Ep. 73 - KAREN AND CHRIS (guest fell asleep)

I leave in on you wanta way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay. We want to send you off inside.

We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Now?

Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do your need ride?

Right with Karen and Chris?

Welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks, This is Karen. I wish I could go by Christopher Fairbanks. Did you know that you wish that?

Yeah? I think it's more.

Official and friendlier and more interesting than Chris.

Why don't you go for it?

Well, right when I got to Los Angeles, I was doing Comedy Death Ray at MBAR, not to drop legitimate shows that don't exist anymore than I used.

To do, but I was on the bill.

Yeah, and a guy named that's so dupe, a guy named Christopher Fairbanks was in the audience, and we've since kind of become friends. He's a commercial actor and had done stuff on Comedy Central, and he's not a stand up.

But he's an actor. Uh huh, that's done a lot of comedy stuff and that hell house thing that yeah, yeah, yeah. What does he look like? He's tall, he's probably now mid fifties. Uh tall, bald, be.

Like, he's probably now five nine.

He's he was tall at the time. He has since shrunk to do these final libifita. No, he's uh, he's very healthy in the spine. And he's a taller than me man. Not that I have animosity being a short person, but at least he said we might have a problem because of IMDb, and I'm like, what's that, you know as new to the city, and uh, we haven't had any problems. But the agreement was he could be Christopher, as he already was going by Christopher right, and I was pretty much going by Chris at the time.

So it's like, well, there's Do you.

Think he showed up at that show to make that agreement with you?

Yes, he was very concerned about it, and I thought, oh, oh, this guy might be weird, but he is not at all weird.

He's a sweet guy and seems weird to me.

We always see each other at the old commercial audition places. Oh, okay, and he says hey me, and I say hello, I me.

Also, every time.

You have to do the too well, no, I think maybe we did once.

It's like looking in a mirror. And then we did that hand exercise. Sure right fa for like a good twenty minutes we did that, and.

Everyone else in the in the waiting area got real intimidated and went home because they're like, we can't compete with this level of comedy.

Yeah, They're like, I don't do any preparatory work. These guys must be classically trained.

This is incredible, the level of improv the amount of yes and that's going on between these two.

You really will let yes and another actor if they have the same name as you.

I bet you want to. It's like it's like saying yes to yourself.

For a long time, I wanted to do a reality show called the Chris Fairbanks Show, where was he and I living in a house kind of auditioning and going for things.

Or we would set up auditions for me. He'd probably get them already, yep. And there's a fireman that was kind of a hero during nine to eleven. His name's Chris Fairbanks. There's also a bodybuilder who's very, very big really and the competitive bodybuilding circuit.

He's his name's Chris Fairbanks. Oh and I thought there's even a hockey player. Yeah, there's just different Chris Fairbanks. It's living in a house. That's all we have in common.

I like that idea a lot, and it's the Chris Fairbanks Show.

It's that's great. Yeah, this is the official copyright of that idea. If you try to steal this idea or anything like it anything similar, your name blank show right with your name people in.

House, right, we will come after you hard.

We will sue you.

Everyone in my family is a.

Litigator, and it is time stamped on this SoundCloud file and.

All throughout the internet, which is the new post Office, which is the new which is the old copyrights exactly.

This podcast is pretty much like the pages and pages of a signed document.

So don't try and fuck with me.

I'm also a notary.

You're still no paralegal nor notary, right yeah.

Yeah, oh it's my passion, So please don't step to any of that kind of any of that kind of paperwork that I'm willing to do with my stamp.

Do you still, yeah, do you just go around your paper raising raised up stamp.

I love to go around to schools and to hospitals with my paper raising stamp and just notarize things pro bonos. What'll we call it on the business, Yes, just to raise the spirits of citizens, good citizens, not bad ones.

Well, usually the bad ones aren't worried about any proofing.

They're not doing any paperwork.

No, that's right, they show it.

The only stamp they get is parole denied.

Yeah, hopefully.

Yeah, it's funny.

I needed a notary once for when I was a young adult and I was trying to find one. My mom was helping me find one, and then all of a sudden she goes, oh wait, yeah, I forgot I'm a notary. So I had to ride my bike to her work and she snamped it. It was just a couple of days.

There where it wasn't we weren't we had forgotten that she a.

Little bit of a comic genius.

Yeah, she has to be. There's no way that was an accident. There's no way.

The time I went to school with a bag lunch.

And Ate took a bite of a cat food sandwich that that wasn't a joke because she led it was a slow burn. I came home, I saw the cat was eating deviled ham for human conception, and I'm like, Mom, here's so funny, and She's like, what I didn't I had no idea I was feeding the cat at the same time.

I think she was actually yelling at this point. So, yeah, that's comic.

You know, people thought Andy Kaufman was serious when he was wrestling women.

You know that was all big joke. Yeah, you just committed sheep, sheep. She committed to a joke.

She was like one of the original branksters.

I hope that this whole Alzheimer's thing has been one.

Big, long joke.

I went there, I went, hey, gotcha ten years of comedy. Fuck, well, I'm open. I'm ready to talk about stuff.

I'm sorry, Karen, if I just I just open that can of worms.

No, remember that's that's actually a recurring dream I have where in the dream my mom everyone else in the family's acting the same about my mom, but my mom is clearly not sick in any way, and I keep going like looking at her and being like wait what, and like wanting to say something but not wanting to upset anybody. In the dream where I'm like, well, if you're talking to me like this, then clearly you're not that sick. Right, And then she'll go and like get

Right, And she's still driving. Did anyone just here her drive away?

She drove away in a convertible, which we don't own. She's also stealing cars.

She had someone from the DMV crete tend to take her license away eight years ago. She's still driving.

Mom, you are hilarious.

You are Our moms are hilarious.

I have to say, what.

Am I chopped pepperoni? As there's no girls at your party? Chris? Yeah, I know, Sorry, what am I chopped pepperoni? Right? Right? She came in the room with a pizza, holding a pizza with pepperoni on real hilarious.

That's perfect timing.

Yeah, that is very funny. My family in good timing.

Uh.

I was just gonna say that this. My sister and I were just talking because I just got home today from the Thanksgiving week. Right, I was off for a week and went up to Petaluma, where I'm from, and uh, my sister and I were talking about how this is the first holiday in ten years that wasn't either fraught with tension and stress about my mom acting weird or being unhappy or deep sadness because my mom wasn't home right. This was the first holiday where it just felt.

Like almost regular, were you there last year?

I was not.

I stayed down here last year.

I got to work, So there's a little gap.

There was a gap. And then the year before was one of the first Thanksgivings where she was out of.

The house right, basically gone, So that was on everyone's mind.

Yeah, exactly. It was just there was so much tension for years and years and years in some way, and this was the first year where it was like it was small. It was at my dad's house. My Aunt Mary was there. Who's the nun who's hilarious and the best?

Do you have a hilarious nun aunt?

My Aunt Mary is a nun and she is the best person on the planet. She is the most open minded, care free, positive person.

She is.

