Ep. 45 - Brendon Walsh

I leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. You give us time and a turman al and gay. We want to send you off InStyle. Do you wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all about it?

We scared her?

Was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need ride?

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.

This is Karen Kilgariff. Hello Karen, Hello Chris. Ah, how's it going?

Terrific? It's a beautiful Sunday and we're leaving your residence yea to pick up Brendan Walsh.

Brendan Walsh a very well known comedian from Austin, Texas.

He is from Austin, from Austin. I mean, we can clarify whether or not this is the case, but as I remember it, he started doing stand up because of me and my advice.

Really yeah, so oh so we're gonna get We're going to get down to the roots here.

Yep, the old nitty gritty as they used to say.

Well, and then if Howard Kramer was in the car, wasn't heat somehow some kind of influence on you?

Yes, everyone, it's everyone is their career is usually the credit is being given to another person.

Yes, I like it. It's like the you know, it's like the Austin h pecking order, a different word but more accurate to people helping each other.

Yes, and I don't know that I totally said, hey, you should start doing stand up but if it's something like that, he was already doing sketch stuff.

I think what's fun is if you take a really strong stance, like I absolutely got you started in stand up And then when he gets here, he'll be like, I don't even really know you, dude.

But I sell him on it, Like the secret. I just keep saying it until he also believes it.

Yeah, magnetize stand up comedy into your life. You'll say, mm hmm.

Yeah.

I'll use the language or the only language I know is from the forum, and I'll and I'll say, are you in my listening?

Did you go to the Forum?

I did? I did?

Indeed, did it affect your life in a positive manner?

Yes? Because I think we created our own thing where I went with my whole family and sat next to them and so we just it made us talk about that, and I didn't even know I had daddy issues. Wow, daddy issues.

Where that car's turning its Oh, terrific, I'll follow them. Did you have some daddy issues that you found out at the forum?

Well, you know, it was a I was a child of divorce. I felt like maybe I got a raw deal. Yeah, And I didn't know that until I started talking about it.

I feel like everybody has any kind of parent issue. I mean that, you know, the two people that raised you, they're going to have fucked up a little bit or a lot of bit.

So when you're in a situation where you're forced to talk about and your arms are crossed because everyone there is speaking a made up language and they're being annoying, and there's no way you can compete with the biker guy who said everyone and his family had touched his butthole. Oh so I you know what am I doing here? That guy became a big, giant scary person because of how much his butthole was unwontedly touched as a child.

Can I ask who was in it first in my family? Huh?

My sister got involved fairly deep, and she was giving the introduction to the first level of it. She is out, Yes, she's moved on, and.

She only sees it as a positive experience.

Uh, for the most part, I think, unlike then, I can make fun of it now and she will join in.

Oh she couldn't. Yeah, because it was a serious it was like her thing, yes, yeah, but because it costs a lot of money. I've always known it as just a cult. I was a thing that takes your money.

I was a young person and it was a lot of money to me, and that first level I still don't really regret doing it. But the next level I think it was somewhere around seven hundred dollars and I did that when I first moved Austin to start doing stand up. My family wasn't there. I was only scrutinizing the ridiculousness of it being called like and I got my money back, which is kind of unheard of.

Wow, that's great.

But it's because I had some insider sister help.

You had dirty pictures, as somebody that was in the high level of the.

F I showed them dirty pictures of my sister.

Yes, no, no, she never once took a dirty.

Not that I know. And I feel uncomfortable even talking about it because it's a traditional brother sister relationship.

You guys have been incredibly traditional since day one.

It's long denim skirts, it's butter churning, it's.

The highest of bangs. It's not very traditional life.

I don't think people usually get their money back unless their big sister works for the organization. Yeah, that's what I that's what I meant. Well, so I threw down my weight.

I am in a strange place right now because I love your sister. I think she's hilarious, genius, Thank you. I've always had a lot of disrespect for the forum and things like it, am Way what have you. So I don't want to say anything that would insult her because I and you.

Know what, you can though she wouldn't.

Care, She doesn't care, no, But I just have heard of it before and it's that kind of thing where I think it's I think so many people are so screwed up and do not get any help that the second they even crack the door open a little bit and somebody goes like, you're right, no one should have

Just you've never done therapy or anything.

Yeah, you've never You've never had another person say that sucks. You were wronged and you deserve better.

Because you're great.

Right, So it's so sad so many people have never had anybody.

Say that's all. And I really wasn't even getting that from like a cult leader or anything. It was just like I was getting having conversations with my dad about stuff.

Well. See also, that's so funny.

Otherwise we would have never talked about it.

And the fact that you were all there together, you were clearly so far ahead of probably anyone in that room in terms of a family doing it together.

I don't think a lot of people had a member of their family talked the rest of her family into attending altogether. I think we had we we were had a leg up. We were cheating.

Did you guys have matching shirts that said the Fairbanks are here in the Forum?

We showed up every day as if we were posing for a Christmas photo?

What if you what if your shirts really did say the Fairbanks are here and the Forum? Yeah whatever, I just said. There was an unfinished.

Sentence, the fair Banks are here and the Forum and the Forum as well not to mention this rented golden retriever.

Oh, we'll take pictures. Don't worry about it.

Okay, When do we have to have this fucking thing back? I think I'm allergic? Yeah, but so I.

Uh so, God bless all scientology.

The only thing. Yeah. What bothered me about it then as a young person, I don't know is I think it was twenty maybe and and still now is that they have been made up language the you say something and they go got it, got it? Yeah, I'm in your listening, I got it. Don't say that now. I don't think you have any You're not listening, You're trying to remember some of your the coolest slang you guys came up with in a spaceship.

I mean, in your that sounds like it's like that sounds like website internet branding.

Bullshit, right right right.

We're going to make a new phrases things no one says, so that we can communicate unlike anyone.

The word spitballing just isn't doing it anymore. Now we're going to talk about cross branding.

Yeah, I'm hucking an oyster of ideas.

We're going to peel peel back the corn shocks of ignorance and let the the corn of knowledge time through. I think we both know it's kernels of knowledge.

