Ep. 96 - Karen and Chris

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you.

Claim and give us time and a terminol and gay.

We want to send you off instile. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Ride with Karen and Chris. Welcome to Do you need to ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgaroff.

We are back, baby.

Hey, oh my god, we're so back one hundred.

That's playing cute.

Well, that song didn't play. We're going to play back in black right there.

We actually bought the rights to it.

Yeah, that was a lot of money for it just not to work. I pushed the button and it just didn't play.

But we still had to give them thirty thousand dollars.

That was a lot of money and I'm going to be paying for that for a while. But imagine it played right there.

We have to do at the same time.

Oh sorry, no.

And I've heard a lot of versions where the guitar and the interrupt.

Stood drums where Angus Young just goes fucking bonkers.

Yeah, right at the beginning, just right at the beginning.

It's my part.

Now I'm the schoolboy and look at me, hands my pert. We've been, it's been. We had a hiatus, not on purpose, we're just we're back.

Hiatus makes it sound like we had any kind of schedule out beforehand.

Exactly, That's why I said it. Yeah, made it seem like it's something caused.

It, right, Well, something did cause it.

Though gainful employment. Why am I asking about myself? Yeah, things things happened and then but we're back, and hopefully whoever's listening's happy.

Yeah, they better be, because they're bitching on Twitter. Yeah, twenty four to seven. All of a sudden, you don't hear anything when you're doing it. Yeah, you stop doing it. Oh yeah, yeah, you hear a lot of bitching.

Yeah. It's just like with YouTube comments. No one ever says, hey, I'm just chiming in to say keep up the.

Good work, to say, understandably you're not the best, but you're certainly not the worst.

I think I'm gonna start doing that.

I'm gonna start leaving comments. I enjoy what you're doing. If you ever stop, you will feel my wrath. I'm gonna start leaving that.

Maybe you're not comfortable talking about it, but I thought you were going to talk about the real One of the main reasons that we weren't doing the podcast for.

A while is because, oh, yeah, yeah, your mom passed.

Yeah she But it was I mean, that happened during it, and I went I had to go home for a while. So then that extended our hiatus for sure, and then I stayed home for way too long and then got sick. But like you, I the funeral was fun, and man, did I kill it?

Oh yeah, tell me about that. It was just.

I don't know how you're supposed to invite people to those things, you know, because all my sister and I do is mention things on Facebook and.

And there's a formal way to do it.

Yeah.

So then I just called the papers, all the papers at the last minute, because I know local Missoula, Montana papermen, and they put in last minute obituaries. And so all these mostly women, people who worked with my mom and old friends of hers sought and showed up, and some of them spoke and they were great, and they.

Told hilarious stories and talked about how funny she was in a.

In a way that's different from like, I always give all the credit to my dad for comedy and art and things that I got interested in. And then I'm listening to all these stories and I realized she did weird, quirky things and let people feel uncomfortable to get a laugh in a way that like.

What can you remember one of the stories?

Oh, I mean public things she would do. I don't have one right now, but she would like, were.

There any stories that you heard the people to that you had never heard before or that you were like, oh, I had no idea my mom did that.

Yeah, just how much she was out dancing with some lady that used to work with her. She was like, I'm like, is that where she was? She was partying and dancing, and she just said she would.

Was really good.

At making fun of people, which I didn't own it.

I just don't remember that.

Of her like that when they were out at night.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, And this lady had great stories. All these people that were speaking at the memorial were like good speakers, and they that's not their job Yeah, they held it together.

They had great jokes.

And then the pre like, of course it was out of church and the pastor was everyone was singing church hymns right away, which I'm not that isn't from my life, and I don't know the words.

No one did. He just was realizing.

As we were all mumbling through and trying to be polite, that there was they need to have a little ball bouncing over the lyrics.

Over the lyrics up above the big crucifix.

Yeah it was, well, there was a screen and yeah, a giant crucifix.

That always makes me nervous.

It's just weird to have the logo of the place where he died right there.

Yeah, yeah, I never forget. They're a big never forget type.

Of groove, always remembered.

I never forget to never forget about where he died.

And then once everyone was and my dad spoke and talked, everyone talked about different eras.

That's what it was. It was.

I was not with my mom at work, so I didn't know she was a cut up in the office, right, And I wasn't there before I was born, I believe it or not. What when might Yeah, I know I was there in spirit.

But my dad talked about early you know, things she did.

Marching for the rights of telephone industry workers and things like that. Hell yeah, yeah, like union stuff, union stuff and just standing up for those marginalized, all that stuff. I didn't know about that, so I'm like learning about her at the memorial. Yeah, and it was it was really cool and it was fun. And all the pictures my friend came and.

Took photos, my friend Andrew Chemis.

And h everyone's just laughing and every photo it just looks like we're watching a movie. And then so at the end of the pastor started riffing and going off book and even though I didn't know her, then he really kicked it into high.

Gear and in a good way. At your mom's memorial, Yeah, he was great. Yeah, it got last churchy. We were in church.

Yeah.

Yeah, but at the end, I didn't know. We didn't know you paid.

We tipped him. We'd like tip the.

Guy, Uh, where were you.

At a church?

And so when you do a memorial like that at a church, they show up and do it, I guess, and they don't necessarily get paid by there wasn't like a.

Bill at the end.

Oh, I'm not sure.

It's like a church service, and he said I will do it, and so at the end we like tipped him two fifty.

I don't know if the Catholic church is the same way because it's it's my family's church. They go there all the time. Oh okay, they put in I think, you know, weekly tithing or whatever. So I'm sure that he I know for a fact that the fallowing Barty told us how much the piano player was and the singer was, but I don't my dad did.

All that stuff.

Yeah, And I also just all I remember from that part was that that meeting. I was completely ready to be the one that was in charge of that meeting and just be like, we're taking care of business and we're gonna do this song and did it da whatever? And he which I know I told you already. But the priest at Saint Vincent's Church in Pataluma, which is

So many people have done that and it makes but it is it was a similar experience for me too. And the guy that had been there that was that type of I guess.

