Ep. 97 - Karen and Chris. The Dreaded LAX Pick Up

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we.

Want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay.

We want to send you off InStyle. You wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all about ity scared her?

Was it fine?

Malcorn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do your need ned.

With Karen and Chris.

H welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks. I'm at l a X. It's extremely crowded and I'm picking up our friend Karen Kilgarriff unlocking the door, Sorry it's unlocked.

Hello there. It is incredible. It's an incredible display of human interaction.

Hi me out of here.

I already started screaming, screaming recording, but I started the recording with a series of screams.

It's so much worse than it's ever been. Thank god.

We don't fucking come here anymore exactly.

If anyone wants to know why, it's because and it's been this way the last five times I've come here, especially on a Monday.

The departures are even worse than rivals.

Meet me at That's why Uber does it up there.

It's way worse up there right now, is it really?

I think because of that last time I went up there, it was all ubers and lyfts clogging the whole thing. It's not working, so they're gonna well, I'm going to write a letter, strongly worded three page mm hm.

This airport is not correctly set up for the amount of people that come to it. No, and they're trying to fix it and be like build add on, but they just need to make a new one because the whole system is doesn't work.

I'm just adjusting.

Remember this when I adjust the ones and twos as you drove.

Isn't it? Because how many people moved to LA every day? Now?

Thank you for setting me up to tell you my favorite fact. Last year to twenty sixteen, forty thousand people moved.

To LA and they never left Lax.

They just keep driving around. I'm going to our taco bell.

It is so it. I was at I tried to record it. Hopefully it is salvageable, but.

A woman was screaming at me because I was parked at the in and out and she wanted to go into the bank and I said, I also have a wife that's in the bank. She said, oh really, and I said no, I'm just parked here.

And she's like, God, damn it. She was so angry.

Wait why would she so?

She's because I forced her to park in the red to go use the ATM. Because I was just sitting, lawfully, yes, waiting.

In a spot, in a spot, and she was waiting in that thing is she wanted you to pull out of that spot.

And she looked like someone's mom and grandma and said the F word like thirty five times to me, shaking and trembling.

Okay, can I say this? Remember twenty eight days later? That whole thing is those zombies. It's a rage virus. Yes, I think that's happening. I think that's happening in real life.

Now, Oh god, what if while she is screaming, some of her saliva went in my eye?

No, well, then I'm getting out of this car too late.

That's my zombie noise a aruga.

My eyes just touched my cheek and now I haven't.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think with the Trump administration, with this, the way the world is turning, Uh, it's everyone's a rage zombie. It's insanity.

Yeah, yeah, it didn't.

No one ever said it had to be some weird blood and brain eating disease.

Now it's just people who think it's okay, people who are so self centered and who also had these weird ideas in their head, like that woman pulled and she saw you sitting and then she's like, he's pulling out. But then she waited, which made me yeah, because everyone in LA gets furious if you make them wait for more than two minutes.

And I even back then, this was a half hour ago. I said, just in the knobs. I was busy.

Yeah, you had stuff to do. But see you didn't fit into her plan. And so then that's where the rage comes in because the plan then in her mind, that's what was supposed to happen. Now she's not getting what she wants.

I mean, I could understand her behavior if she was a twenty something version of me.

Yeah, but she was a mama slash grandma.

Yeah, but those are the craziest ones.

Oh man, she was, and she had.

In my opinion, old people are the worst right now because they don't they're all scared and they don't know what the fuck is going on. You want a peanut at her? Eminem?

Oh my god, have you had the cherry and peanuts. It's chocolate covered cherry peanuts in an Eminem And I had one and I was almost furious.

It tasted so good. And I don't even have sweet tooth.

I know you don't, so you don't care about these. This is what I do. And I'm like, I just got off of a six hour flight and I'm really hungry.

Oh they're peanut, but they're really good. They're the best.

Wait, cherry and peanut.

Oh, I'm telling you. You know, chocolate covered cherries, that's the thing. Yeah, It's not like a raisinette type cherry. It's a tender, beautiful little cherry in it's like a confectioner made at some chocolate tear, a rocketing chocolateer. It's just the rocketeer of chocolate made this for Eminem.

And they are so good.

I had a handful of them before a set, and I had a great set, and I have a feeling it wouldn't have gone that well.

You think they're comedy pills.

Without the good people at Eminem's, And they're comedy pills.

It's a proud sponsor.

The way they're developing flavors for the palettes of the of the more refined comedians like Chris Bairman.

It is the fanciest and they're no larger. When I'm describing, probably sounds like a giant. Is it that big eminem that has to be in a little paper cup.

It's a regular.

It's the same size as those, And somehow they fit a piece of cherry and peanut in there.

I don't know about cherry peanut combination.

Wait until you eat it, okay, I mean you have had chocolate covered cherries before, right, Yes, but.

I'm not I don't like fruit and chocolate combined.

I think it's as much fruit as mountain dew is.

Oh oh, I see it is the way they I don't know that didn't like lemon and lime it landed.

Yeah, you're assabe.

Yes, there we go, much better example, something in a crisp and clean no caffeine variety. We Uh, where were you tell me about your travels?

Was it was it? Were you happy or where you sat?

Thank you for taking me away from that terrible place we were just in. Yes, that was little hell. A girl had a dog next to me, a beautiful husky. There was some well behaved dog that was just going and I was like, fucking, I am with you. That's how I felt in that horrible area.

Yeah, well, I'm glad that because I would have been like, can you please stop your animal that doesn't know any better from squeaking because I'm upset.

I was just in Oh there's a texture you almost there with a capital M.

Yeah, that was written feverishly. I've calmed down by most.

I was just in Washington, d C. Baltimore, Maryland, and last night was Philadelphia.

Basically, these are the places our country was founded. That's where the forefodders for faudas first.

Signed our declarations in our constitutions.

All over those places. Yeah, they're very old. Washington, DC is creepy right now. In my opinion, I don't like middle aged men in hard shoes. Anyway, that's not my jam and the least of my apologies to anyone listening who might identify, But I don't like the feel of that of I'm in charge. I'll tell you how it's going to be. Yeah, oh, obviously I'm a rebel, but all the ones there and I've been to DC a bunch of times. It's a gorgeous city with lots of cool people. Been to take Benson.

Bab right, that's when I was there, Right.

Cool, They have good things happen there, But right now everybody seems like the enemy. And we went into the Starbucks and the Starbucks was very loudly playing country music, which I do not think is it's corporate approved.

They can't do that there and nowhere near Washington, d C. Is that music applicable as far as lifestyle.

Yeah, I mean except for the people that have come in to take over and be like it this is our time.

Now, I see what you're saying.

It was like young country played really loud. Now I've I am a fan of country music.

