Ep. 9 - Henry Phillips

I leave in I you wanna way back home?

Either way you want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. Give us time and a termino and gay.

We want to send you off InStyle. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared her? Was it fine? Malforn? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need ride.

With Karen and Chris?

Welcome to Do you need a ride with Karen and Chris. Karen isn't here right now. I'm about to pick her up. We're going to take her to a show. But with me right now is my guest, Henry Phillips, who will act as a co host in her absence. But again, we're about to pick her up in a couple of minutes, so it'll be a temporary change. We'll go back to the original format in like two minutes. Hi, Henry, Hey, how's it going good?

How are you? I'm pretty good. That was kind of complicated, Yeah, it was.

I kind of made it more complicated than it really needs to be.

You're the guest.

Karen's not in the car yet, but we're taking her to a show. Usually, Henry, we're taking a comedian to an airport where they get on an airplane.

Oh okay, yeah, that's what I always understood the PREMI yeah, but this is cool. It's kind of like a reflexive thing where oh, there she is.

Yeah, that is her, isn't it? Okay, Well I'm going to turn around because I did not. Yeah. Usually we go to Lax, someone gets on.

A plane, and then they go off to their destination and do their comedy in another town. But today we're just gonna take care of downtown. She's got some art house, flop house, hippie show.

I don't know where.

I don't know if it's hippie themed, probably probably if it's downtown.

A bunch of pink kill comedies down there.

Yeah, downtown it's kind of just been run over overrun by hippies.

Yeah, everyone knows that.

And they all they're disguised because they're dressed like business men.

Yeah, wearing suits.

Right, they're expensive condos, Like you wouldn't expect hippies to be in expensive condos, but that's how they stay undercover.

Yeah, and to work at like banks downtown in a Metropolitan Area.

Hi, there's Karen right now. She's got her guitar. All right, I'm going to unlock the door.

I'm so glad I'm not. I don't have a guitar.

Yeah, two guitars in one car. It's like you might as well be filled with clowns. Oh, I think she wants to open the.

I'm always embarrassed when people see inside my trunk.

Yeah. I actually have a story about that that we can get into maybe when she gets in. It's a funny story. Hikay, how's it going?

Hi, guys, how are you good? Terrific?

Are you serious?

Yeah? Yeah it was?

Is this a serious podcast?

This is a serious one. I really want to know how you are. Okay, you were getting into the.

Uh the uh the boot of my car, as they say in England. I was just in England.

So you still have that left over?

Yeah, I don't call it a trunk anymore.

But Henry saidley as really he really built it up a really great trunk story.

I know it is a good story. Good to see you, Good to see you too.

Oh, I'm sorry, Henry, Karen, you guys know, yeah, yeah, yeah, Karen. Henry's our guest on the show, so I had him co hosting before we.

Picked you up.

Henry welcome.

Yeah, you're in your car.

You should go right here, sorry, right here, and you can.

Yeah, oh that's great. Am I going to go up that exciting hill so you can make a left at the light?

Is what is that? What you mean?

I don't know if I could go up that hill. That's a very.

Steep That's kind of an unsung hill.

In that's vine straight.

That's dick Dick that dis goes straight up for so many reasons.

That's the best.

Line in Richemont High. Mister hands tells somebody.

Oh, yeah, that was fantastic.

You know.

When I was I think one of the very first times I smoked pot. I was a late bloomer with that. And I watched Wayne's World and in the beginning he says he's got that thing called the suck cut, that he's interviewing a guy who has it's like a flowby haircutting thing, and Mike Myers says, well, it definitely does suck. And I literally I laughed throughout the entire movie, but just at that one joke, that's the only thing I was laughing at. My friend was like, man, you love

I'm going downtown, right, Karen.

Yeah, so if you go straight through here, you can jump on the one on one side.

Oh, there you go. Oh, I got it.

So what's your trunk story, Henry?

Okay? So he said that he was he was a little vulnerable feeling when you when it opened.

Oh, I saw his private stores there. Yeah, so diary.

So years ago, years ago, probably in the nineties or so. I a buddy of mine was moving out or he was moving in with his girlfriend, and he had a giant trunk full of porn and he asked me if I could take it off his hands, and I was like, what, I don't. And I'm not trying to be one of these high and mighty like I don't look at porn, but I but I certainly didn't have a trunk full of it, and I don't need a trunk full of porn.

But anyway, is that kind of repetitious yeah, theme, but.

He just did not want it to be thrown away, like he had a real problem with it. He thought it was valuable or something.

Every time he was aroused he had to go out to his car and get.

The poor Oh no, no, I'm sorry. He had a trunk like one of those pirates trunks, you know, like a giant.

It was true treasure.

Yeah, it was like a treasure chest full of porn. So uh, anyway, and it was really heavy, you know, but he just didn't want to throw it away. And he goes, just just take it off my hands because I can't bring it in too, you know, live with my girlfriend. So I said, okay, So we put it in my car trunk and it was all real hardcore, you know, this stuff you know with girls on the front with venuses in their mouths.

Like a fann.

Yeah, it's my favorite when it's fanned out like a peacock.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So anyway, I put it in there. I forget all about it. A couple months later, a buddy of mine and I, my friend Evan and I were going to a poker game.

I know, he was on growing pains.

Yeah he's great, and uh we brought We brought uh tequila, just as a gesture to bring something to the party, and we put it in my trunk and literally forgot all about it. So then I'm driving around for a few more months and I start smelling in my car. It smells like tequila, and I can't figure out why. I'm like, what the hell is this? And uh, it's like the whole car stinks, and I'm like, I didn't

There's a sadness.

Unless yeah, I like that.

Come on, all you families come out to my trunk.

That's such a you gotta put that in the clown.

That would be good.

That's hilarious, Henry.

It's a movie called Punching the Clown. Have you seen Punching the Clown?

