S2 - Ep. 2 - Matt Ingebretson

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a termino and gay.

We want to send you off in style. You wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all about it.

We scared?

Or was it fine?

Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride.

With Karen and Chris?

Let's be professionals this time.

Wait, what did we do last time that was bad? Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris.

Fairbays and this is Karen Kilgareth.

Oh, I remember what it was that we did last time that was bad? We were eating stones there.

Were We got a lot of feedback about how upsetting it is to eat and crinkle paper while you're doing a podcast.

God damn it. We couldn't agree more.

Yeah, yeah, and we already knew that going in. We wanted to just make sure you knew that it was the wrong thing to do.

You know, I'm one of those people that likes negative attention as much as positive attention.

I don't really know the difference.

And so as long as I'm making you tweet at me in a passionate manner, it's just as good as if you're saying I love you so much as you're saying if you ever do that again, you're going to break my brain, exactly.

And I learned from Mystery the Pickup Artist that even if you're being mean to a woman, yes and telling her her friend is more pretty and that her feet are shaped funnelly and nice sweater, does it come in your size?

It's the same as saying I love.

You to women.

If you just let a woman know that she has Fred Flintstone feet, she will marry you that same night.

What did you come here in a canvas car with a bunch of ribs wrecked on the side.

I never understood the ribs.

I thought it was a large shell that they were putting onto the car.

Nobody in the history of watching Hanna Barbera ever knew what was being put on Fred Flintstone's car.

It's like, why don't why do they need a shell that big? Are they at the drive in movie theater?

Yeah, it's just that, you know, back then they still had roller skating up to your windows service waitresses. Right, but ribs were bigger because we were eating dinosaurs. Oh yeah, so it's a rack of ribs that he ordered at the drive in, But it's.

It's the ribs of a t rex.

We're supposed to believe, Yeah, even though people and dinosaurs did not exist.

At the same time.

Well, it depends on who you are.

I believe I'm Adam and Eve.

I'm getting there. Adam and Eve get there.

Then after they I can't remember, he killed the last dinosaur they were riding on one, and.

Then Adam did yes foor Eve yes as a gift, and then he said, you have one less rib than me. Here's a bunch of t rex ribs to knock your car over. That's how much I love you, you fat ugly bitch.

Yeah, now let's go to the movies.

Megging, Bible style nagging.

I love that you remembered. Is it mysterio? What's that guy's name?

Mystery?

Oh, just plain mystery.

Well I met when I did that, and this might be I have time I talk. I'm paranoid that I've said this before. I'll tell you, dude, you must I do. I think there's been a few times where you. People think you're pretending not to remember, but it's all fresh to you too. I think together our brains are declining, and.

I don't have to pretend not to remember.

So everyone can drop that concept immediately because I go full blank on things.

Yeah, it's it's not good, it doesn't feel good.

But I also enjoy the telling because you are as mad every time you tell the.

Scorpion in your boot story.

You're asmad is the first time, and as maad is when it happened to you originally.

Right right, Because it's fun. I don't recall already getting it out of night system. It's still just boiling on the surface.

It's entirely in your system.

See, that's why I should use my declining brain with my acting.

That's true. It's all passion. So you worked with mysterio.

Oh, mystery, mysteriouddenly he had a curly mustache.

Mystery is the pickup.

He was on a reality show where they would take nerdy men and be like, here's how UV mean to girls and trick them into not relationships having sex.

Okay, it's the worst. That's the worst show ever.

Yeah, and the people that made reality bites back this show that was a parody of different reality shows that you worked on. I was on it, and Amy Schumer's on it, and Bert Kreischer and Theo Vonn and some other.

Folks, all the young stars of tomorrow.

It was Yeah, but it was a show that was not People weren't ready to I don't know, have a mirror because it was very funny.

And they didn't want to bite back to mich Liam Black was very funny on it. Sure, yeah, it wasn't by that was a news parody show, Reality bites Back.

Or well wait that's the title you just said, dog bites Man. I'm sorry.

I think I'm gradually losing it. It is called really bites Back. You were right, I was right, then I was wrong.

Now I'm right.

Okay.

The crew came and they they were the next thing we're shooting in this house is this dating show. And I saw Mystery on an airplane and I said, hey, I just met all the people that you're starting to work with, and he's like, oh, yeah, I met him yesterday too, And I was talking with him, but the whole time he was looking over my shoulder to people getting on the plane to see who he could have sex with I could just tell it was this unhealthy scary.

Now was he an attractive person?

No, he was a tall, skinny kind of smell like boo, like a rocker smell like this is unwashed leather.

Oh, so, get a load of my pheromones.

He's trying to do like a Jane's Addiction pickup scheme.

He is a Jane's Addiction the guy. Okay, he's reeked of heroin and no deodorant, an had.

Ski goggles on instead to peak cock It's really cocky.

That's right.

See, I'm gonna sound a little like one of them because I remember all the phrases.

Well and also clearly you've been using them since you met hit this man on.

I have not, and I never would.

You are constantly goggled.

All I do is get shut down by the fact that I'm.

Nice until I get an outburst of anger.

Now I do speeds.

Nice and and rased.

But he later on I found out he did indeed have sex with several women that worked on the in the crew of that show, like everyone did have sex with him.

He is a hypnotist of ladies.

Well, but here's I just would like to bring up this side is that there are women who are also looking for sex, so then they that's just simplicity. That's like, that's why tinder works so well for some people, because it's like, yeah, let's do this.

I don't give a shit. It's not it's not that hard.

Yeah, well I'm not putting that out there apparently.

You know, you know why you need a switchblade or something threatening? Yeah, you need to take care of business.

What about this new mustache Stephen? Does it work for you? Is it like a switchblade with the ladies?

Steven loves mustaches?

Oh, I keep it packed every time. Yeah, we are really almost have the same model right now.

Yeah, you guys are in the Mustache Club, the Mustache Club for men. I am the president, Adam, and I'm also a member, but I am.

Yeah he was. That's how I met the mystery Man.

It's funny because that era, which feels very late nineties early two thousands of pickup artists and or like the law, the forty eight Laws of Power, all that stuff where people wanted a shortcut to basically being awesome right where it's just like, yeah, I can't be awesome individually, So can you write a book and then I will I will just kind of run down a series of behaviors and that will make me awesome.

Yeah, it's like, let's start with a shower. How he axe body spray?

Apparently not? No, we're supposed to.

There's a lot of people that use this pheromone business and it's not I can't be tricked by it.

No, well, body odor isn't my bag?

Oh is that really what he's doing? Like you smell the animal carnal procerace.

He was very skinky. Maybe I caught him on a bad day.

Maybe he was nervous because he was about to have sex with all those stewardesses and it confined space.

He would not look me in the face. He was looking at all the people behind me.

I mean that alone is like you can have all the sex you want, but like nobody wants to actually spend time with you when you're like that. I mean, how many people have you been with at Hollywood parties where they just stare past.

You to the good person that might be walking through the door.

There are five names I could give right now that I won't.

Yeah, I wouldn't and good and yes I know every one of thosiness.

We are thinking of the same people we did.

Say it fast Steven edited out and then he can hold it over our head if he feels like it like blackmail.

Oh yeah, he's like, I got those five names.

Well, I'm not going to say the names now.

I'm going to drop those names.

Feel rue the day you ever booked double booked me, right, Steven, You're very vindictive always every.

Time I look back there he's rubbing his hands together. Yeah. I can't wait. We have a guest today. I can't believe I'm going to let it out of the bag.

Season two, first guest of season two, first episode two, first season five years long.

It's the first season.

