Hello, Dinar Sores? Who gross? I said, Sores. This is Chris Fairbanks. I have some shows coming up. August fourth, I'm in Portland at the ALBERTA. Rose Theater, and then August fifth, I'm at the Historic Crocodile in Seattle much like a young Soundgarden. Get your tickets at Chris Fairbanks dot com. Thank you and you're welcome. Are leaving?
I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and turning on engage.
We want to send you off in star. We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
We scared or was it fine?
Melbourn?
Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride? Do you need with? Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgara. Hi, Karen, Hi Chris. It's good to see your friend. You look well.
Thank you.
I just slapped on a bunch of makeup and then looked down and saide made myself four minutes late.
So there was a little shape of your side view of your face made out of foundation on the pillowcase.
No, I I actually waited all day to take a shower. Sometimes I like to push it as an event. Yeah, whether it's get up, you know, do some exercise, then shower, or just wait and hold off, let the creepy failing build and then take a shower in the evening.
Yeah. Yeah, but if you don't, you lay down a towel on that pillow, right, because you know what happens to the pillow with water.
Chris, I washed my face before I go to bed.
Well, I don't know where you're carrying, you know. I'm just saying there are times, and I know that it's only water that I've left on myself. When I take off my pillow cases, there's a silhouette of my face and it appears to be made of coffee.
I think you need to see a dermatologists. I mean, I don't know what to tell you.
Before you start pointing fingers, go look at your pillows. My pillows are fifteen years old. Though that's the really being here. I'm just saying there are coffee stains on my pillow, and I rarely, if ever, bring coffee to bed, so I think it's just wet heead. Oh, I'm drunk. No, Hey, it's not like that time where we stumbled on the
NASA station. But I went. I went golfing and it was fun and I was outside and I was breathing in the soil, and I had some white claws and I maybe ate an edible that was stronger than I. But all it's going to make me do is try harder to annunciate. And I think we're going to be fine, but I'm drunk.
Okay, Well, maybe let me take the lead and you can just relax this.
Thank you, thank you, that's you. That was my bait and you bit it, you big old fish.
Well, before we get into any more of your coffee pillowcase pillow talk, let's introduce our guests for today.
I think it's time.
I think it's high time, and it's very exciting. We've never had him on the show before. He is a young star comedian of today, beloved by many.
Very We're thrilled to have him here.
Very funny on Twitter. Jewel Kim Booster Ladies, Joel Kim Booster, Hello, I.
Didn't know that this was the kind of podcast I could. I almost ate an edible as well before this, but out of respect.
Held that I said, no, right, do it it is.
And then it'll sort of be like a countdown clock. Yes before I actually, because I'm not like Chris, I could not do this well enough. But I made myself a little nauseous with a snack, and I really wanted to feel less nauseous, so I almost ate an edible, but I didn't because I respect you super.
I feel like podcasting, especially these days where we're all in this awkward zoom trap where it can only be as good as Zoom allows us to have it be, because we can't feel our actual timing, our chemistry.
And pheromone right. We can't smell each other's peramontes, which is in the podcast.
You know how I excited. I get, Yeah, Chris goes with a smelly guest, but I feel.
Like I feel like substances could only help that situation.
Really, I don't know.
I don't think so for me, because I get so anxious when I get stoned and I try to do things like this and I and I admire both of you so much and I would get I would be just so nervous the whole you.
Well, now that we've talked about it a little bit, my paranoia is setting in. So we just because lingering is that edible, and they are. They are a fickle They're a fickle ingestible. It really, Chris.
I'll just remind you you're a talented comedian.
Thank you.
This is your podcast, so there's kind of no way to fuck up. And then if there.
Is a way to fuck up, we'll just edit it out.
Yeah, but really, do you think I am getting throat cancer? Yes?
I can tell you about that. That's just don't worry about it anymore.
So we could smell you.
The dogs that can tell that you're about to have this usure or cancer whatever.
Yeah, they're on covid now, they have dogs that can smell covid.
Oh no, really, you're kidding me.
That was on the news.
You should Yeah, so I actually might be making that up. I know when you said it swhere. I read it somewhere, but I can't be sure. Now you've really put the fear of God.
In everyone that listens. Googles a lot. We will find out if you're right or not. But I think you are right.
People who listen to this podcast know it's on them too.
If they're gonna, yeah, if they're gonna take anything in or pretend to learn anything from this podcast, it's on them to really make sure that that's a truth or if it's just kind of a truth in this universe.
Yeah, I hope people spread that around without checking. Now, that's my favorite kind of fact there's you know, what's something that I I literally remember reading some where and I have told it to so many people, But now I can't find the original source of this factoid that I love to spread around, and I'm worried that it's not true. It's that Ted Allen, the host of Chopped on the Food Network and former Queer Eye, is married to his cousin.
Wow.
And I use this as because I think, I think, and I'm I this is a this is I'm starting early, but I think that gays should be allowed to do incest, lateral incest. I think like as a form of reparations for us, we should be able to do it, and it should be everyone should have to be cool with us marrying our cousins. And I use Ted Allen as an example.
Of that what bilateral incest you mean, Age was like, we're going to.
Keep it up because I said this in the past and people get mad at me and they're like, you know, they immediately associate incest with father sons, sure or something like that. And when there's a power imbalance, obviously, no, I don't support it. But if it's just cousins cousin's relative stuff.
That's more like a royal that's more like you guys just being a little bit, you know, the House of blank exactly. You just got to keep the bloodlines rich and fancy.
And that's the thing, though, is that's not a concern in our community about the bloodline, right, so right, you know, there's really no all the all the negative connotations with cousin fucking is really not an issue in the gay community.
It really is frowned upon, isn't it. Except with animals, Except with dogs. The more the more pure bread they are, which means the more inbread. Yeah, but breathing problems.
Most sever bread quote unquote dogs look like they shouldn't exist. They look like they're in pain constantly, and they it's I feel bad. The only good dogs are.
Months normal size, but super short legs or like, yeah, the pushed in snout type of stuff where you're like, this is only hurting the.
Dog and it costs five thousand dollars more.
My friend has a bulldog and he had to get the dog an eyelift and a tummy tuck because Hollywood that and it like for the dog's own good though, because like the dog couldn't was like not able to really see because of the folds, and then like the stomach was something was wrong with the stomach. Actually, don't know why he got the tummy tuck. Yeah, the eye thing was a real serious issue.
While they were at it, did they make the dog more appealing? Like he ended up being cosmetic?
Right?
I will say the eyelift really did something for a dog, just.
Six pack abs on a dog.
Speaking of the the of the incest concept, it made me think of did you get that idea?
Perhaps? Could it be like you fell asleep?
