Flashback: In the Car with Kara Klenk

Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.

You give us time and a termino and gay, we want to send you off in style.

Do you wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all about it? We scared her?

Was it fine?

Mal porn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Ride? Do you need.

With Karen and Chris.

M Angeline's behind us, Angeline's behind us. This is start.

Recording recording, welcome to Do you need a ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgara.

Cars very close.

But the one behind us, which very close also is a.

Is a pink corvette driven by the one.

And only Angeline Stephen. Can you get a picture?

A picture? Oh?

I'm so excited. People get there. She is there.

She is so famous, looks so famous Angeline. My belief system growing up in LA in the nineties is that it was good luck if.

You saw Angeline.

Is it?

Yes?

That's what me and my friend Laura Milligan Dan sibios I believe was a purveyor of that belo, and we would just always say if you saw her, something.

Good was gonna happen.

I like that just mainly because I like pink so much more than green. I don't care about this Saint Patrick's day leprechauns to everyone.

They pinch you for not wearing green, Come on.

Pink, I'll wear you're you're anti green, I don't want not.

I mean there's certain when you are wearing like an army green or something, and it's within a.

Plaid pant uh huh, because you.

Know how plaid pants and kilts. But yeah, I'd rather wear pink. It's my point, and I'm glad that's the lucky color for me. This person, Yes, they are the worst. Sorry, so so terrible.

What do you know?

It's a car riddled with dents.

What a surprise That car cut in front of me and then took a right turn in front of me.

So I just slim breaks on. Sorry, I was so loud.

Will you will you not make me sound like a monsters even on.

That moment, I'll make it sound very like, oh, yes we're stopping now.

Oh I'm scared of I'm scared.

It was weird.

How for a minute, Karen had an English accent and seemed very concerned. He would tell me the story of Angeline because I don't know anything about her now.

She's very mysterious and essentially she had a sugar daddy in the eighties who would put up billboards.

Of her, and she had she was one of the first. I would say.

She was a revolutionary and trailblazing in the world of getting a ton of plastic surgery in Los Angeles.

Right.

So she had big circular fake boobs, and she had kind of a very round baby face. So she had a real, like a blonde Betty Boom eighties blonde Betty Boom feel. She just would drive around in this famous pink corvette and just try to be famous, right, And so she got famous for like at the beginning of every Eddie Murphy movie in the eighties, there's a shot of a Angeline billboard.

Oh wow, and it.

Kind of symbolizes like the emptiness and frivolity and you know, sin based.

Like setup of Los Angeles.

Yeah, I was trying to sound smart, but then I really.

Preaching to the choir.

I'll start with a real catchy tune and then I just kind of faint.

I but that's so common now. She was like one of the first.

You know, not everyone always says Kardashian, but people did just create fame for themselves, right, she did it.

She did it by flying in millboard.

That's right.

She grassroots campaigned it in a way that I respect.

And also she had that thing of like she had.

She was very like lingerie.

Based, and she wasn't necessarily an actress. It wasn't like it didn't seem like she was trying to get parts and movies. She just wanted renown, it seemed like. But now, because she's probably in her mid seventies, like she's been doing it for a while, so she's in her either late sixties or mid seventies, she.

Wears a.

Like a veil across her face, like a Disney cartoon of the Middle East style.

Harm veil, kind of like like Michael Jackson did in the end.

And they have a very similar No.

I mean that sounds but if you do enough plastic surgery you get that pointy pixie kind of transparent skin. YESI pointy nose, pointy nose.

Wow.

Tick tick oh Man Tiker, Taylor Tinker Smith Daria Oldman movie.

So, but a lot of people.

I like how almost everyone celebrates her, because if I think about it, I think it's kind of sad when someone is then just wants to be famous. That's like part of the thing that's wrong with the city. But with her, for some reason, it's cool because she was doing it first.

And also it's honest. I mean, that's the only reason people are here. They're here to make money, they're here to have power over people. They're here to be famous, they're here to be worshiped.

You're right. Those are the four reasons.

Those are the four agreements. Read the fucking book. If you don't believe me.

It's what I was chanting to myself on the plane on the way here.

Let's be honest.

I drove you drove in a truck the whole time saying I want to be famous, I want to have power over people.

What was the fourth, third, and fourth?

Want?

I want it?

I want a shasta.

Yeah, I'm good. People will come to me. I don't have to leave the house and ask for things together. That's the longer one, that's the truer one. Yeah, they should come to my door.

Ring the doorbell, I'll decide if I want to answer or not, and then even still give me things.

When I moved here, I did not want to move here. It's just lined up to where the person he's dating, and then the manager. It's like, well, I guess I have to leave. I was actually enjoying myself in Austin, Texas. I bet that was the one thing all of the comedians there actually said. So, I'm not going to Hollywood. I'm waiting for Hollywood to come to me.

Smart.

That's just not that just doesn't happen, it not. I mean, sometimes now more than ever, I suppose.

Well especially it's those people who said it in the nineties were real yeah, visionaries because you know it was going to take it some time, Take us some time. I'm sorry, that's my Italian accent coming up.

The one thing, you know, the secret pizza cross You let it take us some time.

Something's going on. Well we haven't gone to Starbucks, I know. So there's some real terrible issues.

We all heard tinky tiny, and it's because I haven't had my cafe.

It really mellows.

Me out and gets you focused and or makes everything worse and really charges it up.

A notch.

Oh, oh, I know where there's a drive through. Oh, we're fucking going to it. Yes, that's right.

Down the street. Oh my god, I'm so excited. Now. I live my life Starbucks drive through to Starbucks drive through.

That's all the time in between is time wasted? I just want to be at the Starbucks drive through.

We should just But can we just spend a day working there? They're always so happy. I would today because you know I've been there today already. Do you know this about me?

Yeah, you know this.

I've told you guys. You can smell it on me. I rink of coffee. I'm covered with some kind of a pre made frozen sandwich dust because they come with a powder.

Oh man, Oh.

That's gluten powder. Yeah yeah, it's meant to swell you up.

It's meant to swell up your glues. And I uh yeah, they're just they were so happy this morning. Everyone was like and there was kind of a stressful day. There's people waiting that were being impatient, and none of these workers broke character.

They were so happy. Yeah, put me in a better note.

I think.

Can I suggest reason is because they get benefits. There so a lot of those people have insurance. They have the the peace of mind to know that if they fall down and hit their head on one of those metal counters and split it the fuck open. Oh, what's going on here that they will Hollywood Boulevard is a buzz lady right.

In front of Jimmy Kimmel's El Capitan Theater.

Maybe Maroon five is doing a street performance on the Chevy soundstage.

What the book's going on this stupid town. It looked like a circus.

Actually, it.

Looked like people pretending something was going on.

There was a tent. That's what Hollywood Boulevard is. Yeah, people pretending.

Something's going on.

The only thing missing was animal abuse, so there might as well be a circus.

There was definitely a guy kneeling in the middle of the street with a white, sorry yellow reflective vest on because he was somehow on the safety team.

Right, it was there.

You know that a lot of these safety teams pray before a big function.

They've got to pray.

Pray, well, you know, we've got to pray just to make it today.

I used to practice the too legit to quit hand. For some reason, it took me a long time to get the it's two and then an L and then then two too legit, and then and then it's just a two and then an L and then a two and then an L and then you do it.

No, thank you karate twice around? Yeah, yeah, too legit, too legit to quit.

I think I always would start it and I end up accidentally doing the cut it out full house, which is way less, and.

Then putting the L on your forehead and being a loser. That's like a trip.

Oh, there's so many things people used to do with their fingers that I'm glad are gone.

Wait will you text our guest and ask her if she has a Starbucks order?

I will?

Can we have some? This is just a quiet time.

That's just a quiet Can we get some texting music?

Can we do? It's probably real fun.

While we're podcasting, we just you tasks?

Was that proceeding? Can you we're recording?

It's oh, good good. This is such a one stop shop.

I'm happy to provide any kind of instrumental hold music. I'm a big fan of kind of pointless instrumental.

Yeah, and it will be royalty free. That's right, because it's coming from your musical.

Brain and every idea I have goes like this, do.

Well like you're coming back from commercial on love Boat. Yes, that's an especially romantic one.

Now can you remember the look?

