I leave in a you wanta way back home?
Either way, we want to.
Be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a turmano and gay.
We want to send you off inside. We wanna welcome you back home.
Tell us all about.
Every scared her? Was it fine?
Now?
Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do your need ride.
With Karen and Chris? Welcome to Do you need a ride?
This is Chris Fairback and this is Karen Tilgareth.
We're in beautiful Venice, California, the Abbot Kenney Festival. Abbit Kenny, of course the man who designed the canals, Is that true? Yes, he took a trip to Venice, the real one, and then came here and thought, well, wouldn't that be a great way to have some stagnant water and bring things like the TSI fly in malaria to the continent or United States.
There's been such a bad situation with the.
Malaria here in Venice that all the women are anorexic.
It's so strange.
Oh, I think that's just a LifeStyle's choice.
That's not those aren't connected.
No, no, I don't think so.
All Right, I guess I'll stop making up.
Yeah, well, I uh that's kind of my job. Okay, until later people can call me on it.
That's your you know what.
I'm sorry, I know ended you you can think that malaria is a diet.
It's craze.
Look, we're here to be contradicted at every turn.
Give us as your.
Parents, just spinning yarns, just yacting after dinner, just asking.
You how school went? And uh, if these are your drugs, open shoe box?
Hey, uh, don't you have something to tell me?
Yeah?
I had something? Really, what was it?
Uh?
I think it's about a sponsor for do you need a ride?
Called Downcast, which is a podcast player app that lets you easily find, listen, and subscribe to all your favorite podcasts in one place. Karen Good, you look for our podcast to listen. You're looking for more podcast to listen to the search.
That's the slangy street way.
To say, yeah, you look for more podcasts. Yeah, a lot of people. The new slang on the streets is uh.
Old is mimicking a Norwegian tourist, yes, vaguely Eastern europlane block lady pouring out cabbage water from a window.
Uh.
The downcast lets you control the the playback rate, which is cool, like you can speat it up, slow it down, rather than guessing with other players. It's like, oh, a time code that's not going to let you know where I tell my third or fourth joke about my balls that you want to go right to?
Are you give to the third ball joke? Is what I always say?
Right?
Or if you were distracted and you missed something, you can skip back. It's just very skippable and navigable.
And what else?
Oh, what else does downcast do? I'm so glad you asked. I'm so glad you asked as I tapped your arm.
Uh, well, it sinks podcasts across all your devices, supports audio video and advanced podcast which is ours. Ours is a ENHANSD and it allows you to stream or download episodes your choice.
People.
People love downcast. That's what I'm jeering.
I heard it there.
We had multiple tweets, yes, chords of two and said, hey, I actually use that and.
I really like it.
There were well that if two people are saying it, that means two hundred are being quiet about it.
You know, that's what I've always.
Said, there's there's always a lot of withholding when it comes to a podcast streaming, uh formats.
Yeah, people get hush hushed, they hold it in, and you know what happens if you do that. It keeps stacking, It keeps stacking, and then Monday someone mentions podcasts.
And you freak out start swinging at them. Yeah, because there's all this.
Built up, So get it out now. Let us know.
We'll take a leftop here on Ocean Park beautiful.
So go to downcast dot fm slash ride that's the promo code.
That's ours, that's for us personally.
And get get downcast. Yesn't that cool?
Yeah? I love it.
They'll probably have a picture of her face on there, oh my god.
So just oh for that and get it on your iPhone Mac Apple Watch of course, Apple Watch.
Yeah, sounds delicious.
The iPad and iPad touch cool sound cast making things better.
The Norwegian way, don't add your own tag on.
They asked us if they needed a slogan, a logo and a slogan.
Okay, then they've got to it.
Sounded like, how about a logan and a slogo so that that's uh, we got the business.
Out of the way.
We're getting better and better at the business.
Yeah we are. Yeah, that sounded sounded good to me.
That sounded great.
So are we going to pick up a guest today, Karen?
You know what we're gonna do? We have a guest? What we have a guest right here in the back. Hello, this is a very special guest today. It's my NIE's Lauren Culi Singham.
Yes, yes, yay, yes, just please stop.
I got to keep doing this. Hi, how are you.
I'm I'm doing you know, much better. I'm doing much better than before.
How are you?
Wait a minute, I sense that something was bad earlier today?
You know, just college.
Lauren has moved down to Whittier, California to go to college at it's called Whittier College, right.
Oh, yes, we're the Whittier College Poets.
No, that's your that's your mascot.
If that's not an indication of what a college experience is going to be.
The guys are partying l at gar Allan Poe.
God, you know it, the poet, the fighting poets.
If this chamber door is a knocking, don't bother wrapping.
Don't follow studying this semester, Thank you.
Uh so, yeah, Lauren, I went and got her the other day because I haven't seen her since she's come down for college. And also apparently on the weekends everybody goes home instead of hanging out and partying at the dorms, everyone just goes to.
The parents that they just to the parents house.
Do a lot of the students are they from like Los Angeles?
Yeah, they're from around the area.
Yeah. Yeah.
And what do you do on the weekend?
Oh?
What do I do?
You add?
Yes, I'm Netflix and chill party of one. Oh in my not air conditioned dorm.
Oh no, yeah, that's kind of that's a big part of the heartbreak. Uh that it's probably what one hundred and fifty in your dorm room.
Basically, Well, isn't there isn't there campus parties tigers?
Oh oh yes there is. But unless you are on a sports team, you will be blatantly shunned and asked what the hell are you doing here?
And that that seems like I just imagine like a blonde wispy heard villain from an eighties ski movie.
You got it, You're you're you were there?
So that that happened to you, Laura.
Yes, yeah, yes, an older girl on the on one of the teams.
We won't be specifical, just in case she's a fan one of these yeah, okay, traditional athletic organization teams.
Yeah, I walk in with my roommate who had who had invited me and goes, what are you doing here?
Who are you with?
And I was like, oh, I'm I'm went my roommate. My roommate decided to jump in and say, yeah, she just kind of tagged along. She didn't have anything to do tonight.