She breaks all the molds of what you think a nun is like. She is hilariously funny, she's everybody's number one fan, like, she's just so positive and she they have a convent that's down here in Pasadena that's very fancy, and so the Sisters of Mercy they let it out to nuns to come and stay to do retreats and stuff. But it's like in the middle of a golf course. It's really fancy.

I've actually done that.

And so she's like, well, I want to.

I want to use it because like no one uses it and if you don't use it, they'll end up selling it.

So she's like, I want to do a retreat.

And I said, if you come down and do a retreat in Pasadena, I will get a bunch of my friends and we'll do a comedy show for you. And she was like, I wouldn't love that, And I said, we won't swear, talk about sex or do thing dirty, and just well, I like swearing, Like she just wants. She's just a fan of life and it makes me so happy, and like being around her reminds me of what we're supposed to be doing and how we're supposed to be thinking.

You know what I mean.

She's just like she talk about anything she loves, you know, I don't.

Know, She's just great.

I want to do that show if it happens.

Oh yeah, you'll be, but you got to watch the cursing, even though she doesn't mind it.

I did a private calling in.

Somewhere up in New York, somewhere. I think it was called Wells College.

It was a Catholic private school with only a few thousand students. And I really don't remember, but I do remember being in a bar which was on campus, which that threw me off because everyone was so young. It seemed like they shouldn't be in a bar. Yeah, and they couldn't drink a lot of them. But it was a bar. There was whiskey, sure, and it was on campus.

It was so Catholic school, you say right now, yes, yeah, yeah, and that bar.

Was for the priests sitting ye must have been, yeah, or for faculty I d but it was a full Irish pub themed bar. Yes, And there was a nun sitting right up front during my show, and I had I was like, oh, ma'am, I don't have a lot of alternate material to cater to your uh the life you've we've chosen different lives, yes, And she's like, I won't bother me, and she said that, but I know that it did bother her, but then she felt obligated to sit through my whole show. It was not one

Christ on the Cross, Now, you'd be so self conscious.

I really was. Yeah, but she did laugh at the exact I was. I knew which jokes she would like. Yeah.

Well, also, don't you think our sensibilities get a little bit tainted from being around other comics so much that we don't really know what a normal line is anymore?

Right?

You know? None?

None wise?

That's yeah, That's why I think it's important to go to these shitty comedy clubs on the road like I'm about to do, because then you're reminded like, oh, this is what the normals like. Yes, And I think it's important to keep my finger on that poll. I've always thought it was important, Yeah.

Because those are the people you're trying to do comedy for anyway, you know.

And it's I guess that that's what I'm trying to do. I don't know what I'm doing with this, but that's neither here nor there. I don't think I miss you as that phrase.

But no, but you're not just doing that because you and April your show on Tree TV just got picked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, congratulations, that's guys. I know we've been away for a while. There's at least one person on Twitter that gets real mad, which makes me laugh because her I assume it's a girl. Her avatar is Marsha Brady crying, which makes me laugh every time she's like, no Dina this week, but then the like a little angry Marsha Brady goes along with it.

It makes me laugh. That's for who's that? I don't know that. I guess it's hard.

I can't remember the actual name. I think it's a girl who's in Germany or somewhere overseas well.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you for listening. We love you, and we love the fact that it makes you mad that we don't.

I take a break the weird couple of weeks and Chris.

Had a serious loss, and then he also had a serious beginning of this job that where he's gonna have a TV show on True TV. You're gonna be able to watch yeah every week, right.

I think so?

Yeah?

Starting December twenty ninth, come.

On you, guys, I was about to go to second second level platform.

Yeah, I'm very excited and I'm I'm I'm invested in it.

I'm wanting it to be a good show.

And I've seen rough cuts of the first episode, and I could tell which things I'd reached out after my friend passed away, because I do have a weird vacancy in my eyes.

It's impossible to not think about something. I had not had someone like that go away.

So I watched it, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm like a crazy vacant person, like acting but still being funny, but I think but in a different I don't know. I watched it and I'm like, well, I look weird. I look as weird as I feel.

Yeah, well, I remember you saying something to me about that you'd been having bad such lately because your friend had died, And I was like, why the fuck are you doing stand up comedy?

Like, don't do anything in the past.

It in the past when a breakup or something bad had happened, it seemed like I needed stand up and I had good shows when something bad was happening.

It didn't happen that way this time.

Yeah, because it's more profound.

I was angry.

Yeah, I was like angry, So I was yet really just taking it out on people and also happened.

It happened to have a.

Yeah, I had a series of shows with bad audiences of actor kids heckling and being on Molly oh no yeah, this kid and a man bun.

I basically just yelled, how is my friend dad? And you're alive?

Oh no?

Yeah?

It was at the improv. Hopefully it doesn't. They had me working.

There nights later and I did. Yeah.

I did, however, attack that audience as well, and I think they deserved it less. But I'm okay now I'm feeling better. I'm trying to control my surreal anger, as Brandon Maush calls it, and I you know, it's always on the surface.

I always get upset, but I'm.

Trying to curb it because we are only here for a little while.

True, well, and I mean it makes sense that you would have a big emotional reaction. Listen, anger. I relate to your when you tell me about your anger stuff because I have all the same things, and it's the easiest emotion to deal with. It's very clean cut, It'll come out by itself. You don't have to do a lot of like.

You know what I mean. Anger is easy. You can just barf it out.

It gets a response to yeah.

And it keeps people away, and it's a very effective tool. It is.

There's a reason that some people are very angry.

I'd sometimes like to be alone, and boy that that helps a lot.

It's so true.

Yeah, but oh.

We're at a dead end. I'll just take a left.

Okay here. This billboard for sedated dentistry makes me crazy, because if if I could have sedated dentistry, I would have a total sleep dentistry.

Oh yeah.

I hate going to dentist more than anything, mostly more than almost everything. And every time I've gone to a dentist where I'm like, I have extreme anxiety. I had a very bad experience. They never give me anything. Yeah, I feel like this is false.

I need to be sedated. Dot com the dot it's not a dot, it's a tooth. And that tooth is snoring. It's a tooth with these coming out of it.

Oh, the sleeping tooth.

If only if only.

I Yeah, I had a deep cleaning a couple of weeks ago, and I didn't know that I was basically going in for anytime. They're putting a needle in you several times that to me is a surgery. Yes, there's blood. There was a needle pain, yea it No, that was pretty impressive. How well the numbing medicine works. I mean it was yeah, And afterwards I felt like I was wearing dentures. My teeth were so clean. I would, uh, you know, suggest it to anyone to get a deep cleaning.

And afterwards I wasn't even sorry.

I am directing this exactly at you.

You'd be the one person who knows the extent of my bad breath.

They get you a long time. You don't have bad breath. You uh, you would love it, though, they and they really get in there and you know where you can't go within your gums.

Well, I mean I have.

Have you had that deep cleaning though?

Yes? Because I have bad my seizure medicine is bad for my gum, so I have to have deep cleanings. And it's it's crazy.

