Ep. 60 - Chris Fairbanks Needs a Ride

I leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a germanol and gay.

We want to send you off inside.

You want to welcome you back home.

Tell us all about every scared he was it fine? Now porn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?

With Karen and Chris Boom.

The air conditioner is going to be on one.

Okay, perfect, welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks, Kilgariff. The air conditioner is on one. We are going down a windy road, the windiest.

You really sprung that on me.

I'm sorry, No, I liked it. That was the most abrupt start we've ever had.

It was really fun. It was like you were trying to capture something.

Yeah. Yeah, there was a lot of organic stuff was happening.

Well, we're both vegan and octo lavo vegan.

A lot of like non high fruitose corn syrupy stuff was happening before we started, so I wanted to capture it.

But then almost no fast food was taking place.

I think, certainly, Yeah, let's go the wrong way. We were, we're leaving. We were just at a party, or I was at the party. You picked me up, and I thank you. I need a ride?

Did you need to ride from a party?

I do need to ride?

Actually, if there was a service, and I might start this in my old age, where someone would come and get you from a party. This second you felt uncomfortable, come on, oh, like.

A more specific than our podcast. It's actually like a I fell down type button.

Yes, exactly, but for party discomfort where you're like, oh, I thought I knew people here, and I actually only know one person who's not talking to me. I gotta get out of here.

I'm high and reading in a framed inspirational quote in a bathroom.

Please pluck me, please, I'm gonna crawl out this window you pull up along the back fence.

Well, this was not This was people I haven't seen for a while, most of them very successful now, and I did not. I thought it would be an opportunity because we didn't have a guest today. I thought it was an opportunity to just say, hey, who wants to podcast? But I kind of I just turned it into a regular dinner day and I can you can tell by my slurring that I had a few drinks.

No, you don't seem drunk at all.

No.

Also the question, hey, who wants to podcast?

It's the worst?

The answer is no, I no one. We don't want to be doing this right right. It feels dumb. No one wants to do it. I know it's self indulgent. It's like saying, who wants to go brush each other's hair?

Yeah, and we're just doing it because we have an obligation to. Ship flute blogger, yeah.

Should keep.

It was ship flute blogger. Someone trying to play flute, but there's like ship in the holes that make you.

They just keep blowing out ship, which would be a different entertainment.

Follow that would I was having a concert and my notes were off feces again, ship flute blogger.

Look at the beautiful We are the most beautiful part of this. I guess we should.

Yeah, we're in Uh it's where that little old lady is from, Pasady.

But it's really beautiful. Lots of willow trees.

It's amazing here. This is why this is where everyone goes to buy a beautiful home.

Yes, well, this is if you save your money and do things right.

I mean that the parody was at and I'll just say all Madrigal. I mean he runs the All Things Common. This is not a podcast related, but it was at his house and has the if when it rains enough, there's a thing that has a blockage for a moment, then it is suddenly triggered and a waterfall cascades down the side. There's a window. They watch it go down and it goes under the house. But everyone in the house stands on what appears to be a bridge and

Very beautiful architecture.

Sounds like as a guy who lives with another guy with only two rooms and we wake up and just press our foreheads together. I just it's so amazing to see like modern people just doing it correctly. I want to live like modern people do.

I want to be the modern people.

I want to be with modern people like you.

I know that song, but strangely, I don't know the worst to be.

Okay, it's made more popular by star trek Face, but originally it was a pulp song.

Star trek Face, Leonard meanwoy h still.

Alive face, William Shatner, Bill Shatner, Yeah, Billy Shatner, Little Bill Shatner.

So just doing Kris and Karen recap episode. Oh yeah, because it's been so long. We haven't done one of these in months and months.

And I think that everyone likes them. I think, I know I do. I'm drunk right now.

You're not.

I am, though, you go ahead and face it. I know you've found a better place with sobriety. You're not even you're you have zero to no vices right now. That's right. I said zero to know. And what's that guy do? Is he a restaurant tour?

Oh? You mean the kingpin that lives on the house.

Well, that is the house from Lethal Weapon?

Is there? To drive up there?

There's stilts on it, and remember yanks him down with an F one fifty.

We're going up there.

You can see it from the That is the house?

Is it really?

