S2 - Ep. 17 - Caitlin Gill

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and date, Turmanol and gay.

We want to send you off inside.

We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about every.

Scared he was it fine? Malborn. Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Damn ride? Do you need.

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris.

Fairbanks, this is Karen Kilgareth.

Turning down strategically turning down the air conditioning. We've driven for a while and really cooled the car down.

Guys. It is a hot one today.

It is a scorcher in the city and has been for two weeks.

Quite sometime.

It's really summer, summer, summer time time for traffic.

Right now we're driving in it.

Back to you, Karen, uh, thank you, Chris.

Oh you dumb female person on a radio show.

She always says.

Thank you anyways, sports Sorry, I've always kind of wanted to be a radio guy or make fun of them.

You were like a morning Zoo guy there where you were sexist to me right and talked over like, I know, even out of dance exactly.

That's what I was saying.

You were going to say, sorry, Karen, everything you were going to say? What were you going to say?

By the way, Oh, I was just going to say, I mean right right right right right right right right right, Well, anyway, we're giving away tickets to the Jambrie Band Explosion, John Spencer's Explosion coming at you.

I had something like that the other night, Karen, Can I say something embarrassing about you real quick?

I don't like, I really don't wait. One time I wanted to do though.

I was listening to one of the one of the stations in Los Angeles and the dj a knew Adele hit had come out. It was off of her second album and it was the I think it was sen send my love to your new lover.

Even though she was eighteen or something when she when she a child, when she.

Uh, well, she was twenty one when she her first k album came out.

What's called that?

Yeah, this was.

Twenty three, but the DJ was breaking down the lyrics of some adel song. I think it was semi love but I can't remember, and basically just.

Being like can you believe this? And then there was like a.

Female coat like sidekick that was like I know, she's it's crazy.

He's like, oh so it's all his faults.

And it was this weird like it was the weirdest, the most defensive, where it's like, dude, it's a song like you hear dumb bullshit songs all day, why is this one under your skin?

Just because probably, like us, they're just clawing for content.

Clearly it's either that or now back to the Lama farm.

We're at the fair all week.

Corn Dougs, rices have you gone to the ferr yet this summer?

I haven't been to a fair.

I've been wanting to go to a fair for two decades and I haven't been.

You just want to smell the horse, hey you?

I would love to go to the fair. There's one in Pomona. There's like the you know, Los Angeles County Fair.

I guess, right, I guess I'm the one that's in Orange County, which I think is the OC Fair.

Of course it is. I guess I went to that ten years ago.

Oh so that's a decade. That's a long time, Chris, Chris, that's a long time.

Hey, who's paying attention to time?

We're on the air. By the way, it's six h three. I guess I'm time right now. Be quiet. Care I can't okay, I'm gonna stop being that character.

Okay, good, because I'm really mad.

Yeah, it's actually probably on some level, I'm hurting your feeling.

I am live it. No, I get the bit.

There's something about trying to act like a morning DJ. And maybe it's just because the women don't ever talk. Is I just couldn't think of one fun thing to say along with you.

Yeah, it's like they women on radio shows, morning radio shows, because you have to. I still do terrestrial morning radio shows to comedy, right, And it's always seems like they're in a position where they're just tagging jokes or giving actual information, and then the main guy is a guy that kind of either wished he was a comedian or did it for a little while, or has animosity towards comedy.

Usually they have some I could have done.

This, but I had this's broadcast quality voice, and so they they kind of mess with you and call you out for doing jokes, even though they want you to do your jokes. It's never a good Sometimes it's a good time, but not that. And I usually feel bad for the females that i'd kick because they're yeah.

Well also I think they're around, they're they're they're they're being used for their gender, but they don't get to express themselves. They're there to agree, which I think is a bummer.

Not always. I mean, there's there's some cool ones in there.

And have a radio show, and you guys don't do that. We're of course not talking to you.

I'm only thinking of stuff that happened in nineteen ninety one.

Ever, if you are.

On the radio in one, we are talking about your Yeah, this is about you personally.

Have you Now, let's be positive about the radio. Have you ever listened to Jonesy's jukebox?

I loved it.

It's the best.

Because he did not follow the rules.

He would have long pregnant pauses, would just exhale and stop talking, and you adjust your dial. I have a dial in eighty one escort just your digital buttons and he and then he just start talking again. It's like, oh, I must have gone through a dead zone. No, he just was comfortable. Yeah, with his own brain farts and.

Also seemed a little tired.

But then he would like, then he would have an amazing guest because he's a legendary guitar player and musician and singer.

Is all right.

Then suddenly it would be like someone incredible would be on with him, and then they were just like.

Do a song together. Yeah, and it was the best radio show.

Yeah.

There's something to be said for just putting a guest at ease by just talking like a person. Yeah, God's sake. Yeah, I think he still does that show. It's just not on Indy one O three one.

That's right, I think it's But I do think it's somewhere. I believe it exists on NPR perhaps.

I think k KFPP. What's the public radio in Los Angeles?

In Cincinnati w k OH WKRP, that's right, yeah, nok.

You of course, which river divides the country to where it's K on one side and W on the other?

Is it the Ohio River?

This is a trivia question.

No, I don't know the answer, but I know it is this side of the Mississippi.

That phrase is goes back to old radio.

No, you're right, it doesn't. But back to your original Yes, it's so hot and my new place. I don't I feel bad now because I really don't think it's haunted. Maybe it was, and I'm just blocking out my experiences, which were.

Real, right, but it was a misplacing thing, and.

Now it's being haunted by an extremely hot temperature that has only had height. Like I'll be sitting in front of my air conditioner and then I stand up and my face is immediately sweating.

I think that means there's no insulation in my place.