I like any I like the new kid rock, crossover country. But that's about it.

Oh, he's the secretary of Defense.

Now it's news. Wasn't he given a position?

No that I think that's just people joking about it.

I thought I heard that joke so much that I thought it was actually coming true. But it's just the only thing coming true is that all comics are hacky.

Well, the horrible thing is our world is turning hacky, So every hack joke is now becoming real.

Yeah, yeah, right to believe it.

When people talked about the zombie apocalypse, for instance, I'm like, all right, comic book nerd, But now it's just happening.

Yeah.

I was looking forward to.

The fall of society first, not while we're at yeah, not while everything is thriving, right exactly.

Yeah, you think that there would be I say, a tsunami, yes, a big nine point zero earthquake, something that would be.

Like, oh I get some way, or earthquake that the rock wasn't there to stop.

No, will he help us when the shit really goes down?

Or will he go to his Hollywood bunker?

I mean, he better fucking help us.

He better, he better help He's better not be sitting there in the gymnasium in the bunker.

Yeah, just working out.

Lifting the ones and twos. I don't know what they live weightlifting? The terminology is.

So were these shows? Were you doing stand up? Were they my favorite? Murder?

It was live podcast terrific, very fun. It's so much easier than stand up, but there's still lots of comedy involved. So it is my dream job as a fundamentally lazy individual.

That's so great. I wondered how it was.

It's really fun. That's great because we're there to talk about true crime, but then we get to be funny. So people aren't sitting there going that wasn't a very hard joke or any of that shit. It's all conversational, right, And they're all just happy to be there because we because we're all friends, because they listen to my podcast and that's the podcast. You're my friend from the podcast.

Feeling there is.

Yeah, it's an interesting audience once they see you do stand up. Stand up though, because they're so used to they think, no, they know you. And then also it's not like when you're doing stand up for podcast people they're a little taken aback that it's not just a conversation yeah that they're in on.

They're like so fake.

Yeah, well it feels like you've said all this before.

I've heard you say this. Yes, that's right, that's how stand up works.

Yeah, yeah, And honestly I understand because when I first saw stand up, that's what turned me off from it. I was like, I'm not doing this. I'm going to have it be every time I go up. I'm going to improvise a new act.

Yes, and that ended after a month.

Well, I used to have in you. I think it's because we kind of came up relatively around the same time. I used to have the same thing where I started in clubs. But then I was like, then old k comedy started, Karmedy started, Krmedy is what we do.

It was at Kerma coffeehouse.

Often we do comedy in the car. It's caramedy. But the I I was always like, I can never repeat material like I us, so I would just do a ton of bad material because I was always trying to not do the same stuff twice, right, which is not how you develop a good comedy act.

That's still what I do, though, I'm like, so tired of these jokes. Let me tell these fresh off the grill testicle puns.

Please let me just let me.

Do you like?

And I appreciate you not saying anything. Do you like how I'm just driving to my house instead of yours?

I actually do anywhere that's not terminal five. I'm good with great now and another plane because I've been on several planes in a short amount of time, and you know, just driving aimlessly in rental cars.

Yeah, you. I got a text from you at seven this morning.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Do you wake up when you get texts?

Uh? No?

But I wake up that point anyway. But don't worry. I go back to bed and wake up at noon. I've actually trained myself to wake up early, and I'm ignoring it.

Oh well, then I'm gonna start texting you early all the time because I always wake up early.

You should please do. I'm trying to change my life.

Okay, good, I'm gonna help you.

How was your time? We both last weekend were in Portland for Bridgetown.

Yes, let's talk about bridge On because I was going to confront you because I only saw you once. I'm so mad at you.

I was. Do you want to hear all the things I did while I was there?

Yes? Well I did.

Yeah.

I did my six shows, and then during the day I shot to We completed two sketches. Me and this guy, Whitey McConaughey. He shoots me as a videos and stuff. His name's Whitey McConaughey, okay, and he's I've known him forever. He's an old snowboard video maker, but now he's a filmmaker and we made these.

Sketches and I'll show you them there, and really I like them a lot.

I think you text them to me right.

A part of a rough one yet Dog Sniper.

And then and then I had an audition and then a callback and then a voice voice recording for some pyramid brewing thing because some when I went to college with works works for some ad agency, and I got this commercial. It was between me and Dave Hill. I think, sorry, Dave, I shouldn't have even said that he won't hear. And then I got it and it's good because it's a real thing and it will help me pay for my.

Hip surgery and stuff.

Oh good.

And it just fell in my lap.

I love that.

Is falling into my lap, or rather large yelling men with tools are falling into.

My Lap's ruining your lap.

They have medical intent though, Yeah they know what they're doing, Yeah they will.

You should have never watched that YouTube.

It's the Day after Tomorrow, my surgery, the movie the movie about it, if I choose to film.

Are you nervous, yes, yes, yeah, I bet you are.

Yes, I'm scared.

Yeah, that's normal. And don't forget you get drugs that make your you not be scared anymore. Right, right, when you get close, you won't be scared at all.

Right, you're right.

Do you need people to be there when you wake up?

My father is coming.

Oh good, yeah, okay, good he lands. I get to go to Lax again tomorrow.

Oh yeah, gross.

And uh oh look at that in camp. And they know about the Zoni apocalypse.

See, that's what I'm talking about. This is the thing that I get freaked out about. Like they're all around Los Angeles because there's a real homeless problem here because the weather's great and it's easier to live here if you don't live in a certain place. Right, But these fucking tense cities are popping up around town. It's just a slower I mean, I think people are. This is a scary time. I think it is for a lot of people. So we have to be much nicer to each other everybody.

I think so too.

And I think people be nice.

I've noticed that too.

I think it's true.

I see the occasional freaking out, slobbering zombie mother, yeah grandmother, but a grown mother with yoga pants, screaming fuck you, fuck you, motherfucker fuck it. And I couldn't believe I.

So I just laughed, which is the best thing you can yes.

And then when she came back, I was still there and I just smiled at her, but it was and she looked at me and she's like, yes, yeah, I am a fool, and she drove away and not.

You always feel. I don't think I've ever done that, because that's insanity. But anytime I've been like overapped and then been like, oh, I'm totally the wrong. That afterburn is so awful.

Oh yeah, And I never forget them. I think of the times I've freaked out and yelled at someone. One time, my car overheated and I was so tired of this car.

Dying slowly on me.

I just bought it and I had to like park it across the street and it was embarrassing how much it would smoke. And I just was doing a U turn so I didn't get a stupid ticket. And this old couple they were holding hands. They were adorable, and they were like, your car has smoked. They were all just feverishly trying to let me know my car was smoking.

