Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a Turmanol and gay. We want to send you off inside. We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared? Or was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Ride with Karen and Chris. You're listening to Do you need a ride? This is Chris.
Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgarreff.
We're leaving Karen's house in a brand new Lexus of some kind. It's beautiful.
I mean, I couldn't be more excited to have a car.
I think already listeners are enjoying the sound.
Well, because it's a hybrid, so you don't have all that pesky engine noise. It's quiet like a Prius, but it's classy like a Lexus.
So you're saying, my.
Escort, escort, escort.
No, that's a Ford, am I I think I'm having memories of my old car. That would have been really terrible for podcasting. My Ford escort wagon LX. It's a on a chord. It's pesky with the sounds, a lot of.
Real tinny sound. Is it like being in a bit of a metal box.
There's some whizzing, there's some lunging, there's Yeah, there's a lot of sounds that we want to hear.
A lunge sound. Was that going and stopping?
Yeah, it's just there's a heaving. There's a lot of My car just makes my car sounds like an orgy.
Well, well, aren't you lucky.
There's a lunging and heaving. Yeah, but I'm not involved. It's like my driving around in a car at an orgy. I'm not invited.
Oh you're like the Orgies chauffeur.
Yeah, I'm the guy that has to clean up after.
I would just like to say that, oh oh that was a Porsche. Yeah, mine eleven.
Driven uncharacteristically by an asshole.
That was one of the rare Porsche owners that doesn't respect the rules.
Of the road. Yeah. Usually the people. Most Porsches I see have green peace stickers.
And they use their arms to signal blinker and arm signals, which I really appreciate.
You can never be too safe. Most Porsche owners will tell you.
The last episode we did, I sounded like I was on white drugs really to myself when I listened to the beginning of it, and I turned it off because I was beginning to truly despise myself. It was just I think I'd had a lot of coffee.
Oh, and you sounded like you were riding the white pony.
A little bit. I was a little bit excited.
Oh that's funny. I didn't. I thought we were great.
I did too, But I feel like what I'm saying is maybe I need to get back on speed.
Right. No, that's I like the episodes where it sounds like I'm on I'm doing white drugs.
Right, and it's like, I mean, let's be our best selves.
Yeah, you never know. Like at the beginning of this, it's like, well, I sound sedated and I called a Honda Cord a Ford escort. So either I'm having a stroke or this is already bad podcast for me.
I would like to say to our listeners in case this isn't their experience. Right now, we're in the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles, and it is easily in the mid nineties, if not, maybe one hundred degrees. Do you think it's one hundred degrees outside?
I wouldn't. It's so hard for me to know. I know it's twenty degrees hotter than where I live by the beach. I mean yesterday it.
Was sixty nine degrees nice.
Yeah, it's commonly twenty degrees cooler where I live. Yeah, and not granted it takes me two hours to get anywhere. But it's so hot over here I can't deal. But in your fancy new car, which probably tests your body's temperature and adjusts accordingly with robot.
Ability, it gives me shots of B twelve.
How does your car unlock itself knowing you're in the.
Area, because it's so crazy, it's all computers. Now, Oh look it says it's a hundred and ten.
There's no way look at that.
How is it one hundred and ten from the weather channel as of five minutes ago, Bourbon, California. One hundred and ten.
That says one two there that says feels like, oh, my good lord, because there's some wind.
I guess, because there's wind westwardly wind at fourteen miles per hour. This guy's this is all being information being provided to us by my car.
There's a tiny hologram up a meteorologist saying that the wind is our only hope. Do you guys like Star Wars jokes? I don't usually, But that's about it. That's its deep cut as I'll get.
Some good shit.
Thanks. Thanks, I'm so upset about the current. Oh I can't. I can't even pretend from this point. Ron Howard, Yeah, yeah, that's that's there's a reference. That's a reference. Ron Howard's doing the new one. That's right, your car, But how does it know it? So it knows your key is in your pocket?
Oh yes, right, So it's all computers now, like cars are all computer right, computer, So yes, it's when I walk up to my car, the keys obviously are in my purse. So when it senses that the key is near the door, it unlocks the driver's side door.
That's absolutely amazing.
It's the best because then when you have a bunch of shit in your hands, you don't have to be doing anything because it just does it for you.
I always have shit in my hand.
I do too.
Whoever gets in their car like I'm just going to drive nothing to bring anywhere, no belongings on me.
Yeah, no, never, I'm just.
Going or drive and my leather.
Gloves and my mirrored aviat or something just marae, my my wayfarers and my isotoners. Wait, I have to tell you. I had I think it was a burrito delivered to my door the other day. And when I open the door, you know, usually when you get something delivered to your house, the delivery guy stands back like two three feet maybe two feet from the door when you open it, so
he's like, hey, delivery or whatever. I opened my door and the guy was standing like like his nose was practically touching the screen door, and he was wearing mirrored aviator sunglasses and then and like a hat and a army jacket that was like buttoned up, and it was so hilarious, like and he wasn't like presenting the bag as if to say, here's why I'm at your door. It was just him standing really close to my door. And I burst out laughing because I think it was
just ludicrous. If he was bigger or like, I would have been more scared or something, but it was it was like a polypy major was trying to be threatening.
Was he was he mad? Did he have to drive too far or something.
Well, no, because maybe he was mad that I didn't go get it because it was kind of close to my house. I just didn't feel like having to get ready to leave. But he uh, I mean, it's his job. No, I'm not sure, but it was. Or maybe he just started and he doesn't realize the kind of like the subtleties of don't look like you're about to go in the door when you're bringing someone a breathe.
I find most door to door sales and or drop off of product industry jobs, you try to not look like an angry murderer. That's just one of the first things. I think.
It's key. And when they opened Also when I opened the door, he didn't say anything. He was just standing there. It was really hilarious, like in a god, you're bad at this job kind of way.
Sometimes those apps, unlike Huber, won't immediately it'll just be set to your address. And someone was at my house and ordered some taco bell or something to my house, but it ended up going to her house, which is one hundred miles worth or it loves feel it's had to be. So this guy went to the house, called her phone and both were like, oh, so sorry, can you just cancel it? He said no, I'm coming, like he was angry already hung up on it, and then
drove across town with taco bell. It took him over an hour and all the day, and he showed up the same thing, face pressed against the door, angry, but he had a Freddy Krueger hat and he was a big intimidating angry guy and he was so mad. He just forced the bag in my face and like I grabbed it and he just let go of it and he actualed and like left, and I was like, I'm not actually not okay with how angry that guy is.
Who just saw where I lived? And so I went outside and he was peeing on the side of my house. What because of the long drive, he had to go to the bathroom. Sure he wasn't out, and he kind of hid in the bushes. So then when he came out from peeing, I was like, hey, but and then I scared him, So then he is angry and it startled him, and I just gave him a handful of money so he wouldn't kill me later. Good.
Although see that's the thing is everybody, everybody goes Oh yeah, this is so amazing. You can postmates anything anywhere. Well, yeah you can. But you're basically inviting a stranger to come and bring you something that you that you're They know now that you have the kind of money where you can pay to have them bring you taco bell, right, you know what I mean. There's like a you're just inviting anyone to come over to.
Your house, and they know all that about you. They know your dress, they know that you have expendable income, extendable, expendable, expendable, and all we know about them is they dress like Freddy Krueger and they probably are a big enough fan of where that will kill you like him?
Yeah, yeah, over talk about Also, I don't know why he would just not because if it was your guy's fault, it's not like it's going to weigh against him.
Really gave him an opportunity multiple times to not have to deliver this food. Right, It's like there's a mistake, the sorry, you went in the wrong direction. It's our fault. Sorry, Yeah, I'm coming. Oh come so angry, so angry, so I'll never forget. That's the angriest someone's been at me all year.