Probably I got a big AC unit, and I've never had an air conditioning unit in the city, but I've really needed it. Yes, and I've been just sweating in my house even though I have that acy it's haunted by heat.

Well. Also hot air rises as we all.

Yes, so it's up.

They're waiting for you all.

That's why hot air ballooning is taking off, Like, God, I love it.

Have you ever hot air ballooned, Chris?

I have.

If there's gonna be a reason to be in a basket with your friends, either you're a bunk your poppies or you're in a hot air balloon, We'll be right.

Back with Karen's real life air balloon story.

I'm back, did you No?

I've never gone in one, but I really want to go to a hot air balloon festival. I believe they're in the fall usually, and in places like Colorado, Arizona and places with big open swaths of land.

And there's always a photographer there that's planning to make an inspirational poster.

That you will forward and forward and forward again through the email systems and let everyone see.

That, Karen, opportunities are like clouds.

See I told you this at your cousin's wedding. I'm going to tell you again. Life is like a hot air balloon.

You said I was drunk, and maybe I was.

But what's important is hot air balloons.

They are I should do that.

It's like a casual way to be up in the You don't have to bungee John pre parachute.

You just sit helplessly in a basket.

I think you're it's dangerous though.

I think that it is. We all know what happened to the Hindenburg.

But those, I mean, those balloons aren't filled with gas, are they?

That?

There could be?

You are next to some kind of a propane tank or explosion able unit.

Yeah, definitely, it's explosion able.

Explosion able.

Uh do you know Margaret Cho, famous comedian Margaret Cho, she was she won a hot air balloon trip.

Somehow. I believe she won it.

It's a funny thing to win.

I know.

And then she went on it and it crashed and they were in the basket and they like had to take cover in the basket and it fucking crashed.

That's horrifying.

Sorry, I was looking at the I'm looking at the asshole in the car behind us that honked and is yelling at me because I'm going this limits.

Oh, I love that. He's my favorite.

He's a little bald.

Uh, he's a little angry guy.

Let's not talk about how much hair he does or doesn't matter.

Yeah, right, that's selling people out. And let's also a lot of people are out there angry. We don't want to persecute them.

Yeah that's true.

I mean I'm one of those exactly. Let's stop putting me under the gun.

Yeah, I think it's okay for me to be pissed all day because I have a glorious head of hair.

Also, I very attracted the bald men. So let's not act like that's a minus.

You still have your Jason Alexander Wall of the posters.

The man is fucking hot.

I mean yes, but you said his bone structure. I really don't see it. We're gonna take a right wing call.

Which is most of the calls that come in because we are central to the state. A problem most you have is uh racist collars collar? Are you there?

Ragget? He cut out.

Oh, luckily the phone systems are down and he can't communicate his personal problems to us.

Oh man, that would have been good radio.

You know, I'm drinking a hot tumbler of coffee right.

Now, and I don't know why. It doesn't taste good. It doesn't feel good. You need it though, It's like my bottle my Bubba. I'm it's so weird that my bubba was a blanky.

Oh.

I've got a new coffee maker and I've been drinking quite a bit of coffee.

How much would you say you drink a day?

Three cups?

M yeah, throughout the day, sometimes after eight pm?

Damn.

And I think I still just fall asleep with ease. Is that a problem?

Not at all? The guys are jerk too.

Yeah, all these people are losers.

No hair.

I guess they come in all chickens. Hey, look, not all losers are baldies.

You know what, I'm going to give it to the baldies this time.

You know what, Say something to make me not feel bad about what I jokingly said, because I just started to sweat, because I feel like there's if this is.

A real radio show, would be some kind of me up scotty type of joke. If the glove doesn't fit, you must have quit type of joke.

Right here? Did I miss the turn?

No?

No, we are going to turn right in three blocks, perfect, three blocks. We're picking up Caitlin Gill. I'm very excited to.

See her, one of my favorite comedians. I can't believe we haven't had her on yet, have we or did me a.

Long time ago?

Nope, never have.

I just I have to think about it, because she had a show at the Improblem along the time, around the same time that you had business class there, and her and Bobcat listening to Bobcat tell stories that am were to write here, tell stories about actual celebrities and experiences in his life. But she would always call him out like he was bragging about being friends with Robin Williams or whatever, and yeah, she was.

So good at roasting him.

And it's she lived at the time in his basement, and I think they're there she is. Yeah, oh oh, she's gonna have so much fun.

She is going to love this. Sorry. Sorry, that was my funny prank on your tailin.

Hi.

That's a great prink.

Hi, I know that'd be funny if you just kept driving down the street as I panicked and tried to get into the car.

It's just like high school.

It's so fun to drag your friends.

Oh man, what a wonderful treat. That was high school memories. As soon as he's the.

Car, right, don't ever forget.

I just want to make sure that, like nine to eleven, you never forget high school.

Always my brain.

I was out of high school by nine to eleven. I was my freshman year of college.

That happened. My roommate heard the news like Pacific Coast.

Time, oh, and was very groggy and didn't understand and misheard the word terrorists as Paris and spent woke me up like Paris attacked New York. So until we made our way to the living room TV, there was a brief period of great confusion, not to say the confusion was.

Alleviated or that I was like relieved at what? Actually, yeah, it really.

Doesn't matter if it only got worse.

You know, my sister did the same thing, but she attacked no, just the confusion. When she called, she made it sound she goes they attacked the White House, and I immediately assumed aliens and.

Was like what Because the way she was doing it and.

The level at which the hysteria was happening, I was like, she was like, they attacked the White House. They attacked the White House.

I think the posters were not. Yeah, we all thought it was going to be a UFO.

My only image I have of a building exploding, that's the White House exploding in Independence Day.

Yeah, it's all we have to go on.