Awful and uh yeah it but it meant it was worth it. It was worth it. Very expensive. I didn't know that it would cost eight hundred.

Dollars, but that's fine. Teeth are important.

Hey, you need him. They're the only ones you got.

Is My dad used to love to yell at us as we brush our teeth at night.

Sometimes when I see someone and they have not given a shit about especially when it's just one or two teeth, and it seemed to take care of one or two others.

Or maybe they just all go at different rates. I don't know.

But every once in a while someone will have a brown one and I'm like, what are you doing?

Pay that eight hundred bucks? I when I but that would be rude evil.

They probably don't have it, or they don't have insurance, or or they're scared like me.

A lot of times, it's like, it's like people that I know do with teeth. It's like or money. Like el Ron Hubbard, a friend of mine.

He's not your real friend.

He invented a I can't remember what it's called him, some kind of religion piece.

He's the old neighbor. His teeth looks like pepper corns.

It looks like had one and a black one.

It's like NBC Love of Teeth.

Well, he deserve those teeth though, because he was a swindler.

He really well, I didn't really know him, of course.

I listened to a podcast today about Charles Manson. Charles Manson was into scientology, which I think is.

Who Yeah, we're yeah, we're going up into some hills.

We're going up to where a lot of people who've maybe been on castle for five years, We're going up into their neighborhood.

Although Christmas lights, Yeah, ooh, that's a director of burn.

Notice are you listening? Uh?

Can I just tell you?

This is my favorite fact that I learned at Thanksgiving. My dad and my aunt Mary. So my dad and my aunt Mary, my uncle Rich was the other family member, and my cousin Pete, who are father and son, so the three of them all grew up together. Obviously my dad and my aunt Mary because they're brother and sister.

Okay.

And he they said he was a super intense man who drank fifty two of coffee a day. When my aunt Mary said that, I could not stop laughing. And then I was like, it was as if they told me he built the Golden Gay Bridge. The level of pride that I felt to have a relative who used to drink fifty two cups of coffee a day.

They weren't exactly, no, because it's fifty two, not.

Fifty fifty two. I think it was.

I was trying to do the math of like was that the did they have like a twelve cup pot? I was trying to do the math of it. But it was fifty two and it is a very specific number. Obviously a nun not prone to lion. Yeah, fifty two cups of coffee and four packs of cigarettes a day.

Oh wow.

But then he died in News fifty two. So I'm not recommending, but I sure do love it. It's so badass.

Yeah it really. That is amazing to me.

And I could see if I wasn't paranoid like I am, I could see doing that because I do like my coffee.

Oh, I will drink.

I mean, I've been known to drink a couple pots of coffee, and I've always felt guilty and weird and bad about.

It, especially at work.

When I was working on Jamie Lee's show for that time, there was coffee right there. It's like, why not I could stand up in that weed dispensary?

Oh how to go? Oh?

Everyone was high? Yeah, I know, it was fun. I I if it's there, I will do it. And i'd made the mistake the other I don't know if it's a mistake. But I bought a coffee maker just the other day, So here we go again.

I mean acidic colon blow.

Acidic city.

Well. Also my thing is if I drink coffee in my weird girly diet mind, I'm like, well that's good.

Then I won't beat that much.

No, but it's true.

I've gotten drink a bunch of coffee and I'm like, my appetite is suppressed, and it's a diuretic.

It's all the things that you want as a skirring ballerina.

But then I always forget that.

So by the time I like my coffee, black swan, come on, I don't know which way is up anymore. I think you do, baby.

But the thing I was gonna say is then it I do a thing where I'm like feeling great and then I fall straight off an emotional ledge where I just start shaking, right, I mean like, oh, that looks like Beethoven.

Oh wow, move over Beethoven. Look how big it's. Oh man, he should have a cedar barrel around his barrel.

I mean a full on Saint Bernard just cross the street in front of us, and you don't see that.

That's a beautiful dog hei hi uh.

But yeah, anyway, just it's a it's almost like you have to ingest much more. But there's a real cocaine parallel in my opinion, because once I fall off and then I'm like shaking, and by the time it gets to lunch, I kind of want to cry a little bit and I can't breathe.

Even, you know.

Yeah, it used to like get me so not jittery.

But just what coffee is supposed to do make you alert and motivated and like, hey, I'm ready to start my day. It doesn't do that. I can have four cups of coffee and take a nap. Yeah, but I do. Suddenly there's this thing where I might pick up a rifle and go to a clock tower. All of a sudden, it's just straight to I'm I'm frenetic, like what am I doing with my life?

Craziness?

So I've leaned myself off coffee, but not now. My little pot only makes five cups, so I purposefully.

So you just need to make ten pots. Yeah, and you're right on Tommy burn level.

I'm gonna I'm gonna make sure I only do one little pot a day.

Okay, Yeah, I mean I have to say, I just like, I definitely love the ritual. I love going to Starbucks. For any reason, I love it. I don't know that it makes me feel like I have this very specific portion of my identity that I've figured out. I know, black coffee. What am I a sniper in World War Two. Maybe you don't fucking know me.

One of my George W. Bush. He was famous for drinking black coffee.

Is that true?

That's what I heard.

He was a cheerleader. You know, we usually don't have that kind in our black coffee club.

That's the one thing he did that. I actually was enamored of the human pyramid. Yeah, you're so good at it.

He'd just crawl up there on those people like a little squirrel, get up top, proud crowd of Baylor Bears or whoever.

I don't think.

I don't know.

Oh, was he really on the top.

I think he was. Yeah, he was a little wiry, spry little guy. Yeah, he was.

Like he's the kind of guy that they used to send into foxholes if he if he didn't dodge all the.

Wars, yeah, he would have gone in.

Yeah, but but he had that bum leg.

Oh my god. That's the other thing. I have to get a fake hip, Karen.

You do, Yeah, you find out for sure.

Yeah.

I went and showed me an X ray and he said, yeah, ouch, you need a fake hip.

Look at that.

Look at see where your bones are touching, And like, yeah, I guess, Okay, but he I thought, you're just trying to get that sweet sweet hip replacement money. But he did follow it up with you're too young, though, Let's do it later. There's gonna be advancements in the next five year, I mean apparently soon they and then Germany they will like poke holes in the top of your bone and the marrow will grow out of the bone and created new Like there's things that.

They can do. And I'm amazed that I.

Thought he'd just say, yeah, we'll shoot a laser in there, coat it with You know, you're a thing.

I don't know, you mean, like a wolverine stone.

I just know your bone.

Well, that's what they used to do, know the hammer titanium rod where you're in the middle of your bone, replace the marrow and then your your bone grows into it, I guess. But that's what they did twenty years ago. I'm surprised that that's still the going model. I'm like, and it's still only last ten fifteen years.

So yeah, because my dad's had two Yeah.

I don't want to do that, so I'm gonna I mean, I'll do it if I need to.

I'm gonna get a second opinion.

