Flashback: In the Car with Paul Danke

Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay a.

We want to send you off inside. We want to welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared or was it fine?

Melbourne?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris.

Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgera.

We're in my neighborhood, but we're not going to my house. We're going to a guest's house.

That's right, because it's not about you today, Chris, It's about our guest.

There's been so many episodes where in the past I've made it about me, like it's me day, but yees day, it's someone else day.

Although may I just say podcasting every day is me day.

That's what podcasting is all about.

Yes, It's almost like there's nothing into life aside from podcasting, right right?

And then we hear a gun noise? Yeah, just a gun noise, not the shot.

No, no, no, And that wasn't a joke about violence or no self violence.

If that's ever happened to anyone in your family, any violence has touched you in any way.

We don't mean to bring that up.

Oh bring back a red light touch from violence.

Yes, yes, I would like to just tell everybody that I am wearing essentially dentures right now because I'm getting new teeth and so I'm wearing fake veneers and it feels weird.

They could be the real thing.

But don't you love this neighborhood.

I do love this neighborhood.

There's so much going on that I gotta be careful because I could leave the house every night and then you know what happens when I leave the house.

You're happy?

Yeah, and then so, which is fine. It sounds good on paper, but then the rest of my life I'm contrasting it with that happy time I once had living in Echo.

Park, that time where you were just walking down the street whistling like Jughead himself.

On top of sunshine with my green, pointy weird hat.

I'm on top of sunshine in.

My hat, a top of the sunshine.

Why oh yeah, uh well yeah, we Uh.

I took my first pilates class yesterday. Chris something.

When did you get divorced?

Okay, up top, Yeah that shower, that'll shower.

Look at this round muscular bubble butt. Did you take the kids away?

And again, if any if your kids have been taken away from you and we're not light, that's not a red button flag for that.

We're not flagging anything and we're not pushing any button at all.

Was it the kind that had machines?

Yes?

Yes, aren't those cool when your neck when your spine cracked?

Yeah? I had, I mean I need.

It was like an introductory level thing, so they didn't have it on the spine crack setting.

It was just like starter off. Yeah.

We basically did the warm up and cool down and I'd never done plates.

But it's pretty good, right.

Yeah. They know it's good though, because it's fucking expense.

Yes.

I They were like, okay, well you can do the uh all the time everything plan for three hundred dollars a month.

Yeah. I was like, oh, let's go down from there.

All the people that were in my little intro thing all heard that price and said no. Yeah, and I'm such a sucker for sales. I don't know how to say no. I wanted to say no, but so I just bought four visits oh in a month, but it's.

Still like almost one hundred bucks.

Well it's good because if you just started doing it, you want to make sure that you like it, right.

But I gotta be doing something else too. I can't just have one workout day a month. I mean that won or a week that won't do anything for me.

True, but it's I just don't know how to say no.

It's like the time I bought carpet cleaner from some door to door guy and I didn't even have carpet.

I could have.

Easily told him these are wood floors, but I still bought somes because the guy had a bad time for him. I wish Paul lived here at this camouflage would be aware of doghouse.

Sorry, thank you for your service, sir, Paul. I didn't realize.

BW racing up the street.

Oh sorry I did.

That was that was a tough one.

Yeah, that's how bumpers get ripped off. Good thing, it was a short curve.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you a very low cark.

Did we honk it? Seemed like your horn was so far away.

I know it wasn't me, it was it was someone far away.

I bet he'll respond to that honk as if it were us. That's the first time I've had a honk assist.

It's perfect timing.

Thank you passerby who was probably honking because they're mad at us.

Thank you the clearly the Lord who's on our side. Even do I sound different on the mic?

You know that I have new teeth.

I think you sound more sophisticated and more confident.

Thank you, And.

When you talk right, it's like having a tongue ring. Just to relate it to most people.

To most people at litl a Fair, Yes, it already feels I'm slightly getting used to.

I went to Lilith Fair years ago, and I really have no memory of it.

Were you on drugs or drink I don't believe.

I think it was long enough ago to where I wasn't quite doing it that much drinking. I wish I remembered more about it, because then that would be followed by a story you know, uh not just I did that, and then silence followed by helicopters.

Listen.

First of all, this is a helicopter podcast be not a storytelling podcast.

We don't owe anybody anything.

Well, Hi, Paul, nice to see you.

What's going on?

Just leisurely afternoon.

It's nice to see you.

I'll give you my hand.

Hi, goodness, see you see I will not a lot of That's okay, A lot of people, uh don't expect that when they get in the car, we won't be facing each other.

You're gonna look at the back of my hair. That's right.

Well, sad to see this as a oh she had to go first head rest.

I can't see her here. It's oh, yes, yes it is. It is grothy.

It's like you're a waiver for a head.

Paul, what's going on with you? I like this area, Thank you.

This is my neighborhood. I go park right. You know, it's.

Summertime in the neighborhood. It's hanging out, a lot of riding bikes around the neighborhood.

It's really old timey Hollywood looking hospital.

Yeah, it's a rehabilitation facility and it's you know, keeps some exciting characters hanging hanging in the neighborhood as well.

Yes, nice, I mean we were just talking about how I should go to rehab because of Ever since my trip at Lilith Fair, I can't even remember being there. What a story, Yeah got it was the ups and downs of it, followed by a home run conclusion.

Are there any characters, Paul, that you can think of offhand that you this that makes you think of that you've witnessed in the neighborhood.

What his Lilith Fair problem? No folk.

Or really anyone.

Well, there's one time this guy came to my house. I was getting uh someone, We had some people doing some repairs on our apartment and this guy comes up and bangs on the door and he said, you're I have your your bulldog? Your dog got out and I was like, oh what and he was like, yeah, we found it up the street. Can I can I bring it? Can you want to come up with us and keep your dog? And I was like, well, why don't you

Oh what then do you casually say? You know what, I never really liked that dog. Yeah.

I was like, you know, my dog's here right now, but thanks for your concern. And that's when I realized I was being lured. Yes, I was being lured out of my house.

Well that's super crazy. Were you being lured to the rehab center?

Well, that's that's sort of the hangout spot out in front and the grass. They do kind of a decent job, but it's always ends up. You know, I'm going to walk my dog and there's four guys getting real loose and loaded in the grass, and I just don't want any part of it.

You hate stuff like that.

I hate stuff.

Well, yes, as a rule, I do you know, can you do me a favor while we're in this area?

Totally?

I need to drop off this DVD at the library. Yes, I use my neighborhood library. I love it all the time.

Quit showing off. Well, you know these are these DVDs.

They only give it for four days, so you know, people forget how short DVD rentals are.

That's right, And you don't want to get charged.

No, lord, no, they've already got me over the barrel for three dollars. They asked me for it. Every time I'm in there, I never have cash.

Over the barrel, over that library barrel.

It's it's a big barrel filled with books, Yes.

Filled with Encyclopedia, brown books.

They've got a zine rack. It's a hip library.