When we were in high school, in this senior studio, which was the older kids that he enjoyed drawing, they had us do a fake magazine cover and I did a Time magazine cover and it was of our high school burning down.

It was simpler time when you were allowed to turn in such.

I would have been in so much trouble nowadays, and they just I just got away with it.

I shouldn't have.

That's how good the art was.

There's a lot of early Simpsons of Bart making the school explode, Yes, and I feel like they don't do that so much in season thirty eight or whatever they're on now.

Well, same with the with Homer strangling Bart.

Oh right, Yeah, less physical abuse going on in the Simpson household in literal strength strangulation.

Definitely strangle him so hard that his mouth was open and his tongue would turn to a snake and jiggle outside.

To explain animation.

Yeah, that's the best way to enjoy it is when somebody tells you about it.

That's the only way I've seen Rick and Morty.

So let me talk in detail about certain Tom and Jerry.

It's a transcription for the blind, but the podcast version. Thank you for picking me up.

Thank you for being picked up and sitting here so far and talking.

I legitimately do need a ride, love. I appreciate what live.

I assume it's on business.

It's it is business. I am our.

Final Destination is not a movie about teens they're dying inevitably, but in fact the world famous Hollywood improv which every July is taken over by teen tours.

Oh that's right, I sit there without them letting me know.

And yes, school bus pulls up, try and make fifteen year olds laugh.

And they usually put them in the main room mixed in with regular people. Yes, but they don't anymore. It's in the lab. Oh that's good. So it's only them. I don't know if it's good or not.

I think that knowing that and expecting that, and knowing that you're not going to be it's not a mixed group like adults, I think you'll have fun.

I would have fun.

I've already done it three times.

This week really was the first one was so awful that I came back with a plan I died.

So yeah, I'm loving this. This is going this is all the stronger. This is the Caitlin Gill Superstar Stars.

Sorry I said that it was going to be fine. I didn't know it already wasn't fun.

One time it was already very much not fine, and I was hosting, which means the whole night is just hamstring. Why it was I went in so naively confident, which are usually my worst sets. Like you'd come to recognize that feeling of like I think this is going to go fine is like a fourtent procester always Yes, you're back against the wall, let's just riff up top, be really easy and cat.

No, it didn't work at all.

I did him for a single minute, and I was telling jokes and it was awful, and they didn't like them or me, and they weren't wrong.

It was my fault.

Be nervous, be scared, because then you'll fall back on your your defense mechanism of self defense funny if humans.

No, I didn't have no my my funny bone left my body entirely.

It took a vacation.

It decided I get the night off, but you get to stay on stage for fifteen minutes.

I got replaced with the hatred bond.

Yeah, the fear bone, whatever that was, became all of my bones.

I hate so many bones.

I so it was not The hosting gig was very bad all the way through. Kerseltanovich did an incredible job, but only Karoseltanovich on that lineup.

She's made of iron.

I think and have children, yes, but I realized after that that it wasn't the fact that they are children that makes that audience weird. It's the fact that they know each other, and audiences are supposed to be strangers another.

That's crazy and it's insane how much that dynamic changes things.

Yeah, and like they if humans are apex predators, these poor children are like just leaving their dens for the first time and hunting on their own. And the only animals they know to kill are like the ones that are weak and limping. So if you show them weakness, they have no other instinct other than to kill you. Like they don't know hunt for sport, they don't know selecting tasty animals. They just thrive on finding weakness.

And the and they're doing it to each other. So having you be the common enemy.

So such a relief when they turn on you together.

Sure you want us to drop you off?

Well, okay, So the last couple of times have gone much better because I leaned into the whole part where they know each other.

I don't do any jokes. I give away most.

Likely to awards that are all stupid and benign, like most likely to ditch the plane home and stay in LA and become famous. Wow, most likely to become my accountant, just dumb. It ends with beautiful, beautiful. It's been crushing. It worked better My hope was like, well they'll maybe they'll shout names. Ideally they'll all show shout the same name, and without fail, everyone agrees. No matter what the question is, they all have someone it's Brian their mind.

That's awesome.

Are you asking things like who's most likely to succeed or is it more specific?

Well? I couldn't.

So the only thing they laugh at is the word fuck, shit, piss.

But as soon as.

You're like fucking shitting, pissing, they panic, Like nouns are very funny, but verbing those nouns terrifying.

They want to laugh at fuck they are they.

Don't fuck the no conjugation snobs.

So comics bounce back and forth between like dirty stories and like, you know, sort of dirty ribs because they all laugh at the word fuck.

But it is tense in there.

That's funny because when I did it it was with adults. It was just regular crowd with kids thrown in, and they wanted us to be clean.

I guess that they go back and like they it's always like do what you want, But nobody's been told to censor this time around. I can't say they've been careful with these lineups. I love you in prov but you are not curating.

Well the best tee performer.

Maybe they just no money dirty specifically to the things they're dealing with, like putting vodka in their buttholes.

Right, yeah, those blow job parties.

Parties.

Hold on, Stephen, are you get it? You know?

I have a vitamin seed drop. Would you like one?

I might take you up?

Okay, were back there, so I wanted it.

I would it might be Oh, it's a great fruit for the.

Last ten minutes. Is Stephen dead in the bag?

That would be what happened to the right next to you. Nice to meet you, by the way, I just laugh.

At your death. So I was going to tell you one time I did that. We of course did. And this was, you know, late nineties.

I was with Lynn Chakraff, the legendary Oadian comedian who's the most funny, and we were we both ate it astoundingly and then we were sitting but we went and sat back behind them and we were we were quietly heckling them for the rest of the show. So we would just be like sitting there talking to each other, and then Lynn would lean forward and go, look that's Tommy Hill figure and you would just point to a man and then like four of whom would looks over.

