S2 - Ep. 1 - Karen and Chris

Are you leaving? I you wanta way back home? Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminal and gay. We want to send you off in style.

Do you want to welcome you back home? Tell us all about it? We scared her? Was it fine?

Melbourne?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Ride with Karen and Chris.

Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris.

Fairbanks and this is Karen col Garrett. You are listening to our new season.

It's the new season on the new network. It's a brand new it's a brand new.

Diner and it is we of course have been doing this for is it five years?

It's about eighteen years?

About its ever? It's we Are podcast. Is old enough to.

Buy whiskey in Canada? In Canada, yeah, which would be rye?

Of course? Oh a less popular.

Don't get me started on different types of booze in Canada.

There's the idea of an alcoholic teen in high school that's drinking rye is one of the saddest mental pictures i've had in a while.

Yeah, but reminds me of home. Yeah, in the holidays.

Did you like some rye over the raw when you're in junior high?

I am from a giant state that is not very populated.

Right, and can I guess New Hampshire.

It is bigger than New Hampshire.

If you can imagine either New Hampshire, go go forty size us up Montana.

Yep. Yeah, good job boy, thank you.

And you're good at we're both good at math.

But yeah, there's nothing to do, especially around the holidays, and there's kids, you know, just drinking out.

Of a light bulb, really smoking out smoking.

Yeah, yeah, there's there's a lot of it's really out of sheer boredom.

Yeah, I can. I can relate.

But my town not being that small but country style where you're just making up shit to do, Like I'm going to walk through this field, then I'm going to come back the other way.

It's insane and I got to make sure to step on no cracks or sticks, just to make it interesting.

Always important watch your mother's back at all times, please.

I was son One time walking home from school, my mom was carrying my trombone, I don't know why I was letting her carry.

It for me.

I guess I had books. Who has books? And fourth grade?

Where's your backpack?

She fell on her back so hard, and I don't it was because I wasn't paying attention to cracks. I think she cartoonishly went horizontal in the air and landed and didn't drop my trombone didn't drop it.

No gonna say she was a good person.

There's so much comedic potential there with what happened with that trombone.

Sounds like the beginning of the dirtiest joke of all time. I had it had.

Some water damage, but it was not yet rusty. But as she fell, I do remember it going like you made a comedic fallout noise from inside the case.

I don't know the gost to.

Benny Hill was in there playing it for her.

I love Benny Hill's old classics like Rusty, Haunted.

Troumbone, Oh your mom Oh, Benny.

Hill comedian fast motion ran around chasing himself in a dress.

That's okay.

He was a brit a moon faced brit with great tons of great comedy ideas.

I've never seen any of it. I've never seen any Benny Hill. I just know is okay, that's all I know.

It was very it was almost like dirty Mister Bean. And they played it after cartoons after school in the Bay Area, so like it was like you'd go from Tom and Jerry to a middle aged British man chasing like a young stewardess across a hill, and she'd be like in her underpants.

It was very strange.

It's interesting to think that someone's popularity is just based on a bad programming decision. Yeah, you know, like, had he not been on cartoons after cartoons, would he have any presence in our American minds?

Not in my American mind?

And good, yeah, my mind is rarely not American.

You know me.

You're proud to be an American mind, always have been. Where have you been? We haven't seen each other in what a month?

I've just I've been domestic mostly, okay, I've done a little traveling. I did last The first thing I did before the last time after the last was Politicon. That Politicon, oh right, right, And I did Paul Ryan. It was okay, it was we went in up between panels, so it was like as people were filing out and people were filing in.

That's what they call the sweet spot in college.

It was, and it ended up not it's known as that, but it turns out it's not sweet at all.

It doesn't there's no sweetness to it.

It just was not having people fully paying attention.

To political jokes.

And it was eighty percent conservative people.

I think that the ones with the great sense of humor.

They really don't. It was amazing to see that. It's I mean, that's what I would assume, but that's me being closed minded. I would think they have zero sense humor. Yep, you got your proud boys, you got your confused. There was like Latinos for Trump, like all these groups that don't make sense, but they have nowhere else to.

Hang out except at this.

Convention because people like you and me can just go outside all the time and rebelbows. I guess I don't know why, because the people that ran it were seemed normal, right, but it was.

It was dangerous at times.

Yeah.

It doesn't sound like a good uh stage for comedy.

No, no, which is why I brought it up. So that was horrifying great, and I did some stand up. I've been traveling alone with Seattle beautiful all the buildings are washed.

With the rain. I love Seattle so much.

It is it was beautiful.

I had Thanksgiving with my sister and my nieces and my nephew because they happened to be in Tacoma. I booked these shows. I'm like, well, I guess I'm not having Thanksgiving. My sister happened to be in the city I was going to because I always forgot Lisa. Yeah, Lisa was there. Hey's Sandy Dand that's Sandy.

He's a comic and he's nice and his baby is the cutest baby I've ever seen.

Well, we should tell him sometime.

Well, let's tell him now. Let's assume he's our number one fan.

God Sandy families when they're smaller, the smaller the better.

Right, Sandy Dando just walked by with his wife or girlfriend whatever and baby and the wife girlfriend was running, so let's call her a partner. She was running, so the baby was bouncing up and down, and the baby had a cowprint.

Ones beyond, what if he's married and doesn't have a kid, and that was.

His mistress baby. Secret family in Burbank. You heard it here first.

Sandy Dando has at least one if not more secret families in the valley granted up tmzom Sandy Dando, which is a great comedy name.

I saw family.

I cry a lot lately on I think it's okay, I'm with you. I cry some woman that's had a rough life. I can tell because she was a pretty faced person. But just there's you know, rug drug damage, sure, and that's a lot of people riding past my house in Venice. And she had a fight with her boyfriend. It was this was the other night I heard screaming. He jumped up and down on her bike. Her bike was bent and broken and it was in the street and cars just drove around her.

And I ran over there and she was just crying.

And I'm I'm not bragging about being sensitive right now, it sounds like I am.

That's a weird brag. This is you're not peacocking sensitivity.

Well, okay, I trust you because I'm a man and men aren't supposed to cry in the street with a stranger.

And I did, and you'd think it's not just sad stuff.

And she was okay, and I bent her thing back whatever she but then she will say, you know, she was probably about to grab my wall.

So I got the hell out of there.

Good great, don't trust, but definitely express your feelings.

But then I just saw a family in the mall.

That's dad.

He was like, you know, he was a young hand.

He looked like a model slash pro basketball player, and he had these two daughters that were just climbing on him, giggling, and he was acting goofy, and the mom was pretty and I'd fucking start crying. Hell, yeah, I don't what the hell's wrong with me.

Because that's a that's a there's good in the world, and you we probably taken too much negative. So when you get those shots of positivity that you didn't plan, it's not like a TV show you watched or whatever.

It's just like, there are great people doing.

Lovely things out in the world, and you just get these examples.

Yeah, and it's a relief and something that's happened recently, because a year ago, let's say, I don't believe I'd drop everything and just cry up on this side of a family, some Sandy Dando situation.

Evan Dando, However, I'll.

Cry what if Evan Danner just had a random baby, not his, just a baby that he got and you're just standing.

Wept in front of the street.

I'll tell you we need the windshield wipers on the inside of the car because I would.

Be a torrent of tears would be coming from both hosts.

And I know again I'm not bragging about being sensitive, but I am.

You are a sensitivo. I am too. It's how we are. It's what this podcast was based on.