But I'm just gonna go to a physical therapist and see if and I can get back the mobility. Because when he's pointing at the bone, it didn't seem that different from the other side. He said, see how it's like a melted ice cream cone. You it's a growth thing. He said, When I was a kid, I grew a lot, and my bone's weird. It had nothing to do with what I thought this whole time, like skateboarding and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, well you were just making up reasons.

I yeah, I just pointing at the things that I thought made the most sense.

Because I used to get injured a lot. I thought maybe I did something to it. But he said, you thought maybe God hated you. He's I knew, Oh, I know. It's a gift from God.

It's God's one that made me add its growth when I was eleven. That made my top of my femer like a melted ice cream cone. That's a because it's off kilter, I guess. And there's drips of bone coming down and chocolate.

Chips, but the way, I don't know the way.

The only re jocolate chips.

But yeah, he said, did you have a lot of pain when you're like eleven shin splints and hip pain, and I'm like, shit, yeah, I forgot, Yeah I did. I was always complaining about my legs hurting your character.

Like enough already.

Oh yeah, I never told him.

I broke my arm and didn't tell him for months, and then I went in for my braces and they said, you have a broken arm.

What?

Yeah, some kid, and I don't mean to get racial. He was a Native American kid. He pushed me off.

That's the point. No.

I was touching his braids. I thought they were neat. I'm like, how do you do this? Does someone needs got really mad that I was touching his long hair. I was being nice. I was complimenting as I was trying to bridge gaps. I love Native Americans. Wait, how it was Kawana's camp. It's a native name. And he pushed me off the fucking fort.

Yeah, he didn't want you on his ship.

He was known for violence and hurting people. So you.

Used to walk around South Game all with a chain. He'd hit people with a chain. That's I was trying to become friends with him.

I don't know. I didn't. I did the wrong thing.

I hope you learned.

Wow. But I learned I don't fly, But.

Why would you not tell your parents because you felt.

That I thought it would be expensive. I thought that it would just go away. I also thought it's not painful enough to be that much of a problem.

I just honestly, no, it was sore. My arm was sore, but and it was I'm like, wow, it still hurts after a month, and I started talking about it at that point. Okay, good, but I was and I had already healed.

What if you were one of those weird children that doesn't feel pain.

I'd like to think I have special powers, but it would have come up again in my life. I think I would like during the tooth cleaning, I probably wouldn't have been like, uh, can you give me more of what's in that syringe?

Because I do not want this to be uncomfortable.

Have you ever seen the needle the dentists so expertly hide from you before they put it in your mouth?

Oh no, she pretty much fucking showed it to me, and it was horrifying. It's so big, big, really big and long.

It's crazy.

Oh. I think we've talked about that on this podcast before, because remember any popejout said he was going to get me one as a present.

I just remembered.

But that's one of the scariest things of all time, is the lady did it wrong? Like you, I had the same dentist all of my life, and I remember I was like twenty two and doctor Brown retired. God bless you, doctor Brown. I think he's passed away, since he was the best dentist of all time, and he he was onto my eating disorder long before anybody else.

Was, because he could tell from your teeth.

He could tell it back to my teeth were drowned down.

Oh wow, and.

You can go straight though.

Oh I'm already okay.

But one day his dental hygienist was also lovely and won the lottery, which is one of my favorite stories of local success. She won like two hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

In the lottery. Really people do that, I guess, I guess.

I mean, she's you know, in all my years, she's the one person I've heard that's done that. But she kind of brought it out from behind her back too soon while I was still They didn't have my head tipped back far enough.

I think.

Anyhow, it looked like a cartoon needle. It was so terrible.

That sounds awful. You know who else won the lottery? Who this comic?

He was like a Southern Cajun guy, John Morgan. He made Martha Kelly cry once. Why because after her set she had we were in Austin and it was a particularly red neck night. And after her set he.

Went up and said, everybody, take your hand and just wipe your brow because that is finally over or what he like said, oh, and I she is my friend. I'm like, I'm gonna fight this old shit. Yeah.

But he he was on the road. He had won like a million dollars in.

The lottery whoa or his wife did or something, And he was just on the road, not needing.

And at the end his closer was singing the national anthem and he said, uh, I don't even like this. He said the N word of He said towel heads a couple times in his act.

It was right after nine to eleven. But uh, people were scared, you know, it was around the time that they.

Were scared to do good comedy.

Yeah, or people got scared and became weirdos like uh Dennis Miller, you know, like people just went crazy.

Actually the theory.

I think Dennis Miller is being paid. I think he's being paid by the right because nobody is overtly right wing.

And actually funny.

And I think they thought he would be their guy, right, I swear to God, because it doesn't make sense.

He was so not that way for so long.

Yeah, just all part of his Fox contrary, Like when he did football, it's like, well, even though it's Fox Sports, you still have to have the Fox News. We're just gonna And then they pull out a syringe and.

Fill him with hatred.

And Dennis Miller his brother who's from Minneapolis and used to book me and my pals, Jimmy Miller.

Jimmy Miller's his brother. Dennis Miller's his brother.

Uh, Dennis Miller's him.

Dennis Miller is the comic, yes, and Rich Miller's his brother. And so it's Jimmy Rich is a comedy booker. And he'd, yeah, I don't understand my brother. He went off the deep end. We don't talk much.

Oh that sucks.

Yeah, so it was like a real person thing, not just it's sad. Yeah, and then and yeah, that, oh.

It doesn't it's okay.

Every time's Okay, we're also sad and lost.

We are sad and lost.

But oh, I just I have to say, because my friend Andy used to work in Rich's office, and then my friend Andy just ten days after I lost my friend Zach, my friend Andy passed on Thanksgiving.

So I'm like, I'm going crazy. I'm going yeah, he's such a sweet, awesome.

What I liked to was seeing I never.

But I seeing so many people on Twitter talking about him and retweeting his tweets and just talking about how he was the nicest person in the world.

I hope that on whatever energy gas level that humans float around, he can still check Twitter and see that. Or I was thinking that was act too, all the stories about him, because in the end, my friend Zac thought, well, no one looks up to me anymore because he had closed himself off. You know, yeah, uh, I always I don't know. I just want I wonder if he knows the stories, because everyone's still in the same story that he helped shape, you know, all these young adults so

So I'm for myself. I'm trying to.

Just realize that about myself or what I've done that's good, not that I'm going anywhere anytime soon.

Well yeah, that's right. The night. Thank you, thank you, thank you you are.

Here's the thing, that's the thing everybody does though, we all we are built, most people to downplay our success as not to focus. It's like, especially the comedy true people who are good at comedy, I believe are also natural kind of not the kind of people that are like great self promoters and kind of like, well, I'm a real badass.

Like the people that are.

Like that, I don't think also have that kind of critical mind to be able to write.

It's very rare that they have both. Yeah, yeah, very rare sometimes.

So I think you're I'm glad that you can pull out something to help yourself within all that pain. That's exactly the best thing to do in grief is to figure out your own lesson. Yeah, that's very important. And also, look, the options are there's no there is nothing else, or there absolutely is a fucking other plane and if you're going there, that is what you would get.

