Ep. 72 - April Richardson

Are you leaving on? You wanta way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a turman alingaye. We want to send you off inside. We wanna welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared her? Was it fine?

Now?

Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need ride.

With Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

This is Karen Kilgarath.

We are driving on Santa Monica Boulevard.

One of the better boulevards of this town.

I actually do like it. There's palm trees in the middle, and on each side there's a lot of palm trees.

They also have the highest number of seven elevens per capita in all of Lass.

Every at the end of every block there's a seven eleven at each crosswalk, which.

Is comforting, I feel like, for if you're from an area that has seven elevens and then you go to a town like this that can be cold, and then suddenly, oh my god, there's my hometown. Seven eleven.

Would I hope I have the opportunity. If I buy a hot dog and I do not like it, I can run across the street and return it at another seven eleven, throw.

It back on the roller and maybe this time get one of those other things that are like on the roller. But they look like they look like Truro's.

They are. They are beef or chicken. Taketos, oh takeito. Yes, they come in many varieties, including spicy and diarrhea. Yeah, it's that same. In Houston, there was two Starbucks directly across the street from each other, and I went in and I asked, what are the difference between these two Starbucks? And then the girl said the one over there was all gay dudes, and like, you said that at a everyone can hear you level, And I went over there

Bit, I mean it used to be fresh. It was a fresh topic.

You know what's currently fresh?

Our guest whoa funky fresh? That was one of the worst I've heard so far on our whole run.

That was worse than the seg that took the inventor off.

It's Everybody's best friend, April Richard.

I live around the corner from the first seven eleven you mentioned in honor here?

What's your favorite? What's your go to item if you walk up to that seven eleven? Honestly, I just get ice cream, but I.

Get I don't get any seven eleven brand things, and I just go straight up Ben and Jerry's.

It's a little too convenient.

So it is like, whenever I want some sweet, sweet treat, I go in there, get me a pint of.

Ben and Jerry's. Do I eat it in one sitting? Almost always? How do you not how do you need to meet the person that doesn't and and find out their secrets?

Well, yeah, they give you a personal size little buckets, right, I don't even know the terminology. You guys, I don't have a sweet tooth.

So lucky you are the luckiest man on the planet.

I have every other.

Type of tooth, though, I feel like every other type of tooth isn't getting you in trouble as much as a sweet having as salt tooth.

I don't think do you have a coach to Yeah?

I love how innoc in April is to where she's like the only types of teeth you can have are the different the areas of your tongue.

Did you hear about the drug too?

I didn't know there were drug tooth.

Alcohol a drug.

I wish that I have anonymous sex tooth.

I wish marijuana tooth.

But there was a.

Tooth for every vice. I thought we were talking food here.

I think we've invented vice teeth, which is also my new script that I've sold to Lions Gates, just your.

Teeth, trying to solve crimes in Miami.

Vice teeth. And there's a lot of blazers and loafers with no.

Socks, my friends.

I have that I have a tooth for blazer, A real weakness in your mouth for loafers and no socks.

Girl, that's a strong part of my tone.

Laser guys, here's the news. I feel like everyone needs to know. April Richardson and Chris Fairbanks are currently shooting a true TV television show together as co host.

Yes, yes, I love it. It's not the kind where there's a studio. We just stand in front of a green screen, so they could be playing a trick on us. But once we see it on TV, I think we can finally celebrate it airs. I don't know.

I don't know is anyone else there when you go to tape, but it might just be our family.

There's a camera or he says he's a camera man, But what I can't figure out is why he has no camera or pants.

I thought jokes like that.

Content. Is that the ghost of a dead joke?

I was. I started out making like a disapproving sound, but it wasn't sincere oh hold on, speaking of.

If you've tuned in for the first time ever, we have a podcast that takes place in a moving vehicle.

Yep, we're driving around Los Angeles proper ap April doesn't have a gig that we would or a trip to we're not taking to the.

Airport, or we all have a sandwich gig.

Yeah, a sandwich.

Speaking of Haunted, I just was in Salt Lake City on Friday night.

Oh yeah, yeah, I thought you would maybe still be there.

No, we just went for the show and came back.

But the guy you and Chris Hardwick and the guy who was driving is around.

We ended up there was a we pulled in a traffic and there was a ghost tours van in front of us, and I was like, what, like, Salt Lake City is not one of those.

It's not like New Orleans or something that's known for hauntings or ghosts tours.

So I'm like, where in the hell does this ghost tour thing go? And the guy was saying, how that guy makes mistakes for a living.

Oh no, that is the bases. You're welcome, you doshe?

Yeah, bad guy from the eighties. Yeah business.

I hope he knows. I was being sarcastic.

Okay, sorry, I story as he was I started telling it, I was like, where's this going?

No, just come in.

Well it was basically I was just like, this is weird because there's no it's not like Salt Lake City had the Civil War or do you know what I mean, like known haunted things with lots of ghosts possibilities. But then the guy the driver was like, oh, it's a lot of people who came west for like gold, like prospectors, like gold panting people died on the way to go get gold. And so that's a Salt Lake City haunting thing.