I like to reveal my age and also exclude most of our listeners.

But just talking mad love Boat.

Get out Millennials if you don't know what love Boat is, and it absolutely was a real show.

Every You guys don't know this, but every year I secretly do a Christmas pageant thrown by Fred Willard and it is filled with stars from yesteryear and the sweetest man I've ever met. It's I'm sort of kidding, but I do do this show and it is Fred Willard. Imagine Yeah. And Isaac from love Boat was on one of them. And he's the nicest, most NonStop happy person that just laughs and says sweet things to people. I can't remember his name, but Isaac from the love Boat. Ted, you're going to know it.

I'm going to know God, she's going to know what everybody.

Because also, you know, it's really cool there is it's Ted. Give me a second, because I used to have all those guys. Fred Grandy was the was gopher that was mine of my sister's favorite show.

We were obsessed with the love Boat.

It's dead and he goes likeood on point watching, Yeah, points to the camera.

Yeah, especially in the beginning.

Yes, yeah, they in the open opening credits.

But he also is in a James Brown documentary because he is from South Central and he is fucking talking about black civil rights and it's like nineteen seventy and he is a super badass, and you it's the weirdest thing because everybody else you see speak is just a citizen that lives in South Central.

That's like, things have to change.

And then all of a sudden, here some fucking Isaac, a young Isaac from a love boat, who's like, guess what, everybody, it's the best.

I can't stop liking that guy because immediately he was like, what's your story, Let's be friends, and I'm like, I sir. And then later on someone said that to me. I didn't recognize him because it's been so many years.

It's just a sweet man, Stephen. Have you looked it up?

Ted Lange?

Thank you. I would have never thought of that last name Lange.

Tedt.

All I could think of was what a cool name? Dead Night.

Anytime the name Ted comes up, the next thing that comes up is Fresca, and then a picture of his head remains for the rest of the day.

I might as well get a tattoo of it.

Just forever, a tattoo of remains of the day.

Yes, of Ted Knight's head.

Okay, check this shit out.

Oh wow, I've always wanted to go to this one.

Really. Yeah, Okay, that guy needs to fucking move up and grow up and show up.

And when I look at you, I throw up.

Into this line. Okay, here we go.

This is good, good work.

Thank you.

I told you you're a good driver.

Oh thank you.

No, it's high fucking time.

You're very good at it. You're very good at it.

Thank you. You know. Can I tell you I was yelling at my dad move up, you selfish dick.

Yeah, there's plenty around there.

Yeah, he's he's just choosing off. He's not paying attention.

Yeah, he's on busy being online ordering more so hat several son hats.

My sister and I are very critical of my father's driving.

And because he is, like, he does the thing where he pulls up to a red light and he goes past the first white line and he goes past the second white line.

He just doesn't like.

Yeah, he pretends like he can do whatever he wants, and it's like, you're not driving a fire truck.

Did he used to drive the truck? Oh? Yeah, he not only drove the truck for a while, he was the tillerman, the back guy. Brother in law. Oh really, yeah, Well we must have talked about We must have talked about this because my dad.

Took out very well, may have, but I have no memory of it.

Really, because my dad driving one day, took out a bus stop with the tiller got loose.

And it swung him on the tiller into a bus stop.

Is the fun part of the story. How many fatalities there were.

I don't think there were any fatalities, but people did definitely get hurt, including my father really, and he was involved in a lawsuit because the city was Oh no, you know responsible, or you know, involved because they it was their equipment that failed.

Always in a making line of what ends up being a terrible situation. I'm sorry about those people. Enough time has passed.

I yeah, it's been a long time. And I also think I should maybe have.

Proud of us.

Oh the point was my sister and I always give my dad shit. Dude. We always give my dad shit.

But one day I was realized, because he really is just like the most selfish, insane driver. And then one day I realized he has both a regular driver's license and then whatever the truck driving licenses.

Because he has to.

Oh wow, so he's actually much more qualified than almost everybody I know to drive cars.

But we like never stop criticizing him. I'm sorry, that's a theme to mash. What's the Starbucks theme?

I don't think they have Starbucks. Yeah, No, you're in an American car Starbucks. It's the tourist theme. But Starbucks.

I yeah, they never You're right, that's interesting. They've never had one television ad.

Right, they do.

Sometimes at Christmas now, right, Like when they launched they never did.

No, they just started bringing it out in the streets of Seattle.

Yeah, and it was immediate hit.

People love coffee, myself included.

That is the secret, isn't it.

I think it is.

They use many different types of beans and they over.

Bake them.

Yes.

Is it a baking process roasting? I believe famously it's roasting.

I think it's roasting.

It's a combination of the two. It's braised. We had.

Sometimes we are lucky enough to stay in fancy hotels when we're on the road, and they fancy hotels and hipster hotel like.

There's a lot of them in Austin, and they.

Love to give you not darkly roasted beans in the coffee, but very light and blonde roasted beans in the coffee when you order, like a coffee pot. And it's truly the most disgusting product ever.

You like it dark?

I really need it dark? Yeah, Italian style.

Yeah, yeah, I hear you, Cat, I do, I do, I hear you.

That's something I say all the time.

I want to sound terrible.

Yeah, we are Carotklin gets our guests today. It's okay, Have I let just a little cat squeak out of the bag?

I just don't want to squeak, just squeak out.

Just one little kit out of my bag of cats?

About out the guest bag of cats.

When I think of bags of cats, I think of the opening to Gummo, where these crazy kids are riding around on BMX bikes. There's metallic music playing and for some reason they have bags of dead cats.

Isn't that horrifying? It's kind of documentary style. But I don't think any cats were harmed in the making enough.

No, but I bet you that was real roadkill they found.

Yeah, they probably didn't have the budget for making fake bad cats. It's so much easier to come across real ones.

Those are so expensive because they're made of chinchilla.

Do my stories always are they always sad?

No? That's my stories? Oh okay, No, yours are fun. Yours are fun. It's you know, kids with cats.

Yeah, exactly. He doesn't like to be young and have friends.

Now that's the scene that stayed with you in Gemo.

The scene that stayed with me in Gemo is a little boy in the bathtub eating spaghetti.

Oh no, if I remembered it, it would be nothing, you know, fus at my heartstrings, like little boys with spaghetti in the gothsub like and the kid on the bus that I've talked about with a little bag of spaghett.

Oh, yes, that's the best.

Just he's a real person, he's a real boy, he's a real Jason Statham.

Yeah, I feel like.

I always think about that kid because it was so weird, that been so embarrassing for him that he had to be bringing home school lunch, Like he had to ask.

For it, he had to leave school, whether he had to get on the bus with all his friends.

Yeah, and none of them they're like, yeah, sometimes some of my friends have to bring food home.

It really bummed me out. I will forever.

Here's something I suggest that might help you. Yeah, local schools.

If you go in and say I would like to pay for some school lunches this week, they will provide free lunches for kids.

You can go in and be like, here's one hundred dollars.

However, many school lunches that pays for you, and you can do that for like underserved communities.

That's a great idea, isn't that the best?

They were People were doing that on Twitter for a little while when people started learning about how badly funded schools are and like kids that when you shut down a school or people go on strike, there are kids that then don't eat all day because they're not at their public school being fed. Like that's the reality of some kids in this country. And so people got kind of wind of that and then they started making those donations.

You could really help people.

You're so good at this.

Every time I start talking about dead cats, you just bring it right to uplifting public services.

I mean, I feel like it's my job to stay ready, and then you tell your dead cat story.

Boom there I am with it, some kind of vague charity. I love it that no one can prove exists, but truly does. But it couldn't be more vague, and I couldn't be saying less of an organized thing.

Yeah, but you.

Anyone can go and just say, hey, bring me to lunch, lady, I got a bag of money. It's as easy as that. You don't even have to go to a website.

You don't.

Yeah, but if you go to a local school, know that if you are a single man, don't go storming around. Right, Maybe knock on the door, see if they let you in. Don't go near the playground at all. Yep, just be chill, n a check in the mail. That's the best case scenario.

Right, right, and do not make any eye content in the mail. Yeah.

Please, I don't even know how you do it, but please. Yeah, Kara said, it's fine, she can wait. It's a beautiful day, and does she have an order. She said, no, thank you, that's bullshit. No thanks, I'm good Stephen the US.