Sorry, I have to take another level.

Okay, dollars perfect, you're already looking into this stop watch and now sleep well.

Check book is going my old fashioned check book.

I still write checks.

I love to write a check to the gas company every once in a while.

I only reserve obsolete forms of payment for the old timey things. Ye like gas, it's.

An electric and maybe if you get a coal, if you have a coal man deliver every couple months, Yes, pay that guy in a check. I once forgot to pay and by forgot, I mean never paid attention to the idea that I had to pay the gas bill at my house. The gas got turned off. And when they turn your gas.

Off, it is off.

It's off for weeks. Yeah, like even if you immediately pay the bill, which at the time I didn't have the money to pay it because it was literally, I think, like a full year of gas. So it was like six hundred dollars or whatever something a lot something forum level too.

Probably they gotta have some guy calm and do what you're afraid of, which is turning on a pilot, like lighting a pilot. Yeah, but sometimes yeah, in your case, you probably they just shut off the gas.

They shut off the gas, so I had no hot water for literally three weeks. I had to take a cold shower every morning. I mean, it was a route awakening. So the kind of lifestyle I was leading, which is I just don't pay bills until it becomes an emergency situation, even when I have money. I'm doing it right now as we.

Speak, Glenn Dale, Okay, here we go.

If you do it too, I'm just saying this so you don't feel bad.

I don't know that gas Okay, that's how we use our stove. That could be off gas. It's the stove and the heat. For all I know, my gas has been off for months.

When I long ago, when I was young and broke and lived in a studio apartment, I never had the gas turned on because I thought I was in trouble with the gas company for some reason from San Francisco, which it wouldn't even be the same gas company.

I don't think.

So I lived for I think five years with no stove or whatever. The second thing was, yes, yes, and in no way affected.

My life any kind of heating heater thing.

You don't need a heater in Los Angeles.

It's funny when I when I first moved to Austin, I guess what that'll be one of the themes of the show. It's gonna be one. Uh, mister Austin himself.

Gets in here, the King of Austin.

The Funniest Person year two thousand, I don't remember.

I think didn't he win Miss Firecracker?

I think he won Miss Firecrackers. Still ask the sash, but he and I both won Funniest Person in Austin? Did you really I wanted no? Three? He wanted in another Oh, oh four, maybe two.

But if it was O two, then what if he influenced you?

Oh, the grasshoppers become the teacher.

I think. Don't you want to get off the freeway?

I bet I do, Grashop.

I can't always listen to everything you say because I need to plan all my stuff.

Well, everyone, everyone, everyone, I don't know which way actually right?

Oh?

Thank you?

See I'm driving obviously, everyone.

Oh yeah, we need to talk about that.

Aaron usually drive.

That's the dynamic switch that you are like, what's going on?

Does it? I mean part of me thinks it lights a little old fire under my ass. And in the panic, I'd blurt stuff out and it might be gold or it might be gibberish. But I'm scared to do drive. And you know i's looking at my phone just now. I never do that. My seat is up to where my chest is almost touching this daring wheel.

You do drive slower than I've seen you drive normally.

I am scared for our lives. I'm right, it's hard to talk and drive. If I was singing right now, we'd be fine. That I can do. Really, Yeah, singing and driving. We all do that.

And you can do a little trumpet in drive. Right, that's not a bar. There she is there, we go there, it is.

I I anyway, Oh, I was gonna mention that, Well, that's no reason to go back in time. Oh, okay, I just wanted to share that one time I moved into a place in Austin above a Thai noodle place, okay, and I was I didn't have anything. I had a hot plate, which we weren't allowed to have.

Yeah, because they catch on fire.

I guess they do. I don't know if you'll leave them plugged in or leave balls of newspaper next to the outlet. I don't. And one day the stern German woman who rode in a bicycle with baskets on each side with German shepherds big full grown dogs in on her bike, she broke into my apartment and stole my hot plate and then wouldn't cop to it.

Well, that not makes sense.

But my neighbor guy, he's the one he used to do. I would hear him crying at night, I would hear him doing sit ups. Wow, I would slam the I would slam the you know, microwave. I did have a microwave, which I don't I mean put to using them now, And he go, I'm trying, Chris, please please, And he was affected emotionally.

And then hold on, how old was this man?

He was forty five. He was a lawyer. He was ripped, and he had a shaved head with band aids on it, and he wore his pants real high. He was like a muscular nerd, which scares me.

Those are the scariest. They're the ones that shoot.

Up the gym. He would write these long letters and feverishly written and describing when you make a noise, it vibrates through the floor, through my bed, into my brain and against my skull like a rubber mallet, like just because I shot the scariest stuff ever. And one time I lot we shared a bathroom. He was an accountant. We shared a bathroom, and.

He account makes more sense and lawyer, yes, yes.

He was an accountant. Yes, yes, somehow dealing with law There has to be a reason. I said that. It's not just a mistake. Everything I say back in fact. So I had to go through his apartment to Oh, I'm bad at I don't know what it's doing. I'm sorry, I'm bad at navigating. Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Do do that.

I'll help it out.

So I had to go through his apartment to get into our bathroom to get into my room, and his mattress, which was like a futon style mattress, was rolled up and leaned against the wall because he was punching it. That was his punching bag. No, he had a huge computer system with many monitors. That's not that weird, but on the walls were and I only look peripherally because I didn't. I'm like, oh my god, he's a murderer. Don't look at it or your next pictures of people.

No, I don't know.

No, he was so scary and I really thought he was going to kill me and Brendan and I, who were about to pick up. We were doing this sketch show and we shot a scary video based on these letters he had read me. Because fuck, I used to read him on stage and people would go, oh my god, your kid. They thought I was making them up. Yeah, because I'm like, here's the response to me laughing with my girlfriend in at two in the morning. And just page after page of scary hoh. So I decided I'm

Hold on, sorry, you're uh we did this way wrong.

Oh I'm sorry.

No, no, no, we just have to go back.

Yeah, I can't do it right on Temple. Okay.