During an episode of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City where the woman is married to her own.
Grandfather, her step grandfather, step ground.
You're kidding me? Is that Mormon? It's okay, No, it was.
She's Pentecostal actually, and her grandmother requested that she that he marry one of her granddaughters.
It is a step, but yeah, that's a lead.
I'm gonna go ahead and call it a leap.
Yeah, and it's actually you you'd think it would be a bigger deal.
It is.
It is a plot point on the show, but it isn't even really the main focus of the story of the show. And you'd think it would be.
But it's right, there's well, I can't I can't say I watch it. I listen to a podcast where they talk about themselves watching it, which I love, so then I don't have to witness it.
But apparently it's not even the weirdest thing on.
The show, which I kind of not even a little bit.
I kind of respect that.
Yeah, there's a lot of weird shit going on. So I walking and watching the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.
I mean, I recommend everybody does dip their toe in that pond, but I understand that it's not for everybody. I've also become a worse, dumber person, and since the pandemic has started, I stopped reading, and I only watch reality TV and I eat Subway five times a week.
Yeah, So which would they say is it the tuna fish and subway that's not real?
Apparently not, And apparently there was a yoga mat like they make their bread with like the same materials as people make yoga mats. And still I am not deterred. And it makes me sick. It makes me sick to my stomach. But I also, like, I just literally today made it a chicken smoothie. So what what did you do?
You have a broken jaw? I'm looking at you, and I know you don't.
But did you get your jaw wired?
My friend got his jaw wired shut and his mom would put pizza in a blender.
Ewn, Now that's that's a step too far. I just I just cooked up some chicken on the stove and then put it in a blender with some water and blended it up. And it's a little like soup.
Oh was it just for convenience? Like you were in a.
Hurri I don't. I am very conscious of what I eat my own detriment, and I don't and I don't like eating anymore. I only eat subway and chicken smoothies because I know, like what is in it? Like I know calorically and and somehow on a macro level, like what the breakdown is at subway and what with the chicken? And I just it's so much quicker. I ate. I ate sixty grams of protein worth of chicken in sixty seconds, Joel as one gram of protein per second?
Are you going to be Are you becoming a bodybuilder?
I mean, I've been doing this for a couple of years. Now you're in. I am I am a I am a fitness person. I'm one of those people.
I mean I dip my toe in that.
Yeah, I mean you were golfing.
I'm wearing a plan for God's sake.
Yeah, we can see, we can see how athletic you are.
I did not put this on for the podcast, by the way. I had it on, and now I'm seeing that I wear it and I'm embarrassed and also weat paranoid. But do you ever, Joel, it looks great. I've said this before so many times and friends of a great do you ever wish there was just the way you have to go through to get food? I just want a pill sometimes that is a meal.
Oh absolutely, if I could have a pill, I would I would do it. And if if even if like soilent was more like even more sort of calorically dense. I would drink soilent, but soil is sort of useless to me. I just I hate I literally hate eating. I don't like doing it, but I don't like doing it. I don't like doing it to the extent that I have to do it to look a certain way. It's torture. And during the pandemic, it's really like, for who, right, do you.
Not have the sense of taste? I think you have the virus?
Get Yeah, whatever I want on Friday dinners and Saturday dinners and that's it. And those meals I enjoy because I'll eat nachos and buffalo chicken salad.
Always drinkable, always drink a kebab nacho's.
I mean, that's a real part. It's like you're having a little party for yourself.
That's fine.
I deserve it after eating subway all week.
Well, well, I'm impressed that you blended. I mean, if you think about it, it's like making a soup or a or.
Yeah, it's I actually got the idea from watching Chopped, where famed cousin fucker Ted Allen as because they put things in the blender there all the time.
Some other famous cousin fuckers that.
Allen's the only one I know of other than the royals obviously.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
Well let's know there's other ones.
I think, Oh, well, there's the Morgan Freeman is with his granddaughter.
Yes, something like I think friend or something in that realm, Like he went to a prom. I want to say, he's just a he did not go to the proms a bad dance chaperone. Yeah, it's it's tough. Didn't didn't want didn't Jerry Lee Lewis or making that name up.
You're right he married a fourteen year old.
Yeah, and see that's the kind of insist I don't support.
Sure, that's set to music the biopics are made of.
Yeah, yeah that that always stuck out to me, even when I was a kid. My dad told me that and I was like, that's super wrong, right, And he's like, yes, quite.
A lot of the stuff Jerry Lee Lewis did did a lot of stuff wrong. There's a real good Did you ever watch.
That?
Mike Judges Tales from the Tour Bus.
Oh yeah, it's the best. If you haven't seen it all, watch Tales from the Tour.
Bus Talking hilarious, and it's just basically the first season is all country stars and all how like his Mike Judges whole thing is. You know, when I was a teenager in the nineties, it was all this rap stuff about how bad gangsters were and like they shouldn't be to teenagers, blah blah blah. And He's like, and all I could think of was, does anybody know anything about country stars? And so he basically made a series where it's just they all were taking speed.
They were constantly like shooting each other days.
Shooting each other, shooting other people in bars like they didn't give a fuck, and it's.
All animated, kind of like King of the Hill. And so they're talking to all these roadies and guys that were on tour at the time, and they're like just these sweet old men and they're animated like and it's so funny.
It's just just animated.
Yes, yeah, they to consume.
Yeah, yeah, it's the blended chicken of tears exact exactly. I need to go back and ask you this question when you have your subway sandwich that you allow yourself with the yoga matt bread, which I remember reading that and being like interesting, and still going and eating same with them when Doco Bill there was a hostile.
That's that's it was sawdust. Their meat was sawdust.
I also, do you remember that the ground beef at at at Taco Bell is apparently a part horse.
Yeah, it's great, f I've seen the box.
I like, and I still and I was like, I don't care, Like, what is the horse? How is a horse different from a cow?
Right?
Of course, of course, you know I'm going.
To be consistent, right, just slightly more beautiful, I mean, arguably more spiritually.
Yeah, there's a spiritual difference there.
Their hair makes them. I eat anything with a good spirit. What is in the tuna? Then they said it's not tuna, which means it's dolphin. Or are they saying it's not even dolphin?
No, they said it was just like yeah, they that it's just not necessarily food.
It's definitely not tuna or.
Fish sort of made in a lap vibe.
Oh wow, just kind of a filler dog food style, which fill.
It seems so more sustainable. I guess I think.
It's going back to what Joel and I were talking about. They are manufacturing this food pill I want so bad.
Yeah, they're just taking me too long.
Yeah, but you get your yoga met sandwich bread toasted.
Yes, I do. I think it makes it more palatable. Yes, me too, because you really sense the yoga mat when it's not toasted in a.
