I leave in a you wanna way back home?
Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how.
Much baggage you claim and give us time and a turmanol and gay. We want to send you off inside. You wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all about every.
Scared he was?
It fine?
Now porn?
Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?
Right?
Do you need.
With Karen and Chris.
Welcome to Do you need a ride? I'm Karen Coilgareth, I'm not Chris Fairbanks. Here's an interesting twist this week's episode. Chris is not in the studio yet. He lives on the west side. He drives in very, very busy traffic. I was gonna say thick traffic, but that seems dirty, and so oftentimes he'll leave. He'll leave himself a good
fifty minutes to get to the east side of town. Well, anybody that has lived here for longer than six months knows that you need to book yourself at least a two hour block of driving time if you want to get from Santa Monica to the east side of Los Angeles, So he sent a message saying, Karen start the podcast without me. It'll be fascinating. It'll be a fascinating twist. So I'm the solo host right now, Hi, And we
have a guest this week. She refuses to come on the air early, So I'm gonna tell you several stories from my childhood. No, I'm not, no. Our our guest this week is April Richard's. That's right, old faithful. She's our guest. She's our friend. She's Chris's co host on your television show. You guys don't talk about this show enough. Never Why would we?
True TV's almost jactical jokers.
And your brothers and you pull tricks on people. Sadly, we don't do pranks, which we should do. Nothing is more lucrative than prank. It's pranks is where it's at.
I think I like hate pranks.
I'm not interested in pranks in any way.
Which as a kid, I did do some pranks, like toilet papering people's houses or whatever.
But the thing of like when people would do pranks on me, it's I would just be like fuck off, yeah, and it sort of I don't know.
I'm trying to think I didn't go to high school in the four I almost said, like, we'll be coaching, and I'm like, I didn't go to high school in the nineteen forties.
But anything like you know what I mean? Or if you try to sit down, Sody, try to move your chair and I just know that that's not funny.
No.
That happened to me in fifth grade and it hurt really bad when I hit the ground. It hurt really bad, and then everyone in my class was like ooh, and then everyone felt really bad. So it was this moment of like, here's what I think it is. I think it's a it's a young boyish energy of like we're
gonna get them. You're gonna get that person right, right, But it's the short sighted idea that this is no matter what we think of, it's gonna end in laughs, where it's like oftentimes when it goes into like physically harming a person or deeply shaming them in front of everyone that they want to like them, right, and especially in like when you're younger, when that all seems like it's in the balance, and then then it just becomes this life for death like horror horror show, who did
it to you. What was their reaction. It was the boy who had a crush on me who I didn't like, and so he was It was a little bit of like, now I'm going to be your tormentor, right, which it was a foolish let's just say it was a foolish move on Simon Casey's part. Well, I got to say this, I had the foresight, even.
As a child to punch you up because I prank the shit out of teachers.
Sure, yes, that's for sure, Yes, but.
I never pranked other kids. Really, Ah, that's a lie. I mean, like again, I toilet paper, I rolled people's houses a few times, But that's not that's the dumbest prank of all time.
That's just like a prank.
Because you don't have like the instant when I think prank, it's like where you're standing watching where you do the thing, and then you're like, can't wait for your crazy response, Right, that's the prank.
Right, Like I think I'm trying to think there was one prank that happened to me in college that I really that was really funny to me because I took it as this huge compliment that they had pre thought this whole stupid thing out right, But now I can't think of what it was. All I knew is that the second it happened, I was like, oh my god, they're paying so much attention to me. Then I had like a lot of planning. Yes, it was a whole involved thing of like we all told this one lie
and then we got you to do a thing. But it wasn't anything shaming or anything I cared about. Like whatever it was, it was like falling. But also my thing is what people don't understand is as as sas mouthed as I can be in bitches, I can be, I will fall for almost if you go well for everything anything. If you're like, oh, the bank is open tomorrow, so we're all going to meet there whatever, be like, all right, like you have my complete trust and we
don't have it exactly. Then then once you don't have it, you'll never get it back. So you can rank it away. That's fine, right, But then now you never have it, so the next time you go, oh, we're gonna go to a thing, I'll be like, oh, I bet you won't be there. I'm never going to that thing again.
You're making me feel better because there have been times where I said that to peep, like I've people have done a thing to me that it's such an obvious lie apparently, and I'm like.
Yeah, okay, totally, And then the other people around me be like, I can't believe you fell for that.
You're so and I'm like, I'm sorry, my default is not everyone is lying to me constantly, like that's supposed to be my attitude in the world.
And also if you're going to spend like if that's what it is, where it's like, no, this band or whatever, where you're like, it's just information that I don't give a shit about one way or another. You're not telling me I won the lottery or something.
Oh you know what.
It was the thing that the college thing my I was moving out of my sister. I of course didn't turn my paperwork and time in college to get into the dorms, so I had to live in my sister's apartment for three months, which of course she hated, and my cousin Nancy, who hated me, and her friend Dianne, who was very nice but I'm sure I hated me. I had to live on their like pull out couch in the front room. Of their college apartment, not a
dream come true. So I when they were finally moving me into the dorms, we were moving my stuff down in boxes into my sister's car, and one of the times I brought down a box, I opened passenger door of my sister's sixty eight Mustang, put the box down, looked down and there was a rattlesnake in the front floor, like passenger side floor, like a real water No, it was a fucking freeze dried, coiled up rattlesnake. But I didn't. All I saw was a rattlesnake, and I just.
Moved backwards as quickly as I possibly could and slam the door really fast.
So and they were laughing. It was these three guys that were in I think the Marines that lived in the apartment below my sisters, who they were all friends, so they were nice people, but they were laughing so hard because they were like, we've never seen anyone move that fast, And so it not only wasn't embarrassing, I felt very proud of my reflex, of my ability to recognize danger and not fuck around, like get away from a rattlesnake as quickly as possible, like The whole thing made me go like.
Well, maybe they were just putting you through like survival training. It was even a prank.
And the thing as I passed, Yeah, good news all around. You could do well by yourself in the woods or whatever. Maybe that's all that was. That's right, but like that's to me. That's why my fit. I think in like top three favorite viral videos will always be the guy that punches the clown that pops out of the garbage can. It's a high school video. I don't think I've seen that one. It's the best, but I'm gonna now ruin
it for you by describing it verbally to you. But it's a kid in high school, like a reporter being like talking to another kid at the high school. And it looks like he's talking to like an athlete, like a football player or something. He says he's a big black kid, right, And it's this little white kid going like, are you scared for Halloween? You're gonna go trick treating, asking questions, and then behind them they have like a recycling sized garbage can, sure you know, one of those
big plastic ones. And as they're standing there, a kid in like a in like an it clown mask, you know, a scary scary clown mask.
Pops out like jumps up and goes like that, and the kid, like from an interview position, turns and just clocks then in the face and then it goes just it drops back into the garbage can.
And it's the best because it's like, well, this is your prank. Like, if you engage a prank, this is what could happen. You can get clocked directly into the Yeah, they might call your bluff. All right.
Having said all this, though, I do have to say I stay prank call and I was repping prank calls hard. I would do it on the phone all day currently not currently now, but like that, so that is separate from physical pranks.