Wow.

Local zines.

Yeah, some local zines.

There's yoga, there's I don't I don't know what else they have, but they have others.

There's a comedy of it.

Mike, there is this the one that's near the Red Lion.

Uh no, no, it's actually we're almost we're almost added. Oh, it's just up around this bend a.

Bit of a ways. Okay, by texts got you? Oh yeah?

The place I never know how to pronounce, certainly isn't spelled like text.

No, taks doesn't feel like texts.

Yeah, I have to go tis it doesn't feel that sounds strange.

You know you're forcing it. I went there, how I've heard?

Yeah, Sorry, this is subsided.

This is it? Right here? So after these this little bankup park cars is slide over and all. Okay, I'll pop it in the box, pop it in the barrel. Gotta love it.

Joel Schumacher's The Phantom of the Opera Back to the People.

How was it?

Would you give us a review?

It was?

I never seen it before. I was like, who is this man in it? And it is h Gerard Butler, Oh the Phantom and that was so shocking. And he sings his own stuff, which really Yeah, okay, I gotta give you this.

You know everyone does.

There's more to Gerard butter ely than I thought.

That's right. I thought he was just eye candy.

It's just auto tuning, a little lotto tuning, and I can that's true.

Everybody sounds good with auto tune.

Yeah, it's all Hollywood's just bells and whistles.

I love the idea of helping people do their errands during this podcast.

Yes, I wish more people took the initiative and brought things for us to do.

I think if we say that, sorry, no, don't worry about it. I think we should start helping people get stuff done.

Yeah, we drive around.

Else do you need to do? Do you have to pay a bill? Go to the Warner building.

I pay my bills online. But that's good. But the library. I like I r L.

I like to go in there and drive you to like a coffee shop that has computers and you could go online and pay ills.

You can surf the web without getting caught by the FBI.

Right, that's a good idea.

Go to my more scandalous websites at the coffee shop.

Well, Chris said that he'd seen he's been seeing you at auditions. What's the last audition that you had? I you wanna tell us about it?

Sure? It was? Please say Frisky's cat food?

Why was that yours?

No? No, I have Toyota one today. It's boring. Oh wow, that's good.

Anything that's a large multinational corporation, that's yeah.

Yeah, yeah, you know that. It made me do a fist pump right when I woke up. That's early.

I had to pretend to be a guy desiring a man cave. I just know that from my time here in Hollywood. It's so unfair what they do to your self perception. I know that I definitely look like a guy that should have a man cave and a giant house, and it hurts my feelings.

I don't know.

I see you differently, Thank you, guy, I see you as the guy that has a really interesting snacks for sale at a grateful Dead show.

Oh god, that's that is a great side hustle.

Right the very first I made my own ice cream sandwiches.

Right, No, no, it's it's quite all right. Yeah.

The first commercial I ever was in it was Burlington coat factory. In the house that they shot it in, it was the most beautiful ice So was flattered that they would even think that I would.

Have a house like that. Yeah, nutched a Christmas tree that big?

What world could this possibly be?

And then so I just walked away from it and realizing I won't I don't have that house and I probably won't ever.

Have that tree. Yeah, well it's confronting these commercials.

You could have the tree though, maybe.

But if I had that house and I had that tree, you know, wouldn't be shopping at Berlin a coke factory.

But it's so much more than coats.

Yes, they have a band of scarves.

They do. They do very odd oddly fitting socks.

Let's not forget about our hat barrel.

Oh yeah, I love to pick my hats from a barrel. I might see them smosh together, so I know that they've got each other's good energy rubbed up on them.

Ooh, a hat from a bank and a hat that has a fish on it together.

At last, I've told you about the hat I had that I got at a garage sale that said ninety and still on the go.

And when it's at a garage sale, you.

Know the guy is no longer on the co No, and so I just wearing a dead.

Guy's hat fully stopped.

But I did think about him every time, every time I wore it.

I think that's what he'd want.

Yeah, yeah, it's better than his fucking kids gave to him. You know, they should have kept the hat.

I really think they definitely should have kept all the Elvis Costello cassettes I got from him.

I mean, clearly those kids didn't have a sense of humor if they didn't keep that hat.

Definitely.

It's strange to me that I because I'm really into Elvis Costello now and I at the time I knew of him and maybe a song here or there, but it wasn't until I had four cassette types from this dead guy. It's I he'll never know that he got me into Elvis.

Do you know?

I can't listen to Elvis Costello because my college roommate used to sing I'm sure I to do this, but used to sing. We listened to him all the time, but she would sing a long, full honor choir voice.

So it'd be like Oliver's arm mean, is him to.

Like?

The worst experiences me when someone has a good voice, but happy birthday.

Yeah, when they can't control the performance of the voice right where it's like we're in the car, I don't want this in my ears.

Before you do that.

You you go to my level when we're singing in the car, and then when you're in the studio, I'm.

Are you talking about me?

Yeah?

When are we in the studio?

I don't know.

I've heard some of your studio recordings. I wasn't there, otherwise I would have mucked up your performance.

I wouldn't say when we were doing our Duets album.

If you haven't listened to Karen's Live at the Bootleg, you should listen to a lot of people, don't someone. I've gotten messages where it's like, who did your guys a song?

They don't even know it's you?

Really, that's me.

Oh, But interestingly enough, like half the people that were did that live show with me that night.

Are in this car right now.

Paul Dinky was the host of the entire evening, that's true, and Chris Fervings was a pretty farmer on it.

Wow, this is kind of a reunion, the reunion show.

It meant a lot to me, guys.

It was a.

Really fun time. One of my own ago.

Was that six years No.

Five five, twenty fourteen.

I believe that makes that that registers that. That's one of those days where I feel good because I hear it and I'm like that sounds right.

Yeah, I have lost context.

Yeah that was Oh my god, we're all dying so quickly. Yeah, it's just now that's.

How it usually is. Chris, that was nineteen years ago. Yeah, yeah, everyone freaks out.

I'm I'm now twenty years out of high school. This is my my years year having the twenty year reunion. So it's that's I don't really care about that. But all of the articles I see it is like this album's twenty years old now, this album's twenty five years old now, and it is like, oh fuck, yeah, yeah it all has been aging this whole time. Oh yeah, okay, wow, horrible Those NBA recruits didn't.

Know who Outcast was.

What they were showing a bunch of new guys that they signed up through the drought for the NBA, and they were showing them people from twenty years ago, and they didn't know who Outcasts were.

God damn showed me to the bone.

That's horrible.

It's horrible.

Well, I mean, in their defense, Outcast hasn't been pumping out any hit slightly.

I feel like, hey, yaw is forever, thank you.

Have you been to a wedding? I think you know Outcasts.

I think you do know because I'm on the floor shaking it like a polaroid picture myself.

Give me some sugar. I'm your fucking neighbor. The best song lyric of all time.

There's no fucking it is it is, it is, that.

Is is truly.