You know that's super crazy because I mean, obviously that guy was probably mentally ill.

He was really scary, but he held a good job and he remained fit.

I mean that's just kind of like part of have a driver's license.

I never trust people that, even if it's Paul Thompkins, couldn't. I don't drive. I don't drive. I don't. Oh that's is that because you have sudden homicide aloud bursts. I'm no longer talking about Paul tom I just remember him now. I think. Yeah, a lot of people heal their mental illness heels. That's that's all that is. I'm saying, if you can drive, you're not crazy. That's what I've decided, just now in that's the way to do it. Don't you have band practice, get your skinny squirrels.

Okay, I feel like it's.

So funny to see like a gothy person or whatever that would be. Now, just I'm not gonna say a hipster because every time someone points and says, look at hipster, it's just a skateboarder with glasses.

And I'm like someone someone tweets on the genius other than they said, hipster is just the word for someone you don't like. Yeah, that's all it is anymore.

Hipster's also a word for someone that's old that wishes they were young, and they're pointing out a person fifteen years younger than I think. It gets that simple. Yeah, oh, look hipsters. Why because they look okay and a cardigan. Anyway, It's funny when they're going to the gym. That guy was like dressed to work out. It's like when you see it if you're at the gym and there's like a goth guy with his fingernails painted and like an upside down star tattoo. But he's on a stair stepper.

I mean he's got to get that cardio in. Yeah, I mean he has a choice for the darkness.

You want to for the devil, for the devil.

The devil doesn't fuck around. He's got ripped abs.

Yeah, Jesus isn't the only one with as I mean.

They have to fight all the time.

Every time I mentioned Jesus having abs, I feel like I'm ripping off Greg Barrett.

Turn right here you are, okay?

Here?

Turn I will then. So I wonder if, yeah, I wonder if Brendan remembers we shot that for the hyper Jackson Chamber, the Skeed show we did together.

But can I look at this? He just texted you.

Oh okay, oh please do please do and say on our way friend, okay.

Your phone isn't my phone. I don't understand. Oh really, Oh they're they're there. No, I know that's your phone messages.

Oh you don't have an iPhone?

No I do. I just uh you guys close? Should I say? I think we're about ten minutes away?

Yes? Okay, Well I messed up.

I really yeah.

I should have known when we when I started talking about murderer roommate, we were kind of near him where we.

Yes, we basically just did a big square he lived.

Yeah, okay, he lives near Like, okay, I know where you live.

Look this is we know that. Like, uh, we don't write what's that song from the nineties about the notebook that's not finished at the end, Like we don't we get into this car and whatever happens happens. Am I right? The rest is still unwritten? God damn the latest version.

Okay, phone with your own brain. Don't yell at me, first of all. And updating to a new operating he's hearing me right. Updating to a new operating system is something you have to think about in research. Okay, Syre, goodbye, goodbye, Tom Cruise's daughter with a man voice? Are you Tom Cruise's daughter? Siri?

No comment?

Oh so funny? Oh, no wonder people take screenshots of your witty retorts.

I've got to tweet that.

Yeah, do you ever do any tweeting? I'd love to follow you, Siri.

Wait, I need to see that map again because I think you need across.

Okay, Okay, I will. It's I wonder how badly you get pulled over when you're both playing with a phone.

When two people are playing with one phone and podcasting at the same time. Yeah, I don't think you can go here.

Yeah, so, yeah, it is you officially, Karen are the Do you need a rive driver? That's cool, I've decided that. I mean, you're just you stay calm, and that's why you're able to hold down a real life position somewhere. You know, I'm a drifter. Yeah. Do three things at once, all poorly, none of them finished.

Oh, I know exactly how we're going to do this. Okay, and we're not that far away.

Terrific. Okay, did you respond to his.

Yeah, I just said we're ten away, but I don't even think that's true. I just put a number.

Terrific.

That was my polite way of saying, shut up. Yeah, Yeah, we'll get there when we get there.

Yeah, exactly what do you gotta do date? What do you My dad used to say, someone drives pass fast, what do you got a date? I think that's a funny dad thing.

It's a pretty good My dad used to yell at cars because we lived out in the country and cars would go by at like ninety miles an hour and he would he would scream slow down at cars, like lunatic. But this is actually what I wanted to say. We have a listener who I've insulted her hometown now I think three times.

Oh that because she lives near city Downy.

Come on, this is this is to make good.

She's sweet, she said something about but she was joking.

She was totally joking.

Where's Downey? I don't know.

Downey is down south? It kind of by torrent I'm not actually sure. It's down south on the way to Orange County.

But here's the thing. Is it kind of like is it kind of like Torrents or river Sidey where it is indeed not our favorite place to go.

I'm not sure because, to be totally honest, I don't think I've ever been there. I just think it's a funny name, and I know it's where the Carpenters are from and it's so it's like classic.

The actually lived in that house and recorded. Yes, oh wow, I want to go to Downy and look at the carpenter's house.

See, there's so many great things about Downy.

Will we thought of the carpenter's thing.

Yep, there's that.

And also there's a woman there who ran the La Marathon.

I'm sure there's many we offended.

I maybe offended her again because I was like, hey, wait.

Oh you didn't.

I'm not gonna let you.

She runs marathon.

She was like in the LA. I said, oh no, I'm not mad at marathon runners. I'm mad at the marathon only the people that were in the one in La. And she's like, I was in it. I ran.

Yeah, So I just felt bad.

Still, I lost my train of thought because I had to switch.

AWAYE Yeah, that's all right.

Cab drivers are maniacs.

Well, they're very mad about uber they are.

They constantly are driving with it angry, Like if you look deep in their eyes, there's flames and a pink mouskag.

Well, because you know what, they used to have it all. You'd get in their car, they'd have so much cologne on. They'd be super rude to you. They don't like it when women give them directions. E. They're the cab driver and they don't know where to go. All kinds of issues with cab drivers. Uber comes along outclasses them by a mile. Now they have no work and they're pissed everybody else look to yourselves, assholes.