We talk about our feelings, we express them, we demonstrate them, and we put them on other people.

This is your first time tuning in.

That's what we do and we'll always do it. That's our promise to you. We will emote at you till you're uncomfortable.

We won't if you don't know how to feel, we will assign it.

If you have no reaction, we'll interpret it negatively.

As you listen to this, you will find you have no control over your own brain and emotion.

We are in control of it.

Look into the clock as it passes in front of you, the pages of a calendar ripping from behind.

Now you are the Manchurian candidate, and we are whoever programmed the Manchurian candidate.

The government.

Probably inside you is not a heart. It is a battery and lies and documents.

It's a battery powered by lies, and that's you deep down.

So that's kind of what we do on this podcast. I mean, if you're used to Karen Doug. Although I do want to talk about render.

Oh we can.

I mean ghosts great.

I've been watching that Netflix is just like, hey, we know that ninety nine percent of entertainment is ghost related stories. I mean, someone at Netflix really has a boner for ghosts.

And I'm sila, I don't like that phrase.

Well, I'm glad you brought it up, because my new show, my Netflix series Ghost Boner, is actually taking many of the tropes that people love about Netflix and just wrapping them up into one kind of super cut between people screaming up a flight of stairs and then of course just dick pics.

Right right, and and prior to this your show, which is doing congratulations on them.

I'm gonna have to pause you right there, and I'm sure, sure.

Sure we can edit that's out.

So we did our order whether or not that'll be in the uh, you know, we aren't start about to say as much as we joke about it. We now have real sponsors, a real show that's right.

So we shouldn't give away.

We shouldn't list Starbucks items as free, like like we're living menus exactly.

We gotta gotta get paid for that.

They want a piece of this action, they can. They can call us.

That's right on our hotline. We have a phone right in the red a red timey rotary phone.

It's a rotary phone that's shaped like a latte and.

We can either call the commissioners or sponsors can contact us on it.

Can I just say one thing? Yes?

I think what about this idea for a future show? And Steven you can chime in because you're technical. Uh, we get a burner phone. We put the number up on Twitter and we take live calls during the drive.

Oh, we can do it.

Can we can do it?

Should we put in, like install an actual phone in your car? Yes, Okay, that'll work.

I want to look like an eighties cocaine based stockbroker.

Where and maybe we should make this car convertible?

Yeah? And I will you be that character.

I'll be just a guy in a stakeout, like a kind of disc grunt old, maybe drinks a little too much.

Great member's only jacket, But I've killed people.

Okay, funny, great, Stephen, what's your character?

I was gonna say, I'm just going to be my dad businessman, you know, just just waiting by the phone, you know, making calls. Well, two kids sit in the back trying not to crinkle their doritos.

I like three very specific pictures that do not match up.

And that's how we do things here at this podcast.

I think that we actually do that. It might be better in your ghost Boner show.

Well, I would not say that.

I just think that's bad luck for you to try to curse my ghostbone right right, right.

Think about the popularity of the scene that everyone remembers in Ghostbusters.

Where dan Ackroyd gets.

Oral sex from a ghost.

A lot of people don't actually remember that.

That's right, was it Slimer himself?

During the music montage? Okay, it's the first night they're staying. They spent all the petty cash they're staying in this wol ended up being haunted.

Library.

No, they rented a firehouse, remember, Oh yes, And they're all staying at the first night.

And during this music montage where it goes to different haunting.

Things, dan Aykroyd's bed, the sheets pull off his pants zip open. Huh, and then he crosses his eyes in some Daniel Stern uphoura as he gets an invisible blowjob. It's the most bizarre. I can't believe it's in the movie now. Sorry, most people have I was joking. Most people have blocked it out. It is in the regular.

I remember it as you were describing it, so you don't ever see what the ghost looks like.

No, that's hilarious.

Yeah, it is just him, and it's all innuendo, but it's not really because his pants zip open and they zoom in on it as such sheet some invisible entity is flating.

It's filating them either that are fishing anyway?

Fishing? What doing the old fisheroo.

I don't like how filet show and filet of fish, you know, I don't want those words to have anything to do with each other as far as what they mean, their meanings.

You were just talking about how sensitive you are, and suddenly you're talking dirty filet of fish.

Here we go again, Here they come. Here they come.

To get Chris's first tears, and you will get some emotion this, I mean, this thing's gonna come together for this season.

It's so many bells and whistles.

The first season lasted five years. Go ahead and check those episodes out. They are just sitting there on a shelf. They just reside there. And I suggest like episodes thirty through ninety or something. I was, really, I'm here's my biggest fear with our new season.

Okay, I've told all my stories a couple of times.

I know, I me too, That's that's the nature of podcasting.

Apparently I told that story about the bag of plastic four times. I someone said, you, that is the fourth time. But isn't an insult to me too? They said, every time you were surprised to hear it.

Yes, absolutely, absolutely pretending but also loving it. Every time you say feline aids, I'm like, here we go. I'm loving it.

I know how this goes. Let's do the day.

I am my father's son, and I've said this before, but every time he would tell a story, my sister and I would listen, it's like, well, we've heard this, and then our joke was, oh, here's number fifty seven or whatever, like each story had a number.

But I think I've told you. We've had this conversation at least three times. But I've told you that my friend Danny Sebios and I used to tell each other stories where the other person was there for the story.

And we still told the story anyway.

And me knowing that story is why Danny Sebios is a name that's already in my head.

That's right.

I love Danny.

He's the greatest.

It's this is.

An interesting experiment. Apparently I'm the hot, sweaty one. The car is divided in half. One side is gross and murky.

Yeah, and foggy.

It's because the AC is not on. And but it's cold outside and warm and here.

Maybe it's cold outside.

But Chris's side is definitively steamier than my side.

Oh baby, it's cold outside.

Christmas, so excited for it.

I'm so excited about sexual deviancy of Christmas. Wait, oh baby, of trapping you inside side?

Nope, making her it's cold outside and that's where you're going.

No, No, you're right, making her go out?

Yeah, get out in the snow you slept.

Put on this angli, getting that.

Snow bank, put on these skis and do what I say.

Santa's coming and it's a it's a real.

Christmas. Get outside.

That's how you make that show that song? Uh politically correct again? Is it's not a man trapping a woman into an apartment? By the way, we've had this conversation for sure, like no way. But what we're doing this time is improving upon the past idea. Right right, we're saying we have we already had that conversation. What if we turn it on It's ear exactly.

It's a lot like stand up.

You know how old some of my jokes are, Like at least there's still jokes I do that I've done for fifteen years, but it didn't work up until like three years ago. I kept telling them and now they are great. Yeah, now they're good pieces of business. They make me money.

Yes, some of these jokes.

There what you sometimes call the moneymakers, and so you trust them, you rely on them. They put bread on the table. You eat so much fucking bread. It's ridiculous.

Look, I look like a squirrel getting ready for winter sometimes, but it's just French bag ass.

It's bag after bag. Yet my eats are all the bouldous bag ats. Oh you're like, oh, Chris, do you want some goat cheese? No bread? Only get out of my apartment.

I am on an inflammatory diet. If it doesn't go straight to my knuckles, I don't want it.

Gluten this everybody.

I wish I could just I wish there was a cream that was just made out of dairy sugar and gluten that I could rub into my knuckles and elbows.

Isn't that asper cream hot scum? In the past, Oh, Steven, I have.