Yeah. Or like sometimes they would have hospitals for say like yellow fever. Uh, this actually happened in Jerome, Arizona. There was a hospital where they or scarlet fever one of the fevers, and they put all the children in this hospital. But then all the adults started dying. So then all the children died because they weren't being tended to in the hospital. The most grim thing. It's so grim,

Can you imagine all the closure that is needed?

Wait a minute, how many souls need to be put to rest? Yes, that's right.

So the kids are at this hospital, and then of course the parents are like, well, I gotta go visit my kid, right, and the doctors catch whatever they have yep, oh no, And the adults died before the children.

The nurses and yeah, because children are just more resilient. I guess you know. I'm kind of lying at this point because I don't know the details. I just want to sound like an expert always, but I'm not sure. All I know is that it's crazily haunted and a ton of children died unattended to me is the creepiest. That is the creepiest.

And the thing is, the more I'm on the road with Chris, like the more he is delighted by the fact that I'm scared of everything, absolutely the delight about it and.

Loves to give me these scenarios, like especially when we're driving.

We're like driving a lot of the places, especially if we do like we did three cities in Texas, so we just drove all of them and.

We almost had to stay. You in Austin, what's the name of the hotel, Driscoll?

Yes, yeah, it is haunted there, Yes, uh for all when it's my turn.

Oh well, I'm just.

We almost stayed there, and then we didn't because we ended up leaving that night after the show anyway.

But wouldn't stop crying.

It is that whole corner is famously the each building on that corner, especially the one kitty corner from this place called Buffalo Billiards. I painted the walls there one Christmas, the windows and then the ceiling like this starry night mural, and every time I was painting, I got creeped out. But I've never had a ghost experience. I don't believe in anything after dying, and so it was hard for me to pay attention to it, but just peripheral things

So you say, yeah, that's what I was gonna say about.

Yeah, you mean go to church and become a Christian if they very much have everything to do with each.

Other, just the idea of afterlife. You think Christians have a lock.

On that or whatever any religion or belief system. Yeah, yeah, I don't. But sorry, everybody, I think you're dying.

That's it because I'm not accusing you of anything. You're acting like I am.

What I'm saying in the way.

No fighting I but I'm curious only in the way that if you so solidly don't believe in that, why did you get scared for even one?

Because I did. I was like, oh shit, there are spirits floating around.

But then that didn't stay with you, like afterwards, You're like, no, probably not.

You're like, there's only an afterlife possible in this building.

No, yeah, that there are ghosts and I don't know what to do about it. I still don't believe in anything.

Yeah, right, Well, I think you can believe in ghosts and not have any idea what's going on in the afterlife, or just think it's not real. No, you know about my story.

I think you die and then maybe float around lost. But I don't think you have a destination. I think you just are either happy or scared. Oh I don't think you enter a frog or whatever. Oh right, right, kind of childish?

Well, all right, I'm not arguing that or your right to believe that or whatever.

I'm just saying, like, but then if you I don't know.

Why you'd get scared then, because if you're if that's such a firm held belief, like, wouldn't you just be like, oh, nothing is happening, this is all my No.

It's no, it's it's I believe there are ghosts. I don't believe anything we can do. There's anything we can do about it? Right, I think we die and float around and it's graham and scary.

Right.

Sorry, I didn't quit apologize.

I don't know. That's you don't have to apologize.

That's fine because I feel the same because, like I've I've never had a ghost experience myself, but I don't think people are lying when they say they do.

And I do have friends that are.

Like, whatever, that's total bull.

Well, there are just things we can't explain, like why can't that be a possibility? Yeah, there's just maybe there's a thing that human beings can't comprehend or explain.

And that's okay too, Like.

Yeah, I've that's the only experience I've ever had, but it was so legitimate And then totally the whole stack of pint glasses fell over that you would have to push right wow, and they broke, and I'm like, well, that's fucking scary. That's an object movie. Yes, So I laughed and just came back when there was people I couldn't handle it, But I risk are about cigar smoke and there's a painting of a guy like that's Scooby

My uncle Ridge dropped by every three months. Yeah, because that shit sticks around. It's a cigar.

It's a pretty good job if you can get it.

Just smoke cigars on the d L. Yeah, I did cigar smoker by d L.

Do you mean the driskle down, because that's where do you know it is you?

Yeah, it's me.

I saw you had tobacco on your lip.

I'm the Demi Moore of twenty fifteen with cigars. Remember remember when cigars got dumbly popular, like, I'll smoke any though I'm a woman. Thanks, there's nothing cool. They smell so goddamn bad.

I feel like that was just to promote a planet Hollywood for a while total everyone involved with the Planet Hollywood was on the cover of Cigar Aficionado.

Yes, that's exactly right.

Well, I enjoyed weightlifting, but I also like a good cigar.

I know how to.

Live anyone.

Anyway, the whole we didn't end up staying at the Driscoll, but on the drive to the airport or whatever, Chris was laughing because I was freaking out because I was like, how there your book is there? I wouldn't have slept

Right.

He keeps giving me scenarios like that, where I'm like, dancer is exactly the same. I have a heart attack, his heart attack. Like. He's like, well, what if they were nice? And I'm like, what is that?

That doesn't matter.

I feel like my brain would go hold on a minute, don't give him a chance.