Yes you Hi?

Can I get a Venti vanilla latte hot? And can I get a venty iced coffee plane?

Shee of those? Please?

Actually I have to stop.

I've said it before, but I really am stopping drinking mochas because they're just there's no need to drink coffee hot chocolate.

Oh right.

I mean I don't know until because I always have my bland sugarless. But then when I have the real deal, I'm like, oh man, this is a slice of cake that liquid form.

It's the most delicious. But it's like, you know, I'm gonna start saving those for special occasions. Yeah, or just taper off with the pumps. Well I do.

I only do one pump anyway, But still it's too much milk. I said this before on Twitter. One time I yelled stop drinking milk to myself in my house. But like, I just don't need to be taking in milk all day long.

When I was a kid, I remember a doctor saying, please stop drinking so much milk. I was having a problem with my throat always being I was always having to clear my throat, and he said, you're drinking too much milk. Wow, isn't that crazy? That's a real memory at least? But is it information?

Did No?

I mean, did you do it and did it work?

I don't recall.

I think I just had big bad tonsiles And they're trying to blame it on the dairy industry.

Okay, but you still how's your dairy intake now?

Zero? Real? Oh?

Because of your bones and whatnot?

Yeah? Because of my brittle bones.

Yeah, I'm going to get there myself.

I go almond, I go almond.

H Yeah. Sometimes it's just too thin for me. I need the full the fullness.

Wow, she's a she's a Starbucks model. Yeah, I think I was taking her photos? She is he her manager? Or is that a disgusting relationship?

Both? Ya, Holly Wood.

I fully respect a person that can wear gray yoga pants in public. I mean that's a fit she's probably a fit model, you know, fitness model or Instagram model.

Yes, but it's one thing to wear.

Black yoga pants in public, which pretty much everyone does full range. But if you're going to wear also a mindraw shirt and then gray yoga parents light gray, Kelly Gray just just flirting with white.

I mean, you might as well wearite. Just do it, girl, Yeah, next time, it's just any amount of spotting.

Like ripping of the coffee. Please know that coffee, Yes, please know that. That's what I was talking about.

I thought you were getting menstrual, Chris. You know I said my period for the end of the episode, much like a sentence end. No, oh no, we got a guitar clanking on this ship. All the good stuff up.

I do feel bad that we are making her, but like she said, I gotta I gotta stop feeling bad all the time.

Well, and also, yeah, if she's told you she doesn't mind, that's one thing. If she had answered and said, I have to be somewhere, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But she's not really like that.

I think she's chill person.

She seems to chill it. That's one of the one of the many things I like about her.

But you know what I'm gonna do.

She's very funny and she's gonna be good. I am so hilarious. She's going to be great at this.

I bet she No, No, she's she's a born chatter. And I'm gonna get her a bottle of water.

Yeah, just even though she said I don't want anything.

I'm gonna say you do want something.

You need to hydrate. We're gonna actually make her feel bad about We're gonna call her dry.

Yeah I saw you coming from three blocks away. You were so dry. Lady, get out of here.

It's gonna be great.

Now if you we may have talked about this right if you could drive any car, like any price car, what car.

Would you drive? Oh?

I don't it's gonna it makes me seem boring. I just like, well, okay, you know what I really want right now? After trying to snowboard and realizing you cannot have two wheel drive, I'm just kidding A nice I want to have a four wheel drive Subaru?

Is that? Oh?

Yeah, like the new kind.

That's the best.

Yeah, they're nice.

I just told Cooperman to get one of those because she was trying to find a car.

I mean, I like, hey, you know what I've noticed, because they're electronic, do you teslas not need to have license plates because they never have license plates?

Is it because they have no emissions so they don't have to play by the rules.

I don't think so that would be great because then you could crush into things and drive away laughing, and no one would.

Right, No, that's why I'm asking. That's what I want. Do you think they're on the back and you're only seeing the front with no license plates?

Yeah, I'm seeing the back with just like a bear car with no plate.

Maybe the temporary I think you don't have to get go through the emissions and everything, but you of course have to pay street TAXI.

Street and you have to stay pay street prices for street credit.

Maybe it's just the type of person that gets a Tesla's like, I don't have to play by your rules.

I bet it is. I have a space car and I'm rich. I'm rich.

We are getting our drinks.

This is this is quality podcast.

It's well, you know what, there's always lulls.

Why shouldn't they show people should Yeah, not always.

Sometimes we're non stop firing.

Sometimes well you know, when we're up in the hills of Burbank Man.

Yeah, it's something about that air. It just keeps us going.

It's magical.

Now we're on the.

Flats, there's a lot of you know, the flats.

They were in the flats.

There's a lot of eggs haumst, a lot of civilian a lot of pedestrians. It's hard to like keep your brain flowing to me obstacles. Got those bananas?

Old? Those are old bananas.

Yeah, boy, the window on when a banana is advertising to me is getting smaller and smaller.

It's short, it's true.

I mean, I am a person that has garbage in their car. There's just have garbage in my ca. I just throw it down and sometimes I let it sit there. Yeah, I let it.

Sit there for days, care till it smells weird.

No, no, it's never perishables.

Oh oh, thank you. Thanks great, here, I'll put that somewhere. Great, terrific.

We're off.

Thank you.

And why did I think there was a gas pump in the back and we were driving off? Because that used to be a gas station, That's why. Yeah, I was having that flashback of a memory of a person that got gased there once in the fifties.

That's right, you were embodying that person.

Filler up, mac, that you kind of thing.

Yeah, yeah, hey mac boy, this that's even going to be audible, right Oh look, oh.

It's launched.

It caused me to have this inn esophageal spasm.

The Lower Highland has some real cement problems everybody.

I'll say it, and I.

Guess it is caused by the swelling and shrinkage of heat and cooling where there's weather that fine with water.

Yes, And it's such a gorgeous day because it's been raining and now the sky is bright blue and the clouds are big thunder pets.

See the Hollywood Hill Mountain.

What is that?

It's the Hollywood Hill Mountain.

It is the Hollywood Hill Mountain.

This is crisp.

It's vibrant, looks like it's been through some of the drama filter on snap Seed.

It's one of my favorite filter apps, the drama filter. Describe that to me?

How does it make?

How does it change?

Well, a long time ago, when when Nicky Glazer is doing more like photography on Instagram and I I would all of her photos look beautiful.

I'm like, do you own a camera?

She's like, no, it's just the drama filter on snap Seed, and I've taken the reins. I apply that to a lot of my landscapes. Sure, and I'll be damned if I don't get tons of compliments. That's the snap seed filter. Snap Seed with the drama option. There's a lot of options on there. You're gonna want to go straight to drama. You can save the other options on that app for your mama, drove us for you. I bring in everywhere to relationships.

Yep, drum, oh shit, you know where I'm going back up to that sucks, Oh where I have to change. I'm going back up to that nightmare that we're right right out of there we already hadn't okay, so we go over here to get her.

Well, it's part of this podcast, especially when we are going to the airport.

Wasn't that awful trying to orchestrate the time? It would be impossible.

That was the worst.

But today is we are adhering to the old plan because we are picking Kara up from what I'm assuming it was a Hollywood.

Meeting on a Sunday.

I mean, no one knows to promotion in Hollywood just to have brunch with a friend.

That is the epicenter, and that's that's where Seacrest goes in and out.

True, that is true.

She must have an ad dish or something like.

Yeah, with the access TV less going to be crest Own. God, Ryan Seacrest is the king of this.

Town, isn't He's doing it all.

He looks a little weird lately. He slightly started to age.

You know.

He also, we were just talking about this, the when you get plastic surgery face.

Uh oh, sorry, it wasn't. It wasn't with you.

Oh, I just was talking with somebody where. After a while, if you get enough plastic surgery, everybody starts to look like the joker.

There's no other way to look with plastics.

Yeah, he used to have like a smile, like he is timidly smiling. I kind of want to show my teeth. But now he goes all the way.

Yeah, like he really flexes said face, and he uses all the muscles, Yes.

Even the ones that you use normally for frowning, he uses those for.

Smiles, for sinister smiling.

Yeah. Yeah yeah.