Every time I heard that song when it first came out, I would laugh out loud the whole time.

I am your neighbor. Yeah, so the.

Way he says it, OK, some sugar, I am.

Oh I'm still now on it plays on kV one oh one on our super classic rock station.

Sometimes.

Oh that's when you know when Outcast's on the classic rock station.

Well, they got to move it forward.

That's yeah, they have still but it is pretty eft.

It's pretty awful.

I speaking of time passing and aging and our body's decaying.

Thank you.

At the dentist this morning, I had one of those like huge hold your mouth open. Oh he is a plastic in for like an hour straight, and when he took it out, there were these lines, these red lines from just my that skin being stretched. But it like it was so jarring where I was like, this is what I'm going to look like when I'm eighty.

Like it was just like and they weren't going away.

So he was trying to talk to me because I've said on this podcast before, but my dentist is beautiful, and it's really awful to have a hot person in your mouth.

Yeah, it's very shaming, Yeah, pulling.

All the bad smells from deep within your mouth.

Yeah yeah, I think about it too.

I mean old popcorn shells.

I'm not a try I just I worry about what my dentist is experiencing all the time because she's such a nice person.

She doesn't deserve right.

What your mouth is giving her.

And she works so hard to really get in there, which just just more punishment for her. I mean, I'm no hog in the mouth face.

You've got great teeth, Chris, you definitely have gree t.

Yeah. Anyway, I've been around a while.

They are good teeth.

Yeah, little choppers, nice and straight, real straight.

Well I wish they used to be really white. But you know, I also used to have twenty twenty vision.

Yeah. Those things change, Yeah, they do.

They crumble away just one morning. They just suddenly shatter your eyes.

I used to gray vision, and then one day I'm like, oh, something happened. I can't read my phone. And I actually went to an optimologist and he.

Said, yeah, just you're at that age.

And I'm like, yeah, but yesterday I could see, today I can't. So clearly there's cobalt from my hip surging through my veins. He said, no, that's how it happened for me too. One day I just noticed I couldn't see, yes, yeah, and I'm like, okay, So then I just and he interrupted me and said, in the world as a vampire.

Yet he's saying it.

Do you know that?

I went to the ophthalmologist one time because my prescription had changed so quickly, and.

I it was.

The optimologist in the mall, and he was very odd and at one point when he was checking my eyes to figure out what my new prescription was, he was like right here, like his face was one.

Inch away from my face or less. And I was just saying, yeah, it's.

Really weird because I was I feel like I was like a certain amount of near sighted for a while and now it's just cratered and now it's crazy bad. And then just with his face right next to my face, he went, you cannot fight Mother Earth or Father Time. Oh, and the lights were out because he was looking like in the backs of my eyes. But so we were in a dark room and he was whispering that shit right right at me.

Oh wow, Yeah, and they get his number. He sounds like catch.

I think he was.

So creepy in those moments. That's just a terrible Mother Nature. That would have been normal.

But so yeah, no one's trying to fight Mother Earth, for fuck's sake, it's too big.

Yeah we live here.

Yeah, no one's doing that.

But we are all in a bloody battle with the Father Time. Yeah.

I just never hear him called that, right, it's the Patrecide element.

Nobody wants to face right, we're killing our own father exactly.

Just leave my parents out of plaase, please please, So, Paul, one of the things that we've really started doing pretty habitually on this podcast is going to Starbucks drive throughs around town.

I love it.

I love it, even though we know there's Ma and Pa coffee shops, but they don't get put that spring in my step up.

Sorry.

Now, I grew up in a town with I think the most per capita drive through coffee shops. Really, they're on like every corner and every grocery store parking lot would have a little like a little photo hut that you could drive through and get coffee.

And it's the best.

You shouldn't have to get out of your car and stand in line for a coffee.

Once you do a drive through coffee place, you never want to get out of your car again, right, And when I say you, I mean me, I don't want to get out of my car.

Yeah.

I'm becoming a person that doesn't want to be in my car ever, because now I live in a neighborhood where I can walk to everything, and I just leave it in the garage and then I'm like, oh, I got to drive today and the batteries just dead.

Yes, I have lived that, that is. I gotta wake up the neighbor Oh my god.

Someone I've met another person that used to live in my area and yeah, just a friend that from Austin. And he said, you know, that neighborhood has a lot of sex offenders in it. And I'm like, why, what, why are you telling me this? He said, because there's not a school around that neighborhood. We should go to Annie's Law, Amy's Law, whatever, neighborhood Watchdog one of these sites.

And of course my neighbor was on there.

Oh my god.

Wow.

Yeah, I gotta look at these things. I have children, I mean, yeah, no, I should know do his picture was? I mean, well, you know that's why we keep the kids not locked up, but very close to locked up.

Yeah, as close to locked up as possible.

You leave that bulldog running around the neighborhood. I mean it's well, I shouldn't know. She never kids up when that guy?

Did you specify when that guy you noticed your dog was in the place, did you then just slam the door shut?

You know he was He immediately got apologetic and like backed off.

Oh, And I was like, mmmm, that's what I thought. Oh man, I'm just suspicious of that.

Did he want you out of the house so that they could go in or did they want you up somewhere so that he could mug you?

All right? Yeah, no one of the two.

I went the minute the dog ran in and sprayed him right in the face with pepper spray.

I will say that it was.

One of those things that just gives you that cold feeling in your body of like you so easily get walked into these things, right, and.

Especially when the people are nice and like Nacy Nicy.

Right, they're helping.

Yeah.

I walked past a woman the other day and she was kind of doing her hair, and from behind I couldn't tell that she was very much on crack or something, but she was like using a reflection in a window to do her hair. And I just glanced over, and then she got behind me and said, did you did you mess with my shit? Did you mess with my shit?

And then some woman that works in like.

A bridal shop, was like, oh, it's okay, she's she.

Like knew of her.

Yeah, And he just gave her a look and the lady totally snapped out of it, and Mike smiled and walked away, and.

I'm like, oh, that was just a fun game to her. Yeah.

No, no, no, she's just mentally ill and shouldn't be on the street because that all those people used to be in mental hospitals, but because of Ronald Reagan, they all live on the street now. I just walked drove down Sunset and there was just long strips of sidewalk that are homeless encampments with garbage everywhere.

It looks like post apocalyptic. It looks like a movie.

Yeah, and they are ninety percent mentally ill.

Yeah, that's right, They're just trying to get by. It's horrible.

Yeah, I'm always seeing, especially when it's a lady that just looks like my mom wandering around.

I can't, can't and let it.

And she's got shoes that were probably nice a couple of years ago when she had an apartment.

I fucking came in. It's horrible. It drives me nuts, and I like to cheer people up on this podcast with just relate to what other fun things are you doing? Well?

It's you know, it's just like these drive through coffee places homeless encampments are popping up in every city across It's true. They're all dealing with both things.

It is true. Hi, Yeah, can I get a VENTI of your iced tea lemonade? Tell anything you want?