Yes, freak out? How do you know they're standing there with the plate of freshly big cook high fight me? Like, how I'm gonna know is in the ninety ghost You're not leave me hanging. I'm from the Victorian era. Yeah, but he'll do that. He'll be like, well, you don't know what if he's like what.

If it's a cool dude like, and then I'll go yeah, but if it's a kid, and I'm like, even scarier if it's a child.

Well, also because it is like Chris is saying, it's a physical experience. It's like that thing of when your your nervous system is telling you you're in danger. Yeah, so it doesn't matter what they do, it's just your experience.

Right, And I think it is your nervous Like when I was young, I heard voices and it was scary and it made me have to leave of classrooms. And it was background noise being amplified and sounded like scary angry whispering, like everything sounded, clothes shuffling, pencils on papers, sounded like voices that were mad at me. And I went to all these psychologists and crystal rubber ladies that were friends with my mom, right, and they all said you have a special power, and I'm like, no, that's

Well, also, maybe you had a weird good hearing for some reason, yeah, like things pressing on nerves.

Or yeah, right, And then I didn't know what to do with it, so I'd panic. But I sure if that was Yeah, it seemed like spirits and things I thought, or I thought, oh, I'm going to be schizophrenic by the time I'm thirty. I would like read into it. I'm like, yep, I hear voices. That means I'm going to be like because you know, I got some crazy uncles and sure, yeah so, but it kind of just went away as I came to terms with the fact that I just freak out about shit.

I had a friend who one day at work, So I don't know.

If those were my early ghost experiences, is what I was saying. Yeah, sorry, you had a friend, then let's cap that off. Yeah.

Yeah, I was just gonna say I had a friend who had very bad vision and one day at work walked into my office and goes, I can see perfectly without my glasses today. I don't know why. Oh, and he was rereaking out. He's like, am I about to have a stroke? Like what is this? And then the next day it was gone, and I think there's like I think there are things obviously in the human brain that we don't understand. One time that happened to me in a hotel room. I was laying there and I

Have you ever April had anything where you're like, have a heightened ability? And you know.

I've never had that, but I was gonna say, I know zero of low abilities.

The closest I had to a ghost thing, though, is my parents The house my parents live in now we moved into like my junior year of high school, like I was like sixteen or seventeen in Atlanta in Atlanta, but so the house I grew up in prior to that.

They told me after.

We moved that it was haunted, which was a good move because I would have run away from home if I'd have known it like at the time, but they go and again, my parents don't believe in that kind of shit either, Like they're pretty like straight lace squares, like they're not like crystal.

Rubbers or whatever.

Yeah you describe that lay like, yeah, they're super n into that stuff, but they fully straightforward be like, oh, yeah, the house was haunted, and I'm like, that's what.

Just quit lying.

And then I remember I so remember this so vividly because I was a latch key kid, Like I started going home alone when I was like twelve or something from middle school. And I totally remember one day coming home and you know classic move, you walk in, fix yourself a snack, sit down for four back to back, and say out the bell.

Yeah.

You know everyone my age had that routine.

Oh yeah.

And I remember in the living room like I was going to fix something and one of the like a pot was missing or something, and I was like, oh, that's weird. And then I went in the living room to sit down and watch TV and on the mantle, like on the stone part in front of the fireplace, there were two pots like cooking pots sitting in front of it, and I.

Was like, wait, they were cooking.

No, they weren't.

I'm just saying pots that used to cook in they're sitting just on the.

The But it just was like I go.

I remember thinking that's super weet, Like why the hell would my mom put cooking things?

So I was like, that's weird.

But I just took them and put them away, just back in the shelf because I was like, Okay, what a weird quirky thing that my mom did. And I remember coming home from my mom coming home and going, why did you put those two dishes like on the mantles.

Like, I don't know what you're talking about that.

I had a similar thing with my roommates. He's like, why are you keep putting cat shit in my toilet? I said, why do you keep putting cat shit in my toilet? And it turned out my cat learned out of shit in the toilet without me teaching it. Doubt it if you want, everyone, No one believes me a genius cat. He was possessed by feline aids and it eventually got him. I like to hey, you know what I like to bring people in and then hurt their feelings. I don't know, it's that is scary though. I think

Well, my thing is the what is the well?

The funny thing is that kid thing I remember happening like it was yesterday, But I also remember going I think it was me trying to I just remember going, oh whatever, I bet my mom forgot you.

Yeah, because I couldn't.

So in retrospect you realized that was a hand.

At the time, it was even within the realm of possibility because I didn't want to be scared with this thing.

Yeah, it was the same thing. I was like, oh yeah, I was running down that hallway. I kept thinking someone was walking behind me. I kept feeling a breeze on my neck. I just had some fucking wreaths and Santa hats to paint, and you know, so I was like, fucking stop bothering me whatever. That is, right.

Another thing because of the like I am with you on the fear of death and like that, none of us know what happens and you can't explain it, YadA YadA. But that's even hammered home more when I hear people's ghost stories because of how mundane all.

The ship is. Where it's like, oh.

So let me get this straight for all eternity, I'm gonna misplace people's pots.

That scary as fu Yeah, just being like oh, let me get this straight. I'm gonna be so bored.

I'm gonna find a way to create some dust.

You find the right religion.

And spread it on a pool table. It turns out a chef was murdered in your parents house, A chef like he just made delicious.