We were really working some shit out, and now we've got it worked out and we're ready. We're just ready to execute, execute execute, yes.

Right, and it's going to be as smooth running as this has been this whole time.

This conversation, or the entire.

The whole season, the whole Zero Hitches season.

Two has been. It's Emmy nominated already. Did you hear congratulations?

Oh wow, No, I didn't hear it. They're doing it means for podcast.

Yeah, we one were nominated Podcast Emmy Best Original dramatic series. Congratulations, you have to stop driving. Everybody, you have to stop driving.

He isn't sorry.

I like how you acted like you were going to go into his lane though, I liked it.

Yes, I liked you.

When people are doing things against the law, I threaten them with the car.

Yeah, and just drive at them.

Yeah, you should do that now that you don't have Oh man, I saw a fit the other day of the car you used to have.

Yes, do not like it. Don't have good memories with that car?

No, it's not. It's well.

I mean, I think Hondas make great cars, but that one specifically was filled with dog hare.

You know, I'm a Honda man.

Yeah, of course you are lifelong.

But the fat no, and you're specifically riddled with dog hare fault.

And although they could have made it easier with them cereals, they made the car out of to keep the dog here, not locked in place.

And I'm not saying it's not a safe car. Most people know this from the first. It was the first thing we ever talked about. Is the first thing rear ended in another fit, and it according the car to where the back of the car became the back seat. So the back seat became the front seat, and I became the dashboard, and that the jockey box.

I'm someone's gramp who calls it that it's.

You and you're dead.

What is it called.

It's a jockey back it's a glove compartment.

Glove compartment, that's where you keep your gloves, not your tiny horse riding pants. The glove box opened up, and right when I got hit, it flew open. A pen flew out, and then not that I saw it in slow motion, but when we hit the car in front of us, it stuck into the air conditioning vent thing yep, and my head whipped down and the pen was just sticking out. And that was the first thing I noticed. How close I was to having a pengo.

In my eye, if not be killed.

Oh this lady, Oh, she created her own lane and she's old and I feel sad.

She's you know what, she's the most successful person in Hollywood can do spirit.

She lives at the top of a tower gable.

Oh my god, this is my favorite. So we were long ago for my favorite murder. We had to do a Halloween show and so in the Baskets writer's room where I worked for last season, somebody said, oh, what about that story about that death in the Hollywood Towers, And I was like, what.

Hollywood Towers is a very famous apartment building.

It's here in LA.

We just drove by it.

We did describe it.

Yeah, it's back there now we're by the celebrity centers. Oh scary. Yeah, but scary, isn't it smoking.

That's the most sinister building ever. Of course they abuse you mentally. It's the architecture.

It is the Frankenstein's House.

It's frockags Geen.

I never noticed how scary it was. Sorry, no, no, no.

So somebody said, what did you ever hear about those deaths in the Hollywood Tower And I was like, no, please tell me everything. And they were like, yeah, apparently the elevator. There's a bunch of people in the elevator and it she got struck by lightning and dropped. And I was like, this is incredible. And then the next day at worked they go, I'm sorry, that's the story to Tower of Terror at Calcu.

Yeah.

I was gonna say, I've been on that ride.

They told me the plot of a ride.

Oh that's great, they thought.

They were like, I just remembered it as a true crime story.

I'm so sorry, it's so what was there ever haunting at the Hollywood Towers?

Oh, that's so funny.

They entirely remembered a ride at Disneyland and as being a true crime story.

And in real life they just there was black mold or something to tear down.

Yes, they just kind of quietly killed people. They can't really trace it back.

Oh my gosh, that's so funny.

I as I was so excited to say, that's also what happens on the ride, and what weird will have to write those rides. I knew a guy, Jerry Reese. He wrote a Brave Little Toaster and he designed concepts for Disney rides.

That's cool.

Yeah, it was like one of his jobs. He was a nice he's still a nice man. But I haven't seen him for a while.

Well, if you haven't seen him, he's probably an asshole now yeah, yeah, everyone changes.

Probably doesn't even have a ponytail anymore. What a prick?

What a sellout?

No, he wanted to write. He liked Howard Kramer and I and he wanted to do an animated thing when I worked for Fuel TV. Oh nice, and he made like a concept of animation where it was like on a live action wall, like the graffiti came to life at night.

And he and I were both artists that worked in a bar. Yeah, and then.

It was pitched to like Comedy Central, and they said, we love it, we're doing it, but we don't have any money to pay the artists. Guy, and I'm like, why no, it's his whole idea.

Yeah, and your Comedy Central, you have lots of money.

No.

They we didn't end up doing it. They would not they would not budge.

Well, they're good people over there. This was what's important.

I don't even know these people don't even work there anymore. It was back when it was Adam Films. Don't get me to start.

At one, when it had little Little Jimmy the Pimp, which was that used to infuriate.

Me so much. Jimmy the Pimp, remember that, it was like.

A child pimp cartoon that like white boys thought was the funniest thing of all time.

Oh god, this white boy comedy. When's it gonna stop never being enjoyable to me?

Being my favorite kind of comedy.

See, that's the kind of timing. It is amazing. We talked about it earlier. But I've been acting, you know.

Yeah, I have an audition today actually for what that must that's some kind of cat food?

Why ruined the line already? I don't know if it's for cat food?

Do you say the line with a mouthful of cat food?

I did a spitta, except the gross kind that's actually spit.

Yes, it wasn't my coffee. I just spit on your car.

The whole mouthful of spit is the ultimate compliment, and it sells products.

That's what I'm gonna do, no matter what it is. No, it's Farrell's Fargo. Nice. But I don't know what I have to do.

But I'm telling you, I grew with this mustache, and all of a sudden, it's like, now that guy is a character.

Yeah, people go, oh, I can see it now, I can see what he's all about.

Yeah, and I don't. I don't during the day. I don't like walking around with it. I wear ski mask.

You really have to stay away from children.

Now, Yeah, No, it's true. I can tell that people think I'm a little weird. Well that's a pretty building.

I know it's not cool.

So where Matt lives now?

I don't know. I don't think so, because I'm driving past.

We're picking a mac Ingebrets, and I'm going to go ahead and say it.

Do it.

It would have been And I mean, it doesn't have to be a grand room. It can be a gradual reveal.

It can be a depressing reveals.

Uh that he has a show on Comedy Central called Corporate. It's very funny. He's very funny. He's very tall.

He's very tall, and he loves to commandeer this show, which we love.

Oh yeah, yeah, we might be getting interviewed if he's still has the same style.

I don't know has his style change.

He may have changed since Corporate has become such a success.

So Karen's back saying him now, I'll try not to interrupt.

Yeah, please be quiet while I text.

This isn't nice. This isn't where he lived before. I don't think. No, he's moved.

This is the third place he's lived in as many years. I'm sick of this nomadic lifestyle that he's living. Yeah, well this is I mean, it is nicer.

If I ever get a show, I'm going to move into a nicer neighborhood too.

I guess that's just how things go.

Yeah, let's make a plan that you that you move out of your shit neighborhood when you hit it.

Marina Delrey is very nice. It's just where most people go to retire. I don't wake up with that get up and go pep that I would here in this neighborhood.

That's right with all the young hip people.

Yeah, these people are moving and shaking, all right.

So the text has been sent and now it's just a waiting day.

It's just a matter of the retrieval and reading of.

It and understanding, yes, the concept, and then follow through.

That's really important that he walk.

Out of the building, and also maybe me double checking that I did come to the correct place.

Oh yes, so he just wrote back coming. Oh great, this is all working out so cute nineteen. Sorry, it's ahead of us a little bit, a bit according to this map.

It's not him.