I would. I want to have your exact same order.

Okay, and can we get two of those iced tea lemonades please?

Same? Thank you.

She did a good job.

She's like, for all that noise, yeah, no, she she.

Just was like, I want to make sure there's no mistakes. Yeah. Yeah, she was thorough.

And here's the car hard that we are using Shelley do in Wonderland on Instagram.

Thank you Shelley for buying our coffees this week.

Yeah, thank you, Shell.

What an amazing racket Chris and I have made up, Paul, we started going to Starbucks drive through. So now at all of at least my favorite Murder live shows, and then Chris is starting to get it too. At his comedy shows, people will come in the meet and greet line and be like, oh and this is for you and chrispher Dinah and give us.

Starbucks gift cards so we both have a ton It's the best. It's the best thing we never meant to do and now get to do.

Yes, brilliant, awesome mistake I've ever made. It's been Yeah, it's the.

Kist, no serendipity, Yeah, both mixed together.

Well, I'm reaping the rewards of it right now.

This is fantastic, enjoyed.

This is good.

Actually, I like that you order it as an iced tea lemonade and not as the impronounceable Arnold Palmer.

Arnold Palmer, what a hard name. You know.

He drive a lot of cars that were rear real drives, rear wheel.

Arnold Palmer, mirror. You feel like you're drunk when you're trying to say Arnold, or I do.

I'm just swallowing the whole word.

It's Yeld Palmer, all in the back.

Horrible name.

You have to keep it way in the back.

I saw on my way to pick up these guys at the office, of course was late, as we all know, there was a big strip of brown rug in the center thing and it literally looked like somebody hit a brown bear but it was like right in the middle of Silver Lake, and I was like, oh my god, someone killed the Saint Bernard or it was crazy, But then it.

Was just cordct You imagine how horrified you would have been if it was one of those brown bear rugs and the head.

Was at the end of it end someone just threw it away.

It would just that would be you got to pick that up.

That should be some prank that.

You know, Ashton Kutcher or someone should pull on someone.

In college.

Yeah, my friend sent me a box and I didn't know what it was and I opened it up and it was a fake stuffed polar bear rug. So as I opened it it was it looked on first open like a real bear's face.

It scared me. I was scared. It was a great brank.

We used to mail each other pranks and that was the I think that might have ended it. Yeah, it seems expensive.

It's hard to top severed animal head in a box when it comes to pranks.

Here's a good prank. The boys.

My sister's neighbors in her college apartment put a freeze dried, curled up rattlesnake into her car when we were moving her out of her apartment. So I opened the passenger door, put something in, looked down.

There was a coiled up ready.

To strike rattlesnake, and I just moved backwards and shut the door quick more quickly than I've ever moved in my life. And they were all standing up on the porch watching and they were like whoa, And they were like really impressed because I didn't scream, I didn't have a reaction. I just got away from it as physically fast as I could. And I've always been incredibly proud of myself for that.

I know I would stand the test of a real rattle.

I really I passed a rattlesnake drat test, and I don't think that's easy.

Yeah, that's huge.

I fell down my stairs the other day and kind of did a diving role and ended up on my feet, and I just was proud that.

It's like, my reflexes are still there. Wow, still do that?

What's Paul? What are you proud of?

I am also proud of my reflexes.

I feel like, especially when you become a father, your reflex has become more important. Do you have to I've caught a child by the face.

Before wowing, just scream I can't even pull my basketball.

My daughter was on the stairs and she was going to jump to me, but instead of jumping, she did like a trust fall. So she ended up about, you know, a couple stairs shorter than she should have, and I caught her face right before it hit the stairs.

Oh wow, And it was she so she.

Wasn't hurt and didn't at all appreciate what an amazing catch.

I there's no one to share this great moment in her mind. You just slapped her in the face.

Ow.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, ow, but I would have fallen off the stairs. Yeah.

There's a compilation out there of dad's oh you're having their kids at the last minute video that is some of them are horrifying, like out of control car into a gas station and people are just grabbing kids by their faces. Yeah, yeah, at the last minute. And it's you know, it's old. It's not a bunch of athletes doing this. It's because everyone has that fight or flight instinct, like, yeah, your quick twitch muscles, we'll just wake up when it's a kid.

I think one time Nora was on a like a play structure at the playground across the street from my sister's house, and she was two and she walked very very early. I think she was walking at like nine months or something. It was really creepy, and she would run down the street and people would like stop and talk to my sister because it looked it looked like we had a puppet the night way. So she was on this play structure and she was going to She was showing me how she was going to go and

Are kind of loose. Oh yeah, and then kids think it's great to run across them.

So she was climbing up the stairs to get onto the bridge, and at the top she just started falling backwards. But I was on the other end of where the bridge was ready to catch her on that end, and I moved so lightning fast and caught her by the back of the head and just tipped her back up, and then she went anyway.

It was like for her, it was just like a weird thing that then she was going.

But for me, at like I saved her from intense brain damage by some like the flash moves where it was just like I was here and then I was here catching her, and I don't remember like any steps in between.

That's so great.

It was crazy.

I love that stuff.

It's the you know, it's the superpowers of our human nature.

M hmm.

It's they really show up in those weird moments like that.

I love it.

Yeah, why can't they just be around all day? We got to keep putting yourself in mortal peril.

Yeah, right, that's right, and you will be great and long may you run, but eventually you'll miss the catch and you'll die from it.

Yeah.

I should start living my life with my back against the wall, just just for my just for my reflexes.

Well, just just look behind you, Chris.

You are we all are Yeah, you're right. You're threatening me.

You guys are going to get into a fight.

Oh man, this is the ideal scenario to get in a fight with someone directly behind them scraped into the car.

Yeah, I've done it before.

You grab the seat belt, the slack, you wrap it around their neck. Everyone knows that. You put their feet behind their seat and then you yank until nobody's breathing, Right, Karen, that's right, that's right.

You've got to remember these things.

Or if you have an extension cord nearby. That'll do the trade too.

I've got a whole plate full of courts right next to some of these.

Look pretty thick.

You brought the chords, right, Paul, Oh.

Yes, I travel with cords.

You never know when someone's gonna need to recharge their phone or get.

Choked out or get killed, gets killed out, just get killed lacks man skirt?

Are you are they still doing the squat melt m have you?

Have you done it recently?

We just did it last night.

Can you tell us a little bit about it? Because I love that idea?

Does everyone close their set with the police shutting down the thing.

The police have?

Now that the squatmelt has moved, it's now a comedy crawl, a tool if you will, right, Okay, It's got a lot less attention from security types, which is nice.

Right, Yeah, that makes sense.

So tell people what you're talking about. Okay, So the people that I've never heard of.

It, okay.

Squad melt started when the Meltdown Comics Theater closed down. Howard Kramer felt like just because the place was closing didn't mean comedy shit and at that address, so he did a show in their parking lot.

But it was amazing.