Yeah? That is the fancy house from Lethal Weapon where it's so those of you listening and there's dozens of you. There's a house on stilts that is in Lethal Weapon too.

Is that the one where Taylor Negron's the bad guy and they end up having that shootout by the pool.

Oh my god, it was Taylor Negron.

Yes, the late, amazing, the late amazing, never to be replaced. Taylor Negro the best, right. He was so goddamn funny. He grew up with a monkey. His family had a monkey. Really, yes, he this. He would tell stories at the Uncabaret that were the most incredible things you've ever heard.

Every time I hear a story about pre me being in La Comedy, it's on cabaret stories.

Yeah, that was when I That's right, when I moved there in ninety.

Four, moved here. Oh we aren't there, we pass Oh I was in I was in Houston all weekend and I was like, oh no, And then I moved here about four. Uh we're in Houston. No, I've never been here. I kept forgetting where I was. Oh yeah, I love Taylor Negro.

Yeah, he was amazing and so funny. Also great in shit the Rodney Dangerfield movie where his daughter gets married and they have the backyard wedding.

Is it it's.

It's the one where he it's about betting. Oh fuck what remember that he wants to get.

There. It's like a coach of a team.

I know.

Oh my five wives? Is it that? And it's not back to school?

No easy money?

Oh easy Billy.

Joel song Easy Money was the theme song to the movie, and it was it was Rodney Jane Danderfield trying. I'm going up here to seephen get near that house.

Oh right, yeah, oh god, yes, let's let we're about to uh witness the house from lethal weapon too.

If we can get up here.

You're right. I think I love that you're doing this, taking the initiative.

Yeah, that's my way.

God, most of these houses were made by people who worked at Disneyland. Look at that cottage, this proof, Look at that gorgeous.

This makes me realize, realize I should really start it. Stopped motive saving money.

What if you could just go to a place that had a Southby's sign. I just hey, here's the down payment briefcase.

Could you imagine just open a briefcase and how could we do that? We could sell drugs. We can introduce crack back into the popular mainstream. Oh I'm doing this, I'm going down here.

It's perfect timing because of that nw A movie coming out.

That's right. It would be like a little retro fun drug thing. If kids are doing crocodeal and they then I'm sure they'd be willing to do crash.

What a pretty view that none of you can see?

You up here to propose to you?

Why am I on my knee in the car?

We're in a what's that a flywater zip line?

Oh? I would like for it to eat a flywater? What's that fly water zip wire? I hope it's a flywater a zip wire?

What's this? Just whatever's coming out of my mouth?

Oh?

I see it's actually a telephone.

Oh that was a good God.

This is gorgeous. It's like sundown over over Pasadena.

It's the best time to have a fly rod. It's just now look at this. Let me ask you about There are so many guests at this party that I could have, but I'm not persistent enough. I just want everyone to know right now that we have the ability to get the top people in comedy. I'm not going to go through a list of who was at the.

Party because that is des class a.

Yeah, it's cachet. It's it's it's passe.

It is.

A foxcap where away. Yeah, anyway, I'm glad that it's just you.

And I me too. It's fun. We get more jokes and we don't have to ask people about things that we actually care about. But we do. Should we say this? We do have a guest booked coming up for a two parter that's kind of huge, Okay because I did his show A Lardo the other night. Yes, I told you, Patten Oswald, Yeah, wants to do this podcast's hands. Oh did we book him? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, Oh that's cool.

Is Patten doing casinos?

Well, I mean he says he's really excited that that's the last gig because then he'll be really upset and miserable by the time we pick him up. I mean, like casino gigs are.

So he knows he's been listening then, I believe, so he knows that. You think our better episodes have been where we're picking someone up from a gig, which I don't think we should do anymore. Just drop offs.

Only drop offs, I mean, because they're drowned.

It's easy when we're picking someone up, you have to circle around. It's impossible to you know, to be yourself. Yeah, and to then be yourself you're tired by the time the guest is in.

Well. Also, you you know what's really funny, I think on this corner, Okay, I'm gonna but I'm gonna take it hairpin style.

Oh God, that'll be loud.

That peaked. I didn't, that's all right. My mic had the winds?

Was that the whole zoom?