Talked about that, right. Their slogan used to be asp cream. You bet you're asper cream? And I was watching TV. I'm like, no, no way, you can't get away with that.

I don't know which one is with ours.

They changed it to better use aspa cream. No, yeah, this really happened. It was too sexual. Yeah, you're a cream?

As I know, I would have bought it. I swear to god, I know. I didn't even know what it was for.

I slathered it all over my.

Ass for cream. You had your asp for fucking cream.

You know a lot of these podcasts, they aren't at number three currently without having any new episodes. You know what they don't have Stone eating, Eating, audible, open smacking.

Dry. The driest of all the big goods.

This is put are we eating or am I doing? Fully? Work?

For a makeout scene.

I'm also opening, uh this bad paper. This is Stephen's fucking nightmare.

We're putting a warning in front of this.

We're doing crinkling and smacking. Oh sorry, no, no, I'm glad you did that.

No, I yeah, but I can't summon the word car.

Then you're full of scone. I just go your scone drunk, Chris, you.

Have to judge the tone of my oo. Either I suddenly felt you for it, or we're about to get.

T bone or one and the same. You're talking. Have you ever been t bone? It feels pretty good.

It's we were talking about that movie Crash, not the one about racism, but the one where people get an erotic charge out of crashing cars.

Do you want that one?

I remember thinking I was watching the other one, and then next thing, you know, for real.

The bloody bodies in my pants are now No I didn't, I don't, but it is. I did watch that one first.

Yeah, the racism one or the or the erotic one. Sorry, yeah, the erotic one you just bone is more delicious than I anticipated, and I I'm.

It's very good.

It's so good. This is like we're having a little Christmas party right now, doesn't I feel like it?

I'm I you do know I love Christmas?

Right, I think so? I mean, I don't think we've talked about this might be a new topic. Are you? Are you ready to go into it? I think?

I mean, I haven't rehearsed it for five years while on air, But here we go, let's try it.

I love I'm not you know, I'm not religious and I didn't grow up with religion really except for we.

Keep going, except for what the camp you went to.

Go ahead, exactly, thank you. But I've told that story.

Don't tell it. I've added to it though, Okay.

Yeah, Well I fell off a dock at it and my nipple.

They cut my nipples off, and when I left out was I do remember because I was holding them because I was embarrassed, and it heard and I was and then it left little nipple blood marks on my on my palms and someone some in turn.

Said that's stigmata, and I had to go to a separate room and I had to talk to the.

Head pastor and I'm like, no, but the joke, key part I'm trying to figure out.

I don't remember during the Yeah, no, I haven't figured it out and say sorry, no more.

Oh okay.

I don't recall during the crucifixion, you know, coming up and giving him a titty twister or whatever. I don't know when once it comes to turning it into a joke, I don't have.

A lot of skills.

I get it, you know, it's in process. But that story and of itself is wonderful. It was rich anecdote.

It was the most horrifying week I've ever had as a child. I was just hearing voices. I was hearing what I thought were demons. I was hearing in the background children drowning in the lake. But I think I've said this before. It was yep, Yeah, it was just the other kids.

Their booger whistles as they slept sounded like screaming.

The point is, I'm not that religious, but I love Like last night at the place across they had some some white frosted tree, this artificial tree with wires, and they had done nothing to primp it or or crimp it.

Crump trump trumpet.

I think I just had a stroke.

They did nothing to it to make it look good, and so I spent about an hour on it and moved the ornaments, and they all watched. They're like, you're really good at this, and I'm like, yes, I love Christmas. Sorry, where were you at Killer Shrimp? The establishment?

Killer Shrimp?

It's a gross in my house.

You buried the lead that you were in public doing this.

Yeah, yeah, And that staff was just kind of watching me. I'm like, that's not a Christmas tree. And then it was like almost in emotion. There's a footstool. It was a perfect setup and it really looked.

Good in the end.

I'm like, I'm actually pretty good at at getting a tree ready.

That's fucking hilarious.

What is prim primming the tree?

What is a trim trimming the tree? Oh my gosh, I know it's dirty.

Everything's a little bit dirty, grimming the tree, trimming the tree, Yes, nothing, have been other trimmings.

Like your bangs or or meats, different meats. I'm gonna trim myself of my clothes and come right back. Let me go slip into something more trimmable, so sexy.

And you're in the still in the middle of Bubba Gums troop, sir, please, you have to wear pants in.

Here, m That's why they call it killa trimp it's o.

Kila, you just made of your own dick Joe. Oh wow, Wow, that's kind of powerful.

Yeah, there's a we're looking at graffiti that says rip McCain. There's a young picture of him, kind of a wood cut.

Yeah.

Somebody someone they spray paint stenciled a picture of McCain in his navy uniform.

But you would think a fan of his wouldn't really be into the graffiti arts.

No, I would think that is why or whoever spread that up there would be more of like a you know what cross stitcher that is?

Are you right?

She's like, no, one's fine my pillows anymore. I got to hit the streets.

I'm gonna take this message to the people. Rest in peace, my husband.

I do like the idea of an older couple just doing that in broad daylight, doing.

Graffiti and then walking back over to their mansion. Over here.

We did good today, Honey, close the gate.

Now, let's break dance in the living room. We'll live whatever goddamn life we want.

Let's watch that scene from Cocoon where the old people are break dancing to get in the mood.

I have to apologize. If my sister was listening to this and she heard me eating this rice crispy. Oh, she would lose her fucking mind. Yeah, it's it's not it's pretty gross. No one wants to hear it.

I do apologize, Steven.

Is it is it?

Can you hear it a lot?

No, it's not too bad.

It's more of when it's like the crinkling Party's probably right.

I put it down. I put it down. It's a gorgeous winter day here in Burbank, really pretty it is.

There is there is certain memories that get triggered by the smell of like the sun coming out right after the rain. And there's one specific one, and I don't know why, just a day in my hometown and that I was maybe sixteen, and I remember every time it rains, I think of that day. And I don't think there's any importance to it other than me as a as a young teen thinking, boy, it's really pretty out right now.

Yeah, And it just brings that smell, brings you back to that day.

It's always that day. Yeah, It's always that day. Strawberry Field Forever also triggers that. That song triggers that that visual. It's so weird how.

Certain same day. Yes, same moment.

So I always wonder why because it's it's not off a but it's it's really vivid and it's almost like I can see it.

So what happened that day? Did some ghosts flying through me?

What?

There has to be a reason that did you Were you in school? Were you walking home from school? Did you go I was having a bad day.

I think I was doing door to door sales for Serendipity Ventures.

Yes, so you were. This was just a moment of mercy in the otherwise terrible day.

It was a terrible day. I had sold no coupon books. I got threatened.

I think almost that was a day A dog I got bit because I know where I was, at the end of Brooks and a dog bit me.

I went onto a guy's porch, I'm like, do you need to get your oil?

Take? And then a dog. But it was really a The coupon book was great.

All you would I would go to the coupons, I'd be like, look, this is a half price oil change just down the street. This book is six dollars with this one coupon or coupon, depending on where part of the country you're from.

I's very savvy about wistic and they're trying people.

Yeah, people come around gather around Elixis in coupon books, but not really Aleixis.

And that is like in the coupon books, this one half off Allixes. This one's for crooked legs and drash bills. Yeah, one coupon paid for the book.

And I would show it to them and they're still like, well, I don't know when doesn't expire.

You have two years now, I'm a child. Also, please buy this. How old were you?