She like what she sold you out?
Totally sold me.
Out with this. Oh yeah, roll over the eye puller O. Can you bet you no? That's she should have thought before she did that.
I mean, you know, when you're in those kinds of situations, it's like, these are life determining situations. When the when the mean girl is saying to your roommate, what are you doing here? Do you risk yourself being at the party to say, hey, I brought her, I invited her?
Or do you basically do.
The thing that makes everyone's skin crawl, which is like she decided to tag along.
I mean, that's straight out of Can't Buy Me Love? It's it totally I'm sorry.
There was a bet and they bet me I wouldn't take you to this party.
Lawns.
So not the perfect not the perfect kickoff.
That's awful.
College career week three.
Yeah, we're we're working on week three.
Oh man. Yeah well that was just one experience.
Yeah no, there's been there's been others. I mean there there are there's stuff to do if you go on yik yak.
Now tell the old people with yack kids, so y yeah.
It's essentially it's like an anonymous big chat room for colleges. Oh yeah, so and it and it gets it's real great. Some of it's like, hey, the girl in the blue shorts that was at the cafeteria today, you're real cute. Or it can just go real severe into you might have to do I'm morny come to room one. Whoa, yeah, so you get you get a real wide range.
That's what kind of yik yack I'd like? Am I talking?
That was out love? So it's yak yak.
Where to have Lauren walk us through all these things that the children.
Use that I certainly don't know.
I really haven't heard of yek yet.
Yak yak is for college students only, right, yes, But then when you're looking at that one and people are saying that, hey, girl in the blue shorts, it's because it's just wittier colleges yaikyak account.
That's just like Facebook was at the beginning stage.
It's the new version of Facebook.
Okay.
I wonder if they could not make it sound like a vomit sound effect.
Yak yak.
Yeah, you know how like you tweet for Twitter?
Yeah you yak for yak yak.
Oh, that can't be a quince that already means something. Yeah, all right, vomitorium.
Have you gotten any interesting messages on yak yak?
No?
I don't myself. I I it's kind of the type of thing where you don't want to be that person that has a tender, right, I don't want to be that person that has You just want to look at everyone else's yayak to see what's going on. God, why myself? Don't don't possess the app?
Got it?
Could you go?
Because it's not like you'd get all caught up in it and end up accidentally. Couldn't you just get the app and play around with it and then trust yourself to not go in too deep with the.
Yak yak community. Absolutely, I did that with Tender. I didn't actually mean anyone.
It's just like, oh, interesting, this feels awful judging people based on the top of their head to their shoulders.
Well, would you say the one you use the bust size judgment? The app that you do use is Snapchat the most.
Oh yeah, Snapchat has been real great for me. It's been a real confidence booster because while I'm Netflix and chilling party of one by myself.
And my unair conditioned room, uh huh my uh.
Girls from high school are are doing things like going to football games and tailgates and eating Snoop dog So it just it makes everything.
It puts it in perspective. Yeah, like this is where I should be. I think.
Yeah, it's hard to have a Netflix night where you're having You're just sweating and watching Narcos and then your friends are all, oh.
Remember when you're on Snoop Dogg's shoulders. Yeah that was fun.
Who met Snoop Dogg?
Lauren a good friend of mine. Okay, yeah, she's her name's Mattie.
Okay, as soon as we can get back, I mean, we're in no rush, We're going specifically to a very nice drive through coffee independent mom plaw owned place called Mister and Missus Starbuckles.
It's a Jerry and Maurice.
Jerry and me play.
Starbuckles from Seattle, and they've the few have popped up and we're going to try out their organic brew.
Yeah, we could turn the deer, I think. Okay, I'm sorry, I've always last.
Minute import all right, so sorry, Lauren.
Yes, and by the way, Lauren, pretty soon these lady jocks are going.
To be lining up to be your friend. I just feel like I should.
Have I should have said something like that, you don't want them, you don't need them.
No, it's just the only people that are there.
Yeah, you go straight to that lunch table with the redheads and the kids and overalls, and you make lifelong friends.
That's what I did. Hey, skate punks that haven't learned about showering.
That's what I said. Yeah, you just don't sit there in text.
Yeah, lady Di, you aid at a concert in the eighties, I.
Was trying to think of place as Lauren could go within the city of Whittier to meet cool people.
And you've spent enough time in Whittier to help her with.
That, because I know I was just thinking that things at the top of my head.
So I say, they got to have a Boomer's go cart and mini golf.
I said, skate skateboard shop or comic book shop?
Oh yeah, neither of those.
Do you like skateboarding or skater dudes?
I mean my brother was a skater dude.
That's all you have to do when you walk in there. Hey, guys, I gotta I gotta thrasher sip.
Yeah, so I know who is?
Yeah, that's right.
I saw Grind. I can hang.
Hey, the live action motion picture scripted movie Grind Grinding?
Uh, I don't know, I haven't seen it.
Who was in Grind? Lauren? Do you remember, oh who called on the spots?
That guy from the OC maybe?
Oh okay the dark Yeah, oh yeah, somebody Brody or somebody did it?
Good memory Brody? I think was it over there? No, we're gonna turn right on Lincoln Here.
Look at these huge holes in the ground.
Yeah, I mean where are yeah that teeth I have tam now?
Uh? I mean what would you do if you were at boord at college?
I used to go to the skate shop and watch videos and my friends worked there and I had done I'm not bragging, but I'd done a lot of their logo work.
Oh that is a bragg And.
Yeah, you know I had a part in the skate video.
I wasn't skating, it was.
You acting. It was an acting plas.
Yeah.
There was a scene from a movie I say called Dance Club and a parody of fight Club where instead of fighting, their dancing so.
Hard that they get hurt.
And I was Gloria, the main character originally cast for Martha Kelly, but she decided last minute she does not enjoy being on camera, and I became a star.
But now Martha Kelly is on camera because she's gonna be in Zach's new show.