Karen, I haven't seen it.

It's on Hulu dot com for free, so you don't have to pay or anything.

You have to remember your password to Hulu.

Yeah, no, I don't think you do. Actually, it's not on Plus. It's it's just regular. Yeah, it's just regular old Hulu. Yeah, we're not getting any money. You.

You have no more excuses, Karen.

She's always talking about the reasons she hasn't seen your movie.

Look, oh that's all right.

Look I don't want to see that, mon No, I don't want.

The thing is, I don't I don't care if people haven't seen it. I just want them to know that I made a movie. That's even better. It's like when you when you're on the road, like I've always done better at meeting girls when they didn't see my show, but they knew I was the guy performing. Sure, right, then they're like, oh he's something, And then that way my act doesn't have to screw it up.

Yeah, if you just say you made a movie, everyone's fans see in their head that they it's going.

To be the best movie ever.

Yeah, they think about Star Wars.

They just immediately think of Star Wars, Star Wars or Transformers three, and that's the movie you made.

Yeah, And so all of a sudden, you're Michael Bay at these people.

Yeah, you're just several explosions.

But that is starting to get watered downe Can.

I tell you guys that I have I left my house this morning at ten a m.

And I haven't been back since. I've been wearing the same outfit.

You feel sweaty, you feel yes, sure.

Way, Yeah, I'm say I'm wearing the same clothes that I was.

Sorry, I think really bad. That's okay.

That's my car phone everyone, Oh car, Yeah, I leave it on just to uh, just to you know, help reinforce the atmosphere that is in the interior of my eight Honda Core.

It's a black rotary though, yeah, from nineteen forty four in.

My car when that stretched coily cord.

No.

Well, I was just saying it's just odd because I literally you've been out of my house now for twelve straight hours. I usually figure out a way to go home, but for some reason, I had all these things today. Yeah, I'll brags several appointments and a lot and even just now I was going to go home and like before meeting you and realize we don't have time because I'm already late for this show.

Are you are? We made you more late?

No, no, no, I was already I was going to be late. I don't I'm usually on later on shows. Anyway, I'm assuming.

You get a lot of that. They always think, well, the guitar is going to be last, because it's hard to follow exactly. But I have to say, and I know people don't mean to be mean, but that's kind of implying that the kind of humor that you're doing is more hacky or something like. I always I always assume when people know that you have a guitar, they're like, oh, you're going to do wasting away and diarrhea or.

I mean, there is a there's a real bias actually comic.

Both you and I, I think, do a more dry form of guitar. I think.

You guys America's sweetheart.

That's right, Henry and I make it. We change. We're going to change the way you think.

About guitar, because the only way I was comparing you to is that you're both my friends, but I just now realize you both do stand up with a guitar.

Yes, and playing in the clubs. I've had to get some songs in there that that hack it up, which aren't my favorite ones. But I think when I play around town, it's almost a bad idea for me to go on because there's there's a lot of comics that move around way more and they're more their voices are more dynamic and sort of bigger acts than my slower, you know, kind of folky songs.

You know, you mean, other guitar comics are just ra no.

Like comics on a given show. I guess what I'm saying is I don't like it when they make me go last because I have a guitar, because there as soon mean that my act is also bigger somehow and that it's hard to follow.

I did some show and they were going to put Matt Broncer after me, and I was like, no, No, Broncer goes last.

Oh yeah, yeah for all him before.

You Like, yeah, that guy's a closer in every sense of the word. I'm going to have songs that stop people from nothing and make them sound.

You know, I think I think where it works best is uh, right in the middle.

I like to back clean up.

Mm hmm.

Could just go ahead and go number four.

I have never, ever once been intimidated by the placement of a guitar comic.

And I say that entirely.

That's great. But a lot of people, uh don't feel Oh they're biggots.

No, they are biggest their cowards, They're cowardly.

First of all, Well, I think I think guitar comics. Guitar comics have had to undergo a lot of the same persecution. I think that the African Americans were almost as long women.

The Chinese.

Yeah, I've always compared it to suffrage women suffrage.

Oh yeah, I'm speaking of suffering. Is that what you said? Suffering?

Oh, suffrage.

I'm not sure what it means, but if you mention it, it seems like you went to college.

It's a lot of suffrage.

Can I just say that I just realized that basically, I'm forcing both of you to go to this show of mine.

It's okay, Oh, in a weird way, It's going to be great. I literally have nothing to do for the next one hundred days.

This is so fun, it's going to be great.

This is a good night.

No, it's you know when you get I mean like we talk about that with people who were dropping them off. But like in town, I get super depressed when.

I go to no, I know how you feel, well, I feel.

Very alone, especially if I don't know at least like one person on the show. And when it's over, even if I do well, there's some kind of weird soul suck.

I know. No, I know if you well, you did the same show I did a month prior. I think I just did the Eagle Rock Show.

Oh yeah, uh yeah, that's a good one.

That that was a really good one. But yeah, I did feel empty inside afterward when everybody left and it was just me but with my guitar by myself waiting for Uber.

That's the Eric di Durian and.

Uh and Eric. Yeah, both very funny guys.

It's such a good show. And the acoustics are so good in that room.

Yeah yeah, and the people were great. It was such a good show, really fun. I like, I'm actually more happy about going to this show because I'm not on it. Like, do you ever get that? Like I tell people, like because sometimes they'll be like, hey, do you mind tweeting about my show that I that I'm on, And I want to be like, let me tweet about ones that I'm not on, Like next week I'll tweet this is a great show. But I don't want.

It doesn't feel like gross?

Yeah I know, Yeah, I don't like that. I don't.

Yeah, it's weird when comics don't any longer find joy and watching stand up that it's strange to me because I still love watching the show.

Karen came to my show the.

Other night, awesome, which one the improv Yeah.

It was just a show.

It's not Uh, it's just my point is I enjoy Watchers show.

