Flashback: In the Car with Rob Delaney

Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and.

Give us time and a Turmano and gage. We want to send you off inside. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about every scared he was? It fine, Malborn.

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do your need ride?

Ride?

Do you need.

With Karen and Chris?

Okay from the Taco Bell on Century Boulevard near La X.

This is do you need a ride? I'm Chris Fairbanks.

I'm Karen Kilgariff.

We are headed to the Lax.

To pick up America's Twitter sweetheart, Rob Delaney, who has been in I believe Philadelphia for a little while doing comedy.

That's where his flight is from. I don't know what his business was there.

You're saying he could have gotten a rental car in Philadelphia and driven out to an outlying area.

I'm saying he's a drug dealer and he had shady business in the Philly area.

You're saying that he had one of those old fashioned stamsnight suitcases, but actually, when you scratch the surface, it was all just cocaine. It was all coke painted cocaine.

We thought it was coke, but it was actually putty. He's filling in the crack on that bell.

He's an amazing artist and sculptor, and we are honored to have him on our podcast, the podcast that we finally have a guest for. I mean I shouldn't say finally, but we've talked about this a little bit. You and I have been talking about doing this podcast for over eighteen years.

Yeah.

We started at our eighth grade graduation.

I remember we were going to do a podcast about feathered hair and suspenders.

And goodie combs. Yeah, and he said, let's hold on this, and.

It was going to be called Peachy King after the folders, but those hadn't quite caught on yet, so it wasn't no good. It wasn't a good idea. We weren't ready.

And we've been doing that kind of ruminating on ideas, talking things through, really letting it sit in simmer.

We went through college, we've been and out of relationships, we've become adults.

I was hospitalized a couple times. We've really been through it.

I yeah, I went. You were in and out of the hospital off and on for a full decade.

I love the hospital. I was a candy striper once uh and then once uh. Of course criminal illness.

Oh yeah no.

I would hang out on the terminal illness ward just to stay stay present.

It's just your tapioca addiction.

I love drinking out of a big picture with a straw.

And I like craftmatic adjustable beds.

And I like loud TVs. So it's our common interest that bring us here.

I love the smell of sad decaying grandparents.

Oh what a true and accurate smell. That is what a real picture you just painted?

Yeah, yeah, one that smell that can bring the opposite feeling of comedy to everyone.

Yeah, let's start every podcast talking about kind of like decaying grandparents.

Yeah, about human loss.

Yeah, the people that were kind of probably the nicest to you in your whole life, losing those people and the way it smelled.

We're near the Sharonan Gateway at Abon Drive. I just want to get sponsors for the podcast. Good, So I'm gonna mention one of them is going to take off.

Yeah, it could be the brasserie at the shirt and gateway. What if they gave us an individual. We did commercials for the Brasserie.

That, of course, is a retisserie based underwear store.

They cut off slices of bras for you for everyone at your tea.

Buy it one cup at a time, like a breast, and put them on your breast.

One cup of time. That's what I put my bra on, one cup of time every day, like any normal person.

You put your bra on like you put on your coffee.

One cup of time. Don't rush it. Oh, there's the cops. You have to get all the way over.

Well, I have a mustache, so we don't have to worry about them. They will just knowingly nod at me. Thank you.

Sorry, I'm a terrible front seat driver bike, No I need you.

It's funny. We've done this once before. That's what we were getting at before for our introductory episode. This is our first legitimate episode with a guest who will be Rob Delaney. We've already said that anyway, it is difficult for me to multitask and talk and drive.

Yeah, podcasting and driving is I think we're breaking new ground here. When I first moved to La As, everyone knows Elie's very spread out. It's a big, huge city. Everyone have acar. Everyone knows it's common common knowledge.

Zero public transit. Yeah you're on your owner of a subway, but it doesn't exist.

No one's seen it. Nope. I loved getting picked up from the airport, getting dropped off and doing the same for my friends. It was really because it's such a pain in the ass. It really is an extension of your You're really reaching out and saying I care about you, I care about how you feel when you leave this place, and I want you to come back.

Sure.

So I kind of love being at the airport, and I love doing this.

I do too. It's a lot of people give feelings of anguish or despair when they're at the airport, but I no way that is me. That is what I get. I forgot. That is I'm describing the way I feel right now.

Are you a Victorian spinster? Because that those are big feelings for the airport.

I it's not the airport itself.

It's just I hate the impending feeling that I'm about to see a new place.

Yes, true, Well, yeah, there's so much anxiety.

It's other people, different.

Strangeness, question marks. What's gonna happen not.

Knowing the road system in another city. Yeah, even though I'm never driving, and.

Also being tired or anticipating being tired. What's he on US air? He is on US air But but they canceled that airline.

You know what, it's funny. He's not arriving for another fifteen minutes. Oh did we time things poorly?

Well, I mean that's the airport baby, That's how it is.

No, there's the airport baby.

Oh my god. The airport has a baby mask so much. You can pick up the airport baby and drive around with it and get used to being around babies before your flight.

Yeah, they let a lot of people visit the baby because really they're trying to find its parents.

That's nice. I mean, that's the way to do it. Just go door to door.

If you have a baby and you don't know of its origin, take it to the airport and leave it on the curb.

Drop it off.

They have curbside baby check in, and a lot of people find their kids that way.

Curbside check in is the new firehouse an anonymous baby drop box from the fiftiehs I believe.

Well, we're gonna have to do another loop through Allen. I love it. It's by choice.

One of my favorite memories is I went to I went to Scotland. I can't remember when it was two thousand and one or two. I was on a television show over there, no brag. Oh wow, did you not know that about me?

Know that you were on Scottish based television?

Well it was British. It was a British channel, but the show was shot in Glasgow, Scotland. Story here, it's a lie. So I'm just trying to quilt it together real quick and a convincing.

Way, try and kilt it together.

I want to put my spore in on about it. Sorry, that was just me trying to show that I know what kilts consist of. Anyway, I came back after three months and my friends, this is a pre nine to eleven story, so that that'll dictate what the year was. What year was nine eleven?

I think two thousand.

And one one, Yeah, so this is probably this is probably two thousand.

The real space that was your airport.

Oh now we're going back.

To tail a Taco bell. We've got to get that sponsor.

We got to talk to the manager.

I just even if I don't go through and get food. I just want to smell one of their delicious seven layer Gordidas.

By the way, it's nine thirty in the morning.

Yes, but they're still delicious.

Anytime of day or night. This is sixth meal.

Oh you know. And I just thought how gross it would be to have any egg based product from Taco.

Bell because it's not gonna be egg based. It'll look like it and it'll probably match the consistency scientifically, but there's it's gonna be sawdust, just like all their other food.

Yeah, and it's gonna come out of a caulking gun.

It's iceberg lettuce like government grade cheese and then sawdust mixed into different colors.

I wonder if our government is offended by the phrase government cheese because it is a poor cheese.

Well, yeah, they should make better cheese than if they're offended, Like, you know, be proactive, you guys.

Now, the government controls our country and makes us pay taxes, but they also produce a lot of cheese.

