Ep. 44 - Bridger Winegar

Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be.

There, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim to give us. Time and they turn and al and gay, we want to send you off inside.

Do you wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all about every scared her? Was it fine?

Now?

Porn? Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris? Hi, welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen gl Gariff. How are you Karen?

I mean I'm feeling a strong sense of discovery right now between the two of us.

Oh that sounds yeah, it was. I opened the show with a real quizzical tone. I love it, like I'm ready ready to learn?

Yeah, like where are we on our own podcast?

Yeah? Wow? It takes place in the car. We're picking up a comic. We're taking a death to lax. That's a great idea.

This is fascinating.

Tell me more, well, I would accept. I'm reminded now that you thought of it, Karen.

Oh, maybe that's why I asked that question.

Yeah, yeah, you are experiencing extreme loss of your own memories.

Which or extreme ego maniacal behavior on me.

A lot of people need to have someone else say what they've done or what they've thought of to kind of boost them back up.

Who in this car was on wings?

It was you, Karen.

Who in this car was in a European car commercial doing a stunt driving?

Hey wait a minute, that was me. But I feel like you made mine seem like I'm just like a dumb stunt driver guy.

Yeah, that's what I was trying to do.

Oh so your brain that's.

Trying to make you look dumb.

That's another thing that ego maniacal like people do. They take other people's things. They disguise it as a compliment. Yep, and then they're like, oh, yeah, remember that posthole you digged? That was amazing. Do you still want to do a lot of post hole digging? I was fifteen, I was helping my mom's friend.

Yeah. I wasn't trying to do it for a living. No, no, no, I thought you were great at it.

I think it's one of the best things you've done. I mean, comedy, you should do. Comedy is great too.

Comedy is good, but you excel. I mean you come alive when you dig post holes.

Yeah, and you see immediate progress, which, let's be honest with your comedy career, there not a lot of benchmarks.

Did you have one of those special shovels that has two shovels on each side to dig those postals?

Yes, it is the most poorly designed tool if you don't have brand new posthole diggers. The Honestly, I'm just gonna say that the handles get floppy.

Are you saying it's bad postal service?

It's it really is that.

Maybe there's a reason I'm so.

Stuck up because you're Yeah, if you're someone that just is able to make a postal service joke out of, you know, a conversation about manual labor, Yeah, that's the kind of mind that should be.

I feel like that's what we're appear to do.

That's what we're trying to Your brain should be on these stilts that would otherwise hold up a fabrige, a egg, fabric fabrige.

Egg like the June You know what perfume was by faberge.

Brute, by fabri also by men and by men today in Los Angeles is the LA Marathon. And come on, you guys. I know you want to run until there's diarrhea running down your legs like a young Bruce Jenner. But some people still have to function in a in a metropolitan city, they insist on running through the middle. Look at this traffic. Traffic is bumper to bumper, just so some people could get some exercise within city limits. You can't take that ship to Burbank with your diarrhea shorts.

Take it over. Well, I'm I live in Burbank. Let's take it to Downey. We're nothing matter.

Yeah, why don't you take that shit to Downey? Leave the sweet people of Bourbank, like Karen and and everyone else in legitimate Los Angeles.

Leave us alone, Leave us alone.

I get it. You want to run, and I say diarrhea because I think of that one picture of a guy. I think he looks like a young Steve Buscemi in so much pain in the face, and he's like running towards the finish line and his legs are just coated and yeah, I've been running too hard, diarrhea.

I kind of love the fact that.

People, I mean, literally, where is the finish line? I'm out of curiosity. Turns out I actually want to run a marathon, and I'm angry at myself for never having the discipline or or free time. What do you I call it.

The shit discipline.

Oh, I'd love it. Let's wear this is officially Colon Colon the poop episode.

Let's just try to weave it in.

We won't tell our guest, Bridger Winger, that it's officially that. We'll just see if he catches on.

Tell me a little bit about Bridger.

Okay, I'm not sure if I'm pronouncing his last name correctly, but he's a very good friend of mine, and that's his last name. It's Winger, yes, oh yes, winnegerk And Bridger is a Mormon name and uh it I looked it up. It's commonly the name is Bridger. A twelve truly, I think is fascinating.

A twelve, A twelve with the number. Yes, the letter and the number are so all of the Bridger Mormons are like a digital human, like a robot, A twelve.

I mean, we can ask him about it.

I'm not sure if he is religiously Mormon or if he's just from Utah.

I don't know that much about him.

His name is Bridger and he's originally from Utah. Yep, Okay, it's safe to assume.

Yeah, I think it is very safe.

See up here, yep, there's a Department of Transportation ballard, some cones, and uh it's also people can getting a little exercise.

Now, Christ did you ever work for the city, because I didn't know those were called ballards.

You know, I'm not exactly I don't know that they are. I think it's just a caution sign. A ballard, I'm incorrect. A ballard is further along the road here. Ballard is one of those yellow poles that are only made to back into in a parking lot.

Oh okay, they're made.

Of cement on the inside, their metal on the outside. Actually, speaking of my manual labor past, once in Austin, I was getting paid so little to feature at cap City that during the day I picked up a gig painting ballards.

And I am not kidding, just one color, just yell, it wasn't because your artistic background.

Drove around the city with a roller and some oil based paint. Wow, high gloss. God, they were shiny.

I bet they were gorgeous ballards.

I went to art school, Karen and when Yeah, I do bring that up couple times a day, and I I bring that art ability into my ballard painting, even though I know it's just a utilitarian use of paint.

Look at this fool.

Yeah, oh, now you're trapped. What do you do with rules when you find out about him, lady? Do you just snap him in half like a swim gym?

I love it in Los Angeles if you've never driven here, there's a lot of people who think they're going to do it their way and then like that, lady, they get trapped in a little circle of cones that somebody got out of the car and they're moving the cones.

That's great, that is amazing.

It's pretty awesome.

I hope he had some sarcastic comments for her when he got out. So the road is closed, the road.

Is closed down there. We're what we're trying to do is get right by Labret and Hollywood, so I think will be okay.

Oh I thought he is a hollywoodland a.

Uh, well that's it's you know, that's that block okay where the Kimmel Show is Okay, Well, he works on the Jimmy Kimmel Show.

And I guess he's there for work.

Today, okay, and that's where we're picking him up. Well, I certainly hope we can get to him. This is actually are you nervous?

No, I don't care about anything.

Oh okay, Well I'll be the one that cares because I'm gonna let it affect my you know, podcasting ability. No, no, I will. I am nervous. I'm sweating that we won't. That that was a roadblock. I know Orange will be closed to that would take us directly to him.

But it's those people are turning down the street that just stops.

Oh my goodness.

Those people don't even know what the age they're doing. Also, this is ten minutes fast, Okay, I should tell you that.

Well, I know to never look at someone's car clock, because that's a trick that I've never tried on myself, where I'll wake up or see a clock and it lights a fire under my ass to hurry. Yeah, even though I know I said it, it's really ten minutes earlier. Right, I've never tried that trick on myself.

It's so stupid. All it does actually is make me do math in my head while I'm trying to figure out whether or not I'm late.

Which takes more time, and you're later, and I'm always late.

I'm I'm irresponsible in that way.

And there's nothing more time consuming than math.

People I know, and stressful.

Oh oh no.

Okay, So here's what we're gonna say.

Now you're nervous like I was.

Yep, because this is truly cut off. But here's what we're gonna do. Okay, We're gonna pull over up here on Franklin and he's gonna walk over because.

That's from where he's at.

Yeah, because he's right down there.

Okay, the El Capitan is substantially down there.

Yes, but he said he was on Hawthorn.

Oh yeah, Well I don't know where he is and how did that carget? Oh my god, he's gonna have to run a little marathon of his own.

This is crazy. I don't know.

I don't I'm a little worried.

I wonder if we can look back.

They this is at first, and do you need a write history where we are? There are roadblocks keeping us from our guest. He is, he's in.

The spot like he might have to take an uber to where we are. This is nuts. Wait, I have to call him.

Yes, yes, that is job one right now. Oh oh, he's going to be upset.

Let's see.

But just for podcasting purposes in a car, I guess we should put him on speaker. I want to hear the disappointment drama to this episode.

Oh he has already texted me.

Huh uh? Did he say?