Way that's the consistency is too familiar when you bite down and it doesn't spring back that.
Thing that it definitely does a lot.
Yeah, they when when Subway in La and maybe everywhere did that thing where suddenly they were open till like three in the morning or something. Do you know there's a bunch of them that are open, you know, changer.
Yeah, that's what they recover from. Jared. Yeah.
Well, I was going to say, I'm sort of I feel like the reverse Jared. I'm going there to gain weight.
You're doing a different approach.
You should do commercials where you hold up a tiny little pair of dollhouse pants.
I can't fit into these anymore. Subway, You've done it for me. But there was like so many jobs I had where like I would leave and it would be ten thirty and I would just be like, I can't eat fast food again.
So Subway was this kind of in my mind.
I was telling myself it was the good choice and it was open.
Well, I think it's better. It's better than most fast food as even though it's fake food a lot of times, apparently, I do think it is better for you than you're McDonald's.
There was a men cellth article and this was in the late nineties that I've read, and there was a list of all the fast food that from best to worst, and I hate it's because of chemical on a chemical level or whatever. Subway was down at the bottom. But I was a big Taco Bell kid, just as a kid, and that was up there, like as hey, there's not
much wrong with Taco Bell. And this is after telling you about that great f beef thing and interesting before you naysay a Men's health article, so you know the research.
The Wall Street Journal pactically exactly. That's big.
Yeah, it was higher chemical level. Taco Bell is better than Subway.
And at the bottom, of course McDonald's and Burger King for sugar reasons, but because they did indicate why, and I think patives.
You can leave out a McDonald's burger for days.
Right, if not yours?
Yeah, yeah, but.
If you see what happens to mayonnaise overnight, you're gonna swear that off for life.
Wait, what was say underneath Taco Bell? I mean, what other options are even.
All things that made sense? I was surprised Taco Bell was up there, and the reason was the.
Taco Bell was at number one, though no it was.
Not, but it was in the top ten. I do remember this list because I didn't know how to cook and I was a kid.
I imagine it's the kind of thing you think about every time you drive past one of those times.
Yes, I really I would tonight number eight, maybe number four.
Let's see what.
Happens right now. I'm deciding that this article in Men's Health made the biggest impression on me in my entire life, because I constantly remember that it's okay to go to Taco Bell, and there is preservatives in the bread at Subway, and it's a bread based thing. The bread there isn't as good as they claim, that's all.
I'm not sure that they claim that many things.
They say hello fresh, and I think that they're talking about the bread there.
I will say I was at the subway today and they had run out of bread, and the guy was like mad that they didn't have any more white bread, and he was like, how do you not have any white bread? And she was like, well, we make it fresh in the store. And I was like, bitch, do you try and get a palette. You get a palette of an unknown substance and you slap it on a tray and you put it in the oven. That does
not mean you make it fresh in the store. But this man was a nightmare because he also came into the store and said, I'm not sure what I want yet, And then he kept being like, how's the the American Club, how's the Italian BMT? And it's like, don't torture these subway employees like that. They don't give a ship.
Yeah, where they are there are do you want them to describe it to you?
It's all subjective. What do you like in sandwich?
Why they're called an artist because art is subjective.
It's it's very true, and it's not these are sandwiches. You're not in some exotic foreign restaurant, you know what I mean. It's like, have you had a salami sandwich.
Before and asked them what's good here?
So funny, you're right, yeah, the bread probably in its in its form, it comes out of a caulking gun. Or something, and then it's baked to bread shape. And that's why they say in subway, eat fresh, not yeah subway, eat fresh, eat fresh. And it was always about the bread.
The only I bet you the bread it's baked in. It only can be baked in that, in that oven. Like you couldn't steal it and take it home if you work there, because it probably doesn't bake in a real oven.
It has to be in the oven that that subway has.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like our little steel casket shaped exactly like a loaf of bread that they clamp down.
But it's like this was made to bake yoga mats. So don't try. You can't just go taking this somewhere.
You can taste the downward dog.
What's your order at Subway before we get out of this area.
I either get a turkey, a twelve inch turkey on white, double turkey with provolone, yeah and veggies, or I get if I'm really feeling crazy and feeling like I want to treat myself, I'll get an Italian BMT with turkey instead of ham double turkey.
Mm hmm, yeah, that sounds good. I stick with turkey there too.
Turkey is the best lunch meat for you three and it's also the but it also tastes the worst. I think. Yeah, like everything that's good for you.
Yeah, right, it's a turkey. I eat it because they have the worst personality, worstin salamis. I've been around turkeys. I've talked about this. They're assholes. I'm okay with eating them, and I know that's controversial.
Yeah, no, I do think they are assholes. They're mean and they'll chase you.
Yeah, they're dinosaurs. They have they're just gaily legs and they pinpoint that you're human and then they move in for the attack. I don't like turkeys.
Guys, we're all turkey sandwich at subway people. I think that's kind of beautiful. I think that's nice for us as brand new friends.
Really brings us together.
Do you feel differently about tuna now? You used to eat a lot of tuna when we'd have our little meetings at the one on one cafe Rest in Peace.
Do you know, I know it's not sad.
Yeah, oh yeah, it's the only place I actually don't like fish, and I don't really I don't really like tuna, but for some reason, they made their tuna salad was almost dry, if that makes sense, Like they put so little mayonnaise in it that they didn't become some mayonnaise problem, which is what I can't deal with, any kind of a mayonnaise problem.
Salad is it real mayonnaise problem? I don't like it. And I would always say to them, to the waitress, it was usually a waitress, I'd always say, can.
I get your tuna salad sandwich, but no mayonnaise on the bread, because they would put extra mayonnaise on the bread on a tuna salad sandwich, where it's just like, guys, let's think it through. So then when you would bite into the bread, tuna would pop up through the holes.
In the bread. And to me, that is the worst thing of all time.
I wish the more recently came around to mayo. I had such an aversion to it because growing up, get this, my parents would get miracle whip and call it mayo. Oh and and they just think it's interchangeable. And I and I finally as an adult, came around and finally got used to mayo, and I was like, this is not the same, and they're like, yes, it is. It's the same, and it's and they gas lit me about miracle whip for years.
In the Midwest. Right, Yeah, it's just everything that it has. The moniker of Salad has miracle whip and it's that sweet sweet maynaise.
Well it's so sweet. Yes, bizarre.
We were an anti miracle whip family, So anytime I would go to a friend's house and their mom made sandwiches with miracle.
Whip, it would totally be like, what are you eating?
Oh yeah, there was people in my neighborhood I wasn't allowed to talk to.
Stay away from that family.
They're a miracle whip family.