It was so hilarious. We were just like very.

Randomly bullying them, but in a way they didn't get and it.

Was making us laugh so hard.

Oh, it feels so good during the tables kids, Yeah, I had the power in me.

Also, they were at the show. We were, heck they were. They were all given ice cream Sunday.

Yeah, they got ice cream right before the show starts, which like it's in the day, it's not dark yet. They all start by like seven, I want five thirty tomorrow. That is not a time for common You do not tell.

Jokes then, No, but the nuggetings.

I've never seen more French fries in the lab. They must get food, so they all order it and they're all rich yaues. They're on a teen tours. It seems like birthright for college. It seems like to be a specifically Jewish program, and it's like all college tours all over the place.

So they basically come to look at USC and UCLA and then they're gonna go watch some comedy.

Yes exactly, it would be, but it takes two weeks somehow, I don't know last night somebody said they were a Russian Jew and one kid in the front just scoffed, We're all Russian, and it was like, just such a weird flex trying to differentiate what kind of like Jewish heritage he has and another kid being like common was just ridiculous.

Oh man.

During the show, my last award is the most likely to be qualified to give me a makeover and my first.

I've done this twice.

The first time around, I didn't bring anything to give me a makeover with, so I had the kitchen give me condiments and a plate of napkins, and I just turned around from the crowd and let the kid who was elected as a sweet boy, who looked very fancy, he aggressively painted my face with.

And it's some got in my eye and it hurts.

So I turned around glide like the I ended the set just eyes all squinted, and one of the sweetest staff members was standing by the stage with this pile of napkins, like, oh my god, her do okay?

And I was fine. I washed it all off.

But I found the staff like huddled outside later, like she doesn't look as bad as I thought, and one of them like turns to me, like, did you know there was siracha in that ketchup?

Once it hit my eyes, I figured it out.

So yeah, I got learned my lesson and got a single thing of lipstick and state that all I wear is lipstick. So I allowed a girl. She had every opportunity to paint a giant penis on my face.

But I commend her. She just did hearts. Yeah, yeah, hearts on my cheek.

Only if you had passed out at a party, would she.

I like to think that she's a good sort.

I feel like even at a party, she'd just do little flowers. She had more time and elegant litt hummingbird she painted my face is intimate, not inappropriately so, but like you know, she was near my face.

How many people are on the show? Rustly want to say? It's six?

Has that going for it?

Yeah?

Not too long? Not too many people.

No, Yes, it moves along at the right pace when t.

Is a long set. Yeah, if you don't get them back, they're gone, they're gone.

Ever, any estimation of you is immediate and certain, and it does.

They don't shake it.

There was a daytime already.

Yeah, this is going to be good.

Five five year old party at a spaghetti factory in Calgary.

Oh, and they weren't.

I have a bunch of childlike word jokes though, and they were doing okay, they were sweet kids. But then I just started someone brought something up. It was like, they're leftover pizza and I ate it and they all laughed and then I'm like, okay, bring up anything you have in front.

Of you and they started screaming. They had so much fun and I just whatever it is. They're pouring mustard on ice cream.

And it.

Yeah, it was like it was not the best situation to put myself in. But the staff was coming out like, who's that guy. No one's ever done that well with the kids. Yeah, but then they had to clean up.

They weren't happy about the ketchup on the mic the first night around. That's never any any klind of cleaning mustard and ice cream ground into carpet.

Somebody pays for that.

Yeah, ketchup.

It did this ridiculous thing. Sorry, this ride is just like, let me tell you about sets from my past.

That's all I can think of right now.

I did a Halloween at the Punchline, where you know comics who dressed up did sets, which is sort of the tradition. I suppose that's not unique. It's Halloween. But I dressed up as the birthday girl. It was my birthday and I was just super poudy and complaining. And you know, last year, my birthday was on Easter, and that sucked because that's Jesus a birthday too, kind of, but so was Christmas. And when my birthday was on Christmas,

And the finishing. The little cherry on.

Top was that I only eat cake on my birthday, and I can only eat it while people are singing Happy Birthday. And I had this piece of red velvet cake that I brought, and so the crowd sang Happy Birthday while I attempted to eat a whole piece of cake, which I was very optimistic I could accomplish, but as it turns out, it was hard. I sort of just

I got cake all over that stage all over.

It, and comics just stepped on it all night. I did not hear the end of that for a short time.

I deserved it. I needer to hear about that again.

My apologies publicly to the San Francisco punchline for the time I ground cake into the carpet.

Oh there, and are they closing or is that a rumor?

I don't know. I hope not. I did. I was just up there in June.

That's your home club, it's my home club.

And just in case it closes, went up there and for the headlining dates I had in June, I recorded a little lot of them and it comes out in August.

What is the name of the major? Oh you're already saying it. I named it after my dog? What major? Oh? Major? Yeah, that's a good name. The timing just came up so fast.

Usually my family would be around, but it was just me and the dog up there for those shows. So Red Scott, who's the sweet San Francisco comic, just happened to be there with his camera and he got this ridiculously great picture me and my dog. So that's the cover and that's the name.

I love that. It's a great picture.

It's so good.

And then we're going to go. You're doing like a tour and I am going with you.

Thank you so much for coming. We're going to the bay. That'll be fun.

It'll be fun.

Santa Cruz and San Francisco and Petaluma. Yes, yeah, the pal the Great Distillery, the gin played on the seventeenth.

Yep, yeah, I hear. That's good.

I think it is good. I've done. I've had fun doing chosen Pedaloma. The Pedalama Festival was pretty fun.

There is a Lama festival. I just made reference to a Lama fest.

It's a comedy festival called Lama.

That's what people is sometimes called Pedaloma when they mispronounced it.