And then well, it's funny my esophageal spasms that I've been happening. That's where I'm eating and I go to swallow and the food remains in my chest and then both pecks. It feels like art attack, and it happens every other time I eat. Now they are going to put botox in my That's that's all real.

Yeah, I mean as soft as elspasms is such a funny reference, but then it's actually happening.

Yeah, yeah, you know me. People are like, oh you.

Look, you look out for your age, and I'm like, oh, you should see my insides. It's nothing but and so I'm getting botox where I'm old on the inside, I'm getting it.

I mean, it's either that or a balloon.

What if it gives you crazy Beverly Hills divorce divorced SA face? Yeah, just on the inside though, So it's more of your attitude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know I already have that attitude.

Girl.

No man's gonna hold me down again, No way.

You're a real coogar and a milth.

It's fun.

Guys.

Who I wonder when sometimes when people are driving unnecessarily fast, they think other cars are going to be like, oh wow, I wish I had that kind of confidence.

Yes, I do, like showing up.

Yeah, They're like, who is that?

Oh, here's for USA?

Great? Yeah, who is that? Who is that?

Danger seeker?

I want to be like so much, and it's just like, actually, most of the time, I just want to yell slow down at.

The top of my lungs.

Yeah. And he deserves it because he was an v Honda CRB.

That's not a performance vehicle no, and isn't equipped for sudden things that might happen in the road in the least.

And this is fucking La where dumb people live and drive, So you can't ever go fifty because there will always be someone like throwing a bag of cats out in front of you or whatever.

Yeah, that's one of my better cat bag stories. It actually happened. And the correction they were specifically kitten.

Yes.

Oh, oh so bad at this. Sorry, Hi, Hi, good to see Caro. You too. We've been talking about you. I know it. We have taken so long. Sorry. Oh yeah, they throw everything over shoulder. I'm so sorry. We were already going.

To be late.

It's like this first time has been sunny in a million years. I'm enjoying it.

Look at the look at that mountain.

Look at the crisp the crispiness, if you will, Karen, look at the christiness.

Of the Hollywood mountains gone.

But we look at the Christmas look at the nature we live on.

This gorgeous building. Look at this Christmas building. Look at Bossonova, the cafe. Gorgeous guys. Thanks for the ride, Hey girl, you in your meeting with Sea crassco and pretty good. I'm hosting American. I don't know that's been a goal.

So we just made jokes earlier. But it wasn't where I thought. I don't know where he does that where there's a background.

But what I was doing, I was I was at a podcast Okay, sorry, I mean rival rival, Yeah we do, no, we it's West Coast. It was just some podcast that these two girls do called am I an asshole? And you, just like they do, you just ask questions like does this make me an asshole? Does this make me an asshole? And most of the stuff I was like, no, I'm pretty perfect, Yeah, not an asshole all my an asshole for like one of them was like, am I an

No, it just makes it harder. I know my moms vegetarian.

And most of the burgers and entrees like just a giant portobello that was like them.

I tried to eat the shakeshack Portobello. It's literally deep fried and filled with cheese, and I still don't taste the mushroom. Oh wow, mushrooms are I mean, if you have that setting, do you like cilantro? No? Same here, there's a certain taste. Mushrooms taste like dirt to me. Cilantro tastes like so like there's all these things where I'm like, this is not for eating, right, don't give me that. Avocado tastes like dirt like avocado.

Interesting, My stepmom, you know, just slice just regular gray mushrooms. She says she can't eat them because she feels like it looks like sliced mice.

That's like true gray color.

Great, She's like, it looks like sliced mice. And it took me actually looking at one. You have to have one in front of you for that if you're eating from your kitchen, especially grouse canned one. Is there anything worse than canned mushrooms?

Frozen brissels out pretty gross.

We're just listing reasons we don't really like our grandparents right now.

What is going on? Yes, yes, you you guys not too much.

You have an album coming out, I have an album coming out.

I have a baby coming out. Yeah, a lot of things. Baby coming out. The baby's dropping and I think like four weeks. Yeah, I'm like nine months pregnant. I think I've seen you since I've been pregnant. I just like wasn't telling people. I waited a little longer than most because I want to get work sure, so I like didn't put it on social media, and like was kind of just telling people face to face when I when I started showing and like, yeah, this is not just

Nice and what's the name.

It's called Undefeated Love the Baby, which ironic is a reference to getting pregnant. Like I do a joke where I'm like, I've never been pregnant, I'm undefeated now, Like why when I recorded it, I wasn't now and your nim defeated, fully defeated. But yeah, it's my first album. I'm excited. It's very cool. Yes, I recorded it at the UCB East in New York, where I used to run a stand up show for many years before I moved out to Seacrest Country. Yeah, it's greble. It's gone now all right?

Really well.

The Chelsea one closed a while ago, a year ago, bad bad problems. The Chelsea one closed because they were not American Disabilities Act compliant and so, and I think they thought that they were going to probably get tossed out because of a developer at some point, so they just moved spaces instead of becoming a compliant. And then The Beast just closed last month. Oh yeah, they just closed East because I think East Village we're just skyrocketing.

So both have moved.

Yeah, so now one's one in Hell's Kitchen, and now there's one that's opened four days a week in another venue called The Beast. Yes it was UCB East, Oh the Beast.

Yeah.

Comedy nerds, Oh my god, there's nothing funnier to me when like stand up comics all.

Take a picture, do you ever together?

And then they're like murderers Row. It's like, no, dude, you think about ways to describe riding the bus like you're not relaxed, you.

Get onto escalator, just stone cold killers.

Murderers Row. All of our metaphors and our similes have roommates. Yeah, oh I do.

You're right there are no murderers with roommates.

It's too much to cover. Yeah, and why do they?

I've always wanted to live alone's murder?

Oh I will Ted Bundy had a girl or girlfriend that he lived with, Yeah the whole time.

Yeah, I do a joke about that.

On my album if you want to hear the rest, but my perfect teaser, the best of zeus rolling that in just the private lives of serial killer content that you're going to get. I feel like the last time I saw you was that birthday party downtown at the Irish Bar.

Yeah.

Was it Jared's birthday? No, it was Neil Casey's birthday. It was Neil Casey's birthday, that's right. Yeah, And we were trying to maybe get our friend to talk to a guy, and there was a lot, a lot of things happening. It was so odd.

It was like this huge Irish bar with a bunch of different rooms and it felt like you could just go from room to room and.

Be like I'm like this now over here another Yeah, I'm in the ski ballroom now, you know, I'm like a guys were all I know, I'm like in college and I'm just having fun with it.

Yeah, there was every every room was different than there was just a bunch of old comedians standing at the bar going what are we doing?

There were a lot of comedians there who had had gotten babysitters for the night, like a lot trying to make the most of it.

But it was fun.

Yeah.

Yeah, all downstairs that place, I I know what you're doing. Yeah, I've been there. You go down you know, I've been to all the Irish all were one that's made out of an instrument and an animal.

You got your your cat and fiddle your pigs and your whistles.

And you've been to the one that it's cranes or whatever. It's like it used to be an old bank vault. Oh no, So it's like so they do a comedy show there and it's kind of like amazing because even if there's only like ten people, the acoustics are so good because it's a bank vault, so traps all this. It's downtown also, that's it's like, uh yeah, I think he's called Cream.

That's Jeremy Rogers. He's an ex pro skateboarder that decided to become a rapper and work saw that person.

Yeah, that's a gamble. It is.

It was a gamble and everyone knew it was.

But you do you at some point have to like hang up your skateboard, like look, I you know how, Like you can't swim, really you can'tnot swimming, you can't do ballet, you past over, You're like skateboarding late as seventeen.

He was like mid twenties and he's like, no, I'm at the top of my skateboarding career, but I'm going to wrap And then he had samples of it and everyone's.

Like, oh no, no, you don't, don't do this.

No, his name again, jere Jeremy Rogers, Jimminy Yes, meant.

Around Jeremy with an e.

At the end, Jeremy j didn't know me.

He didn't have an older sister, so it was like Jerome Jerome.

With an yeah.

And he was such a innocent, like there's he was such a young, sweet kid. And now he's got just good.