Oh yeah, Zach galifanaka, Yes.
He has a new show on. Is it HBO. It's the one that Louis ck is directing.
I love because I know that he asked her to do that and she was like, okay, yeah, she's in it.
Yeah, that's great, it's there. They ran a promo. I feel like it's called Baskets. Could I be wrong?
I think it is something like that.
It's something hilarious, like the name of the television show's Baskets, and the promo is Zach and Martha sitting going to a drive through.
Yeah it's very funny.
Look yeah great.
But you already knew the guys at the skate shop.
So you have to think of, like, if you were in a totally new town, where would your go to place be to actually meet someone interesting?
Boy, it's in Missoula, Montana, where I grew up and also went to college.
There was just no options. Are you just it breeds alcoholism.
Out of boredom ye, or you get caught up in your studies, or you become an athletic extreme sports athlete like me.
Yeah.
I did a lot of skateboarding and snowboarding and snowboard mouth tracking. I was healthy, but I did drink so much cheap malt liquor that I had a bit of a belly.
Yeah. Well it's college.
It was boring. It was college. What else you That's what all my friends were doing.
But see that's not what people are doing at with your college, which is kind of a parent's dream and fascinating.
The cool part of college, though, is you could You're like, I'm gonna hang out with this writing group.
I like writing. Do you like writing?
Sure?
Yeah, yeah, you seem like a writer. You should hang out with a writing group and that's social.
And then also, wait, have you looked into a writing group? I have, I've not.
I went to the Activities.
Fair and it would have been there. There was There was.
Not a writing group. There was an improv though.
What was the Improv Club? Like, Lauren, Well, they.
Wanted me real bad Oh yeah, oh yeah. My good friend Amy Lee she was she's the head of it and she's my peer mentor as well, and she was like, you need to get in the mix right now.
Do you are you hesitant or do you want to do?
Oh? I was you were?
You've watched improv? Then?
Yeah, because I walked up to the first meeting of Improv Club and they were sitting around telling knock knock jokes in the most serious manner.
Oh no, I like in a group as a warm up.
Oh yeah, no, it wasn't a warm up. It was that was it?
This Starbucks mom and pop coffee place is right there with the hand carved intricate.
Oh cool, cool.
Well, I I did improv when I was in college, and I thoroughly enjoyed it and that's the reason I became a stand up comedian person.
Oh, that was just a group that I hesitantly joined.
Yeah.
And also maybe the people who were talking in the Knock Knock joke group, maybe those were just a lot of noxious people that talk too much, and the truly funny people just weren't saying anything right.
Yeah, is that a possibility? Possibility?
Okay, mm hmm.
Just trying to work this out. We're gonna work this out.
That's how I am in a writing room. I'm afraid. Oh, I got some good ideas, but I'm gonna keep them to myself.
I'm gonna go ahead and zip the lip over here unless someone specifically asks me.
No one asked me anything. Yes, I'll go to the bathroom for the seventh time because I'm a go and get it and get them.
Would you like anything?
Nothing yet?
Not yet.
We're gonna get today.
Can I get a venty green tea with one pump of the raspberry sweetener in it?
Yeah?
Ice green tea with one pump zerruet.
All the mediumized coffee and a grande iced coffee and ice coffee.
Is there any cream or sugar in there?
There was no zero zero please, there is none for us.
Thanks, gotcha?
Nothing in there.
I think that's gonna be it all right, Okay, thanks.
Okay, we're gonna get that guy to sign a release. I don't want to get sued again.
What if it turns out we have to pay him seven hundred and fifty dollars a voiceover work.
He's just that's how he makes his sidecast. A lot of mobile podcasts coming through pay up.
You know what do this?
I don't do this for free. I do this for seven to fifteen hour.
Oh man.
So let's see, we're gonna revisit Amy Lee's improv group. Yes, what's your Lauren, let's hear your worst fear aside from what's already happened with meeting improv group, of going to join the improv group.
What do you see? Let's let's just suss out worst case scenario?
Yeah, what a what are you afraid of? Scenario?
You know, I'm just really really nervous. I mean, I have two really funny parents.
Yes you do, They're they're great.
I'm worried that they're eighteen years of hard work and dedication is going to be a single handed you ruined.
By knock now Oh no, yeah, you might.
You can take in the training learn from it. I did this with bad therapy groups. You can get stuff from it, but it's not gonna taint what you inherently have learned from your parents.
Yeah, that's like sake.
You can't strip those muscles if you're still doing push ups.
And you can't learn those muscles you'll find from this group. Their parents are bookkeepers yep, and we'll change oil for a living and so well. Not what these kids go to coll they're probably lawyers.
I don't know, something unfunny. I don't mean to judge.
People based on their occupation, and I've kind of lost track of.
What I was gonna say.
The point is they might have stand up comics for parents. That's very very likely the least funny of all people.
Uh.
I went to a stand up comedy party last night. You guys, guess who was there?
Wait wait, let's make Lauren guess.
Lauren guess just who would you want to see at a party? It was? This is a non comedian. I'll give you a hand, right.
A celebrity.
Yeah, oh I know you do, I think I do. Whenever you're done, I'll do it. Okay, I don't know mail non community.
Can I get a community?
Uh, Caucasian but influenced by not Caucasian their music, I'll say it music. No, but the way he might as well have been there, bigger, bigger.
Than Eminem bigger and he wait sorry, he he is Caucasian, but.
It's from rap Uh No b R and b white.
Justin Timberlake.
Justin Timberlake. What's the other party? Yeah?
Yeah, talking to John Ham and I was guest, Well, he's always here, man, j j T.
I was called.
I didn't talk to him. He was right by me, though, and I was like, oh man, this is a funny time to learn I'm attracted to men. I really was. Well everyone I looked around and it was all people just staring at him, trying real hard to look cool like they weren't staring at him.
How could you not?
I have a real good JT story he is.
I mean, no, one can really say, even if you don't like like say.
Like this, who was he with?
You just came in by himself?
No, he did not.