I was doing that all through school. It's prank calling people. What would you say? It depends on a lot of them.
Ended up being like I just like talking so much that I would just be It would end up with me just talking to strangers. Oh okay, where I feel like a few. There was one time me and my friend Kevin stayed up. We were praying people and I can't remember what we were saying. I mean, it was nonsense. It wasn't like it's your refrigerator running, but we would just try to. It would just turn into conversations because
we would say something we thought was like nonsense. It did often backfire, but in a good way because the people would just answer.
And we'd be like, wait, what so like you were taking a poll or something.
Yeah, but they would be like ridiculous goofy questions where we're like, this is so clearly a joke or a prank, and more often than not we'd get serious answers back and then we would.
Just be like what, okay, I start talking. There were several nights where we would just end up yeah, just like all right, have a good night, Frank, like just turn into like a little bay. That's there.
Was one time, this is kind of a left turn me and my friend Jeremy.
This is gonna be.
So hard to explain for somebody who didn't grow up in the South, especially, but my friend Jeremy, who was my high school boyfriend's brother, but I knew him forever. I had known him since like sixth grade, before I even thought of dating his brother.
Ever.
We were hanging out one night and used to drive this pickup truck and he had a CBE radio in it.
I grew up in Georgia.
Everybody and he we would get on it all the time and like talk to truckers.
It was hilarious.
Tell us yeah, because we and truckers and we're like teenagers and truckers say the foulest shit to each other on CEBE radios. Yeah, and really do at the time. You know, this is like late nineties, Like see me each other and be like, I just drove by lady a huge ditch. He's wearing whatever whatever and driving or whatever, like to tell other truckers like drive by hot.
Ladies or whatever.
So one night we're listening to all these truckers talk to each other, and Jeremy had like a fake trucker name and he would get on and talk like he's a trucker. And this guy was like, there's a already
at whatever. And we went to the party. Now fully he was like, what's the address and it wasn't that far from us, and so we went to this party and it was like all these truckers, like it ended up being fine, but we're like two kids driving up in his thing and it's like all these grown truckers what.
Wait and this sounds like something from True Detective.
It was at our house.
I mean it was like everybody was out in the lawn when we drove up. Like a ton of people were out on the lawn.
Do you know what I'm saying? Like it wasn't like we were like and then.
We had walked through a dark alley together party like it was pretty public. But it was old, chucker, not old, but I mean adults, right, Like we were like sixteen, seventeen, and they were in the twenty or thirties.
They weren't. They weren't like my parents agress Okay, okay, but you know, I guess maybe thirties. I don't know. You know how when you're seventeen, anybody older than.
You was just old.
Yes, But yeah, we just pulled up and we're like, what's up, guys, and like hung out at this party for a while. It was crazy and just because we had talked to them on a cebee radio. Yeah, that's very dam Never do that again, okay, please, I won't do it again. They were There's so many cross country truckers who've gotten away with murder because they're never in the same place twice, right, well sure, but this was like at a residential house on a pretty average street.
That's how they hid. And everybody was out in the like tons of people were out in the yard. We didn't in the house.
We just like stood out in the yard like he's the reason you're here today. But then Jeremy had to be like, you know whatever his truck. He had some big, tough trucker name and had to walk up and be like, yeah, I'm fucking chunked steak or whatever.
And they're like, okay, dude, you're seventeen. Like, yeah, that must have actually been really entertaining to them. Yeah, I mean.
When a lot of them too, didn't look like you know, they weren't like had a convoy or whatever.
I mean, we're just kind of regular. Yeah, like when Roseanne became a trucker on Roseanne or was it Lori Metcalf I think it was. Yeah, it was her sister. Yeah, Jackie my my next door neighbor, Andy Whittington. Every day we would come home from school and oh, look you've made it. No, we're in, we're in, We're warm. I feel like I should be quiet. Take the reins.
Okay, thanks for waiting. This whole time. Welcome to do you need.
A rare it is we're talking about pranks and crank calling and all the stuff that we did as children. And I was just saying my next door neighbor, Andy Whittington, when he was a big prankster himself, so like we lived way out in the country, he used to do a thing where one time, so our classic trick was we would take our mom's old purses that they didn't want anymore, and we'd go out into the field, fill them with cowshit and stick them in the middle of
the road. Then we'd climb a tree and wait and watch as cars came and pick them up and either looked in them right there and then threw them back out and swore and got mad, or would drive like fifty feet and then open a purse full of cowshit and get all angry and throw it out of the car. Amazing. So this way O looney to yeah, like Wiley would have done this to the road runner. This is the this is the mind of Andy Wimington, who was my legendary next ruighbor. Who he was, He was the funniest
person of all times. So then when our moms ran out of purses because we literally did it that many times, and we would be hiding up literally like twenty five feet up in a pine tree so that we could see. And there's one guy that got so mad he came back and was driving back and forth trying to find us or trying to find like he knew that somebody was watching, so he came back to where the purse started, but he stole a purse.
Nobles in the road was trying to help someone.
That he was being a good citizen that was going to steal someone's wallet. But then we started. Then we started wrapping up cowshit in gift boxes, so we would because there were no more purses, so we were taking old like you know, shirt boxes from RNs, filling them up with cowshit, then wrapping them in birthday and then we would just stick it in the road.
Stayed lousy with cash it though, because unlimited cash it that's all we had out there.
We had cowshit, and we had like one car an hour.
So this was so worth it because you think of it, You're driving down a country road, right, there's a house every mile or half mile, like it's there's nothing out there.
It's all farms, and then you drive up and there's a birthday present in the middle. I'll get it. I'll see what it is. I might as well pick it up. It's a bunch of fucking shit you did, bastard stealer.
Could you always hear their reaction? Were you close enough to go?
Ship?
Damn it?
I love panks. I love it well this and now that I'm remembering it, like these were. I started on really quality ones and then like as I got older, they just got dumber. Andy also sorry, but one time he took a jump rope, two orange cones that he had in his room and hard hat and he stopped traffic on our street with a jump rope, putting a
jump rope in two orange cones. And he literally I was in the tree watching him, and no cars drove down our street ever, so it took like he was just holding his hand up like this with a hard hat on, uh, looking up the street, and he ended up getting like four cars waiting, and finally one guy was like, hey, how much long we rode to wait here? And he had just purely done it to do it? Just can I marry this guy?
He is?
He was truly one of the most fun people ever.
Yeah, he was the best.
He's gone away.
Well, no, we just don't. We moved out of that house when I was a senior in high school, so we saw him less and less and then like my you know, my.
Sister keeps marry him because he's dead.
Oh no, no, no, I mean I think he's married. Probably you would not. Who wouldn't lock that down? And he seriously was the greatest bullshitter of all time.
He really was.
He's as a like sixth grade boy stop traffic with justice hand and his energy, just like I'm a I'm some sort of road maintenance person that you have to listen to the jump rope. I'll tell you the meanest thing that I know of that my Okay, my friend's Grace and Clark. In high school, they were younger, they were great younger than me, and I could drive before them. So I was always the ghetaway driver when we had to roll people's houses. I was like always their getaway driver,
No questions asked. They would just be like, we want to do this thing to this person, will you drive us? And I'm like sure, Like it could have been coke deals, Like I was like, yeah, I'll drive you because I want to drive. I'm sixteen.