And the smoke was right coming out of my hood. It's not like I didn't see it.

But there was an element of like, you're polluting, and so when I got out of the car, I was.

Like, you don't think I know. I don't know my car is smoking.

I'm like screamed at this sweet couple holding hands.

They were holding hands.

They could have kept their mouths shut.

Oh, I will never forget how I just every morning I wake up and I shudder, I remember I remember yelling at them.

No here, I'm going to tell you this on behalf of that hand holding couple who are both probably dead right now.

Yeah, Oh they're way dead.

They're way dead. You're forgiven, Oh, thank you, time to let it go.

And we'd be sure.

Here's how I'll tell you, because if there are those kind of snoopy motherfuckers that are like your car is smoking, that they've done that to a ton of other people. They're not innocent. Just because they're holding hands doesn't mean that they're great people, and they should, you know what I mean. It's like, if you're gonna be there yelling at people something back, something's gonna happen to you back, especially in Los Angeles, especially if you're stating the obvious.

Yeah, my revenge is them dying of natural causes.

Or maybe a nice bone cancer.

Yeah, right in the mirrow. You like that. Lennen Eric, I just gonna call him Eric. At the time it was an un orthodox's name.

Well he was. His parents were Norwegian. Can I tell you about my Eric with k He was a Viking my bridge Town. So that's why I can see you, because you were just fucking being professional.

I had to be.

I went to the after party one night, and then after that I couldn't.

I had to wake up and I.

Was nervous about the voice getting the voiceover thing.

Well I'm proud of you for not doing it anyway and sacrificing it.

Than I did do that on purpose.

Yes, good, and I was not a hungover person good, which usually Bridgetown is a drinking challenge.

Dude, this your Bridgetown was like people were doing whatever. Look who is the rock?

Oh there he is.

There's a big billboard of the rock.

He will save us.

Beaches ain't ready for this. What a wonderful plan?

Oh God, beach better half?

My money metal detector a me my dead years ago, stolen for a T shirt.

Anyway, Your Bridgetown.

Is that for real?

Yeah?

That's funny. My Bridgetown. There were just so many. Everybody was just a little bit high all the time, yes, or a lot of bit high all the time. So there was although there were I felt like the shows were the best I've ever seen. The crowds were the best I've ever seen. The crowds were so excited, smart, cool, They would let you fuck around. They would be there for the good jokes, they were there for the mild jokes, which is what I would say most of my sets

It was the best year as far as talent. It was so great impressive. I watched. I laughed so much me too, I laughed at everyone. Yeah, everyone was great. Yeah, I agree. It was really fun.

It's a good way to wrap it all up because I believe they're done doing Bridgetown.

Yeah, I think it is unless somebody comes in and like swoops in and get gives them a whole ton of money.

You would think so, because I sort of want to and I have no interest in doing that.

Yeah, I know, but I want to keep it going because it's it's the festival. When comics are happy that this is the way people should decide everything. But when comics are happy, they do better shows, and the shows get amazing. Right if they have like that sweet ass pizza that was nearby that they just kept bringing in like there was always something to eat you, it's like

You probably can't get it there.

You can only get the kind with cane sugars exactly.

They always do that where I'm like, can I get a diet coke? If you're at a fancy restaurant, we have Mexican coke, but it's regular coke. Okay, Well I'm pretending that I'm on a diet, so Mexican coke with cane sugars are gonna help me.

Yeah.

One night, Josh Androwski and I was right before the final party, which was very fun, but the place was getting really crowded and they just brought in what looked like only four pizzas, and I was like, there's no way, there's no pizza. Enough pizza, the pizza for everybody and I'm not going to stand there like some goddamn you know, way from a Dickens novel trying to get myself. I'm forty fucking seven years old. I let's go get pizza.

And brought them to the party. That would be great if you came walking in with them. Oh sorry, we're successful. We got hot, fresh slices of what you're eating.

Mine has a Hella pianos on it. No, we ate it there he was I won't blow up his spot, but he was on a drug. I was definitely on a drug. We sat in the front window and laughed our goddamn asses off and eat pizza and it was the most fun thing. We had the best time. And then we went back when there was a great after party. All the kids were dancing and we sat because the way the Bostonova Ballroom is set up, the oh.

That's where not only did I miss it, I forgot it was a block from where I was sleeping.

Oh, no, I'm so well.

Well for the best though, you were all business. That's that's very impressive.

Well, thank you, you were just like I even changed my flight for whopping two hundred and fifty dollars to record the but that was before.

I didn't know it paid decent. I'm very happy with it.

That's great, But I wish I had done drugs and laughed and danced.

You will I will one day, you will again.

I will again.

But here's the other thing that was fun. I find I feel like I'm at the happiest I've ever been in my life.

Because currently Yeah, oh that's.

Great, because obviously I feel very lucky. I've had some nice successes recently. Yeah, but there's also this thing of comedy used to as I love it. I've never thought I was supposed to do anything else with comedy. It's just like this thing had to do. And sometimes when that's your attitude about it, it almost isn't fun because it's this thing like you don't have a choice.

Yeah, this is my burden, my cross, and my hilarious comedy cross.

Yeah, my comedy cross with the googly eyes, and that I always looked at it like a fight, so It was like.

Is there a googly eyed crucifix in the emojis or in the Emoji Movie?

Oh, I hope.

So in the Emoji movie. Would have turned out the Emoji Movie is secretly goofy Christian.

Have you seen the there's billboards for it and.

I just saw one.

It has the piece of poop emoji voiced by Sir Patrick Stewart.

If we are all dying, we are all dying in the next couple of years.

We asked Sir Patrick Stewart to voice an animated shit. It's clear that we've all just we're just wiping our asses with our own hands.

Now, it's so true. This is what nos Domas was talking about. This is the world catching on fire. It's not literal fire, it's emoji poop pretending that's entertainment. You know what's funny about that?

Most times someone mentionsmas, I think of nos Veraratu in that movie with the long finger, and I almost made a reference to that.

Man. Would I have sounded dumb?

Only the nose was right. I just saw TJ. Miller tweeted, you do realize I'm in the Emoji Movie, and I wondered what he was like why he would say that. I thought it was really funny. But I think it's also because everyone's probably viciously shitting on it.

Yeah, I bet that he preemptively or yeah, it depends on tone. Maybe he's saying it like he walks into a fancy restaurant and assumes to get good seating. You do know, I'm in the Emochi movie.

That's how I bet he is saying it because he's funny.

Yeah, he is funny. He gets it, he gets it.

So yeah, I well, And also we were talking. I got to spend so much time with our mutual yours first friend Michelle Balloon, who I also just got.

To She came to my show last you guys were hanging out together and you were both like, come now, we're having so much fun.

And I'm just laying in bed.