It was my first job. I had to be fifteen.

Shit, And I know I've talked about this, but the other guys I worked with were grown up men who drank a lot. And one time we had to pick them up at the elbow room. And the two guys, two guys I had to walk around in the neighborhood with that day.

This was a different day.

They were just fighting in the park parking lot, bleeding, black eye, bloody nose.

Yes.

And then they got and they were reeked of alcohol and they got in the car and I'm like, I'm so scared.

Did you say that out loud?

I know, I was just like I get it.

Boys.

The old poking Dick in the parking lot.

I got you. Every once in a while, man's got it. This is what I said.

I was like, everyone's a while.

Man's gotta tell another man that he's his friend. By functioning, you boys will be all right. Hey, did you see this? This coupon is worth six dollars.

You know what I think?

Guys, hope you're punching again anyway, this is the coupon. I'm gonna lead with the oil change once you guys are done hitting each other. And when you're done hitting each other, here's some half off gauze. Wrap it around your head.

I don't know if it was the violence or just having to go out into the streets and be scared knock on doors.

As much as it is, I very much dislike sales.

Yes, me too, And I figured that out early on, and my dad told me't like it if you have to set aside, like because you kind of have to trick someone even if you believe in the product, like I did two years later with CUTCOA knives.

You are you know.

I would walk into a house and they would have holes in their place mats, or.

They looked like they didn't have extra money, certainly not for a knife set where it's like fifty bucks per night, like they're really expensive.

You know.

Mm, wait, are you buying time so you can chew and swallow? Or is this my knife story of snooze fast both. There's a lot of pressure with this new season.

I know.

I agree. That's why I'm just not saying anything at all.

What if someone's tuning in, that's not gonna help people just tuning in?

Yeah, Karen for the first time, it's just she doesn't talk and this other guy tells you really boring sales stories.

I here's the reason I like your Cutcoast stories.

It's because it reminds me of every job I had felt like the worst thing that was happening to me ever, And it was because I don't like working and I'm very lazy. And I remember one time I hadn't gotten a job and I called my parents to borrow money for the twelfth time, and my mom goes, do you think you don't have to work?

And I was like yes.

I said yes back to her, like finally you understand me, and she's just like, you fucking asshole. So I know those like anytime you get a job where you had to somehow weirdly be like, hey, I'm a confident salesperson even though I'm nineteen and I have the weirdest outfit on and I just want to lay down and drink right right.

I never I never felt good about any age.

Well, favorite job, favorite job.

My favorite job I think there was like a real job, was when I just walked into a T shirt chop and I showed him my drawings or it was my favorite.

Process of getting hired ever.

Okay, where I walked in, the guy was kind of intimidating and he's like, oh, you want to work here, here's your first job.

And he slid over this order and it was a description of what these people wanted.

It was some rafting group, and I sat down and I drew up a logo by hand, and they're like, okay, great, and then they went down and printed it and then the people got the shirts like it was a last minute order, and I did the job. He's like, okay, you're hired, but it was actual. It was an actual job, and then.

Them testing you out was turned into the product that got sold and made money. Thank you. Yes, that's amazing.

Yeah, it was like a cool It was like, oh, you want to audition for this commercial?

Roll them.

Do you like cat food or a better example, do you like cat we all do.

Finally, cats you food for humans?

Just hold on a minute. Natural Balance you know patent Man Patten?

You know Man Patton?

Yes, you know, he's CEO of Natural Balance Food.

I didn't know that. I'm so glad you told me.

Well, I was to interview some bulldog at skateboards and he was like, he was in the Rose Bowl parade snowboarding that year.

That's not the job you name is your favorite job?

You fucking come in with I printed up shirts as your favorite job, and you fucking interviewed her. A skateboarding bulldog, A lot of bulldogs, a little baby, cute ones.

No, the bulldogs love jumping on skateboards. And then this float one year and this dog has passed. But he had his own calendar, he had his own tour bus.

Whoa, he was a famous bulldog.

I think I've seen him. I think is he the one where he actually kicks along? Yes, he was very good.

Bulldogs will at first they're biting your ankle on the side of the board, but eventually they get on it and they're like, wait a minute, I get it.

That's fun.

Yeah, and suddenly you have on your hands a skateboarding bulldogs. It's a great but they're gonna bite you at first. Dogs are unpredictable. Anyway, I interviewed this dog and at the end they wanted some product thing and it wasn't Dick van Patten or whoever his name is, but it was.

Yeah, yeah, not Dick but Vince. But they had a dog food that it's said.

On it also you can have it, adults can have it, and no, yes, and it just tasted like danty more beef stew or whatever.

Are you sure they didn't mean adult dogs can have it?

Guarantee?

He said, this food, the quality of this food is so good that we advertise that people can eat it too. And it seriously set it on the can and I ate it, and it tasted nothing like dog food.

It tasted like people food. So it's like, there's no way this as good for dogs.

Did you warm it up first? I ate the whole can cold and it was good.

No, it was on camera. It was like, well, here's a dog food, you know, it's kind of the same. I got a tattoo on camera. You know I would do anything. I'm a journalist.

You that is true, But you've now told the fourth most mind blowing story. You ate dog food as a commercial. Oh happily.

Yeah. And do you think this is I've never heard this one.

Do you think this is related to or caused by, when your mom made you what you thought was tuna sandwiches and it was cat food sandwiches.

If you give me permission to retail, there's a lot of new people listening.

It was just yes, it might have, but that was horrifying because that was very much cat food in sandwich form and.

Not in any way cleared for adults or children to eat.

I was in sixth grade and I bet a sandwich and put it down, and my friends were staring at me, and I'm like, it's cat food, and my friends all smelled it, and it very cat Food's unmistakable and still makes me gag.

It's so gross. I love cats, I hate their food. Yeah, and I'm partial about the litter box. You could be convinced right now, you're not so sure. A few more.

I think that's why I never got sick as a kid.

I was you'd already eaten a bunch of stuff.

Well, that's sand It was a sandbox, but my cat used it for his reasons. And I'm three years old.

What am I going to do?

Not put it in my mouth. You're just going to become like one of the X Men with all.

Of your I really do, because I'm not kidding. I as a kid, I had worms all the time, and it was because I always had a hand. You know, I'm playing a cat poop in my in my sandbox, and this is gross.

I know it's gross, but I had This is gross. Just in case you're not entirely grossed out, if.

You aren't listening to the stories so far, let me interrupt you by saying it's been gross. And I I never I got a certificate at the end of fifth grade that my entire elementary school career, I never missed a day of school being sick.

And I think that it's because I was just out of.

Steady diet a.

There's no germs could survive past your soft palate.

There's some of these kids out there just sick all the time, and it's because their parents never gave.

Him cat poop. Yeah, it's a huge mistake.

Anyway, I went home and my mom that she had made a sandwich in a hurry. There was a can of deviled ham next to a canon, and there was deviled ham in the cat's bowl and got the I got the cat food sandwich and that that.

Cat can describe that day.

It just like your rain smell day, because he got deviled ham and it was so beautiful, and then he noticed how gorgeous the clouds were. Every time he smells doubled ham, he's like, Oh, when I was eight, this fucking woman gave me deviled ham.

And oh it was a September morning.

It was a woman that was always there, but she was there for the first time. Somehow.

I was just glad it wasn't a cucumber.

Yeah, if you tap imagine, because all cats have as their taste buds.

Sure. Oh, and they're really good eyesight.