That's not him.

It's another young happening. Dude.

Oh I think it's behind us now, Oh I don't get it.

It's okay, he'll find us. We put on the hazards idea.

Yeah, where are your hazards? You haven't see. You don't need them because this car never breaks down.

That's true. This car rules.

It really does rule the school.

When I get make it big with my TV show, I'm going to get a car like this.

I'm going to live a street a lot like this. I'm not gonna wear shirts like the one I'm wearing.

You do everything just like the people around you are.

We're going to.

Change so much good people wear suits. I'm going to have an affected accent. I'm going to visit a country for just a couple of weeks and then have that accent forever.

Yes, this is just like me every year school year, when I would start school and go this year, I'm going to be shy yep, and it would never work.

Now that's probably the sixth time I've said that on this point.

No, No, I really, I know that we've talked about how I shy people used to exist and I miss them. Yes, is now it's just a bunch of confident babies like you're.

They're just born. I can do anything.

Yeah, it's the parenting.

Where's the Yeah, they don't really do abuse anymore the way they used to.

What I happened to the kids who lived in fear and they didn't know what they were scared of, like me, I think it makes for a nice person every day.

Oh, a lot of people.

Last time I was talking about how I would hear voices and tunnel vision.

And a lot of people up said I had the same thing.

That's amazing. Here's Matt.

Oh, Matt ingebrets and coming in right next to the garbage.

Hii Hi. We we thought we'd have you entered right by the trash here?

Do you like garbage?

Right, Matt?

Do you know Stephen the.

Oscar of comedy?

Please don't fight guys, seriously, you get you guys.

Know each other and get along, right Matt?

Do you want black coffee?

Uh?

Because you have?

I do?

Come.

We did right by you this time.

Karen's real good at gifts.

I knew just what to get you recording.

Yeah we are.

Yeah, can't you tell by how fake we're acting?

Why are you guys acting like this? I can't stop smiling.

Stephen's touching me, yea, touch me?

And I screamed, touch me?

Oh do we have?

Oh?

Yes, of course, I almost holding a coffee.

But it works perfectly.

This is a beautiful neighborhood. And I'm gonna show you where I used to live.

Oh yeah, really you there? That's neighborhood.

I was in this neighborhood. We lived in this house right here when I was on speed in the nineties, and we had parties that were so loud and insane that the people who lived in this house here moved away. When I was on speed in the ninety this we lived that one right there, okay, and it was a disaster. Are my friend Dave Mesmer and my other friend Maliva Barbula, and we just drank. This was when I decided I was going to take speed so I can be thin

And that's all I did. I was like, Wow, like.

A personal assistant for your party friends. Yes, I'm so glad I know you at this point in your life.

I yelled slightly less than I used to, but only a little bit.

It was nuts.

What have you guys been talking about since you got in the car, Chris?

Auditions, Chris, it's been on tell not about just a retail but format.

I yeah, yeah, I've I think I need to take an acting class because there isn't I don't know how I've done yeah until months later when you get to see it, and then it watches over me that I'm not terrible, but I feel like I do. I can be terrible, but I don't know. So I need to take an acting class and learn how to do this.

Now, Matt, when you Matt is one of the stars and creators of the Comedy Central series Corporate hit series.

Right, yeah, that's right?

Serious? Ye did that happen to you when you started on Corporate?

Like, did you ever have that performance anxiety of I don't know what I'm doing?

Yeah?

No, I have the blind confidence of a tall white man. Okay, so no, it definitely did, especially when we made the pilot. Jake and I were both like, well, we're frauds, so we need to really work hard at this until we get it right. So I don't know. I think stand up helps a lot, though, I think you're like with your confidence.

But it's not so much the confidence that I'm worried about.

I really think there are technique things to this.

That is the reason people go to schools like Steppenwolf and Juilliard or whatever.

Like, it's not just.

About being confident. I know that I don't know what I'm doing. Did you take classes?

No. The best piece of advice I ever got from Adam Lustick, who's also in this show an incredible actor, is that all he went to nyu Tis School whatever it is, to like dramatic school, and he said the only thing he learned was that the only thing to be good at acting is to like not be self conscious while on camera. If you can like remove all of that, you're doing a plus work. Yeah, he said, he just learned breathing exercises and they did yoga in

I took in classes, and I was a theater major, but I never connected the fact that the reason we were doing these incredibly irritating exercises was to relax me for performance. I was always just like, Oh, here's this stupid shit where we have to pretend we're walking through honey and it would make me so mad and I wouldn't kind of pay attention, and.

Then when we would go to perform, I'd be like to get through this.

And I never am on speed walking through honey.

Yeah, just saying loud.

It was harder for me than other people because I was on speed walking through honey.

Yeah, why am I?

Yeah?

I feel like quicksand is always some sort of exercise pretending you're in quicksand, or maybe that's just a game I used to know.

For the listeners, Karen just talked and someone taking a left turn and she was justified in doing so, but it was aggressive, But was.

I because they were waiting for a person who was running the light. So I think I actually was in the wrong.

Okay, addendum Karen was and deserves no pity be of Karen.

Light me up.

I deserve it online.

Well, the thing that happened the other day was I started to get nervous. I'm like, they all think I'm a fraud, and I started sweating. And then it totally helped because the scene was me breaking up with someone and that is also when you get nervous and woe start sweating, and I was like, oh, this is working out perfect. My self awareness just bailed me out.

You just need to play parts where the person is nervous and sweaty.

Yes, if I could just corner that market.

The dumbest audition I ever did was for a Taco bell commercial and the premise of it was that you were like, you had to make a tiny taco. So during the audition I had to mind I get.

That you did get that audition?

Create? Yeah, No, I did not. I'm creating a tiny taco. And just halfway through creating it, I just looked up and was like, I'm so I can't do this.

That happened all the time where I would go in and it would be like a commercial for a bank, and they'd be like, so, basically, there's a line here, and you're just gonna go down and like rip the people as they're standing in line.

So just picture the people.

There's no line of people, so you just had to improvise insulting people who weren't there. And I was like, Okay, it sounds good, and then I went to the beginning so to do that and then start the copy. And so I started and I was like nice shirt, Ted America trade or whatever.

The thing was and went straight to the coffe because I was like, what are you talking about?

How you so I use my imagination to improvise a bunch of insults that can't be funny because you can't see what I'm imagining.

You can't see that the invisible person does not indeed have a nice shirt.

It's a stupid show. That's what's funny.

You're picturing that they have a beautiful shirt on, and so the comedy won't ever land.

I hate auditioning so much so that I.

Forget because I vividly remember it was like two years ago.

What happens to the tiny taco though? I feel like I don't with a mouse? Is there a mouse eating it?

Were they serving mice a taco bell?

Because well, you guys all know in this car that I do like miniatures, like dollhouse or otherwise, but.

Didn't know that.

I certainly didn't know that I love.

When I was a kid, I wanted a doll house.

What I really wanted a dollhouse just for the tiny toasters and little chairs and like the I like miniatures.

I mean, now that you're saying this, this does make sense based on what I know about you, but I did not know this.

Yeah it is. It is a cool art.

And I follow on Instagram a lot of mini Like there's guys that make just the frontage of a subway, you know, entrance and buildings, and so I think my dad was scared that I wanted to start playing with dolls.

It's scary and yeah, yeah.

God forbid. That was a big fear in the eighties that your son would just be like.

You better buy him a gun.

Yeah, they called it doll panic doll.

He had me doing pushups and then but we made like a while West store facade and that had miniatures and never really fulfilled that desire.

We never finished and yet but while at the same time being insanely manly.

Right yeah, yeah, he had me smoking cigars.