It's no, No, it's just the mica. Oh look at that dog. Oh, I'd like for it to be actual animals. But it's a pretty great lab. Yeah, chocolate lab just cascading down the hill for attweiler.

Oh you didn't jump the fence.

I've never I've never seen a chocolate lab just act like melted chocolate, just cascaded down a hill, which in this case is earth, but it could have been ice cream.

What if those people had just a humongous backyard chocolate fountain. That's actually what we are looking at. Oh, gloss us clump, august dust, clump needles in your chocolate.

I think it's clump, but there's a noom lot above the us, so we have to say, do.

You mean augustus gloop from Willy Wonka?

Is it glop?

Yes?

Really it is g l U and the neom lot yellow. Another you the neom lot and then P.

So it actually looks like an ellipses across the top of the ears. Wait for it.

Give me a minute. Oh I'm so glad that you're willing to be drunk with me.

I love it. Oh my god, it's my.

I'm gonna go ahead. And I was curbing it for a while. I'm like, I can't get all saucy right, but you know what you can? I mean I can and I you know, I've been real.

Good lately, by the way, Yeah you were at a party. I know I was.

I jogged on the beach yesterday. My feet hurt from that.

Oh good.

Yeah. I'm really trying to balance, you know, like a normal person as you get older.

That's what I'm trying to do lately too. I've removed all my vices except for I did eat lazed potato chips today.

Oh come on, I'm a weak So you're as much of an addict as a ten year old child. Oh, scold you, scold, scoldie, scoldie.

On Uh should wait? What we were talking about before the hairpin turn?

Oh oh, there's a chocolate lab diming down before that bounding. Really, prior to that, we were talking about something.

There's something I want to say.

Oh god, oh, I can just feel the tweets coming in now and they just listened and they get a rewind.

Right, and then they're like, it was this. It won't help us now, that's not real time.

God, you're just scolding.

There's a no, I'm sorry that did sound judgmental. Uh, there would It would be cool if there was a way we could figure.

Out we should keep it down. Mike Judges sleep in the peck seat.

We're gonna ask him a couple of questions. He said about King of the Hill.

He was like, oh, I'd love to like, but I was like, when you need a ride, like I made that rule. He's like, oh, okay, I guess I'll figure out when I have a flight. He probably would have done it to the grocery store, yoga studio or something.

Yeah, yeah, we could take it.

I'm an obstacle with the success of this.

It's no. I think it's it's all going in exactly the way we want. There's the house again. I basically just did the que circles.

Right, there's a reason we can't get to it. We really tried to get to that. Now we are almost at the same sport. We were getting right back to the freeway. We just went around a mountain.

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Well they yeah, in the movie they pulled it down and uh, that's the house.

That's really cool.

Someone told me recently and pointed at it, and I'm like, oh, I don't know, but.

That's yeah, that's very cool. Oh that's what I was gonna say. I just came back from Montreal and.

You were at the Montreal Fast not to perform.

I was working with Wanda Sykes, who I love in your industry now right. I'm I was looking to see if I could find young talent, and I can't. There was none but new faces, just brand new face, just my new face that I had replaced at passages.

I know you're not I I know that you can rap because I've heard it. But if you could come up with a rap. That is my new face that I got replaced. I will, I will do all the other producing.

You would you really?

Yeah?

And can it be the kind of rap you do which sounds like accidental rhythmic time.

My new face that I got replaced, I had some wrinkles. Now I got a face. I'm the only one brave enough to rhyme face with face.

It's a bold new that's why you're featured in me A bold New World. Now we're on a front. But I was gonna say that when I flew back, there was nothing Saturday to me than walking off that plane and knowing I had to get into a cab. I was like the great irony that I don't have a ride home from the airport right now.

And yeah, every time I'm you know, I've been. I've been traveling a bit. And we don't have to get into it.

Most we should get into it though.

Two different commercials with football players, well, Joe Flacco, he's Baltimore is a oriole no as a Baltimore felt No, yeah, thank you Ravens. And then this JJ Watt guy for the Houston is it Oilers?

Yeah?

No? What year is it? Eighty seven? The Houston Houstonians, the Houston Texans. What a stupid fuck. If I can't believe that, They're like, we're gonna have a new football team. I think we should name it the Texans because our flag has one star, and our flag is what the America would be if it weren't for all you other pussy as states.