But it was like one at that point, and I had to get up, not that early, like ten.

But I just pictured I had no idea you were being uh, you were being a responsible adult.

Everyone saught I was being a jerk.

Yeah, I thought you were just around the corner, yelling at the brick wall or something. So I'm like, get into the party. What are you doing.

There has been your I hear these stories from years past. One year, drunkenly, I jumped into a dumpster and just started breaking pieces of wood and karate chopping palettes.

Nails were cutting.

My legs outside the party, I just I did a bear dive into a dumpster filled with wood. I was cut all over, love it, and I was having so much fun.

Yes you were. You did get a little of that in though this year.

Oh did I?

Yes, you did. Remember when you got in trouble with the refrigerator box.

Oh that was fun. See that was the first night I packed in a little fun.

You did. So tell the good You tell our good friends who still listened to this fucking five monthly podcast. What you did?

Did I make that noise? Okay? I?

Oh?

We just were coming home kind of late, Gareth Reynolds and I and and who.

Else was there?

Andy Letterman and my manager Jessica, and we were u being loud. I guess we were talking at a normal level. But it was three in the morning.

I bet you were riffing real loud.

We were all laughing. It was not We just got out of a car, laughing hilariously. And then I saw this box that was the exact width of a human body with armholes in it, and I'm like, put this on me, and Gareth was sliding it on me like a sheath. And then one of the guys that worked at the Juniper came out and he's like.

Hey, shut the fuck up. That's why he said, hey, shut the fuck up.

And I, well, what time in the morning was it.

We were all it was three.

But that's you kick with people that are staying in the hotel. And he later we found out he was getting a divorce or something, and people that work there were like, yeah, he's been a bit much lately. And the next night he was there grumpy with his arms crossed.

So I don't like that guy. I don't feel bad and all.

Basically I was trapped in this box and he's yelling at us to go to our rooms.

And I was like, look at the position I'm in as.

If I did, just cause my position right in front of his eyes.

So that was fun.

And Gareth Reynolds told me that story.

It's on my Instagram a little video of it.

Oh, I have to see that. Yeah, Garret told me the story probably three times in a row. He thought it was so funny because he couldn't believe that. You immediately yelled back at the guy, look at the position I'm in, as if.

It's funny.

In the video you can see I'm starting to yell and he's putting his hand on my shoulder to tell me to be quiet, and then he just starts laughing, and then he's holding onto my shoulder to stay up.

It. Really it's the best little trin Oh. He we were laughing very hard.

But the guy, even the guy or you mean, Garrett.

I don't know why he wouldn't have laughed when I said, look at the position i'm And the best part is the armholes in the box are down by my ankles.

We put it on upside out.

It's like someone was in the middle of making a box robot costume and then they got distracted by the atm that we found it by and left it and had to get out of there.

And then we found it and we're like, oh my god, corrigated cardboard robot box. What look?

Oh?

And the guy didn't laugh, No, he was just he left exhaling, oh, grumpily. But that was that was one of the funnest moments and I'd like when Jessica was real good and pulled out the camera and captured it.

We didn't. It wasn't planned manager organic comedy.

Yes, she knows, she has a good taste. She knows how to track comedy.

Yep, and she laughs. I like these laughing managers.

Yes, they want to play ball, but a little less than these DJing managers.

Oh about that, No, I heard about it.

We won't name names, but I believe it was the second night party because I wasn't there for the first night party, so the Friday night party. The first person to jump up and start djaying was not a comic, which is usually what it is. It's usually April richardson, Ship Pope, Sure, Brody Reid. There's a bunch of people who are great at it, and Carmel does it sometimes. I think Barbara Gray was doing it well. Somebody's manager jumped up and started doing it, and apparently I wasn't there.

Please tell me it was just playing a bulldog. I can't even bulldog.

Oh, Grandpa, Grandpa, you're Carrie's smoking and tearing down that pole.

D Doug, Uh, I don't. This is just was everybody was talking about it because it was so hilarious. They said it just sucked, and it was like no one was dancing and everyone.

Was d songs. Yes, it's not like his transitions.

Were no, no, no, no, it was yeah. People weren't being picky. It was like, I think he was probably trying to be cool. I have no idea. I wasn't there, but I would imagine he was like, here's this cool song, and here's some like house funk or I thought it knows, but it was stuff people didn't want to dance to and all the comics. The biggest part of the Bridgetown Comedy Festival is the after party dance party, and people

Yeah?

She so it was one am, and she goes, it is it cool if I take over at one thirty? And he goes, why don't you come back at one forty five? And she's like, I'll be back at one thirty and then like just they basically just bullied him out of the sto's. But it's like anyway, it just the balls, the balls, the balls is all I.

Said, say great, So he just left with his Dell computer and.

His stats and and with now like like, here's the thing. And this is part of the fun and the problem of comedy. Everyone's friends, everyone hangs out. It's all this social thing. But it is also when you live in la and you do it. It's a fucking business. So there are the people, the suits, the managers, the agents. Those people are the business end. They're not supposed to be.

Yeah, it's like young they're younger, but they're more serious and less fun and more out of touch as far as what is cool.

Yeah, so I think maybe it was a thing of like that. There's there's some of them that don't get that they're not the star, right, you know what I mean? I think that might be what it is. I don't know. I don't know that person very well, and I don't care.

I mean, it doesn't well, no one, no one.

If and he's not listening, he would be the only one. Maybe some people know.

But yeah, it's not I mean, it's I'm going to ask you who it was after this.

It's uh, I doubt you might not even know who it is. It's not that exciting. And also in terms of gossip, it's I'm not interested in gossip like that because it's like only dancing people were offended.

I want to hear that sweet, sweet dance gossip. I just love I sound.

If you don't mind, I'm gonna have my head tilted down like this because I sound like a DJ on the coast.

Am Okay, Yeah, you're right, it does make you sound.

Yeah, that sounds real good.

You sound like this is the buttery voice that you'll be hearing on a pyramid Ale.

Oh is that shadow Steven's I hear?

Now it's just Chris Fairbanks. Yeah. I used to be accused of being a genderless muppet. Now I sound like this. All the secret was pointing down my chin slightly.

Can you I doubt you can actually give us the real lines that probably wouldn't be allowed, But can you give us an idea of feel of this pyramid Ale commercial is.

Going to be like they were like it was kind of like a rustic jack handy and voiceovers, So my face isn't in it, so it's just a voiceover thing.

Good.

Great, Yeah, that was the best part.

And just with stock footage of mountain climbing and scenic views and meet saying.

Ridiculous things like oh yeah, uh oh, there's a grizzly bear. It's okay. I don't know. I can't remember any of them.