And the guys Josh Homie and some of the queens of the Stone Age were there. Yes, that's what I want and they're talking to Henry because Henry knows like the bass player from Sticks and Stuff, and they were Quizdom and he just.
Knew all these names.
That's amazing.
They didn't.
I didn't make any friends last night, you guys, you didn't.
I just sat. There was a picnic table.
I sat at the end of it, and it tipped and everyone's juices landed.
Well, that's how I.
Felt, Lauren, You know that feeling.
Yeah, I was trying to make it relatable.
Justin.
Timberlake was on Ellen one time early days, and we wanted him to do.
This bit with her hair, those tight curls.
No, not that early, okay, And so we sent him a script and then everybody approved it. Everybody liked it, and then we went down to actually when he finally came into her dressing room to go over it before the show started, she gets crazy nervous because she loved that album and loved him, so she was a little high strong. So as we were all looking at the script, she started going, this isn't good, this isn't good, and started throwing things out and started pitching other things to him.
And as she did that, I was, hi, thank you.
Good.
Nice coffee. Thank you, thank you.
As she did that, uh old, JT busted in and said, wait wait wait, I like this script.
Thanks so much, you guys. That was Janine from the then as Starbucks.
Oh I love let's go down there. We don't want right now, it's like and we can go down that drive like your kids lift here though, Okay, some signs. Let's say that.
Everybuddy just went to a chirt Uh that's right, was part of my story. He so he went in and contradicted, because of course I would. If the host tells you they don't want to do something, you go, okay, we'll make up something else.
And j T buss and he goes, no, no, no, no, this is really funny. I want to do it.
And then she was like, okay, great, and then she wanted to do it, so then we didn't.
Have to rush and rewrite this. You can go right okay, we didn't have to rewrite the whole sketch.
I just feel like it was a very highly professional move on his part to not screw the writer over not you know what I mean.
Like he was like he had already read it, which is rare.
He read it, he liked it, and he defended it, and I was like, from now on, I don't care what you do.
You're my favorite person.
Yes seventeen or something, no, no nos, But it was he He basically had to come out dressed in this huge gingerbread costume and then it's revealed that it's justin Timberlake underneath it, and it was.
Gonna get thrown out, and then he did it and it ended up being hilarious.
And he was great, Oh that's great. Did it really good? Anyway?
Well, I guess when it's before you anyone knew.
That was probably before people knew how funny he was. Like on Saturday Night.
Live and stuff, They're like, oh, this could easily backfire unless a comedian person was committed.
To it, right, Yeah. Yeah, I mean there was always danger in comedy.
Comedy is a dangerous business.
Lauren's gonna learn that in her room.
Oh you're gonna learn that fast in.
The group when she can I go right here, yeah.
Uh, we we're just gonna do a little bobbing and.
We even Okay, well, Lauren, when you get in there and you're like, guys, we're gonna step.
Away from the knock knock jokes for a while, and.
We're gonna delve deep into some real long form heralds. They're gonna be like, what, no, Lauren, But you just hold fast.
We're gonna delve deep into some Delve clothes.
Just guys, it's Delve time.
Also, you're gonna need to think of good names for your improv group, and delve might be a good one.
Team delve or yes, what about the Colonel Yes Sanders? What do you think of that?
Yeah, let's think of some improv team names.
How about yik.
Yak yak yak yak and all night long.
Yik yak into this comedy bucket?
How about Netflix and chill and do improv?
What about air conditioned party for one?
What about.
The tyranny of athletic teams and social social life in modern day college society.
That's the title.
I'm working through it. I'm still working.
It's a working title. Yeah, well so far it's the best one.
Thank you.
It only takes one minute to.
Say, It only takes a spot.
It's part of comedy.
Get used to it, Lauren.
I could. Yeah.
They say you're not supposed to deny people, but I do it all the time.
Just block that ship.
What are you doing here in the post office? This isn't a post office?
Laugh right there? You get a laugh right there? I get my laughs, and then I get off stage.
You collect This is jump off stage, sit in a chair across my arms, comedy, your own.
Improv scene that went nowhere?
Okay, But if she didn't want to do improv, if she's really just panderis I honestly?
I Oh, that.
Guy doesn't get everybody's doing great.
Everyone's doing great. I thought you're just to spite him. You were going to side swipe.
I'm out above it.
We can turn left here and because we're above my street.
Okay, cool, what are the yours?
I think you should do improv?
Yeah?
Yeah, I think it'd be fun.
Well, she's super funny.
Yeah, and where else are you gonna be reminded by strangers that you're super funny?
It's sometimes you just gotta do improv.
I went into it and joined them, And that's just biting the bullet as a ceremonial my Instagram the bullet.
That's genius.
I mean, there's no other options. We've we've run every possible option.
Chefcake three o'clock.
Yes, haven't we learned.
Yeah, we really, We've exhausted every possible Is there a sewing club?
Hold on, I just thought of a new one. Is there a sewing club?
Not that I not that I had eyes on?
Wait? Is there anything else in the Activities Fair that comes to mind?
I want to hear more about this activity is Fair? Well?
I went for the free cold nachos?
What's cold nachos?
There? Everything you would imagine, just a little worse.
So not real cheese, no cheese out of a coping day.
What I liked about it is they actually changed the cheese machine right in front of you, so you got to see your cheese and a bad about to eat. Did I get out of line though?
Oh no, it's okay, waiter.
Are you calling them cold nachos because of the experience or were they sold.
That way because of the experience?
Okay, okay, they.
Weren't advertised as cold nachos.
Okay, I've led us astray. I do believe we should turn left, Okay, because there is a carnival.
Yeah, we got to get away from the other kill.
This drifter is not going anywhere, just like he hasn't for the last forty eight.
Okay, got it. Yeah, he doesn't know what's happening.
No, he was just idling there looking for a place to empty his sewage.
Uh sorry, wait what else was the activities fair?
Yeah?
Got the uh societies which is basically a social outcast version of sororities, which I don't know where you stand on sororities, but they're pretty much social outcasts anyway.