That's how you get involved with a bank Robbie like a movie in the eighties.
Yes, I mean I were just willing to drive. Yeah, you guys are my friends. Whatever. I mean, I've I've out I have had to outrun cops with.
Them, for sure. Do you've mind wearing this mask because one of our presidents, it's the attractive one.
I really have. We we old this house.
I've told this on other podcasts or anything, but we because this one girl that was in their class that I didn't even know.
They like, hated her so much that we rolled.
I'm trying to condense it, but we rolled our house like so many times in a row that her dad hired private security.
We were just rolling someone's house. Means a toilet, that's what we call it, throw toilet paper.
Oh I didn't know that yet, Yeah, toilet papering.
And so one night I really did have to outrun the cops and I did like drive into a stranger's driveway and turn the lights off, and like after driving like nine hundred miles an hour down the road.
It was intense. What did it? Yeah, totally. I wasn't gonna get arrested, like fuck that.
I outran the cops a few times as a kid. Which is the funny thing is that I never did anything like toilet papering. Who cares, but I did that so often. It's lettering, right, But I don't think that you go to jail or anything.
But they were. This is how mean they are though, you guys.
I didn't find out about this till after the fact because apparently I think the girl lived within walking distance to Grace. But they had this girl in one of their classes that always wore like real the ugly vests, like just terrible vests.
So like every day they would.
Come out of whatever this class crying, laughing, like dude, you should have seen her vest today.
And I'm like, okay, and as a joke. This is the I can't believe I'm saying this out loud. Is so mean.
Please, No, I had no nothing to do with this. But they went to somewhere they bought like the ugliest vest. They did fine, and they wrapped it up like a present and left it on her porch and she wore at the school.
The next day. She liked it. That's a prank.
Why does that make it more, said.
No, I think she wins.
She wins, but I've never seen two people laugh harder than they did that day.
Like they were just like can you believe it? Like but yeah, so it was like mean but good. They gave her a gift. I don't know, but they were just like, this is the most hideous thing. Let's see if this door wears it. And like she totally was like, look at my cool vest. But I ever asked, wasn't like who left this on my porch? She was probably like someone loves me. This is beautiful.
So that's like the meanest prank I've ever heard of my life. And my friends did it.
I have so many of these stories that I don't and they would all incriminate me. Oh but I'll tell some.
We'll jump in.
Well, me and my friends all lived above this bagel shop downtown. It's like ten of us lived in this apartment and so you could see. We had a three sixty view of the entire downtown Missoula. And it was supposed to launch water balloons, but we would launch frozen bagels. I had cars and it would dent them. Oh yeah, yeah.
One time a guy was asleep across the street. I ran across the street and he wouldn't wake up, and I squirted mustard in the back of his pants, a lot of mustard, And then we went upstairs and we hackled him from a megaphone, and then a car came to pick him up, and he got in the car and they drove half a block and then the car stopped and he got kicked out because he had mustard
coming out of his butt crack. And then another time we were watching and we peed in part of a forty of beer and put it on the street corner, and then watched one guy on a bike and another guy. They were friends at first, and then they fought over the beer, not knowing that half of it was pee, and the guy that won, the guy without the bike, pushed the guy with the bike onto his bike, and we were concerned. He fell on the pedal, so I'm
not that bad. But then the guy walked a little further and then we all watched him drink the pea.
Did he know? Did he react?
Another time, we put poop under this guy's car door because he had skulls and lights all over his car and long stringy hair, and he looked scary, and then we watched him try and open his door, and then he smelled his fingers and he yelled at its poop and we all laughed, but later we felt bad.
I did that to a guy in high school. Started, I just need to follow up.
Course.
Did the guy who drank the beer pea No?
No, most of it was beer. He enjoyed it and drank all of it.
Okay, So that's that situation where that pranke didn't work.
We later found the empty bottle around the corner. We knew he either poured it out and set it upright, or he drank it and said that was refreshing.
He said, that's the most delicious beer I've ever had. I have to go back to you, heckling the other guy with a megaphone. Yeah, like, what are you yelling?
We were filming it too. These are all we were. I think we were. We could have been jackass, but we didn't know that was a thing.
Were you like a skateboard crew? We were the skateboard situation.
We were the front street mob. Yes, yeah, we had stickers.
I've seen your stuff.
And the guy parked in Andy's parking lot and we put poop under his door nail, door nail, doorknob. He had a doorknob on. It's a very old car, a model Tea with a doorknob handle, door handle, did it.
There's a guy in high school that was super mean to me, and me and my friends knew he was going to be on a date and we put we soaked. We weren't L seven style, they weren't real, but we soaked tampons and cherry kool aid and put them under both of his door handles. So when him and his date went to get in the car, they thought they had a handful of used tampons.
Oh gee, wow, that's great.
Yeah, my cousin Cheryl got in trouble.
I should have put Brownie Max under the guy's store.
Hand now you know. My cousin Cheryl got in trouble when she was in high school, which was like the late seventies, because she and her friends unpeeled a bunch of Maxi pads and stuck them to a guy in her class's conversion van that he had just had painted like metallic midnight blue. And so when he pulled the
Maxi pads off, it just ripped the paint off. So they did Maxi pad style like a like a tepee thing to be flirty and cute, and they haended to have a favor favorite for his conversion van to be reading that was like a big like that was when I was I was really little, and I remember that was like a lot of trouble people got into and yeah, that is one thing my mom was really cool about me.
Shockingly, as square as my mom is for real, she was always cool with me doing that because she was like, that doesn't do any damage. I would tell her like, I'm gonna go roll these people's houses because she had a Costco membership, and I was like, can I go to Costco with you next time get some extra toilet paper? And she was like, oh, yeah, totally because she was like,
as long as you're just doing that. She was like, never at anybody's house or never do anything where I'm gonna get sued because you yes.
And she was my mom.
I never drank, and my mom always knew that. So if I went out at like two in the morning, she was fine with it. I was like, Oh, I'm just gonna go out and roll these people's house. I would tell my mom that and she was just like, it's all as long as the cops don't If the cops call me, I'm not your mom, I don't know you.
But if the cops don't call, cool, like do whatever you need to do. So she was not a possible with that.
Just her roommate.
Yeah, I mean she was like, I'm not bailing out of jail, so don't get caught, but yeah, go do it toleta Yeah, for sure, have a good time. But that was the only Yeah, she warned me against things we wanted to do something where we it was the same kind of thing though, where she was like, don't do that, that's going to take the pain off. Or we were going to do something to somebody's driveway and she was like that's going to bleach their driveway, don't
do it. Yeah, she always I did run a few pranks by my mom to be like is this going to cause property damage or not?
And then she would tell us she was like stick of toilet papers, because that's the that's where like the fun ends, and then yeah, like bullshit begins. It's because it's all well and good and most of the time it's flirting. Like most of the time when people are pranking someone else's because they want their attention. I mean, not skateboard crew.