Let's keep it simple, stupid. Yeah, let's let's not go totally on Texas though, because I'm positive we have a lot of fans.

I love all all joking, which we've done previously about that Stata side. I love Texas, and I was so happy when I was in Houston and I missed the Left Stop and I miss all of the people that used to come and watch comedy in Houston. I love it there.

Okay, that's all I have to say.

I am from Austin Comedically.

You know that prior to that, which football player was cool?

Both? You know what? JJ Watt I didn't actually meet. He was being shot the next day.

He was being shot the next day.

Yeah, they just bread in the marketplace and they lined up a bunch of fellows and just ended up at NASA. You guys are taking welter, Okay, Okay, if we can. In the bottom of the description of this episode, there will be a picture of us being in NASA and we are not in Houston, even though I just mentioned Houston. I'm taking a picture.

Also, it's this is This is Jet Propulsion Laboratories.

This is where, this is where space camp.

This is where the Mars Rover team. Remember when Mars Rover and the.

Assisting Institute of Technology. What this is the California It's the Institute of Technology. There's more than NASA here. This is where genius has come to work.

Yes, this is we're surrounded, but this is so weird.

We just we just this.

I'm so excited and I didn't even know this guy.

Oh they're not They're not okay, we're not sorry. I'm sorry, we're waving. We're happy. Oh as you would suspect. Some soldiers came out and we did a quick U turn.

I love that they were like for the movies, and they.

Both leaned up all nonchalant, like you are you gonna make us do what you know we can do?

I mean, you know what that?

How did we end up there?

That was fucking weird and exciting.

That was really exciting.

JP l that's where remember in Mars Rover they landed it and they showed the team that was landing it and moving the like machine around and there was the one guy with the mohawk, and that guy got kind of popular on social media. That's where they were. That's the that's the lab they do all that from that was That was that was a huge deal.

That was Yeah, that made me nervous.

I got scared.

I'm a little shaken.

The car, but now there's a car following us and the two of us are going to disappear.

That's a scientists ran in my pocket. I've been carrying it for about seven months. I do.

I believe.

I'm ready. I'm ready. I've been he's not. Okay, there's a pad.

Okay, But tell me about the football player that you actually did get to work with.

Joe Flacco is the sweetest, Like I don't I don't follow football really, but he's a quarterback. But he is Conan and O'Brien tall. He's like nine feet tall. Yeah. That girl just graduated from college and she's on a dirt bike and.

She's really good at cosmology.

Yeah, and limpesting the handlebars. He was really funny, and he kept making fun of himself. He's like, we were in this big mansion. It wasn't his house, but and it was. It was a commercial for Tostitos, nice for Pepsi and Walmart. WHOA, It's okay. Just for the record, Aaron put her arm in front of me, stiffed it and I would have flown through the windshield had she not. I really thought I was a gunner there.

But just it was a combination. It was the combination of Tostito's Pepsi, I.

Stop the presses, all those products.

It wants What I thought it was because you were slamming on the brakes, but it's really because he wants some chips and chips.

And I'm going to turn in my turn in my Laise and now I'm gonna go Tostito's Walmart Pepsi.

So every time I was like going to take a drink of a Pepsi, I mean, I'm The best part is bag of chips falls on the floor and I grab it. And the whole thing is this football player does not want to throw party, so he's pouring salsa into the bag of chips, shaking it and then offering it to people. Oh he's tossing, you know, he's.

He's quarterbacking.

At a party.

Does he not have a wife? Or that was partly?

That was the whole point of it. He doesn't have a kitchen lady who's his partner, and so he's in the kitchen like fumbling around literally because he's a right just can't get it straight because men will be men. Men don't belong with the fix and of food.

Makings, and if you leave it to leave to them, they're just going to pour things and other things.

He started biting people because he didn't know what to do. He just bit fingers for real. No, im.

Tree that shah years ago.

But no, there was every time I grab this PEPs there, like the logo has to be aimed at the camera, and so I had to grab it.

Wait are you allowed to talk about this?

Yeah? I think so. Yeah, Oh it's non union. I got a thousand bucks. Jesus Christ. I'll talk about it till the cows come home. It was also a commercial for cows.