Oh yeah, now, Matt, what's the thing we don't know about you?

Miniature style?

Yeah, yeah, that you're into that other people don't know.

Yeah, but it has to be miniature.

No, it's just that style. Oh this is so hard. It's a secret.

What don't we know about you? It's a secret, but it's very light secret. Like the miniatures. We don't want to get into your bullshit.

Yeah, yeah, you don't need to bring your bullshit to the table.

I was going to bring my bullshit. So I'm glad you said soth. Okay, I did just read this might not count be exactly what you're talking about, but I did just read the book Dune. You guys ever heard of the book Dune?

Sure.

I've had mixed feelings about it, and I don't really know why I read it. I felt like a book I sh should read, or it seemed like a I don't really get nerd culture, I guess, or like kind of like sci fi obsession. Sure, but I was like, maybe if I read this it will it will help me?

And did the spice help you?

You know about the spice?

Sure?

Okay, yeah, no it did not help me. But I did it. I enjoyed it well enough, but I was like, I don't know why people are talking about this book so much.

It's just like different Star Wars.

It was a yeah, it was a storyline in Togetherness that were going to do a Dune musical for kids, right, oh yeah, yeah, something to do. And I sort of wanted to read it after that too, because there are a lot of people that what's Togetherness? That show that was great on HBO the plast Brothers show.

Yeah, it's like a lot of the same people that are making that Single Parents show.

It's just you were making a reference as if you were saying, like, it's very well known thing. And when that happens and I don't know the thing, I can, I get really upset.

No, it's okay, And I tend to just make references to things that are specific than just aim.

Then everyone knows what they are. So, boy, what a commentation together. I'm diving into traffic now. Yeah, dude, what is it? A big book I'm in?

It's that big book, A big boy book for big boys and girls.

Are you a big proud boy?

Mostly boys?

Yeah, most seriously, mostly boys. They don't treat women great, and girls.

Actually hate books like that.

Does the book have worms go in someone's nose?

No, there are worms, but they're too big to fit in the nose.

Okay, they're like worms.

Okay, that's right, Kevin Bakers.

Wait, Karen, why do you know about this stuff? Did you see the movie?

Well, I'm one of those girls that knows boy things.

Oh, Karen.

As a convenience, you have to know it to survive.

A woman who focuses on boy things are just one of the many books you read on speed in the night.

You were.

I got everything good moving on? You know.

Actually there's a so that director. I watched this documentary one day by accident. This can be my piece of trivia. It's not that good, but it's a Judgerowski.

Yeah, okay, I haven't seen that, but it's on my list.

It's so good.

So he wanted to direct Dune, Yes, And it's all about the work he put into the like basically what he was going to do to be the director of Dune.

Yes, And he had H. R. Geiger. Is that his name s? H. G. Geiger.

Yeah, he does does this very technical airbrush. He designed Alien.

He's the Alien guy, and he's like an amazing uh Art director.

Would that be what he is?

Yes?

So that guy had all the all he had a whole book that was going to be the Dune movie, and just.

All the studios were like, we just.

Don't this looks crazy.

We can't, Yeah, we don't believe in it. And then like a year later they did Star Wars.

So it was like he was this He's always been this visionary.

But in that documentary there's a thing.

He goes into talking about how fucked Hollywood is for true artists get fucked in Hollywood.

Yes, and it is the speech.

While I was watching the documentary, I started taking pictures of the screen grabs of things he was saying and posting them on Twitter like a lunatic because it was all this like.

This money, this, Jody money that whatever. I was like, oh my god, this is it. Nothing good exists in entertainment.

Have you ever seen the documentary Burden of Dreams about Warner hertzog No, his attempt to a movie that I think eventually came out, But it was a movie that was shot in the like a jungle in South America, where people died in the production.

Yes, when he was it was Fitzgaraldo.

Yeah that's right, uh huh.

Which is insane because once you've made anything, you're like, if somebody died while we well we made a fucking movie or TV show, we should all go to hell.

Yes, the insanity of that movie, roar, it's I don't think the.

Original movement one.

Yeah, it's insanity.

Have you seen that this movie with all these wild tigers in it and people on camera getting attacked by tigers Melanie Griffith.

Yes, yes, Melanie Griffith center, Yes, because they're her mom's tigers.

Right, Yes, it's that thing, because we watched a trailer for it. We went down a rabbit hole in the baskets room one day about how Tippy Hedron and it's Tippy Hedrones her mom and they kept lions at their fucking house in like Sherman News, and they had a bunch And there was one picture where a lion just has Melanie Griffith, I think is in the pool and she just the lion has its whole mouth around her head.

Yes, oh my god, I've seen that picture.

Yeah. I saw that movie in a theater, like a packed theater, and it was one of the craziest experiences I've ever had because people are freaking. It's so scary what you're watching.

So Tippy Hedron is a decent actor if she had to pretend then to be scared of birds.

I live in lions. They are my lines.

No birds are flowing.

You mean they're gonna pack me with their little beak. I've had my head in Hawaiian's mouth. She's just holding a whip standing on a stool.

I do it all birds are scary, though. I was just at the I was in Hawaii. Guys, by the way, what island Kawai the best?

I always asked that, and then I don't know anything about.

The islands is where I went last or for this past fourth of July.

It's my favorite.

Incredible.

Yeah, when someone says the Big One, when they mean may Hawaii itself.

Just say Hawaii, it's.

They're trying to make you feel bad because you don't have as much money.

I knew it.

Thank you for saying that every time someone, even right now, Matt's trying to make me feel good.

Yeah, the Big Island is extra expensive.

What did you do there?

It's hard to get a hotel there.

Almost nothing, truly almost nothing. There's very little to do other than just like eat and drink and lie on the beach.

Sure, did you go to that bar where they have pizza and serve the strongest my ties?

Right, the shaky Yeah, that's right.

They got a Shaky's.

Just for the people at home.

Chris did a comedy sip after he said Shaky's. He leaned over to his drink, he didn't bring the drink to his mouth, and then sipped like that was.

The best job. No, it's just people are laughing. I can have some of my alcohol.

And that bar was used in the movie The Descendants. Yes, and they had the movie The Descendants at the Airbnb I was staying at and we watched it and it felt like a really lame thing to do. Ha.

Yeah.

Yeah, when my sister, so, we have family friends that have a house in Kawhi that they rent, but then everybody also goes to a lot.

So then do it friend?

Do it make decisions?

Oh?

I see he was helping his other friend happen again.

And we were getting mad at someone being courteous. God, motherfucker. He should have run it.

That guy he's an asshole and he's been an asshole the whole time.

I wish people we need to have cameras.

Yeah, this should be lost.

We're just driving down Western. It shouldn't be that big of a deal.

That guy's been mad at me for not running about four different lights the entire time, and it looked a lot like Jake foglanest I might confront.

Him on Twitter later.

Yeah, that's what.

Is the name of that bar again? Can you remember?

Yeah, so my sister and Adrian and all of their friends that were there for it was somebody's birthday and everybody was there.

It was like two months ago.

They went to that bar, and they would go to that bar like every day or every night, depending because it's kind of the only game in town, essentially, unless you want to go to Happy Talk, which is also awesome.

Did you go to that one Happy Talk?

It's the bar in the hotel that's right there on the.

Oh, well, are you ready to joust a ambulance ambulance?

Yes?

Oh, he just pulled right over. I guess yeah, they're just getting some coffee. Sometimes that bothers me when I'm not of course.

Uh, you know ambulance as a father. No, no firemen or that's a fire truck. It's red. They're they're heroes. But a lot of times they bother me. It's like, I get it. I can hear you a lot of times.