Yeah yeah, their their attitude used to be what else are you gonna do?

Yeah? Well, guess what physician heals cab driver. I'm pointing at the cab. That's the energy you hear in my voices. I'm really doing gestures normally.

Oh, I'm gonna slow down because anyway.

Do you want to hear about some of the notable fast food restaurants in Downiest? Because that's what I flipped to on their Wikipedia page, which I think is a pretty funny Wait, cab underneath like exports and imports and stuff like that, it says notable fast food restaurants. First one listed McDonald's. Are you kidding me? You guys have a.

McDonald We're trying to we're researching Downy, were type in Downy and also culture something?

Well, we've got Harvey's or Johnny's Broiler, which looks like a rip off of Bob's Big Boy, but perhaps could be even better.

It's Johnny also a large, fat statute man.

It's yes, it's just that Johnny's blonde.

Oh does he have a ging apron?

Oh? Wait. In twenty two thousand and eight, Jim Lauder, owner of Bob's Big Boy restaurant in Torrance, entered a long term lease agreement that the owner of Johnny's Broiler Oh there we Go Restaurants rebuilded Bob's.

You saw that right away.

The first Taco Bells was in Downey.

What I thought it was Mexico.

See, there's so many great things. Please visit Downy today.

We were so late to get a taco bell in my hometown of Missoula, Montana.

Did it drive you crazy?

Oh? I drove me uh hungry? Oh darn it. Sometimes if I wasn't driving, that would have been funny.

Would it?

Though? Have?

Wait?

Wait?

Wait? Have tho would?

Oh? No, sorry, you're gonna keep going straight?

Yes, yes I will. That was quite all right. We go around the band, ah some coming around the band.

Oh no, nothing stays the same that one. But if you will to play the game, coming around the band to rowena. Uh, I'm embarrassing when I just sing an entire verse of a song. You have to sit there in it.

No, I want to chime in, but I don't remember that specific Carly Simon song.

You sing it first?

Oh oh, yes, yes, I know. Nothing stays the same us. Okay, thank you. I get passionate and I that's good.

I was told the best singing advice I ever heard. I don't think I was told. I think I saw it like on a documentary, was sing You have to sing like a drowning man, sing like it's your last the last thing you'll ever do.

Oh weird. Yeah, well, I you know, I don't think I'm really good at anything when I'm drowning.

Yes, but oh aside from drowning.

Treat singing like you would treat breathing if you were drowning.

Yes, Like you have to get to the point where this song is needs to be sung as opposed to that you're trying to like whoa dad? Oh that way?

Okay, thank you.

I thought you were pointing at that incredibly filth what do you call it? A dilf? That was like a hot dad on a mountain bike. That was going crazy up that hill.

Did you see him? A dad, I'd like to fuck, or you'd like to fuck dad, you'd like to fuck? Oh, that's a dial, it's a dial.

A dial. My mistake, my mistake. Yes. Anyway, if anybody needs singing tips, that's the only one I have. And when I try to do it, I just find that I'm embarrassed.

And it was Jordan Morris and I used to work together a lot, and he never really gave me any advice, certainly not comedically. But one time during interviews, I was losing my voice. We were in a loud place and he was like, you really need to learn to speak from your diaphragm. And I was like what He's like, I speak from down here. You speak from your neck and your nose. And I's like really, And I think he's right, but I don't know how to change that.

Well that takes. That's like a breathing, focusing thing that you would just need someone that tells you how.

I'd have to pay money. Yeah, you'd have to expe classes. Oh, for God's sake, Ah, well you know what I want you to drive? Okay, I hate this, I really do. It's so weird.

Hell over, I'm happy to take that all wired up.

Okay, I just don't know where I'm going, that's all. And you can't turn left here, okay, yeah, all right, I'm gonna do it here.

Yeah, you're going to take a left by going right.

All right.

Now listen, everybody, Chris is under a lot of pressure, so keep your voice down.

Well, I'm don't know where he is, but I I'll look at We just.

Needed to keep on going straight.

All right.

Well, now this seems to be one of those roads with maybe that guy needs a ride. He looks funny.

He kind of does look like he needs a ride, and he's cute.

Yeah he was. He was that kind of face.

Silver like silver lakes were.

He is a stranger you'd like to fuck. Okay, he was.

An exciting Middle Eastern man.

Up looking at squirrels.

Are yet it's the cutest. There was a couple looking at squirrels together.

They were well, I mean, if squirrels is what you need to ignore the fact that you can't talk to each other, that's fine.

What if they're both squirrel doctors squirrel scientists and.

They're like, well, it looks like he has a deviated.

Se we better give the squirrel a nose job.

Let's bring him to our shop and we'll just.

Give him the old Tara Reid.

One time we were at some It was a music video award thing and Jimmy Parter was hosting it and Tara Reid presented an award and she was drunk and her boobs were out yes and uh, and she was like slurring. She wasn't that bad. I was like, Wow, she looks pretty. What's her provise? Everyone hate her again? Oh okay, someone had to tell me. And then this, this version of Stomp came out and they were hitting trash bins together in the lids and like, and I

That some drugs is going to figure out how to do.

I just don't care about Stomp or Blue Man Group. I almost fell as At the end they throw out toilet paper. I bowled it up, used it as a pillow. Yes, I needed a nap. How boring it was? Yeah, yeah, they noticed those blue motherfuckers noticed anyway, He Jimmy came out and he's like, Wow, Tara Reid, I haven't uh, I haven't seen cans like that since the lad that trash can before her wig. Damn it, I blew it because I can't remember them since Stomp whatever. Forget I even brought up.

Yeah, let's forget.

I hate driving.

It's pretty awful. But can I tell you a funny story that my friend, my producer friend Melissa top my.

I haven't seen cans like that since the last production to Stomp.

I think, I mean it couldn't top that version of it, right, Yeah.

I said, I haven't seen cans like that since those one trash can those guys hat.

Yeah, you can candate you double cand it, which nobody. It's never funny when you use the same.

War and and by can can, she doesn't mean the old BMX trick.