You don't know how to make friends, right, so you buy them?
Yeah m hm, you just pres some money on him, okaya a monthly friend feet.
So if you if sorority the concept of sororities is too sexy for you, you join a society m okay, and.
Then you're into chess or kites or.
Yeah something the kite society fencing I think would be one of them kites that could be fun fence mending.
Uh okay, what else besides societies?
Let's see what else? There was an equestriane club. Okay, thinking about faking it just for a little sit.
On a horse?
Yeah sure, but you'd have to have a horse probably.
Yeah do they have horses for rent? Who brings their own horse? Right?
Right?
See? I yeah there had I mean, I oh, I can't it wasn't until I came to this activity is fair that I knew why.
I brought this horse and have it out out at the hitching post.
I thought I was just homesick, and it turns out I want to join your club.
Well, I happened to have a horse. It was going to be a main main cony. Oh just forget me get it name coming.
I just like the smell of it, and hay, it's good.
I'm just into the equestrian lifestyle for the aromas.
What else? What's something reasonable? Reasonable?
M h yeah, more reasonable than I mean, unless you want to be in the equestria the club about it.
There's you know the yearbook or the newspaper, newspaper, there's.
A radio station that's that's one of the one I said.
I thought was what could be a good idea? Oh yeah, that'd be kind of cool.
That would be cool.
Yeah, it could be cool. Has the potential to be cool.
Uh huh.
That but you you'd be in full control over that unless you had like a radio sidekick. At least I'd understand being scared of the group dynamic with improv. What if you had your own one person improv radio show? Karen and I are basically.
Doing it right now.
This is radio and I think you're killing it already, Lauren.
Geez, yeah, I think you are accept it. And here's the amazing thing about Karen and I. We have zero to no training.
You wouldn't you wouldn't have guessed that it.
Never guess It seems like we went to broadcast Academy Society. Let me apologize for this traffic, you guys. People be celebrating.
Let's turn right, okay, people be celebrating.
Celebrating in these streets.
I like the idea of her going to the radio station.
Me too, that so far as my favorite, Lauren, I feel like we're pressuring you.
What's your favorite so far? Sincerely, not sarcastically.
Sincerely, my favorite. My favorite option so far is going home?
Not an option?
Not an option. The activity is fair. There's one of our activities. It's called a greyhound bus ticket.
Just double checking.
How far is your home? How come you don't get to go home for the weekends.
Like the other I'm from the Bay Area. It's Palma where I'm from. Oh okay, yeah, so six hours away.
My dad did radio up in the Bay Area.
I think that's answers all of these queries, what are the coincidence of?
That? Is just an answer that's kind of amazing.
It's gonna be great. I just can't stop thinking of.
There's occasionally a job fair that I would promise my parents I'd go to and you go and shake but like put on a crooked tie and hear about the worst jobs ever.
Yes, Like there'd just be a guy that's like, well, if.
You bring if you have your own post post hole diggers, you just meet me at the site. This year, we're cutting down small trees at the ski area. And I would go and do manual labor with some strange older man.
Yeah.
One time I went to the.
Job fair and got a job selling coupon books door to door for serendipity ventures, and uh, you know when my tactic was to find the most valuable coupon.
I'm like, all you have to do is use this one coupon the books paid for.
That's good sales.
Yeah. And one time I was some of my co workers. We picked them up at the Elbow Room bar and they got in a fist fight and I cried. I was sixteen years old. There's always cut co knife sales.
I learned about that at the job fair door to door also, but cutlery.
We watched Cutlery Corner last night. I did.
Cutlary Corner is still on the air.
Yes, which season it's it, It's gotta be the season forty eight.
He didn't seem on now.
Yeah, it was not a good knife for him. Now on Cutlery Corner, he didn't seem like he knew. Have you ever seen Cutlery Corner. No, it's pretty great.
It's like it's on it's usually on like two in the morning, and it's like one long infomercial for knives, all these but not kitchen knives, like how to like gut a deer type of knife?
Oh Yai blueyet knives.
It was Cold Steel, a brand name that was mentioned.
No, because I think that's too high end. They make cutler yes, yeah, yeah, they.
Have katanas on this just standard pocket knives. It's pretty hilarious. But the guy that's selling them is a real blow hard. He's like, he reminds you of a guy from a state fair who would have like the little mic right in front of his mouth, who would just they.
Don't stop talking the entire time.
And my friends, my friend Georgia hars Stark and our boyfriend her fiance.
I know them, I like them.
Yes, Georgia and Vince.
Yes, it was we were at their house and Vince and Jesse Pop is another comic. Apparently I've been watching Cutlery Corner for years, so we watched it with them, and then I started watching it when, like when I was on the road, me and Dreddon were in a hotel room one night we came home from shows, turn on TV Cutlery Corners on and it's actually funnier than most shows.
Yeah.
I went at the expense of the strange guy that gets all into it and he's a blowhard about knives.
Yeah, well he kind of makes it great though, Like it's the kind of thing, like you, I appreciate it from being on this podcast, where being interesting talking for an hour is a hard thing to do, right, we make it look easy.
Yeah, I mean, because we don't just have to talk about knives.
If we were pinned into a single topic, a single object topic, it gets hard, it gets repetitive.
When I first moved here, I did stand up for the first time at the Ramata in basement because that's where Mark Maron would be sighted. Yeah, so I would go there, the one on Vermont him his approval. Yes, And it's also where my parents, my dad and stepmom pulled over during a road trip with a map fight and decide to get a divorce.
Yeah yeah, wow right there.
I'm like, oh, I recognize this place, and oh yeah, that's where Genie decided to leave.
My Were you in the car?
I shouldn't have senter I was in the car.
I'm like, come on, you guys, you're being childish.
How old were you?
Oh it's just say fifteen again, I don't know.
Uh, but these guys, no, I was not.
I was yet an adult, but no longer a boy yet to be an adult.
I was in that middle area.