And I oftentimes when this happened last night, when someone's like, can you give me an example and or a story? As soon as I'm put up to that, Like when we were talking about my mom's funeral. You were like, is there anything anyone said of your mother's friends that had any validity? Because I was talking about how everyone said all these amazing things, and you asked for one example, and my brain shut down and turned to the inside of a helium balloon.

You know every time that happens to me, every time someone says who's your favorite actor or actress? And I have all these people that I'm like, so like, oh, I have these tastes because I have really good taste. I like the best things. But if you actually call me on it, I'll be like, Dan Cook's really good. But what's happening? Although I was thinking on the plane, I watched Dane Cook's last comedy special four I would say four minutes, and I think that he I like

I seen him have a lot of great ideas, and it wasn't until he quit pacing around and yelling things in triplicate and all this formula stuff that made him a star, right as far as communications are concerned.

Yeah, he kind of.

Dropped that and now he's pressed, kind of roided out Wolverine Kai.

Yeah, he's just saying things and now I'm like, he's pretty good.

It is. I feel bad for him because he it's that thing of he got so popular and then that the backlash was so hard. Yeah, and he has that cocky thing that for some reason, like when TJ. Miller does the cocky thing, you don't hate him, right, And when Dane Cook does the cocky thing, you're like, I wish something four large men would beat you up.

Yeah.

And I don't think it's a handsome person thing because I've seen I've seen because I thought maybe that was it, and then I changed my mind because I've seen people pull off cocky and it seems like they wouldn't be able to pull it off.

Right, and I can't put my finger on it. It's just this weird likability thing like pheromones.

Yes, charisma, charisma, charisma.

Yes, God, I need to learn a language. I'll start with English. Am I right?

I think you are right? Yeah, I don't know why. Sorry, that's a real left turn. He Dan Cook was not a bridge town this year, so I don't know what I'm talking about him.

Because every time you do business class at the Hollywood Improv, we are in the laboratory room, that's right.

And he is, without a doubt, in the main room. Yes, you know, with Dave Chappelle and people like that.

Well. Also, I always when I sit down to write jokes or write an act, write some fucking thing to talk about. Get I just all I can do is think about all the people that I know that right, structurally sound material, right, and then I just go, why can't you do it like that? You know how to copy structure? You know what I mean? And then I just popped in my head of like, Dan Cook's structure

Sure, the new Dan, let's just talking about Dan Cook this whole time.

A new version of him seems like he's gonna snap and get mad and punch somebody.

Well. I think it's because he has been through the fucking mill. I think that's what it is. Is. He really is a hard working stand up comedian. It doesn't matter what your taste is. And I honestly have liked a lot of his material. The one where he was in the front room, I think it's the front room of the comedy store, the really small two specials ago where he did everything where he wasn't moving around, it wasn't an arena, and he was basically trying to prove.

I should watch it. I haven't you know.

That's the one where he did this joke I'm talking about it of like his dead mom's taking the contact out of the fun stuff. It's like he it must be so frustrating because all he did was follow the trajectory that like MySpace and tours and all those things took him on and the excitement of it and everything, and then it just came back punched him in the fair.

Oh yeah, wow, would I forgot about that?

Like he was in you know, a handful of movies.

Yeah, it was like becoming a movie star.

So I think that's part of it. Is like, I don't think that's he's probably not getting offers like he used to. Like, it's that horrible pain of how show business is a cycle and you don't you're up for a while, but you always come down. You always come down.

Isn't that interesting? It's like sort of happening to Amy Schumer little. Everyone's finally just attacked her because she had a special that wasn't the best, right, and now everyone is like, it's not Maybe it's died down a little, but god, people were I wanted to defend her all the time, and I'm you know, it was just because I know it was the same thing they did to Dane Cook.

They're just like she's on top and then something came out that wasn't. So everyone's liking like the last thing, so they immediately turn on them.

It's always it will always be like a you stole this thing, or you're It's like people kind of nerds, anonymous nerds, trying to prove that they're frauds. But it's like even if and obviously I don't, I don't, stealing jokes isn't okay. Yeah, but it happens a lot that people have similar ideas. It happens a lot, And if you do comedy, you know that if you've done it

Does a set, right, the only question things if while you're in Baltimore, are you watch an open micer and you're like, I can work with that.

He's not going to use it. He's just a little guy.

Yeah, I don't mean to be saying that.

Right, I think a lot of people are doing that.

Yeah that's bad. Yeah no that's not that's not good, and you can't be you can't be a fucking piece of shit about it. But also that the other side of that or there, it's that Internet kind of we decide who, we decide your value, where it's like who are you? That's the thing somebody wrote. I tweeted something the other day and the thing the reason I got so mad about it is because I was like, that's stupid. I needed delete that. And then I was like, who cares it?

Twitter? And then you said who are you? To someone?

It was this girl wrote not your best.

Work to who to me? Oh wow?

And I wrote back, how would you know?

Right?

And then she wrote back, come on, Karen, you're better than this, and I wrote back, you are not qualified to judge my work because I was just like.

It's good for you. But that's this terrible person.

It's just some fucking twenty three year old who's saying repeating things she's seen other people say to other people. It's just that mimicry. It's like the young people's mimicry of here's how I'm going to interact with people I like, or people or maybe even people I don't like. Maybe she was like, I'm gonna try to take her down. Who knows. But it's that kind of thing of like, I don't know you, i've never seen your face. Your opinion doesn't matter to me, and thinking that it might

But I know you. I've listened to your podcast. We're close, and then you know that is my best work I know about. I.

Uh, yeah, I watched Maria Bamford's new special is so.

Very, very good and very interesting. You've seen it. Then it is just but it's way more personal. This time it's personal. I have this time.

Well, there it is.

It's personal.

You sort of to look like someone when you did that. Are you doing an impression? No?

But Maria bean It's new special is more personal.

She it's I won't give it away, but it's very well done and it's like by the end it's just joke joke, but in the beginning it's very one person show. Uh, it's just so good and I was just I don't do it all the time, but on Twitter, I was like, everyone, please watch this. And then some person goes, we follow your Twitter to hear updates about like in their mind they were complimenting, hear what you're up to, Maria is great and all, but we that's not why.

We follow your and I'm like, what who is this? And then Maria liked it.

Because she's sweet, and I was like, no, why so she saw it and that probably didn't.

I hated it. I hate the guy and I but I left it alone. I didn't.

Well, so, yeah, where are you speaking in the Wii like you're the you're the mayor of Chris Fairbanks Fan Club.

That's what bothered me.

Yeah, that's what if, he said I And then that's like, well then you are a dick.

Yeah you know, yeah, that bother. I don't like these.

You're right, here's probably just a some fifteen year old, yes, in his basement making paper airplanes.