No, I do that. You know what can can is sure, the one where you go up and then you go to the back wheels left and right. I think you're right.

I think you've accidentally described it straight.

I don't know straight as Rowena were.

He lives in the same place.

That's what I'm realizing the same place as what.

Oh we used to hang out. Okay, Brennan and I hang out his place, sleep on the couch. Oh that's cool, stay up all night, drink some booze, say we're gonna write stuff, but we just put.

Your hands under your chin and talk about girls.

Yeah yeah, aund I lay on my belly, keep my legs back and forth and play with the telephone.

Cord with curlers in your hair and tell my.

Mom to stay out.

Of my room. I had a friend who produced Stomp for talk show and they were all complaining and doing a bunch of crazy shit, and my friend Melissa screamed at them, people, get it together, you are Stomp. And we used to.

Say that to her, all, Oh that's so funny, so hilarious, get it together, you are.

You are Stomp.

Yeah, and what's Stomp doing now? A cruise ship?

I think they now actually are orphans.

They're all a bunch of pickpockets.

You know this girl in down, he's like I was with the Touring Company's Tom.

We they will never stop.

Offending every single thing we say, but we do it with so much love. We think of you now in all the ways we can offend you. What's the number?

Fuck, that's the worst, man, I'm bad at this.

I think we're going up, so we can just turn around.

Yeah, it's it's really hard for me to do this.

Yeah, it's very difficult. We can totally switch. I'm happy to.

Well, we're turning around. Eventually we'll have Brendan in the car. I don't I don't know if he moved or what he used to be up a side street. He like moved a block from his house, his old place.

And also this isn't this where, so keep going that way.

M oh right? But yeah, yeah yeah, and.

That's going to be on the right side. I guess you can just pull pull up over here. What if that was him?

Yeah, at this point I kind of wish it was. Okay, I'll just stop here.

Yeah that's good.

But I don't know if we're anywhere near him. Yeah we are, Well, I shall call him. Yeah, we've got to. I don't know what the answer is to. Okay, I'm i'd see I get a I get you've seen me get this way. I get emotional.

Oh, you're fine, just text him.

We're good.

I can talk a little bit more about Downey if anybody wants me to. I've got it right here on my Wikipedia. Let's bring it up and talk about uh oh, the Downey Farmer's Market. It was approved by the Downey City Council in two thousand and eight and it's rapidly blossomed into a community main attraction with a standard fruit and vegetable stands and growing number of food booths.

There. Sorry to interrupt that. We're on the corner here of your street and in Saint George. Yeah, that's not close enough. We might be uh there's like a green fence around a park situation. Okay, okay, So you want to just come out and be in the street and then we'll have you jump in. Okay, great, thanks, Okay, he didn't want to do this. Now, all right, here we go.

You know what, We don't know what he wants.

Let's project I don't.

You definitely don't want to do it, that's for sure.

I just I have trouble driving. All right, we've learned our lesson.

We can switch now if you want to.

It's all right, okay, because we're all wired up.

Some of the other people that have come out of Downey. Dave Alvin amazing musician William Bonnan, who was a serial killer. One of the greats Miranda Costcrow.

Yeah, downey, okay, that's all right.

We don't have to talk about.

Down it's great. No. I uh, I'm I'm gonna put this down, all right? Here we go?

Oh is his is his mic back there too?

Yep? Cool, We're ready and we are picking up Brandon there he is smiling, smiling and happy. Oh hi, Hi there? How's it going lost the wrong direction? I apologize. There's a little mic right there.

Brendon Walsh, everybody, Brendan Walsh, Hi, everyone, how are you?

I'm alright, She's.

Like, I sense was something in your voice?

What's going on?

Nothing? It was just uh, just a friend of mine giving me ship when it was just like fighting with somebody on the phone, which is annoying.

Yeah, I mean I didn't want to jump to that conclusion, but you had to look on your face like someone was giving you some guff.

Yeah. Yeah, sorry, it's just so annoying. Do you guys know where you're going?

Yeah?

To this party?

Yeah, yeah, we're going.

To the party.

Pokay. I just died 't know if that's where I had my birthday? Yeah, party time. How are you guys doing?

Pretty good? Pretty good? Pretty good? Pretty good? I was driving and I can't drive and talk, yeah at all. I I panic and I just basically had guy have a breakdown and we had to switch.

You should get those like Garth Brooks style headset slash microphone things. Well, then you could do hands free driving and podcasting.

We have a love for the driver, but I used to have I call him a Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation mic.

Same thing.

Yeah, I call it the McDonald's mike.

It depends on what kind of music you were into when you were young.

Marketer R.

Gallagher two, he used that kind of mic.

Kind of a stockbroker that's not that effective, but wants to put on a show.

A guy in a convertible that gets mad in a movie.

He has that from the nineties.

I guess I'm thinking of a bluetooth.

Oh yeah, Brendan. I think anybody's ever got gotten so angry from a phone call when they're under bluetooth that they take the bluetooth out of your ear and just throw it.

I think it happens all the time, right they Yeah, they Because you can't hang up on anyone anymore. You used to be able to slam a phone down. Yeah, and now you have to gently push a button on a touchscreen. So of course you want to throw something.

I've thrown a few cell phones and broken them. Uh not like not no, not like where I had to go buy a new one immediately. So you've like thrown it hard into the couch cushions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not throwing them against the brick walls. I did throw a laptop across the room once.

Oh that's terrific. That would be therapeutic.

Uh yeah, it was great. I mean it was a real it was it was it was on its way out. Anyway.

I always want to, uh, when I get a new phone, I have the old one that usually the old one has given me so much trouble. I'm like, I can't wait to get a new phone because I'm gonna throw this so hard and therapeutically against a brick wall. And I never do it. I just recycle it or something lame because the anger subsides I have.

There's a drawer in my desk with like probably like four old cell phones.

Do you want to throw some phones later?

Yeah, let's do it. Draw our phones a cop is it?

I have the same kind of drawer, and I think it's because I saw commercial one time that made me believe I could get money for those phones. But I'm never I would never do that, like cash.