Pastor yea, what was what kind of church?

He had?

His funeral was earlier that day, the man that had married my mom and.

Dad the oh so like the original guy, we.

Had no idea. Oh wow, So that was kind of cool. Yeah that he would that it had just.

Been hours before we didn't. That just was a coincidence. Yeah, it was kind of cool.

But so this was a new guy too. Yeah, this new kids in the church.

But there they know they have a lot to make up for and they're really trying to do it. It's supposed to help people, like, it's supposed to help you live your life. It's not supposed to be like what it usually is for people, which is like just a constant bummer.

Yeah, and it's I was worried it would start that way because I.

Get intimidated by church hymns. But then it was. It was fun. It was a fun time.

Well, they're all dirges, it's all like, it's awful. It's the way they talk, similar to the right prest impression I did earlier.

It's yeah, it's very Gregorian chanty.

Yes, but not with the cool mix music like that Enigma, Yes, which is what I love.

You know how much I love Enigma. Sorry there, that's what it was.

Shamoa, sham wow, sham wow.

Early early on, that's why he named it that he's doing rails listening to Enigma, and he was like, yeah.

For some reason. The guy from Jami Quoi was.

There, Yeah, with his hat and no shirt, that.

Guy who I think was not just the pitch man for sham Wow. Maybe he was, but I thought the inventor also, yeah, is sort of interested.

In stand up or did it at one point?

And then of all the clashing of my world's possible it was there was an ad for his comedy tour after some prostitute had punched his face.

Remember he had been the Shamwell guy.

He was in a lot of trouble.

Yeah, and then he got into comedy right then, and there was an ad for it in Thratcher Skateboarding magazine, and I was like, this is too many things slamming into each other.

They knew all the skateboarders would be, would love how dumb that was, and would go because it.

Was Yeah, it's this dude.

He was just as vaguely interested in skateboarding at one point as comedy. So he thought he'd make all his dreams come to and true and spend the last of his sham Wow.

Bucks on a comedy tour.

Ad in Skateboarder, do you think that his opener is about the ShamWow.

I bet his whole act.

Yeah, and then he closes with a detailed story of what happened with that.

Lip? Yeah, exactly, It's time to hear my side of it.

Yeah, everybody's always on the beaten up prostitute side. How about the sham wow guy side? Exactly closer.

Uh.

It's funny that he would get into comedy because he looks like so many guys that have waited tables at comedy clubs. Yeah, with the geled up hair and really skinny, little bit a little speedy he does.

He looks like a Flappers employee.

You know, I love Flappers like I do too.

It's like I like just twenties themed things.

Yes, you do? You?

You know me?

You love to run a legal liquor around the mountain.

Every day and day out, suit Ryan? Is that twenties for me? Bottled beer?

It's the early nineties, but it was an homage, an homage to.

The roaring Were the twenties roaring? Yeah? Yeah, thirtywhere like slow down, every guy, every guy in gal and Dames get those uh slow down those gams. Knocking those knees started on the forties. What why aw potatoes?

The famine that the model t wasn't operating correctly.

I do haven't done a lot of research.

We're gonna have to get you a computer.

I would love one.

Would you love a computer?

I want a Commodore sixty four.

That's how you get all the information about the twenties.

So where did you go on your tour? I was.

In this last ten days. I've been in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I've been in New York City, New York, and I've been in Portland, Oregon.

Those are I love two of those places.

But there wasn't all for we did. I have my favorite murder podcast in Portland, which was great, yeah and fun.

Did you do that at the Curious Comedy Theater early? No?

We did it Revolution Hall.

Oh cool.

Yeah. But my friend Stacy Hullal who runs the Curious Comedy Theater, who is friends with Chris also, who doesn't listen to this. I was going to say hi to her, and she's not a podcast person. She's busy, she's running a fucking theater. But yeah, she was around. We hung out and just you know, Portland is the easiest place

Just an illustrated arm will extend and hand it to.

You phoebe woop like Monty Python style, and just like, what do you want? Do you want nerds rope or do you want a cocktail with a nerds rope in it?

I don't know.

I'm very tired from that.

Yeah, you are sick. I was sick. Everyone's sick. Maybe the ring in Portland, Uh, that's part of the cause.

Could be one of the cots, could be. It could have just kind of cleared some stuff out and that's how it felt. It felt very clean.

In Tulsa, you were at a comedy club in Tulsa.

Julian McCullough was headlining a casino.

I like him out.

He's the greatest an hour outside of Tulsa. I can't remember the name of the casino, but the girl who runs that room is named Lacey, and she runs this awesome room. It's not it's separate from the casino closed doors. You wouldn't even know it was there. The people that are in there know what they're they know they're there for comedy. They know how to be in a comedy room. It was great, super fun, and then afterwards we did his podcast, Julian Loves Music Fun.

The one time I met our friend Henry and Tulsa, I was just tired of feature and he was the headliner and we became immediate friends. But one of the nights, the Tulsa comedy club owner, instead of hanging out at the club, went and saw Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Foxworthy and had a few too many and came back to the club and Henry is on stage, and he got on stage and did a little dance and then pulled his pants down and showed his ass and the barred of his balls to the whole audience in there.

Because he was feeling so good from that blue collar comedy surt.

He just he hadn't been inspired by comedy at his own club for a while. Yeah, so he went out and he's like I'm gonna take some of this good feeling back to my house.

And do comedy the way comedy is meant to be done with your pants down, balls out.

Facing the opposite direction.

No so long balls.

Yeah, yeah, by the long balls.

I asked, and Henry was just like Henry said, Well, normally, if this kind of thing happens, you usually get the owner of the club and have them.

Remove the buildings. But in this case that is the owner. So everyone, Yeah, I can't remember his name.

That guy passed away though, I'm just saying it always comes just life.

Just kind of it always comes back around to death.

Yeah, yeah, it really does. It really does. Inevitably it is going to by the way, to all of you. Sorry you not us, if you haven't thought about your mortality today. Welcome.