You know what, I couldn't get to catch on because I am from Napa, a neighboring city to Petaluma. I always wanted nat people from Napa to be called Napkins. And I can't get anyone to jump on board with me. I thought it's like right there. I thought it would it just be assumed. But it was too good of an ideas.

Come on, what is that?

Even there's the capital of Montana. It's called Helena. And I always wanted to open a handbasket store, to call it, Helen a handbasket.

We'd sell other things and it's good. It's on base.

I worry.

We just have listen, let me hear the whole. The inventory is going to be all over the place.

There'll just be handhand baskets, farm basket, but mainly baskets.

The TV show Basket, Yes, DVD's of the TV show.

Aber Best Good three Aberdashery is what I was going for. I don't even know if I'm saying that right, So I can't punt it or portmanteau it unless I actually know the pronunciation.

We are an anti pun?

Is this a punfrey car? That's why I don't have a lid on my coffee and I'm inclined to make puns.

You gotta tell me before I get in.

Don't know why bobcat Goldthwaite is my friend, or why he would ever give me my phone his phone number, because all I did with it for about a solid year while I was traveling was just take pictures of business pun names and send them and like not even high hello, you know, looking forward to see you buddy, Nope, just pictures of like folking tie and like you know, it's a There was a bunt cake store and I can't remember the name of it.

Nothing bunt cakes that.

We actually liked. That one that was better than hell and a handbasket.

I don't know. I'm gonna put hell in a hand That's.

I think the difference is one was real, actually came to the other. One was felt astroligent. It felt fake.

You didn't like I didn't commit to actually opening the store. That's the only problem with the joke.

I want to see paperwork. I want to see your rental.

Agree, I want indeed. Yeah.

Right before you got in the car, Caitlin, I was talking about how much fun it was to watch you host Uh.

Why am I calling it? When you were in the cranberries with Bob, it was not Those.

Were big shoes to fill.

But for the last couple of years I've been trying my best. No, I know that, and you can tell by my speaking voice that that was would be an option. We hosted crab Apples together, the silly show The Problem.

Kind of roast him and it was really fun because like watching two funny siblings.

We have it's a sibling like relationship. It's very odd. I met him at the when the oh Purple Onion was still the purple Onion. Oh yeah, his daughter was there making fun of him, and we're on the same lineup. I just sat down and started making fun of him and have not stopped making fun of him for years now.

It's great.

Well, he's a fun person to watch be made fun of because he just starts giggling.

Oh, he does start giggling, and I, you know, he's the best dude. I'd also, I, you know, have proven my loyalty. I did pick the man up from the hospital on at least one occasion. He had to have shoulder surgery and he went out of the hospital the same day, super groggy, like he'd gone all the way under. He was on all sorts of pain meds or whatever. And he's a sober dude, so a pain med goes a long way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I had to pick him up and he was getting dressed to leave, and he was in a little gown and he swung his legs over and like I'm going to pull up his pants, and I asked him, like, are you do you have your underwear on yet? And he has a sly little smile like no, And then he whipped up his gown and he absolutely had his underwear on. He still had the wherewithal to get me while in a hospital bed.

I get, I get as good as I give from bobcat Nice.

I did tour with him for a little while, and the number of bookers that presumed the reason I was touring with him was because we were boning was all of them.

It was just a.

Lady.

I'd like to work there again, but one lady. It was a lady that nears it way down. But uh, one lady got his one hotel room. That was the lady and wouldn't shake it the whole weekend, just like, well, are you sure what are you doing with that second room?

Is it just doesn't know what she's doing because she has her job, because she has sex with the club owner. I mean, I do I became that person she is.

That's I'd blame her. I'd shame right now. We'll blame and shame.

Get it. That's what we're all about on the show. Get It. That's what we like.

No puns and blaming and shame. Oh you just spoke that podcast into existence a problem.

We're also going to do one where we talk about Radiohead, even though we don't know much.

About the band.

They're just gonna kind of chat ignorantly about Radiohead.

We think people look like Riodhead will be really mad. People that don't like it well also be mad. I man't imagine a fan base you would anger more.

Easily and be like, I don't know, I think like I think of all their songs, i'd say, come into America's probably the best way we'll do stuff like that.

Is that the one that's like.

Me Head, Yeah, but with Trumba.

I like that one with Trumbo.

Okay, now we are doing the podcast.

I bought Radioheads Pablo Honey because I was in a Tower Records and I feel like I was holding this was in that this had to be like ninety four ish. I was holding like maybe something dumber. I was a big Cake fan. I'm still a big Cake fan. I feel like I hid a Cake album but it's gentle. And then a cute man approached me and I asked for recommendations, and he recommended Radiohead, and I learned so

You don't know. I still didn'tn't get album already. I still did learn all the words to creep. There's nothing.

I have always found that a really good way to trick a guy into liking you is if you you find out what bam they're super into, and then you pretend you were already into them.

That's worked like four different.

Times a lot of movies.

I'm like, sorry, let me turn down the sevendo while I what's that?

What do you mean to know?

Like the album Bake Sale?

You're listening to this?

Yeah?

Can you believe anything? Lou Barlow, I'm the guy, that guy, You're that guy I like, I love I Love Saba.

They were good though I wasn't. It wasn't all fake on my side.

You can listen to it now and it's still good.

It's still it's super depressing about someone's divorce.

Yeah, I love an album that's like half while they were together and half while they broke up.

Yeah, there's a.

Few good ones rumors. I feel like Okay Goes. Color of the Blue Sky is underappreciated for being one of those albums.

It's like, if you're listening to the audio of a divorce. Look my rides here, and then we look back and your legs are broken?

What did you do? Care? When did you do that?

I just was silent.

It was somewhere during the Cake story.

I just saw the movie Crawl and there's a gratuitously broken leg in it.