I think it's so crazy. Well, I that's not true. I'm very angry at you right now.
Oh well, good, good, good. That makes me feel better about that interact. Oh we're doing Yeah, we orted.
To get out of my brand new car.
So tell if you had to sell someone on your car, what do you know about it? What's it do? It's a high.
It's it's a hybrid. So I just filled it up with gas today. It was totally on empty twenty eight bucks and it was empty from my drive back down from Pedaluma. I only filled it up one time on that drive, and normally it's like two or three on the San Francisco to La drive.
Wow, and Pedaluma is how far north of San Francis?
Like, let's see, Pedaluma is like thirty miles north of San Francisco and San Francisco is about three hundred and thirty miles north of l A, so almost four it was. It was mind blowing.
So when is your car that wind? Does it use gas?
It decides? So here's the thing here, So see this here so you can go.
Sorry, I'm adjusting your mike thing.
Oh wait, let's order starbu.
Yes, indeed, guys, proud sponsor.
If you want anything, let us know.
I didn't know lady.
First, Let's see, can I get a Vente mango iced tea? Yeah?
Yeah, and I'll just have a.
Sorry, well I can't hear you. I no just uh can it be just tea?
Yeah? Yes, all the medium iced coffee.
And also a Grande iced coffee sweeter and sweet, oh, unsweetened, unsweetened.
Please, that's gonna be all, thank you.
Well, I was complaining about my mic, but she's kind of much worse. She's as dependent on a good quality much more so. And it sounded like we were talking to a character from the SpongeBob square Pants. Yeah, but that lives under the sea.
That lives under the sea and is trying to stab our ears with a knife.
Yeah. She had a high pitched, but drowning in water voice. She was a combination of two different characters on SpongeBob. That's right.
One a character on SpongeBob who can't swim. That's so sad.
Well, there was an I'm not a big SpongeBob head, but I really liked the Southern.
Texas squirrel Sandy.
It's the best cartoon character ever.
Well, do you want to hear an interesting piece of information.
I would like to know about Sandy the Squirrel.
Well, Sandy the Squirrel used to be my neighbor.
What.
Yes, her name is Carolyn, Carolyn Lawrence, and she is basically she looks exactly like you would think a lady that does squirrel character voices on a cartoon would look. She's like very petite and has a little blonde bob and she's actually also she's a voice actress. She's done a lot of work on a lot of things. But she's also a really badass real estate agent.
Oh wow.
So she helped me when I was in like really bad place with my house and like didn't know what to do and maybe I should sell it and all this stuff. She came over after just she and I like passing on the street and having little neighbor chats. She came over to my house one day and helped me open old scary male.
Oh I remember when she did that.
That was Sandy the squirrel that did that with men.
You told me that story and I didn't realize. Yeah, that's so great.
Yeah it was pretty awesome.
Yeah, well didn't know she is like a real I thought you had like a tax friend do that like it was just a person not scared of male like you.
It was it was a lady. And she has a really good idea where she's like, so many people get into these positions, oftentimes after divorce. Right, She's like, she's like, we I want to start a show where you just go and help people like find their way out of those financial situations, right, because there are ways out and certain people know them, but the kind of people that get themselves into those problems don't know how to contact those.
I'm so bad. And now had I had my surgery last time we podcasted, has it been?
I think, no, no, no, you know what you were. You would watch those fucking YouTube videos and you were you were nervous.
Yeah, and I was, and it was so I did it and it was actually, of course I shouldn't have watched those videos because I wasn't around for the surgery. I just woke up from it. They had me walking right away. I'm repaired and there's no pain in my joint. There's still pain from the surgery, yeah, and a little infection, but I won't get into that. That's gross. Everyone loves that. Who wants to talk about us?
But that's all treated.
That is getting treated, ka. But the relief I'm feeling in my joint is well worth it. But I'm getting these bills and I'm scared to open them because I'm just waiting to make sure they go through insurance first. But I am so scared of bills. My mom was that way too. I remember in kindergarten cops came to my house. It's one of my earliest memories. Police came to my house and arrested my mom. No, because she had ignored collection notices.
Fucking way, are you serious?
Yeah, it's unbelievable, and they were embarrassed. I remember the cops looking at me and like, oh god, this is ridiculous, and my dad's like kind of reprimanding them, like why are you doing this in front of the kids, And they rested my mom.
That's crazy. That's that was my fear.
Some credit card bill that she kept coming and she ignored it and didn't tell my dad and that was But that sounds like I'm making that up. It's unbelievable that they arrested her. But at the time, rather than fuck with your credit, I guess you put put in the pokey. Yeah, No, it was the seventies.
Yeah, maybe they didn't have the system yet where they're like, this will be a point against your consid Yeah.
No, this was early eighties. I don't know why, but anyway, the point is she was always willing to ignore bills.
As I as am. I Yeah, and it's something that you obviously you can do, and it's in the short term, feels good and feels like an actual solution. Oftentimes I would combine ignoring bills with smoking. It just an egregious amount of pot. Those things up very well together, but then they're still there.
Hi, do you need some help?
Nope, you can make coffee. Thank you, Thank you. Starbucks your best friend on a summer day.
Yeah, it used to be our fun joke to say it's a proud spot. But I don't want I don't.
Want to pretend.
That we're sponsored by Starbucks. I even am embarrassed, like there's all these you know, you're supposed to go to these mom and pop coffee places, but I'm sorry, Starbucks gives me the right level of jitters.
But yes, I well, I want to get I want something familiar, and I want to know that I'm gonna know what it tastes like that it's gonna be the thing I want, and I don't get that. When I go to mom Paw coffee houses, they usually have the gourmet coffee that tastes like hot orange juice mixed with black tea kind there's something very citrusy and gross about it.
There's coffee now mixed with butter. No, yeah, oh a bullet.
Oh yes, yes, no, no, I've actually tried that because that's some kind of like paleo thing. Yeah, there is.
So that is what Josh Brolin. It's so funny that because he lives in my area, I always see him walking around and I've said hi forgetting that he's an actor. I'm like, oh, hey, oh, I just waved at you because you were in the Thrash. In the movie he was Corey Webster and Thrash and he's done other things since then. Yeah. But he on his Instagram, you know,
he's fifty's in his early fifties. He is super ripped, and there was like videos of him lifting veiny little muscleman and because he is not a big person, he's kind of a little bit oh is he Yeah? Yeah, It's so funny these actors they're all they're all five eight.
I totally pictured him as a guy.
All he yeah, me too, all he he said, fish and rice and a morning bullet. Yes, butter coffee. I'm like, but it's working for that guy.
Well, And I have to say this, there's something the first time I tried bullet coffee. But they say, now, you're not supposed to ingest coconut oil the way coconut oil has been sold as this, like carol is not true.
That's what I read recently too. But it does. It's bad for your body cholesterol and stuff, but it's good still, I believe for your or your alkaloid triads the brain thing, which it's the reason I got into it, and it's still like Alzheimer's treatment thing. It helps those that whatever. I think it's an alkalide triad.
Yeah, because it's fats in your brain that you need, yeah, to make.
Sure you have. So maybe it's bad for your They're like, don't it gives you heart attacks?
That's fine, Sorry, Will you look at what's happening over here against.
The those boys. I'll dress the same texting as if for a I I it's and there was a dad in.
There oh was there, because there it was like five boys against the.
Wall texting, I think six or seven total that look weird, all with their back against the wall, with their one leg cowboyed up against the wall.
That looked. That looks like some kind of porn.
Thing to me, it did. That was like one of those tickle fight clubs. That's what they were about to go in, have some weird guy film them tickle each other. It's on Netflix right now, Tickled is on. But when I saw it, it was the guy that Nathan for you. Guy was doing a Q and A afterwards. It was a screening at that Silent Movie theater. Yeah, and the filmmaker
was there and it was really interesting, he said. The guy in the end of who ends up being the villain that is kind of organizing this whole weird tickle underground tickle video.