Hello. We had a girl get on stage during our podcast. At the end we ask people, we have a thing on our podcast called Hometown Murders, where people email us and this is this horrible thing that happened in my town. This is the this is the thing that got me interested in true crime. And so at the live shows, we just bring the lights up and I just pick a person purely by psychic connection.

Oh yeah, you're good at that John Edwards stuff.

I am right. I put on that white wig, that white curly wig. That's a different that's not John Edwards. But uh, but I picked this girl and she was telling the best fucking story about her cousin who found a dead body in a river and the dead body turned out to be this rapist killer and it was this whole story and I was freaking out the whole time, and she was at one point near the end of

Yeah, what's your relationship? Was she always tiptoeing aroundlight?

She basically was like, I just know that he didn't tell her, but he told me, and then started describing what he told her about finding the body. So it was like, exactly the information I wanted. It was very funny, the whole thing turned out to be. It was amazing, and then it was really scary, and then it was hilarious.

Wow, And that was just do you do that a lot? Have you done that before? And people have good stories?

Yeah, we do it every time. Oh that's great, and people almost like I would say ninety five percent of the time people have the best story.

Wow.

Yeah, because everybody has a story that people that.

Are really like I suppose I have one.

Yeah, Well, there's lots of people that. People that raise their hand in a very specific way usually have a story where it's like my grandfather was a serial killer, or my mom dated so and so like Ted Bundy or whatever. So it's really fascinating because everybody has there's

What's a part of their story how he ended up being dead?

They didn't know because he was on the lamb after he attacked these two girls and they got away, he ran, they got help, he ran, and that was the last anyone saw of him. Five years later, his dead body is found Wow in this creek bed. Yeah, it was crazy.

On facebooks. A guy that I actually met in Tulsa during that trip, a.

Guy he's during Long Balls.

Yeah, during the Long Ball tour.

This guy he's like a military guy and I don't have a lot in common with him politically, but We've stayed in touch since then, just on Facebook.

But he'd skateboarded also, and we went skating and.

Showed up at the park and this kid was holding his ear his ear buds wrapped around his ears and got in his bike and pulled out his ear and this guy was holding his ear so calmly.

His outer ear was in his hand and he's like, nah, I suppose they can sew it on. He was like just the toughest kid ever. And I was like, how old. Yeah, the teenager no with his ear in his hand. No.

And so that was something that I saw with this guy, but ed his name. Uh, yeah, we're online friends. He bowed for Trump and he's my buddy. He found, though, on the side of the road, a nice bike, like a road bike, h fully with survival like with tools and food that were weeks old. It was just on the side of the road and he had pictures. He's like, look at what I found. This guy was prepared for something, and I'm like commenting, like this is an episode of

It's like, you never know why someone just disappears.

The more I do this podcast and the more things we read because now we're reading stuff of course all the time, it really bad things happen all the time. I mean a lot, and the disappearing and people just being like and then they were gone, and then police are so you know, they have so many other cases and they have to you know, like they start looking into it, but there's only a certain amount of time and then more hideous stuff happens and they have to

Yeah, I was thinking about that the other day, was like this.

Someone said, Oh, how how much longer can you do that podcast? Because you're gonna do like all the murders, all the murders, just like are you high? There's an endless amount. It never stops.

Yeah, that's that is a weird. Why that person didn't actually think that, did they?

I wonder if they they know of they were thinking, like the you know, the big the big lead.

Sure, sure, guys, the pros.

The ones that have really established themselves in the murder community, like.

We're good at marketing, right, I uh yeah, Speaking again of Portland, there's someone from there that I follow on Twitter. I'm not I think her name's Mary so new Meyer. If that's she was posting. She just I went down a the tweeting of missing women in Portland wormhole. There there was so many and it was just one and then I was retweeting them. I don't know if I'm have enough Portland people that follow me to help, but it's real sad because they were all within a few days.

It's just missing ye women. Last scene wearing the sweater, no shoes, young young. Yeah. Yeah, they're on my Twitter if you want. I tweeted them. They're on my Twitter. I'm seventy.

The same thing happened in Washington, d C. With all those little like teenage black girls within like a certain amount of time. It's been like a month. Let's say there's been like sixteen girls that have gone missing. And I did read an article that said that it was someone that had just been elected into officer, who just got a new job. Basically making the job, make all that public. So it isn't necessarily that this is suddenly happening.

And the most horrifying version of that.

We've talked about it before, but the night to Stalker Tales of the Nights is that his same night, there.

Is the night stalker Richard Mumer Saris.

Not him then, I just am not remembering the name, but there is a HBO documentary about him and they found him grim Sleeper Grim Sleeper.

Yeah, oh that documentary why.

I can't ever remember because it doesn't it's not a catch, isn't part of it. But it was a lot of the same thing that everyone knew these were happening. No one cared because they were poor black prostitute ladies.

Yeah. Well, also it was because the people who were in charge of people decided people didn't care, you know what I mean. The people at the top were like, we don't We've decided it doesn't matter. But it wasn't like people didn't think it mattered, right, People just didn't know.

I mean when I.

Remember reading when the grim Sleeper was arrested and they're like, they think he's killed over like, I think it's forty women. I mean, it's a lot more way up there. Yeah, I'd never heard of as a person who is very interested in true crime and very has my eyes out for anything like that. I'd never heard of him, and I've lived here for twenty years. It was just happening in like a frost town. It's crazy.

I've driven over there and wondered if I was on the same streets.

It's hard to know. Yeah, I don't really want to drive by his house. I'm not that person, but I've been in that neighborhood like I'm lost where am I? And I'm like, is that the house? I think that's the house?

Oh they painted it. Yeah, I always I want to see his son and wife. Yeah that it was Uh, I love I love that documentary.

I don't know why more people weren't talking about that Instead.

Of that documentary, it didn't get very much pressed.

Everyone's all about the jinks. I'm like this, this is way more interesting.

I feel like that came out before the Jinks I do too.

Yeah, and it was just sitting there not getting attention. Yep.