I was flirting when I quit syrup in there before the mustard, and that it was a bit of a flirt, a little sweep before. Yeah, hey, mix it up mustard noticing this?
What if the inside of the car had like white like pleather seats and there was.
A white car really so it.
Could have had a serious mustard stain on that.
The sad part about it all is these are people that had bigger problems. I mean, the guy was sleeping on a.
Bench and you were. You were punching down for We.
Saw him often and he was a bad person during the day, yelling at people, and he was asleep and we saw the opportunity. Great. His butt crack was all the way out, So lesson learned. Yeah, why not put condiments in there?
This is a hard left. But you look very tan.
Oh can you guys think?
Yeah, have you been on a beach vacation?
I got hit by a spider there, and that's.
Poison traveled there and now I have a weird that.
Wait, you have to go to the doctor.
Yeah, no, ship, it's a spider.
No, No, If that's a brown recluse. Second, bad news. You have warm amputated.
It hurt the other day, but it's getting better now.
Not normal.
I know they're weird.
Can you pull your sleep up please?
For okay, you guys listen. It looks like a shark bite. I mean there, it's like this weird market of perfect hack.
Yeah, it is weird. I thought maybe I got bruised by a tennis racket or played volleyball in my sleep. Again.
You have to go to the doctor also, because that the thing the boss on it. Yeah, so you're right, Yeah, there is comedy first.
It's no, it's strite, don't You're right.
To write some new jokes about losing your arm.
Okay, that's doctor being a here's my impression of a teapot again.
Yeah, booll, I lost my arm.
I lost my arm for this, so have a lot of people. Who was that comic that used to Riggan? He had a hook? Roger Rittenhouse written House.
He's one of the funniest comics there is.
He is very funny. And but one night at MBAR somewhat he there was a lull in his and someone said, how'd you lose your hand? And I everyone got quiet. I know that the guy thought that. He's like, oh, he's got to have a great story about this, and he was some drunk guy, but he's like he just really used the ability right then to make the guy feel bad by just going wow, yeah, it's wow. Uh yeah,
I don't know why you would ever heckle that. I and he like and it said and the guy I think when he that guy killed himself he had he felt so bad.
This is extra weird because what do I.
Get if it starts before my elbow? I can't just get a hook.
It's just when did last night I slept on the couch.
When I was lying in bed last night, I saw two at separate times. I saw one giant centipede millipede something with a trillion legs for real, crawling down one side the wall.
So I was like, oh, that's weird.
And then like five minutes later I saw another one. So I was like, not leave it in this room tonight, and like, whent saw on the couch because like that was so gross to me.
But those can't bite you. You have to go to the doctor.
You guys are acting like I I did something wrong, not knowing the doctor I'm not worried about it all right.
Now, don't you have a low pain tolerance? Yes, like you don't feel it, is what I'm saying.
I think a high tolerance for it.
High tolerance, right, yeah.
I have low pain sensory.
Exactly, so you could actually be in more pain than you.
I don't know, though I always complain about pain. I acknowledge that it's that I show it to people and then I don't do anything about it. All right, my hip is hurt for years. I know I should get surgery.
But now you got some spiderbies that. I mean, I've never seen anything that looks.
Like I just want to see what develops next.
Okay, great, then let's have fun. Looks like Wisconsin right now, it looks like Wisconsin. When it starts to look like the uss of R that's when we will call an ambulance. How about that.
Let's judge it by how much of Asia it becomes. I've been did having dizzy spells? No, I'm kidding, I'm fine. I don't think it was a brown recluse.
Did you? How would you know? Did you have?
I've had I've been met by brown mclues. We had them in my basement grown up.
Really Yeah, and you know what exactly what it looks like.
Yeah? Yeah, they looked like a hobo spider or a domesticated house spider. I'm very similar, but well lit markings will let you know, and size are actually smaller. You do not want. You do not want to your sauce. You don't want.
Did you have a party on Fourth of July weekend?
Well? I didn't want you guys to see me all drunk. Yes I did. I didn't invite anyone.
She was bringing it up because she's offended. No, No, I wouldn't. I knew I was invited. Nate invite in me.
I should. It was really fun, but I.
Couldn't go anywhere. I had to work through through the whole weekend. I did nothing from Thursday to Tuesday mornings.
Oh yeah, yeah, because we were going to podcast.
That's right. But but I thought maybe that's why you were so tan or something like.
I went was it a razor?
Did you stay outside?
I went to Andy's pool. I went to Andy Wood's pool party nice and kind of burned myself. Yeah, that's where it came from. Any that's the sun?
Any fun comedy names to name from that pool party.
Mm, people that we should know, people you need to watch.
Yeah, I have a fun name who because I went to Hardwick's on the fourth of July and Ryan Adams was there. There was a lot of.
Other like Facebook, but he walked in.
I was like what, because of course he's head to tow den him cool pool party attire.
That's also because I was wearing I loved.
A Fart t shirt and he applauded it, literally clapped, and I was like, you're a fan of farts?
I don't.
Yeah, he was real psyched about it.
He was cool, but it was just weird because he walked in and I was like, what, you guys are friends?
Like what?
Yeah, I wouldn't know what he looks like. I mean like.
An indie rock dude.
He was cool, but he was He was wearing his jean jacket the whole time and everyone was in the pool and stuff.
So it was just that kind of like I was.
Totally indie rock or does he maybe listen to his kind of crappy rock?
I don't.
I don't know much about him other than once we got no weird Twitter argument about Morsey or something.
And then even Brian Adams. Oh, Ryan, Did you say Brian Ryan?
I said Ryan, But oh but Brian. Also, I wonder what he's doing right now.
I thought you said, does he listen to indie rock or his crappy rock?
She said Ryan Adams was dressed like an indie rocker guy and joke.
Oh, I get it, I get it.
I got it.
I thought you were.
Saying, what would you is he like an Would you say he's more alt country or something?
Is he more? He reminds me of like an old ninety sevens thish dude. Isn't that kind of his I've never been too into him.
I think it's his I like like a lot. The music is just kind of music for boring people.
I mean, he's he was a nice guy, but I thoroughly disagree. It's a real count point counterpoint. I love him. I really love rhy now music I listened to. I have tons of friends that are like crazy and him.
I would put him in it is like Damien Rice.
No, I think that guy's more chill and who do you like? Three eleven? I don't dislike him, I just don't. Let's hear some No, there was a guy. Yeah, I went to hardwood. I'm sorry, did you really want to do it? I feel like I talked. You should be talking more. I'm sorry. No, no, he can't talk because of the spider poison and gotten up to his voice growing weak.
I'm growing weak here. Maybe this water will help talk amongst yourself.
But you look so tan and healthy other than the markings on your arm.
I'll go away.
I'm gonna put mustard down the back of your pants.
I I'm gonna yell at you from a megaphone at a great height, tell you to go to the doctor.
You're about to get pranked.
Boy. One of the times, though, of these guys crawled up the wall and there was a big fight on the roof. So are pranks.
One of the people on the street that you.
Yeah, there was a way to get up there, but we didn't think they'd figure it out. But you could shimmy. There's poles next to a wall, and they'd shimmy up like Batman. And then these cowboys were on the roof get punched and get someone punched him. There's punches. I didn't get punched. I think.
