Ep. 48 - Lizzy Cooperman

I leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us.

Time and a germano engage aid.

We want to send you off inside. Do you wanna welcome you back home?

Tell us all about it?

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Now?

Porn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do your need ride? Damn you.

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgera.

We are driving due east on Hollywood Boulevard, away from the urine. Is that how you pronounce it?

Uh?

Urine your roine, away from the smell of yourine, and towards Little Armenia, the place where no one pees. Little Armenia, sponsor of do you need a ride?

Littlemia?

Hey, When you want to go away from that big, huge Armenia and get personal, come on over Little Armenia.

Just because it's littler doesn't mean the dreams aren't big Little Armenia.

Little Armenia, where are the eyebrows?

Are? Sure?

Aren't little.

Ah, kids has racism from Karen right out of the gates as she rounds the corner.

It's the urine smell that brings it out of me.

Yeah, I know. God, it's hard to be one love jab rule when that pee is well often and.

When it's kind of nerdy to be one loved rule.

It's a little bit uh.

Rostah. People really liked our Michelle Balloon episode. Oh really, we get a lot of feedback about it.

Oh that's uh, and thank you for Michelle Balloon. On the last episode. Today, we have a very funny guests that we're about to pick up at her dwelling Lazy Cooperman one.

Of my favorites.

She is one of my favorites.

I mean, we say that, yeah, but to the individual person it applies in a different way.

It seems like there are police up ahead, there is a roadblock.

Oh, it looks like there's a year and everywhere on the streets or.

Blood considering there's a guy laying down. No, let's not let it affect us. We're in a huge city.

Did you see a laying down guy?

Karen? People die every day, okay, okay, And what happened almost as often as they lay down while peeing. Let's hope it's the ladder, or let's hope it's just someone that fell off a ladder.

That's the kind of thing.

If you tried hard enough, you could convince me that that's the thing men like to do, is lay down, waldip.

You know what.

There's been times and I'm not kidding where it is the middle of the day. You know, I'm forty. Every once in a while I have that urgency only reserved for a commercial hosted by Wilford Brimley where I must go. When you go, I'm gotta go. You gotta go right, and you gotta have your diabetes oatmeal. And I have gotten out of my car and laid on the edge of a curb and pete while laying there, pretending I was checking under my car.

Wow, that's a creative like. No one would question that.

No, no, unless they get close and say, hey, can I help you with this? That a penis That's the only time and the whole time.

Are you like this tire pressure is insane?

Oh yeah, I'm like, ah damn gal valve Hi. I knew it was oscillating.

I stripped the threads and everything.

Yeah, but No, that's when I'm actually talking about my penis. Oh, I haven't screw top on top.

Well, be careful with it. You don't want those threads stripped.

No, no, the last thing you want is your peenis step loose? Oh come on, come on, my own brain.

Now, if I drive down the street, do you think it's going to be murder Central?

This is the street, right if we go all the way?

No, I think we've passed the bondies, which they've obviously let hit the floor.

Do you know the number? You could give me in some kind of a semaphore signal?

Yes, I will simply look at my phone. Maybe if we uh slow to it cautious speed, I will let you know quickly on this unnamed street that the numeric value is.

It is?

You just should.

Oh, it was a famous year of war. Yes, isn't that curious? So we stopped crazy. That's a lot how that war started. They just ended up there and people started getting bayoneted. You're giving it away that it was the war of eighteen twelve. Ah, well, too bad that we didn't mention the street. That's right, that's right. Oh, good luck. If you want to stop lazy I'm gonna tell her we're here, okay, And I did that great, and she will reply and then hilarity wont sue, especially

Yes, yes, I don't know about that kneeboard though.

If you do, you want me to hold your mic, and maybe I will, and I will talk to myself as you help. Hey, Lizzie, we are getting Lizzie's equipment in the car. Sometimes she uses a keyboard, and when she does, everyone loves it, including me. They are you can hear the sounds of the if I address that is the sounds of the loading taking place. And I'm very excited for her to get in the car. It's funny when you are by yourself, the sound of your

Thank you, Lizzy Cooperman.

Ladies in Johneral Lizzie Cooper. Before you got in the card Lazy, I was describing the music video you and I both starred in That's right, and how you were making me laugh even without your words making sense, which is you can't say that for most comics like it, I.

Felt like you knew. I felt like your character was inside of you. And before we did that, and you didn't even know.

It, You know, I would agree with that. I make jokes about prop comics, as do most comics, but once you're holding a Barbie doll with a knife through it, you don't know that comedy is about to happen, and then you know, and then you pull something else.