Right that's how That's a lot of how they get money, you know, when when the taxes aren't being paid.

Right right from their cheese production.

So they have a cheese kitty.

Incidentally, I have an overweight uncle that also produces a lot of cheese.

Okay, where that's gross? Am I like a gross person?

Right?

Then?

When I make chokes, I do tend to say gross things.

So you are a gross person.

Orge.

How are you in the back there?

Oh?

Yes, our sound engineer, Whorne.

Our djo thank you. Uh, I'm I'm I've been meaning, I've been meaning to fix the air conditioning.

Yeah, it's real.

It's back there sleeping because he has no other choice. His body is shutting down.

I am going to roll a little bit too.

Yeah, that sounds all right, right.

It's fun.

It's like, let's just agree.

That this episode might be edited a little and sweetened.

They'll be definitely a load.

There's trying to be little sweet spots.

Yeah. But I also we did gauge the time, or I forgot that we were showing up at a specific time.

Listen. We couldn't be in a better spot. This is one of the most architecturally gorgeous, most gorgeous areas of Los Angeles Century Boulevard.

I've said this before, I'll say it again. Prime real estate. If you just want to see some interesting buildings. Yeah, they aren't gray boxes.

Yeah, it's just a strip of gray boxes.

Yeah, you have to. It's the game is to search and search for something that isn't a gray box or an Arco, a m PM mini market. Another possible sponsor.

We are getting a sponsor.

First episode, the amazing. It really would be amazing. I have Taco Bell as our sponsor.

Our car is going to look like Nascar. It's gonna be just We're going to be driving a home depot stock car.

We're gonna do that. Then we're going to just start driving around. Here's my here's my dream. Okay, it's so many sponsors that I can quit my job. You can quit your job.

I don't have a job. I wish I had a job to quit, but I don't like it anymore. That's fake job. I quit.

So now we're free and easy. We stick all our sponsored details on your car. We drive around all the time and we just pick up anybody who needs a ride. You don't have to be going somewhere or coming from somewhere. It's like we're like a lift. We're like lift drivers, except for that. You have to be on our podcast.

Yeah, and you don't have an annoying pink mustache.

You know, it's so weird. I thought when that first started, I just thought it was a trend, like a thing that you know, irritating nineteen year old girls that work at hot topic, we're doing right to their car and tweeted about that as if that's what was going on too.

No one told me, no one, no one was How are you supposed to know a pink mustache is like a.

Like basically a gypsy cab teenager gypsy cab business.

Oh, every time I get in a lift car, they're wearing a necklace made a human teeth, plan the plan them whatever, the hand the hand clams.

Just sorry, you get witch doctor drivers. I don't understand.

Maybe I'm I'm confused.

About what a gypsy is.

But I think they you know, they wear human teeth.

Cast and nuts.

I think I said hand clams.

Hand clams. Yeah, yeah, I thought you were trying to describe a pirate. I was with you. I don't mean to negate your comedy. I'm really you're number one.

Fan my My comedy uh thrives on a lack of vocabulary.

And kind of a searching You have very searching fee.

I scramble to blurt things that are possible describing words, but oftentimes I have nothing to do with what I'm trying to say.

Yeah, that's kind of that's like a fun you know, you know, eventually your brain's gonna go organic, kind of, let's just having fun with it.

Yeah, you say, gypsy, I'll think pirate.

Let's call the whole thing off. A lot of gentlemen's clubs down here. They took down that sign I was talking about that. I really wish I could have shown you that was It used to be this cool, big seventies like font of a sign, and it's just not here anymore.

What was it? What was it?

I think it was an adult video store? Oh, or a gentleman's club.

I think I know why that closed. A lot of scary people are in their homes right now watching those videos.

Only scary people, not people like me.

Oh you mean like the internet adult films. Yes, yeah, yeah, they don't need it anymore.

No, that's something we just figured out.

So all those poor mom and pop businesses that base their livelihoods on selling VCR strength because SAT.

Tapes of Edward Penis hands.

Now out of business.

Too bad.

Yeah, It's a shame, is it, though?

I don't know.

That always scared me, especially in Texas, these warehouses that just have.

Pornography, filled with pornography, no windows, and then everyone had clam hands.

That all. It helps with the process. And when I'm masturbating, I do like to gaze out a window periodically.

You just want to see a road or a tree.

Like right when I climbax. I like to just see a flower fluttering in.

The wind, or a nice family crossing the street.

Yeah. Motivation.

Yeah, I'll have one of those one day if I do this right. I put this in the right place.

Put in a warehouse on the side of a freeway. That's not where you should be putting it.

No, it's kind of sad people had to go to those or you're gonna have to get all the way over. Sorry, yep, is this again in the exact same spot where I did this to you before?

What It's okay, It's okay. I'm just gonna whenever I get panicked, I sound like I'm very calm. I see so right now, Yes, yes, okay, I'm going.

To Oh here we go, la la supreme.

See. The fun thing about our podcast is well we'll just stop saying what we're saying because we're almost dying or careening off of the road.

Right.

A lot of podcasts don't have that. They're in the safety of a studio.

Yes, there's an electricity here with us, because our lives are in danger the entire podcast, the entire time.

And because we're in an electric car.

That's right. We have all these glasses of water.

I'm wearing glass hoofs, much like you know, a firefighter and a smoke tower. Mm hmm, you're right. I don't know a lot of things. I just kind of say.

Words, well because but see here's the thing.

You know what I'm saying though, Yes, you've been to a firefighter's smoke.

Tower where he's wearing glass hoofs.

He'll have a chair and there's like glasses because you never know when lightning will strike your tower.

You do know, My father's a fireman, right, He's a fireman, a real one.

Yeah.

Well he's retired now, but he was a San Francisco fireman for like forty years. Oh wow, So all this thing, smoke tower, glass hooves, You're full of shit, and I'm gonna call you on it.

I'm talking about mountain fires. I don't think you know to say mountain fire, I mean like smoky the bear forest fires. I'm saying about Forest Service towers. That's you reminded me of what I'm talking about. There was a glimmer of what I was trying to say, and now I do know. In fact, I'm talking about the Forest Service. Okay, uh, Smoke Town, my own cheese property. And they yet oftentimes lightning will strike those towers when they're just looking for fires.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm getting it. So they're like up on the top of the tower with some binox, just kind of scanning the forest.

And they have special shoes so if they do get struck by lightning, the current doesn't go through their body. Oftentimes it's a glass slipper. That's maybe it isn't, but they do have glass at the base of their chairs for real. That I remember.

Yes, I like that.

You imagine a glass hoof, so it's like a horse's hoof that goes on over your whole foot.

It's a princess horse who's looking for a horse prince?

Oh yeah, one of the better stories.

Hey have the glass hoof fits? You know, the old saying.

That's what she said.

It is what she said.

That's what she said.

That's what I said.

Okay, we are re entering LAX nine. Is your clock right, we're going to No, it's an hour off the way.

I like it, so we have like six minutes. That's perfect.

Yeah, it is per See it seemed like I was meandering about.

No way you plan the whole time.

My brain is like a Google map.

Uh huh. It doesn't work that well.