Yeah, and they're and they're spiky, spiky, weird tongue and penis and they have a barbed penis.

And they do have a barbed penis, many animals do.

It's just so they can keep that lady around for a little while while they're romancing her.

As one might want to say, it's not it's for drinking.

For sexual purposes.

It's for drinking. Cat's tongues are not barbed for her pleasure, Karen, it's horrifying.

It's just too that's really makes so much noise when they're made out of fence outside your apartment.

They're a painful barb process.

It's like karma Kama Sutra style attack. Oh god, it's the worst, and it's so true.

That's why cats. Cats are shrieking in pain. It's because sex is no no walk in the park.

It is the borderline BDSM, which stands for dirty bad bad dirty.

Yeah sex males bds.

Oh man, you're better at that panic when it comes down to like.

The fill in the blank joke yeah, or the it's not.

An acronym acronyms when the initials spell aware and people go bit right, like dinar is an acronym acronym my m M f M, it's not. That's one of your podcasts is an acronym. The other one is their initials. People misuse that all the time. And you know how, I'm super smart, right, so I sure do.

So you're just kind of here to teach us as much as while I eat as much as anything else, mostly.

About when you're done using that mouth to throw that scone down, you're gonna use it to speak right around me.

I don't know who that was.

I'm sorry, No, that's okay you. I think it's important for us to explore. Remember when we were going to do this, in the very beginning of this idea that we would do this podcast as a series of characters driving around.

Remember that, I mean it was like first pass idea years ago.

The James Adomian episode was like, that is not what we're talking about. Okay, okay, I figured that would make you angry.

We're trying to be angry so I can keep eating.

What kind of a U, Karen, I'm afraid it's lapsed into a silent state of rage.

Let's wait until she swallows, i mean, gets into better.

Mood, fills herself with marshmallow crispy surprises.

Every episode we're just hiding you're having snacks, yep, with the fact that you're angry instead.

Yeah, and it's they're getting louder and louder, so it's like, why would you eat cruditay on a podcast?

It's disgusting. Yeah, watch this, I can cover it. They'll never fucking know, they'll never know what I'm doing over here. I'm just angry.

No, but I do like that idea.

I mean, you and I aren't really character actors, not in the least, but you're good at it. The other day, oh, the other day, someone said, who sings your song? The song you heard at the beginning of this it's a beautiful song, one of if I think you'll agree, one of my favorite songs.

It's one of your favorite songs.

In a pinch, like overnight, I wrote that song in like one sitting. It was nutso and.

It's really good. And someone said, who sings that song? A fan of yours, And I'm like, I can't believe you don't know about this album. And I forwarded some songs from live at the bootleg and it's really good.

Thank you.

It had been a while since I listened your album.

It's so good. You were there when I recorded it.

I was, I was, and I was It's like, yeah, this is all right.

And now in retross like the I don't know if it's a recording quality or just my tastes have become you know, sharper.

More refined, Yeah, more refined. That's what I mean. It's because we went to grad school.

Man, it was those last year at college really helped me realize how good your album Thank you so much. You know it's so good and you gotta be We've talked about it jokingly, but you gotta get start the rock band.

I was gonna say, you know when I did it. At the time, I was really scared to do it, but I knew. I knew I had to like get it down and make sure it was recorded. And the only thing I could do, because I'm so such a self sabotage sabatur.

Is, I was like, just do it.

You're not gonna like it, no matter how good or bad it is, You're not gonna like it. So just do it and walk away and don't listen to it for like five years. And that's what I did, and that's what made it okay, because it's so horrifyingly vulnerable to write and sing songs.

Did you see your old crappy No, it looks like crap.

Your life is better. We really progressed the same one.

But and then oh my point, yeah, I also forgot that I watched a bunch of mister show stuff and you're on that, thank you?

Yeah. That the sketch where.

Bob and David are both competing to describe the sunset bline.

Oh yes, the blind girls sketch.

Yeah yeah, I mean now it's offensive now a lot of things are.

But I wasn't really blind. I was just doing it for attention, right, right, she wasn't right?

Okay right?

Yeah, So so that could be even worse or much much better. Scott Ackerman wrote that I.

Think it does make it better. Lots of people like that sketch. Hey, Ackerman has its moments.

Come on, give it up for the.

Give it up for the.

Like that's his if he was a DJ.

Or if he was a touring comic.

Holy speaking of both. I did a show last night as a comic.

It was it was in near your Neck, that Woods, right on Lancersham there and it was so North Hollywood and uh it was just behind a bar, but it was really fun, Like Larie Kilmartin was on it. Solman did Georgio, and Solman I add did Georgio. I don't know why there's no Yeah, that's because of that pizza, because of Diovanni.

Who's hilarious. Who's hilarious, so I don't think anyone makes me laugh more than her. All the people you've named so far, some of all of my favorite and.

Then this Canian guy was very funny, and then uh, yeah, it was a bunch of great comics.

That's awesome.

And after that I was hungry and my friend and I went to some sushi place and there was a DJ that greeted us at the door, next to a guy who was so intense and scratching his face and looked like a cartoon character that was a mathematic cool but they were in good moods and they said, come

Was Crocodile Joe. He would get any'd play like.

Y'all ready for this and like jock jams and then come a late you're my sugar pie baby, all those that era of bad music.

Which goes perfectly with sushi.

But then he made us all d ymca and he made everyone get up that was eating there and do the hand movements and I'm like, no, I don't want to know, but everyone was doing it, and I was saying no.

I said no ten times.

The next thing you know, I'm there was a congo congo line and I was in the middle, but everyone was willing to do it, And I'm like, why am I so uptight?

Why do I think I'm better than this shit?

And then after this guy did that and made everyone feel uncomfortable, everyone was so loose and dancing and talking.

Everyone was in a great mood.

And it was this guy Fieri type, guy who's like made me roll my eyes and was like a kind of annoying.

Really broke us all out of our shells, and I at the end I loved him.

Well, that's great.

Everyone felt great in that room.

Can I just ask a couple quick questions about the sushi detail? Yeah, I'm I need to really kind of investigate that.

Okay, how many drinks did you have between the time you walked in, sat down and the time you were like, you know what, I'm going to give.

Over to they zero? I haven't been drinking. Oh, trying to get my face skinny from my special Oh, because.

That's very telling, because it's that's to me, all those rock and roll sushi places are just hey, alcoholics, come eat here, because.

You're not even gonna eat anyway. You just want to fuck around, right I do.

I don't want to go to a restaurant people are involved in the experience that I'm having and making me do things.

Everyone else there I think was drunk to me and my friends, Okay, and I got I went in there. I'm like, I have to eat now. And I stopped at two places before that, and they were closing. You know, it was after the show. Its ten, we went in there. I'm like, I don't care if these guys are obnoxious, cracked DJs. I'm hungry and I'm eating. They're bad sushi even if it kills me, and sushi can kill you, it absolutely can.

Yes, you know, get some sea or tin in there. But then you basically you turned your attitude around the energy.

I stayed like two and a half hours. I was having so much fun.

That's good.

It was like being at a roller rink as a grumpy old single dad or something.

But then you he cracked you.

His his energy for life and for sushi and for bad music cracked you open.

Yeah it really he did. It was great.

I think I hugged him a couple times. Wow, it was a weird experience. I don't ever want to see him again or be there again.

Well, he he already called you.

You have to eat runch with him on Saturday, and he wants to know if you guys are going to spend the holidays.