Out led mysterious Bordeners.

It is a place that you've probably been before. Oh really, And in the back is a stage that is beautiful, and there's a fountain, and I was already greeted by security there when I parked my car nearby. Up ahead, try not to look at the murders. Murders, there's murders ahead. We just will avoid them. It's never a good sign when they pull out six flares. But we're yeah, we're about to have a great concert in the back of a No who show you guys are doing it is called the Master Cleanse.

Jason Cox and Glenn Fraser.

I believe Cox and.

Fraser teams from Arizona? Am I right?

And a hell of a mid eighties boxing match? If I'm wrong, the.

Cox and Fraser fight. Yes, when Fraser just dropped Cox.

Oh, he dropped Cox like it was a bag of warm bread.

Oh, Lizzie, where are you from?

Originally I'm from Minneapolis, Minnesota, Minnesota. I met you there, Yes, I did meet you there.

Yeah, so yeah, we were kids.

We were children.

That's the sound of my phone dropping and maybe.

Breaking kids doing comedy together.

I think we met at act.

We did meet it. Acme, a club that I find trouble getting work. How about you.

I have not gone back there since. I'm like, I left and I never turned back. But kind of I haven't been back to ACME at all. I ran into Lewis Lee once.

And is your how's your interaction with him?

It?

Do you feel like it's on the tip if it's tongue to say, why don't you come back to the club?

No?

Me either? Me either.

It was a long time ago, though, and I feel like he's kind of a strong silent type he is.

He carries a big stick.

He told me that he weeps for both of you every night.

Oh really, yeah, I remember he he was always very nice to me.

Mm hmmm.

So we can just conclude that topic with that good idea.

Lewis Lee is nice, So Bardners it's called by Bella.

Yes, what did someone buyers like by?

Or is it La poop ell?

I feel like it's like two lapoo bellas the restaurant that's by the UCB Yes.

Yeah, but said Bordener's trademark by another place.

I just feel like Borders has like such a hard sound to it. It's like Borders, Yeah, like it sounds like a dog who like lived too long, or like a very like Wardner.

Long of you.

We've had Burdener longer than we've had Grandma Barners is starting to smell.

Yeah, he's seventy eight.

What was the puppy we got there? We're going to replace Bordner with that when he dies.

I remember as a boy when I first went goose hunting with Bordner. He was so filled with energy, bounding.

Energy that the eighteen hundreds, yes.

Yes, back it was the year I was the boy and the wearer, the red fern grows.

This is such a luxury being in someone else's car, isn't it nice in your car?

And you know, yeah, you're being chauffeured essentially.

Damn.

I feel like Jessica Tandy right now. Don't mind if I put in some earphone. I was going to get an uber today. I was like, maybe I'll just uber to where I'm going, And then I had that kind of like guilt, like what if I'm sitting in the back and I need my tie, Like I was having boundary issues with the idea of getting into the.

Of an uber.

Oh really, do not take ubers?

Often I do, but sometimes I get stressed over the relationship.

And there will be a relationship, and there will be it will be forced upon you, and.

It will involve cologne, and it will involve cologne, and sometimes you tap it and it goes to the wrong location accidentally, and then when the person picks you up there like I was waiting for thirty minutes at one two three two Hobart or whatever, and.

Like, baby, baby, forgive me.

Yeah, this is no way to start. Our relationship is out of anger. So how long have you been doing comedy and then also driving an Uber. It seems like every Uber driver is a comic I haven't met.

Is that true? That's what they say. Every Uber driver's just a comic you haven't met yet.

What do you do?

Uh?

Hesitantly, I'll say, oh, I'm a comic, and they usually go, oh, me too.

Oh.

I never say I'm a comic. When someone asked me what I do third grade teacher, no one wants to hear about it.

The conversation is over, I say, magazine illustrator. What do you say, Lizzie, I'm.

Pretty honest about it. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like it's the only thing I have to hold on to. I don't have anything else, And.

So you're just ready for that the conversation that comes after that of what kind do you do? Can you give me an example like that conversation.

When you when they say, let me hear a joke? Do you do your entire frog on a lily pad?

Bit? My god?

I would look.

I'm like, do you have twelve minutes and thirty four seconds?

Do you ever do? Go? Go Marongo in the back of an Uber.

That's when I first met Lizzie, was when I very first started doing stand up again, which was very upsetting to me and my hot house flower demeanor.

And she it was out as Highways member in Santa Monica.

Highways.

Oh yes, I knew no one there. I knew the guy that invited me to do the show asked me on Facebook. So I knew absolutely no one or nothing about the show. And Lizzie was like an example of a young girl in comedy who's having a great time where I was like, oh, I remember.