He's headed to the arc light right now. I think you catch it. He still gets to go to the fanciest movie just catching him matinee, isn't it romantic. He's out in the lobby. My name is sir man, I'm here today. Stop it. Well, there is always a guy outside the arc light trying to sell his rap CD. Have you guys ever been approached by him? No, he's like weirdly charming. He always like if he sees you with a friend or he like, he'll be like lady like, he kind of gets if he sees me with my husband,

Like?

Get do it?

And he's so maybe that guy's meeting up with him for like some street Yeah, I.

Still yeah, I just am not good at the street hustling.

That's the only thing I am good. Let's get together.

There are so many of those guys in Venice, like selling their music or handing it out, and it's I'm like and I every time, I'm like, I do not have any apparatus that plays CDs?

Do you?

That kind of gets me out.

Of gott Oh you're so nice, thank you? Do you guys know? Has that ever worked? Has any is anyone behind the music story ever? Like I happen to give my CD on the subway to Ludacris, Yeah, Andrew WK.

Yeah.

Wait, now, maybe it's something Ludacris gave his CD to somebody on like a subway. I think. I think Ludacris used to sell his CDs out of the back of his car. That's how that's part of his lord's I know. But he also was a DJ, so he probably didn't have to do that that much. I love Ludacris because to me, he's the funniest rapper. He's fucking hilarious. His rap raps are so funny. Yeah, he's like, why is anybody rapping about more seriousness? Ye?

Yeah, he's the best.

Yeah.

My favorite rap has always been sence a humor rap, right, sense to humor rap.

You know genre I've created that's been around a while.

And Ye, there's nothing worse than comedians wrapping.

Oh, I know, so many try.

I mean, my name is Karen and I'm here.

To this is a microphone. Take it away from me please for a minute, because I shouldn't be doing this as a comedy. Run it. I don't know. You guys are like, we're pretty good. It was like what weird.

On the right?

We say we established we don't like it and then give you an example, and then all of a sudden.

Your example goes platinum. Everyone has a new ringtone for your project. Ludacris hearing it. What the fuck? This is exactly what I've always wanted to do.

This is the best sense of humor rap I've ever heard.

I love that in the music store you would still go to Sam Goodie. It would be like gangster sense of humor? Christian? What is?

Do you have a bit kara that you are embarrassed like in any kind of a rap situation from your act all throughout your career that you're really.

Embarrassed of now, like if we saw tape of it? Oh, on tape of my tape?

Like a like like an you had or a one where you do reggae like.

I currently do. Yeah, mine mine was.

I used to recite a Shakespeare's on it, but in a cheerleader's voice.

So it's just it wasn't actually written comedy. It was just like recitation for credit. You know those kinds of bits where when you start out and you think it's good and then later on you're.

Like, oh, I want to kill myself over there. Yeah, okay, I'm trying to think like you're like, I've always been pretty solid, always been like really good at comedy. No, no, no, I like I think it Like the beginning when I was doing stand up, I was, I was just like telling long bit like stories or whatever. And so I had one about the like drug dealing hot vendor at my college, like he would actually deal birth control pills as well, And I think I would like do his voice.

It's amazed when a comic gets away with doing an accent like a race based action and it doesn't affect me.

There is a way to do it, And I think that the main thing is you don't look like you can't be like a white, blue eyed.

Dude exactly because it's funny.

I was, but ten years ago, everyone's tastes were set very differently, and it's a new thing with people basically, I think people of color coming up and going, yeah, just don't do that anymore. Right, We've had to put up with this shit long enough.

Don't do it any more, and people going, yeah, okay, we get it, you don't like it, and we won't do it.

Yeah, until you're at the Ice House, a place that for some reason books me and the audience is all types of folks and.

They expect race based comedy and I don't have any.

Yeah, I have one joke.

About redheads that I apologize about. I have no and they and I don't do well there. And then the next person's like, you know how this group is?

And has anyone seen the television show Whiskey Cavalier?

Oh my god? Is that really? Has anyone seen ninety million ads for it? Yes? I have never seen a show so promoted like I think because the oscars were on the channel that it's on. It is literally who is Scott Folly? And that's my question. I have all the answers for you. Yeah, fully is from Felicity, which I guess we're still given. Yeah, car Russell's there, and then she is apparently famous from Walking Dead, which I don't watch. But that's like a probably sure, so she's

I love the subtle differences which C I A and FBI protocoling angels.

They're basically monketters and capulates of the federal jurisdiction during murders.

Oh, it's just like Sheriff and police comedy, yet differences.

Imagine the Blazers.

Whiskey cavalier though that's just a couple of words I don't want to even.

Hear on their own. And like they're they're trying to do like funny commercials. Like there's a commercial that she does that's supposed to look like a tampon commercial, but like the tampon's a bomb, and so she's like, I need something that looks small and discreet and then throws it and it's like a bomb. And they're just really laying it on so thick, and I guess there's supposed to be sexual at tension between them and a whole will they won't they? And I'm just the fact that

Oh that's great. I'm so glad we sun.

Bill part of it. I feel like there's now that we're talking about it and I'm hearing the name that I've heard the name and it's someone famous producing it, Like say it's.

A is it A it's a Scott Wolf of Scott Wolf, Dick Wolf. Yeah, or it's someone in that vein of like someone famous, but that that.

Billboard screamed of a you know from the people that brought you Hawaii five os. Yeah, current unwatched on television show it's in its twelfth years.

That is, they don't have to be good to last. Yeah, that's the magic of Hollywood.

Yeah, it's amazing when you hear that's dat, Like how long Bones has been on without no one's ever watched it? Or like you know the highest paid actors Mark Harmon wet from the Cores commercials. Yes, it's like, no, he's on seventeen that CSN tis that you've never watched.

There was just a skin phos I heard about. Yes, oh right, like something going on with like their residuals or they're they're they were keeping that show makes so much money and a Fox was keeping a bunch of the money and not reporting the actual earnings. So they were ripping off the EPs and the stars because they all that was all percentages.

Oh shit, and yeah, so they basically were hiding the percentages and not paying their people their full amount.

Yi.

Yeah, bones, come on, guys, and it's like one hundred and seventy million dollars that they have.

To pay out. Oh wow, yeah, I was just reading that article the other day. Yikes. Yeah, they have it. I'm not nervous about Fox. No, I think Fox is doing good, got it, They're doing really good the money. You wow, what a bunch of dicks?

When am I making this up?

That when Fox first came out, it was was News and the Simpsons, like News and just the Simpsons.

It wasn't that the first thing.

I'm married with children and yeah yeah, oh wow.

It was a little janky at first, like it seemed like the fourteen year old boys station, right, and then they developed it out from there, like when it eventually got to the twenty four level.

But at first, yeah, it.

Was that's cymb fourteen to twenty four. There's other networks like True TV is like.

Let's go for forty.

TV.

Yeah, they're trying the only thing.

I really want to watch it, do you guys? I love Amy Sedaris. Every time I see even a clip of her, I like, always, he's the best. Yeah, yeah, is there anyone that doesn't think she's the best?

I feel like, no, no, I don't know why I'm asking you. Maybe controversial, but I did watch the show a couple times and was like, I'm having a hard time getting into it. And I think that might mean because I'm such a super fan of Strangers with Candy right right, I'm just like talking like she's talking so enormous, not Jerry blank back. But I mean I think the show is like super cute and fun. It's just it was was what I was expecting.

I'll say that, yeah, yeah, it's just to.

Throw the pod and get the podcasts, just like advocate that. I like everything about the front seat. I'm in the front seat.

But yeah, it is like a mock cooking show, like a right, yeah, go ahead, yeah crafting d I y.

She has like she has like very funny people on, like she'll have genre ly and like Cole's he's like a magical comedian the best. And there's a lot of police activity today. What's going on? People are getting turned on Sunday? Is it just because it's the Sabbath? Oh, it's you know what it is is? Uh? Yeah, you don't have to don't worry about it.

Your whole life, people have done things for you, will drive that way.

I was gonna say it's Ash Sunday, but that's incorrect. That's incorrect. It's Ash Wednesday. So it's some It's like palm home. I think, so oh my god, I can't believe we're out. I think, get some fresh fish and get inside. I can't believe there is.

In charcoal on my forehead. I grew up not knowing it.

I'm Jewish.

And I'm looking to both of you, but luckily you're not judging me because you don't know either.