Stay away.
Miracle Whip or Margarine is kind of a shocker when like, if it's something, that's it.
The other thing said, margarine is the same as butter and it's not to No.
Wait, are you from like Kansas, like directly in the center of Illinois?
Okay, yeah, so sort of but not just a little a little bit. Yeah, did you start doing stand up in Chicago?
Then I did.
Yeah, that's a great place.
Yeah, I agree, because it is like it's all the stage time of New York, but no one's paying attention and so you can.
Really about it. Make my favorite Canadians. I don't know how to pin there is that energy.
I don't know exactly what how to pinpoint it either, But it's just like it's so cheap to get drunk there, and the stakes feel so low and everyone's just having fun. I would not say I got good. I don't know if I was a good comedian in Chicago. I think I only got really good in New York. But I miss my time in Chicago so much.
You moved to New York first, then did you like start with Kyle Kanaan and those guys.
Or no, no, no, no, they are much older than me. I guess I'm coming up on my my tenuere.
Kidding ships our nice wow, good job.
Which feels like a long time now. But I still feel like a baby compared to some people that I know who are who are doing this. But yeah, and I moved to New York. I only I moved to New York after like two years of doing stand up and people said it was too soon.
They always do that.
Yeah, but this is the thing is that I moved to New York with people who were several classes above me in Chicago, who wouldn't even know my name, and we all had to start going in the same fucking open mics. Yeah, nobody gives a shit what rooms you were doing in Chicago when you go to New York. And so we all started at the same level, and it just you know, I was and I didn't. I had I had none of the ego.
You know.
It really bruised them because suddenly they couldn't go up first at the open mic. But I was like, well, I'm used to going last year, so yeah, this is fine, this is my life.
Yes.
And also I bet I had a very parallel experience where I lived in. I started in Sacramento, but I was only there for like six months. Moved to San Francisco, which was like the big in my mind, the big time, but I only lived there for two years. And then I moved to LA and everyone said it's too early, you have to come here and.
You have to blah blah blah.
Well it was all dudes that were telling me that, and all these club owners in San Francisco had all these little mini fifdoms and they did all this weird manipulative shit where every time I'd go I'd be like fuck this, like it would be that weird, like they were kind of fucking with you or I don't know if I'm going to put you on tonight, and I'd just be like, it's not like I thought I was the best comic of all time. I just knew that
was bullshit, Like that wasn't Their opinion didn't matter. So when I moved to LA and then everyone moved to LA and the exact same thing happened, where it was
just a total reset. So the people that were like super legendary in San Francisco had to start over too, And it was kind of cool because then every there was this kind of like it almost felt like more of a creative commune vibe where everyone was just like, well, let's get our shit together and try to actually make a mark instead of you know, like getting your perfect club set down exactly how you want it, because it doesn't You had to kind of do more than that
in LA, I think, which was cool, but.
It's in Chicago.
I just wanted to share my theory about Chicago because I think there's like the bar culture helps the comedy culture, and it has such a true love for surprisingly. I live there for a very brief time, but because of Second City and because of like you know, Steppenwolf, there is a true love of like the arts and performing and comedy specifically.
And the theater scene there too, I think feeds into that as well. It has a really amazing storefront theater scene, which is what I originally went there to do. But yeah, I definitely think.
So it was like creativity thing is in the air, and there's even though it acts like it's this you know, blue collar I'll beat the shit out of you kind of town, it actually has the heart of an artist. So like you know, we would go to bar shows. There was a bar show we went to and it
was people reading from the like the personal ads. I can't remember what it was specifically, it was so funny and enjoyable and it was just like clearly a group that did comedy together that were like reading these things out of the paper. That was such a funny, great idea where I was like, oh, I see how like sketch groups just pop up in this town, or like comedy packs, you.
Know, packs of stand ups developed together.
That is like it's so hard for you know what. This is the thing too, I think about Chicago and New York that I do think that La sometimes lacks
in as much as in terms of per capita. Is that I do just think that there are a lot of people who are a comedy nerds in both those cities who enjoy going to see stand up and those people make up so much of the audiences of the shows, whereas I do find in La and maybe it's just the shows that I'm doing, is that it's made up about half of those people and then half of people who want to be where you are at that moment.
They want it. They're they're like either trying to do something adjacent to comedy or comedians or actors or influence, you know, like they're there for another reason. And it is a different energy than New York in Chicago, and I'm sure even San Francisco too, and San.
Francisco that way. Yeah, I started in Austin. There was that same feeling of like there was this art community, such an appreciation for art in the nucleus of Texas, which is otherwise not what you think of when you think of art, and then the same pressure like to stay. But it was a vibe thing like oh, I'm waiting for Hollywood to come to Texas and the like try and talk me out a leaving and I'm like, no,
I think I want to experience different kinds of audiences. Yeah, yeah, but so much good art there.
Yeah, I do get that.
I mean I haven't done stand up in a while, but that was my least favorite vibe. I was always looking for a fight in the audience when I did stand up, I was always like, look, I hate you. I'll figure out exactly how by the end of the set, but just no, just no. I'm also not a fan of yours, like the worst way to do stand up, but that vibe of I could be doing this better thing.
It was always something I felt like I picked up on or it as because I think I was in comedy before the Internet and before the before the real big explosion, you know that how it got when it got super popular where it I did start with audiences that had no interest in doing comedy, and they were just like I like comedy, And there was a very the line was so distinct, whereas then moving to la and slowly but surely, it was like kind of everyone could be a comedian.
That was the vibe where it's like or any one could anyone.
Yeah, it was a little bit like this in New York. But this is an experience that I've had so many times in LA that is so frustrating is that like someone will come backstage and be like, so and so the booker from Fallon is in the audience tonight, you know, or like there's oh, did you see there's a bunch of like agents, or there's this person from this network where somebody is in the audience, and it's like, well, okay, I'm not going to try this weird new bit that
I wanted to try. I'm going to do good bits now because I don't want to bomb in front of the fucking.
Fallon that you should do. And I would go always get confronted by that, and I'm like, well then I'm just gonna have fun and blow it and have a few tures and I'm gonna like make the wrong decisions and show them how loosey goosey I am. And that doesn't work.
There was never anyone important in Chicago audiences. There was never once anyone important in a Chicago audience. And that and that it was so freeing.
Yeah, right, very true.
That's kind of how Yeah, that's how San Francis was a little bit unless maybe Alice.
Walker came to a show times. San Francisco doesn't have like celebrities like that.
Their celebrities are all so like, you know, it's either Bobby McFerrin or you know, the weirdest like when Sharon Stone married that one rich guy. She lived there for a little while. But yeah, you couldn't really, that wasn't part of.