But also it was a one off. It wasn't. The Jinx was a series, right, so it had the build. I think if the Jinx was a one off that maybe the same thing would have happened.

But if you have the build, they should chop it up and re send it out.

They should, They should do the individual stories that would be that would be an amazing series of.

You should do it, of these you produce it.

That's a good idea. Actually, yeah, but god, god, that's hard work. I mean it's already hard work to do a documentary, but then basically going back and being like, now, let's catalog women who are marginalized, who had lives that were not ideal, who were you know, who were but also trying like making the best of their situation and just trying to fucking get food on the table.

Yeah.

And if you were the person doing studying that, you'd have to go home and be bummed out all the time.

You it would never never stop. You would be happy.

That's why that character that Nick Broomfield got in his documentary, I think her name was Pam that he drove around with, where she was the one telling him she was great. She was amazed. It was the best idea to get a person that was just so awesome, like, you know, so as depressed as you were. There was also this kind of like fuck yeah, like there's someone out there that's being abaud Yeah.

I can't believe that guy was a lot of his just knocking. He was not afraid of anything, just knocking on doors. Hey, guys walking into apartments.

Well as opposed to us walking around this building trying to get in. Yeah. Yeah, he's not wanting to touch any doors.

We're just an older man with a gun and his sweatpants. May or may not shoot him.

M hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, that guy doesn't give a fuck. No, he will ask anybody anything, He'll go anywhere.

He's a brazen Englishman. That's how they are.

They all are because they know the accents will get them out of things. O God, I.

Gotta get the English accent off my navigation. That was an annoying you know who.

You should get its ways right?

That was my Google? My Google? Oh sorry here I am doing one.

You do that one. You should record your own voice and do it.

I bet you can. I bet they got that option.

God, how much of a narcissist would you have to be to be your own Way's voice?

Barf uh, that's such a great detail in a show about a narcissistic person.

Oh, I'm going to email some people that I know.

I'm here to give you ideas.

You need to study all those murders.

Okay, and the other thing Way's voice and murders. Yeah, you can. I thought, if you had ways, you can get Keith Morrison's voice. You know the guy that he works on dateline and he's really really narrow faced guy. That's you can get that guy to give you to give you directions.

Wow, ways, okay, I'll change it to that. I wouldn't mind having that at all.

I think it'd be hilarious.

I thought I would want Morgan Freeman when I accident.

These these ads pop up and.

Then you go to reduce them by pressing the tiniest ever X that your thumb will not hit, and it just ends up purchasing for a limited time a promo for London is Falling where it's it was Morgan Freeman's Waye And I always thought that would be take a lift, We'll put hid or whatever I thought that would be.

But it was just like Andy do Frame didn't want to take a lift.

I guess I missed my friend.

Every time I try to do him, I'm just someone from the Cleveland Show, and I should stop because no one wants to hear me do cartoonish black voices.

Nobody should.

Can I just say that in the car when you were telling me about Bob Newhart being on to have a smiley, Mike, God, I love him, my favorite both both to have a smiley and Bob Newhart. My favorite thing you said was I racistly believed that he wouldn't be a fan of Bob Newmart.

I know, just because more even more than that, he looks like he's just like an ex football player because he's a big, tough looking guy and he loves Bob Newhart. Yeah, he knew. He didn't just do research. He was like holding up the DVD. He was riffing off things that were details from the show about the Vermont in the Bob Newhart Show or new Heart New Heart's just God.

He was great though.

I just it's so important for me, and I think for you too, to see someone oh push approaching ninety he's eighty eight, and he's so with it, yes, and still so quick, and he was so funny, these slow builds to the most subtle delivery. I like, if you can watch that PBS Davis Smiley interview with Tavis of Bob Newhart, do it.

I'm going to.

Maybe it's an app. Maybe you have the PBS app on your Apple.

Oh no, that got shut down too.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you can't have that.

That went the way of the EPA.

Maybe. Yeah, it's in a pile next to medicaid. No, Medicaid's still there. The old people vote, old people vote. Can't be touching that, that's right.

But yeah, I just he's such a he's so important, and I don't think I think a lot of people, even comics, haven't ever like experienced his stand up. And he was talking about how those albums just were number one and number two.

That was the best joke that he said.

He said his albums were number one and number two, and then his daughter for the longest time, and then his daughter called and said, oh Dad that they they got knocked out. The number one and number two spot are now given to uh.

To Guns.

N' roses, and then he said, well, at least it went to a friend. I was just on the way here. I was talking to those guys on the cell phone. He's so and I laughed on the cell phone.

Yeah he and oh he was. It was just the best. Yeah. So Bob mean right, he's my hero.

Yeah, he's good. But I also I just like the uh, I like the whole experience.

Oh of like that interview of him.

Well, the thing that made me laugh was U saying I racistly thought, which is now my new favorite phrase, because I think people do that all the time and they get so defensive. But you're just so freely like I racistly thought he wouldn't like Bob Newhart.

I racistly think that Bob Newhart doesn't have a lot of large male black fans.

But you were that would love to be approved.

Wrong, And that's a racistly I'm thinking that. I know it's a racist thought. Yeah, and it's.

Just that easy. It's just that easy too.

But like you said, his interview style is playing the straight man.

It is he. I love that guy too. He's I'm a big Tabsa or Tavist.

It's Tavis. I like to mix it up.

Now, people like that when you do that with their names. I haven't thought of it that way.

Yeah, Oh, I didn't see it from that angle of not my name.

I've heard you mispronounced names before. How do we say a guy brand random?

I don't, Oh, I say, I don't have any idea because of the ways I've heard it.

I used to say Bronhum and I actually introduced him. It is definitely broken because and here's how I know on his album. I introduced him as guy Bronham on his own album So Great, And I was like, I don't know how.

To apologize for that.

Did he because you're really one of my closest friends.

Did Yeah? Exactly. It's just a name.

It's also like call me Chris Fairchild and I wouldn't say, oh, it's all over.

