, and you just drank shot after shot.

It's terrible to talk about, but know what's fun A drunk.

Kid face it. It's funny you are of it. I liked.

I liked the freedom of it because when my it was when my dad was at the firehouse. My mom worked, so we would be home from like four till seven or set or eight, oh wow, whenever my mom got home. But when my dad was there then I was like, oh, like this is I felt I found it oppressive. He was always trying to make us go to yardbirds with him and run errands and stuff, and I was just like, well, you won't buy a ski when you're there, so why.

Would I go. I don't want to go.

It's the hardware store yard back it was called Yardbirds the hardware store and peddlimit. And this was back before hardware stores had candy. Like they actually have updated things in my dream way for kids of today, because these days you can buy like a kick Cat anywhere you go.

It doesn't matter the kind of story you're in.

Right, yeah, back then it was not like that. Right, you had to seek them out at a candy based mond Pa store.

Usually they only had.

What do you call like a gumball machine type of free standing, and that was old candy, and usually they were half the half the machine was Spanish peanuts. You don't want those as a kid.

Mike O'Connell and I were going to pitch a kids show and he was going to do music and I was going to relate to kids as a candy man. But it's more like a bartender. And it was kind of like Cheers for kids, where the kids had.

Come in me like what ailse you today? And the kid would be.

Like, ah, slide me at two percent milk and you slide it across the bar and then they'd tell all about their problems. By'd be kids talking about real things like divorce and things you like Sesame Street, but it was a candy type bar situation, and then we do a song or an animation about it. Oh, what do you think of that show? Well, it's got some problems.

It's funny, it's problematic, right, I would be giving advice you and Michae o'connells.

Yes, but no, it's too.

Children are like like parents are getting divorced, and you're like, did I ever tell you about the time there's a scorpion in my boot?

Hey, it's not real kids. These are actors.

Oh oh, they're the most problems. They would really need to talk to you.

If their child, I will give them therapy in their makeup trailer.

Look, I'm just trying to run you through the gauntlet that any network executive was going to run you through when you pitch this.

I just I My friend worked at the Cartoon Network, I think, and she was like, do you have any ideas for shows for kids? And so it went from there.

I mean, I do like it, but it's the bar part.

Maybe like a kid walks in and everyone says his name Caleb, and then he's like, give me a milk. What a long day? I'd so much homework? Yeah, it didn't have to be about divorce, but sometimes it would be.

No.

I mean, it's relevant and it's real.

You know. That's why people like rug Rats. That's why I'm kind of disappointed. I didn't get a voice of the Voiceless Father.

Is that true?

Yeah?

They gave it to someone else.

Was it the guy that had done a million things? I guess so the guy that didn't need it?

Yeah, I was. I was so excited.

Well, Nickelodeon knows I'm here.

Now you're on their radar yep, and getting callbacks is a big deal.

Yeah. I can't wait just to show up at my sweatpants and do a nasally voice and then see your next Wednesday.

Yeah.

I mean you have to realize that's the Uh, that's the job everybody wants, right, every single actor and person.

Yes, you mean, if they're successful, they're like I wish I could do a version of this where no one sees me, no one recognizes me, and I just get a show up in my sweats. Yeah. I don't keep saying sweatpants, but you know what I mean.

O sweats are great.

Yeah, why wouldn't you talk about them all the time?

I do own several pair of sweats. I rarely wear them.

Really.

Yeah, you know I'm a lifestyle where I have to show up dressed up pretty nice.

Well, you're also a real clothes horse. I'm a good trojan horse filled with clothes.

That's how you beat the army.

With you just throw sweatpants at them.

I feel like this doesn't have caffeine in it. It has some sort of a sleeping tonic.

Are you about to go out? I'm about Do we need to put you down with your mind?

You have the eyelids.

Wait? Sorry, that's a cold brew, isn't it.

Yeah, it should be having me climbing the wall.

Well, and why do you think you're not?

I don't know. I did have this friend when I was young, where milk made him hyper and caffeine used to make him sleepy, and he was medicated because of it. He'd also lash out whenever I tried to grab a Nintendo remote.

Oh punch me. Now? Were you friends or did you were friends?

We both like to draw and he was hilarious.