Sorry anyway, these guys that ran the show were not funny, but they were good speakers.
And it was because they at the fair. They had the headset and they would.
Sell pots and bands and they had their their you know, presentation that they would get give and they made money doing it.
But it's just I don't enjoy sales. I do not want to sell anything.
No, it's the worst.
I can't even sell myself.
We were just.
Talking about how awful retail is because I was saying, could you just get a job.
What did you guys do at the mall? You went to the Beverly Center mall.
We went to beth Center. We went straight to pardon me. We went straight to Flora. Oh yeah, my second home.
They got good makeup.
I needed a cheek tint and uh, Lauren has.
A prefet that that's a classic cowboy in western timberlod.
That poor thing wasn't even dead.
That's still green. That was smart, just a dead bush.
Should I go down there?
We could go that way?
I mean, how much time do we have? We spend enough time? No, okay, I mean so we won't be It's not like we're heading back.
No, I can't see the sun is Oh yeah, we're doing ok okay good.
I got a cheek tint. I got a perfume that Lauren was wearing that I love so much. I had to get my own.
What did you get? Oh you got wrist smell good, it's real good.
I got a nice, a nice lit bomb SPF fifteen.
That's important.
Yeah, it is important. With a bit of tint.
It was a bit of ten.
Yeah.
Yeah, passion and color passion my favorite.
Yeah, yeah, it subtle. Uh. And then actually the BEV Center, the last time I was there was easily seven years ago. It's very high end.
Yeah, it's real. She really Louis Bauton, Gucci, whoa one right after another.
You have lord all on a pretty little grow just kept coming at us. That's funny because last time I was there, the escalator was broken and I got frustrated and left.
It's like this dive.
How long ago?
Eight, nine, ten years and let's just say a cool decade.
Wait, look at that fountain. The water's dying.
Yeah, yeah, it's on a refeed mechanism. It isn't usually blue. That's a new thing they did at the Jolly Roger.
In Maybe they put.
Maybe they put like one of those toilet bowl cleaner things in that makes your water blue.
Did you know the Jolly Roger? It's in a skull and crossbones. Flag is illegal to fly from a boat.
Is that true?
Yeah, because it means you're like a you're saying you're declaring pirates.
You're breaking maritime law on a federal level.
That's rad. How do you know that?
I know a lot of things, just stuff I pick up from you know, never from books, but sometimes from a man yelling in a street or father lying to me again.
But we know for a fact that's real, Marrit.
I'm pretty sure.
Yeah, you can't have a like they'll pull you over and say take down that flag.
There's it's traditional. It's like a traditional law. Do not have a jolly roger.
It's not funny.
No, it's not jolly.
No.
You know what we should do is go drive Lord by the beach.
The best way I think we could do it is not go all the way to the parking lot, okay, but turn right.
Before it and go right and go left. Okay, yeah, and it's less crowded.
No one knows left we can also it's too you just drive down it. We don't have to like go on to it right well right.
Oh they I mean the sand just gets in your shorts, between your toes.
It's there for days. If you forgets a shower.
You don't want to get involved.
I love the beach, honestly, but it's and right now, the water is bathtub warm.
Is it really?
It's so warm? It's scary warm. It's it's al gore warm.
Have you gotten in there lately?
I get in there a lot and I just kind of churn.
I kick, you know, it's good for my hips, opens them up, kick like a frog.
People always think I'm drowning. I'm a horrible swimmer. But it's therapeutic, and the salt water it's good. It's good for your joints.
And there's some negative ions that you're sucking.
In rods and cones firing.
I seem like they've never seen before, pistons undulating.
What are we talking about?
Oh, sorry, no idea.
But it is when you swim in the ocean, that does leave kind of a gross, sticky coat of sand, just like a film. Yeah, because to be honest, and I don't think I'm saying any new news, the ocean's kind of polluted here.
Yeah, well there was part of it had to get closed the other day because needles and tampons were washing up.
On the shore. Did you see that news story?
Specifically those things, specifically those two things en mass were washing up on shore and they had to clumb they close one of the beaches along here.
Yeah, that's horrifying.
That's it's a bad combination. This are the two things nobody wants to look at.
Or talk about No, oh, that's disgusting.
The ends and the tees.
That's so. It wasn't like we saw a few. They were in a giant mass together.
I don't know. I'd love to see a picture, but I don't. I just I basically read headlines.
Sometimes I'll skim the first two lines of the art and then I'm like, I get it.
I'll write the rest of the story myself.
I got this.
I still in these blanks.
I'll take it from here, you guys, let me take it to the tampon barge.
Stole tampons, used them, through them into the ocean.
Never reuse, never reuse or.
Recycle in both of those cases.
Really, it's so gross.
Yeah, cartoonishly in the Gulf when I lived in Texas, like in Galveston, those are all this garbage from all over. There's just Japanese riding on it. It's it just comes. I think it's called a gyre where there's like a whirlpool out in the ocean. It's just it can be tons of garbage just hanging out.
It is plastic.
Oh, I've heard of the big plastic island that's out in the end.
There's like five note notable ones. My friend goes on these green Peace type boats and there's five five gyres. Yeah, that's the name of their group, five Gyres.
Go look it up.
I'm serious.
Yeah, they help get plastic out of the ocean.
I did have a very very horrible comedy show for them, and they it was, you know, donating my comedy. But they gave me a bag of plastic garbage that was found in birds and fish and no afro picks many straws. I'm so weird about straws now, I know, we just went and there's two green straws.
It's what are we gonna do?
I know, Oh, here's the canal, Lauren.
Yeah, then this is what we're talking about.
Yeah, this is this is one of the bigger ones. There is, like the neighborhood little elves.
Yeah that it's more like you know, people on a on a boat when the gondoliers.
Yeah, that's right, gondoliers.
Yeah, it's beautiful.
That's a little car. It's see how the water doesn't move at all.
See how the water's all dried up. That's because of the d.
Yeah, that's what attracts the TSI flying a used dampon.