But if you called me Craig o whoay No, that's when these white fists rage swing. Yeah. Did he then riff on that or did he just leave it in? Or did you? I think he said something about it.

I can't remember it, but I have that very stubborn thing, which I think you're like too. If I read something, I read it in my hand a certain way. That's how it is. Yeah, so the change is such a large adjustment because it's like that's I've read it that way. That means that's the way it's supposed to be.

Prepared, right. Yeah, No, it's because you're a reader.

I'm a big reader. I can read.

When I did Premium Blend dil Hughglely, I think that's how you say his name was drunk. He was drinking and hosting all the you know, it was just like a day of multiple sets.

Excuse me, and he.

Said Chris, I don't know what. Something happened, but he said my name wrong. And then some lady got on stage and like tried to kiss him and they had to get.

Her off stage. But I just well, all that was.

Happening, I just wiped walked out to the mic because my name had been called and they were like no, no, and I'm like and I just did my set and everything went fine, but I had to address what had just happened, so that got edited out.

Yeah, and then they cut out the whole middle.

I actually they did a great job at it. That's how I ended up telling those jokes afterwards, because I liked the comedy Central editing choices.

Oh.

Anyway, the next day I had to go back just to reshoot, going out to the mic so he could and he was there to say my name correctly. And then they had people sitting up front just like crew.

So there's the back of some heads. But I put my watch on the wrong wrist and my hair looked way different.

And my blouse it was a blouse. It was making Mooney's shirt. I didn't bring a real shirt. I just had a button up blouse that I pulled the shoulder pads out.

And it looked nice.

It just looked like I had a black silk shirt. No one can tell. Yeah, it's very nice. Looked like it was fit for me. It looked tailored, beautiful shirt. I looked good at but I wanted to while they were shooting that, I'm like, please, can I be in the audience laughing at myself. Just a quick shot of me going and then and they said that's funny, Okay, let's and we were setting up to shoot it, and then the premium Blend lady came out and said, no, we can't hould a mirror up to how the show.

Is really Yeah, because it's such a long held tradition of hilarious comedy sets where you make a joke about what Asian people drive like and then you cut to.

An Asian an Asian.

Yeah, yeah, never break up that great system of the way you shoot comedy specials.

It would be yeah yeah if I told a racistly told a joke that I was like this guy that was talking about and then it's just me embarrassed.

No, I don't support that. Year your hands, you're a terrible version of me. Oh that would have been great, thanks a lot, DL. Whatever.

I would like to go back to the part of that story about a woman that loved D. L. Hugley so much that she had to get up on stage during a I mean television show.

What you're forgetting is he's very handsome. No, he's definitely very especially during this time.

And in shape. Are you kidding me?

Okay?

Arms some in it's dressing room. He's putting honest dress shirt, but he's in shape.

A lot of people dressing room.

I walked past it. My the area holding pen for us was near his uh lavish fruit filled green room, and uh, he's in he's a guy he's been to the gymnasium. Yeah, it's very nice and and felt bad that he's said my name wrong. But that's why that woman liked him. He's nice, he's apologized.

He's a nice guy.

He's ripped, he's got good skin, he's got a good face.

I got to tell you when they're when you meet a guy, or you even just see a guy talking who is nice and ripped as a woman, you have to go to him.

Yeah, it's it's rare that.

Yeah, you've got to because they might be a cop and they could help out.

They could be a cop, they could be a mirage whatever it is. I don't know why that part part was so loud.

Mirage.

I almost whistled like that pigeon and cartoon.

You.

You almost whistled while talking like a southern wrestling coach.

You do it, you you boss?

Line up now, boys.

I wish I could do it as good as Greg Warren. Greg Warren's got a good He's a comic that does that fast talking southern guy and every ass is a whistle. And it's the funnest thing just thinking about it, and I'm starting to laugh.

The Greg war Saint Louis.

Someone else does a bit where they do who someone we know does whistling whistle talking?

Seriously?

I thought it was I thought it was you.

No, I'm not good at it at all. Serious, I still want this girl recently was trying to teach me how to crow?

My?

Was it me? Because I know how to?

Are you good? Can you?

Yeah? You just bend you take your two index fingers on either hand.

Are the levels we're about to hear a rip, roar.

And whistle two index fingers. Now you take your tongue and bended back.

You know, Okay, I can do that.

I can do tongue back right, and then you take the rolled back like so it's almost like then your tongue is like a little taco, right, you push the taco down below your tooth line, and then where the whistle is coming from is the air that's between your push down tongue and your fingers. That kind of forward.

I'll learn it at home. I think I can learn it.

No one's ever the taco, the roll, the police placement of the fingers, the lowering of your tongue to your tooth line. No one has mapped it out that way for me. I think I can actually do it. Now, you're welcome I've just been sticking dirty falangies in my mouth and blowing slobbery down my wrist.

Also, I would do it. I would do it with your index finger. Oh, why I think are too huh yep, keep going yes quietly, now loudly. Wait? Why is your tongue.

All out pressing too hard with my fingers? What it's on my fingers?

It's nice and salty.

Remember when pistachios were dipped in pink ink? Yes? Boy, they stopped doing that, didn't they.

Yeah, because that's cancer calm. And also why did they do that?

Why did they do it? Thanks very? Coming back to nut talk.

Next up Brazil and the next up all the racist things that Grandpa's called different nuts.

No, next up, I can't even have a walnut in my mouth or I will get a cold sort immediately. What I had it just reminded me.

That's why they called it the herpie nut our grand grandpa did.

I ordered at this hotel I was staying out in Portland. I ordered one morning. Oh, it made me so bad. They're they're fuck.

Okay.

Here's the thing. When you stay at a hotel, you were paying you know, if you order room service. Okay, I'm now paying forty dollars for like yogurt and coffee. What fine, I'm willing to do it because I'm in a hotel. It's convenient, how nice. The place where I was staying, their room service was so not together and they just so they just did it wrong a bunch and they were kind of rude and it made me

Yeah, you don't treat it.