Ring as a woman, he's posing as a woman.
As posing as different women, and then as this guy. Yeah, as many people. He's real a creepy rich kid, like a Trump type family, was wealthy from Manhattan in a building near the Trump Building. Like he is one of these rich his whole life and he just was hiding in some apartment and doing these or tickle videos. And the guy, I think that movie started out as just a project, a short film project, and then it started folding, it unfolding as documentaries do and turning into this other.
Story because the filmmaker was started getting threatened by this woman saying not to cease and desist. You know, this is not like stay away and real threats. And so then of course he was like, well, now, as a documentary filmmaker, I have to like, it's my job to look into this. And it got weirder and crazy. If you haven't seen this documentary, it's called Tickled, and you have to see it as funnyblit.
Sorry, I gave away a little bit of spoilers, but it is absolutely and to meet that guy and see that he's just a sweet, normal, kind of passive person, but that lunatic shows up at his screenings, yeah, and even has asked some decent questions like I like the film, it's well edited. Why why are you following me?
Like is that true? Yeah, that's hilarious.
Yeah. Yeah. The guy has come to several screenings in different cities because he's rich, he's not expendable, if not extendable income expandable, it's growing.
It's an expensive income.
It's like money that's a tiny pill that you're throwing water and turns to a sponge of a dinosaur.
It's expungeable income.
He also, I can say the dumbest ship dumbest and you you you're good. Yes, Andre, God, we should have done improv.
I hate improv.
Yeah, but you're you're very good at I've oftentimes I don't make sense. I'm not enunciated, I'm speaking to and you're just like yep.
Yeah, because we're we know what we're talking about. Impactical. That's what to me, the creepiest part of that movie was how it shows that when rich people that the problem with rich people who don't have any sense of humanity that are sociopaths or psychopaths or whatever their thing is. They can use money to control people and they don't care what the effects of it are because they're just getting they don't care, they're getting what they want, you know.
And that's it's that thing of like this, it's the it's so it's so heavy and philosophical. It's like this like you know the weight of capitalism, where it's like, well, you can make all this money, but then at the end of the day, are you the kind of person that's going to do good with it or you going
to oppress people with it? And that's what this like, all those kids that were in like Flint, Michigan making the videos because they had to, and then the boy that was getting to make them because he would make more money than making the video.
Yeah, I turned into this amway of the sales triangle so heavy. Yeah, it's really it was. It was some bad people. It makes there's a lot of I have a lot of negative feelings towards money, and that was another movie where it's.
Like it proved your point.
Yeah.
Yeah, And that's why I don't pay bills.
That's why I don't make money, because I don't want to become a jerk. Stay poor, stay sweet.
Yeah that's the only way to do it.
No, I'm doing fine. Got myself a fancy robot, leg didn't I?
Yeah, you sure did it.
Yeah I figured that out.
You'd thank god you did it before they were entirely repealed all healthcare in this country.
I am so scared I'm gonna do because I've always looked like Paul Ryan and yes, at the forefront of making sure that no more babies are born through Medicaid. It's how many what there's a percentage, oh staggering percentage of babies that are born through Medicaid that no longer will be able to What does that even mean? Like, we don't even know what that means. Little kids that have special treatments that no longer will be Every day
I see a new story about it. Some kid that has really specific tubes in his nose and you won't be able to afford it, afford it anymore.
But it doesn't make sense because have you seen there's an infographic that's unbelievable. It shows how much like the top six insurance CEOs make. There's some of them that make like eight hundred thousand dollars a day. Their yearly income is like two hundred and sixty million dollars or something insane like that, where it's like and the and
this is they're making sure that these people. It's just so it's like that concept of no such thing as a free lunch, but it's but these motherfuckers absolutely get free lunch every single day.
Yeah, they literally go places and they're like, are you fancy? We're going to lunch it on us fancy insurance man.
Yeah, it's created very upsetting.
It is upsetting.
Oh, this is a comedy podcast.
Yeah, we do make jokes, but.
We aren't going to right now. No, because that's my that's where I work. Oh wow in the Sunkiss building.
Wow, that Sunkiss soda.
Uh. Yes, they all left and now there's TV production offices in there.
That. Wow, that's a convenient location for you.
I like it. It's fun.
That's fun. I'm gonna have a job one day, Yeah you will. Yeah, I don't. I don't want one right now. I like. I like my freelance lifestyle.
Yeah, you're a big freelancer.
Yeah. You know what I'm doing lately? What designing emojis? What? Well, it's little skateboarding emojis.
Yeah yeah, that's rad.
Yeah, I mean they're they're going to be in a magazine first. I don't know if they're gonna, but I think that they should. I'm gonna figure out how we can actually use them.
That's very cool phone.
Because I'm putting too much time into them looking like emojis. They're just emojis off little poorly made skateboard ramps and skateboarder heads and ankle bruises, really specific skateboard emojis.
Yes, I love it.
Yeah, that's what I've been doing lately.
I mean, look, I love the emojis that come with the phone, me too. But I don't need seven different kinds of sushi to express myself to my friends.
I need dicks. Where are the little wicks?
Are the dicks?
And but I'm tired of using these peaches and egg plants. That diagonal egg plant can't be a boner anymore.
It can't. It's just no one's boner is purple.
I really have went to I'm such a child adult emojis. Like I was hoping you could get a little package so I can have more than just a coiled up poo.
Oh, yes, I think you can buy more.
Yeah, can't I hope. So I don't know, you never, I never. I have yet to get any you know, some boobs or wieners.
Oh, yeah, I bet you have to wonder if they like allow that, or if there's some kind of a rule against it.
Maybe there isn't. Yeah, they are little cartoons.
Though, No, that's true. I do like it'd be.
Funny of any kind of porn. It is rampant on the Internet and any child can see fingers and urethras. But they they keep the cartoon emojis from being too explicit.
They're like, don't be filthy. Yeah, sorry, Well, what I think it's funny is that people will always find a way. So it's like there are no there are no body part emojis. But it is now internationally known that the eggplant is a dick and the peach is a butt. I mean, that's just how it is.
People. Because of the emojis, people are starting to bring these fruits and vegetables into the bedroom.
Now have you, folks, have you heard about.
This the folks listen, not folks. People are bringing in these fruits and vegetables.
Now, I'm telling you, egg plant doesn't taste good with a peach.
Ask for suggestion of the emoji. Carrots are going in.
The Hooters in the right The carrots are going into the Hooters.
Yeah. Yeah, it's just they're walking in with a bunch of baseball dads and kind of being inappropriate with some girls that are trying to pay for college through waititressing.
Carrots at Hooters.
Yeah, usually it's on the side of some wings. It's really just something to occupy ranch, carrots and you know celery. Uh, it's they're just thinly veiled ranch vehicles for your mouth.
That's I agree.
That's all they are. If it weren't for carrots and celery, we would all just be drinking little things of ranch. Oh that's kind of gross.
I don't like that, doing like ranch shots.
Yeah, I don't like the idea of it being a beverage. I'd like to take.
That back, Okay, especially on this I'll edit it. On this hot, hot day.
You know what I want? It's a sip of your mango.
No, no, no, I actually meant to offer because it's so good, and then I didn't.
Oh it's sweet and delicious?
Is it? Is it too tard?
Oh? God, I really like it.
Should we go to a different Starbucks and getting.
What is that mango?
Yes, it tastes like a real mango.
You know, people are getting mangos into the bedroom.
They're squeezing them, they're putting them into their start right there? Who has Okay, it is here in the valley. We're just driving randomly around the valley. I saw a very large man getting off a bike just now.
Just now to your left. I didn't see what he is doing.
Well, he was very I mean, like, God bless he's trying to get out there and move around.