And it's so depressing looking you have to do heroin and then throw your needle in there.
It's just a horrible that's a beautiful home. So I mean, m m, those.
Are nothings at way, of course you're allergic to luxury.
Oh do you listen to any podcasts?
No? I don't know.
Did we We should?
They're fun though, if you you know, maybe that's maybe you should start a podcast in college where what it was sitting right in front of our noses.
Yeah, the whole time the Poets podcast.
Got to you by the most unhappy poet.
Is there a poetry club? Oh, there's gotta be There's gotta be.
Right, gotta be somewhere if I looked hard enough.
No, do you write poetry, Lauren?
Uh?
You know?
I I was little and I tried writing poetry. And my older brother are founder and really really publicly publicly humiliated to return.
That's another.
You could write a movie with these No, I know so many these movies, yeah, waiting to be written.
The older brother who did.
It, Connor, Johnny Honor.
I'm still mad at Connor didn't. Yeah, but Johnny's a good kid.
Connor. I'm sorry. I know these are your brothers, but I've never met them. Do you want some fruit on this stuff?
That is kind of pretty?
This is kind of cool yet part.
Yeah, look at that Dexter type guy thrown out body parts.
Every time I see these boats, I just think of Dexter. Yeah, you know you can live on a boat. Why don't you quit school and live on some guy's boat?
Yeah, cly in the afternoon for that.
Oh, this is perfect.
This windy road will take us right to where we may or may not want to go.
Okay, good, I love it.
They could have pulled out.
Near the end.
Yes, yes, no, this is where we want to go. This is perfect.
This is uh you know this is wharf people. I guess not wharf No, they're just boat people.
It's a boat people.
I don't know if that's accurate.
It's a curious thing when you're on a per see people on a boat.
My friend Isaac Way he had it, that's his real name, had a I joke about when you're on a boat and you go under a bridge. It's no matter who the people are, no matter where they're from, they will wave at each other. The bridge people always have to wave to the boat people as if to say.
You know, this is what we're supposed to do.
We're on a boat, I'm on a bridge. Hi, I always wave at people in a boat. I don't know why you don't wave the people when.
They're in a car. It's a good way to network with rich people.
And by the way, I did not do my friend joke that that was just the premise of it.
Oh that's why you guys.
Aren't laughing, because what else where can we go from there?
To Isaac Waitting dot com the end of.
That joke, it was completed material, very funny, isa Witting.
Lauren, Lauren, Sorry, I feel like we're once I get talking.
I mean, I'm easy to miss.
I've blended. While you're in the back seat, you can't.
See you're young. We discount to I'm on, I'm on.
I'm on Instagram and Facebook and Twitter simultaneously.
You don't even care.
I know, I'm not bothering.
You're just elbows deep in that phone at yours.
I don't care.
She's not she's not totally believed her, Lauren, what do you think old people.
Need to know about young people these days?
Sister?
What are we getting wrong? What are we getting what do we need.
How do we let the oldies know they aren't necess Sarah, goodies, it's your.
Time, all right? All right?
Basically, with the rare exception of Karen kilgerrub yeah, most most people of your age, especially moms, should steer clear of tweeting, commenting on your children's pictures. Oh yeah, good point, sharing things that don't necessarily needed to be shared with the world.
My sister posted the picture of my nephew when he was like.
Twelve, and side by side with a picture of Justin Bieber, because they were the same in the picture.
Anything wrong was she was?
She public She's like, look at my cute boy. Look he looks like the bebes I think she said the.
Beab And he was like, do not. I'm not going to school tomorrow.
I'm going to lay in bed, he was.
Hopefully she tagged him in it.
Oh it was.
Tagged. He was.
Certainly everyone knew this.
What a what a terrible time for children. I never think about that because I don't. It doesn't affect me that way.
All I had to have is my mom goes, you guys, okay, down there, jump.
Eat pizza.
Now they're like, publicly, you guys, okay, down there, But it's.
Their version of being interesting.
Yeah, It's like how my dad would come into the room when we'd all be watching MTV and start dancing like Billie Idol, and me and my sister would almost cry. And now all the other kids thought it was hilarious. YEA was to embarrass us.
Yeah, I was always embarrassed, but compared to my friends, my parents were hilarious.
So I remember one time she brought down pizza for us.
And right as one of my friends said, how come there's no girls at your parties? And then my mom, as she put brought down the pizza, said, what am I chopped pepperoni?
That was a good classic mom Joe.
She was using, Uh, she was using what was around her.
Yeah, she used. She she used did some prop comedy.
She was in the moment.
Probably she picked up the pizza and pretended it was a steering wheel.
She said, nerk stops of town, terrifying the runaway off ramp.
Has that happened? Has it happened you?
Lord?
Have you? Have you been humiliated on social media by your parents?
Not by my parents, but by my ex boyfriend's mom. Oh oh, she's heavy on the she's heavy on the comments. She did send me smokeemeal cookies, so well, that's nice, silin her hero.
You decide, it's hard to call. That's a tough one.
Yeah, you know, it's a complex issue, you decide.
Yeah, people can.
Get away with a lot when there's warm a warm batch of oatmeal cookies waiting there.
Also, what are what are people your age really doing on Snapchat?
Is it as bad as we all think it might be? I think I think it's worse really.
Oh yeah, it's just it's the war college. Snapchat is allis is it?
Oh?
Oh, you bet you. But there's a lot of and this may this may scare scare you just just a little. But there's a lot of cocaine, just a just a line to start your day.
You're kidding that doesn't know.
No, I'm not kidding.
I wish I was.
But it's yeah, And they like to put little captions good morning, you know.
They they're just it's with a line of cocaine.
Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, no, yeah, cocaine is it's it's making a comeback that's real strong. I don't know if it necessarily ever died down, but.
I think it did a little bit but.
Yeah, it's coming back with the vengeance.
Wow.
Yeah, that's amazing to me. Can kill you acting like I've never.
Done good call, good call? It can kill you. That looks like the guy that I hate for the dog park.