He did a lot of prep work.

Yeah, it's like training training to kick that mountain, Duke cam or what everything. Imagine the frustration that what if you are trying to tell somebody like an important thing and you're.

Like, oh, I know how to do is move this pot? Yeah, like I don't know how to tell you? To tell you?

Don't you know that the pot on the mantle means I love deal.

That pot equals heart. My fear is that I'm gonna die in these fucking boot cut jeans I've been wearing for I just not We're at this weight, like not in my prime, where you don't I just don't wanna. I don't want to wander eternity all like you should have done that way.

And if you die in these like if we died right now, we all are just dressing.

Yes, isn't that awful?

We're not gonna die right now let's not do that. We're in a car, let's do it.

Oh God, next door, We're like, April, would you like to do our puck?

Our death cato?

And then and then I also am scared of like brain potential, Like I'm just that scared about that, or what do you mean?

Did you see Lucy?

I don't know.

Is it's a the Charlotte movie? No? No, no, it was she takes a drug and she can use one hundred percent of her bone?

Was I stopped watching it? Yes? Yeah, I liked the idea of it. Yeah. Did it started good and then got so shitty that I turned it off?

And I never do that, and that when she uses it to kill people or whatever, because in Limitless he takes that drug and then all of a sudden he's like I.

Can write a novel in one day. Yeah, and he saw like stocks and bombs, which I'm like, could you be more more? Although I have to say I saw Limitless and midway through I had to go pee. And when I walked out of the theater at the arc light, the whole it was daytime and the whole lobby like I felt like I was. It was probably the way that movie was shot rod, but it looked like I had like, yeah, totally like telescop. I looked like it looked like I had panoramic vision or whatever.

There was a I have to and it was such so hard for me because I knew it was going to end, and so I wasn't even really enjoying it. But there was a time I had just finished college, which is something that will make you feel good. I'd been given all this snowboard stuff and I was about to go leave Missoula to live in Bend, Oregon and just snowboard and I'd save money. So those were all things that are kind of exciting. So that was maybe one reason. But I remember that it was school wasn't

I was.

Not needing a lot of sleep. I was skateboarding better than I ever have in my life. And everyone's like noticing, They're like, you've been real happy lately, because a lot of my friends know that I get angry and everything. And then and I was skateboarding so well. I remember still the tricks I was doing that I can't do anymore.

And all kinds of all things involving words, but it was like they're involving Yeah, it.

Was just like I, I, I don't And then I knew that it would come to an end. I was so scared that that's I was like, this is endorphins are firing. Something triggered this, It's gonna go away. I wish I knew. Am I supposed to be on medication? Am I always supposed to feel this good? What is causing it?

And you didn't know?

Like you rested for like two weeks and then it kind of just tapered off and I was back toting shitty and getting seas of it. No, I'll never know. I don't know what it was. It was just this two weeks of clarity.

Is it Jesus into your heart?

It was so yeah, don't get back to that. I put that log on the fire at camp and that's no. It was I wish there was.

Something that uh, just like the very specific multi vitamin.

I was trying to track everything I had eaten, everything I'd done. I I don't know, I'll never know. It was really it's kind of sad. I ha'ds the best couple weeks of my brain working.

It's not sad because I feel sad or never having had those two weeks, I was like, yeah, this is the peak, right.

It was just something norp. I don't know, maybe I was getting sick. I felt like maybe I was getting sick and my body was fighting a sickness, and so I felt great. Do you know what I mean? Like, sometimes you feel good right when you start to get sick because your body's like, come on, get rid of this. I felt like that. Yeah, it felt like that limitless I always think about it when every that version of that movie keeps getting regurgitated. Now there's a limitless TV show show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure it's gonna be great.

But it was yeah, very just and the fact that I figured out math and stuff. It was very kind of beautiful mind I ever had. Oh my god, I'm a math I'm the worst at it. It gives me anxiety, and all of a sudden I had no anxiety.

I wonder if it's similar to when my friend had good visions for a day.

By the way, I just noticed that Johnny Rockets. We just drove by his clothes down forever.

Yeah, really over it. I just walked by it like a week ago.

Yep, they just closed it.

Already looks like it's from a movie about the Apocalypse.

Tag up.

I wonder that's zombie blood.

Those things are everywhere. Oh, that's creepy Johnny. If Johnny Rockets is going under, we're done as a society. It's over. Because I just would walk by it.

I don't know if it's the end of society that people are maybe all collectively having a health tack. Why.

I remember going there when I lived in San Francisco and I had two jobs and was broke, and uh we went Someone's like meet me at Johnny Rockets and I was like, oh, a fifty s Hamburger places. This will be normal or cheap, and it was so expensive, Like when the bill came, I was like, how.

Much is this, like like fifty prices.

Seriously, the McDonald's isn't doing well either that people are getting healthier, Yeah, they're they're deciding not to eat the shittiest yet that you can put in your body.

And no one has money anymore, Like nobody's gonna buy X go out to dinner to eat ship.

Yeah, essentially, because it kind of costs the same as food. That isn't that bad right to McDonald's. Oh an eight dollars meal deal? What that's an actual real meal?

Yeah, but a real meal doesn't cause depression.

Right or sugarfoot.