It doesn't work that well, and it shuts down often, and it's me. It's screaming obscenities in my.

Car, just my brain, the little dropped pins places you don't need them.

We are picking Rob Delaney up on US Airways flight seven nine seven or something.

It doesn't matter, doesn't matter.

US Airways of course, a sponsor up, do you need to ride? What if we just say it?

Yeah, that's true, proud sponsor of do you need to ride? US Airways? US Airways the airline to fly when you're when Delta can't do it and United has nothing there.

They have a weird slogan. I never liked it. US Airways the airway that will take you across our country.

Yeah, that's not catching airways. The we're the Trachey of America. It's like an airway away.

We're right in your wind pipe like a bad dart.

We're gonna himlochy you across the nation US airways.

Okay, we are, we're passing United Great Lakes, Great Lakes. What do they have an airline where? Great Lakes?

Where are you looking?

Or it's well.

I mean there was a very aggressive Volkswagen Golf.

Seven. I think there's a kitten back. Yeah, deal with that later.

Buddy zero nine or four to two.

Alpha Rome Fox Trot. All right, we're passing international. I'm sure Rob Delaney does comedy internationally.

But yeah he does.

He goes to London a lot.

Oh it does he?

Right? How's that that's Australia.

Yeah, yeah, I don't do much traveling myself. I will be in Wisconsin at a series of Indian casinos. Indian casinos, getting our reparations, one white comedian at a time.

Oh, she's coming this way and you're going that way.

Check it out.

Well, hey, we're trying to.

Run a podcast here.

Oh are you hunking?

Really?

How original?

I may have missed? Did I? I don't know that I have.

I don't know.

I am operating a motor vehicle.

There's Great Lakes again, What the fuck Great Nakes is Leaks is like a new Great Nakes Leaks.

Oh, great Snakes. There are no Great Snakes on this plane. I'm just gonna enter here. Okay, you know what I think that I miss us airways.

I'm sorry. Can I just make a suggestion we could just loop around one more time because it's he's we have one minute till he lands. You're right, so we still have time. He's going to take him a second rate to get his back.

There is nothing that may I'm so comfortable looping around the airport. Like if you ever want to have a relaxing drive, start with the beauty of Sentry Boulevard, yes, and then and then just cap it off with the serenity of.

Weaving through buses here at LAX.

It's really I think most of the drivers in this loop that we're on and sorry, but I get all the way over because remember it's the return is all that. Yes, yes, most of the drivers here are constantly making last second decisions, so no one's ever in the correct lane, right, Everyone's always like driving normally normally and then swinging over because they saw their Great Lakes sign.

And everyone is filled with a little bit of desperation and anger.

Right, some people are picking up people that they are deeply in love with.

The left yeah, oh right, right here, right here, left, okay.

Left here, classic Lucille ball number.

Who's on your right? Okay?

So we're uh oh, but I'm saying, all these people, they're picking all these stories, Chris, imagine if we could know even five of them. Oh, like, she just picked him up. What are they married? Brother and sister?

We'll never know.

Bye bye.

That book just flew away like an old wise owl.

The one story we will know is Rob Delaney's story of his gig where he was What happened?

The book of Rob Delaney, who incidentally wrote a book.

Wrote a wonderful book. I just finished reading. I got the galleys of what they call it, like the pre the pre release.

Oh every periodically while reading the book is there a disclaimer that pops up. It says the ruins do not photocopy this book and sell it in the black market.

Do not leave this book on the plane. I hate those in screeners. I hate screeners, I hate movies. I hate entertainment. I only love podcasting from Taco Bell. Taco Bell the New way to kill yourself.

Slowly Seven layers of conversation.

Taco Bell Our pocket parking lots are triangular.

Taco mell, Holy guacamole. That's good podcasting. All right, here we go, Thank you, Horry. We are going to cut off just fourteen lanes, all right? No, yeah, if someone's trying to change lanes, be sure to hug their fender, you motherfucker. We're he's only going to use course language. But that's only because when I'm in a car, I turn to a monster.

Well, there's it's very everyone's being a lunatic. Yeah, there's lots of there's lots of craziness.

Oh wow, that guy, Oh he was going for it.

Yeah, but you beat him. And here we are. There's a Hawaiian airlines Sun Country. Never heard of that.

We can just less jet.

What's that? Less jet sounds unsafe?

We's jet is a uh Canadian airline?

Is that true?

Yeah?

Based in Calgary, Alberta.

Oh, where they have the Rodeo.

Yes, yes, Stampede. It's called right after funny Fest of Fledgling and shitty comedy Festival. But incidentally we're sponsored by funny Fest.

Funny Fest, go do comedy, but pay pay for your own travels.

And how they write it too. There all the stutters.

Are in there, seven piece. Make you record it again if you don't stutter enough.

And we are we are approaching US airways where they handsome dare I say, handsome Rob Delaney. We'll be jumping into my two thousand and eight Honda accord Honda. We are entertainment or Honda.

We build excitement, Honda by us. When you're reasonable.

Bias. If you enjoy high reuse of hell.

Values, Honda, don't want to worry about a piece of shit car, get a fucking Honda.

Idiot Honda. We also make chainsaws, Honda.

Honda. Yeah, we make pianos. Oh no, that's Yamaha shit.

I bet they do. I bet Honda makes keyboards.

Oh yeah, I could look on my phone.

See if they make keyboards and then also knee boards. A lot of times we're going to call back moments from a previous episode. That's what just happened.

And if you care about this podcast, you'll recognize it. You'll write to us, Oh my god, look at that. Someone just drove over a orange cone.

Oh you think, oh, that's why you have four wheel drive in the city.

Jeez, that's such a jeep move. It's hilarious.

Yeah, just.

Oh and the smug look on their face.

I'm gonna I'm gonna get out and run up to her driver's side window and be like, that was my cone. Oh, this lady's not happy.

That was one cone that didn't belong to the city. That was It's mistaken for unhappy often, but she's actually probably a nice lady.

You know what it is. She has an upside down mouth that happens to some people.

A lot of people they're smiling that it looks like they're auditioning for the.

Grinch, which like in my family it's I when you just have a regular, resting face, it looks like you're enraged.

Oh I never knowed said about like because I have.

A low, low brow, low forehead that you have.

A false sense of you don't enraged a sense of itself.

Yeah, there's some problems.

Okay, we are here at a Lecoln, not at all where we.

Said we'd be. This is uh, this is just gonna be one of those things where we vers we solve it as we go. Does he know what kind of car you drive?

I don't have his phone number.

It was very it's very uh oh maybe hi, Yeah, we might circle around. We don't see him. Thanks.

I mean I think they I think they hired that guy because he's so intimidating looking.

That guy, I've never He was like a psychopathic shaquilloel and you can imagine that he had a look and as I like, not only will I crush you with just my hands and flanges, I carry a machete, not a gun.

No, he wants to see his man up close.

Do you see how long he looked at me before he started talking.

No, I couldn't look at him because I'm holding a microphone. She's so dumb.

And by holding a microphone, you're mispronouncing because you're racist. Just kidding now, he was a he was a huge man.