That is that kind of being.

Able to have the you know, shingles fall away and see life for what it is and the beauty of what it is.

And you know, they've told.

Stories about like people that have had who passed on or whatever and had those experiences, and that's what happens. Conceptually, it's very possible that that's exactly what he knows right now, is seeing his life for what it actually was as opposed to what was holding him down in a kind of sad human plane.

Yeah, maybe whatever is unleashed into your what is that party or endorphin or whatever.

That Yeah, maybe that is like, Hey, this is the one time you're not gonna worry and you're gonna appreciate everything you've done in your life. Here's that quick slide show that everyone brags about.

Because it's i mean, everyone says they see that near.

Death experiences all that shit.

Yeah, where you actually get to you get some fucking perspective. And sadly some people get the perspective and die, but you get it.

Yeah, that's a fact.

So yeah, it's a good idea to try to get it now, or at least try to squint to see it while you still.

Yes, I've been trying to think about the past and think about things that have been great, and I've been doing that a lot, and I think it's important and it's not.

It's even when you do that, because when someone dies, you also are like, oh no, I'm gonna die to you immediately make it about yourself. I think you should make.

It about yourself in learning something or appreciating your own life.

It's important. It's very important to do that. It's very important.

Yes, well, because also that's I mean, some people try to say that that's self as shortever, I mean I think people anything anyone does on social media about death it infuriated me. I know I always do it so badly. But in private, you get to make it about you, right, because that's that's how you can make it mean something.

Yeah, I wrote something when Zach passed on and put it on Facebook, and I almost deleted it because I have never done that before. I've never like.

Written a long emotional post thing, you know. And I'm glad I didn't delete it though, simply because that's where a lot of the people I know that knew him, we're all meeting and talking and I wanted them to see it, and so I'm glad I left it. You know, there's probably other people are like, oh, brother, and and I hope they just skipped over it, but.

But yeah, there, it's it's up there with well it's not.

What's more annoying a knowing to me is people taking pictures of their soup like it's tends the season. It's like your soup, really your soup?

Carrot ginger is my favorite. That's why we came here tonight to Panera Bread.

I'm so glad they finally have the ginger emoji and I could follow with this I had.

There was when I was still on Facebook, way back when I haven't been on there in years, but when I was on there, there was a guy that I knew that did that where it was always like it wasn't just taking pictures of the food, but it's a way of bragging that you have money, because it's people who are always taking pictures of really nice food.

Yeah, that's what mey me mad.

I was just like, basically, what you're saying is you have the money to spend like forty dollars on an entree, right, so fuck off with your forty dumb dollars. And then I would burn forty dollars as a way of rebelling the tyranny of Facebook.

I eat it.

Do you eat that money?

Yeah? Yeah?

Just to get more specific, yeah, ball up the here's your forty dollars meal.

Yeah, and then I got a pay for kind of my tongue.

I can eat forty dollars too. That's my rebellious voice.

It is.

Your rebellious voice is a lot like someone that has denied the government and makes their own flag and lives in a cabin I.

Money, I don't care.

I don't care.

I should start doing more voices.

You should, I voice practice. We should both start doing impressions.

I said it once, I said it a million times. You've heard me, Pat Merita, I want.

To hear it.

It's it's important for your impressions to also be of another race.

Because that that's right up everyone's alley.

That's when you create that artistic tension that you're looking for in an audience.

Oh. I love pushing buttons with a group.

Just I want to perform at a UN meeting and just roast everybody.

Here's you Switzerland to the.

Yeah exactly, just on a muppets level, make fun of them.

City buses only, hot whites only, make fun of hot.

Excuse me, boy, that happens, and the mic is right there near my coughing hole.

Well that's how loves are. They're there to catch every sound.

They don't judge.

It's all good to them.

I have been, yes, coming down with something, but it never comes. I've just been fighting it as it's coming.

Is it in the lungs?

It's a fluid in the lungs. There's a lot of wheezing. That's not good. You know, fluid in your lungs is bad.

It is bad. It means that you are.

Drowning, yes, basically slowly.

And there are some nights where it's bad and I'm like, I'm out of breath, I need to walk around and it's because I'm slowly drowning in my lungs.

Yeah, well I should probably go to a doctor.

Do you smoke?

No?

Do you drink yes? That has nothing to do with it.

I just wanted to want to hear you just wanted me to finally come out with it.

Stop denying that you drink beer.

You have fluid in your lungs. Do you sometimes lie to other people?

Have you ever had an a fair married person really that would do it? No, No, I just want to hear it from you.

You com bad douchebag.

Where I know where I am, but I'm trying to remember.

It will be right, okay when you finally decide to take it.

Yes, perhaps you could aid it and knowing where that right is.

Okay, right ahead, see what great voices?

Oh, let me do one. Okay, I'm gonna take me right up here.

No, let me do one.

Okay, Oh take a ride. That's a it's.

Borderline racist, but I won't put any flair on it to make.

You know what I thought it was right. I can't I see a sensual Smese cat.

Yes, yeah, but maybe not.

Oh, now, it's just racist.

At that time, I was trying to be French, but I still wouldn't give it an accent of any kind because I don't see color.

That's the other That's why I'm not an air Force pilot.

My friend, that's not the only thing keeping you from it.

No, no, it's my friend.

My favorite and most hilarious people I've ever met, is also black. She I have a black friend. Cool? Actually, she'd say it back. This is the one way thing like most of your black friends.

Yes, that was me, said.

I have a black friend.

But uh, I also happened to be pointing at a stop or a light.

Yes, just like him. And there was a girl that used to quit that habit.

Yes, that's the shade I'm talking about.

I'm smiling when I do it. I can't get that man.

Our friend that used to work at the Gap with us had a shirt that said I don't see color, and then it had a bunch of different eyes of different people from all around the world. And my friend Dawn would she she her father was an obg A and she was raised very wealthy Los Angeles, but she would put on her blackest voice and then she would go, you better see my color. The idea of saying I don't see colors actually very white and offensive. Yeah, no,

Yeah, it's not about you ignoring everyone that isn't white, that is white. I don't see color. I also don't acknowledge or have conversations with it.

Yeah, I hope I've taught everyone a valuable lesson about.

Your No, it is it's very that is I have a black bres Why do I have lung problems.

Maybe it was getting your gums clean my figure.

Yeah, you're right, Oh god, it was that needle. There was something in it, a bug. My favorite is when people along those lines they go, I don't.

Care if you are white, yellow, brown, or purple green polka dots. That's like, it's like, well that's come on, now, you can't make up. You're just making one up.

Well.

And also you're just racist.

Yeah, if that's how far you're to taking it, whatever you're saying, stop talking, Yeah, yeah, because you're just a weird racist that can't talk about other people in any way that's not upstracted.

Yeah. Yeah, you have to turn into a cartoon character.

Get out of here.

And I don't care if you're a duck who dresses like a sailor and doesn't wear pants. I love all people and donald duck skunks who corner of cats and trying to have sex with them.