This, like it was really it was really funny. But no, you were so you were and there was another rule that you knew there that.

You were friends with, and the two of you were super nice and really like conversational and stuff. But then when I watched you do your said it just killed me. You were killing me so horribly because you were singing Go Go Marongo and yelling at people about I had different stuff.

I was really good at you, thank you so much.

Sounds like really lazy, was really shoving it in your face.

She was quite the showboater back then.

How did you guys come up with this idea for the show.

I believe Karen thought of it well. Were we were.

We had a bunch of different ideas.

We just knew we wanted to do a podcast together, and we were just trying to figure out We just kept talking about what we didn't like about podcasts, like how to make it, Oh, something that was different or that would be interesting.

And we were driving around somewhere I can't remember, did you.

Ever see six Degrees of Separation? We were thinking of all the reasons we couldn't make a film out of the musical Cats, and that's when we realized.

And then we went ahead and ignored all those reasons. And the only thing different from a normal podcast is we're in a vehicle, right you pretty much? Yeah? And that and that we riff well.

Together well, And I think people do like when comedians talk about doing comedy.

I think people like that. A certain type of person likes that.

So the type of person listening, thank you for being that person. Hi, how are you out there? Hey? Yeah, we were going to do a drive time morning radio podcast. That would have taken a lot of work.

I remember you getting super excited about that, and like me, getting excited him septually, but then immediately thinking of all the work. Sitting in front of an old fashioned Stephen j. Candell typewriter has the type.

Type type all day and this and ripping out the paper and going with your mouth bam and as slowly settles to the know, whate I'm talking about? Good dog boo? Sit right, Okay, thank you all of them. You're welcome.

So, Karen, we watched the I almost said the super Bowl together. We watched the Oscars together.

Yes, which is the super Bowl of acting, the super.

Bowl of acting. And I remember we were really upset by the back draper like this set. We were like, this is the worst set. It looks like a bunch of broken can openers. We were feeling it so passionately that night.

Yeah, I remember.

I don't know if you remember the set well.

Yes, because it was like it started off with the they always have this for Volski crystal shit. But then the it was like they tripled down and put it. Wasn't it hanging Oscars all in all different directions.

It was just like too many ideas. It looked like a junk drawer.

Yeah, it was crazy.

The next day I went into work, I'm like, guys, we have to do something about the set, and no one else noticed it. I was like, oh, that night. It seemed like it was the only thing that people would be talking about.

It was so obnoligious.

Yeah, I liked when I can't remember if it was you were Georgia when the woman they won the Oscar for documentary about suicide, and then the woman who was accepting said it's time to start the dialogue about suicide.

Was that you think right now? It was Georgia, right now?

It was.

We were laughing.

It's never a bad time to talk about suicide, and it's.

Never a bad time to recap jokes you told at an Oscar party, Right.

That's what I meant to say.

But we did have a good time.

I don't I'm am I not cool. I don't think I've been invited to an Oscar party. Do I just do guys and be honest? Does it seem like I'm someone that just doesn't keep up with movies.

Well, you do seem like a skateboarder.

Yeah, I am a kind of skaty Ooh, I wonder who's doing the handrail here at Hollywood.

High see that You're always talking about it?

Yeah, no, I mean, look at it. It's twenty stairs long. Kids just leap onto that handrail. And slide down.

Would you do that? Would someone do that on a skateboard?

Oh? Many kids can do that now, No, that's too There was a time the time when I would think about doing that and probably would not have unless it's maybe a standard board. No, it's too long and scary.

It's so long.

And uh yeah, there's kids that just do it willy nilly wow?

I mean, and now are they the ones that don't really have parents? Is that why skate kids get good at skaboard?

I am so offended? Really, No, I mean you have to have someone that says, hey, it's okay if you wander around the streets whenever, long often enough to where you get good at it. Yes, you're right. There is a direct link to latchkey parenting. Yeah, and being good at skapboard.

Let's be a little Maybe it's like it's a working single mom who's doing her best, but she just can't be there.

Hey, you just described Lynn Fairbanks. My mother.

She tried, she did, she tried, her parents impressed. Was she impressed by skateboarding or.

Was she like I like that? She was, and she would watch me in front of the house. And then when I would get arrested or get a ticket. She worked at city hall and she would go and yell at the cops. Nice and she said, well, build a skate park. And yeah, my mom was one of the first motherly voices saying build these kids at skate park, which I always appreciate. And did they They did eventually,

Now, when you were a teen, how did you rebuild uh, Scotch guard?