And in that case, I think there was a first response reason. But sometimes the sirens go off and they're just picking up some lunch.

Sure, you know what I mean.

Oh, they take advantage.

My dad actually came down the first time I hosted the The Like Showcase night at the Improv in San Francisco. My dad was a fireman in Chinatown at Station two, and so they came down and pretended they were there to check the fire safety and then they all just stood in the back of the room and watched me help to all in full uniform with the truck Parke double parked out front.

That's that's just a story about you having a good dad. Right, how'd you do?

Yeah?

How'd you eat it?

I killed every time. I'm always always killed.

She did, she killed, She killed so hard. They were glad the firemen were there. Do you hear CPR you're taggling?

Should be Karen the perfect comedian.

Rarely doesn't kill. And then it turns out I don't know what kill means. So it took the last time they were in at Kawai. They went to Tahiti Nui and there was this guy that came and sat at their table. This big he looked like a classic Hawaiian like, he was really big, with a big gut.

And long, curly gray hair, and he was partying.

With them and he was buying them my ties, and everyone was having a great time. And at one point he told either my sister or her friend Adrian he was the king of the island, and they're like sound it's great, and.

He's like we're just like okay, buddy, I'll buy you a beer.

Whatever.

It turned out he was the king of the island. What I'm like, They looked it up on Facebook and he's the King of.

Kawhi in conjunction with the government.

Yeah, he's the official, like he is the you know thirtieth you know in the in the line to the throne or whatever.

He's he's the king. And he actually had a sidekick guy.

With him that was like taking her business, and like at one point he asked one of them to dance and then the.

Sidekick is like, yeah, go dance with the king. And they're like, I better go dance with the king.

Yeah.

Wow, isn't that the best?

I really? I wonder what duties he has as a king.

Well, he has to party.

Yeah, he has to wear Hawaiian shirt.

What's funny about Hawaii is I had gone once before, but just for a couple of days, and but going this time' gonna just reminded me. It's exactly what you think it is, Like everything they've said and like the music, like we got up the plane, and we're really hearing the ukulele version of Somewhere over the Rainbow. It's a little bit like, maybe change it up a little bit.

Sometimes there just needs to be more songs recorded by that guy, because he only did the watch.

I can't remember that is a specific that's a hit song that that cover that was big for Hawaiian ukulele.

It's nice.

I can't remember his name, my dad would know.

Christy played instrument.

I played trombone for a while and I picked up a rusty one the other day and I just couldn't even make it blow.

I don't know how to.

Are you playing a sex joke?

Terrible sex joke?

I picked one up and I couldn't even make it make a sound.

You weren't joking.

It's like it's I played it for four years and I the other day I blew on it and just went like it wouldn't even I didn't know how to do it anymore. What a waste of time that was my trombone?

Yours were real.

I mean, just the word trombone sounds insane, and this one indeed rusty.

I knew when I said it it was kind of a sex joke.

Trombo.

It was just your luck that you found a rusty my friend Sanchez he needed about He's dirty.

Rest trombone. Are you enjoying any of this, Matt? I just yeah. I wasn't sure you're even smiling.

That is about this podcast is I can't we can't look at each other.

Christ That's okay, That's why I like it.

I'm not even looking at the back of your head. I'm looking at a head rest.

I did I put little googly eyes like the kind that it's just defaced statues?

Head Yeah, Karen, do you play guitar much or have you? Are you still playing? Do you pick it up?

I haven't played in a while, so every once in a while I will. But it doesn't ever sound good to me. And I think I did it when I was a guitar comic.

It's such shame.

About it that I think I ruined it a little bit for myself, like I did it for too long past the time I wanted.

To do it.

I see, because it's too lazy to actually write an act, and so then I just turned it. I turned it on myself.

That is an unfair way to categorize what you do, because because what you did is incredibly funny and so good.

Yeah you're writing it off.

Yeah, I'm going both. Also, Yeah, and you're good at guitar, and you got to start a rock band and let me at least that's a rusty trombone.

I swear I'll practice.

Do you play an instrument now?

I played drums and percussion growing up, but I kind of let it slide. Music is fucking hard. You gotta do it every day or it falls away very cleck.

Yeah, that's everything almost and.

But you but also if you're in a band, you have to be writing songs that justify you doing it every day. So like for me, like I have friends that are in a band that's my favorite band and it's the best, and like it makes sense to me that they have this kind of very It's almost like all their life makes perfect sense.

To stones Nick and Jerry and Dan, but they but like that makes sense.

But then there's those people you know that like you go to see them because they invite you, yes, and their music sucks, their lyrics suck, and you wish you didn't go.

And like they're practicing just as hard as the people who are good.

At it, right, I know.

That's that's what makes me sad about music.

I stop practicing, so now I'm just left with my angelic voice, like perfect singing voice.

That's you're the perfect singer trademark, like I am the perfect to me, Dan.

Yeah, no matter how much you practice, at some point, talent has to be part of the thing, right yeah, yeah, yeah, Well you got the goods, Karen, you got to start that band.

Okay, you can be like the Sundays with a.

Could you remember with an edge?

Matt, if you would please pick up those drum sticks again, you could be the drummer.

Okay, you're giving mad a role. I'm the one that wants to start the band.

Okay, Okay, Rusty Trombone, you can have your dumb sex joke.

Chris comes out and tells a sex joke during the act, So.

Every time.

And then I come out of the means, I could probably stop and I do some dumb aristocrats act.

The great thing about Chris, though, is that even if it's the same joke every time, you'll tell it slightly differently. I stumbled through it in a slightly different funny way. You know, he's.

Absolutely talking off the top of his head.

I need. All I need is slight variation to enjoy comedy.

Yes, otherwise you're just repeating yourself, don't we all.

I did a little holiday shopping this morning. You online, I bought an expensive mug for a family member. You guys done shopping and Los flies lately. No for the listeners is a hip part of Los Angeles. And it's pronounced I know, what did I just say? Damn it? I know, but that's what you did.

Just move here?

Are is?

That's how you proved correctly pronounced it in Spanish.

But yeah, but you have to I will.

When I moved to Austin and everyone it was I called it Guadaloupe straight and everyone said, oh, no, no, it's guadal and I'm like, you know what, No, it's a Spanish word.

I'm going to say Guadalupe.

And then you're on the bus and they announced every stop in English, and then afterwards they announced it in Spanish and they said, you know, the next street is Guadaloup with like a Texas accent, and then they repeat it in Spanish, you know.

Like cala asked a Guadaloup.

They mispronounced the Spanish word in Spanish, which is just a Texas.

You know, fucking look, remember the Alamo.

Because if you win that war, Yeah, I guess, so you won the war, you get to change all the.

Pronunciations, didn't they Yeah, then they just trap people and burn down a building like that.

That's not winning a war. Don't get me started on saddle technique.

Don't you dare besmirch the War of Texas or whatever?

That Osborne. I'm pissing.

The Great War of Texas.

But anyway, there's about a dozen shops in Los Peelas that just damn it. I did it again, Los Feelis? That was okay? That sell only seventy dollars mugs, three thousand dollars blankets, and five hundred dollars pillows.

Now do you think those Do you think it's a drug front? Do you think it's a trustafarian?

Oh?

I mean a trust fund?

Child? Like?

How do you explain those stories?

I think it's I think you have to be rich to start one, right, I will say, let's take let's be empathetic here. Okay, my guess is, let's let's try let's just try to be a good PERSONA.

Why can't we be good people?

I would imagine because most of the stuff in there is like handmade by single like it's not like your mother. Yeah, so in order to sustain their business, you got to pay seventy bucks for their fucking right. Pretty, there's soap. The mugs are very pretty, I.