For sure?

Sugar food, no joke.

I think I've dived.

I don't have insurance, so like I can't.

You don't have diabetes, April, I think I've dived. Did we talk about this? I think I've diabetes.

Sure, you have feet sometimes, Yeah, my extremity is going on my fingertail.

But I do eat so much sugar. You do, Oh my god?

Yeah, you walk away, eat like a rich thirteen year old.

That's my diet.

It's like a thirteen year old got money and it's like go wherever you want.

And I'm like cool, the candy is yeah, and I want Richard Pryor to be my toy.

Totally like that. So yeah, I eat a ton of sugar. What is your number one candy bar?

Sorry, but she's still skinny.

Yeah, but that's not I mean I work out and stuff too, But so what that's the key.

It doesn't matter. I still have diabetes.

My favorite candies are come on, probably take five. You got that pretzel in there?

Are you out of your mind? Groups? No, take five and then grab a fast break and go to hell, because those are both gross. But I like, wait, sorry, do that again, like a little Take five commercial.

You got that, It'll be like, I mean, yeah, take five.

You got that.

Pretzel in there? Girl, you got Bretzel nougat caramel chocolate nut. I don't know what the fit thing is, but it's delicious meal.

It's pure diabetes, pure liquid. I diving.

That. I'm sald cops.

Yes, I just got. Although I'm just got.

I got a whole of on sale candy, Reese's Eggs or the Ship though.

Yeah, those are crazy.

Those are even.

Better than the Cops because of the peanut butter to chocolate ratio.

Yes, but it's so much of that crazy ass peanut butter that the first time I had one, I was like, never have this again.

I love it.

I love it? And then but what's worse than a dry old Oh you can't do that? That's heartbreaking crumbles around. It's true.

I will hold back to the freezer because I got. I went to Walgreens and to get a regular adult thing like toothbrush or whatever, and then it was like, here's the isle of on sale Halloween candy, like it's on and then.

You said, start brushing your teeth with a.

Every tooth in addition to my eggs junior Man's pressed onto it.

I have a filling and every tooth except for the ones that can't take fillings.

And I'm not racking or anything, but I have no cavities.

There's a connections, but I'm sure there's a connection.

My mom, I was very paranoid. Not only did we have to eat cara, which is a version of chocolate from cocainoe wax and wax.

And tears, just eating child tears, you're just eating a sad sad candle and sad brown candle.

I would, but during Halloween I'd have to tag of candy until the next Halloween. And after every piece I'd brush my teeth. My dad had come in and go, Letten, you don't have to brush after each piece of candy and nervous weirdo.

Oh my god, that's hilarious.

I grew up in the South first of all, so I got like sweet tea in my veins, like it was just right costly eating and drinking sugar and I did know pretty much.

I mean, I'm not gross.

Pretty much brushed my teeth as a kid, but you know a lot of that's genetic.

Yes, it is, I very poorous teeth, I guess. Yeah, it's the enamel situation. Yeah, but it is breaking candy bark situation. It's it's take five. How about you take five on those candy bars?

Yeah, I think my family You mean take five of them home into your mouth?

I yeah, I think my full family got lucky with the teeth. Yeah, it's just it's excuse me, I'm choking on my own saliva.

What happened?

It's just one of my addictions. You want to it is a little I kind of want a Snickers ice cream bar.

I'll get a milk check when we go eat.

Okay, let's not make idle threats.

How much longer until that happens? Are we doing hungry?

Yeah, we're doing pretty good. We could start heading to Cafe one O one Okay, cool.

Location. Yeah yeah, all these people rush to eat with us. It's gonna be like a hard day's night.

They'll show up tomorrow.

We have to sneak out into the hotel. Cafe won to one If anyone travels to Los Angeles, it's a great place because it's actually a Motel six or a it's some kind of a cheap old motel on top delicious, but the motel is actually really nice.

And it's affordable.

I think it is because it's like a if it's not a Motel six, it's like a I don't know, A days in what have you. There's a really good rap and I can't remember who did it, where it's like a meet you at six at the days in, which I think is the funniest rap of all time, Like somebody's cheating on his girlfriend and he's going to meet someone in the afternoon at the days in.

I love any rap lyric where it's like they're just talking about I don't have a lot of money. Yes, yeah, it's like I'm not bragging. That's why everyone spoke to everyone when there was I wish I was a baller. Yeah. They was like, I'm I'm very insecure and I'm not happy with who I am, and I'm going to rap about it. No one, No one.

Really does that. You can relate who can't relate to that? I do wish I was taller.

It just doesn't sell. You don't want to hear you be very sure of yourself. Yeah, that's what I'm learning, even with comedy.

In comedy, because people are so nervous for you standing there, then if you're nervous, it compounds their nervous It's like.

You can't watch when you have to watch embarrassing things through your fingers.

Yeah, I'm I'm kind of getting rid of that version of my stand up that I did my whole career, the fake nervousness.

That's great. Yeah, you're a good.

Comics like it.

You don't think people.

There's there's gotta be a reason that. Yeah, I've had to know. I'm gonna switch it up. Confident. You're gonna see confident Chris, Huh, I'm gonna do a little Bragging's like intimidating.

I'm not gonna stammer to you.