Like a little round clue spider on your table.
I went and took a nap under someone's our pit, someone learning time. That's when I strike when you don't know him there.
I meant to tell you. So this show that I'm working on right now, there's a time travel element to it. So this might be secret. So don't anybody listening tell anybody else. But they brought in a physicist to talk through what is the known quantities of time travel, like what the theories are, what is known about it or whatever, and just to give us kind of like a very basic primer of like how it may or may not work in the different theories. And it was fascinating and
the second I was immediately in love with him. And he was from Missoula, Montana.
Oh wow.
He apparently has a bunch of YouTube videos that are really popular where he explains, yeah, he's a physicist or a some you know, like high level sciences.
Wow.
But he was really young, and he was super like like cute, and I can't explain it. He looked like he would be work at ari I. But he was a fucking physicist.
Every One in Missula looks like they're at Aria really, they just came from them. Everyone has mud splattered on their face.
Yeah, And a carabiner on their belt loop, but it's just for holding keys.
It's the other one that's it's a novelty key carabiner. But they got the real the one at home with the ropes.
That's right, I've never heard I just learned the name of that. Are you talking about the like heavy duty hook thing?
Just now?
Is not a good word carabiner. Carabineers spell that c R I B E N E R.
Why is it called that and not a hook? Chris, I'll let you take this one. Well, I was probably wrong on the spell mountain climbers.
In mountain climbing there also is hooks. So they had to come up with a new name for the thing that wasn't a hook. It's more of a loop clasp. And then loop class was too hard for people to say so. And then then one of the Latino guys, A lot of the guys they are racist. But the guy that thought of it, he was trying to name it, and then someone said, oh, I don't care, and then they called them a racial.
No you're gonna say beanner.
No you did, that's crazy, a racist term from the eighties.
I don't know where krabiner comes from we got.
I got in insane trouble one day. My aunt, I thought was going to hit me in the face because I said that term. I'd heard it on the playground in like third grade, and I thought it was like somebody just kept calling other people beaners, and I just thought it was like nickname type of thing. So I just said it in passing, literally like look at those two beaners, and my aunt like, oh no, yeah, lambed on the brakes and was like, what do you think
and she was screaming at me. I was in so much trouble and I had no idea what I was doing at all.
Said. My dad slapped me once when I said a word that I had heard of friends.
That's the way we learn as kids, or did back then.
Yeah, he didn't slap me very much, and I was like, oh, you can't say that. Yep. I'm like, yeah, I know.
He hit my face.
Yeah.
The only time my mom slapped across the face when I said fuck.
Yeah that was okay though, sixteen and I said fuck in front of she slapped me right across the face.
Shit, Yeah, I had mine was light.
I think, No, I knew what I was doing.
I was liked he curled the fingers together. Yeah, it was more of a paunch. Come on, and he's listening.
Oh but anyway, I just wanted to tell you about that because he I thought he was from like us LA or something, this physicist, and so then they were like where he was at the University of Montana and he's.
Young, young to where I wouldn't know him.
I mean I was going to ask them that I was honestly too embarrassed, and my cheeks were super red because he was so cute. And here's that this was the power move he made when of the very first because everyone in that room there's a ton of really smart guys that work on the show, like went to Harvard and ship, so they immediately start to engage him.
Of like.
He was like, well, I'm just here to, you know, answer your questions. And then one guy goes, do you think that we are living in a simulation? And immediately without going like anything, he goes, if we are, if we aren't, it doesn't matter, and I just like my heart exploded with love of life, the confidence, and he knew he'd been asked this question. He knew and it's just like if it is he said, if it is a simulation, it is so accurate and so realistic that
we cannot tell the difference. So it doesn't matter what we're living in. We still have to live the same way. We have to live as you know, like you should be living as if you're in charge of your own life anyway. So this idea that you know something else, we're in a game, or this is all computer or whatever, it doesn't matter.
Because it's seems realistic. But the reality is you're in some dank laboratory plugged into a chair, right.
Could be that, yeah, could be? That depends on which matrix you've seen it. I haven't seen any of them.
I watched the first one and there's someone deaf in the audience. So they had the close captioning on during the movie, which popped up right before the line, and I was already laughing at the fact that that's the guy from Bill and Ted and everyone loves this movie, and that's still the guy from Bill and Ted. And then at one point he goes oki dokie, but it said oki doki at the bottom way before he said it,
so it said oki doky and everyone read it. And then he goes Oki Doki and the whole theater laughed at his face. He's not a good actor, no, but I've seen enough videos of him moving aside on a subway to let someone sit down and give money to people. And he's very charitable.
He was very he was very good.
Why because Aaron you've heard though, he's like, He's like, well, I'm going to pay the whole crew with my own money, which.
Is wonderful, and I'm not knocking that, but a lot of that comes from the guilt of being like, I am not talented enough to be here, but I have to give this money away.
Wait, lady, sit down on the subway bus.
But let me say, have you seen Parenthood?
Yeah?
Yeah, And I think that's when he started as Billin Tead or whatever, and then Parenthood people went, oh, yeah, you can actually do something. And but he That's the thing about acting is that it isn't like American acting is about can you get people to buy a movie ticket? And all you need, all Kennedy Reeves needs to do to get people buy a movie ticket is to say, because they want to watch him on that screen, off your shirt. Okay, it's the way he looks, It's his
physical beauty of it. He is. Sometimes he's just a kind of yeah tall and he's built, and he's got that beautiful, kind of neutral face that could be from age.
You don't know who I know exactly.
I have never found him attractive for one second.
There's this new movie that's cartoonishly. He just kills everyone. John Wick john Wick Jonathan Wick.
It's John Wick.
Jonathan h Wick is a newer filming Dickens's novel Johnny john Boy Wick is this movie that you could see that is horribly done, and he there's a couple of times. I don't know if he gets necking in it, but uh, it seems like has been like eating bread and not going to the gym. And I respect that. He's like, I'm not gonna get into shape for this. Well.
He's also like fifty, but he has he ever been a muscle.
I think he was like wiry.
He's my skinny guy, because I mean I've seen it's like point break.
He's not the guy surfing.
He's not like a football movie where he got all big and football ly big.
Oh yeah, was that that movie Johnny Football?
It's called Uh, Jonathan.
What if every movie he just said the name John in it somehow Bill and Wick, Johnny.
Bill and Johnny Wick. All right, I know I like Google pictures.
Will I will.
Watch camp and then I'll do it right now.
I think he's a classic American actor and that he's a bad actor that still is in a ton of.
Mom One eight hundred number called me three times and in two minutes. Should I call him back?
It's the doctor being.
Like, why aren't you here?
It's the spider saying I left my stinger in.
Every one of my bites has worked, and I saw you leave the apartment today has a toll free number.
Listen. I think I did some real damage to your arm. Chris. I'm sorry. I go a little spider crazy at night. I'm hungry and scared. I'm very small.
Sometimes I feel like my own venom is going to my head. Anyway, you can call me back at my spider phone it's or you can contact me on the web.
Yes, no, I say earlier.