Oh okay, he was hilarious. Was he an only Joe?

Yes? No, sister like me?

Older?

Yes?

We had similar Maybe he didn't have to share he was used to sharing.

I think that when you have an older sibling. Mine his wasn't that much older, but my sister was six years older, so it wasn't there wasn't a We just shared. We just had a perfect little relationship. Yeah.

Well she because she taught you how to be cool.

And I think if you're closer in age, that's when the slapping and punching happened.

Hell, yes it does.

Yeah, but if you just have a baby to.

Play with, yeah, that's like nice and fun.

Dress up in little dresses and put makeup on.

I loved it. Yeah, and her friends would pay attention to me, and I look beautiful.

Right, that's Norah just told me about a friend of hers that has a little brother and they dressed him up in a dress.

And put makeup on him shoes.

But it's really funny because he's muscly, a little seven year old boy that they put in a.

Dress because they had a little wig.

They had a purple wig that they put on him, and they basically made him a girl.

And he thought it was hilarious. Yeah. I just thought it was really fun.

Yeah.

I didn't know I was so beautiful. I would love to see those pictures, Lisa, I your.

Listener, Lisa, big those up, print those up real big. So Chris can make a whole other.

Wall in his apartment.

Yes, yes, not just a forest one of myself as a young girl. No, one don't think that's weird.

No one will scream at the top of their lungs when you take them back to your apartment.

I did some thrift store shopping in the Phoenix area. I got an old, rustic Coleman lantern. Yes, I got an old picnic basket made of wood and wicker. I got a wooden chair with cowhide on it. Oh, I got snow shoes. I hung those on my wall. What my bedroom just became a cabin. No, it looks beautiful. I feel like you have to wait until you see it. Okay, it looks great.

All reserve judgment. Yes, okay, it looks great. It just sounds rickety.

Really it's a very nice chair. Okay, yeah, it's a beautiful piece of handmade furniture.

So wait, did you drive out there and drive back?

Yeah?

Yeah, well that's great. Yeah, so you were I wasn't there.

Just I just happened upon these antique stores and they were filled with the things I need.

Yeah, that's good.

I mean, there's nothing more fun, especially when you're not like in Los Angeles, you can't any thrift store.

It's so picked over.

Yeah, but if you're out in the middle, that's when we're on the road. We love doing that because you can really find awesome stuff.

It's so funny. When my mom wanted to go to antique stores, I couldn't think of something that less fun right now, it's so I just you know, we all turn into our mothers.

Well, and that's very true, and you have to.

Kids don't like antique stores because there's no sense of looking back. For an eight year old, you know what I mean, it's just like, yeah, this is I need curent.

No, there's there's so many memories in there of other people that I pretend it's made.

Yeah, that's the fun part.

But yeah, well now I'm worried that I made my bedroom too rustic. It does look like an old man's cabin. The snowshoes are a bit much, but man, they look great on the wall. Well, look at this fashion model.

Is she I don't get what she's doing. I don't know if it's modeling.

Well, she's a pretty person.

She's very you. I don't know if she makes a living doing it, but it could be a side hustle.

It could be Look, we're in Los Angeles. She could be anything. She would be a graphic artist that just decided to wear an incredibly plunging v neck yes, and then walk along.

The side of the street this way, Yeah, ignoring her stutter that has held her back so long.

She is the Jerry Reid of today, and I'm proud of her, the Jerry Reid of this street corner.

Karen, what have you been doing? You just love your new pool.

I love my new pool.

I has your dog run headfirst into the window? Again? That was traumatic?

No, but you know it's bad.

That was loud.

Yes, And that's Frank in a nutshell, just head first, full speed running. He will do things to upset you. But here's what Frank did do.

Reason the only reason he did it. You're trying to upset me.

I was watching a movie in bed on my laptop and I fell asleep watching it, and that the laptop was the only light in the room. And Frank wasn't in the room with me and George when we went to sleep. He was in the other room, you know, being a being a brat, being by.

Himself on a chair aimed at the corner.

Smoking his pipe.

Yes, So in the middle of the night, Frank decided to come in and be with us, and he for some reason came in and laid down and put his paws right on the keyboard of the laptop that was opened and started a movie because it had cycled through the movie I was watching and had gone on to a Sandra Bullock movie. And so when I woke up to the sound very close to me of like a Sandra bulog yelling at somebody in Missy, I look over and it's it looks like Frank has come in to watch a movie.