Lord bless him.
Lord on High, bless this man. But not when it's one hundred and ten. This is the one day you had the perfect excuse to take off. It's one hundred and ten.
You have you been watching? I don't know. I'm not laughing because it's bummed me out. And I've been I watched The Keepers and now I'm on a Handmaiden's Tale. Oh yea yeah, I'm a feminist and I've been it the but the the things they say when they greet each other, I can't living in it, living in his grace. The gifts are in our eyes, the sun is a bounty or would they just say these it's it's I want to start using those.
I haven't watched the New Handmaid's Tale because it's too real.
It it is it really. I know they were working on it, probably prior to the current climate, but it really, really, really is scary. It's all of them parallels that are in it that I know they weren't thinking that up in the last one hundred and fifty days or whatever. I think they we're still in pre production or whatever.
Well, and that book, Margaret Atwood wrote the book.
Right, and there's a movie, wasn't there a movie with a yeah?
Yeah, it was good. Actually it was real good Robert Duval, but also creepy. I mean, the whole idea of it, though, is just here's the thing. I feel like I've said this before, but this is my thing. I'm holding onto a tight that this is the the purging of the purging and the awareness, the awakening. Good people are awakening to the fact that they can't stay neutral anymore about other people's oppression.
So that whole thing of that's why all these lip tarts are going from snowflake to to cockland to cockling violence, because we're getting we're not gonna take it anymore.
Well, but they it's like liptarts.
It fun to say.
You can't you can't pretend anymore that it's not a big deal.
Right.
That used to be everybody was kind of like, it, don't make such a big deal about the problem. Well, it's a huge fucking problem, right, And when I say it, I mean ninety five different fucking things that happen every single day.
Crazy and in this though, with a lot of these sci fi or dystopian future movies, it's about not being able to know what can make babies. Babies have all of a sudden become this commodity or currency, which I don't like that that's is that happening. Is everyone starting to shoot blinks?
Well, I mean more than it used to be, although we're so overpopulated.
The world is a populated but exactly, it's like when that's not going to be a problem for even our kids, you know, people quit making people.
But I think it's the thing of chemicals when you you know, when you take all the restrictions off of chemical corporations.
And all the shit, which of course is happening right now, which.
Is happening, then everything becomes poison pretty soon. Yeah, everyone's sterile because everybody's Look, we're now we've gone into we.
Are in an interesting I think we're about to hear some gunfire.
This is Sunland if I've ever seen it.
We've been in this area though, I think we have. Yeah, we've driven along this railroad up ahead.
This is just the area where people who can't afford to pay three thousand dollars a month for rent live, which is a lot of people.
Yeah, these are people that are able to pay like seven fifty or eight.
Yeah, that's great, which was the normal amount when I was a child.
Yeah, maybe I'll move over here. That's ooh, that's nice. That one with the bullet holes, it's nice. Ooh ooh. I like that graffiti.
I bet there's fun parties out here. Yeah, I've lot of parties and whatnot.
Yeah, I bet they just blok off the street here a lot and a crack open a fire hydrant. Yes, I've always wanted to do that. I've never been able to play in a fire hydrant.
The road literally ends.
In about a thousand feet.
Well, well, I have never played an open fire hydrant either.
I'm waning. Maybe I only want to, like in a city.
Right, it would only be fun in the Bronx.
That would be really fun. There's so many things that are just iconic memories from my childhood. And then I realized, oh, that's a movie. I've never I've never jumped around and played in a fire hydrant.
I've never.
I was going to have a second example, and I left you out. I know, I hung out to dry.
Do you have what?
I don't know. I'm still just fire hydrant. That's the only thing I haven't done in my life that Other than that, I'm fulfilled. Apparently I can't be.
Let's get you a fire hyder.
I think of one life regret other than jumping in fire hydrant water.
I was going to say, I've never played under a parachute, which is they always use very cinematically in films. I have because I went to Montessori Grammar School. You do that shit all the time.
And Montessori Grammar school is like where you can talk however you want, right.
Yeah, you can really bring that lip right over to the teacher. It's like grade yourself and go at your own pace, and everybody smart in their own way. It's all that shit.
You are your own professors. Yeah, yeah, just it's good preparation for how the real world is.
Yes, you know, like when you get something done, you get a dot on a card, just like the real world. You get a green dot for math and a red dot for English.
Yeah. We always had to play in parachutes when I was young.
They make you do that whole lot.
Yeah, I don't what what do you think that it's it's a group activity, it's something to make kids do. I guess you're sort of being active. Those are reasons, but really, why why why the parachute.
I think it's you know, maybe they had them around and they realized it's a fun like I That is actually one of my favorite memories from being a child is it was very magical, like you throw the parachute up. It's it's team building type of bullshit where everybody throws the parachute up at one time, and then it becomes
this like mushroom shape. Sure, and you can do the thing where you then get down in it, right, you pulled your side down and you can be inside and it stays up for a while and then it falls down on you. Then you do it again, that kind of stuff.
Yeah, yeah, and you see the other kids and then bye, you're by yourself. It teaches you about loneliness.
That's right, and that that is going definitely going to be a part of your life in the future. And then what you need to do if you're lonel is just throw that parachute up again.
I just think it's funny that all schools have parachutes. Does that mean that they're not using the elementary school airplane and then the parachutes to jump in. We could be in an airplane this whole time. Yeah, no one's using these parachutes. We should just take them to the gymnasium. I want to be reflying in this airplane. You're hiding from me at packs in elementary I'm a panther.
I didn't know packs and had their own pilot. And he's unsafe. He's now unsafe.
Because he flies with He insists somewhere in the mascot outfit while he's flying. You can't fly a plane while wearing a giant foam.
Panther head Yours was a panther.
Yeah, packs and panthers.
Ours was the Wilson School Warriors, and it had I think we've talked about this, but we had the best shirts because it just said Wilson School and then this huge picture of a really cool looking Indian Native American and they they changed it to Uh.
I wonder if mind shag it because I was a Washington Warrior. Oh, and it was. It was a Native American like featherhead dress. Yes, and I bet I wonder they should have changed it, and I bet they did in Missoula, Montana. That is the one that's the liberal nucleus of Montana. And there's plenty of people in surrounding towns and reservations that would be offended for it. So I bet they don't. I bet it's just but we have no graphics this year. We just have warriors.
How about you pick a nice panther or a puma and that you could be at now, yes, said, because that doesn't offend anybody.
Well, we were the packs and black panthers, which is weird because it wasn't mostly white school.
Oh these children with their fists in the air.
Fight. We were fighting the capitalists with the raised fish. Hell.
Yes, as we should to to this very day. I kind of like this area that we just drove by, a strip mall I've.
Never seen before in Glendale.
No, no, we are this is Recita, I think, Oh.
No, we're here. We're in Lavenderrea.
Wait no, no, no, we're in boost Mobile Lavend area.
Boy, they were really that does mean a laundromat? Correct, that's correct? Yes, I know. I took a little Spanish in Esquela. Oh yes, un paquito.
Look at the knob hill. Oh wow, I feel like that used to be very fancy.
Do you remember that One time we drove by a building that looked like that and it was this weird like uh uh trap for children. It was like magic fun bounty ball castle. Oh yeah. And then but it was is that a weird feel about it?
There was no like windows type of weirdness.
Yeah, there's just kids in they're trapped.
Oh and then now we're coming up on a Walmart Walmart, which means you know that we're kind of outside of the bounds of normal.
La Walmart's that's where people on the outskirts go to get everything, yes, to take back to their compound so you can peel their fingers off their gun from the cold hand.
That's right.
They designed their own flag. I'm assuming everyone, everyone in the outside of a city or in a small town has designed their own flag and they want to be their own sovereign nation.
Yes.
They have bunkers, yes, and a lot of can goods.