There's no said? Everything is a nightmare here? So I'll meet you by Sunset and Highland. Maybe that Chick fil a corner?

Okay, I terrific.

The thing is, can we get to the Chick fil a corner?

Right?

Let me? Let me see is something he's writing back right now?

I think I don't think anyone was prepared for how the only marathon, while making some people live longer, causes others to want to end their lives. I'm going to go that far. That's how much I don't like the marathon. It really is bizarre. This is a city that and I know it's Sunday, but people have mass. This is a marathon against Jesus.

Well, what I think is super weird. Oh look at see there's a camera. I wonder if the end is near here because a cameraman from ABC seven just walk by us holding his camera.

He is literally walking. Yeah, which is is this going to be our first walking podcast?

No way, I'll quit this podcast.

If we have to walk, and he will be quitting his flight.

Well, we'll just figure this out, okay as we go.

You you're calm, You've been in a situation where you've managed people. I am a manic, scared child at most points in the day.

I understand that though, because uh I was just talking to somebody about that and it could have been my therapist for sure, Thank you, ma'am. How kind they still?

There are some nice people.

To have the kind of I think we had very similar mothers in some ways. Yes, and I have a kind of mother that would go make you do things without kind of thinking it through, so like it would be like you're fine, go do it, and then you'd get in it as a child and it would not be okay, and then you, as like an eight year old, had to figure out how to do things where there was like adults that were mad at you, right I'm specifically talking about and I just tweeted about that.

Or just learn to not trust your mother.

Exactly, Like this is cut off.

This is cut off. Okay, this is.

He's gonna have I don't know. I guess he's gonna have to walk down here.

Is there any way we can get Yeah, everything is cut off.

This is hilariously.

How did your get to work? Because they were doing this last night? I left the Tomorrow show. Come on, yeah, with your electric hot rod. Hi, you're a pretty lady. We know that you have a winning formula, which is your face.

Your face, and your your Tesla.

Okay, a lot of people think Tesla ripped off Edison.

Or vice versa Edison.

That's right, because Tesla wanted all electricity to be free and they would not let him do that.

Oh wow, okay, so still is the thing?

Yes, Sorry, I'm so unclear.

It's quite all right. I'm just gonna just have conversation with our audience on our own while you text. We are watching some people that are preparing for the No, this man is in it. He has no business being in it.

These people are in it?

How is this man? Look at that man sauntering, he's doing it. He has bruises on his leg from walking. Oh no, that's a tattoo. It's okay, it's well, he's working out so hard that his tattoos are melting. These are all people that, Oh I could totally take that lady, the lady in Capriz. Are you kidding you're gonna take her? No one's ever accused her of being a fit. I mean normally I don't call people up, and this person treats it like some sort of a parade. Look at

Yes, she does, look well she does. No, I bet you she just likes beer.

Oh okay, I'm an asshole. Then how quickly you become insensitive just by being someone with vision? I am. So it's happening right now, and it's happening on sunset. He told us to meet us on the street that the marathon is a curry, which is very impossible.

It's it's literally impossible. But I think what he did was walk down from where.

He was and then discover.

Also, yeah, we're basically having this discovery at the same time.

Oh, I see, Well, God, why they make him going to work on Sunday morning.

Well, it's because it's light.

That show is demanding that.

Show is going to Austin.

It's a daily show, okay, which so it's not Oh, look at your girlfriend back there. Oh is she here in the back of that truck.

Oh yeah, Oh my goodness.

What's happening with that lady?

She is without pants.

She's not wearing pants everybody, but.

There's a lady just kind of hanging out of her quite literally hanging out of the back of her She's one of those you know those vans where it's just filled to the brand with newspaper because they are just love journalism. She is that kind of a what do you call it hoarder, and but she's never hoarded a pair of sweats sweat pants apparently, so her her front but was sacking over her naked legs, and the hatch back of the van was just open, and she was

I mean, And now the entire city.

Is like this weird game where everyone is trying to see where they can get to.

Oh. Yeah, they don't solve the problem. They don't provide a solution. They're just like, yeah, we hope you folks don't mind. But everything in your life has to stop. So some guy can get diarrhea pants and some greenstick fractures in his foot. And what's that Well, it's like a hairline fracture, but kind of like a highway divider instead of a ballard. Look at this, follow that, but follow those.

Kids out of my way, nerds.

Okay, this is very good.

Yeah, this is much better.

We are just I have a feeling we are going to have to backtrack. We've chosen a serpentine route and uh, we're gonna have to probably backtrack that way. We just got to get to that damn freeway. Yeah, oh my god, this is not looking good. This is a bunch of you turns. You're gonna have to tell him to meet us here. I think this is as close as we can get. We are on Orange's Orange and the street we're on I think Lakewood?

What is this street?

What is this street? Do you think that when people are like, oh, this is like what? How do you know? You're Los Angeles? There?

Orange and Lakewood?

Yep, We've got to that's good.

He's very close here.

And are we Am I about to watch this bus do a U turn.

Into the back of me.

Yes, he would only just be backing into you. Well, this is a very special traffic uh oriented episode of Do You Need to Ride?

Yeah?

This is this is insane.

A lot of times that alienates people that don't live in this city because they're like Orange and Lakewood. I don't. I'm listening to the doll up instead.

I can't learn anything from this.

You're fascinating?

Is this is you're learning why people in La bitch so much about that?

Yes? Exactly.

Hold on, Can I show you something?

There's kids in there that hand Look at the front wheel that has the spikes like Mad Max coming out of it.

Oh, what a weird bus choice.

This must be a punk rock bus.

This is a school bus filled with kids. It says town ride on it, yet the wheels belong at a no means no concert.

Yeah, this is super weird.

Look at that that is straight out of grease.

Yeah.

When he chops up a tire, that is awesome. Oh I wish we got to start adding photos to our podcast.

Yeah, well I could have taken one.

It just backed up so closely behind me.

Well we and yeah, there's a lot we need to do, and one of them is to somehow provide visuals because that was noteworthy. That was visibly noteworthy. And this guy in this overpriced Doudy, he's driving under it. He's driving under it, he's moving it with his arm, you obligated, son of a gun.

But also he's not gonna get anywhere because he's going down to Sunset and it's closed.

He just needs some Chick fil A or whatever's on the corner. So just tell him we're right across from the Wellness center at Hollywood High. Don't say that. That won't help him. So we so far.

I mean, I'm just texting with Bridgers, so I'm not helping.

It's quite all right, It's quite all right. This is I knew there would be some occupational hazards with having a podcast where we pick people up, where we have to go to the airport, where we're driving. Chances are gonna get sidetracked and it's not gonna be all. You know, top can do a guest or fun. Sorry, if your podcast has to be all the time fun.

Entertaining, or two people actually talking.

Yes or or providing information applicable to your life, it's your fault. You don't live in Los Angeles. If you don't live in Los Angeles or New York, you're wasting your time. And you're probably happy, and you probably have a healthy family, and you're spiritually fulfilled. Like all my friends in Missoula, Montana.

You don't know that they're all spiritually fulfilled.

No, a lot of them are riddled with darkness. You are right.

I mean, I feel like that's the human condition wherever you live or wherever you go, that's that that doesn't go away because you have nice surroundings.

A lot of people are chasing happiness and they think it's going to be in a relationship or in a job. It's in you.

It's you know what, happiness someone I.

Read this is a warm gun. I heard it, that's right.

I heard that in a song.

Oh, this lady needs us to do something.

Too bad, it's not going to happen.

We're all on our own.

Oh think, So Bridger is a couple of blocks away and he's walking to us. Oh, isn't that crazy? It's crazy. He's gonna walk the marathon route.

Oh no, I hope does he have bags with him?

Well, he's they're going to Austin for a couple of days, so he probably has a suitcase.

Oh no, Oh, look at her.

She's rolling by and her is she in the marathon? There's a woman in a kind of what do you call that?

A lark? I've kind of I started calling them all rascal scooters, but it is some sort of a you know, an assistant's cart. Let's just call it that. She's very popular. Everyone's saying hi to her.

Okay, I'm texting him the exact where we are.

Yes, maybe we should drop a pin. A lot of people drop pins.

This is so fucked.

Yeah it is. I had a feeling. I mean last night, I had trouble sleeping last night because I was thinking about this happening. Yeah, so for it now be happening. Okay, it's really making me wish i'd slept.