I did inhaled Scotch guard. I grew up by a lake and my friends and I would go in the cabinet and take whatever said do not inhale and then we would spray it on a sock no yeah, and then go out on the lake. We always brought like shampoo. We were like, let's get high and wash our hair.

You would have Scotch guard and wash your hair.

Huh yeah on the lake in Minnesota. I did that.

Brain damage from that.

I mean, that's why it feels good. It's your brain being damaged.

Everybody came through Okay.

Yeah, I think you came out. Okay, I think I did.

Whose idea was it?

It is funny that you my friend Michelle. I had a friend named Michelle who was kind of like the ringleader.

Nice, but here's Michelle and all the Michelle's out there.

What's the Scotch Garden.

Like rebelled out of what I'm oh, no, it's very I only said two things. When I did it over. I'd be like, I can't even see it, but red, I can't even see it, but red, or I say, everything is rewinding, everything is rewinding. I didn't do it all the time. I feel like I'm exaggerating, but even just doing it's something that even just the metaphor of it, like if you do it a couple of times, it feels like you were really like involved.

So it's not the movie.

Someone who was always like, no, I can't run for president. That was like always the threat. My sister used to always say that.

I would be worried that the threat is along with making them kind of waterproof, doing coating your lungs, because the Scotch Guard just waterproofs shoes. Yeah, what is it doing to your life?

I never, yeah, I would.

I'm too paranoid to just grab whatever says do not Now.

I used to not be that way.

Well, because you're young and you kind of think if it's Michelle's idea, everything's cool.

Yeah, I'm watching them do it. I think I was the last also to join.

I you know what I always was. I would not succumb to peer pressure until the last minute, and then I would go farther than anyone.

With it.

On the right, here is where I parked my car. If you don't mind, I want to look at that sign. It says Thursday Friday Saturday eight pm. You can't be there, but it's Sunday, so I can be there. Okay, I'm not worried about it.

Wouldn't all the rules are off on Sunday.

I wasn't. Yeah, unless unless you're talking about the eyes of God, the rules are on lazy. You're a very Christian, aren't you.

No?

I didn't think, so I asked the opposite of it, of a question you.

Like to ask no questions.

Yes, yes, were you ever? Did did you ever go to church?

No?

I'm Jewish, so my family went to there's churches. Yes, you went to Sinegage.

I actually did go to church.

I went to and I went with a friend. I was interested in the Mormon religion. I had a Mormon friend and I went with her a couple of times at like five am to there.

Did you go? Because seminary it's oh, yeah, yeah, that I think you're right about that. Didn't Did you go? Because it seemed like all your Mormon friends were happy and had big, happy families.

Yes, yes, I kind of didn't understand it. They were nice, but they were like, this is Lizzie, she's Jewish, very friendly Minnesota.

But yeah, and then when what did they do when they actually, oh really, yeah really in Minneapolis.

M h m hmmm, m indeed we did.

After you announced your cause I've I've told this story before, but I was welcomed into a into a Mormon household, and then I used the Lord's name in vain and I had to leave. And they had trampolines and trapees and ropes, and and then I was so excited to play on them. And then I said, Jesus Christ when a kid was swinging on a rope, and they asked, and they I either had to sit or I had to leave. Is that what happened when you announced you were doing.

Well?

Good?

It's about to leave.

One time someone asked me to leave their house for saying the work. Really when I dropped a morocca. Oh, I used to swear My dad's were a lot. So I just picked up the you and you said you dropped and was like I think.

I was like, I was hoping you dropped it because you just wanted to leave in it with a musical punch.

It was like, that's so not an aggressive a F word if it's me punishing myself, you know. Yeah, I was really just mad at myself. I wasn't like your cheap morocca.

Oh you dropped them. You said fuck because you dropped them.

I dropped it and it broke cool.

I thought I wanted you to say fuck and then fling a morocca and then get upset and it's like, hey, don't don't try and.

Bring your latina up in here.

Yeah, take your pencil, dan and eyebrows elsewhere.

Oh yeah.

For some reason, that makes me think of the one time that really stands out when I got in trouble as like a seven year old. I was sitting we were watching like a horse training or something at the county fair, which we used to go to it in northern California, and we were in four each, so we would go and stay at the fair.

For the week and show sheep and do ship.

What did you show the actually in for age? I always felt like that was just like an imaginary like something in books.

No, it's real, it's super real. It's real country.

You would take your sheep that you raised and you'd bring them into a ring and then the farmers would come in and they would auction off the sheep and you know, if you raised.

It, well, you got first place you raised hands on were Yah. Yeah, I had.