We are really I I realized that that way.

It's kind of oh my god, you just he just tweeted at us.

I just told him they made a circle again, Like everybody understands that at this airport especially, they do not let you linger. And do you have to let it linger? Do you have to do you have to.

You have to. Oh, I'm such a fool for you, you know.

No, not this one, the next one.

Yeah, song originally about farts.

Yep, I am twelve.

Here we go and this is this is all becoming familiar.

Careful of my dad?

Here ye hi that jacket sponsored by Eddie Bauer.

Eddie Bauer. When you have kind of a lot of money, but you want people to think you have a ton.

Of money, Eddie Bauer.

We're not quite ellban Eddie Bauer.

Wide hips, lady, wide hipped ladies are grateful for us.

Eddie Bauer. Loose lips, sink.

Ships, Eddie Bower whites only.

Yeah, that was a lesser they I think they knew right away the problem with that one.

Yeah, okay, nice one. Yeah, you're you're learning yet, super gross.

All you have to do is look at everyone like you're a psychoe.

Yeah, that's how you do it. You learn from that security guard that made us move.

Oh my god, he was scary. That man will haunt my dreams.

Oh, I'm so glad I didn't look at him.

Then he was scary.

He really was scary.

And it's not I'm not he happened to look he had like that baby face. Ooh, kind of like Shaquiel O'Neal, except it was riddled with anger.

Oh no, well, his job is to tell people to move. I mean, that's such a bummer, right Air Canada, Hawaiian. Here we go. Okay, we're close. Where's Rob Delaney? So tall and striking? You think you'd see him immediately?

Oh, there he is. He's actually striking somebody. He's in a fight with our shack guy.

Where the fuck is he?

There he is? Oh, the road hasn't been No, that's not him.

It's the road turned him into a woman.

We just witnessed a five foot eight thin Rob.

Delaney and he was not funny at all.

Oh no, Robbed Delaney's Morvey Corsey legged athletic man. He's gotta carrying ams on him. Here we go. That seemed conclusionary, like I saw him, but good.

Nope, here we go, and there's down for the right. Here we go, Here we here we go, and and here we go.

That security guard with a also not Robbed Delaney.

Look away look away? Is he sitting? Would he wear a baseball hat? I say, no, it's not his style.

No, No, he's he Uh you know, maybe a lot. You're surprised when you see someone travel. Yeah. Yeah. Some people are like full pajama Yeah, full pajamas and a fedora. Other people's are like a cape, baseball pants and cowboy boots. It's your time to shine when you're traveling. No one's gonna see you. Oh no, everyone does see you.

Here. He is here, he is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

And it's confirmed no hair. I will help him.

Yeah, yeah, thank you. Oh sure, sure, it's in my pocket. Hi, thank you for joining us. Get in there, but oh I'll unlocked that.

Y real good. How are you here? I got your gift bag?

Thank you. Oh my god, that's so sweet of you.

Just some stuff. I don't know what you need, thank you.

I need a banana that's in there. Thank you.

That was supposed to be a hot towel, but the Starbucks we went to was packed and filled with people raging.

Okay, I wanted to give you a hot towel and then a dry.

Tell you can sweet of you. Yeah, that's a good idea after a flight.

Where were you tell us about your was?

I played the College of New Jersey, I played Pittsburgh, I played Philadelphia and Buffalo.

You'll notice in that gift bag there was a mug from New Jersey.

Oh my god, that's great.

Yeah, just to commemorate your time that.

I often bring my wife a mug from the places that I go.

I didn't this time, except now I did.

You found your wife?

She?

I thought maybe got trapped during there.

Somebody went to Quizno's and found her. She went times of Trial. It's like a lot of people. She goes to Quizno's.

I left a guitar in a Quiznos bathroom once it got back to me, so I knew she'd be fine. So you did a series of theaters and college schools.

Yeah, I hit some stories, some cities in the Northeast and it was great.

Pittsburgh was awesome.

I never had a bus do this to you.

Uh wow, that was a bold move.

Hurts for those who are only doing the auto portion of the show. A bus pretty much drove over the car.

Now I know why they themselves hurt.

That's right, I am.

That's a long tour.

It sounded like it was four nights. Yeah, four places, four nights.

And are you tired now? But do you feel enlivened?

No, I'm pretty ruined because while those are places with nice people, the weathers are awful and snowing, and so I then you have to fly little planes, like you have to connect when you fly from Buffalo to Pittsburgh. So I've been in thirty planes in the last four days. So like, my throat feels like somebody just you know, scoured it with a brillopath.

Because when you fly, you just scream at the top all the time. That's the only way I get through it. A lot of people complain about babies, but it's usually this guy.

Yeah, screaming adult. So colleges one college, the other three were theaters.

And yeah, it was great. I enjoyed playing colleges. They're not.

College students aren't as smart as they get credit for. They think like, oh, hot bet of education, but they don't. They haven't lived, you know what I'm I mean, they haven't they haven't had life just kick them in the head fifty times, like you do once you get out of college. So I generally I prefer to perform for older people. I mean, you have to get your tenter hooks into college students and say, I'm who will entertain you for the next few decades.

Get to know me.

It's important to spread the disease. But generally I prefer to perform for adults.

I have just a larger range of references.

Yeah, they just have no experienced more.

Yeah, college kids are so young. They are amazing to me.

Their children wonderful and and smart and have you know, I mean God knows like I read a lot back then, and I listened to utter Field and garbage.

So I would very grateful if a comedian came to my school.

But you know, at the end of the day, they're still less important as real people, normal human beings.

They aren't fully developed or fully valuable.

Yet not they shouldn't be allowed to talk that much as much as they seem to allowed.

Me here and there.

But yeah you should, I need help whatever.

Yeah, listen to that. But if they just start sharing anidotes, anecdotes, aidotes, and I'll take an start sharing dozy dotes or just cut them off with little lambsy divy. You know it's funny because kids will also do that. They tend to I let a joke happen and then I stomp on it by continuing it.

And with kids, you're into goats now, right, Yeah, okay.

Good anything if it has a whole fuck itis, it's it's okay to sometimes be dirty because we're adults.

But we're still at the airport.

Oh you're right, this lax I forgot.

Do you remember not too long after nine to eleven, when the Israeli airline l all X messad guy somebody just was like made a slight ruckus in line and the guy just shot him dead and he was like, well, massade. So when people mess around and Israeli airlines, we just sort of address it and get rid of the problem. And everybody was like all right. It was so soon after nine eleven. The people like, that's fine.

He sneezed. He had to be shocked.

It makes sense.

He's being cautious.

You guys sneeze. He sneezed out loud.

Oh wow, that's I didn't that didn't get a lot of coverage.

Yeah, that was one of my favorite shootings.

I missed a lot of news.

I guess it didn't hit my top ten shootings, but but I'll reconsider.

Yeah. I like the classics, just sixties clock towers. So I'm gonna get okay. Yeah, I know where I'm at. I know where I'm at it's funny. It's it's difficult to drive and podcast.

If you Oh, I believe it.

Yeah, I'm going to keep blaming that.