You like rapist skunks, but you don't like dream people with purple spots.

I like. I like a bald man who hunt. I like rabbits who are scared of them. I'm not racist.

I like big, huge roosters. Oh Southern accents.

All you're saying you just watch a lot of cartoons, is what you're saying.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, that's not it at all. Oh you're a child, is what you're saying.

Who sounds like a southern politician. I am five years.

Old, a southern gentleman of some kind.

Now here's my jacket, so you don't step in that puddle. A little kid.

Oh, that'd be great, a kid putting his jacket.

Yeah, just for another for another little girl. It'd be a cute little Oh.

That would be a cute card if you took the picture, did tone, Yes, put it in a some kind of a vineyard, made them kiss. I've always thought those little kid, little kids kissing cards are some of the creepiest things.

Oh yeah, yeah, it's it's funny you should say that. There's a picture of me as a kid kissing on the lips a little girl that was.

The daughter of the guy my dad did radio with. We were in like Astoria, Oregon, and I'm kissing this little girl in the mouth. And I always was like.

That's not that's what I was young, and that's you guys all put us up to it. Yeah, And uh, it looks like it's like an open mouth kiss.

Hello.

Well, you probably didn't have no, no, you know, a good approach, like you didn't have a good.

Kissing No, not that, not that, but you went I'll loose slipped with it. Yeah once.

I once I hit about twenty one years old and started kissing girls for the first time.

You game. Yeah, Oh, I've had a lot of pillow practice, pretty lady, but yeah, that always bothered me. That picture of me kissing another Oh, oh, I don't like that.

Oh, this is a serious accident.

Yes, guys, I hope that's never This is awesome. I don't know.

Boy, this is a semi truck.

Oh boy, Oh that's versus.

Oh, a huge semi truck us.

There was a light underneath the truck.

Yeah.

Was there a car underneath that truck?

I hope not. I don't know.

Golly, that was glass and cops and there was little cones. That was serious.

Yeah, at some point I feel like they're just showing off.

I saw a couple of accidents on the Highway five today. Did I already say that I spent it nine hours in the car?

You did off? But yeah, tell me about Yeah, we're on camera, by the way, I hope that now is a weird time to tell.

You that I'm wearing my pajamas. Lauren call Singham a.

Past guest, and my niece, your hilarious niece, my very one of my very favorite's.

I've heard requests for to be return to.

The Are you serious?

Yes?

That would probably fill her with joy.

Yeah, I'd be so happy she needs to come back.

That would be great. So she and I drove down today. We got up at seven am in Petaluma and we spent nine hours on the five freeway because there was so much traffic. At certain points we were just dead stock.

That's a drive that shouldn't be more than six and a half, right, six at the most is how I usually do it.

And it was nine and every time we stopped, every place we went was packed the lines. I mean, because it's just the busiest travel day on the Sunday after Thanksgiving.

Oh, is that like the black Friday for traffic?

Yep, it's dark brown Sunday.

Which sounds racist, but hey, I like ducks without pants.

Hey listen, if you give me a pig in a blue jacket with no pants or underpants.

And he's holding the musket, will hello Hello, Hello, sir, you're my new friend. Now, is that someone that would be wearing this white hood that you see on the head just the most confusing.

Yeah, we've gone into a different area. But anyway, why did I bring that up? Maybe because I'm tired of being in a car.

You I you didn't want to drive, so I'm driving right, which is why this isn't one of our better podcasts.

And all I'm just disagree. We're doing great. Is great. I'm swear that we haven't talked to the guests. We'll be right with you. Chip Pope.

Quiet now, yeah, Well, if it's seemed we always have a guest, sometimes they just get sleepy, yep, and Chip Pope is.

In the back of sleeping. But you you drove home? You didn't. You maybe took a nap and I picked you up and you're you're in your pajamas.

I'm in my peagers. Well, I also love these slippers. I wish I could wear them in real life, because I shouldn't. I won't.

I wish I could.

They'd look nice if it was like a Pendleton flannel shirt you were chopping wood.

That's right, they look like it looks like I should be a big bear with these slippers on there, like they've got an alpine sweater feel to them.

Yeah, those those slippers are like the screensaver cover for the Fargo series.

That's those Who are you watching that?

Oh? Boy, am I there's a guy that won't let me do it? Okay, I got it, I got it. He's a big old jerk.

I love Fargo. I'm obsessed with it. It's I couldn't be happy to be watching it.

My dad is watching it, which makes me hear, should I turn here?

I'm sorry, No, I would go to a next Yeah, it's so good.

And then the other day on Twitter, Nick Offerman, who is playing the lawyer, Yes, tweeted, he's so sweet happy.

Oh that's great. Which one did he would tell us your tweet? It was.

It wasn't any of my writing. It really wasn't to my credit.

But it's just a poem by Richard brought Again that I love that I usually tweet about once a year. That's called I was trying to describe you to someone the other day and it's just this amazing read it on my Twitter.

It's it's just it's multiple tweets that you you continued, I've never done that.

No, someone took a picture of the poem in a book, so it's just it's a still for a you know, a picture.

A jpeg or a gift or a jiff.

But people do computer people do to where I'm like, well, I guess it was never an animated gift that you know, the whole time I was working at Evite doing these little hockey players or whatever animated gifts.

We all call them gifts.

Now, a ted talk guy talking about computers will say Jeff, and it's like, well, I guess.

But I'm not a computer guy, right, I'm just me.

Jeff's a peanut butter. I'm sorry, Jeff, tech World.

Yeah, it doesn't work.

No, it doesn't.

And if that's what you wanted it to be, you should have fucking said it in the beginning.

Yeah, and should have started it with a j since that's what a Jeff is.

Yes, And a gift a hard g You see the GIF, that's a hard g.

Do you just specify this poem? Do you to have him memorized?

I do not, because it's actually quite long.

You don't want to paraphrase it? Well I could, but I challenge you to do so. In your Asian cat accent.

I'll try to act like it's really philosophical.

Okay.

The poem is essentially saying I tried to describe you to someone the other day, but I couldn't. I couldn't just say she looks like Jane Fonda, but with red hair, because you don't look like Jane Fonda and you don't have red hair.

Something like this.

It's real talkie, right, And then he goes, But then I thought of a movie I saw when I was about eight or ten or six. It was a movie about bringing electricity to the farmers of America, and it showed them building a dam. Because all the it showed all the farmers working in the blackness, milking cows by lantern light and sewing and reading by lantern light. And then it showed them building a dam and putting up

No, I you've remembered.

Well.

I love it.

It's really the first time I read it, it made me cry crazily hard, because that's such a more specific thing of how you feel when you really like somebody. It's not that idea that when you're in love with someone, it's like, oh you and roses and blah blah blah.

Yeah, I'm going to read it. Do it.

It's on my Twitter feed.

I will write when we're done.

The second Yeah, the second we pull over, the.

Second you get out. But yeah, I've watched It's funny.

I watched most shows when they're done because I'm watching the first season of Fargo also, which is also amazing.