I'm going, don't tell me anything else. I'm going tonight. Oh, it's just the preview. It's terrific.

You're gonna have so much fun. Your movie is a previous.

Yeah.

All I can say is you it's excellent. Summer choice. Yay, summer time.

I don't know anything about it is it's scary.

It gaters. Yeah.

The poster is my favorite because my friend just sent my friend and I Bridger Wininger, we love to go see the worst movie we can find, and so then and we really genuinely excited and we're disappointed when it's bad, even though we know that's the reason we're movie nights.

I didn't know you did that too.

Yeah, we do it. We do it quite a bit.

And the nun was a big one when that when that, what's every Jesus weird stoners?

That was a bizarre choice.

And now he's driving straight into traffic and.

That guy's I think that maybe they're making a bold left.

Yeah, they're just going for it.

That was a very surprising I was. It threw us off subject.

My heart is racing a little bit.

Yeah.

So the poster for this movie is just an alligator, a yellow background and alligator.

It says on the top it says what's the name of the.

Cross, and then on the bottom of it says swim Like hell, yep, oh that's great.

Isn't that the best? What more do you need?

Have you heard, you guys heard about these math gators?

Yes you have, Yeah, sure, we all have. Yaho news it is.

It was the other day on Yahoo doos.

It's apparently it's been a problem that math really registers with reptiles in particular.

Yeah.

I did some further reading. Other animals. Fish they don't care about.

Math, but gators love it.

Yeah, they go crazy for the stuff.

Are you sure the fish don't care? I don't know.

For fish are more bath salt people.

Okay, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but they really keep their feelings hidden.

You know, when you're riding with a wild shoal, you can never.

Tell what somebody's going to find that You've got to kind of keep the emotions in check.

Can you imagine trying to do powder drugs under the sea? So frustrating?

What do you even do? Kind of focus?

It's the same thing that you're about to deal with with this show you're going to do.

They're in a school, so they don't know how to act on their own.

They're all acting the way they feel the other fish wanted they hack.

Yeah, you just got to lean into the pack dynamic.

It's not one you can fight left left.

You're good at navigating.

So I'm like, where you have a plan and you're talking at the same time.

I do, because I realized once we came up on Melrose pretty quickly, yes, and then I was like, it's too soon.

Yeah.

I do live very close to the Hollywood improv, so we are forced to circle the Beverly Grove region.

We're doing some circles but also that's when the.

Most interesting thing things happen, like those guys in the Money almost killing us Yeah.

Correct, correct, stuff.

What a terrible way to go crushed by a mini.

It's just rude. Yeah, killed by a Mini on Beverly.

I guess it's got that anch of dignity above smart car.

It was you know what it was.

It was that there's a Jason Bourne element to his driving instead of it being an emergency, he was laughing.

So then you're just kind of like you're you're a menace and he's.

In his early twenties, like, it's not I don't buy it.

That's why I said, stoner in this neighborhood, that's exactly who's driving nice cars. This is a rich child haven food in Los Angeles.

I mean, hey, I am rich in every way but money.

I also say that from the stage. So I'll just save the materials from out of the car. She's calling herself on it. Yes, I will sell police. I couldn't stop it from happening, but I will address that. Can I sort of address that?

Yes?

I put that fowl air into the car and I'll pull it back hands.

And even though I dropped a big stinker with it.

I really I have said Helen a handbasket on stage.

It wasn't just a tweet.

I was bracing my guilt and shame about delivering food in Los Angeles, which I still frequently do for money. Got to because it's it's just a soul scarring.

Experience because you have to go up and actually interact with the people who order.

I do have to give the food to the humans in the In this gig economy, you learn your ins and outs, and there's a couple of these services where and you do not see the tip first. And I can't do that anymore. And I can't take one hundred and eighty dollars a sushi into the Hollywood Hills for a thank you. Yeah, fuck that person, Oh man, I know your address. Yeah, I don't understand why you do this. Well, you don't aggress the aggrationale.

I would like to ask a question, and maybe it's your own question and I shouldn't be asking it, but I got some fucking zankou chick in the other day, which when you live in Los Angeles, you know that when you're ordering that stuff.

You need it, you need it and want it.

It turned It goes from like, oh, this is what I'm gonna have for dinner to oh my god, this is going to be the best.

I'm gonna die unless I ate this immediately.

Yeah, And so I order it and the guy comes. First of all, it put it not to the Zanku closest to my house, but Zanku in Hollywood, which is very far away.

I didn't get that.

And then the guy shows up. It says he's at your house. I look outside, there's no one there. No one knocks on my door.

I'm waiting.

I'm waiting.

I look out. I finally look out.

The guy's parked up in front of the next house, but he hasn't gotten out of the car.

Uh huh.

And then I look at my app and it says food's been delivered, thank you. How much of a tip do you want to give? And I keep trying to get out of that.

Yeah.

So he basically said he delivered it or that I didn't answer in five minutes.

But he never got out of the car. Yes, he didn't bring it to the door.

I was supposed to walk out to his motherfucking car and he wasn't even parked in front of my house.

Can I ask was this?

Yeah, yeah, this is the worst and the hardest. I can tell you a few things that would have happened there. First of all, he had like three other orders in the car, Okay, that's why it went to Zanku far away from you. He was far away from you, And that Zanku was either had a bunch of orders or was in a cluster of restaurants. Okay, So that dude bounced from like sushi to chicken to sandwiches, and you were in the middle of that delivery, and either he

Maybe he got out of the car, maybe he didn't.

Maybe he tried to text you and it didn't go through, because it goes through like hide your number system. Oh right, my bet. He can't leave without waiting that fifteen minutes. He can't get to the next stop he's supposed to go to.

Uh.