For gold type money.

Yes, yeah, yeah, they have those commercials that are kind of like, if you look into this, you could get money for your old shitty phone.

Yeah, and iPads, but it's like a real nobody's getting rich off that. No, They're like, we'll give you fifty bucks for your iPad.

I don't think people are even getting rich off of selling their gold jewelry. Like they convince elderly people to sell all their gold iPad this for years and then they probably also get fifteen bucks. Yeah, it's all a scam.

Everything's a scam. Did you hear that there's no gold really in Fort Knox and that if the world found out about it, every all the major infrastructures would crumble.

I heard they're taking gold off of the periodic table of the elements. Why it just doesn't exist?

I know, the uh per the what do you call like the what do you call the the letters they give the things? Yeah, yeah, but like what do you call like gold I know is au but what is that called?

Oh someone's gonna tell us in like a week.

Yeah, I find.

Answer that question.

Yes, thank you, Andrew.

And I know that from I think an episode of Facts of Life. The gold is a you yeah, because it was like Joe from Facts of Life. I think it was Joe where they the way they remembered it, it was, hey, you give me my gold watch back. That's were they studying were I don't remember the uh, the specifics of the episode.

I love watching old episodes like even that, or even Silver Spoons or something.

It's clear.

That a bunch of old men wrote it and they're trying to write for young people.

Shows like that are so play like that. I watched, we watched, we were watching Different Strokes, the one where the pedophile guy gets Arnold and Dudley guy runs a bike shop and gets them in the back room take their shirts. Theyisode it was a two parter and the guy who played the pedophile was the guy from w k R P les Nessamund Arthur Carlson. Arthur Carlson, Oh yeah, good one. Uh yeah, it was real weird. It was. It's really weird and creepy, but we watched that he

No way, it's serious, it's.

Real, it's serious. But you know it is like pretty well, I mean, yeah, it's it's fucking weird and creepy. But it doesn't get like to like graphic. I mean, I guess it is a different stroke, but he is never like, uh does.

Penetration it so just shows the skinny dipping photo well.

Because there's never any like I don't know if it's insinuated that he like banged Dudley.

Sorry, my brakes are wearing out. Bang.

I think he just had them take their shirt. I know, Arnold split like he Dudley and Arnold were hanging out there and like yeah, Arnold took off. No yeah, Arnold was like, let's go Dudley, and Dudley's like no, man, I'm gonna hang out and drink some more wine with my shirt off. But then like Dudley's dad finds out. I forget how it all comes crashing down. But then there was another episode and that's very play like to like it's it's like a play like the sets are

Oh?

Pratrig yes, yes, and then I'm putting my feelings onto other people.

There was a an episode that I remembered off of Facts of Life where Tudy was trying to be There's somebody's trying to recruit Tutty into being a prostitute. What or like a porno chick? Yeah, talk to on the issues. Yeah, well that.

Was when I was a kid. I'm surprised. Actually, in the eighties a lot of people were always warning me. I lived in constant fear of being not just kidnapped, but molested. I knew that a grown up, there were grown ups up there out there that want to get naked and try and make babies with my little boy body. I knew that that, but it.

Wasn't I mean, yeah, it's like probably no more than usual. The eighties that is especially, I think, were like child abuse crazy, Like there were.

These people were just coming to realize you had to talk about it, I think, and there were really actually a lot of people.

Championed California it's still legal.

Yeah, well we're progressive here.

Well, there were also a lot of psychologists, because I remember there's a famous case of this daycare in Texas where a whole family got locked up for like doing like weird satanic sexual things to these kids.

It's a horrible combat.

But it never fucking happened. Mc martin.

That's probably that was that was in California. Was in California, but that happened all over the country. Is people just got it was like a crazy witch hunt because people that's crazy about that.

And there were yeah, people were going bananas over that ship. And there were these psychologists that were dealing with the kids totally wrong. Yeah, like leading them on. So these kids would give court testimonies like yeah, the guy killed a puppy in front of and like got naked. I don't know how they like, you know, I don't I don't remember the specifics of it.

They just planted all the ideas. So, yeah, it was that. It's that thing that you see when they when they interview cops interview people wrong, same thing where they just go were you at the blah blah blah, and then the people go, yes, I was, and they don't provide me information.

I consider myself someone that has control over their brain and can't be influenced a special Bay copp or someone I I did this deposition though I had a car accident, and I did do a deposition the day before yesterday, and she almost convinced me that I was lying about the whole car accident. The woman who worked for Geico, she was just a Geico lady that was protecting those people are evil. Yeah it was, and I mean it. I probably shouldn't even talk about it because it hasn't been concluded.

Oh that's a drum circle, not a not a bum tired. Oh, I thought the car was going weird.

That's gotta be good luck to drive by a drum circle in the middle of the Cool.

Thing about this is that we picked up on that and I can doctor that, turn it up.

We have.

Yeah, everyone heard.

The like an NPR. It's like an NPR thing.

Oh yeah, I do a lot of folly work and put you do you know? Oh? No, I know.

It's like or is it? Let's not, No, it wasn't know where it is, it's not.

How is that?

How is that going? I don't know, man, I hate everything.

It's well, are you like me? Where you have a it's cool to have a job. It's cool to have regular income. That's not something you've had for a while being a comics, so that immediately feels good. And but you like doing stand up even though also, like me, if you're enjoyment of it waivers at times. But do you miss being.

Just having to do something constantly? I don't like, Yeah, I would like to have a little more control over how much of a break I can take whatever I want to take it. And yeah, so you're just like to not have to work, yeah, well totally, Yeah, I would like to not have to do anything. Yeah, and just you know, do whatever whim and passion, you know, I get into for a week.

It's weird though, because that's also what is frustrating about being a comic. It's the up and down, like the infrequency of work and the you know, not not being dependable or reliable at times. But then once you don't have it, that's what's kind of cool about it, as every week it's different.