You don't understand why people aren't like well placed puns. It's I thought it was you guys were rejoicing over the toll free thing. I came in with the web and it's a shot applause clause by applause, I focus on the audience that doesn't like me in a huge room, even one guy with his arms crossed. This whole act is dedicated to you, Keanu ripped. Let's see what pops up? Oh images, you want images or video video. You're gonna get it. Oh boy, there we go.
You're gonna get ache head.
It's just being in the same shape as me. Yeah, I needed that for contrast. This is great podcasting. What I've pulled up is a photo a Keano with my exact current physique. There's him as a homeless park murderer. And then okay, okay, okay, you just wait.
I think he's fun. He's fresh, fine, I think he brings new stuff to the screen.
She's certainly won me over.
He's so fresh, exciting, have you they're so exciting to me. Okay, his arms will kind of stay. That's him from Johnny Football, right, Yeah.
This is him doing some Johnny Football promo stuff. Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Football Game. It's called.
And Jimmy Jimmy Football Game Game. That hit movie from nineteen ninety two wasn't a.
Hit, unfortunately, went straight to HS when DVDs are already out there.
Jimmy and Jimmy football game.
I watched one where he's coaching a children's baseball team.
Yes, that's a good one.
It was great.
It's a good movie, like Ladybugs or something.
Yeah, it was lady.
Yeah, it's great. You gotta see it.
What is that movie?
Baseball? Johnny?
Is he?
Baseball Johnny?
Johnny?
Baseball Johnny and the Kids is one of the better. It's the current, it's modern day saying a lot.
Here's the thing. When Kenna Reeves acts like he's falling in love with whoever he is across from in the lead, whatever lady he's acting with, I always believe he's actually really falling in love with her. That's why I like it. Okay, I think he might actually be. He just lets himself actually go through it.
You might you think he might be a fall in lover guy.
Well, I just it's so believable, But it doesn't seem like he really is like such a like high level actor that you're like, this is really happening, because normally when he's talking, you don't have that feeling.
I have a feeling that with Keano anything goes Actually, it doesn't matter any and you're you're sad X or your race or age. He's just in.
He's in to win, you know.
Don't you think that just just if you're grown of people that he sits inside of.
Sure, it just takes what comes. He's so non sexual to me, I feel like I don't say something different if he's standing next to you.
It's a physical specimen.
Think about him. No, yes, I don't find him a tray. He has no like he has like a kendle crotch.
As far as I'm concerned, please him the nude.
You're ready to go.
Again?
I have.
I'm complete indifferent. I don't like him. I don't hate him, but I've never He was definitely not a guy.
That I was like, Oh my god, is he hot.
I wouldn't remind every when I started this by saying I went to the matrix and pointed and laughed with the rest of the theater at him.
Yeah, there's We went to see Constantine when it came out, which was a lesser known reason that the Devil or something I can't remember. It was based on a comic book, so it was it was very remind it was just him walking around the gun. There's vengeance. He may have been the devil all I can tell you. He was very boring and and my.
Ex used to say, he used to go, I'm Doug Constantine.
He just made it. He just made it up that that was Constantine's first name was Doug. So he would do a Cannery's voice and go, I'm Dog Constantine. My favorite thing of all time.
I like dogson, I do great character.
You kind of have to make it fun for yourself.
Sorry, Speaking of pranks, I was at Comic Con for the Constantine panel and the.
First name Doug John It's John to you.
No, So my buddy and I I go, we have to yell because I love point break unabashedly.
Yeah.
So I was like, we have to yell Johnny Utah at him. Yes, because they yelled in the movie. It's it's the stupidest name ever. Of course, so uh Keanu gets up to the stage, the crowd goes wild, it gets quiet. Then all of a sudden, I stand up and yelled Johnny Utah at the.
Top of my lungs.
You know, my buddy did not.
Do it, so he bailed and you were on your own. And then what happened. It was fine, No one.
Maybe I don't.
Know Ke, just like I don't know if you Yeah.
I don't know if you could hear it.
I wasn't that far.
But well, I hope you quit being with that guy.
Your friend sucks.
Yeah, you don't bail when you're going.
Your friends funny. Sure, sure, I'll do it with you. That's totally something.
And then your Turany's not even there.
I don't like that at all. You know what I did once? I was that guy, the anti Johnny Utah guy that but in a slightly different scenario. We this was back up my friend Rubin who directed the Girl's Guitar Club movie. This is back when we were making that.
Ruben Fleischer and his younger brother Lucas, who I adored and thought was so cute, and we all decided their friend had made a stage musical or like they were doing a stage version of Xana do a roller They were gonna do a roller skating like the whole thing of it.
And so we went to the opening night to watch it, and I was so excited me. When Lucas and I were talking about it, We're like, oh my god, this is gonna be amazing and we were laughing or whatever, and then I of course said we should dress up. We should dress up really fancy for the opening night, like you should wear a tuxedo and I'll wear like a ball gown. And he was like, I will totally do that. I'm like, let's do it. And I would do shit like this all the time. You totally not
do it. Left him hanging. I left him that's terrible, And I didn't. It was the kind of thing where they came to pick us up as me and mary Lynn and Ruben and Lucas, and when he got out of the car he had he looked so beautiful too. This man was so cute that I had this of course my terrible little self Esteemore is like only he doesn't give a shit if I wear a dress or not, like and I couldn't bring myself to like not wear basically the outfit that I'm wearing now and have been
for twenty years. And when we came out, when we came down the steps, he came out of the car with this big smile on his face like, look, I did it. And then he just saw me and it was just.
Like oh, and I literally I weakly went about it weekly, Oh, you don't stop wincing. I've never stopped win saying, And we had this the whole rest of the night. It was as if it was as if suddenly it made sense to me, where it was like, oh, he was excited to do this thing with me, and I couldn't accept that, like or I couldn't see that, so I just had to be like, oh, of course he doesn't
give a shit about me. And then I sat there the rest of night going, oh, if I had worn a dress and we had done this, this would almost have been like a date or something like, that's maybe what he.
Will want me to do. But I of course couldn't see myself that way. So then the rest of the night it was just like him and I are sitting super uncomfortably, and then like the second he saw his friend that was in the play or whatever it is, like he was.
Over there, and then I was just like, my god, I just want to go home. It was the fucking worst. If we're gonna let's bookend this prank episode.
Talk about how I it was like just an intentional ball drop of insecurity is basically what it was so awful, So I bet what I tell the story, and then I bet your friend. Do you think he still regrets it?
I doubt he is a family in Cleveland.
That's really mean. I have dogs. God, damn, my life is a waste. No, it's okay. I'm the other guy in that story. My life is equally sad. Do so nobody wins. You're the guy in the tech. Yes.
So being overly enthusiastic also gets you know where is what I'm here to tell you.
So don't feel bad, man.
Yeah, if you put yourself out there, you get hurt. If you don't put yourself out there, you still get hurt. Yeah. Yeah, life's filled with regret. Yes, it is the only thing you can do is as a kid, get taught to have your so your expectations lowered. You never get disappointed.
Who was smart enough to do that?
You'll never.
And then you put like man will mayonnaise and his pipe.
Or wait until he's asleep, slathered him up, yelled at.