I had to get up every morning and run it and feed it and water them and do it after school. And we were like uh, free manual labor at my aunt and uncle's ranch which was next door to our house. So we'd go there every day after school and then just do stuff.

I did not know you would access to all those animals.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

And that's why I don't care about animals that much, because like when people get so crazy about like animal rights or like burst into tears, it's so funny to me because I grew up with like people being like, hey.

Should I go out and shoot some of those cats. That was like a constant oh wow conversation at my aunt's house. I think, who's gonna shoot those cats?

Oh my god?

Did what were the cats doing? And they're just too many of them?

Yeah, they were just end up being twenty five cats all of a sudden, and so they'd have to get rid of some.

It was pretty dark, but that is.

The darkest I love cats, Karen, Oh.

No, I do too, But like I guess, when I was growing up, it just wasn't Nothing was very romanticized. It was like you were raising sheep, but you were raising them to eat them. You're raising cows.

But you know, when I saw the show Horders for the first time, I was As I watched that show, I found myself liking cats last, but just because they were portrayed in such a garbage like yeah way, and I was like this, it's not the cat's fault, but maybe something in me identified with the like pruly you.

Were, you were holding it against the cats.

I saw myself in the cat and therefore despised the cats.

Get into like the crap and like burrow in there and live in there, or.

They just kind of are coming out of nowhere. With like crust on their faces, like, yeah, you just don't know. It's kind of like they're crawling out of the unknown a little bit.

And I love cats and I and I defend them all the time. But when I got the bit of news about their urine being like a addictive chemical to cat owners, they really it's bad. Yeah, it's like it's bad for you, but it's also there's something about it your body gets. That's why people become crazy cat ladies are crazy cat men. It's they. It's they, whether they know it or not, are addicted to the UREA wow, someone could look that up and and but I do.

Cats more, Yeah, you're the one spreading it.

I know.

Well, it's part of my weird platform. I want people to like cats more. But first I'm going to horrify you with little facts.

Uh did you ever have a cat?

Yeah? I had a cat growing up. He was an actor. His name was Tabitha, and he was like in a play with my sister.

A boy cat named Tabitha. Yeah, carry on, his.

Name was Tabitha in the play. So we kept and I guess he was biting people. So my sister brought him home and he was our cat.

During the performance or just like in the green room, and.

Like the actor, Like he just wasn't like the actor they had hoped he would be. It's like, I don't know how the new cat. I don't know how they got him to like sit on the desk. Well, Beatrix Potter summons the other the other animals and what what was this? A production of Potter's Christmas.

Oh okay, which which is a play already.

Yes, yeah, so my sister cats.

Like, it's all humans dressed up as cats. And then the one real cat they hired, they took a chance.

That's so true.

They were all everyone else was dressed as an animal.

One of the places one of my cats was euthanized and Missoula was a place called Cats on Broadway. Yeah, and they had there was like piano keys and cameras and like like famous cats come here to you know, have a finger put in them for testing or maybe put down, but they they it's as famous as they can get. Is to be at Cats on Brock horrible.

It is because like most people are at the vet, something bad has happened to their cat, right, so they don't want You don't necessarily want a theme while you're there.

It's just I think it was a theme for the sign. It's like cat they aren't going to be wearing top hats and there won't be piano playing. But the sign did suggest that that you bring them in and they just put a top hat on your cat, which I mean, if we all stop and think about our favorite cat growing up wearing a top hat, I think it makes us all happy.

It's pretty great.

Yeah, So you didn't have pets even though you worked on the farm.

Oh no, we have, Like we did have dogs and cats and stuff, but we just weren't like, I don't know, farm people are very It's almost like their their employees as well, Like you have to do your part. You can't just you can't just hang out as a cat and get free food.

That won't that won't fly.

No, your no, cats have to pull just like anyone on a ranch. You gotta do your your portion of the work. And even if that's the emptiest saucer.

Are you a fan of the movie, Babe?

I love that movie.

I do, like Wait, babe, colon a Pig in the City or just okay, I wasn't.

I wasn't as thrilled with Pig in the City.

It was crazy.

It was with that Rundown hotel.

And the that's talk about dark. That was a dark movie.

That was Yeah, a pig has no reason to be in the city and it's only dangerous.

Yeah, it's a little hoofs on the sidewalk.

No, was was, babe, one of those I can't remember right now if they computer animated his mouth and lips when he talked, or if they just put some peanut butter in there and had him cheer away.

Oh.

No, it wasn't like the like, you know, the trick of how to get a pig looks like it's talking. Yeah, they do the old peanut butter on.