Because it's gonna happen anyway.

It happened anyway, which is.

Kind of bringing me back to what I was kind of saying before, which is, you can't you know.

This shit goes down? Yeah, and that's why we I.

Built in Uh, at least we did, like at least an extra hour for this podcast so that he would be on time.

Right.

I think we can still make it.

I think we can still make it too.

I mean, who knows, though, who knows what's going to happen in this goddamn We have not had.

A guest miss their flight yet, No, have we? I don't think so.

No, Unless they did, they just didn't tell us.

Oh I don't want to hear about that. Wow. Sounds like I'm not sleeping again tonight.

Oh I can see him, you can.

I wish I knew you know, I was red hair one time I did the Scar Brothers podcast, and they did so much research about me. One they knew what I looked like two. They knew my last name, and they knew all these details about my life and my interests and brought them up and had things to say about them. And they were both on iPads, and I was like, oh wow, if I ever have a podcast, I'm gonna put that kind of work into it. But no, he screw those guys, and screw them for putting the

And he looked like he should be, uh, you know, in like a j crew.

He's so young and he.

Is well, now I realize that's gotta be someone Karen has a crush on. He's handsome, Anthony's filled with gusto. I'm now alone in the car. Richard's getting in the car. I'm exhausted, as if I have run the marathon myself. I like these guys, they're just walking by, smoking high. Good to meet you. How what is this madness?

We're in it to win it this morning?

Let's see.

Okay, Yeah, let's be safe, can you.

You might be Yeah, there's the blanket. We put down the blank It's a decision you need to make. Do you like of dog hairs or safety? I prefer Actually it's a toss up for me. It is it's usually covered with some kind of hair. I have safety. That's great, good, Okay that ever, well, then you've made your decision. That often is the decision. But I'm myself am allergic to dogs, so I sometimes when I'm having a bad attack, I'd rather be flying through a windshield. How are you operating in this car?

Yeah?

Really, it's certain dogs, Pugs, any kind of a any kind of a pug or bulldog type pugs orthis. Yeah, they really are pretty. They have little to know worth. Yeah, garbage they are. There's one fun thing to do with pugs though. If you're ever in a body of water where you're waiting in it, and you're holding a pug, and you lower the pug towards the water, they will start swimming above the water and when you set them down, they'll take off like a motor boat. Have you done

Sorry, this is.

All of these people have gone down the street illegally.

I had to drive through a barricade.

I just gave up eventually because I had to get to my parking spot. So I just drove literally threw a cone, and the police state.

Now, d you go to work today or late this morning?

I got there at like ten forty five. I just left my car there because I don't have a parking space in my apartment.

Oh wow, that's fair, and they let you do that. Yeah, the good people great at Kimmel.

Oh, yes, tell us a little bit about your job. Yes, you feel comfortable talking about that?

Yeah, of course, doesn't make you uneasy.

It makes me incredibly uneasy. Just the thought of it makes me shiver. No, it's great. It's I've been working there since last September. And what do you want to know.

Is there's a guy named Andy Fisher that used to direct. He doesn't work there anymore, does he not? As far as that's my only name. Drop.

You're a staff writer, right, I'm.

A staff writer. I work with a variety of wonderful people.

And have you done anything that's been that you can say, Oh, I wrote that that's been on the air and people might.

Have gone viral those where all you you influence culture?

And anyway, all of oh your mean tweets was your idea? Good to know? Bridge your winger?

Wait listen, one of my dreams of being on a podcast is being able to say my name correctly in public.

Okay, please do it, because I just did it wrong.

Well, because eighty percent of my close friends at this point don't know.

Oh okay, that makes Karen feel.

Better because and this is my fault, because about two years ago I heard somebody correct somebody on their name pronunciation, and I just thought, that's the what are you doing? Who cares like? They were very mean about it? And so I just gave up correcting people on my name altogether. Right, And Now that's obviously just causing problems because everyone calls me Bridger, Winneger or Bridge your winger.

It's Bridger Wineger?

Is it wineger?

Wow? But it looks like vinegar.

Yeah.

And I believe a minute ago you just called him Deborah Winger.

Well, I'm lazy, so I just whatever comes out of mine you want. But is it true?

Because because Sean ted Roch and I looked up.

Some Mormon names, one of the ways people have the name Bridger is Bridger A twelve.

What's that?

You've never heard of that?

Are you?

Are you Mormon by faith?

My parents?

Are your parents? Are? We looked at I don't he was. I think Sean was trying to write a list of names for some reason, and he likes to look up. He finds Mormon names very interesting because a lot of them are kind of like culturally, they're not not ones anyone's ever heard of it?

Sure, And one of them is Bridger A twelve eight?

And is it like the.

Letter A a dash and the number twelve.

That sounds like a code name.

I know. I thought maybe that was your name and you had just kind of shortened it for Holly.

I dropped a twelve that we should all get plenty of A twelve because it's good for your skin.

Yeah, that's right for your health.

I'm the guy that comes in with jokes that may or may not make sense. Now back to the legate conversation. You had kept going with that, I would have just believed A twelve.

Twelve.

You get it mostly in the American Southwest. No, that's just well, that's winegar.

Yeah, and Bridger comes from a There was a mountain man named Jim Bridger who I think was the like the first European to discover the Great Salt Lake.

And he thought it was the Pacific. That was Paul Bunyan.

That's not that I did a lot of things, but he did not.

Salt Lake. It really is a huge lake. I last time I was there, I was actually an Ogden, But that that lake is so impressive. It is another planet. It's like the ocean, the waves lap onto the beach. Really, I don't know. I may have made that up so huge, that's kind of true. But it does smell terrible.

Does it?

It's yeah, so salty.

Explain why it's salty? What what is that?

Well?

Utah used to be covered by something called Lake Bonneville, which like covered essentially.

The entire state or half of the state or something. I think it was kind of.

Now I'm just going to say I'm making things, Yeah, but I think it was sort of oceanesque in its saltiness and has just kind of receded to the point that it's now the Great Song.

It's so bizarre to me because that is that explained? Is that? Are there other salty lakes in America in the middle of the not in the United States? As far as that, that's so amazing. I wonder what the fish are like in there. There are no fish. There are no fish. Well, there are a lot.

Of brine shrimp, are also sea monkeys, sea monkeys.

There are no fish in Salt Lake? Is that? Does everyone know that? That to me is amazing.

Maybe there are no I'm just saying things, but me too. It just is so it's like so dead. That's right, It's like the dead.

This podcast has been me saying so many empty promises and acts have no basis.

The Great Salt Lake is full of beautiful tropical fish.

That's what I want to hear.

Money, money, there's just saw that gold along the bottom.

No, that's why so salty money.

Those coins are just disintegrating into salta Is that where the Bonneville Salt Flats are?

Yeah, okay, so that's where because I saw the Indian motorcycle racing.

That's right.

I never saw that the fastest Indian which is actually great.

I've heard it's great. It's a what's.

His name, Anthony Hopkins?

Yeah, riding a motorcycle.

Yeah, true story.

He's like the fastest land speed. He set the record for the fastest land speed.

Now in that movie, is he like a seventy year old man riding a motorcycle.

That's exactly what I was saying, and that sounds dangerous.

Now, this is gonna be my chance to make some stuff up.

Let's hear it. Because I.

Often remember movies and all the different parts, as you know, and maybe.

Picked from other movies as well.

But from what I remember, he was like a middle aged man in Australia who was tinkering around with a motorcycle that he got to go really fast and then he came to set the record. Because the Bontoville Salt Flats are I guess, like the biggest open space where you can go crazy speeds.

And nothing.

You just go and then slow back down and there's nothing to hit and nothing bad happens, and it's perfectly flat.

It's beautiful.

So that's the whole.

And then he met an Indian in a cupboard. Yes, got on him and he was so fast.

They found an iron giant in the forest.

It's my favorite with Babe his big blue hawks and talking to the discovery of the lake. I yeah, I did. I did stand up on the show that you work on in two thousand.

And three on Kimmel. Yeah, and it was actually live back then, oh.

Sure, like radio. Yeah, so it live in New York, I think when it was taping here, so you know, I'd to write out all my jokes for Batim and uh and then right before I went. He used to have Super Dave Osborne all the short time, which is why I thought of this. I imagine an old guy on a motorcycle, which just being Super day. They he went along with the mystery Box or whatever segment and they said can you do three minutes instead of four and a half as like, or can you come back tomorrow?