It's so good.

Yeah, they're about and uh, I'm just uh, you know, I've never stolen a streaming bit torrent or whatever.

Yeah, or a gift torrent. No, yeah, there, it's that. I'm so into it.

And now I've been watching investigations. I'm just in all this crime solving.

Now, wait, have you watched that Psychic Investigation?

Yes, it's it's always like a strange lady that lives in the Midwest somewhere and she's a psychic and she helps these murder cases, and it's amazing and they really do help. Yes, they'll pick up a photo and they're like, I'm seeing the number two eight seven, I'm seeing a duffel bag. I'm seeing this guy with a mustache and they're like, well, that's the guy we interviewed yesterday and two eighty seven is the warehouse. It just happens, yeah, And it's all all the cops are like skeptical guys

And oddly a lot of these these uh people with the gift.

To see things are all sore this gift and they also believe in giesus.

A lot of them. They aren't like, you know, I don't.

I was surprised to see that that they're just like, I'm Christian in their spirits everywhere.

Let me talk to one. It's like, oh man.

But then there's other ones that are just like, yeah, I got these annoying voices, like the Whoopie Goldberg types. It's but they're reoccurring in different episodes. They've helped crimes. It's really interesting. Also, it's really scary. The reenactments actually have some of the people in them. They have them like act Oh, but it's really interesting and they it's good. It's great psychic investigators.

I watch it.

It's you'll well fall down a hole, what of love? No, You'll literally fall down a hole and then I'll find a psychic to find out where the hole is.

It'll be cold.

You're gonna be like Baby Jessica. They're gonna love it when they pull you out.

Did I ever tell you about my idea? And remember this is a copywritten idea, yes, fact that I'm saying it on a podcast. This idea that the sitcom for adult Baby Jessea, where the whole town worships her and she has a bunch of money because they've never stopped giving to her. This is actually true about Baby Jessica. She fell down that well when she was two years old, and it was one of our first major national stories that people followed day and night.

Right. I remember, and I'm just telling the millennials at home. No, I'm just realizing I do remember that being a story. Yeah, it's a long time ago.

So apparently they never closed down her donation's bank account and people have been giving to it all these years.

That's and fraudulent.

No no, no, because they want to. But wow, but in this article, you know, they were like, so she has over and it was like fifteen thousand dollars.

It wasn't anything crazy.

But my idea is you take that and you just lie about it, Yeah, the way they do on Fargo and.

Every other show.

Yeah, and then you just pretend that baby Jessica got pulled out of that well and that that whole no one would ever stop giving her things and loving her for surviving. And so she's just big creepy adult baby baby Jessica in her own town that can do whatever she wants and it's.

Still being paid for, fed and has diapers.

No, no, no, it's just like a big immature adult.

That's what I would have tried to add in the writing room. She actually acts like a baby.

What do you think I'm the person in charge, going no, yeah, that was my idea. And her mansion is built around the well so that people take tours.

Oh that's so great, and she gives the tour.

Yeah, she'd give the tour if she's feeling up to it. But most of the time she just wants to eat candy and lay around because she's just baby. She's just professional baby Jessica.

I love it.

But the real one in real life is nothing like that and has a family, and you know, it's just like, I don't know, people keep.

Giving me money.

Wow, that's amazing.

Because everyone's so like, you know, that was such a crazy, upsetting, terrible, scary story that then that baby came out fine. She had a broken arm and like a bump on her head.

How long do you recall how long she's down? Like a week or something? Right?

No, I think it was like two days.

Oh okay, I.

Don't think it was a week. I mean, I could definitely be wrong, but I think it was like seventy two hours. But she was jammed down into a little well as a lonely little baby down there. So maybe part of my sitcom is that she's also slightly psychotic because she's down there and imagine some things and so she still sees.

Them and you're not going to have her fight crime or anything. This is me back in the writing room.

You know what, Let's get into the writing room and really shit out, because I think we could make it work.

Cut to us in a wood shed, there was a child. Did you just see that. There's a child that I almost had. No, there was a little kid next to a parked car that was right almost touched.

Oh I thought that was an adult. I didn't even look.

It was a tiny little person. No, baby, Jessica, get out of the road.

We have to go back and give that baby fifty dollars.

Oh my god, there's a baby climbing that light post with no harness.

Let's go. Oh my god, this neighborhood's broken out in babies.

It's just all adventurous extreme babies. Oh no, that baby's bungee jumping off that van.

Oh no, that baby's chugging a monster energy dream.

Oh no, there's a baby playing electric guitar.

No, baby, put it down.

You're doing the chords wrong.

I don't know why I went there. I liked it, babies. I love the idea of a baby doing anything and an adult like outfit. Do you like Oh did you ever see I don't want to see two babies kissing though.

No, no, no, we've already decided that that's super gross. It is.

And also just it is.

It's like what I want is for the camera to swing around and real quick take the picture of the creepy adults are like kisser Derek. Yeah, hideous.

You're the ones that should be on the picture.

Yeah, some guy in overalls with a beret. The Mango and Leanion kids overall, Oh yeah leaning now? Oh yeah, ignore the camera here, you kids picker up all national wedding. I'm sorry I went into deep character there, I'm back, thank you, thank you.

We're down on van Ellen and Victory.

I wasn't. I was often a pair of overall.

Yeah, you were in that pedophiles photography.

Say he's an artist, he's eccentric. You see for Hallmark.

Nothing good is happening over No, no, unless it's.

The military, you know, you know. Wow, Yeah, I'm very pro military.

Are you?

Oh well, I don't know. I'm not anti yeah me either. Yeah, I never said you were. I do feel like sometimes that our troops could get more of your support.

Well, I've got that magnetic thing on the back of my card. What else you want?

Oh yeah? The ribbon? Say no more, that's all we can do.

The removable ribbon. Oh really, when are you gonna take that fucking off? Acause we're never not going to be at war anymore? Everybody?

Yeah, fuck also free Tibet. Also that star moon pentagram. Isn't there a pentagram in there?

Yeah? Yeah, it's definitely represented.

Yes, yes, we must all live together in harmony. Well, I am so tired. It's okay. This one is gonna have a soft ending. Oh well we went long.

I hope we did.

Oh you know what, though, we should because it's in two weeks.

Yeah, done one.

That's nice.

We had a lot of stuff come out. It's the holidays.

Yeah, Thanksgiving, Yeah I did.

I had a great one. I had the best food I think I have ever had.

My friend Joe Preno, Joe Preno does a podcast with my friend Lachlan Patterson.

What are these people that I've never heard?

They are comics that live by the beach and they have a surfing podcast and I've gone on there.

And is Lachlan Patterson excessively good looking?

Yeah?

He's he's like model good looking. But then it's at certain angles is really goofy looking. So that's how he gets away? Oh what is he wor It's just sometimes when people are really handsome and have those like every once in a while you'll see a picture of Ted Danson and he looks like Frankenstein. Yeah, I'm not talking about Lachlan here, but Ted Danson is to anyone, including straight man, a handsome, rugged face.