It's not a exactly these things will. But thank god they were because then I could take them out. But I was like, I spent the entire time just taking out these huge walnuts like they were like bombs. Like Jesus, there's another one. I feel it in my mouth, and oh my god, there's another one.

And if have you ever heard of anyone getting absor from a I mean that's that's it's there's a reaction.

Allergic. You're allergic to them.

Yeah, it's I basically am and it's certain nuts have it's some kind of a chemical or whatever shit that's in it that I think walnuts have the most of all the.

Nuts have this stuff.

You know, sometimes if you do a bunch of walnuts, like the inside of your mouth feels stripped, almost like the shine in your mouth feels weird. It's whatever is doing that. I can't have that.

It will There is some I guess is it our appendix. That's the thing that everyone says it's useless, But at one point in our evolution it was like a second stomach or a gizzard apparently, and things do go there, and often it's nuts. And so, uh, my dad ate, I think it was a bag of walnuts. There's a window of time where he's single and he's like, I don't want to make dinner a.

Whole bag of walnuts. And then fully just thought he had appendicitis and went my daddy doesn't go to the hospital ever, went to the er and he said, I think something burst and it was having too many nuts. And I don't know if it went to the parrot had anything to do with that appendix thing. I may have, just but I swear to reach someone. We used to have gizzards like birds and nuts. Go there.

Did you know there's rocks in there? You have to eat rocks every human while you sleep at night. You have seven eight rocks.

Oh those are the rocks carried by the spiders.

Yeah, rock spiders.

Okay, Rocky, Sorry, I had a spider dream las night.

You just reminded me we were in this.

I dream about my own house because I need to redo my house. Like there's lots of things I need to fix. So often I'll have these dreams where it's like really really shitty, and I'll be like, oh God, I have to fix this. Last night, in my dream, it's me and my sister and she goes, you need to dust off this wall, and then we look up and there's just all these It looked like white ribbon, but then a compong closer inspection, it was like spider nests.

That's a bad dream. I can't. I'm sorry.

One at a time. I'm okay, I'll relocate you in a jar. But multiple spiders coming out anything, pupa stage, get the hell away from me.

Did I ever tell you about that spider that walked across my TV room floor that was so humongous. I thought it was a tarantula and it was from my house somehow, And I actually ended up catching it and taking pictures of it because I couldn't believe how big it was.

It was like that big really in my house.

I'm oh right now looking.

At imagine if someone put two ice cream sandwiches together, was about to put them in a mouth that could not accommodate ye, three inches. It was a double clawed body. How much of that? It's so hard to gauge. This was super long. This spider was this big.

It could have been a Daddy long legs, which was not. If you count the legs, you could be that big. But the body, I need to know the body.

The body was. The legs were definitely the longest, biggest part. The body was kind of small, but it wasn't a Daddy long legs because the legs were big.

Oh yeah.

It was very upsetting and it looked like it was sneaking across the floor to just I need to get out of here.

Any spider.

Here's the curious thing though, someone I know and you know too, but that it's not part of the story.

Someone had a tarantula and it was just in a house of dudes, and but that isn't even a spider to me. It was like a tiny animal and it was crawling and I was like, yeah, let him slowly, and he crawled on my arm. And then they put him on my face and he crawled.

I would I could not even touch a spider, even if you said, that's not poisonous.

But do you want to let this little spider crawl on your arm? I'd say no. But the a trantola is an.

Animal, because it was like a big and thick.

And he had a face, and I'm like, he seems nice. It seems like he's smiling. Get him on me, reasonable And he crawled across the way.

And what people don't tell you when you're all drunk on a porch with a spider on your face, it's that the trantlas like shoot out little tiny quills like and I he wasn't doing on perr. He's just keeping his grip with these whatever does it also embeds in your face? And I my I was fine that night, but the next day my eye and cheek were small.

One because I always start a story and.

They don't realize it's pretty gross. That's why I rushed through the seventy or one.

First of all, I like gross, okay and bummer, Yeah, that's my kind of mind.

Jam me too, That's what brought us together.

That's right, Yeah, that's the fun of telling a story. Like, if it's all a nice story, I'm like, sorry, why did.

You stop me to tell me this? Right?

What's the what's different from that than anything else that's going on in the world.

And then they try and end it interestingly by going and then I killed them, Now.

You know didn't, No, you didn't.

You just tell boring stories unearned.

The murder comes in the middle. But yeah, I love that. That's the way you learn not to put a tarantula on your face.

I had to learn through doing it to not put a giant spider on my fucking eye.

Also, whoever owned that thing, why don't they have the quill experience that they can be like, oh, yeah, don't put that on your face.

It's a person that I'll just tell you l her.

But it's someone that a lot of people don't like and I think that also that spider just disappeared and they were like, where's the tentelu man.

Uh oh wait a second.

So some little girl on a seesaw. I don't know why.

I think of the little girl from Frankenstein, like she doesn't already have problems seasong with Frankenstein.

A spider crawls up on her pretty white dress.

She's seasong and then she looks across to the sea saw and then suddenly there's a trenchl on the other side.

It's slipped in the air because the moment she sees it, she cartoonishly realizes she weighs a lot more, and so the seesaw goes down.

Anything goods the spider. She screams. The spider goes in.

In her mouth and quill, quill, quill. Now she has a cold sore.

Aristo crats, Yeah, aristocrats?

Is that comedian Maria Bamford. No, it's everyone adores Maria Bamford.

Okay, I get it. No, yeah, no, it's just tell you late Okay, Yeah, it's not important.

Just a house of dudes and one of them had this giant spider and it's I mean, what are they fifty? They weren't fifteen. Everyone's in their thirties. When I lived in Bend, Oregon, these kids had they I just moved there just to snowboard and I didn't have a lot of money, and our neighbors had just moved there from Portland, and they were piercing each other with safety pins. They bought scorpions and tarantula's.

They had black lights.

They were drinking robotessin and I would go next door and hang out with them.

They weren't complete idiots.

They were just like it was their first time living outside of their parents' house.

So they're like, get everything pointy and poisonous.