It's also because I'm sure they freaked out that it wasn't what they exactly knew it was, so and they can't risk it.

They're like, oh, this is one of those guys that's just gonna lay down its political views or No.

It's like FCC finds if you had come out with a fuck or a ship or something, you were off script. So they were paranoid.

Yeah this was pre Super Bowl. Yes, yes, basically my verbal ted flopped out.

And but you pulled that out on purpose.

Some say yeah, some people say some people say because of my romance with JT.

It's super weird.

Karen, you may have figured this out. I mean I think we're in the clear and you're getting on an airplane and the clear.

But yeah, we got a Now this is there is going to be an element of excitement. Please know that this is ten eleven minutes.

Mine is sixteen minutes fast, and I just don't change it, and we.

Can turn up the air conditioning. I'll just turn down the mic. It's been established clearly. Wearing a car. Yes, I don't need to have the we have a mic. That just kind of proves it. With traffic noise. Oh sure, sure that down and you're headed to Austin to the show is going to tape.

Their life then, yeah, we're taping five shows next week. So I can't remember the name of the theater. We're doing it in but somewhere within the heart of Texas. Maybe the paramount of you know, maybe I'm I started stand up in Austin, Oh.

But then you would probably know better than about five five years. I wouldn't say that it's not a competition.

I mean, if it is, you're so have I mean, if there were any lone Star trivia in this car in the Capital.

Near the Capitol building. Oddly those are spelled differently. A lot of people don't know that's true, Capitol being the I don't know, I'm not sure which is anyway, beautiful town. You're gonna love it, but you're about to experience Actually that is sounding kind of terrible.

But do you drink for I don't drink, so yeah, I'm going to be surrounded by drunk people.

Good good, good, Well, I know that feeling.

I'm drunk right now, and I you know what I I do. We need a cooler in here. But that mic is really I'm just gonna put my hand over it. Yeah, that the town so many people go forout south by Southwest. Now that it's it's gonna be just like what we experienced with the Helle Marathon. All the streets are blocked off and there's just one hundred thousand new people, yeah, all drunk, and there's a.

Lot of bands that play like there's tons of bands in you know, a bunch of different bars and playing all as you walk down the street. And to me when I was there, they just all sounded like they all sounded like they were inspired by Incubis. It's that kind of feel of like it's like like rocky basslines and yeah, heavy bass rock boys that had their feelings hurt by their dad.

And Okay, I was thinking three eleven. I'm sorry Incubus is also terrible, but.

Yes, Incubis is the worst. At least three eleven. They have some kind of more reggae ballads where the guy where the guy doesn't rap. When I saw three eleven live and when the guy wraps, I don't really notice when I'm just hearing it, but he had this look on his face where I'm rapping this yeah totally now seeing other guy and then it's like that that whole rapping singing white guy like and now we're gonna sing.

And then in the middle there's like a girl with a weird kerchief as a tank top and a strange beer in a plastic cup who's just kind of like having her having her day and then.

Music without them, that it's not music if she isn't there. Yeah, And that the other thing about mainly six Street, where a lot of the festival is going to be and where you'll see the most horribly drunk people. Cops are on horses, they have tattoos, they're really waiting to get in some stick time, and they they ask for phone numbers and stuff from girls like hey, come here. I just totally saw on duty cop with a full sleeved leg tattoos on his horse and she's like trying to

Well, Michael is for a cop to ask me for my number on to be trampled by a horse, so this is perfect.

They just sweeps you off your feet onto his police horse.

Exactly. Would just let me know if I don't know how that situation will go. But anything you do to a police horse, it's considered you're doing it to an office. Just horses are police.

They When I was in south By, Southwest last year, we had this big.

I was there with a p home show and also to perform, and so for the show, they rented this humongous suv. It was like a Delano or it was a large Mith Milana, and we dropped it off to have it parked in a hotel while we walked. And when I got back, they were like, oh yeah, someone hit it while we were It was so hilarious and so it was just like I had.

There was a cop right there when it happened.

So I got the ticket, the car back, the police report, and this whole it was almost like the whole thing had been taken care of. All I was gone.

This is this happened to me on my street last year? I went out like eleven o'clock at night. My car was basically perpendicular with the street and there was a giant ticket on it that was like the size of a road map, and the police this woman had backed up and hit seven cars on her way. Oh no, Sandy Gomez and that. So they just left the whole report for me and it was taken care of. I didn't have to worry about talking to anyone that I

Yeah, that's Sandy.

I have a deposition this weekend from my wreck that happened when we first stared podcasting kind of on Koanga, going down and just stopped and someone slammed into me and my ex girlfriend and we got really hurt. But they were uninsured. And whatever money comes out of her insurance to take care of uninsured motors hitting you, we exceeded that with like physical therapy. So now even though it's like the victim and a wreck, I owe over ten thousand dollars. Oh my gosh, ridiculous. So I have

Yeah? It was just like someone's like drove by. I'm sure they were probably drunk. They just like there was just big long streak marks because it was a big white suv, so it was just like someone skimmed down the side of it as they were trying to park it or I don't know something.

And you experienced a horrible, horrible thing. You probably don't want to talk about that. The person that there's someone like just was evading the police and drove through a crowd of people.

And yeah, I just told you.

Yeah story right, it's.

A terrible story that it's so funny because I love to tell that story. When I first got back, didn't love it, but it was like, listen, insane thing happen.

Probably just on your mind.

Yeah, and also because the part that I love that that uh or I can't say love, but the part that's amazing to me is I was standing in the back of the line that got cloud through moments before it got plowed through, and I just walked away. So instead of being the first person hit by the car, I just was over on the side and was completely untouched by it.

I did not know that.

Yeah, so that's the part that but but when you but, and it's probably my fault in the way I told the story was because the story itself is horrible and it you know, all these people got hit by this car that went through.

A barrier and people died.

No one on that street died though, Okay, I mean there were people that were very seriously hurt and injured. But the people that died were the people that that guy hit.

Before he turned I forgot. God, Yeah, he's forever in jail, right, Yes, Texas is not a place you want to break the law, not at.

All and evade like he was. I think he was.

He was. He had a warrant already, so he was. They were trying to pull him over.

Oh he was on the run from the police, right. But it was something like I'm not paying that child support, yes exactly.

Someone then three people get killed because of it.

Wow.

But every time I told the story, I was trying to convey the part of like can you believe I, you know, buy the skin of my teeth. But I would bum people out so badly, like I was there when that hideous thing happened that I started realizing, we just don't don't tell people that story.

You're just basically going remember the worst thing ever.

But it is interesting. I mean, the fact that you went through that is pretty Oh.

I would I couldn't have. I would have never stopped throwing up. I would have just found a garbage can and.

Just eating the rest of your life to support all the vomiting. Yeah, that sounds awful.

It was pretty bad.

But then my both my parents were like my dad's a fireman, my mom was a nurse, so they're used to like emergency situations. They're very like calm, oh sure. And I remember talking to both my sister and my dad and I said to my sister, like, I feel more grateful that it didn't happen to me than I do, like caught up in the horror of it.

And my sister said, I'm going to tell you.

My favorite uh saying, which is not my circus not my monkeys. So it's like, don't take on problems if you don't have to. Like if I had gotten hit or if I'd witnessed something that was like keeping me up at night, that's one thing. But if you don't have it, don't look for it.

I is it okay if your sister's favorite saying is now mine? Because because it's not my circus, not my monkeys, your life is hard enough.

I don't go looking for product.

Don't work here, and I specifically don't have the job of monkey trainer.

Sorry, those monkeys are everywhere.

Well you're going to have to collect them up yourself because those they're not mine.

So do you have a temporary.

Office then when you're in Austin yea, as far as I know, I think we're all of the writers will be in one room, so we'll see. But uh I, I honestly, I have not asked enough questions about this week is going to entail.

I know I'm going there.

And hopefully somebody can shepherd me in the correct direction, because yeah.

I went there for work once when I worked on a show, but it was to interview, like go and interview bands, So I was in the sea of drunk Peach Shore. It seems like you'll probably be able to avoid it. Maybe see music. Will you be able? I hope to see some music. I always say that.