Him in his rocking chair. Ye went into a bullhorn or whatever made his hair go back, like is it live or is it memory?
I put a cat tail under the rocking chair, and the cat screeched and then and then he his hair got blown back like Christopher Lloyd.
One of my earliest memories is my mom used mayonnaise to put to as a conditioner in her hair. Had because of that, I cannot stand mayonnaise. If my aunt Reeny did the same thing. You've seen me do ridiculous things with a tuna solad sandwich. Right, how many times have you seen me like cheke so because I liked I like a tunislad sandwich every once in a while. But when they put extra mayonnaise on a dress, crazy, and I'll like ask be specific, they still do it.
Then I take all the time and make scenes wiping mayonnaise off of things because it's so disgusting.
My dad made me want as a kid. And if I have leftover turkey from Thanksgiving on bread with nothing but mayonnaise. If I took a bite of that, I will it will trigger my I will vomit, it will.
I can't because it is such a bad sandwich.
I don't eat. No, it's just such a bad experience back then that it's still I haven't grown out of it. Oh yeah, One time my great grandma made we went to Coronado, drove all the way down and it's San Diego basically. And we were all at a picnic in the backyard eating this coal saw and I remember it was really mayonnaisey cole saw has such a just manaise, cabbage veiled excuse to drink mayonnaise. It's just a mayonnaise vehicle, yep, and cabbage what is that? It's like water and mayonnaise.
Basically, it's the hardest lettuce.
And now look, my daddy's lip is bleeding and I spit up, but there's glass in my mouth. My grandma dropped the mayonnaise jar and she's like ninety five. She's like, ah, it'll be fine, and she's still made the cold saw with that mayonnaise. So we all had shards of glass either in our mouth. I don't think anyone swallowed it yet. Yeah,
just on the heels of my sister. She hadn't used her hair dryer since Reagan and turned on the hair dryer and a giant fucking grasshopper leg that it was as long as my finger caught on fire in the hair dryer because it was coils and flew a flaming hair, flaming leg of a grasshopper was in my sister's hair, and she screamed worse than the time she had earthwares. She had earthworms in her hair and they were tangled
in her hair. That was actually horrifying. Oh my god, trying to pull it out, the earthworm was snapping in half. We camped in the backyard and worms got in her hair. It's still that. One time my slicter slid across the floor, the wood floor, and a splinter went into her foot, and it looked it was the half length of the baseball bat and it went up in her foot. So
many things I've watched happened in my shister. Were you guys, sorry, Lisa, We were just doing risky business slides in our socks, the music and everything.
The only other person there when that happened.
Oh when the splinter went in her foot, I don't know.
Because I'm just saying, did you have to yake it out?
Yeah?
Like, were you left to then deal with this horror show that, like EMTs would bum out.
I think I probably just went and hid.
The gnarliest thing that happened to me is I gotten a gnarly bike accident. When my parents first got married. My mom first married my stepdad. We moved into his house and it was at the It had a really steep driveway.
So I'm like bike tricks all day.
So I would just constantly ride my bike as fast as possible without like.
Hands free, yeah whatever, like any daring thing I can think of. I'm like, I'm gonna do this.
So one day when I was riding down it without my hands, it was in a big hold de sac and I landed and I flipped over, and I was screaming.
The whole time. Clearly, I'm like, holy shit screaming. So my mouth was still open when I hit the pavement. Nobody can see what I'm doing.
But basically I slid face first on the pavement, mouth open, teeth, teeth to pavement, teeth too. That's why I saw white marks on these teeth. I was like eight or nine, maybe for an extended period of time, just sparks coming off my.
Teeth that someone doesn't I beg you, if you listen to this podcast, you care about me at all, you can make a cartoon of eight eight year old d April Richardson is sliding on her own teeth.
Just yeah. So I'm like.
Doing the seat above hand off head fully flipped over, so white sparks. I had to go inside, you guys, it's my entire face was just a scab, my mouth, everything, and my stepdad had to I had to be mouth wide open and he had to take Q tips and pick gravel out of my gums. There was like gravel stuck in my gums.
Not a lie. It was the gnarliest day of my life.
And I had to go to school for however long until my entire scabbed face healed.
My lips were just a scab. It was so gross. Yes, I don't like.
We're on Q tips just being like, let me get the last bits of the dental assistant bird is picking gravel, going.
I hate my job? What a living?
Yeah, I already have it. They always said, hey, it's a paycheck bub Hey yeah, you can still see the marks of my teeth.
And I already have soft teeth anyway, and I used to chip them all the time as a kid and take my mom's.
Nail file and straighten them out. What true, totally true.
They're fine. No, they're perfect teeth.
They're not good teeth, they're good teeth. The bottom of these two is like really rigid. But I chipped them all the time as kids. As a kid, and like if it got like my tongue would be like, oh, that's weird. It's not smooth enough. My tongue would kind of catch on it, so I'd be like mom's nail file.
I actually did that because I'd chipped this tooth on a beer bottle in high school. Hello. I told my mom I fell and hit it on the curb, which I was just like you, I know you're not believing this, but I can't tell you. I chipped it on beer bottle and then I chipped my other tooth another beer bottle. Yeah, so that's why I'm opening them with your teeth. No. One. The first time, it was high school senior trip in Tahoe, me and my friend Patty Leani. This was such a
good lesson to learn. We were both singing into a beer bottletop or just drunk drunk in this house by the lake, and I we were I'm sure it was like something that a different part, so I kept We were like grabbing the bottle away from each other to sing into the bottle at each other. I thought it was really funny, and then like we kept fighting harder, and then I was like really trying to pull it away, and she just let go and I just went and like broke off this part of my teeth.
Teeth stories are making me.
They're kind of rough.
Well, after I did the bike thing, I had braces for like five years.
Just to see a couple of stories. Now I'm gonna describe my circumcisions where.
There's something to me about when you are perfectly healthy and fine in the in the today, being able to tell a story about some hideous shit that happened when I was a kid, because like I remember anytime like I you know, anytime anything happened to me, like I beefed it on my bike constantly, or you know, there was the time I almost got hit by the car
because our next door or across the street neighbors. The guy was a trucker at the o'haris, and so they had this huge semi circular driveway that he could pull a semi truck, right, yeah, And so we would drive in this big circle our little driveway and then their driveway. It made this big, huge circle going across that same road where no one drove by, but when they did,
they were going eighty miles an hour. Sure. So one time I called my parents out with they had company over and then we were like watch us ride our bikes.
We were like I was.
Probably five or six, and I was at the top of the O'Haras looking down at my parents, and I can see my mom going like this, but I wasn't like really paying attention because I'm trying to like get the speed up. Well, they could hear the car that was coming right and I couldn't hear it. And because I was on like gravel and tight by you know, by tires on gravel whatever, and it basically went it either went mean than the car or the car than me. But it literally was like.
Like one then the other. It was probably me then the car. So the car literally didn't have time to break.
It was and it was my parents and their friends and their friends sitting there watching, and my dad grabbed me. I didn't even know the car was there.
It was.
It was that fast and that close, and I was just like, what happened, my dad? As I pulled through the hard driveway, I never slowed down. My dad picked me up off the bike and slapped me on the ass really hard. Of course, which was super embarrassing and then later came to fend you find out never do that again, right because I never even looked. I didn't you know this, It was like all clear on. I ad see.