That's what they all are. I somebody wrote, I was just thinking about this, somebody wrote, because I'm on Guy Brandam's show talk show The Game Show on True TV Wednesdays.

At ten Watch it, tune in, watch it.

So someone responded to a True TV sponsored tweet that said, like it was something about me and guy and whatever. So all of our handles were in the tweet, right, and somebody responded this, the host is stupid, the judges are stupid, this show is stupid and oh wow, without really thinking about it, I just wrote back, you're stupid too. I would never deny being stupid, but fuck you because you're stupid to everybody's stupid.

There is, especially with True TV, because they were people were just happy with their uh, impractical jokers and Storage Wars.

And the Menendez Trials whatever, and now that.

They're doing these other comedy shows that are like, you know, there's there's jokes, and there's infotainment. Now there's game shows and it's a little more rapid. People don't like it. They're like getting mad and they said the meanest things.

Not that care or cared.

That's you, not that April and I had the most amazing show but it was fine. Yeah, and people were said horrible things where we were both added in it and it was like that doesn't who are you?

I'm right here, who are.

You to say? Well? And it's that thing because April gets upset. Sometimes she reads that shit and she yeah, yeah, she gets a lot because she's on at midnight so much. There's always some dude that's like, if you tried to be hot, you could be you know, just bullshit stuff like that, and I'm like, April, you can't, you can't take it in or whatever. But it's the thing of when you're looking at that stuff you have because it's basically like you're walking down the street going, am I pretty?

Right?

And it's that it's the old I think it's Theodore Roosevelt saying of like, it's only the ones in the arena whose opinions count you. You can't you can't know somebody that's just standing on the sidelines going that's not funny, that joke isn't funny. It's like, but you don't do comedy. You've never stood up, you've never written an idea of your own, stood up in front of fifty strangers and tried to get them to laugh, like right, right, so your opinion doesn't count.

Also, some people just like different things.

That's the hardest thing with comedy is, especially at comedy clubs, you know, the whole thing about, oh that guy's car is broken, but it's a nice one, so I don't feel that bad. Oh shit, Oh now he was just sleeping. It's the comedy. You go to a comedy club and see whatever it's there, But you never would go to a music club and say, I'd like punk rock and country and whatever comes at.

Me live music. Yeah, so of course.

Everyone has opinions, and not every joke is for everyone. I don't know that's a that point. I shouldn't have even said it.

No, No, I think you're exactly right, because people feel like they need to express their dislike, even though in the past your dislike was just not attending, not paying attention, like you didn't if you didn't like something, that was because it wasn't for you. You didn't have to fight fucking against it like a child, right or act like

Currently revered Jean Shalot.

For comedy.

Uh, that's so funny.

But also it's like, but also, who cares about any of this shit? It's entertainment. It's like, if you want to pass the time after your shitty job, watch the thing you want to watch. You don't have to shit on the things you don't want to watch or.

Get into politics.

Also, the fact that I'm saying any of this is insanely hypocritical, because I spent all of the nineties shitting on every single possible thing that I didn't like at all.

Yeah, I do it too. I was just thinking about how I I'm constantly telling people I don't like reggae or a country, but then I don't have a jokes about the bands I like, because guess what, there's nothing funny about liking I think.

That's right, that's exactly right.

I'm just gonna turn here at the risk of oh, so much risk, so much risk, Thank you a human being.

Yeah, it was an Audi basin on vehicles. Now, yeah, I thought he was going to be all BMW about it, but he was an Audi instead.

Yeah, because Audi's are BMW's are like cocksucker assholes, and Audi's are like refined assholes.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe they're like European.

Yeah yeah, French. I like Audi's and I like Audi drivers.

Yeah, now I do too.

Now we're exactly like comedians and cars getting coffee we're talking about and what kind of a cold brew is this? How was your Mother's Day?

Well, we both had our first Mother's Day without technically having mothers.

Actually it was my second. Oh it was okay, but I mean your head you in this grief process.

Oh yeah, of course.

Somebody said that to me on Twitter, something of like, I hope you didn't have a terrible Mother's Day.

Yeah, people have said nice things.

Yeah, but I almost said back, well, actually, and not to be like too you know, morose about or whatever, but I just don't have Mother's Day anymore. Like I of course tell my sister Happy Mother's Day and stuff like that.

Oh, it's been eight years since I even call it. You know.

It was like, yeah, yeah, it doesn't it's not, it's not really, that's off the schedule.

Now.

Yeah, if my mom, if our moms, you know, they were roofing together and fell off a roof, then Mother's Day would have been terrible because the last one.

Remember the guard's alias.

What is that the Italian family down the street?

No, no, the flowers that we brought our mothers when they were roofing. Anyway, the point is none of that happened.

Got a mother's roofing company. They're just both up there in the sun.

Look at this carnie truck. He's carrying some sort of a dragon night.

I love that ride. Okay, you guys in front of us on the freeway in very slow traffic, there is a huge semi that's got a carnival ride dismantled on the back of it. It looks like ak, it's a Viking ship ship and it's the one where have you been on it?

Get into it and it goes back and forth.

Yes, so it's like a swinging pendulum and you go up really high.

Yeah, yeah, I like that.

I love that one.

Mainly because I'm a kid that from the beginning. I remember the first.

Time I had I had the sixth grade. I had the cutest girlfriend in school, and everyone was like, how the heck did you get I sound.

Eighty years old. I had the cutest young lady.

Everyone said, my lord, how did you land that day? And I was on the teacups any spinning, Yes, I get sick, and I got up right when her and her friend came up. I threw up on myself and my friend, who had like a new gotcha outfit, it and puke. I just puked in front of him on my suspenders. I used to wear suspenders. And she dumped me. She dumped me like the next week. It was just too much for It was disgusting.

Because she was on the ride with you.

Yeah, no, she They walked up right as I was getting off the line, and I'm like, oh no, it was horrible timing. But the pendulum swing, any kind of swinging, we're gonna that.

Relationship is gonna last. If you walk. But the GRAVITRONI or the teacups.

I hate spinning rides.

I'll puke you out of my life.

I just have to say on behalf of women. When you see a man uh puke, it really is the lowest, weakest you could see him, and that means he can't protect you. Right, So she was actually doing something very smart for herself.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a fight or flight thing, it really is.

What if someone in the hallway at Washington Middle School was you know, I couldn't defend her on her because eyes off vomiting somewhere.

What if someone went and took her swing dancing against her will? You wouldn't be able to break in and fix it because you're spinning issues.

Exactly if only and then I look in my hand as invisible because I can't get her at the point as they achieve it was my future mother anyway.

Okay, can I just say this, Yes, it's three o'clock on a Monday. It's three thirty on a Monday.