Yeah, we Huntsburgers show I had.

You know why, I really like that because like when we do the improv shows, you kind of it's gonna be a pretty quality show across the board, Like you're gonna get a standard, if not above standard.

Show, especially if one of us is on it.

Exactly then you're guaranteed that's just Yeah.

But like that show David Huntsburger's there was like people who'd never done stand up before, and it was a weird room.

There was a weird vibe people.

Were, Oh, that's right, he does that on purpose. Yet, but that's only one person, right, yeah, yeah, it was.

Like someone read poetry.

I don't. I'm oh, this is the one at the the bar in East Hollywood, or yeah, yeah, I've done that.

Copper Still, it was fun to watch it was It made me think. It made me think of jokes, and I just cared, like and that one that woman who was a transgendered that got up, who was great. I was so worried because I saw her rehearsing her lines to a wall.

She was pacing around.

I'm like, this is this a Craigslist one or was it a comic?

I don't know?

Someone he knew because she had that cartoon.

Oh right right.

It was just really charming and she did great.

You remember the name?

She worked on Yo Gaba Gabba and we don't. It was really hilarious.

I'm gonna speak for Karen when I say we don't remember her name?

We do not, Okay, right, I think you guys are homophobic.

What they do is their business. I don't want to remember their names.

Yeah, well you know, and it's not your responsibility. It's like they can do that, but I have the right not to know their names.

I have the right to block out first and last names, right.

Yeah, I don't care what you do in the bedroom. I just don't want to learn your name.

It'll be a really specific, weird kind of homophobia.

And I care what you do in the bedroom.

I love gay people. I love what they do sexually. I watched their port but I don't like their goddamn names.

I'm not learning your name.

Names like Craig or yes or makes me sick. But please turn back on butt Banger's volume.

I'll come on. I had to ruin well.

I liked it because it felt like longer than a sketch that was like a scene.

It was a.

Monolog I was a one person monologue that got very serious in the end.

And I shouldn't have backed out.

And we learned a lesson, just so you know you're gonna go h. I guess east on the one ten when we get down to the one ten.

Is it? Is it okay? Is it legal to do other people's bits on here? Because I wanted to do one.

As long as you preface it.

Yeah, it's a Todd Glass always does this thing. It's the imitation of like a guy who's talking about how much he killed. But then when he finds out that the person was there, he changes the whole story, like here so you have to say that you were there. So it's like, oh, man, I went up to the improv annihilated dude. It was like, I don't know, it's this one of those times when I'm just totally killing.

Are you talking about Wednesday night?

Yeah?

We were there.

I was there. Well. The thing is the way that place is set up. You've got like the lights and just sort of like, I don't know, they can't hear you, Like it's totally just jumps the other way. That's Douglass money guy. He's got a book.

That's right.

I want to read his book.

He I saw him at the improv the other night.

He was so hilarious, but he was straight up screaming at the crowd almost the whole time.

He does sometimes he screams at the crown.

But he can do it. He can do it and do it and do it and still turn it at the end and make it funny.

My favorite joke of is is, oh, you're.

Going north, sorry North?

In the one time no one thank you, when he said someone goes up to him.

Doesn't my breath smell like oh yeah, yeah, that's a great one.

My breath smell like tacos. I don't know. Do you put cat shit in your tacos?

That is so good?

It's just uh that tickles, mate, it's good and gross.

I still need to get over.

Or maybe not.

No, no, I think you're good?

Okay good?

Yeah?

Oh no you will you do? I do?

I bet this middle ink could go either.

No, I don't want to be yeah, oh no it doesn't.

Oh no, I was wrong, straight up wrong.

So I don't want to be the comic who does the same thing every your comic does. But have people made jokes about getting if you do get in an accident, that you've got it completely documented.

Oh yeah, like a black box situation.

Yeah, that we will post on all things coomedy dot com.

Listen to me losing.

My leg That would be the good final.

Episode and I know that.

And that's the transcripts of the trial.

I was found negligent. I miss my friends. Well that's been a very to be continued episode.

Of Yes No, yeah no.

But just for the people out there, Chris has a headset. Yeah, very I look very distracted. Yeah, it's dangerous. We've said it before this it's a dangerous podcast. Yeah, because am I getting off here?

It might be now No, I don't think.

So okay, do you want.

I think take the next exit?

Whatever it is Academy Rode Is it downtown? Do you want me to put it into my ways?

I'm looking at it because.

A lot of plugs ways Yeah, yeah, Todd Glasses.

Books Do you Need a Ride? Sponsored by Todd Glass and Ways the.

App, the Todd Glass Situation Movie, Todd Glass, the Book, Todd Glass, The Carnival Ride and Apps, Ways the App.

Sorry, I messed that one up. Out of the way Saturn.

Okay, what's the address?

Uh?

Or the can you get all the way over to the right?

Oh I'm sorry, I will.

No, No, just whatever it is next because we passed it.

Oh yeah, yeah, here this will work.

What's the Sorry, I can't find my thing?

It's nine seven Chunk King Road, so basically, my little dog, God damn it. Now we're fucking over here, my little dot. As we were driving by, right as it came near the pin, skipped forward like.

It does that.

Oh my god, god, right where I was trying to figure out where you should should I get off here?

Yeah? Oh, I'm gonna.

Do it because we're way too far right now?

All right? Is it c h u G? Everybody? Yes? Sorry h u n G like like wang chung yep, everybody chun king tonight? Oh yeah. And I tried to say, oh, we're only half a mile, guys.

Yeah, we're gonna do guys, don't worry this.

Really, I'd like to apologize and we usually go and Karen's ton to fit even though I feel frightened in it.

You're gonna make it right.

I'm gonna make it right on Broadway. I'm gonna be a star.

Every time we get into a thing like this, everyone goes, should we look up ways like this is I don't know why don't use this app all the time?