I went once and there was just a lot of painful kneeling and I was like a kid, and I'm like, this is bad on my knees.

I was not going to somebody yesterday at a party who was like who was like my niece is getting christened, but like, I don't think I can go into the Catholic church anymore because I everything. Yeah, and I was like, interesting, maybe I can use that as an excuse to not go to any more Catholic lass weddings. Yeah, like meet you at the reception. Yeah, I don't believe, you know, I just can't. Just it's like a that's gonna to

Guys said A week I've been I've mentioned ten times bags a dad and cats always.

Comes up for me.

So I even been not afraid to go there exactly.

Let's the point in And when I say cats, I met kittens even worse. But the news lately has been something I even been paying attention to. I feel like I should be watching this Cohen stuff and I but there is a bitchop a bishop or with Catholic there was a chin a bitch like he was the coolest he serfs and everything, but it's only to get close to the kids, apparently.

Yeah he was a Yeah there was a new guy, right, Yes, there's there's always a new guy.

They always instead of prosecuting him, they just moved them around. It's super creepy, right, It's the reason my mom stopped, she stopped going to church when I was in high school, maybe a little bit after high school.

One of the first like the spotlight Catholic scandal broke in my life, was like, I'm not doing this anymore, and we were like every Sunday. My dad still goes to church every Sunday, but my mom was like, he doesn't. He also tells me when I'm going through particularly.

Difficult or punk rock times in my life. He's always like saying to my sister, like, my sister will be like, Dad, you're up so early this morning, and he's like, I went to church to pray for your sister. That's been spoken in our house.

Many many of that amazing. Oh yeah, he'll let her know though, you see, you're doing great. You know what, Thank you. I'm going to send him a nice car. He has proof, thinks, no matter what, Catholicism still works these peoples, Dad, Dad, I have health insurance.

Security in an insecure world, all because of your connection to the Lord.

That's such a loaded tude. Does your sister feel like, why aren't you praying for me? Or does she just then know she's the favorite.

She's always a senate exactly.

She's definitely always been the favorite, and she's definitely jealous of all my prayers, not just my dad, everybody praise.

That's just what you want to keep you up. That's like a faction of your fan base, that's right, the people, the people that are doing the rosary in my name, just keeping me alive one more day.

Thanks guys.

Now, let's talk about this baby in your back.

Oh yeah, yeah, the baby? Is it the flavor? We are not finding out. Ye're doing a rab bag, right, We're gonna just wait. It's like we're just gonna wait till it's like five, and it's just gonna tell us. Yeah, I'll reveal itself to us.

I love it.

Here's my name, here's my security information you might need, here's my pronouns. Yeah, we're basically just uh not finding out.

Yeah, I think that makes the most sense.

Yeah, we're just doing a little surprise. I don't really feel like I would have done a pink bedroom or something about a girl or like a skateboard bedroom if it was a boyful right, right exactly?

So yeah, and my just to be a boy that's passed a learned to love pink like me, he would sigh, Angeline earlier.

Oh you did in her car, she was right behind me.

And you know, I've seen her a bunch of times and it's always such a fun sighting. It really is the best. That got a great pick.

She was just right behind us. It couldn't have been more fateful, more magical.

I wasn't just.

Talking to someone the other day about her, because I was asking. I was like, how does she afford the billboard that like is always off sugar daddy? Yeah? And someone said she her husband like owns a billboard company or something or whoever it is. But that sounds also like someone made it up. But there's a.

Documentary about her, and in the in it she because she's been doing it since the seventies and it started out with a sugar daddy that was just paying for it.

That's what That's what I heard, Okay, But they said her current that would be amazing if.

She married the guy that like does the picture was giving up on his family's billboards.

Yeah. And then someone was saying that in all of her interviews, like she avoids all questions like about her past, like if you're ever like when did you come to la or how old are you or like anything? Well, of course, I mean I don't know if anyone's dumb enough to ask like anything that would like even allude to that, like you know, who are the big influences when you moved to la because you can kind of

I mean her new project would be another billboard, really video reala.

No, she doesn't sing, she doesn't she have a catch phrase even it's like cats phrases. Look up, there's my billboard.

Yeah, I guess you don't ask a lot of questions of someone that leisurely wears a veil.

Well, it's like and also I saw her at that store on Laurel Canyon that's like mid Laurel Canyon that you know, that store on the right hand side like a market. Yeah, and we were both in there. She was in line in front of me, and she kept she wouldn't look up at the cashier, and she was turning her face away from me, like toward the door. Yeah, a lot of trans am.

Because she had a lot of, of course, wrinkles around her mouth and like out here in the face, and it looked kind of.

Like cray paper.

Yeah, it was a really delicate skin.

So I think she has that, like too much surgery skin. Yeah, just like how I mean, God bless her to still be pulling a sugar daddy. And she's got to be sixty something, right, Oh, I think she's older than seventies.

I think so, my gosh, because she's honestly been doing it since the seventies, right, and so that would be fifty years almost.

My god. We were in a thrift store and there was a.

Box to sign up for a day with Angeline, and my ex girlfriend Madison put her name in there and won I was picked up her and drove around with her.

So I was just wondering how she makes her money, and they're like, oh, it's just all silent auctions. Yeah, yeah, I think that there was.

She did have to pay fill up with gas or something.

Okay, but it was nothing. But because everybody I know that sees her sees her at a gas station, I'm like, she must be constantly just gassing up because she what did she do?

She drives She actually has more in common than Ryan Gosling, she than anyone.

She's She's just now a living billboard. She bring it to you. Yeah, yeah, I got to watch this doc about her. She really fascinates me. She's like one of the I mean, you just I've only lived here a few years and she's one of the first people you hear about. Yeah.

Yeah, look you can if you google her early billboards, you see what she used to look like before any plast surgery.

She just looks like any other kind of Fera facet type, acts like a Morgan fair Child. Yes, exactly, that's her, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And now but up close, you said she looks like Dusty. Well, yeah, because you can't. I'm sorry. It's like life will change your face. That's especially if you're driving your ass around Los Angeles in a convertible. I mean you're going to pull down that all of that. Uh oh my god, all of that? What do you What is it that they always talk about college?

Yes, they're precious college rights.

She needs college and donors. She's out. Yeah, she's got none down to or less reserves for sure? Is I bet you that's scientology? Whatever happened?

Oh?

Yeah, there's a period.

It really does look like whatever it is, whatever that is, I don't trust it. Oh my god.

I really feel like that woman was going to leap in front of the car and then just decided against.

It and then was like tomorrow. Have you guys ever had a traumatic oh, yes, or anything on the pod? I mean no one would you know.

There's been a couple of moments where I thought, well, that was close, but we were in the middle of It's usually when I was driving.

There's a reason time. She's a much better driver, and I got overwhelmed by talking and.

Steering at the multitasking.

It was tough boys. Boys aren't as good as it.

Yeah.

Girl. But also one time, a guy to bike We've talked about this a million times, threatened us with his bike lock because Chris jokingly was like and pretended he.

Was yelling at this guy. Guy immediately was like, like he was going to attack the.

Car with his bike lolock.

Yeah.

And also in that episode, we saw a fight at a bus stop and a guy got knocked out.

It must have been Palm Sunday, Sunday.

It was Sunday.

They had a ash Ash crucifix on their forehead or whatever it is.

We're passing the Magic Castle. Did you guys know that there's a I think there's a pilot that is actually going to series this year about a woman getting into the Magic Castle. Oh really yeah, Oh I think that's the premise of the pilot. Someone just told me about it yesterday. You know what, forget e ra or any kind of thing like that, passing because that's enough for

Now someone's making that show.

Yeah you weren't the only one. Go through your mind.

Have you guys ever been to the Magic Castle?

I have not. I've been. I've been three times and I've loved it for three years. Wow, I love it so much. You the magician that's getting it too. Yeah, you're right. Three. I really need you guys to kick start my beating head to my website. No, I have a friend in New York who is a magician slash comedian, So when he is there, I can get in with him and I don't have to pay for the dinner and all that. Right, how's the dinner? Well I did that the first time I ever went, and was like,

It's fun.