They had knives. One of them had a gun. They don't they had money. They were probably dealing drugs.

But there were sweet kids and they're like, we made too much soup, do you want it? Like? They were nice and I pierced one of their nipples one night. This is just dude stuff.

It wasn't like, it wasn't there there. I was in my twenties and so I thought I was way older than them.

Oh there were seenes.

They had spiders. He'd just come out and he's like Hey, what's up? The angel would be they were teens, but they're kind of if in I think, insane clown.

But they would go to a Jugglo convention. But they were snowboarder kids, got it. They weren't all the way clown makeup, giant pants.

They were more into the music.

But we'd go, yeah, the lyrics, how do batteries and magnet's work man?

Yeah, there was a song where they talk about oh I know, yeah.

To watch that video one thousand times a seagull stole my phone or whatever. Oh I laughed, so hards stole my phone is very close to one of the lyrics.

What's the lyric?

Oh?

I wish so many people were here right now that would know that?

Does Aaron know it?

Yeah?

Therese I just but they would, Yeah, black lights and these they're this scorpion was horrifying. But just like one time I got stung by a scorpion that was this big and right now I'm making it's an inch, I'll just say an inch enough of our finger.

That's a well, that was like a that was like a one one.

Sandwich tiny little Yeah, it's one ice cream sandwich tall. If you put the scorpion on his tail, and he imagined him in a top hat.

Yes please. And I also imagine him running the club for some reason, that's what I pictures. He's a business owner, but he'll also host.

The The fuzz is here lower down the gambling tables.

Uh.

But I was an extra in some Western and the scorpion was in my pants all day. We were waiting in like a holding truck, and then they brought us to this this air conditioned holding area and then we stood in the background of this terrible Western and horses.

Would gallop by us. But I it was the whole day.

And then finally this scorpion stung me while they were shooting. I was like pretending to load a wagon way off in the background, and it hurts so bad.

I thought a bee was stinging me. And I'm like, should I stop? That hurts? And that got more and more intense.

It was so much pain that I pulled my pants down, and I had these purple a knot period underpants. So they said, cut, who is that someone pulled their pants down?

I almost got fired.

Isn't this the one where you got fired because you used the guys that was later?

Yeah? OK, yeah, that was later. But they it hurt so bad.

And then I looked at my knee and I felt like such a whist because there was no mark, there was no aftermath.

It hurts so bad, and it was a little white.

Scorpion and it didn't swell up or anything.

No, I couldn't even see the dot. It hurts so bad, and I couldn't even see a dot. I was the opposite of allergic.

It pumped in annie inflammatories and us speaking of But it was tiny. It was tiny, and it's scary. But these guys, these guys, uh, the kid is NIPPLEYE. Pierce had a big, giant black one. Get the load in the black lion, and I.

Would just hold it.

Couldn't it kill you?

Uh? I?

No?

No, and neither could the I guess some of them can't. Actually, the tiny ones are more of a problem. Oh, Aaron, do you have this lyric?

Let's hear it.

I want to warn you, Karen. It will be upsetting as you are from the Bay area. Okay, okay, So the lyric goes, this is violent jay wrapping. I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco Bay. It tried to eat my cellphone. Then Shaggy Too Dope gets involved and he says he ran away.

He got he finished his story for him. He could have.

Handled that a Pelican San Francisco Bay.

That he ran. He ran a yeah, you just had to add that.

That's the magic of the universe. I don't understand how that's.

No, And then it goes into the rest of the and it goes back to asking how do magnets work?

Yeah, yeah, tyson questions, did.

I tell you the story of the guy the When I was drinking, I had one night stand one time with a guy who was very I'll say this about him, very effusive, and from the second I arrived at the bar, it was like he was like, you're the one, which never happens to me. Most of the time. People are like, oh, I was scared of you for the first two.

Months I met you, right right.

Just I don't know what to do about that.

I can't do anything of it. I refuse to do it late late, it's too late.

I don't know what it is, my eyebrows or just I don't think anyone's funny whatever. But this guy was just like as if I was into it. He was acting like we were super totally getting along. It was hilarious and it killed me. It was like it it was the best like defense breakdown. I just couldn't fight him at all because he was just like yeah right, he was. Also we were doing tons of coke anyway, Sure, Sure, I ended up going home with him, which is not

It was crazy.

You should say, is every Could you do a quick inventory before we get to our business.

Could you make me a quick promise that you're not going to strangle me?

Spider roll call?

Yeah, sorry, Maureen.

He just raised his poisonous tentacle tick tick tick where.

They big or small?

But see I don't like tiny, I I know I keep repeating this, but I just now realized I don't mind a giant, big, giant spider.

Yeah, like a slow these weren't that.

Crawling across the road in the desert.

It was like black.

Taco, he owns the truck.

He's from an ad man.

Really, if you ever see interact ned with a hat, they own a business. That's what we.

Just accept that. It's our theory that is now fact. It was black widows.

See, I mean that that's dangerous.

It's dangerous.

What's he in the business of breed?

Like, here's a black widow breeder?

Why that's the worst spider to be interested in?

It was he had a kind of metal feel to him. He was a bit metal.

Okay, so he's kind of cool as ship.

So I was kind of like, oh, danger this is exciting. Yeah, but then it's also not exciting to keep spiders in a glass.

Did he turned on music and was that music heavy metal? I can't remember anything. Oh that would be good.

It was just like here Miladi and Marco.

Details would still be with you. I mean with the powder.

It's I can't believe I'm alive. I'm and you know what, and I'm very grateful.

All it would take was one h and they just would go right under a black widows.

I'm not down, I do not. I'm not down with that.

Possibly they're not cool at.

All, not down with that clown.

But also just the whole that was the thing where you know, my my instinct should have kicked in of like a person that keeps black widow spiders is maybe not the person to immediately be intimate with.

When you don't write, I don't sure.

I don't know his first or name.

What your kids had been danger. I assume you were thinking kids that night.

I was there to procreate.

I hung out with tigs babies yesterday and they are the best?

Are they? How should we talk about that?