Yeah. No, I find it difficult to drive and think I'll miss an.

Exit and I'll be like, yeah, but I was thinking about a sandwich I had three weeks ago.

And you want a sandwich by the way.

You know, I'm all set.

There's almonds in there.

Oh wow, thank you. No, there's Karen Comedians road.

You said that I noticed Rob had dry hands always.

I never said that, Oh my god.

That's like, Actually, I'm not like a fascist as far as appearances go on people.

I'm like, hey, you're gonna look like what you're gonna look like.

But when I do see people with wearing open toed sandals or whatever and they have like dry or cracky feet, I do think, you know what, maybe you want to address that if you keep those things uncovered.

Are you trying to show me your feet or make me hungry for ginger root?

Seriously?

I don't Yeah, I do not want to see anyone soon.

Your feet looked like high quality old parmesan.

You know, I'm starving to get all of dart in the highest of quality.

But I'll tell you what.

When you guys said, when you put out, you put an app essentially you BCC the comedians of Los Angeles.

I did. I did it blindly.

I knew to do that and uh and you said, who wants?

And I thought, oh my god, I can't wait to do.

This, cause, frankly, I don't do too many podcasts just because what am I gonna talk about me?

No?

Thanks, I've we've covered that ground.

But I love the two of you so much that it was It was such a thrill, and I also selfishly needed a ride.

That's I didn't even know. I kind of had a hunch that it would be a built in loophole of acquiring talent, but I didn't know that I would get such a response. There was a list of people waiting.

Oh wow, I love it.

We were very happy, will be our first guest?

Yeah, no, way, really the first?

Oh my god, that's so exciting. HI very well, happily tell the world about it.

We did one together just to see what it was like to realize that a lot of conversation would be about accidents avoidance because we, you know, we're in a moving vehicle.

Yeah, this is real.

Well, I think I'm one of the I'm probably up there as far as comedians being known for having showy car accidents, So we don't even have to cover.

That you had an incredible car accident.

Little car accidents are even interesting to me.

And yet I have not yet read Sister Long Falcon Cabbage.

A lot of them, Turban, We've put a lot of body. Yea Blaine just flew over our head. That's never not exciting.

For me, just constant proof that this is not in any way put on that we just we go by the lowest flight paths, we try to get hit by buses. I did read your books, Oh thank you, Well, it was my pleasure. I found the galleys no fence that work and snatched it up, and I was doing that thing. I want this compliment to mean more than the average compliment. How do I word it?

Like?

I was doing that thing on the plane where I was laughing but then crying a little bit, and I was almost sure that the lady next to me thought I was having a nervous breakdown because it was those like those stories, like those stories when you're in like rehab and waiting to see if you're gonna go to jail, and we're like, all those things are so fraught and that I like, I feel like I had a very parallel life in that way of like drinking and like

Live as well.

Thank you to SOB you're sober people, and I'm I'm someone that's still as a bit of a whiskey nerd.

I uh known to should I read the book?

I should read the book?

You can? I should have I should have brought a copy.

I will. I will purchase it like a like a grown adult.

Thank you?

How dare you I want to call.

Myself an adult? Well, I did buy it like a silly.

Kid chewing gumb with your hat on backwards.

But in it you probably detail you had a horrible car wreck, right your legs got a.

Yeah, my both my arms got broken, or rather one arm one wrist, and but they were both had to have surgery and were both in cast. And then my legs were not broken, but they were cut open to the bone on the knees, so they had to be so I had to so I couldn't bend them for a while, so they put them in these legs stabilized or saying.

His legs were cut out. Were you in like a metal jeep?

A metal jeep? A lot of the car that I was in was made of metal. In fact, it was a Nissan Ultima metal version and.

All metal interior, a leather See that's a shaming, Yeah.

That reverse the exos skeleton. But it was yeah, and you know, and yeah, and then I went to jail and rehab and lived in a halfway house. And you know, it's good that it happened. No one else was in the accident.

It was just me.

But yeah, then I put the plug in the jug, as they say, and uh, and I think I did my first open mic, you know a few months later.

And by that you mean you got a masst ectomy, right, correct?

All right, Sorry, I had my breath removed and I went from Cynthia Delaney to Rob Delaney.

That's what started that old transition. What was it like buying a whole new wardrobe. I meant to say, where you don't want you're a man, and you don't want to have babies anymore. The sector want to be honest, with me, Karen, do you think I'm a dumb person? Often you have blurts hangs that don't make sense.

I think blurting is the bravest thing an American can do these days. Everyone so rehearsed and practice. I know exactly what I'm gonna say. You just throw words out there.

In case.

Like people come to this podcast because I put it out there, and in meeting you for the first time, I want them to watch a recent conan said Chris, because that's the best sets of stand up I've ever seen.

Thank you, And it's such so hard. I mean to do seven minutes, you know, and have it be great. It's really hard.

And his turn, it's like, that's my love. There was no like here I am to do your comedy shows, like here's here you are.

My comedy show. You guys.

I don't usually my own mustache top cop on the weekend.

See it's very it's a it's a I went four inch domestic. A lot of guys that go handlebar, but I didn't want to intimidate anyone. I'm so glad I didn't make it to my I don't usually toot my own horn and then honk the horn. That's oh god, that would have been off. Well, here we go.

Uh people hear that the horn?

Micd we got to this horn?

Yeah, pay, I should say we're about to pass.

If you went, if you took a right here, you would go to uh Investors Business Daily.

Oh let's go out. Uh that's we're not going to go there. I'm we'll keep going straight.

But if you did go down here take a write, you would be at the call center where I worked for a couple of years, making less than minimum wage, doing you know, a few sets a night of stand up sending out packets to late night shows. Just the people I worked with lived in their cars. It was her misery.

So you were did you do cold calls? Oh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Call I'd say, hi, would you like to.

Subscribe to a garbage newspaper published by Charlotte or morons? And people would say, you know, I wouldn't, And I'd say, I totally get it, and then hang up and not make a nickel.

Uh, we're paid based on how many people you got to sign up? Correct now terrible?

Yeah I'm not and change years that I worked there, I maybe made nine hundred dollars in one week and every other week. I mean I'd make like two hundred and seven dollars a week. It was uh so gross.

Yeah, sales does does everyone hate sales the I mean the whole time.

You know, one of them?

Yeah, exactly, that's exactly it. I don't feel like I have the person out The year that I worked at the Gap when I was twenty, and it was when I first started comedy, I felt like I was dying every day I was on that floor, and it inspired me to never go back because it was it just felt it was like at one point, I remember, I eventually quit and I was like waiting to see if I was going to move to La So I didn't

Right.

Yeah.

When I left there in twenty ten, which is four years ago, you're there was a protocol for quitting where you could take like a leave of absence so that you could go back there if you wanted to, and I made sure to super not observe it. I just walked up and never came back, so I wouldn't ever be able to work there again.

Yeah, you brick up that door away.

Just like no way, And that was it, And I love that.

That's that's how you're that you would people would say, no, I'm not interested. I understand that. I'm I'm gonna go now. That's how I sold Cutco knives.

I love it.