Damn it?

What have you called on our hotlinete hotline? Hello, console phone? You said you were my boyfriend.

I'd had a lot of sushi. Crocodile Joe.

I didn't really mean it. I just wanted it to be a casual thing.

Here's the thing. I let my mouth run. People listen to this. Crocodile done. Joe could be less right now?

God, could you imagine?

And he's blasting it across the sushi restaurant and being like jumping up and down, trying to be like a power DJ.

But it's to this bullshit.

You had cargo cargo shorts, which is the whole package deal. Another first time story brought to you fresh, never before told, you know, because it happened last night.

It's almost an argument for retelling stories no offense, right, But.

I mean because that one was a stinker in the mood.

I'm just saying it's great to work out your plotform.

So you're saying, you're saying Crocodile Joe in his sushi place might be a great story in five six years.

I would marinate it at least for one year. Put it in a bull of vinegar, because you're going to be great one day.

Pierre, I'm usually not this attack o hnted comedically with you on this podcast.

It's my new season one, season two. Sorry character.

I expected you to be this way because we got to hold this to a higher standard.

Yeah, that's right.

There's more listeners, there's more scrutiny.

That's right.

And I think attack comedy is coming back. I think I could be the new Rickles of podcasting if I really.

Tried just casual friend roasting, friend roast slams and pranks. I'll definitely keep your eyes out for the prank.

Oh god, I love you.

Know.

My favorite is when you come up behind me and you tap my left shoulder, but you're over on my right right in your I wrenched my neck over. I'm like, no one's there. Yeah.

And then when you're turning your head the other way, I have a screwdriver up by your ear again. Isn't it weird? Should we drive by it again?

Oh?

God?

Yeah, I don't think.

We got some pictures last time, but didn't have our new our new, I don't know what. So you're saying this podcast will be on like a website, Yes, can we add pictures?

Are you doing the character of my dad?

You want people about you know it?

Oh?

I could my dad.

So we started this podcast network. Georgia hard Shark and I have started exactly right podcast network. If you don't know, that's where you are right now.

Yeah.

If you blindly turned on your computer and.

Ended up on the homepage, you just kind of put your hands all over the keyboard and now you're here with us.

Hey, welcome.

But my dad has tried to get me to explain in a way that is meaningful to him what the fuck a podcast network is? And I've tried and tried, and I was I always use some kind of a radio metaphor, but he it was, it's like then he just immediately thinks of radio and he's.

Like, well, then how do you have to wait to put it on at a certain time?

Or or yeah, or he thought everyone comes in and in real time, they come into the studio and lay down some.

Tracks and it plays streams we could via the airwaves.

Yeah, whatever, like kind of like a Motown situation where like every show on the exactly right network, we all sit in there with it with cans on, watching each other record.

Don't sit there singing to the bucket you drift her.

So I finally said, it's like we're Netflix, and then everybody brings their movies to post on our website.

Right, he finally got it.

But that also kind of is very reductive and makes it sound, you know, like we're not really doing anything.

We're more than just a website. Everybody we make ear movies. Yes, there it is, that's what we wound.

No picture Okay, wait, that's what I'm saying. On the website. We can have a picture of this haunted house. We looped around the block.

Okay, okay, because this one's kind of nice. Yeah, this doesn't seem haunted. It seems expensive.

I am a sneaking suspicion. That is it's the one next to it. I guess I don't think so, it's just a similar This is what I know. This was a stream we're on and the house isn't here anymore, or it's over there, like further down.

But I'm turning around.

These are beautiful homes. We're sorry to upset you, mister amitybud Amityville.

The disappearing house. Is that scary? A house disappearing entirely? Ah?

Yes, have you not seen Poulter geyst because guess what's underneath?

Skeleton Discreynold Native Americans.

It wasn't that the thing they were They were adding a pool to Craig T.

Nelson's house, and they specifically said it was a Native graveyard.

They built the entire uh housing tract over the guy yells or Craig T.

Nelson yills.

You just move the headstones, and they basically didn't move the bodies. They just built all the houses over a Native American graveyard. And those the Native Americans in the graveyard were pissed, and the Poltergeists began.

I think you found it. I think we are assaing the real haunted house.

You get ready to get ready, of Rudy, Where is it? Is it not this one?

These things lift up and float around, they really do. That's I hate this about these these ones. It isn't it's just gone. It's just gone.

It's just gone.

There were I mean, and I mentioned that I've been watching a lot of these haunting you know, there're movies about hauntings, documentary series about hauntings, and it's made me think about my own.

You know, things I could never shake that still are.

In my brain.

Just no just weird emotions that are triggered by a certain sound or a smell. Not unlike the happy rainy day thing, but I like, when I was a kid, I used to hear background noise would suddenly amplify and and it would be in school during a test, and so kids you could hear their pencils scratching papers all of a sudden that would have an emotion attached to it, and it sounded like instead of pencils, loud voices going like.

And it scared the hell out of me to where I would almost faint.

Yeah, Now, either I was being haunted or I have a special power I've never tapped into, which is what my mom's friend who rubs crystals said, Or I'm I was just having little anxiety attacks.

Sure, what do you think?

Well, I've had the same thing happen where my hearing goes really strong for a second, right, and it almost feels like The thing I think of is the conspiracy theorists who believe that there are like radio transmissions in their head, which is also I think of that because.

That's also a sign of schizophrenia. And then I go, is it coming for me? Today?

Is today the day I go down? And then I just get real relaxed and then it goes away, right, And I think there are things like my friend Bradford one time when we were working at Ellen.

He was a producer.

Her nickname for Bradley Wood for continue not that house, right, No, I'm I can't find it.

So he was working one day and he had one eye that was much worse, had a stronger prescription in his glasses than his other eye, and his eye click clicked into focus and he could see better with the bad eye for like two hours. Oh no, and then it went away. And I just think that that's how our bodies are. Sometimes there's like weird shit brain stuff going on. We don't we could never know.

I know.

And it's when you experience the high functioning or I remember when towards again to college, I was all excited to or just of a semester. I was excited to move to this snowboarding town and just snowboarding me with my friends, and I was it.

But that week prior to that, I was calm all the time.

I was doing great in school, I was skateboarding better every and my interactions with people, they would go, wow, you're in a really good mood lately. I'm like, yeah, I don't know what it is. And the whole time I was paranoid that it was going to go away.

Uh huh.

I'm like, you know, this isn't going to last forever something for whatever reason, and orphans. I thought maybe I was sick and my body was trying to fight something, which very well could have been the case.

And so it just was making you feel better in general.

Yeah, for some reason, my my chemically I was just winning, or for lack very much of a better term, you.

Were Tiger's bloody all over the second place, telling me.

Oh, I wish I could have thought of a better thing. I really upset that I said winning.

Oh, but I was. It's the best way to explain everything. That's how you.

Felt everything I was doing, and it was coming effortlessly and even physically.

It's so weird that physically I was performing better.

Physically you were slowly turning into Charlie Sheen and you didn't realize that you had a widow's peak and really flairy nostrils.

And you're like love. Its many, many, many addictions.

Yeah, but I do remember being scared that it would go away, and then when it did go away, I was kind of bummed out.

Sure, but I kind of let it know. But well, you have to.

It is a true thing. It is true in the rate that UFOs are controlling That is what you said, right.

Our emotions a UFO made me cry. Anyway, Get what show do I like these days? The UFOs are controlling me? Yeah, those it just happened.