I mean just about concerts here, and I'm so lazy that I can imagine just sitting in my hotel room. But I know like at least the show is going to have Spoon, so at the very least I'll get to see them live.

Which I'm excited about. Are they from Austin? They are because they used to my friend Chip, Chip's friends with that. Yeah, he had Spoon. He wore a Spoon shirt on Austin's Stories.

Do you have their most recent album?

Do you like gat?

I'm so good that I constantly They've been a very consistent band.

Yeah, are great. That's very cool.

Yeah, that'll be fun. I would I've never seen Spoon, but I have plenty of opportunities.

They're very good live, but I would like to. Maybe one night I'll find the courage to go see a band. But I feel like I have to have some lanyard on or something.

So you'll get one though, because from from being with the show.

Well, I pray, but you know, I don't count on anything your prayers. I'm saying I've been praying every night.

There are a couple of bands twelve to get that connection your ee.

That sounds like food die yes, Eminem.

I wasn't sure whether or not to bring it up to because.

If I started crying that up.

I mean, because it is fascinating to me, but also I don't want to be like pointing, like look at weird things.

I need to know more about that.

I just love that you have had no idea.

That's fascinating.

It's very weird to me. It's bingos square good go on.

Well, I was just going to bring up that Bridger is very is what many people call it Twitter liberty. No one ever says that.

Is that how you introduced whatever.

I'm in line at restaurants, whatever, just to get a better seat.

You're holding up your phone at people. Look at that number count. But you are one of my favorite people on Twitter, and Bridger w on Twitter, and when you when I first started Twitter, you were recommended to me by several people who were very funny.

And I just I want to interrupt a lot of people don't know that you started Twitter, Karen. You're one of the early inventors.

My idea, I was like, where can we all go to write bad pun jokes and pretend we're depressed. Let's start this website. But I thought because of your name, I thought you were a girl. And also because of that picture you're Abviy Bridger's wearing really high uh molastic band jeans, but there's no head, so it just looks like a late something a lady would do. And I didn't like you because you were so funny and I thought you were a girl. I was like, she thinks

And then when I found out you were a guy, I was like, oh my.

God, I love him so much.

Well, you're you are not alone.

I have had so many people say, wait, you're a guy or I thought you were a woman, And I don't know what to tell people.

I mean, I'm definitely not helping. Like nothing I tweet about could be I.

Mean so much volleyball team stuff.

There's a lot of volleyball and crafts. But if you do even a little bit of research on the internet, you can discover my gender.

There's pictures of your torso and your head.

There is separate, always separate now.

And separate well actually, and if you click on my picture, it brings up, but it just looks like I could be a hideous woman, just like just like a woman that was recently released from prisoner or something. So it's not I'm not helping anyone.

I don't care.

I like the confusion. I would prefer for everyone to just think that I'm this this lady who is tweeting from jail.

Is it? Would you credit your Twitter celebrity what it's the word your Twitter celebrityism, thank you with with like the job you've got and everything. Oh yeah, oh that's so great. It's crazy.

I mean for a long time, I mean I didn't have any other way to present you what I would do or whatever. No, I don't stand up or anything, and I don't have entertainment connections. And I know I saw other people were a handful of people got getting jobs from it. So I was like, well, I guess I'll just keep doing this and if it doesn't work out, I've wasted thousands of hours of my life.

So you you, like Rob Delaney or maybe a better example, treated it like a job and you weren't sure why you were doing it, but you were just tweeting out jokes and and observation. Yeah, all day it was I mean it was fun.

I like, yeah, like reading other people's tweets or whatever.

I'm late to get into it, and I don't think Twitter celebrities are coming up anymore. No, it's like hard. People hate it. Ye still, Yeah, it's weird and I still enjoy it. But do you still do it as as much as you used to? Just getting this job? No?

Just because I mean my last job, I was sitting in front of a computer for eight hours a day looking at pictures of food.

So it was a lot easier. Oh that's funny.

But wait, weren't you were the writer's assistant on Craig Ferguson for a long time.

I was a researcher there.

Oh, a researcher sorry, And that job.

Didn't require much of me. A lot of pictures of food are going to come up in that situation, too, plenty of pictures of food.

Wait, what was the job you had about the food picture?

And that was my on my own personal time, That's what I was doing with my job each day. I was looking at food on the internet because I was starving.

What kind of food did you like to look at?

I like, I like looking at.

Melted cheese, meatballs, burritos cut in half, fried eggs on hamburgers. I'm honestly pretty much any sort of food, I'm into it.

But I do like the aesthetics of a barely eaten out of castle role that's beautiful, just where you can get a little profile.

Exactly, you get to see the architecture of the cast, those layers exactly.

Have you ever seen those old recipe carts from the seventies like that? There's one with bananas and hollandaise.

Sauce that oh yes, so hard. Those pictures, those are I get. I probably should have been looking at pictures like that to keep myself from getting hungry. Yeah, that's right, I was doing the wrong thing.

You're getting hungry or instead of using them.

Exactly, I should have been like feeling repulsed. Do bananas make you unhungry?

Oh no, I love bananas, but covered in basically mayonnaise.

Yeah, oh yeah, bacon.

And there's these set these recipe cards from the seventies that I keep seeing on Tumblr every once in a while, and they are so hilarious. It's like lard and it's yes, it's like a housewife in the seventies who's clearly on pills. It's making up shit that like you would never It's like a toss salad over here and some like jars of you know, oil and vinegar dressing over here, and then in the center it's a cast role that looks like someone shat and barth and then put some mashed

Just everything was like that.

And my mom owns a lot of cookbooks like that. Yeah that she Yeah, I'll go through and just feel very ill.

Yeah, what's that classic one that is like red uh.

Gangham, like table cloth, better homes and gardens.

It is like Betty Crocker. Yeah, that's the one I'm And so there was a and I loved it my whole life. My mom. It was one thing she made where I get excited. It was clam sauce spaghetti. And then one time when I moved off to Austin to start my life alone, I my sister wrote out a bunch of recipes for me, and there was a whole

That's what every This was like pre light food or diet food, like pre when everyone before people realize everyone was dying of heart disease. And my mom used to make an appetizer that I've made at Christmas parties where people, especially when they're drunk, would line up waiting for them to come out of the oven. You were there, right.

My spaghetti was such a hit, yes, because.

It has all that good stuff in it. But they were those little toasted cheese things that I make, and it's basically equal parts mayonnaise and craft parners together and then put on sliced up baguette and you broil. Put them in the broiler for three minutes and if you as long as people don't see you mixing that combination, because that's so disgusting if you just keep that a mystery,

Them.

It was hilarious because they're so delicious. But if you know what it is, it's it's worth.

The burning your skin is just that's that's That explains why my mom never when she's cooking and she's like, you want me to see that there's a bucket a lard being siphoned into it.

Yeah.

There's a very popular Mormon dish called funeral potatoes, which is just the least a feeling title for any food ever.

You can eat them anytimes.

The thing is as you do. You eat them at any get together out of an open casket. But it's essentially just hash browns. It covered in your favorite relatives ashes. No, I think it's hash browns, sour cream, cheese and cornflakes.

And you just put it in the oven. I've had something like that, fantastic.

Sour cream cheese and corn.

What someone's atheist parents call that because I know I've eaten that.

Oh they just called that Sunday's for Sundays times.

This lifetime layoff my get out of here with that book. Well, I I I when I did stand up in Ogden, most of the crowd, I think there was a show of hands at one point. It's just opening for Greg barn and it was mostly Mormon folks. Sure, and it was the best. I wanted to go back and record an album there. Yeah, because they because I'm I'm not that dirty of a comic shirt some of the stuff, they were totally willing to go anywhere, the most open mind.

Yeah, it just seemed like an outdoorsy Yeah. I think it's been rated as like one of the best cities to live in or something. But then on some hillside. They said, yeah, but that's where all the stabbings happened.

What are you talking about forest, Well, there's a MASHETI gang all the sacks. Do you know what I'm talking about there? I'm not familiar with. Okay, I would love to be. That sounds like me describing a salt lake. I just made up, I swear. They said that on the hillside, the hillside of Ogden. Yeah, there was like, what year was this? I love it? Well, two thousand and eight. Okay. I was a wise guys comedy, That's what it was.