The first few one were performing in like the old trash and signs of meltdown comics, so it was it was quite hilarious. And then we were at the Steve Allen Theater for a while in their parking lot, another closed down comedy venue as seen in the TV show Bear.

I was gonna say, I just recognized that in Barry.

Yeah, it's exciting.

I love it.

And now it's been ripped down. It is now also torn to the ground.

Is that true?

Yeah, they leveled it this week.

Oh those poor old men, those poor old atheists running around either making classes.

What do we do today to push the movement of no religion? I don't.

They all wear old men and they were adorable, but they were like atheists.

Yeah, whole bunch of roy Orbisons.

Yeah, it was Roy Orbits and a famous saving I don't know.

He just wore a lot of black and were weird across, like bolo tie and he looks like a Satanist to me, but maybe that's just in his TV concert.

At the one time.

Yeah, so I still have a haunted grandmother.

It's so good.

Do you know the concert I'm talking about where there it's like tea in black and white. Yes, and it's it's beautiful and all the backup people, it's Katie Lang and all these people. But they he looks so cool in it, you know, his hair and the glasses and everything he was doing to just cover up his face that he didn't he felt awkward about.

But man, makes sense, I want to do that.

He needed to get a big black wig, a nice dusty black wig. You can giant faded glasses.

So so once it left the Sea Valan Theater with Roy Robertson and the people who love Satan, you then it's just a crawl.

Then it's just been going from place to place.

Well it was.

Yeah, the time I was on it, it was across the street from there, so they crawled to cross the street. And that was a day where all those cops they were like fanned out.

It was like seven cars. Yeah, that was intense. They were like are we getting arrested?

And we were in the Barnsdale Park parking lot at that point, and I think that's where that was not a place.

To do that.

That was the smart smart venue, right, But just walking up and down the street, it's sort of close closed shops and murals, and it is really funny just to watch the character of each person set shaped by the environment that they're put into.

Yeah, because I realized a couple of weeks ago, I was going to dinner at Friend sixty two with my friend and as we were walking up, it took me forever to put it together that it was a squat.

I think it was Megan Keyester doing a set.

At squat melt uh huh.

What it looked like and what I assumed it was because remember there was a theater right by Skylight Books, yes, and there'd always be actors like rehearsing on the sidewalk.

I thought it was some fucking gorilla theater thing.

And I immediate was like, look at these fucking nerds, and I was like so angry and hateful, and then I was like, oh wait, that's Megan Geyster. I immediately realized it was squatt. No, I'm like, oh, those were all my friends. But yeah, it was pretty funny. I a lot of hate for it. First. I also because someone had a camera and a light, yes, so it just looked like la douchebaggery, And that is.

Definitely a lot of the reaction it gets on Vermont's Boulevard. Yeah, people are at whatever it is.

That's funny.

Everyone's so afraid to be the bad hipster that they love when they see the bad hipster, like, there's a real bad hipster.

It's not me, Yeah, exact guy.

Everyone gets mad when they see something non union happening.

Megan Heaster was on the show last night and she did a set with Alison Stevenson and that they one point put the question out who here has a pilot, and then they made a couple of people explain what their pilots were. And to see it done in Los Felise like that was chilly.

Yeah, it was just like.

Oh god, no, no one suddenly wanted to talk about their so not at all.

Of course, it was incredible. That's so funny.

But you gotta be able to no matter what the situation, you gotta fire it off because you never know what executive you're going to be sitting next to on the Greyhound.

Every day is an audition in Los Angeles, That's right.

That's why I just walk around singing and dance and waiting for a baby to follow.

You know, that is that is what Michael Caine.

That was his number one advice to actors is treat everything you do and everywhere you go like an audition, because it is in Los Angeles?

Is not guy the best?

Michael Kaine with that voice to giving that advice, I want to follow it.

Every day an audition. Every day I'm Michael Kaine.

Like I'm Michael Kaine.

I have to say his name to do. All my impressions are saying the guy's name. Sure money, Michael Kaine. See didn't I say that?

You're finding it?

You're definitely actually almost we're doing an impression of the guys from the trip doing him hion Michael, Okay, it's really this is very It's.

Like it's like an impersonator's game of telephone.

You know, I don't like the gossip about celebrities that much. But but Josh Grobin attended Squat Melt and watched the entire show, really stayed for the whole two hours, traveled with the program and watched it and had a great time. It's really funny. It's such a it's such a unique experience. People are really loose with it. It's really fun. Josh, Josh is a unique experience.

He seems undeniably like a cool, funny guy.

He's an icebreaker. Yeah, he's got he was on Ally McBeal. You know there's I don't like the music.

The Christian music.

Yeah, is that what he does? Yeah?

I just know the song from Polar Express.

Yeah, it's starts Christmas Christian evangelical.

Oh well, but he also has a new TV show that's a comedy where he plays I think some kind of a detective or something.

Tony Danza is in it, or am I making that up? I think I don't know. Tony dan looks like it's dad.

But maybe that's why he's like trying to hang out around comedian.

He's playing it by the books. Tony danzas a loose cannon together.

Is it Tony Dan's who's the caboose?

Yeah?

Yeah, hard to believe that Tony Danza could once play a loose cannon.

He looks stressed out. Yeah does he he does? He's got the Did he.

Make some bad investments?

Who it looks like stress.

I see a lot of finance stuff around the.

Eyes, yes, oh yeah, A little wrinkles shape like dollars with negatives, specific hardened brow, a squint, a little that light gone.

I feel like I'm judging Tony dance a little bit because I'm thinking of Scott bo in all of his antics, right, and they kind of look alike.

Yeah they did in the beginning.

Yeah, but now I don't think Tony Danzon deserves that.

Yeah, you're probably right, Hans. It's got a few years on Bayo. Yeah, he was already a grown ass man in taxi. Isn't that crazy to think?

Yeah, that's true.

He I bet he was twenty eight. I bet he was really Yeah, definitely. The funny thing is, so was the little Danny DeVito. Probably it's crazy.

I will never My favorite piece of trivia is that Wilford Brimley was fifty two in Cocoon.

I'm just going to say that every episode.

No, it's worth it.

It's worth it because we have to think about this, that we are living better as human beings these days.

Did you see the Cocoon Coast or the feul Peralta? Yes, guy from Ben put Us in the Yeah, Yeah he did good, he did he done did good. I'm going to find this content.

Just just go online and just go straight to that scene where it's old people break dancing that's my favorite. They don't see it in movies anymore where it's clearly a stunt man and his wig is crooked, yes, or a stunt dancer. But man, when they all get the feeling because they got cocoon juice in them, apparently they just start breaking electric bugaloo.

I think it's really good though, that old people.

Doing young things comedy is over, because after there's something about Mary or the wedding singer with the rapin Granny, there was about a decade of like solid like MTV promos which had old people rapping and.

They just put old man makeup on all.

And there was always there was always a rap element to it. So it was the you're just watching old actors humiliate themselves for money.

And I hated it so fucking much. I hated it, and.