It, Karen, you've met Bobby McFerrin.
No, no, don't worry.
Be happy.
He lived in San Francisco for a long time. I love that, So, I mean it's a hit.
You know.
The weirdest celeb in a city that I know of is you. Did you ever do the Comedy Attict in Bloomington, Indiana. Yeah, it's one of my favorite clubs. And Jesse Eisenberg lives there with his wife Bloomington, Indiana for some for some inexplicable reason, and he goes to all the shows at the Comedy Atdict. So like, Jesse Eisenberg was in the audience of my show and I was like, why are you in Bloomington, Indian.
That's great the time I worked there multiple nights. The guy that made the movie Hoosiers and then also this movie Breaking Away that I always liked with the best, Daniel Stern and Dennis Quaid. He wrote those movies and he taught film at that school, and he was there every night, and he was telling us when Trump was running about because he was like married to some model lady. He was talking about Trump trying to hit on his wife and get her a loan and stuff, and early on,
I'm like, well, he sounds like a bad guy. I hope he doesn't become our president like early on. But he was the nicest guy and he just liked comedy. He hung out there. He was in the green room with The Other funny thing about that club is the guy that runs it. The green room is also his office. So well, you're getting ready looking at your notes before a show, and he's he's like, yeah, how many people are with your party? Okay, Like he's taking those calls in the green room.
Which it's funny because I both Hoosiers and Breaking Away are two of my very favorite movies, but they're not that similar.
So the idea that the same guy made blowing my money.
He was the best guy ever. He was super funny and I had to start asking him questions before He's like oh, I I made some movies and now I teach film here and I'm like, what, we're the movies And then he told me and me too, I love those two movies.
Yeah, they're so good, Yeah, both of them.
Breaking Away is the best.
Never seen them.
You gottat to see it. You gotta see it next time you feel an urge to watch.
Basketball, right, But it's a true story, so even if you don't care about it in.
The moment, an inspirational sports movie. I can't get enough of an inspirational.
Sports And also Gene Hackman is the coach and he's amazing. And then fucking Barbara Hershey before when she still has real fin lists.
Every outfit Barbara Hershey wears in this movie because it's the fifty in Indiana is the best. How every time she walks on she'll have like like a moss green you know, mock turtleneck short sleeve shirt is sweater and I'll just be like, where'd she get that?
Or like a then like a Pendleton plaid jacket in autumn colors, where I'm just.
Like, this is the best movie. It's the best movie of all time. It's really good.
For wardrobe alone, watch it for.
Barbs Outfits alone. But then the actual story, which is the true story of this little ragtag basketball team that made it to the top. They made it to the top.
No spoilers.
Oh sorry, uh, just so I was going to watch it the inn Hoosiers they win at basketball.
I'm so sorry.
Now I'm gonna blow the top off Mighty Ducks for everybody. They win, the kids win. Wow, who I feel bad For're talking about that Mighty Ducks thing.
You really killed the convos.
Yeah, yeah, I think it was just because well again, very very drunk.
Oh yeah, I'm fine, like just out of So what year did you move to Lielus.
I moved to LA in twenty eighteen, Oh recently. Yeah, so it hasn't been that long. Or was it twenty seventeen, No, it was twenty eighteen. It was twenty eighteen for sure. And yeah, so I I it's weird because I've only known La like in a very specific like I didn't struggle. I haven't struggled in LA, you know, Like I came here.
I came here to write on a show, and I was already like a stand up who was like like touring pretty regularly and like felt comfortable there and like was able to live by myself here, whereas in New York every day was hell, you know, and like and in Chicago too. I mean, my first apartment in Chicago was a studio apartment for five hundred dollars, and I remember being like, I don't know if I can pay
rent every month. Yeah, And now looking back on that, now that is insane, like, but it was a real concern, and I like, a big part of a big reason I started doing comedy is because the only thing I could afford to consume as entertainment was podcasts, and so I would listen to comedy podcasts and like that really inspired me to start doing comedy.
Oh wow, that's that's amazing.
Would you do For a day job?
In Chicago, I worked for Groupon And this was sort of the other prong of me starting comedy is I worked for Groupon for four years even when I lived. My first job in New York was also a company that GROUPON bought. I just transferred there and was able to do that, and I worked in customer service. I started as a temp in the customer service department. I
was like the seventy eighth employee of Groupon. Wow, and then by the time I was I left to go move to New York, I was running three call centers in Ohio and Virginia as like a twenty four year old, and it was it was. It's just an emblematic of how stupid the company was because like I had no business doing that, I had no qualifications, Like I was an operations manager, and I like literally was bad. I was bad at the time.
You didn't have a passion for it, or do you feel like if you had stayed you would be Like.
There moments, there were moments when I was in New York where I was like I could live comfortably doing this because I was like good at the job that I was an account manager for this restaurant group in New York and like getting screamed at by restaurant managers I was extremely good at. And I remember like just like being like, well, maybe if all of this doesn't work out, like I could just work in startups for the rest of my life and be happy. But I'm glad that I didn't do that.
Yeah too, me to sure, Yeah, yeah, it's almost like you it's been enough time and then you're just like yeah, getting yelled at at restaurant managers is this thing where I've like, you figure out the way to get through it and then yeah, which is like that and I think that's what happens to people in jobs.
But it's like, but is that your dream? You know? Is that how you want to spend your days.
I also find that job really taught me that every single person who runs a restaurant is crazy. There is not a single well well like, there's just not anyone who is stable who's doing that job, because how could you. It's a job where you work like fourteen to sixteen hour days and you're like it doesn't pay super well and like you're just dealing with shit all all the time. And yeah, they're all coke addicts or just nuts so people.
Yeah, and it's always usually going to go out of business. I mean it is not. The average is like they in two years, they all go out of business.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now with COVID, everything is going to be a restaurant group own It's going to be like secretly it's going to look like a an independently owned business, but it's all going to be owned by the same people who own all of gardens.
Yeah. I wonder how cocaine sales are right now.
Seems to be thriving. Yeah, seems to be doing well during this time.
They're a resilient bunch, you know what I mean. They just they pivot. They know how to use their different talents.
Just because they're pacing around a room constantly.
They pivot to selling cigarettes along with their coke. Yeah, don't want to make two trips. Let me do this for you. You're going to need these.
The only difference is, I will say, is that my drug dealer now won't make deliveries. You have to come to him. He refuses to He refuses to make outgoing calls. You have to go and visit him. That's smart and that's the only difference in the COVID world of my drug use.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would like. Does he have a little sneeze guard like a plexi glass? What's his setup when you were rund No.
It's just like in his in his.
Oh that's perfect.