Yeah, you know, it's just never like having huge well, it's just like, yeah, the level of success we've achieved so far where it's like we can't just go do a weekend and go, well, I could take a month off the money I made this week, and it's like we make and I try to be great, you know, have gratitude for how good things have been over the last decade or so, even though I've been broken shit at times, Like I remember having had a real job, and.

I really remember times where we were both very broke.

Yeah. Yeah, even like not that long ago. When I first moved out here, the first year here was pretty good.

I remember I took you, I drove you out in the middle of nowhere, outside out dripping springs or something, so you could buy a Geo Metro with rims on it.

Yeah, it's a little.

Training car so you could go on the road and start like your early yeah, and on the road work.

I think that was. Yeah, I guess that's when I bought that is when I started going on the road all the time.

Does I still have that Geometro?

No, No, I sold that.

It lasted for a while though.

I had it, Yeah until two thousand and seven when I got the car that I have now still.

But before that, I.

Had like Buttet Yeah. Yeah, it's a land Row, it's a Hummer, Limo, land Rope Escalade.

Yeah, you can make money with them.

You can buy these.

Kids Hooper with it in the weekend.

Yeah, they just combined all those vehicles into one and put them on a.

Yeah. But no, Yeah, the job's fine. It's been going on for a year, so uh yeah, I don't.

Know that's good though. Well, even if you have mixed feelings about it, I'm proud of you.

We're really proud of you, both of you.

Yeah. I think I speak for Karen when I stay I'm.

Proud of you.

Care for me always. But yes, I'm definitely proud of you. I actually am. I am proud of you legitimately because do you remember the last show we did together. Yeah I don't. You probably weren't there when I had to do my part of it. But we did Power Violence one night, okay, and they were those super drunk girls in the front row okay, and they were like talking and thought it was their thing and they had big hats on. Remember that, Huh. I think you were late.

And Brendan showed up and didn't know that you were supposed to be nice to them.

No, here's the thing. I no, no, no. When I did my set, I of course just pretended they weren't there. Until the middle of some quiet song, this girl just crunched a beer can and it was like everything I could do not to go like, you fucking dipshit bitch whatever. I just but I just started laughing. You kept going, but they truly were like ruining the show. And then you came out. I think you were last okay, and

That does I do remember. I remember that vaguely I mean that's yeah, that's one of those shows that kind of just blends into every show. But I remember you singing yourself. I remember being in the back, like the back of the show, like trying to watch you, but you know how you can't see anything. Yeah, but I remember that. I remember you singing, and I remember the girl crunching the beer can and you commenting on it, being very lighthearted about it.

Was I because I was filled with hatred. I hated those girls so much, and I do.

Yeah, I vaguely remember, you know what's funny, I don't I remember like seeing I remember my point of view from the stage and the people in the audience, but I don't remember anything that was that was said that.

I don't know why. I just thought you were going to rip them or like being insanely cruel, or like I was anticipating, you know, a reckoning, and instead you were like the consummate professional.

Well, even if you want to do like Brennan's been on the road, and I bet there's when you were doing stuff for stand hope, there's those audience people that feel like they are his biggest fan and maybe they can chime in, but you there's what would you say, that's the case, and you just have to deal with them because you're like, well, I'm a professional entertainer.

Fans weren't weren't bad, I guess just a regularly Are you like here already?

Yeah?

Oh boy? How long is this podcast? We're we're doing?

Okay? We I basically got lost, so uh so.

It's very Chris.

But we can drive around the hills a little bit. If you want to keep talking.

You do that. If you guys want, thank you, thank you.

I was just saying that on the road, you can't, even though you want to just yell at every horrible person at some point.

I have done that, Like, I mean, I've completely lost my cool stage a handful of times, but I don't. I never feel it makes me feel worse. Yeah, I just feel crumby afterwards, Like yeah, I just feel like crying. I'm just like, well, that was awful.

I love hearing that.

Yeah, No, I have cried. I I was just telling somebody about this that comedy cave, and because somebody asked me, like, what's you know there? Are you really? I cried in the room. There was a few years of Tuesday. It wasn't that long ago, not on stage in the room like I just got up there. It's it's a club that's in the lobby of a travel lodge. Can they put you up in the travel lodge the hotel or the comedians get the same hotel room, which is a

It wasn't because when I did.

It, no way, I would have, honestly, not even joking, I would have taken a handful of xanax and killed myself if I had two weeks there, I'm always looking for an excuse to do that.

Anyway, I mean, all of the all. The only difference is just one more bad week.

Just like one more broken shoelace. Well that's like a Bukowski poem about like it's like a broken shoelace that sends the guys, that sends people a mad house. Like it's not a big things, it's little fucking things that chip away at you. And then one day you're just tying your shoe and the shoelace breaks, and then that's when you lose your ship. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it just opens up something that really is based on a severed head in Vietnam, But the shoelace is what triggers that.

No, I don't know. I don't know about the severed head and Vietnam.

Oh, I don't know what.

It's just like, you know, all the little things adding up or what, you know, what what drive people to fucking go c Yeah right, but the uh oh, the crying in the hotel room. It's a Tuesday through Sunday, you're doing two weeks there.

Yeah, no, no, that's what it used to be. Now, I haven't been to the new club it used to be.

Oh that's is it in a new location.

It used to be No, it's where you did it. But it used to literally be in this place. That was shaped like its right, Yeah, the guy pointed. He showed it to me, driving me back in between talking about how much he.

Liked George Bush.

And wait, this is in Canada, Yes, Calgary, and the.

It's a Tuesday through Sunday, like nine shows I think right today, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. There's another show there. There might have been three shows. It was a nine show week. Maybe it was Tuesday through.

I don't know what made it be was the audience just they were awful.

There were there was a lot of oil rig guys drunken getting up on stage grabbing the microphone before the show. He refused to kick them out. There was a Christmas party, like the shows were dead and shitty, and the most crowded show that they had. There were like thirty oil guys having a Christmas party and they're shit faced before the show, Like they're shit faced at seven o'clock, you know, a half hour before the show starts or whatever, and

Did you cry on stage in the hotel room?