The well it's it was. There was a there was a point in the dog and cat food commercials where you know, you would that is what they did. The dog would be like, aren't want some cribbles and bits? But his tongue is He's obviously licking the inside of his mouth because some uh, you know, first a d put some peanut butter in there, and then after a while they just start computer animating the lips and something was lost. I felt this is bad. Yeah, move out of the way.

God.

Every CMW driver has to be the same, don't they.

Lizzie, do you know what your set is going to be tonight?

Yes?

I actually thought about it a little bit. There's a joke I keep doing this where I'll have a show and I'll be like, I have to do that one joke and I don't do it.

Why do you think you don't do it?

It's just not there in my brain yet.

Mm hmm.

It doesn't appear like there's nowhere for it to naturally go, So my brain just doesn't go there, even though I have it written down, Like, do.

You want to it out loud right now?

Do you want me to?

Yes?

And do it like full boar as you're on stage.

Yeah.

Really, it's pretty big. It'll be as big as you want me.

I'm really over selling it, guys.

This is going to be amazing.

This is a lot of girls like to look good when they see their acts. I like to look like I just crawled out of a junk yard like it was, especially if he's with his friends, because then I can go. Yeah, me and Tyler we used to do it. We did it all the time. We did it everywhere. You can keep your head on top of me.

One time we did it on the top of it stack empty una fish can isn't that Tyler wait is gonna be so much better?

I know.

I love that we did it all the time. We did it everywhere. It's a physical bit, I see.

I only imagine the gesticulation.

The rest of my set. I got it. I it's.

It started. It started right where you ended with your fear of cats that live in a horder house.

Oh yeah, that's true. Yeah, so let me do that, okay. I also have a joke about horny goat weed. Are you familiar with that product?

What does it do?

It's an aphrodisiac that they sell the grocery store. Wait, and it's always in like a black packet with like neon green font.

Is that what the horny stands for?

Yeah?

I thought it was something else. I thought it was for kidney health or something. Oh gross, my mom took horny go weed.

Hold on, is it a you think you're saying John's wart?

No?

No, that I thought was for warps.

Chris. You might be right, and I may have just always made that assumption.

I wonder, No, I don't. I think you're right the more I think about it. You know, when I've on a night, I'm in a in a wall of greens, and I feel lonely and I want to get a extense pill or something, I think more often than not it's gin sing and the goat of hornyweed, the harny goat of wwets, the horny eat. I think. So you're right.

Are you performing tonight, Karen?

No, I'm just dropping off. You are?

What are you? What is the rest of your night going to look like mine?

Why? My night? God? I hate to think of it.

I hate what is in your Netflix que?

Yeah, it's well, I lost my ATM card last week, so now I can't get anything on Apple TV or or and the last time I tried to look at wouldn't let me look at even it wouldn't let me use Apple TV because my it basically said my card doesn't work.

Oh, because you're waiting for a new card.

Yeah, exactly, you have to when I get the new kind of program.

I hate that financial purgatory.

They do not let you slide for one day. It's like they know the second they don't have that tap on your money.

So wow, it seems like that Netflix is only in it for the money.

Uh yeah, I mean a lot of those businesses are.

Yes, it the smarter ones, the ones that work.

But so it'll probably be watching some whatever's on tv TV, probably looking too much at Twitter.

Are you a Twin Peaks fan?

I did like it a lot, not to watch again, though I liked it the experience I had the first time.

Mm hmm.

But I think I've tried to watch it again a couple of times and just got really frustrated.

They're bringing that back, right, No they.

I think they said they're not going to now because David Lynch wouldn't right.

I want to Transcendental Meditation workshop last week?

What is that talk about that.

David Lynch is a big supporters the word proponent of transcendental meditation. It's basically they talk about how you They give you a mantra, and then you work with an instructor. It's kind of a traditional there's something about it that they want you to work one on one with someone to make sure you're doing it correctly, and then supposedly you reach a state of pure consciousness.

Who is this a thing where you exit your body sort of?

Or no?

No, okay, good. I don't like that.

You don't exit your body. I think you go deeper into your brain.

Oh I don't even like that either.

But there is something about going into a part of your brain that you've never that you never didn't know about previously.

That scares me. Yeah, I don't know why.

It's like it reminds me of like swimming in the like the dark, like or Lex Luthor's pool.

But it's good.

The limited amount of meditation that I've done, that idea that you are just trying to put a little bit of space between your thoughts like that.

Someone told me that would that should.

Be the goal? Oh that's interesting.