So you're gonna do you bleep out the name of the kind of type of car, just for safety reasons.
Just no drug dealer visits you at night. Let's bleep out the venu and the time, and that makes.
For good podcasting. When you bleep something, they're like, oh, like they're involved in some kind of espionage. So you drive to the car and mean, yeah, car in there, come to.
Me, and then he throws it into your car window and you throw a lot of cash at him. Actually, you know, it's crazy. It's all done through Venmo now, which feels sort of like we shouldn't be doing that, but it's all done through Venmo.
Do you just always put a picture of a slice of pizza underneath it?
Yeah, something.
Some pizza I think I always.
Do, like the little like Halo emoji.
It's still a good person.
Yeah, if you scroll through sometimes I do. It's the weirdest wormhole to fall down. But just because I don't know why they're there. People's reports on their Venmo purchase, it's usually Halo's and pizza. You're never getting pizza.
Whenever I see whenever I see someone's like Venmo transaction and it's like tickets and it's like that's drugs y tickets for what?
Tickets for the big concert? I don't think, so I always look at that. And because everything I do on Venmo is private, because I feel self conscious where I'm like, how can nobody else feels self conscious the way I do about how they spend their money.
Well, I will say there was a time when I was public because I was writing really funny venmo.
Capitals right every time.
That's what every time I would pay my friends, I would write literal paragraphs, long venmo like as long until the character limit was reached. It would be these long stories of like I like, how dare you come after my kids in the way that you did. I'm paying you back for the clothes that they you say that they ruined, and like just go on and on and on, and I was really proud of.
Just I guess my creative peak thirty five dollars for a belly button removal surgery. I just have belly button removal surgery relocation.
I guess. I look at that.
As I scroll through, I've never seen anyone like attempt a you know, like the paragraph story.
Most of the jokes are.
The same thing over and over, and that's so I kind of I scroll through with extreme disdain for a lack of creativity and then extreme jealousy because it's like, no one buys me any burrittos. At first, I think I'm really like mad of like, stop trying to be funny.
And then I'm like, you're just fucking.
Jealous because look at all these people buying each other burritos.
Oh god, damn day long.
So you've you've been scrolling through. I didn't know that everyone hit that. Of course they are, because it's provided.
Why do you know? It's weird? Venmo keeps being lumped in. I see like all of these like we're all addicted to social media, and like I saw an image today, a meme, and it was all the social media sites logos on pills in a person's hand, and Venmo was included in that, and I was like, is ven Are we including Venmo as a social media addiction?
Now?
Yeah, I don't think I'm addicted to Venmo.
I'm just I'm just do you give me my money?
The most useful one I would say, yeah, really, it's actually my rent. You get in there, you get out.
You don't have to do anything extra, but you can if you want. I think it's an interesting way to figure out if you feel like and I feel like in quarantine. This is the kind of stuff we spend our time doing where it's like, oh, I see that so and so has bought so and so yet another burrito.
I guess they're.
They're hooking up on the rig, but one of them's cheap and won't spring for both.
Yeah.
Yeah, I like to write a little story.
Yeah, they were. They were. They were using Venmo to docs people who are going to Portaarta because people were just like putting like like the subscription no vacation flying.
In the face of quarantine and then shape of port or whatever that was that carry O'Donnell showed me that video of when the boat sang the boat.
I'm sorry, that was funny.
I'm friends of a friend with someone who was on the boat, and they were like, if you've got an hour and a half, I have a story to tell, And I was like, I will never have that much time for this story.
Can make it a form story.
I can almost guarantee you you don't need that much time to tell the story because I know the ending, I know how I know the good part of the story.
Yes, we saw the video of the good part of the story.
Oh, I don't know about the port of Biotra story.
Well, can you sum it up, Chris?
What happened?
The basically port of Iar is like a is a destination for gay and straight people right now during the pandemic because Mexico is very, very open, and so a lot of people were getting in trouble over New Year's because it was a big destination for New Years, and specifically there was like this gay account that was sort of like dosing and tattling on people who were down there via their social media posts, like would repost people's social media posts of being on vacation and be like,
you know, shame them. And at one point during the New Year's weekend, of boat full of gay men capsized in Mexico and there's footage of it, and there's footage of it. Okay, no one died, so it's fine to laugh.
Yeah, yeah, And no one died at the Trump rally that was boat based, right.
It's fun to.
Watch boats, really, is it? Really?
Really?
We don't want anyone to get hurt, but a boat sinking is funny, and that's why I laughed through Titanic.
It's also funny to watch people panic in situations where you think, like the one clip that I remember, it was like somebody pulling somebody else up on the boat that didn't sink or like a break that came to help, and the person was being so dramatic that was getting pulled up on the boat where it's just like, all right, you're.
Just like, I'm pretty sure from the footage they were pretty close to like the dock area. It wasn't like they were out in the middle of the ocean. It was a very easy swim back to shore and kind.
Of gorgeous and luxurious. So it's like, isn't this what you went down there for? Why are you screaming?
It's like, I know, it's like jarring that a boat would sink, but you know how to swim.
I will say, I've been on so many cruises and I've it's always a fear of mine that the boat will sink. It is always, always, always a fear of mine that the boat will sink. But I still go. And I love being on a boat. I love being on a cruise. I've been on cruises the last the cruise before last that I went on. I work a lot of gay cruises as the comedian. Oh yeah, and it's my rep My agents hate it because it pays ship, but I love it because it just feels like a
free vacation. And the last one, the one before last that I went on, the jail filled up on the boat.
There's a jail on the boat.
There's a jail on the jail and it filled up. That's how crazy the boat was. And start taking crew members out of the out of their rooms and using the crew members rooms as overflow jail cells.
Do they ever say the phrase you're about to go to boat jail?
I hope could only do we know what the average crime to get you in boat jail.
I think there was a lot of theft and a lot of domestic disputes. Okay, I think some. I mean, I can't imagine any of it was drug related because everyone was like it. I have a joke about it. But it is like I've never seen a community come together more heavily to just do one thing, which is smuggled drugs onto a boat. Yeah, we all, like everybody from every walk of life, every age, every every gender, every race, just came together to do this one thing,
which was to sneak our drugs. And and I don't think, but I actually don't think. And actually the last trip, the last boat that I went on, they shut they shut down them the dock for a while because there was a bomb scare because one of the bomb sniffing dogs freaked out on and of course it was because we came later to find that a lesbian was trying to bring a decommissioned landmine onto the boat as a prop for the military party.
What oh God, because we come. Of course the landmine bringing lesbian.
Was there to be an old dog to be like, hey, I know this smell.
I was in w W two.
I know this smell so familiar snick and old lace, and the poor thing.