Okay? Because I realized I wasn't even halfway done the week and it already was like awful. I was like, I still have five shows to go. I've only done three shows. I can't believe this is my fuck at this point. And I'm making like not any money. Like it's not like okay, well I'm getting ten grand right right. It's like no, I'm getting barely enough money to pay my fucking rent and then I'm just gonna go to some other shithole and do this.

So, now, do you like your job after this story?

Well? Yeah, I mean I'm always find something.

To complain about you have to.

Yeah.

I'm just it's so funny because that guy just contacted me and I was like, no, I didn't they you.

I thought like you hated them and they hated you.

At the end, when he paid me, I said, he said, well, we'll have your back. It's just this and this stipulation. I said, no, it's okay. I don't need to come back. But then the guy contacted me, not the owner, but the guy that books it. And I was like, oh, right, I've seen friends of mine. You went there, Patrick Keane went there. He said it was okay, Huntsberger do like New Year's there. Oh wow wow, And yeah, I'm I can't imagine them trying.

It's the Madrigals to go to go wear his break. It's the Madrigalso like this, get those guys on your podcast. It's gonna get in here, are we? Uh?

I'm just turning around.

Okay, we kind of like this. I do too. It's symbolic. Yeah, it would be from an old they're standing there waiting for Batman. The relationships.

I don't know what we're doing. We're doing a podcast.

He knows about the post.

I don't know what we're doing.

Dari Well I mean, I didn't know physically what we were doing.

This looks like a from an old Batman episode.

That's just kind of a cool I know, it's kind of like driving into the desert. But I realized, no, it was a mistake.

I realized that Hill wasn't going to open up into a secret cave.

I mean, but what if it did.

We can park against that curb, right, I bet we can.

Oh, maybe not what we're dropping him off from.

Wait, aren't you guys going to the party?

Chris is yeah, I'm first I'm going to take Caring back to her abode, and then I'll join you guys for a high octane comedy party.

I hope this was worth it.

It totally was worth it. I like that you have emotions, Brendon.

Edit that part, that whole story.

That's gonna be the banner story of this if you get But yeah, I feel the same, and I'm not I'm scared to go to that club.

Also, I'm glad you told that story.

Yeah, yeah, have have fun there. No, I mean, I'm sure it's fine, you know. Yeah, I hope they don't listen to this and well whatever, I mean, what am I stopping at the bit to go back to the place, they may cry.

Yeah, well we'll see if I still have a gig there. That's all right. I don't think that comedy club owners. Go and listen to the podcast. You never know though.

Yeah, it says rig oil rig Wilders.

That that is an oil town even. Yeah, you go to Calgary and.

Kind of like the Texas of Canada, I think.

Yeah, it's the have.

A lot of like hillbilly bars or what you call them, cowboy Yeah, they they have stampede there, which is this to be an event where all these animals go through a city.

And then uh, if you the skyline there, it's just all these skyscrapers with old like gas stations that don't even exist in America now, like Husky and and they have just all the buildings just have gas logos on them. Yeah, we don't even need to park because all the well we'll drop off Brendon at this high ok ten comedian dance party orgy.

Tons of people sitting down in there already saw.

Yeah, man sitting down party.

To go sit down and have a nice long conversation with somebody.

All come, I'm gonna drop Karen off and then I'm gonna come and hang out.

I'm just going to continue the podcast in there. I'm just going to keep telling stories.

Do you want to plug anything?

When's this coming out?

Uh?

Tomorrow? Oh, I'll be in Toronto at the Underground.

Oh that'll be fun.

That is a fun place.

I heard that.

Yeah, I will done that place. It's like a pot dispensary. Everybody's smoking pot.

Watch a comedy cave type guy.

But Underground in Toronto seventeenth April seventeenth through the twentieth and then Austin. I'm starting to cry now. Yeah the moontime, yayay. Karen and I will be at Moon Tower. So I'll let you handle the plugs on the dates. I won't say the dates later, we'll.

Plug them later. Yeah dates. Yeah, Well that'll be fun. You guys all have fun together. I am not going to move.

Oh in my part, listen to my podcast The Bone Zone.

The Bone Town is great.

Did you I got a tweet the other day of someone asking me to do the phones.

Yeah, we should do that. We're so bad at booking. We're trying to get better. We're making a list and trying to contact people more than a few hours before the podcast.

I'll do I'm happy to do it. It just made me because I feel what I remember from that was it felt like just some low grade fighting.

No, it was fun.

It was fun.

Yeah.

Yeah, uh someone someone loved it.

Yeah we have crazy fans. Man who was fighting them? We weren't like we were just joking around a lot.

Yeah, did someone do people call into yours sometimes? Yeah? Yeah, that's that's you. Guys have like more interactive, fun things that you do on your podcast.

Yeah. I like doing it. I just wish more people listen to it. But you know that's me class half empty.

I've listened to it. I've listened to it.

Just listen to Yeah, it's fun. It's a fun podcast.

Yeah, you and Randy are great together.

Yeah. Well we're in a fight, so at all that's funny. Uh okay, well you guys. Oh look, you got like a stick next to your seat there that you could beat someone with.

Yeah. Yeah, well you know me and my anger.

Yeah, it's good to have a weapon handy when you have sane, surrealistic anger.

My dad gave me that. He was like, yeah, if you ever get in trouble, here's just a stick for giving someone some stick time.

My friend Matt, who became a cop. He let some stick timing on the guy. Well, I guess I can't be friends with you anymore.

It just makes me think of an Austin tattooed Austin horse car.

He was a Philly guy on Sixth Street.

Oh yeah, wait, are.

You originally from Philly?

Yeah?

Oh, his dad's a Philly fireman.

Not evenmore.

Have we ever talked about my dad's a fireman too.

I don't think we talked about my brother in laws of fireman. Let's have an all fireman episode.

Relatives of fire hot so hot, standing next to our own vehicles, not.

Fire, No dogs allowed.

Thank you for being on our program.

Yeah, thanks for having me.

You've been listening to Do you Need a Ride? D y n A r