The bunker based society.
Yeah. My grandparents had a cellar with uh they were preparing for something. Oh yeah, yeah, it was It was a dirt cellar. It was like dirt and there was food down there and water and we were told to go down there if shit hit the fan. No, but I didn't know what that meant.
Yeah, I mean, what do you think they meant? Specifically?
I think that my grandpa was always scared of Adam Baumb's.
Oh yeah, that makes sense.
You know he was in the WW two. Yeah, and it could happen at any moment.
Yeah, that's very true.
We go to the basement. I would have had to drive across town to get to the basement, or.
Ride your bike if for some reason you couldn't get to a car.
And then just eat soup for years? Is that what we're supposed to do?
Cold soup out of a can. I'd rather not live.
That's also just kind of uncomfortable to be around. My grandparents that ball.
So much scrabble, Well we'd even talk about I mean, just.
Years of scrabble and soup and no eye contact.
If you still had electricity, you could finally teach how to use a computer correctly. You'd have enough time.
Oh they're all dead now, aren't they?
Jesus? Aren't they? God? Damn?
What do we what do we? Yeah? Every once in a while, Yeah, for once in a while, we just cover everything and we're that's we're lost for. We really covered everything. It really there's nothing left.
I'm going to discoose this with you. We went to the Dave Holmes show the Friday forty, which is.
Not at It was not at Nerdiced, it was at this place you were describing.
Called It's Star It's called Starburns Castle and it's Dan Harmon's company. Starburns Now has a performance space in Burbank and it's awesome and you can kind they can set up anything. It's just a big, huge square room where they have all the kind of equipment and technology to set up a stage in any So, when I was there to see Dave's Holmes show, the stage was very high and the seats was folding seats and it was
like two big rectangular blocks of folding seats. Then when I went last night to do Super Tight the show at the same space, the stage was low and wide because they had a band setup on it, and they had a video screened down because of Hamed Weinberg and Steve Stephen Fine Arts showed a video that they made cool and they had bleachers in the back, so they had the folding chairs and bleachers. Anyhow, it's a super
cool setup. But at the Friday forty and if you have never gone to that and you live in LA I highly recommend it because it's a panel of three comics who have to drink a forty ounce of beer while they while they play a trivia game.
But the trivia game, every time I've done it, it's with a sober competitor and I'm the only one drinking.
Really, yeah, I did that. The one time I played, someone had.
To drink for me. Yeah, in the audience, sadly.
But they have these people who are from some sketch group. I don't know where Dave gets them. They're so fucking funny. And on this one, this guy came out as mister Poppers, who was this summer school teacher, the summer school geometry teacher that was basically telling everybody it's your own fault you're in summer school. It was so funny, and he was telling these stories while he was setting up the
trivia questions. He was also being very rude and condescending to all the kids who were in summer quote unquote summer school. It was can you hear that?
Not yet?
Okay, I'm so hot?
Yeah, it sounds okay right now, Okay.
Yeah, So anyway, it was just incredibly enjoyable and one of those things where when it was over, I was like, I just this is why I do comedy. This is why I love my life, because my job and I'm supposed to be doing is just always going to shows like this, is making sure I know about things like this, which is the best.
And I also read from Dave Holmes's post is the Hamilton musical guy with Lynn.
What's his name, Lynn Manuel Miranda?
Yeah, he was there.
He was in the audience.
Yeah, holy shit. And he said everyone performing was very conscious of him being there, whether or not. He was laughing the whole time. Wow, isn't that kind of cool.
That's amazing, that's very cool. I didn't see him, but it was me and Julian mccula standing in the back just talking to other comics in the back.
Wait, this was yeah, what's this this past Friday? Right, and I'm yeah, he texted me said he was with you and I was at meltdown and then but I was heading home.
That's right because we were So I met him for dinner because I hadn't seen him in a long time. And then we were like, let's go do something fun and let's go let's go be among our.
People, and so he instinctively texted me, so let's do something fun and you both said fair Banks got to and I'm laying in bed taking oicon.
He is fun. But you the show that you had been on that night, or maybe you were supposed to be on unfortunately was at seven o'clock. But the lineup was so perfect. It was you. It was Andy Killer like everybody he read. I was like, we're there right now, and then he goes, oh seven o'clock. Damn it was over.
Yeah, yeah, it was very very fun.
Who else did that show?
Who else was on it? Who else was on it? I'm the old bad I'm a jerk that just showed up late. And I was like, am I up?
And oh yeah, well you are recovering and in recovery, so.
Don't worry about I did, and then I had to rush back home because I needed my antibiotics and my pain pills. Yeah, I'm still recovering from this.
You know we're gonna get you what, We're gonna get your little pill holder.
Yeah, that says Monday.
Because I always I have to have my epilepsy medicine on me at all times, or I probably don't have to, but I mentally need it.
Well, yeah, when's the last time that happened an epileptic seizure? Oh, it's been years.
It's been it's probably six or seven years. The only time I have them is if I've completely missed my medication, taking my medication, And did.
I make this up? Or what a strobe light set it off?
It can't. But I'm never around like we look at this.
Every time I see a strobe light, I'm like thinking.
Look at his cowboy's bow legs he rides.
There's a man that rides so many horses it has affected his skeleton.
Holy shit. You never see things like that in Mela.
He's he is a hardcore cowboy.
Yes, he's dressed like a cowboy.
His legs look like parentheses.
Just that's exactly what it looked like.
I feel like, do you think that he became a cowboy because he's like, well, what am I gonna do with this stance that I've had since I was a kid? No, no, Because that was to his legs. In between
No?
his legs was the shape of a horse. The for real cross section of a head on horse.
The inside of his thighs were in mourning because there was no horse touching them.
You know what in a cartoon when a horse is like I'm getting out of here, and he smashes through a wall, and there's that horse shape. That was the silhouette between that guy's thighs. That was his thigh gap. Was a horse. Mother of God, let's go back. We got to go talk to him.
Hong Kong, sir, I have four questions.
Bolow tie, where'd you get it built?
Buckle? How is it that big three?
Did men break your legs? Or did horses do that?
Were you? I mean, it was like he's alway, he's been on a horse and just now got off it. That's what it honestly looked like.
My dad's second wife had the family was cattle ranch people in Montana, and her brothers and her dad all had those parenthasy legs. Really yeah, they they they all rode so many horses and even had fallen over on horses and had the horses break their legs, which you don't think about. But of course, if you fall over on a horse and the horse lines on your leg, you're done for really bad for your leg? Are we near Jackie Cass? I really don't know this city.
We're way past. There's nowhere near her, are we Well no, actually we kind of are, but it's it's further that way.
Okay, Well you got the right friend of the show, friend of my person for a friend of your internal friend of my organs.
Uh, yeah, I'm I'm I'm jealous of a nice bow legged I mean'st all my lifelong dream is and not have.
They used to be in my family? Then?
You know you brought it out?
Well did she's met? You know, marriages like most of them just didn't last.
And oh she married in though way.
She married out. She married then she married out, she turned. Yeah, you can marry in, you can marry out, you can marry sideways. You can never marry over across. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm thinking about the chess. I don't know how to play. I don't know how to play marriage cheers. Man.
Marriage chess would be a great game.
Yeah, it really would be a great combination. Husbands and wives competing a live show and you watch them silently play chess while they're mad at each other.
For just for years, just years and years of chess play king me.
Oh, it is all about you.
Someone's always drunk stupid pieces.
There is nothing more fun than drunk voices, drunks.
Was. I feel like I need to work it into my act more. I have one drunk voice joke.
It's really good. You did it. You just did a perfect drunk mom a bitch.
So that's also I lived it. So there's part of it that's really not a character at all.