They wouldn't let her on the boat after that, which I kind of you understand, But at the same time, I'm so sad. I was like sad for her because I was like, she was just trying to be on themes. She was trying to bring her costume to the next level, and the.
Best would be hilarious prop. This is this is going to like you can just picture how she imagined.
She was going to just a show, like, you know, like win the party basically with the best prop.
And for the best prop with the most authentic history.
And then she's like in her house, thank you, I'm lucky.
I'm handcuffed to a radiator. That is insane.
That's awesome.
We went cruises. My parents met on a cruise. My dad was a purser, Yes, on princess cruises. My dad was a purser and my mom was a nurse, and my mom was engaged and my dad, it was the He fell in love with her the second he saw her, so he would always try to hang out with her.
And then he said, Hey, come on, you have to go on this double date with me because my friend is going out with this girl and they're in Hong Kong I believe it was, and he's like, you have to go with me, just a boat off the boat. It was like they had the weekend off or the days off or whatever, and they.
Were pretty romantic. I've never heard this story. I like the guys.
It's the it's my favorite. Yeah, So my mom used to tell the story.
They go to this really fancy because all the people were really well connected because they would just go on the same loop.
The cruise would always be the same.
So if they were going to, you know, whatever part of the world they were going to, they'd already been there fifteen times, so they had connections there at this beautiful, fancy restaurant in Hong Kong, and the guy that they were on the double date with, he was like super into this woman. And the woman he was with was a lunatic and she was shitface drunk, like from the beginning of the date. And so my mom didn't wasn't friends with her, like didn't know her, so kind of
didn't know what to do. And my mom said she was like a character out of like she was just kind of a dippy girl that was kind of like this, and that halfway through the dinner, she passed out in her soup. She literally went she was so drunk, she went face down in.
Her souper bowl.
That happened.
It happened, really galanted this is a relationship immediately because like they thought it was the funniest thing in the world.
But my mom was also like, who are these people that you're friends with? Like she just thought my dad hung out with total lunatics.
Oh my god, that's the best.
So we went on a for my mother's sixt year's birthday. We all went on a family cruise to Alaska because that was the one place she had never gone to and I loved it. Because there was nothing I loved more because everyone on that crew, my sister and I were the youngest by far than almost anyone on the cruise.
There was a couple like grandchildren that were there.
With their grandparents, but other than that, everyone was like sixty five or older. And my sister and I would go for the entertainment because I was like, if I said to my sister, if there's a comedian, I can't watch it because it'll all just feel like I'm doing it and it'll hurt.
It'll hurt me so bad, like I'll stress out. But they didn't have a comedian.
They just had someone that hosted bingo, like it was like bingo three to four, Bingo four to five or whatever. So we would just sit there and play bingo for as long as we possibly could, and it was my favorite favorite thing.
It was so relaxing.
I fucking love it. And I met a bunch of there's a bunch of people Apparently going on cruises is cheaper than hospice care, and so there are a bunch of people on these gay cruises that go cruise to cruise and are planning on dying on one of the cruises, so they like.
Just sit in their chairs on the deck, and it's like.
That's how I want to go. If I'm gonna go, I'm gonna I want to go out on the water in fucking nice right.
Oh my god, that since don't wait till I'm cremated. I'll just dive off at the last moment. I'll sprinkle my own asses.
Just kind of get yourself to the edge and throw yourself off.
Oh that's insane.
Yeah, there is a lot of sense, actually, yeah.
There Every time I've been on a cruise, and I've been on like three of them, there is a someone always dies. There's always some horrible an elevator breakdown or a sewage problem. It's it's kind of scary being on You're floating on a giant porta potty.
Yeah, it's it's sort of indefensible. It's really, it's an indefensible industry. It's it's awful. It really is not necessary in any way, and it is terrible for the environment, and I just can't.
It's so fun. And you pull up to some they put they park the boat right on top of a coral reef, and people that live in this town are forced to like dance or give blankets. It's like so embarrassing every time I've done it. There's like when you make these stops, it's so embarrassing to come off this cruise ship of a bunch of white people and you're in Jamaica and people are dancing and trying to sell stuff and I'm like, I don't I had fun up
until the stops. There's something about the stops that bothered me, Like, hell, we're gonna let them walk around with gil for a couple hours.
There is there's a so there I go. The gay cruise company that I work for is Atlantis, and there's a they have a sister company that does lesbian cruises, and and you cannot make this up, but so on the gay cruises, it's like party every night until six am, like just absolute nuts, balls to the wall ass out. On the lesbian cruises, it's much chiller. And instead of every port that they go to, there's volunteerism instead of tourism.
And one of the stops was one of the volunteerism activity was catching stray cats to bring to a nonprofit to stay in kidding me, I'm not kidding you. And it could not be more on the nose. It's like it's like if I made that up, people would be like the less you know, you know hack, that's like the lesbians running after cats in a foreign country.
They put the cats on the boat. There's a room of cats.
No, no, no, in the city. In the city.
Yeah, they volunteer with the already with cats from these villages, like.
Every all night they're freaking out. It's it's going to be so much better when we get back. You'll see everyone's covered in flea bites.
Yeah. Even in Mozet Lawn. They it was like a stop on a cruise. It was they stopped and there was just these guys with machine guns lined up and I was like, oh, let's not get off the boat. Yeah, why why is everyone have a machine gun? And then I walked past them into a neighborhood and it was it got increasingly more normal a neighborhood. They did told me not to go down, and then I ended up these kids were just finishing a mural, uh and and
they were posing next to this mural. And then they called me over and I took a picture with all these kids in Mozet Lawn as if I helped paint the mural, but.
They was a white man stepping.
They were so sweet and they're like, do you want to be in the picture with us? And I was like, yes, I do, just in this photo.
I want to know what their version of this story is when you look in at the photo.
I promise you they were sweet and I made them laugh and we enjoyed each other and it was really a cool moment in my life. But it had I had to cross machine gun a group of machine gun men to get to them.
But I don't know, it's cool, it's you know, cruises are an eye opener, I think in that way, in that and experience other cultures, other countries.
It is funny. One of the questions that they always get asked on the Gay Cruise is like, what does the crew think of all of this? Because they're an international crew and it's always and they always give this this preamble where it's like everyone on board who works on the ship knows what week it is and they're
given an opportunity to opt out of this week. But most from what I've heard from working for the company is that a lot of people request to be on that week because we tipped so much better than the normal weeks because it's all affluent, like mostly white games.
Yeah, yeah, and who are having a great time. Yeah, probably high on drugs, you know, like, hey, spread the love a little bit exactly that.
Yeah, and so they eat it up.
They love it as opposed to like Grahm and Grandpa who are complaining about every single fucking crab leg they come across and going like I need a little more at this or that, Like I'm sure.