So there isn't a lot of benefit in stealing the food. The most likely circumstances that you got boned by the technology, and that guy was unwilling to try hard to deliver the food. I'm scrupulous. I like get out and I'll hunt it down and I'll actually call you. I have like enough complexes about service work that like I do it well. I do not blame anyone who just sits Nate's the chicken. I got lost in Marina del Reys

Well, but my thing was it wasn't fifteen minutes, it was five, Yeah, And I tried to text him yeah, saying I can see your car, you're not in front of the right house.

And then I watched him race away, so there was other whatever it was.

I just kind of went, what a bummer that you have to drive all the way over here, and you didn't even like because you won't get out of the car right.

It didn't I because then it wouldn't let me off the tip page.

So I entered zero dollars and zero sue for the tips, Like, fuck you dude, you wouldn't just all you had to do is walk to my door, which is like ten feet. Yes, it wasn't like you had to go through an apartment complex or like any kind of a bummer situation.

It was very odd.

I feel like I don't use it enough as a customer to know, but people sometimes do just meet me outside like they were prompted to do so by the app. That usually happens if you have a bunch of food in the car. It's just insidious, Like that guy had cold taco bell and someone else calling it.

That's another possibility. Oh he's got grass by someone else. It happens all the fun.

I haven't hated at soccer well for a while, but I ordered some from the old the last dress I was at, it defaulted to that.

Oh man, I'm in Marina at Delray.

So he went all the way to Low's Feelies and I realized I had my st and I called him. I'm like, I'm so sorry, you're going to the wrong place. You don't I'll pay you, you don't have to come. He's like, oh, I'm coming. He was like angry about it, and it took him like an hour, and then he was just on my porch with a fistful cold taco bell and he just shoved it in my face. And he was sweaty and angry and wearing a Freddy Krueger.

And I felt to complete your deliveries to get bonuses, right, those are the only thing that worked.

But he was so angry that it was traumatic. I didn't want to eat the food. He was so angry that I'm like, well, this isn't even safe to eat.

Yeah, he's spit on it.

I went outside to say, hey, man, that was inappropriate.

Anger.

Also, here's a handful of cash, like seven bucks, and he was peeing on the side of my house, like the I understand the ride was a long ride and you had to.

Go to the bathroom. I pulled over to pee.

But I still gave him that money while he peed on my geraniums.

Well done, both of you were right. It's a horrible it's a horrible existence, and people do wait too long, and they do get their food just disappeared.

Aspons.

I mean, we can believe the name. I think everyone.

Knows though, But I've used all I've used all and the thing I think is funny and that runs.

Throughout are and it's always dudes.

Dudes won't come to your door, and it's literally like it's honestly like that you pull There was one guy that pulled up and I I stood on my porch and with my arms crossed, was just like, what are you doing? Like the idea that you think you're going to work for a delivery app and not get out of your car?

Fuck you? Yeah, yeah, Wow, that's crazy.

I think it'd be fun to do it and just put on roller skates and skate up to the door like it's the al tide.

Getting up is the best part.

Like I've done ride share and I won't because you can't ever get out of your car. You're trapped for question mark. You don't know how long. Wow, getting up is the best part. Breathe the fresh air.

Yeah, walk around a little bit. I guess I did feel bad. It was there was a lot of problems.

I'm responsible for what comes to my door.

I'm responsible for what happens in my life. No, you're not.

Thatt is responsible. It's the worst, uh, you know, unless they are a sponsored in which case congratulations. And everybody please use it eagerly with the proper code.

But Henry, he had a song about waffle houses where it's just a list of how descriptively how gross they are, and they he got a cease and assist letter that was like handwritten and so kind that he felt really bad and changed.

He just changed it to an unnamed place. But then at the end he accidentally blurt swaffle house.

So it is so funny.

But yeah, yeah, I remember that it'd be fun to get a letter from a business. Please stop the written. It's like, god, I'm famous. Like that time Walter Mondale said, my mom a Christmas card. I had to see it as real ink and of course smudged it. Never heard the end of that was and it was real.

You can't sell it on to R Now.

That was a genuine It was a real Mondale.

Well, he also did what did your mom send a Christmas card? First? Yeah? Did she initiate the correspondence?

I think he just liked some of some of the work she was doing to support him being elected.

Oh okay, all right, I thought you meant when working at the pganeer or whatever place.

No, no guest company, No, oh yeah, yeah, no, it was just I'm not sure why. I think it was like, thank you for ordering the poster. We ordered this, or I didn't order it. I as a child when a poster arrived and it was Mondale and who was his running mate Ferrara, Geraldine Ferrara or Ferraro, not Ferrari, but it was the like her as the Scales of Justice liberty lady but a brast out. So it was just like his running mate with an a exposed titty on the poster.

Who made that poster?

And it was Jane naked boob I ever saw?

Did your mom draw that poster? Perp's the work he loved?

Maybe that was it?

Oh man, that was it. It was her early poster where I can't.

I hope that guy tripped. I hope he tripped.

Look how cute that dog?

Oh, I hope he tripped over his cute dog. That dog has one missing eye?

He does, you're still doing it. I'm going to go.

Oht My dog was so mad when I left. She was not interested, and she wanted to come so badly.

Oh.

I took her out for a little break, you know, just to see if she had to whee before you arrived and she just went to the car and stood by it. She knew I was leaving. It's like you're taking me. We're going to the mall right, I'm going to teen tours.

I can't.

You can't handle the comedy that's gonna beat. It's going to King Props.

Although the dog is a good a small all right, jokes aren't working. She does tricks comer makers.

Yeah, that's right.

But that pack mentality though, of those teens, and would just tear that part.

She's an alpha. She'd lead them twelve.

Pounds a dog at the front of a pack of teenagers just running down Melrose.