Yeah, that's why it makes me laugh is because you're just triggering. It's like those kids in the fire hydrant. It's like, oh at home, and I'm laughing. I don't know what else to do. You sound like my mom in that blue robe without her headphones plugged in, just listening to Don't Worry Be Happy, booming through the house because the headphones are just dangling. The chord is not plugged in. We are all listening to don't Worry, Be Happy, and it's not working for any of it.
It doesn't work. That's the one song that you It makes sense that you would choose it as some kind of influencing number, but it doesn't work.
Yeah, And of course you're gonna worry if somebody came and took your bed. It means they might come back. They might come back.
There and take other ship as well.
I hate it when that happens.
Someone crashed right into the front of the house.
You really got to go to the bathroom. Yeah, I'm progressive.
Don't worry about that household. They got their ship together. Yeah, I feel like solar panels means somebody's paying attention.
Yeah, not the Yeah, they just don't pay attention while they're driving because they had run through the gate. Have you ever, speaking of drunk voices, seen that. It was the first, Back before videos were viral, you would just get a cassette tape and someone would say, here, watch this, and usually it's something close up and sectually explicit, but
sometimes a VHS tape. Key Berta Kelly Loan made this VHS tape and uh, it was someone had recorded their neighbors drunk and then just dated up puppet like had puppets puppet show. So this recording that they so you could tell it was muffled and it was two drunk men that maybe were an old couple that lived together, the old roommate. It is the best.
There's a documentary about it.
I don't even remember anything what it's called. I just remember laughing so hard and it's like, how does the world see this? How do I see more of this? It's uh and who knows what those people went on to do. It's probably wonder shows and people or something.
It's the thing was called. It wasn't it like something like fuck you Little Man or yeah something. There's a documentary about that. You can see of the guys that made the tape and how famous they got because of the tape and how wow. Basically it was one of the first viral videos and all that stuff. It's amazing and I'd never heard it before I saw the documentary, but everyone I.
Know had see I didn't even know about this documentary, and I just basically pitched the documentary. Everything happens before I think of it.
That's right, you need to catch up to Uh. Well, I used to love those things though. I remember a videotape we went and we were at Maryland Race Cub's house when she looked through John Brian and we I think it was Paton brought over a VHS tape and it had all of the fucking grit. It was like CNN anchors doing bloopers. It was it was the farting Preacher. It was you know, the farting Preacher, right, Yes, the best thing of all the time. But then it was
also like kind of like horrible things. So it'd be like there was there's one time there was a full orchestra where the stage collapsed underneath them as they were playing.
I've seen that.
So that was on there. It was just kind of every video that was like you have to see this on one tape and it got passed around by all the comics.
Yeah, there was. There was always those tapes too. Yeah, farting preacher, someone fallen down and then all of a sudden a bicyclist's getting hit by a speeding train. Yes, well I didn't need to see, Yes, one needs to did need to see the farting Preacher.
However, like the lady, the lady who's stomping the grapes, No.
No, no.
But the best part about that is this thing makes me laugh more than it's the best. She was being such an asshole by going okay, go and on that, like she was trying to beat, just trying to cheat. Yeah, that's the best part.
Of that whole thing dope. Oh, that's the funnest.
It's so funny.
You haven't seen Great Lady Falltown. Just google Great Lady falls Down, News News Blooper, Great Lady Faulltown.
I feel like everyone that was Actually they did it on Family Guy. It was so well known. Yeah, you've done it everywhere.
And the first viral thing I remember saying is the on et Bomb's World, which they even jokingly if you go to their Instagram, they're like, Yep, we're still around, like they make fun about they kind of started everything. But the G I Joe re dubbed cartoon, like they took excerpts from G I Joe cartoons that I grew up watching and just put ridiculous dubbing dubbed ridiculous things. And it's so funny that it's always because there's always
like a message today we learned in this cartoon. And there'll be a bunch of kids on bikes and they just run into one of the GI Joe guys. So it's usually little kids on bikes dealing with some guy that's half snake, you know, some cobra con guy. And then they're like, never play with matches when you're but they just added, like, uh, which one of you kids
wants a body massage or whatever. It's just like ridiculous, And I laughed so hard at it, and it was I remember on dial up in someone's college dorm room watching it on a computer back when I had to finish my papers in the library because I didn't even know people owned computers. But I remember seeing it on dial up. Someone watched It's so.
Old have you seen? And I've just seen this for the first time, but someone told me it's very old. Have you seen the one that is, uh, your business card is crap? Okay, just watch it. I won't describe it. Yes, it's kind of self explanatory, but it's just one of those things where like it. As I watch it, I just it's there are people who make videos and they think a lot of us do this. We think we're
presenting ourselves in one way. Right here, I'm gonna act like this and I'm gonna have this like stance, in this attitude, and people will interpret me in this way that I think they're gonna interpret me, and they're so fucking wrong, Like they're so incorrect about like if I talk like this, I'm gonna seem like a tough know what all guy, whereas like this guy that does the video is such a knob. It's hilarious.
And what is he He's just talking about business cards.
He's talking about what a bad business card is and this is like it's it's and then he shows his own business card and about how like this this how important business cards are. But he's had it's got a touch of Tony Robbins. But like if Tony Robbins was on crystal meth, is kind of the feeling it had.
Well, there's also the that's the comic relief from American Psycho, that movie where the you know, they all are jealous and envious of their what kind of paper and fawn Yes, it's like, oh that's bone and copperplate. Yeah, they're all like home, I can't believe he has a better card than mine. I have to maintain my composure. Maybe I'll kill somebody later.
That part of that movie made me feel sick because it there were things that I would see that would come up in the world that would make me feel like I'll never be able to everyone will always know that I'm from a farm. Like in a thing like that where I'm like, I don't know anybody that acts like this, like that feeling of like I don't know anyone who's ever had a business card, you know what I mean.
It's funny because those people in real life, they're the ones. They're all everyone's from a farm. Yeah, everyone's pretending to not be a farm. We're all farmers, We're all onlyfarmers dot com. And everyone's pretending to be a big city. That's what I realized them with this famous thing with people pretending to and it works to pretend to be successful or pretend to be sophisticated or any It worked on me when I first came here, and I'm like, God,
I'm not. But now I'm realizing everyone's just pretending.
Yeah, that's very true, and you can only pretend for so long and then the mask is going to come off and then you're screwed. So you guys will just actually work on your authentic self.
Or by just buying nicer quality masks.
Made of high quality paper that doesn't bend in the hand. Yes, I have. In driving around this area, I'm now obsessed with the idea of buying a donut. There's so many donut places. I mean, I'm not really like I do, but I want to get out of the car because it's going to be like an oven. Yeah, but you know, like you don't see so many donut places as you do out here.
When I I don't think about donuts that much. I'm not bragging, but I don't have much of a sweet.
It feels like you are to me.
It hurts me cause you know, I have never had a cavity in my life.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Never in my life? Yeah. However, almost on an abuse level, I would brush my teeth after each piece of candy I had on Halloween because I was petrified that tiny monsters were indeed digging putting holes in my teeth. No, I thought cavity creeps were tiny little lamouicell like monsters that lived in your mouth and they were going to eat at my teeth.
Whoa God, no wonder you don't sweet tooth.
I was instilled with fear. I was not allowed sugar cereals, I was not allowed chocolate. We ate something called carib the worst and every packson panther I know was in the Swiss Swash program, which is one fluoride once a month. You would put this in your mouth, accidentally swallow a little, and then vomit all day. It was. It would make me so nauseous. The Swish Swash program, it was experimental.
Not a lot of schools were doing it. If I ever see an adult now and I'm like and being a packs and panther comes up, I'm like, have you ever had a cavity? And they're like no, wow. And if someone doesn't have a cavity and I just meet them, I'm in New York City, I'm like, you're a packsan panther and they're like, what, how did you know what town I'm from? That one? I'm kidding that one. That'd be crazy that has happened that way.