And I picked up my phone.

And tried to take a picture of him really fast, but of course he moved away before I could capture it.

Yeah, but it was.

It was at first very scary.

And jarring and then really hilarious, like he.

Was like, I'm just gonna watch us really quick while you guys sleep.

It's four am.

It Just be glad. It was a nice, lighthearted Sandra Bullock romp. Yeah, not some horrifying satan screaming.

It's yeah, Frank decides to watch Child's play three.

No, why, no, God, Jennifer Tilly again? Do you still have that Jennifer Tilly alarm clock.

Jennifer Tilly in a dull body. No?

No, when's the last time you watched the Big Chill Oh soundtrack? Listening?

Does that hold up?

I don't.

I would guess it does not.

I think that it was. I've been wanting to rewatch it because that was the one like adult movie that I watched so many times as a kid, and I just didn't get it.

Yeah, everyone's talking about divorce.

And fair and like having babies with each other where it's like, this is not my business.

Oh no, but now babies are my business.

Please come on down to Chris's baby Warehouse.

Baby Warehouse. We're we got shelves and shelves and babies. You're in business, baby, and we're slashing prices. I'm crazy.

And baby dresses.

To the baby dressed is zorrow?

I feel like nobody bullshit's better than we do, right, you know?

Yeah, we're just making up shit to talk about.

Yeah, well, I mean sometimes I wonder what we could accomplish if we had a plan, But I don't want to know. I mean, look, there'd be all this pressure to keep doing that.

Right and also accomplish what in this life? Right, I mean, what's the point. We're just trying to chill out.

Yeah, exactly. Sorry. If you're starved for content.

Sorry, if you want people to like do math for you in your podcast or whatever, you're like looking for.

The word math of some kind. Sorry, you want things assembled in an order, you'd like to compartmentalize the information. It's not our style delivered hand package to you.

We're not into it.

Uh uh, We're gonna throw willy nilly and see what sticks.

I take it right here, Thank you so much.

There's a there's two cops in an unmarked view.

I know you don't see that. You think I didn't notice that.

I fucking saw those. Also, always got my eye on the funds.

Why were they wearing cop uniforms in an unmarked year, right?

Yeah, you're not allowed to do it. Lord, what a fucking asshole. You gotta be literally in the wrong side of the road.

And she did not even attempt to hug the cars she has gone around.

No, no, she came into my lane as I was driving toward her white fucking Lexus suv. These lexuses literally just left her lane, drove to eight car, which was us.

Yes, we were the car.

We were the car.

So it's like, I do that all the time, but you do it when there's no one coming towards you. She saw a car coming toward her and did it anyway, what a fucking press.

And kind of leaned into us like, Oh, not only am I not going to be embarrassed in this moment, I'm going to make you pay for it.

I have like the lower churnings, and I'm sure it's because I didn't lunch, but.

I want to fight, Yeah, a little bit. Get I really would love to slap her.

I've always wanted to get in a couple's fighting with a friend like me. You take the lady, I'll take the guy. Other way around. Yes, it's twenty nineteen. It's twenty nineteen.

I take the guy. I take the guy.

Oh wait, no, I put myself in a situation where I mean, maybe two years ago you could punch the ladies, but no, no.

I no fucking way. Sorry, And now I start beating you up because you tried to beat her up.

There's no rules in a street fight except no brass knuckles.

Isn't that Isn't that what they're for? Yeah, isn't that what they're full?

Sorry, I just had this in my bureau. Isn't that what it's for? Officer?

Look at that dog?

Look at that dog on a walk getting up into someone's like ground cover.

That's not the sidewalk, you crazy dog.

If that guy lets that dog ship up there in real trouble.

He thinks no one's watching him right now, him looking around. Dude, We're all watching you, yeah, watching, And your dog got one eye on you, one eye on your bugle. Oh he's just looking for the right plate.

Here we go. He's leave when.

Steamer, this dog is shitting in this person's yard, in that ground cover, right.

On the succulents.

Oh yep, and means he gonna leave it. Oh yeah, no, no, no, here comes the bag.