Yeah, I just like love the magic Castle. And the last time I went, I was a little too high, Like at one point I was like I have to sit down for a sec, and I think I got too high. And then I'm always a person that when they go, does anyone want to help with the trick? I'm always like hell yeah, but I literally averted my eyes, kept my hands down. I was like, I'm too high for this. And the guy picked me anyway, like he's saw I didn't want it so that I didn't want it and was like get up here.

Oh wow.

And so then I'm on stage, I'm I'm very high and I'm revealing this card trick and I'm just looking at my two friends in the audience and they and when I revealed the car trick, they're like, oh my god. And I was just I thought I was going to die. I was like, I don't know, I'm not cut out to be too much.

No, it's I can't imagine that kind of paranoid because I get magic puts me on it, I don't.

I think I'm not into it, and then when I'm watching it, I'm losing my mind.

Well, because you can't.

I feel like as comics, when we watch other comics, you sit there anticipating what the joke's going.

To be, and you get a lot of pride out of being able to know what someone's going to say. Yeah, And that's kind of how comics do it.

But you can't do that with magicians because the whole idea is you're not going to know what I'm about to do, right Like that's if you do know what a magician's about to do, they suck at magic.

Well, it's weird.

There's even professionals that are well known and they do buy trick. They are purchased. Only so and so and so and so has this trick, so I'll sell it to you for four hundred dollars. It's like a hovering table.

Or something, you know what I'm saying, sir, Like some of them are just objects you buy, okay, which takes a lot of the mystery out of it. Do I hear about one trick being a purchasable hover table?

It kind of takes me out of.

It's a lot disappointing.

One time, you know what I just remembered is one time I went to the Haunted corn Maize super High and there was an addition entertaining people in the line, and uh, he not just a magician, a sword swallower and he picked me to pull the sword out of his throat. Oh God, and I was out of.

I was like, I'm going to do this wrong, and I said to the guy, please don't make me do this, and he was like, you're fine, just pull it up when I like look at you or whatever. And so of course he's like, just don't hesitate, pull it out of my throat. So completely baked out of my head, I had to remove the sword from this sorcerer stone. My god, horrified, Oh my god, that is traumatic.

True, it's really making me scared because I just saw Sores swallower in Vegas and I was really close up to the front and it was like too much. But I worked on the show Magic Humans, so I worked in a room with a bunch of magicians and they told me a lot of how a bunch of the tricks were. Oh, and I was like, I kind of forgot. So I'm like, still magic is still fine.

With me, right, But they like, oh, some of it is, you know, even if I if it is a purchased trick that someone buys, yeah, from a mid fancy high end magic store or whatever. There are just slight of hand card tricks that I'm like, I mean, I still you're a witch. I understand how the world works.

I love up Closs magic. Yes, it is the best at the Magic Castle too.

It seems yeah, yeah, it seems like you're watching and especially given where you're at, it's such a classic form of entertainment.

And but I've I've been turned away twice because of not having the right pants. Oh oh.

I went in there in like a leather jacket that is truly the nicest thing that I own, and they made me take it off. They were like, no modo jackets. I was like, I'm there's no grease songs from fixing my bike.

I went with beautiful pant swans, beautiful pants, just beautiful.

Extravagant Kashmir sweatpants and.

This kind of pleaded front dockers with a powdery stain up front. And he was saying, yeah, gotta have pants like mine, And I'm like, you.

Mean nineties hats, you mean Nord pants. And they gave me a jacket and a tie. They had like they have jackets and ties. Yeah that's up there, but they do not have pants.

I think I think all that because I've heard years and years. I've heard all about the dress code, and I just think it's power moves by dorky magicians. I think it's just power moves I'm like, you don't qualify you hold it in. For years they have been these pained nerds that have you know, worn capes to school.

Yeah, on the ship beaten out of them. So they're finally they're like, no you don't. Oh, look with you guys, Whiskey Cavalier is will haunt you now until the day gets canceled, which is probably in two weeks. Like it is, so it's everywhere. It's everywhere now I have to watch. What does it mean?

It's just like when you're driving.

No, I think it might be like their code name for their and literally gafing, you know what I mean, like Whiskey Tango Fox. Try like, I think it's Alpha Alpha, Bravo, Bravo. Charlie. Charlotte writes, it's not Cavalier, come on, what the hell? So maybe they were just like, what's the what's the name that sounds most like an ex body spray? Later, like I don't understand the name of.

He's racing around and then it is a minute away from making a breath water it's Someone was just talking about the knock up breast ray on Twitter and it was making me laugh really hard.

And then someone was like is it time to bring it back that such a sitcom trope? Was like do you have any banaka? We were like hold on a little bit of bonoka before the big kiss. Yeah.

Yeah, the old guy from my favorite from TUTSI like getting ready to Dustin Hoffman. Yes, the old doctor that scared me as a kid. He was he is a guy like that doesn't try and kiss me one day.

The creepiest, like the best example of sexual harassment is that guy.

Yeah. Like it's not it's not cute like nine to five. It's really very upsetting.

I thought because I watched TWZI recently, and I thought there would be that seems like a movie that you can't revisit.

It would be. It's just there's so much problem, so many problems. Yeah, but it's but it's good good. Yeah, it's just good.

Because he isn't doing it exploitively. He's like really as an actor into the character and into the person.

Yeah. Yeah, he's playing so he's playing her like I truly Jack black Dead and did you really did did you see Jim? I didn't? I swear to god, if you have like free times I watch you know, I probably could I've cut way back on my got it all the way out. It's so good.

We'll talk about it two episodes in a row.

The second I give birth, I'm like, give me, give me my pen, give me a copy of the you know what it is.

They don't approach it the way you think.

It's not a remake, and it's this really interesting like modern day version things about it.

It's really good.

So Paddington Too.

Is Paddington both Paddington's, but Paddington Too is Paddington. Was a marvel change.

I love to watch it.

I was absolutely delighted.

Did you cry?

Oh yeah, on planes? I cry at anything. I cry when the plane is taking off. I'm not kidding. It is the.

Weirdest fucking thing like this is a marvel of a It's that's why I usually ask to get a window seat so.

I can turn away private.

Yes, because there's something I always get very like, I think, deep down, I'm going make make right with God in.

Case this is the last plane ride you you're accepting all your dad's prayers exactly every time.

Before a flight, don't you usually do if this plane goes down.

Do one do your tweets? Well?

I started doing it and then I realized it's it's very dark. But I would just tweet as I sat in my seat waiting to take off.

If this plane goes down, please remember me as one who above all else. I've seen those and I just say, random ship that had fared many of your plane down. Yeah, yeah, I love them. Well, Chris made me say it. I didn't want.

Your songs.

Tell me a joke. There's a show called whiskey.

Joke.

I well, yes, I cried on the plane of Paddington. I recently cried on the plane to RBG and Whitney. Oh. Yes. And one time I cried at a still photo of a Make a Wish child in the magazine. I'm just like, Joe looks so sad and like I, yeah, the plane is for some reason, It's like all that's are off. I just am completely a cried basket. Now, would it make you feel better to know that that Make a Wish child was goth and that their wish was to be sashed and so actually it was getting exactly what

I the last time I was on a plane and cried really hard was watching the Mister Rogers documentary on my DVR.

And I'm honestly, I need to emotionally prepare myself because I know I'm going to cry.

For the whole time, I was crying so hard I had to turn it off because I was embarrassed because the man next to me was becoming concerned because I.

Was doing I kind of like pretending.

I just kept watching my cheeks, like, oh oh, what's this brushing against the cheek and then after a while using up all my cocktail napkins and then trying to hold back noises, and then I'm like, what am I doing?

Like you can't just sit here and saw next to a person that was me at the movie eighth grade. Oh yeah, in the theater, I used a whole back of tshoes. My husband was like, do we need to go? Like I was from front to become start to finish, crying the whole time. I got it.

There's you guys are just listen.

I don't know if a girl or something, because Jared was like he loved it and he cried a little bit, but he did. I was just like, this is my experience in seventh grade, even for me seventh grade, but it's around the same time. I was like, was the worst time of my it's you know, and I was just like so emotional over Yeah, right, directed who got really snubbed? I thought, I think the Oscars are bullshit, but he really did get snubbed This year was There was.

A couple exceptions, but for the most part, and I didn't watch, so please take grain of salt with what I'm about to say, but it just seemed like most of the stuff that won was not what anybody.