I mean the Swiss Swash program it was.
It was these guys and lab coats. They didn't work. The people came and they gave us fluoride.
Now did you And.
There was fluoride in my drinking water in my town? Yeah?
I think everybody had that.
I know a lot of people without cavities, but but probably cancer, that's right.
Yeah, But did you ever have the thing? This is what we had and it was much more fun and like there's nothing scary about it. But they would every like once a year whatever they would a dentists would come to our school and give us kind of a demonstration. And what they would do is they would have you chew up a red pill and it would show all the places you missed when you brushed that morning, if you even brushed at all.
That well, I did that at my orthodontis the archaic man that put rubber bands and a cage in my roof of my mouth to poke my tongue to teach me to not listen anymore. Guess what it worked?
Did it?
Yeah? I mean I don't talk. I used to talk like Charles Nelson Riley and now I'm you know, or just kind of savable type I used to well, I guess more of a Wallace John anyway. But h they I remember, I'm giving those pink pills and it shows plaque or tartar.
Yes, and it's very embarrassing black and were tartar and tartar.
I went to that show Girls Venus Fair once. Yeah, we there there's Susannah, Susannah Lucky Deluxe. She's a comic that moved away. But she did something called peep Show there where she would ask you questions about taboo issues while during a strip tease. Jimmy Pardo did it. A bunch of comics did it, and it was very uncomfortable to have a naked person doing a strip tease while interviewing you.
What was the idea?
Very funny to watch, okay, because.
It would be funny because people were uncomfortable.
Just the reaction and some people would a kind of like, oh yeah, like where this is going? And I was just like, ah, I don't. There's a phone in there too, that so you could talk. It's like an old timey thing where you put in quarters. There's a phone and glass. It's like visiting someone in prison, except there naked.
Wow.
So you talked to him on the phone and it's a booth and I swear I went there for work. It's a small paycheck, but wow. Yeah, And it was there.
It was at that place.
It was at that place. We're in Victory and Lancersham.
Oh that's nuts. Yeah, there's there was. There was a show in New York Comics doing stand up naked. Do you ever hear about that?
No? Real or I mean comics that just did that show and got naked.
I mean I feel like, yes, I feel like you'd have to be a real comic to even be able to focus on your material while being naked while on stage. I do know. I think Zach Scherwhin talked about it on a podcast one time. Oh Wow, which is very He's you know, he's kind of a hippie, that's his thing.
Yeah, he said he's got a loose hippie lifestyle.
He's loosey, goosey.
I really like that day.
I do too.
He's always puts me in a good moment.
Yeah, he's so nice and calming and like and he gets it. He's one of those people that always understands what you're talking about, right.
He's just one of those guys where I talked to him, I'm like, Wow, you put me at ease. I hope. I hope I do that for someone somebody sometime. Probably not right now, though, later I gotta go be stressed out.
Now that your hip is better, I bet you're going to be able to do that much more.
I really think so. I didn't realize how constant the pain was until all of a sudden, there's metal in there and my bones aren't rubbing together. Yes, it's full relief in my joint. And all the yelling I did in traffic, all the snapping at people, well, yeah, I hope that that's cut down. Although I've been doing that since my youth.
Well, I mean, look me too, it's a habit. But also oftentimes there's a reason. Yeah, there's a reason everybody does everything. But being in constant chronic pain and then getting you it's so long you have it that you get used to it is a bad Yeah. Then you're kind of almost feeling negative because it's like, well this will this is just my life, like this will never end.
Yeah, I'm really excited for my physical future, which I've never felt I haven't for a long time.
That's great.
I feel like in the future I'm going to be an in shape, pain free person.
Do you feel like you're going to develop into a real sextra one eventually?
I really hope. So I hope that that outlook. I hope that I can just and I want to be a better.
Rapper and taller.
Wish there was a baller.
I just talking about him reminded me that Mike Kaplin came and did a drop and set at the last business class that you were on hard. He was so funny that night, and that bit he did that wasn't I think he said on stage that it was either
new or he was working on or whatever. But he was trying to do a bit about how the most powerful thing is not using your power, and it was so interesting and I can't stop thinking about it because he was basically making the point that like a lot of people are like, use your power for good, or use your power to do this or that, or to
fight this. Yeah yeah, and instead he was like, but wouldn't really the most powerful thing to do with your power is to not use your power against people, right, which is just yeah, just to be able, like how powerful you would be to be able to restrain yourself from lording your power over anyone.
What were his examples, because I don't remember, like if you were able to fly.
He don't go invisible if you can go invisible, right. He was working it out and kind of talking through it and then often said it was a new bit or something, yeah, yeah, but just the concept of it is so interesting. I like that he's so philosophical in his comedy. Yes, it makes it fun.
I want to be that way. I want to be like.
Other people I want to be. However I'm not. And I also want new material, but I don't want to have to write it me too. That's my thing.
In a panic that night, Actually, I remember trying new stuff because I had just recorded these hour long sets to compile and give to hopefully a guy that's going to produce a special for me, and I like, after doing all my jokes, I'm like, oh, I really am tired of some of these things. I really must replace them, yes, with new ideas that are not about balls.
Your joke's are about balls, some of them. Some of them are I notice in doing because I just don't do enough comedy and I often flake on shows, and I I don't take it seriously because I have other I have other jobs and stuff, so it's not my main thing. But I love it and I want to do it, but I also don't. I'm it's very easy for me to be like, I'm not going to show up and you can't threaten me with anything because I'm on because I'm I'm beyond all caring, right, which is bad forcame.
I'm like, not doing the other things that you are doing. All I am doing is showing up all the time. That's where I'm like, well, as long as I just keep doing these shows, but I'm not doing the other work, Like you got to do it all? Yes, how do you do it all?
I don't.
How do you do it all? Sexual?
So good? Well, but also I think my thing is because I'm so insanely prideful that I get in my own way so badly of like, I have that leftover nineties obsession with I want to beat everyone. I want to be the best one. I want to you know what I mean. I don't want to just do a set. I want to destroy. It's that thing that I started out with that maybe I could kind of reach that level every once in a while. Well now I never
do because I don't do comedy enough. So then I have so much shame about sets that are fine, right, because I don't want to just have a fine set right, Like I want people to be like this is the you changed my life or whatever.
And that's why people are ys like, you're really hard on yourself. Why aren't you happy with that? I'm like, because it wasn't great and I can do great, yes, so when it's just good, I'm pissed like it was.
Bad, right exactly.
In the nineties, the older comics were mean, and everything was about this upcoming contest, yes, and whoever went it wanted got a golden ticket to Los Angeles. And that's what I was raised. And I think it was the era, not even so much. It was because I was dealing with that on a smaller level. You know, in Austin, well it was well, you were dealing with it.
Nobody was nice, so the only way you could ever get any footing was to be a be known as being a really good comic. That's the only way people would even kind of acknowledge you. So then I had this real duke's up kind of mentality about comedy, and I also which made me, of course hate comedy because
how exhausting is that? And not fun? That's why like the first time I saw Rory Scovel on stage and he was just doing that bit about being in the grocery store, and it was like so benign, you know, like it wasn't some groundbreaking concept, but his full person was having the best time talking about a kind of dumb things. He's so great. I haven't seen it.
I'm like, God, damn it, because I like how his brain works and I can relate to how his brain works. It's amazing and he's really good at it. And the opening sketch he's just this this like Chris angel eyeliner, like assphole comedian character in the opening.
Yes, I have to.
Say it's so great.
I mean, I love watching him. I will absolutely watch that.
He's one of my favorite. There's a lot of specials. I don't get excited, you know, but when it's someone well.
When it's someone that you also it's hard to watch comedy when you do comedy, because then you either like you're either there's not a lot of pluses. It's like you're either jealous it makes you feel bad, or you're you're critical whatever.