Oh, I was thinking of buying a cow.

Oh really as a pattern as a means of income.

I'll decide that after. I just want a red and white cat.

Have you seen these dwarf donkeys?

Have you seen throw up tonight? Have you.

Common in the air tonight?

Lord?

So long? Or O Lord? I don't know.

I thought it was a lord.

Oh, I don't think it's Lord.

I was raised Catholic, so I like.

O Lord. I wasn't raised Catholic, but I listened to All Genesis while kneeling.

What if those two what if those two security guards and JPL shot us.

I think they were armed.

They thought that we were back to the future style drive up terrorists.

But well, we didn't stop a weird didn't like we have a rocket launcher. That's why we're exactly a block away. Were stop because we were watching. We were so excited about the Institute of Technology suddenly springing upon us. And then they came out and sash ate up on their little, their little freeway.

Barrier as if to say, hey, hey, we'll kind of bump you with our chests. Do you think you're gonna hello this bit joke?

We're not getting that close. You better have a rifle, motherfucker.

And then they didn't. They didn't have them. That's when we did a quick U turn and got the hell out of there.

I also put my hands up as if to say, hey, hey brothers, Hey guys, we're one of you. We're also security guards.

Oh that was the best.

That was fucking great. But anyway, sorry, So Joe Flacca Walk a Flame was the best to work with.

He was the best.

Was very uh.

He just seemed to be making fun of himself the whole time. And he's like, I'm not an actor. I don't know, I'm an idiot. Oh, I messed up. And everyone was rushing to talk to him because all the extras, like all these people. There was a party situation. So there's people I'll look at some cocks, cops. Oh man, oh we're in one of these neighborhoods, cops everywhere.

Yeah, let's get out of here.

You left, or do another U turn and that were very excited to meet him, and he was. He was anticipating someone wanting to talk to him by them glancing over and just approaching people and I love. Yeah. One of the guys was paying playing a football coach and he was like he wanted to meet him. But he's like, well, I'm not going to go up to the guy and bother him. But at one point he said, hey, if later on, if I can get a picture with you,

Yeah.

Yeah, he was very nice. He looked a little bit like here's a swimmer that got like everyone smokes weed and Michael Yeah, he looked PHELPSI and photos, but in person was like, uh.

Uh terribly gorgeous.

Yeah he I mean, you saw me stammer. Because I'm comfortable with my own sexuality, but there's times where I'm like, I would fuck that man that where I am like it gets a little scattered in my head. You know, I'm forty. I should know where I'm at and I can tell and it's like, that's the jaw I want,

I'm not talking about, but talk about dicks.

We're not doing my stand up.

Athletes are like magical creatures because you know, they've dedicated their entire lives to like working out essentially in different ways to the peak performance. They're peak examples of the human body and what it can achieve.

And he was a combination of born just born ability, and you know he's tall, he's this physical specimen already on top of that dedication, you know. And I don't even like football. You're not a football person, right, I.

Mean I just I kind of like all of it. I respect people who do it. That's respect it too. I really like the accomplishment of it. It makes me feel better as a human being that that's a representative. Well, especially like that the women's soccer that we just watched. All I thought was I need to start walking a lot, like an hour every day, right because they were so beautiful looking, and it's like your skin and your everything, and.

With women with soccer, it's always been the case. And then also women's you know, like college basketball, there's there's a teamwork with women, there's not this, and I'd hate to just reference, you know, Michael Jordan or whatever, like the show Bodie players that like do ninety percent of the work offensively or whatever. And then and I don't talk about sports. I think I know what I'm saying right now, and I might be just repeating. I can tell you I would say, but women work as a team.

Yeah, it's cool.

And same when I went to the University of Montana, the women's basketball team was much more fun to watch because it was with the exception of like spinning the ball and everything. They're they're ball handling among each other and like the way they would pass and it was artful. And then you watch the dudes and it's like just like I get the ball and I'm gonna run and slam duncan. It's not as fun to watch, you know.

Well, it's kind of like they they have to do it a little bit better to get the same job done. And that's the thing that I always think. It's funny when like people go like I don't watch WNBA. It's boring, and it's like that means you haven't watched it, because it's you have to do more to accomplish the same thing on the same court as people who are larger and more.