That audio thing I'm talking about just happened to me, either yesterday or the day before at work, and it was really one of those things where I was like, because you know, people are talking about five G wireless is like really strong, and we don't really know how it could affect us. Somebody told me some conspiracy theory about five G wireless that has really gotten into my head and freaked me out in a major way because and I don't even know if it's true, I don't

Time, right, so you know who the fuck knows?

And it's proven that the equivalent these are microwaves.

It's the same as the eighties, you know, when you were like, don't put your head right there, like there was a I could.

Feel oddly cool air blowing into my face.

Yeah that is a nuclear like either either that or but I've heard that that signals for cell phones are very similar to microwaves. Yeah, they do, cause brain that's proven that there it's bad that we're putting these up to our skulls.

Yes, I think.

I think it's like the whole idea is we have to let everything go because we are killing ourselves right, for sure?

And I and it might sound selfish or like you don't have any real problems if all you worry about is your own health, but that I'm sorry, call me, yeah, call me problem less because.

I'm so worried about your health.

Yeah yeah, sure, yeah, that my phone's gonna reach out and grab me, reach out and stab me.

I'm going to rettabi.

Brouh uh brouh cajabra on your phone and I'm going to stab You're going to kill you?

What?

What's wrong? I'm just your phone?

What is what's the policy on song parodies like that?

When we take a song and make it way worse?

Yeah, we have to legally pay anything.

And I think we're gonna go to jail for sure. Good.

It's such a means, something new to worry about.

It's been reading all day. It's not raining right this second, but it's all moody. And you found the house.

What you found?

The house haunted? Look at it. We did it. We fucking stuck to it. And it's still on.

Reminding me of that boat I saw two days into a Caribbean cruise. It was a boat, not unlike this house, except it was and had a little roof on it and a little lantern that was flickering on and off. What it was a boat in the middle of the ocean. I was on a cruise with my family and was out on the patio. It was nighttime and there was just a boat out we had. It was a two day trip, so we were going I think to most

And no one was on it. A boat that looked like a house church, and it was.

Rocking to where you could see the floor of the boat and everything in it, and there was not a person in the boat.

And so everyone on the rest of the cruise was like, so do you see the ghost boat. Everyone agreed that it was a ghost bok. Yes, And that house reminded me of it.

Shit. Yeah.

Also that house on the shutters, they're like weird crosses. They look like teas, but they're even as opposed to a crucifix, where the cross is on the top part.

It's in the middle, but it looks equally like Satanic right and wrong.

That's the kind of house that in a movie that's about I'm so sold.

Oh my god, did you throw up because you're scared of ghost boats?

You know?

House ghost.

Made me throw up in good diarrhea.

Of course.

Chris is watching The Haunting of Hill House and just projectile vomiting onto his own television.

The only movie that doesn't make me do that, ironically, The Exorcist.

Really, momitsane.

You've never felt more comfortable than when you watch that.

It's the only time my stomach feels coated and healthy. Is watching Blair.

Spit piece at the Wall.

And it's pre secret. That wasn't split pea soup, that was dog food.

No, but it's made for humans.

Yeah, yeah, yes, that house does.

There a little crucifixes in the window, and it is the it's so cartoonishly haunted house that in a movie about haunted house, as you would be like, well, it serves you right.

Yes, you should have said no to the realtor.

You're being silly moving into a house that haunted.

Well, the price is right, honey. Well, I'm just worried that our son won't stop drawing these drawings. You mean the crayon ones of us dead. There we go movie written.

You're welcome, go ahead and make it we dare you starring Elliott? For me, I like that series The Haunting of Hill House.

Or I really like the ending of it.

What you did? You didn't like the ending?

No, That's what I was gonna say is I didn't get all the way through because I don't want to watch families fight. Right if you have a haunted house, throw some fucking plates at the wall and get it going. I don't want to watch people disagree about whether or not the house was unfair to them or their sister.

I muscled through that. And I think you're talking about the scene where they're all at a funeral. Yeah, and they are all fighting, but it was they it was so well acted, and I think it is the arguments and the points they're making were so realistic that that part felt like a especially tense episode of togetherness or something. And I'm like, this show, this show is being changing genres on me. And then the end is this kind of hopeful interstellar type thing.

Okay, and it and it's not I mean the end of the series.

Or the end yes, rather than you know, other horror movies where it's like and the whole time it was just the devil.

The end, everything's bad, all killing, they're.

All dead, the devil wins again.

Yeah, yeah, I mean I like Hereditary, but it's like, oh, the end is the devil? What a cop out come on?

That movie was freaky as ship though it was it was really good, just the end.

I was like, come on, it could have been about those Sorry, these are all spoilers, by the way.

Yeah, but we'll put spoiler warning also at the.

Top, right right right, spoiler warning, don't leave your milk out.

Trigger warning, there's gonna be spoiled milk in this episode.

Spoiler trigger warning. This car has a spoiler on it. And I have a gun.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry I have to bring it. I'm sorry, I have to bring it to that level of comedy. Sorry, I love guns. I just uh.

Tony Kollett's character was making miniature replicas of things happening.

I mean that.

I don't know why there shouldn't have been some like well, surprise, it was just happening in this world that is in her psychosis or in her miniature.

Like it was.

That was such a great that would have been a better way to end it other than but maybe they want you to think that, and in the end it's like, surprise, it's the devil. Everything's bad. This kid who you were rooting for, this nice boy, Yeah, he's screwed.

He's the devil himself.

Go home and deal with your emotions. Not all movies are supposed to make you feel like it's a wonderful light.

But I do agree that the Devil is not specific enough to make it scary, because I'm Catholic already went through that phase of like I'm scared the Devil's gonna get me.

It's such a generalized kind of thing.

It's much more interesting when it's like it's actually the boy, you know what I mean, and he's just killing people.

That's it's better, right, it's more grounded. I can get behind it. Sure, I do like that boy after Alex Wolf that's in it. His mom was on thirty something.

He's a great, great boy.

Of all the boy actors, and I'm saying he's the top boy.

Got me, boy boy, how are you at acting?

Boy?

Why?

I love it? Can scream into this bed, You've got the boods. Oh oh, we love old shit. Old timey voice is a new timy Netflix.

How when and I don't think. The only thing I know about it it's roxy music is on the soundtrack. But that movie Legend where Tim Curry is the devil that was almost too scary for me.

His makeup. Is it, David Bowie that you mean the devil?

And Curry is that big muscly scary devil in that in that Tom Cruise as a child?

Oh right, okay, I'm pretty sure.

Yes, when he and he and the girl from Ferris Bueler fall in love. Yes, she's in it with Hi.

Scooby Do thank you.

I do lots of scared and Scooby Doo wastefully it's fucking one of them.

I love that Scooby Doo says thank you absolutely perfectly, clearly, and everything else are.

Thank you.

That was like at the end of the performance, is me being me aga?

You broke back, asked Chris to say you thank you.

I will reg you.

Or an eh, you are a seven rank you.

Oh, I don't know how you feel.

The buns For myself, most of the time, I don't get them. I'm always like, what, No, it's good. You're a selective memory acknowledgment of art. I have a very light laughing headache right now. I've really enjoyed this episode that we've just done.

Oh thanks, Yeah, me too. I was so excited to be back in the back in the studio.

God damn, it's been so long, it.

Has and we were taking a break and I'm okay, but a lot of people were saying, hey, what's up.