Oh wow, See we're not going to I was going to all this sunder down and be like you and it's not comfortable to climb up.

He did it. Oh he's a good guy, he's a great guy. We should go thank him for a service.

But I'm still mad from the white lexus lady, so I might have to slap from a grosser.

I mean you you name the place, you name the couple, we're gonna We're going to get in a foursome fight.

It just doesn't make sense. It's that kind of thing where it's like you're driving, it's not your choice. You don't get to go I get to go here, right, you don't get to Yeah, that was a bad one.

That was nuts.

I do remember last time there was a situation where we were going in reverse on the wrong side of the street.

But that's not that's not the same that. That's because that guy in the car made us right. The guy that said back up, Oh god, oh no, he said go around.

It was either way. It's a terrifying It's just so scared.

I've just been so scared for so long. I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of fighting and I'm tired of being scared.

Oh boy, why I'm on it?

You know all this cold brew does It's makes me think all the cars are after me.

I saw that you were scared for the lady that just ross the street.

Yeah, and from my perspective, she was right in front of the car, but she probably had a good block.

Yeah, you that was a that was a trick of the light.

It just didn't. She looked exactly like the silhouetted you know family crossing that they show like in southern Texas.

Oh, I thought you.

Meant she looked exactly like the silhouetted thing was two faces and a goblin?

Yes? Yes? Is it a vase?

Or is it?

Is it a young lady or a gross old lady?

Old lady that's so gross? Yes to turn? Oh no, the young lady so grocy?

Yes to turn? It Is that a gin? Or is it cleat itch? People don't know about the drawing. That'll sound really weird. Well, here we are at the exactly right parking place.

Yes, exactly right. We've done it.

We did do it. Look, we will have Billy Wayne Davison another time.

He's going to be on this dog damn podcast and it kills us a busy guy.

A lot of people are busy.

What if he was the one in the white hoops sorry, Stephen, And what if he was the one in the one in the white lexus?

Oh did you lose your fuzzy cover?

I lost my fuzzygether And look I snapped the microphone onto my necklace.

I was tied in devil. How come yours looks so different from mine because your fuzzy cover so long.

I tell you about the time we were shooting a short film in a park and we had a giant boom cover. It's like an exceedingly expensive fuzzy thing that zips onto a long boom mic and this dog came out of nowhere Ala the bushes ran up, snatched it and just took off. And we ran after this dog and never caught him. And it cost eighty dollars. Yeah.

Yeah, it was all these film students that rules. I love that dog.

That was the best.

That dog is the greatest dogs.

I love dog comedy. Yes, he played the best. Joe, it's the funniest. Well, Karen, any thing coming up? Closing statements, conclusionary thought.

In closing, I would just like to say, you know, we really do drive on this podcast, and we really do put our lives on the line for this podcast a lot like firemen and women and ambulance drivers and police officers, but you know, more self serving.

But still equally high risk.

And so I would just like to thank us for the job we did today, thank us for our service, and for our service now and forever.

Amen.

Amen, how llelujah, how just howlllujah? How lou Has anyone ever gone to church and asked, howl howllelujah? Why la lulah? When La Lula stop?

I'm gonna stop to what manner and to what degree? La lula?

Oh my god, I used to smoke. I've forgotten till now. Well, yeah, I'm uh, you gotta plug. Yeah. Well, I'm doing a little tour of the South in October, oh Atlanta College Station, Dallas, New Orleans, several others. Go to my website Chris Fairbanks dot com.

Chris Fairbanks dot com. Chris Fairbanks is coming to a town near you. If you are a supporter of this show or any of our other podcasts, please go see Chris live because that's really where you need support the most.

He'll be on the road alone. He's friendless, he's lonely.

He gets very negative and in his own head, and I don't know that all that. When he's on stage, he gives up a lot. He will walk, he will walk. We need you there and make him a little cake or make beef turkey, right, Chris, give him a gif.

You know, I love cured me ring that shut down. Bring it to him, just a tidy cake.

You've been listening? Do you need to ride?

A r are leaving? I? You wanna way back home?

Either way we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.

And give us time and a terminol and gaye ad.

We want to send you off inside.

We want to welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen and chriss.

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