I yeah, don't even downloaded it, and I'm like I can.

Well, once you do it, it's gonna be you can make it talk like Elvis what you can actually put your own bays. There's an app where you can make yourself be the one giving you direct out of me. You do it all day long, so you can be like make right this is you.

By the way, I think you.

Can make dumb, weird jokes.

I'm starting to think that guy doesn't need that walk.

I'm starting to he's using it for his bndles.

He should have hobo makeup.

He just had all his belongings on a stick with a plastic kerchief.

Guys, the visuals down college, Oh this is beautiful, This is beautiful.

This is this city? Doth like a garment where the beauty of the evening?

That was beauty?

Do you just kind of just that?

Wow?

I think no, I think my what happens every once in a while, My soul gets possessed by John Milton the poet, well, which I think Jim Morrison.

Henry, you used to like tutor high school aged Yeah, people it with math and like what did you used to tout you're a smart smart person? Yeah you know s a g Yeah that's everything.

Yeah.

No, well I didn't do the math. I just did the all the verbal stuff. But I did. Yeah, we taught the analogies of vocabulary, reading, comprehension stuff.

Like that was any of that stuff?

Like, boy, this is actually difficult for me, but I'm not gonna Yes, absolutely.

As a matter of fact, there's I have a funny story about oh, sorry, dude, that was my bad. College is what we wanted.

We want college screwed up. That's funny that we're talking about.

About how smart I am.

And then yeah, I guess didn't take a ride on college.

Yeah right, yeah, right here.

That reminds me of any movie where you have to beat rich guys in a.

Contre.

I think that's because I'm hot. I think my brain is it's pretty hot. Okay, all right.

I love Chinatown. I love Downtown. I really lived in a loft apartment downtown.

I want to live in the movie Rush Hour.

I want to live in Big Trouble in Little China.

Tick lives downtown, right, yeah, she does.

She does, good old tig.

I blocked by her place a lot, hoping that she's going to be around, and I'll drive by sometimes.

You should knock on the door.

I should downtown.

No, no, oh sorry, no straight? Well, oh yeah, we're we're just about there. Actually it's it's on this street. Yeah I hope it's not. Yeah, you do want to go straight?

Yeah?

I apologize that.

It's fun and it's a fun part of our because I think a lot of people listen just to hear our navigation follies.

About two blocks. It's going to be on the left.

They're definitely fetishists that only listen to it for that.

Yeah, it'll be on the left.

All right, nothing like right here, Oh that's great.

Coulate, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna I'm gonna turn. Okay, So what was that story where you accidentally Oh yeah, yeah, I didn't know.

As much as oh yeah, So what happened was I was nervous because they put you through a training session. I was nervous about going to my first lesson with the kids, And I said, what happens if they say, like, because they're paying a lot of money for it, you know, And it's like, what happens if they say they well, if they say like, how long have you been doing this? I mean, do I tell them it's my first time?

I would be so scared of me.

And then the guy goes The guy who ran the company was like, well, just I don't know, blow it off, just to be like, just make some joke, like I don't know, it feels like it's been forever. So I was like, okay. So I go to give my first one and it's like this Italian family and the kid. We go through the last sound and then afterward they sit me down and they're like, how's it going. So, yeah, we'd like to know a little bit more about you.

I have reoccurring dreams about, for whatever reason, I have to cancel all my gigs doing comedy and go back to high school because I missed some classes. I have dreams about that, and I know it's a premise of Adam Sandler Ruby, but it is a fear of mind. Oh yeah, to not be smart enough to do high school work, so I would not have been a good tutor.

No, I remember, Yeah, I get nightmares about deadlines, like I still get that even after twenty years of not having any deadlines at all.

Yeah, you a job right for the newspaper?

Right?

No, just I'm confusing deadlines with headlines. Yeah, no, that's right, Karen. Are you're back so hot in my car?

I guess I miss this?

Fucking it's all I get here?

Yeah you should probably. Well.

Oh wait a second, why don't I look at foochow?

It says here on the wall best stiller movie by Jackie Chan rush Hour was shot here.

My wow, painted like a huge sign.

Maybe I've read that before? Why would I have said that's genius?

We should take a picture.

Is it deja vou?

Do you guys think that I have a special power?

Yes?

Why would I know that?

Or or it's the opposite and you did know it and you forgot that you knew it?

Yeah, a special power that is reading comprehension.

Yeah, maybe I shouldn't.

School. You're fine, Karen.

Do you want to just go in your do your set and then come back out and we'll continue.

Yeah, okay, let's do that.

Do that. Okay.

But as her for a Shars Listeners show, and.

She is the head writer for Help de Generous.

Spell D E.

N R.

O us is your generous and the whole shadow.

She has a fantastic album, Little.

One Atu.

And it's all Karen kill Live at the Bootleg. I guess that means you're gonna.

This is exact.

Way.

Alright, you're wearing your shirt for twelve hours called check.

This, sir, the sure shirt.

Alright, A loove my show spree.

I saw more story lovely, but.

I love net where we.

Saw six all that you get.

There evers.

Over now, said back.

I wait to see.

That one thing we saw by accent by if.

They's got but there's score.

Right now.

So nine four the money Moore, if only.

Like sit sa comboy, I play and then by satround, said posy.

F by s.

Second per se.

I go bye from all that.

Where sees Gus's funny.

Open floor.

In four, I'll be going to the class musician.

Did you say every folks would like to play?

You asked me to play?

All right?

No, it's like I said, hey, but anyway.

Oh sorry, but yes, we're actually in the middle of a recording podcast right now.

I'm just gonna do a really quick cutting.

You guys like country music, that's.

Oh yeah, well this is just a little country song, I'm gonna shout out the oak.

All right.

That.

I was twenty one years old when I married my sweet heart.

Were swore that we would love each other forever more.

We lived happily ever after on a farm by the hillside, and each.