Yeah, just like because you know you're it's just constant this, this, this, like your brain is constantly serving alf a bunch of crap if you can just get it quiet for three seconds in between thoughts and then you're trying to make that space bigger.

That's how I looked at it and like it. But you know, I thought might not be the same kind.

But Lizzie, have you do you have friends that do this uh ayahuasca thing where it's like that's but it's a drug. You take a drug, but there's a shaman, which is the only reassuring thing about it is there's someone there that is traditional and trained in going with.

Really, I didn't know that. I just thought it was like the first time I heard about ayahuasca was like what like I couldn't wrap my head around me either.

Yeah, yeah, like.

Tree sap and then I don't know, I've never I have very little experience with drugs.

Oh you've never done where cards?

Only a household?

I like it in the house.

Gymnastic drugs.

If you want, do you like transcendental meditation? Is it like a thing that you're doing.

I'm thinking about doing. I'm thinking about going because you have to commit to it, like it's kind of expensive, and then you do four days and it has to be in a row of training, and I feel like I would like to do something like that or learn French. Yeah, I'm just kind of in a place where I feel like I need Is it the summer of your senior year enhance my existence? Yeah, it is the summer of my senior year. Do you speak any foreign languages? No?

And I do mean no in Spanish.

I took French for two years in high school, so I can like kind of put a couple of words together, but.

Not in any real way.

You have to stick with it in my experience, or it just disappears because I took two years in college, which is more I'm trumping your two years ago. I really am. And it totally escaped me. Unless unless you're around people and you have to out of necessity in.

A situation where you needed to use it, you would probably remember.

You're right. I was in Costa Rica for like ten days and it was a surf trap and a floating log hurt my ankle almost immediately, and so I didn't have much to do. A log in a wave, not just a log floating and I I start kicking it or something that would be crazy of log came towards me hit my foot and I was like, well, I guess I'm just in Costa Rica during the rainy season.

And I feel like this log story helps and in a really metaphor beautiful way, what happened with the.

Log went on went? The log floated on, and so did I And I think about that log every day. See how's that?

How's that?

I love it? I could have beautiful First? Did you toss a necklace around the neck of the log? Is it?

I lit a candle and put it my brother and put it in a bag, and I floated it off with a log like a like a funeral from Karate Kid.

Karen. If someone said that in fifteen minutes you could choose to be flown to Fiji with only the stuff that you have in your car, and you'd stay for three days, all expense is paid, and then come back in three days, would you do it?

Hell?

Yes, yeah, me too.

Fiji is one of those places too.

Where like I see those pictures on like say a screen saver or something where it's the little it's the cabins that are out over the water. There's like a long walking pier and then there's like a little hut out over like bright blue water.

That's usually Fiji, and that's I would love to go to that.

I would love to. I'll even amend it and say even if it wasn't auction its it's paid, I'd go.

That would be such a good travel business to have it based on screensavers?

Yes, right, do you want to go here?

Like be like, well, what do you have on your screensaver? Which are these screensavers?

Oh?

No, the rainforest. I'm gonna get I'm gonna get bitten by a spider.

I feel like I didn't give you up or for that hYP oh did answer oh right?

Or no?

But I just realized I was like, yeah, that was a pretty or go fuck yourself, or you can only but all you can eat when you're there is Chick fil a.

This is a problem. All of this is a dream vacation.

What about you, Where's the one place you would because you actually weirdly chose my one like tropical destination that I would love to go to.

What's yours?

And I'm like patting myself on the back and like, and I never even think about Fiji.

Never once before we discussed it, not even on Oscar night.

I think, I think right now I would like to go to Greece.

I heard Greece is amazing.

I'm not sure where in Greece. I just wear all the white buildings, something kind of blue and spacious right now.

Did you ever see the movie Summer Lovers. No, it's from the eighties. You probably wouldn't have. It's the first dirty movie I ever saw with my cousin Nancy on like some late night HBO. And the whole thing takes place in this beautiful little village right on the water in Greece, and it's Daryl Hannah and Peter Gallagher and then some French.

Lady love Daryl Hannah.

They end up having like a three you way, it's super like softcore kind of dirty in it.

That might just it might just tide you over.

Who does darryl Anna, Peter Gallagher and his eyebrows. Who's the third.

French lady that I forgot?

Daryl Hannah. They had a threesome in Clan of the Cave Bear. If I didn't remember Clan, that was like the first time I ever saw sax and I was like, what are they doing to her?

Yeah?

It was.

If I'm not mistaken, that's one of the early movies where it's okay to watch and there's like it's rape.

There's rape in it, yes, because they're basically cave people.