Am I excited to drive back to Venice after this?

Oh dude, do you like podcasts because you could probably listen to it. Yeah, but there's traffic on both sides of this freeway. It's like we're going fifteen miles an hour and there's traffic on both sides.

It is, it's going to work out perfectly though, time wise.

I mean, we are going to get there in like six minutes and that'll be the end of the episode, right when I leave you.

On your door.

Amazing, Now it's going to be perfect. I go inside, I lay down. I'm going to go to sleep. Then I have to get up because I have to do a show at eleven tonight.

Ohh, I don't have a concert tonight. I'm just making it about me. Oh oh oh, where's your show?

For a second, I thought you meant going to one at UCB Franklin.

Oh yeah, that's the better one.

It's the one I like better. I like the UCB FA UCB Sunset is not for stand up comedy.

I did a show last night. Do you know David Earl Waterman?

I sure do.

He makes me laugh, He's hilarious, and he.

Has a podcast show with like a radio personality that works on the coast FM.

Oh uh, based somewhere over here Glendale. I believe Glendale traffic is sorry. Yeah.

Yeah.

The guy, one of the radio guys was Harry said I had a talent for it, and I said, my dad was in the business.

Yeah, he said, what station?

I said, kid in Monterey and He's like, never heard of it, and I'm like, we'll get the fuck out.

Of my face. My name is Shadow Stevens. If there's a crime, I probably committed it.

We'll be right back.

Yeah.

I did a little part on Tig's show One Mississippi as a radio person, and so in the I don't think I did very well in front of the cameras, but during the audition I thought.

I did well.

And at the end I pretended to do the samples.

Like like Bogle and then and then Homer Baby. I just kept doing that at the end of the audition, and I think that's why I got it. Pressing soundboard, Yeah, yeah, because that's morning Zoo. It was like a morning shock jock guy.

Yeah. That reminds me when I worked at Ellen. Sometimes we just sit in my office at night when the day was over. Have you ever have you ever been on the website that as the Judge Judy soundboard where it's just you press the buttons and it's just her going like I don't think so or whatever like freeze.

When I would enjoy, I'd like, it's so funny.

We would just sit there clicking it and laughing our asses off, like you work all day long, you work like a fourteen hour day, insane amounts of stress, crazy people screaming in your face, and then you just go back to a dark office and it's just like, no, mystef, and get out of here. I told you, what time is it whatever?

Just pressing buttons on a Judge Judy fart machine. Oh that's the best.

It really really got me through some time.

Yeah.

There was a weird point where she reminded me of a teacher that was mad at me, and I didn't like her, and then I realized how funny and awesome she was because she was usually dealing with low life and I wasn't.

I wasn't factoring in that part.

I just thought she was yelling at me, and I'm like, I don't want to watch she's a downer.

Yeah, now I would.

I'm gonna buy the DVD buck set of All Judged. I know sounds like I'm just saying it, but I'm gonna.

My friend used to work for her on Judge Judy. He was an ap. I think my friend Bradford, who you may have met, and she used to call him Bobby, which I think is the cutest thing of all time, and he like, he said he loved her, he thought she was the best. And she has more money than God do you know that?

Oh yeah, she has all the.

Money because that show's been on for like twenty years.

Sure or more. It's like her.

And then oddly Mark Harmon or something because he's on seven different.

CSIS or CSI or JAG or Blue Blue Crush, it's n CIS. I went through a very bad phase after I left Ellen, before anything else got started, where I laid on my couch and watched n CIS all day every day. It was so fucking weird. But sometimes procedurals really get you through bad times because you know, it's these five people. This guy's gonna act like this, Mark Carmon's going to be a bitch, That guy's funny, this

It, right, it's oddly.

It's kind of how it is when I watch Forensic Files. It is I know it's gonna get solved. It's a horrific thing, but I know.

And then at the end they always have an announcement if it weren't for the forensic evidence and the scientists that skillfully tested, it also would not have been solved.

That guy, the narrator, Yeah, he's the best. Is okay. Every night, so we come home from these shows over this weekend and every time we go on tour, and George and I have talked about it, we can't sleep because you know, we leave this show at say eleven, Usually we go out to eat or something, go get drinks or she gets drinks whatever. But then we get back to our hotel room and we're just like, you're so high from meeting a bunch of people who are like,

And he's also a skilled annunciator. Yes, I found.

He really delivers where it's singularly just perfect.

He really does. He's dead now.

He died. He died recently.

He recently died voting accident. Really, yes, they found semen on the poop deck.

Sorry of poop. I just like to say, I don't know how he died, probably of kanker. Sorry, can we do that again? Kens He was really dumb. He has like these weird Marty Feldman eyes. And they had to like hold up, look up here, okay to read everything. The perpetrator came in with only a knife, a knife himself again. Get a diaper for the voice, reset the voice, he said, the book. They just come in and hit him on the side of the head. He's shackled.

To give him a cupcake. He gets excited. He starts reading again.

And then once he reads just it's nothing but jazzy butter, jazzy butter. It's weird because I because of.

That factor that not being able to sleep after because Bridgetown felt like that, and honestly doing stand up unless I do terribly, I can usually sleep after that, but not even then, I'm like, why did I do terrible? Let me stay up till three of course in my life that people don't understand why I sleep until ten and eleven, okay, sometimes noon off in one it's because I'm it is that energy where I just set I'm not I'm on a different schedule.

Yeah, it's a total nighttime. Like you uh, you have to get all your rest and you can't when your shows are at night. You can't. I mean it's hard to just come down from right from yes, you're right either the terribly, because it's only ever great or terrible, right, you know what I mean. I don't never have like an OK set.

As I do it longer, I starting nab nights where I'm like, yeah, that's probably how it should have gone, you know.

Was the energy I put into it?

Yeah?

Yeah, I gave it what I it received. But when in Bridgetown, that's how it was. Just some of my shows were at midnight and and then.

I just have trouble sleeping.

Even though there was a nice sound machine, I have to get one that had the sounds of waves and rain.

Did you have that in your room?

Oh?

It works great, does it?

I turned on that rain even though in Portland it's actually raining. Yeah, but it wasn't raining It's funny because when it was beautiful instead of raining, I was listening to the sounds.

Of rain to fall asleep when actually there was rain. Yeah, it was beautiful.

App Anyway, my voice got a little nick nolty ish because of the hours, and I think that's why I got this rustic Jack Handy commercial. Yeah, because my voice was a little more. They do like that, and it happened to be what they wanted. Yeah, that's why my friend has there's like a voiceover guy that lives below her and he's constantly smoking. He's just outside smoking cigarettes and I'm like, that guy's crazy.

And he's in like O R. Scrubs and because I guess.