I was jealous watching him, but it made me feel good.
But it's also like I feel.
Like I can do that too, make.
Sure well, it's about kind of having a good time and loosening up around it as opposed to tightening and being competitive. It's he feels to me like Will Ferrell, where just his talking is funny. So everything's fine. You just watch him and go, everything's good. Yeah, it's all good.
Everyone's at ease. Yeah, and even when a joke didn't work and I was reassured he had some diarrhea and Paul's jokes too.
Sure, it's okay, Yes, it's beloved, of course, it's okay.
Yeah. Yeah, I text. I had to like, I had to tell him that was really great, and then he's like, thank you. And then later I'm like, really, I very much liked it. I had to like, he's like, all right, all right, take it easy. I got a baby and a wife and stuff, and I really like your comedy.
You're like, well, normally I say this to people and I do not mean it, but I need you to understand.
I'm not exactly. That's why I had to reinforce ith. Yeah.
Also, it's you know, when you're on stage, Like it's the thing of when I'm on stage, we.
Can go home. When I we've been going a while, Oh okay, good, just a little post that's a little behind the scenes.
That's good to know because I'm so hot.
Yeah, I mean, we can finish your thought that I didn't mean to interview.
No, no, no, I kind of can't. I was saying the same thing in a just a kind of a third angle, but It's exactly the same idea, which is just comedy is only fun if you're having fun right the end.
Yeah, it's true, and I need to always. It's something I even tell myself. It's so dumb, but I do tell myself that before. I like remind myself to have fun, or at least pretend I'm having fun at least, because then you can, all of a sudden you're like, oh, it's working. It's like when you stare in the mirror and you smile. It's like, I'm happy now, even though I was looking like a murderer at myself in the mirror, smiling yeah, and holding you know, I have to hold a knife.
Sometimes just simply to look at yourself.
Yes. Yeah, I finally watched that scary thing that you mentioned two years ago and sent you a picture of it. But the lady with the voodoo doll on the knife and then her teeth turned into it really was scary.
Okay, it was a YouTube.
Horribly not a very good quality.
What was it? A trilogy of terror trilogy? So scary. But here's now you sent me that picture on Twitter.
You're right, it's so well. This necklace isn't supposed to fall off. I hope it doesn't. She sets it down, it falls off, and then all hell breaks loose.
I better go take a bath in the my most vulnerable position in the bathtub and hope this necklace doesn't fall off. But her teeth, because she then becomes the monster, which I forgot until you sent me that picture. The way her teeth are all individual things look looking like they got shaved down. That I forgot that part. And I had a dream when I was like in my mid twenties, very disturbing, where they found a serial killer outside my parents' house and when and it was almost
like I was a documentary filmmaker. So we walked up onto this hill where they had pinned him down and they were arresting him, and when he turned around he had those teeth. And when I woke up, I was like shaken to my core. I was just like this we fucked. No, this was in my twenties and think it was like after I stopped drinking. No, well whatever, But when you sent me that picture, I was like, that's where that fucking came from. Because part of this being afraid of that dream was like how did I
come up with that that's so creepy. Well, yeah, it was like a buried memory.
Be nice to have a dream deciphering person, because I use my reoccurring dream that I in my dreams, I've killed people when I was younger and I've forgotten about it. But I'm one day I'm going to get in trouble for all the murders I've committed. That's the dream. Yeah, in my dream, and I can't and then i wake up and I'm like, oh, thank god, I haven't killed Nae, Like what a weird suppressed Like.
Well, you feel guilty, You've guilt, Yeah, but it could be guilt about anything, Okay, it's just that that feeling of like you have done, you are responsible, you are guilty.
Yeah. Sometimes it's more straightforward where I've actually had dreams where I'm sitting on a chair like a lazy boy chair, and it's reclined and it's floating on water, and my sister's trapped under it.
Ooh, I'm relaxing.
She's like I can't. I'm like, well, I don't want to drown, but I can't. I'm too like, oh that I haven't had that for a long time.
But water is emotions.
Okay, so you know this stuff.
I know a little bit because I can remember my dreams very clearly.
I can't anymore.
Yeah, so I look things up after I see them.
Yeah, these are old dreams that were just greatest hit like reoccurring. The other one, of course, ambient, just people laughing and scratching and cackling and double noises as I'm in a giant crib closing in on me. It starts as a hallway and I'm running and then I'm trapped in a cage. What. Yeah, And there's voices and they used to happen during the day, and so what do you mean voices in my head where a background noise
amplified other kids pencils scratching started to sound. It amplified, got louder and started to sound like ed like devil voices. And I'd just be sitting there in class going, well, I'm possessed and I'm in fifth grade, and h it kind of gradually went away. But I saw ba child psychologists, one of them named Richard Come. I've mentioned Richard Come before.
Richard com Kumm, Okay, that's more like a radio station. I feel like that was not the best name. He should have. Maybe he could have added any number of things to.
Be dealing with kids. Hi, how are you? I've never seen such a long shopping car.
Incredibly long.
We are. It's like we're waiting for a train. But uh oh he gave us a thing.
Thank you.
He's that sweet of him. He said we could park in that cage. He just pointed and said you could park in there.
Yeah.
Can we like a horse corral? No, there's no way.
No. And also we're not going to We're not going here.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're just uh, we're just using it to get out of the area.
We've filled very welcomed here at this Costco though. Everyone it's like, hey, you want to park? What they're waving at us, We're very popular.
Come yeah, They're like, come, be a part of our community.
No, thanks, you know what, They just recognize it, so they're dying our heads. Is there any do you have anything coming up that you want to plug? Before we park and going to Costco here? I am a member and we can get a giant sized bottle at tequila.
We can get dollar hot dogs and a bottle of tequila.
Let's do it.
Let's see what do I have coming up? I don't think I do. Maybe I have. I think I'm gonna do Josh and Josh next Thursday, which is at Barlou Bitch Thursday, this July sixth.
Fun show.
That's my main one, and I'm you know, hopefully have I'll have a little bit of new material for that. Yeah, only my goal drunk voice.
I got shows?
What do you got?
Oh? I don't know, it's on. I'll tweet about it. I'm working on a very fun thing with my cup Church, so that I'm very excited about.
Oh, your new jam, A new jam.
Yeah, already we're combining two old movies. One of them is this office computer movie and then the other one's a Hell's Angel movie. So it's basically the guy quits his computer job and joines joins the head of Hell's Angels in one day, and there's a lot of fights and I have to get in better shape just to
do these fight scenes. But it's so funny and they're just gonna composite me over Jack Nicholson and oh that's great, and it's we've kind of figured out the rights thing and absolutely is gonna help us and it's real exciting.
Oh that's great.
We want to. I'm very very excited about that. So I'm gonna make that video and I'm talking about it early. Yes, I always do that. Here's the thing that's gonna happen.
That's good though.
Yeah, a few months cool. So that's all I gotta say about that. It's good to see you again, friend.
It's good to see you too.
I'm excited about your fancy new computer car.
Oh my god, I love this fucking car. When you don't have a car for like five months and you're you rely on uber and shit like just like your hip pain, I was just adjusting to that life where I'm like, well, if I do want to go anywhere, I have to smell some dudes cologne the whole time, right, and it's going to take twenty minutes from to pick me up and drop me off like such a pain. And now I can go wherever I want in.
Total luxury, and I yeah, I don't. I'm I'm also excited about my computerized leg. We both have computers.
Are the future computer computer access leg And.
It's good to see your friend.
Good to see you too.
You've been listening to Do you need a ride?
D y n A R ooh I leave, then I you wanta way back?
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Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim to give us.
Time and a turman.
Al and gay. We want to send you off in style.
We want to.
Welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared? He was it fine? Melbourne? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
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Do you need.
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