No, sorry, sorry, your belt distracted me.

It's funny when you're in a thing. I just screamed the words death and I it's like when you're in a car, Dude, you don't Jesus Christ, everyone everyone, oh my god. And I didn't. I just blurted that it was not me. They were.

Murdered. To gay Man, and so Chris yelled the game.

I was reading this article because of the guy And I don't know if you guys talked about on a recent episode of The Guy whose body was flowing onto a freeway sign Ye Glendale, because there was an article about how apparently the worst drivers in the state or something are in Glendale. Really then it has like the worst statistics.

Yikes. Yeah, why why don't just leap into the street. I know you're all excited to have new tank tops.

Wait, speaking of horrifying things like that, did you guys see yourselves in person or did you see any of the vines of the quote unquote rocket test UFO that went by last night?

No, A fucking nerdy ex boyfriend, Andy Wood called last night and wanted to talk about it in cold, cold because he was texting about it and I was like, oh, I didn't see it, Like I just was too nonchalant for him, I guess, because he called and he was.

Like, dude, listen to what I'm saying.

Oh my god, it was this crazy light in the sky. Yeah, for like two hours, and he was getting mad because everyone said it was a meteor and he's like, do these idiots.

No, it's not what a met looks like at all, that's right. But I googled it.

And the apparent actual explanation was that the Navy said it was a missile test, but he didn't believe that really either.

Well also because I know, but the missiles don't this It traveled like a plane, like straight across parallel to the horizon, yes, and like slowly and and I'm sure they have tested missiles before, and no one knew why did this one light up the entire sky?

And is like you could see it in like San Francisco, Yes, San Francisco.

You go to San Francisco.

Yeah, yeah, And he said because Andy was outdoors.

I was inside, so I didn't see it.

He was outdoors and saw it like as it was happening, right, and he was like trying to take pictures.

And it was like, how.

Is this going on this long? That it really did light off for like two hours, And I was watching a link to some local newscasts where they even the newscasters were like, here's.

Footage of a thing that none of us know what this is.

And they even said on the news they're like, we tried to contact the military and they haven't let us.

Know yet and all this kind of stuff. So wow, it is kind of fascinating.

But I've more I've I'm more open minded about that than the ghost But I think it is all the same thing anyway. That's why I like that movie Interstellar.

Wait, you think the same thing as ghosts?

No, because we have.

We know that other planets exist.

Yeah, yeah, for sure, so.

The idea that somebody might live on those planets isn't as far fetched as the idea of ghosts.

Yeah. I just think the Earth is and all of us are just a very very very very very small part of something huge, and so it's ridiculous that there is a god or someone that is focusing on humans.

See, I take it.

That's all.

I just I think our brains are a heart. I think we are not at the peak of our evolution, so probably things are happening around us that are if we if our brains were more evolved, we would understand or be able to like take it all in. But since that's not going.

On, Well, if you feel like you're getting sick, sometimes there's a window of time where you're an orphan fire brain won't work, so maybe you can figure it out instead of just skateboarding.

When that happened to you, did you run with blade hands like Tom Cruise?

I ran, and then I'd look at things and analyze them and figure out where someone went to college as they passed by. And the night gave babe, baby, look at that hair on her foot. That woman's cheating on her husband.

Let's go back to the what do you.

Guys think that?

Like if it's not, if it wasn't it wasn't a meteor, Like that's a fact, and if the military is lying.

It just exhausts me to put mental power into that instead of figuring out my taxes and stuff. There's so much that I need to think about and that it's like, I don't know, it's just another thing. It makes me feel scared and helpless.

Yeah.

One time I filmed a light in San Francisco that just was hovering and then it went I can show you guys, that's on my phone and then it just shoots off and I'm like, well I saw that, And then I'm like, had to be a helicopter or a drone or a remote controlled thing. I don't know. I don't I can't deal with what I just saw, so I didn't really even show it to anyone. Was this recently, It was a couple of years ago. Oh, so I don't Yeah.

I don't want to think about aliens. I don't like the idea of it it all. It makes me very upset. But I love the idea of ghosts and supernatural things on the planet. I just don't like. I don't like the aliens. I don't like I don't like our odds with aliens. So I don't want to think about it. But I do love when things happen that. It just

I realized, Yes.

Yes, Lauren, she came to see me again.

She's got a really funny niece.

Oh.

She was on our podcasts than.

Most she's hilarious and she's uh. But I realized I freaked her out because I think stuff like that is funny, like treating stressful things with humor is funny. But I think it scared her, Like oh really, yeah, I think she got really scared. And then I was like, no, it's just a missile. Don't worry. Everyone's saying it's a missile, but really, in my mind, I was like, this could be anything. Also, did you see that really long crack in Wyoming that opened up like last week? What'd you

I looked at it and I'm like, well, then I quit thinking about it. I don't in the state of what I just don't have room for it.

Twenty five hundred feet long, and when you see the pictures of it, it looks like the the Earth just erupted, but there was no like earthquake or anything.

But I gotta figure out why my nose has been bleeding before I worry about the earth opening up.

It's there's no moisture in the air because the aliens have taken it.

Now that we've figured out by it's a populated area, like yeah, in somebody's backyard, like, what's who found it?