I'll never get the cash in on it. Yeahcause when I'm old, there they won't be rapping anymore.

What if it comes back around when you're old.

And really peaks, it's I'm gonna start rapping again.

Shit, I can get speak coming such a thing because now there are old I see guys with white hair skateboarding, and now young people don't know who outcast is there are old people going hippity a hippity hop at at or whatever.

That song is the one that the old hop.

And that you'll see an old person do that at karaoke and it wouldn't even be ironic, it would.

Just be well received. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like, oh that makes sense. So that little window of time is gone.

Yeah, it's all gotten. The irony is dead.

Well, I just saw that Beg's Award show got their lowest ratings ever. Then I realized maybe hip hop is having the same thing happened to them, the rock and roll happened, and electronic music is gonna take it will be we'll have old DJs.

But that's not funny, right, you know, drinking a red ball. That's not that funny.

It really isn't. We should work on it.

Yeah. What have I stopped waving their hands because they just don't care anymore?

Yeah?

What if we just started caring? Yeah, come on, everybody.

What if you wave your hands like you.

Do care, but not in the air down down by your hips?

Yeah you you care about your hips?

So old people can't reach that high. That's why it's funny. That's actually sad.

This sounds of cracking. That's what's funny.

Get those joints miked up.

I like how that press works for the city Parking Division and it says watch the road and he's covered with dents and he just pulled in front of us, like timidly.

He just cut He just essentially cut us off.

Yeah, where's the round number? I want to tell someone how hands driving is.

I want to talk to the city comptroller.

This is the under this bridge. I skateboard sometimes really curbs home depot.

Eytesn't set up, but they it's now a bust.

As they say.

Oh, the guy came in his old golf cart and he was like, I'm sorry, but it came from corporate that you guys can't skateboard any.

He was like really sad about it.

Oh, I think it's great, but my boss, there's a camera in there. And then if there's people skateboarding, he looks at me. And then I got to come over here, and I'm like, you stop now, you're already the nicest security.

Guard ever went and whatever happened to that?

Yeah, old people are rapping and security guards are tugging at my heartstrings.

It would be funny if then you cut the inside of home depot. There's no office, there's no camera. That guy's just intentionally emotionally manipulating you.

Yeah, it doesn't work for home deepo. He's just a guy with a golf cart.

It's just a masshole with a golf card.

He's just playing through.

He thinks it's a good golf course. That is an alarming character. I'm not ready to admit that that.

Could be real.

Mind sucked security guard.

Yeah, all you have to do is buy a golf cart, like border patrol those guys that volunteer to do that, but.

Just lower steaks all the Zimmerman type dudes.

Yeah, Paul, have you ever been arrested or interacted with security in a in a violence?

How much time did you do and was a federal or state prison?

Let's hear about it.

I've never been arrested.

I've been I've been kicked out of places skateboarding when I was a kid, or you know, writing around in shopping carts, and it's how it used to be now, just when you'd have fun in parking lots as as a youth.

Yeah yeah, but uh no, I never got locked up.

Oh that's good.

Yeah, I was very fortunate all through all through my years where I maybe had it come in.

You never had to go to juvie.

I never No, No, I never had to go to juvia. Get my nose clean, Karen, have you been thrown in the slammer?

Uh?

I'm pretty sure I haven't, okay, or if I.

Was, I was blocked out during it and I don't remember, but that doesn't count.

Or you block it out because it's a terrible experience.

Yeah, emotionally I couldn't handle it.

But no, I'm actually very afraid of authority in that way of like I never do anything that might get me in trouble, in the way of like people going let's let's sneak into this concert. I would never do that, Like if I could get caught like shoplifting type stuff. I've always been beyond paranoid to quote unquote get in trouble like lust concept.

It's not worth it, the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

Yeah, I've never.

I've never I've been lined up to get handcuffed because we were skating in the street and the cop threw he was in his regular car, his personal vehicle, and he threw open the door and right then it was after a basketball game.

Right then, a news van ripped the door off his car, amazing and throwing him to the ground because he was holding on to it.

And he was so mad, like it was our fault, and he started yelling at us, and we're like, hey, we didn't have anything to do with what just happened. And then he was like, let us go, and he was embarrassed.

He was embarrassed. Then he's embarrassed.

Yeah, yeah, it's like, maybe you shouldn't let us skateboard across the bridge through stopped traffic.

We're in a small town. It wasn't a big deal.

Yeah, now you have to explain why you got the door ripped off your car like an idiot.

Tug again, knowing that you probably have to put your badge on his desk and on Monday.

Turn your gun in. Your door got ripped off. What if that's like the one.

Rules, the one rule of cops. It's unspoken, but you know it.

Yeah, if you can't understand the mechanics of traffic and your door, you shouldn't be operating a firearm.

No, I had to drive through a bowl traffic the other night beforehand and there was a guy that was because in Los Angeles, as we in this car, No, but maybe you don't know if you live somewhere else.

No, everyone drives everyone.

If you're waiting to go left on red, no one will stop in time, and you end up going left on I mean you have you have to wait till the light is red to take your left hand, and.

The person behind you most likely is going to do it too.

Even though yes, so people will so and it gets crazy. And then when the Hollywood bull is in session, it gets terrible because the people get mad that they're made to wait for more than four minutes and they start going totally deserved yeah.

Because they basically paved a farm road to get you to home.

It's so bad.

Whatever.

So there was a guy that was that was basically making people stop correctly and letting people go when.

They were allowed to.

But he's standing there in the middle of traffic just doing this real chill, and I'm like, everyone could kill him right now.

Wait, was he just a guy with a golf cart?

No, because you could just buy a vest and in direct traffic'.

Oh wait, now that I think about it, there was a golf cart parked in the.

Street as well, guys everywhere.

Man, he's a scammer, but.

He's just doing nice things.

He sees a problem and he's fixing it. Yeah, he's filling the void. That's right, innovator.

I do have reoccurring a reoccurring dream. I always wake up thinking I've done a crime. I have like nightmares that I killed someone and I forgot about it and then all of a sudden, it's the same as like the nightmare where you didn't finish math homework and so you have to go back to high school. Yep, it's always right before I wake up, I think. But I have one where it's a very specific dream. But I buried a bunch of office equipment. I crawled into it,

And did I do that? Yes?

Right, I'm watching the confession tapes right now, and if someone said you know you did you know you did.

This, and they didn't get specific.

I would just say I'm sorry, I stole all that office equipment. I thought it was a dream. Yeah, I'm so. I'm glad. I'll never be interrogated because I would fold and I would say, yes, right, I did it, because I don't know.

Well, nobody trusts their mind.

The least trustworthy thing about me is my brain and the way it fucking works and shit it tells me. So like, yeah, if you're if you were like, no, no, no, that wasn't a dream, Karen, you actually did that, I'd be like, oh fuck, I don't believe anyone over me.