Will yeah, sure.

And this is a standard mug. It's just a it's not doesn't have a top on it. You're not talking like a thermost.

It's just it's a mug that will make you feel better than your neighbor.

Gotcha. That's all I want out of a mug.

Yeah, it's mug superiority.

It's very common these days.

Do you have any prestige mugs here at the Asnavi Dods starring?

They do, and they will.

My niece and I'm sorry because I did tweet this, but my niece wants an ice skating She's big into ice skating and takes lessons and she's really good on it. So she's my sister. Said, Nora wants an ice skating necklace. So I look up ice skating necklace on Amazon and there's all kinds of like a single ice skate on a pendant. There's full girls ice skating that you could get that My sister said she thinks that's what she wants. And it looks super trashy and very large.

But then at the bottom of the page.

Uh, the sponsored ad for a necklace was a pendant of the guy from Saw, the mask from Saw weird. So it's ice skating, ice skating, little girl stuff. And then the boss was this huge that the like, shall we play a game? Guy with the creepy cheeks and that it was fucking hilarious. Yeah, I don't know, especially on the ice skater.

Yeah, what's it?

Yeah?

What's it?

Categorically there because of some did that guy skate when he wasn't haunting people or something?

I don't know the Saw series, I don't.

Know that his his you know it's upcoming. Yeah, that he was a former.

It was a nice dancer.

Paint a red swirl on his cheek. Yeah, that's all I know about the Saw monster.

I've never seen Saw.

I've never seen one of them.

There's one Carrie carry always who I like. Is that how you say his name? The guy that plays Los felis the guy that was the Princess Bride.

He's so good in that, And then he was in this movie and uh, and he was not good at acting.

What if he listens to the podcast, I'm gonna.

Feel absolutely could and he is a.

Good He probably was like this sucks.

And who cares?

Well he did that for Liar Liar too.

Anyway, Yeah, the new boyfriend.

I think when he has an American accent, he seems less appealing then when he's British because he's British.

Oh man, he was. He's great. I'll just reiterate he was great and Princess ride.

It's too late, Chris, I already said that.

I feel like I do good sometimes bad. Sometimes He needs.

To know we're the same.

Carry always, We're a human beings. Carry accept it. You stunk it up and why didn't?

It was like he was too campy for you? What was the problem in Liar Liar?

Oh yeah, it was just uh he was, yes, sure, can't be you're just bad at acting.

I don't know. It was not convincing.

I know what you're talking about. But I for one love his acting and would never say anything bad about it.

I know that he's say on my back is sweating because guys dunk it in my head.

Listen, Carrie, Chris is a nice guy.

You've gotta let this one go.

You guys really think he's listening.

I turned and he's in the back of the car. Sad. No one likes me. You can't always be.

What's the last movie that you saw in the theater?

Map? Yeah, the Favorite Oo and I loved it.

It's good, right, I.

Thought it was so good.

I can't wait.

It's so fun. You're gonna fucking love it. It's just all like smart, fucked up dialogue and terrible things happened. It's great, yes, but it's pure fun.

I did love The Lobster so much.

The Lobster is great.

Except for that ending was dark.

Oh yeah, it's dark. It's less because it's your Slanthemo's that director, but he didn't write it. So it's a little more of like because his movies are like psychotic and wild and this is a little more straightforward, but in a good way.

I think.

Okay, well, I picked the street that has all the stopped garbage trucks on it.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's fun because then, oh, this guy doesn't care. He's like, come on, come on, I'm a smooth faced asshole.

I'll look him right in the eye.

Yeah.

I didn't like that guy at all that's that was a lot like the guy that was behind me for several blocks.

There's a lot of tension in this town, especially around the holidays.

Oh when's the last time you saw a car with a boot on it?

That have a boot?

Yeah, so I used to get the.

Boot a lot in the nineties, you know, when I was on speed.

The holidays are so funny, like especially like the airport I went. I flew home for Thanksgiving and you never see and I flew on Thanksgiving Day. Such a combination of the most angry people at the airport and next to them like very happy people who are like every blissed out happy to go home, and then some people who are furious at what's happening.

It's the only difference is full or empty stomachs.

I almost almost I almost going to a fight at the airport going home.

What the fuck?

Wait?

Can I just ask?

Yes?

Did you fly at night? Like you had dinner and then you were like, I have to go back.

I flew in the morning, so.

You did pre Thanksgiving and then came home.

Well, okay, So my little sister's a nurse and so she worked Thanksgiving, so we did Thanksgiving the next day.

Oh nice, okay, oh got it. You were on your way out.

Yes, got it. I was on my way to Houston. Okay, yeah, anyway, let's back up. I want to explain the I want to explain that a little bit.

I want are you going are you talk about the fight?

Yes?

Okay, okay.

So I was going through the TSA and I got through, and before I was getting putting my stuff on the like conveyor belt to the or whatever the security thing, this guy cut in front of me. And I usually let that go, but I've let it go a few times recently, and I then just am angry the whole time, just in a subtle way, like pissed off for weeks, yeah,

Yeah, good, good, that is you did the right thing, just.

Right behind my head like I'm doing to you. He was like. While I was going through, he was like, little fucking son of a bitch, you want to take this outside, We'll take it outside.

You kidding?

Yeah?

Oh man, I should have.

I guess I should have alerted the TSA, but I just stood there and kind of took it. And then we got through and I was like, have an I stay.

I would have.

Oh that's awesome.

So you want to not go through security, go outside.

I feed each other the boots from go outside at the airport.

I did tweet this and somebody was like, you should have said, yeah, let's go outside and then let him leave the line.

Yeah yeah, yeah, oh god, that would have been.

But I think that people out there.

I think people obviously everyone's insane these days and enrage all the time. Yes, but I also think that people have so much anxiety about flying and don't know where to put it.

Did they get drunk or take pills?

They get like crazy to relieve their anxiety, and then they're like irresponsible with their behavior.

This guy felt like.

He was on speed caring killer style.

Yeah, was he trying to make plans with you for lunch, dinner and the show party with me?

He's on edge? Ye had, Yeah, he was trying to organize a parton was I.

Did it was? Even though I did call him up for cutting in front of me, I didn't like make a big deal of it after that because I was like, this guy must be going through hell. Why would he behave this way if his life wasn't a total nightmare?

Totally?

Yeah, And he knew he was wrong to cut in front of you, That's why he was being so defensive.

Yes, which is like, then he's just caught.

Yes.

Did you say he was big.

Big, like broad chested, like like he could have He would have beat me up right bad.

If you would just step outside.

Yeah. Yeah.

There's also guys that are like that and it's always worked for them since there he maybe just wanted to fight.

Also, there's also just sinister people like that. Yeah. I've been in situations like that.

It's like, oh, there is no logic behind this, there is no reasoning with this person. He gets like excited in almost a sexual way by punching another man in the face.

And what's interesting is he was in the wrong yet he was coming at you like you cut him off.

Yes, that's what's hilarious.

It was crazy.

It's so funny because I've been in that exact situation Mat and I and I did. I was like, what would that mean? We would both leave this and go outside.

And then come check back in. Yeah, think about that. You want to miss your flights for this? And then he was like humph, but he was dad age.

I wish he could have at least just admitted like, this is sexual for me. People as sexual.

God, you look good in this TSA line. What is it?

Okay? If you need this, I'll do it.

Well, that's a thing. I don't do this.

Dance with you.