Like it just happened in the middle of the day. It happened, no one saw it. It's out in the middle of nowhere, because that's most of Wyoming, And if you look it up you'll see it just looks like a big open field where the earth cracked, like the top of bread you would be baking.

But like, how far down can you see they did it?

April? Can you see that far down? April?

There?

April?

There is a there is a for forty years in uh somewhere in the Middle East in the middle of the desert. They they were drilling. They thought it was oil, but it ended up being natural gas coming out of the earth. But they so they built this camp and these drills, which seems like a ridiculous mistake to make, but it was Russian guys in the Middle East doing that.

So it's just you're lying about that, bart No.

I saw one story that said it, and then I look, and then they showed the spiders. They're huge, So it would be the worst place ever to be, Like, you're just in hell and it rains giant desert spiders.

I can't the spider part needed to be you lying. It's horrible.

I hate it. It's the doorway to Hell, I think. Or yeah, and then look if you don't believe me, look up spiders and it'll show futures of the spiders. They obviously burned in there, but they for some reason they leap into the heat.

Oh. That's incredibly problematic for me in so many ways, just.

That it exists. So let's focus on that. I mean, there's lights in.

The sky or something else, it's not that. Here's what we can get back to. I just made an executive decision we should go to Swingers because it's the same exact place.

Yes and closer, Yes, let's do it. We were heading into I don't know why there's traffic on a Sunday, but.

Of course there is. How big giant spiders like children's size children though.

The size of a large dead man's hands, that's just a hand of probably adams family size. Yes, yes, it's the size of a severed hand in a box. That does a lot of the Butler got a strange idea. That's the best idea that ever came out of them. That is the greatest show.

I love the Family. I love both the movies they hold up. I've watched them recently. Is that, then, sense you both disagree with me?

No?

No, I'm just trying to think. Is Adam's family the one that's different than the monsters? The monsters had the one cousin that was regular, and they treated her like she was a weirdo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. One of them had to be ripping off the other, and no one ever talks about.

Which came first. I think the monsters really did come first.

I think, yeah, hard to say. I just rewatched Beetlejuice too. That in spite of the fact that Michael Keaton is kind of ridiculous.

But he's so good in that he's the best.

I went to watch a bird and they would a compilation of him in different things like Multiplicity and all these Okay, do all these movies?

All right? Just almost t bone.

Yeah, we almost got t boned. But look it's so casual. Ready take me now?

Yeah, totally the concept of death now yeah, just during this podcast he worked it out.

I think, well, I had that two weeks that was going to be the best two weeks.

You're not going to get any better.

So that's checked out the last Yeah, I mean, come on, am I really going to have a baby or whatever?

So you pretty easy? God?

I feel that way sometimes, like I have in no way suicidal or anything, but weirdly, there are good times, especially if you're like a cool like I'll just go that's okay.

If I died to Mark, like, what else.

Is gonna happen? That's how I am On airplanes when everyone's freaking.

Out, I'm like, guys, can I tell you that that's the Warriors way? You are supposed to think that way the way I'm like, it's the best way to think. Cool ship, that's that's the best way to that's your mindset. That should be your mindset. All the time. That's how that's how you are braves. Yeah, but I think that mindset for me, and I'm not trying to bring it down.

But it comes from like no one's gonna be bombed except my mom.

Stop it, April Richardson bomb. It's not like anybody's gonna go.

Well, now, how am I gonna feed myself?

Like? No one's depending on April? You think if you die, I'm not going to stop eating for at least three days because I won't be able to you guys know what, I'm candy will be ruined and I'll never have a Take five again as well.

Our true TV gigs don't ruin this.

Never mind, I think that Chris fairbags his livelihood.

Yes, people are dependent on you. It's what I'm saying.

You have the same You were saying the same thing, you know what I mean, Like, I don't have a baby that's gonna die because I'm not breastfeeding it.

You don't know that that.

Yeah, sometimes I'm worried that my fear of dying is why I don't have a baby on my tip.

You know, guys, I feel like this is my deepest episode.

Am I not fulfilling all of the things in life? Am I scared of relationships? All that? Because I think I'm gonna die. I want to disappoint anyone, so I might as well just.

I have that because of our moms. I have the thing of I don't what's the point of getting into a relationship if I'm just gonna go crazy?

Yeah?

Right, goddam that was too heavy sing No, No.

It's just I expected it to be my voice saying it's all.

Wait a minute, let's go back to that.

Because what does that that have to do with?

Because our moms have Alzheimer's, and they both it's early onset, and for me anyway, you get it through the mother. So women are more. I mean, I'm not women are more, but you can have a test to find out if you're going to get it. Yeah.

And then and then there's why what do you do with that information?

Yeah? Then you And also it's not necessarily accurate. It's like they you know, it's based on things. It's also fucked. But anyway, my thing is like, who wants to be the person sitting in the corner, you know what I mean?

Both grandma's yeah one, my also great grandma and my mom I think there's a pretty good chance I don't need to get.

I mean, we're all gonna I'm gonna die of cancer like everyone in my family. Real dad died of cancer and he was like fifty.

That's what I'm realizing.

Yeah, so it's like, do I want to be the person who a person has to be in hospice with me while I chat?