He looks like he's a hatable guy in a lot of places.
He looks like every d bag in l A.
I feel like that.
Children of today don't understand how bad cocaine is for you though.
Yeah, but it's okay because a lot of these kids are educating themselves because they're going to Chico, so they're going to figure it out. They'll figure it out on their own.
Up in the north central North California.
Chico State.
Isn't cocaine super expensive? Don't you have to buy it in a briefcase?
Oh, there's cash, there's flowing.
There's cash flowing.
There's cocaine money ready and available.
And cash ready to roll up to get that sweet sweet routing powder up that nostrile.
Just wait, anyway, I've never done this stuff.
You No, I did not. I'm just guessing it's basically it's just addiction powder is what it is.
Because anything you might get from it does not outweigh the fact that then you need it right and all.
The only benefits are sped up.
Conversation, smoking, no thanks, telling terrible stories.
Just start a podcast, you can do all those things.
Yeah, that's why I say after, just to close up this activity fair, I think you should start or do the radio thing.
I think that.
Judging from hearing you talk, you're quick, you're funny, you should be doing a show.
Yep, it'd be fun. It's true.
I'll look into it, you should.
But look into it with a positive attitude.
Yeah, not this negative shape to bring it right down.
Yeah.
Yeah, my mom's always said, I'm real. It was like I was the only brown girl at my school for twelve years straight. So what do you Yeah, what do you expect to come of that?
And I can't imagine there's too many brown girls in Wittier.
Oh there's there's a pretty prevalent Latino.
Population always there.
Yeah, oh okay, yeah, and I don't fit in there either.
So is it because you're wittier than them?
I don't, you know what, I'm a lot of times the joke is there, and I know people know it's there, and you guys know it's there, and you know that no one should say it, but I'm gonna be the one to say.
You just want to put your fingered right on that button.
Yeah, it's called the Pulse of Comedy. Read it anger, since I say it's me talking to my finger. Sorry about that wittier joke, you guys, I mean, I mean you live there.
You've heard that of Yeah, I'm sorry. I hate ten podcasts like this. That's why I ruin it.
Uh, Lauren, do you have anything to plug? Yeah? Any upcoming dates? I mean things you want to mention, messages you want.
To get out people of guys you might go on dates with.
Oh yeah, uh no, you know this is I'm just I'm just enjoying the ride. I'll be sure to to keep caring updated on my adventures through the Woodier College being a mighty poet.
Please do, please do.
It's the Mighty Poets.
It's yeah, we're all. It's the worst name.
Yeah.
Maybe, and I mean this, maybe you should start a blog.
Blog about it?
Yeah, bok out couldn't you blog about it?
Just blog about it, honey, Sure it could be funny. You could write down all these things and then you come and check in with us, like once every couple of months.
The thing about writing it down is it's too painful to live, like twice, you know, you just want to leave it.
Well, you got to process it, you know.
It helps you deal with things. To write it out. It's like therapy. It's like talking to how I felt.
Like I was in a therapy session.
Just then. Do you feel better? Right?
Yeah?
Yeah, you do? Okay, you do? You do? You feel much better? Everything's been changed for the good. Oh yeah, that's the power of podcasting.
And we can take a left town. That's alley where we like to conclude a lot of.
Our broadcasts down here.
Yeah, right after that, Kurt, that villain in a portia. Yeah, this here what we're scared? That was some wrong side of the road driving. Yeah, yeah, look at these, be careful of these?
Are these the other canals?
We are just driving in a twelve foot deep twelve men, you were bolder than I really thought. We're gonna lose a wheeling.
There twelve foot deep? Uh?
All right?
Do you have any gigs coming up? Chris? You want to?
You know, I don't. I had some crowd warm up stuff. They let me go. Yeah that's okay, okay with.
That, okay, okay.
I didn't do a good job last time.
Well or something else, Polympics or something.
Yeah, told me that I made very specific fun of Melissa Rivers.
Oh, you can't do that.
I don't know.
She might be one tenth owner of the I don't know. I probably said something wrong, That's what I'm guessing. So I'm gonna take a nap and you know, maybe draw some pictures. What are you guys gonna do?
Probably go back to my house. Yeah, hang out by the pool maybe a little bit.
Yeah, you have a pool.
I do have a pool.
Of course, you don't go to the damn sandy beach.
The beach can go to hell.
Big medical waste pond.
Is this your garage with that? She's got to have it poster.
I want that poster. I would seal this seriously sexy comedy.
It says, uh, I don't think we're just gonna chill out.
Probably we're just we had a very hearty.
Breakfast, Oh did you?
Yeah? Yeah it was.
We went to a German restaurant to meet my friends, and I had schnitzel.
I just ordered it because it sounded like.
What I Yeah, yeah, I would not know what else to get at a German restaurant.
Yeah, but is essentially I had like fried chicken for breakfast, so that's a lot.
I have that with waffles even.
Yeah, so I don't know. I guess we're just gonna chill it.
And then at one point I'm gonna have to bring Lauren back to Wittier.
Oh, you have to go back for school in the morning.
What time is your first class?
Nine o'clock?
Which one in the morning? I have math with with.
My uh disgruntled teacher what's his name?
We're gonna, oh, yeah, for the best.
She's got a gnarly hal tattoo though, and love to talk about her divorce.
Missus. We're gonna, oh yeah, learn You're very funny it.
Yeah, you were a great guest.
Let good job.
Thank you very much.
Funnier than most comedians.
Oh geez, yeah, that's how you do it.
And I thank you for giving me a ride to and from my house.
This was fun.
This was much different than how we normally do it. I loved I loved the change of pace too.
It's good time.
I had a great time. Okay to the both of you.
Hey out there.
You've been listening to Do you need a ride?
D y N A R.
Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?
Either way we want to be there.
Doesn't matter how much baggage you clay give us time and they turning on engage.
We want to send you off in start.
We want to welcome you back home.
Tell us all about it.
We scared?
Or was it fine?
Now?
Porn THEA? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
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