Which is right here, speaking of taking a ride. Closing thoughts, closing statements. When is our tour where I know? I tell the people?

Want to make sure you know that you know we know?

Yes, fifteenth we were at a DNA's comedy lab in Santa Cruz. These are all album release parties, all hosts for friends Chris Fairbanks and Jackie Kasia And what a tour.

Yeah, oh my god, that's kind of going to do it in a car too, in a real car.

We're driving up and then we got a little airbnb in the North Bay to stay in the.

Whole darm time. We really cool, and then we stay in.

We go to San Francisco at the Verity Club on the sixteenth me I think Italian for green in this instance, a lot of Jerman romantic romance languages. On the seventy for at the Griffo in Pedaloma. You can get tickets at all those places, or at comedy at Caitlin Gilcomedy dot com. Because I lost the rights to Caitlin Gill

I want you to die in a fire for same.

Oh, that's like a scam.

It is a scam. It is exactly a scam. But comedy was not for me. It's a dumb scam.

It's like it's not like they're they're finding like recent lottery winners, you know what I mean.

No, they're doing it to comics.

Yeah, start with my taxes first. We're backwards, you're not. You got to pick a more appropriate number. Hey, I appreciate the belief that that scam artist has in my potential. I mean, I shared that belief, or it wouldn't still be delusionarily living in Los Angeles. But someday you gotta believe. Man if I had five thousand dollars to.

Sneeze, but.

Now you have to do Caitlin gil dot ed Yeah, I can't gil dot Comedy.

I guess I'll still take you there now it's Kaitlin Gillcomedy dot com. All the tickets are there.

And then I keep going up to Eureka and Salem and Portland and Seattle and a whole bunch of other places. I'm road tripping with my dad, which is gonna be ridiculous. So Dad will be at the merch table and he won't let you walk by without fighting records.

To look out.

Yeah, and when I come back, I'm road tripping with my sister.

That's awesome. Back up there, that's super fun. We're gonna have.

Fun, family comedy, fun drive time.

My dad's such a goofy fan, and we took this trip. I had shows in Portland and they came up. My dad and my stepmom and Kathy left a little early. Dad and I drove back together. We stay at a casino seven Feathers on the way down, and my dad's just so hooked. He's like planning roots, like, well, there's this casino and I've looked at pictures not there. Yeah, it's like if we're in the airbnb's and casinos. He's totally hooked. So, yes, we are taking this crazy West Coast trip together.

Any one in this car or taking it? I know the answer. Taking a photo in front of that pink wall. There's just a pink wall the store that at the Paul Smith store and everyone there's a group of people waiting to take a photo in front of a wall that's simply painted pink, and it's.

Like it's instagram famous.

Yeah, it's like on the probably they mentioned it on one of those double decker Star to our buses.

Are you killing Eve fans? Yes, I'm not murdered.

Oh it's the show.

Yeah, yeah, it's great.

Someone asks Eve for a picture to put on their Instagram because she's dressed fabulously and her response is just picture.

Perfect, like no in a life.

Yeah, it's impressive how instagrammable this particular strip is.

Look at these teens. I know the audiences common.

They seem like nice.

Time time all right.

Lest my final plea if a'll guest second, grab up a copy of Major.

It's available everywhere Major.

But for now I must step into the purgatory that is entertaining kids fourteen to seventeen.

It's going to be great.

Man.

It sucks so bad, but thank you so much for being on this. That felt like the shortest ride of all time.

I had a delightful time.

I think it was good.

Okay good, Yeah, it felt fast perfect.

I should say, as a fan of the pod, you should know that inevitably your theme song makes me tear up.

Oh was it really? Every time? I'm a soft touch.

I have to wear song lesses to concerts like humans collaborating to make music makes me cry. But it's rare that a recorded song I've heard many times and there's a short list really get me.

But I have to listen.

Beginning an end because it's always the end one. But so whoever else is out there listening that gets a little misty eyed when they hear this theme song, you are not alone.

It is one of my favorites. That's the ultimate compliment.

That's good.

I mean, the mouth worn, the sweet, it's just the best.

We really didn't come together, and we came together on that one, one.

Of our first come togethers.

That's the best. Have a great it'll be strong set. You're in charge.

That's right, you're safe me what to do?

No, I'm a thirty eight year old woman. I'm strong.

You're a confident.

Yes, I'm gonna I can wear a tuck tin shirt. It's totally fine. You're totally mind.

I don't know. I went if I'm a school bully.

Thanks guys, thank you. Have a good night, you too.

And I think now is a good time to remind people. Go to Apple Podcasts, give us a.

Good review, rate review, and subscribe.

And tell your friends, even if it's on the street, do grass roots go just go somewhere, write it down on a piece of paper, slide it over to a stranger.

Please, you beg You'll tell.

Your friends if that's more comfortable.

Yeah, whatever it takes.

And oh and our merch. Yeah, a lot of people are like, where do you get the merch? You get it exactly right dot com.

That's right on the exactly right website. There's a merch page. And I think it has merched from all the podcasts that are on exactly right, but most especially the Chris Fairbanks designed do you Need a Ride shirt, which I love and would wear.

Yeah, i'd wear too.

But then every time you wear one of your own shirts you get rassed by your friends.

Yeah, give your raspberries.

You deserve it, because that means you're a dumb dick.

It's just the first shirt my drawer. I do keep it in a drawer, This dumb.

Dick you've been listening to? Do you need a ride?

D you?

Why in?

They are cock?

Cock?

Are you leaving?

I you wanta way back home?

Either way you.

Want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim, and give us time and a terminol and gay.

We want to send you off InStyle.

We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about every scared her? Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need a ride?

Do you ride?

Do you mean.

With Karen and Cress

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