It's stories like that that make me second guess ever being able to be a parent. Seriously, like the idea if I have a kid and the kid comes in like, hey you gotta chip this growl out of you be like you're on your own kid, get out of here.
Like that's gross. I can't look at that, Like, yeah, I do it.
Yeah, yeah, that's horrifying. I always that's those are my nightmares that think about my teeth falling out, and then during the day just awake maares I think about getting hit by cars all the time. Yeah, like I'll just flash, I just think about it.
But see, you're living my nightmares because my nightmares are getting bit by spiders in my sleep.
Oh it's not so bad.
So look, you're here to tell me that you can triumph. Yeah, did you even look up on the internet? What that's holific that.
We all know that's not what you're supposed to do with any medical problem. You know, go online?
That's true.
You go to a dermatologist and he's like, uh, yeah, it looks like you got a bit by spider. Unfortunately, your insurance doesn't kick in until you pay nine thousand dollars. But there's some antibiotics you maybe need or not need. Did you say it was worse the other day? Huh, that's getting better. I don't know why you came in. Well, you're an idiot. And what's that patch on your head? Now that's interesting.
Now there's answer.
Now that is not alop I watched a lethal weapon the other night, and man, that Mel Gibson had tons of alopecia patches like me, just all over his head, really hairs all wild and right. What do you mean, like just a bald patch like you know, Yeah, I have this one up here, and that's weird.
You've never seen that his perfect circle bald patch, Chris, I've never seen that.
It's weird. And white hair have been putting Bosley Institute stuff on it, just growing in a white tuft of hair. That's Isn't that weird?
This has a secret tiny monk patch.
I knew about it the entire time. I just thought you knew about it. And then one day at work.
I said something about it, and Chris was like, what are you talking about? You have a little quarter sized perfect circle bald spot.
And then I went to my haircutter and he was like, yeah, I've known about that.
Reason I just thought you knew.
No, it's yeah, but it also doesn't make.
Sense because you have the densest, you have the most hair of anybody.
I don't. It's still I mean, it still falls out. It's just dense follicles in the tub. No, it's just individually.
We're supposed to fall out perfect circle.
My hair never used to. I could pull on it, but now yeah, I run my hair, hands through my I run my hair through my fingers.
It's the way.
Yeah. And now yeah, I don't know what, but yeah, mel Gibson alopecia spots, yeah all over and he became a star.
Yeah that's not the end.
Of the story.
Yeah, that's not the lesson you should learn from mel Gibson.
You know what, It's weird in that movie. There's some improv lines and uh, we're all right. Yeah, he says something that an Asian guy's about to torture him, and he says, who who who's the chin or chance I don't know what he Yeah, basically the Asian equivalent of that on on a movie.
Yes, well back then they kept it in you see. Back then that was not a big deal at all.
I mean, so a scene where these little kids are playing they got to check out some guy's house, it blows up. And then so they're interrogating these cute little kids and and they're describing the guy's tattoo and then it's the same as Mel Gibson's. And so the story gets thicker. You eventually find out it's scary busey. But anyway, these kids there are these cute little black kids and then they're like, we heard the cops shoot black people. And he was like, looks over at the other this
is in lethal weapon. He's like, oh no, no, okay, go play now. Like it was like a weird what moment in it? Yeah, you have to.
I wanted to Danny Glover in the scene.
Yes, he was the one asking them questions.
Glover, that's actually meaningful.
I wanted to grab a clip of it. Maybe I will. It's on Netflix.
That's amazing.
It is amazing because he actually awkward because he's next a bunch of white dudes.
Yeah.
Nice, Like, but let's not talk about that ever, not for a few years ago.
Oh my god. Yeah, well we'll be talking about it pretty soon.
Yeah. Well, I mean not that we have to go into talk about that.
I don't feel like I I watched a documentary on Netflix sad.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean I don't know what.
Else there is to say about that, other like what can we say as white people?
We can support? Yeah, we support. Should I tell the story about our text exchange?
Yes?
Please mine and yours?
Yes?
Which one? April? I don't know what the story is.
If there was a there was a protest, a peaceful vigil.
There was a Pan Pacific park yesterday, and April texts me and goes, hey, should we go to this? And it's a little flyer for you know, like it's a peaceful it's a peaceful protest for the shootings and the stuff whatever. And I said, this is going to sound so lame, but I have to podcast then, and.
She writes back, Okay, that's cool. I'll tell all the black people. Ah ah, And I left so fucking hard. It's so true.
Yeah, sorry, I'm sorry that basically the revolution has begun and if people are standing up for your rights, but I have to go podcast. Sorry, no, just kidding.
It was the perfect joke, perfect joke for our podcast, one of the widest podcasts out there.
Baron Vaughan was our second guest.
Yeah, come on, that counts.
Yes, that was in nineteen ninety seven.
Yeah, we have to have him back. I got to go downtown and do a comedy concert.
Oh yeah, how long are we way over? Aaron's like, get me out of here.
Thank you, Aaron, Thank you, April. Sorry I was late. I'm a terrible driver. It's okay, not the best person.
I think it worked out. This was This is a fun a thematic show.
Yeah, yeah, I pray, I'm hey my favorite. Just don't do it with your friends, do with strangers, and don't do it with frozen bagels. But it's always great when someone calls your landline, if you still have one, and you just pick up and go karate school. That's what David Hauntsberger. We had a landline because it came with our internet. So whenever it rang, it's like, oh boy, and he'd run over and go karate school.
He didn't change it up.
It was always karate school. That was the best one.
So it's so good because you don't have to name a karate school. There's just the one in your.
Town karate school. That's great. I guess I have the wrong number.
That's a good one. Can we plug business class for this coming month? Sadly, Chris Fairbanks will not be Yeah, I got the upcoming.
Business class yea tomorrow, I mean right.
Now, Wednesday, July eleventh. No thirteenth, thirteenth, it's always the thirteenth.
Yeah, you're breaking you You were going to be the one Doodoo is on every show. Yeah, demand there.
You've got to stack that paper out there.
Yeah, hit the bricks, toss some papers on some porches. I have a paper app.
So Chris has to do his papers. But if you want to please come. This will be the improv Lab ten pm Wednesday, July thirteenth. Yes, April Richardson, Karen Kilgaraff hosting business Class and some some great comedy luminaries such as Blaine Capach will be there.
That's great.
One of the funniest comics ever. Chris Hardwick will be there. Everybody knows him and everybody loves him. Jay Wingarten will be there.
Oh I don't like him. Those fun. Fine to change it up.
Uh Ahmed Weinberg is going to be is going to be there. It's to be so fun. It's a really good chot fun.
Well go to that. Thanks for going to this with your ears.
Yep, you came on down with your ears.
Yeah, and you get to leave with them too.
Bye.
Listening to do you need a ride? D y n A R.
Are you leaving?
I you wanna way back home?
Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.
Give us time and they turning on and gage.
We want to send you off in star.
We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.
We scared?
Or was it fine?
Now porn?
Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need.
With Karen and chriss mh