Yeah, and try and try and use that defense in a court of law. You can be I mean, I don't know what my brain's telling me to do you guys, you can be charismatically saying that they're like, yeah, he's guilty, but they don't know what it's like to be in the hot seat.

No, I have no idea.

That's why I told my my wife to stop asking me if I locked the car, Like, if we've left the car, just let's all assume I locked it. But if you ask me, I will have to walk two.

Blocks back and relock that. I'm tired of taking that walk in.

The all the times that you had to do, take that walk and make that check. Were there times where the car was not locked?

No?

Yeah, never I locked the.

Everyone does. It's automatic when you get out, isn't it?

Yeah?

Pretty much.

Yeah. I got an older car than this. You still you still got to push the button?

Oh yeah, you have to do this? No, no, no, hold the handle.

It thank god. No, it's on the It's on the fob. At least nice. Did you say on the fob? On the fob? What is that? You know? You're the thing? I didn't know.

It's called the fob. Yeah, work fob, guys.

And I know it's probably people assume this, but I do learn something new every day.

There are a lot of things I don't know.

That's true about you.

Yeah.

Great that every day it happened, and it'll be a word where I'm like, like I one time I went with Michelle and Martha to six Flags and this was not this was less than a decade ago, and Michelle said, go pick up our tickets there.

It will call, and I'm like, we'll call. What's a will call. She's like, will call the boot. I didn't. I'd never heard that phrase.

Are you serious? Yeah? Incredible?

And then the same thing with them. They were angry. They were like mad that I didn't know that, and I sorry I did. It wasn't some rich kid going to concerts growing up.

I've never been to a will call. There aren't a lot.

Of music going experiences in Montana where there's even a ticket. You just walk up and you pant someone five dollars, like it was rarely a concert. You hadn't been a Broadway right, And people are always like, what was the first concert you went to. I'm like, I don't know, Jay's upstairs. I probably saw a punk band and didn't pay. Like I just didn't know about ticket booths until I was in the big fancy city.

Well that's where they belong, that's what that's where all the best ticket booths are.

Fancy stace.

Oh yeah, the ticket booths and in Hollywood and blazoned with gold and the glasses bulletproof.

It's so fancy. What was the first big concert? I was just gonna ask.

I was curious concerts, and I was thinking, well, I just said.

I don't know. I don't remember.

It's always a question on like an interview or yeah, it's I do not recall.

Can we make one up for you? That?

I mean, I saw Screaming Trees once. That was pretty early. That's a real concert situation. But that definitely wasn't the first one.

What was yours, Paul.

My first big concert was Tom Petty. Oh it was.

It was really amazing.

The Black Crows open for them, and that was it was really cute, like the Black Crows are like, you know, they're definitely obviously.

They played a lot of live music.

They're a real kind of loose rock band, and you know, a couple of their songs.

It was fun.

And then Tom Petty's so fucking good and you know every song. But the guy behind me loved it so much and was screaming yeah the whole time.

I would I won't even do it.

I don't want to imitate in how because we're in a small space. But it almost ruined it for I left in a bad movie.

Sure, sure, don't sing in a concert.

Wait, just do stage whisper.

But but give us the like longevity and intensity and whatever of like oh wow, wall back down, scam me.

Up, hell but uh, not singing along, just screaming. Yeah, I likeny waiting, pausing while the guy yelled yeah, it's so stupid. Well, there was a ice on his band, Typhoon, and I knew nothing about him, but they have a huge following, or like a Portland man.

And the people behind me it was a couple.

They were singing at top volume, but they were like good singers, and they knew all the lyrics and they were harmonizing with each other. And I was like, it was just like it was in stereo. I didn't give a shit about that. I hadn't seen them before.

Oh that's good.

They were great.

I've never seen it, and it was amazing how good they were. It's just a band I'd never heard of. But the people behind me were pretty good too.

It was just like an added experience. It's very rare.

I just don't you start going yeah, but turning totally with my back to the stage.

Yeah, two people that are six inches from my.

Face, you it'd be such a passive, aggressive way to get them to stop. It's pretending you're so into it, you're ruining it. So how long did that guy do that.

The whole time?

No, like the city ramped, Like he wasn't doing that during Black Crows. I think he was more of a casual fan there. But the show was like, the Tom Petty part was so great, this kind of an ornate stained glass looking backdrop with all these pillars of stained glass, and I was like, wow, it's really beautiful. I'm subtle, and then it changes throughout the show, and by the end of it it's like if if you were on acid,

And how old would you say that guy was?

Oh he was, you know, definitely in his fifties, the perfect or numerous all sense of decorum and self. And it's a rough time for a guy. You can become a real piece of shit.

You know a lot about being in your fifties and then you just peel off a mass.

You feel like an older version of yourself.

That's why he gets all those man Cave commercials, because he knows what a boomer feels like.

Yeah, I am fifty, but I do get botox. So I'm living the dream.

The La dream. Have you? Oh? Have you guys seen?

I was shown him by real video yesterday because I've been on a social media hiatus hiatus, and so my two friends came over and I was like, anything exciting happening on Twitter that I.

Should know about?

Have you guys are not even looking?

No?

God for you. I thought you just weren't contributing, but you did? You know? You still want to get your news and everything?

No, no, no, I don't. I can get news anywhere, and I don't want to get the news. It's all fucking horrifying.

But yeah, that woman that got rescued out of the canyon, but then her the basket that they.

Put her in, did you see? That's holy shit?

It was so as they drew her up into the helicopter, the baskets starts spinning, and then it's spinning faster and faster and faster, and they can't they can't put it back down because as they start to lower it, it spins even faster. And that motherfucking basket was spinning for like four minutes.

At top speed.

It's amazing.

It's crazy.

She just was at the end. Now I'm also vomiting.

Yeah, but apparently she's fine and she just was dizzy, and it all fine for a week. They ended up having to fly away with the basket hanging under the helicopter so that it would stop spinning, which is scary.

You've got to pay for the helicopter ride. Anyway, I feel like, leave me hanging down and keep me spinning for a while.

Yeah that sounds.

I love roller coasters, and you know, getting truly disoriented is it's pretty.

Sure, pretty excited roller coaster that it can get on anything. We called it the Rocco planes, but whatever. When it was when it's a ferris wheel with cars that flip, but if it's spinning, even a children's teacup ride, I will vomit. And I really vomited it Pivotal points in my life where I'm just making friends. Yeah, domined right over them. They stole my friends to today. But the girl I was danding broke up with me.

She wasn't into your vomits that Monday.

She just is like, I can't believe you're a vomitter.

Get away from me.

Yeah, I have a strong stomach. No you don't. In most cases, it was spinning. I was in the pool.

That's the other thing about like reflexes is as you eventually you lose enough inner ear fluid where your balance is never the same.

Oh no, irrecoverable.

That's horrifying.

And one day you're you know, you hop on that coaster and it is barf City, USA.

And you can't move away. You are a citizen of Barf City.

You've become the mayor of Barftown.