Yeah, I think it's that. It's also just the the tendency to want to work together. Yes, it's cool.

Well, yeah, that's kind of women's minds work that way. Yeah, a little bit better.

Yeah, not with comedy. I wish. I wish women work together with commony. A lot of girls in comedy are like, they're very hard on each other. Well, I don't know, that's just what I think. I'm putting it out there.

You can say what you well, I get, don't name names. Uh, you know, that's that's the other thing is because there's fewer maybe, so it's like people are it's you're I'm definitely more judgmental when I see people who I wish weren't doing the thing they're doing, because I feel like it represents female comedy, right yeah, yeah, oh no, you just did a seven minute set all about hand jobs.

Right, Oh, don't do that of course, yeah, of course that kind of thing.

But whatever, that's my I'm kind of an old prude.

I'm a bit of a prude myself. I'm kind of prudent, and I'm the same way. Actually, there's a bunch of comedian dudes, and I'm like, I wish you weren't just telling stories about how you hate your kids.

Well, you know it's funny. Go in Montreal, you had you just saw, I saw a bunch of comedy.

Okay, could you re explain what you were doing there?

Yes, So Wanda Sykes had a gala, which I like, she's the greatest. She's so fucking funny. Yeah, and she's so nice and cool and real. And so she had a gala, so she had to do like ten or fifteen minutes at the top and then in the middle she had to do something different. So she was like, I just need help figuring out what I should do for my middle thing. So that's what I did. I got I worked with her and we figured out the bit she was going to do for her second time.

You know when did you ever know where? Well?

She my friend Paige her Wits has a production company. Was there no, But Paige recommended me and want to see me like we did Moon Tower at the same time. Want to see me do stand up. And then I think Page just said you should get Karen to help you, because she's done.

Stuff like that before. Well, you know how horrified I did that last comic standing thing. They are the producers of that. I did not do well, right, I did poorly. Actually, some might say I didn't do poorly. They just the audience liked me. But the judge has turned on me. Yeah, because you know, and I said something haphazard about about Norm MacDonald being stung by bees. People realize that I meant his face swelling.

Uh.

And then and then Roseanne, I said, but thank god you're not Roseanne from the nineties, otherwise I might care what you're saying. I did none of that, but the audience liked I said that, but I got upset, my feelings got hurt, and I lashed out. Yeah, and then I called and Uh. A friend of mine was working on a show. She called Page and said, absolutely, no way, we're gonna make Chris look bad. And I trust her. I trust her, and I trust Wanda Syke cause I think they're like good people.

Oh yeah, no, no, no, they really are. I mean there they are.

I would definitely so back to you you were there.

No, no, no, I just I hear what you're saying. But she yeah, they're they're trying to they're trying to make good things, and they're trying to give voice to people who never get seen, you know, and make kind of definitely stuff for black people, stuff for women. Like they're just they're just kind of trying to represent them. Yeah, it doesn't get the doesn't happen that much anyhow. So what we ended up doing was a slide show where it was wan and this was Wanda's ideas genius and awesomes.

Here, bounding everywhere. They all are reminded me of ice cream desserts cascading down.

So Wanda's idea is she's gonna do that, but she's gonna go out and take pictures of herself standing in front of the places with a selfie stick and then she goes and have them make me a shirt that says America rules, so that she basically played the ugly American walking around Montreal and it was really really funny and she was great.

Did you ever see the train the insult comic dog going around talking to French Canadians. No, it was kind of the same thing where he was pretending to be an American Pride insult comic dog, but people were punching. I guess it's Robert Smichael's hand that's in it. Yeah, but they were like so mad. It was. It was kind of funny, but he was actually being a little racist towards French people. Yeah.

Well, and also they kind of all remembered they're very Frenchy, you know, like there's a real French element to those people. They're not.

When I was looking on I was like, this, it's a European country, it really is.

It felt like it to me.

Did you go to Old Yeah? I did New Faces in two thousand and three, and and Chad Daniels and I went to Old Montreal, the Cobblestony Park where you can pay five bucks and be a Trappis artist and there's all this and we hung out with these clowns and they were off duty and they picked popped it. They pulled money out of Chad's wallet and we had to go back and oh yeah, yeah, yeah, it was very you know, it's very eyes wide shut. I've never been to another country type of situation without any orgy.