Day was better than the one before.

Well, except of course, for this one day when she was out to the land, when she fell off for treasure and gotta run over by the road to me, and as I held her in my arms, I'm living for king. The last words that she said to me, she said, baby, I'm gonna wait for you in heaven.

Will. A couple of days went by, and eventually I just sort of got over it.

I saw a dig some other girl who is twenty three day I moved out to California. I got a house on the beach, and each day was better than can be will except of course, for this one day when she was out shredding on the waves, when she slashed up.

Her rip curl and got dragged out to see.

As I was laying there on my beach blanket. I'll never forget those slasht.

Words that she said to me.

She said, Baby, I guess I'm.

Gonna wait for you in heaven.

Well, a couple of days went by and then we wait that fether drive for her. But one in my time finally came. I was standing at the pearly gates.

My first wife was.

There, and she said, see, maybe I told you I was gonna wait for you, but it was kind of awkward situation.

I said.

Beach Girl was there.

Also, and she said that she was gonna wait for me too.

But I know what to do, so I thought I made some dumb joke and I said, hey, maybe we could all just have a threesomes. Well, the angels in heaven didn't take care of the amnion, and nothing I could say but a piece.

That's when I was.

Streaking down the hill.

With the moral of this long story, say, if you're ever in.

A love triangle and both your loves died and so bizarre but geographically relevant injury, donnass four threesome in heaven or you end up in the.

Hill just like me.

Tucking.

That was the most awkward show situation ever in a.

So awkward I have a temperature of one hundred and two right now.

It made you sick. That show gave you the flu.

It gave me comedy flu I'll never recover there.

I don't know if it was.

The room is set up to be awkward because also he asked me if I would go up, and he did it. Well, Karen was on and it's like everything's echoing, and I'm like, well, you're basically talking. I like the guy, but it's like he didn't. I don't even think he meant it. But then some lady goes, can you guys stop talking? And then it's just like now on the asshole talking?

Yeah, can you guys stop talking so it can be fucking pin dropping silent while Karen does her songs that no one understands or is interested in.

That.

No, that lady, she was enjoying it. She was smiling ear to ear literally, and I'm not trying to make a joke, but I wanted to say to her, why don't you let just go that one extra step and just laugh right right?

That's what it was like.

It was like it was like a bunch of librarians who had a lot of respect for what I was doing, which.

Is like, I'm not interested in any of this.

I don't want some librarians respect you. I'd be an old book that's I really yeah, that was that guy hosting who I guess owns that. I'm gonna go ahead and talk shit. I'm going to the King of awkward. Let's simultaneously talk shit.

Okay.

He was terrible.

David looked like but he wasn't as likable. He had a weird limp, but I don't even care what happened to his hip.

He was so bad that it was as hilarious as Waterman doing a character like that could have been Waterman doing a character.

It really could.

I'm ignorant. Who's that guy hosting?

Do you know David Earl Waterman? No, he just sketches it, like the fake allery and stuff. He's a brilliant, hilarious.

The second time podcast did yeah with the f Yeah wait now, Karen, is he the one who booked?

You know, Tony's the one who.

So why is that guy like?

Because he owns the fucking gallery. It's like that classic. It's like the club owner that has to host the showcase.

Night where you're like, do you guys know how to get on this cocksucking freeway?

Sorry?

Yeah, here I am with my language again.

Just go to sunset, okay, and just go right, we'll go in a big square right now, is this no, we're south of Yeah, you can take Temple for a while. It's like Virgil and then make a Ryan terrific.

Okay, back to hating, Okay, yeah, yeah, so he sucks. He sucks so bad. He was he purposefully mispronouncing words to get a rise out of you.

Okay, so Tony wrote up the intros. But then that guy was reading the interest and then critiquing them as he was reading.

So he's got a word thing. The whole place was covered with alphabet letter farms everywhere.

Oh yeah in the middle Conan, there's that art, that art that I mean, who am I to judge another man's art?

But that was some shitty art.

Yeah, that his art.

I don't know if it was his, wasn't art of any man?

I know.

If he's a Christian.

If he's a Christian, you're right, he makes a good point. Here's what if he isn't an annoying asshole?

Actually no, we all just.

Watched him, and here's how we know he's an annoying asshole because he insisted upon hosting a comedy show that he has no fucking business.

Yeah, whoa no, no, no, but you could just stay on this for a while.

I love that you were there with me, because I swear to God, if you were not that show with me tonight, I would be in my car sweating, maybe on the verge of tears.

Well no, not to sound. I mean, we all experience statistic, but that makes me feel good because I actually thought what you did was great. Oh and I have a lot of times when I want to I just like hate myself after a show, and I know I have to know that a lot of times those are valid feelings, but getting.

It from someone, I mean, yeah, But my thing is, I am really sick of my songs.

I sing the same for everything.

We're all sick of our jokes.

Right.

If I hear another one of my jokes coming out of my stupid mouth with my own ears, it's stabby either my ears or my mouth.

But it's a feeling of like you just project out of the audience.

So to me, I every time I think there's like, there's only six real comedy fans here and they've all heard all these songs, so they hate me and have no respect for me, and the fact that I'm doing these songs again that's the feeling. Even though I did one news song to I still like. Doesn't make it different.

Think with songs, though, people really love hearing them.

Again, Yeah, that's the benefit, because I certainly do.

When it comes to songs, I've never heard the one you did tonight, you know, I specifically tried to pick one that you probably hadn't heard, honestly. Yeah, because I think impressing your peers is probably more important, especially when you hate the guy who's running the thing.

Yeah.

No, but yeah, I mean I.

Think those assholes brought us closer together.

I think.

I mean the ass was the main guy. I didn't not everyone there was an asshole. There was the one guy.

We can I say this and this could also be my comedy paranoia. But the guy that said that he was getting ready for his set at the comedy store next week?