Yeah. It's so funny that we're talking about with huge pupils at the end here, because that is when cruises is. It's one of the things kind of like bowling, where it's like, is that ever going to come back? A bunch of floating toilets?
Well, I'm on. I'm on the schedule to do one in January of twenty twenty two. Time will tell if that will if I'll still have that Yeah, yeah, but I hope, I hope I do January twenty twenty two. I could, it'll be.
Back, yeah, I think things will change rapidly soon. And yeah, you can keep that date for almost a year from now.
Yeah.
It seemed like the cruise industry were the ones who let go.
They let go last.
Remember, and that like the beginning of COVID, like in like April, where they're like, no, we're doing there's another cruise going out and then they had to immediately come back.
Yeah. Yeah, those people, those people that were trapped on that cruise, weren't they for like over a month or something. They were just living crazy?
Yeah, that was back when there was no central government to handle anything that was happening.
Remember that so recently?
M hmm, It does feel like I just remember like the halcyon days of the early pandemic when no one knew what was really going on and it felt like a snow day. Yes, and it just felt like my friend,
my good, good friend. I just we all make fun of him for this because it's just such a funny memory now as I remember him saying on one of the first Zoom like zoom hangouts that we did was and he went, I can't believe we're gonna have to do this for two weeks every month or so on our group chain, we'll just text and be like, remember when Matt said, I can't believe we have to do this for two week?
He's just in a room by himself, rocking back and forth. I hope, I.
Know, say hied them out for us.
I feel bad, like because honestly, at the beginning, when they were like, you know, it could be till summer.
I was like, sounds fucking good to me.
I from day one, I was just like this, Now, are you saying, stay home, laid down on the couch, eat kind of whatever I want and watch TV. Yeah, this is what I have been doing, only I'm the bad I've been the bad one for the last five years.
Now I can do it with no guilt.
One nothing is expected of me. Are you kidding me? There's no daunting voice on my shoulder telling me what I should be doing.
I literally like the week before Lockdown started was like I was I had. I was like going out every like almost every weekend, traveling to like tiny towns. Did you stand up? And I was so tired, and I just remember saying to someone like I just wish I could just stay a home for a month, yeah, and like not have to do fun, I have to travel and not have to work and like and then it happened and I was like yes, And then it really was a monkey's pap sort of situation where I was
like I did this. I did this.
Yeah, my manifestation has ruined it for everybody.
Well, we had our nice vacation. It was fun, wasn't it.
Yeah, And now we're podcasting over Zoom. You know, we really figured it out.
Look at the resilience podcasters adaptation.
We can do we can do anything.
That was one of the first Chris Nice talking about this, because you started doing stand up on Zoom pretty soon. I did, Like I waited and then did like a one of those shows where they play quip lash like they actually play game.
Yeah. Yeah, by yourself.
You can only do that. I can't do the stand up show.
Oh yeah, I stand up. It's like I'll do the drive in. I did the improv drive in show, which was I thought it would just be people laying on the horn. I didn't know what to think. Plus you're in Orange County, so I thought I did that one too, and it was I loved it. I did not because they were like bbbe. They were honking, like trying to mimic laughter every moment, and you could and it was, you know, two hundred cars on the roof of this parking garage. And I very quickly was like Okay, this
is an audience. Even if they're in a car right now and I can't hear them laughing, it was an audience and I felt so good. Greg Barrett was there too, and we were just like it felt so good, and that's the most I'm still riding on that high. It was like two weeks ago, and it was.
When we get out of quarantine. Everything's going to be like that. We're gonna sub eleven and then it'll just be like I'm fucking high from Oh my god. There was like ten people in line. We all were talking.
It was amazing.
I promise I'm going to talk to standards in line. I'm not going to be rude to anyone.
That was one of Oh my god, before lockdown, when COVID was like a thing in the air, but no one was really taking it seriously in the States yet. I just remember like being like one of my big bits was like, you know, it's it's it's one of these situations where like someone in line at the checkout's
like are you are you? You know, there's a type of person that loves communal like tragic events or like like the earthquake person, the earthquake neighbor who's like, who desperately just wants to come and knock on your door and be like did you feel it?
Yes?
Did you feel it? Like the and there's always that person in the self checkout at Target who's like you can see has all the toilet paper and it's like eyes darting around looking for somebody who they can talk to about this, and like and I remember like trying to write jokes about that person, and now I'm like, well, I was the fool. I was the fool, and that person was correct. Actually that person in the self checkout.
Line, I remember, I think that is the joke right there. I think I still think that joke has legs.
Don't give up, don't give I just broke walking into my local grocery store when in around that same time where it was pre quarantine post we were really starting to hear about it. It's coming and you know whatever, but nothing official had happened, and walking down the toilet paper aisle and it was just like filled to the brim and I'm like reading something where it was just like maybe stock up and then I was just like come on, like tirrel, like you dramatic. And then truly,
like the next week it was empty. It's so insane.
Yeah, what a weird It was a weird thing that I still don't understand why people thought toilet paper was well but I'm a bedet owner.
Same same.
Oh yeah, I'm not. I don't care. I got, if anything, I'm more green. I got a bidet in a terry cloth washcloth.
I'm so European deep down. This is not gonna affect me.
Uh. Well, I think we've we've Uh this is a long one, but that was so.
Oh my god, Yeah, we really drove You're the best.
It was so fun.
Can I flew by? I have to say, like, this is the most I have I this is the most fun I've had recording a podcast in a while. And I talked and listening on my own podcast about how unfunny I feel doing my own podcast, And this has been the most fun.
Oh thanks, we could ever hear that I was.
I have to say, I was really nervous because I feel out of.
It in the stand up world, like I just don't.
I wasn't doing it so much before and and Chris and I used to just book people that we knew that we didn't feel like we were uh, oppressing if we asked them to do it, Like, yeah, So we had this thing people on this podcast like five times because we're just like, we know Jackie CAAs will want to do it.
It was always you know, we know this person will want to do it or whatever.
And so the fact that we have a booker now and then every time I had that feeling of like what if they don't want to do what if? That was the nicest compliment you.
Possibly Thank you and you were great, that's it's delightful. Thank you. Is there anything you want to plug coming up?
My podcast is Urgent Care. It's a calling advice show, and we and I we don't have guests anymore for the very reason that we also felt like we were oppressing people that we asked to do it. It's very difficult. We had to we had to record a bunch of bonus episodes for Stitch Your Premium and we were like, and we had guests for that, and it was every time we had to book someone and we were like, oh, who will be mad at us?
Yeah?
For real, such a favorite Urgent Care.
Check it out.
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