No? But I mean, sorry, you're right. Here's the thing. I doubt lay anybody's what you're struggling with that at all.

I'm just saying like kind of every we all have the idea that everyone's like, oh, what if you dial We're.

All gonna fucking dial in.

Yeah.

Yeah, if you're married, you're gonna dialog. If you have five hundred kids, you're gonna dialogue.

Well, but it's not long to hope that you die, that the person you marry dies holding your hand because they die because you die. I mean, that happens, and it's the greatest.

No. I mean like he no, like with cats or a dog, a dog that lives with a cat, or.

A dog that lays on your grain. Right, dog did suicide because you dude. I just went to my parents.

I went to Savannah to hang out my nana because my granddaddy just died again.

Yeah, that was like a little con hang out with my nana.

I did because she's my granddaddy died, so.

You really calling your granddaddy. Yeah, nana and granddaddy.

But the crazy thing is, so I go and my nanna has a bad ass, like she's almost ninety, she's gonna.

Out live everybody in the world. Does she smoke?

She does not smoke, and she like walks three miles a day. She's fit as ship.

So I go to hang out and we're totally gonna go. You're gonna go.

We went on like a Thumbe Loui's road trip, Like I drove her to my parents' vacation house in Florida anyway, whatever, So my granddaddy really did just die like a month ago, not even.

So she goes, She's like, I want to go to the cemetery before we go.

I'm like okay.

And he's so freshly.

Dead that it doesn't even have a headstone yet, and like the dirt is still like a mound of it's not flushed with like everybody else's ship. Yeah, so that's super weird. Yeah, super like, hey, granddaddy, you just got there.

You expect a hand?

Yes, yeah, completely, And because my Nana, she goes she was like, I got a good deal on these plots she bought.

There were cemetery plots, like twenty years ago.

Sure, so she's like, yeah, I got these, got a good deal. I'm like, that's weird. And then her headstone is already there. Oh, like it already says her name, you know, nineteen to a question mark. And she's like laughing about it.

And I was like, Nana, because.

She was standing next to it and like dancing, and I'm like, what are you doing.

Please tell me you took a picture that's hilarious.

Dance Yeah, And it was like she was laughing and I'm like, nah, this is weirding me out seeing you alive standing next to your headstone.

Yeah, and she was like she is the best. She's like, what I'm gonna be under here in a few years ago, Like, oh my god, I'll stop saying that much. It's amazing. She's amazing.

But yeah, she just was like, you know, she's almost ninety, so she's like, yeah, I'll be here in a minute.

There's did you know that? Yeah?

There's also a parking Okay is it this one?

Yeah? Oh yeah, you can just park in there.

For three You have to take a left left though, Yeah, it's to.

Go right there sometimes kaya not take a laugh at My name is Karen Cocar.

That's how rich I am.

Well, your grandma's great.

You know what's awesome is that That's what you're gonna remember. She gave you a little gift. That's what you're gonna remember when you go visit her grave.

Yeah, you can talk about that like at her funeral or something completely.

Yeah, when you when you sing the song A cool moments. Savannah Nana number one coach. She was fitted ship my granny.

Oh wow, Savannah to hang with my nana. She was fit and ship and she ate lots of nanas bananas. I said, sorry, well we're here at Swingers.

Thank god.

Anything you want to plug, April, except the fact that we got a show and it's gonna be awesome, I.

Mean not that any Listen. I do feel left out, please remember, and Karen and.

I had to you have a do you want to plug your you have another podcast? You want?

Oh? Yes, but this podcast is my baby and my first love.

Yes, I know, I promise you I'm not.

But my friend Georgia and I started a podcast called My Favorite Murder because we sit around talking about our favorite serial killers and murders and creepy things have happened. So we decided to record it and that's what it is, and I think it's coming out maybe next week or the week after. On Feral Audio, me and Georgia hartstart.

That's yeah, that was the one, okay, because yeah, yeah, that's the one part of dying we didn't talk about today, is.

Murdering forced dying? Yeah yeah, yeah, next time.

Next time on dying.

Do you need a die? No? Oh anything you need to plug Chris?

You know, no, No, I mean just everything's going.

Great, good Yeah, yeah, that's good news.

By my album, Yeah do it.

Chris is great at stand up comedy.

It's old.

No, but it's fun to listen to albums, like when you're stuck in traffic April.

Do you have an album?

No way, I'm too scared to make one. It's scared to have a permanent record.

It is scary.

You gotta do it.

Yeah, it's fun though.

It's good times.

Well, this was a fun episode. Sorry, it was Graham. Yes, scary.

I have an album coming out. Me and Drennan. Our album which is called I Don't Care I Like It is coming out of November twentieth.

That's terrific. Did you already have a mini, an LP and EP? I have.

I have an EP and I also have a full pe called Live at the Bootleg.

Yes, that's your that's just you.

I thought that's me. You were there?

Yes, it was great of a great concert apes.

Were you there?

Was?

Definitely? Yeah? And then but we just did We recorded two different nights at Largo and we put together a live album from those over the summer.

Yeah. Oh I love it. I'm excited to hear that. Yeah, let's go to iTunes. Give us a rating on this podcast. Yes please, you've been listening to Do you Need a Ride? With April Richardson?

Thank you very much, Thanks April.

D y n A R.