Right.

I really loved it.

I really liked it a lot. I thought it was super cool. Yeah so, but but also since I wasn't performing, I didn't feel.

Did you should have been? Well, you and Drenna not doing.

Oh, we just I don't know. I don't think people know that we're doing it that much.

But oh, I think everyone knows you're doing it that much.

Does everyone know?

Well, it's doing a thing with my hands where it's like that much, and as far as a fish goes, it's Actually.

It was kind of a merout. Okay, so it suddenly got so dark. I mean, well, I guess that topic's over. That was the extent of it. I got to go to a hotel room with I love. My favorite thing is traveling, getting to a hotel room, ordering room service, and staying in that hotel for as long as I did it.

In Baltimore, I did it in Houston. The last couple of weeks has been me in hotel rooms. And you feel validated though, because you're working, You're somewhere, you're getting a paycheck, you're being picked up and dropped off. There's a flight. I'm working right now. Why not since you know, I know when I have to work, why not spend the rest of the time in bed?

Yeah, comfortable bed watching weird TV.

Oh, just so many weird documentaries about murders and lovings, all of it. I am Oh, so, I just what if you watch gang, this gangland thing about the LA like Venice thirteen, this hatchet gang. I mean machete, not hatchet.

Literal machetes.

Yeah, let that guy pass.

Jeez. Yeah, because I have to figure out where we are. Oh, they walk around with machetes.

You're telling me, Oh, the Venice thirteen. It's it's I think based in gridor if I'm not mistaken, I might be. I may be mistake. Uh emigrated to LA And then there's that they've kind of started in Venice. Venice thirteen is a very popular gang. Okay, very popped, but it's not for money enough for drugs. They just kill people. They just random murders.

They kill you with the fucking hatchet.

Yeah, and with machetes usually that's crazy. Sorry, Yeah, Michet the guy you remember that song? How bis all? He was a fucking total murdering gang member guy that got killed. No, yeah, yeah, and you're making me crazy.

Yeah.

Every time I look o route, every time I look around, that guy is a fuck. He's a total thug that got murdered with hatchet with I think he's involved with the Venister. I'm not making this up. It always seems like I am. I have little snippets of stuff that I It may be partially untrue, but I'm pretty sure I love that. I don't care if it was a machete based gang. He is dead. He made that fun, loving kind of song that should have been like Sugar a Sugar Ray opening band song. Yes, the Hot Hot Sun.

He was talking like he was a like a stuck up cartoon cat. And then it turns out he's in a machete gang. How is this possible?

Was my toppot? My palls up and bunt.

I want to eat a whole fish and pull the bones out of my mouth just like he pops up.

I would love, I would love to see a cat. Just jump into a trash can spine a fish and then pull the bones out like.

And have a xylophone sound a little bit.

Oh, that would be the best.

You know, that's the one thing we haven't seen in this gorgeous area is a fucking cat.

You you're paying way better attention than me. Again, I have to admit that I had some margaritas three, but these kids and als OL's kids gave.

Them to me. Don't blame children that you drink.

I gave them money. It's their fault.

These kids keep making me drink.

It was funny, but I think he was like, I don't know if anyone's still there, but we'll see.

Well, you know what it is. It's you know, their comics won't leave parties because they want to drink. Most comics have terrible fucking manners, so they'll stand around in your house till four in the morning, so you ask them to leave. So that's I'm sure that's why he was just like, I don't want there to be a second wave right in my gorgeous architectural digestive.

It was beautiful. I bet it's like I remember him like I was drawing like I did his original cd R all these stickers, and he was having me do all this all his art for his MySpace page, and he was like such.

So this was back in ninety seven.

Yeah, I mean, come on, let's give me a little credit. I didn't start stand up until ninety nine. Okay, so yeah, yeah, about about ninety seven before I started. Oh you're going so fast and you're the son of a bitch.

You know. That was the many famous comedians.

Yeah, yeah, god, I mean I didn't drop too many names, did I. But this place is studded with stars, but I did. He was like, Hey, I have kids, I have to make money. I need merchandise. I'm on the road. We had the same manager. There was one time He's like, he Al has tried to help me out a lot. That's been the best he's He had a script once and he was like, gave it to me. He's like, hey, do you want to look at this script to figure

Right, But you do, Chris, You do Wait is that it? No?