I'd walk in. They're very expensive. I would tell them that was my opening line. These lines are very these knives are very expensive, but they're very good.

I'm not interested. I totally understand that.

Very expensive. I mentioned how expensive they were and then and I never sold any. I never sold any Awesome. I sold some to my dad.

As far as sales goes, like like what people don't need anything?

You have what you need.

You know generally, you know you need food, you need shelter, need you need to survival, try angle, but beyond that, you really need nothing. So to convince people of otherwise, you know, it can often be a sin, is what I think.

And that's what I felt like working there. Yeah, that was.

Sinning well and also when you like, I remember being in college and this guy that was selling magazine subscriptions door to door did that. First of all, he's super cute. He had this whole long conversation with me. He convinced me that he would want more subscription to sell before

Did you keep a touch with you? Or the son that he made with you?

Then be married in the fall of ninety nine and now he's.

He's been in Costa Rica for.

For until the lawyers bring him back. Yeah, that's what it is. It's like you're convincing a person to fall in love with you so that you they take what you have. Look at that guy.

Yeah, I've had some really good salesmen come to my door. I've never seen a dog high on marijuana before. I bought a carpet cleaner when I lived in an all wooden floors house once.

That's amazing.

That's a good salesman. Yeah, it's like, what if you end up buying a rug a throw rug?

Good point. Yeah, I might buy a lot of drugs.

I might buy some throw rugs, A runner, a runner. I'll just have the concentrate solution. What's that? Thirty five dollars.

Best money I've ever spent.

Immediate regret when they leave.

I had one where I had to call and cancel a check because this guy came into Uh it was. It was when we were working on the pilot for Ellen. He came into the building. I worked in the adults building, So all of a sudden there was a guy standing in my office that I didn't know, Like they looked like, he looks like he worked for Habitat for Humanity is

I don't like it when waiters do that either.

And suddenly I was writing a chew and then he left and I immediately called my bank and I was like, cancel this check.

I don't know what just happen.

Yeah, you're not to talk to them about it. They're the ones that tricked you. You're just like I changed my mind. I get to change my mind.

I'm going to do that with a lot of purchases.

You plan to do that? Meal speaking bank?

I didn't like it.

You do want to go to a bank?

I would like that. Yeah, there'll be one coming up on the loft.

What do you do your banking with? If you don't mind saying it?

Uh, I will, I will just bank?

How about it?

How about your social Security number?

And they're coming up on the left, Well, not quite, I mean a little bit. Okay, Yeah, they have a familiar sign.

Just take me to whatever whoever you bank with?

Yeah?

I currently bank with Wells Fargo.

Hey, I have an auto loan from them.

Hey.

Yeah, they are a sponsor of the podcast.

Wells Fargo. Do you like a ton of horses?

Wells Fargo, Wells Fargo, We bury your money in the forest.

What Oh, I'm looking forward to the Fargo TV show that I just saw billboard for.

I want to hear Martin Freeman doing a Fargo access Is that?

Who got it?

Yeah, Martin Freeman, Billy, Bob Thornton, Colin Hanks.

Is there a woman playing the woman sheriff for?

I don't know if that is as large a role, And I only only because I saw a trailer and it seemed like it might not have been. But there were women, a bunch of them. They just weren't as famous as the general and I've mentioned, so I can't I don't know their names.

The TV show, I'm right now. I'm enraged that it's not. Marge is not the lead anymore?

Yeah, should be.

I just had it. That was a one eating I was excited. No, not now I'm going to camp Maybe.

Well, you know what, Maybe it is, but maybe their sexist in their advertising. For example, I was just in England and they had the monuments Men. Hey, guess what Kate Blanchette is in. That wouldn't have known from posters in the US, but she's in all the posters in the UK.

Then there's another movie.

Uh, that called that awkward moment with Zach Afron and some other folks. Sure, and there is a lead female in that, but not on the posters here but in England, so maybe they want to rope you in and uh then when you're watching.

That's match up with like the sex cells attitude of like, whoop, what's the what's the drawback of gorgeous? Kate Blanchette doesn't make.

A long she's not playing herself because snooze areny male.

It's such a every time you've hung out.

She's one of those people who like it.

Talks about like the majesty of acting interviews.

So she's just a big bummercade. If you're listening, turn turn it off. I don't want to Kate.

I love your skin creams.

Yeah. No, she's amazing and beautiful. She kind of my wife, kind of looks like Kate.

Like if Kate Blanchett, Tilda Swinton and Jodie Foster somehow were able with each other, that's sort of what she looks like.

When did you meet her?

I met her.

I met her at a camp for people with disabilities. She's not disabled, but we were both counselors for people with cerebral palsy.

And that's where I trolled for days ago.

You should, I'll tell you why.

Because those people, you know, people who volunteer, they can like do selfless stuff, right, right, true?

Right? Speaking of there's someone I don't like, how there's a lady sitting on the sidewalk.

Well, we've already driven past, so.

We can't get nothing I can do.

We're trying to postcasts there. Yeah, cops have already got So what.

Am I gonna do that they can't?

You know?

What's so funny about give a ship that help her, not assault, not take her right away from her.

Not have shooting them be a plan B.

What if that wasn't cops and it was the masade. I don't know if I'm pronouncing.

That sounded good to me. I'm not Hebrew.

What's funny about that is that the opposite I've always done, the opposite, which is date comedians, who are probably the exact polar opposite of people that volunteer at camps for disabled people.

In many cases they are I mean, like a really good one might not be, you know, because isn't that weird? You know, like you know somebody who's like really as successful as a comedian and enjoying themselves, there's a there might be a higher likelihood that they're a good person.

Yes, fucking trenches, comedians scumback.

Well, I guess you'd be that example, because you did it.

Well.

You know the reason I did it is because everybody when I was in the hospital and in rehab and then in a halfway home when this was in two thousand and two, twelve years ago.

Right, people were just so great.

There were so many volunteers in the hospital doing something in addition to the doctors and nurses that I was like, once I kind of got released, I was still like emaciated and totally unemployable. So I was like, oh, I could volunteer, and I did, and I just found it. I enjoyed it a lot. So I think the secret about volunteering that a lot of people might not know is it's super fun. And I know I demand.

To have fun because I'm a comedian and an alcoholic, Like, I know what fun is.

Yeah, I swear to God volunteering is really really fun, or I wouldn't do it because I remain deeply selfish.

Yes, a lot of people what they don't know about bands.

I used to be a youth group leader person, but I wasn't a religious person at all, but they didn't seem to care about that. I actually was raised sort of atheist, but I it was that feeling of we'd go on these trips and do things. And I'm not bragging, but it was very it felt really good. Right, Yeah, you go to Mexico building part of a sidewalk, do a poor job because we didn't know what we were doing.

It's hard to it's I was because I was talking.

A great story. So I'll be back in a flash.

Okay, we'll be uh right here. Getting a ticket because I'm in the handicapped area.

Not my problem.

I think that means. Or it's a picture of a person with a big round but that's a logo.

Bit Oh I get him?

Yeah, thanks, it's your phone? Or did someone leave this? Well, now that he's gone, what do you think of this rub Delaney guy.