The MMA fighter Tank Abbott, it's everyone talks about how he would get erections while he fought people. Really yeah, and it was intimidating for a lot of fighters. A lot of them would be like kind of homophobic about it. But he would get aroused and he'd have a boner and he'd have you in a leg walk and it was very obvious because it was you know, your pretzeled up, your face is right near it.

I don't understand how because I was just watching.

Cabit probably listens to the podcast.

Hey, we're just praising him for.

Having a great strategy and a boner.

I just watched the Paul Giamanti movie Win Win, where he plays a high school wrestling coach, and as I was watching, I'm like, isn't the thing with guys in high school? And I know this because I know boy things. It's constant worry that you're going to get an erection and you can't do anything about it. And then you become a wrestler, where like obviously that's you're highly at risk, I know, and in like a singlet, it just seems very risky.

You know, he's probably was walking around with a boner half his life, and he's like, how can I use this to my advantage?

Oh, I know, I'll become a fighter.

Because it's at the bank.

It's not working right, nobody likes bank. There's very strong letters from Wells Fargust.

So it's so quiet there you could hear that erection from it.

Please don't bring it.

It's I mean, because the last time I went to a doctor, you're scared because and not to be gross, but I had to get a camera in mine and and you you really are Your body reacts to that and it wants your your penis wants to go away because of it, but.

It wanted to just go away, just be a turtle and go away.

Pens and Junior hide and can I disappear exactly?

And also it's hard to get get cathetered or get it. I'm sorry that I'm an old man, but I've had a you know, it's not a responsibility, and it's harder.

So this podcast is about educating listeners before the process.

I sort of made myself get sort of an erection just by just because I knew it would make it easier.

Did the doctor request this or was this a choice you made and it was.

A timing thing.

I don't want to overdo it and tank ab it up this situation, but I do want to make sure it's not the smallest it can be, which is usually where I'm at I'm walking around or riding a bike.

You know your body?

Now, was that a difficult challenge being that you were about to have a painful medical procedure.

It was difficult for me to just talk about.

It just now.

Yeah, but now is it a fetish thing?

It's getting so expensive? I wish I just liked having sex.

I have to buy that tiny camera in my bedside table.

And that's why I get That's why I keep trying to get these commercials so I can get the insurance, so I can get.

Let's get this fund me so that Chris can get what he needs.

It's gonna really have a long, convoluted description. I just need to see a doctor. And it's not for medical reasons.

I'm worried about the prizes that you get with each pledge.

They call that the reward. I don't want my reward. Yeah, no, thank you all unclaimed reward.

Oh man, Well, it's true.

Chris acted in an episode of season two of.

Corporate this year and it turned out good, right.

It turned out great, and he and he was panicked day of talking to going back to talking about being a fraud.

Yeah, I know I was. I wanted to talk him off a ledge. Yeah, I wanted to be good. Did you really?

Yes, I have a friend who hit a guy here really, because yeah, there's.

Somebody who's probably that guy. He just leapt in the draft.

He really did.

When when the show comes out January fifteenth.

Is.

Are they a good club? Can you watch them all.

Not at once? How many Central's doing this new thing where they don't adopt adapt to the times?

Oh goodt Yeah, no, I like, I like when you have to wait.

Yeah, so it'll be out yeah, January fifteenth. The in your episode, you're in the finale right gradually?

Can you just tell? Can I get an overview of what Chris will be doing?

Yes? Well, if you if you watch the first.

Season sons spoilers, Yes.

I'll spoil something in the first season, which is that you learn that Chris's character Ted, he admits to having inadvertently helped do nine to eleven, and you don't ever learn what his.

Involvement was, right, So yeah, yeah, and so.

That's all you hear from him. He's another little part in that episode as well.

But that but it's the same care I'm still tend there's still ten.

So we just learned more about Ted and this he comes back and is up to some new things that he is also not very good at.

Yes, causing more not as big as nine eleven, but yes, he.

Must be pretty good.

Wait, which is happened?

Just think that bird just fart out on your hood.

It was like a teenage boy bird Stephen.

If there was ever a time I wish you were taking Instagram stories, kitchen attack would definitely be one.

Even if he was poised and ready with a with a tripod, he would not have captured that quint.

Yeah, that was a that would have been tough shooting wise.

By the way, Stephen is cramped back here and if he if his parents were to see what he's doing, they would be like, what are you? What is your life? Now?

They do pay you for this?

Yes, actually I should say my phone diets. I'm taking notes on the Starbucks cup. Oh God, like.

Stephen, that is bugging in the clutch producing well done?

Was that episode? I did not to go back to it? Was it?

It was it direct or written by Bridger Weineger, No, it was not.

It was written by Jessica Gow But he did write some right, he did because he was a writer.

I just was on thing and he had written it and then he met he brought that up.

Yeah, yes, uh huh did a real quick. Don't anyone get excited. My character's name is Man. I'm hoping we can change it to arguing man, but it might just be man.

What about sweating man in the grocery store.

Yeah, we were very specific. Man that has riddled with self doubt. Man, it's more about me.

Bridgrew Wininger is deeply funny, and we would give him every script we wrote to punch up and he would add probably five to six new jokes a script that we would leave in. A very high caliber writer.

And what I was talking about earlier, he's one of the there was a window of time where the career like Rob Delaney from Twitter, these people were getting plucked out. I don't think it happens anymore, right, but Bridger was like noticed on Twitter.

Yes, how I remember?

Very cool.

No, he's the funniest he Also, I don't know how much of this type of thing I'm allowed to say. Stephen, prepare to make a note on your cup that we might have to cut this. Bridger is going to have a podcast coming out on our new podcast.

Very excited about that.

I am too. It's such a funny idea.

And when he told when he told me the title and I won't say it will it'll be a big teaser for later, but it made me like it's so him, and it made me laugh so hard, and I immediately had fifteen ideas like it's just so good.

Oh man, I wish you can tell us after.

I'm really I'm on I'm hanging a cliff on the edge. I'm hang lighting. I don't have the right equipment. I'm actually a bit of a panic.

We were going to scoop you right up.

The second it's really windy. A bird disattacked me.

A dirty pigeon just flew low.

Look at everything they were like doing everything. Everything's starting to look nice again.

Ye those guys. Do you guys get excited about Christmas?

Man?

You decorate or holidays or I have.

A I think a healthy relationship with Christmas. Me too, where I don't get overly excited, but I try to allow myself to get swept up as much as I am able to, because there's so little joy left in this right that, even though Christmas is insane and a totally batshit in crazy consumers holiday, I try to let it make me feel good if it can.

Yeah.

Yeah, I and my family gets along and we exchange gifts. It's nice.

Yeah, it is nice. I'm excited for it. I enjoy it as well.

I love it.

There's a man at the end of my sister's street, and the game is always and when I'm up there for Thanksgiving, will he put up his Christmas lights before I leave? Because he does the full on every single like the car, the house we just drove by, where it's like as many things as he can fit on his front lawn and on the front of his house.

He puts up. I love that and it all goes with music.

And it's like a whole event and it's so fun because my niece has loved it since she was like a baby.

So then it's kind of like a weird.

Tradition of somebody else doing all the work and then we like drive by. Its right, right, and like stuff like that is my favorite.

I really appreciate people like that more and more as I get older, because I learned, like, like I don't put up Christmas lights, so it's like, thank god this guy exists who doesn't.

Exactly, I don't do it because I know these guys are going to overdo it and they'll make up for that's the loss of me not doing it, because it is a loss.

It's a huge loss. We miss you.

Yeah, used to be good. I used to paint windows. I was into the holidays.

You're in all of it.

I just don't do it anymore.

But I think it's also for slightly older people who understand they've been It's for people whose lives have been decimated and then they're.