There's just a lot of wise everybody's gotta be funny.

Yeah.

No, But as far as I know, Utah audiences really are kind of known to be good audiences. I think because Mormon people are generally polite and friendly, and then there are non Mormons who are ready for something different, so they're excited too.

Exactly. That's why they're like, no, talk about stuff that we don't get to do. Yeah, exactly. And then there was no one there with their arms crossed with the whole make me laugh the thing that I used to in Austin. There was a lot of like, I'm funny than this guy. Remember what I said at the picnic once ten years ago.

Well, and the other thing is is there's not a ton of good stand up going through Utah, Like I had not seen stand up before I moved to La other than at Wise guys. I saw dustin Diamond that we went as a joke obviously, and a twelve year old comedian, so that was also we went as a joke. But and both were special experiences but were not good for comedy obviously.

Yeah. So I went back there in Salt Lake. There was like a tour for that Ratituey movie and I got to open for Patton and Janine Gravlt just a real quick set. But that too, it was the best, sure, and it was kind of democratic. Moms shown up to see it was when she's still doing America. Is that what it called? Yeah, that's also a Robert Downey junior movie, I.

Think where he's the helicopter pilot.

Yeah, yeah, oh god, let's think about that for But yeah, it was like at a rock club, and they were so great because this was the other side, like, oh, we're the tattoo. We exactly ' your your daddy's Salt Lake Citians, Saltake Citians, Salt Lake Citians. At one point, I'm gonna get quiet in here. But uh, but they were they were so they were so great they were I Yeah. So anyway, my whole point is, I like

You know, it's like any other thing where you hear about the extreme, you know, the extreme versions of anything. But like my friend Betsy Labass, who was the teleprompter lady for the five years I worked at Ellen, She's Mormon and her parents were Mormon, and she used to invite me over we go to have dinner or like for Christmas, and it was like people who have there being like almost like life magazine version of all American people. Sure, and they were like both her parents were in their

Going to be like? Right Orange Jem he is Voldemort.

It's true, like he has his own whole town.

I want to go there so bad.

You're but are You're not allowed in right now?

I think you can pass through.

It's called Colorado City and maybe right now, I'm just going to tell you a about a TV show called Polygamy USA, which was on National Geographic unfortunately just for one season, but it was the splinter group for Warren Jeff's group that they were covering. They're like the good version of his cults or whatever, but definitely recommend Polygamy USA. Who, by the I'm just going to keep talking about this because this is this is the one interesting story of

The way she spoke is a long denim skirts that's a bigo And the thing was like it was like that but just slightly updated. So it's like, what, You're definitely not a normal person.

Uh yeah. The bangs were a dead giveaway, but I suspected but never confirmed. This was in like two thousand and eight or nine, and she was, by the way, a very good math professor, which was part of the conflict for me. I thought, well, if she's a polygamist, how is she why is she an educated person on any level?

Plus one exactly.

But twenty thirteen, I think Polygamy USA aired and I was watching it alone in my apartment at about eleven thirty at night, and suddenly one of the sister wives being interviewed was Teresa Collin. Wow, and I gasped so loudly, Oh wow, she's moved.

Down to this. She wasn't solid at the time, but now she's down in Arizona or something final about book smart only Yeah, it's crazy, that's amazing.

She was one of several wives.

Yeah, she was one of several wives. And she's kind of like a crusader for polygamy. She's because I think, I mean, she is book smart, so she's able to go out and argue their cause or whatever, and I mean polygamy is whatever. Like these people, they're idiots, but they're not like abusing each other. It just happened to be insane.

If you can make it work, if you can make it happen, I mean it's kind of I think most people look down on it because they're jealous, Like the guy that's like, I fight against jab, he's gay you and then they find him at a high octane clubs. No, No, I'm doing research about things I don't like.

Well, but also, you know, I.

Want to have a bunch of wives. That's what I'm saying. What you do if we all do about the desert he does.

The only thing is I think it's in fairness you should also be able to have a bunch of husbands.

Oh yeah, absolutely right, But that.

Doesn't really work out that way because that's kind of not the setup. But to me, it's like, yeah, but then why is that any worse than standard one husband, one wife, but people cheating on it?

Right? Yeah it isn't that is worse?

Yeah, I mean, like, why let's not be uh, let's not be bullshitters about it.

Yeah, it's all just garbage, and everything's garbage. Everything's garbage, So why do we have to separate it?

I realized, Yeah, I've liked more. I just realized, like Mormon people my whole life, My two best friends when I was a kid, they had and they had so many brothers and sisters and the house was just fun and active and they had huge houses and trampolines. It was my fun in Montana. But there isn't a whole lot of Mormons.

Do they always have trampolines.

Bridger Mormons. At once, we didn't, but so many of my friends had trampoline.

My dad's childhood friend moved there. We went to visit them and they had neighbors who we when we want. And I was maybe eleven years old. We walked into their house inside trampolines, a trapeez, their home in the home padded everywhere, bean bag chairs, yes, and they and they were gymnast kids, they were and they were flipping around and I walked in and they were so nice and they were like, do you want to play on the And I'm like yeah, yeah. I was so excited.

It was right after my set crackers, so.

I did in my head all Mormons had like trampoline. I know they definitely do.

And it's weird because like maybe a few years ago VH one had like a look at rich people's houses thing, and I remember them saying, like the annouswer being like, and he has his own personal trampoline and everything that who cares. Everyone in my neighborhood had a trampoline.

And saying personal to it makes you think of the exercise, but that you'd get excited. Ye, those I put my head through my basement sailing with I really did cartoonishly.

It was shaped like my did you were you injured?

No? No, it was just as beest, just chippy panel spark. Yeah, the kind that goes in your lung. How perfect? Yeah, yeah, I was keep your mouth open. I've been coughing this whole episode.

Kimmel, Is your first writing job?

It is, yeah, first staff writing job, And what do you think so far?

It's great.

It's a I mean coming from my last job, which I described earlier, which was nothing with no work and like the sort of job where I last year, I skipped a week of work.

I didn't come in and no one noticed.

So that just to give you an idea of the job I was coming from, Like what effort I had to put in. It's definitely been like a there's a learning curve obviously or whatever. But everybody there's so nice and yeah, I worked with was friends with my friend Jeff Loveness before I started working there. He's great and he's great, the hardest working person on the planet. He's

Yeah, that's nice. How they've been there for a while.

Yeah, they've been there for two or three years each. Yeah, so that's great. I wish you would work Mike. Mike, he was a very good friend Andy in Austin. He was in a sketch duo okay, and he all he did is edit those their sketches, and then he moved here and got a job there as an editor and within a handful year, two three years, all of a sudden just directing the show and he showed up as

Yeah, it's a That's a nice thing about the show is like they they notice you and like try to help you and make you a better person, like better for the show, which I coming from other jobs has not been the same situation.

So usually it's a little more, uh, you're expected to be a bit more independent.

Yeah, and this is like, well, we wanted to be a good show. We want everyone to be working, everyone working on it to be good at their jobs, so why not do that?

Yeah, that's great. It's because also the daily shows are so stressful, are so exhausting that oftentimes it can very much be every man for himself or sure, you know, like or if you start to fall behind a little bit, it just like people are like, we don't have time to help you. Of course we're being eaten alive.

Yeah, it's nice.

An intense schedule, but it's nice. It feels like I'm just in an intense training course and I feel like I'm catching on.

So it's cool. I think that's what I need. I have no schedule, and I've been like sleeping in. Well, that sounds wonderful. Yeah, it is great. It is great, but after a while it starts to affect everything. You're like, well what am I doing? And I remember back when I worked on a show and just had to show up somewhere every day. It probably wasn't as long as hours, but I have it makes you get all these other things done. Even your weekends are productive. You just become

Well, and also I think if you're on a daily show you do it is like being in a boot camp of a kind, because then everything after that is so much easier.

I'm sure.

I mean, I mean the job I have now is difficult in other ways, but scheduling wise, and it feels very it almost feels luxurious.

Sure, much time there is well, and you're kind of working towards a bigger idea all the time rather than just resetting every day. And yeah, which is good in some ways and bad and others. Like if you have a bad day, you're like, well, tomorrow, maybe I won't be awful.

Yeah, it's like the second taping starts, it's like, well, yeah, this ship is sale. There's nothing you can do.