During the day he's just a doctor. Finally, the voiceover.

Work picks up.

The doctor that moonlights is a voiceover.

Yeah, that's like it's like Adam West Pilot or whatever. Look well have you seen Lookwell he's an acting teacher that then uh solves crimes because he used to play a detective. It's written by Wait.

Is that the Batman one? I mean it's Adams.

Yes, it's the best.

I saw it long ago. I don't remember anyone.

Again because it is the best it's Robert Shimmel, Smigel.

Smigle, there's both of those.

It's Smigle, it's in Soult comic Dog and and got It and Conan O'Brien's before Conan was Conan.

It's just a frely college kid, just a.

Freakly what Yale Harvard Sarah.

Lawrence Yale educated?

They found semen in his orange hair. Sorry, I just wanted, well, that guy died. Maybe I could do that.

You could maybe your new Forensic Files, which is a little bit of humor.

Yeah, yeah, just a kiss. There's always like a pun of the end.

Yes, that's how City Confidential was. Remember that one. It was the guy I won't ever be able to remember his name, but he was willing to talk like so he'd be like San Diego, sleepy on the coast of California. But sometimes remember that.

No, no, you got to watch City Confidential, Okay, I will. I don't even know what it is.

It's a true crime show like Forensic Files.

Okay, but they do it.

They based on they based the It's like they tell you all about the city the crime happened in, and they kind of use that and really paint the picture of the city.

Oh, like the tourism bureau helped investigate.

I think it's because on those crimes there, you know, you have to do a half hour show, but there's probably eleven minutes worth of actual crime material, so they have to pad it out.

So that's so funny. The body was found near the dogs.

And if you're looking for delicious saltwater taffy, there's no better place than at Dog Three's Doctor Duck's taffy shot. H that's for a murder that was in like Monterey. We're getting close to your house, that's right.

I'm very excited to be home.

Yeah, you see your doggies.

Yeah, those doggies my miracle of a dog sitter.

You should open the door and see if they run in the street.

Oh, they will.

The sketch I shot in Portland, we needed. It's basically a dog sniper aiming across the street and the laser sight on the gun.

He's trying to assassinate a cat and then the cat. It's what's supposed to play with this laser.

But that's why one of the days took so long is these cats wouldn't They were like, yeah, I know what a laser is. They just look at it. And I thought that all cats played with those, but these cats either they were too skittish.

We had three cats show up.

And they would not play with a laser or they'd run away. And then Windy's dog, he has a brand new cute little boxer.

He just went crazy over it and was jumping up the.

Wall for the for the laser.

Yeah, he loved.

It, and so we just had to shoot an extra thing where it's about the jeal.

This golden retriever across the street is jealous of the adorable dog. And you know you saw the shot at the slow motion.

He showed me that to make sure it was working because it was classically dog versus cat. And now it's jealous old dog versus young dog and he wants to kill him.

So it's a little darker, but I don't worry that no dogs die, no dogs were injured.

Barker steps onto this.

You'll have to tune in. I think I think it's a funnier dye thing. I'm not sure you.

Oh that's cool.

Yeah, I haven't done anything for them, I don't. It'd be nice to get in on that.

Absolutely, they should know who you are. Yeah, they should f o D. You know sometimes when you're on a plane. This always happens from when you're going east coast back to west coast for me, because it always takes longer, sure, and it feels like you're never getting off that plane.

So because the Earth is spending the opposite direction, is.

That headwinds headwig the angry.

Maybe it's just the.

But I got on this flight. It was like ten am. We had to get up at seven, which sucked, got a te am, fell asleep, I mean, got on the plane. Actually bought one of those neck pillows so that I could go to sleep, fell asleep when I will I was like, oh my god, I've been sleeping for so long. At three more hours to go?

Wow.

And it was such a bummer.

Why why did it take so long?

It just took for It just felt like it took forever. It was. It was just a bummer. And I also I was get a window seat, and I just make it so that I don't move the whole time. I don't get up through the bathroom. I need to get drinks, I don't do. I don't mess around.

I wear a stadium pell it's a catheter. You don't have to empty and there's a bag of pea by your ankle. I want to get one though, because you can't frequently. Yeah, it's how do you not? How do you make it to where you don't have to go to the bathroom a whole flight?

I pee beforehand, and I don't drink a bunch of coffee and water beforehand either.

Welcome to your in talk.

You're in trouble with Chris and Karen.

We just told stories about when it Welcome back to your in trouble. I was skydiving.

I find that my urine is quite dark these days. I'm in trouble.

You might be in trouble. Darkness often means liver failure. You don't want the dark bee Ah, here we are a car next year.

Giant tree, my tree, it's my tree.

Well, that was fun to be in the car again.

I know that was actually great. Thank you so much for picking me.

It is too we miss a thing. We had this all script.

I don't oh shit, I was supposed to tell I was supposed to recite that poem.

Ah nuts. Well, next time we'll get that.

Poem, oh nuts. I will tell you this uh. Our theory and theme of this podcast of picking people up when they get home, usually get home from comedy. I still believe in it because I've the last I've been traveling for the past four months doing this tour. Every time I get back, I get into a fucking uber with some dude that's wearing a tonical and it makes me want to cry and I just go into my house.

It is the best idea, and everyone knows it's the best idea.

It's to get picked up from the airport by your friend after you've been traveling is really nice.

Yeah, it was hard to execute, or maybe it just seemed daunting because we were trying to do it every week and we were like, screw this. It was definitely daunting, and we can make a better decision after hearing the sound quality.

But I think it'll be good. I think mainly my issue right now is I'm wearing very cheap earphone, so I'm not getting a good sense of how it's going to sound. Oh okay, but it's gonna sound like we're in a car.

Fuck yeah we were.

Fuck yeah we still are right to this moment.

Well, thanks for listening, Thanks for sticking by us all through thick and thin.

Yes, thank you for and hopefully I'm back after my surgery.

Chris, you're going to be back, I know. And not only are you going to be back, you're going to around.

I'm going to be back and black yeah, guitar, look into my pants. Bigger dick.

You're in trouble.

It's a bigger dick, but it won't stop paying.

Doctor. What kind of surgery was that? My hap still hurt?

It was a penis shrinking surgery, the first of its kind.

And I double bladdered you while I was in there.

A bag boy? Do you want to be double bladdered?

Okay, sounds good?

Sounds good?

All right, well, thanks for listening.

To, Thank you for listening to Do you need a ride? D y n a r.

Oh, My neighbor was gonna be so man I Ean. You wanna way back?

Either way you want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you time and a urmanol and gay.

We want to send you off InStyle. Do you want to welcome you back home? Tell us all about it?

We scared her? Was it fine? Malcourn? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need With Karen and Criss four