Like, look a string of lights, like we can we can be happy again. And I honestly believe that's what it's all about.

It's like, if you're kind of in your life and doing it, you're like, oh shit, it's Christmas.

I didn't realize.

But if you're like every one of my family's dead, look at this, look at this man.

Yeah, that's on make up for the fact that the house is now empty except for me.

I drank hot cocoa last night and it really did something for me.

You're like the tank cabit of beverages were in the Starbucks.

I put the hot into my point and I got it at.

Yes, so much to talk about it, and we're not saving it for later.

It's now on the podcast. Yeah, I get excited. I get excited for Christmas.

It's the best.

There was a street in Austin where people it was the entire street. There wasn't one house that didn't participate in in just like all these houses required extra powers sources and car batteries for like these. A lot of the houses, like in there was a sequence of lights, like a pattern that went across three houses.

So they all got together to do this thing.

And it was like a nast Muslim.

One was Jewish, you'd like to think.

So, yeah, it was really pretty cool. It was like watching an animated light show. Yeah, and this was the one, and so everyone there was just so everyone's into it because there was a line of cars always just waiting to see these lights.

So it's free and everyone's broke these days, no one can do a bunch of crazy shit.

But like if a bunch of people go then it's like, ohkah, I want to do what everybody else is doing. And it really is delightful when things are lit up.

It's nice.

It is.

By the way, we just passed a tanning salon. Isn't that crazy? But that is still happening. We all know.

It's not the same color.

Yeah, that's what the sun does. They could be doing spray tns versus like like cancer inducing like hot beds or whatever that.

I did spray.

They still do spray tann and I did the full the darkest you can get It was for a Jersey short character. I was interviewing these guys nice, but they did abs on me and everything.

Like I it was really pretty. It felt great. I pulled up my shirt at the end of the segment and everyone was like, man.

You got all ripped, and I'm like, no, it's stray tantory, a fraud. It was a stencil of tits and pecs.

And this is rated acts.

I come on here to have a nice time, drink.

Hot cocoa and not talk about your peanuts.

Last night, I was really sorry I mentioned the urethral. I really am sorry. I wish I hadn't read it all.

But we've referenced so many times since then that you have to leave it in. You can't edit it.

Foundational.

Yeah, yeah, it's.

Once I start talking about catheters and cameras.

You can't get me to stop.

Now, do you order your catheters on Team I reuse them.

That's not actually how my grandpa died. No, I'm not kidding. I'm sorry.

I normally would Jesus normally blurt something like I.

Really tainted this episode.

It's important to let people know don't reuse these things.

You will get an infection point of this episode, you will it's important for your health to always use a new can.

And if anybody needs to know it, it's the listeners of Do You Need to Ride? The oldest consort of podcast listeners there is.

I'm in my early forties, barely in my forties, and I've needed.

You're basically thirty nine.

I would say, no one's going to go to the hospital to get cave. If you're gonna have to go to your house, you got to use one of these Wilford Brimley sponsored one eight hundred calf.

Have you started a catheter company?

Yes, and they're not made a plastic. It's bioed, a grade Will payer catheters and.

It saves the turtles. It's called do you Need a Catheter? And that's why we're bringing.

It up on this show right now. So far, I've just designed my own. It's a it's a straw. It's a regular straw.

It's a starbut straw that other people aren't allowed to use, that.

Other people have used. It's a used straw.

Gross, sorry, but an unused catheter. That's the key.

Yeah, it's yeah, sorry.

Across the street from for Rent, anyone in my.

Family, who neighbor I need to move?

And I'm like knocking on the door. Where do you want to go to lunch? Where do you want to go to dinner? We got to make it happen. I think that was a really long drive, wasn't it?

To nowhere?

It was great, I mean a good way. We mentioned.

Why did we do that.

Every time?

Even though we didn't actually go to the airport that had everything that doing that provides.

We talked about Hawaii, We've talked about flying, We've talked about TSA, we talked about the cat. We talked about the camera in my penis.

So you always put people up from the airport.

Sometimes we haven't in a while. The airport it has Yeah, now that shared.

Burbank Airport, Burbank's Great lax is living hell and we keep this is now season two.

You're the second episode of season two.

You need to ride.

We decided to break it up like that because now we're on the exactly right now. But plug plug.

But Yeah, it started to be where the person who would ask for the ride, we would judge them on It would be like are they worth picking up from the airport, because it's like we're not driving out there for just any old middler.

It's gonna have to be someone that delivers time or we're not doing it.

Someone like what's his name? That actor that would have been a great call back. I remember the name of that.

Oh yeah, let's go past, sir, Just just t bone backwards. So am I right as a January fifteenth.

January fifteenth on Comedy Central at ten thirty after Drunk History, or find it however you can. I think it'll be on iTunes and Amazon, do whatever you need to do to watch it. Yeah, follow Corn, Yeah, follow me on Instagram at matt Ingabritz. And I'm posting a lot of fun picks these days.

What are you posting these days, Matt Well?

I got to actually Bridger Wineger gave me a T shirt And on the T shirt it's a red T shirt and white letters. It says, if you have a problem with my badass attitude, call one eight hundred each shites And it's my favorite T shirt now. And I just posted a Hawaii pick of me wearing that T shirt on the beach.

Wait were you wearing that shirt when you were going through TSA You.

Started like you did it? Oh no, no, it's too late. I don't accept your apology.

Well, thank you for having me on guys.

Oh my god, thank you so much. It was wonderful.

Yeah, I'm very excited. Do you have what are you coming up? Plug anything? Nope, you know you're just relaxing.

I'm maxing and relaxed. Christmas, I have so Jesus has risen. No, that's Easter. It's Jesus's birthday. Everybody on Christmas on.

Christmas, yeah, two thousand years ago. Yeah, birthday Jesus.

And I'm doing I want to mention I'm doing recording as a special on January fifth in Portland, Oregon.

Awesome.

What place are you're recording up?

Mississippi Studios.

Awesome.

Two shows.

That's very cool, and it's important to me. It's the most important, uh comedy set of my life so far. So fly too much pressure.

To put on.

I'm very.

If you don't do this to one of these two shows correctly, it is over.

It is the end.

It's just going to be a very expensive mistake for me and I know well.

But Mississippi Studios is awesome.

Yeah, I'm excited.

It's a cool it's a good spot. Yeah, it's a great town. They are so smart, they know their comedy.

And I got good cameras and nice guys operating them.

And it's going to be great if you're listening and you're anywhere in the Williamette Valley.

Tigered up to bend the dolls.

Call know it all, and don't forget to keep an out for Chris's upcoming catheter company.

If you are a member of my family, I'm sorry.

I so caval.

It was in the moment that I brought up the passing of my grandfather. But if you didn't know, just don't use catheters.

This is it's almost like the ultimate spoiler.

It's not I'm being serious, me.

Too, it is.

We're also gesturing. It's very big. All of our hands are up. We're all doing Everyone has their tiny orange hands up.

Look and listen.

This is crazy.

But it's hard not to giggle like a fifth grader when you're talking about catheters.

That's right.

That's why I was laughing, not because I think it's funny when when it's huge.

This is the one that Trump does the most that I hate, which is the okay sign pointed at someone he's doing an okay job.

Okay, I'm sorry, that's okay.

So I think that this is a conclusionary moment. Do it, wrap it. You've been listening to Do you need a ride?

D Y N A R I?

You want way bad?

You? Do you want to be?

Doesn't matter how.

Much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay.

We want to send you off in style. Do you want to welcome you back home? Tell us all about every scaredter?

Was it fine? Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

To ride?

Do you need

With Karen and Chriss