Liked or was excited about at all. And honestly, a lot of stuff that was nominated was like stuff that I could have seen nominated in ninety six, Like that's what Green Book and Bohemi ra Upstair. I was like, yeah, I could have seen a long time ago the Oscars being super into this, and I can't believe we're back

Yeah, the concert, because there's a lot a lot I haven't watched it, but there's a lot of live queen performance, like you just show entire performances, right, yes, as.

A show that Yeah, those parts I like.

But then there's conversations where and there's this club keeps getting sent around on social media that they won for best Editing, and they show the scene where they literally they're editing like deep, like literally every two seconds, it's a cut. It's a cut, it's a cut, and it is the weirdest thing. Once he pointed out that you've ever.

Seen that they won for editor Yeah, it's wild because the editing is like nauseatingly and that's not a thing people notice that much. But then you pointed out and you're like, yeah, that is bad at it it.

Yeah.

I also thought the teeth were a lot. Yes, I don't I remember, Like when I think of Mercury, I'm like his teeth like yeah, okay, maybe like on visial line could have been a sir, but he was worried literuly. Oh they thought that is that why? Yeah, yeah, I would have he that's how he got He had so much room. It was like, uh oh yeah, he says it in the movie. He's like, because my teeth are big, I have extra space for Yes, his teeth were acting

But also he always says that weird glimmer in his eye, so it looked like he thought his teeth were funny, like where Freddie Mercury just bad teeth. And he kept his mouth in a way that like, yeah, this is just kind of what I was dealt in, like, and he looked normal, but like Remy Melick was like I'm about to.

Say something, I'm getting ready for. These teeth always looked.

Like really, So congratulations to all the winners.

Yes, yes, yeah, I did you go to an Oscar party? No, I watched it on my couch with my husband and one other couple. Yeah, they printed out ballots. I won. I want a brag, but I got because I never vote with my heart, I vote with my head. I'm like this, I know this is the best thing, the garbage thing write right, yes, yeah, yeah, that's why. And then for the half the categories that you don't know, I vote on the thing I heard about on NPR for two seconds and then I'm usually right. I'm like,

I didn't watch that movie, but I have seen I was gonna say, Remy Malick again, Alex Donald, who is that climber? I saw him on PBS, like with my dad and sister. Holy shit, yeah, these potholes. I'm telling you that thing was humongous. It's anyway I saw him.

They did a special on him climbing half dome with his fucking fingertips.

Oh my god.

So when that movie came out, I was like, I have to go see it, but I kept putting it off because I knew I would cry like mister Rogers style.

He knew I would lose my mind.

Well, honestly, that just the clip that they showed when they announced it at the Oscars. I gasped out loud. I went like, just showing him to it, I was like, and I'm not even like afraid of heights, but it's terrifying what he does like crazy, and I was thinking that because it won, it'll probably be out in the theaters a little longer, because that is one I think that would be a great you got to see it in the theaters type of yes, wait so you haven't

My mom was a nurse and when she was nine months pregnant, and I can't remember if she told me the story, if it was with my sister or with me. She brought a friend to an abortion doctor, like went so that she wouldn't have to go alone. And when they opened the front door, my mom was walking in first, but she had a full nurse at the top of the stairs.

Was like, do not even come up here. I'm not doing that. I was like, relaxed, it's not me. I meant to follow through. My friend is not where It's like, yikes, we're on different paths. Yeah, and she's in no way this pregnant. It's I really like to play with how uncomfortable people are with it. Like I was at a party lessoning and I kept going out onto the balcony because I was overheating, and I was like, I'm just

Ye, I'm just trying to lower this birth weight. Yes, I have to go out of you. I control how painful it's going to be.

I was once did a show somewhere in Minneapolis and there's this.

The woman that owned the bar was not.

At all happy with what I said on stage. She said I was disrespectful. I don't know where it was coming from. The audience was not listening. And I talked about it or got reprimanded a heckler, But she was are you the woman that was drinking the beers? And then she didn't respond because I because she's like, oh, bars.

They're not allowed to turn down pregnant women for alcohol because it's discrimination, especially own the bar. That's why you'd buy it. Wow, I thought a bar, so no one would give me.

It's probably one of those old rules, Like you're also supposed to pull out your gun so they can put it in a safe.

Yeah, that's right. There's still an old blue law. Oh yeah, Connecticut has blue laws no alcohol on Sundays and no alcohol after eight.

Man, if you go to Dale for a certain amount of time, you can request a horse.

And you can marry that horse.

There's all there's all these Montana laws and a lot of horse marriages.

Oh my god. There's a guy I just saw this morning on social media. A guy got arrested outside of Portland, I believe, for having sex with a horse and his You have to look up the picture.

Oh, I don't want to see the picture.

It is so crazy. What this guy looks like? His neck is so long it looks like a cardicaus.

The horse deck stretched him move?

Was it already long? Hard to say?

When was the picture to him?

Like getting taken off in handcuffs? So my picture is his mugshot? Okay, I thought it was the act. Oh no, they didn't catch him in the act. Thank god.

This is the scariest freeway I know. It's nineteen.

Thank you guys for store six ship. It's so scary.

Well, the crazy thing about the one ten, Yeah, everyone goes fast. It's now a three lane highway. But to merge onto it, you you merged from a stop, yes, which is in sanity. It's crazy to move from zero to like sixty or someone will kill you.

Yeah, it's crazy.

It's normal in Texas. But if you're used to.

It here in La No, not at all. You said this was next one Okay, yeah, great, and I'm right off of it. Okay, cool, But yeah, we just moved here. So I'm just getting used to all this highway driving because I was living in West Hollywood where I was never on the highway. Right, yeah, now here I am.

And they need quite the training. Yes, so we'll get off now, will be okay. But look you out the best ravine. Oh really, the ravines around here. The standing water that we have, you can't be it's.

Not even stagnant. Stand even the puddles. You could swim the left, drink the puddles.

I like this area, though, this is too. We moved here because we are having this little new roommate is needed more space. And we lived on like a really we lived on Crest and Heights and West Hollywood, which is like a thoroughfare down from corner doing donuts at three am and drunk people, and we just needed to It's such a nice part department that's very mid century. Yeah, well place is cute. It's just, uh, do you guys ever move into a place that like has no storage space,

I'm I'm last minute looking for a place. You're on the court.

I was going to move somewhere and it fell through, and so suddenly I need to find a place. And I had no idea that I was so concerned about storage or excited about it when I see it three closets.

Interestingly, guys, Yes, I needed a ride and you gave me. Thank you so much. I'll promise to you.

I promised it. Karen was how great you were going to be and you pulled through.

Guys, Thank you so much, yours.

When's your album?

Dropped? By No? My album's out Friday on March eighth, and it's called Undefeated. You can pre order it now on iTunes. Help me get onto those iTunes charts for four days until Jim Gaffigan's album reached except you guys, come on, it's one of the best stand up comics around. Please get her album. You will love it, Yes, for sure, So you guys are great. Say hi to Jared for us. I will Karen, let's go see Free Solo. We gotta do it.

I have a lot of movies I need.

Thank you so much. All right, my friend, good to see you too. Do you have anything coming on by? Do you?

I don't really, I don't ask, don't I'm doing Brian Cook's show guilty treasure where you have to learn a song.

Ye when to rehearsal tonight.

Oh boy, that's when I learned Red red Wine.

I'm doing it hit by Cheryl grow but I highly look forward.

So that's Saturday night, something like that cat on Saturday Night.

I don't know.

That's when you can I'll say eat candy on the weekends. Well, that's this week.

I can't remember what it is, so it's not Monday. I think it's Wednesday night at the Virgil.

Then you know, Los Angeles, Boulder on Sunday, Boulder, Colorado.

Chris is going to the Rockies. Bring comedy to the cold people.

Of the Rockies.

It's the most deserving of mountain ranges.

They deserve your comedy and Core's light.

And I think that'll wrap it up. Yeah, let's wrap it back in it also off you've been listening to Do You Need a Riot?

Im a aar. This has been an exactly right production. Produced by Casey O'Brien.

Mixed by John Bradley.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast.

That's d y n AAR podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh, You're welcome home, Hu