Let's talk about our first guest in a like we're going to review him.

Yeah, he's been he's calming, he was, it's been a he's been added a nice element of calm.

I liked that he was handed this one of these huge microphones and immediately started playing podcast ball with us the second he got into the car. Oh yeah, yeah, there was no like kid. I mean, he did have to give us private information that we'll edit out, but I liked that part his game. He gets it.

Yeah.

Sure, he's taken improv classes.

He has done nothing but yes, and this whole time.

Yeah, I think that's we have to really keep an eye out for those people.

But he has. It has been just yes and do you have anything funny to say?

Yes? And beat this riff?

I'm going to get out. I'm starting to feel bad that I'm in a handicapped good spot right next to it.

Oh that guy, Look at that guy.

I like always at LEAs are really goodies.

You say you like them, but then you take their parking spots.

Yeah, well, not all old people are handicapped, Karen. I mean, let's be realistic.

They take a lot of our government money.

Wouldn't it be funny if I was in there, he was just working out some home loan thing. That's something like two hours.

It's just like real quick, I have to refinance my mortgage.

Took all my assets and put it in a Swiss floating island.

I'm back. Yay my team.

Hi. Do you have a ton of money now?

I mean I have enough to get me through the next week? Okay, great, so yes, that's a ton to me.

In the big scheme of things.

Can I go? If you took a left here, it probably wouldn't be Oh.

Oh, if I took a left here, it would take add thirty years start driving.

I don't care.

Well, you haven't seen daddy be aggressive.

I just poke the nose out and make furious eye contact and.

See that gym across the street. Can you even imagine being like, yeah, I'll go there to work out? Like yeah, I mean, nothing wrong with it. It's just like exactly not where I would ever go to work out.

No, I don't want to be in between two alleyways.

On a hot sort of one of the boring areas of l A.

Do you want my inside of my car to be any hotter?

Is it possible to?

It's weird.

I'm yoga pants without moving.

Well, I have a total stripe of sweat.

I'm going to rename our podcast trouser Soup.

I think black swamp.

You know what I might?

I might take a bow out.

That's fine, I mean if you're you know how all this becks crap over here works?

Yeah?

Yeah, this will be the part that they highlight for for the Podcast Awards.

It's funny. Yeah, there there is a lot of specific traffic moments that.

This is real. I mean, look, people want to know that.

People often ask me, what's alike when you hang out with Karen Kilgriffer, what's alike when hanging with Chris Fabets Now? You know, so I don't want to hear people complaining just because we give you the gold, we also don't give you a.

Little track, a little reality, a little boring, hot, sweaty reality.

Yep, real specific traffic stuff, none of the visuals.

Right.

Oh here, I have a fun story for you. In Pittsburgh, I got in the elevator the morning after my show, getting ready to get on a little plane to Philadelphia, and so I just was, you know, out of it, and I got on the.

Elevator and when I was on.

There, I howked up a big lookie because then nobody was there. So I was like, like really worked at it and closed my eyes. And then I opened my eyes and the doors were opening, and a beautiful young woman walked on the elevator and looked at me and goes, hey, great show last night.

And she saw you spit the lookie without a doubt.

No, she saw me.

Just deal with it. I didn't spit. I just swallowed it because we were in an elevator.

And then you said thank you in a loogie. Bubble came out of her mouth.

Yeah, but it's a nice cause shout.

Now she knows in real life that I'm a little more disgusting than I am on stage.

Imagine that.

What I like to do if someone catches you is you just keep making that noise as if it's just a noise you.

Make, they're not making one.

Can I just say that. I don't know why, but it just popped into my head. I've known you for a while, I feel like. And one of my favorite sets that I ever watched you do was that night at Acbar, which is a tiny it's a bar in Silver Lake, and I think it's I think it's predominantly a gay bar. It's been gay en Street, but the show is run by our friend Bruce, so it's kind of mostly a gay shows.

It's a gay bar.

Yeah, okay, that's how you know.

But anyway, also the way he kisses.

Wait a minute, that was my mouth.

Rob did a set and I'd seen him. We were we did shows at Largo together, like we we done some shows together, but you were doing your usual set and those lesbians it was mostly lesbians in the audience that night, and they were really like not having you in a way, and I started getting nervous for you, and you in your classic rubbed Laney way, instead of getting nervous yourself in any way that I could see, doubled down and just like put your foot up on

Thank you. Yeah, that can be fun sometimes.

Sometimes when dayling's with a group of lesbians. Yeah, you just got to take a knee and hunker down.

That's right. See, this is who I am.

It's not the first time I've said that. There's a time that and we've shared this before, Rob and and other even televised moments where I apparently and I don't fully recall it, but you were. You brought me up at a show. And what did I say? I said something that could be it could be misconstrued as rude. Didn't I say, shut the fuck up and sit down? What was it? What did I do? It doesn't sound like.

Me, remember, I mean, no, it wasn't it was. You knew that it was funny enough you said that an implicitly mean thing, but it was so funny that it was okay.

You knew that I was kidding. Knew that you were kidding because I've heard a recalling, Oh you know what it was.

I was.

I was introducing you, and I was I said a few nice things about you, and uh, you know, the things that you've done and things that I thought enjoyed and uh, and then.

You just came up and took the microwave from like, shut the fuck up and get out of here.

So clearly I was kidding. Yes, I've heard you tell the story, and I was like, well, that's the story of an asshole. I'm starting.

It was a story of a funny ass.

Okay, so that no part of you thought, wow, that Chris Fairbanks abrasive little.

Man, didn't it all?

Because also, I'm one of those people who has the sickness enough that like, if I have to get harmed or my feelings have to get hurt for other people to laugh, I'm like, we'll do it.

I mean, it's more important.

It was an example of that.

I love rudeness comedy, I think the most, and I feel like I've been doing it all my life and maybe twenty five percent of the people I've shared it with actually understand what I'm doing. Yeah, and most of them just were taking me at face value of like what a crazy bitch? Where is it like? And I understand that makes sense because that is what I was doing,

Funny to me, real joy.

Although last night there was I was being interviewed by a newspaper before my show, and the guy came and he was young, and I was eating. I had two slices of pizza on one plate and was taking a fight. When you walk in, he goes, what do you got? What was that you got?

There? Some pizza? And I said, no, it's a cheeseburger.

And I could tell that it may he wanted to cry.

But what are you gonna do?

It makes you not want to hang out with normal people. That's kind of how it is for me.

It is it is the proper response to the dumbest question ever, though I.

Think it is, but what are you doing?

The thing you're doing?

You use your kating the whole deal tongue involved.

Now, when you go on the road, do you get like lonely? Do you have like are those moments like that? Do you think maybe after a while, maybe they build up where like you have to do comedy and then you're by yourself and you have to talk to press and then you're by yourself or whatever that maybe there's an anti social thing that becomes built in.

I probably not. I mean I generally air towards niceness. I really, in fact, do try to be nice to just about everybody. But yeah, I mean I can get lonely. This trip was so crazy because it was just constant. I was either in a plane or on a stage. Time to get lonely.

But it's happened.