Is this a yeah, it's so our friend Tig has two little babies.

Uh.

Well, I was just gonna ask you details, but I don't know if we should do that.

Well, here's a detail I know if you they she has a little pad that is like a you can wipe it off and it's like a temper pedic little pad for them to play on.

You lay them both down and they will. They can't even they're not even close to walking yet. They couldn't kind of stand, I think, or they'll get something to help them stand. But they wrestle to where they're like trying to pin each other. They wrestle and laugh and they like pin each other down and get on each other and like and then look up for approval.

They are they just wrestle.

They're twins.

They're they're fraternal twins. Yeah, I'll show you pictures. I got to feed one of them. I think his name is well, you don't have to talk names.

It's yeah, I am protective to him. I want to reveal too much about people's babies.

I don't know how much. Sometimes people don't say anything.

As babies and they are the best, and man, it.

Was I was just like, ah, shit, am I supposed to have these right now? I mean you can like babies and not have them that you can have a whole life, a fulfilling life of like I love kids.

Yeah, I love babies. Did you ever have one? No?

No one, it's not anyone's right to go? Then what's wrong with you?

No? Well, that's just very talk about the depressing thirties. That's such an old concept of Like, first of all, the planet is so overpopulated, right, it's horribly overpopular, right. The idea that you are supposed to have children is inane and insane. Yeah, please only do it if you are good at it and you are patient, and you have money and you are not going to And.

The last on that list is if you like kids.

That's all I figured out is I I like kids and they like me.

Yeah, And it was fun. That's great.

That's why it was fun. Both these guys were like, he's fun. Yes, And they were like, well, like babies, do you.

Think five six hours later, do you think you would have been in the same mood right now?

Yeah?

You lost just when the diarrhea and food everywhere, and I just don't know what to.

Do, and I'm like a Michael Keaton movie poster.

Holding an iron and but they it's the funniest thing about kids is tactilely. Tactilely, they just were like anything that was a button I laid on the ground and they were like both these babies just were like going to town on my buttons. From if someone just walked into the room, it just looked like two babies were trying to undress a man. They're like, let's sen these pants, let's get that, and I'm like, Nope, don't do that.

Anyway, I got pictures. The mom took the pitch he took.

There were other people in the room.

This wasn't just yours.

It was a seminar good everybody was watching a.

Baby button seminar buttoning, seminar baby's be buttoning.

The first Tony Robbins was like, this is the way, and then all the babies started.

Be the button that your baby unbuttoned in the world.

And then it except there'd be three f bombs in that statement.

He fucking doesn't care.

He doesn't give a fuck, give a ship. He's a foul mouth. He's not the man I thought he was.

You mean a huge giant with huge teeth.

Ho ho ho. He's a giant.

He really is very large man.

Yeah, what did he do before he was? He was?

He's a big fan above new heart.

I I'm into now.

My new not fetish, but thing is big, strong, dominant male that love the comedy.

Of eighty eight year old Bob Newhart. Yes, that's my new jam.

Alpha New Heart heads.

Yeah, I like that, it'll catch on.

That's the whole front row, the net Bob Newhart.

Stand Up Special, just MMA affliction shirts. No, they're like juicing and lifting in the front row. While he's doing one side of a telephone call.

He's like, sir, what do you mean? You there? You there? Well. He also was talking about which I have experienced.

He said, the new crowd Now it's like the attention span is shorter and you can't have the same slow build. And he was talking about compressing his jokes and having it be more punchliney, And it was so interesting.

To hear this. An eighty eight year old can talk about his stand up and how it had to evolve with.

Over fifty five years.

Yeah, yeah, it's so crazy. It is actually fun.

I forgot about New Heart, like I forgot that he was a television icon for forty years.

And I forgot about this album, The Button Down Mine. This album was like millions of millions of copies. Yeah, when they were expecting twenty wasn't he one of.

The first people to make a comedy album.

I think certainly the a top selling one that was, like I said, only beat by Appetite for Destruction.

One and then two.

Really that was the that was the record that that huge Guns and Roses double album release was what broke the Bob Newhart record.

Isn't that insane?

And isn't that America?

There has to be more to it, because there's no way Michael Jackson thrill.

I don't know.

Well, and maybe it's just some specialized thing or.

Right, yeah, yeah, with the record label specifically or something.

I don't know. Yeah, because yeah, Michael Jackson man, Yeah.

Michael has been up there a couple of times.

At least went to a friend.

That's also he's the only one that can like we can't make jokes like that, Like he's smart enough to know how to play who he is. Yeah, that's the thing that is so rare. That's self awareness.

I'm going to watch old Bob Newhart. I'm really plugging Bob heavy good. Yeah, I don't have any I don't have anything of my own to plug you. I guess we could wrap it up here. Yeah, I think we should. Time got away from it.

I really could not put together how much time that was.

I was like, oh my god, is that some sort of a military countdown? We don't have a lot of oxygen. Laughter.

It's a final countdown to.

Should I do more sound effects? Yes, Iang my Robin, I meant at oh, I thought you might right this second helicopter. Wait, you should well at the end. I always spit of all my sounds, so.

Does Michael Winslow. He says that that's a huge issue for me.

He just has like flavor. Flavor. But it's a funnel under his chin instead of a clock.

All of his short term made of paper towels.

Oh linnslow chariot.

Guys, we've done. Do you need to write again?

Yeah, we'll do it again. Yeap monthly? What do you say?

Bi weekly?

Bye?

Every week we're going back and do more Bob Newhart bits, however long it takes to memorize the button down mine of Bob Newhart. Yeah, we come back and reenact.

I'm going to come back and reenact the other side of those calls when we come back.

Yes, I can hear you clearly. It's God.

Or whoever it's usually got her a blinking right. All right, all right, good to see you again.

I love you.

I love you too. You've been listening to do you need a right d y n A R Hong Kong. I forgot? Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and they turning on and gage.

We want to send you off in style.

We want to welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared her?

Was it fine?

Mal porn? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen and Cress

Mm hm