What a liar with? Is it a comedy store?

Is there a fourth room at the comedy store by a radiator that uh that they just opened up?

No, you're in the body, you're in the gizzard room.

Let me tell my story about me. I'm an ex banker. Oh you know what, I'm out.

And the lines at the bank more interesting than this.

Oh wow, this is some ship talking.

The closer was acting like a t rex that couldn't reach his dick.

He said that he also did a weird ass thing where it got a big laugh. Yeah, it was pity.

It was like it was like a laugh that like someone would nervously give it if he announced it was on Chemo I have.

He was also when he was Yeah, I don't know. It was a weird example, but he.

When he people were supposed to be laughing, he'd let you know by pointing the mic at the audience.

Yes, oh that's hilarious.

Yeah, he was good.

The old interview techniques.

Like what the rock singers do when their turn to sing when the lights well, that's always my favorite is because they always do it at the high part, you know, like I saw sticks and it was like.

Because they got older and they can't they can't.

Send those notes. I want to hear you singing, but it's like you know, or like Elton John, you know, and I'm gonna be as a cut like you didn't see me pointing the microphone radio you can hear the joke makes no sense.

Do it again?

And all narrow, who's the guy that buddy of mine, Brett Michael Ericson. Oh yeah, he's the guy out of Wam, He's the guy out of Peoria. He's really one of the funniest guys ever. He's so great. He's the house m Yeah, it's great, it's so great.

Wait, sorry, we're from where?

Uh?

Pory, Illinois?

I thought you said Beory, like like the strips. I was like, why why haven't I met him?

You haven't seen his black Head comedy?

But you know what's.

Monday?

I was, well, wait there, now, they're dark Monday nights.

Oh god, now hold on a second.

That was the old joke everybody used to I'm going to push on the okay, wait, Robert Blake.

But so the joke that he does it just occurred to me. Telling the story of the joke is almost as dumb as he's got a joke that ends with a visual punchline where he winks and he said that they wanted him to do it on the radio, and he's like, do you see how that wouldn't make any sense at all? But now I can't even tell it because me retelling it would be the same thing thing.

Yeah. Oh wow, Wow, that's a riddle.

Condom. He says, you know, we shouldn't call them, uh, the Special Olympics because it's like there was some controversy about whether it should be that. It's like it should be the Olympics. Yeah. Yeah, then, which is a really funny joke.

If you say.

It on the radio, you literally just say the Olympics and it makes no sense.

I think you should say they should be called the Olympics. Wink the way c reride against joke get him.

The wink that he does is so freaking funny though. That's just it's a classic. Oh yeah, that's terrific, doesn't the does Hawkins have a wink in one of his what what.

Else did you jot about that show?

Robert? I'm trying to change the the positive story.

Yeah, you're right, you're right. We should put a pot on it.

Uh yeah, but I dated Robert Hawkins? So did you kind of get dark?

Oh? Did you really? I did? Was he funny?

I think dating is generous. You've been to the I've been. Yeah, I was in the Hawk's nest for a little while. Intense.

He's so funny.

Wow, he's really one of the funniest.

People on This makes me laugh.

So hard, and it was always strange to me how he has no presence in Los Angeles comedy.

Well, that would never be partly voluntary, right, I mean he's a hardcore.

I think he was here for a while and tried it out because he was on Christ Titus Show. Yeah, but he's such a road comic. I feel like after a while, that's what you do.

But he had weird material and I always I always anytime he did, Like one time he did UCB and he was so funny and everyone loved him, It's like, who is this guy?

And I'm like, he's always on the road.

Yeah, his material is defies the road.

I did not know about your past.

It's not funny. It was fun we were both passing the time.

I would have to say, this is it's something I might bring up and talk about when we're not recording.

Okay, I'll give you straight up details.

I'm warning of an actual conversation we're going to have.

It was very short lived and very hilarious, and we were not the greatest combination. But I am positive the reason he broke up with me is because we were playing twenty questions at lunch one day and it was his turn, so he had to think of a person.

And I said, is it a man? And he said yes, And then I said is it Pat Marita? And I had guessed it right, Oh my god, and he flipped out.

He thought you were had he found.

Out I was a bit what so he can't handle talent? Should I just keep doing what I'm doing? One on the road that oh yeah, less?

What is this? Oh yeah, it's about to turn into uh or Beverly? Yeah, yeah, so this will Beverly then make a right on like Virgil.

Yeah, let's make it right on Virgil.

And also, if we want to be positive about the show tonight, Barbara Gray is hilarious.

Barbara Gray was grave, and she was essentially well she was like the feature almost the closer. Yeah yeah, and she did great.

Yeah.

Oh and I'm sure I'm sure Bowers was going to destroy Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you know what about what he said in Austin? I just found that No, no, oh god.

But then when he's talking about.

Him controversial, oh, extremely Well. You remember there was a big accident there were you there during the Karen songanding.

Yeah, I died in that accent. Oh no, It's one of my favorite stories. That no one else likes for me to tell I.

Haven't heard you talking.

I'm warning you again of another conversation we're going to talk about that because I haven't heard the details.

So the next morning, it's not even the next night, apparently they were doing a date time show, and during his show he says, I mean I wasn't there, so I wasn't close to it. I I can't as a comic not think it's hilariously Yeah, but it is. I feel like I have to apologize. But anyway, and that's why I have no balls. But but he said, he goes, Man, everybody's texting me from l A saying are you okay? Are you okay? I'm like, man, I'm okay. My car is fucked up. Wow, that's that's kind of the response

That's how he responded, to throw the mic down and walk up.

It is a funny joke. I mean, you can't tell it's a well done funny Joe like it. It's one of those it's one of those tragedy plus time or whatever. I mean, we've all heard nine eleven. Yeah, I got to say that.

We all know the formula, but none of us can remember it.