Yes, it was. It was a sign of the times. My dad said, when I cried and wanted it turned off, that's just how they did it back then. Son, keep your eyes open.

Kevin cost your movie Dances with Wolves, Dances with Wolves. Yeah, I remember expecting more of that and dances with wolves and not getting Yeah, not.

Not getting one of your bargains.

Why are these wolves not raping Kevin? They're just dancing. I don't I don't think i've ever watched it yet. Here's a little known fact about me. Not a Costner fan. Oh really, yeah. I feel that when he acts there's a dead look in his eye.

One of my favorite things my dad's ever said to me was I love that Kevin Costner, but I sure don't believe.

It when he says anything in a movie like, oh, that's great, that's perfect.

Actually, that's what I'm saying. Yes, yeah, he is likable somehow, but when he's talking, it's like, oh, I don't believe he's in this.

I just think about water World.

Oh yeah, he's like a tase on money man that really believes he should be in the movie when he absolutely should not be.

I wish I were more like that. I don't even put myself like in a web.

Who looks like, yeah, you got to costner it up a little bit.

Yeah, I could use some of that. Okay.

When I talked to the guy that put that is running the show, Lizzie, he said that you requested going up first. Is that correct?

No?

Oh well that yeah, I said, well, I have a feeling she won't be going up first, because that's just a feeling. Oh that's ten minutes fast. Well, certainly we're four minutes into her set. If if if we were, if she's going for but you aren't going first.

All I have to cut is that one junk yard joke. I'm gonna say it until it's funny. We did it, Oh, the we did it.

I think I definitely think you should keep on a on a pile of empty tunic cans. Please yes, please.

Okay m H.

Paint picture. I know.

Thank you so much for having me, of course, wonderfully smooth ride was it isn't Karen a good driver, very calming, Thank you.

It is a completely different podcast, Lezzie. When I'm driving, it's chaotic. Everyone's thoughts are disjoin it because we're interrupted with me having outbursts and just everyone mutually feeling like we're gonna die because I can't multitask. And Karen is very good.

Well you know what it is? If you want to know my secret?

Yeah, what has it? Please tell me? Maybe I can learn.

Well, here's the thing in Los Angeles.

You don't really have to pay attention when you're driving because everyone around you will drive for you, so you can just like you know what I mean, You don't have to like gas it to get to a red light. It's you're always coming up to a red light. Don't hit the gas unless you have a big, wide open space in front of you.

So you just treat it like you're a fish floating with a school of fish in almost then approach to driving.

It's just kind of glide around. Don't be in a hurry.

Do you make driving sound calming?

It's pretty great.

You don't even need to learn how to transcendentally meditate?

Yeah, I don't. I'm beyond all of it.

Well, transcend that, I don't know. I tried to. Incidentally, whatever words are fun and it's fun to mess with them or ruin them. I believe Costner style well transcendentally. That brings us to the end of this podcast. Incidentally,

There's no Mayor of Hollywood where that.

I thought it was a funny. That is, his business card was written in crayon.

Well have a good Oh, Lizzie, plug do you have things to plug? Or the appearances you're making things you're doing? I know you're a right on the soup, which people should know about you. We should have said that first.

Yeah, I do the online stuff at the soup. I'm doing Bridgetown with you actually.

And me and Chris. Yes, yes, nice, let's redo what we're doing right now, but up there in a different city, so it's like a new experience.

Yep, Oh god, I would love that, Okay, And then she was gonna say no, oh God.

I just had a general moment of oh God, and then I tried to turn it.

Well, that's what that's the that's the feeling that Portland in your Future gives you. And then I have an instag of oh god, what's your instagramled.

Avant gram it's a V A and T underscore g R A M when I make like little avant garde movies.

I didn't know that. Yeah, I'm going to great. I'm gonna click ad right now.

I would love that.

Are they black and white? They are not.

I have not done a black and white one yet.

I need to watch them.

I would love that you're going to watch them even though not black and white.

Well, I don't have Instagram, but I'm gonna I'm gonna do some work.

I'm gonna you should suss around and see maybe we'll pull Georgia Hardstark in and she can hook me up.

He's been one of them.

Actually, she really Yeah, she's great. She looks like Louise Brooks. She does, so she should be in.

Wow. I'm going to look up who Louise Brooks is.

She's a great, the great, the first great Bob of our time.

Ah.

Yes, guys, this has been incredible.

It has been incredible. You get you go meet your friend for dinner. I'm gonna go and do comedy concert with Lizzie and Lizzie. Thanks for being on our program.

Thank you so much for having me.

You've been listening to Do You Need a Ride? D y n A r