I know I'm starting to get upset.

We worried a lot of people. Necessarily, well, if it feels good.

At first, I was like, yeah, get off my back. But I mean, you've it's it's it's I appreciate it, and I respond out. I'm not getting enough of it now to where I like, can't I try to respond.

To all of them, you know, like yep, it's coming.

The messages, Yeah, I don't respond to any I can't get no, no you.

You've been dealing with this for a while, and it's it's many hundreds of times the people.

Well also because sometimes people just want to have a chit chat and where it's like, oh I can't, it's gonna come out and then you'll have your answer anyway, so we don't have to have a discussion about it.

But my thing is, you know, just so the people that listen and who do who do get bummed out when we don't do it? And stuff. We're going to get more much more.

Consistent because now I'm not on tour doing my other podcast is launching.

A network working at Baskets.

Baskets ends in a week, So four entire jobs that I've been doing this whole time are going to be put to bed in a way or at least lessened, And then I'm going to have time to actually do things that I want to.

Do in my life. If you can imagine that, that's great. Yeah, I'm gonna do it. Like what like grabbing that cat and running away? Oh he's Oh, he's my I like cats. Cats are pretty good, Steven. How you feel about cats, like Stephen say a thing?

I don't know.

I don't I'm more of a squirrel guy.

Yeah, it seems like then you're kind of impartial.

Stephen has a podcast called The per Cast that's about cats.

I know that's I was leading into it.

Thank you, Thank you for the Senate was so dry, Chris, I want to skateboard there. I thought you didn't know. I know, I did know that. Yeah, let's do some cross promotions.

Cross Promotion Cast we are talking about cats, other animals that you like, uh that you you know, you want to like observe what kind of litter they use, what kind of their favorite toys are, where they like to lay in the sun. You know, all the good things that you want to know about cats.

And it's funny because I know most of those answers you.

I'm a cat, I'm a can't man, and I'm cordially inviting myself to be a guest on Yes, what movie stars have been on the par.

Uh Tom Cruise, Yeah, he's a big the kit talking about her character work for Plain Cat Woman.

She's talking about exploitation of cats and films.

Real advocate.

I will talk about that. There's nothing I hate more because they don't. They rarely do it for dogs. I guess they did something about Mary that guy got thrown out a window and was in a body cast. But cats, they it's so funny to everyone, like in Christmas Vacation when a cat gets electric electrocuted or gets squished. It's people love to see cats hurt and film, and I'm not a big fan of it. It's bothered me since i was a child.

I'd save this for the procasts. I think it's I love the new Karen signature. Joe, what is it?

It's Oh, that's the Rickles ask prank, prank cruelty based comedy that I'm doing as a co host with you.

Yeah.

Yeah, there was another name for it.

But I love slam slam poetry jokes.

Do you.

I love your pranks.

By the way, thank you. Another one. If we're in a restaurant and you do this all the time.

If the latress it's like, stumbles and drops a bunch of plates of food and glasses, Karen will clap yeah, and then other people laugh, and then she starts chanting USA, USA, USA, and everybody and the woman usually cries.

Yes because she saw I stuck my leg out to make her tray. So many layers to that bank, and I win every layer.

I love pranks, just a victory.

Here's the good news for you, though I don't love prank about Steven's percast. Uh, you can fucking tell the Feline eight story again for the first time for an entirely new audience.

They're dying for that kind of content.

I told that one a lot on our podcast. Oh yeah, oh god, dude.

Well, we at first We're going to do a podcast about Alzheimer's. I think it's the second best thing for me to just display that I'm fucking getting it my stories and that.

I'm tolerant of it because as you have, I've been through living with a person who has it.

Yeah, so you're just like, oh this again.

Great, you said, as you have, I've lived with it, and then I and then I said, as have I. I fucking I forgot that.

That's that you were already being included seconds.

That's how short term memory gone.

It.

I am ice hills have eyes now.

My sister told me the last time I was home that there's some She it was something of the the vaccination is coming in the next five years or something like that.

The very big progress has been made recently.

My friend who works in the laboratory at the University of Montana, and they studied Parkinson's and Alzheimer's very similar. It's also said, yes, huge things have happened with realmining the brains, tray glitzerde acid triads, whatever, the triads, triangle fox capacitors in our brain.

I figured out how to live bam, all right, and it ain't The answer isn't coconut oil. No at all, although it does help.

Get your mego threes now that we're talking about it, get true fatty acid, get your fatty as.

That's my favorite dog, Stephen. You sent a picture of that during Thanksgiving.

I get to hang out with love those dogs collapse with prints. Sounds like a drummer based front.

Lady, Oh My God album nineteen eighty seven.

It's walk that Miami Streets dog down to Miami Streets God ship.

Now, whose dog was that, Susan.

It was my sister's friend's dog. He's two years old. I can't remember the name off the top of my head.

Yes, there we go, hitters, let's throw out some possible names. It was like.

It was like Brita or Para or something like that.

But Joe Parah talks with you. Yes, it was Joe Perry, actually Perry the guitar. Yes. The dog though, was very It was very.

Interesting because are like known for being kind of anti social dogs. So the other there's three other dogs there, like a border Collie and a sweet labradoodle, and they didn't like that. She knew. It was kind of like didn't know how to interact with them. It was very it was very funny.

She'd like you could have a a dog podcast podcast.

Yeah, maybe we'll switch it because.

I've just become a dog man. Oh did you get a dog just today?

When just emotionally, you know, I've learned to like kids and dogs worry about each of them when they're in the room together because one, I don't know, if you know this can unexpectedly bite.

The other's face off.

No, and people are going to make excuse for the one that did it. You want to take a guess which one took the it's the dog. Dogs bite baby's faces all the time, and then dog owners go, oh, well, the baby made a sudden movement.

The baby did it. The baby wanted it is what people say.

It's there's nothing that bothers me more than people making excuse. You know, well, actually, cats, I'll scratch a baby too.

I've told you probably several times about the story where my cat took a swipe at my niece when she was a year and a half because he was hiding behind a mattress that was leaned up against a wall, and she stuck her little almost two year old head

Cat, and Pete did it knowing that that was happening.

He saw her down on the ground and was like, if that cat's in there, this is bad news. And he went and got her preemptively and rightfully.

So that gave me the same feeling, you know of thinking about it how a paper kind occurs.

Yeah, like that awful, But everything turned out great.

One time we were here and we were talking about your uncle weather short cigarette pointing at something.

It was at this corner. Is it my uncle Steve's story?

Yeah, yeah, yeah those really days.

We're driving straight into a black rain cloud. It is. This does not look good. No, this is like this is like a scene from Twister.

Stephen, will you having my glasses? This is about to fucking get real.

How we doing on time?

Soon?

We're at an hour twenty?

Oh wow.

We are a self indulgent asshole.

We really are. Let's wrap it down, but let's wrap it up.

How about that.

Whichever way you want to do, let's wrap it, sid, let's wrap it. Let's wrap it, wrap it up.

Well, we were just making up for the break, Yes, and uh, this was this felt good.

I'm excited.

Yeah, it's going to be so good that and if your first fame listener, think you're gonna love it. And again, go back to the old episodes because some of these stories that we can't tell anymore.

There's some bad sound in those old episodes. Get in there, really drink into the static.

Yeah, that's one of the best new things about the new season. Season, let's just call a season. Okay, that's exactly right.

Uh.

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Tell us all about it.

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