The week the week of nine time time plus tragedy, say, I don't even.

Remember comedy the square room.

Time plus tragedy equals ha ha ha ha squared. We all know that comedy plus time is tragedy. I just want to that's that's the way said that. That's good. That's a tweet right there, guys, you're gonna see it on my Twitter. Yeah, you just get You just got to verbalize comedy plus time is tragedy. And the joke being that you get you get old and hacky, it's tragedy.

Time doesn't help at all.

I just want to say that this has been the first time I've driven in a while. Karen is better at multitasking or I keep saying that because you don't seem to be in a sweaty panic, but I am.

Again, this will makes me nerd.

What are you?

I don't know. I feel like I'm gonna kill all of us.

Oh with the Yeah, no, it's been bothering me.

You're playing pretty cool.

Oh yeah, Well I'm cool as a cucumber, but I'm it's a cucumber that might kill his friends.

I marry Henry. You know you're clearly upset.

Look at her and to think I'm a commercial stunt driver.

Yeah, that's right. You better.

I better recognize you better. That was what you were going to say.

My feeling, I'll just say it. This is a younger going to say, I'm definitely super I'm hungry right now. I'm very hungry when I show up.

It shows like that that have that feeling of these people don't know the base of comedy rules, which is like I was going to stand outside until the person who was on stage was done, and Tony walked up to the door.

And was like come in, and it's like I know I can come in, Like God.

Like, why didn't you just put the chairs facing the other walls when you walk in? Only the comic sees and everybody, you know what I mean, Like all these kind of just kind of doing the basic understanding.

I hate when cops drive all weird, yeah.

Because then you're like, I just passed him. You just passed a cop angrily.

Yeah yeah, oh pull up next to me.

You should have done this you don't even know drunk.

Actually, I don't think you're allowed to have both ears and.

Oh okay, certainly because well, I uh, it would make a very special episode.

Everyone.

Uh, what if I get arrested right now for podcasting in the car. I'm certainly getting eyeballs. Everybody gets okay, well I'm not gonna do it right now because the fuzz is hot on our fender.

Yeah. Well, he was very interested in what we got going on.

We almost were the first podcast ever to get shut down by the Los Angeles Highway Patrol.

What if here's what would be amazing if they also were podcasting and we have like some kind of a cop.

Welcome back to top. Hey what are those three doing?

I don't know, but they're brown. Let's throw them in ja.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that would be that. That's l a baby. Yep, that's right.

Yeah, Oh I really do they were Did they think that our microphones were beers?

Oh?

Maybe yeah, maybe they thought we were a baby. Yeah.

I had to pretend like I was giving a blowjob. That was really dumb to me.

And actually you're pretending blow jobs feel great? That didn't come out. I'm just yeah, yeah, we're certainly not podcasting.

Weird gay sex from the side.

How dare you halt our mobile blow job unit.

I'm just a witness that.

Reminds me as long as we're bringing up our friend comics jokes.

Augie Smith, you're the one that keeps up doing other people.

I don't know. That's the way. It's fun. That's why I speak there advertising funny. Yeah, like all all those people that died of choking on their own vomit, and it's like, now that you were adults and we drink a lot, we're like, how much. I mean, it's not just because you're a rock star that you drink. More like, I know people that aren't rock stars that do drink

He said that could mean anything. He had too many bananas and started spinning. Yeah, I think I'm gonna.

Okay, sorry, no, thank you, anyway, a lot of fun.

It always helps. I just want to interrupt this. Well, I'm it's not interrupting it. I just as a side note if i'm if I'm driving the wrong direction, you guys pipe out.

No, this is perfect because this will take you straight up to where we're trying to go.

Yep, we're going to go back to the one on one and eat us some Did you tape canutes and food?

No?

No I didn't. Oh my god, story that story, story, story, Yeah.

He's so good. I was so excited he was going up before me.

It did. Oddly though, his story made me want to run a marathon.

It was I know that he ended up, and it made me not want to because I'm like, that's what would happen to me, because I don't think anybody thinks that's gonna happen. But he said he just blacked out.

Well, and also ten ten blocks before it was over here in an entire.

Marathon, and I can I believe the ending where he said he thought he was being abducted. That if you just woke yeah and there's dudes hanging above you, Yeah, that would be my initial response, especially if they were wearing like Hawaiian shirts.

I was hoping he taped it and then that way we could sell it. Yeah, let's do why not? Why not bootleg every comedy show?

Yes, and so no matter how small or hot or weird.

Legal to just videotape everybody.

Yeah, and then we can go on sound Exchange and collect all the proceeds. Apparently Henry had an old manager who went on sound Exchange.

I don't care, you can stop me. I'm gonna say his name. What I've been told you might as well say his name. Who was it?

I don't know, but he went on sound Exchange and signed up on comics, some of them dead comics.

And what's collecting how much a month? Ten grand a month?

No, I guess Drugg is what I've been told.

He was a manager at something and something like.

Well, apparently he can't even show his face in the comedy scene anymore because that pissed people off. But he does, I think it's illegal.

Does keep showing.

People are fine with it. It's pretty nice.

It is a beautiful thing, even though you know.

It's crooked, don't you you go you got a lot of face showing your balls around. I've got a tweet. That's a second tweet.

You've got a lot of face. He's showing your calcer zips up pants and walks out. That's great.

Yeah, I mean that's that reminds there was a guy in my hometown of Missoula, Montana, where there if you do get a parking ticket at a meter, it's five dollars and if you're from out of town, they.

Leave you a note that says, ohops, you messed up. Thanks for visiting though.

And there's coupons on the back of the ticket for the no. But the guy that was the head of the parking commission in Missoula was going around and taking emptying the meters and putting him all that it was changed. But he is doing it all day and earning extra money. And someone watched him do it and they're like, that guy just took the money out and put it in a thing. I'm gonna look into that. And he got caught. And that's a long story. But it is similar to you know a comedy manager who.