But every once in a while it's like whoa Herman Munster? What the fuck?

Because he has a tall face.

Yeah yeah, so.

Locklockman is handsome in that way where sometimes if he manipulates his face it is a comedic.

Oh I see, yeah. No, is he just kind of distracting where.

He stands around with his hands on his hips a lot?

Is he one of those like no, no, it's old, like a Brownie paper towel type good looking. Yes, yeah, that's exactly what you meant. I don't know. No, he's uh, he's he's got he acts, Uh he's actually it's I don't know. I haven't seemly done with his hands.

Okay, well let's take a closer look next time. It's important, Okay, deal.

I think he has them both on the mic like this, like kind of tight to his face.

I mean socially just standing around, Oh, hands.

On hips, no long long dangling arm, you know, sounds terrible. They're just sway in.

The wind, like wait, are you thinking of one of those blow up cars in front of the car wash.

I thought we were talking about used cars.

Yeah, that's not your front.

Okay, now the UK was he cooking? He didn't Joe are It was Joe? He lives nearby, and yes, and friend of mine. He's very funny and uh.

And surfers that can cook?

Is you? Did you have the.

The best?

Well they're watching football and I was pretending to follow, but I was like, yeah, that was mad, believe it. But the food was they had fried a fried turkey that was injected with some family secret and uh no, I think it was just rice family.

It's it's secret, family secret.

And the gravy was not that gelatinous translucent you know jelly gray that gets hard and I don't.

This was like a dark seep into everything. Everything was the best flavor I've ever seen. It was the best. Yes, it was the best.

And is Joe good looking?

They're all yeah, yeah, they're all. Everyone there was handsome. It is a handsome, rugged group of dudes and my my roommate Nate. Everyone's hands Yeah. It was a Now that you think, well, you know me, I'm all I'm doing is thinking about naked ladies all day care. But now in retrospect, all that things about it's p and the b. Yep, that's all I do, that's all I think. But now in retrospect, all of those men were good looking in a sexual way, yes.

And but only it was a boy's only Thanksgiving.

Did they have some lady They had lady friends there. But the lady friends were like, oh no, our friends, they know they was.

There's a couple of fat girls there, some girls with great senses of humor.

They had they were they did.

They just left because another friend said I'm gonna have my friends giving and no one showed up and she didn't have dishes, and so these nice girls with some of the food to her place.

So then it became dude party.

Oh I see yeah, oh or were they using that as an excuse? What are we driving up to?

I have no idea. This is a bus.

This is like the time we found NASA.

Yeah, we just no one ever has driven through the mountains and stumbled upon a NASA base.

But we did it. We did it Episode fifty something.

This fucking podcast guarantees you those kinds of surprises.

They this isn't NASA, at least a place where they repair weight it's a marritte.

You know what this is.

It's fucking the Bourbon Airport just came up on the stage.

Who cares?

Although there is they do have like a fun drive through. They have a strip mall of only restaurants and so they have like a drive through Panda Express, which is like, if you just want to weigh four hundred pounds all of your life, go ahead and go to a drive through.

It is funny. I noticed that when we dropped Offunger that one time.

It's it's like all restaurants that you would see there might even be a sonic in there. There's like all these Midwest like just middle like places where you would eat on the freeway.

Yeah, restaurants I like to go, yes, yes, girthy, but I'm feeling girthy and I just gid. I know for a fact, I'm not gonna get invited to sexy Thanksgiving, so I'm like, you know what, to fuck it, I'm gonna go down to the drive through Krispy Kreme mm hmm, the most unnecessary drive there is.

I was gonna just stay at home. I'm like, I was, uh, you know, I was not feelings great. But I'm really glad I had sexy Thanksgiving.

Yeah, I am too.

At one everyone spilled wine on their shirts and they slowly took them off. Really yeah, sexy Thanksgiving.

And then it's like should I put my shirt back on? And I and we were all agreed, just with our eyes. I'm okay with it if you are.

So we sat shirtless with a little bit of gravy on our bellies and watch the rest of the Sporting Matt. I remember remember it like it was yesterday, but it was actually two days before yesterday. So maybe that's why my memory of it is so clear. And I think one of the main reasons is everyone's abs really cut into my brain deep. That was me trying to do uh what improvised sexual comic con you fan fiction? Thank you, thank you?

But it had yours had a kind of a who's that cowboy? I want to say, Sam.

Neill, Sam Elliott?

Is Sam Elliott? That you had a real Sam Elliott.

Someone posted a scene from Roadhouse the other day where he's showing a scar to uh Patrick Swayze's girlfriend. In it, he's like, he pulls his pants so and he just pulls him down and you.

Could see his pubes his old Sam Elliott, No pubes bush bursting out of his pants.

No, that can't be true.

Everyone right now, go to Google type in Sam Elliott pubes. A video clip of what I'm talking about will pop up.

And I dare you to watch it. Now.

Do his pubes look like a large mustache?

I swear they aren't his pubes. They do have some gray in him like his Uh do you think he had a pub stand in? I think he had a pubic care stand in a lot of these guys do.

He also had that line. He had like vainy, like a muscular belly. So it was like that.

I know Sam Elliott all he drinks his coffee and cigarettes. He's probably that keeps you like iggy pop. Yeah, wiy wiry, you know, kind of like tend But it looked like a young guy's bush.

I'm I'm gonna admit right now, Karen, I don't know where I am.

Because, uh, this is gonna take it straight back up to where to where I live. It's perfection.

Well we're doing Do you want to just wrap it up? We're an hour or twelve in here?

Oh yeah, I mean, And I feel like if there's any topic to end on it's Sam Elliott's cubic ye.

Look can go, or it's his her pubes. Well tweet us and let us know who you know what you know about the pubes? God? Am I going to go to sleep? What's wrong with me? I don't know if it's Sam's pubes or someone else some kids pubs? Let us.

I forgot the world of American or could it be c g I there's four choices.

American is of course, it's a meat loaf inside a turkey. That's American. Happy Thanksgiving and uh think anything to plug Karen.

At the Satellite.

On December eighth, Trenan Davis is doing his Imaginary Radio. Oh yeah, I'll go watch, Okay, I'm going to be on it.

And he and I usually do some of our songs.

Yeah I might. I find it amazing when he does that.

Yeah, it's so good.

Yeah, he's very talented, and lots of other people do it, and he has lots of it's always lots of good, guess, lots of music.

If you're into that, cool and I'm doing that at midnight on the night.

Awesome, So it does if you do, I think so.

I think that is how that works. Because I remember there or in my experience, they're tweeting that day. Yeah, so that's that. And thank you for.

Listening, and happy holidays, and tell the people you like you love them and your mentors.

Thank you, Yes, gratitude everybody.

You're listening, you've been listening to. Do you need a ride? D y n A r oh? I'm actually driving.

A leaven I.

You wanna way back?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you clean us time and day terminal engage.

We want to send you us in sum.

We want to welcome me back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Now?

Porn?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?

Do you need

With Karen and Chris