Like I just did a month in London and in the middle of it, I was like, I very sincerely hope I get hit by a double decker.

Boss.

Well, because you miss your kids so much, probably right in your family, and it's.

I won't do it again.

I think. I don't think I drank much before I did stand up and after a show, the idea of just okay, there was there's my show, I did my job. Let me go back to the hotel room and stare at the wall or the TV and look at emails.

That depresses me.

But the result is I end up having whiskeys after the show, and so I don't want to do that anymore. That makes you die.

Yeah, Well, and also it's just a depressant. It like just will bring you further down if you don't.

Alcohol is a depress it's a depressed so barbituate.

Yeah, and you know what this is going to sound kind of elementary and stupid, but it took me years to do. But now after years, now I finally will go back to my hotel room and read a book.

Right is like, I'm like, who invent this?

That's what I should.

It's a lot of fun, you know, it's super weird and not I'm not against reading. But last night I came home from work and I was so tired and so like I just always lay on my couch and watch TV and then and then fall asleep.

Okay, I'm gonna it's okay, we can do another right.

Let's do another right. No one knows where we are right now, no.

Way the right way. But usually I come home from work and I'm so tired, so I just land the couch and watch TV, which gives me nothing. Usually, last night I started sewing a rip in a blanket that I have, and it was so like Laura Ingalls. It was really fun and it was I was like, oh, this is what people used to do to engage their minds and kind of get something done and feel.

Like that's funny. Because night I fell out of a wagon and it made me blind. Like little House on the Prairie jokes. I'll tell you real specific age groups taking a ride on this unnamed street, gone.

Sweet in episode number two, we're going to have a pre printed maps.

We're gonna have phone.

Numbers of people's Yeah, we know where they are when they land.

It's gonna I jog a lot around here. I push my kids and they're double stroller up and down these hills. That's a lot of fun. Long legged man, aren't you at least my legs are strong, yess, my belly is large and my arms are.

But you're someone that's marathons.

I've done one marathon. I've done a lot of half marathons.

What do you think about when you run for that long?

Oh gosh, I mean everything. I think a lot about jokes. I'll come back and write jokes when i'm done.

Yeah, there's something to exercise and comedy, right, yeah.

Chris, you'll be thrilled to know you can't take left here.

Oh, it's it's it's it's difficult. This part's difficult for me. And now I'm starting to feel self conscious. Oh no, it's okay.

It's nobody could do this better than you right now.

Nobody could do this but you.

I know the original version less.

Popular car My dad came to your show, Karen, that where I opened for you back in nineteen seventy one and.

Loved it a lot. I remember him saying, well, she is just you know, she's something else.

That was really Oh, that's really weird, fake musical.

I was doing wonderful. It was so great, and my father and I loved it.

Yay, I'm so glad. That was super fun.

I remember I I made a joke he gave me. He's you know, sixty whatever, so naturally he carries a handkerchief with him or like a bandana, and it was do you remember it was really hot. They hadn't put ac until hergo yet.

That's right.

They He gave me a hank before the show because he could see that I was visibly sweating and had under boobs under boob cups, you know, of wetness.

And I took.

It and just put in my pocket and then I went up on stage and I used it and he said, uh or no, no.

I said something about.

You know, the the gay hanky codes where you've a certain colored hanky and certain but he's like, you like to do this, and I just talked about that. I was like, this is my hanky, which means that I like to I don't know like have Asian menp on me or whatever, and I was like, no, I'm just kidding.

My dad's here. He gave to me. I remember after the show.

My dad was like, so, you mean to tell me I just gave you a hanky before the show and.

Then you just made that up right there on the spot.

I was like, yeah, I mean yeah, as opposed to asking whether or not you're really at Asian menp on it.

Yeah, that's great, much more impressive.

So he's a supportive.

Dad, Isn't that funny? Like these people that for the reason probably part of the reason that you're as funny as you are, really do have that thing where they can't believe what you do when you when they see you actually doing it. It's like one thing when you're standing around in the kitchen or whatever. But I kind of love that.

For me, it's something my dad did a little and could have done, but he had kids and decided to move and go work for the government in Montana, as most dads do.

Sure, it's a common choice.

Yeah, but so yeah, it's it's nice to have supportive dads or just one, just one dad.

It's best to have one.

Yeah, multiple dads ends up being a bad sitcom. One of them is a sculptor. The other one's Paul Riser.

One way we could go with this podcast is we drive people around and swept them out, and then we get them to.

Admit something that's a good idea, right.

Because they're so hot and tired.

Remember that guy they had, like the sweat Lodges thing where people died recently.

You should do that. You should kill Nikki Glazer your next podcast, just.

Cook to death, sure and like some newators or back shoved in Poorges.

That kilt Welcome back to Sweaty gun Point.

And then we're both like we got Comedy Central specials.

A lot of people were a little worried about, you know, the crop of future comedy because you killed a bunch of them.

But it was fun.

I mean the things they said before they died, my goodness, hilarious.

It's funny what people what creative things people say when they're backs against the wall and they're about to die.

Like I'm going towards the light.

A lot of those jokes, yeah, real rich, real rich, Blurdy to Ratzy genius.

That's a nice bush arch to the right there.

Somebody who's moved an archway out of a bush orderline.

That's really nice.

I really like when hedges are shaped like something other than a head.

Wasn't that fun?

Animals are nice? Oh, there's a dairy queen by my house. They made the hedge look like a soft serve ice cream tone. Yeah, for real photos of it.

I'll show you at.

Coming up soon.

There's a nice breeze coming through here.

Huh.

Whose dream catcher is that?

Is that? That is mine?

It captures most of my sleeping time.

Vision love?

It is this the car you sleeping?

I sleep? I got confused when someone first introduced me to the idea of a car bed. It turns out that's a bad shape, like a car. I've been sleeping in this car out of confusion for and necessity I am. I am an unemployed person, so.

I sleep in my car a lot. I mean, I'm a big car napper.

Well, like if you like have a fang at four somewhere and then you have a set like not far from there.

Yeah, whatever, you're being serious, I do too. I sleep in my car all the time. I'll sleep at the drop of a hat, a driving.

Hat, anytime I'm in that situation. I always go to Starbucks and drink way too much coffee, and then for the first three minutes my set, I have dry mouth and I seem nervous even though it's just caffeine.

Well, here were our folks. This is the place. Yeah, thank you. This has been such a pleasure.

It's been a pleasure to have you.

Thank you so much for doing this with us.

I really had fun. It was a pleasure to see you guys. I'm gonna go be with my family now.

Of course you should.

I don't mind saying that I love you and I hope to see again soon.

And you get to clarify you love your family or you love us.

I love you great, right too, of course?

Okay, let's say we love them. Okay, I love you too.

We love you too.

Rum Thanks guys, and I'll see you soon.

Okay, see you soon?

By are you leaving?

You wanna way back?

Either way?

We want to be.

There, doesn't matter how much baggage you give us time and day turning on engage. We want to send you us instid. We want to welcome you back home.

Tell us all the black out it we scared her?

Was it fine?

Now?

Porn do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need With Karen and chriss

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