But I imagine on a sitcom you're like, the week is a little slower paced.

Yes, it's very slow paced.

I'm in the even slower paced world of occasional commercial audition. I also just burped into the mind like if I could tell more that, oh, you guys work a lot, I did a skippy peanut butter voice.

You're also in that weird position of when you're a comic and an actor. Yeah, I mean you you do commercials a lot exactly.

Yeah, so lately so yeah, my sense of.

Worth is it's it's purely based on.

You guys. Yes, And I have not been getting them, So my position has gotten more fetal during slumber times, but.

Then pilot seasons. Right around.

Pilot season, it's kind of curving the corner. It's it's rounding it. When does it end? When does it start? When did it start? For others? That's and does it matter anymore? It kind of doesn't. I like where this is going well, but let's be I feel like like last.

Year, Fox made an announcement basically saying we're going to do pilot season all year, right?

Yeah, why because of cable? Why does there have to be a seat? Is it because of weather?

It's not the fifties anymore. We don't need a season season and they don't.

Make deals anymore. It used to be pilot season. Then you get a pilot deal or a holding deal. All that's out the window.

Now everyone just makes a pilot and doesn't get picked up.

And then yeah, everyone's like, I'll pay for my own pilot. Please.

I beg you to look at it.

It's it's fully produced. I'm trying to sell it to Netflix. It's already finished, there's twelve episodes.

I got my own advertisers.

I even made shot my own commercials, which was very difficult.

Please doesn't look at it.

Nope, nope, no, thank you, it does doesn't have crystallia in it.

What's your favorite television show these days?

For that's that's a good can. I have several answers. I'll try to narrow it down. I'll narrow it down to.

A favorite comedy program and a favorite drug okay, okay, genre, favorite dramedy Okay.

I have so many favorite dramedies. That's where the list gets along. Favorite comedy. Last Man on Earth is just is wonderful.

I love it. I have his voice in my Ways navigation. I wasn't aware that was a accidentally. I guess I don't have ways, so it doesn't. It's a great idea for a show. I was excited about that. He's lived up to my expectations.

It's great.

He's so funny, and it's it feels different from other shows. Kimmy Schmidt's great too, But I feel like this is like a very different thing that I haven't seen before. And drama drama, uh the Americans, I think, which I don't know what's going on eighty percent of the time. Sure, but the acting is so fine and occasionally they'll play a Fleetwood Max song and you get to see someone get shot to it, and it's very cool.

A lot of people like I keep seeing articles like Americans the show.

No one's watching that should they should be watching around?

Oh, it's so Have either of you seen it? It's fantastic. It's FX. Oh okay, yes, FX. And it's so good. I mean, and if you understand even the Cold War, even five percent more than I do, you'll definitely like, oh wow.

Okay, it's such a huge part of my childhood that era, you know, sure, being scared and get ready to hide under my desk at any moment. Yeah, yeah, it's uh what about you two? Do you have Transparent for me to watch that? It's so it's the best. It's just the best acting I've seen in a thing. Okay, with the exception of one person in it, So I just kind of can you name that person? No, I don't, don't. It's they're terrible, They're everyone is so good in it.

Okay, it's so good. Yeah, it's I loved the pilot, but I just have been. There are one hundred TV shows I need to watch, and it's and like.

You mentioned, it's the music and everything, Like the music is beautiful and shot whimsic, whimsically.

I just it's just like a dream world at all, not at all, that's not whimsical, a huge fantastical element, all.

The interstitial lighting things from punch drunk Love and all that kind of I just have to compare it to.

I Love That though, which just pretty yeah, and that's.

Great, and Jeffrey Tampoor is my new favorite person and I can't.

Wait to see it.

I haven't. I feel like I'm holding that, like I want to watch it, but I haven't figured out how to do it yet, and I just I'm like holding it like there's a little treat I.

Got wrong eyed and that was It's perfect. Two days I watched the whole season.

I guess, well, right now I'm obsessed with the jam.

Oh.

I need to watch that so bad because.

Because that's my that really is.

I don't like watching comedy that much. I feel it's so so emotional when I watch comedy. Either I get like crazily jealous or I love it so much. I feel like my head's gonna explode, like it's too much. I might be a bipolar but so I like watching murder shows. I also really am fascinated by rich people. So the Jinx has everything I love all in one beautiful.

But it's it's a documentary but kind of packaged like it's a it's a.

Series, but it's like six. Yeah they did it like staircase style where they're they needed it out over six.

Staircase style, that staircase show, Staircase document, staircase.

Although I am familiar with the staircase style of of comedy. Yes, yes, well you want to have.

It build, let's staircase this one guy. Okay, everybody, such.

A great thing. You could say them just with confidence in a meeting. Oh yeah, people would just agree with you. Take up jargon like that and then have people agree with you and then call that's I'm describing an asshole. But yeah, a Staircase style fraud.

Just prank someone politely agreed with me.

Yeah, you're nodded and smile.

You're a dip.

Should make me feel supportive even though you didn't know what I was talking about, But that means you're dumb.

I also wait, There's another one that I liked, well, The Last Man. Sunday Night got crazy where there was tons of shows.

I feel like that happens twice a year when suddenly there are nine shows on Sunday Night.

Yeah, I have to pick one up. Is that the night Mike and Molly's on? That's the Mike and Molly.

No, it's mad Ment. I'm just thrilling mad Men's coming back.

I love that show.

I'm going to be a mess. I'm going to be a falling mess by the end of it.

It's I love it.

Do you watch as I like John Hamlot, but I Mad Men kind of. I just lost track and then I tried to jump back in. But yes, like everyone that first season, I was like, oh, this is a different kind of terrific show. But yeah, I feel like there's I'm excited. I'm when I'm a Dorg. I'm very excited for Game of Thrones to be me too. I like everyone love that, and I love that.

Game of Thrones is wonder It is great. Have either of you read those books books?

I can't read.

Oh, that's why neither you can read them? So embarrassed, which is.

Why I'm sorry we were going nowhere near l a X. What is that green sign with white squigglies on it? Oh, it's that your American language again, but I sound smart. That would be it. That's my new favorite character? Am I saying that right there?

Do you recommend the books?

Yeah? And if you like the show, it almost feels like you're reading.

I liked it because it felt like I was just reading history books about these characters in this crazy world. There's so much that I couldn't follow, and if you ask me any specific question about them, I would not be able to answer you.

At this point.

You haven't read these books.

The covers are so beautiful, and I just go to Barnes and Noble and gaze at them.

Lightly.

No, there's extremely long, and the fourth and the fifth one, I think this is kind of the general opinion are not that exciting, But the third book is great.

Yeah. Well, they're enough people read those books that I remember all this. Uh you know, all these people were up in arms about the Red Wedding or some episode where it was a little rapier or it was consent. I don't know that something that was consent in the book was serious.

Yes, yes, yes, yeah, with uh Jamie and Ceruss.

Yes, thank you. Yeah that remember people getting all mad.

I think they made it rape here in the show, right, and in the book it's not like that at all, but I.

Yeah, it was just I'm like, wait, we're talking about villains here. I mean, I don't want anyone to get raped, but if anyone in the show was going to get it, I choose seriously, I'm probably there would probably is going to be some backlash to whatever. But she's really crucified. She wanted to Oh well, if you're mad that I'm happy she got raped, then you're happy that a little kid got pushed out of a window and it's forever Paralyz is a super villain. Yeah, yeah, she's not a

Oh right, you're right, it doesn't.

But I do love Brown. That's his name.

Brend's wonderful. Uh.

The first episode that he was in, I was like, oh no, I have a crush on a nine year old boy.

Everything about his face and.

Like he was all like, man, I'm gonna go I'm a whole building or whatever.

I was just like, oh, I love him, just a brave little boy.

But he is in an adolescence now that has made.

My crush end. He's a year old bird, right right, Yeah, he looks like he's like the birds he's entering.

And then yeah, one turned eighteen. I quit looking at photos. I know what you're talking about, Joe. Come on, I was doing an old Bob sag it Joe. You guys don't like it when I sag it up. Gotta sag it up, No, dig got to sag it up. Sorry, we're we're doing an extra long episode.

I think he's a four hour episode. Well, did you already talk about the marathon.

On your way? Yeah?

Yeah, okay, goddamn Well, I'm I.