My mom is very She throw up off ferris wheel. You know, we're on the ferris wheel. Give her a hard time about it, and then after you know, we finally land and she goes Barf's in the bathroom, just the you know, that sad look on your face after you you throw up and you just feel bad.

You don't feel good. Usually, yeah, that's that. I felt horrible. I felt horrible. So we pushed her too far.

Well, so it's fine if that's happening to you, but your mom is the person that makes that stop for you. So to see your mom felled that way is terrible.

I was so mad. My parents made me play trombone.

But one time my mom picked me up at school and she said, I'll carry your trombone, and then she slipped on the ice because she was holding a trombone and bruised her tailbone. And I just really felt awful and I wanted to bring that up.

You quit, yeah, good, another one of those you quit trombone after that, though, Yeah yeah.

Oh I'm done, good, done, good, good smart.

It's terrible to watch your mom slip on the ice holding your trombone.

Are you kidding me or anything?

She would have caught herself if she wasn't holding your fucking trombone.

I know she would have been a little whoo whoo woo after her arms out like a tap dancer.

At least I could have been good at playing it. But I wasn't even good.

God, none of that was worth it.

Didn't practice. I forged a lot of my practice. She would have wasted. Yeah, I know. I could have been in a ska band, a ska band, and I've never met all You're never in just one sky.

You're a trombone guy. You're spread pretty thin all over Moon Records.

You're gigging, You're gigg Paul.

Can you play an instrument?

I can play the guitar, A little bit like.

What Eagles level? Are we talking John Mott?

Mayor No, like Eagles level?

M M.

Definitely a lot of like like John Prine and Robert Earl Keane like told her.

John Frin writes some of the best three chord songs.

Of all time. Yeah, you feel like you're doing a good job and it's really simple.

Yes, he covers up those sweet lyrics with the simplest chord structure ever.

So it's just, yeah, I can actually play it, you know what. And this is a proud achievement. I finally have been able to play a B chord without completely fucking it up.

And doing the song for four full seconds.

Yeah, now it's down to two, and I feel like that is stylistic.

At this point, I don't know what a bee cord is. Why is it hard?

It's a bar chord.

So you have to like, if I'm can correct me, if I'm well, why is it hard for you?

Why don't you answer?

It's hard?

So the you have to bar the top fret with your index finger, and then you have to get three other strings right next to each other, all pressed down, and you have to get them pressed right up against the fretbar.

Otherwise it buzzes.

Yeah, you like you kind of sit on the last string and it has a flat sound.

So it's kind of like going like this, and you practice it and you do it wrong for the first forty thousand times you do it, and then finally your hand does it right and it's like it's not even about you.

You don't really know why.

Yeah, but suddenly it's doing it right, and it's so it's uncomfortable, it's weird, it hurts your hand, and congratulations, I'm glad you're past that point.

Oh, I couldn't be.

I would avoid songs that had B chords in it, and I was like, oh, well, I guess I'm never learning James Taylor's Mexico.

Well that's what cabos are for the you can just change that.

Yeah, you change what key it's in, and then you just use a cabo or like, yeah, I've.

Never used I never do Barcoards because I hate him.

It's so challenging.

I use akpo and I'm trying to learn about, you know, translating up and down with different.

Having the guitar tune at different keys out my spot. No, No, you're good, you're good. You already have people trying to kill you from up there. Yeah that's right. No one's going to bring anything new to this street. No, that's true.

Maybe people will come and help you're danger honey.

Well, it's so funny because it's such a thoroughly gentrified neighborhood.

Yeah, this little micro palace.

Yeah, it used to be a six hundred square foot single room house and they leveled it and dug down a level. It's like a three story baby.

Mixed feeling about it.

I like how it's modern and boxy, but then also made of found wood.

Yeah, it looks cool.

It's quarte stylers found at a store. Because it's now.

They might have knocked a church down for its wood.

You never worth it it to me?

Well, I know, is it safe to drop you off in front? Yeah it is.

It'll be cool.

Yeah, so far, so good.

Do you have any plugs or things coming up? There are things you want people to know about you.

I always encourage people to listen to my wonderful stand up comedy album.

I was there when it was recorded.

Were thank you for coming?

Of course? I'm your fan.

What is it? What did you call it?

It's called dank oh yeah, oh yeah, kind of like my last name. But also it's a drug reference.

Yeah yeah, is that is that? What that is? I thought it was about the weather.

Well, more like describe a bog or unfinished basement. Sure, a lot of evocative qualities that I liked about finish.

There's a real smell, that's right.

Yes, yes, yes, it is musty.

Yeah, it is messed on the tracks. There were other there were two people at the recording that were dressed up like the Big Lebowski because it happened to be on the same day as Lebowski Fest.

Oh that's terrific.

And the it's like friends of family friends. I really know these people. They were in town at Lebowski Fest and they came to it trust as the Big Lebowski. And it still I always have this picture in my mind of speaking the words and just looking at two people trust like the Dude, and it was just so beyond amusing.

I wish that was a on video special so people could see that.

And have it never be explained to them.

I'm an next time I record, when I will encourage a couple of people to dress up like.

The Dude, come down and like that's what you need.

Yeah, it helps. It certainly cuts me up.

SE's a tone for sure.

Oh god, yeah, you get a wild peacock to me under around? Oh yeah, well that show is over.

You know there was a comedy show with a peacock in the backyard, right, Yes, that lily hammered show those guys from the south that we're here. Yeah, yeah, that's There was a giant cock in the back and he was his house basically, was I get the guy was in prison?

I asked the neighbors about.

There was like a Jaguar that they obviously didn't have the keys to. It was a nice car, but the tires were flat and the roof was open. It had a sun roof, and the peacock which just for years had been shitting into the car.

It was just covered with peacock shit inside. You can still nice car.

Yeah, and just a beautiful but very prone to violent bird.

Yeah, I bet not like people.

When you're that beautiful, you can't help but be a little bit.

You don't have to like people. They like you so much. Paul, what about squat Milt? Do you want to give your is?

Are you on it?

Are you like one of the co hosts?

You know.

I've hosted it for Howard a couple of times. He'll have to leave for whatever reason. I've got to step in, and it's always really fun. I encourage people to go even if I'm not performing it. Oh okay, I'm not at all of them.

But what night is it?

Wednesday nights?

And where do you have to go? Into some kind of a website or something.

You know what? I would follow Howard Kramer let me plug his Twitter KR.

I mean, you are good one, and.

Yeah, it's it's a really great thing.

It's really fun cool.

Yeah, Well, thank you so much for taking a ride with us today.

This was a really summertime chill.

Thanks for this was great and thanks Shelley for the Arnold.

Paul Colmer, thank you for the Arnold. Thank you Arnold for the Shelley Cohler.

You have been listening to Do you Need a Ride? D Y N A R. This has been an exactly right production.

Produced by Annalise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choy. Our talent booker is Patrick Cottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n a r podcast.

Our information go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh, you're welcome.

H