Then oh yeah, yeah, comics.

Yeah, it's the same verb.

It's stealing from your specific thing that you're supposed to be keeping.

Peer.

Yeah, can I change the subject back to a comedy show where you're out just for one second, for God's sake, because this is my and I know it's I'm going back negative, but it's not personally negative.

Is starting to sound like a good idea, you can long enough, sh it's boring.

Well, I was just gonna say uh during my set, which was just deeply soul quiet. So at one point it felt like seven people were taking flash photography pictures of me were just like, who wants this?

Who? What is it for?

Like comedy shows, there's always some fucking photographer.

I've finally gotten immune to it, but I don't want to be. Remember the there was a show called What's Happening the Kids out There? And there was one where we Run had an idea that he was he was gonna go to the Doobie Brothers.

Yes and Bootlegged Yeah, And I guess, you know.

Doobie brother was like the band that agreed to do it, but it probably wouldn't have been you know, Rerun's favorite the way he danced, you know, but no, But anyway, so I guess that there was this It was a very special What's Happening And they go in there and they get caught into the legging because he brought a tape recorder. At the end, the Dopee Brothers say, you know,

Like comedy clubs like that, Shitty Flappers and stuff, they will like just tell you, hey, we're going to record your sets. So if you want a copy of it, you know, let the guy know and you can buy it for ten bucks. Oh whoa, whoa Wait, Actually, no, you don't have a right to record me at all.

No, don't just want that's.

Part of the contract that they give you.

And I love I love saying no to that.

Yeah.

I loved that episode of What's Happening because the entire concert stopped this rerun, put a tape recorder that you would have used in the seventies grammar school, like with the red button and everything. Oh yeah, and he had it like on his chest, but he danced. He was wearing a raincoat. It fell out and the concert stopped immediately.

Oh is that what it was?

Because of the noise it made hitting the ground.

So they're literally at a giant rock concert and a tape recorder falling down gets hurt.

What was that noise? That's all stopped drumming and saying it.

Like the Doobie Brothers were probably just playing in a nightclub.

And then d had that rad joke where she goes, y'all don't look like brothers.

Than me.

To her? Man, what is right? You know what? D was so damn fun He was the best. And we looked her up. What she's doing?

She was she's a veterinary. Brian Postsain went to her as a veterinarian.

How could she be that funny? She had the greatest timing.

She's as like a child, my child.

My dad used to write jokes, Oh no, look like brothers to me. That's funny. Yeah, I love that.

Comics go off and just you know what, I like animals and they changed their career become a hilarious veterinarian.

I like it.

Yeah, sorry, I don't know if that made sense. I did a lame change and I got nervous and lost my train of fun.

Or they've become metheatics, like some of them.

If there's only two decisions, I think.

The one from love, but I'm going into Isaac.

No, he became a real bartender.

Yeah, Julie.

Julie had a cook problem, right.

Yeah, well what's the one with the yellow teeth? Just general? Well, no, no, yeah, I don't know. I think she had that. Well, well maybe it's I guess if you're doing coke, you're probably also not. It's it's probably more of a coincidence. It's it's false causality.

It's like you're so covered up you don't.

Care about your teeth that much because you're like, well, I'm dying.

I have all these other concerns.

Yeah, yeah, oh, who's hungry?

I'm speaking of teeth?

Can I go in there?

Hungry is great?

Like that?

Yeah, Well, you're never hitting nothing one on one.

I gotta watch that episode, but.

I want to see that episode of What's Happening.

Yeah, and I think a lot of these hipsters should see it too. Yeah, you know our listeners, Hey, guys, watch that What's Happening episode and think about just think about what happened to rerun and what the Doobie Brothers said about losing their royalties.

Let's think about.

There. Yeah, but a bunch of extremely wealthy, successful white guys going into the inner city and talking to three black kids about how they're going to lose their royalties.

Be careful of our royalties. Yeah, I don't get to have free entertainment.

With your biggest tape recorder you stole from the grammar school. Yeah, I can. Okay, it is a spot. Yeah, if you watch it now, like kids will probably be like, why why didn't he just bring this small Yeah exactly.

That didn't make a loud enough noise to stop a concert. Speaking of stop in the concert, let's stop.

Just pulled in.

We're gonna eat. That was a great we we covered a lot of ground. That was Henry's first time co hosting with me. Even though are two minutes, well, I'm getting them wrap up. Okay, you know this is my conclusionary wrap up.

I just had a really quick question. Oh so, Karen Is that true? Is that really what happened with the the ending that I didn't know if you were making that as a joke. Did did we runs tape recorder really fall? Oh? Yeah, that is that's how that I could. I could also see you just making that up and at that being a scenario. Also, no, no, no, that's the real I.

Remember that episode really specifically.

Okay, because I just had to clarify that. It sounds like you could just rattle that off in thirty seconds as a plot.

Yeah, exactly, that's.

What they must have done. It's somebody dances and then it falls out.

It just falls. It's a big deal. People don't care about the details.

Like it's so far fetched that you could just blurt it out in the future in the back of a car.

That is great. Yeah, and I would have bought.

Well, I'm a.

Low on blood sugar. We all smell Henry, especially, I'm sorry. I no, no, I mean you noticed it the most, probably that I was saying. But we're gonna wrap it up to Henry. Thanks for being on our.

Very fun I was really the guest. I mean that's right. Yeah.

Isn't this interesting that Karen you were the guest. I'm going to give you both equal guest credit, and then I'm going to take away the co host credit from Henry and give that to myself.

So oh, this is my first time, So Henry gets nothing.

Henry's a guest, half a guest, You're half a guest, and I am both the host and co host of this episode of E Y N A R.

I leave and I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a urmano engage.

We want to send you off inside. We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about every scared he was?

It fine.

Now porn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need

With Karen and Chriss