Just want to say I will never run a marathon after today. I will actively tell people not to run marathons. It's not fair less.

Yeah, I just all I think of is, well, it's inconvenient for the rest of the world, your narcissistic desire to run, and there's got to be a better way to get a Facebook photo, yeah of you with diarrhea running down your mask. I am Yeah. I just don't understand why they insist on doing it in the middle of town. One of the worst days I had a few years ago, was also during the marathon. It is. It is a cause of heartbreak to.

Man, Just don't I really wish I had Like Ridgin and I talked about this yesterday and I was like, I'm gonna look at what the path is and then I'll let you know what time we're going to get you. The key element that I forgot to do is look at where the path was. Sure, so I was like, we'll get you at eleven or whatever.

But I was like, it's I kind of felt like I knew.

I was so shocked to see that it really was on Sunset like the least convenient. Oh, it's the way to fuck everything in the entire city is to fuck up Sunset Boulevard.

And that's not like a it's a pleasant place to run. That's the worst place in the world. Exactly why there? What is the novelty of it? Is it some kind of a power pedestrian power move? The pedestrians are taking it back.

Yeah, they're so sick getting hit and run.

On every other day.

This is right, isn't it.

Yeah? You're doing great? Yeah, it's uh. I knew that. Last I was nervous. I had trouble sleeping last night because I was worried about I think we're in good shape, by the way. Yeah, it's only twelve thirty, right, Oh, wonderful shape. Yeah, okay, I was so I kept waking up because I had a late show last night that started at midnight. And oh, we screened this thing I was working on and all the comics did twenty minutes.

Oh, I thought you meant you screened it with your friends. You screened it at the midnight show.

Yeah, yeah, what is the thing that's great? It's uh me being forrest gumped or green it's me acting in a green screen and then added to the movie cocktail character and we kind of reap, oh kind of and made it more of a thriller where I'm stalking Tom Cruise and there's some scientology jokes. But it looks amazing. Yeah, I would like you to see it. It's will this will be a place on the internet. But that's last night.

Yeah, I can't wait to see you.

Thank you, thank you. I'm excited about it. I want to talk about it, but I keep it inside, you know, like a lot of my feelings. We're on Century Boulevard. We were closing in on the airport, so many of our original sponsors. Remember that first Taco.

On top about it?

Everywhere we went we said it was a sponsor. It didn't really work. Does this episode have a sponsor? Not yet.

We're working on that right now, Marathon.

Oh yeah, they're going to pour money this episode. All things Comedy as a whole is getting sponsored by some mattress company and all the money will go to everyone. Yeah, that's coming. I haven't told you about that.

I saw the email.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, if it's a little bit of scratch, why mattress company wants to give you money. I don't know what they're called yet, but we aren't sponsored by them yet, so I can just call them pins and needles.

Don't say that. We do not recommend.

Yeah, it's very or nothing. My wife dumps while I drink wine.

When is your birthday?

Yeah? My birthday is in October. Oh, and do you want me to tell you where? Which airline? Yeah?

Can we guess?

Yeah? Yeah? And then his birthday in October October twenty. It's my birth today.

You're flying Alaska October ninth.

I knew it. I know it was the twentieth of the night and you are on Alaska horizon. Nope, southwest southwest? Oh, god, third one And that was good. That was It's a very austin flight. Southwest. You're gonna love it there. Maybe I don't know, Maybe you'll be frustrated and locked in a rooming hours. But I hope you get a seaspoon. Get to seaspoon and eat some food. Will be if you don't get a seaspoon. When you eat the food, you should eat it with a spoon. Perfect. That was dumb.

A lot of do you eat barbecue?

I love barbecue.

You're gonna have a lot of great opportunities.

You're just gonna to fill myself with meat and tacosh.

Yeah, I do have breakfast tacos while you're there. That's been my dream for at least five years. It's the best to have breakfast in Awesome. There's people go crazy about them. Just all that text Max, you'll gain a few pounds. But god, it's just when I lived there, I just I got I ate a lot, and I got big, and then I enjoyed every minute of it. I was also drinking beer every night. Oh thank you. It's just kind of fishing. I hope you can say that.

Now, do you have anything you want to plug?

I can plug? I mean, can I just plug products? I love?

Sure?

Because I need to get the word out about Mother's brand peanut Butter Gaucho cookies. What I cannot stop talking. For the last year. I have been bothering people to buy these.

I've never heard.

I've never had a Nutter butter. This is that times a billion. This is such a superior cookie sea And they are a little expensive at Ralph's, so I went for them to go on sale. But when they do go on sale, I will buy six to eight packages at a time. They are phenomenal. It's a sandwich cookie with peanut butter. But for some reason, it's it's the best an taste.

Think they say the mothers gaucho peanut butter gauchos, and I don't know if I'm pronouncing.

That you are gauchos correct.

Gaucho is a type of cookie. I mean, I.

Referred to as a cookie, but the word gaucho is like that's a it's a Mexican cowboy.

No, that's right. I believe that's correct. Peanut butter gauchos.

Mothers has other types that are fine, fine or I haven't tried to have the taffy, the chocolate sandwich, but the peanut butter gaucho is another world.

I think mothers are famous for those, their circus or animal cookies.

And those for me are not That is not weird waxy sugar.

But what's the deal with a Gaucho's So it's like a peanut butter oreo, but.

I feel like that's under selling it. Yeah, the texture, the flavor, everything about this is so good. I can't I cannot tell.

I hate that I don't like certain words to where I don't like the word gaucho with a cookie, I like it with the Mexican cowboy. It makes me think of the name gringo oa and you know peanut butter gringos. The gauchos used to sit and a lot of the cowboys used to sing a song called Green Grows the Grass, and so in mimicking the cowboys, they'd say, gringos, that's where gringo comes from. No funny, because this is real.

Is that the only product you want to play?

Let's let me see if I can. Can I plug an album? Yeah? Yeah, we're just gonna a band called Dick.

Diver Melbourne in Florida, fantastic Australian band singing sad songs, wonderful sad songs.

Diver's I've never even heard.

Yeah, and it's a I think a lot of people assume they're going to be like this obnoxious band because they're called Dick Diver, but I think it's an f Scott Fitzgerald character or something.

So it's a you know, this is multiple levels. It does make me think of a tiny guy in Espeedo diving into someone's your throat. That sounds if it's anything like a swab a right, Okay, I've been to a doctor sue me.

So that's an album I do have. It's been in the work since last July. A web series coming up. I don't want to give anything away. It's gonna be I'm hoping to shoot for like six seasons of this. We've got the first season done. My friend Matti Gabreton and I worked on it. It's got a beautiful Matt is my friend and mine.

He's great.

Yeah, he's fantastic. And my friend Jordan Kim is editing it. So it's going. It's almost done, and I think it's gonna really change the way people think about web series. It's got everything you need and I think it's going to be I think the first season is ten episodes.

It's got so look forward to that in the future. I don't know that I can describe it. Wait a minute, that's a non existent.

No, this is it's absolutely but I don't want to give anything away because.

I won't.

It has a beautiful theme song sung by my friend James Girard, I composed the lyrics, it's got. It just has got so many things working for it.

When does it come out?

Hopefully soon?

Jordan has been busy editing other projects, but he's I believe almost done.

So And are you gonna put like on Twitter or how are you going to I'm.

Just gonna blast this all over the internet. That's where mine, that's where mine's coming out to.

You know, it's gonna we're gonna have it on the internet. We'll have it on the on YouTube, and then I'm gonna, you know, just politely ask people on Twitter to spend some time watching it. But uh yeah, ten episodes, ten seasons, and look forward to that little thing in the next year.

And you're the star of it.

I am the star of it, Okay, you know, Matt has a small part, and there, you know, I go through something that I think a lot of people can relate to and have struggled with, and there people are gonna love it. It's gonna really we're looking at a you know, I don't know any web series to compare it to, but it's gonna be the best.

That sounds terrific. Okay, that's not fair, really dumb, Well, normally with our sign we honk. But I yeah, I feel like it's made it here. There's jack Allison. No way, do you know that guy who is it? Oh? Not that guy that's like a fellow writer. Wow, there is Jackson. Well, well we'll wrap it up. Yeah, thank you, thank you. I'm sorry that we had terrific This was a struggle today. No,