No, no, we've just passed it. We're good, okay, yeah, yeah, and we're in. You know you have a show to get to. I do right now. It's eight thirty three.

Oh yeah, do we need more time?

No, we're good.

Yeah, let's rap. Yeah, I mean listen and then you can come in.

You should say hi to everyone. Everyone be habit to see you. But I just I just revealed how I'm drugs. Say I ever are gonna be happy to see it.

I can't tell you how much I'm not gonna go.

Have some voices with the friends here.

Oh, if Cosby is there, I'm definitely not going. There's no fucking way.

Anytime I'm like I want to do an impression, it's a Cosby ask.

You gotta Cosby that thing.

I tell me you do?

Okay, Hey, can you do like at Christopher Walking impression?

Your wife?

How about Jack Nicholson?

Hey, the rudey do I'm loving it?

Sorry, please don't. This has been one of the most enjoyable times of my life.

I think I love these imprecations.

Okay, how about doctor Ruth West. You first, you.

Need to drink and no Chi di suction is made.

It was a perfect plend Thank you. This is an accomplishment to transition. It's a it's a it's like a mixtape. It's like an overdub. Oh how about some kind of Rastafarian star that I wouldn't be able to name except for Bob Marley, which who probably doesn't sing that way? But what about that? What about a kay.

Of bands? Rude?

It's again in.

The room missed, big parting pants, put the drink and.

In the mouth.

Mouth zion, you bet yourself to bed?

Okay, that one went a little longer. I liked it, though it was a little too premeditated.

I think five impressions is a lot.

Yeah, yeah, I mean that was That's what they say, comedy comes in fine, that's right.

To put the pentagram of comedy the flaming goat sixty sixty six of last these worship Satan always of rule of fives? Should we do our goodbyes? And who should we say? Thanks? Everybody? For always?

My judge still sleep in the bag.

He made?

I don't think I think he made Daria was Yeah, what I wish I could wake him up?

Well, we'll google it later.

Baby, Right now, he made Beavis and butthead and Daria was a character in it. And then later he just sold the rights to that and he didn't ride or anything.

Yeah, because it wasn't his very special drawing, which I loved.

And now he's making that HBO like web design.

Show Silicon Valley.

Yeah, yeah, it's about debts, debts.

I love that show. That's the best. Thank you for listening and sticking with us when we only do it every other week. Always, thank you. Ship flood blogger. I think you're a girl, Chris. Do you think she's a girl or a boy? She's a lady okay, yeah. Also and she has good taste.

Yeah, she's the best.

She has a good taste in comedy.

A lot of people I just you know, individually and haphazardly and randomly. I like to call out some people.

Yes I do too. Kevy metal World. I'll call out Kevy metal World.

Because he's Kevy Metalworth is the best.

He's the best world. He's my Twitter friends, and he listens to us and supports everything we do.

We should get. I wonder if there's people that reach out to you and not to me and vice versa.

Uh well yeah, probably, Yeah, like I bet you there's people that were fans of your comedy first and then so then it's like, yeah, you did a thing.

Again, What what are you talking about? You think they're non fans of your comedy first? No, but like just you, this is the part where we start fighting each other, but it turns into a fight. You had more of a career for the thing this.

No, I don't know. I don't know what the people do or why they do it. Let's all admit that. I think if if the world could just admit they don't know what they're doing and they don't know what other people are doing.

Well, and that's all they need is love, sweet love.

Absolutely and and you know what, at the end of the day, the only thing you can say is how bisal.

Halt hot sun?

Uh? Why don't we park you? You have to come in and say hi.

Okay, yeah, so we're gonna go to.

You will you'll end up in there?

Wake up, Mike?

Okay, do you need a ride with Mike?

Judge and jp L NASA Laboratories they were a new sponsor.

Oh god, that'd be the We need to get some of that sweet sweet NASA money. Yeah, baby, I'll start spinning at a playground. Turn turn about just to get ready, ready, I got it, thank you. I don't know carousel, whatever the FU is. My name is Chris Fairbanks. You've been listening to Chris Fairbanks and characters and this is gun need Wright d y n A r